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Speaker 1: They want some kind of like power. They want to

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Speaker 1: feel better about themselves. They want to they're struggling with something.

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Speaker 1: I watch a lot of Real housewives, Okay, ma, and

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Speaker 1: all of this applies, all of it.

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Speaker 2: As you know.

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Speaker 1: The reason to read is screaming at Kyle is also

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Speaker 1: because she's got a lot going on in our marriage.

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Speaker 3: More Better, More Better, More, a little more better, more

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Speaker 3: and more.

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Speaker 4: Welcome to More Better, a podcast where we stop pretending

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Speaker 4: to have it all together and embrace the journey of becoming.

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Speaker 2: A little more better every day, or at least trying to.

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Speaker 2: That's most of the Marrow, and that's Stephanie Beatrice and

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Speaker 2: here we are. Do you in the podcast again? Guys?

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Speaker 2: Thanks for joining us again. Mel hoow are.

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Speaker 4: You welcome back? I'm great. I maybe have a cold.

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Speaker 2: Oh oh, is that why you're in your robe? It

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Speaker 2: is why I'm in my robe.

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Speaker 4: I just felt really cold, and so I'm just going

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Speaker 4: to be cozying up during this episode and hopefully my

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Speaker 4: brain will work and I'll have interesting things to say,

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Speaker 4: or at least not super boring things to say.

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Speaker 1: I really hope you don't have a cold or neurovirus

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Speaker 1: which is going around.

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Speaker 2: You know that's going around, right.

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Speaker 4: It was going around at Christmas too, yea, And yeah,

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Speaker 4: did you get it? No, but Axel did wake up

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Speaker 4: one morning and puked water, and it was the day

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Speaker 4: of our friend's wedding, and we just freaked out for

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Speaker 4: like two hours.

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Speaker 2: We were like what do we do? Oh my god,

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Speaker 2: Oh my god.

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Speaker 4: And then he was fine for the rest of the day.

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Speaker 4: It was kind of random and crazy, but yeah, when

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Speaker 4: you have kids, we didn't like super panic because we

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Speaker 4: were like, well, we're either all going down or.

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Speaker 2: This is going to be sweating. Yeah. Yeah, So we

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Speaker 2: ended up it all worked out.

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Speaker 1: But I didn't know that neurovirus was just yacking and

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Speaker 1: pooping your brains out.

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Speaker 2: I had no idea.

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Speaker 1: And my my I got it, my sister got and

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Speaker 1: my kid got it.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, And I don't know how. I was like,

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Speaker 2: I don't know what did we eat? I don't know

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Speaker 2: what we did.

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Speaker 1: I thought it was because I had gone to a

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Speaker 1: Golden Globes party and had I'm not exaggerating thirteen diet cokes.

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Speaker 2: And I was like, I so diaco. It was a

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Speaker 2: lot of diet coke, dude.

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Speaker 1: I thought I was going to fly through the roof

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Speaker 1: like I was going to fly through the roof. I

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Speaker 1: have never ingested that much caffeine in one sitting.

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Speaker 2: Wow, it well, I mean to be fair, I.

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Speaker 1: Was out like a long time and I didn't want

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Speaker 1: to drink alcohol, so I was like, I'm gonna diet

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Speaker 1: coke this bitch. And I was like, I've ruined my

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Speaker 1: stomach forever. This is how my body's going to repay me.

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Speaker 1: It's just gonna I'm just gonna poop my brains out.

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Speaker 1: But it wasn't that. It wasn't the diet coke. I'm

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Speaker 1: off of the diet coke now that I can't do it.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, good, But maybe maybe you picked it up at

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Speaker 4: the party. It's I think I did contagious. Yeah, I

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Speaker 4: hugging people.

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Speaker 1: And anyway, guys don't have kids, and if you have kids,

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Speaker 1: congratulations on your bundles of joy.

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Speaker 2: I don't have kids. What a journey? What a journey parenting?

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Speaker 2: We're just kidding. Have you done anything lately that's a

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Speaker 2: little more better? How is that for a segue? It

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Speaker 2: was good.

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Speaker 1: I you know, I've just been like sort of holding

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Speaker 1: tight while La is kind of going through it right now,

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Speaker 1: you know, trying to be supportive of everyone that's struggling

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Speaker 1: in the ways that I can, and paying attention to

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Speaker 1: what's happening in my community. It's kind of it.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I think mine is probably similar the same, just

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Speaker 4: trying to like stay present and stay active and check

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Speaker 4: in with people and be of service when I can,

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Speaker 4: ye if I can.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I think being of service is such a good thing

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Speaker 1: to do when you're full of anxiety about a natural

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Speaker 1: disaster or a man made disaster. It helps you channel

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Speaker 1: your anxious energy. And even if that's like being of

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Speaker 1: service to your family, like doing stuff for yourself, but

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Speaker 1: particularly your community, of your community struggling with stuff, I

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Speaker 1: think it's really helpful.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I agree, Yeah, doing something about it, Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I haven't really we're not shooting right now.

