Speaker 1: Hey, ba fan, Welcome to the ba Qa where you
Speaker 1: have questions and we have answers. But like with a
Speaker 1: lowercase A, don't come sue us. This is like edutainment, infotainment,
Speaker 1: whatever you want to call it. It's not real one
Speaker 1: on one advice. Let's just get that disclaimer out of
Speaker 1: the way, so get your salt shakers out. I am
Speaker 1: joined by Yaelli sbnl aka, Miss be Helpful, and the
Speaker 1: wonderful Chris Browning of Popcorn Finance. Welcome y'all. You excited
Speaker 1: to get some questions? Yes, let's do it, y'all. If
Speaker 1: you want your question to answered on the show, what
Speaker 1: can you do? You can go to Brandhambision podcast dot
Speaker 1: com to submit your question. You can email me Brandnambision
Speaker 1: Podcasts at gmail dot com. Yes I do check the
Speaker 1: emails there and you can dm us on ig. We
Speaker 1: are at Brannambision Podcast. So any questions you have money career,
Speaker 1: we love those the most, but also, like you know, relationship,
Speaker 1: family stuff. Life is lifing right now. So really, whatever
Speaker 1: the case may be, we are here for you. All right,
Speaker 1: we got a couple of questions.
Speaker 2: Start.
Speaker 1: Let's start with Sasha. Sasha says I'm DFW. That's Dallas
Speaker 1: Fort Worth. That's right? Is that what that is? Okay, yay,
Speaker 1: all right, Sasha says. I have lived in the DFW
Speaker 1: area for the last four years. When I moved here
Speaker 1: from my job, I worked remotely and I only went
Speaker 1: into the office for big events a few times a year.
Speaker 1: Now fast forward to twenty twenty five, and we're back
Speaker 1: in the office four times a week like many other companies.
Speaker 1: I initially lived in Dallas, where the HQ was only
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes away, but since then I've moved to Fort Worth,
Speaker 1: which is an hour to an hour and a half
Speaker 1: hour commute. Hour and a half commute some days. I
Speaker 1: asked my boss if there's flexibility in the work from
Speaker 1: home policy. She said no. I asked about promotion opportunities.
Speaker 1: She said they would be lit id given the state
Speaker 1: of the company, and don't expect much movement for two
Speaker 1: to three years.
Speaker 3: My goodness.
Speaker 1: I love my team, the culture, they have great benefits,
Speaker 1: and it's truly my dream company. Do I jump ship
Speaker 1: and start looking for a new job. I've heard the
Speaker 1: market is tough right now, so that worries me, and
Speaker 1: I'm nervous. The grass won't be greener on the other side.
Speaker 1: That's fair, that's very fair. It's nice to know that
Speaker 1: some companies do you understand it's not just compensation that
Speaker 1: keeps people there. It's like for not all jerks, and
Speaker 1: we offer you know, work life balance a little bit
Speaker 1: is nice. But what do y'all think. Have y'all been
Speaker 1: in that situation before?
Speaker 3: Well, I mean, I'm just interested in how she said
Speaker 3: that it's her dream company. But I feel like your
Speaker 3: dream company would have some leeway, maybe two to three
Speaker 3: days in office in two days at home, or some
Speaker 3: more remotely options, maybe a couple of days a month,
Speaker 3: right Like describing it as you dream company when it's
Speaker 3: lacking one major thing that's not working for you right now,
Speaker 3: I would say that's a big deal because an hour
Speaker 3: and a half commute, that's three hours going and coming back.
Speaker 3: It's a long time, three hours out of your day.
Speaker 3: No how much shit I can get done in three hours?
Speaker 3: Oh my lord. Yeah, So it's interesting. I would push
Speaker 3: back on the idea that it's your dream company because
Speaker 3: I feel like there's so many companies out there nowadays
Speaker 3: that have embraced work from home, even if it's just
Speaker 3: partial you know, work from home days during the week.
Speaker 3: It doesn't have to be work from home five days
Speaker 3: a week, but if it's some days working from home,
Speaker 3: even that is a little bit of an alleviation of
Speaker 3: not being on the road for three hours of your day.
Speaker 3: So I would just push back on that, thinking a
Speaker 3: little bit of like, no, but it's my dream job. No,
Speaker 3: well obviously not, because there's a major part that it's lacking,
Speaker 3: but it's yeah, it's tough. I haven't been in that
Speaker 3: situation because I'm very fortunate to have been pretty much
Speaker 3: in a remote position with limited travel since twenty eighteen.
Speaker 3: So even before COVID, I was in a remote position
Speaker 3: with limited travel. So I feel like it's tough. I
Speaker 3: definitely would have a huge lifestyle shift if I had
Speaker 3: to go in person now, especially if it was an
Speaker 3: hour and a half away, because I don't even drive,
Speaker 3: so I would be like, I got no choice, but
Speaker 3: just right wait on the bus y'all gonna give me
Speaker 3: a huper budget or what?
Speaker 1: Oh that would be wild.
Speaker 3: But it's just such an inconvenient, massive inconvenience to travel.
