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Speaker 1: Welcome to decisions Decisions. I don't think you should say

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Speaker 1: decision decisions. It sounded like you was talking to Kirsty.

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Speaker 1: You definitely say to welcome, welcome to the new podcast.

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Speaker 1: You want to say together, decisions decisions. I am passport cutting.

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Speaker 2: I am an author like Coach and.

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Speaker 1: Missing Ones. Huh talka former hope and before us.

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Speaker 2: Okay, we gonna get into that author we ever had

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Speaker 2: on the podcast podcaster.

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Speaker 1: In you and everybody. I don't even only was on

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Speaker 1: my notes. Okay, some of you might remember me from

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Speaker 1: one of their first episodes.

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Speaker 2: It was them interviewing me about my first book, that

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Speaker 2: m and Manas for Money. So that's why I'm so

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Speaker 2: to be here to be talking to them about their

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Speaker 2: first book, No Holds barn is a dual manifesto of

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Speaker 2: such exploration and power, and I had the luxury and

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Speaker 2: the privilege of reading it twice already. Then if you are,

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Speaker 2: if you've been listening for a long long time. We

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Speaker 2: had another episode we did that was we talked about

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Speaker 2: something that super time.

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Speaker 1: But we're gonna get into that later.

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Speaker 2: But this dynamic duo they did something super disruptive. They

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Speaker 2: built community, They built safety, exploration, identity fun and.

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Speaker 1: For me a bubble educated. So I love these ladies.

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Speaker 1: The book has a lot of layers. It's very sexy

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Speaker 1: but smart, and it's very wild.

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Speaker 2: But why Okay, so we are gonna get I'm just

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Speaker 2: taking it.

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Speaker 1: Why why?

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Speaker 2: Why?

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Speaker 1: Sexy but smart?

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Speaker 2: Okay, So I'm gonna tell you guys what I love

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Speaker 2: about the book personally, right, So I usually love memoirs

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Speaker 2: and self help. I used to read all the rodicts,

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Speaker 2: so but this is all of them in one. So

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Speaker 2: it really is a pleasure to like get a dose

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Speaker 2: of everything all at once. And I'm just so I

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Speaker 2: was more surprised by the education part of it because

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Speaker 2: there was still stuff that I did not know, and

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Speaker 2: I was looking it up on Google right like words

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Speaker 2: and you guys did a good job at explaining a

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Speaker 2: lot of things that you thought that people weren't going

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Speaker 2: to know. But there was still something I didn't know. Abrosexual.

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Speaker 2: So it's called hey bro ay go sexual.

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Speaker 1: So so what's crazy about that one is we ended.

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Speaker 2: Up even talking about that in an episode. I just

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Speaker 2: think all of the labels that go onto our sexualities,

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Speaker 2: like anyone kild like say.

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Speaker 1: Oh, maybe you're not that maybe you're not that.

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Speaker 2: What I've noticed is, though, specifically for me, from when

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Speaker 2: I first started having sex with sixteen years old all

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Speaker 2: the way to now is that there's been ebbs and

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Speaker 2: flows of what I've been into and it's changed.

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Speaker 1: Y'all are the name for that now?

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Speaker 2: A sexual is the ability to kind of be fluid

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Speaker 2: with so sorry, fluid with your sexual identity.

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Speaker 1: So the the privilege.

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Speaker 2: Now to be able to change and be like, no,

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Speaker 2: I know I was this way at one point. It

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Speaker 2: doesn't define me now. Saw that word, thought it was

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Speaker 2: phenomenal and threw it off. Another one was compersion, which

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Speaker 2: you do you do? People so tired of hearing me

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Speaker 2: say that it is my favorite word, and it's so compersion.

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Speaker 1: If y'all listen to the show clap if you know

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Speaker 1: the word.

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Speaker 2: Then we out dick sucking story. Confersion means that you're

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Speaker 2: taking pleasure and someone else receiving pleasure, so much like

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Speaker 2: a cuk hoole the cook queen, someone that just enjoys

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Speaker 2: knowing that their partner is also enjoying.

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Speaker 1: And a lot of.

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Speaker 2: Times in non monogamy you actually have to really practice

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Speaker 2: conversion knowing that someone is having fun by having an

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Speaker 2: experience that's outside of you. And so I'm not saying

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Speaker 2: I'm one hundred percent good at confersion, but there eighty.

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Speaker 1: I also didn't know what M D M A was MD?

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Speaker 1: Is that a drug? I'm telling you all this man

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Speaker 1: stuff like that, I still don't know.

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Speaker 2: I'm not gonna hold you as a New York girl.

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Speaker 2: Half of the stories I like to be like, I

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Speaker 2: was high some of this.

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Speaker 1: It's actually a lot didn't hit that hard.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so well that look, the proof is that those

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Speaker 2: words that suck out to me, you're gonna stick out

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Speaker 2: to you as well. All Right, So it's vulnerable, it's personal,

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Speaker 2: it's transparent, it's funny, and it has a lot of personality.

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Speaker 1: And I'm gonna be honest with you.

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Speaker 2: You have to read it, but you also have to

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Speaker 2: listen to me, Like you can't just do one, because

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Speaker 2: I did both, right, So you.

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Speaker 1: Had time to listen to it, yea ten hours?

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Speaker 3: I know.

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Speaker 1: I was at the cool old day.

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Speaker 2: No, I waked up at five am, you do. I

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Speaker 2: had from five am all the way till I got

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Speaker 2: here too, Okay, But also in the book, I was

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Speaker 2: reading a school yesterday again, and when you when you

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Speaker 2: were writing, okay, can I can I ask you someone

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Speaker 2: who's listened to it, because I'm surprised we have someone

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Speaker 2: who has just your thoughts on kind of while reading

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Speaker 2: it and hearing it the emotion that was conveyed. Because

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Speaker 2: for me and if y'all are patrons, I've talked about it,

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Speaker 2: Recording this book was the hardest thing I've done professionally.

