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Speaker 1: Motherfucking mini years, so many of us motherfucking mini year.

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Speaker 1: So beat boom boop. Welcome for another episode of My

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Speaker 1: Mama Told Me, the podcast where we dive deep deep

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Speaker 1: into the pockets of black conspiracy and we try to

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Speaker 1: prove the conspiracies given from you the listeners. It's a

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Speaker 1: mini episode. Idiots, motherfucking minis, dummies. You you dumb fucking dumbs,

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Speaker 1: dumb ass I hate you, you beat beat boot boops.

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Speaker 1: Well that was I don't know what happened, man, I

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Speaker 1: don't know what happens sometimes, you pani. Everybody thinks it's

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Speaker 1: all easy to just get on the mic and make

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Speaker 1: new noises. Yeah, the first noise ain't always the best noise.

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Speaker 1: And then you gotta find a way to to to close,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like you opens and then

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Speaker 1: you gotta then you gotta figure out a way to close.

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Speaker 1: That's that's tough. Yeah, it's like when you have a

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Speaker 1: closer about white witches. Everybody remembers that. I'm like Stint Kerman,

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Speaker 1: I'm David Boy, and we're we're gonna talk to you

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Speaker 1: the listener. We're gonna read some of your emails and

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Speaker 1: and uh and just We're gonna open up a dialogue.

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Speaker 1: Let's open up a dialogue. Let's the floor is yours,

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Speaker 1: folks at home? We we got an email. Why are

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Speaker 1: you longer than I remember that clipping? He yelled for

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Speaker 1: a Why Yeah, we robab gotta take someone off the

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Speaker 1: top of that. It's it surely is jarring because I

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Speaker 1: wasn't looking at the screen. I was going to the email,

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Speaker 1: and so all of a sudden I just heard a

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Speaker 1: very long, very jarring yell, and then I remembered, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's probably a button that was That was probably a

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Speaker 1: bud because the worries that it's something happening in my house.

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Speaker 1: Yeah no, this is this is my family chasing each

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Speaker 1: other and I'm accountable. Yeah no, no, no, I have

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Speaker 1: no family in my home. That's fair. We got a person.

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Speaker 1: We got a message from a person named sc. Sc

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Speaker 1: sent us a message with the subject line salty Peter.

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Speaker 1: Salty Peter. Does that mean anything? To use salty Peter?

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Speaker 1: It reminds me. It's like sounds like the cousin, who's

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Speaker 1: that Dutch guy we hated black? I'll sweat a pete? Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it sounds like a similar but no salty Peter doesn't

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Speaker 1: mean anything to me particularly, okay. Uh well, SC says, Hey,

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Speaker 1: Langston and his man from the Congo David. I want

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Speaker 1: to be clear. He put David in parentheses in case

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Speaker 1: you didn't know that he knew your name? Are that

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Speaker 1: I thank you for acknowledging me. I'm like the guy

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Speaker 1: who said I still don't know if he knows my name.

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Speaker 1: I don't think he does. And that's okay, that's fine,

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Speaker 1: that's all right. I love the show that that shit

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Speaker 1: is hilarious, SC says. He says, I'll, I'll get right

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Speaker 1: to it. I have been in the Navy for the

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Speaker 1: last twenty years, and mine is a conspiracy that all

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Speaker 1: recruits are giving Salt Peter in their food during boot

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Speaker 1: camp so they don't get horny and fuck on each other.

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Speaker 1: Looking back at my time in boot camp, I honestly

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Speaker 1: can't recall getting very many boners. And I was eighteen

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Speaker 1: years old when I went. I hope this topic is

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Speaker 1: peaks your interest. Keep doing what you're doing. Also, feel

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Speaker 1: free to use my name. Great. I did not read

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Speaker 1: that last part until just now, so uh thankful that

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Speaker 1: that your name can't be used. See he said, respect.

