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Speaker 1: You know, it really bothers me that using the proper

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Speaker 1: command of the King's language is only associated with educated

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Speaker 1: white people. That really bothers.

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Speaker 2: Me, I know, because for me, it's like, if there's

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Speaker 2: a time and place for everything, is it really codeswitch.

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Speaker 1: Dead ass? It all started with real talk, unfiltered, honest

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Speaker 1: and straight from the heart. Since then, we've gone on

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Speaker 1: to become Webby award winning podcasters in New York Times

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Speaker 1: bestselling authors.

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Speaker 2: That ass was more than a podcast for us. It

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Speaker 2: was about our growth, a place where we could be vulnerable.

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Speaker 1: Be wraw or but most apportly be us.

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Speaker 2: But as we know, life keeps evolving and so do we,

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Speaker 2: and through it all, one thing has never changed.

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Speaker 3: This is.

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Speaker 2: Because we got a lot to talk about.

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Speaker 1: Sorry time, I'm gonna take y'all back to August two

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Speaker 1: thousand and ten, the month, yes, August t ten. The

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Speaker 1: reason why I remember is because I had just come

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Speaker 1: back from Oh matter of fact, it was August two

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Speaker 1: thousand and nine, and I had just got cut from

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Speaker 1: the Cleveland Browns. I had went back to Hastra for

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Speaker 1: I went back to visit just to see how football

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Speaker 1: was going during the summertime, and I ran into what's

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Speaker 1: his name that worked for NBA TV, Jared Greenberg I

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Speaker 1: worked in. I walked into Jared Greenburg and Jared was

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Speaker 1: just like, hey, Davao, are you interested in doing TV?

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Speaker 1: I know you used to do radio for me. You

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Speaker 1: talk a lot, You're a funny guy. And I was like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm interested in doing some television. At the time, he

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Speaker 1: had no clue that I wanted to get into TV film,

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Speaker 1: so I saw this as an opportunity. So he was like, hey,

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Speaker 1: they have a job as a sideline reporter for MSG

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Speaker 1: varsity if you're interested. So I was like bet. He

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Speaker 1: took me into the office. We did a sideline, a report,

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Speaker 1: a video on a green screen. He pitched it to

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Speaker 1: his people, but they were just like, oh, we loved Viowe.

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Speaker 1: They hired me. Boom. So now I have a job

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Speaker 1: as a signline reporter for high school football for Brooklyn

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Speaker 1: Long Island Stotton Island. And I did my first game.

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Speaker 1: I remember my first game. It was Erasmus Verse Lincoln

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Speaker 1: back Home and back Home, and I remember it coming

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Speaker 1: on TV and you sat there and you watched it.

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Speaker 1: I did, and you smirked, and I was like, what

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Speaker 1: do you think? And you was like terrible, And I

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Speaker 1: was like what and you was just like, you took

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Speaker 1: four years of voice addiction classes.

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Speaker 2: Well that was part of the four part.

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Speaker 1: Of Yeah, but we had to take voice every year.

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Speaker 1: And you were like, why the hell do you sound

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Speaker 1: so Brooklyn? And I was just like, to be honest,

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Speaker 1: I didn't realize. I just wanted to give my personality

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Speaker 1: give a little. And he was like, no, that's not

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Speaker 1: how this works. Someone comes to the number one rule

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Speaker 1: you said to being a reporter or news don't become

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Speaker 1: the story, so you can't input yourself in the story.

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Speaker 1: And you had me practice on changing my dialect to

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Speaker 1: say the end of my words and not you so

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Speaker 1: much slang. And you know what that job ended up. Well,

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Speaker 1: we know what that ended up happening. Tell them I

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Speaker 1: ended up getting in studio analyst job.

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Speaker 2: Sure did. And he was sitting there with the anchors

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Speaker 2: and reporting and doing such a great job. I remember

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Speaker 2: watching it when you finally hit the desk and I

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Speaker 2: was just like, dang, like he really just took that time.

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Speaker 2: And you didn't get offended. You were like no, you

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Speaker 2: were just like, yo, help me get better, help me learn,

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Speaker 2: And you know what that did that freed up a

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Speaker 2: spot for you girls, and I ended up on the sideline.

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Speaker 1: While I was in studio analyst and doing I once

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Speaker 1: do all alone, y'all.

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Speaker 2: That was the plan all along. Now, who knew that

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Speaker 2: was going to happen, but it was great that it did.

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Speaker 2: And we had a couple of games that we would

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Speaker 2: go into work together. So we've been working together a

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Speaker 2: long time. We have had several jobs together and several

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Speaker 2: jobs separately. But that's crazy. It just made me think

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Speaker 2: about that.

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Speaker 1: I gotta go back on my Instagram. There are pictures

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Speaker 1: of us at the same games at Hofstra where you

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Speaker 1: did sideline reporting and I did on in studio analysts

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Speaker 1: and Playboy player.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely and see. The funny thing at the time was

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Speaker 2: I didn't really understand some of like the technicalities behind

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Speaker 2: the sport. So I would have to like call you

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Speaker 2: sometimes to be like, all right, babe, what just happened?

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Speaker 2: Which coach I got to interview?

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Speaker 3: I ask?

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Speaker 1: I would like, grab grab that coach, Grab the Uniondale coach,

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Speaker 1: day up, grab the Farmingdale coach they lose, and leave

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Speaker 1: them alone.

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Speaker 2: Because sports reporting is a different kind of reporting, you

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Speaker 2: have to have some sort of you know, understanding of

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Speaker 2: the game. So I was learning as I went. But

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Speaker 2: we did. We did mad things together. Bro dap me up.

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Speaker 1: Karaoke. This song seems to fit perfectly. I don't know

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Speaker 1: the whole song, Okay, I only know the beginning of

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Speaker 1: the song of my favorite TV shows.

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Speaker 2: Tell me what we got.

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Speaker 1: Since we're talking about code switching, I think it only

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Speaker 1: makes sense that we go here, Okay, then then then

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Speaker 1: then then.

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Speaker 4: It's not on You use your walk to me, it's

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Speaker 4: not unusual. Walk to something else, and when.

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Speaker 2: I see you out, it's not on usual.

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Speaker 1: Shout out to my man, Carlton Banks bro Right.

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Speaker 2: The original code switcher, I mean didn't even really switch.

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Speaker 2: I think he was stuck.

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Speaker 1: He was stuck. He didn't co switch. But there was

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Speaker 1: an episode where they went to l A to go

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Speaker 1: to Magarthur Park. Yes, and he cold switched to be

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Speaker 1: with the homies. Yes, and then they liked him more

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Speaker 1: than they like Will and will ain't like it. Remember

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Speaker 1: that's that's a very important episode. Especially in the nineties

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Speaker 1: we're dealing with cold switching. They were calling Carlton a sellout.

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Speaker 1: It's important that we talk about this today because we

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Speaker 1: want to talk about cold switching a little bit.

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Speaker 2: Sounds good, bro. I guess we should go pay some

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Speaker 2: bills and come back and we'll get into the meat

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Speaker 2: of the show. Stick around, y'all.

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Speaker 1: All right, we're back, We're back.

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Speaker 2: It's time for Vow's favorite part of the show.

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Speaker 1: Yes or no?

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Speaker 5: Op?

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Speaker 2: All right, what we got today?

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Speaker 6: Charibel Well In the news in April, it was announced

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Speaker 6: that the Academy, the Academy, the Oscars, folks, they are

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Speaker 6: now requiring Academy voters to watch the films before they

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Speaker 6: vote for them.

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Speaker 2: The keyword that Trippi said, y'all, now, yeah, they are now,

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Speaker 2: So you mean to tell me this whole time, people

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Speaker 2: weren't watching all the films.

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Speaker 6: After one hundred years, they did not require them to

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Speaker 6: watch the films. They said, they were basing it on

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Speaker 6: the honor system. Of course, if you're in the Academy,

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Speaker 6: you're a voter, you want to.

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Speaker 5: Watch the films. But I think that some of the people.

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Speaker 6: A lot of the people in the Academy were maybe

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Speaker 6: too busy making films or making money off of films

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Speaker 6: to watch the films.

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Speaker 2: So if you're making films, investing in films, and then

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Speaker 2: you're now voting on films. So they were voting off

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Speaker 2: of vibes. Yeah, vibe forever their money. That's insanity.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, that's what I think.

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Speaker 6: Conan O'Brien said that, he was like voting, we vote

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Speaker 6: our vibes in this country, so we.

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Speaker 1: Don't in this country. That's an absolute fact. Not just listen.

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Speaker 1: I have a quick opinion about it. We have to

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Speaker 1: be more careful with who we give our standard of excellence,

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Speaker 1: right because we provided them with the standard of excellence,

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Speaker 1: saying that we all want to aspire to be that,

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Speaker 1: only to find out that they didn't give a ship. Really,

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Speaker 1: they were just voting off vibes. So it's like this

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Speaker 1: whole time, for one hundred years, we said this was

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Speaker 1: the pinnacle of excellence. Come to find out that they

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Speaker 1: didn't even treat it as the pinnacle of excellence. But

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Speaker 1: that speaks more to us. Why do we always say

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Speaker 1: that their version of excellence.

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Speaker 2: Is what we aspire to?

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Speaker 1: So now they know because now for a hundred years,

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Speaker 1: I got to look back at all of these films

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Speaker 1: and be like, was that really the best film of

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Speaker 1: the year? You see what I'm saying.

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Speaker 2: A lot of time was.

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Speaker 1: The Golden statue has lost in a lot of his gold.

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Speaker 3: Now that was.

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Speaker 1: Bronze to me.

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Speaker 3: You just watching when somebody else.

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Speaker 1: Likes Yeah, it's just it's it kind of lost it

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Speaker 1: for me. That's my opinion is that I feel like,

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Speaker 1: you know, not, and not only just for black creatives,

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Speaker 1: for everyone. First of all, the people who vote as

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Speaker 1: like ninety eight percent white, so automatically you know they're

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Speaker 1: not watching many films of color. Let's just be honest.

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Speaker 1: So how do you vote for a film that you

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Speaker 1: don't even watch? You just look at and say, you

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Speaker 1: know what, Meryl Street was in this, I'll go it's solid.

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Speaker 1: Daniel day Lewis was in that one. Yeah, let me

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Speaker 1: Tom Hanks here, let me throw that there.

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Speaker 7: Well, my theory that should work. But Steven Spielberg directed

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Speaker 7: Color Purple, nominated eleven times and then win.

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Speaker 1: Once because it was called The Color I know.

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Speaker 7: That said what I'm saying, My theory, it should work

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Speaker 7: by you seeing Stephen Stephen, Steven Spielberg's name, true, you check,

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Speaker 7: oh yeah, oh that movie.

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Speaker 1: Nah, So at least they read. They might not have

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Speaker 1: watched the movie, but they read the synopsis, and then

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Speaker 1: that was when they chose.

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Speaker 2: My opinion is that it's fucking ridiculous.

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Speaker 7: Opinion is.

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Speaker 3: Like that, I got an opinion, and I like that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, there you go.

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Speaker 3: I can't catch on camera next time. My opinion is,

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Speaker 3: here's the thing, right, we got doctors who prescribe prescriptions

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Speaker 3: for us all the time. Can you imagine if they

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Speaker 3: prescribe those prescriptions without even looking at our symptoms or whatever.

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Speaker 3: This is equivalent to that just picking stuff just based

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Speaker 3: off of I feel like this today, and I like

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Speaker 3: this today, so I'm gonna just do this what I

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Speaker 3: feel like.

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Speaker 7: They might do that already, that the whole medical market.

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Speaker 2: What it needs to be pushed. What's that new drug?

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Speaker 3: A Keademy Wars of the United States pretty much?

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Speaker 1: Absolutely, I got you. I mean, it's it's everything.

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Speaker 2: They have a gold step.

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Speaker 1: We talked about this Withers like, how do they choose

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Speaker 1: who gets picked in the draft? When we talked about

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Speaker 1: what Shador Sanders like, what was the criteria? We don't know.

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Speaker 1: They moved the goalpost every time every year.

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Speaker 3: So, I mean the draft is a little bit different

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Speaker 3: because you're picking based off your personal needs as a team,

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Speaker 3: like your team needs I do a bit different.