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Speaker 1: She tried to warm me. I was like, bit y'all

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Speaker 1: talked for a little long time.

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Speaker 2: Listen, did y'all record the audio book? And she was like, no,

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Speaker 2: we're about to do that in like two days or something.

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Speaker 2: I said, I'm just want to know right now. She

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Speaker 2: warned me, you don't feel like you don't.

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Speaker 1: Know how to read. I didn't know how to talk.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know how to read. There was there was

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Speaker 1: there were.

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Speaker 2: There were chapters that were so easy to write. And

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Speaker 2: then when I was speaking there a bitch got choked. Well,

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Speaker 2: you can't choke up.

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Speaker 1: I can't read. So like it was like the emotion

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Speaker 1: that she still wanted it.

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Speaker 2: But I'm like, oh, ship, like the chapter like my

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Speaker 2: abortion chapter was I wrote that in like a day,

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Speaker 2: Like that was I knew I wanted to share that

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Speaker 2: story with everything happening, and before writing it, I had

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Speaker 2: a therapy session.

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Speaker 1: I interviewed my mom, I interviewed my friend Peter whop

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Speaker 1: me pay well. I wanted to say, though the audio

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Speaker 1: version of it, we don't.

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Speaker 2: I didn't I talk about this before the audio version

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Speaker 2: of that chapter, which was my easiest. A bitch broke

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Speaker 2: broke down in the in the recording version of it.

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Speaker 2: So I don't know if you were you able to

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Speaker 2: were you, I would.

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Speaker 1: Have hear it all that you can. You can hear.

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Speaker 2: The personality and emotions behind all of the top, like

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Speaker 2: sometimes super exciting, you know, like it's easy.

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Speaker 1: They'll they'll they'll know.

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Speaker 2: This book because the most uncomfortable thing to read was

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Speaker 2: not a sault, nothing like that. It was this sentence

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Speaker 2: in front of I would say he was maybe mid

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Speaker 2: fifties Latino, dude. I'm recording this audio book in LA

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Speaker 2: and there's a glass wall with the person saying no,

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Speaker 2: go ahead, weezy and just you know, stick with the

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Speaker 2: same cadence.

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Speaker 1: And I remember it because I was like, you're gonna

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Speaker 1: take him a while because it's in the session.

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Speaker 2: Oh girl, you're engineering my ultimate fantasy had always been

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Speaker 2: getting fucked while eating.

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Speaker 1: Pussy looking at me on they're not telling y'all. He

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Speaker 1: really sat there and he goes, this is it's really

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Speaker 1: gonna touch.

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Speaker 2: It's when you get this industry like nothing is surprises

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Speaker 2: people sometimes like they've heard it all, like in music,

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Speaker 2: but especially engineers, they.

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Speaker 1: Like not Miguel that man said, whoa hear from? Like man? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Like right yeah. And so just to describe the setting,

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Speaker 1: we were in rappers going there.

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Speaker 2: Music people go in there to do advertisements like things

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Speaker 2: like that, like commercials and voiceovers. So to have someone

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Speaker 2: just sit there with you and hear ten hours of

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Speaker 2: your book, it was interesting. And also tell you can't

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Speaker 2: read yes, yeah, yeah, I.

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Speaker 1: Got so many words wrong. Yeah I read the word

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Speaker 1: two twelve.

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Speaker 2: He was like you have to also I wrote words

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Speaker 2: and I was like, how you say this?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, now that's what I need to tell when when

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Speaker 1: it got to.

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Speaker 2: I was like naevity, like when I was recording mind.

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Speaker 1: Yes, So you know our co author shout out to

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Speaker 1: Texas egg here on Tempest is Bright.

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Speaker 2: She really like took our books to another level by

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Speaker 2: helping this add like depth and dimensions to this book

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Speaker 2: and one of the words that I can read use

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Speaker 2: my brain got stuck that I can tell tenthist with

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Speaker 2: jammed in the homogens and I say hold.

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Speaker 1: On Jesus and yeah, okay.

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Speaker 2: So two things that popped out for me in this

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Speaker 2: book that I feel like were major themes for you

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Speaker 2: guys individually separate were for you, Mandy, it was shame,

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Speaker 2: and then for you it was jealousy. And I want

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Speaker 2: to know, like for me, I felt like those are

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Speaker 2: two themes that a lot of people don't admit.

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Speaker 1: But that's the part of self help, you.

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Speaker 2: Know, like when you are trying to really like get

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Speaker 2: to know yourself and change things about yourself, you gotta

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Speaker 2: admit things that are uncomfortable. So I want to know,

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Speaker 2: at what point did you guys feel like you could

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Speaker 2: admit like.

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Speaker 1: Oh shit, I'm jealous when I see him with her

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Speaker 1: or her with him, or you know, like when did

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Speaker 1: jealousy beat something that you were able to own?

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Speaker 2: And for you the shame you were like the shame

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Speaker 2: of you know, my friends judging me if I wanted

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Speaker 2: to leave with the guy or if I wanted you know,

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Speaker 2: like I was on a date and like I felt

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Speaker 2: excited about it, but you know, like I didn't want

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Speaker 2: anybody else to like judge me about it, So you

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Speaker 2: guys can answer respect me.

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Speaker 1: I'll start with jealousy.

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Speaker 2: You know, for anyone to listen to this show, whether

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Speaker 2: you're a monogamous or not a monogamous, the constant conversation

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Speaker 2: you have with yourself is jealousy. I've been in relationships

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Speaker 2: where my partner dated no one else and I was

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Speaker 2: jealous of the misdeader to work with. So I think

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Speaker 2: that jealousy is something you can be able to face. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: when it can be accepted. Because here's the thing. I

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Speaker 2: just had this conversation with my partner recently where I said,

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Speaker 2: sometimes I get scared to tell you if I'm jealous

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Speaker 2: because I don't want you to say this isn't for us.