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Speaker 1: That's that's how we close it out. Uh So, the

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Speaker 1: way I think about this is like, you know, of

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Speaker 1: all the things you would remember about boot camp, I

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Speaker 1: feel like boners would be far down. Sure, you like

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Speaker 1: it feels like a very taxing, very scary, very new

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Speaker 1: time and youngs man, Like, why would you remember any

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Speaker 1: of your boners from basic training? That's it? Yeah, And

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Speaker 1: it's not like I'm sitting on a lot of memories

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Speaker 1: of boners in general, you know what I mean. It's

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Speaker 1: not like specific boners day to day. The year was

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Speaker 1: nineteen ninety eight, Yeah, yeah, exactly. I was in my

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Speaker 1: mom's car listening to Ghetto Superstar. But you just don't

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Speaker 1: there's no what are you doing. I don't know when

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Speaker 1: Maya came in for the hook. You goddamn right, I

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Speaker 1: got rock hard. Yeah, to be honest, I got hard

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Speaker 1: at the end of Odp's part. But that's my own

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Speaker 1: sexuality to work out. Uh nah, man, Yeah, what do

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Speaker 1: you mean you don't remember getting a lot of boners.

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Speaker 1: I do think that there's a possibility of the salt thing,

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Speaker 1: but I don't think even if that is true, I

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Speaker 1: don't think that's why you don't remember getting a lot

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Speaker 1: of boners. You're saying, the bonus the boners are not

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Speaker 1: necessarily as or certainly the memory of the boners are

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Speaker 1: not necessarily the evidence. He thinks that. No. I also

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Speaker 1: don't understand why is it navy man like, why is

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Speaker 1: it guys who want to go to see who everybody's like?

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Speaker 1: They just can't stop fucking each other. Yeah, I gotta

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Speaker 1: imagine fucking in the woods is equal to fucking on

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Speaker 1: the ocean, you know what I mean. Like, the fellas

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Speaker 1: in the army are probably fucking just as as vigorously. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: But for some reason, it's always the Navy. People are like, oh,

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Speaker 1: the Navy. Maybe it's because they're on boats for so long.

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Speaker 1: I think they had those ufy ass outfits for a while,

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Speaker 1: and and we and our most sort of like homophobic

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Speaker 1: eras were like gay gay gay gay gay and uh,

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Speaker 1: and then that carried over to a bunch of men

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Speaker 1: who who just dressed normal and do normal stuff. I

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Speaker 1: don't think that they dressed normal with the bins on

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Speaker 1: the back and little caps we call those capes where

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Speaker 1: I'm from. All right, we'll musicals, little Vitie hates on

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Speaker 1: the they were wearing bell bottoms like it wasn't a

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Speaker 1: crazy stretch to me, like these fellas, Yeah, they're different

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Speaker 1: than the fellas I do. I will say that to

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Speaker 1: that same point, I imagine. I remember I used to

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Speaker 1: work for a moving company and sometimes we would have

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Speaker 1: like twelve hour days of just moving couches up six

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Speaker 1: floor walk ups and shit, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: And I remember you you'd leave that job and you'd

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Speaker 1: be surprisingly unhorny after you've just given everything you possibly

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Speaker 1: could physically. I don't you know, I imagine that might

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Speaker 1: be why you weren't. Yeah, how many boners do you

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Speaker 1: remember from that job? Very few. I was working insane

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Speaker 1: hours and I had no money. I wasn't fucking nearly

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Speaker 1: as much as I thought I should be. And uh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: the boners, the boners aren't high in my mind because

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Speaker 1: you were just with a bunch of dude sweating all day,

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Speaker 1: which is like, yeah, they have to get I think

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Speaker 1: they have to get like gassed, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: Like they have to like go through like harrowing things

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Speaker 1: where you got to walk through a room filled with

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Speaker 1: mustard gas, just so you know what it feels like. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're not gonna fuck after that quite frankly, as a

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Speaker 1: tax player of the United States of America, we'd rather

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Speaker 1: you didn't. Yeah, you gotta concentrate. Yah, want you out

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Speaker 1: here fucking defending us? See what you got a big

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Speaker 1: old heart on? Yeah, or worse. I don't want I

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Speaker 1: don't want you to get to any post nut clarity

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Speaker 1: and want to leave. I need you to stay in

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Speaker 1: the military and defend me. God damn it, we need

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Speaker 1: that oil. You're the reason I'm saluting. Don't don't bust

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Speaker 1: the nut and start figuring out that you should do

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Speaker 1: better things. I'm gonna be honest. I think that I

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Speaker 1: think the soldiers should only come on the weekends. I

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Speaker 1: like that, and that's just how I was raised and

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Speaker 1: it and to me, I think they should only come

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Speaker 1: on a holiday weekend. I think it should. You should

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Speaker 1: need an extra day off just to clear your head.