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Speaker 1: It is a little bit different. It is a little

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Speaker 1: bit different, but I will say this, you are drafting

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Speaker 1: with a purpose and also to send a message, and

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Speaker 1: you can also not draft or draft somebody to send

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Speaker 1: a message.

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Speaker 3: True, So I.

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Speaker 1: Think it's it's kind of symbol.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, I like what you said about our standard of

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Speaker 6: excellence being compared to somebody else.

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Speaker 5: We're talking about code switching today.

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Speaker 6: And for me that brought up this. The biggest movie

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Speaker 6: right now is Sinners. Ryan Coogler one of the best directors.

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Speaker 5: I think.

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Speaker 6: When I went to see Wakinda forever, I made a

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Speaker 6: video saying that somebody needs to give Ryan some pussy

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Speaker 6: today and every day.

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Speaker 5: Was so good because he's.

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Speaker 6: It was amazing and I hope that he's getting some

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Speaker 6: pussy after Centners came out, because it opened with forty

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Speaker 6: eight million dollars, it only dropped six percent in the

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Speaker 6: second weekend, which is a low drive for a horror film.

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Speaker 6: But before the movie came out, there was a video

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Speaker 6: of Ryan that was circulating online where he was talking

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Speaker 6: about all the viewing options for the film. So it's

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Speaker 6: the first horror film to be filmed simultaneously in imax

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Speaker 6: and seventy millimeter and so there's like seven different viewing options,

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Speaker 6: and he was talking about all of these technical aspects

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Speaker 6: of film. But he talking like a nigga from Oakland,

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Speaker 6: you know. He like, first of all, I won't charge

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Speaker 6: she what was happening? Like, you know what I'm saying, Like,

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Speaker 6: do you know how California dudes talk? Which, to me,

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Speaker 6: that was amazing to see a black man talking like

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Speaker 6: a black man talking about something that a lot of

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Speaker 6: people don't think black men can do.

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Speaker 5: Yes, so I want to know, do you have no eye?

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Speaker 1: Man? That's a good one. The only thing I say,

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Speaker 1: the only issue I have is the fact that, like

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Speaker 1: you said, a black man speaking like a black man,

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Speaker 1: like black men are not monolithic. And the only way

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Speaker 1: I hate the fact that people relate blackness to where

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Speaker 1: they grew up, which means like, for example, he grew

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Speaker 1: up in the hood, so it's like your blackness is

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Speaker 1: only to the hood, like I'm from Brooklyn, which means

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Speaker 1: that the minute I stopped talking like I was from

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Speaker 1: Flatbush and I stopped talking gutter, I lost my blackness

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Speaker 1: a little bit. You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 5: I'll push back on that.

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Speaker 6: I think that there is a such thing as a

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Speaker 6: black vernacular wherever you're from. White people from Brooklyn don't

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Speaker 6: sound like you. So it's not that all black people

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Speaker 6: talk this way. Is that nobody else speaks that way?

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Speaker 1: I disagree because I wanted to ask what was what's

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Speaker 1: black vernacular?

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Speaker 7: Yeah, I don't know, but I know that slang that's

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Speaker 7: used in New York. I know how your accent. It

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Speaker 7: doesn't matter your skin or what. I know. White people are,

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Speaker 7: Italian people know every culture that can sound like a

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Speaker 7: real New Yorker from the hood, no matter what you

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Speaker 7: look like.

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Speaker 6: I think New York has an accent people white people

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Speaker 6: from New York have an accent, but it still does

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Speaker 6: not sound the same I hear.

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Speaker 2: And I'm a West Indian from New York, so sometimes

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Speaker 2: I sound like mosh pit of things.

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Speaker 1: I just think it's I think it's problematic when you

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Speaker 1: say someone don't sound black, because then it's like, if

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Speaker 1: I'm black and I speak how I speak, you're telling

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Speaker 1: me I don't speak how I look because I don't

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Speaker 1: sound like the rest of y'all's. That's projecting that I

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Speaker 1: have to sound like y'all in order to own my blackness.

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Speaker 1: That's the only thing I push you back on. It's

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Speaker 1: like I wouldn't say he sounds black. I would say

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Speaker 1: he sounds like he's from Oakland and he was born

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Speaker 1: and he's from that area. But have to say he

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Speaker 1: sounds black. I think that to me is I think.

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Speaker 2: There can still be an eloquence around speaking like where

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Speaker 2: you're from, like people can still understand you. So my

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Speaker 2: thing with Ryan is like I think he's super brilliant.

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Speaker 2: I think that he has amazing knowledge about this stuff,

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Speaker 2: and I'm listening to him talk about all these different films,

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Speaker 2: but it's sometimes just hard to understand what. I never

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Speaker 2: thought like, oh, this black man can't speak well. It

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Speaker 2: was more like I don't understand where he comes from.

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Speaker 2: That accent, you know, I wait it to.

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Speaker 1: Ed.

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Speaker 2: It just sounds like where he's from.

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Speaker 1: He's just he's not eloquent, right, right, like like certain

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Speaker 1: people are eloquent. For example, you listen to Barack Obama speak,

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Speaker 1: and you can just listen to him speak because the

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Speaker 1: way he speaks, the way he puts words together, he

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Speaker 1: doesn't stutter, he doesn't have long gaps in between right,

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Speaker 1: and he speaks well. We study oratory. There's a way

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Speaker 1: you are told to speak in oratory classes in order

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Speaker 1: to captivate.

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Speaker 2: It like a cadence about how you speak. Jay Z,

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Speaker 2: for example, jay Z speaks eloquently I think, but he's

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Speaker 2: from Brooklyn and I can tell he's from Brooklyn, you

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Speaker 2: know what I'm saying. So it doesn't necessarily equates to you.

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Speaker 2: That's a good point education versus where you're coming from.

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Speaker 2: It's just like Brian. Sometimes it be like Ryan, I

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Speaker 2: want to like he didn't want his back by Ryan,

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Speaker 2: get it out, broke, get it out. I can't get

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Speaker 2: to the point.

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Speaker 1: You know, who's the other film making us from Oakland?

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Speaker 1: Who is Oh my gosh, I I don't know why

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Speaker 1: it's escaping me. But my point is that everybody from

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Speaker 1: Oakland doesn't speak like Ryan Coogler. You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: It's like everybody from Brooklyn don't speak like Daval you

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. I just don't want to put

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Speaker 1: that on all black men, that if you get on

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Speaker 1: camera you have to sound like where I'm from, or

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Speaker 1: else you lose your blackness. That's my that's just my

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Speaker 1: only here's.

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Speaker 6: My pushback to that. You know Tom Hanks's son, Chad Hanks.

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Speaker 6: Have you heard him do his Jamaican accent.

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Speaker 1: And what would you say, he sounds Jamaican. Okay, you

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Speaker 1: don't sound black, but Jamaican's are white too and Asian.

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Speaker 5: But he's not Jamaican.

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Speaker 1: That's a poor example though, But you said he sounds Jamaican.

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Speaker 6: What about you've heard the rapper g Eazy, No, you

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Speaker 6: know the other white rapper, what's his name?

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Speaker 5: The curly hair guy.

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Speaker 6: If a white person came up to you and they

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Speaker 6: started talking to you like you speak, well, you wouldn't

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Speaker 6: say anything.

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Speaker 5: You'd be like, why are you you talking black?

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Speaker 1: Like that's no, this is my thing. I think that

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Speaker 1: that's often a projecting from projection from people. I never

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Speaker 1: like to put on people that you sound black or

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Speaker 1: you sound white, because I hated feeling like growing up

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Speaker 1: in Brooklyn. When I started to go to different schools,

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Speaker 1: they would say, you sound like a white boy. So

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Speaker 1: part of part of me pushing back on that is

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Speaker 1: also my own personal experiences, like you can't tell me

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Speaker 1: I sound like a white boy because I don't sound

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Speaker 1: like you. I'm black and I'm from Brooklyn. I sound

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Speaker 1: how I sound. So my version of blackness sounds like this,

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Speaker 1: and I just don't want everybody to put that on him, like, oh,

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Speaker 1: he sound black. It's like, no, he sounds like Ryan.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. There are black people from

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Speaker 1: Oakland who don't sound like Ryan Coogler, and what we're

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Speaker 1: gonna say about them they don't sound black. That's the thing.

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Speaker 1: I just don't. I want to push back on that, Ilack.

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Speaker 1: This cannot be associated with one sound.

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Speaker 3: I would agree with you, but Ryan sounds black.

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Speaker 6: Bro Right, if he called you on the phone, you

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Speaker 6: would be like, this is a black man on the phone.

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Speaker 5: We know what sounding black means.

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Speaker 7: You would as soon as a point.

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Speaker 6: We don't think that everybody, every black person has to

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Speaker 6: sound a certain way, but we absolute know that sounding

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Speaker 6: black is a thing and we know what it means.

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Speaker 1: Once again though, once again though, right, we're talking about

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Speaker 1: our experience. You put Ryan Cooler on the phone with

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Speaker 1: a white person from Indonesia, He's not gonna say that

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Speaker 1: person sounds black. He's not even gonna know what they're saying.

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Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. Everything we know comes from our perspective.

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Speaker 1: So we know that he sounds black because we've heard

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Speaker 1: black people around us, other people around the world, haven't

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Speaker 1: heard all people from Oakland speak, so they wouldn't say

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Speaker 1: automatically that he sounds black. We say it because we're

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Speaker 1: black in America. I don't want to put that on

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Speaker 1: black people. You see what I'm saying, What what does

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Speaker 1: an Indian person from Slakavanya sound like? What? Exactly? That's

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Speaker 1: my point?

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Speaker 3: What person can only be from India?

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Speaker 2: But within this country there's dialects.

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Speaker 1: This is what I'm saying.

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Speaker 6: Does anybody there is a such thing as a black dialect?

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Speaker 6: That's what I'm saying, Like we to us.

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Speaker 7: But everybody going back to your Jamaica example, there's some

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Speaker 7: white Jamaicans and even understand more than some countries. Amaicans.

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Speaker 7: I know I grew up and to.

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Speaker 5: Make it's not a good example. That's not a good example.

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Speaker 2: There's some white people that we know from Brooklyn that

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Speaker 2: sound I know what you mean, trouble that sounds like

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Speaker 2: black people. For example black Brooklyn. There's a young man

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Speaker 2: that lives on your black he married the girl friends.

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Speaker 2: You know what I'm talking about. He if I were

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Speaker 2: to see seeing him coming to pross me and then yes,

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Speaker 2: and then that's what we would say. He sounds like.

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Speaker 6: What I'm saying, is that's a problem, not a problem

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Speaker 6: if we own the fact that black culture is a thing.

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Speaker 6: Black is also a thing that comes out of black culture.

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Speaker 6: For instance, Chicago. Black people in Chicago have a very

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Speaker 6: specific accent, and it is due to the culture of

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Speaker 6: the Great Migration. A lot of black people in Chicago,

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Speaker 6: their grandparents came from Mississippi and Alabama during the Great Migration,

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Speaker 6: and so their accent is influenced by the Southern accent.

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Speaker 6: So they sound different than white Chicagoans who have been

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Speaker 6: living in the Midwest for a while or came from

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Speaker 6: different parts of the country. That is a part of

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Speaker 6: the culture. Black vernacular comes out of the culture. It's

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Speaker 6: not a problem I think that other people if you

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Speaker 6: grow up in black culture, for.

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Speaker 1: You that an opera. I'm saying that it's a problem

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Speaker 1: for me that we are saying that this person sounds

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Speaker 1: like a color, Like that's the problem for me, it's

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Speaker 1: a problem, Like I'm not saying you wrong, its opera, no,

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Speaker 1: opp My point is that I don't ever want my

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Speaker 1: vernacular to be associated with a color. That's because think

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Speaker 1: about it, if a white person were to say you

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Speaker 1: sound like a black man, what's the first thing that problem.

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Speaker 1: That's a problem, right, So how come trouble gets to say.

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Speaker 3: No, I don't like it when when black people say

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Speaker 3: other people say, that's what I'm saying White people, I

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Speaker 3: hate it, That's.