Speaker 1: Think it also shows like even if you do start
Speaker 1: working at a place that has a certain policy, they
Speaker 1: can change their policy, like, uh, even if and the
Speaker 1: grass isn't always greener, and maybe it is green to
Speaker 1: start with, but then it starts growing weeds and going brown,
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? And take that analogy
Speaker 1: as far as I can, and I just feel like,
Speaker 1: if you're choosing companies, bab, you really can just make
Speaker 1: information based on what you know now or sorry, make
Speaker 1: decisions based on the information that you have now. And
Speaker 1: the information you have now is that you're getting some
Speaker 1: things that are important. But you have to align your
Speaker 1: values what is most important to you. Not to say
Speaker 1: that great colleagues, dream company. And I think when they
Speaker 1: say dream company, they mean that I didn't put that.
Speaker 1: I didn't read this part. But she says, or yeah,
Speaker 1: she says, hashtag free flights, great benefits. It must be
Speaker 1: like an airline that gives her free travel benefits, which
Speaker 1: are you know not it's a great perk and you
Speaker 1: have yeah and the but with all the perks, I
Speaker 1: think people do need to be realistic about what you're
Speaker 1: giving up in exchange for what you're getting, And you
Speaker 1: have to decide if what you're giving up and what
Speaker 1: you're getting is like in balance or hopefully you get
Speaker 1: more than you're giving and really what like that's really
Speaker 1: up to you, Like does the hour and a half commute?
Speaker 1: Do you love listening to audiobooks and driving a lot?
Speaker 1: Do you love gas bills or electricity bills? If you
Speaker 1: have a hybrid or whatever? Like do you do you mind?
Speaker 1: Maybe it fits your lifestyle now, but if you have
Speaker 1: a family or if you have people who rely on
Speaker 1: you long term, like that may change the calculation. There's
Speaker 1: certainly things that I tolerate I used to tolerate that
Speaker 1: I couldn't tolerate now with my lifestyle and what I
Speaker 1: need that are different. And it could be that it
Speaker 1: was your dream company for a time, but now your
Speaker 1: values have shifted, and yeah, I can't promise that you're
Speaker 1: going to love your new colleagues and that. But I
Speaker 1: think when you go into it with understanding your values
Speaker 1: and like what the reason you're doing things and making
Speaker 1: sure that your values are in alignment with those actions
Speaker 1: that you're taking, like you'll be able to have peace
Speaker 1: knowing like this is why, especially because a lot.
Speaker 3: Of airlines do have remote positions. Now I know a
Speaker 3: lot of the customer service roles are remote. Yeah, I
Speaker 3: have a friend whose mom works for American Airlines and
Speaker 3: she just works from home. She just takes calls all
Speaker 3: day and helps customer service support and stuff, so obviously
Speaker 3: on the chat, but also on the phone. So I
Speaker 3: think if there's like, if the reservation is that, oh no,
Speaker 3: I'm going to lose my free flights, like okay, well,
Speaker 3: let's figure out a role that is remote at least
Speaker 3: part time or full time remote or like part of
Speaker 3: the week remote, even if it's not full time remote,
Speaker 3: that we'll still give you that perk, and it's in
Speaker 3: that same industry, but maybe at a different company, Because yeah,
Speaker 3: I mean, I think that is a huge perk, and
Speaker 3: that is definitely a big, a big factor in the
Speaker 3: decision because that's major for your family, for yourself.
Speaker 1: I'm sure so.
Speaker 3: But you know, it's not the end of the day.
Speaker 3: If you were to take a position that's fully remote
Speaker 3: at a different at a competing company, and like, okay,
Speaker 3: now I'm ten fifteen minutes away or twenty minutes away,
Speaker 3: which is a major lifestyle change rather than driving an
Speaker 3: hour and a half every day, or you could.
Speaker 1: Move back to wherever headquarters was. Go ahead, Chris, is
Speaker 1: that what you're gonna say, that's exactly what I was
Speaker 1: because I was like, because for me, I've worked enough
Speaker 1: bad jobs.
Speaker 2: It was funny on the last episode I talked about
Speaker 2: this job, I hated it, and all my old co
Speaker 2: workers like, were you talking about this job?
Speaker 1: Job knew it?
Speaker 2: They're like, I knew what you're talking about. But after
Speaker 2: I'd be willing to move for a good job. And
Speaker 2: so for me, I don't take that for granted. If
Speaker 2: this is a job you love, you like the benefits,
Speaker 2: like if people you work with you like that what
Speaker 2: you're doing, and they we didn't get the reason why
Speaker 2: they moved away from the area. But if it's something
Speaker 2: that's it was just by choice and you could move back,
Speaker 2: I wouldn't move back for a good job because it
Speaker 2: is tough out there. You know, it is a little
Speaker 2: bit of a risk. I mean, it's worth taking risk
Speaker 2: if it is for the right job. But if every
Speaker 2: if this is everything you want, I'd be willing to
Speaker 2: move back for that job, just because it's hard to
Speaker 2: find a good place. Sometimes it takes some time to
Speaker 2: find the right fit, and to me, it's it's worth it,
Speaker 2: even if it's maybe not like my ideal city. Maybe
Speaker 2: the other city I like better. But if I have
Speaker 2: a community there, friends, family that still exists in that
Speaker 2: place and I can be happy there, I wouldn't. I
Speaker 2: would move back there for a good job.