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Speaker 1: But then you get all the But then you get

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Speaker 1: all the bad holidays, Like you can come on May Day.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, okay, I'm not like International Puppies Day, International

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Speaker 1: all that stuff, drop drop loads. Yeah, you get, you

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Speaker 1: get like local city holidays exactly like I'm sure Chevy

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Speaker 1: Chase has a day in Glendale. You get. Yeah, you can.

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Speaker 1: You can come on Chevy Chase Day for sure, and

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Speaker 1: we don't mind that he's a bad guy. You go

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Speaker 1: ahead and enjoy Chevy Chase Day, all right. I will

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Speaker 1: say that, uh, I can't believe he came up. I didn't.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you did it. Yeah, I know. You just

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Speaker 1: gotta let it go when it goes the I will

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Speaker 1: say that salt Peter that SC is referring to is

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Speaker 1: a apparently like a real product, that there's something called

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Speaker 1: salt Peter. Salt sometimes spelled p E t r E

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Speaker 1: and has a bunch of other cool nicknames, but apparently

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Speaker 1: is like this higher concentration of salt that that I

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Speaker 1: guess is a real thing for salting things or or

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Speaker 1: or I don't know, but but there were a lot

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Speaker 1: of conspiracies relating to this. This isn't just some thing

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Speaker 1: SC came up with. When you say it's for salting things,

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Speaker 1: you mean it's like for sualting like fish or like

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Speaker 1: not like seasoning food, like actual Brian insulting things. I

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Speaker 1: think it's closer to something like that. Yeah, I can't

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Speaker 1: say for for certain, but it definitely is like something

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Speaker 1: that you It ain't just for like sprinkling on your

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Speaker 1: den den you right right, It's like that you ever

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Speaker 1: use a Himalayan salt? That shit's like too much almost Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And this is like this is like if this is

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Speaker 1: even higher than Himalayan type shit, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: This is man ever is salt? Yeah, yeah, early, and

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Speaker 1: he's higher than Himalaya. We're not this is Hey, you

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Speaker 1: already knew. I didn't know that yet in me to

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Speaker 1: be I listed the other mountain, I knew I I

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Speaker 1: wasn't equipped in any way to address whatever you're talking about. Alight,

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Speaker 1: fair Now, what I also read is that apparently, and

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Speaker 1: this again is just just from my googles, but apparently

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Speaker 1: they say that this is a completely unfound theory, that

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Speaker 1: that there's no actual evidence of the military intentionally salt

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Speaker 1: petering their food to make boys or or now everyone

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Speaker 1: less horny. And also, I mean it's like, I don't

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Speaker 1: we want we want them to have that energy almost

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Speaker 1: like if they if they're not gonna be able to

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Speaker 1: fuck each other, I have them to put that into

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Speaker 1: killing the bad guy. Yeah, I think style, I think

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Speaker 1: you gotta at least have the prospect of pussy to

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Speaker 1: even make sense of a war. You know, yo, words

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Speaker 1: like you at least need like the want for pussy

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Speaker 1: to make to make murdering a man make sense. Like

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Speaker 1: you're like, I'm gonna go home, I'm kill That's a

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Speaker 1: good point. Yeah, if you didn't think would you go

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Speaker 1: to war if you thought you get no pussy out

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Speaker 1: of it? I don't think a single person would. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't think I could. And by pussy, let's let's

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Speaker 1: be it's not just ladies, it's pussies. Everybody pussy you like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: whatever you're into, this is a gendered conversation. No, this

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Speaker 1: is just you think somebody's gonna touch it because you

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Speaker 1: were in the army or at least because by fighting

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Speaker 1: and yeah, and or by fighting for this country. I

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Speaker 1: am defending the principles that allow me to get pussy

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Speaker 1: at whatever level, right, you know what I mean? Like,

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Speaker 1: I think people that fight in wars are like, if

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Speaker 1: I don't kill this man, my chances that pussy will change,

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Speaker 1: because as Communism or whatever the fuck they're afraid of

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Speaker 1: is is gonna steal pussy from them. It feels like

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Speaker 1: you can't get it. And this might be just like listen,

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Speaker 1: I'm a fat American but it seems like it seems

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Speaker 1: like you couldn't get as much pussy under communism. I

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Speaker 1: do think democracy is a way to get the most pussy.