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Speaker 2: I need to just be able to get it out.

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Speaker 2: You said, I'll be jealous of my best friend's mama.

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Speaker 2: Ever want his mama?

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Speaker 1: Like that's how much I love this.

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Speaker 2: I have two best friends right now, and I'm gonna

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Speaker 2: tell you right now. Brianda had to give me a warning,

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Speaker 2: don't get upset. I'm gonna be hanging out with some

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Speaker 2: of a woman. One of my best friends andre if

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Speaker 2: he has another homegirl, just that whatever.

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Speaker 1: Were you ever? Did you ever deny that part about

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Speaker 1: you yourself? Or did you always? Because you know what

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Speaker 1: we've done?

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Speaker 2: And jealousy as weakness. If you are a jealous person,

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Speaker 2: you're weak and you're insecure.

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Speaker 1: Whatever. If I don't say this.

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Speaker 2: Out loud, then it just sits there and throws into

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Speaker 2: your resentment. So I think that the first step in

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Speaker 2: how can someone be able to help you?

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Speaker 1: Because now that my partner knows like a philography, what

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Speaker 1: does he do now?

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Speaker 2: Affirmation, reaffirming our relationship, you have to say these things,

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Speaker 2: and so I think just admitting the jealousy with confidence

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Speaker 2: is what you better do. Somenoy. It was so break

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Speaker 2: think like of you to put that, because most people

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Speaker 2: deny it and you cannot help. You can't self help,

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Speaker 2: You can't ask your therapist for tools or anything if

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Speaker 2: you don't admit that you have these feelings deep down inside.

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Speaker 2: So I love that you talk about and you openly

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Speaker 2: say like, I'm just I wanted to make sure that

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Speaker 2: she wasn't gonna enjoy him.

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Speaker 1: Her was more than better than reason. He hasn't it

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Speaker 1: better than you? So me, let me tell you timing matters.

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Speaker 2: Had this book came out a year or two ago,

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Speaker 2: I wouldn't be able to stay here and like it,

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Speaker 2: because I would have gagged over to the.

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Speaker 1: Soulmate Nigga that I thought I was with, like he had.

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Speaker 2: So many he had so many parts of this book

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Speaker 2: in our proposal because I was like, I found in love,

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Speaker 2: I found my and I would I would have hated

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Speaker 2: that this book came out and I, you.

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Speaker 1: Know, immortalized him in that way.

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Speaker 2: And so for me, when we had the opportunity of

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Speaker 2: the book come to us, I have just gotten into

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Speaker 2: therapy and so during the pandemic, I had a lot

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Speaker 2: more time to sit with myself. And when it came

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Speaker 2: to this book, we really wanted to lean into the

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Speaker 2: iroonica and I was fine with that, but I was like, bitch,

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Speaker 2: I there's a lot of shit out and did and

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Speaker 2: said on this podcast that I hate with my like,

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Speaker 2: I hate it, and I know that there's like a

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Speaker 2: con complation. That's the word conflate. You could conflate being liberated.

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Speaker 1: Florida education, y'all known. But when you talk.

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Speaker 2: About being liberated, which is what this platform, which is

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Speaker 2: what Horrible.

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Speaker 1: Decisions was based upon a lot of times they don't.

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Speaker 2: Allow us as liberated, free women to admit our faults,

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Speaker 2: to to actually admit the shame and decisions that we

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Speaker 2: made a past that we've grown from. A lot of

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Speaker 2: people just want to keep us in whatever bubble they

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Speaker 2: want us to stay in, And for me, I was like, bro,

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Speaker 2: I ain't even gonna hold you.

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Speaker 1: There's no way I'm writing this book.

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Speaker 2: Telling women to have sex for this amount of money

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Speaker 2: and view men in this way because I've now been

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Speaker 2: able to experience viewing men in such a beautiful way

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Speaker 2: and experiencing intimacy and ways that I didn't in the

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Speaker 2: beginning that I was like, bro, like, I'm not going

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Speaker 2: to tell the younger generation or women in my age

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Speaker 2: to think the way that I thought when we first

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Speaker 2: started this show.

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Speaker 1: And there was just a lot.

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Speaker 2: Of trauma that I was overcoming and ways in which

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Speaker 2: I thought, like, there's a whole chapter about me being

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Speaker 2: a side chick, and I think, well, they like me

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Speaker 2: more than they white cuz they telling the truth to me,

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Speaker 2: and that the rhetoric was so dumb. And so I'm

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Speaker 2: literally in the book realizing a bit you ain't have

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Speaker 2: no self worth. Ah, but you actually thought that you

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Speaker 2: couldn't be a priority to a man, which is why

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Speaker 2: you fell by the wayside. There was a lot of

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Speaker 2: reflection that had to happen, and to me, this book

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Speaker 2: wouldn't exist without me being able to share that part

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Speaker 2: of my journey. And luckily we got to a point

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Speaker 2: where we knew we were writing two different stories. Weeze

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Speaker 2: isnt a place where two THI bitch this meet and

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Speaker 2: I'm like, well, this is me and I really want

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Speaker 2: to be able to include the parts of me that

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Speaker 2: regret a lot of decisions that I made.

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Speaker 1: We will read a.

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Speaker 2: Lot of those chapters and think, and there's gonna be

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Speaker 2: someone because God forbid you sexually liberated and can have growth.

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Speaker 2: You better not be a bitch that was out there

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Speaker 2: having a good time fucking. And now you're gonna tell

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Speaker 2: us you're credited. Well, hold on, I can't have one

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Speaker 2: moment in my life. Oh no, there's a lot.

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Speaker 1: I got good, two, three, But yeah, So that to me,

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Speaker 1: like this book, it was important.