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Speaker 1: You're about to start shooting again, but I'm not shooting

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Speaker 1: anything right now, So I'm just kind of like puttering

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Speaker 1: around my mouth a little bit, and uh, yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: making me a little bit kind of grateful because I

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Speaker 1: don't think I realize how tired I really. I've talked

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Speaker 1: about this on the pod, but like, I don't think

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Speaker 1: I really realized how tired I was from shooting Twisted

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Speaker 1: metal and like probably the last three years I have

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Speaker 1: been that's tired, that's really tired. Yeah, so it's kind

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Speaker 1: of sometimes a putter.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, sometimes your body and your brain doesn't let you

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Speaker 4: feel it until you stop, until you slow down.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 4: I think I said it before, but I think part

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Speaker 4: of my cold, my possible cold, is that my brain

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Speaker 4: knows I don't work for the next few days.

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Speaker 2: It's one hundred percent.

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Speaker 1: Your body's like, let's do this now, let's do it now,

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Speaker 1: let's yeah bring her down.

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Speaker 2: Before we have to get in front of the camera. Yeaheah. Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, So I'm suspicious that that's what's happening to me.

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Speaker 1: But I also suspect that you got home and were like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I have a bunch of stuff that I have to

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Speaker 1: do before I go back, and I've.

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Speaker 2: Got a blah blah blah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I have to spend time with my and then

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Speaker 1: I have to do and then I have this, And

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Speaker 1: I suspect that you got home and did that and

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Speaker 1: your body's like new, new new.

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Speaker 4: Well, actually I get home tomorrow, not homee oh really yeah, okay,

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Speaker 4: well maybe that's it, but yeah, I think, yeah, my

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Speaker 4: body knows of going home, so it's like, bitch, you

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Speaker 4: better lay down when you get there.

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Speaker 1: Nah.

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Speaker 2: More better.

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Speaker 1: So today on the pod, we're going to talk about

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Speaker 1: well work stuff. Actually got another little listener voicemail isis

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Speaker 1: do you want to play that for us so that

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Speaker 1: we can hear the topic of today's pad.

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Speaker 5: Hi's Stephanie and Melissa. My name is Stacy in California.

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Speaker 5: And something I want to be more better at is

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Speaker 5: handling situations with people that are patronizing or expressing some

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Speaker 5: barely like just to touch dominance over you. More often

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Speaker 5: than not, these people are of the older white male variety,

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Speaker 5: And I mean these situations that feel very casual, very normal.

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Speaker 5: Then suddenly someone says something or does something red flagish

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Speaker 5: to me, and just like that, the moment's over. Usually

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Speaker 5: I don't respond or handle whatever happened the way I

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Speaker 5: would have liked to. My best responses or comebacks usually

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Speaker 5: hit me five hours later, not on the spot.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, I.

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Speaker 5: Wish I was more better at handling these fast, casual

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Speaker 5: and sometimes demeaning situations.

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Speaker 1: Stay, oh, stay, oh my god, I feel you so hard.

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Speaker 1: This is what in Bridge Jones. I think it's Bridge

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Speaker 1: Jones one might be number two. But what Bridget calls jellyfishing,

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Speaker 1: which is when someone comes by and said like like

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Speaker 1: stings you like a jellyfish, Like you don't even know

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Speaker 1: what's happened until it's already over.

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Speaker 2: Oh, and then it's like.

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Speaker 1: Oh you're now you're already stung, like you didn't see

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Speaker 1: it coming and you just it was just some like

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Speaker 1: shitty little thing that somebody said in passing.

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Speaker 2: And it's like no, now, ow you know, I.

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Speaker 4: So identify with the part about all the best comebacks

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Speaker 4: coming to you five hours after the fact. Obviously obviously

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Speaker 4: that is so human, uh stacy and just.

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Speaker 2: Oh girl, I feel you.

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Speaker 4: And it's almost like I'd rather deal with like outright

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Speaker 4: aggression than like the small kind.

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Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean? Not me, but yes,

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Speaker 2: I don't know what you mean, because.

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Speaker 4: I feel like someone that's just being like outwardly aggressively

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Speaker 4: rude or something like I then like something snaps in

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Speaker 4: me and I got no problems just like being like

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Speaker 4: oh you want to go, oh you want to go,

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Speaker 4: let's do this, Like but when it's small and it's

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Speaker 4: like passive aggressive or it's just a little comment, I

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Speaker 4: can freeze I can get like, uh, what what what?

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Speaker 1: It's just so unbelievable. Sometimes the shit people say, which

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Speaker 1: is like what are you?

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Speaker 2: Are you for real?

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Speaker 1: You know, like you can't even believe that it came

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Speaker 1: out of someone's mouth, much less is directed at you.

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Speaker 1: So I think that's where the freeze comes from. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: for me at least is a sort of like shock

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Speaker 1: and awe that somebody just was not raised right. Somebody

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Speaker 1: was not raised right. As the amazing Black community has

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Speaker 1: said many a time, someone had no home training. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Right. So I think like this is.

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Speaker 1: A really really cool, good question, because like, how do

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Speaker 1: we get more better at this?

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Speaker 2: Especially in a work environment.

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Speaker 1: It is a professional environment, right, and work buoys can

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Speaker 1: do stuff like you know what Stacy's talking about sounds

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Speaker 1: like little crappy jellyfishy. Sometimes sometimes they can be called microaggressions,

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Speaker 1: patronizing people that are older than you. Sometimes sometimes they

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Speaker 1: can be I mean, it just doesn't matter, but I

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Speaker 1: think sometimes with people that are a little bit older

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Speaker 1: than you, they can be a bit patronizing, yes, or

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Speaker 1: maybe like with people that are not people of color

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Speaker 1: or perhaps like older men. Sometimes I'm curious how you

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Speaker 1: deal with this on a level of you know, I mean,

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Speaker 1: it sounds like your new job is amazing and that

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Speaker 1: everyone's really cool.