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Speaker 1: And I'll say this, I think that that's maybe the

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Speaker 1: missing piece that communism needs to be able to be successful,

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Speaker 1: is that they can't They haven't yet convinced everyone that

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Speaker 1: that pussy is as plentiful as it is in capitalism. Well,

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Speaker 1: the problem is in communism they ration it, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean, the government line and get every week,

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Speaker 1: and even if it's good pussy, it's the inconvenience of

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Speaker 1: the well. And then that's the thing is they take

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Speaker 1: the good pussies out and put them into special store

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Speaker 1: and train them for international competition when they get later

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Speaker 1: in life, so they don't even have You just got

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Speaker 1: pussy that can't read as good. And yeah, yeah, and

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Speaker 1: like I said, this is for bussy. There's dumb dicks

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Speaker 1: out there as we use pussy as a catch all

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Speaker 1: for any kind of fucking hey ladies as plays too. Yeah. Now,

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Speaker 1: I will go on to say that I did read

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Speaker 1: uh a few things about this uh salt Peter and

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Speaker 1: apparently that by ingesting high doses of it because it

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Speaker 1: is essentially toxic, and high enough doses it can produce

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Speaker 1: symptoms ranging from mild headache and upset stomach to kidney

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Speaker 1: damage and dangerously altered blood pressure. That's salt though. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but they're saying, like Saltpeter does that in a boot

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Speaker 1: camps amount of time, you know what I mean? Like

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Speaker 1: like give the two three? How long is boot camp?

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Speaker 1: Like eight weeks? I think I don't know. I'm probably wrong,

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Speaker 1: and people are going to be furious at us. For

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Speaker 1: everybody knows deployment is people army always think you know

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Speaker 1: about what the armies don't y'all doing. Nobody give a shit.

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Speaker 1: Nobody knows about anybody's job except for NFL players yours,

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Speaker 1: and it ain't special to me. Yeah, the fun out

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Speaker 1: of here. I care. I care about Lebron's job because

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Speaker 1: I want to know what his routines are so that

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Speaker 1: I can maybe get back in shape. That's the extent

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Speaker 1: of it. It's all selfish. I don't give a fuck

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Speaker 1: about your little thing. Nobody does. All I know is

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Speaker 1: you need to move your Dodge charger because it's my

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Speaker 1: time to order at the burger king line. That's what

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Speaker 1: I know about your jar job. I know that sometimes

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Speaker 1: you get to go ahead of me on the airplane,

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Speaker 1: and I honestly don't care for it. Yeah, I get

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Speaker 1: kind of mad because I'm like, well, I mean I

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Speaker 1: had to fly a lot to get Diamond Dallian status today. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he's not even a war on. He's in group four.

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Speaker 1: Either way, he's in group four. I want everyone to

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Speaker 1: know that that's just because their country is honoring him.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't change his status. He would have gone with

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Speaker 1: that family of six who brought their own food on

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Speaker 1: the plane, and he would have recognized some of them. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: we see you. No, I'm not anti soldier. Any veterans

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Speaker 1: don't want to hop into my any big booty veterans,

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Speaker 1: let me know, because I, for one love it when

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Speaker 1: women are soldiers. It sounds like part of what maybe

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Speaker 1: is also worth considering though, is that even though they're

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Speaker 1: not necessarily altering these sexual urges intentionally, they are if

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Speaker 1: they are in fact putting Saltpeter in food at all,

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Speaker 1: it is definitely fucking with their bodies and their brains, right,

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Speaker 1: it's probably not good regardless, And why's the military salting

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Speaker 1: their food so, you know, preserving the food probably and

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Speaker 1: and keeping it from from going rotten. I'm just realizing

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Speaker 1: this right now. I have no idea that access that

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Speaker 1: the military has to fresh meat. I'd imagine that if

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Speaker 1: it's like on base during basic, they should have pretty decent, right.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I think those weapons are so expensive

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Speaker 1: that everything else in the military is underfunded. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: guess you never hear about isn't good food. I don't

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Speaker 1: think that. I think they call it mess, that it's

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Speaker 1: literally yeah, but I think they I think I think

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Speaker 1: one dude really meant it, and a bunch of other

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Speaker 1: people agreed, like I don't think it was like they're

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Speaker 1: in there eating filet and yon the most days and

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Speaker 1: they're just being like sassy bitches and calling a mess.