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Speaker 2: And our team over at Simon and Schuster too, Once

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Speaker 2: they started reading our stories, They're like, well, the readers

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Speaker 2: are reading your stories.

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Speaker 1: But because we were so.

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Speaker 2: Adamant on making sure that people could pick up this book,

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Speaker 2: whether they were fans of horrible decisions, decisions decisions or not.

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Speaker 2: They were like, well, what would you tell your reader then?

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Speaker 2: And so we I literally had a lot of calls

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Speaker 2: with our publisher about well what.

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Speaker 1: Can you give your reader?

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Speaker 2: Like readers like to take something away and yes they're

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Speaker 2: hearing your stories, Well what can you give them? So

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Speaker 2: we went back and really tried to tell you guys, well,

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Speaker 2: had I done this, maybe I would have gotten a

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Speaker 2: better results. So hopefully you do this, or here's a

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Speaker 2: way to shoot your shot. And there's just different parts

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Speaker 2: of self help in there that help you guys make

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Speaker 2: better decisions than us.

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Speaker 1: Yes, it's very informational education.

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Speaker 4: Let speaking of.

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Speaker 1: Shame, I have a story to share. So I remember

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Speaker 1: earlier when I said about one of.

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Speaker 2: The episodes, yep, it was actually episode one sixteen period.

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Speaker 1: She been here a long time, hundreds now.

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Speaker 2: So for myself, as someone who made a name for

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Speaker 2: myself on the Internet being raunchy, vulgar, uh table like

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Speaker 2: talk about taboo topics, they took such stuff to a

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Speaker 2: whole another leven. I'm vanilla compared to everybody goes. I

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Speaker 2: was wild for talking about and he's and all that stuff,

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Speaker 2: but when they came out, y'all made me feel like,

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Speaker 2: oh again.

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Speaker 1: You're one of my favorite stories of all. And before this,

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Speaker 1: I was like, I don't know anything that you guys

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Speaker 1: are talking about, Like I was so green.

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Speaker 2: Compared to like the stories that were being shared on

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Speaker 2: the question a y feud.

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Speaker 1: Don't mind how old you guys?

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Speaker 2: Oh, by the way, y'all just heard us on the

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Speaker 2: Breakfast Club this morning and puld.

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Speaker 1: Out not sure why waunch you guess because I'm scared.

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Speaker 1: I gotta thirty four BULI. Yeah, okay, So.

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Speaker 2: Back in twenty nineteen, I went to India and I

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Speaker 2: want to go get him.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna tell the whole story. I'm just gonna

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Speaker 1: tell what happened.

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Speaker 2: So I went to India.

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Speaker 1: I went to go get a massage.

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Speaker 2: I swear to god, I really thought I was going

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Speaker 2: for massage. I'm not like, I really was going for massage.

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Speaker 1: And it ended with a happy ending right now, Okay.

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Speaker 2: I was so excited that just happened to me because.

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Speaker 1: For me, it was like a story to tell, right,

356
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Speaker 1: did I want the person who did it to me?

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Speaker 2: To do it to me, But I had a story

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Speaker 2: to tell, like this is a life story that's like

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Speaker 2: fire to me, right. But I was in India with

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Speaker 2: a friend who was in the other room and she

361
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Speaker 2: was propositioned with the same situation and she was hortified.

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Speaker 1: So she when we left out the room, she's like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, tell.

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Speaker 2: And so because she was so mortified, I was too

365
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Speaker 2: embarrassed to tell her that I got it done. So

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Speaker 2: I was like, let's go, you know, but I couldn't

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Speaker 2: wait to stay home and tell me didn't read it.

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Speaker 2: And the thing about it is is that that goes

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Speaker 2: to show you the safe space, right, like you know

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Speaker 2: your time, you know where you could go, no judgment.

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Speaker 2: And I told everybody, all of my father when I

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Speaker 2: was like, you want to.

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Speaker 1: Hear the story, you go listen to this show, right,

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Speaker 1: because we were like you live.

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Speaker 2: Because I could have told the story on my life

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Speaker 2: or on you know, my page or whatever. I was like, no,

377
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Speaker 2: I'm going to tell that and I'll never forget because

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Speaker 2: you asked me a question on that episode said she said,

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Speaker 2: what you look like?

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Speaker 1: I said, God, damn it, he wasn't kissed. I said,

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Speaker 1: I was gonna leave that part out. I was like,

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Speaker 1: or not, but I was thinking Indian marriage.

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Speaker 2: Listen, y'all want to go back LANDI was not figuring

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Speaker 2: her with.

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Speaker 1: Didn't listen to it. But the point that God, can

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Speaker 1: I rap your pussy ma'am? Yes?

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00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:28,840
Speaker 2: Yes, that validation guys in any way, to know that

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Speaker 2: people feel like they can only share their like intimate

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Speaker 2: deep and dark and secrets because of you and with you.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I think if if y'all go back. There

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Speaker 2: was a moment in time and I hated that I

392
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Speaker 2: like maybe called this on me. I called myself like

393
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Speaker 2: the bullhole whisperer. At one point, every guy that was

394
00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:54,240
Speaker 2: in my phone wanted they butt like they wanted to

395
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Speaker 2: be bad.

396
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Speaker 4: Was opening up about like like literally, but we were

397
00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:04,159
Speaker 4: also like sharing with me all of these fantasies or

398
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Speaker 4: experiences or things that they had actually done sexually with.

399
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Speaker 1: Either trans women or other men and all of these things.

400
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Speaker 2: And I started being like, Yo, I hate that I'm

401
00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:18,480
Speaker 2: being told this because they're not given this safe space

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Speaker 2: by the women that they're actually dealing with.

403
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Speaker 1: Because I wasn't dagonal.

