1 00:00:04,559 --> 00:00:07,960 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, I'm Jemma Spake and welcome back to the 2 00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:11,280 Speaker 1: Psychology of Your Twenties, the podcast where we talk through 3 00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:16,000 Speaker 1: the biggest changes, moments, and transitions of our twenties and 4 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:24,920 Speaker 1: what they mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back 5 00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:27,400 Speaker 1: to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. 6 00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:29,320 Speaker 2: Wherever you are in the world, New. 7 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:31,960 Speaker 1: Listeners, old listeners, it is so great to have you here, 8 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:37,280 Speaker 1: back for another amazing guest episode. If I had to 9 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:42,040 Speaker 1: pick two categories that I think I get the most 10 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:44,920 Speaker 1: questions about when it comes to our twenties, it would 11 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:48,040 Speaker 1: no doubt be love and money. 12 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:49,800 Speaker 2: And although we. 13 00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:54,560 Speaker 1: Might view those as separate topics, separate ideas, they are 14 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:59,200 Speaker 1: actually deeply linked. How we think about money. It affects 15 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:02,880 Speaker 1: how we date, who we date, how our love stories 16 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:06,520 Speaker 1: turn out, and how we think about love will impact 17 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:13,560 Speaker 1: what money problems, money issues, money value differences we may overlook. 18 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:20,479 Speaker 1: So today let's talk about the intersection of money relationships 19 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:25,280 Speaker 1: and psychology, everything from prenups to how much you should 20 00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:28,160 Speaker 1: spend on a wedding, if and when you should get 21 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:31,680 Speaker 1: joint bank accounts, and why you really need to understand 22 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:35,760 Speaker 1: your money story to really show up in your relationship. 23 00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:38,840 Speaker 1: Of course, I am not a financial expert, but I 24 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:42,480 Speaker 1: do have someone joining me today who is and who 25 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:46,360 Speaker 1: is not only a financial expert, but an expert in 26 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:47,920 Speaker 1: love and money. 27 00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:49,040 Speaker 2: Let's get into. 28 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:53,520 Speaker 1: It without further ado, Jack Howard, welcome to the podcast. 29 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:55,360 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Psychology of your twenties. 30 00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:57,600 Speaker 3: Thank you, Thank you for having me. 31 00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:02,080 Speaker 1: We were just talking about this. Have the most disparate 32 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:06,400 Speaker 1: time zones. You're in Detroit, I'm in Sydney, and we've 33 00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:07,520 Speaker 1: managed to make it work. 34 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:09,720 Speaker 2: So thank you, thank you. 35 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:13,640 Speaker 4: The power of technology is working for us in this moment. 36 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:16,799 Speaker 4: It's what six o'clock, six pm here in deturating. I 37 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:18,800 Speaker 4: know it's morning for you. So you're just getting your 38 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:20,400 Speaker 4: day started and I'm about to wrap it up. 39 00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:22,280 Speaker 1: I know it looks pretty good. In the future, I 40 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:24,160 Speaker 1: will say the seventh of November, which is why I'm 41 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:25,480 Speaker 1: recording this, which is tomorrow. 42 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:27,600 Speaker 3: Thank you, it's a good day. 43 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:29,480 Speaker 1: Before I go any further, because I'm going to just 44 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:32,320 Speaker 1: jump into my questions and I need the listeners to 45 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:33,960 Speaker 1: know a little bit more about you and who you 46 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,160 Speaker 1: are and your amazing work. 47 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:35,800 Speaker 2: Yeah. 48 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:37,000 Speaker 3: So I'm Jack Howard. 49 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:41,440 Speaker 4: I serve as head of Money wellness for Ally Bank, 50 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:42,600 Speaker 4: and I bet you're thinking, like. 51 00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:43,160 Speaker 2: What is that? 52 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:45,640 Speaker 3: What title is that? Never heard of it before? 53 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:48,919 Speaker 4: And it's a really amazing role that I've been in 54 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:52,200 Speaker 4: for about two years. I've had the pleasure of working 55 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:58,480 Speaker 4: for ally for fifteen years in various roles, everything from 56 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:03,640 Speaker 4: our corporate giving I focused on financial education for underserved 57 00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:07,240 Speaker 4: communities and corporate giving and employee volunteerism. I did that 58 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:09,720 Speaker 4: for a big chunk of my time, and then I 59 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:13,400 Speaker 4: moved to our invest business where I did a stretch 60 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:16,880 Speaker 4: role as chief of staff for the president there and 61 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:22,519 Speaker 4: decided to stay and help launch our personal advice business, 62 00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:26,639 Speaker 4: where you work with a personal wealth advisor to help 63 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:29,399 Speaker 4: you to think through retirement. And it was during that 64 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:35,320 Speaker 4: piece of my career where I was introduced to money psychology. 65 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:41,320 Speaker 4: When you're better aligned to your values, your emotions, and 66 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:44,440 Speaker 4: really understand the behaviors that you have behind some of 67 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:46,080 Speaker 4: your money decisions, it. 68 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:47,400 Speaker 3: Just helps you to stick to the plan. 69 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:50,600 Speaker 4: And I fell in love with it so much because 70 00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:53,520 Speaker 4: one of the questions we would ask is what is 71 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:59,720 Speaker 4: your first memory of money? And for me professionally and personally, 72 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:03,680 Speaker 4: it was such an amazing question because it answered so 73 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:06,000 Speaker 4: much from the work that I had done in financial 74 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:10,240 Speaker 4: literacy to even personally the ups and downs that I've 75 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:13,280 Speaker 4: had with money, of really understanding the why behind your 76 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:16,760 Speaker 4: money decisions, the skills that you try to implement a 77 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:18,960 Speaker 4: lot of people just have a hard time implementing the 78 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,200 Speaker 4: skills even though you know the right thing to do. 79 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:24,240 Speaker 4: So I was in that role for a bit and 80 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:26,880 Speaker 4: again I fell in love with the money psychology so 81 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:30,440 Speaker 4: much that I went to our leadership and said, you know, 82 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,960 Speaker 4: I think this is really the future of how people 83 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:36,560 Speaker 4: will talk about money. I think it's the future of 84 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:39,960 Speaker 4: how banks will interact with customers. 