Speaker 1: They want some kind of like power. They want to
Speaker 1: feel better about themselves. They want to they're struggling with something.
Speaker 1: I watch a lot of Real housewives, Okay, ma, and
Speaker 1: all of this applies, all of it.
Speaker 2: As you know.
Speaker 1: The reason to read is screaming at Kyle is also
Speaker 1: because she's got a lot going on in our marriage.
Speaker 3: More Better, More Better, More, a little more better, more
Speaker 3: and more.
Speaker 4: Welcome to More Better, a podcast where we stop pretending
Speaker 4: to have it all together and embrace the journey of becoming.
Speaker 2: A little more better every day, or at least trying to.
Speaker 2: That's most of the Marrow, and that's Stephanie Beatrice and
Speaker 2: here we are. Do you in the podcast again? Guys?
Speaker 2: Thanks for joining us again. Mel hoow are.
Speaker 4: You welcome back? I'm great. I maybe have a cold.
Speaker 2: Oh oh, is that why you're in your robe? It
Speaker 2: is why I'm in my robe.
Speaker 4: I just felt really cold, and so I'm just going
Speaker 4: to be cozying up during this episode and hopefully my
Speaker 4: brain will work and I'll have interesting things to say,
Speaker 4: or at least not super boring things to say.
Speaker 1: I really hope you don't have a cold or neurovirus
Speaker 1: which is going around.
Speaker 2: You know that's going around, right.
Speaker 4: It was going around at Christmas too, yea, And yeah,
Speaker 4: did you get it? No, but Axel did wake up
Speaker 4: one morning and puked water, and it was the day
Speaker 4: of our friend's wedding, and we just freaked out for
Speaker 4: like two hours.
Speaker 2: We were like what do we do? Oh my god,
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 4: And then he was fine for the rest of the day.
Speaker 4: It was kind of random and crazy, but yeah, when
Speaker 4: you have kids, we didn't like super panic because we
Speaker 4: were like, well, we're either all going down or.
Speaker 2: This is going to be sweating. Yeah. Yeah, So we
Speaker 2: ended up it all worked out.
Speaker 1: But I didn't know that neurovirus was just yacking and
Speaker 1: pooping your brains out.
Speaker 2: I had no idea.
Speaker 1: And my my I got it, my sister got and
Speaker 1: my kid got it.
Speaker 2: Oh no, And I don't know how. I was like,
Speaker 2: I don't know what did we eat? I don't know
Speaker 2: what we did.
Speaker 1: I thought it was because I had gone to a
Speaker 1: Golden Globes party and had I'm not exaggerating thirteen diet cokes.
Speaker 2: And I was like, I so diaco. It was a
Speaker 2: lot of diet coke, dude.
Speaker 1: I thought I was going to fly through the roof
Speaker 1: like I was going to fly through the roof. I
Speaker 1: have never ingested that much caffeine in one sitting.
Speaker 2: Wow, it well, I mean to be fair, I.
Speaker 1: Was out like a long time and I didn't want
Speaker 1: to drink alcohol, so I was like, I'm gonna diet
Speaker 1: coke this bitch. And I was like, I've ruined my
Speaker 1: stomach forever. This is how my body's going to repay me.
Speaker 1: It's just gonna I'm just gonna poop my brains out.
Speaker 1: But it wasn't that. It wasn't the diet coke. I'm
Speaker 1: off of the diet coke now that I can't do it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, good, But maybe maybe you picked it up at
Speaker 4: the party. It's I think I did contagious. Yeah, I
Speaker 4: hugging people.
Speaker 1: And anyway, guys don't have kids, and if you have kids,
Speaker 1: congratulations on your bundles of joy.
Speaker 2: I don't have kids. What a journey? What a journey parenting?
Speaker 2: We're just kidding. Have you done anything lately that's a
Speaker 2: little more better? How is that for a segue? It
Speaker 2: was good.
Speaker 1: I you know, I've just been like sort of holding
Speaker 1: tight while La is kind of going through it right now,
Speaker 1: you know, trying to be supportive of everyone that's struggling
Speaker 1: in the ways that I can, and paying attention to
Speaker 1: what's happening in my community. It's kind of it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think mine is probably similar the same, just
Speaker 4: trying to like stay present and stay active and check
Speaker 4: in with people and be of service when I can,
Speaker 4: ye if I can.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think being of service is such a good thing
Speaker 1: to do when you're full of anxiety about a natural
Speaker 1: disaster or a man made disaster. It helps you channel
Speaker 1: your anxious energy. And even if that's like being of
Speaker 1: service to your family, like doing stuff for yourself, but
Speaker 1: particularly your community, of your community struggling with stuff, I
Speaker 1: think it's really helpful.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I agree, Yeah, doing something about it, Yeah.
