Speaker 1: Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. Relationships, good relationships, bad relationship,
Speaker 1: healthy relationship, unhealthy relationship. So many freaking podcasts about relationships,
Speaker 1: and guess what I'm going to talk about relationships on
Speaker 1: mind today. I'm thrilled. So it is what it is.
Speaker 1: Relationships are gonna be here forever. As long as there
Speaker 1: are humans on the planet, we will be in some
Speaker 1: type of relationship with each other. So stay tuned. What's
Speaker 1: up everybody? Thank you for tuning in to another episode
Speaker 1: of Checking In. I tell you guys all the time,
Speaker 1: I cannot do what I do. First of all without
Speaker 1: my incredible team at Black Effect and Relevy, Angela, Samantha,
Speaker 1: Nicole Honey and all of y'all. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: And as I'm talking to Bird, just hit my window.
Speaker 1: God blessing. I can't do what I do. And each
Speaker 1: week just gets so exciting from an array of topics
Speaker 1: that we get the chance to talk about, and so
Speaker 1: I'm really pumped up about today's episode. As a licensed therapist,
Speaker 1: she has been featured on the Oprah Winfrey Network, Assence, CBS,
Speaker 1: and Forbes. Please welcome the award winning speaker, media personality,
Speaker 1: and best selling author. That's right, KeAndre Jackson.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for having me, Michelle. I'm super
Speaker 2: excited to be chatting with you today.
Speaker 1: Girl. Come on in, come on in now listen. You
Speaker 1: love talking about relationships. I love talking about relationships. Therefore,
Speaker 1: we love talking about relationships. And there are many relationship podcasts,
Speaker 1: or there are many relationship topics that are going on
Speaker 1: right now. Who's supposed to pay for? What? Should it be?
Speaker 1: Fifty to fifty? Would you date the bus? Drive up?
Speaker 1: Narcissistic people in relationships? And so on and so forth?
Speaker 1: What do you think? What do we not talk enough
Speaker 1: about as it relates to relationships, Michelle.
Speaker 2: There's so much that has been going around in these
Speaker 2: social media streets that have been annoying me, first of all,
Speaker 2: but also it's just coming from the wrong and a
Speaker 2: different perspective. I have worked with so many different couples
Speaker 2: and been in the relationships for almost a decade now,
Speaker 2: and I see so many people talking about toxic relationships
Speaker 2: and trauma and all of the negative things, and narcissism
Speaker 2: and this and that, and those are all great conversations.
Speaker 2: I am completely here for all of the podcasts, all
Speaker 2: of the relationship coaches, all of the people talking about it.
Speaker 2: But what I have yet to see us talk about
Speaker 2: in depth is what a relationship that is healthy entails.
Speaker 2: We know all the negative stuff. Okay, we know all
Speaker 2: the bad stuff. We know all of the ups and
Speaker 2: downs and all of that, but what does it entail
Speaker 2: to have a healthy relationship? And I recently did a
Speaker 2: real about this on my ig and it got some good,
Speaker 2: great responses. So I knew that this was a topic
Speaker 2: that people were yearning for and just wanting more of.
Speaker 2: And so I'm here to talk about that.
Speaker 1: Come on, somebody, we're gonna get into it. But I
Speaker 1: know I jumped right in because I was like, man,
Speaker 1: I love talking about really relationships, but a part of
Speaker 1: me I love talking about what are people saying what
Speaker 1: makes a relationship work? Especially if you're fighting for a
Speaker 1: relationship we're both When I say fighting for when both people,
Speaker 1: they're doing the work, they know they want to be
Speaker 1: together and things are lining up. I'm not talking about
Speaker 1: two unequally young people. I'm talking about people that have
Speaker 1: been on the healing journey. They wanted to work. What
Speaker 1: does it look like? Because people say relationships should not
Speaker 1: be work, but I'm sorry, it's work for me, all right.
Speaker 1: Meaning the reason why I say it's worked for me,
Speaker 1: when you've gone all these years by yourself, it's probably
Speaker 1: going to take a couple years to unlearn how selfish
Speaker 1: I have become being on my own and by myself
Speaker 1: all these years. So we're gonna get into that. But
Speaker 1: I wanted to give Keandra a chance to be like, girl,
Speaker 1: where are you from? What's your mama name? Where are
Speaker 1: your people from? As we say you are so funny?
Speaker 2: You are so funny? I mean are you? Are you
Speaker 2: saying that you want to know a little bit more
Speaker 2: personally about me?
Speaker 1: I know you're a licensed therapist, and you are an
Speaker 1: expert in authors relationship. You've been with Forbes essence, CNN
Speaker 1: Award winning best selling author. Who is Chandra? When you
Speaker 1: take away all of that, which.
Speaker 2: Is by the way, you get spicy with me today, Michelle,
Speaker 2: You're getting spicy. I love this because I don't always
Speaker 2: get a chance to take off the professional hat and
Speaker 2: just be my authentic self. And so your girl is
Speaker 2: from Compton, California, born and raised TPT and so I
Speaker 2: came from a broken home. My parents divorced when I
Speaker 2: was about ten years old, just so much domestic violence,
Speaker 2: emotional abews going on in my home, and so I
Speaker 2: kind of just went on this crazy professional and personal
Speaker 2: mission to help people have healthy relationships to the best
Speaker 2: as possible. I knew that it wasn't healthy for me
Speaker 2: to just see people married divorce, married divorce, which is
Speaker 2: the theme that I have seen in my family indefinitely,
Speaker 2: and so I just knew that that wasn't supposed to
Speaker 2: be that way. And if I can help people bridge
Speaker 2: the gap, have healthy relationships, keep people together, have healthy
Speaker 2: family units, that it will be a game changer. So
Speaker 2: I love the fact that I can merge being a
Speaker 2: black woman, being from Compton, California, and also being a
Speaker 2: licensed therapist and just kind of bridge those gaps. And
Speaker 2: it really just helps us to have great conversations around
Speaker 2: black mental health, healthy back black families, healthy black love
Speaker 2: that we don't always have. So your girls from Compton,
Speaker 2: she's currently single. Just in case my husband's listening, you know,
Speaker 2: he might want to come get me.
Speaker 1: That's right, go get her. She's out there. She is
Speaker 1: out there, she is waiting for you. She's ready, all right.
Speaker 1: She knows what it takes to have a healthy relationship.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, yeah, go.
Speaker 1: Get your girls. She's glowing, by the way, She's absolutely beautiful,
Speaker 1: which means her glow on the outside I think is
Speaker 1: indicative of the work that she's done on the inside.