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Speaker 2: They really are.

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Speaker 4: I know, yeah, I'm currently in a beautiful, supportive, very

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Speaker 4: amazing work environment, much like we had on Brooklyn.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, I definitely when I was.

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Speaker 4: Younger, you know, I can remember a boss or a

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Speaker 4: person of power when I was in my twenties.

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Speaker 2: That would always sort of like.

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Speaker 4: Just talk to me as if I was a child,

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Speaker 4: and would you know, say nicknames like oh, Pumpkin or whatever.

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Speaker 2: And it bothered me so much, and.

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Speaker 4: He was a boss, and so I felt like I

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Speaker 4: had no power, and I don't think I ever spoke up.

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Speaker 4: And those moments stayed with me for so long, and

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Speaker 4: I think I started to really pay attention to how

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Speaker 4: other people, especially women, handled situations like that.

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Speaker 2: I'm thinking of a.

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Speaker 4: Time I saw you handle a moment brilliantly where someone

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Speaker 4: was calling you by nicknames. It was like, sweetie, I

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Speaker 4: feel like Pumpkin was one of them too, and you

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Speaker 4: just turned around and so with like nothing but kindness

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Speaker 4: in your voice, you said, oh, my name is Stephanie,

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Speaker 4: and that was it. You just quickly corrected it, just

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Speaker 4: oh no, oh, my name. That's my name is actually

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Speaker 4: Stephanie on the.

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Speaker 2: Hilarious is you sing?

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Speaker 1: This is me being like calm and kind when inside

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Speaker 1: my heart was like beating out of my chest.

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Speaker 4: I know it was, I know, but outwardly there was

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Speaker 4: no aggression in your voice. You were just like, oh no,

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Speaker 4: and it just like did he you say your name?

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Speaker 2: After that?

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Speaker 4: No?

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Speaker 2: He called me like oh that.

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Speaker 1: He was like okay, sweetie or something, and I was like, no,

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Speaker 1: my name is Stephanie, and then he was kind of

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Speaker 1: shell shocked. I think it was like, you know, just

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Speaker 1: this is an older actor that we had on Brooklyn,

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Speaker 1: and you know, to be fair, like maybe he just

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Speaker 1: just used to We had a director at the time

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Speaker 1: that like watched it all go down and was like, wow,

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Speaker 1: that was like watching old Hollywood and New.

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Speaker 2: Hollywood come to blows.

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Speaker 1: But it really was like, so, you know, this is

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Speaker 1: probably a guy that, like, I mean, does he even

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Speaker 1: like bother to.

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Speaker 2: Remember names of young women.

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure. Maybe he has a really bad memory.

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Speaker 1: I wish I would have known that, you know, that

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Speaker 1: would have been great to know. Yeah, I can't remember

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Speaker 1: anyone's names, so I'm probably gonna just call you like

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Speaker 1: pet names. Is that okay, that would have been nice,

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Speaker 1: right right, But more more than likely he was just

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Speaker 1: a real fucking piece of shit.

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Speaker 4: I think I was probably that yeah, or better. But

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Speaker 4: I think, you know, I think that's that that part

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Speaker 4: two that you said that he was sort of shell shocked.

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Speaker 2: I think almost all of the.

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Speaker 4: Time, Uh, these people that say these little things, they're

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Speaker 4: expecting you to not say anything.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 4: It's like every time when I lived in New York

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Speaker 4: that I got street harassed. Every time I was you know,

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Speaker 4: I had the balls to turn around and go no, no,

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Speaker 4: thank you, please don't talk to me that way. I'm

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Speaker 4: not interested. They would go into shock, like, they wouldn't

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Speaker 4: yell anything back, they wouldn't keep engaging. They would just

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Speaker 4: be in shock because no one ever talks back. No

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Speaker 4: one ever stands up, you know, it says no.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 4: So I find that sometimes that helps me to kind

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Speaker 4: of empower myself to say something. Is like they're counting

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Speaker 4: on me to not say anything.

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Speaker 1: Most of the time, people, most of they are counting

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Speaker 1: on you not not being able to stand your ground

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Speaker 1: or sort of say you know. I think the hard

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Speaker 1: thing about a work environment versus like personal environment is

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Speaker 1: that you do have to keep it fresh, right, Like

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Speaker 1: you can't yell back like you you kiss your.

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Speaker 2: Mother with that mouth, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: but rays do, right.

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Speaker 1: But I do think like the element of kindness is

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Speaker 1: really important. I mean, even if it's fake. That's why

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Speaker 1: killed them with kindness, Like, even if it's fake, even

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Speaker 1: if you have to force yourself to be nice while

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Speaker 1: you say, I don't know if you know that that.

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Speaker 2: Was a little bit rude or I.

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Speaker 1: Don't even know, because like sometimes when sometimes when you

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Speaker 1: say that to someone, they immediately get on the defense

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Speaker 1: and go, I didn't mean that to be rude.

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Speaker 2: I don't know why you're taking it that way, right right,

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Speaker 2: gaslight you.