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Speaker 1: What I'm saying. I think that's problematic that we we

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Speaker 1: say that a person has to sound black, or say

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Speaker 1: a person sounds black. That's the wildest thing ever, But

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Speaker 1: it happens.

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Speaker 3: People say that it is true, like people do sound

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Speaker 3: like other ethnicities or other colors or whatever. You just

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Speaker 3: sound that way.

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Speaker 1: I feel you. What I'm saying is is that it's

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Speaker 1: problematic that we say it just because we say it, like's,

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Speaker 1: for example, white people are black people say nigga? Why

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Speaker 1: can't we say it? Just because we say it don't

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Speaker 1: mean that it's not problematic. That's my point. Calling somebody

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Speaker 1: a nigga, calling someone a racial slur or a homophobic

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Speaker 1: slur is a problem, right, But people say it, right,

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Speaker 1: don't they say it? They do, But it's still problematic.

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Speaker 1: God does that correlate with this is how it correlates.

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Speaker 1: It's just because we say it doesn't mean that it's

437
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:36,119
Speaker 1: not problematic. Saying to someone like you sound black and

438
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:39,280
Speaker 1: giving someone's vernacular or color when we're saying that we

439
00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:42,000
Speaker 1: don't want to be defined by our color. It's problematic

440
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:43,760
Speaker 1: for us as people. That's just my thing.

441
00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:44,240
Speaker 3: That's fair.

442
00:20:44,359 --> 00:20:48,320
Speaker 1: Like, we can't say applaud Ryan Cooler for being a director,

443
00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:50,720
Speaker 1: not just being a black director. Don't we say that

444
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:53,439
Speaker 1: all the time? Applaud him for being For example, he

445
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:56,240
Speaker 1: said it. When he first came out with Black Panther,

446
00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:58,880
Speaker 1: they kept saying that it was the greatest black he

447
00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:01,920
Speaker 1: was the highest grossing black director for that year, right.

448
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,840
Speaker 1: He was like, but I was also the highest grossing

449
00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:06,480
Speaker 1: director for that year ever, but they kept putting black

450
00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:06,920
Speaker 1: on it.

451
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:11,040
Speaker 2: Now they kept bringing up his deal and getting pressed,

452
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:13,159
Speaker 2: and they keep talking about his dealing his blackness. He

453
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:16,800
Speaker 2: pretty much was just like, I have some ideas as

454
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:19,840
Speaker 2: to why this is such a hot topic, but I'd

455
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:21,320
Speaker 2: rather not speak on it because.

456
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:23,359
Speaker 1: He didn't want to bring race. Black people bring up race.

457
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,320
Speaker 1: He sounds black. It's like, we want to be the

458
00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:27,520
Speaker 1: only ones to be able to say, let's put his

459
00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:28,760
Speaker 1: blackness on the forefront.

460
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,800
Speaker 2: I guess celebrate, but.

461
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:34,119
Speaker 1: This is one thing though we have. It's problematic for

462
00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:37,159
Speaker 1: us to always attach it to always attach it and

463
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,760
Speaker 1: then try to detach it when we wanted detail. It's

464
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:43,960
Speaker 1: problematic because it creates mixed messages. We can celebrate excellence

465
00:21:44,359 --> 00:21:46,520
Speaker 1: without celebrating This is why it's important that we talk

466
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:48,440
Speaker 1: about this going into code switching.

467
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:49,560
Speaker 2: Right, we're ready in the episode.

468
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:51,400
Speaker 1: Guys, think about it.

469
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,400
Speaker 2: Let's when I.

470
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:57,200
Speaker 1: Go into a company, right, and my excellence in that company.

471
00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,560
Speaker 1: I don't want my excellence to be fined by my

472
00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:01,760
Speaker 1: black man. I don't want them to say he was

473
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:04,680
Speaker 1: the best black CEO we ever had. I want them

474
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:06,720
Speaker 1: to say, Yo, he was the best ceo we ever had.

475
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:09,080
Speaker 1: We made the most money, we had the best growth,

476
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:11,600
Speaker 1: he treated people the best. The minutes you make it

477
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,160
Speaker 1: about the blackness, then it takes away from the fact

478
00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:16,080
Speaker 1: that I was better than all of the white boys too.

479
00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:16,960
Speaker 1: I can see that.

480
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:19,960
Speaker 2: Like even in pageantry when I used to compete, if

481
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:22,520
Speaker 2: some young lady won and she was like the first

482
00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:26,320
Speaker 2: black queen to win for New York, ever, it's like

483
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:28,520
Speaker 2: highlight that, like she's the first black, and then people

484
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:31,600
Speaker 2: black other blacks. We celebrate that because it's like wow,

485
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:34,840
Speaker 2: for so long it was a string of white people winning.

486
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:36,719
Speaker 2: But the minute the black girl one, it was like

487
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:40,040
Speaker 2: it had to be celebrated. I get both sides. You

488
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:41,600
Speaker 2: want to celebrate it because it's like, this is the

489
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:43,840
Speaker 2: first time something's happening for a black person that we

490
00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:46,239
Speaker 2: can be proud of. But then also it's like she

491
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:47,920
Speaker 2: was just the best girl there that year.

492
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:50,760
Speaker 1: You know, I feel you, so I feel I just

493
00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:54,160
Speaker 1: it is. It is. Well, So I got a question

494
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:57,159
Speaker 1: for Trouble right because you're super pro black, like I'm

495
00:22:57,200 --> 00:23:01,120
Speaker 1: pro black. If another dude came up and was having

496
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:05,160
Speaker 1: the same success as Ryan Cooler, say it was, who's

497
00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:09,640
Speaker 1: another young black director right now? For us? Oh, matter

498
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:11,040
Speaker 1: of fact, Jordan Peele.

499
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:13,280
Speaker 7: I was gonna say, Arry Drienkins peel works.

500
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:15,399
Speaker 1: What if he got up and just sounded like a

501
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:19,880
Speaker 1: malleible white boy, would it take away from his success

502
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:23,400
Speaker 1: as a black director? Whoever, whoever the director was, let's

503
00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:25,800
Speaker 1: not even give him a name. Let's just say, black

504
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:29,200
Speaker 1: guy from Georgia goes out and breaks all of these records,

505
00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:33,840
Speaker 1: but he talks like quote unquote a white boy, he

506
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:37,520
Speaker 1: code switches. Would we then, as a black community say,

507
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:40,000
Speaker 1: now my celebrating that sellout? Would we do that?

508
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:41,120
Speaker 3: Some people do?

509
00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:43,160
Speaker 1: That's why it's problematic.

510
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:47,680
Speaker 3: There we go Charles Cambino, what's his real name, Donald

511
00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:51,399
Speaker 3: Donald Glover. He gets flacked because he isn't uh or

512
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:53,600
Speaker 3: he gets he doesn't get celebrated as much I think

513
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:57,439
Speaker 3: in a black community because he's dated white women. He

514
00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:58,400
Speaker 3: doesn't act.

515
00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:02,159
Speaker 1: Like the typical black man. That's problematic for me.

516
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:03,440
Speaker 3: I get it.

517
00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:05,080
Speaker 1: That's just problematic for me.

518
00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:08,480
Speaker 3: And I think he's and I think he's extremely talented

519
00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:11,879
Speaker 3: in many genres, in many industries. So I get what

520
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:12,240
Speaker 3: you're saying.

521
00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:14,280
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. I just don't want I don't

522
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:17,360
Speaker 1: want Ryan Cooler's blackness to take away from his greatness.

523
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:20,120
Speaker 1: He should be celebrated in all of it, and then

524
00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:21,800
Speaker 1: we should be like yo, you know what I'm saying Now,

525
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:25,520
Speaker 1: I will say this as a brother. I felt like

526
00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:29,840
Speaker 1: triple right, like yo, he up there sounding like himself.

527
00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:32,920
Speaker 1: But I personally was not gonna smember when I made

528
00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:34,920
Speaker 1: my post about it. I wasn't gonna think my post

529
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:37,280
Speaker 1: about him sounding like himself because I don't want to

530
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:39,520
Speaker 1: bring attention to that. I want to bring attention to

531
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:42,160
Speaker 1: his accomplishments, not his skin color. That's to me why

532
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:45,520
Speaker 1: I feel like no, But I felt like we kind

533
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:46,440
Speaker 1: of went into the coach witch.

534
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:47,919
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you would ask our question that she never

535
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:48,520
Speaker 2: got to answer.

536
00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:50,920
Speaker 6: But I think what you said is kind of the point.

537
00:24:51,119 --> 00:24:53,840
Speaker 6: You don't want your blackness to take away from your greatness.

538
00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:57,280
Speaker 6: And the way that he speaks in his black vernacular

539
00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:00,520
Speaker 6: as hisself not losing any part of his identity, braids

540
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:03,880
Speaker 6: in his hair. He's putting black identity at the forefront

541
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:07,520
Speaker 6: of the movies that he makes. That in turn allows

542
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:09,840
Speaker 6: his greatness and his blackness to work hand in hand.

543
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:13,000
Speaker 6: And I think that's the point of acknowledging the way

544
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:16,160
Speaker 6: that he shows up as his full self while being

545
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:17,520
Speaker 6: great in the things that he does.

546
00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:20,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree. I agree with him showing up as

547
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:22,440
Speaker 1: his full self. I mean, y'all can have that point.

548
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:24,560
Speaker 1: That's y'all perspective. I don't got to agree with it, though,

549
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:26,720
Speaker 1: because I don't feel like I want my blackness to

550
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:29,560
Speaker 1: be always on the forefront of what I do, because

551
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:32,639
Speaker 1: if you really want to occupy space, you don't always.

552
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:35,479
Speaker 1: It's the same thing with the LGPTQ community, right. And

553
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:37,840
Speaker 1: I spoke to one of my friends who you know,

554
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:39,960
Speaker 1: and he says he gets so tired that every time

555
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:42,760
Speaker 1: he goes somewhere, they make a point to say, here's

556
00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:45,680
Speaker 1: this gay man, and he's like, why can't my greatness

557
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:48,760
Speaker 1: just occupy the space in itself? That's where I'm coming

558
00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:51,760
Speaker 1: from with it. Why can't my greatness just occupy my

559
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:52,679
Speaker 1: space in itself?

560
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:53,880
Speaker 2: We would like that, but that's.

561
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:58,000
Speaker 1: But how can black people keep doing it to black people?

562
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,920
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying is problematic. Right, if we keep

563
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:03,359
Speaker 1: doing it to us, they're always going to do it

564
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:04,960
Speaker 1: to us, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, of course

565
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:08,760
Speaker 1: we can celebrate the being the first black, but also

566
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:11,440
Speaker 1: let's just celebrate being better than everybody else. Yeah. I

567
00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:13,639
Speaker 1: may have been the first black, but I also was

568
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:17,200
Speaker 1: just better than everybody else, And all those people weren't black,

569
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:19,240
Speaker 1: so it was like I was better than y'all. Like,

570
00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:20,520
Speaker 1: can we celebrate that.

571
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 2: That I was just better than y'all? That's it, that's it, Like.

572
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:26,960
Speaker 1: I was just better than like like Jesse Owens first

573
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:29,800
Speaker 1: Black Olympian to win four gold medals, and he won

574
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:32,160
Speaker 1: it during the time when Hitler was hosting the Olympics

575
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:36,200
Speaker 1: in Germany. Right, it mattered that his blackness was there,

576
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:38,560
Speaker 1: but you never heard Jesse Owens gay up and say

577
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:40,159
Speaker 1: I'm the first black. He was just like, I was

578
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:42,560
Speaker 1: better than all of them. To me, that was just dope.

579
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:45,159
Speaker 1: Like if you watch he was just like, yeah, I'm here,

580
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:47,520
Speaker 1: I'm faster than you. I jump further than you. I

581
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:50,000
Speaker 1: run faster than you, I jump higher than you. I

582
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:52,560
Speaker 1: just happened to be black. Deal with it. Like, to me,

583
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:55,960
Speaker 1: that was like the ultimate display. And when it comes

584
00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:59,320
Speaker 1: to code switching, I kind of feel like I'm not

585
00:26:59,359 --> 00:27:02,280
Speaker 1: a big cold switcher, but I will learn. I did

586
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:06,399
Speaker 1: learn that you get access to different people if they

587
00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:11,240
Speaker 1: can understand what you're saying. For example, if I walk

588
00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:16,000
Speaker 1: into a meeting with on a Warren Buffett and I'm

589
00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:17,480
Speaker 1: just like, you know, you know what I'm saying, Warren,

590
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:19,840
Speaker 1: I got this idea of boom check it. Warren may

591
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 1: be like, huh, you know, or Warren may know and understand.