Speaker 1: You know, from what I can see now. Because you
Speaker 1: grew up in a home and both parents divorced, you
Speaker 1: easily could be the expert on by helping me identify
Speaker 1: red flags in a relationship. But you want to say, no,
Speaker 1: let's identify what can keep a family together.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, I could be the poster board for divorce for
Speaker 2: unhealthy relationships. And I do talk about red flags and
Speaker 2: things that people should be aware of. That's a part of,
Speaker 2: you know, this relationship space for me. But I also
Speaker 2: have seen that people just don't know what healthy relationships entail.
Speaker 2: They don't know how to navigate them, they don't know
Speaker 2: how to let them go, they don't know. They just
Speaker 2: do not know. And I think it's because we aren't
Speaker 2: taught how to have healthy relationships. We just kind of
Speaker 2: fall into a relationship and we try to figure it
Speaker 2: out in the midst of it, and no one gives
Speaker 2: us those tools early on. I've been saying this for
Speaker 2: years that I do believe that relationship skills should be
Speaker 2: a life skills class that we teach our kids in
Speaker 2: elementary because we grow up and we just don't understand
Speaker 2: what this entels. So healthy relationship is the name of
Speaker 2: the game over here.
Speaker 1: So two things that come to my attention when I
Speaker 1: was growing up. To see my parents handle conflict, it's like, okay,
Speaker 1: not necessarily the best or healthy, then you will it's
Speaker 1: a possibility you can do what you saw because you're thinking, well,
Speaker 1: if mom and daddy are going off on each other
Speaker 1: like this, but they can still get up and go
Speaker 1: to church in the morning, this is what it's going
Speaker 1: to be or this is what it should be because
Speaker 1: they didn't break up. But for me personally, when I
Speaker 1: got into a relationship relationship with someone who didn't have
Speaker 1: that kind of family dynamic, it helped me see like,
Speaker 1: oh what I witnessed what normal? It was actually dysfunctional,
Speaker 1: but because parents stayed together, they made it work. We
Speaker 1: just feel like seeing a parent a parental unit not
Speaker 1: know how to handle conflict, that this is how it's
Speaker 1: supposed to go.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's completely inaccurate. Just because two people decide
Speaker 2: to stay together. That doesn't mean that's the healthiest choice
Speaker 2: for their relationship and or for the children who are watching.
Speaker 2: And so I tell people all the time, and most
Speaker 2: people don't like this, but it's it's healthier sometimes to
Speaker 2: leave than it is to stay. And people want to
Speaker 2: hold on to it and say, oh, I'm gonna thug
Speaker 2: it out till my kids get eighteen, baby, and then
Speaker 2: I'll let the relationship go. No, no, no, you probably
Speaker 2: need to do it now because you're teaching your children
Speaker 2: how to have ineffective and unhealthy relationships. So when they
Speaker 2: do get into coll and they do start dating, they're
Speaker 2: going to model what you have shown them. And if
Speaker 2: you're showing them toxic, if you're showing them not being
Speaker 2: able to communicate effectively in discord, that's exactly what they're
Speaker 2: going to pick up and exhibit in their relationship modeling.
Speaker 2: So modeling and being that example is so important and
Speaker 2: we have to do more of that.
Speaker 1: Well, what about the person that says I'm faithful because
Speaker 1: of the vowels I made. I know this is not healthy,
Speaker 1: I know this is toxic, but we've got to stay
Speaker 1: together for our children.
Speaker 2: So listen, I know we people of faith over here.
Speaker 2: I completely understand your vows and sticking to those because
Speaker 2: you did say them in front of God, in front
Speaker 2: of your family and friends, and I'm here for that.
Speaker 2: But I firmly do not believe that God wants us
Speaker 2: to stay in relationships that are going to be detrimental
Speaker 2: to us, that are going to pull us away from
Speaker 2: our assignment, that's going to pull us away from our
Speaker 2: God given destiny. And if we choose to stay in that,
Speaker 2: there is going to be a consequence. Delayed obedience still
Speaker 2: has consequences.
Speaker 1: It's still delayed. Obedience is still disobedient, absolutely, that's just
Speaker 1: what it is, and it still has consequences.
Speaker 2: We don't always see the immediate effects of those consequences,
Speaker 2: but if you do have children, or if you do
Speaker 2: have some type of legacy that you're leading, you are
Speaker 2: going to see that this isn't going to be the
Speaker 2: best option for you. So understanding that if you choose
Speaker 2: to stay in a relationship that you're probably wasn't supposed
Speaker 2: to be in in the first place, because there are
Speaker 2: some people who just was not supposed to get married
Speaker 2: to begin with, but they did it because they were
Speaker 2: lonely because they want a children, because they want a stability,
Speaker 2: because society says you're getting older and you need to
Speaker 2: settle down. Those are not valid reasons to be in
Speaker 2: a relationship. I would rather be single for the rest
Speaker 2: of my life and being my God given assignment than
Speaker 2: to just be with anybody.
Speaker 1: Okay, now I like that. What about people that are
Speaker 1: saying I don't want to be in a relationship because
Speaker 1: I just want to focus on myself.
Speaker 2: I get that.
Speaker 1: Because that's a trend. I mean it's trending. It's like
Speaker 1: your girl is going to be honest too. I have
Speaker 1: had those thoughts, like I've gone this long life is good?
Speaker 1: Why do I want to bring in another? See? This
Speaker 1: is why you should get married young, because when y'all
Speaker 1: gonna be forty four, you're used to you know, every
Speaker 1: down and then you have company over. But that ain't
Speaker 1: living together. That ain't married. Right. I can handle you
Speaker 1: coming over and you visiting for the weekend and then
Speaker 1: you going about your married way. But that's just the
Speaker 1: thing about being selfish or could that be a make
Speaker 1: or break? So two questions that could be a make
Speaker 1: up break or why a person decides not to get
Speaker 1: in a relationship because they enjoy their their alone time.
Speaker 1: But then there is this trend of I am going
Speaker 1: to focus on myself. I'm just concerned is it focusing
Speaker 1: on yourself to get better or focusing on yourself just
Speaker 1: for selfish reasons? And is that a defense mechanism. I
Speaker 1: probably ask ten questions in one question.