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Speaker 1: So maybe avoiding saying like that was rude, I would say,

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Speaker 1: one of the things that I would say is like,

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Speaker 1: if they're being condescending about your work, for example, like

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Speaker 1: your specific type of work, ask yourself why you feel

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Speaker 1: like you need their approval, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: Because like I don't care what another actor thinks about me,

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Speaker 1: right most of the time, unless I really really respect

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Speaker 1: them as an actor. And then if they're shitty to me,

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Speaker 1: then I'm like, oh, well, I guess that's it. But

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Speaker 1: that's meaning, Like that's it on this me liking your

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Speaker 1: work relationship, Like right that I've had enough of.

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Speaker 2: That, right I.

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Speaker 1: When I like an actor and when they're a good

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Speaker 1: person and they're maybe somewhat critical about my work or

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Speaker 1: maybe they have notes to give me and they're my boss,

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Speaker 1: I'm thinking of like Andy, right, Like that's somebody who

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Speaker 1: I really respect his opinion and and if if he says,

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Speaker 1: if he were to say something condescending to me, and

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Speaker 1: it'd be very rare, right, like that would never happen.

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Speaker 1: But like if he were to say something, let's say

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Speaker 1: that he made a joke and maybe like it hit

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Speaker 1: me hard, right, I would think about like why did

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Speaker 1: that hit me hard?

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Speaker 2: You know?

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Speaker 1: Why did that hit me hard? Well, that's because that's

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Speaker 1: my friend and I want their approval. I want them

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Speaker 1: I'm always constantly nailing it right and like maybe the

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Speaker 1: thing that they said made me feel Am I.

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Speaker 2: Not nailing it in this moment?

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Speaker 1: You know?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: And so like that's something to ask yourself, is like

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Speaker 1: why do you why why do you Stacy? Like when

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Speaker 1: you're thinking about these pussies, I think she mentioned that

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Speaker 1: they're a little bit older than her. When you're thinking

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Speaker 1: about them at work, it's like maybe dig down a

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Speaker 1: little bit and go like, maybe that feels condescending because

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Speaker 1: like I actually really admire what that person does, and

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Speaker 1: I want them to really look at my work and

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Speaker 1: think it's good, you know.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, And staying on this hypothetical, let's say, what do

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Speaker 4: you think about if let's stay on like the andy

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Speaker 4: hypothetical again, listener would never happen, but if you know,

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Speaker 4: he made a joke that that was maybe around a

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Speaker 4: note about your work and felt hurtful. Yeah, you know,

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Speaker 4: what do you think about just being just saying something like.

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Speaker 2: Well, wait, wait, wait what did you mean by that?

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Speaker 4: Like just call like just asking that's okay, question in

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Speaker 4: a non aggressive way of just like oh wait, wait,

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Speaker 4: can you elaborate like what do you mean by that?

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Speaker 4: Like you know, like getting to like what's the what's

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Speaker 4: the note, what's actually their note?

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Speaker 2: What's underneath there?

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Speaker 1: You know?

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Speaker 4: And so I wonder if that could be a useful

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Speaker 4: question of just almost like playing dumb, you know, like

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Speaker 4: I think you just said something shitty to me, but

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna give you a chance to explain it further, right,

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Speaker 4: you know, like I.

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Speaker 1: Think that's an okay thing to say. Actually exactly what

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Speaker 1: you just said is okay depending on the relationship, right,

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Speaker 1: you know, like, yeah.

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Speaker 2: I want that really song? What exactly did you mean

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Speaker 2: by that?

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Speaker 5: Right?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: That's maybe more of a corporate dy kind of way

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Speaker 1: to say that, right, Yeah, a little bit more purpsh.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I think there's a couple of things at play, like

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Speaker 1: who else is around? Right, Like who else is with

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Speaker 1: you in the work environment. If you're surrounded by crew,

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Speaker 1: that might not be the right time. Like if you're

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Speaker 1: if you're in a meetating, that might not be the

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Speaker 1: right time to address it. Or it might be if

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Speaker 1: you feel brave, it might be like hold on, can we.

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Speaker 2: Just take a beat? Did you?

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Speaker 1: Can you further elaborate on that, because I'm trying to

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Speaker 1: understand what you're meaning to say. Yea, and again, like

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Speaker 1: I'm like pretending like I'm I'm on suits right now,

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Speaker 1: Like I'm regarding that, like I know what corporate speak is,

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Speaker 1: and you would have to check with your work environment

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Speaker 1: and see what's like copaesthetic there.

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Speaker 2: But I think keeping trying to keep things.

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Speaker 1: Like above board is really important in these situations because

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Speaker 1: these people aren't your friends. There are people that have

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Speaker 1: been hired to work in the same environment as you, right,

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Speaker 1: And so you can choose. You can choose to say,

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Speaker 1: like and know. The thing that's hard is like, you're

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Speaker 1: already uncomfortable, So do you want to take it to

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Speaker 1: the next level and go like, I'm gonna make this.

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Speaker 2: More uncomfortable by pointing out that you have said something weird? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Or am I going to What I often do is

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Speaker 1: like use humor to deflect, where like, you know, in

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Speaker 1: this hypothetical, I might be like, whoa okay, you know,

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Speaker 1: like I might, I might turn it around and be

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Speaker 1: like I might just leave it there, which you know,

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Speaker 1: in that instance might be something like I've turned it

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Speaker 1: around and made it about you, your whatever insecurity or

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Speaker 1: thing that made you say that in front of everybody.

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Speaker 2: Now I'm gonna be like, whoa, wow, I didn't know

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Speaker 2: it was a big deal.