592
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:27,120
Speaker 1: But for me, I'm not gonna take the chance. I'm

593
00:27:27,119 --> 00:27:29,280
Speaker 1: gonna go in there and give him my best elevated

594
00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:30,840
Speaker 1: pitch in two minutes in a way that he can

595
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:33,520
Speaker 1: understand it if I'm trying to get access to those resources.

596
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:35,280
Speaker 2: Right, So your approach is different depending on the person.

597
00:27:35,359 --> 00:27:37,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, depending on the person like, you know what I'm saying.

598
00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:40,080
Speaker 1: And also my code doesn't switch if it's just white people.

599
00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:42,399
Speaker 1: They are very educated black people who I know I

600
00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:44,880
Speaker 1: can't talk up to and walk up to and be like, YO,

601
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:47,359
Speaker 1: what's good? My g like not that. Some black people

602
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:48,160
Speaker 1: not with that either.

603
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 2: Well that's why I said there's a time and place

604
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:52,159
Speaker 2: for everything. It's like, you got to know your audience.

605
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:53,439
Speaker 2: You have to know who you're speaking to, so you

606
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:55,880
Speaker 2: have to know what the opportunity is completely. Get that

607
00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:58,480
Speaker 2: all right. So for me with my perspective as it

608
00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:01,240
Speaker 2: comes to just the code switching or just speaking properly,

609
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:04,240
Speaker 2: I was raised in a household of course as West Indian,

610
00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:07,959
Speaker 2: and my mom, I think for so long, leaving Jamaica

611
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,760
Speaker 2: when she was younger. Even when she was younger, my

612
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:14,440
Speaker 2: grandmother always stressed to her the importance of speaking properly.

613
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:18,360
Speaker 2: So with Jamaica being under British rule for so many years,

614
00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:22,440
Speaker 2: there's this aspiration that some Jamaicans have to kind of

615
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:27,760
Speaker 2: dim their dialect and their patuas you know, and then

616
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:30,920
Speaker 2: they want to sound more proper. So that's why Jamaicans

617
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:34,919
Speaker 2: have developed this version called twang or twang where you

618
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:39,040
Speaker 2: try to sound a little bit more educated, quote unquote.

619
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:40,920
Speaker 1: And that's what Tripp was talking about with proximity to

620
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:41,360
Speaker 1: white men.

621
00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:45,200
Speaker 2: Right, and that's what they aspire towards. So my grandmother

622
00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:47,360
Speaker 2: from when I can even remember as a kid, we

623
00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:50,600
Speaker 2: would sometimes watch this Jamaican comedian, Oliver Samuels, and I

624
00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:52,480
Speaker 2: would repeat my brother and I would repeat that, and

625
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:55,479
Speaker 2: it was like strictly Jamaican pata that he would speak it.

626
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:58,240
Speaker 2: And my grandmother would say, you know that, that's what

627
00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:00,720
Speaker 2: he does because he's a comedian, but you should always

628
00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:04,800
Speaker 2: speak properly. So my mom was always big with me

629
00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:07,479
Speaker 2: on that speaking properly. So we joke at my mom now,

630
00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:09,680
Speaker 2: we're just like, girl, you're just faking like you barely

631
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:13,040
Speaker 2: sound Jamaican because for so many years she's tried to

632
00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:17,720
Speaker 2: kind of eradicate that Jamaican accent to sound more proper.

633
00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:20,840
Speaker 2: And for me now growing up now having my mom,

634
00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:23,960
Speaker 2: when I did pageants, I started at ten, and for

635
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:26,800
Speaker 2: her when we would have like a speech competition, she

636
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:29,840
Speaker 2: would always have me a nuncigate tend see the ends

637
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:33,520
Speaker 2: of my words, And I just grew up, Yeah, but

638
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:35,120
Speaker 2: I kind of grew up in that. So for me,

639
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:37,480
Speaker 2: it was normal. So then I go to school in

640
00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:40,520
Speaker 2: East New York. I know, you know, in East New York,

641
00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:44,720
Speaker 2: Brooklyn Bethlehem Baptist Academy, shout out, and I'm around hood

642
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:48,280
Speaker 2: black kids. So when I got to that school, it's

643
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:51,480
Speaker 2: already bad enough that I'm super light skinned, got straight here,

644
00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:54,120
Speaker 2: look kind of white, kind of Indian, kind of Spanish.

645
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:56,320
Speaker 2: They don't know. So the kids used to laugh at

646
00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:58,520
Speaker 2: me and say, I sound like a white girl. But

647
00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:00,280
Speaker 2: that was just me being like, well, how am I

648
00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 2: supposed to sound? So I made it a point when

649
00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:06,360
Speaker 2: I was in there now to immerse myself into the

650
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:10,240
Speaker 2: black vernacular that was the hood talk. So that's why

651
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:12,719
Speaker 2: I feel like I was able to do both. And

652
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:15,200
Speaker 2: throughout the course of my life growing up, there were

653
00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:18,960
Speaker 2: spaces where it required me to fit in that I

654
00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:22,040
Speaker 2: sound like a Brooklyn Roundaway girl, and then when I

655
00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:24,920
Speaker 2: had to get on pageant, it's like I'm Kadeen Joseph,

656
00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:28,680
Speaker 2: thank you. And I spent my entire life doing that,

657
00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:33,040
Speaker 2: And to me, it wasn't necessarily about trying to fit

658
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:36,000
Speaker 2: into those spaces, but I knew that how I represented

659
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,720
Speaker 2: myself and those spaces mattered. So if I was going

660
00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:41,680
Speaker 2: on stage, I wouldn't be like, Yo, what my name is, Kaden?

661
00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:42,960
Speaker 2: I'm from Brooklyn, Da Da Da da d.

662
00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:43,320
Speaker 3: You know.

663
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:45,360
Speaker 2: I'm not doing that on stage. I'm not doing that

664
00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:48,120
Speaker 2: in an interview with someone. But when I'm around my people,

665
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:50,240
Speaker 2: then I could let loose a little bit, which is

666
00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:50,880
Speaker 2: what I tend to do.

667
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:52,640
Speaker 1: Now, can I ask your question? When you got up

668
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:54,440
Speaker 1: on that stage and you spoke properly and said the

669
00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:56,000
Speaker 1: end of the word were, You're still not Kadeen?

670
00:30:56,560 --> 00:30:56,600
Speaker 2: No?

671
00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:59,720
Speaker 1: I still sounded like a black girl to me, Okay,

672
00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:03,120
Speaker 1: And that's that's my point, is like black women are

673
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:05,840
Speaker 1: not monolithic, which means is if you black, you only

674
00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:07,880
Speaker 1: sound like your hood around the way chick you grew

675
00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:10,640
Speaker 1: up with. No, there are black women who grow up

676
00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:13,680
Speaker 1: in different parts of the country who only sound like

677
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:17,040
Speaker 1: how you sound on the pageant stage. They're brown skin,

678
00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:19,440
Speaker 1: they're dark, they have course here and everything. Does that

679
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:20,600
Speaker 1: mean that they're less black? Me?

680
00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:21,440
Speaker 5: And absolutely?

681
00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:22,320
Speaker 1: And that's my point.

682
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:24,360
Speaker 2: And then you throw me into the news circuit. Now,

683
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:27,600
Speaker 2: so I go to school for broadcast journalism, right, that's

684
00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:30,280
Speaker 2: a whole nother form of speaking properly. So now I'm

685
00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:33,240
Speaker 2: doing voice addiction. The aim for that was to sound

686
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:38,040
Speaker 2: like the dialect was like Midwest American, because they felt

687
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:42,320
Speaker 2: like that was the authentic American when you strip away

688
00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:44,560
Speaker 2: all the accents and the dialects, that was the most

689
00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:47,320
Speaker 2: authentic version of what it sounded like to be American.

690
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:50,200
Speaker 2: So when you hear news reporters speak on TV and

691
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:52,719
Speaker 2: they're always like, hello, I'm Kadeen Ellis and I'm reporting

692
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:57,120
Speaker 2: live for the evening News, that too. Whoever decided that

693
00:31:57,120 --> 00:31:59,320
Speaker 2: that was like the be all that ended all of

694
00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:02,719
Speaker 2: the way news reporters were supposed to sound, That's what

695
00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:05,920
Speaker 2: I aspire to in that space. So it's funny now

696
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:08,560
Speaker 2: when I meet or talk to news reporters who are

697
00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:11,680
Speaker 2: out of work, you know they're not They're just in person,

698
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:14,640
Speaker 2: they still sound like what they sound like on television

699
00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:17,160
Speaker 2: because it becomes a part of their identity too. It's

700
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:19,640
Speaker 2: like they're not necessarily coachaching. This is now them. So

701
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:21,640
Speaker 2: I don't look at a news reporter and be like, well,

702
00:32:21,720 --> 00:32:23,800
Speaker 2: damn if it's a black news reporter, for example, I

703
00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:25,880
Speaker 2: actually no one who's Dominican. I don't look at her

704
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:27,840
Speaker 2: and be like, damn, you're less Dominican now. Because you're

705
00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:30,880
Speaker 2: a news reporter and you're speaking to me properly, properly

706
00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 2: in or properly in terms of what we would say

707
00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:36,800
Speaker 2: is a proper way to speak in person, and they're

708
00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:38,280
Speaker 2: not working. Does that make sense?

709
00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:41,240
Speaker 1: I mean it does make sense because I agree with it.

710
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:43,160
Speaker 1: That's what made sense to me. I thought you were

711
00:32:43,160 --> 00:32:44,160
Speaker 1: in agreement with Trible.

712
00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:46,120
Speaker 2: Well, I did agree with some of the things Triple said.

713
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:46,920
Speaker 1: I'm in agreement with it.

714
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:49,320
Speaker 2: But then now, in my experience, I'm able to see

715
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:51,600
Speaker 2: a couple different, you know, ways that it can and

716
00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:52,480
Speaker 2: can't work for people.

717
00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:54,840
Speaker 1: So let me ask all y'all a question. I'm asking y'all,

718
00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:57,280
Speaker 1: y'all have kids, How y'all gonna raise y'all kids to speak?

719
00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:02,360
Speaker 3: You got kids, mister oh, I got kids? Know anyone

720
00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:02,800
Speaker 3: with kids?

721
00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:05,520
Speaker 1: But well, no, Matt wants to have kids. Tripple talked

722
00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:07,680
Speaker 1: about possibly not possible. But let's just an example, like,

723
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:09,960
Speaker 1: if you have kids, are you going to raise your

724
00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:12,000
Speaker 1: kids and say, yo, I need you to speak black

725
00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:13,440
Speaker 1: like I need you to speak or are you going

726
00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:15,800
Speaker 1: to say become who you are and how they speak

727
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:17,600
Speaker 1: becomes their identity? Is my point I'm.

728
00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:20,120
Speaker 3: Asking, Well, my response is. I guess it's twofold, right.

729
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:24,840
Speaker 3: I hold the thought idea that if you code switch,

730
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:27,280
Speaker 3: or if you have the idea to cod switch, you're

731
00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:30,680
Speaker 3: already lost, right, because you're already thinking about something that

732
00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:33,680
Speaker 3: you're not thinking about the task at hand. You're thinking

733
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:38,200
Speaker 3: about how you appear or look about delivering whatever you

734
00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:40,040
Speaker 3: have to say or whatever you have to do. That's

735
00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:45,440
Speaker 3: number one. Number two coach switch is important because a

736
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:48,000
Speaker 3: lot of times we feel like the environment or the

737
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:56,720
Speaker 3: surroundings have to sort of it has to change for us, right.

738
00:33:56,760 --> 00:33:59,320
Speaker 3: We don't have to fit into the environment. The environment

739
00:33:59,360 --> 00:33:59,960
Speaker 3: has to change.

740
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:03,280
Speaker 1: You're talking about individuals or just black as individuals, as individuals, right.