Speaker 2: No, those are all valid questions and great questions. I
Speaker 2: think studies have shown more recently that people are delaying
Speaker 2: getting married, having children, and all of those things for
Speaker 2: various reasons. And I'm not here to knock anybody because
Speaker 2: people are in different spaces, they're in different seasons. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and I'm here for that. There's been seasons of my
Speaker 2: life personally where I've been like it's grind time. I
Speaker 2: need to build out this empire. I need to focus
Speaker 2: on my business, get licensed, establish myself, and I'm not
Speaker 2: interested in dating right now. But currently that has shifted
Speaker 2: and changed because your girl has built some things right
Speaker 2: and so now I'm longing for that companionship. I'm longing
Speaker 2: for the partnership. I'm longing to be married essentially, And
Speaker 2: so I think it's just about discerning the seasons of
Speaker 2: what you're in and making sure that you pushing aside
Speaker 2: the desire to date are to get married. Isn't you running?
Speaker 2: Because there's a difference between I'm working on myself, I'm
Speaker 2: doing me, I'm building something. This isn't the season, or
Speaker 2: isn't me running because I'm scared? Isn't me running because
Speaker 2: all of the men are the women that I've dealt with,
Speaker 2: have treated me wrong, and now I'm scared that it's
Speaker 2: going to happen again. There's going to be patterns repeated.
Speaker 2: So we just have to be aware of what the
Speaker 2: root cause is and why we're doing those things to
Speaker 2: begin with. But if you do desire marriage, you do
Speaker 2: desire partnership and companionship, you have to make sure that
Speaker 2: your words, your language, and your actions aligned with that.
Speaker 2: Too many people are saying, f these men day raggedy.
Speaker 2: The dating pool got p in it. I don't want this,
Speaker 2: you know, all of those ideologies, but they're still desiring it.
Speaker 1: Not only does the dating pool have pe in it,
Speaker 1: we called it brown sharks when I worked at a
Speaker 1: water thing park.
Speaker 2: God, brown sharks not brown sharksship. I mean it can
Speaker 2: have some brown sharks in it too, Like, let's be real,
Speaker 2: but even if those things are true, you still have
Speaker 2: to be hopeful. You still have to speak positive and
Speaker 2: speak life over the thing that you desire, because if
Speaker 2: you're speaking death to the thing that you desire, it's
Speaker 2: not going to work out for you. God is going
Speaker 2: to be like, well, why should I give you this
Speaker 2: if you are canceling it out with your words. So
Speaker 2: we have to be cautious about the things that we want,
Speaker 2: the things that we desire, and speaking life into it,
Speaker 2: even though the things that we just mentioned are still valid.
Speaker 1: Wow. So I'm going to assume getting to healthy relationships
Speaker 1: that if you want the relationship to work and thrive, speaking.
Speaker 2: All big time words and action, they have to align.
Speaker 2: If you want a relationship to work, one you got
Speaker 2: to be with the person you're supposed to be with.
Speaker 2: That's exhibit A. We haven't really fully dived into that,
Speaker 2: but I personally believe, especially with the work that I've
Speaker 2: done and this I haven't done any studies on this,
Speaker 2: it's just my own personal observation. I believe anywhere between
Speaker 2: sixty five and seventy five percent of couples or with
Speaker 2: people who they are not supposed to be with, that's
Speaker 2: pretty high.
Speaker 1: Sixty five to seventy five percent of people are with
Speaker 1: people they are not supposed to be.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, I firmly why, I firmly Well, you.
Speaker 1: Named a few reasons. You named a few reasons like, listen,
Speaker 1: I just got married because I was thirty years old
Speaker 1: it was time to get married. Or we got married
Speaker 1: and we got kids and we're popular in our church
Speaker 1: and it was the right thing to do. I just
Speaker 1: don't want to be lonely or child. He gives it
Speaker 1: to me hoody like I have never known.
Speaker 2: All of those are valid reasons. Children. Societal pressures essentially right,
Speaker 2: because society tells us once you get past thirty thirty five,
Speaker 2: you washed up, watched up, nobody was gonna want you.
Speaker 2: So whatever you need to do, you need to do
Speaker 2: it before that timeframe. And so people get in relationships
Speaker 2: just because they dated them when they were in high school,
Speaker 2: or because they want financial security, because that person gave
Speaker 2: them attention and a time where they were lonely or frustrated,
Speaker 2: because they may be good in bed. There's so many
Speaker 2: different reasons. And instead of us assessing and saying, okay, God,
Speaker 2: have you or should you allow me to date this person?
Speaker 2: Because we got to start there. Before I'm dating somebody.
Speaker 2: When we get in a relationship, I'm talking to God,
Speaker 2: is this the person I need to be dating? Because
Speaker 2: if God say no, it's over for me, I'm walking away.
Speaker 2: But I don't think people have those conversations enough.
Speaker 1: Well, let me tell you. I did something where I
Speaker 1: was dating someone and they took me to one of
Speaker 1: my favorite Jamaican spots in New York. And I won't
Speaker 1: say nothing further. Nobody did. And we hadn't even sat
Speaker 1: down yet. They had just taken a drink order, so
Speaker 1: I ordered me like a Jamaican, some type of fruit drink,
Speaker 1: and I promise you, I felt like I heard God
Speaker 1: say this ain't it, baby, This ain't the one. I'm like, yad.
Speaker 1: We even sat down and eat, Yeah, what are you
Speaker 1: talking about? I stayed with this person for like four years,
Speaker 1: and it was so many things happening that I normally
Speaker 1: would not put up with, but I put up with
Speaker 1: it anyway. And when I look back, I wasted four
Speaker 1: years with someone that God specifically said, I'll tell you
Speaker 1: this is how he said it. This is not the one.
Speaker 1: So I can imagine those of us who have our
Speaker 1: ears tuned, we do hear God. The majority of us
Speaker 1: hear God. We just act like we don't and we
Speaker 1: do what we want to do because we think He
Speaker 1: just play. And so I've gone through unnecessary heartache, unnecessary
Speaker 1: anxiety thinking, well, I'm the only person unmarried within my circle,
Speaker 1: so let me hopefully this one locks me down, and
Speaker 1: just certain things. Even at the time, KeAndre that you
Speaker 1: fall in love with what's basic? Well, he pursued me, Well, he.
Speaker 2: Should go hard.
Speaker 1: Well he took me to my favorite place. He should.
Speaker 1: That don't mean they're the one because they do basic things,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So I didn't mean to
Speaker 1: hijack the conversation, but it is something as it relates
Speaker 1: to listening to that voice that says, maybe they're nice
Speaker 1: and sweet as pie, they're not for.