Speaker 2: I haven't really we're not shooting right now.
Speaker 1: You're about to start shooting again, but I'm not shooting
Speaker 1: anything right now, So I'm just kind of like puttering
Speaker 1: around my mouth a little bit, and uh, yeah, that's
Speaker 1: making me a little bit kind of grateful because I
Speaker 1: don't think I realize how tired I really. I've talked
Speaker 1: about this on the pod, but like, I don't think
Speaker 1: I really realized how tired I was from shooting Twisted
Speaker 1: metal and like probably the last three years I have
Speaker 1: been that's tired, that's really tired. Yeah, so it's kind
Speaker 1: of sometimes a putter.
Speaker 4: Yeah, sometimes your body and your brain doesn't let you
Speaker 4: feel it until you stop, until you slow down.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 4: I think I said it before, but I think part
Speaker 4: of my cold, my possible cold, is that my brain
Speaker 4: knows I don't work for the next few days.
Speaker 2: It's one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: Your body's like, let's do this now, let's do it now,
Speaker 1: let's yeah bring her down.
Speaker 2: Before we have to get in front of the camera. Yeaheah. Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, So I'm suspicious that that's what's happening to me.
Speaker 1: But I also suspect that you got home and were like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I have a bunch of stuff that I have to
Speaker 1: do before I go back, and I've.
Speaker 2: Got a blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I have to spend time with my and then
Speaker 1: I have to do and then I have this, And
Speaker 1: I suspect that you got home and did that and
Speaker 1: your body's like new, new new.
Speaker 4: Well, actually I get home tomorrow, not homee oh really yeah, okay,
Speaker 4: well maybe that's it, but yeah, I think, yeah, my
Speaker 4: body knows of going home, so it's like, bitch, you
Speaker 4: better lay down when you get there.
Speaker 1: Nah.
Speaker 2: More better.
Speaker 1: So today on the pod, we're going to talk about
Speaker 1: well work stuff. Actually got another little listener voicemail isis
Speaker 1: do you want to play that for us so that
Speaker 1: we can hear the topic of today's pad.
Speaker 5: Hi's Stephanie and Melissa. My name is Stacy in California.
Speaker 5: And something I want to be more better at is
Speaker 5: handling situations with people that are patronizing or expressing some
Speaker 5: barely like just to touch dominance over you. More often
Speaker 5: than not, these people are of the older white male variety,
Speaker 5: And I mean these situations that feel very casual, very normal.
Speaker 5: Then suddenly someone says something or does something red flagish
Speaker 5: to me, and just like that, the moment's over. Usually
Speaker 5: I don't respond or handle whatever happened the way I
Speaker 5: would have liked to. My best responses or comebacks usually
Speaker 5: hit me five hours later, not on the spot.
Speaker 2: So yeah, I.
Speaker 5: Wish I was more better at handling these fast, casual
Speaker 5: and sometimes demeaning situations.
Speaker 1: Stay, oh, stay, oh my god, I feel you so hard.
Speaker 1: This is what in Bridge Jones. I think it's Bridge
Speaker 1: Jones one might be number two. But what Bridget calls jellyfishing,
Speaker 1: which is when someone comes by and said like like
Speaker 1: stings you like a jellyfish, Like you don't even know
Speaker 1: what's happened until it's already over.
Speaker 2: Oh, and then it's like.
Speaker 1: Oh you're now you're already stung, like you didn't see
Speaker 1: it coming and you just it was just some like
Speaker 1: shitty little thing that somebody said in passing.
Speaker 2: And it's like no, now, ow you know, I.
Speaker 4: So identify with the part about all the best comebacks
Speaker 4: coming to you five hours after the fact. Obviously obviously
Speaker 4: that is so human, uh stacy and just.
Speaker 2: Oh girl, I feel you.
Speaker 4: And it's almost like I'd rather deal with like outright
Speaker 4: aggression than like the small kind.
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean? Not me, but yes,
Speaker 2: I don't know what you mean, because.
Speaker 4: I feel like someone that's just being like outwardly aggressively
Speaker 4: rude or something like I then like something snaps in
Speaker 4: me and I got no problems just like being like
Speaker 4: oh you want to go, oh you want to go,
Speaker 4: let's do this, Like but when it's small and it's
Speaker 4: like passive aggressive or it's just a little comment, I
Speaker 4: can freeze I can get like, uh, what what what?
