Speaker 1: Welcome to decisions Decisions. I don't think you should say
Speaker 1: decision decisions. It sounded like you was talking to Kirsty.
Speaker 1: You definitely say to welcome, welcome to the new podcast.
Speaker 1: You want to say together, decisions decisions. I am passport cutting.
Speaker 2: I am an author like Coach and.
Speaker 1: Missing Ones. Huh talka former hope and before us.
Speaker 2: Okay, we gonna get into that author we ever had
Speaker 2: on the podcast podcaster.
Speaker 1: In you and everybody. I don't even only was on
Speaker 1: my notes. Okay, some of you might remember me from
Speaker 1: one of their first episodes.
Speaker 2: It was them interviewing me about my first book, that
Speaker 2: m and Manas for Money. So that's why I'm so
Speaker 2: to be here to be talking to them about their
Speaker 2: first book, No Holds barn is a dual manifesto of
Speaker 2: such exploration and power, and I had the luxury and
Speaker 2: the privilege of reading it twice already. Then if you are,
Speaker 2: if you've been listening for a long long time. We
Speaker 2: had another episode we did that was we talked about
Speaker 2: something that super time.
Speaker 1: But we're gonna get into that later.
Speaker 2: But this dynamic duo they did something super disruptive. They
Speaker 2: built community, They built safety, exploration, identity fun and.
Speaker 1: For me a bubble educated. So I love these ladies.
Speaker 1: The book has a lot of layers. It's very sexy
Speaker 1: but smart, and it's very wild.
Speaker 2: But why Okay, so we are gonna get I'm just
Speaker 2: taking it.
Speaker 1: Why why?
Speaker 2: Why?
Speaker 1: Sexy but smart?
Speaker 2: Okay, So I'm gonna tell you guys what I love
Speaker 2: about the book personally, right, So I usually love memoirs
Speaker 2: and self help. I used to read all the rodicts,
Speaker 2: so but this is all of them in one. So
Speaker 2: it really is a pleasure to like get a dose
Speaker 2: of everything all at once. And I'm just so I
Speaker 2: was more surprised by the education part of it because
Speaker 2: there was still stuff that I did not know, and
Speaker 2: I was looking it up on Google right like words
Speaker 2: and you guys did a good job at explaining a
Speaker 2: lot of things that you thought that people weren't going
Speaker 2: to know. But there was still something I didn't know. Abrosexual.
Speaker 2: So it's called hey bro ay go sexual.
Speaker 1: So so what's crazy about that one is we ended.
Speaker 2: Up even talking about that in an episode. I just
Speaker 2: think all of the labels that go onto our sexualities,
Speaker 2: like anyone kild like say.
Speaker 1: Oh, maybe you're not that maybe you're not that.
Speaker 2: What I've noticed is, though, specifically for me, from when
Speaker 2: I first started having sex with sixteen years old all
Speaker 2: the way to now is that there's been ebbs and
Speaker 2: flows of what I've been into and it's changed.
Speaker 1: Y'all are the name for that now?
Speaker 2: A sexual is the ability to kind of be fluid
Speaker 2: with so sorry, fluid with your sexual identity.
Speaker 1: So the the privilege.
Speaker 2: Now to be able to change and be like, no,
Speaker 2: I know I was this way at one point. It
Speaker 2: doesn't define me now. Saw that word, thought it was
Speaker 2: phenomenal and threw it off. Another one was compersion, which
Speaker 2: you do you do? People so tired of hearing me
Speaker 2: say that it is my favorite word, and it's so compersion.
Speaker 1: If y'all listen to the show clap if you know
Speaker 1: the word.
Speaker 2: Then we out dick sucking story. Confersion means that you're
Speaker 2: taking pleasure and someone else receiving pleasure, so much like
Speaker 2: a cuk hoole the cook queen, someone that just enjoys
Speaker 2: knowing that their partner is also enjoying.
Speaker 1: And a lot of.
Speaker 2: Times in non monogamy you actually have to really practice
Speaker 2: conversion knowing that someone is having fun by having an
Speaker 2: experience that's outside of you. And so I'm not saying
Speaker 2: I'm one hundred percent good at confersion, but there eighty.
Speaker 1: I also didn't know what M D M A was MD?
Speaker 1: Is that a drug? I'm telling you all this man
Speaker 1: stuff like that, I still don't know.
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna hold you as a New York girl.
Speaker 2: Half of the stories I like to be like, I
Speaker 2: was high some of this.
Speaker 1: It's actually a lot didn't hit that hard.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so well that look, the proof is that those
Speaker 2: words that suck out to me, you're gonna stick out
Speaker 2: to you as well. All Right, So it's vulnerable, it's personal,
Speaker 2: it's transparent, it's funny, and it has a lot of personality.
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna be honest with you.
Speaker 2: You have to read it, but you also have to
Speaker 2: listen to me, Like you can't just do one, because
Speaker 2: I did both, right, So you.
Speaker 1: Had time to listen to it, yea ten hours?
Speaker 3: I know.
Speaker 1: I was at the cool old day.
Speaker 2: No, I waked up at five am, you do. I
Speaker 2: had from five am all the way till I got
Speaker 2: here too, Okay, But also in the book, I was
Speaker 2: reading a school yesterday again, and when you when you
Speaker 2: were writing, okay, can I can I ask you someone
Speaker 2: who's listened to it, because I'm surprised we have someone
Speaker 2: who has just your thoughts on kind of while reading
Speaker 2: it and hearing it the emotion that was conveyed. Because
Speaker 2: for me and if y'all are patrons, I've talked about it,
Speaker 2: Recording this book was the hardest thing I've done professionally.
Speaker 1: She tried to warm me. I was like, bit y'all
Speaker 1: talked for a little long time.
Speaker 2: Listen, did y'all record the audio book? And she was like, no,
Speaker 2: we're about to do that in like two days or something.
Speaker 2: I said, I'm just want to know right now. She
Speaker 2: warned me, you don't feel like you don't.
Speaker 1: Know how to read. I didn't know how to talk.
Speaker 1: I didn't know how to read. There was there was
Speaker 1: there were.
Speaker 2: There were chapters that were so easy to write. And
Speaker 2: then when I was speaking there a bitch got choked. Well,
Speaker 2: you can't choke up.
Speaker 1: I can't read. So like it was like the emotion
Speaker 1: that she still wanted it.
Speaker 2: But I'm like, oh, ship, like the chapter like my
Speaker 2: abortion chapter was I wrote that in like a day,
Speaker 2: Like that was I knew I wanted to share that
Speaker 2: story with everything happening, and before writing it, I had
Speaker 2: a therapy session.
Speaker 1: I interviewed my mom, I interviewed my friend Peter whop
Speaker 1: me pay well. I wanted to say, though the audio
Speaker 1: version of it, we don't.
Speaker 2: I didn't I talk about this before the audio version
Speaker 2: of that chapter, which was my easiest. A bitch broke
Speaker 2: broke down in the in the recording version of it.
Speaker 2: So I don't know if you were you able to
Speaker 2: were you, I would.
Speaker 1: Have hear it all that you can. You can hear.
Speaker 2: The personality and emotions behind all of the top, like
Speaker 2: sometimes super exciting, you know, like it's easy.
Speaker 1: They'll they'll they'll know.
Speaker 2: This book because the most uncomfortable thing to read was
Speaker 2: not a sault, nothing like that. It was this sentence
Speaker 2: in front of I would say he was maybe mid
Speaker 2: fifties Latino, dude. I'm recording this audio book in LA
Speaker 2: and there's a glass wall with the person saying no,
Speaker 2: go ahead, weezy and just you know, stick with the
Speaker 2: same cadence.
Speaker 1: And I remember it because I was like, you're gonna
Speaker 1: take him a while because it's in the session.
Speaker 2: Oh girl, you're engineering my ultimate fantasy had always been
Speaker 2: getting fucked while eating.
Speaker 1: Pussy looking at me on they're not telling y'all. He
Speaker 1: really sat there and he goes, this is it's really
Speaker 1: gonna touch.
Speaker 2: It's when you get this industry like nothing is surprises
Speaker 2: people sometimes like they've heard it all, like in music,
Speaker 2: but especially engineers, they.
Speaker 1: Like not Miguel that man said, whoa hear from? Like man? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Like right yeah. And so just to describe the setting,
Speaker 1: we were in rappers going there.
Speaker 2: Music people go in there to do advertisements like things
Speaker 2: like that, like commercials and voiceovers. So to have someone
Speaker 2: just sit there with you and hear ten hours of
Speaker 2: your book, it was interesting. And also tell you can't
Speaker 2: read yes, yeah, yeah, I.
Speaker 1: Got so many words wrong. Yeah I read the word
Speaker 1: two twelve.
Speaker 2: He was like you have to also I wrote words
Speaker 2: and I was like, how you say this?
Speaker 1: Yeah, now that's what I need to tell when when
Speaker 1: it got to.