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Speaker 1: Or what you know whatever saying shuts yeah right, something

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Speaker 1: silly yeah. You know. It depends on how you want

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Speaker 1: to handle it, right, and it also depends on how

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Speaker 1: often this is happening, because like, if it's one time

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Speaker 1: with someone that you that you've had a friendly relationship

393
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Speaker 1: with at work. That's different than if it's like a

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Speaker 1: constant and it sounds like Stacey, it's like this happens

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Speaker 1: quite a bit. Yeah, so that might be the time

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Speaker 1: when and you know you, I mean, I think one

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Speaker 1: of the things.

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Speaker 2: We're going to talk about in a little while.

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Speaker 1: Some of our the research that isis did for us,

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Speaker 1: and some of it is like surviving at work with

401
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,000
Speaker 1: in these kind of environments. And like one of the

402
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:19,919
Speaker 1: things in one of the articles was like taking notes

403
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Speaker 1: about when these things are happening to you and like

404
00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:25,600
Speaker 1: writing them down so that you have a record, and

405
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:29,080
Speaker 1: you know, if it's getting to a point where you

406
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Speaker 1: feel like somebody else needs to be involved, it might

407
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Speaker 1: be the kind of thing where you write an email

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Speaker 1: to HR and say like, hey, this happened today, and

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Speaker 1: I just want there to be record of it.

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00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:41,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I was.

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Speaker 1: I'm concerned because I want the work environment to be

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Speaker 1: a good environment and I just wanted there to be

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Speaker 1: record of it.

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00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:50,760
Speaker 2: And you know, and but know that there's going to

415
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Speaker 2: there might be followed through at the end of that.

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00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:56,280
Speaker 1: Like this is a thing like anytime if somebody says

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Speaker 1: something shitty to you, right and you choose to stand

418
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Speaker 1: up and say you can't talk to me that way,

419
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:07,080
Speaker 1: there's always gonna be pushed back because the person that's

420
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Speaker 1: saying the shitty thing.

421
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Speaker 2: Wants something.

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Speaker 1: They want some kind of like power, They want to

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Speaker 1: feel better about themselves, they want to they're struggling with something.

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Speaker 1: They watch a lot of Real housewives. Okay, and now

425
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:23,320
Speaker 1: all of this supplies, all of it applies. You know,

426
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Speaker 1: the reason to read is screaming at Kyle is also

427
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:35,480
Speaker 1: because she's got a lot going on in our marriage.

428
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Speaker 2: More letter.

429
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Speaker 1: You know, like there's a lot happening on different levels

430
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Speaker 1: that you might not realize, right, Like, that's the thing

431
00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:49,920
Speaker 1: that I said earlier, which was like, I don't think

432
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Speaker 1: it excuses the behavior, but sometimes it can.

433
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Speaker 4: Explain the behavior, right Like, yeah, and I think that

434
00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:58,840
Speaker 4: that can be really useful. I would add that, you know, also,

435
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:03,159
Speaker 4: if there are trusted co workers at your job, sometimes

436
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:07,080
Speaker 4: it can be useful to just sort of check in

437
00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:10,439
Speaker 4: with someone else to see if they're noticing some of

438
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:15,080
Speaker 4: these behaviors, if they're feeling uncomfortable. You know, obviously this

439
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:18,119
Speaker 4: has to be like a trusted person. But I was

440
00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:21,760
Speaker 4: in a work situation once where someone just you know,

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Speaker 4: they weren't being rude or patronizing, but they just kind

442
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:30,159
Speaker 4: of came on a little strong, too strong at first.

443
00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:34,480
Speaker 4: And I sort of checked in with other castmates with me.

444
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:37,080
Speaker 4: It was me, It was you? It was me, Yeah,

445
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:40,119
Speaker 4: it was you, So like it was what's going on?

446
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:41,280
Speaker 2: You want to be best?

447
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:45,400
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure that was in your dressing room when

448
00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:46,879
Speaker 1: you get back upstairs.

449
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:48,800
Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure that was actually me.

450
00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:56,119
Speaker 4: So uh yeah, I see what you're doing, but it

451
00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:58,199
Speaker 4: can you know. I just sort of checked in with

452
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:01,480
Speaker 4: a couple other actors and one was like, oh yeah,

453
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:06,119
Speaker 4: and then we sort of kind of together just tried

454
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:10,680
Speaker 4: to phish more information about this person and pieced together

455
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:17,120
Speaker 4: that this was insecurities, you know, in overdrive, like working

456
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:21,320
Speaker 4: too hard to maybe impress people or alpha people or something.

457
00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:24,439
Speaker 2: But it was coming from a broken place, you know.

458
00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:28,159
Speaker 2: And I so this person was a broken shell of

459
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:32,040
Speaker 2: a human is a little bit. And I found that

460
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:34,160
Speaker 2: humor worked with this person.

461
00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:37,960
Speaker 4: If I if I made them laugh, they just kind

462
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:41,239
Speaker 4: of loosened up a little bit and relaxed. And so

463
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:46,000
Speaker 4: then I passed that along to people, so and then

464
00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:49,600
Speaker 4: it ended up being fine and everyone we all liked

465
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:52,400
Speaker 4: each other and it all was good, you know, and

466
00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:56,400
Speaker 4: but it was like a bumpy start and then you know,

467
00:24:56,640 --> 00:25:00,120
Speaker 4: just through like some shared information with each other, Oh well,

468
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:03,280
Speaker 4: you know they said this, or I learned this about

469
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:05,760
Speaker 4: their history or you know, and we just kind of

470
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:09,040
Speaker 4: like pieced it together and we're like, oh, this is

471
00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:13,040
Speaker 4: somebody that's maybe just feels really insecure, and so maybe

472
00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:16,080
Speaker 4: if we just let them know, like we're on your side,

473
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:19,040
Speaker 4: we're all a team here, it's all good, you know.