Speaker 3: That's a good point, especially the mention of like the
Speaker 3: two to three years till there's a promotion, so it's
Speaker 3: like a long time. So if it sounds like I
Speaker 3: mean by including that, I'm assuming that she's deciding she
Speaker 3: wants to wait for that promotion. And if she wants
Speaker 3: to wait for that promotion, then there's sort of this
Speaker 3: inherent commitment to be there.
Speaker 1: For two to three years.
Speaker 3: Longer two to three years of a ninety minion commute
Speaker 3: is now we're talking about something real specific that is
Speaker 3: much longer term. So I would say three years of
Speaker 3: driving ninety minutes a day to and from work, so
Speaker 3: three hours a day is rough. If you know you're
Speaker 3: committed to that, you know, advancement in your career within
Speaker 3: this specific company, then it probably makes sense to do
Speaker 3: what Chris is talking about, because then you know you're
Speaker 3: committing to the three years, you're trying to put your
Speaker 3: name in the hat for this promotion you're trying. That's
Speaker 3: like the route that you're on, rather than like, oh, well,
Speaker 3: I'm just not sure, but I'm conveniently located over here.
Speaker 3: And then it's like, no, there's a very specific reason
Speaker 3: why you're staying there and committing to trying to get
Speaker 3: that promotion. In that case, moving closer to the company
Speaker 3: just goes to show them how committed and serious you are.
Speaker 3: So when that motion comes around, like oh, remember I
Speaker 3: done moved back to Dallas for what for you all?
Speaker 3: For this to stay here, to be able to contribute meaningfully,
Speaker 3: like keep that in mind.
Speaker 1: I don't know you don't think I don't think you
Speaker 1: know that. That that clip going around that people on
Speaker 1: the podcast for Homegirls talking about she met a man
Speaker 1: in Nigeria and he proposed to her and she's gonna move.
Speaker 1: Did you see that? And the other two are like, no,
Speaker 1: don't stop, but give me your passport now. And I
Speaker 1: would stop. I would stop someone from moving to a
Speaker 1: city for a job for the promise of a promotion,
Speaker 1: maybe not even the promise for this, for the for
Speaker 1: the maybe of it all. Yeah, but there could be
Speaker 1: other reasons for every all that plus all the other reasons.
Speaker 2: And the culture is starting that you can see it
Speaker 2: changing for this whole acceptance of work from home to
Speaker 2: even now there's like the environment started to change back.
Speaker 1: How do you think it's changing, because I don't think
Speaker 1: it's it's going the wrong way.
Speaker 2: It's headed back to like you need to be. I'm
Speaker 2: even seeing it here with San Francisco, for like the
Speaker 2: hub of remote work of the most benefits of all time,
Speaker 2: and you're seeing a lot of these companies demanding the
Speaker 2: employees come back into the office. I don't know how
Speaker 2: it's going to work out for them, but you're seeing
Speaker 2: that tie change. Even the city here said that they
Speaker 2: got to bring their employees back. I think it's a
Speaker 2: four days a week now. So yeah, you're seeing a change,
Speaker 2: And so I don't I always felt it was a
Speaker 2: little iffy, like making a move with these remote job promises,
Speaker 2: because I'm like, I don't know if I trust him
Speaker 2: to keep this up. After the pandemic starts to kind
Speaker 2: of calm down, and then you're starting to see is
Speaker 2: the flip the reversal of a lot of these policies.
Speaker 2: So I'd even say, like, you know, you don't know
Speaker 2: how if you find another job that's remote, allows you
Speaker 2: to say where you are how long they'll even keep
Speaker 2: those policies in place, because they, like Madi Will saying,
Speaker 2: they can change your mind and be like, no, we're
Speaker 2: you're all coming back in.
Speaker 1: Yep.
Speaker 3: That's a great point. I mean.
Speaker 1: And the higher you get up, like the management. I
Speaker 1: know you mentioned customer service, you and Ellie, but like
Speaker 1: the more senior positions, I think they haven't even higher
Speaker 1: expectation of showing up and being seen and heard and
Speaker 1: all that. And I mean, I'm a little ambivalent about that.
Speaker 1: I like a hybrid thing. I like going in, I
Speaker 1: like staying home. Like the key for me, it's flexibility.
Speaker 1: I'm a grown ass adult. When I decide it's better
Speaker 1: for me to work from home, I would I'm gonna
Speaker 1: do that.
Speaker 3: Trust me to make that decision because I'm doing what's
Speaker 3: best for this job and not being self.
Speaker 1: Like you know, trust and I think you earn that.
Speaker 1: It's funny because like you expect to hire senior people
Speaker 1: to like be in the office, but I think you've
Speaker 1: earned that trust and respect if you're at that point
Speaker 1: to be able to make your own damn decisions, and
Speaker 1: like that's a little frustrating. And also make that decision
Speaker 1: for your team. You know, you can decide if you're
Speaker 1: if you trust so and so to like work from
Speaker 1: home or not, like anyway, I you should be able
Speaker 1: to you should I mean you hired them because to
Speaker 1: be honest, some people should not be working from home
Speaker 1: because they can't. If you're not even nothing done.