Speaker 2: I was like naevity, like when I was recording mind.
Speaker 1: Yes, So you know our co author shout out to
Speaker 1: Texas egg here on Tempest is Bright.
Speaker 2: She really like took our books to another level by
Speaker 2: helping this add like depth and dimensions to this book
Speaker 2: and one of the words that I can read use
Speaker 2: my brain got stuck that I can tell tenthist with
Speaker 2: jammed in the homogens and I say hold.
Speaker 1: On Jesus and yeah, okay.
Speaker 2: So two things that popped out for me in this
Speaker 2: book that I feel like were major themes for you
Speaker 2: guys individually separate were for you, Mandy, it was shame,
Speaker 2: and then for you it was jealousy. And I want
Speaker 2: to know, like for me, I felt like those are
Speaker 2: two themes that a lot of people don't admit.
Speaker 1: But that's the part of self help, you.
Speaker 2: Know, like when you are trying to really like get
Speaker 2: to know yourself and change things about yourself, you gotta
Speaker 2: admit things that are uncomfortable. So I want to know,
Speaker 2: at what point did you guys feel like you could
Speaker 2: admit like.
Speaker 1: Oh shit, I'm jealous when I see him with her
Speaker 1: or her with him, or you know, like when did
Speaker 1: jealousy beat something that you were able to own?
Speaker 2: And for you the shame you were like the shame
Speaker 2: of you know, my friends judging me if I wanted
Speaker 2: to leave with the guy or if I wanted you know,
Speaker 2: like I was on a date and like I felt
Speaker 2: excited about it, but you know, like I didn't want
Speaker 2: anybody else to like judge me about it, So you
Speaker 2: guys can answer respect me.
Speaker 1: I'll start with jealousy.
Speaker 2: You know, for anyone to listen to this show, whether
Speaker 2: you're a monogamous or not a monogamous, the constant conversation
Speaker 2: you have with yourself is jealousy. I've been in relationships
Speaker 2: where my partner dated no one else and I was
Speaker 2: jealous of the misdeader to work with. So I think
Speaker 2: that jealousy is something you can be able to face. Yeah,
Speaker 2: when it can be accepted. Because here's the thing. I
Speaker 2: just had this conversation with my partner recently where I said,
Speaker 2: sometimes I get scared to tell you if I'm jealous
Speaker 2: because I don't want you to say this isn't for us.
Speaker 2: I need to just be able to get it out.
Speaker 2: You said, I'll be jealous of my best friend's mama.
Speaker 2: Ever want his mama?
Speaker 1: Like that's how much I love this.
Speaker 2: I have two best friends right now, and I'm gonna
Speaker 2: tell you right now. Brianda had to give me a warning,
Speaker 2: don't get upset. I'm gonna be hanging out with some
Speaker 2: of a woman. One of my best friends andre if
Speaker 2: he has another homegirl, just that whatever.
Speaker 1: Were you ever? Did you ever deny that part about
Speaker 1: you yourself? Or did you always? Because you know what
Speaker 1: we've done?
Speaker 2: And jealousy as weakness. If you are a jealous person,
Speaker 2: you're weak and you're insecure.
Speaker 1: Whatever. If I don't say this.
Speaker 2: Out loud, then it just sits there and throws into
Speaker 2: your resentment. So I think that the first step in
Speaker 2: how can someone be able to help you?
Speaker 1: Because now that my partner knows like a philography, what
Speaker 1: does he do now?
Speaker 2: Affirmation, reaffirming our relationship, you have to say these things,
Speaker 2: and so I think just admitting the jealousy with confidence
Speaker 2: is what you better do. Somenoy. It was so break
Speaker 2: think like of you to put that, because most people
Speaker 2: deny it and you cannot help. You can't self help,
Speaker 2: You can't ask your therapist for tools or anything if
Speaker 2: you don't admit that you have these feelings deep down inside.
Speaker 2: So I love that you talk about and you openly
Speaker 2: say like, I'm just I wanted to make sure that
Speaker 2: she wasn't gonna enjoy him.
Speaker 1: Her was more than better than reason. He hasn't it
Speaker 1: better than you? So me, let me tell you timing matters.
Speaker 2: Had this book came out a year or two ago,
Speaker 2: I wouldn't be able to stay here and like it,
Speaker 2: because I would have gagged over to the.
Speaker 1: Soulmate Nigga that I thought I was with, like he had.
Speaker 2: So many he had so many parts of this book
Speaker 2: in our proposal because I was like, I found in love,
Speaker 2: I found my and I would I would have hated
Speaker 2: that this book came out and I, you.
Speaker 1: Know, immortalized him in that way.
Speaker 2: And so for me, when we had the opportunity of
Speaker 2: the book come to us, I have just gotten into
Speaker 2: therapy and so during the pandemic, I had a lot
Speaker 2: more time to sit with myself. And when it came
Speaker 2: to this book, we really wanted to lean into the
Speaker 2: iroonica and I was fine with that, but I was like, bitch,
Speaker 2: I there's a lot of shit out and did and
Speaker 2: said on this podcast that I hate with my like,
Speaker 2: I hate it, and I know that there's like a
Speaker 2: con complation. That's the word conflate. You could conflate being liberated.
Speaker 1: Florida education, y'all known. But when you talk.
Speaker 2: About being liberated, which is what this platform, which is
Speaker 2: what Horrible.
Speaker 1: Decisions was based upon a lot of times they don't.
Speaker 2: Allow us as liberated, free women to admit our faults,
Speaker 2: to to actually admit the shame and decisions that we
Speaker 2: made a past that we've grown from. A lot of
Speaker 2: people just want to keep us in whatever bubble they
Speaker 2: want us to stay in, And for me, I was like, bro,
Speaker 2: I ain't even gonna hold you.
Speaker 1: There's no way I'm writing this book.
Speaker 2: Telling women to have sex for this amount of money
Speaker 2: and view men in this way because I've now been
Speaker 2: able to experience viewing men in such a beautiful way
Speaker 2: and experiencing intimacy and ways that I didn't in the
Speaker 2: beginning that I was like, bro, like, I'm not going
Speaker 2: to tell the younger generation or women in my age
Speaker 2: to think the way that I thought when we first
Speaker 2: started this show.
Speaker 1: And there was just a lot.
Speaker 2: Of trauma that I was overcoming and ways in which
Speaker 2: I thought, like, there's a whole chapter about me being
Speaker 2: a side chick, and I think, well, they like me
Speaker 2: more than they white cuz they telling the truth to me,
Speaker 2: and that the rhetoric was so dumb. And so I'm
Speaker 2: literally in the book realizing a bit you ain't have
Speaker 2: no self worth. Ah, but you actually thought that you
Speaker 2: couldn't be a priority to a man, which is why
Speaker 2: you fell by the wayside. There was a lot of
Speaker 2: reflection that had to happen, and to me, this book
Speaker 2: wouldn't exist without me being able to share that part
Speaker 2: of my journey. And luckily we got to a point
Speaker 2: where we knew we were writing two different stories. Weeze
Speaker 2: isnt a place where two THI bitch this meet and
Speaker 2: I'm like, well, this is me and I really want
Speaker 2: to be able to include the parts of me that
Speaker 2: regret a lot of decisions that I made.
Speaker 1: We will read a.
Speaker 2: Lot of those chapters and think, and there's gonna be
Speaker 2: someone because God forbid you sexually liberated and can have growth.
Speaker 2: You better not be a bitch that was out there
Speaker 2: having a good time fucking. And now you're gonna tell
Speaker 2: us you're credited. Well, hold on, I can't have one
Speaker 2: moment in my life. Oh no, there's a lot.
Speaker 1: I got good, two, three, But yeah, So that to me,
Speaker 1: like this book, it was important.
Speaker 2: And our team over at Simon and Schuster too, Once
Speaker 2: they started reading our stories, They're like, well, the readers
Speaker 2: are reading your stories.
Speaker 1: But because we were so.
Speaker 2: Adamant on making sure that people could pick up this book,
Speaker 2: whether they were fans of horrible decisions, decisions decisions or not.
Speaker 2: They were like, well, what would you tell your reader then?
Speaker 2: And so we I literally had a lot of calls
Speaker 2: with our publisher about well what.
Speaker 1: Can you give your reader?
Speaker 2: Like readers like to take something away and yes they're
Speaker 2: hearing your stories, Well what can you give them? So
Speaker 2: we went back and really tried to tell you guys, well,
Speaker 2: had I done this, maybe I would have gotten a
Speaker 2: better results. So hopefully you do this, or here's a
Speaker 2: way to shoot your shot. And there's just different parts
Speaker 2: of self help in there that help you guys make
Speaker 2: better decisions than us.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's very informational education.
Speaker 4: Let speaking of.
Speaker 1: Shame, I have a story to share. So I remember
Speaker 1: earlier when I said about one of.
Speaker 2: The episodes, yep, it was actually episode one sixteen period.