404
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:24,399
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh like I've been old, but I'm talking but

405
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:27,679
Speaker 2: these weren't my partners. They were like some lovers and

406
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:31,560
Speaker 2: so but it made me feel like, damn, like, there's

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Speaker 2: all of these men that I'm talking to, because I

408
00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:35,000
Speaker 2: was talking to a lot and a lot of times,

409
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Speaker 2: and I'm like, WHOA, I don't think they have these

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Speaker 2: safe spaces with their previous partners, with maybe whoever else

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Speaker 2: they're engaging in, with whoever else they're talking to. And

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Speaker 2: for me, it made me feel like, Wow, this is

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00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:51,840
Speaker 2: powerful because I've only talked to black guys in my

414
00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:54,880
Speaker 2: entire life, and so for me to know that they

415
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:57,400
Speaker 2: don't really have that safe space, it made me feel

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Speaker 2: powerful to be able to create that for.

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Speaker 1: Them and then for my friends.

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Speaker 2: I'll share another story because I wasn't allowed to share

419
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:05,160
Speaker 2: on air, so we might need to cut this off.

420
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:08,920
Speaker 2: But one of my other homegirls, you saiday, a very

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Speaker 2: famous rapper that got locked.

422
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:19,920
Speaker 1: Up, and it's you'll never get that while they were together.

423
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:24,080
Speaker 2: Like clearly, how they were intimate with each other were

424
00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:26,359
Speaker 2: through words, and so she would text me.

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Speaker 1: This is when I was in college. So I'd be

426
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Speaker 1: in the middle of class.

427
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:33,120
Speaker 2: And she'd be like, ooh, girl, text them, like text

428
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:35,959
Speaker 2: me song sexy to see him. So I would literally

429
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,960
Speaker 2: be the person to like even open up their verbal

430
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Speaker 2: communications sexually because she wasn't and she'd read those and be.

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Speaker 1: Like, grat do you think like that? And I was like,

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Speaker 1: you have to think.

433
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Speaker 2: And so for my friends, they've been able to come

434
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Speaker 2: to me with not only their health but their sexual

435
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:51,960
Speaker 2: dilemmas and men that I've dated to me, it's one

436
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Speaker 2: of the powers I feel like I have and being

437
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Speaker 2: able to exist how I do.

438
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Speaker 1: So I do just want to leave you with this,

439
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Speaker 1: for the women in this.

440
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Speaker 2: Room typically who have had the joys of being liberated

441
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Speaker 2: or even just experimenting with their sexuality, creating that safe

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00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:10,480
Speaker 2: space for any guy to even share that with you

443
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:13,840
Speaker 2: and not yuck, they're young because whether you liked it

444
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:17,920
Speaker 2: or not, however you identify, you got to enjoy that experience.

445
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:19,520
Speaker 1: You got to have that experience.

446
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:21,960
Speaker 2: And I don't think we allow black men as much

447
00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:25,840
Speaker 2: to exist or have those experiences. And we're up here

448
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:28,960
Speaker 2: being able to talk like this because y'all welcome this conversation.

449
00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:34,080
Speaker 2: We have to welcome our brothers as well. Yeah, oh no,

450
00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:38,479
Speaker 2: that was real deep, my man. I got really gat questions,

451
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:42,639
Speaker 2: which is about power, which is one of the major

452
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:46,320
Speaker 2: themes of the book, but you guys talk about it

453
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:49,760
Speaker 2: very differently. You talk about it in a more like

454
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:52,439
Speaker 2: like have you just said, I'm have power over he's been,

455
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:53,399
Speaker 2: I'm betting them over.

456
00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:57,280
Speaker 1: I'm doing you doing your thing?

457
00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:59,760
Speaker 2: And then I love the part where you talk about

458
00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:04,760
Speaker 2: submission having power, but we do do that differently. Yeah,

459
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:10,440
Speaker 2: the situation you said, the person who's the submission actually

460
00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:13,280
Speaker 2: is basically calling the shots about what they want, you know. Yeah, Like,

461
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:15,800
Speaker 2: so any guy's gonna talk about pick that up?

462
00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:18,479
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry, I know I can.

463
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:21,480
Speaker 2: Like I appreciate that because a lot of the times

464
00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:23,560
Speaker 2: when reading this book, I think you're not going to

465
00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:24,920
Speaker 2: pull the power from that section.

466
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:26,200
Speaker 1: And a lot of time.

467
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:30,320
Speaker 2: In conversation about VIDSM, where do we think that the

468
00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:34,600
Speaker 2: person that's on their knee is just this, Oh my god.

469
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:38,080
Speaker 1: I feel so bad for her. She's giving her as well, bitch.

470
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:41,280
Speaker 2: We they want the I want that, you know, well

471
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:45,879
Speaker 2: not well people years have interviewed so many doms that

472
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:49,840
Speaker 2: want women to experience this in a safe way, And

473
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:52,679
Speaker 2: I think the most beautiful part of my BDSM story

474
00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:56,879
Speaker 2: is that luckily I got to be with someone that

475
00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,840
Speaker 2: was actually a dom, not only what were they a

476
00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:02,320
Speaker 2: dom for a long time, but they were a dom

477
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:06,959
Speaker 2: that didn't take their dominating pleasures into into play when

478
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:07,480
Speaker 2: it came to me.

479
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:11,080
Speaker 1: So, for example, I found out later he likes to suffocate.

480
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:14,200
Speaker 2: Women That didn't even come up with me because when

481
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:16,320
Speaker 2: I was sent to checklist, it was something that I

482
00:25:16,359 --> 00:25:19,199
Speaker 2: put up right, So he didn't even tell me this.

483
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:21,200
Speaker 1: I thought this out years later. That was his cake.

484
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:23,800
Speaker 2: So really just his pleasure was being able to dominate

485
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:25,200
Speaker 2: and please someone that liked to be a sub.

486
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:27,360
Speaker 1: And when we Ceddy is talking about the power.