Speaker 2: You, that's right. And I've had those personal experiences as
Speaker 2: well where God has literally told me this person is
Speaker 2: not fen you're even supposed to be dating. We haven't
Speaker 2: even got through the relationship stage, right. God was like,
Speaker 2: this isn't someone you're supposed to be dating. And the
Speaker 2: interesting part about that for us who do tap in
Speaker 2: and hear God, you know a lot of that we
Speaker 2: need to be obedient to what God has telling us
Speaker 2: to do, first of all when we hear it the
Speaker 2: first time, but also to understanding that if someone isn't
Speaker 2: for you, they're either going to push you or pull
Speaker 2: you from where you're supposed to be. So just like
Speaker 2: your story, you know, you could have potentially been on
Speaker 2: a completely different path for those four years, right, but
Speaker 2: you were with this person after hearing God say that
Speaker 2: this wasn't And so we have just if we can
Speaker 2: just tune into what he's telling us, I think we
Speaker 2: would just save ourselves so much heartache and so much
Speaker 2: pain and really just go for our purpose because at
Speaker 2: the end of the day, you want somebody who's going
Speaker 2: to be fully aligned and you shouldn't have to question
Speaker 2: those things. And also too, before we even move on
Speaker 2: from this, a lot of the times when God tells
Speaker 2: us no, it doesn't even mean that the person is
Speaker 2: a person. The person that I'm referring to, he checked
Speaker 2: off all the boxes, Baby, all of the boxes. Okay,
Speaker 2: but God still said that he wasn't the one for me. No,
Speaker 2: And so now I'm holding him up from the person
Speaker 2: he's truly supposed to be with, and I'm holding myself
Speaker 2: up from the person who I am truly supposed to
Speaker 2: be with. So that doesn't necessarily mean the person that's
Speaker 2: toxic or wrong or bad. It just means that we're
Speaker 2: not a fit for our destiny that God has for
Speaker 2: us plan.
Speaker 1: And that is so amazing because there are some people.
Speaker 1: So I know you said sixty to seventy five percent
Speaker 1: of people are not supposed to be together, Well there
Speaker 1: is a twenty five percent. And in that twenty five percent,
Speaker 1: I've seen at least one couple from my hometown, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, wow, they really supposed like they're such a fit.
Speaker 1: They're building things within their marriage, within their business and
Speaker 1: just seems like things, and I love how they're transparent,
Speaker 1: Like now, listen, there are times we wake up in
Speaker 1: the morning to be like, you sure were we supposed to
Speaker 1: be together? And you're gonna have that? Do I like
Speaker 1: you today? You know? Apparently they say you're gonna have that,
Speaker 1: And so I think before you get married, it gives
Speaker 1: you a chance to like not make that mistake versus
Speaker 1: you know, even in a more recent relationship, our therapist
Speaker 1: was telling us like, hey, these issues were gonna come
Speaker 1: up even after y'all got married. So be grateful that
Speaker 1: the issues came up before marriage, right, So, Keandra, would
Speaker 1: you agree that in our singleness, that could be time
Speaker 1: for us to fix the daddy issues or the mommy wounds,
Speaker 1: or the abandonment issues, certain abuse that still is unhealed,
Speaker 1: where the smell of something can trigger you and your
Speaker 1: partner is like, wait a minute, I just fried some chicken.
Speaker 1: What's it's just fishing. But when you're upset, like, wouldn't
Speaker 1: you say in our singleness, we should kind of be
Speaker 1: working on that stuff.
Speaker 2: One hundred percent. In our singleness, this is the time
Speaker 2: to work on ourselves indefinitely. I always say in every
Speaker 2: area mentally, spiritually, emotionally, sexually, all of those things, you
Speaker 2: need to work on it as much as possible. And
Speaker 2: I don't really subscribe to the idea of you being
Speaker 2: there are people who are one hundred percent healed and delivered, okay,
Speaker 2: of all of the things. There are some people out there,
Speaker 2: but most of us, myself included, You're still going to
Speaker 2: have a little bit of residue. You're still going to
Speaker 2: have some unhealed areas of you, even if you work
Speaker 2: on them. It's okay that you are triggered from time
Speaker 2: to time. But how you manage those, how you deal
Speaker 2: with it, what you do when those moments pop up
Speaker 2: is what really matters. So you your singleness not just
Speaker 2: to get the bag, but you should do, but also
Speaker 2: to be as aware as possible. And I because I'm
Speaker 2: a therapist, you are and you are so here for therapy.
Speaker 2: You know, that's one of the biggest components is having
Speaker 2: a profession.
Speaker 1: I was like, ooh, I'm so healed. I've been working
Speaker 1: on myself all these going on five years. Oh, I'm
Speaker 1: so healed. And then when you start dating, because you
Speaker 1: don't know if you're really healed, because right now it's
Speaker 1: just me and the walls, not the walls in my
Speaker 1: bed and my couch and the dog. Like, you don't
Speaker 1: know if you're really healed until you bring somebody else
Speaker 1: in for a longer period of time. And then you
Speaker 1: be like, so you'll know if you healed if your
Speaker 1: responses become different. Notice I said response and not react.
Speaker 1: Absolutely so just even that, like, Okay, in singleness, we
Speaker 1: can do all the healing work that we can do,
Speaker 1: but sometimes you won't know until you're like dating a
Speaker 1: person or in deep relationship. I was talking with someone
Speaker 1: who they've been married a couple years now, I think
Speaker 1: going on three years, and he was like, the first year,
Speaker 1: we was like, we don't know. The second year, woo,
Speaker 1: he said, the third year, we're still working on some stuff.
Speaker 1: And so he mentioned a few things in her by
Speaker 1: the way, and I was like, man, it's like, until
Speaker 1: you're like married or obviously in a deep relationship, things
Speaker 1: that you didn't think were issues, Kendra, why does it
Speaker 1: happen in relationships where it's like things mirror you or
Speaker 1: why is that who?
Speaker 2: I firmly believe that God is still pruning and shifting
Speaker 2: up and there's a lesson in that that he wants
Speaker 2: us to learn. You can work through as many things
Speaker 2: as you work or can work through, but you are
Speaker 2: correct when you get into that relationship, those daddy issues,
Speaker 2: those mommy issues, how you're retreated in previous relationships will
Speaker 2: pop up. And if you are now on a space
Speaker 2: to like have some new skills right, because that's essentially
Speaker 2: what it is. You're learning new skill sets to be
Speaker 2: able to manage this trigger that's happening. If you're not
Speaker 2: able to do that, it's going to send you back
Speaker 2: a few steps. And so even for the people who
Speaker 2: are already in relationship are married, just like you know
Speaker 2: the people that you knew that first one to two
Speaker 2: years is very hardward because you're merging two different backgrounds.