Speaker 1: She been here a long time, hundreds now.
Speaker 2: So for myself, as someone who made a name for
Speaker 2: myself on the Internet being raunchy, vulgar, uh table like
Speaker 2: talk about taboo topics, they took such stuff to a
Speaker 2: whole another leven. I'm vanilla compared to everybody goes. I
Speaker 2: was wild for talking about and he's and all that stuff,
Speaker 2: but when they came out, y'all made me feel like,
Speaker 2: oh again.
Speaker 1: You're one of my favorite stories of all. And before this,
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't know anything that you guys
Speaker 1: are talking about, Like I was so green.
Speaker 2: Compared to like the stories that were being shared on
Speaker 2: the question a y feud.
Speaker 1: Don't mind how old you guys?
Speaker 2: Oh, by the way, y'all just heard us on the
Speaker 2: Breakfast Club this morning and puld.
Speaker 1: Out not sure why waunch you guess because I'm scared.
Speaker 1: I gotta thirty four BULI. Yeah, okay, So.
Speaker 2: Back in twenty nineteen, I went to India and I
Speaker 2: want to go get him.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna tell the whole story. I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: tell what happened.
Speaker 2: So I went to India.
Speaker 1: I went to go get a massage.
Speaker 2: I swear to god, I really thought I was going
Speaker 2: for massage. I'm not like, I really was going for massage.
Speaker 1: And it ended with a happy ending right now, Okay.
Speaker 2: I was so excited that just happened to me because.
Speaker 1: For me, it was like a story to tell, right,
Speaker 1: did I want the person who did it to me?
Speaker 2: To do it to me, But I had a story
Speaker 2: to tell, like this is a life story that's like
Speaker 2: fire to me, right. But I was in India with
Speaker 2: a friend who was in the other room and she
Speaker 2: was propositioned with the same situation and she was hortified.
Speaker 1: So she when we left out the room, she's like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, tell.
Speaker 2: And so because she was so mortified, I was too
Speaker 2: embarrassed to tell her that I got it done. So
Speaker 2: I was like, let's go, you know, but I couldn't
Speaker 2: wait to stay home and tell me didn't read it.
Speaker 2: And the thing about it is is that that goes
Speaker 2: to show you the safe space, right, like you know
Speaker 2: your time, you know where you could go, no judgment.
Speaker 2: And I told everybody, all of my father when I
Speaker 2: was like, you want to.
Speaker 1: Hear the story, you go listen to this show, right,
Speaker 1: because we were like you live.
Speaker 2: Because I could have told the story on my life
Speaker 2: or on you know, my page or whatever. I was like, no,
Speaker 2: I'm going to tell that and I'll never forget because
Speaker 2: you asked me a question on that episode said she said,
Speaker 2: what you look like?
Speaker 1: I said, God, damn it, he wasn't kissed. I said,
Speaker 1: I was gonna leave that part out. I was like,
Speaker 1: or not, but I was thinking Indian marriage.
Speaker 2: Listen, y'all want to go back LANDI was not figuring
Speaker 2: her with.
Speaker 1: Didn't listen to it. But the point that God, can
Speaker 1: I rap your pussy ma'am? Yes?
Speaker 2: Yes, that validation guys in any way, to know that
Speaker 2: people feel like they can only share their like intimate
Speaker 2: deep and dark and secrets because of you and with you.
Speaker 2: I mean, I think if if y'all go back. There
Speaker 2: was a moment in time and I hated that I
Speaker 2: like maybe called this on me. I called myself like
Speaker 2: the bullhole whisperer. At one point, every guy that was
Speaker 2: in my phone wanted they butt like they wanted to
Speaker 2: be bad.
Speaker 4: Was opening up about like like literally, but we were
Speaker 4: also like sharing with me all of these fantasies or
Speaker 4: experiences or things that they had actually done sexually with.
Speaker 1: Either trans women or other men and all of these things.
Speaker 2: And I started being like, Yo, I hate that I'm
Speaker 2: being told this because they're not given this safe space
Speaker 2: by the women that they're actually dealing with.
Speaker 1: Because I wasn't dagonal.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh like I've been old, but I'm talking but
Speaker 2: these weren't my partners. They were like some lovers and
Speaker 2: so but it made me feel like, damn, like, there's
Speaker 2: all of these men that I'm talking to, because I
Speaker 2: was talking to a lot and a lot of times,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, WHOA, I don't think they have these
Speaker 2: safe spaces with their previous partners, with maybe whoever else
Speaker 2: they're engaging in, with whoever else they're talking to. And
Speaker 2: for me, it made me feel like, Wow, this is
Speaker 2: powerful because I've only talked to black guys in my
Speaker 2: entire life, and so for me to know that they
Speaker 2: don't really have that safe space, it made me feel
Speaker 2: powerful to be able to create that for.
Speaker 1: Them and then for my friends.
Speaker 2: I'll share another story because I wasn't allowed to share
Speaker 2: on air, so we might need to cut this off.
Speaker 2: But one of my other homegirls, you saiday, a very
Speaker 2: famous rapper that got locked.
Speaker 1: Up, and it's you'll never get that while they were together.
Speaker 2: Like clearly, how they were intimate with each other were
Speaker 2: through words, and so she would text me.
Speaker 1: This is when I was in college. So I'd be
Speaker 1: in the middle of class.
Speaker 2: And she'd be like, ooh, girl, text them, like text
Speaker 2: me song sexy to see him. So I would literally
Speaker 2: be the person to like even open up their verbal
Speaker 2: communications sexually because she wasn't and she'd read those and be.
Speaker 1: Like, grat do you think like that? And I was like,
Speaker 1: you have to think.
Speaker 2: And so for my friends, they've been able to come
Speaker 2: to me with not only their health but their sexual
Speaker 2: dilemmas and men that I've dated to me, it's one
Speaker 2: of the powers I feel like I have and being
Speaker 2: able to exist how I do.
Speaker 1: So I do just want to leave you with this,
Speaker 1: for the women in this.
Speaker 2: Room typically who have had the joys of being liberated
Speaker 2: or even just experimenting with their sexuality, creating that safe
Speaker 2: space for any guy to even share that with you
Speaker 2: and not yuck, they're young because whether you liked it
Speaker 2: or not, however you identify, you got to enjoy that experience.
Speaker 1: You got to have that experience.
Speaker 2: And I don't think we allow black men as much
Speaker 2: to exist or have those experiences. And we're up here
Speaker 2: being able to talk like this because y'all welcome this conversation.
Speaker 2: We have to welcome our brothers as well. Yeah, oh no,
Speaker 2: that was real deep, my man. I got really gat questions,
Speaker 2: which is about power, which is one of the major
Speaker 2: themes of the book, but you guys talk about it
Speaker 2: very differently. You talk about it in a more like
Speaker 2: like have you just said, I'm have power over he's been,
Speaker 2: I'm betting them over.
Speaker 1: I'm doing you doing your thing?
Speaker 2: And then I love the part where you talk about
Speaker 2: submission having power, but we do do that differently. Yeah,
Speaker 2: the situation you said, the person who's the submission actually
Speaker 2: is basically calling the shots about what they want, you know. Yeah, Like,
Speaker 2: so any guy's gonna talk about pick that up?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry, I know I can.
Speaker 2: Like I appreciate that because a lot of the times
Speaker 2: when reading this book, I think you're not going to
Speaker 2: pull the power from that section.
Speaker 1: And a lot of time.
Speaker 2: In conversation about VIDSM, where do we think that the
Speaker 2: person that's on their knee is just this, Oh my god.
Speaker 1: I feel so bad for her. She's giving her as well, bitch.
Speaker 2: We they want the I want that, you know, well
Speaker 2: not well people years have interviewed so many doms that
Speaker 2: want women to experience this in a safe way, And
Speaker 2: I think the most beautiful part of my BDSM story
Speaker 2: is that luckily I got to be with someone that
Speaker 2: was actually a dom, not only what were they a
Speaker 2: dom for a long time, but they were a dom
Speaker 2: that didn't take their dominating pleasures into into play when
Speaker 2: it came to me.
Speaker 1: So, for example, I found out later he likes to suffocate.
Speaker 2: Women That didn't even come up with me because when
Speaker 2: I was sent to checklist, it was something that I
Speaker 2: put up right, So he didn't even tell me this.
Speaker 1: I thought this out years later. That was his cake.
Speaker 2: So really just his pleasure was being able to dominate
Speaker 2: and please someone that liked to be a sub.
Speaker 1: And when we Ceddy is talking about the power.
Speaker 2: I know you guys can get to read that, yet
Speaker 2: I talk about how I asked for everything I wanted. Yeah,
Speaker 2: there wasn't anything that happened to me that wasn't No,
Speaker 2: there wasn't anything that made me feel uncomfortable. And there
Speaker 2: was also power in the safe word. And I think
Speaker 2: that women get so scared to ask for something that
Speaker 2: they want because it seems like if you're giving yourself
Speaker 2: to someone, then you have no power to me.