Speaker 1: It's just so unbelievable. Sometimes the shit people say, which
Speaker 1: is like what are you?
Speaker 2: Are you for real?
Speaker 1: You know, like you can't even believe that it came
Speaker 1: out of someone's mouth, much less is directed at you.
Speaker 1: So I think that's where the freeze comes from. Yeah,
Speaker 1: for me at least is a sort of like shock
Speaker 1: and awe that somebody just was not raised right. Somebody
Speaker 1: was not raised right. As the amazing Black community has
Speaker 1: said many a time, someone had no home training. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Right. So I think like this is.
Speaker 1: A really really cool, good question, because like, how do
Speaker 1: we get more better at this?
Speaker 2: Especially in a work environment.
Speaker 1: It is a professional environment, right, and work buoys can
Speaker 1: do stuff like you know what Stacy's talking about sounds
Speaker 1: like little crappy jellyfishy. Sometimes sometimes they can be called microaggressions,
Speaker 1: patronizing people that are older than you. Sometimes sometimes they
Speaker 1: can be I mean, it just doesn't matter, but I
Speaker 1: think sometimes with people that are a little bit older
Speaker 1: than you, they can be a bit patronizing, yes, or
Speaker 1: maybe like with people that are not people of color
Speaker 1: or perhaps like older men. Sometimes I'm curious how you
Speaker 1: deal with this on a level of you know, I mean,
Speaker 1: it sounds like your new job is amazing and that
Speaker 1: everyone's really cool.
Speaker 2: They really are.
Speaker 4: I know, yeah, I'm currently in a beautiful, supportive, very
Speaker 4: amazing work environment, much like we had on Brooklyn.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I definitely when I was.
Speaker 4: Younger, you know, I can remember a boss or a
Speaker 4: person of power when I was in my twenties.
Speaker 2: That would always sort of like.
Speaker 4: Just talk to me as if I was a child,
Speaker 4: and would you know, say nicknames like oh, Pumpkin or whatever.
Speaker 2: And it bothered me so much, and.
Speaker 4: He was a boss, and so I felt like I
Speaker 4: had no power, and I don't think I ever spoke up.
Speaker 4: And those moments stayed with me for so long, and
Speaker 4: I think I started to really pay attention to how
Speaker 4: other people, especially women, handled situations like that.
Speaker 2: I'm thinking of a.
Speaker 4: Time I saw you handle a moment brilliantly where someone
Speaker 4: was calling you by nicknames. It was like, sweetie, I
Speaker 4: feel like Pumpkin was one of them too, and you
Speaker 4: just turned around and so with like nothing but kindness
Speaker 4: in your voice, you said, oh, my name is Stephanie,
Speaker 4: and that was it. You just quickly corrected it, just
Speaker 4: oh no, oh, my name. That's my name is actually
Speaker 4: Stephanie on the.
Speaker 2: Hilarious is you sing?
Speaker 1: This is me being like calm and kind when inside
Speaker 1: my heart was like beating out of my chest.
Speaker 4: I know it was, I know, but outwardly there was
Speaker 4: no aggression in your voice. You were just like, oh no,
Speaker 4: and it just like did he you say your name?
Speaker 2: After that?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 2: He called me like oh that.
Speaker 1: He was like okay, sweetie or something, and I was like, no,
Speaker 1: my name is Stephanie, and then he was kind of
Speaker 1: shell shocked. I think it was like, you know, just
Speaker 1: this is an older actor that we had on Brooklyn,
Speaker 1: and you know, to be fair, like maybe he just
Speaker 1: just used to We had a director at the time
Speaker 1: that like watched it all go down and was like, wow,
Speaker 1: that was like watching old Hollywood and New.
Speaker 2: Hollywood come to blows.
Speaker 1: But it really was like, so, you know, this is
Speaker 1: probably a guy that, like, I mean, does he even
Speaker 1: like bother to.
Speaker 2: Remember names of young women.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure. Maybe he has a really bad memory.
Speaker 1: I wish I would have known that, you know, that
Speaker 1: would have been great to know. Yeah, I can't remember
Speaker 1: anyone's names, so I'm probably gonna just call you like
Speaker 1: pet names. Is that okay, that would have been nice,
Speaker 1: right right, But more more than likely he was just
Speaker 1: a real fucking piece of shit.
Speaker 4: I think I was probably that yeah, or better. But
Speaker 4: I think, you know, I think that's that that part
Speaker 4: two that you said that he was sort of shell shocked.
Speaker 2: I think almost all of the.