474
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:21,399
Speaker 2: And like, yeah, little ways to kind of do that.

475
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:24,199
Speaker 2: It stopped, Like it totally stopped. You know.

476
00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:28,320
Speaker 4: It's interesting and at the same time, by joking with

477
00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:30,760
Speaker 4: that person too a little bit of what we were

478
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:31,840
Speaker 4: saying before.

479
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:34,159
Speaker 2: Like oh zing, like you know, kind of throwing some

480
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:35,160
Speaker 2: of those in there.

481
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:40,680
Speaker 4: It also, inadvertently I didn't even mean to do, it,

482
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:43,679
Speaker 4: established a little bit of a boundary of like, if

483
00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:45,000
Speaker 4: you say some shit, I'm gonna.

484
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:45,080
Speaker 2: Call you out.

485
00:25:45,119 --> 00:25:47,000
Speaker 4: I'm gonna call you out on it, right, Like you know,

486
00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:49,560
Speaker 4: if you say something weird, I'm gonna be like what,

487
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:52,440
Speaker 4: like you know, I'm gonna do it in a joking,

488
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:56,960
Speaker 4: non threatening way, right, But like you know, and I

489
00:25:57,080 --> 00:26:00,000
Speaker 4: felt like this person got a little bit more conscious

490
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:02,600
Speaker 4: of the things that were coming out of their mouth

491
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:03,160
Speaker 4: that work.

492
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:05,359
Speaker 2: That's very that's cool.

493
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:07,800
Speaker 4: I like, yeah, so I think if you have trusted

494
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,879
Speaker 4: co workers Stacey, you know, and also, like we were

495
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:14,000
Speaker 4: saying before, if this thing happens in a meeting, if

496
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:17,520
Speaker 4: you have a trusted person with you, sometimes that also

497
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:20,240
Speaker 4: helps you have the bravery encouraged to be like, you

498
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,400
Speaker 4: know what, because you told that person I think I'm

499
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:26,159
Speaker 4: gonna say something next time, right, right, they say something.

500
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:28,840
Speaker 2: Weird, right, and then you kind of know.

501
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:32,160
Speaker 4: Even if that person doesn't get involved, they're not obligated

502
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:35,520
Speaker 4: to do anything, but just knowing they have your back, right,

503
00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:39,320
Speaker 4: I think helps at least me feel braver to be

504
00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:42,840
Speaker 4: like to say something you know or do something in

505
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:43,600
Speaker 4: the moment.

506
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:48,360
Speaker 1: Would argue yeah, opposite of like, Okay, I don't trust

507
00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:49,280
Speaker 1: nobody at work.

508
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,040
Speaker 2: I mean meaning like, I love people.

509
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:54,040
Speaker 1: I love the people that I work with, but it

510
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:58,240
Speaker 1: does take me a while to establish like trust, especially

511
00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:02,320
Speaker 1: because probably because in my personal life I've been burned

512
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:06,680
Speaker 1: by really close friends and I just don't ever want to.

513
00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:10,840
Speaker 1: I always think to myself, whatever conversations I'm having at work,

514
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:13,320
Speaker 1: I pretend in my mind, like what if this was

515
00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:16,440
Speaker 1: being recorded? Like what if this was being recorded right now?

516
00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:19,920
Speaker 1: Would I be okay with whoever I'm talking about hearing

517
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:20,560
Speaker 1: what I'm saying?

518
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:22,960
Speaker 2: That's always And if.

519
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:25,440
Speaker 1: The answer is no, I would not, Or if I

520
00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:27,840
Speaker 1: wouldn't be okay with them reading something that I'm texting,

521
00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:32,400
Speaker 1: then I'm not doing it because I don't want what

522
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:35,719
Speaker 1: I What I don't want is to have, you know,

523
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:38,840
Speaker 1: a build up of emotions about something and then I'm

524
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:43,760
Speaker 1: texting somebody about like you know this person was today

525
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:47,199
Speaker 1: or like whatever, whatever feelings that I have about it.

526
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:49,800
Speaker 1: It's like it's it part of being to me, part

527
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:51,640
Speaker 1: of being a grown up is like starting to.

528
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:56,640
Speaker 2: For me, part of what I part of.

529
00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:59,479
Speaker 1: My journeys as a grown up as and as an artist,

530
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:03,200
Speaker 1: like I think is how do I deal with with

531
00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:06,119
Speaker 1: with these things for me?

532
00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:07,919
Speaker 2: How do I deal with them for me?

533
00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:10,840
Speaker 1: And and that's going to be different for everybody, right, Like,

534
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:13,679
Speaker 1: and that's part of what Stacey's asking is, like how

535
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:15,159
Speaker 1: do I deal with this for me? And one of

536
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:20,359
Speaker 1: the things that I I would say, is like continue

537
00:28:20,359 --> 00:28:22,879
Speaker 1: to look at this person as like their own entity

538
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,560
Speaker 1: and like what's going on with them, like maybe they

539
00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:29,040
Speaker 1: are just shitty, Like that is totally a possibility, and.