85 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:41,800 Speaker 3: So less of the skills. 86 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:45,400 Speaker 4: Yes, you have to know how to save, how to invest, 87 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:47,240 Speaker 4: I can teach you how to do a budget, all 88 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:53,040 Speaker 4: those things, but really understanding that those emotions and the 89 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:56,280 Speaker 4: behaviors that will help you to implement the skills. Having 90 00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:59,200 Speaker 4: a better relationship with money. I think it's the future 91 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:01,920 Speaker 4: of how we will talk about it. And they said, okay, 92 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:05,480 Speaker 4: prove it, and I was given the opportunity to start 93 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:10,920 Speaker 4: this role, and most recently we created a free financial 94 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:16,000 Speaker 4: wellness program called Money Roots, where we teach again having 95 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:18,440 Speaker 4: a better relationship with money with four different workshops, and 96 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,960 Speaker 4: I'm sure we'll get into that more, but that's kind 97 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:22,920 Speaker 4: of been my journey and that's my current role. 98 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:25,880 Speaker 1: My God, I love how you've just done so many 99 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:29,080 Speaker 1: different things, like and how it's all just linked back 100 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:32,039 Speaker 1: to this. What it sounds like, this like desire to 101 00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:35,880 Speaker 1: understand people better through how like money is a tool 102 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:40,039 Speaker 1: for them, right, and it's like psychological element of it. 103 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:43,480 Speaker 3: And you know, I think it's stemmed from in my twenties. 104 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:48,719 Speaker 4: I was a horrible at money, and I graduated from 105 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:53,440 Speaker 4: college with about thirty thousand dollars in student loan debt 106 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:58,839 Speaker 4: and credit card that and from graduating really became passionate 107 00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:02,359 Speaker 4: about just having a better understanding of the skill based 108 00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:08,200 Speaker 4: side of money, specifically with credit cards. But as time continued, 109 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:12,040 Speaker 4: I was in this hamster wheel of. 110 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:16,960 Speaker 3: Making money, creating credit card debt, and then paying it off. 111 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,679 Speaker 4: So I did that through my thirties and it really 112 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:26,000 Speaker 4: wasn't until this money psychology piece of my financial journey 113 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:29,320 Speaker 4: and professional journey where I really got to the root 114 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:31,159 Speaker 4: of why do I do this? 115 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:32,120 Speaker 3: Why do I do the. 116 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:34,360 Speaker 4: Things that I do with money? And now I can 117 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:38,159 Speaker 4: put up guardrails to you know, help me to be 118 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:42,479 Speaker 4: more successful. So it's definitely been a journey and one 119 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:45,120 Speaker 4: that I'm so excited to share with everybody else. 120 00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:49,159 Speaker 1: I have a question for you about that piece you 121 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:53,240 Speaker 1: just mentionined. You graduated college, you had this debt at 122 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:55,880 Speaker 1: the time. What do you think your biggest money mistake was. 123 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:02,400 Speaker 4: I think think my biggest so mine is deeply rooted 124 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:05,680 Speaker 4: in my money story. My biggest mistake then is just 125 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:11,000 Speaker 4: not realizing, specifically for the credit card debt, why I 126 00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:14,200 Speaker 4: was creating credit card debt. And for me it was 127 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:17,600 Speaker 4: grounded and a lot of emotional spending, which we're. 128 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:18,680 Speaker 3: Seeing in young people still. 129 00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:21,080 Speaker 4: We have this fear of missing out and social media 130 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:23,720 Speaker 4: you want to keep up with other people. But for me, 131 00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:27,840 Speaker 4: it was emotional spending from childhood beliefs that I had 132 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:32,200 Speaker 4: learned from society and my parents. All of those things 133 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:36,080 Speaker 4: created this version of me where I would spend and 134 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:40,160 Speaker 4: create debt. So I think the biggest lesson I've learned 135 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:43,000 Speaker 4: that I wish I would have known then is that 136 00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:47,120 Speaker 4: there is no amount of money that can solve your 137 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:51,160 Speaker 4: issues when you need therapy, right when you need emotional 138 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:52,240 Speaker 4: support for things. 139 00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:55,600 Speaker 3: No, there's no purse, there's no vacation. 140 00:07:56,560 --> 00:08:01,240 Speaker 4: When you have some root issues that require a deal support, 141 00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:04,800 Speaker 4: you have to address that, and oftentimes, like with money 142 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:08,440 Speaker 4: or food, we will use these things to serve as 143 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:11,840 Speaker 4: a distraction. So I would tell myself, you know, let's 144 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:15,040 Speaker 4: get rid of the distractions, really address some of our 145 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:18,360 Speaker 4: root issues so that we can now show up better 146 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:19,680 Speaker 4: with our relationship with money. 147 00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:24,640 Speaker 1: Speaking of relationships, what we really what I really want 148 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:27,239 Speaker 1: to talk to you about today is the intersection between 149 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:31,680 Speaker 1: money and relationships in our twenties, around marriage, yes, but 150 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:38,520 Speaker 1: also just around financial compatibility and how money actually impacts 151 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:43,800 Speaker 1: love in many many ways. Let's start with this question. 152 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:50,560 Speaker 1: How important is financial compatibility in a relationship? 153 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,080 Speaker 3: Okay, so I love this question. 154 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:57,600 Speaker 4: One of the classes that we teach in money Roots. 155 00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:01,320 Speaker 4: It's it's really it's called love and money where we 156 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:03,920 Speaker 4: go deep into the very thing you just said, We 157 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:08,960 Speaker 4: go deep into for you and your romantic partner. What 158 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:12,640 Speaker 4: are the beliefs that you have and your partner has. 159 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,840 Speaker 4: What are the things that you learned about money from 160 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:18,480 Speaker 4: your family and from society? 161 00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:21,839 Speaker 3: And then how does this show up in your relationship? 162 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:26,720 Speaker 4: So most people don't have compatibility, you will have, you know, 163 00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:27,839 Speaker 4: for whatever reason. 164 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:28,480 Speaker 3: Opposite to track. 