Speaker 4: Time, Uh, these people that say these little things, they're
Speaker 4: expecting you to not say anything.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 4: It's like every time when I lived in New York
Speaker 4: that I got street harassed. Every time I was you know,
Speaker 4: I had the balls to turn around and go no, no,
Speaker 4: thank you, please don't talk to me that way. I'm
Speaker 4: not interested. They would go into shock, like, they wouldn't
Speaker 4: yell anything back, they wouldn't keep engaging. They would just
Speaker 4: be in shock because no one ever talks back. No
Speaker 4: one ever stands up, you know, it says no.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 4: So I find that sometimes that helps me to kind
Speaker 4: of empower myself to say something. Is like they're counting
Speaker 4: on me to not say anything.
Speaker 1: Most of the time, people, most of they are counting
Speaker 1: on you not not being able to stand your ground
Speaker 1: or sort of say you know. I think the hard
Speaker 1: thing about a work environment versus like personal environment is
Speaker 1: that you do have to keep it fresh, right, Like
Speaker 1: you can't yell back like you you kiss your.
Speaker 2: Mother with that mouth, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: but rays do, right.
Speaker 1: But I do think like the element of kindness is
Speaker 1: really important. I mean, even if it's fake. That's why
Speaker 1: killed them with kindness, Like, even if it's fake, even
Speaker 1: if you have to force yourself to be nice while
Speaker 1: you say, I don't know if you know that that.
Speaker 2: Was a little bit rude or I.
Speaker 1: Don't even know, because like sometimes when sometimes when you
Speaker 1: say that to someone, they immediately get on the defense
Speaker 1: and go, I didn't mean that to be rude.
Speaker 2: I don't know why you're taking it that way, right right,
Speaker 2: gaslight you.
Speaker 1: So maybe avoiding saying like that was rude, I would say,
Speaker 1: one of the things that I would say is like,
Speaker 1: if they're being condescending about your work, for example, like
Speaker 1: your specific type of work, ask yourself why you feel
Speaker 1: like you need their approval, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Because like I don't care what another actor thinks about me,
Speaker 1: right most of the time, unless I really really respect
Speaker 1: them as an actor. And then if they're shitty to me,
Speaker 1: then I'm like, oh, well, I guess that's it. But
Speaker 1: that's meaning, Like that's it on this me liking your
Speaker 1: work relationship, Like right that I've had enough of.
Speaker 2: That, right I.
Speaker 1: When I like an actor and when they're a good
Speaker 1: person and they're maybe somewhat critical about my work or
Speaker 1: maybe they have notes to give me and they're my boss,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking of like Andy, right, Like that's somebody who
Speaker 1: I really respect his opinion and and if if he says,
Speaker 1: if he were to say something condescending to me, and
Speaker 1: it'd be very rare, right, like that would never happen.
Speaker 1: But like if he were to say something, let's say
Speaker 1: that he made a joke and maybe like it hit
Speaker 1: me hard, right, I would think about like why did
Speaker 1: that hit me hard?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 1: Why did that hit me hard? Well, that's because that's
Speaker 1: my friend and I want their approval. I want them
Speaker 1: I'm always constantly nailing it right and like maybe the
Speaker 1: thing that they said made me feel Am I.
Speaker 2: Not nailing it in this moment?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: And so like that's something to ask yourself, is like
Speaker 1: why do you why why do you Stacy? Like when
Speaker 1: you're thinking about these pussies, I think she mentioned that
Speaker 1: they're a little bit older than her. When you're thinking
Speaker 1: about them at work, it's like maybe dig down a
Speaker 1: little bit and go like, maybe that feels condescending because
Speaker 1: like I actually really admire what that person does, and
Speaker 1: I want them to really look at my work and
Speaker 1: think it's good, you know.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And staying on this hypothetical, let's say, what do
Speaker 4: you think about if let's stay on like the andy
Speaker 4: hypothetical again, listener would never happen, but if you know,
Speaker 4: he made a joke that that was maybe around a
Speaker 4: note about your work and felt hurtful. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 4: what do you think about just being just saying something like.
Speaker 2: Well, wait, wait, wait what did you mean by that?
Speaker 4: Like just call like just asking that's okay, question in
Speaker 4: a non aggressive way of just like oh wait, wait,
Speaker 4: can you elaborate like what do you mean by that?
Speaker 4: Like you know, like getting to like what's the what's
Speaker 4: the note, what's actually their note?
Speaker 2: What's underneath there?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 4: And so I wonder if that could be a useful
Speaker 4: question of just almost like playing dumb, you know, like
Speaker 4: I think you just said something shitty to me, but
Speaker 4: I'm gonna give you a chance to explain it further, right,
Speaker 4: you know, like I.