540
00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:31,119
Speaker 2: It has nothing to do with you. They're just shitty,

541
00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:32,280
Speaker 2: nothing to do with you.

542
00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:34,920
Speaker 1: And and then also I was thinking about this because

543
00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:36,680
Speaker 1: I had I remember something happened to me at work.

544
00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:40,800
Speaker 1: I like, somebody was trying to figure out a joke

545
00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:42,760
Speaker 1: and they didn't understand a joke.

546
00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:46,240
Speaker 2: And this was like early on in my career.

547
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:48,120
Speaker 1: Someone was trying to, like in a rehearsal or something,

548
00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:49,640
Speaker 1: and someone was trying to figure out a joke and

549
00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:52,640
Speaker 1: I yelled out from like the sideline, Oh, it's this right,

550
00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:56,280
Speaker 1: And that particular person had a really difficult time with

551
00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:00,840
Speaker 1: feedback from other people. And I just know that, you know,

552
00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:03,400
Speaker 1: and like they snapped at me, and I took that

553
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:06,840
Speaker 1: so personally. I took it's so personally. And I remember

554
00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:08,480
Speaker 1: talking to my therapist about it and being like, I

555
00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:11,240
Speaker 1: don't know why they don't like, you know, and my

556
00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:14,600
Speaker 1: therapist was like, that has nothing to do with you,

557
00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:18,120
Speaker 1: and it's just about them. It's just about them. So

558
00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:22,120
Speaker 1: you can choose, you can choose to take that on.

559
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:23,840
Speaker 2: And sometimes like.

560
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:26,200
Speaker 1: It's not immediate, it's not like it can be like, oh,

561
00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:28,000
Speaker 1: I'm so above it all and like.

562
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:29,120
Speaker 2: I'm it bothers me.

563
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:32,160
Speaker 1: But then I have to process it. I gotta process

564
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:36,280
Speaker 1: that shit. I gotta look at them and go, is

565
00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:37,480
Speaker 1: there a way to get to know them though a

566
00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:39,400
Speaker 1: little bit better and like know a little bit more

567
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:42,120
Speaker 1: about them. I mean, maybe it's an older person that's

568
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:44,040
Speaker 1: at the same level in the job as you, and

569
00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:46,360
Speaker 1: they've been working there for twenty years and you suddenly

570
00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:49,680
Speaker 1: got there and you're doing the same or better work,

571
00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:52,080
Speaker 1: and maybe they're just having a really hard time dealing

572
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:54,040
Speaker 1: with it. Maybe they're older and don't know how to

573
00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:57,040
Speaker 1: deal with technology. You guys are like moving in a

574
00:29:57,080 --> 00:29:59,560
Speaker 1: field where you know technology is a big part of it,

575
00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:01,680
Speaker 1: and you're young and you have you're more adept, Like

576
00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:06,280
Speaker 1: there's lots of moving parts to this. So I would say,

577
00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:09,560
Speaker 1: but you know, I think it was like I can't

578
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:11,640
Speaker 1: remember who said this piece of advice. They were like, oh,

579
00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:13,000
Speaker 1: ask that person out to lunch.

580
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:16,720
Speaker 2: Mmmmmm, maybe it was you. I can't remember.

581
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:19,160
Speaker 1: Was this something David said to you once, like ask

582
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:20,360
Speaker 1: that person out to lunch?

583
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:22,000
Speaker 2: No, I don't think so.

584
00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:24,840
Speaker 4: But I do find that I with people that I

585
00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:28,360
Speaker 4: am like kind of having a difficult time with that

586
00:30:28,520 --> 00:30:30,360
Speaker 4: is kind of might go to is like let me

587
00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:32,400
Speaker 4: try to be like friends with them, like let me

588
00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:35,400
Speaker 4: try to get see and see what's what's going on

589
00:30:35,520 --> 00:30:38,240
Speaker 4: or what's going on right? Yeah, and what might be

590
00:30:38,280 --> 00:30:41,600
Speaker 4: going on is they're like shitty and ageist and fucking

591
00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:44,800
Speaker 4: a piece of shit. Yeah, but what might be going

592
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:47,080
Speaker 4: on is like maybe they're going through a divorce and

593
00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:49,239
Speaker 4: they're really lonely and they're having a hard time and

594
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:52,320
Speaker 4: they're you know, like Dert on Real Housewives.

595
00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:57,320
Speaker 1: Guys, it always comes back to Real Housewives on this show, Stacy,

596
00:30:57,360 --> 00:30:59,959
Speaker 1: I hope that was like kind of helpful.

597
00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:02,200
Speaker 2: I feel like it was helpful for me. It was

598
00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:02,880
Speaker 2: helpful for me.

599
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:06,080
Speaker 4: It's a trick. It's a really tricky thing, especially at work.

600
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:08,280
Speaker 4: Like I definitely think it's an easier thing to deal

601
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:11,479
Speaker 4: with in your personal life, for your community or your

602
00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:16,480
Speaker 4: neighborhood or but at work it's it's tricky because, yeah,

603
00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:19,880
Speaker 4: you got to keep it professhed. I think, lean lean

604
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:24,880
Speaker 4: on kindness, lean on empathy, do some investigating into this

605
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:28,680
Speaker 4: person and their motives, perhaps keep a record.

606
00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:31,960
Speaker 2: More better.

607
00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:36,800
Speaker 1: I actually think that I didn't when we started this,

608
00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:38,800
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, my God, I don't know, but

609
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:41,320
Speaker 1: I actually think we do know quite a bit about this,

610
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:42,480
Speaker 1: Like we each.