Speaker 2: You're merging upbringing, parenting styles, money, sex, you're managing all
Speaker 2: those you're merging those two things. And it's very hard
Speaker 2: to merge two different lives when they have been very
Speaker 2: separate for a long time. So it really has to
Speaker 2: be about people wanting to make it work. I'm very
Speaker 2: big on language, and I don't like when people say
Speaker 2: that relationships are hard. I do believe that they're work,
Speaker 2: but I think we need to change the dialogue and
Speaker 2: the language and pull out that hard part. Because if
Speaker 2: you think something is hard, you're not going to put
Speaker 2: in the work to make it work. You're going to
Speaker 2: give up. Also, let it go, it's hard, forget it.
Speaker 2: But if it's challenging, if it's going to help you
Speaker 2: get to your goal, if it's going to push you
Speaker 2: to be better, those are, you know, words that I
Speaker 2: like to associate with relationships more than just hard, so good.
Speaker 1: I heard you say, push you to be better. I
Speaker 1: want to get into what healthy relationships look like because
Speaker 1: this thing will My sisters got the song crazy in Love, right,
Speaker 1: And then I want to speak to does love kind
Speaker 1: of trigger psychosis? Can love actually trigger?
Speaker 2: Okay? So psychosis for the people who don't know what
Speaker 2: that word means, PSYCHOLSA didn't. Essentially, when your thoughts, your feelings,
Speaker 2: and your emotions overtake you to the point where you
Speaker 2: are disconnected from reality. And so typically when people are
Speaker 2: in love, we experience what we call what I like
Speaker 2: to call those feel good hormones, right for serotonin, the dopamine,
Speaker 2: the oxytocin, all of those things fled through our brain
Speaker 2: and fled through our body, and so it feels good.
Speaker 2: It's a great feeling. And so sometimes all of that
Speaker 2: those feel good emotions, when we are in love, those
Speaker 2: pop up and they overtake us to the point where
Speaker 2: we just don't know what to do. Sometimes like we
Speaker 2: literally don't know what to do. And so we quote
Speaker 2: unquote at crazy over this man or this woman because
Speaker 2: we are in a space where our body is doing
Speaker 2: some different and unusual things. But it really does go
Speaker 2: back to your upbringing. It goes back to your attachment,
Speaker 2: It goes back to how you have received love growing up.
Speaker 2: Because if some If you're in relationship with someone and
Speaker 2: they want to leave you and not necessarily dump you,
Speaker 2: but we are leaving your presidence, or I'm going from
Speaker 2: an extending amount of time away from you, and you
Speaker 2: have an anxious attachment style, you go at crazy. You're
Speaker 2: gonna be calling and text me where you at? Why
Speaker 2: you didn't call me, why you didn't check? Yeah, you
Speaker 2: with somebody else? What's going on? All of these with
Speaker 2: these things will pop up, and this is where we
Speaker 2: get the crazy and love type of energy because of
Speaker 2: our attachment. And so if you don't know your relationship
Speaker 2: attachment style, you need to and you need to make
Speaker 2: sure that you're trying to figure out what that looks
Speaker 2: like for you, but also move towards what we call
Speaker 2: a more secured attachment style, which is the healthiest attachment style.
Speaker 1: Okay, so what your describement was that anxious attached.
Speaker 2: That was anxious, So.
Speaker 1: We got anxious secure. How many attachments are there?
Speaker 2: I typically stick to the main three. So there's an
Speaker 2: anxious attachment style, which is the nervousness, the fear of
Speaker 2: someone leaving you. Typically women have a very anxious attachment style.
Speaker 2: There's avoidant, which is typically men.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, okay, that's that's what it was. Anxious and avoided.
Speaker 2: A yeah, and got Avoidant is treaty because it's like
Speaker 2: I want I want you to be closed. I want
Speaker 2: to be attached to you, but I'm so fearful that
Speaker 2: you're gonna hurt me that I push you away intentionally
Speaker 2: and unintentionally.
Speaker 1: Stay far away, come close at the time.
Speaker 2: Absolutely absolutely.
Speaker 1: It's like if you're driving the stick shift, it's like
Speaker 1: your feet can't be on the gas and the clutch
Speaker 1: at the same time, so it's it's the push pull.
Speaker 2: But can you imagine though, like if most women are anxious, right,
Speaker 2: and then most men are avoidant, that doesn't mesh well
Speaker 2: at all. And I think that's a huge part of
Speaker 2: why people don't have healthy relationship because they don't know
Speaker 2: how to manage it. They don't know how to securely
Speaker 2: say you can be away from me, and that's perfectly fine.
Speaker 2: You have your own entire life, but I don't think
Speaker 2: you're cheating. I don't have to obsessively be with you.
Speaker 2: Or if you're avoidant, you know, you can have your space,
Speaker 2: you can want me. I can come into your world,
Speaker 2: but space is okay too. So it's just a hard
Speaker 2: place to be in. If you've never heard of attachment style,
Speaker 2: you don't know what yours is or your partner, it
Speaker 2: can just have you in this weird, crazy dance. I
Speaker 2: can literally ruin your relationship.
Speaker 1: Yes, Kendrew. Where do you think is the most reputable
Speaker 1: place for people to find out what their attachment styles are?
Speaker 1: Because you can google it and so much will pop up.
Speaker 1: Where can a person find their attachment style? Is it
Speaker 1: through therapy? Is it a quiz they take online?
Speaker 2: One of my favorite books I can't remember the author
Speaker 2: at this time, but it's literally a book called Attached
Speaker 2: and so that is the best book that I have
Speaker 2: ever read on attachment style. So I would start there
Speaker 2: for sure. Definitely. Okay, see, like, let me add that
Speaker 2: to my reading list.
Speaker 1: There are times I've had therapists on and I'll go
Speaker 1: and now go to iBooks and now just purchase the
Speaker 1: book as we talk.
Speaker 2: So that's one of my favorite books on attachment styles.
Speaker 2: I do believe that there is a quiz you can
Speaker 2: take online, similar to kind of how there is a
Speaker 2: quiz on love languages online. There should be a quiz
Speaker 2: that you can take, but definitely unpacking that in a
Speaker 2: very deep way in therapy is going to be a
Speaker 2: game changer because attachment styles isn't just for a romantic
Speaker 2: reliflationships is how we handle our mama, our cousin, our friends,
Speaker 2: our coworkers. All of that is the same energy. So
Speaker 2: when you know what ord is, it apply to every
Speaker 2: area of your life.