165 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:33,679 Speaker 4: You may have the spender and the saverer, a nurturer, 166 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:38,719 Speaker 4: or somebody who's an avoid We all have these money personalities, 167 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:42,120 Speaker 4: so one is important to know kind of what your 168 00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:48,680 Speaker 4: personality is. But I want everyone to avoid shame around 169 00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:52,600 Speaker 4: whatever your money personality is. So I'll be honest and say, 170 00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:55,560 Speaker 4: for me and my partner, who I've been with since 171 00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:58,800 Speaker 4: I graduated from college, we he is. 172 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:00,880 Speaker 3: More of a sp more of a saver. 173 00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:04,559 Speaker 4: I'm more of a spender, and I think throughout my twenties, 174 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:09,440 Speaker 4: I had so much shame around being a spender, and 175 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:11,120 Speaker 4: I want it to be frugal like. 176 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:14,120 Speaker 3: Him, but that's not who I am. 177 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:15,000 Speaker 2: I'm a spender. 178 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:15,920 Speaker 3: I'm a spender. 179 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:17,720 Speaker 4: So it wasn't until I got to a place of 180 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:22,760 Speaker 4: understanding through your money story, through really getting very aligned 181 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:29,160 Speaker 4: with your money values. That's where having compatibility can come 182 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:31,840 Speaker 4: into play, because you can be opposites. But when you 183 00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:37,640 Speaker 4: understand your partner's money story, you understand your partner's values, 184 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:41,880 Speaker 4: it creates empathy for the differences, so it's less about 185 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:46,360 Speaker 4: your frugal and cheap and I'm a spender and you 186 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:49,679 Speaker 4: know you know you're overspending on everything the bumping of 187 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:52,520 Speaker 4: heads to more of Oh I understand why she is 188 00:10:52,559 --> 00:10:55,880 Speaker 4: that way, I understand why he is that way, And 189 00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:58,920 Speaker 4: now we're able to come together as a couple and 190 00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:03,400 Speaker 4: create compatibility. Now we can come together without shame, with 191 00:11:03,559 --> 00:11:07,760 Speaker 4: empathy to say, knowing that you're this person, I'm this person, 192 00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:11,000 Speaker 4: how do we move forward together to create our own 193 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:14,280 Speaker 4: value system around money? And that's actually something that we 194 00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:16,600 Speaker 4: teach in our Money Roots class, the Love and Money. 195 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:21,199 Speaker 4: We actually take you through understanding what that personality is, 196 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:24,040 Speaker 4: what your values are, and then how do we move 197 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:25,600 Speaker 4: forward to create something together. 198 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,520 Speaker 1: When you were talking about your partner, I was like, Oh, 199 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:33,600 Speaker 1: that's a familiar story. Me and maybe partner are the same. Yeah, 200 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:37,400 Speaker 1: it's always been that way for me, Like money was. Again, 201 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:41,600 Speaker 1: it's just such an emotional thing, and so of course 202 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:43,360 Speaker 1: it's going to be like reflected and show up in 203 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:45,600 Speaker 1: your relationship. And of course it's going to be times 204 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:48,319 Speaker 1: when like what is it? Like money is the thing 205 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:51,600 Speaker 1: that couples argue about the most. What I'm hearing you 206 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:54,959 Speaker 1: say is like you don't necessarily have to change all 207 00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:57,720 Speaker 1: that much. You just have to understand and find the 208 00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:00,160 Speaker 1: middle ground of like what are we responsible for in 209 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:00,960 Speaker 1: this relationship. 210 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,280 Speaker 4: Is that what you're kind of saying, Yeah, So no, 211 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:07,000 Speaker 4: I think yeah, definitely finding the middle ground and guardrails. 212 00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:11,280 Speaker 4: So for me, knowing that I am a spender, I 213 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:16,040 Speaker 4: have to deeply attach my spending to my values. So 214 00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:19,199 Speaker 4: I'm a huge proponent of value spased spending. 215 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:20,839 Speaker 3: And what that means is. 216 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:27,120 Speaker 4: I know my top values are really beautiful things, authenticity, 217 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:33,240 Speaker 4: generational wealth, and really my spirituality. So when I anchor, 218 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,760 Speaker 4: and that's a part of money wellness and money well being, 219 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:40,320 Speaker 4: when you're able to anchor your spending, saving and giving 220 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:44,000 Speaker 4: to your values, you get a higher return on what 221 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:46,800 Speaker 4: I like to say, or higher return on joy. So 222 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:51,400 Speaker 4: for me, I know that if a spending, if I'm 223 00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:55,840 Speaker 4: spending and it doesn't attach to those values, pause, let's 224 00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:57,599 Speaker 4: pause and give it forty eight hours. 225 00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:00,600 Speaker 3: You know, is that black pair of pants beauty full enough? 226 00:13:00,679 --> 00:13:04,600 Speaker 4: Does it meet the requirement of my value of really 227 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:07,720 Speaker 4: beautiful things? Does it meet my requirement for generational wealth? 228 00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:10,240 Speaker 4: And that has stopped me in my tracks. I'll be honest, 229 00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:12,520 Speaker 4: that has stopped me in my tracks with buying things 230 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:16,000 Speaker 4: because I'll give myself that pause of does this meet 231 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:16,720 Speaker 4: my values? 232 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,440 Speaker 3: And once you start. 233 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:22,479 Speaker 4: Spending from a place of this has to meet my values, 234 00:13:22,679 --> 00:13:25,200 Speaker 4: it increases your well being with money. And then on 235 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:28,520 Speaker 4: the other side from my partner, who is more frugal, 236 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:31,320 Speaker 4: now we're looking at it like money is a tool 237 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:34,000 Speaker 4: for enjoyment. So we got to have a splurge account. 238 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:37,760 Speaker 4: We have a splurge account. So it forces him to 239 00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:40,720 Speaker 4: now say, yes, we're going to save, but we're also 240 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:42,960 Speaker 4: going to enjoy the money. We've set money aside to 241 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,800 Speaker 4: where if I want to, you know, spend one hundred 242 00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:49,320 Speaker 4: dollars on cookies because that's my latest obsession, and he 243 00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:52,640 Speaker 4: wants to spend one hundred dollars on legos because that's 244 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:56,400 Speaker 4: his latest subception, that's okay because we both have that 245 00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:59,800 Speaker 4: wiggle room within our budget to do so. So again, 246 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:04,720 Speaker 4: creating those structures within your relationship to make that happen, 247 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:07,600 Speaker 4: and it's also known how to have the conversation. I 248 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:10,240 Speaker 4: think that's a big piece that people are missing. 