741
00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:08,000
Speaker 3: For example, walking into as a New Yorker walking into

742
00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:14,320
Speaker 3: a Southern or Atlanta restaurant or whatever, and the waiter says,

743
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:16,399
Speaker 3: what you want, how you doing? Like what you want?

744
00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:17,480
Speaker 3: What can I get you? Right?

745
00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:17,840
Speaker 2: For me?

746
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:20,759
Speaker 3: I want how you doing? How can I serve you?

747
00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:24,840
Speaker 3: But if she talks to me differently, I understand that

748
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:29,440
Speaker 3: I'm walking into their establishment, So I gotta I'm normally

749
00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:31,759
Speaker 3: going to just accept what they give me because I

750
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:36,080
Speaker 3: know it's not I know it's not a oh so you're.

751
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:38,080
Speaker 1: Talking about accepting code switching from people.

752
00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:42,000
Speaker 3: No, I'm talking about code switching is not only just.

753
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:46,400
Speaker 1: You changing the way you changing the way.

754
00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:49,480
Speaker 3: You speak, but it's assimulating to environments that are around you.

755
00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:52,600
Speaker 2: For example, if you go to a Jamaican restaurant and

756
00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:54,880
Speaker 2: you want more ox steal grievs, Yeah, you're going to

757
00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:56,279
Speaker 2: talk with a little bit of accent with the young

758
00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:58,920
Speaker 2: lady behind the counter because she might relate to you.

759
00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:01,120
Speaker 3: No, I speak how I want want to speak, acting

760
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:02,759
Speaker 3: or not, makan or not. I'm going to speak how

761
00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:05,600
Speaker 3: I want to speak, but understanding that the code that

762
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:09,160
Speaker 3: she has I need to accept whatever's going on.

763
00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:12,799
Speaker 1: I see what you're saying is when you get into

764
00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:16,440
Speaker 1: an environment, the code is created by whoever the established

765
00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:19,880
Speaker 1: correct owner, or whoever wants the establishment.

766
00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:23,240
Speaker 3: The establishment, the country, the region, the air, the statement

767
00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:26,040
Speaker 3: on us, and wherever you are. You you should be

768
00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:30,000
Speaker 3: able to understand that. You should coach with yourself. You

769
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:33,960
Speaker 3: don't have to simulate, right, but don't change up what

770
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:35,440
Speaker 3: you talking to me? Are you talking to me like that?

771
00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:38,920
Speaker 3: Ask me how I want like? That's unacceptable right for

772
00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:41,520
Speaker 3: me personally, Because you got to understand that people run

773
00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:44,000
Speaker 3: their business the way they want. Countries run their countries

774
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:46,600
Speaker 3: the way they run, and you can't change it. For example,

775
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:50,080
Speaker 3: go to China, expect the same pleasantries that you have

776
00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:52,160
Speaker 3: in America. It's probably not going to happen. I know,

777
00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:52,840
Speaker 3: I trust me.

778
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:54,840
Speaker 1: I understand because I hate when I remember we were

779
00:35:54,840 --> 00:35:56,759
Speaker 1: talking about the other day when we heard this old

780
00:35:56,760 --> 00:36:00,120
Speaker 1: white dude say to things, you speak American, which to

781
00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:02,560
Speaker 1: me is like the most wildest, like speak American? What

782
00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:04,960
Speaker 1: the fuck is American? But I feel you it's like

783
00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:07,960
Speaker 1: code switching is also the well I never thought about

784
00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:09,560
Speaker 1: that till you just said it, but that actually is fair.

785
00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:12,160
Speaker 3: Yeah for me, that that's going back to the environment.

786
00:36:12,239 --> 00:36:15,480
Speaker 3: So going back to my uh, to my child, I

787
00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:18,719
Speaker 3: feel it's important to I feel like it's important to

788
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:23,360
Speaker 3: understand or teach her that she's gonna have to understand

789
00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:25,759
Speaker 3: and how to navigate these spaces and that's part of

790
00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:29,520
Speaker 3: code switching. But also I want her to be able

791
00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 3: to co switch if if she needs to. It's almost

792
00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:34,759
Speaker 3: a superpower right to be able, like for you to

793
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:37,520
Speaker 3: go in these spaces and or just to go to school,

794
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:39,439
Speaker 3: and you know your mom teaches you how to speak

795
00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:41,800
Speaker 3: a certain way, and I know we Jamaican that twine.

796
00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:43,640
Speaker 3: When it comes out like you have to speak like this,

797
00:36:45,239 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 3: it gets kind of funky when you hear other people

798
00:36:47,239 --> 00:36:52,160
Speaker 3: do it, but understanding the the reason for it is survival,

799
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:54,720
Speaker 3: Like the reason that you were taught to code switch

800
00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:58,719
Speaker 3: is to be able to not be not have your

801
00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:01,440
Speaker 3: speech be a district action to what your message is

802
00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:04,680
Speaker 3: absolutely and not necessarily stand out when you don't necessarily

803
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:06,920
Speaker 3: need to need to stand out your performance to stand

804
00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:10,839
Speaker 3: out your your which is what your abilities to stand out,

805
00:37:10,840 --> 00:37:12,600
Speaker 3: what you bring to the table should stand out more

806
00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:15,320
Speaker 3: than you yourself Like you just got you guys just

807
00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:20,480
Speaker 3: said it don't be the story all back to that,

808
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:24,680
Speaker 3: like that's it. So teaching teaching my child, I'm absolutely

809
00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:26,359
Speaker 3: going to teach how to coach it because I think

810
00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:30,399
Speaker 3: it's essential for survival. But as far as changing who

811
00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:32,920
Speaker 3: you are for the sake of doing it, that I complete.

812
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:36,040
Speaker 2: And then it becomes an identity issue, which you don't

813
00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:37,560
Speaker 2: want to happen a specially the kids. I don't feel

814
00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:40,120
Speaker 2: like I've ever had to with the boys. I don't

815
00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:43,120
Speaker 2: think I've ever had to correct them on how to

816
00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:45,759
Speaker 2: say something. And it could be because they're not growing

817
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:47,239
Speaker 2: up in Brooklyn like we did. So they may not

818
00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:49,239
Speaker 2: sound like Brooklyn kids. They may get flat for that,

819
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:50,799
Speaker 2: growing up like you were born in Brooklyn.

820
00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:53,960
Speaker 1: But they're gonna get f they do. Like when they

821
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:55,520
Speaker 1: go back to Brooklyn, they be like, yo, why you

822
00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:57,600
Speaker 1: talk like that? And I constantly tell them. Maybe this

823
00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:00,520
Speaker 1: is another reason why I feel like I tell my

824
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:02,960
Speaker 1: kids all the time, You're not going to be defined

825
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:05,160
Speaker 1: by how you speak. You're not going to be defined

826
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:07,640
Speaker 1: by how you look, bro. You're going to be defined

827
00:38:07,680 --> 00:38:10,320
Speaker 1: by what you put out in the world. The essence

828
00:38:10,360 --> 00:38:12,160
Speaker 1: you put out in the world is going to define you.

829
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:14,920
Speaker 1: Anybody who says you have to be this way, or

830
00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:17,120
Speaker 1: sound this way or do this because of the way

831
00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:18,600
Speaker 1: you look, it's not a person you want to be

832
00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:20,719
Speaker 1: around anyway. And I gotta tell my kids that all

833
00:38:20,760 --> 00:38:22,239
Speaker 1: the time. We talked about this on another one and

834
00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:24,719
Speaker 1: we're going to talk about the black excellence, you know,

835
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:26,640
Speaker 1: it's like, what does black excellence look like?

836
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:27,239
Speaker 4: Right?

837
00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:28,040
Speaker 3: You know what I mean?

838
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:29,640
Speaker 1: We have a whole other podcast we're going to talk

839
00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:32,239
Speaker 1: about that. But I don't think black excellence is just

840
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:37,600
Speaker 1: assimilating to whiteness or aspiring to in a black version.

841
00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:39,560
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I think sometimes we get

842
00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:41,680
Speaker 1: lost in that. It's like, let's just aspire to do

843
00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:45,439
Speaker 1: everything white people do in a black way, and that's

844
00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:47,319
Speaker 1: black excellence. What if I want to do something that

845
00:38:47,320 --> 00:38:50,799
Speaker 1: white people have never done before, that's not excellent, even

846
00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:52,640
Speaker 1: if it's great, you know what I'm saying, Like, I

847
00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:56,880
Speaker 1: don't want my definition of who I am to always

848
00:38:56,960 --> 00:39:00,960
Speaker 1: be compared to anything or anybody problematic.

849
00:39:01,239 --> 00:39:03,720
Speaker 3: That's why I'm this whole thing is problem and it's

850
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:09,640
Speaker 3: wouldn't being problematic. It is losing yourself just to assimilate

851
00:39:09,719 --> 00:39:14,279
Speaker 3: to something else. It's hurtful for not just your generation, Beach.

852
00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:16,279
Speaker 3: You're gonna teach that to other people and they're gonna

853
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:18,279
Speaker 3: find a problem with it when other people aren't doing

854
00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:18,920
Speaker 3: the same thing as you.

855
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:21,040
Speaker 2: Baby, that's literally mean think about us. You become from

856
00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:23,520
Speaker 2: a similar backgrounds. It's like being always concerned about what

857
00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:25,960
Speaker 2: everybody's gonna think, and then you create this version of

858
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:27,879
Speaker 2: who you think people want you to be, and then

859
00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:30,239
Speaker 2: you sometimes don't even know who you are. You try

860
00:39:30,239 --> 00:39:31,879
Speaker 2: to figure out you know, and then it's like I'm

861
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:33,520
Speaker 2: doing all of this for what? For who?

862
00:39:33,719 --> 00:39:37,440
Speaker 6: Exactly, and I think too. You ask what I raised

863
00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:39,520
Speaker 6: my kids to speak black? Well, first of all, I

864
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:43,480
Speaker 6: would raise my children to be black and to appreciate

865
00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:46,200
Speaker 6: their blackness and celebrate it and not shrink it or

866
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:49,520
Speaker 6: change it for any other reason. So if I my

867
00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:51,680
Speaker 6: kids started growing up and I realized that they don't

868
00:39:51,719 --> 00:39:54,279
Speaker 6: sound like I do, I think that children, in the

869
00:39:54,280 --> 00:39:57,240
Speaker 6: way that they speak, they are affected by their environment.

870
00:39:57,320 --> 00:39:58,960
Speaker 6: So kids spend a lot of time at school. If

871
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:00,600
Speaker 6: they go to a white school, they're going to talk

872
00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:04,520
Speaker 6: like the people around them. But if they know that,

873
00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:07,360
Speaker 6: if they're not doing that because they want to sound white,

874
00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:10,719
Speaker 6: which is why some people do code switch or have

875
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:14,279
Speaker 6: code switch historically, is because proximity to whiteness. I need

876
00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:16,719
Speaker 6: to sound more white in order to be accepted and

877
00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:20,200
Speaker 6: taken seriously in these spaces. Not necessarily because you want

878
00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:22,560
Speaker 6: to sound more eloquent or you want to be able

879
00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:25,520
Speaker 6: to or rate, but it's because this is how the

880
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:27,480
Speaker 6: white people talk, I should talk like them so that

881
00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:29,200
Speaker 6: I don't stand out as a black person.

882
00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:30,000
Speaker 5: I don't think.

883
00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:32,880
Speaker 6: I wouldn't want my children to think that way. I

884
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:37,560
Speaker 6: would always want them to be steadfast in their identity

885
00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:39,960
Speaker 6: as a black person, And I don't think that being

886
00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:44,200
Speaker 6: black means that you can't speak a certain way, you

887
00:40:44,239 --> 00:40:46,680
Speaker 6: know what I'm saying. I do think that black people,

888
00:40:46,719 --> 00:40:50,319
Speaker 6: specifically in certain regions do speak in certain ways, but

889
00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:53,160
Speaker 6: that doesn't make people that don't speak like that less black.

890
00:40:53,160 --> 00:40:54,200
Speaker 5: I don't think that is true.

891
00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:56,120
Speaker 1: That's why I think that that's where I think the

892
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:57,520
Speaker 1: message gets lost a little bit.