Speaker 1: It is much like the One Night's dand you could
Speaker 1: either do a walk of shame or you were like pride.
Speaker 1: And I've been now with both, I've.
Speaker 2: Definite only left some one department of be like, oh
Speaker 2: my god, I'm so i'mbarissed. I can't believe I'm not
Speaker 2: fanna tell my friends. And then there became woman of Confidence,
Speaker 2: where I was like, yeah.
Speaker 1: Same outfit, drug, I'm just new dress. Do I care?
Speaker 2: I want to add to what she's saying, because this
Speaker 2: is currently a conversation of pop culture. Shout out to
Speaker 2: our twenty seven white listeners because I'm about to bring
Speaker 2: up a white woman, but the conversation right now, I'll
Speaker 2: I'll see it.
Speaker 1: But it's crazy.
Speaker 2: It's crazy because there's a conversation right now happening around
Speaker 2: Sabrina Carpenter's new album cover where she's on her knees
Speaker 2: and she's you know, and she's in this thing and
Speaker 2: so knowing that like she's in a submissive stance not
Speaker 2: to shout out my friend, but to shout out my friends.
Speaker 2: So on around the way curls. This week, they literally
Speaker 2: talk about how as a woman who's in a relationship,
Speaker 2: yeah it's powerful to be submissive, but maybe the views
Speaker 2: on single women doing these things don't hold the lens.
Speaker 1: To it being as powerful as it really is.
Speaker 2: And so when submission is done, safely consensually with a
Speaker 2: DOM who values your your boundaries. The power is actually
Speaker 2: in the sub because the sub says no, the sub
Speaker 2: says when it's too much.
Speaker 1: The sub like will do what?
Speaker 2: Oh look what makes them feel well, which makes the
Speaker 2: DOM be excited, Like when I be Ben and the
Speaker 2: niggas over Like, it's powerful for me, but they're in
Speaker 2: a space where they're safe, and it becomes powerful for them.
Speaker 2: So I just hate that what we do be taking
Speaker 2: away the power from submissus. But I'd say all that
Speaker 2: to say, like, I love that we've been able to
Speaker 2: have that type of dialogue around those two spaces within
Speaker 2: BDSU specifically for that, you know, I want to add
Speaker 2: to this as far as power. Yeah, the walk of
Speaker 2: shame to hit the walker pride right. Both times that
Speaker 2: night started with me wanting to have such a something.
Speaker 2: The difference in the first and that I wasn't both
Speaker 2: is that I got over that bullshit of feeling bad
Speaker 2: about enjoying sex. That is not what I thought you
Speaker 2: were gonna say. I thought it only becomes like a
Speaker 2: walk of shame when it's dead. No, didn't even think
Speaker 2: and be like what I allowed to say, because when
Speaker 2: it's good like saying I'm not like I thought.
Speaker 1: I felt ashamed of the sex I had the night before.
Speaker 2: It was genuinely because I was the phase of my
Speaker 2: life where I felt like I shouldn't be doing that,
Speaker 2: or I should be looking for a relationship, or oh
Speaker 2: I fucked him on the second date not the third day.
Speaker 2: There was so many rules in my head instead of
Speaker 2: just enjoying. You know, and like, I think that as
Speaker 2: people that want to explore ourselves, we think, Hey, if
Speaker 2: I want a relationship, I gotta be doing things intentionally.
Speaker 2: I can't have sex with someone for five because I
Speaker 2: want to get married and have a husband.
Speaker 1: Well, you need let me tell you something. They could
Speaker 1: be yourself made.
Speaker 2: Hello.
Speaker 1: It is in the book, and it's so import to
Speaker 1: show you. This line is in the love chapters.
Speaker 2: In the final chapter of the book, I was answer
Speaker 2: to my home brow not a snort.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I had a snort.
Speaker 5: So about dating and I'm like, girl, when is it happened?
Speaker 1: I don't understand. I went to therapy. I'm here with
Speaker 1: the fuck bitch.
Speaker 2: She's like, girl, what if you found out this was
Speaker 2: your last summer?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: What if it was your last summer single, wouldn't you
Speaker 2: want to do a little self about the ending? Because
Speaker 2: I was like, ship, I want to get I want
Speaker 2: some fun stuff to happen before you, like it's open.
Speaker 1: Hello, you like you gonna still be having fun. I'm
Speaker 1: don't share. Of course, you share with your person. You
Speaker 1: gotta think about it.
Speaker 2: So yes, by the time you meet your person, right,
Speaker 2: you got to assume that your person you he's the
Speaker 2: one that's going to accept all of those flaws, all
Speaker 2: of those stories. Me I'm not even really be saying that,
Speaker 2: but I'm like, yo, let me take you bout their
Speaker 2: sugar daddy your hair?
Speaker 1: Is he gonna do it? Excommunicate me? You're a girl.
Speaker 2: But you're saying, like before you tied the knot or
Speaker 2: something like that, you mentioned I.
Speaker 1: Think that if you're marrying the right person, they know
Speaker 1: all that shit. That's yeah, we mention that matter of fact. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this to me hit me.
Speaker 2: It's like we've been we mentioned ship since I was
Speaker 2: twenty six.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I have talked about that. We got an art.
Speaker 2: I feel like that's for the moment they hit me like,
Speaker 2: all right, I'm with the right person. Last week, while
Speaker 2: we were in France, ran into a home rob Now
Speaker 2: since I was seventeen years old. She's sitting in front
Speaker 2: of my man like, let me say an d and
Speaker 2: we was walking down the street Miami and then she was
Speaker 2: doing this and there was not something she could say
Speaker 2: that would have made me scared. I was sitting there
Speaker 2: look at her like, oh yeah, hahaha. Imagine you're with
Speaker 2: a partner that you're like this, but she.
Speaker 1: Still gotta make me out.
Speaker 2: And so that's the thing about it, right, if you're
Speaker 2: the right person to be, Yeah, Kennedy say, I'm not
Speaker 2: gonna post some crazy ship on my close friends about
Speaker 2: you can't no, baby, I don't get my girl like,
Speaker 2: And that's the thing.
Speaker 1: Anything she would have said, he already knew about it.
Speaker 1: That's even if you never heard the story.
Speaker 2: That's saying you know that your person, you gotta know
Speaker 2: you've either lived a life you've had, but they have
Speaker 2: to accept you for that.
Speaker 1: Why are we gonna an if you don't nix.
Speaker 2: There's a lot of why anybody that don't make us
Speaker 2: feel bad about living life. Yeah, And I think that
Speaker 2: that's what we talk about in the book, Like at
Speaker 2: the end of the day, like there's a period at
Speaker 2: the end of each chapter. And I said this on
Speaker 2: the Records Club. There's a period at the end of
Speaker 2: each chapter. But probably next year we can add to
Speaker 2: each chapter in this book. Like it's still an ongoing journey,
Speaker 2: but like we're not.
Speaker 1: It's starting.
Speaker 2: It ain't turning into a pro because the white people here.
Speaker 1: Are you bad at this? All right?
Speaker 2: Let me ask you that the question what's one of
Speaker 2: the truths that you were scared to write?
Speaker 1: Honestly, my shame, okay, I was.
Speaker 2: I was like, ooh, I gotta say I was insecure,
Speaker 2: and I gotta say I didn't value myself. I didn't say, bitch,
Speaker 2: you ain't you was a workless piece of ship. Like literally,
Speaker 2: I put myself in situations that at one point I
Speaker 2: spoke so proudly of when deep down inside you, I
Speaker 2: didn't feel good about it, right, And so for me,
Speaker 2: I think that was the hardest thing to put the paper.
Speaker 1: Was like, oh, yeah, bitch, you you claim.
Speaker 2: To have been confident this whole time and was happy
Speaker 2: your body and was doing this and no, you were
Speaker 2: seeking validation for men and you're dumb, bitch, yeah, And
Speaker 2: so like to me, it was holding up.
Speaker 1: The mirror and really being able.
Speaker 2: To be like, Okay, you weren't as strong as you
Speaker 2: first showed everyone that you were. You weren't as confident,
Speaker 2: and it was really sitting with the fact that, Okay,
Speaker 2: well I learned from it.
Speaker 1: It's important for you to put it in here.
Speaker 2: But I think even a part of the book saying
Speaker 2: it about myself, like the audio version was, it was like, ooh, okay, mirror,
Speaker 2: all right, you did that.
Speaker 1: I'm glad you're grown, but whoam together?
Speaker 2: Of course, that's gonna help everybody or anybody who reads it,
Speaker 2: you know, because if they're feeling experience, if they're experiencing
Speaker 2: that same thing, you know, they can figive themselves as well.
Speaker 2: And a lot of women this is gonna be problematic
Speaker 2: take but I'm seeing it unconscious because of what I
Speaker 2: said on the Brooks Club.