Speaker 1: Think that's an okay thing to say. Actually exactly what
Speaker 1: you just said is okay depending on the relationship, right,
Speaker 1: you know, like, yeah.
Speaker 2: I want that really song? What exactly did you mean
Speaker 2: by that?
Speaker 5: Right?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: That's maybe more of a corporate dy kind of way
Speaker 1: to say that, right, Yeah, a little bit more purpsh.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think there's a couple of things at play, like
Speaker 1: who else is around? Right, Like who else is with
Speaker 1: you in the work environment. If you're surrounded by crew,
Speaker 1: that might not be the right time. Like if you're
Speaker 1: if you're in a meetating, that might not be the
Speaker 1: right time to address it. Or it might be if
Speaker 1: you feel brave, it might be like hold on, can we.
Speaker 2: Just take a beat? Did you?
Speaker 1: Can you further elaborate on that, because I'm trying to
Speaker 1: understand what you're meaning to say. Yea, and again, like
Speaker 1: I'm like pretending like I'm I'm on suits right now,
Speaker 1: Like I'm regarding that, like I know what corporate speak is,
Speaker 1: and you would have to check with your work environment
Speaker 1: and see what's like copaesthetic there.
Speaker 2: But I think keeping trying to keep things.
Speaker 1: Like above board is really important in these situations because
Speaker 1: these people aren't your friends. There are people that have
Speaker 1: been hired to work in the same environment as you, right,
Speaker 1: And so you can choose. You can choose to say,
Speaker 1: like and know. The thing that's hard is like, you're
Speaker 1: already uncomfortable, So do you want to take it to
Speaker 1: the next level and go like, I'm gonna make this.
Speaker 2: More uncomfortable by pointing out that you have said something weird? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Or am I going to What I often do is
Speaker 1: like use humor to deflect, where like, you know, in
Speaker 1: this hypothetical, I might be like, whoa okay, you know,
Speaker 1: like I might, I might turn it around and be
Speaker 1: like I might just leave it there, which you know,
Speaker 1: in that instance might be something like I've turned it
Speaker 1: around and made it about you, your whatever insecurity or
Speaker 1: thing that made you say that in front of everybody.
Speaker 2: Now I'm gonna be like, whoa, wow, I didn't know
Speaker 2: it was a big deal.
Speaker 1: Or what you know whatever saying shuts yeah right, something
Speaker 1: silly yeah. You know. It depends on how you want
Speaker 1: to handle it, right, and it also depends on how
Speaker 1: often this is happening, because like, if it's one time
Speaker 1: with someone that you that you've had a friendly relationship
Speaker 1: with at work. That's different than if it's like a
Speaker 1: constant and it sounds like Stacey, it's like this happens
Speaker 1: quite a bit. Yeah, so that might be the time
Speaker 1: when and you know you, I mean, I think one
Speaker 1: of the things.
Speaker 2: We're going to talk about in a little while.
Speaker 1: Some of our the research that isis did for us,
Speaker 1: and some of it is like surviving at work with
Speaker 1: in these kind of environments. And like one of the
Speaker 1: things in one of the articles was like taking notes
Speaker 1: about when these things are happening to you and like
Speaker 1: writing them down so that you have a record, and
Speaker 1: you know, if it's getting to a point where you
Speaker 1: feel like somebody else needs to be involved, it might
Speaker 1: be the kind of thing where you write an email
Speaker 1: to HR and say like, hey, this happened today, and
Speaker 1: I just want there to be record of it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I was.
Speaker 1: I'm concerned because I want the work environment to be
Speaker 1: a good environment and I just wanted there to be
Speaker 1: record of it.
Speaker 2: And you know, and but know that there's going to
Speaker 2: there might be followed through at the end of that.
Speaker 1: Like this is a thing like anytime if somebody says
Speaker 1: something shitty to you, right and you choose to stand
Speaker 1: up and say you can't talk to me that way,
Speaker 1: there's always gonna be pushed back because the person that's
Speaker 1: saying the shitty thing.
Speaker 2: Wants something.
Speaker 1: They want some kind of like power, They want to
Speaker 1: feel better about themselves, they want to they're struggling with something.
Speaker 1: They watch a lot of Real housewives. Okay, and now
Speaker 1: all of this supplies, all of it applies. You know,
Speaker 1: the reason to read is screaming at Kyle is also
Speaker 1: because she's got a lot going on in our marriage.
Speaker 2: More letter.
Speaker 1: You know, like there's a lot happening on different levels
Speaker 1: that you might not realize, right, Like, that's the thing
Speaker 1: that I said earlier, which was like, I don't think
Speaker 1: it excuses the behavior, but sometimes it can.