893
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:03,560
Speaker 6: Well. Code switching is particular to speaking a different way

894
00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:08,000
Speaker 6: in order to be accepted or taken seriously in certain spaces. So,

895
00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:10,919
Speaker 6: like Cadeen said, she code switched when she was around

896
00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:13,080
Speaker 6: black people because at home she was taught to speak

897
00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:16,040
Speaker 6: a certain way. It doesn't necessarily mean that you're trying

898
00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:18,680
Speaker 6: to talk white or that you're trying to be white,

899
00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:20,600
Speaker 6: but code switching means that you're trying to fit in.

900
00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:23,040
Speaker 6: And so when it does happen that you are black

901
00:41:23,120 --> 00:41:26,120
Speaker 6: and you code switch in white spaces, you're doing that

902
00:41:26,160 --> 00:41:32,360
Speaker 6: because you have an internalized assumption that the people around

903
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:34,480
Speaker 6: you are not going to accept you for speaking in

904
00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:36,840
Speaker 6: the way that you naturally speak as a black person,

905
00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:39,239
Speaker 6: or using the vernacular that you use that you've been

906
00:41:39,239 --> 00:41:41,400
Speaker 6: taught to use as a black person, that you have

907
00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:45,880
Speaker 6: to kind of change your identity, to shrink your identity

908
00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:48,919
Speaker 6: in order to fit in better with those folks, when

909
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:52,160
Speaker 6: you shouldn't have to because the work should speak for itself.

910
00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:54,760
Speaker 6: If you're the CEO of a company, you're a black CEO,

911
00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:58,239
Speaker 6: and you come in talking like you know whatever, are

912
00:41:58,280 --> 00:41:59,920
Speaker 6: you going to be afraid that the white people that

913
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:01,920
Speaker 6: work under you are not going to take you seriously?

914
00:42:01,960 --> 00:42:04,360
Speaker 6: And so you're gonna have to use a different type

915
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:06,839
Speaker 6: of voice or a different type of language in order

916
00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:09,759
Speaker 6: to get them to pay attention to what you're doing,

917
00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:11,440
Speaker 6: even if you're the best at what you do.

918
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:15,120
Speaker 1: I understand that, but I understand it. But this is

919
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:18,200
Speaker 1: my challenge though. Right if I say to you or

920
00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:22,960
Speaker 1: you right now, while you do this good as a woman,

921
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:24,799
Speaker 1: you should do this like a woman. Do that like

922
00:42:24,800 --> 00:42:26,279
Speaker 1: a woman? How does that make you feel?

923
00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:27,319
Speaker 5: People do that?

924
00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:29,240
Speaker 1: I just ask the question, though I asked to answer

925
00:42:29,239 --> 00:42:32,360
Speaker 1: the question. If I say to you, do this like

926
00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:33,960
Speaker 1: a woman, you do that like a woman, don't that

927
00:42:34,040 --> 00:42:36,080
Speaker 1: make you feel like that person's putting you in a box?

928
00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:36,520
Speaker 3: Yeah?

929
00:42:36,640 --> 00:42:40,239
Speaker 1: Absolutely, So when we say the black man, you don't

930
00:42:40,239 --> 00:42:42,120
Speaker 1: talk like a black man, what do you think that

931
00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:43,960
Speaker 1: does to us? It puts us in a box. When

932
00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:47,080
Speaker 1: you say a black man talks like a black man,

933
00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:49,319
Speaker 1: it puts us in a box. What I'm saying is

934
00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:51,399
Speaker 1: is the same way it makes you feel as a woman,

935
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:54,520
Speaker 1: when someone puts a label on you, it puts us

936
00:42:55,080 --> 00:42:58,000
Speaker 1: in the same box when you tell us as a

937
00:42:58,040 --> 00:43:00,560
Speaker 1: black man, you speak like a black man? What does

938
00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:02,719
Speaker 1: that even mean? Like right now you just put like

939
00:43:02,760 --> 00:43:05,680
Speaker 1: I only am supposed to speak this way. I'm just

940
00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:08,359
Speaker 1: saying that I think that it's problematic. I'm not saying

941
00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:11,280
Speaker 1: that it's going anywhere. I'm not saying that it doesn't

942
00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:14,160
Speaker 1: exist for women because it does the same way I said,

943
00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:16,560
Speaker 1: how does it make you feel? And your first response

944
00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:18,520
Speaker 1: is will people still do that? Doing it make you

945
00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:22,200
Speaker 1: feel bad? That's because it's problematic. That's what I'm saying

946
00:43:22,239 --> 00:43:24,920
Speaker 1: is that this whole idea of a black person has

947
00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:28,239
Speaker 1: to speak a black way that is problematic. I'm not

948
00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:30,600
Speaker 1: saying that it doesn't exist, the saying is problematic.

949
00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:32,520
Speaker 2: What I was agreeing with with Triple just now saying

950
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:34,239
Speaker 2: is that if a black man, for example, were to

951
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:36,760
Speaker 2: walk into an office with his white counterparts, and maybe

952
00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:39,239
Speaker 2: he's in some sort of role where he's trying to

953
00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:41,600
Speaker 2: be a leader or he wants a leadership role in

954
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:44,920
Speaker 2: space and he doesn't speak, you know, or code switch,

955
00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:48,920
Speaker 2: then a lot of times in those particular circumstances, maybe

956
00:43:48,920 --> 00:43:50,719
Speaker 2: they may not take him seriously or may not think

957
00:43:50,760 --> 00:43:55,280
Speaker 2: that understood the job. He has shown improved and already

958
00:43:55,320 --> 00:43:58,000
Speaker 2: has some kind of status, you know, with certain people

959
00:43:58,080 --> 00:44:00,759
Speaker 2: in general, when you reach a certain status, you could

960
00:44:00,760 --> 00:44:02,440
Speaker 2: talk however you want to talk. So I feel like

961
00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:05,040
Speaker 2: Ryan Cooler, for example, is that like he's just like Yo,

962
00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:06,600
Speaker 2: I could talk my shit, however, I want to talk

963
00:44:06,640 --> 00:44:10,040
Speaker 2: my shit right now to whoever in whatever space, because

964
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:13,080
Speaker 2: this is who I am, and I have this movie

965
00:44:13,120 --> 00:44:16,359
Speaker 2: that has been historic behind me that nobody can't tell

966
00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:18,480
Speaker 2: me about. So that's what I was agreeing with you

967
00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:20,040
Speaker 2: when you said that it's like, Yo, you walk into

968
00:44:20,080 --> 00:44:22,719
Speaker 2: a space and you haven't shown improved yourself yet, then yeah,

969
00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:24,759
Speaker 2: you may have to code switch along the way to

970
00:44:24,760 --> 00:44:25,480
Speaker 2: get to where you got to.

971
00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:27,640
Speaker 1: Im in agreement with everything y'all said. All I'm saying

972
00:44:27,680 --> 00:44:30,200
Speaker 1: is that it's problematic, and y'all are not trying to

973
00:44:30,239 --> 00:44:31,440
Speaker 1: see how problematic it is.

974
00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:33,000
Speaker 2: You see it, I'm saying about it.

975
00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:35,640
Speaker 1: But what I'm saying is is that Triple still hasn't

976
00:44:35,640 --> 00:44:37,480
Speaker 1: said it's problematic, because.

977
00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:39,719
Speaker 6: I don't think that it's problematic. And I don't think

978
00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:42,680
Speaker 6: that black dialect is a problematic thing. I don't think

979
00:44:42,680 --> 00:44:44,880
Speaker 6: that acknowledging that there is a such thing as black

980
00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:46,319
Speaker 6: dialect is a problematic thing.

981
00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:46,760
Speaker 5: I don't.

982
00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:48,959
Speaker 1: I don't, and that's fine. We don't have to agree.

983
00:44:49,040 --> 00:44:50,840
Speaker 2: I just think we've acknowledged it right that it is

984
00:44:50,840 --> 00:44:51,280
Speaker 2: a problem.

985
00:44:51,360 --> 00:44:53,680
Speaker 1: Are you saying that she doesn't think that it's a problem.

986
00:44:53,960 --> 00:44:55,040
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. You're missing.

987
00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:57,439
Speaker 6: I'm not saying that all black people have to speak

988
00:44:57,440 --> 00:44:59,920
Speaker 6: a certain way. I think that you brought up the

989
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:04,720
Speaker 6: femininity or doing things like a woman. That's a great example,

990
00:45:04,719 --> 00:45:07,680
Speaker 6: because that is something that I have also had to do.

991
00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:13,320
Speaker 6: I'm not particularly feminine, and all through my life in college,

992
00:45:13,400 --> 00:45:17,279
Speaker 6: especially being in a sorority, I would make myself more

993
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:19,400
Speaker 6: feminine in ways that did not feel comfortable for me.

994
00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:24,520
Speaker 6: But as I got stronger in my identity and understood

995
00:45:24,560 --> 00:45:27,160
Speaker 6: that this is my version of femininity, I don't have

996
00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:28,879
Speaker 6: to conform to somebody else's version.

997
00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:33,920
Speaker 2: People it's a triple. Do you think that people make

998
00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:36,600
Speaker 2: assumptions about you just off of how you naturally present,

999
00:45:36,760 --> 00:45:39,200
Speaker 2: which is I'm not sure in spaces that you're in,

1000
00:45:39,239 --> 00:45:41,120
Speaker 2: what like, what feedback do you get from people with

1001
00:45:41,239 --> 00:45:43,920
Speaker 2: just how you show up. We're a woman that some

1002
00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:46,040
Speaker 2: people may not know when they look at you that

1003
00:45:46,120 --> 00:45:46,680
Speaker 2: you are.

1004
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:48,960
Speaker 5: I mean all types.

1005
00:45:49,239 --> 00:45:52,200
Speaker 6: I'm not, like I said, like, I'm not particularly feminine

1006
00:45:52,400 --> 00:45:54,600
Speaker 6: in the way that I speak, or the way that

1007
00:45:54,640 --> 00:45:57,880
Speaker 6: I walk, and or you know what I'm saying, the

1008
00:45:58,200 --> 00:45:59,440
Speaker 6: way that I relate to other people.

1009
00:45:59,440 --> 00:46:03,640
Speaker 5: People always say.

1010
00:46:03,480 --> 00:46:05,640
Speaker 6: But I know that the women that I grew up around,

1011
00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:08,480
Speaker 6: I get my effeminity from them.

1012
00:46:08,560 --> 00:46:10,400
Speaker 5: So this is my version of femininity.

1013
00:46:11,280 --> 00:46:14,040
Speaker 6: I think that the same thing comes with language the

1014
00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 6: places that you grow up, That's how you learn to communicate,

1015
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:19,440
Speaker 6: That's how you learn to speak if you grow up

1016
00:46:19,480 --> 00:46:20,600
Speaker 6: in you know what I'm saying.

1017
00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:21,319
Speaker 5: So I don't know.

1018
00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:26,760
Speaker 6: I have learned over the years to celebrate the ways

1019
00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:30,359
Speaker 6: the parts of my identity and the way that they

1020
00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:33,279
Speaker 6: are instead of trying to assimilate or instead of trying

1021
00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:35,560
Speaker 6: to code switch, instead of trying to make other people

1022
00:46:35,640 --> 00:46:36,640
Speaker 6: comfortable with me.

1023
00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:39,800
Speaker 2: You know, it's take me as I am.

1024
00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:41,560
Speaker 6: Take me as I am, and you can either you

1025
00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:43,840
Speaker 6: can work on your own comfort.

1026
00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:45,839
Speaker 5: I'm not gonna do that for you. That's your work.

1027
00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:46,480
Speaker 5: It's my mind.

1028
00:46:46,880 --> 00:46:50,560
Speaker 6: I'm comfortable. I'm working on my comfort, you work on yours.

1029
00:46:50,880 --> 00:46:53,680
Speaker 2: Okay, anything anything else that we have to say as

1030
00:46:53,680 --> 00:46:58,040
Speaker 2: we round out code switching, really really good insightful conversation here.

1031
00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:02,640
Speaker 1: To be honest, bro, I understand where Trible is coming from,

1032
00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:03,759
Speaker 1: Like I underst just.

1033
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:09,200
Speaker 2: Want to say it's problematic. No, no, no, no problematic y'all.