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Speaker 1: I don't bet that it's flaming yon, but I bet

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Speaker 1: you it's as good as like a D two college cafeteria. WHOA,

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Speaker 1: that's pretty good. Yeah. No, you're saying that, like that'll

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Speaker 1: be like yes macaroni day. And I think there's not

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Speaker 1: an I got you, you know what I mean. But

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Speaker 1: I think it's like you're a far more hopeful man

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Speaker 1: than I am. I I think that that there's no

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Speaker 1: way in the world that they are getting these poor

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Speaker 1: people from from places that that don't have enough access

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Speaker 1: to solve their problems on their own. But even poor

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Speaker 1: people have access to a lot of flavors. Yeah, but

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Speaker 1: that doesn't mean they can do anything about it, do

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like, what the who? Who

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Speaker 1: do you call to be like, Hey, this food ain't

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Speaker 1: good enough? No, buddy, I guess that's fair. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: think they're Biden. Yeah. And what's he gonna do? He

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Speaker 1: died three weeks ago. He spends most of the day

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Speaker 1: trying to figure out how to slick his hair as

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Speaker 1: well that it it looks like it's still there. Do

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean? He has visible fucking hair.

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Speaker 1: It is this weird. How did he fill in the lines?

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Speaker 1: I bet you he's got some kind of Beijing for

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Speaker 1: white people. Oh now, now this is a real conspiracy

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Speaker 1: because they got it right. If we got Beijing, it

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Speaker 1: has to exist. There's no way our community got it first.

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Speaker 1: As much as they're losing their hair, there's no way

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Speaker 1: we got Beijing first, right, And honestly, I think we

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Speaker 1: saw it. I think that's what that Rudy Giuliani fiasco

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Speaker 1: was melting down his head. I think that was him

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Speaker 1: trying to beijinge but he was doing it on his own,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like you can't get no

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Speaker 1: where they have the gun and the vice or you

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Speaker 1: need a whole Yeah, just like CAF or that one

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Speaker 1: business card they just keep using, just specifically for spraying.

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Speaker 1: I love the idea of Rudy Giulietti just using like

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Speaker 1: a cheap Chinese Beijing because Trump got a hook up. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna believe the deal. They just me. You're

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Speaker 1: never gonna order Beijing again in your life. It's done.

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Speaker 1: Rudy's like, mister President, I would die for you. You

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Speaker 1: have my sword. You did it. You fucking you got

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Speaker 1: me a lifetime supply a Beijing anything. I'm about to

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Speaker 1: go crazy. And then he was using too much because

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Speaker 1: he's like, fuck this shit, I'll never run out. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: rich my ship's about too. It's like the crow, I'm

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00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:06,919
Speaker 1: going crazy and yeah, backfired immediately. It came out with

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Speaker 1: a papadoor and we could tell it melted. He came.

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Speaker 1: He came out looking like Bruno Mars and that that

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Speaker 1: shit melted on him. Yo, fucking god, could you imagine

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Speaker 1: how embarrassing it would be to I would never come

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Speaker 1: back from that. Let's how you know these white men

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Speaker 1: are bold. If I if my BEI Jean melted on TV,

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Speaker 1: I would be off TV for at least bro the

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Speaker 1: way the Internet went in on him that day, you

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Speaker 1: would think he would never show his face again. You

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Speaker 1: wonder if he even uses the internet in that way,

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Speaker 1: because like, how could you not know? It was hilarious.