Speaker 1: Keandra, you are helping me so much because I feel
Speaker 1: so bad because when we talk about relationships, we talk
Speaker 1: about romantic relationships so much that we forget No, We've
Speaker 1: got to have healthy relationships with family, with business, our peers,
Speaker 1: co workers, your bosses, or if you're a boss, you
Speaker 1: got to have a great leadership style. You gotta be kind. Okay,
Speaker 1: So we got to have you back for part two
Speaker 1: on healthy relationships just within your life. But I want
Speaker 1: to dive into what healthy relationships look like or what
Speaker 1: they feel like, because look like can be one What
Speaker 1: do they feel like?
Speaker 2: I love the difference between the thoughts and the feelings.
Speaker 2: So healthy relationships really comprised of a number of different things,
Speaker 2: but there are some key areas that I love to
Speaker 2: focus on. Healthy relationships, for sure, have reciprocity, meaning you
Speaker 2: are whatever you are dishing out, you are getting the
Speaker 2: same amount back in. Now. I understand that there are
Speaker 2: different times and seasons where you know, things might be
Speaker 2: a little bit off kilter and it might be a
Speaker 2: ninety ten, seventy thirty, you know, twenty eighty situation one.
Speaker 2: But most times people understand that they have to pour
Speaker 2: into one another. And so if you find yourself given
Speaker 2: out so much to the point where you're depleted, you
Speaker 2: have nothing else to give. You are dry, you are exhausted,
Speaker 2: and your partner isn't trying to refuel your hub, that's
Speaker 2: an indicator that you're not in a healthy relationship. And
Speaker 2: so reciprocity is a huge one. The second thing that
Speaker 2: I always talk about, and we could dive into that
Speaker 2: a different time as well, but really typing into communication,
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, all of the couple that I have
Speaker 2: worked with thus far typically have some type of breakdown
Speaker 2: in communication issues. Relationships who have healthy elements of them,
Speaker 2: they know how to resolve conflict, They know their partner's
Speaker 2: communication style, and they know when they need to mask
Speaker 2: the gas and say no, no, no, no no, we need
Speaker 2: to work through this right now. And they know that
Speaker 2: they need to let up at times where it's just
Speaker 2: like a not a winning battle, you know, so to speak.
Speaker 2: So understanding that communication is a game changer, and once
Speaker 2: you learn that skill set, it really changes everything. But
Speaker 2: we can talk about respect, trust, accountability, support. These are
Speaker 2: all elements of what a healthy relationship would entail. So
Speaker 2: if you're looking at your relationship or your boot and
Speaker 2: you're not seeing a lot of these elements, I can
Speaker 2: imagine that there are some things that either need to
Speaker 2: be tweaked and talked about, or the relationship may not
Speaker 2: be viable anymore and you need to let it go.
Speaker 1: There are certain vocal inflections that you might do with
Speaker 1: your friends that ain't gonna work well with the romantic partner.
Speaker 1: So I'm almost kind of learning that. Or I also
Speaker 1: feel like we just come with a different Lauri's We
Speaker 1: come with some little seasoning, you know, sometimes with the
Speaker 1: way we say things. But I'm like, no, you don't
Speaker 1: have to say it like that, because even the heart
Speaker 1: of what you're trying to say can get lost with
Speaker 1: how you say.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, I'm big on tone of voice. You can say
Speaker 2: what you want to say to me, but that tone
Speaker 2: gotta be right, Okay, that tone gotta be right. You
Speaker 2: come with a different type of tone. We don't have
Speaker 2: a different type of conversation.
Speaker 1: Okay, So tell us a tone, tell us give us
Speaker 1: a scenario. Okay, so or we can we can do
Speaker 1: role play.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: Do you like seafood, babe?
Speaker 2: I do like seafood. I like seafood.
Speaker 1: We always do seafood. I was thinking, can we do
Speaker 1: a Italian because I got a taste for this red ravioli.
Speaker 1: I know you are allergic to it, but I'm going
Speaker 1: to get some ravioli, some red ravioli.
Speaker 2: Now you know I'm allergic to that ravioli. Why would
Speaker 2: you suggest that we go to Italian when I just
Speaker 2: told y'all want to seafood? Absolutely not, we're not going.
Speaker 1: But you told me that you could be around red ravioli.
Speaker 1: You just can't ingest it. And we have seafood all
Speaker 1: the time. And I was just kind of thinking that,
Speaker 1: I mean, they're seafood at the Italian restaurant.
Speaker 2: You're trying to land me in an emergency. This is no,
Speaker 2: absolutely not no, ma'am.
Speaker 1: I guess seafood.
Speaker 2: But even in that example, then you see how it
Speaker 2: turns up. I got you see how my boy.
Speaker 1: The person to the point where the person just gave up,
Speaker 1: like you know what, seafood.
Speaker 2: Clearly I shot down the whole idea without even hearing
Speaker 2: the other person's perspective of even why they wanted Ravioli
Speaker 2: or Italian in the first place.
Speaker 1: So even though I was wrong for saying, I know
Speaker 1: you're allergic to it, that that's trigger mean, why would
Speaker 1: you like, why would you want that? You know? But
Speaker 1: I came back with but you told me you could
Speaker 1: be around it. You just can't ingest it.
Speaker 2: And that also speaks to the fact that once someone
Speaker 2: gets revved up to a certain level, if they don't
Speaker 2: know how to bring themselves back down in the midst
Speaker 2: of conflict, this argument can go on for weeks and
Speaker 2: months and years. Right, So this is all about conflict
Speaker 2: resolution for sure.
Speaker 1: Wow, Okay, what does it sound like when two people
Speaker 1: know how to have a healthy conversation?
Speaker 2: So a healthy conversation between two people consist of what
Speaker 2: I call I statements versus you statements. So I statements
Speaker 2: means you're taking accountability for what you think and feel.
Speaker 2: So someone who knows how to effectively communicate will say,
Speaker 2: I feel I think I'm concerned that you know, using
Speaker 2: those words where it's they're taking that brunt of the
Speaker 2: ownership on. But when they start saying you, you did this,
Speaker 2: you didn't take out the trash you always late you you,
Speaker 2: that puts the other person on the defensive. So I
Speaker 2: encourage people to use eye statements. You can express you're angry,
Speaker 2: you're frustrated, you're annoyed, but make sure that you're using
Speaker 2: it from an eye perspective. So, just to give an example, say,
Speaker 2: for instance, your partner never take out the trash can,
Speaker 2: and you get annoyed. Right, you come home and you
Speaker 2: can easily say you never take out the trash can,
Speaker 2: You've been playing video games all day, you lazy, you
Speaker 2: ain't nothing, and it can go left. That person is
Speaker 2: immediately is going to be defensive. They're not going to
Speaker 2: want to take out the trash can, and it's going
Speaker 2: to be turned up. Right, it's going to not resolve anything.