487
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:28,960
Speaker 2: I know you guys can get to read that, yet

488
00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:33,640
Speaker 2: I talk about how I asked for everything I wanted. Yeah,

489
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:36,199
Speaker 2: there wasn't anything that happened to me that wasn't No,

490
00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:38,639
Speaker 2: there wasn't anything that made me feel uncomfortable. And there

491
00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:40,880
Speaker 2: was also power in the safe word. And I think

492
00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:43,320
Speaker 2: that women get so scared to ask for something that

493
00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:47,480
Speaker 2: they want because it seems like if you're giving yourself

494
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:50,520
Speaker 2: to someone, then you have no power to me.

495
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:53,080
Speaker 1: It is much like the One Night's dand you could

496
00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:56,520
Speaker 1: either do a walk of shame or you were like pride.

497
00:25:57,480 --> 00:25:59,240
Speaker 1: And I've been now with both, I've.

498
00:25:59,119 --> 00:26:01,000
Speaker 2: Definite only left some one department of be like, oh

499
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:03,000
Speaker 2: my god, I'm so i'mbarissed. I can't believe I'm not

500
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:06,040
Speaker 2: fanna tell my friends. And then there became woman of Confidence,

501
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:07,919
Speaker 2: where I was like, yeah.

502
00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:14,720
Speaker 1: Same outfit, drug, I'm just new dress. Do I care?

503
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:16,520
Speaker 2: I want to add to what she's saying, because this

504
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:19,560
Speaker 2: is currently a conversation of pop culture. Shout out to

505
00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:22,080
Speaker 2: our twenty seven white listeners because I'm about to bring

506
00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:28,280
Speaker 2: up a white woman, but the conversation right now, I'll

507
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:30,000
Speaker 2: I'll see it.

508
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:34,000
Speaker 1: But it's crazy.

509
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:37,359
Speaker 2: It's crazy because there's a conversation right now happening around

510
00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:41,960
Speaker 2: Sabrina Carpenter's new album cover where she's on her knees

511
00:26:42,119 --> 00:26:44,320
Speaker 2: and she's you know, and she's in this thing and

512
00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:48,959
Speaker 2: so knowing that like she's in a submissive stance not

513
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:50,720
Speaker 2: to shout out my friend, but to shout out my friends.

514
00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:53,320
Speaker 2: So on around the way curls. This week, they literally

515
00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:57,359
Speaker 2: talk about how as a woman who's in a relationship,

516
00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:00,680
Speaker 2: yeah it's powerful to be submissive, but maybe the views

517
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:04,640
Speaker 2: on single women doing these things don't hold the lens.

518
00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:06,760
Speaker 1: To it being as powerful as it really is.

519
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:11,000
Speaker 2: And so when submission is done, safely consensually with a

520
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:15,639
Speaker 2: DOM who values your your boundaries. The power is actually

521
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:17,880
Speaker 2: in the sub because the sub says no, the sub

522
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:19,120
Speaker 2: says when it's too much.

523
00:27:19,119 --> 00:27:20,880
Speaker 1: The sub like will do what?

524
00:27:21,359 --> 00:27:24,560
Speaker 2: Oh look what makes them feel well, which makes the

525
00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:26,399
Speaker 2: DOM be excited, Like when I be Ben and the

526
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:31,879
Speaker 2: niggas over Like, it's powerful for me, but they're in

527
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:35,120
Speaker 2: a space where they're safe, and it becomes powerful for them.

528
00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:37,600
Speaker 2: So I just hate that what we do be taking

529
00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:40,879
Speaker 2: away the power from submissus. But I'd say all that

530
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:42,600
Speaker 2: to say, like, I love that we've been able to

531
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:46,200
Speaker 2: have that type of dialogue around those two spaces within

532
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:49,560
Speaker 2: BDSU specifically for that, you know, I want to add

533
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:52,040
Speaker 2: to this as far as power. Yeah, the walk of

534
00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:55,800
Speaker 2: shame to hit the walker pride right. Both times that

535
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:58,320
Speaker 2: night started with me wanting to have such a something.

536
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:00,840
Speaker 2: The difference in the first and that I wasn't both

537
00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:04,679
Speaker 2: is that I got over that bullshit of feeling bad

538
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:07,320
Speaker 2: about enjoying sex. That is not what I thought you

539
00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:10,159
Speaker 2: were gonna say. I thought it only becomes like a

540
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:14,640
Speaker 2: walk of shame when it's dead. No, didn't even think

541
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:17,119
Speaker 2: and be like what I allowed to say, because when

542
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:21,440
Speaker 2: it's good like saying I'm not like I thought.

543
00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:25,480
Speaker 1: I felt ashamed of the sex I had the night before.

544
00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:27,280
Speaker 2: It was genuinely because I was the phase of my

545
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,840
Speaker 2: life where I felt like I shouldn't be doing that,

546
00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:32,639
Speaker 2: or I should be looking for a relationship, or oh

547
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:34,399
Speaker 2: I fucked him on the second date not the third day.

548
00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:36,520
Speaker 2: There was so many rules in my head instead of

549
00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:40,239
Speaker 2: just enjoying. You know, and like, I think that as

550
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:44,880
Speaker 2: people that want to explore ourselves, we think, Hey, if

551
00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:48,080
Speaker 2: I want a relationship, I gotta be doing things intentionally.

552
00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:50,760
Speaker 2: I can't have sex with someone for five because I

553
00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:52,080
Speaker 2: want to get married and have a husband.

554
00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:56,080
Speaker 1: Well, you need let me tell you something. They could

555
00:28:56,080 --> 00:28:56,760
Speaker 1: be yourself made.

556
00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:57,040
Speaker 2: Hello.

557
00:28:57,840 --> 00:29:00,320
Speaker 1: It is in the book, and it's so import to

558
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:02,000
Speaker 1: show you. This line is in the love chapters.

559
00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:04,320
Speaker 2: In the final chapter of the book, I was answer

560
00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 2: to my home brow not a snort.