Speaker 3: If you if you are continuously not meeting quotas or
Speaker 3: you know, KPIs or whatever it is your measure your
Speaker 3: metrics are like, then it's a problem that needs to
Speaker 3: be addressed. But if you're on your ship, like, what's
Speaker 3: the problem? I don't you know. I do think right
Speaker 3: now that there's a little bit of like corporate disco
Speaker 3: because if you're a billionaire, multi millionaire whatever corporation of
Speaker 3: CEO or EXAC, right and all your other buddies, that
Speaker 3: other companies are hurting because of the fact that most
Speaker 3: employees are working from home. Meaning the car industry is
Speaker 3: hurting because people aren't driving their cars as much. Car
Speaker 3: auto insurance is hurting because people are canceling all insurance politics.
Speaker 3: They're not driving their cars all day anymore. People are,
Speaker 3: you know, the food industry is hurting because people aren't
Speaker 3: ordering lunches as much because they're not at work. You know,
Speaker 3: corporate events is hurting because people aren't really doing so
Speaker 3: it's like all of a sudden, now all of your
Speaker 3: buddies are calling you up, like what's up? Are you
Speaker 3: going back in office because you know, we need to
Speaker 3: bring we need to spring back into action and get
Speaker 3: you know, people, goods and services going again. And it's
Speaker 3: going to be better when people are in office. And
Speaker 3: so I do think some of it is like this
Speaker 3: not necessarily selfish. I think selfish is the right word,
Speaker 3: but there's probably a better word. But it's really about
Speaker 3: like this motivating motivation, the key motivating factor being the
Speaker 3: benefit to the corporations rather than to the actual workers,
Speaker 3: and what's better for your work life balance and also
Speaker 3: what's better for your productivity because I know, for example,
Speaker 3: when I go to the office and everybody's just sitting
Speaker 3: at the office taking zoom calls from the office, Like,
Speaker 3: but uh, what you mean I had to come in
Speaker 3: person for this, for this experience, for everyone to be
Speaker 3: putting there ear Buzzy didn't take zoom calls from the office.
Speaker 3: We can do that from home. So I think it
Speaker 3: really varies. It really depends on the environment. But I
Speaker 3: think more so when you see that push like that,
Speaker 3: like and of course you know that Jamie Diamond clip
Speaker 3: going viral a couple of weeks ago, it's like you
Speaker 3: hear that frustration and that anger and then you realize
Speaker 3: what it's amount of money. He went viral just because
Speaker 3: he was being recorded and he didn't know, he wasn't
Speaker 3: aware that he was being recorded, and he was basically
Speaker 3: bashing work from home culture and like cursing up the storm,
Speaker 3: saying this is bs, like what the fuck? Like you
Speaker 3: need to come back in office if you want to
Speaker 3: work at this company. He's talking about JP Morgan's last chase.
Speaker 3: If you want to work at this company, you go in,
Speaker 3: You're going to be in person. If you want to
Speaker 3: keep your ass home and be lazy and stay at home,
Speaker 3: stay home, but not here, not for this company. And
Speaker 3: he was just like going on off about how people yes,
Speaker 3: and then the audio got leaked and it went viral,
Speaker 3: and it's like when you listen to the anger underneath
Speaker 3: his voice, and he was really mad.
Speaker 1: He was pissed.
Speaker 3: It's like it's hurting their money, guys, that's why, that's
Speaker 3: why they're so.
Speaker 1: Mad and their egos and they're that whole like, well,
Speaker 1: that's not the way it was when I was coming up.
Speaker 1: And but you look at who had attended the inaugural
Speaker 1: and it's like Silicon Valley you mentioned that, I'm just
Speaker 1: you know vasos, and oh shoot, we didn't even talk
Speaker 1: about Jeff Bezos, basically like saying, where do I begin, girl?
Speaker 1: What do you say? With the Washington Post Jeff Bezos?
Speaker 1: He the opinion section stepped down, and I can see
Speaker 1: why because he's basically said, we're going to have libertarian
Speaker 1: opinions here only and no questioning or critical opinions, literally
Speaker 1: opinions about the White House. And that's just such a
Speaker 1: reversal for what the Washington Post stands for. It it's
Speaker 1: what everyone feared when he bought it, I think. And
Speaker 1: now it's coming to fruition. Yep.
Speaker 3: So yeah, it's just another nut subscribe, another Twitter slash
Speaker 3: x situation where they just keep buying up things and
Speaker 3: using it.
Speaker 1: For and Trump doesn't like work from home, so then
Speaker 1: they don't like it because they want to appeal to
Speaker 1: his ego.
Speaker 3: Of course, of course it's ridiculous, it really is. I mean,
Speaker 3: you know, it's funny a couple with this is random,
Speaker 3: but a couple of weeks ago are months ago, two
Speaker 3: months ago, maybe I was in Atlanta. I went to
Speaker 3: the Usher concert with my homegirl from college and we
Speaker 3: turn around and see two three sections away like towards
Speaker 3: the back or like the stripper poles set up in
Speaker 3: the back, because Usher concert is crazy. Jeff Bezos in
Speaker 3: there just just with his girl, just drinking, and I
Speaker 3: was like, wait a minute, oh no, no, this was
Speaker 3: not in Atlanta. I went to the Usher concert twice.