249 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:13,520 Speaker 1: Which I feel like we can get into it in 250 00:14:13,559 --> 00:14:17,520 Speaker 1: a second. I want to ask another question on this though, 251 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:21,160 Speaker 1: before we do, which is, how do you deal with 252 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:26,680 Speaker 1: inequality in earnings when you're in a long term relationship 253 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:30,200 Speaker 1: or you're in a just a relationship in your twenties 254 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:34,960 Speaker 1: and beyond what happens when one partner makes significantly more 255 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:38,120 Speaker 1: money or significantly less money. How do we kind of 256 00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:39,480 Speaker 1: handle that conversation. 257 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:44,320 Speaker 4: Yeah, I think we have to have transparency. I've talked 258 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,240 Speaker 4: to people where they'll do a split based off of 259 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,760 Speaker 4: percentages and that's how what you put in. And some 260 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:50,640 Speaker 4: people want it to make it fifty to fifty because 261 00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:53,200 Speaker 4: it makes them feel like they're showing up and it 262 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,680 Speaker 4: may make you feel powerful. Again, we got to understand 263 00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:58,520 Speaker 4: the story behind that and what is preference for you 264 00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:02,960 Speaker 4: as an individual. So having the transparency one of I 265 00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:05,280 Speaker 4: love to say money date nights. So I'm a big 266 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:08,640 Speaker 4: fan of less schedule money date nights where we can 267 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:12,720 Speaker 4: meet once per week at minimum once per month to 268 00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:15,680 Speaker 4: talk about these things and create these guidelines and go 269 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:18,680 Speaker 4: into it having topics of are we going to have 270 00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:21,520 Speaker 4: joint accounts or sweat accounts? Are we going to how 271 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:23,400 Speaker 4: are we going to pay the bills? How are we 272 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:26,080 Speaker 4: going to be compatible with our values and our beliefs. 273 00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:28,080 Speaker 4: So I think the first step is to just have 274 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,800 Speaker 4: these conversations and setting time aside to do so. 275 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:37,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, and also just being incredibly realistic about like can 276 00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:42,280 Speaker 1: you if this person has a certain lifestyle, could you 277 00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:45,080 Speaker 1: keep up, like can you keep up with what they 278 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:47,640 Speaker 1: want to do and what they want to spend with 279 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:51,560 Speaker 1: still doing the fifty to fifty thing or with you wanting. 280 00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:52,360 Speaker 2: To pay your fanst sht. 281 00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:54,600 Speaker 1: Like I do feel like I have a couple of 282 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:57,600 Speaker 1: friends who are relationships like this. Specifically, I'm thinking about 283 00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:00,720 Speaker 1: one friend who she makes a lot more and her 284 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,920 Speaker 1: partner and he was always like adamant, like no, we're 285 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:06,680 Speaker 1: going to split everything fifty to fifty. And it was like, well, 286 00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:09,200 Speaker 1: then we can't do the things that I actually want 287 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:10,480 Speaker 1: to do in a relationship. 288 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:11,480 Speaker 2: So it was like this. 289 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:15,040 Speaker 1: Real It actually got very like complex with them. It 290 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:19,560 Speaker 1: was like ideas of masculinity and like power and equality, 291 00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:23,480 Speaker 1: but then also like enjoyment and experiences and like what 292 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:26,960 Speaker 1: matters more to their relationship, like that they can continue 293 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:29,040 Speaker 1: to play the role that they think they should play 294 00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:30,760 Speaker 1: in a relationship, or they can have fun with each 295 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:33,640 Speaker 1: other with the cards the adults, So like, it does get. 296 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:38,000 Speaker 4: Very very complex, and I just want to call out 297 00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:42,920 Speaker 4: everything you just said has nothing to do with money exactly. 298 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:46,840 Speaker 4: It's nothing money you talked about No, you talked about 299 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:50,680 Speaker 4: gender roles and enjoyment and how do we want to 300 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:55,120 Speaker 4: have experiences together? Has nothing to do with money. That's 301 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:58,600 Speaker 4: a completely separate conversation. So the problem is we don't 302 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,760 Speaker 4: have those conversations and then it turns into a blow 303 00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:04,840 Speaker 4: up about money. So it's so important when we think 304 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:07,080 Speaker 4: of the money date night and how do we have 305 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:11,040 Speaker 4: productive conversations with your partner to say, my values are 306 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:14,600 Speaker 4: experiences and I do want to travel the world, and 307 00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:18,720 Speaker 4: so as a partnership, we should allocate our money in 308 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,159 Speaker 4: this way to do these things. But again, it's realizing 309 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:25,000 Speaker 4: that those conversations need to take place, and oftentimes people 310 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:27,879 Speaker 4: just avoid it and you're ending up in an argument. 311 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:30,960 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, again, I'm going to pull back out statistic 312 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:34,200 Speaker 1: that we said at the Star. It's like the biggest 313 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,960 Speaker 1: source of conflict in relationships is money. So it's like 314 00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:39,800 Speaker 1: when you're in your twenties and you're in your relationship, 315 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:42,200 Speaker 1: it's like this is everybody focuses on, like, oh, let's 316 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:45,880 Speaker 1: talk about our attachment styles and let's talk about our future, like. 317 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:46,680 Speaker 2: Do we want kids? 318 00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:49,000 Speaker 1: Like no, you need to have serious conversations about money 319 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:53,080 Speaker 1: early on. Like, it's actually deeply important you. 320 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:55,320 Speaker 4: Do you know, the money, the what I love about 321 00:17:55,359 --> 00:17:57,520 Speaker 4: the work we're doing here at ally, and just this 322 00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:00,960 Speaker 4: whole movement that you're going to see within. I hope 323 00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:04,399 Speaker 4: to see more within money psychology and money wellness is 324 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:07,520 Speaker 4: looking at money as a part of your well being. 