611
00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:44,920
Speaker 2: Have really definitely no more than I thought I did.

612
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:48,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, we each have a lot of tools to

613
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:56,120
Speaker 1: deal with this. It's almost like we've dealt with it before. God,

614
00:31:57,200 --> 00:31:59,600
Speaker 1: our pain in this arena.

615
00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:04,240
Speaker 2: Let it be your Let us be the sounding board

616
00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:04,520
Speaker 2: for you.

617
00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:05,440
Speaker 4: Yeac.

618
00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:08,720
Speaker 1: The stuff that we've gone through has helped can help

619
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:11,440
Speaker 1: you in some kind of way, because like we've each

620
00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:13,720
Speaker 1: dealt with it differently. But I think like all the

621
00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:15,560
Speaker 1: ways we're talking about our healthy ways to deal with

622
00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:17,600
Speaker 1: it as opposed to like modeling it up and just

623
00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:19,520
Speaker 1: blowing up one day it works, Yeah, don't do that,

624
00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:21,440
Speaker 1: Like whoa, yeah, don't do that.

625
00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:28,920
Speaker 2: Don't do that crazy. Yeah. Stephanie is on one. You

626
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:30,720
Speaker 2: know you don't want that. You don't want that.

627
00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:32,560
Speaker 1: You want to deal with it a little bit at

628
00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:34,800
Speaker 1: a time so that it doesn't explode in your face.

629
00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:37,040
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, and often too.

630
00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:39,520
Speaker 4: I would just I would also add lastly, like I

631
00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:43,480
Speaker 4: think after the first time you you do say something

632
00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:46,760
Speaker 4: or you establish a boundary what you know, however big

633
00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:52,360
Speaker 4: or small it is, you will gain so much power

634
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:56,280
Speaker 4: and confidence from that that it will just solutely keep

635
00:32:56,320 --> 00:33:00,840
Speaker 4: getting easier. After that, I was scared to that day

636
00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:01,160
Speaker 4: that I.

637
00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:02,720
Speaker 2: Said, actually, I didn't know you were.

638
00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:06,360
Speaker 1: My heart was beating so loud in my ears. I

639
00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:09,000
Speaker 1: thought I was gonna like, you know, I just I

640
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:10,200
Speaker 1: couldn't believe it was even.

641
00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:10,880
Speaker 2: Coming out of my mouth.

642
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:13,440
Speaker 1: But now when I think back to that, it's like, well,

643
00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:15,440
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be the woman that I am today if

644
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:19,160
Speaker 1: I hadn't risk in that moment and said that, you know, like,

645
00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:23,000
Speaker 1: I just wouldn't be because I took a chance and

646
00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:26,479
Speaker 1: like believed in myself and said something about it and

647
00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:27,480
Speaker 1: nipped it in the bud.

648
00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:30,800
Speaker 4: I'm pretty sure I cried hysterically the first time I

649
00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:33,160
Speaker 4: like stood up to someone for verbally for the first

650
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:37,560
Speaker 4: time week it's really and then yeah, and now it's uh,

651
00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:41,280
Speaker 4: you know, so much easier because now it's just a

652
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:45,880
Speaker 4: withering look you guys, Now it's just a raised eyebrow

653
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:47,120
Speaker 4: and death stack.

654
00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:52,960
Speaker 2: Excuse me, come again? Could you repeat that? Please?

655
00:33:53,040 --> 00:33:53,200
Speaker 1: Think?

656
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:57,520
Speaker 2: Or says what? Okay? Sorry, all right, I feel a

657
00:33:57,520 --> 00:33:59,200
Speaker 2: little more better. Do you feel a little more better?

658
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:02,040
Speaker 1: I feel a lot more better. Good Stacy, We hope

659
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:04,120
Speaker 1: you feel a little more better. And keep hitting us

660
00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:06,080
Speaker 1: up with the dms. You guys, and send us your

661
00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:08,399
Speaker 1: voice notes and send us your questions, and we're here

662
00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:08,680
Speaker 1: for you.

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Speaker 2: See you next time, See you next time. Bye.

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Speaker 1: Do you have something you'd like to be more better

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Speaker 1: at that you want us to talk about in a

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Speaker 1: future episode.

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Speaker 4: Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried

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Speaker 4: one of our tips and tricks?

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Speaker 1: Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at

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Speaker 1: gmail dot com and include a voice note if you

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Speaker 1: want to be featured on the pod. More Better with

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Speaker 1: Stephanie Melissa is a production from Wvsound and iHeartMedia's Mike

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Speaker 1: Utura podcast network, hosted by me, Stephanie Beatriz and Melissa Kumera.

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Speaker 2: More Better is.

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Speaker 1: Produced by Isis Madrid and Sophie Spencer Zebos. Our executive

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00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:46,399
Speaker 1: producers are Wilmer Valderrama and Leo Klem at Wvsound. This

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Speaker 1: episode was edited by Isis Madrid and engineered by Sean

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00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:53,399
Speaker 1: Tracy and features original music by Madison Devenport and Heylo boy.

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Speaker 1: Our cover art is by Vincent Remis and photography by

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Speaker 1: David Avalos. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the Iheartrate

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Speaker 1: you app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you.

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Speaker 2: Listen to your favorite shows.

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Speaker 1: See you next week, Saga, Bye

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Speaker 2: Major