Speaker 3: This was in Miami, the Miami Usher concert. So in
Speaker 3: the Atlanta Usher concert, who was there? Tiny and t
Speaker 3: I okay, and you know that makes sense. And then
Speaker 3: the Miami one it was Jeff Bezos and and Damon
Speaker 3: John from Shark Tank and from Poubu. Yeah, so it
Speaker 3: was just it's like ridiculous. How you see like the
Speaker 3: most the wealthiest freaking person being escorted by all the
Speaker 3: security and this, like you know, it's ridiculous, like the
Speaker 3: uber black situation pick up and drop off and like
Speaker 3: just being treated whatever. And it's like, bro, we are
Speaker 3: all at this concert just trying to have a good time,
Speaker 3: like don't bring that energy in here. But it's so
Speaker 3: frustrating because they literally have the first and final say
Speaker 3: when it comes to so many of the policies that
Speaker 3: affect our lived experiences every single day. And yet when
Speaker 3: it comes to even just like your ability to go
Speaker 3: to a consert and enjoy yourself, Oh excuse me, you
Speaker 3: have to wait an hour until Jeff Bezos enters and exits.
Speaker 3: Like it's so frustrating.
Speaker 1: But you know at the back of the office, we
Speaker 1: have to order sit again because you can't make time
Speaker 1: to go.
Speaker 3: To the stove, you know, And so you can't even
Speaker 3: boycot Amazon even if you wanted to, because they make
Speaker 3: it literally impossible. Mm, well we should wrap up the
Speaker 3: b a qa.
Speaker 1: For her. Oh yeah, we just.
Speaker 3: Went off track.
Speaker 1: I think we got the answer. I remember we got there.
Speaker 1: Good luck, Sasha, and I think we all wrap I
Speaker 1: think just to wrap that up. I think that the
Speaker 1: key takeaways are you have to decide where where your
Speaker 1: values are and recognize that companies are not going to
Speaker 1: always be the perfect fit for you for where you're
Speaker 1: at in your life. And like maybe it was your
Speaker 1: dream company, but now that it wants you back in
Speaker 1: the office, well that just it just qualifies them from
Speaker 1: being your dream company and just to I think that's
Speaker 1: a healthy it's a healthy thing to know as you
Speaker 1: pursue the rest of your career and will help you
Speaker 1: make decisions that are grounded in like what you want
Speaker 1: versus what you think you should have or what companies
Speaker 1: say they think you should.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and there's no harm in just interviewing. Just just interview,
Speaker 3: just be, always be interviewing. Just just do it and
Speaker 3: if if something feels right in your gut, it might
Speaker 3: be the right leap. And if not, hey, at least
Speaker 3: you're interviewing, you're staying in the game. You're staying fresher.
Speaker 3: I mean, Mandy could talk to this better than anybody
Speaker 3: about those skills. You have to kind of stay sharp
Speaker 3: on them. And if you get real comfortable and settle
Speaker 3: with this position and it's so great and so you stay,
Speaker 3: you don't kind of only make it harder for yourself
Speaker 3: in let's say, in three years, if you did decide
Speaker 3: to leave because you've been out the game for so long.
Speaker 3: So even maybe just do a couple of interviews. You
Speaker 3: might find a better opportunity and a better fit. And
Speaker 3: you might not, but at least you're getting at bets
Speaker 3: you're getting that point.
Speaker 1: We're an offer. Because the thing I love about all
Speaker 1: these like oh two to three years for promotion, What
Speaker 1: I love most is how quickly that goes out the
Speaker 1: window if you get a competing offer, It's like, oh wait,
Speaker 1: we found this money all of a sudden. That's hard interesting.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I would, yeah, one hundred percent on Ellie
Speaker 1: go be interviewing and get those competing offers. All right, Sasha,
Speaker 1: thank you for your question. Let's take a quick break
Speaker 1: and come right back with question from a listener. Tara
Speaker 1: Ariba fam Tara in the house with a question. She says, Hey, nanny,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for what you do. I just
Speaker 1: discovered brand ambition and can't get enough. Oh that's kind,
Speaker 1: that's so sweet. Tarah says, I'm thirty seven years old.
Speaker 1: I had been with my partner for thirteen years. It's
Speaker 1: a very loving and committed relationship, but we are not married.
Speaker 1: We both have some disillusionment with marriage. Both of us
Speaker 1: have divorced parents and other trauma issues. Were both in
Speaker 1: therapy for. It's occurred to me that if something were
Speaker 1: to happen to him, i e. He dies in a
Speaker 1: car crash or something, I'd be pretty much screwed financially.
Speaker 1: I work part time and have a side hustle, but
Speaker 1: he makes way more money than me as a computer programmer.
Speaker 1: I contribute to rent and other smaller expenses, but I
Speaker 1: would not be able to afford our current lifestyle on
Speaker 1: my own if something were to happen to him. Part
Speaker 1: of our arrangement is that I pay lesson rent so
Speaker 1: I can work. I'm paying down my credit card debt,
Speaker 1: which I'm very slowly making progress on. Anyway, I've heard
Speaker 1: horror stories of women being with their man for twenty
Speaker 1: plus years, he dies suddenly and they have zero claim
Speaker 1: to anything because they're not legally married. I can't say
Speaker 1: for sure if we will ever get legally married, maybe not,
Speaker 1: or maybe some day down the road. But in the meantime,
Speaker 1: what can I do to protect myself financially in case
Speaker 1: the worst were to happen. We live in Idaho, oh
Speaker 1: Idaho in the house?
Speaker 3: Okay?