Speaker 1: Accountability is hard for a lot of us. Yes, And
Speaker 1: so when.
Speaker 2: We stay in relationships too long, when we're with a
Speaker 2: person that we know is not good for us in hindsight,
Speaker 2: we could sit here and blame that person for all
Speaker 2: the things and can blame them forever and be it's
Speaker 2: so upset, like, oh, you did this to me, you
Speaker 2: did this to me, and we don't often look at
Speaker 2: the things we do to ourselves, Well, why were you there?
Speaker 2: It's because, bitch, you thought that maybe that was the
Speaker 2: best you could get, because you didn't think higher of yourself.
Speaker 2: And so for me, having like gone through the therapy
Speaker 2: and writing this book, it was a lot of that.
Speaker 2: It was like, oh, you was a proud side chick
Speaker 2: because you ain't think a man really wanted you.
Speaker 1: So you took the crumbs because you didn't think you
Speaker 1: could have a whole cake.
Speaker 2: And so to me, that's the part about women when
Speaker 2: we can blame our access for being pieces of shit.
Speaker 1: We could blame men, We could blame women for like
Speaker 1: being who they are. However we date right, but there has.
Speaker 2: To be a moment where we look at ourselves and
Speaker 2: ask or or figure out, well, you say you were there,
Speaker 2: like and why why didn't you leave when you saw
Speaker 2: the first red flags?
Speaker 1: Why did you think? Talking about breaks? And I after?
Speaker 1: But what I did not think that chapter was that great?
Speaker 1: I mean it was just like my ex waiter or whatever.
Speaker 1: Wait the more, that's the way you're talking about. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: I'm saying the more. Yeah, and when you know you
Speaker 1: stay too long, Oh, Okay. The more I talk about.
Speaker 2: It and interviews and ship every people are like, oh yeah,
Speaker 2: Like I say, in relationship to him, I got a
Speaker 2: homegirl right now. Every time I called him, like you
Speaker 2: leave any yet, she can't say. I'm talks about oh
Speaker 2: my god, he getting wait every week, Oh.
Speaker 1: My god, my friends in the back. No, I'm talking about.
Speaker 2: At the end of the day, she's not ready to go. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and she's staying too long. And we have all been
Speaker 2: there men too. We've been in relationships where like all
Speaker 2: my homeboys are staying. In a relationship to him, like, man,
Speaker 2: I feel bad, she'd go and do it.
Speaker 1: Oh this just happened. I don't know what to do.
Speaker 1: It's just easier to stay.
Speaker 2: It's like, for some reason, leaving feels like the task
Speaker 2: to do eas Henna study without marriage, it feels like
Speaker 2: you need to get reiversed for something.
Speaker 1: So some sometimes people stay because they're waiting. Oh okay,
Speaker 1: I'm investing. I'm gonna leave here. I'm waiting. I will say.
Speaker 1: I know you think about when it was good?
Speaker 2: Are you like that me that that was That's probably
Speaker 2: one of the dumbest things that I think we grew
Speaker 2: up learning like to me, like the fact that love
Speaker 2: is hard and you got to chase them the way
Speaker 2: you have to work for it, like all of those
Speaker 2: negative like tropes around love to me is what I
Speaker 2: talk about, Like I don't even like saying a word. Now.
Speaker 2: I love my friends, but these niggas, I don't know
Speaker 2: about that. So like for me, though, it's because that
Speaker 2: word is attached to such toxicity in romantic partnerships that
Speaker 2: it's made me resent the word.
Speaker 1: It's it's surface level.
Speaker 2: It's something that you say, but the actions behind it
Speaker 2: don't often exist. And then once you say it, you
Speaker 2: feel tied into this relationship over a thing that what
Speaker 2: is it?
Speaker 1: I don't know love is y'all. So, by the way,
Speaker 1: when you read the book, thought I'm out to note,
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know what it is like. And
Speaker 1: I have my hang ups with that word specifically because
Speaker 1: of the use of it.
Speaker 2: But wasn't you Weasy who said something about at least
Speaker 2: it was better than that kind of thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, Oh, it's not physical abuse, it's not so.
Speaker 2: One of the conversations, Caudy, it's crazy. So that didn't
Speaker 2: I just say that a few hours ago? Literally we
Speaker 2: just recorded, so because we've been working, I ran into
Speaker 2: my ex and it was crazy because I maybe he
Speaker 2: said a week before, I haven't seen any years. And
Speaker 2: it's been on my mind because this chapter. Everyone that
Speaker 2: interviews us is like, damn, he was terrible. But then
Speaker 2: when I'm writing a chapter, I'm.
Speaker 1: Like, why did I think he was that bad?
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, well, I've been in physically abused the relationship.
Speaker 1: He wasn't whipping my ass, he was cheating, So if
Speaker 1: I let the fuck girls anyway, what's the big deal?
Speaker 1: He just lied?
Speaker 2: And then the other thing was I've been in emotionally
Speaker 2: if used relationship. People didn't mean to me, never yelled
Speaker 2: at me.
Speaker 1: We have fun.
Speaker 2: Am I really in a bad relationship? He's just fucking bitches?
Speaker 2: But at the end of the day, I never thought
Speaker 2: or had it clicked, Oh, he's disrespecting me, he's lying
Speaker 2: to me, he's not telling me the truth.
Speaker 1: And not only when is he not telling you truth?
Speaker 1: When he when they find.
Speaker 2: Out or have a conversation with him, He's like, I
Speaker 2: don't care about them. I mean, we're gonna be there,
Speaker 2: so you know, it's just I didn't.
Speaker 1: Tell you you lucky, see. But other women. Bos just
Speaker 1: didn't tell you, So it's not that bad and I'd really.
Speaker 2: Say that, And that's the thing we start to think
Speaker 2: because it's not as bad as something else I said
Speaker 2: on the breakfast Clob the other day. Comparison is the
Speaker 2: thief of joy, but it's also the reason that we
Speaker 2: sometimes get joy. Let's just say your man cheated on it.
Speaker 2: You're gonna say, well, my homegirl got cheated on three
Speaker 2: times last he didn't do that.
Speaker 1: It's rationalized so much much.
Speaker 2: It's only do this thing of like, well not this
Speaker 2: instead of what did I set out for myself if
Speaker 2: I made a list of the things I need from
Speaker 2: a man or the lady break that w We don't
Speaker 2: to stop acting like there's not that many people out there, yeah,
Speaker 2: because they're actually is and we make.
Speaker 1: Bro let me tell you something.
Speaker 2: There is there there girl living?
Speaker 1: This is crazy? Where and how.
Speaker 2: Was your favorite place to start to write? Like where
Speaker 2: did the juices flow at?
Speaker 1: Like? What was great question?
Speaker 2: Because I know my story so I know like how
Speaker 2: it started coming, so I want to know what that.
Speaker 1: Is for you.
Speaker 2: Guy. This is gonna be so cliche, the fucking stories
Speaker 2: about sex. No, but where where there were you that
Speaker 2: made you, like, made it come to you sometimes before
Speaker 2: the proposal. No, when we're supposed to write the book,
Speaker 2: it's like you have to find the time, you have
Speaker 2: to find the spider.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh man, Like, was it.
Speaker 2: Like in the bed on the plane, on the toilet
Speaker 2: in the nine Do you remember the thing about the
Speaker 2: toilet when I texted my friends and my man love you.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm telling you the
Speaker 1: toilet and the beach.
Speaker 2: So I went out with my friends, uh, tow them
Speaker 2: out here. We did some asked it in Mexico and
Speaker 2: when they asked subsided, I said the drug.
Speaker 1: So I'm there.
Speaker 2: I'm in this moment of just gratitude for friendship and love.
Speaker 2: And I got on the beach and on my phone
Speaker 2: started to write right about how it yes, okay in
Speaker 2: the notes section of my phone, and I remember my
Speaker 2: phone was dying and I'm like, and they're charging my
Speaker 2: phone on the time, like, I got to get this out,
Speaker 2: And I think there was something about a moment of
Speaker 2: release because it was very hard. Our editor Michelle's here
Speaker 2: and to the sexes here and we're like, okay, we
Speaker 2: gotta get this chapter out by Saturday.
Speaker 1: That ship.
Speaker 2: It makes it harder because now you can't be authentic
Speaker 2: because you got a deadline and we.
Speaker 1: Ain't meet them deadline. So that second fired.
Speaker 2: I'm not a deadline person. May and you tell me Saturday,
Speaker 2: I'm like, no, I'm gonna buck.
Speaker 1: Y'all to cut it off, like you want the email thrust.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you this. The publishing day eight the same.
Speaker 2: It's fine if I needed my time, need my time
Speaker 2: to make magic, and.
Speaker 1: And it was what it was, so be that as
Speaker 1: it May, I really did need time.
Speaker 2: Without and she came down off the high started like
Speaker 2: because what happened was I got to like be out
Speaker 2: of this I need to finish my book brain instead
Speaker 2: of like this book is fun.