1034
00:47:10,160 --> 00:47:11,719
Speaker 1: I want to say that it's problematic.

1035
00:47:11,800 --> 00:47:13,080
Speaker 2: Yes, Trier experience.

1036
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:16,120
Speaker 1: My experience is different. And to be honest, that's the

1037
00:47:16,160 --> 00:47:19,520
Speaker 1: whole point of having a podcast is that we don't

1038
00:47:19,560 --> 00:47:23,280
Speaker 1: have to agree. Her perspective is no less more important

1039
00:47:23,320 --> 00:47:25,959
Speaker 1: than mine. Is just different. And that's the most important part.

1040
00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:28,200
Speaker 1: That's how you feel trouble oh shit, based on what

1041
00:47:28,320 --> 00:47:30,560
Speaker 1: you've been through, based on what you're saying. I can

1042
00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:33,759
Speaker 1: understand that, which I can understand that from my perspective.

1043
00:47:33,760 --> 00:47:36,680
Speaker 1: I just think it's problematic. Like the fact that even

1044
00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:39,520
Speaker 1: even the fact that we had to have a conversation

1045
00:47:39,920 --> 00:47:41,879
Speaker 1: me and Matt watched the whole thing and talked about

1046
00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:45,439
Speaker 1: the seventy millimeter and the IMAX thing, and it was cool, right.

1047
00:47:45,840 --> 00:47:47,560
Speaker 1: The fact that the internet is talking about how he

1048
00:47:47,600 --> 00:47:50,439
Speaker 1: talks and still don't understand the difference in the preferations

1049
00:47:50,520 --> 00:47:55,200
Speaker 1: of the film is the problem. That's why it was problematic,

1050
00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:57,839
Speaker 1: was because y'all don't even understand that he sat down

1051
00:47:57,880 --> 00:48:00,399
Speaker 1: for seven minutes and explain the difference in the prefaces.

1052
00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:02,759
Speaker 1: And all black people said was that niggas sound like

1053
00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:05,160
Speaker 1: he's from Oakland, because that's my nigga. And I'm like,

1054
00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:08,320
Speaker 1: did y'all go see the movie? Do y'all understand differently?

1055
00:48:08,640 --> 00:48:10,839
Speaker 1: But I do understand where Triple's coming from. Is like,

1056
00:48:11,160 --> 00:48:14,479
Speaker 1: I was prideful. And the fact that he did sound

1057
00:48:14,640 --> 00:48:15,360
Speaker 1: like himself.

1058
00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:17,480
Speaker 6: Yeah, And the fact that people don't know what he's

1059
00:48:17,520 --> 00:48:20,960
Speaker 6: talking about is probably the reason why they were so

1060
00:48:21,120 --> 00:48:23,400
Speaker 6: proud in that moment. They were like, Wow, he's getting

1061
00:48:23,440 --> 00:48:27,439
Speaker 6: super technical. He is a expert in his field. Sure,

1062
00:48:27,680 --> 00:48:29,560
Speaker 6: And I don't know what he's talking about because I've

1063
00:48:29,560 --> 00:48:31,759
Speaker 6: never studied this and I never even thought to do that.

1064
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:34,000
Speaker 6: But the thing that I can relate to is that

1065
00:48:34,040 --> 00:48:35,840
Speaker 6: this is a black man explaining to me something that

1066
00:48:35,880 --> 00:48:37,440
Speaker 6: I've never heard of before.

1067
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:40,040
Speaker 1: I think that people just make me pride.

1068
00:48:41,239 --> 00:48:42,960
Speaker 2: He's not a rolling out. Oh he started rolling out

1069
00:48:42,960 --> 00:48:44,880
Speaker 2: all the different fields and stuff. I was just like

1070
00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:47,920
Speaker 2: you say, Okay, good glad we saw it.

1071
00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:52,120
Speaker 6: In seventy and especially in a time where we are

1072
00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:55,239
Speaker 6: right now, where DEI and stuff is being pushed back

1073
00:48:55,320 --> 00:48:57,920
Speaker 6: because white people think that black.

1074
00:48:57,680 --> 00:48:59,320
Speaker 5: People are just giving what we have.

1075
00:48:59,480 --> 00:49:00,479
Speaker 1: Absolutely, and you.

1076
00:49:00,440 --> 00:49:04,120
Speaker 6: Watched Ryan Coogler talk about his craft and the technical aspects,

1077
00:49:04,120 --> 00:49:05,879
Speaker 6: and you think, oh, this nigger.

1078
00:49:05,560 --> 00:49:06,640
Speaker 5: Did go to film school.

1079
00:49:06,680 --> 00:49:07,520
Speaker 1: He has been.

1080
00:49:07,400 --> 00:49:10,800
Speaker 5: Doing this for a long time over here exactly.

1081
00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:14,640
Speaker 6: So yeah, I think being proud of being it's true

1082
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:18,000
Speaker 6: to our identity and the best at what we do.

1083
00:49:18,200 --> 00:49:20,920
Speaker 6: I mean, yeah, I'm gonna be like yeah, and that

1084
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:24,120
Speaker 6: nigg got brain period period.

1085
00:49:24,880 --> 00:49:28,160
Speaker 2: All Right, y'all, great conversation. Let's go take another break,

1086
00:49:28,200 --> 00:49:31,080
Speaker 2: Payson Bills and come back into listener letter. We'll be back.

1087
00:49:44,520 --> 00:49:46,520
Speaker 2: All right, now we're back, but Listener Letters, let's see

1088
00:49:46,560 --> 00:49:50,239
Speaker 2: what we're talking about this week. Hi, I really need

1089
00:49:50,239 --> 00:49:52,600
Speaker 2: some advice about my marriage. I'm twenty six years old

1090
00:49:52,600 --> 00:49:55,000
Speaker 2: and my husband is twenty seven. We've been together for

1091
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:58,520
Speaker 2: eleven years, but going on three years of marriage. Eleven years,

1092
00:49:58,520 --> 00:50:03,920
Speaker 2: so that was earlier fifteen. Yeah, okay, we recently had

1093
00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:05,880
Speaker 2: our second child, and I'm trying to keep the dating

1094
00:50:05,920 --> 00:50:09,200
Speaker 2: aspect of marriage alive. Lately, it feels like we put

1095
00:50:09,239 --> 00:50:11,799
Speaker 2: our children before our marriage. For example, when we have

1096
00:50:11,840 --> 00:50:13,959
Speaker 2: a conversation, it will most likely be about the kids

1097
00:50:14,040 --> 00:50:16,399
Speaker 2: rather than us. There are even times when we put

1098
00:50:16,440 --> 00:50:18,400
Speaker 2: the kids to bed and finally have alone time, we

1099
00:50:18,480 --> 00:50:20,400
Speaker 2: discuss what we have to do for the kids, like

1100
00:50:20,440 --> 00:50:23,759
Speaker 2: doctor's appointments, etc. I'm not a selfish person. I love

1101
00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:26,040
Speaker 2: talking about the joy that our kids bring us, but

1102
00:50:26,080 --> 00:50:28,279
Speaker 2: I don't always want them to be the topic of conversation.

1103
00:50:28,800 --> 00:50:31,200
Speaker 2: I just want the relationship to somewhat get back to

1104
00:50:31,239 --> 00:50:34,120
Speaker 2: how it was before we got married and had kids. Deval,

1105
00:50:34,239 --> 00:50:36,000
Speaker 2: I love the way you treat Kadeen, and you guys

1106
00:50:36,120 --> 00:50:38,399
Speaker 2: still have fun with one another like you guys did

1107
00:50:38,440 --> 00:50:40,719
Speaker 2: before the kids. I thought about going out on a

1108
00:50:40,800 --> 00:50:42,840
Speaker 2: date once a month, but I'm not sure that that

1109
00:50:42,880 --> 00:50:45,520
Speaker 2: will be enough. Please give me some advice as to

1110
00:50:45,600 --> 00:50:49,239
Speaker 2: how I can put my marriage before my children. Love

1111
00:50:49,280 --> 00:50:51,680
Speaker 2: you guys, and make God continue to bless you and

1112
00:50:51,880 --> 00:50:57,239
Speaker 2: your family. Yeah's did you read the book? Did you

1113
00:50:57,360 --> 00:51:01,560
Speaker 2: read We Overhurt Me? There is literally a chapter in

1114
00:51:01,680 --> 00:51:03,080
Speaker 2: here that says.

1115
00:51:03,600 --> 00:51:06,160
Speaker 1: The kids don't come fir.

1116
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:09,200
Speaker 2: First, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you

1117
00:51:09,320 --> 00:51:12,719
Speaker 2: realize that if your unit as husband and wife is

1118
00:51:12,760 --> 00:51:15,680
Speaker 2: not strong. So the thing is I realized through this

1119
00:51:15,719 --> 00:51:18,799
Speaker 2: conversation here, well through their listening letter itself, that it

1120
00:51:18,800 --> 00:51:20,759
Speaker 2: didn't seem that there's a problem. It's just that the

1121
00:51:20,840 --> 00:51:23,239
Speaker 2: children tend to always be the topic of conversation. So

1122
00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:24,960
Speaker 2: it looks like maybe since you have to initiate the

1123
00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:27,560
Speaker 2: date night where you say to hubby, like, listen, the

1124
00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:29,160
Speaker 2: kids are off the table, the kids are fine. The

1125
00:51:29,239 --> 00:51:31,920
Speaker 2: kids will be fine, They'll be there. Now, let's tap

1126
00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:34,160
Speaker 2: back into us, because that's several times the conversation de

1127
00:51:34,239 --> 00:51:34,920
Speaker 2: valen I would have.

1128
00:51:35,400 --> 00:51:37,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, we I mean, bottom line is me and me

1129
00:51:37,840 --> 00:51:40,160
Speaker 1: and Matt talked about this being when Matt newly married.

1130
00:51:41,239 --> 00:51:44,160
Speaker 1: Your partner wants to be desired. That's not a man

1131
00:51:44,239 --> 00:51:47,040
Speaker 1: or woman thing, that's just a partner thing. Your partner

1132
00:51:47,080 --> 00:51:48,960
Speaker 1: wants to be desired, Which means when you're at the

1133
00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:51,479
Speaker 1: table for dinner and you're at your phone talking about

1134
00:51:51,560 --> 00:51:53,920
Speaker 1: the kids or something, you're not desiring your partner. Right

1135
00:51:54,120 --> 00:51:56,120
Speaker 1: if your mind is somewhere else and you're thinking about

1136
00:51:56,160 --> 00:51:58,440
Speaker 1: what the kids have to do. You're not desiring your partner,

1137
00:51:58,640 --> 00:52:00,839
Speaker 1: talk about what your partner is in interested in. If

1138
00:52:00,840 --> 00:52:03,520
Speaker 1: your partner is interested in theater and makeup or whatever

1139
00:52:03,560 --> 00:52:06,160
Speaker 1: it is, Find whatever your partner is interested in so

1140
00:52:06,200 --> 00:52:08,880
Speaker 1: that they can feel desirable. We should do a whole

1141
00:52:08,920 --> 00:52:13,120
Speaker 1: topic on that about helping your partners stay desirable, because

1142
00:52:13,120 --> 00:52:15,520
Speaker 1: we talked about that as men. But the funny thing

1143
00:52:15,560 --> 00:52:18,600
Speaker 1: is that it like spiraled into like, well, how does

1144
00:52:18,640 --> 00:52:21,000
Speaker 1: your wife want to be desirable? And then me and

1145
00:52:21,040 --> 00:52:22,920
Speaker 1: Matt was talking about that in the gym, So that's

1146
00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:23,640
Speaker 1: actually a good.

1147
00:52:23,520 --> 00:52:26,520
Speaker 2: Episode, Like y'all were working on your bodies.

1148
00:52:26,600 --> 00:52:31,160
Speaker 1: No matter of fact, it literally wasn't there no shirt

1149
00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:34,279
Speaker 1: on polls together talking about like yo, like we as

1150
00:52:34,360 --> 00:52:42,520
Speaker 1: men want to look steps Josh here stoops and too

1151
00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:44,359
Speaker 1: because he's not in shape.

1152
00:52:46,040 --> 00:52:49,240
Speaker 2: Josh, but innocent bystander.