325 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:12,080 Speaker 4: So when you think of your social wellbeing, so your friendships, 326 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:14,120 Speaker 4: when you think of your community, where do you live 327 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,600 Speaker 4: and how do you support it, your career, you think 328 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:19,879 Speaker 4: of your fitness and your health, those are all areas 329 00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:22,480 Speaker 4: of well being, and when money is off it impacts 330 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:25,840 Speaker 4: all of that. When you are not satisfied with your money, 331 00:18:26,119 --> 00:18:28,480 Speaker 4: we're seeing through our own data that people are up 332 00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:30,760 Speaker 4: at night, they can't sleep at night. It's impacting their 333 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:34,480 Speaker 4: romantic partnerships. So it's so important that even starting in 334 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:37,639 Speaker 4: your twenties, you know not to let money be this 335 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:39,960 Speaker 4: static thing, but it is a part of your well 336 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:43,120 Speaker 4: being and to give it its full attention in your relationship. 337 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:44,600 Speaker 3: It's so important. 338 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:46,760 Speaker 1: Okay, we're going to take a show break. Yeah, but 339 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:48,879 Speaker 1: when we were turning, we're gonna talk about preeing. Ops, 340 00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:49,520 Speaker 1: I'm gon talk that. 341 00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:50,439 Speaker 3: Okay, let's do it. 342 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:58,320 Speaker 1: We're gonna talk about weddings, stay with us. Something that 343 00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:02,680 Speaker 1: I am so fascinated by is prenups. Why people get them, 344 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:06,600 Speaker 1: what they really mean? Genuinely, I'm going to be completely transparent. 345 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:08,520 Speaker 1: I have no idea what a prenup is. Can you 346 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:10,720 Speaker 1: kind of give us a little bit of an explanation. 347 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:16,920 Speaker 4: Yeah, So, essentially, it's a legal document that outlines your 348 00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:19,480 Speaker 4: finances and your assets. 349 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:20,840 Speaker 3: What happens to. 350 00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:24,400 Speaker 4: It should the marriage end so we're no longer want 351 00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:26,000 Speaker 4: to be together. What do we do with the house, 352 00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:28,320 Speaker 4: What do we do with that bank account? All of 353 00:19:28,359 --> 00:19:32,639 Speaker 4: those things helps you to think about this before. 354 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,800 Speaker 3: You get to a place of divorce. 355 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:39,160 Speaker 4: So I look at it as almost insurance for your love. 356 00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:41,600 Speaker 3: So I really want people. 357 00:19:41,359 --> 00:19:46,320 Speaker 4: To shift their perspective about prenups, and we're finding that 358 00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:49,040 Speaker 4: in some of our data that is becoming less of 359 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:52,280 Speaker 4: a taboo topic and more of a way for couples 360 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:53,360 Speaker 4: to be transparent. 361 00:19:54,119 --> 00:19:58,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, sir, I'm going to ask some really naive questions. 362 00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:01,560 Speaker 1: Do do you only need to print up if you 363 00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:04,639 Speaker 1: have existing wealth? No? 364 00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,680 Speaker 3: And here's why. Here's why. 365 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:11,439 Speaker 4: So for everybody out there in your twenties, my question 366 00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:14,679 Speaker 4: is do you think you will have the same amount 367 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:17,000 Speaker 4: of wealth in your forties and fifties that you have 368 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:19,480 Speaker 4: in your twenties. I'm hoping for most people to answer 369 00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:22,760 Speaker 4: is going to be no. So the person that you 370 00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:26,159 Speaker 4: are in your twenties, the amount of assets that you 371 00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:30,480 Speaker 4: have in your twenties compared to when you're older, it changes. 372 00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:34,160 Speaker 4: So I think when you set those guidelines in the beginning, 373 00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:36,960 Speaker 4: when you get to a place of it didn't work out. 374 00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:40,280 Speaker 4: As you mentioned earlier, money is one of the highest 375 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:42,439 Speaker 4: sources of conflicts in marriages. So if you get to 376 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:44,119 Speaker 4: a place to where this didn't work out and we 377 00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:46,919 Speaker 4: want to go our separate ways, you're doing it in 378 00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:50,280 Speaker 4: the beginning. And I have experienced this and seen it 379 00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:53,879 Speaker 4: with friends. The person you are at the beginning of 380 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:58,480 Speaker 4: your marriage, when you're in love and not emotional, is 381 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:02,880 Speaker 4: a very very different person than who you are when 382 00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:06,159 Speaker 4: you are at the place of divorce. It's two different people. 383 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,160 Speaker 4: So if you're able to do this at a place 384 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:11,280 Speaker 4: when you're still kind to each other, where you still 385 00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:14,040 Speaker 4: have best intentions for each other and you're really I 386 00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:17,359 Speaker 4: want to say rational, do it then to where you 387 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:20,800 Speaker 4: don't have to you know you're battling with someone later 388 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,240 Speaker 4: when a lot of emotions are involved. 389 00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:26,879 Speaker 1: So this is my second naive question because I totally 390 00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:29,119 Speaker 1: agree with you. I feel like i've my parents have 391 00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:31,520 Speaker 1: always said and they're still together. But like from seeing 392 00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:34,639 Speaker 1: friends of theirs get divorced, like the person you marry 393 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:36,879 Speaker 1: is not the person you divorce and they're two different people. 394 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:43,640 Speaker 1: Does asking you for a prenup put pressure on the relationship? 395 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:43,879 Speaker 4: You know? 396 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,399 Speaker 1: There's definitely like a skeptical pot in my mind, and 397 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:48,639 Speaker 1: tell and please correct it if it's wrong that says 398 00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:51,120 Speaker 1: isn't that just saying like a pot of me doesn't 399 00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:53,479 Speaker 1: think we're gonna lost now? 400 00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:56,320 Speaker 4: I think we need to shift that that mindset and 401 00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:59,360 Speaker 4: really look at it from we're at a place now 402 00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:03,600 Speaker 4: where people are more transparent about their finances. People have 403 00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:06,320 Speaker 4: especially in your twenties and thirties, you're coming into your 404 00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:10,000 Speaker 4: relationship with more assets, so you may have children, all 405 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:14,520 Speaker 4: those things. So really understanding that this is again insurance 406 00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:16,560 Speaker 4: should things not work out, and it's a way for 407 00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:17,600 Speaker 4: us to be transparent. 408 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,200 Speaker 3: And it's also if it helps. 409 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:22,280 Speaker 4: I love that it creates a level set of where 410 00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:25,040 Speaker 4: are we with our finances? Because in order to have 411 00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:28,879 Speaker 4: a pre nup, you have to understand your assets and liabilities. 