Speaker 1: Good. We live in Idaho, which does not offer something
Speaker 1: like common law marriage. I'm assuming my priority should be
Speaker 1: to save, save, save like a squirrel, because right now
Speaker 1: my savings is almost nothing. Sadly, anyway, sorry for the
Speaker 1: long email. Thank you so much. Don't be sorry much.
Speaker 1: Love Tara through it. Listen to your gut. What do
Speaker 1: you say, christ because you never go first? Assertive? Be assertive?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, sometimes I forget that you're doing it by choice,
Speaker 1: not because you need me to like shut you to
Speaker 1: the spotlight.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't need you don't need to make me
Speaker 2: go first, since you already put me on the spot.
Speaker 2: All right, I would say, you know what I think, obviously,
Speaker 2: it's always good to be prepared, right, to have your
Speaker 2: own stuff in place, have your own savings, to have
Speaker 2: your own streamer income, to be self sufficient, right. Because
Speaker 2: in the situation, it sounds like it's not that he
Speaker 2: is making her be I guess he's not forcing her.
Speaker 2: In the situation, they're involuntarily they're choosing that to be married.
Speaker 2: But I think there's differently things we don't know why.
Speaker 2: Maybe she's working part time versus working full time. There
Speaker 2: could be a lot of reasons why someone chooses to
Speaker 2: do that. I don't know if they have kids or
Speaker 2: anything like that, but I would say you can definitely
Speaker 2: make sure you're self sufficient on your own right. You
Speaker 2: got to make sure that you and no matter what happens,
Speaker 2: because a relationship could always in that you are taking
Speaker 2: care of yourself and you put yourself in the best
Speaker 2: position to survive any type of separation. If this is
Speaker 2: like a committed relationship, right, I don't know if they've
Speaker 2: done any type of estate planning, and maybe have the
Speaker 2: conversation with your partner like, hey, if something weren't happen
Speaker 2: to you, something would happen to me. Do we plan
Speaker 2: on giving each other some of our assets when we
Speaker 2: pass away? Because that's something that I think that would
Speaker 2: give you a lot of relief if you know for sure,
Speaker 2: because just because you're not married doesn't mean he couldn't
Speaker 2: have a trust or will in place that gives you
Speaker 2: some of the assets that you built this life together.
Speaker 1: You can name anybody a beneficiary of that for a
Speaker 1: one K bye bye anybody life insurance policy?
Speaker 2: Yes, right, so I would have that question. I would
Speaker 2: have a conversation and figure that out because that may
Speaker 2: solve your problem right there. If because if you feel like, Okay,
Speaker 2: I don't know what will happen, this may give you
Speaker 2: that security that you need to know that, hey, we
Speaker 2: both have each other's back and that one of us
Speaker 2: were to pass away. But if you may find out
Speaker 2: that you that's not the plan, so then then you
Speaker 2: can make it a planet according based off of what
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 1: Now that's scary too, because if he passes away, you
Speaker 1: can't afford the house, like and there's still a lean
Speaker 1: on it or mortgage or whatever, like his family may
Speaker 1: take ownership or whatever the laws of Idaho suggest, and
Speaker 1: then they could, you know, want to sell it for
Speaker 1: a profit or like kick you out or whatever. That
Speaker 1: is a fact.
Speaker 3: I really love that, Crystal, because that's pretty much what
Speaker 3: Jamil and I did. We are in thirteen years in
Speaker 3: to our relationship and also not married. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Also so like terror, I feel you girl.
Speaker 3: We are in a long term relationship, very very committed,
Speaker 3: but we've you know, not really necessarily seeing marriage necessarily
Speaker 3: in our future. Maybe maybe not like you said, but
Speaker 3: that don't mean we play around when it comes to
Speaker 3: the estate planet. We both sat down. I added him
Speaker 3: to my retirement assets as a beneficiary along with some
Speaker 3: like you don't have to name only one person, so
Speaker 3: you can have multiple beneficiaries. So Jamil is one of
Speaker 3: the beneficiaries. I have a big family, so there's others
Speaker 3: as well. And then I have a life insurance policy
Speaker 3: he is one of the beneficiaries as well as another
Speaker 3: family member, and then he did the same in return
Speaker 3: his retirement assets. The beneficiary listed is me as well
Speaker 3: as one another person in his family, and same thing
Speaker 3: with his life insurance policy where'm listed as a beneficiary.
Speaker 3: So you can not have that fear looming over you
Speaker 3: every day in your relationship. As he walks out the
Speaker 3: door and hops on his bike, you're like, is he
Speaker 3: gonna die today and leave me screwed? Like, don't you know,
Speaker 3: don't create that situation for yourself because naming yourself, I mean,
Speaker 3: that's like the leading cause of death. I feel like
Speaker 3: if you look at these bikes.
Speaker 1: I don't think they're getting I don't know, but I
Speaker 1: just feel like the other day I'm red an article.
Speaker 3: But like everybody gets on a bike and dies, and
Speaker 3: I'm like, why is everybody dying.
Speaker 1: On a bike.