Speaker 1: Right, So the second you know, I went out with
Speaker 1: friends and had fun.
Speaker 2: I got to have this release of like, oh this
Speaker 2: one it was like to have a good time, and
Speaker 2: I hadn't felt that because the book went through ebbs
Speaker 2: and flows of fun for right, Like I went through
Speaker 2: a really serious hard time at the end of the
Speaker 2: book that you'll read and talk about suicide and depression.
Speaker 2: So it's like I gotta go back to this.
Speaker 1: Let's just say I'm having a good day, Oh man,
Speaker 1: I go back to the death chapter. I wanted to
Speaker 1: kill myself.
Speaker 2: That ship was hot. You know.
Speaker 1: Everybody's saying you're like talking about.
Speaker 2: You know, So it's really that, it's like finding the
Speaker 2: sweet spot of making this book pleasurable to write, is
Speaker 2: gonna make it a good reason, And it was your.
Speaker 1: Place, so y'all know, I'm very yeah.
Speaker 2: So once the proposal was done and I knew all
Speaker 2: the chapters I was gonna write mentally, I saw with
Speaker 2: which ones would be the easier mentally for me.
Speaker 1: So I went through with that first. I was like, okay.
Speaker 2: I went through the ones with tempests. I said, these
Speaker 2: are gonna be tough for me. I'm gonna do therapy
Speaker 2: sessions for those and I'll record them. So eventually, if
Speaker 2: y'all are patrons, I have recorded therapy sessions for certain
Speaker 2: chapters that I planned to.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm gonna narrate them.
Speaker 2: I said, I want this process recorded, and so I
Speaker 2: went through certain therapy sessions.
Speaker 1: Crime who all the shame had to go through therapy sessions.
Speaker 1: So the ones that were easy were the ones like
Speaker 1: around sex.
Speaker 2: Ironically, the abortion chapter was fairly easy, and so my
Speaker 2: process was Okay, if I need therapy, I go to
Speaker 2: therapy first. Next with tempests, would come to my house
Speaker 2: and we put like four hour blocks. Literally, she would
Speaker 2: come to my house for four hours. We'd do a
Speaker 2: mid lunch and like basically.
Speaker 1: What she came over to do was to give me
Speaker 1: to talk how do I want this chapter? Lay out?
Speaker 1: What is the theme, what is the arc, what emotions
Speaker 1: do you want to resonate? What do you want from
Speaker 1: the reader.
Speaker 2: And she would sit there and help me decide how
Speaker 2: we would write, like how it should flow as a chapter.
Speaker 1: Then she's like, Okay, here's how we said you're gonna
Speaker 1: write it, so go write it.
Speaker 2: So after those four hours, we'd normally do it for
Speaker 2: like two chapters at a time, sometimes three, and she'd
Speaker 2: be like, okay, so here's your story.
Speaker 1: Here's how you want to tell it. Now put it
Speaker 1: to computer.
Speaker 2: So what I would do actually is because I'm a
Speaker 2: morning person, like an idiot, I get my goddamn coffee.
Speaker 1: I would wake up.
Speaker 2: I scheduled the days that I would write, and so
Speaker 2: I would wake up, prepare to write, prepare to tell
Speaker 2: these stories. I'd get my coffee, sit at my sit
Speaker 2: at my dining room table and just type, and sometimes
Speaker 2: I had it in me. Oftentimes I'd be Okay, bitch,
Speaker 2: I need a break. I'm eight pages in. Let me
Speaker 2: call my friend and talk honestly too. I've loved it
Speaker 2: cutties here, and that's why I asked what I would
Speaker 2: be done with some chapters.
Speaker 1: I would send them the Cuddy. Cuddy's written a book,
Speaker 1: so she'd be like, this is cool, but I don't
Speaker 1: get what you're trying to stay here.
Speaker 2: So maybe I had this, and so I had a
Speaker 2: support system between Tempest and Cuddy during writing this this thing.
Speaker 2: But I would honestly do it in the mornings over coffee,
Speaker 2: and I scheduled it like it was a workshift, like
Speaker 2: today I'm working on this. I think I was wired
Speaker 2: just wheezy, being wheezy writing for me to be a
Speaker 2: different place every time I actually want to tell a
Speaker 2: story about a friend that to read one of my chapters,
Speaker 2: this was my favorite reaction.
Speaker 1: I've ever seen. I'm sorry, but I'm da. She was
Speaker 1: reading the love chapter where I talked about now you
Speaker 1: love love love all right girl now, and you know
Speaker 1: this is my sister.
Speaker 2: So she's reading this thing and I'm looking at her
Speaker 2: for this validation of please, like tell me what you
Speaker 2: think with blah blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: I'm really proud of this. She's holding my phone at the.
Speaker 2: Time and reading it, and I remember she's reading it
Speaker 2: kind of about loud, like a mumba and like okay.
Speaker 1: So then they came inside me. She's looks, you're easy, please,
Speaker 1: And then when he was fucking she's I don't all.
Speaker 2: Right time getting through this, and I'm like, it's kind
Speaker 2: and like it's crazy because what we need from friends
Speaker 2: in this moment need them to hear these stories, right.
Speaker 2: So that to me was a funny story because it
Speaker 2: was sexual tempest. Ex has become a friend is reading
Speaker 2: this story about depression and suicide. She's like, Okay, I
Speaker 2: know we need to like I need to give you
Speaker 2: feedback right now?
Speaker 1: Can I just say? Like whoa? So each time we're
Speaker 1: handing someone something for approval, they're trying to be like
Speaker 1: do I be soft right now? Like what do I do?
Speaker 2: So that was the most interesting part of the writing process,
Speaker 2: sending chapters to friends that have heard nothing even I mean,
Speaker 2: I hate to make it dark, bro, and your friends
Speaker 2: are reading something for the first time.
Speaker 1: I'm like, Hey, I know this happened to you, but
Speaker 1: what the fuck? Mm hmmm. And I feel like, you know,
Speaker 1: you guys are so connected to us that you will
Speaker 1: feel the same reading that about Mandy. I read things
Speaker 1: about Mandy. I've podcasted with Mandy eight years, known her
Speaker 1: since I was fifteen.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh that made me feel you know
Speaker 2: what I'm saying, So like everyone will connect to this
Speaker 2: in a different way. Yeah, Okay, Well we're gonna wrap
Speaker 2: up here, but I just want to congratulate you guys.
Speaker 2: But I'm just want to talk about how a lot
Speaker 2: of people look at people as entertainers, right, not the
Speaker 2: voice as bitches that you guys are right because it's
Speaker 2: a there's a business to it, you know. But in
Speaker 2: the book, you guys talk about your your foundation, like school,
Speaker 2: your old jobs, Like do you still hold on to
Speaker 2: that to any degree to feel like that helped you
Speaker 2: in this endeavor in this industry because you both were
Speaker 2: in corporate. You both were you know, and it's something
Speaker 2: totally different. You do talk about that part of your
Speaker 2: journey where you guys were at work and you were
Speaker 2: changing clothing, you know, like all of that, you even
Speaker 2: I think mentioned it on the Breakfast Club this morning,
Speaker 2: you know, so do you guys want to hold on
Speaker 2: to that part of you and and still say like.
Speaker 1: That propelled me that you know, like that helped, that
Speaker 1: was a foundational piece of what's happening right now? Did
Speaker 1: it help? Did it? Does it not matter?
Speaker 2: Is it totally separate with my credits cord that just
Speaker 2: dropped nail knit and financial lead. I hate the you know,
Speaker 2: like I'm not technically technically using my degrees.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but so that's what I was gonna say. Technically,
Speaker 1: I'm not in a corporate space that you know, I
Speaker 1: got because of my degrees.
Speaker 2: However, I don't think the like the podcast is here,
Speaker 2: I'm able to look at the way I am without
Speaker 2: the lens from the things that I learned in school
Speaker 2: and from working in a corporate setting.
Speaker 1: If you weren't an accountant, you wouldn't have been getting
Speaker 1: paid the way that you were. Yes, because well, girl,
Speaker 1: the bartender.
Speaker 2: Bartend has made a lot of money career back in
Speaker 2: the day with the scamml's a scammon, they're not doing
Speaker 2: it no more. But for me to like even the
Speaker 2: organizational aspects of it, that the deadline has Like you know,
Speaker 2: I come hard off these Excel sheets.
Speaker 1: That's what I make them for everything, And so I
Speaker 1: don't think.
Speaker 2: I don't think I care about a pivotable or how
Speaker 2: pretty an Excel sheet is if I don't go through
Speaker 2: that element.
Speaker 1: And so to me, the organizational aspects of it and
Speaker 1: how it makes things easier for me to see.
Speaker 2: I love that I was able to transport that into
Speaker 2: being an entrepreneur, right, I think being a first generation
Speaker 2: college graduate.