Speaker 4: Explain the behavior, right Like, yeah, and I think that
Speaker 4: that can be really useful. I would add that, you know, also,
Speaker 4: if there are trusted co workers at your job, sometimes
Speaker 4: it can be useful to just sort of check in
Speaker 4: with someone else to see if they're noticing some of
Speaker 4: these behaviors, if they're feeling uncomfortable. You know, obviously this
Speaker 4: has to be like a trusted person. But I was
Speaker 4: in a work situation once where someone just you know,
Speaker 4: they weren't being rude or patronizing, but they just kind
Speaker 4: of came on a little strong, too strong at first.
Speaker 4: And I sort of checked in with other castmates with me.
Speaker 4: It was me, It was you? It was me, Yeah,
Speaker 4: it was you, So like it was what's going on?
Speaker 2: You want to be best?
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure that was in your dressing room when
Speaker 1: you get back upstairs.
Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure that was actually me.
Speaker 4: So uh yeah, I see what you're doing, but it
Speaker 4: can you know. I just sort of checked in with
Speaker 4: a couple other actors and one was like, oh yeah,
Speaker 4: and then we sort of kind of together just tried
Speaker 4: to phish more information about this person and pieced together
Speaker 4: that this was insecurities, you know, in overdrive, like working
Speaker 4: too hard to maybe impress people or alpha people or something.
Speaker 2: But it was coming from a broken place, you know.
Speaker 2: And I so this person was a broken shell of
Speaker 2: a human is a little bit. And I found that
Speaker 2: humor worked with this person.
Speaker 4: If I if I made them laugh, they just kind
Speaker 4: of loosened up a little bit and relaxed. And so
Speaker 4: then I passed that along to people, so and then
Speaker 4: it ended up being fine and everyone we all liked
Speaker 4: each other and it all was good, you know, and
Speaker 4: but it was like a bumpy start and then you know,
Speaker 4: just through like some shared information with each other, Oh well,
Speaker 4: you know they said this, or I learned this about
Speaker 4: their history or you know, and we just kind of
Speaker 4: like pieced it together and we're like, oh, this is
Speaker 4: somebody that's maybe just feels really insecure, and so maybe
Speaker 4: if we just let them know, like we're on your side,
Speaker 4: we're all a team here, it's all good, you know.
Speaker 2: And like, yeah, little ways to kind of do that.
Speaker 2: It stopped, Like it totally stopped. You know.
Speaker 4: It's interesting and at the same time, by joking with
Speaker 4: that person too a little bit of what we were
Speaker 4: saying before.
Speaker 2: Like oh zing, like you know, kind of throwing some
Speaker 2: of those in there.
Speaker 4: It also, inadvertently I didn't even mean to do, it,
Speaker 4: established a little bit of a boundary of like, if
Speaker 4: you say some shit, I'm gonna.
Speaker 2: Call you out.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna call you out on it, right, Like you know,
Speaker 4: if you say something weird, I'm gonna be like what,
Speaker 4: like you know, I'm gonna do it in a joking,
Speaker 4: non threatening way, right, But like you know, and I
Speaker 4: felt like this person got a little bit more conscious
Speaker 4: of the things that were coming out of their mouth
Speaker 4: that work.
Speaker 2: That's very that's cool.
Speaker 4: I like, yeah, so I think if you have trusted
Speaker 4: co workers Stacey, you know, and also, like we were
Speaker 4: saying before, if this thing happens in a meeting, if
Speaker 4: you have a trusted person with you, sometimes that also
Speaker 4: helps you have the bravery encouraged to be like, you
Speaker 4: know what, because you told that person I think I'm
Speaker 4: gonna say something next time, right, right, they say something.
Speaker 2: Weird, right, and then you kind of know.
Speaker 4: Even if that person doesn't get involved, they're not obligated
Speaker 4: to do anything, but just knowing they have your back, right,
Speaker 4: I think helps at least me feel braver to be
Speaker 4: like to say something you know or do something in
Speaker 4: the moment.
Speaker 1: Would argue yeah, opposite of like, Okay, I don't trust
Speaker 1: nobody at work.
Speaker 2: I mean meaning like, I love people.
Speaker 1: I love the people that I work with, but it
Speaker 1: does take me a while to establish like trust, especially
Speaker 1: because probably because in my personal life I've been burned
Speaker 1: by really close friends and I just don't ever want to.
Speaker 1: I always think to myself, whatever conversations I'm having at work,
Speaker 1: I pretend in my mind, like what if this was
Speaker 1: being recorded? Like what if this was being recorded right now?