Speaker 2: But that same person who has good communication with their
Speaker 2: partner can easily come home and say, hey, babe, I've
Speaker 2: been at work all day, I am so tired. Is
Speaker 2: it possible for you to take out the trash can
Speaker 2: before I make dinner? That's going to be received a
Speaker 2: little bit better than that first yeah conversation that we
Speaker 2: just had. Right, the person can still decline or not,
Speaker 2: but the tone is different, the energy is different.
Speaker 1: You could be like, Babe, you know the last time
Speaker 1: you took out the trash can ten years ago, you
Speaker 1: look so sexy.
Speaker 2: No, once you did with something amazing, Michelle, you look
Speaker 2: so sexy when you do chores. Well, what you're doing
Speaker 2: right now is actually not a bad technique. We call
Speaker 2: this like the sandwich effect or like the Hamburger effect.
Speaker 2: Right where you start, you start with something positive, you
Speaker 2: give the constructive criticism of what you need in the middle,
Speaker 2: and then you end with something positive as well. So
Speaker 2: typically studies have shown that we digest information better when
Speaker 2: it's sandwiched in between two positive things.
Speaker 1: So you could.
Speaker 2: Say, hey, you, if you're fine today, okay, I would
Speaker 2: like for you to take out that trash cand so
Speaker 2: when you walk high, I can look at your butt.
Speaker 1: But I also hear that that works in leadership in business,
Speaker 1: where when you have to give somebody maybe a bad
Speaker 1: performance review, you start off with something positive, like you
Speaker 1: have been such a great asset to this company. Then
Speaker 1: you go into but we feel like you're still such
Speaker 1: an asset. This is what we're thinking could make the
Speaker 1: environment a little better for me and essentially for your performance.
Speaker 1: So it works in so many kinds of relationships, you know.
Speaker 1: I just think the breakdown of our families probably is
Speaker 1: because of we don't know how to communicate. We don't
Speaker 1: know how to communicate, or some of us were even taught,
Speaker 1: like you couldn't even communicate in your household growing up
Speaker 1: because it was called talking back. So you don't know
Speaker 1: how to properly express that you are angry, that you
Speaker 1: are said that you actually do have a need, so
Speaker 1: you act out. You're forty five years old, acting like
Speaker 1: a little kid. And do you find that you have
Speaker 1: to typically almost go back to a person's childhood for everything.
Speaker 2: A good chunk of the things is going back to
Speaker 2: the childhood to kind of rectify or even to pinpoint
Speaker 2: some issues of why you are being the way that
Speaker 2: you are as an adult. It goes all the way
Speaker 2: back to childhood. And I think, especially in Black culture,
Speaker 2: things are so ingrained in us that we don't even
Speaker 2: think or realize that it's a problem. You know, like
Speaker 2: talking back is not always talking back, You're just expressing
Speaker 2: your thoughts and feelings in you know, a healthy way,
Speaker 2: so to speak, even if you're a child. But it's
Speaker 2: like children are supposed to be well seen and not
Speaker 2: her you know, all of these stigmas that are placed
Speaker 2: up on us, and so we grow up thinking that
Speaker 2: those things are okay, or we even pass those things
Speaker 2: down to our children, and now we're silencing generation after
Speaker 2: generation because we didn't have the skill set to teach them.
Speaker 2: And so typically when i'm you know, working with people,
Speaker 2: when we go back to the origin of things, is
Speaker 2: very enlightening because they didn't even they couldn't even connect
Speaker 2: the two, and so having a professional do that for
Speaker 2: them and say, hey, babe, this is probably the reason
Speaker 2: why you're acting the way you're acting as an adult
Speaker 2: because your mama said or your daddy did is very
Speaker 2: enlightened to a lot of people.
Speaker 1: And that was the question about why do so many
Speaker 1: issues in our romantic relationships some come from the relationship
Speaker 1: we had with our.
Speaker 2: Pad big time. I was watching a show called Unprisoned
Speaker 2: that's played by Carrie Washington and who was written by
Speaker 2: Tracy McMillan, and so she said something so powerful that
Speaker 2: I'm stealing, Okay, temporarily she said. She said, partner and
Speaker 2: parent is only one letter off from each other. Partner
Speaker 2: and parent is only one letter off from each other.
Speaker 2: And that stuck with me because that was completely correct, and.
Speaker 1: I try not to hold my guess long, but you
Speaker 1: got to.
Speaker 2: Unpeck down absolutely, So partner the way she's talking about
Speaker 2: literally the way it's spelled partner and parents. So she
Speaker 2: was just basically talking about the correlation of what we
Speaker 2: just mentioned about how our partners and romantic relationships. It
Speaker 2: really stems from everything that we experience growing up. And
Speaker 2: you may think that you've had the best childhood or
Speaker 2: that your mom was perfect or she did all that
Speaker 2: she could, and that could be true, but understanding that
Speaker 2: there is a correlation between how you were parented as
Speaker 2: a child and how that plays into your romantic relationship
Speaker 2: is so important. So that one letter off it makes sense.
Speaker 2: It makes so much sense. But I think that the
Speaker 2: the kidder for me was just making sure that we
Speaker 2: have the skill set now so we don't pass those
Speaker 2: negative things onto the next generation if you do, if
Speaker 2: you do decide to have children, so knowing that the
Speaker 2: buck stops with you and that you're going to shift
Speaker 2: and change.
Speaker 1: It is so important, bababe. Parent and partner is one
Speaker 1: letter off. Can you make sure you're not parenting your partner,
Speaker 1: because if I gotta be.
Speaker 2: Your mama, it's not going to work.
Speaker 1: We're not partners. We're not partners. We have a parent
Speaker 1: I don't know what you would call that, if there's
Speaker 1: an actual term for that in the field of being
Speaker 1: a therapist. Well, no, that's parent child in version, Like
Speaker 1: is there a parent partner in version?
Speaker 2: We're just saying I'm not your mom, I'm not your daddy. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's okay, and clinical version of what you just said.