561
00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:11,600
Speaker 1: I don't know if I had a snort.

562
00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:24,560
Speaker 5: So about dating and I'm like, girl, when is it happened?

563
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:26,480
Speaker 1: I don't understand. I went to therapy. I'm here with

564
00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:27,280
Speaker 1: the fuck bitch.

565
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:31,080
Speaker 2: She's like, girl, what if you found out this was

566
00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:32,280
Speaker 2: your last summer?

567
00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:32,720
Speaker 1: Yeah?

568
00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:36,800
Speaker 2: What if it was your last summer single, wouldn't you

569
00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 2: want to do a little self about the ending? Because

570
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:43,000
Speaker 2: I was like, ship, I want to get I want

571
00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:45,120
Speaker 2: some fun stuff to happen before you, like it's open.

572
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:49,280
Speaker 1: Hello, you like you gonna still be having fun. I'm

573
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:53,520
Speaker 1: don't share. Of course, you share with your person. You

574
00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:54,200
Speaker 1: gotta think about it.

575
00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:57,520
Speaker 2: So yes, by the time you meet your person, right,

576
00:29:57,800 --> 00:30:01,080
Speaker 2: you got to assume that your person you he's the

577
00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 2: one that's going to accept all of those flaws, all

578
00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:06,360
Speaker 2: of those stories. Me I'm not even really be saying that,

579
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:07,640
Speaker 2: but I'm like, yo, let me take you bout their

580
00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:08,400
Speaker 2: sugar daddy your hair?

581
00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:13,560
Speaker 1: Is he gonna do it? Excommunicate me? You're a girl.

582
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:17,400
Speaker 2: But you're saying, like before you tied the knot or

583
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:19,000
Speaker 2: something like that, you mentioned I.

584
00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:21,240
Speaker 1: Think that if you're marrying the right person, they know

585
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:24,720
Speaker 1: all that shit. That's yeah, we mention that matter of fact. Yeah,

586
00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:26,680
Speaker 1: this to me hit me.

587
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:30,200
Speaker 2: It's like we've been we mentioned ship since I was

588
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:30,680
Speaker 2: twenty six.

589
00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:34,479
Speaker 1: Yeah, I have talked about that. We got an art.

590
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:36,720
Speaker 2: I feel like that's for the moment they hit me like,

591
00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:39,040
Speaker 2: all right, I'm with the right person. Last week, while

592
00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:41,000
Speaker 2: we were in France, ran into a home rob Now

593
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:43,920
Speaker 2: since I was seventeen years old. She's sitting in front

594
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:47,479
Speaker 2: of my man like, let me say an d and

595
00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:49,280
Speaker 2: we was walking down the street Miami and then she was

596
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:51,600
Speaker 2: doing this and there was not something she could say

597
00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:54,240
Speaker 2: that would have made me scared. I was sitting there

598
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:57,560
Speaker 2: look at her like, oh yeah, hahaha. Imagine you're with

599
00:30:57,600 --> 00:30:59,360
Speaker 2: a partner that you're like this, but she.

600
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:04,760
Speaker 1: Still gotta make me out.

601
00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:09,720
Speaker 2: And so that's the thing about it, right, if you're

602
00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:15,479
Speaker 2: the right person to be, Yeah, Kennedy say, I'm not

603
00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:18,080
Speaker 2: gonna post some crazy ship on my close friends about

604
00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:21,640
Speaker 2: you can't no, baby, I don't get my girl like,

605
00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:22,480
Speaker 2: And that's the thing.

606
00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:25,160
Speaker 1: Anything she would have said, he already knew about it.

607
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:27,720
Speaker 1: That's even if you never heard the story.

608
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:30,440
Speaker 2: That's saying you know that your person, you gotta know

609
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:32,480
Speaker 2: you've either lived a life you've had, but they have

610
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:33,360
Speaker 2: to accept you for that.

611
00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 1: Why are we gonna an if you don't nix.

612
00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:40,800
Speaker 2: There's a lot of why anybody that don't make us

613
00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:44,080
Speaker 2: feel bad about living life. Yeah, And I think that

614
00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:45,400
Speaker 2: that's what we talk about in the book, Like at

615
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:47,680
Speaker 2: the end of the day, like there's a period at

616
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:49,360
Speaker 2: the end of each chapter. And I said this on

617
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:50,800
Speaker 2: the Records Club. There's a period at the end of

618
00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:54,960
Speaker 2: each chapter. But probably next year we can add to

619
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:59,840
Speaker 2: each chapter in this book. Like it's still an ongoing journey,

620
00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:01,360
Speaker 2: but like we're not.

621
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:12,040
Speaker 1: It's starting.

622
00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:15,480
Speaker 2: It ain't turning into a pro because the white people here.

623
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:22,040
Speaker 1: Are you bad at this? All right?

624
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:23,800
Speaker 2: Let me ask you that the question what's one of

625
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:26,040
Speaker 2: the truths that you were scared to write?

626
00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 1: Honestly, my shame, okay, I was.

627
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:33,760
Speaker 2: I was like, ooh, I gotta say I was insecure,

628
00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:38,160
Speaker 2: and I gotta say I didn't value myself. I didn't say, bitch,

629
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:42,320
Speaker 2: you ain't you was a workless piece of ship. Like literally,

630
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 2: I put myself in situations that at one point I

631
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:49,560
Speaker 2: spoke so proudly of when deep down inside you, I

632
00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:51,920
Speaker 2: didn't feel good about it, right, And so for me,

633
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:54,320
Speaker 2: I think that was the hardest thing to put the paper.

634
00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:57,400
Speaker 1: Was like, oh, yeah, bitch, you you claim.