Speaker 1: Would I be okay with whoever I'm talking about hearing
Speaker 1: what I'm saying?
Speaker 2: That's always And if.
Speaker 1: The answer is no, I would not, Or if I
Speaker 1: wouldn't be okay with them reading something that I'm texting,
Speaker 1: then I'm not doing it because I don't want what
Speaker 1: I What I don't want is to have, you know,
Speaker 1: a build up of emotions about something and then I'm
Speaker 1: texting somebody about like you know this person was today
Speaker 1: or like whatever, whatever feelings that I have about it.
Speaker 1: It's like it's it part of being to me, part
Speaker 1: of being a grown up is like starting to.
Speaker 2: For me, part of what I part of.
Speaker 1: My journeys as a grown up as and as an artist,
Speaker 1: like I think is how do I deal with with
Speaker 1: with these things for me?
Speaker 2: How do I deal with them for me?
Speaker 1: And and that's going to be different for everybody, right, Like,
Speaker 1: and that's part of what Stacey's asking is, like how
Speaker 1: do I deal with this for me? And one of
Speaker 1: the things that I I would say, is like continue
Speaker 1: to look at this person as like their own entity
Speaker 1: and like what's going on with them, like maybe they
Speaker 1: are just shitty, Like that is totally a possibility, and.
Speaker 2: It has nothing to do with you. They're just shitty,
Speaker 2: nothing to do with you.
Speaker 1: And and then also I was thinking about this because
Speaker 1: I had I remember something happened to me at work.
Speaker 1: I like, somebody was trying to figure out a joke
Speaker 1: and they didn't understand a joke.
Speaker 2: And this was like early on in my career.
Speaker 1: Someone was trying to, like in a rehearsal or something,
Speaker 1: and someone was trying to figure out a joke and
Speaker 1: I yelled out from like the sideline, Oh, it's this right,
Speaker 1: And that particular person had a really difficult time with
Speaker 1: feedback from other people. And I just know that, you know,
Speaker 1: and like they snapped at me, and I took that
Speaker 1: so personally. I took it's so personally. And I remember
Speaker 1: talking to my therapist about it and being like, I
Speaker 1: don't know why they don't like, you know, and my
Speaker 1: therapist was like, that has nothing to do with you,
Speaker 1: and it's just about them. It's just about them. So
Speaker 1: you can choose, you can choose to take that on.
Speaker 2: And sometimes like.
Speaker 1: It's not immediate, it's not like it can be like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm so above it all and like.
Speaker 2: I'm it bothers me.
Speaker 1: But then I have to process it. I gotta process
Speaker 1: that shit. I gotta look at them and go, is
Speaker 1: there a way to get to know them though a
Speaker 1: little bit better and like know a little bit more
Speaker 1: about them. I mean, maybe it's an older person that's
Speaker 1: at the same level in the job as you, and
Speaker 1: they've been working there for twenty years and you suddenly
Speaker 1: got there and you're doing the same or better work,
Speaker 1: and maybe they're just having a really hard time dealing
Speaker 1: with it. Maybe they're older and don't know how to
Speaker 1: deal with technology. You guys are like moving in a
Speaker 1: field where you know technology is a big part of it,
Speaker 1: and you're young and you have you're more adept, Like
Speaker 1: there's lots of moving parts to this. So I would say,
Speaker 1: but you know, I think it was like I can't
Speaker 1: remember who said this piece of advice. They were like, oh,
Speaker 1: ask that person out to lunch.
Speaker 2: Mmmmmm, maybe it was you. I can't remember.
Speaker 1: Was this something David said to you once, like ask
Speaker 1: that person out to lunch?
Speaker 2: No, I don't think so.
Speaker 4: But I do find that I with people that I
Speaker 4: am like kind of having a difficult time with that
Speaker 4: is kind of might go to is like let me
Speaker 4: try to be like friends with them, like let me
Speaker 4: try to get see and see what's what's going on
Speaker 4: or what's going on right? Yeah, and what might be
Speaker 4: going on is they're like shitty and ageist and fucking
Speaker 4: a piece of shit. Yeah, but what might be going
Speaker 4: on is like maybe they're going through a divorce and
Speaker 4: they're really lonely and they're having a hard time and
Speaker 4: they're you know, like Dert on Real Housewives.
Speaker 1: Guys, it always comes back to Real Housewives on this show, Stacy,
Speaker 1: I hope that was like kind of helpful.
Speaker 2: I feel like it was helpful for me. It was
Speaker 2: helpful for me.