Speaker 3: No, you guys got to do that a state planning process,
Speaker 3: like Chris said, and it doesn't even have to be
Speaker 3: the official formal estate planning whole thing where you have
Speaker 3: a trust or you have a will and you have
Speaker 3: all that. But even to us, starting with the simple
Speaker 3: act of adding each other as beneficiaries and establishing joint
Speaker 3: ownership on some of your assets and accounts. That could
Speaker 3: be the move that he makes to show you that
Speaker 3: you know, you are really valued to him and you
Speaker 3: guys are equal partners in your partnership, even though a
Speaker 3: marriage is not necessarily the thing that creates your partnership, right,
Speaker 3: So I do think that's really important. And if you
Speaker 3: want to take that next step and you want to
Speaker 3: set up a trust, that will be even better because
Speaker 3: then it could skip probate. You know, you can have
Speaker 3: a will and you still have to go through probate,
Speaker 3: which can be you know, held up in the courts.
Speaker 3: We've seen that with a lot of celebrities who unfortunately,
Speaker 3: you know, their families kind of are fighting in core
Speaker 3: and they're held up in probate to get assets from
Speaker 3: the person who passed. So just at the very least
Speaker 3: adding beneficiaries and creating joint ownership so that you know
Speaker 3: that you have access to things and you're not screwed financially,
Speaker 3: like you said, if he does pass, but also you know,
Speaker 3: discussing like maybe potentially a will or a trust or
Speaker 3: something bigger, because if your partner is making all this
Speaker 3: money as a programmer. He can afford a life insurance
Speaker 3: policy for eighty bucks a month with you as a beneficiary,
Speaker 3: and he can afford to set up a will for
Speaker 3: a couple hundred bucks online and a trust right, which
Speaker 3: is not a ton of money. We're not talking about
Speaker 3: ten thousand dollars here. We're talking about a couple hundred bucks,
Speaker 3: and that can definitely give you the peace of mind
Speaker 3: that you need and you can sleep better at night
Speaker 3: knowing that you all are on the same page.
Speaker 1: Let's change, you know, the whole diamond thing, the whole
Speaker 1: diamond being like the diamond engagement ring that was just
Speaker 1: a marketing stunt from like or a commercial campaign from
Speaker 1: the early nineteen hundreds. So like, could the new engagement
Speaker 1: ring be I love you and I want you to
Speaker 1: be my wife. Here's my four oh one k. I'm
Speaker 1: adding you as a beneficiary today. Will you will you
Speaker 1: take me as your partner for life? Yeah, that's that's
Speaker 1: romantic to me all the study. Put me on your
Speaker 1: four one k baby, like talk dirty to me, Like
Speaker 1: can I be? Can you put me on the deed?
Speaker 1: Give me the title? You know what I mean? Like
Speaker 1: paper other kinds of paper ownership assets. We need to
Speaker 1: tap into our woman in Pakistan, give me land, give
Speaker 1: me hands out a week. But it's so it's real,
Speaker 1: true people get caught up in like the bridle, the
Speaker 1: white dress and the cake and like the venue. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, babe, what does the what does the paperwork say?
Speaker 1: Because there's some people who are more protected who never
Speaker 1: get married if they do things properly. Then people who
Speaker 1: do get married and don't have a prenup because like
Speaker 1: you can go back to listen to our episode with
Speaker 1: Aaron Thomas, the prenup attorney, incredible prenup attorney with those book,
Speaker 1: listen to that episode from Valentine's Day in February, because
Speaker 1: we talk all about that how even just because you
Speaker 1: get married, it doesn't magically give you protections exactly exact think.
Speaker 3: And I love that point, Mandy, because I do feel
Speaker 3: like a lot of my girlfriends are so enamored and
Speaker 3: it's like it's been instilled in us since we were
Speaker 3: little girls. It's like, oh, the idea of your wedding
Speaker 3: day is the most important day of your life, the
Speaker 3: most special day of your life, and you know you
Speaker 3: want to get married once and you have your dressing,
Speaker 3: you have to have your perfect wedding, and it's like
Speaker 3: all of that. I don't want to call it shit,
Speaker 3: but it's like it's all symbolism, but what is it?
Speaker 1: Yes, but what is it to?
Speaker 3: What's underneath it? All that actually has meaning and is
Speaker 3: the foundation for everything that matters? Is like are you good?
Speaker 3: Are you and the kids gonna be good if he's gone?
Speaker 3: Or are y'all gonna be good if she's gone? Like
Speaker 3: what is the reality of your life and your livelihood?
Speaker 3: That's what really matters. So I just feel like, yeah,
Speaker 3: like get get the fluff stuff out of the way
Speaker 3: so you can really address what's really important. At the
Speaker 3: very least, he should have a life insurance policy. Come on,
Speaker 3: that's I mean, my life insurance policy. I pay seventy
Speaker 3: two dollars a month and it's up to one point
Speaker 3: five million dollar payout. It's a thirty year term policy.
Speaker 3: There ain't no reason why he shouldn't be spending seventy
Speaker 3: two dollars a month on an insurance policy like that.
Speaker 3: That's chump changed for him as a software engineer. Come on, girl,
Speaker 3: like that's the the bare minimum he can do. Add
Speaker 3: you as a beneficiar on the retirement accounts and create
Speaker 3: a life insurance policy. Turn policy's fine, something under one
Speaker 3: hundred bucks a month. He can afford it, and it
Speaker 3: just it's it's a real action, not just words, just
Speaker 3: putting action behind the words. If like you are my partner,
Speaker 3: you matter so much to me. We've been in this
Speaker 3: game for thirteen years together. Let me show you what
Speaker 3: that means to me in this way.