Speaker 1: Uh can this has been so enlightening, y'all. We heard
Speaker 1: some things. The amazing thing about healthy relationships. There are
Speaker 1: probably like thousands of red flag situations, but the simplistic things,
Speaker 1: it's probably a shorter list of what it takes to
Speaker 1: actually have a healthy relationship. Just communication, honesty, love, respect,
Speaker 1: creating the atmosphere and a relationship to where it is
Speaker 1: safe I run into your arms, you know, after a
Speaker 1: long day or a difficult conversation with business or something.
Speaker 1: And so it doesn't have to be complicated as far
Speaker 1: as what a healthy relationship can and tell if we
Speaker 1: have the basics, and you gave us some of the basics.
Speaker 1: I know some of us we're looking for some magical, mystical,
Speaker 1: theological answer, but sometimes it literally lies in. Maybe let's
Speaker 1: start with how you communicate, how you talk to your partner.
Speaker 1: Are you talking above them like they're beneath you, you know?
Speaker 1: Are you talking at them like this is my partner
Speaker 1: and we want to win.
Speaker 2: And just remembering essentially that you're on the same team.
Speaker 2: That's what I teach a lot of my couples, just
Speaker 2: so so basic. We are not only opposing teams. We're
Speaker 2: not against each other. It's me and you against the problem. Right,
Speaker 2: We're on the same team. So just having that mindset
Speaker 2: and understanding that that's a part of it. Knowing that
Speaker 2: whatever we're going through, we're going to work on it together.
Speaker 2: Is Yeah, it's a skill set to take you far.
Speaker 1: Since you said we are a team. Is it okay
Speaker 1: for a person to play Devil's advocate as a partner,
Speaker 1: Like if a person is coming to you with an
Speaker 1: issue they're dealing with, Okay, I've had this happen where
Speaker 1: a person feels like I wasn't on their side because
Speaker 1: I honestly called myself trying to have them see something
Speaker 1: from a different perspective, but to them it felt like
Speaker 1: I wasn't on their side.
Speaker 2: It's okay to play devil's advocate when you tell them
Speaker 2: that you're playing devil's advocate, and also in a safe environment.
Speaker 2: If you're doing that in front of other people, friends
Speaker 2: and in public, baby, that's when it gets wrong. It's
Speaker 2: wrong time. But if you're doing that at home, and
Speaker 2: I even like to, you can even preface the conversation
Speaker 2: and say, hey, I understand what you're saying right now,
Speaker 2: but can I play Devil's advocate really quickly and give
Speaker 2: you a different perspective. If they say no, all of it,
Speaker 2: then we're not going there because they're not ready, okay.
Speaker 2: But if they say yes, then you can insert that
Speaker 2: into the conversation and see how they respond. So even
Speaker 2: just doing something like that little small communication trick, as
Speaker 2: you know, stating that up front is important because if
Speaker 2: you don't state that and they think you're going to,
Speaker 2: they think you're going to intentionally be trying to, you know,
Speaker 2: harm them.
Speaker 1: Well, because sometimes I have felt like in the past,
Speaker 1: like what I'm not gonna do is entertain when I
Speaker 1: know you're wrong, and like you said, we're gonna protect
Speaker 1: each other in public, but at home, I should be
Speaker 1: able to be like, all right, you want to hear
Speaker 1: from my perspective, because I don't even want to tell
Speaker 1: you you're wrong. I just want you to try to bring
Speaker 1: it to your attention and then and it's not even
Speaker 1: because you want to correct them, because like I said,
Speaker 1: we're not your mammy, you're not your daddy. But I
Speaker 1: don't want you walking around here ignorant to a situation
Speaker 1: that can be harmful and detrimental to destiny. Right, because
Speaker 1: if we are going to be partners and we're gonna win,
Speaker 1: you got to be able to tell your teammate, bro,
Speaker 1: you got to stop traveling with the ball. You gotta
Speaker 1: stop fouling people. You gotta stop letting them go to
Speaker 1: the line and shoot out the free throws and they win. Right.
Speaker 1: So that's so good, Kendrew. You are just an absolute
Speaker 1: joy to be with today. I want to unpack some
Speaker 1: more that whole attachment because that's kind of a newer
Speaker 1: conversation in the past few years. Narcissism love bombing is
Speaker 1: pretty popular topics, but we haven't really talked about attachment style.
Speaker 1: So I would love for you to come back soon
Speaker 1: and we talk about those three attachments style.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, I would love to come back and talk about
Speaker 2: attachment stylum. Ok for having me, thank you for being open,
Speaker 2: and thank you for using your platform for good.
Speaker 1: Oh, Kendra, thank you so much. You are amazing, y'all.
Speaker 1: I want to leave y'all with some amazing advice, she says,
Speaker 1: do not rely on well meaning but often misguided advice
Speaker 1: of friends and family. A serious relationship problem requires expert advice.
Speaker 1: You've helped a lot of us today just on your
Speaker 1: expert advice on a few things. And you didn't do
Speaker 1: it in a way that makes a person feel bad.
Speaker 1: You weren't sitting in a seat of judgment when you're
Speaker 1: helping us. Say no, we just got to communicate better.
Speaker 1: And I'm praying that the love of your life over
Speaker 1: takes you, overwhelms you very very very very soon.
Speaker 2: I receive it. I receive everything you just said.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, Yes, Keandra, thank you for checking in.
Speaker 2: Thank you for allowing me to be checked in.
Speaker 1: Ah, You're the best, y'all.
Speaker 2: Don't we love her?
Speaker 1: She's coming back. Okay, we gotta let it go okay, fye.
Speaker 1: What a joy, what a delight. I can't wait for
Speaker 1: her to come back and share with us about attachment
Speaker 1: styles and how it's awesome that attachment styles, whether you
Speaker 1: have a secure attachment style and anxious attachment style or
Speaker 1: an avoiding attachment style, that it's not limited to your
Speaker 1: romantic partners, your romantic partnerships, your romantic relationships. So I'm
Speaker 1: excited for her to come back. Did y'all enjoy today's
Speaker 1: episode or what? I cannot wait for her to come back.
Speaker 1: Thank y'all so much. Y'all know that you're loved. I'm
Speaker 1: so appreciative of every person that listens, and then you
Speaker 1: even go as far as to download the episodes. So
Speaker 1: just know that I'm thankful for you, and I'll see you.
Speaker 1: We'll talk again next week, all right, Bye bye. Checking
Speaker 1: In with Michelle Williams is a production of Heart Radio
Speaker 1: and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit
Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to
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