Speaker 4: It's a trick. It's a really tricky thing, especially at work.
Speaker 4: Like I definitely think it's an easier thing to deal
Speaker 4: with in your personal life, for your community or your
Speaker 4: neighborhood or but at work it's it's tricky because, yeah,
Speaker 4: you got to keep it professhed. I think, lean lean
Speaker 4: on kindness, lean on empathy, do some investigating into this
Speaker 4: person and their motives, perhaps keep a record.
Speaker 2: More better.
Speaker 1: I actually think that I didn't when we started this,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, my God, I don't know, but
Speaker 1: I actually think we do know quite a bit about this,
Speaker 1: Like we each.
Speaker 2: Have really definitely no more than I thought I did.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, we each have a lot of tools to
Speaker 1: deal with this. It's almost like we've dealt with it before. God,
Speaker 1: our pain in this arena.
Speaker 2: Let it be your Let us be the sounding board
Speaker 2: for you.
Speaker 4: Yeac.
Speaker 1: The stuff that we've gone through has helped can help
Speaker 1: you in some kind of way, because like we've each
Speaker 1: dealt with it differently. But I think like all the
Speaker 1: ways we're talking about our healthy ways to deal with
Speaker 1: it as opposed to like modeling it up and just
Speaker 1: blowing up one day it works, Yeah, don't do that,
Speaker 1: Like whoa, yeah, don't do that.
Speaker 2: Don't do that crazy. Yeah. Stephanie is on one. You
Speaker 2: know you don't want that. You don't want that.
Speaker 1: You want to deal with it a little bit at
Speaker 1: a time so that it doesn't explode in your face.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, and often too.
Speaker 4: I would just I would also add lastly, like I
Speaker 4: think after the first time you you do say something
Speaker 4: or you establish a boundary what you know, however big
Speaker 4: or small it is, you will gain so much power
Speaker 4: and confidence from that that it will just solutely keep
Speaker 4: getting easier. After that, I was scared to that day
Speaker 4: that I.
Speaker 2: Said, actually, I didn't know you were.
Speaker 1: My heart was beating so loud in my ears. I
Speaker 1: thought I was gonna like, you know, I just I
Speaker 1: couldn't believe it was even.
Speaker 2: Coming out of my mouth.
Speaker 1: But now when I think back to that, it's like, well,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be the woman that I am today if
Speaker 1: I hadn't risk in that moment and said that, you know, like,
Speaker 1: I just wouldn't be because I took a chance and
Speaker 1: like believed in myself and said something about it and
Speaker 1: nipped it in the bud.
Speaker 4: I'm pretty sure I cried hysterically the first time I
Speaker 4: like stood up to someone for verbally for the first
Speaker 4: time week it's really and then yeah, and now it's uh,
Speaker 4: you know, so much easier because now it's just a
Speaker 4: withering look you guys, Now it's just a raised eyebrow
Speaker 4: and death stack.
Speaker 2: Excuse me, come again? Could you repeat that? Please?
Speaker 1: Think?
Speaker 2: Or says what? Okay? Sorry, all right, I feel a
Speaker 2: little more better. Do you feel a little more better?
Speaker 1: I feel a lot more better. Good Stacy, We hope
Speaker 1: you feel a little more better. And keep hitting us
Speaker 1: up with the dms. You guys, and send us your
Speaker 1: voice notes and send us your questions, and we're here
Speaker 1: for you.
Speaker 2: See you next time, See you next time. Bye.
Speaker 1: Do you have something you'd like to be more better
Speaker 1: at that you want us to talk about in a
Speaker 1: future episode.
Speaker 4: Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried
Speaker 4: one of our tips and tricks?
Speaker 1: Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com and include a voice note if you
Speaker 1: want to be featured on the pod. More Better with
Speaker 1: Stephanie Melissa is a production from Wvsound and iHeartMedia's Mike
Speaker 1: Utura podcast network, hosted by me, Stephanie Beatriz and Melissa Kumera.
Speaker 2: More Better is.
Speaker 1: Produced by Isis Madrid and Sophie Spencer Zebos. Our executive
Speaker 1: producers are Wilmer Valderrama and Leo Klem at Wvsound. This
Speaker 1: episode was edited by Isis Madrid and engineered by Sean
Speaker 1: Tracy and features original music by Madison Devenport and Heylo boy.
Speaker 1: Our cover art is by Vincent Remis and photography by
Speaker 1: David Avalos. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the Iheartrate
Speaker 1: you app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you.
Speaker 2: Listen to your favorite shows.
Speaker 1: See you next week, Saga, Bye
Speaker 2: Major