Speaker 1: In my family, no one in my family is an entrepreneur.
Speaker 1: No one in my family has a savings account.
Speaker 2: No one in my family had the opportunities that I've
Speaker 2: had now to travel.
Speaker 1: I mean, my mom get a passport so I could
Speaker 1: take her to Greece.
Speaker 2: Guess where we had to go in twenty nineteen because
Speaker 2: she didn't have a passport. It's Puerto Rico.
Speaker 1: My mom is fifty plus now and I literally am like,
Speaker 1: I'd like to get you to see the world.
Speaker 2: And so like my family being being very on grown Orlando, Jamaic,
Speaker 2: like they just they don't really get out. Like for
Speaker 2: me to have that opportunity to do this, I don't
Speaker 2: think I do that without going to college and so
Speaker 2: for me constantly for anyone who goes all the way
Speaker 2: back to that, like whether you're using your degree or not,
Speaker 2: it's still one of the things that I'm most proud
Speaker 2: of because I was disciplined enough to complete it. But
Speaker 2: I don't think that how I've been able to manage
Speaker 2: as an entrepreneur for the last six years exists without that.
Speaker 2: So none of this for me exists for me without that,
Speaker 2: And so I still give credence. I love to talk
Speaker 2: about when I was a corporate that was cool, Like
Speaker 2: I always loved.
Speaker 1: Bringing it back up because it's something that I'm still
Speaker 1: most product Yeah.
Speaker 2: And you, oh girl, love when somebody bring up, well,
Speaker 2: that was the big things to work at mobile. Indeed,
Speaker 2: I'm very proud of where I've come from. Like just
Speaker 2: my dad was an entrepreneur, and it's interesting because I
Speaker 2: always felt like they were never that proud of me.
Speaker 2: Well I was in college at ground now, but I
Speaker 2: always felt like that wasn't the most exciting part. And
Speaker 2: so when he got to see me do this in
Speaker 2: my life, not to mention just even the financial freedom
Speaker 2: that Mandy and I got to feel when leaving our jobs,
Speaker 2: I just got to see that happening with two friends.
Speaker 2: After starting trap House, yeah, like Pride and our parents
Speaker 2: come into our new space, you know.
Speaker 1: And that wasn't my first business I started.
Speaker 2: I started to shout out to the other hell its
Speaker 2: and WTF media and knowing that, like I got to
Speaker 2: be in this seller mode. When I was in corporate,
Speaker 2: I was a seller constantly, right, I was selling everything
Speaker 2: from ethernet I can't even spell it.
Speaker 1: That data recovery software. And it was like people would
Speaker 1: look at me like why is she selling that? Because
Speaker 1: I could fucking sell anything.
Speaker 2: So now today to know that all of the things
Speaker 2: that we've accomplished come from horrible. It's crazy, you know,
Speaker 2: to be in a workout and there's someone that's like,
Speaker 2: you know, someone just told me just now, Joey over
Speaker 2: there just said something about it, and like Mandy and
Speaker 2: I will be out somewhere and then someone's coming to
Speaker 2: her about her show. Like it's just crazy that we
Speaker 2: are all connected from this thing. So I think that
Speaker 2: our corporate background isn't something even that I think about,
Speaker 2: because I now look at us as entrepreneurs is a
Speaker 2: different way, and all I think about is horrible.
Speaker 1: I almost forgot I had a corporate job. All I
Speaker 1: remember is horrible.
Speaker 2: When I start the new job, there's not a thing
Speaker 2: I'm gonna do on my life. I can start a church,
Speaker 2: it can do. It's just like, girl, we're all stupid, like.
Speaker 1: The try and dat so horrible. Feels like now there's
Speaker 1: been almost a decade my first job. It's so crazy.
Speaker 2: So I almost treat new things in this corporate setting
Speaker 2: and being professional like it's horrible. I don't have a
Speaker 2: meeting I'm in where I don't say something a.
Speaker 1: Little bit dirty. Yeah, because this is this is all
Speaker 1: the world.
Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: It's like where we're at with you and so like
Speaker 1: you ever had sex on a reformer?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: And I no, no no.
Speaker 2: By the way, y'all, you don't understand how serious you
Speaker 2: Especially when he sees another country.
Speaker 1: It'll be thirteen people on the phone execs. Sorry, guys,
Speaker 1: I was doing blow last night. Me got a girl
Speaker 1: to the room.
Speaker 2: It'll be in a corporate fucking college. She's talking about
Speaker 2: how she just had a threesome last night. Introduction is
Speaker 2: that man?
Speaker 1: It got the deal done? Maybe I get a lie
Speaker 1: on it, you know, likes real ship.
Speaker 2: When I was working at audible, they said, oh, do
Speaker 2: you want to listen to your mekhezy at audible? A fuck,
Speaker 2: this this is how me now, Like there's no faking it,
Speaker 2: like it's just me. I'd be saying, hey, y'all in
Speaker 2: the emails, I just I feel like this is the
Speaker 2: most natural state that I wanted. And the only thing
Speaker 2: I think corporate really taught me was that everything, at
Speaker 2: the end of the day is about authenticity. Yeah, like
Speaker 2: you know, it was different because I know you were
Speaker 2: an accountant, and so for me, I was front facing
Speaker 2: with clients all the time.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'd be like, nice to meet you, sir, and
Speaker 1: I'd be like, damn, it's night. Still got the ship done.
Speaker 1: I love being myself and just knowing that we made
Speaker 1: this book just being honest. It's fucking crazy. So okay,
Speaker 1: take youngratuate.
Speaker 2: By the way, we have pro learned that this was
Speaker 2: only supposed to be a thirty minute a conversation because
Speaker 2: a goddamn how bitch.
Speaker 1: We just kept knowing do you want to leave time
Speaker 1: for Q? And A next time we don't have a
Speaker 1: time or look at me. I'm like, oh, y'all, I've
Speaker 1: been over.
Speaker 2: We're looking at tongue like, we still gotta sign books,
Speaker 2: but I do want to allow at least time.
Speaker 1: For like three questions.
Speaker 2: We love Q and A, we love homeow we loved
Speaker 2: that y'all chose to sit in the basement with us
Speaker 2: and talk and we'll listen to us talk about a
Speaker 2: book that meant so much for us.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we don't talk about it. You want to tell
Speaker 1: we won't talk about it. You see all the town.
Speaker 1: Does anybody have a question? I'm glad I didn't wear that.
Speaker 1: God damn, can we come on, Lee give us a question?
Speaker 3: Well, it wasn't specific to I guess the content of
Speaker 3: the book per se, but have versions. I'm going to
Speaker 3: say through asking a book, thank you. I hope you
Speaker 3: guys really have a moment to really take it in
Speaker 3: because it's no small feed. But I'm curious more so
Speaker 3: around what you guys learned about each other this process,
Speaker 3: because there was a lot of obviously your individual stories.
Speaker 3: But like you said, I think from just a listener perspective,
Speaker 3: we get one version of you that we're seeing and
Speaker 3: gotten used to. But I feel like I learned so
Speaker 3: much about even stories I already heard in more detail
Speaker 3: and just in different kind of versions of yourself. So
Speaker 3: my question is YouTube knowing each other for what for
Speaker 3: most two decades?
Speaker 1: Now?
Speaker 3: Okay, was there anything I guess specifically that surprised you
Speaker 3: in each other's chapter? What did you learn about each
Speaker 3: other in this process?
Speaker 1: I mean for me, and this maybe.
Speaker 2: Comes from my upbringing and how I judged, not judged,
Speaker 2: But there was nothing else that.
Speaker 1: I wanted growing up. The money I started working at fifteen.
Speaker 2: I once I got to high school, I paid for
Speaker 2: school supplies and back to school things for me and
Speaker 2: my siblings, and I used to always think that money
Speaker 2: would have made growing up so much easier and so
Speaker 2: weezy during our even teenage years, living on a different
Speaker 2: side of town than most of my friends and had
Speaker 2: a life that I was like, oh my god, bitch,
Speaker 2: you got a whole movie theater in your house. And
Speaker 2: when we got to writing the book and I put
Speaker 2: those things in there, she shied away from those things.
Speaker 2: When we had her mom on our most recent Patreon episode,
Speaker 2: it was interesting because her mom was like, yeah, girl,
Speaker 2: spent forty thousand my birthday parties, And you could see
Speaker 2: the pride in growing up with those financial like things,
Speaker 2: And so for me, it was surprising that Weezy didn't
Speaker 2: really want to drive the Jaguar to high school, that
Speaker 2: she didn't want to talk about growing up in a.
Speaker 1: Certain way, even though like things changed as she got older.