1153
00:52:49,440 --> 00:52:51,680
Speaker 1: We were talking about how like we trying to make

1154
00:52:51,719 --> 00:52:54,600
Speaker 1: ourselves more desirable for y'all. But then it was just like, yo,

1155
00:52:54,719 --> 00:52:57,880
Speaker 1: like y'all want to be desirable too, because when did

1156
00:52:57,880 --> 00:53:01,160
Speaker 1: you take christ to that day to the batting cage?

1157
00:53:01,680 --> 00:53:03,560
Speaker 1: He took us to the batting cage because that's something

1158
00:53:03,640 --> 00:53:06,200
Speaker 1: she wanted to do, and it was almost the idea

1159
00:53:06,280 --> 00:53:08,279
Speaker 1: of like, yo, like she wants to be desirable, I'm

1160
00:53:08,280 --> 00:53:09,839
Speaker 1: gonna take her to what she wants to do so

1161
00:53:09,880 --> 00:53:13,840
Speaker 1: she can live in this space of feeling seen. And

1162
00:53:13,920 --> 00:53:16,200
Speaker 1: so many times being desirable has nothing to do with

1163
00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:19,200
Speaker 1: how you look, but just being seen by your parser.

1164
00:53:19,280 --> 00:53:21,560
Speaker 2: So then think about that. Since who wrote in here, like,

1165
00:53:21,640 --> 00:53:24,040
Speaker 2: maybe think about a way that your partner can be

1166
00:53:24,080 --> 00:53:26,920
Speaker 2: seen and it's something specific just for your partner. There

1167
00:53:26,960 --> 00:53:29,600
Speaker 2: you go that they're into whatever it is they're into,

1168
00:53:29,960 --> 00:53:32,560
Speaker 2: you know, billiards, So you go to a billiards hall

1169
00:53:32,600 --> 00:53:35,480
Speaker 2: and you play, and then that might take away the

1170
00:53:35,640 --> 00:53:38,240
Speaker 2: parent aspect and the children from it and they feel

1171
00:53:38,239 --> 00:53:40,719
Speaker 2: like themselves again, you know. And that's ultimately I think

1172
00:53:40,760 --> 00:53:43,760
Speaker 2: what within marriage you're always trying to chase still feeling

1173
00:53:43,800 --> 00:53:46,360
Speaker 2: like yourself, but still being a contributing member to your

1174
00:53:46,560 --> 00:53:49,080
Speaker 2: partnership as well as your family. So good luck. I

1175
00:53:49,080 --> 00:53:50,560
Speaker 2: don't think that you have too many issues here. The

1176
00:53:50,560 --> 00:53:52,479
Speaker 2: fact that you guys have been together this long, since

1177
00:53:52,520 --> 00:53:55,080
Speaker 2: that young and are still doing well. I just tap

1178
00:53:55,160 --> 00:53:59,240
Speaker 2: back in because there's longevity in that were proof. All right, y'all,

1179
00:54:00,400 --> 00:54:01,239
Speaker 2: shall we wrap it up?

1180
00:54:01,280 --> 00:54:02,240
Speaker 1: Honey?

1181
00:54:02,440 --> 00:54:04,200
Speaker 2: You tell me what Okay, so moment of truth time.

1182
00:54:04,280 --> 00:54:05,000
Speaker 2: Let's jump into that.

1183
00:54:05,040 --> 00:54:06,640
Speaker 1: But now, if you'd like to be featured as one

1184
00:54:06,680 --> 00:54:09,399
Speaker 1: of our listeners, email us at E L O I

1185
00:54:09,560 --> 00:54:13,600
Speaker 1: S A D V I C E at gmail dot com.

1186
00:54:13,680 --> 00:54:16,200
Speaker 1: Kate don't even want to do a job no more.

1187
00:54:15,640 --> 00:54:19,440
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. I'm getting over this sinus affection. So I'm

1188
00:54:19,480 --> 00:54:20,200
Speaker 2: so struggling a.

1189
00:54:20,120 --> 00:54:22,480
Speaker 1: Bit green that came out. That's why she went green.

1190
00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:23,000
Speaker 1: She dressed like.

1191
00:54:25,600 --> 00:54:28,120
Speaker 2: The value are crazy. I'm sorry, y'all if I sound

1192
00:54:28,200 --> 00:54:30,239
Speaker 2: a little funny and I may be a little out

1193
00:54:30,280 --> 00:54:31,600
Speaker 2: of it today, that's that's it.

1194
00:54:31,960 --> 00:54:35,799
Speaker 1: You came through for them, I.

1195
00:54:35,760 --> 00:54:38,680
Speaker 2: Said, everybody's in town. Josh flew into town. Matt said,

1196
00:54:38,719 --> 00:54:41,000
Speaker 2: all this ship up I had to make, So give

1197
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:43,760
Speaker 2: me a little grace today, y'all. I'm definitely on meds

1198
00:54:43,760 --> 00:54:46,880
Speaker 2: and you know, barely making it. Didn't sleep well, all right,

1199
00:54:46,920 --> 00:54:48,480
Speaker 2: So now we can get into moment of truth. Thank you,

1200
00:54:48,480 --> 00:54:49,840
Speaker 2: baby for picking up what I dropped.

1201
00:54:50,080 --> 00:54:51,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just all right, baby, I always picking up

1202
00:54:51,760 --> 00:54:52,799
Speaker 1: you dropping in a lot.

1203
00:54:53,920 --> 00:54:55,879
Speaker 2: All right, let's finish out with a quick moment of truth.

1204
00:54:55,960 --> 00:54:57,520
Speaker 2: Let's start with trouble.

1205
00:54:58,480 --> 00:55:03,080
Speaker 5: Moment of truth. How however, you are black, you deserve

1206
00:55:03,160 --> 00:55:05,400
Speaker 5: the world. Be yourself, period.

1207
00:55:05,719 --> 00:55:06,440
Speaker 2: I like that one.

1208
00:55:06,560 --> 00:55:08,960
Speaker 1: However, you are black, you deserve the world. Put that

1209
00:55:09,080 --> 00:55:09,680
Speaker 1: on the shirt.

1210
00:55:10,040 --> 00:55:12,279
Speaker 2: The shirt well trible, we talked about your shirt.

1211
00:55:12,800 --> 00:55:15,320
Speaker 1: However, you are black, you deserve that.

1212
00:55:15,440 --> 00:55:16,399
Speaker 2: You need to start the list.

1213
00:55:16,719 --> 00:55:17,399
Speaker 5: I have a list.

1214
00:55:17,840 --> 00:55:20,400
Speaker 1: Good good, that's trouble. That's what you should be.

1215
00:55:20,440 --> 00:55:21,560
Speaker 2: How I want mine to say?

1216
00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:22,480
Speaker 3: I like that.

1217
00:55:23,120 --> 00:55:26,800
Speaker 2: I want one that says okay with okay triple just

1218
00:55:26,840 --> 00:55:29,200
Speaker 2: put that down there, thank you, okay, Josh, your turn?

1219
00:55:29,640 --> 00:55:33,080
Speaker 3: All right, So Mama wanted. Truth is coach bsiness. Coach

1220
00:55:33,160 --> 00:55:36,600
Speaker 3: business is okay. But doing with it you make an accent.

1221
00:55:37,880 --> 00:55:40,480
Speaker 7: That's funny because that was gonna be my moment. You

1222
00:55:40,680 --> 00:55:42,839
Speaker 7: have to speak properly when you go into people place.

1223
00:55:46,080 --> 00:55:48,480
Speaker 2: I mean, if you if you are talking properly and

1224
00:55:48,560 --> 00:55:51,560
Speaker 2: you say something like blood clotch, does there you go?

1225
00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:55,120
Speaker 3: Josh?

1226
00:55:55,360 --> 00:56:04,520
Speaker 2: Can you please lock off the blood closs camera? Thank you, Josh, period.

1227
00:56:04,760 --> 00:56:05,160
Speaker 1: I like that.

1228
00:56:06,040 --> 00:56:11,799
Speaker 2: Matt, he took mine, baby, my.

1229
00:56:11,880 --> 00:56:14,080
Speaker 1: Moment of truth. I'm actually gonna piggyback off of Josh

1230
00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:17,320
Speaker 1: Man like code Switshing has more to do about the

1231
00:56:17,440 --> 00:56:20,719
Speaker 1: environment you're in than you yourself. So remain true to

1232
00:56:20,800 --> 00:56:23,920
Speaker 1: who you are, but be able to move in any environment,

1233
00:56:24,400 --> 00:56:25,840
Speaker 1: because if you're black, you deserve.

1234
00:56:25,640 --> 00:56:29,920
Speaker 2: The world, period. And for me, it just piggybacks off

1235
00:56:29,960 --> 00:56:31,840
Speaker 2: of that and goes back to my soundbit at the

1236
00:56:32,000 --> 00:56:33,840
Speaker 2: very beginning. There is a time and place for everything,

1237
00:56:34,160 --> 00:56:36,359
Speaker 2: So do what you're comfortable with, but never change who

1238
00:56:36,400 --> 00:56:39,640
Speaker 2: you are, all right, y'all? I love that for us.

1239
00:56:39,960 --> 00:56:43,759
Speaker 2: Patreon Ganggang, what's up y'all been tapping in and we love, love,

1240
00:56:43,880 --> 00:56:46,080
Speaker 2: love to have y'all. Be sure to find us on

1241
00:56:46,160 --> 00:56:48,480
Speaker 2: Patreon if you are not there yet to see the

1242
00:56:48,600 --> 00:56:52,720
Speaker 2: after show and more exclusive Ellis ever After podcast content,

1243
00:56:53,080 --> 00:56:55,280
Speaker 2: and you can find us on social media at Ellis

1244
00:56:55,560 --> 00:56:56,360
Speaker 2: ever After.

1245
00:56:56,840 --> 00:56:59,040
Speaker 1: I'm Kaden, I am and I am devou And if

1246
00:56:59,040 --> 00:57:02,400
Speaker 1: you're listening on Apple Podcast, be sure to rate, review

1247
00:57:03,040 --> 00:57:03,839
Speaker 1: and subscribe.

1248
00:57:04,840 --> 00:57:06,919
Speaker 7: Yeah he did it again, y'all. He forgot to ask

1249
00:57:07,000 --> 00:57:10,279
Speaker 7: y'all what to follow us Ellis.

1250
00:57:12,800 --> 00:57:17,240
Speaker 3: Y'all scoring Matt dot Ellis follow all right. You can

1251
00:57:17,320 --> 00:57:26,040
Speaker 3: double click on my flex at Joshua Duane you had it,

1252
00:57:28,040 --> 00:57:33,440
Speaker 3: didn't practice this morning when he said it to think

1253
00:57:33,520 --> 00:57:35,720
Speaker 3: about you. You could double click on my flicks at

1254
00:57:35,800 --> 00:57:38,240
Speaker 3: Joshua Underscore Dwayne period.

1255
00:57:38,160 --> 00:57:38,440
Speaker 7: Like that.

1256
00:57:40,320 --> 00:57:42,800
Speaker 5: I'm at trips, the Cool t R I B b Z,

1257
00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:44,800
Speaker 5: the Cool on everything.

1258
00:57:44,960 --> 00:57:47,800
Speaker 2: Because she's just so cool, y'all. All right, we'll see

1259
00:57:47,800 --> 00:57:48,320
Speaker 2: you next time.

1260
00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:49,720
Speaker 1: Dead Ass.

1261
00:57:51,720 --> 00:57:57,600
Speaker 6: Cut Ellis ever Apter is an iHeartMedia podcast. It's hosted

1262
00:57:57,680 --> 00:58:02,240
Speaker 6: by Kadeen and Deval Ellis. It's produced by Triple Video,

1263
00:58:02,400 --> 00:58:06,880
Speaker 6: production by Joshua Duane and Matthew Ellis, video editing by

1264
00:58:07,000 --> 00:58:07,760
Speaker 6: Lachan Roe.

1265
00:59:04,760 --> 00:59:25,800
Speaker 8: Has to give the Hans If the Hans in the

1266
00:59:26,120 --> 00:59:26,480
Speaker 8: hands

1267
01:00:00,720 --> 01:00:00,959
Speaker 2: Gree