Speaker 1: You know, it's going to give you information if what
Speaker 1: if he acts weird about it, then you got a
Speaker 1: red flag, babe. And then I would say, yes, start saving.
Speaker 3: Oh for sure, save you the way, but take notes
Speaker 3: if he acted skimming off the top. My mom used
Speaker 3: to do that. I mean sid I mean, not put
Speaker 3: our business out there, but definitely gotta do what you
Speaker 3: gotta do.
Speaker 1: A lot of spouses do. Take a little sum for me,
Speaker 1: you know, put it, put it behind the toilet, wherever
Speaker 1: you want to hide it behind the toilet. You know why,
Speaker 1: because I was picturing j Loo in that movie enough
Speaker 1: and I don't think she puts money behind the toilet,
Speaker 1: but there is a pivotal toilet scene. It really made
Speaker 1: an impression on me where she pretends to be peeing
Speaker 1: by putting a bottle of water on the toilet so
Speaker 1: that she can escape her abusive spouse. You'll never enough.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean so it was like a remake of
Speaker 3: Sleeping with the Enemy with Julia Roberts from back in
Speaker 3: the day.
Speaker 1: Listen, we don't need to know all that, but yeah,
Speaker 1: I will die on the Jalo hill. I don't know why.
Speaker 1: I think you'll be alone.
Speaker 3: It. I like JL, but that movie was for sure
Speaker 3: just straight up robbed sleeping with the Enemy, like the
Speaker 3: entire storyline, a lot of the scenes. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 3: this is just a just a remake.
Speaker 1: Julia Roberts did not learn how to fight blind. No, no,
Speaker 1: she didn't know how to fight Morgan Freeman.
Speaker 3: No she did not, but it was it was that
Speaker 3: overarching story.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it was a slight very You're right.
Speaker 3: You're right, it was a slight very. She was the
Speaker 3: Bronx version. It was the Boogie Down Bronx version.
Speaker 1: Was blind. She learned how to box blind because she
Speaker 1: was dark. She had to like learn her house fight
Speaker 1: him in the dark. She had to fight him in
Speaker 1: the dark so that she you know, it also a
Speaker 1: game of Thrones when Aria Stark when she like has
Speaker 1: to fight the little the ladies.
Speaker 3: Ye, well no these are these are old old foot films,
Speaker 3: and Joe very old watching this today, like he was
Speaker 3: watching enough.
Speaker 1: There's so many characters to forget who that is. Anyway,
Speaker 1: she like turns, she like cuts the candle off, and
Speaker 1: then she's like, oh, you're on my turf now, bitch,
Speaker 1: I'm blind. Now.
Speaker 3: No, that was Aria. That was Aria.
Speaker 1: You Chris, they're connected. You're trying to make me, not
Speaker 1: make it. You're trying to discredit Mandy.
Speaker 3: I'm with you.
Speaker 1: I'm here girl, I'm with a man gaslighting us.
Speaker 3: I'm following you.
Speaker 1: Girl in the middle. Nothing in the middle, the beginning
Speaker 1: of Women's History Month. Okay, follow me. Me and yan
Speaker 1: Ellie are on the train. You're trying to keep up.
Speaker 1: You're just right here, like sweating, dripping down your bald head,
Speaker 1: trying to catch a train that you ain't gonna catch it.
Speaker 1: You ain't never gonna catch his train, Chris.
Speaker 3: You gotta want to catch the train. In order to
Speaker 3: catch the train. You gotta want you gotta want.
Speaker 1: It, want to It's gonna listen. Just take this whole
Speaker 1: episode anyway, j Lo deserved all yes, and she had
Speaker 1: to learn how to box blind so that so she
Speaker 1: could turn the lights off and then win, and then
Speaker 1: women win, women win. That's all you need to know
Speaker 1: about that. Okay, just Maarah is gonna win when she
Speaker 1: listens to this episode and she and I just I
Speaker 1: want an update, Tara, because we really want to hear
Speaker 1: that you have as you deserve financial security. Okay, thirteen
Speaker 1: years is a long.
Speaker 3: Time and at least reassure even if you don't have
Speaker 3: your own financial independence. You've been in this relationship for
Speaker 3: thirteen years and you just are love you that reassurance
Speaker 3: is so important.
Speaker 1: Wants you to be Okay, yep, yeah, all right, another
Speaker 1: colorful episode of the AQA. I love it all right,
Speaker 1: big fam, thank you so much for listening, and for
Speaker 1: those of you who are on the train with us,
Speaker 1: I hope you're enjoying the view. We got. We got
Speaker 1: chilled sparkling rose, which is my favorite, like fancy beverage.
Speaker 1: And you know, maybe we'll slow down a little bit
Speaker 1: so Chris can do you hear those tires screeching? Just
Speaker 1: hop on how you can hang on to the back
Speaker 1: of the kaboos gonna go to the kabboos, you know.
Speaker 2: But for those of you out there who are who
Speaker 2: are trying to just learn and do better, and you're
Speaker 2: running outside the train with me, you know, it's great
Speaker 2: to have you there well, striving to get better, you know.
Speaker 1: Appreciate it. This train is sponsored by Adhd al r
Speaker 1: Ba Fam. Until next time, we'll see you on Monday. Bye,