Speaker 2: With that financials, I was like, ooh, bitch, there's nothing
Speaker 2: in the world I want more than nepotism, right, And
Speaker 2: so for me, a part that I learned was like, damn,
Speaker 2: there can be shame in growing up with things that
Speaker 2: that I would have killed four even just two parents,
Speaker 2: Like I didn't grow up with two parents. I didn't
Speaker 2: like me and my sisters rotated, who shared rooms with
Speaker 2: my younger sister, like there were just different things. And
Speaker 2: so when we wrote this book and I leaned into that,
Speaker 2: I was surprised that there wasn't pride in having that
Speaker 2: style of an upbringing because I thought, like, bitch, that's
Speaker 2: what we all would have liked, Like I would have
Speaker 2: been able to go to more field trips, or my
Speaker 2: dad to be able to like like me, not having
Speaker 2: to go ask my dad for shit. So that was
Speaker 2: just I think surprising that there could be shame in
Speaker 2: that type of lifestyle and privilege.
Speaker 1: To me, that's what I learned. Hmmm.
Speaker 2: I want to talk about that on the pod more
Speaker 2: because for me it was more so you know, I
Speaker 2: was watching my parents lose money in real time, so
Speaker 2: as a kid, I'm just like, oh, I know that
Speaker 2: the more you're gonna be paid, I know that people
Speaker 2: come over, I know that there's foreclosure, like as a teenager,
Speaker 2: and that point where I could be prideful, how I
Speaker 2: will take The thing I learned the most is probably
Speaker 2: healing in real time. There were stories that you were telling.
Speaker 2: You know, we're on the podcast telling each other's stories.
Speaker 1: Ahakey key.
Speaker 2: And the more that I would read the stories, especially
Speaker 2: you know, talking about sex for money, and it's even
Speaker 2: hard to say that because I know you don't even
Speaker 2: really want to talk about that in fress, but you
Speaker 2: brought it up for.
Speaker 1: Like in a room like this, But I ain't going
Speaker 1: on breakfast clo, like, yeah, I'll understand money.
Speaker 2: When Mandy was talking about the way she felt reading
Speaker 2: it was making me feel really sad because my chapter
Speaker 2: was different.
Speaker 1: I'm like sugar dad, right, I was like fuck Ariada
Speaker 1: back and forth.
Speaker 2: But at the end of the day, that's kind of
Speaker 2: the beauty of these stories. It's like you can see
Speaker 2: two different experiences and so yeah, to answer the question fully,
Speaker 2: with Mandy's chapters, the healing in real time was happening
Speaker 2: while hearing the stories, like maybe that little bit of
Speaker 2: shame was back there, but we we are on a
Speaker 2: show where we gotta be liberated for everybody, so we
Speaker 2: better tell this with a smile on our face.
Speaker 1: So it was Dot.
Speaker 2: It was knowing that she had to come to these
Speaker 2: realizations sitting next to me every week on the mic.
Speaker 1: Like that ship isn't easy. It's like when you find
Speaker 1: out someone that you work with is going through a
Speaker 1: really hard time. You're like, what the fuck? How you
Speaker 1: being here? Smiling? You know it's sheriffy Yeah, and vodka
Speaker 1: and we'll do We'll do one more question because I
Speaker 1: know we gotta sign these books. Burns off.
Speaker 2: You will ask me questions I do if you don't mind,
Speaker 2: If there's anyone you will get it. You'll get the
Speaker 2: last question because you was in the conversation up here
Speaker 2: in the front seat.
Speaker 1: Do we have because I know we got some war
Speaker 1: Hive members in here? What's that? No Amy with that care?
Speaker 1: Do we have any in the back and all I know,
Speaker 1: like y'all just.
Speaker 2: Got the books today, all right, our first day listener
Speaker 2: everything that what was a turning point for y'all to
Speaker 2: for the y'all authentic so.
Speaker 1: Fully.
Speaker 2: So It's funny because when we started this podcast, and
Speaker 2: I've said this before, I was about to be a CPA.
Speaker 2: My dad is Jamaican and so as a bartender working
Speaker 2: in the clubs and all that, he used to always say,
Speaker 2: when you're gonna get a real job. It was always
Speaker 2: about getting a real job. Yeah, so he does construction,
Speaker 2: blue collar. My mom is an LPN still trying to
Speaker 2: pass these math classes to get a R rate.
Speaker 1: And so for me it was when we first started
Speaker 1: this pod, I was like, yeah, I don't mind sharing this.
Speaker 1: I tweeted, I lived this life. I don't mind. But
Speaker 1: if it don't make no money, I'm about to be
Speaker 1: an accountant because I want to be taken serious. I
Speaker 1: want to be your wife.
Speaker 2: If y'all hear me talk about twenty four to seven,
Speaker 2: I remember like, oh here, rapper, I can't bring him
Speaker 2: to my Christmas parties.
Speaker 1: When I become an accountant, I need to get a lawyer.
Speaker 2: Like I had this view, this traditional view of what
Speaker 2: life should look like when I get into certain spaces
Speaker 2: in my life. And so it wasn't really until honestly,
Speaker 2: probably started touring. And as we started touring and we
Speaker 2: started meeting y'all, my stories changing people, my stories making
Speaker 2: people cry or get through the things that they were
Speaker 2: going through. And I told this to Charlemagne in the
Speaker 2: South of France in front of everybody, and I was like,
Speaker 2: thank you. We were, you know, in the South of France,
Speaker 2: and I said, thank you for being my baby day,
Speaker 2: because this book is a baby. But I told him,
Speaker 2: I said, without the push and support from him, I
Speaker 2: don't know what my purpose is.
Speaker 1: And my purpose is now this.
Speaker 2: My purpose is now being able to touch people with
Speaker 2: with my stories and my vulnerability, whether it keeps a nigga.
Speaker 1: From dating me or not.
Speaker 2: I'm on the front line for y'all. To me, it
Speaker 2: wasn't until I realized this is a bigger picture than me.
Speaker 2: We say that that's why this pot is still here,
Speaker 2: that's why we have a book. We don't fault quite
Speaker 2: a bit. We might not always see the same things
Speaker 2: all the time, but whenever we really get to where
Speaker 2: it's like I I, it's always like this shit is
Speaker 2: bigger than both of us, and like when we meet
Speaker 2: you guys, when we see people buying our book. This
Speaker 2: is where I was like, well here, yep, I did it,
Speaker 2: not OJ style, I did it. It's here, it exists.
Speaker 2: I am me, and I don't feel like I have
Speaker 2: that without meeting our hive. Okay, sorry a yell er hot,
Speaker 2: I'm just try to make mine quick. I would say,
Speaker 2: there's a moment I had.
Speaker 1: And I know a lot of us may never.
Speaker 2: Get approval from our parents or our family, especially the
Speaker 2: queer few people in here, like they're just always going
Speaker 2: through some shit.
Speaker 1: They don't get us. But I had a moment to
Speaker 1: let me know this is her accepting me.
Speaker 2: I don't give a fuck about anyone else. Says, there's
Speaker 2: my ex girlfriend. I brought her to my mom's house
Speaker 2: and she.
Speaker 1: Knew it was my girlfriend, but she just was like ever,
Speaker 1: she just eat busy today. This will be over with soon.
Speaker 1: So we go out to eat and we run into
Speaker 1: a girl, her mother from high school. And this was
Speaker 1: the cool girl, super rich, like just.
Speaker 2: It and my mom was like, why does she looks
Speaker 2: at the annoy I'm like, oh, that's Rossie's mom, And
Speaker 2: so she says, what's Rossie doing it?
Speaker 1: And the woman said, Rossie's a doctor and she's working
Speaker 1: in a blah blah blah blah blah and all this shit.
Speaker 1: And I'm sitting there with my girlfriend and my.
Speaker 2: Mom goes, well, Gila has a sex podcast and everybody
Speaker 2: listens to it.
Speaker 1: It's so good. I mean, it's everywhere and she's all
Speaker 1: over the place. That's your girlfriend. Anyway, I have been there.
Speaker 1: We're gonna watch it on TV on the YouTube one.
Speaker 1: I'm a podcaster. I had a doctor, and my mom's like,
Speaker 1: my daughter really yours that? Like, what do I give
Speaker 1: a ship about anybody else? Now, my father and y'all know,
Speaker 1: y'all know because I've opened up about it.
Speaker 2: If he wants in a nursing home, he literally tells people,
Speaker 2: you know, my daughter, she's like doctor, she talks about it, talk.
Speaker 1: About this sex and all did the sex. And it's
Speaker 1: just my reality. And at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: I take care of my parents with this fucking money,
Speaker 1: So sucking dick story is safe. We wouldn't have been here.
Speaker 1: Thank you, by it's very thank thank you guys.
Speaker 2: And we will make sure for anyone's book that we
Speaker 2: have not signed, because also this is the work night, school.
Speaker 1: Night, all the things. Y'all gotta get home and I.
Speaker 2: Want to eat, but we want to make sure that
Speaker 2: we signed all books. And thank you guys personally for
Speaker 2: coming out to the basement to join us in a
Speaker 2: heat wave on a Tuesday, but most importantly on the
Speaker 2: release date of This Guy.