412 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:31,399 Speaker 4: You have to get all these things on paper for 413 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:34,520 Speaker 4: both you and your partner. So it allows you to 414 00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:36,960 Speaker 4: do that level set. So I don't think I want 415 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:38,640 Speaker 4: us to shift that and look at it as less 416 00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:41,800 Speaker 4: about we're doomed and all of that, and be realistic 417 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,160 Speaker 4: with the stats of what divorce and all those things 418 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:48,200 Speaker 4: are and saying that while we are kind to each 419 00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:53,120 Speaker 4: other and have sound decision making and not high emotions, 420 00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:56,879 Speaker 4: let's just do this now to ensure that it's not 421 00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:57,680 Speaker 4: a problem later. 422 00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:00,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, and I. 423 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:02,440 Speaker 4: Bet that you won't need it. Let's say that it's 424 00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:04,480 Speaker 4: just insurance. Yeah, I like this. 425 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:07,320 Speaker 1: Idea insurance for your love. Like you don't buy a 426 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,720 Speaker 1: house insurance thinking that you're gonna set your house on file. 427 00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:12,399 Speaker 3: You know what, I don't buy any case, but you 428 00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:14,320 Speaker 3: still have it just in case things happen. 429 00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:18,919 Speaker 4: So and I'm hopeful that all marriages last, but in 430 00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:20,840 Speaker 4: the event that they don't, just having that as a 431 00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:25,119 Speaker 4: backup so that you're not fighting over things later creates 432 00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:27,919 Speaker 4: And you know, I also think it creates a better 433 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:31,760 Speaker 4: relationship post the divorce because you didn't have to fight 434 00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:32,760 Speaker 4: for all of those things. 435 00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:35,040 Speaker 3: So definitely let's shift. 436 00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:36,919 Speaker 4: How we think about it and allow it to be 437 00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:38,480 Speaker 4: a place to create transparency. 438 00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:40,360 Speaker 3: A great topic for money date night. 439 00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:42,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, very good topic. That's maybe things. 440 00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:45,760 Speaker 1: So I have a bunch of friends who are getting married. 441 00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:49,000 Speaker 1: I'm like, I feel like you get to this point 442 00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:51,120 Speaker 1: in your twenties where it's like a wedding every weekend. 443 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,439 Speaker 1: Some of them are getting a lot, some of them 444 00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:55,800 Speaker 1: are spending a lot of money on the wedding. And 445 00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:59,680 Speaker 1: I saw an article that said this has been no judgment. 446 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:03,480 Speaker 1: I really I don't know enough, but this article that 447 00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:05,880 Speaker 1: said the more you spend on your wedding, the more 448 00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:10,280 Speaker 1: likely you are to get divorced. This is an entry 449 00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:13,200 Speaker 1: point for me to ask you how much do you 450 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:14,200 Speaker 1: think couples should. 451 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:14,679 Speaker 2: Spend on their wedding? 452 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:18,159 Speaker 1: And which I know you might not have an answer for, 453 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:22,360 Speaker 1: but do you see maybe a correlation between spending more 454 00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:24,280 Speaker 1: and not putting strain on the relationship. 455 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:27,240 Speaker 3: Let me say this, I think that. 456 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,879 Speaker 4: From my personal I'll just use my personal experience and 457 00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:36,160 Speaker 4: what I think people should do and get it. Having 458 00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:39,479 Speaker 4: this get back to your values as a couple. As 459 00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:41,800 Speaker 4: a young couple, I think it's so important to get 460 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:46,080 Speaker 4: very aligned on what your values are individually and what 461 00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:49,480 Speaker 4: your values would be as a couple, and that includes 462 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:52,640 Speaker 4: what do we want this wedding to be. So I'm 463 00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:55,160 Speaker 4: not going to shame that your values may be having 464 00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:57,879 Speaker 4: a large wedding because you have a big family and 465 00:24:57,920 --> 00:24:59,960 Speaker 4: it's celebratory and may be a part of your culture. 466 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:02,200 Speaker 4: But for someone else it may be that they're having 467 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:05,239 Speaker 4: a smaller wedding and more intimate ceremony. Is who they 468 00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:08,960 Speaker 4: are really honing in on what you want as a couple, 469 00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:12,199 Speaker 4: I think is so important and not getting pulled into 470 00:25:12,359 --> 00:25:14,120 Speaker 4: what you mentioned, like you know, I think a lot 471 00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:16,359 Speaker 4: of this is, like you know, fear of missing out. 472 00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:18,239 Speaker 4: You want to keep up with what your friends. All 473 00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:19,840 Speaker 4: of your friends are having big weddings, so you should 474 00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:23,720 Speaker 4: have a big wedding. We tend to follow what other 475 00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:29,399 Speaker 4: people do mindlessly without really understanding who we are and 476 00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:32,680 Speaker 4: what we want individually. So with that in mind, I'm 477 00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:34,600 Speaker 4: not going to say a dollar amount, but I do 478 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:36,600 Speaker 4: want to say that I think it has to deeply 479 00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:40,000 Speaker 4: align to what your values are as a couple, and 480 00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:43,360 Speaker 4: when you spend from that point of view, it will 481 00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:45,640 Speaker 4: be affordable because you will not do things that are 482 00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:49,360 Speaker 4: not affordable for either of you. Who you'll do things 483 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:51,920 Speaker 4: that are that are affordable for both of you, shall 484 00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:52,280 Speaker 4: I say? 485 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:53,520 Speaker 2: Yeah? 486 00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:56,679 Speaker 1: And I like this idea of like, see when I 487 00:25:56,680 --> 00:26:00,280 Speaker 1: get married, I'm kin for a big wedding and I 488 00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:03,800 Speaker 1: have a huge family. I have a huge like Italian 489 00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:08,399 Speaker 1: Irish family, Like it's there's no avoiding it. And you know, 490 00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,480 Speaker 1: my partner also has a huge family who we love. 491 00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:14,760 Speaker 1: But yeah, it's just so interesting when you see these 492 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:20,120 Speaker 1: lavish weddings and you think that you need personalized gifts 493 00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:22,840 Speaker 1: for everybody and the day and you think that you 494 00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:26,439 Speaker 1: need everybody, like the wedding becomes more about other people 495 00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:28,280 Speaker 1: than about you. That's what a lot of my friends 496 00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:30,240 Speaker 1: who have spent my time in their wedding said that 497 00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:30,960 Speaker 1: they regretted. 