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Speaker 1: I gotta believe people were printing out their memes and

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Speaker 1: like running it to him, do you know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: Like it was so yeah, mister Giuliani, we thought this

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Speaker 1: would be okay, but it's getting bad and they're like

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Speaker 1: showing him fucking screens, just prints of the ship. And

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Speaker 1: then he's like, fuck, eat me alive. I wasn't supposed

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Speaker 1: to run it says so on the box. I never

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Speaker 1: seen a box of Beijing. Now I just realized too,

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Speaker 1: I don't know what, Like, are there different Beijing brands?

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Speaker 1: I think there are, And I honestly have never seen

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Speaker 1: a box either. I've only seen a professional show up

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Speaker 1: with some weird bottle or pre pored. It's always whatever

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00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:34,960
Speaker 1: this shit is, it's always pre pored. It's like gunpowder.

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Speaker 1: You don't know where to get it. Yeah. Fuck damn,

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Speaker 1: that's the real man. We really unpack some shit. Number one,

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Speaker 1: white people have been using Beijing for years and they're

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Speaker 1: not acknowledging it. I think Number two, and this is

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Speaker 1: more important. We need to know what's in the Beijing.

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Speaker 1: Fuck this Saltpeter shit, we don't care. See, I'm sorry,

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Speaker 1: but we don't care. It's just stop for us. It's

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00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:06,240
Speaker 1: it's always gonna be for us, for us, we don't care. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: they're killing our our veterans and soldiers with all kinds

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Speaker 1: of things, including apparently saw Peter. Sorry, I hope your

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00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:16,760
Speaker 1: dick still works that said, Where the fuck is this

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Speaker 1: Beijing coming from? Where? Yeah? We we want we want

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Speaker 1: to know. We want to see the boxes. Show us

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Speaker 1: the goddamn box. It's like, oh it's yeah, no, I

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Speaker 1: had I knew we were mispronouncing it, but I I

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Speaker 1: thought it was named after the city in China. I

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Speaker 1: did too. It's always been out. Somebody said it to me,

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Speaker 1: which is even further proof that nobody knows anything about

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Speaker 1: this ship. Also, apparently it's only seven dollars a box,

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Speaker 1: which is insane. Wow, did you know that? I don't know,

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Speaker 1: but that's that's why Rudy was going crazy because even

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Speaker 1: seven to box the cost, Trump was like, I got

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00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:07,440
Speaker 1: it for you for two fifty and he's like, mister president,

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Speaker 1: hashtag my president, my president forever. I think we got

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Speaker 1: to the bottom of this. Yeah, I think we we

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Speaker 1: nailed it. Sc We're sorry we cuss statue and said

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Speaker 1: all the things we said. But but I hope you

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Speaker 1: learned your lesson. If in boy, you want to tell

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Speaker 1: the people where they can find you what cool shit,

374
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:30,240
Speaker 1: you just follow me on Cool Guy Joke City seven

375
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Speaker 1: on Instagram. It'll all kind of come out there. I

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Speaker 1: don't know when what date this comes out, but you

377
00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:36,199
Speaker 1: know I got some dates coming up. Come see me

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Speaker 1: in Alaska or wherever tickets are sold. Hell yeah. And

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Speaker 1: if you want to see me, and you can see

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Speaker 1: me at the mic Drop in San Diego on April fifteenth,

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00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:49,560
Speaker 1: I'll be down there, and then on the April twenty

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Speaker 1: eighth and April twenty ninth, I'll be at the Comedy

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00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:56,560
Speaker 1: Attic in Bloomington, Indiana. Tell them a little jokes, so

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Speaker 1: come out and see that shit. And then it's always

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00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:00,639
Speaker 1: you can follow me at lengths to and Kerman on

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00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:03,880
Speaker 1: all platu. Well, no, not Twitter anymore. You got out

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00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:07,760
Speaker 1: of it. Welcome. Yeah, your boy retired from Twitter, but

388
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:11,040
Speaker 1: but I'm still up on Instagram and come fuck with

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Speaker 1: me over there. Uh. And if you want to send

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00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:17,840
Speaker 1: us your own conspiracies about penises or Beijing, please send

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Speaker 1: them to my mama pod at gmail dot com. We

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Speaker 1: would love to hear from you. That's it, all right, bye, bitch.

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Speaker 1: Motherfucking many years, so many years, motherfucking many years. So,

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Speaker 1: motherfucking many years, so many years, motherfucking many years. So