498 00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:33,960 Speaker 2: And again, I like that you're bringing. 499 00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:36,240 Speaker 1: It back to values, right, It's like this is about 500 00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:39,480 Speaker 1: you two showing your love for each other. Yes, like 501 00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:42,879 Speaker 1: your family and friends are involved, but like it's not 502 00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,920 Speaker 1: their wedding. Like I think, the more you can spend 503 00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:48,960 Speaker 1: on the enjoyment for yourself and the things that you like, 504 00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:50,959 Speaker 1: this is what I'm seeing for my friends who are 505 00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:54,440 Speaker 1: planning weddings, who are having a good time versus those 506 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:57,000 Speaker 1: who are having like a bad time. 507 00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:00,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, and you're you're doing it for love. We got 508 00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:00,800 Speaker 3: to get back to that. 509 00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:03,000 Speaker 4: You're doing it because you're marrying your partner who you love, 510 00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:06,119 Speaker 4: and you want to have an amazing experience with the 511 00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:10,080 Speaker 4: people who support that love. And that could be as 512 00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:14,359 Speaker 4: simple or elaborate as you want it to be. But again, 513 00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:19,159 Speaker 4: like you mentioned, understanding specifically for you, what do you 514 00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:22,119 Speaker 4: and your partner want, and not just following the crowd 515 00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:24,720 Speaker 4: because that becomes expensive. 516 00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:28,000 Speaker 1: Oh my god, yeah, I yes, I've seen it. It 517 00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:30,680 Speaker 1: becomes so expensive. And I was like, I had a 518 00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:33,320 Speaker 1: friend and she weren't mind me talking about this where 519 00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:37,399 Speaker 1: she was like, we spent all this money on like 520 00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:38,880 Speaker 1: extra desserts for the. 521 00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:40,800 Speaker 3: Guests and then they didn't eat them. 522 00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:43,879 Speaker 2: They didn't eat them. Yeah, they didn't eat them. 523 00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:46,159 Speaker 1: And she was like, oh, like this was such a 524 00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:49,320 Speaker 1: big detail that I really I was so stressed about 525 00:27:49,359 --> 00:27:51,639 Speaker 1: coordinating how these were going to get there, and like 526 00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:53,960 Speaker 1: lah lah, And she was like and I asked her, 527 00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:57,240 Speaker 1: I was like, how much, tell me, truthfully, how much 528 00:27:57,280 --> 00:28:00,439 Speaker 1: did you spend on Like I think she was like 529 00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:04,080 Speaker 1: the cocktails and the dessert and she was like over 530 00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:07,639 Speaker 1: three thousand dollars and I was like, that's and she's like, 531 00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:09,600 Speaker 1: I just wish we'd just like that's. That could have 532 00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:11,680 Speaker 1: been like part of our honeymoon fund, you know what 533 00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:14,760 Speaker 1: I mean. So yeah, I like that you you bring 534 00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:15,560 Speaker 1: back to values. 535 00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:16,080 Speaker 2: Yeah. 536 00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:19,800 Speaker 4: I think also as brides or in life, in life, 537 00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:24,119 Speaker 4: we can get so caught up in perfect moments. Yeah, 538 00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:27,040 Speaker 4: you have this, you know, you envision what this day 539 00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:29,160 Speaker 4: will be and it should be perfect, but we all 540 00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:32,359 Speaker 4: know life is not perfect. Things, something's going to go 541 00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:36,879 Speaker 4: wrong that day, very small, you know, and just creating 542 00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:40,080 Speaker 4: space for that day going into it to know that 543 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:43,720 Speaker 4: why am I here? Why am I here? And what 544 00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:46,479 Speaker 4: are my values for doing this? And it helps you 545 00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:50,040 Speaker 4: to not really sweat the small stuff of the day 546 00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:51,760 Speaker 4: because those things will come up. 547 00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:53,760 Speaker 3: You know, you spent more on the end, Your guests 548 00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:54,920 Speaker 3: won't know. That's the other thing. 549 00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:58,480 Speaker 4: Your guests will have no idea that you didn't buy 550 00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:02,320 Speaker 4: more desserts, you know, or you didn't have that extra decoration. 551 00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:06,400 Speaker 3: They will never know. Again, they're there to support your love, 552 00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:07,720 Speaker 3: so let that be the focus. 553 00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:09,200 Speaker 2: Yeah. I love that. 554 00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:14,320 Speaker 1: One final money dilemma that we see in relationships is 555 00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:19,080 Speaker 1: shared bank accounts. What do you think about people who 556 00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:21,600 Speaker 1: are in early stages of their relationship, maybe they've just 557 00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:24,320 Speaker 1: moved in together, getting a shared bank account. 558 00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:26,640 Speaker 2: Is it safer at the beginning to just. 559 00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:30,000 Speaker 1: Continue to spend separately or is it wise to kind of, 560 00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:34,160 Speaker 1: you know, get that extra interest or combine finances for convenience. 561 00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:36,680 Speaker 1: What have you seen that kind of works for couples. 562 00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:38,680 Speaker 4: Yeah, So I'm going to give you a little bit 563 00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:40,480 Speaker 4: of data and then a little bit of just what 564 00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:44,400 Speaker 4: I'm seeing from the. 565 00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:46,880 Speaker 3: World we live in. So I've had the pleasure. 566 00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:50,680 Speaker 4: I did a graduate certification in Financial Health and Wellness 567 00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:55,280 Speaker 4: from Texas Tech, the Financial Planning School, and there I 568 00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:58,360 Speaker 4: learned through one of our you know, literature reviews that 569 00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:05,440 Speaker 4: technically relationships where you share bank accounts are better because 570 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:09,960 Speaker 4: of the transparency. So you just have more transparency within 571 00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:14,840 Speaker 4: the relationship, you're more aligned. However, I think we also 572 00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:18,440 Speaker 4: have to take into account that people are getting married later, 573 00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:23,720 Speaker 4: they have more assets, so it's it may be difficult 574 00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:27,640 Speaker 4: to come in and share everything. So again, I think 575 00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:31,760 Speaker 4: this is a conversation to where do we have depending 576 00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:34,080 Speaker 4: on your assets and the level of comfort that you have, 577 00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:34,880 Speaker 4: I think you want to have. 578 00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:36,960 Speaker 3: I think the key here is transparency. That's what I 579 00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:37,640 Speaker 3: think the key is. 580 00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:42,200 Speaker 4: So is it that we have certain views of each 581 00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:45,160 Speaker 4: other's accounts When we have a money date night, do we. 582 00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:46,880 Speaker 3: Talk about our accounts if they're separate. 583 00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:49,880 Speaker 4: But I do want to take into account that some 584 00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:54,080 Speaker 4: people just come into relationships with more assets, so separating 585 00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:55,440 Speaker 4: things may be difficult. 586 00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:56,800 Speaker 3: So keeping that in mind. 587 00:30:57,160 --> 00:31:00,400 Speaker 4: The key again is the transparency to where we're not 588 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:04,880 Speaker 4: hiding money when we're getting to financial infidelity things like that. 589 00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:08,200 Speaker 4: So we want to have that transparency to ensure that 590 00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:12,080 Speaker 4: we know what the assets are. We know we've agreed 591 00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:15,080 Speaker 4: upon if we're going to share or not. I personally 592 00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:19,120 Speaker 4: am a fan of I have my own account, my 593 00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:21,320 Speaker 4: partner has his own account, and then we have one 594 00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:22,280 Speaker 4: account where we share. 595 00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:26,360 Speaker 3: Our expenses are shared expenses. That works for me. 596 00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:29,840 Speaker 4: But again, have that conversation so that you can go 597 00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:33,200 Speaker 4: into it knowing what each person feels comfortable with. But 598 00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:36,000 Speaker 4: according to the academic data, when you share it, it 599 00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:37,120 Speaker 4: helps your relationship. 600 00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:40,120 Speaker 1: I love how I love this conversation and I'm so 601 00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:42,760 Speaker 1: grateful for all the advice you're giving us on like 602 00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:48,239 Speaker 1: the well juicy controversial pots of money and relationships. I 603 00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:50,520 Speaker 1: have one final question for you. It's the question we 604 00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:54,280 Speaker 1: ask all of our guests, which is, what is one 605 00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:56,280 Speaker 1: piece of advice you have for people in the twenties 606 00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:59,720 Speaker 1: that has nothing to do with what we talked about today, 607 00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:02,200 Speaker 1: Nothing to do with money, nothing to do with relationships. 608 00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:05,160 Speaker 4: Even, Oh my goodness, what would I tell twenty year 609 00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:09,080 Speaker 4: old Jacqueline life is short and enjoy the people that 610 00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:12,760 Speaker 4: you love. Life is short, and enjoy the people that 611 00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:14,920 Speaker 4: you love. Because you know, I'm forty four, I'll be 612 00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:18,840 Speaker 4: forty five in March, and over the years, I'm also 613 00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:21,320 Speaker 4: a breast cancer survivor, so there's layers to that too. 614 00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:26,959 Speaker 4: Of you get to a place of For me in 615 00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:29,800 Speaker 4: my twenties, a lot of my twenties was about checking boxes. 616 00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:34,360 Speaker 4: So it was graduate from college check, get married, check, 617 00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:39,760 Speaker 4: have kids check, you know, have my retirement accounts check. 618 00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:42,680 Speaker 4: And then when I was diagnosed with breast cancer at thirty, 619 00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:48,440 Speaker 4: and with that, it really reset who I was as 620 00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:51,680 Speaker 4: a person to really understand that I'm here to have 621 00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:54,600 Speaker 4: experiences with the people that I love, and when you 622 00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:58,600 Speaker 4: when you live life from that standpoint, a lot of 623 00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:02,200 Speaker 4: these small things like we're talking about decorations at a 624 00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:05,760 Speaker 4: wedding or did I get enough desserts. When you look 625 00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:09,720 Speaker 4: at life through that lens, it becomes so much more joyful. 626 00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:12,600 Speaker 4: And that's one of the reasons why I love my 627 00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:15,680 Speaker 4: work at ALLY, because I'm in a position to help 628 00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:20,719 Speaker 4: people to use money as a tool to have joy, 629 00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:23,040 Speaker 4: to have a return on joy, as a tool to 630 00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:28,720 Speaker 4: have experiences, and use it to you know, love and 631 00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:32,040 Speaker 4: enjoy the people around them. And when you look at 632 00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:34,920 Speaker 4: life through that lens, it becomes so much sweeter. So 633 00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:40,200 Speaker 4: stop checking boxes and enjoy life. Enjoy those experiences because 634 00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:40,920 Speaker 4: life is short. 635 00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:42,920 Speaker 2: That's phenomenal advice. 636 00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:47,200 Speaker 1: And if I said, probably need to take myself so definitely, 637 00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:49,320 Speaker 1: definitely a good baceet. 638 00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:51,200 Speaker 2: I want to thank you so much for coming on 639 00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:52,000 Speaker 2: the podcast. Jack. 640 00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:54,560 Speaker 1: Honestly, you are so wise and just so lovely to 641 00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:56,760 Speaker 1: talk to. I feel like our conversation was just like 642 00:33:57,320 --> 00:34:00,120 Speaker 1: effortless and I so appreciate your time, So thank you 643 00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:01,000 Speaker 1: so much again. 644 00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:04,320 Speaker 4: Thank you and check us out ally money roots dot com. 645 00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:06,200 Speaker 4: The sessions are all free. 646 00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:09,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel I know. I was just about to 647 00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:10,879 Speaker 1: say that I feel like I need to do money 648 00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:13,200 Speaker 1: and love. I'm like gonna make Tom do it with me, 649 00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:15,200 Speaker 1: gonna make him sit down? It would be I think 650 00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:17,680 Speaker 1: it would be like super helpful for us, so I 651 00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:20,120 Speaker 1: appreciate it. I will make sure that I leave links 652 00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:22,600 Speaker 1: in the description below for where you can find Jack 653 00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:25,360 Speaker 1: and all her work and where you can do money 654 00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:27,600 Speaker 1: in Love. But if you enjoyed this episode as well, 655 00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:29,960 Speaker 1: make sure that you subscribe, make sure you give us 656 00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:32,760 Speaker 1: a five star review, and check us out on Instagram 657 00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:36,120 Speaker 1: at that Psychology podcast if you want to, you know, 658 00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:39,360 Speaker 1: suggest some episodes, have some feedback, have your own questions 659 00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:43,400 Speaker 1: of how money and love of intersective for you, prenup's marriage, 660 00:34:43,440 --> 00:34:46,000 Speaker 1: any of those things. I would love to hear it. 661 00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:49,080 Speaker 1: Until next time, stay safe, be kind, be gentle to yourself. 662 00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:50,640 Speaker 1: We will talk very very soon.