635
00:32:57,200 --> 00:32:59,840
Speaker 2: To have been confident this whole time and was happy

636
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:02,320
Speaker 2: your body and was doing this and no, you were

637
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:05,080
Speaker 2: seeking validation for men and you're dumb, bitch, yeah, And

638
00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:06,920
Speaker 2: so like to me, it was holding up.

639
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:09,080
Speaker 1: The mirror and really being able.

640
00:33:08,840 --> 00:33:11,240
Speaker 2: To be like, Okay, you weren't as strong as you

641
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:14,760
Speaker 2: first showed everyone that you were. You weren't as confident,

642
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:17,959
Speaker 2: and it was really sitting with the fact that, Okay,

643
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:19,400
Speaker 2: well I learned from it.

644
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:20,840
Speaker 1: It's important for you to put it in here.

645
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:24,000
Speaker 2: But I think even a part of the book saying

646
00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:30,280
Speaker 2: it about myself, like the audio version was, it was like, ooh, okay, mirror,

647
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:32,680
Speaker 2: all right, you did that.

648
00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:35,680
Speaker 1: I'm glad you're grown, but whoam together?

649
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:39,040
Speaker 2: Of course, that's gonna help everybody or anybody who reads it,

650
00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:43,120
Speaker 2: you know, because if they're feeling experience, if they're experiencing

651
00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:46,240
Speaker 2: that same thing, you know, they can figive themselves as well.

652
00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:49,680
Speaker 2: And a lot of women this is gonna be problematic

653
00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:51,800
Speaker 2: take but I'm seeing it unconscious because of what I

654
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:52,680
Speaker 2: said on the Brooks Club.

655
00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:55,960
Speaker 1: Accountability is hard for a lot of us. Yes, And

656
00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:56,560
Speaker 1: so when.

657
00:33:56,440 --> 00:33:59,880
Speaker 2: We stay in relationships too long, when we're with a

658
00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:02,960
Speaker 2: person that we know is not good for us in hindsight,

659
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:04,719
Speaker 2: we could sit here and blame that person for all

660
00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:07,320
Speaker 2: the things and can blame them forever and be it's

661
00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:09,400
Speaker 2: so upset, like, oh, you did this to me, you

662
00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:11,200
Speaker 2: did this to me, and we don't often look at

663
00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:13,680
Speaker 2: the things we do to ourselves, Well, why were you there?

664
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:16,840
Speaker 2: It's because, bitch, you thought that maybe that was the

665
00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:20,560
Speaker 2: best you could get, because you didn't think higher of yourself.

666
00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:23,200
Speaker 2: And so for me, having like gone through the therapy

667
00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:25,480
Speaker 2: and writing this book, it was a lot of that.

668
00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:28,200
Speaker 2: It was like, oh, you was a proud side chick

669
00:34:28,239 --> 00:34:30,239
Speaker 2: because you ain't think a man really wanted you.

670
00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:32,279
Speaker 1: So you took the crumbs because you didn't think you

671
00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:33,160
Speaker 1: could have a whole cake.

672
00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:36,279
Speaker 2: And so to me, that's the part about women when

673
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:38,359
Speaker 2: we can blame our access for being pieces of shit.

674
00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:41,120
Speaker 1: We could blame men, We could blame women for like

675
00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:45,160
Speaker 1: being who they are. However we date right, but there has.

676
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:46,960
Speaker 2: To be a moment where we look at ourselves and

677
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:50,919
Speaker 2: ask or or figure out, well, you say you were there,

678
00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:53,719
Speaker 2: like and why why didn't you leave when you saw

679
00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:54,920
Speaker 2: the first red flags?

680
00:34:55,280 --> 00:35:03,360
Speaker 1: Why did you think? Talking about breaks? And I after?

681
00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:08,000
Speaker 1: But what I did not think that chapter was that great?

682
00:35:09,080 --> 00:35:11,240
Speaker 1: I mean it was just like my ex waiter or whatever.

683
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:14,160
Speaker 1: Wait the more, that's the way you're talking about. No, no, no,

684
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:17,120
Speaker 1: I'm saying the more. Yeah, and when you know you

685
00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:20,200
Speaker 1: stay too long, Oh, Okay. The more I talk about.

686
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:24,399
Speaker 2: It and interviews and ship every people are like, oh yeah,

687
00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:26,160
Speaker 2: Like I say, in relationship to him, I got a

688
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:27,840
Speaker 2: homegirl right now. Every time I called him, like you

689
00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:31,239
Speaker 2: leave any yet, she can't say. I'm talks about oh

690
00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:34,360
Speaker 2: my god, he getting wait every week, Oh.

691
00:35:34,239 --> 00:35:36,160
Speaker 1: My god, my friends in the back. No, I'm talking about.

692
00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:41,480
Speaker 2: At the end of the day, she's not ready to go. Yeah,

693
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:43,719
Speaker 2: and she's staying too long. And we have all been

694
00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:47,040
Speaker 2: there men too. We've been in relationships where like all

695
00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:49,239
Speaker 2: my homeboys are staying. In a relationship to him, like, man,

696
00:35:49,239 --> 00:35:50,960
Speaker 2: I feel bad, she'd go and do it.

697
00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:52,880
Speaker 1: Oh this just happened. I don't know what to do.

698
00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:54,360
Speaker 1: It's just easier to stay.

699
00:35:54,840 --> 00:35:58,360
Speaker 2: It's like, for some reason, leaving feels like the task

700
00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:02,880
Speaker 2: to do eas Henna study without marriage, it feels like

701
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:04,560
Speaker 2: you need to get reiversed for something.

702
00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:07,920
Speaker 1: So some sometimes people stay because they're waiting. Oh okay,

703
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:13,239
Speaker 1: I'm investing. I'm gonna leave here. I'm waiting. I will say.

704
00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:15,080
Speaker 1: I know you think about when it was good?

705
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:18,800
Speaker 2: Are you like that me that that was That's probably

706
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:20,680
Speaker 2: one of the dumbest things that I think we grew

707
00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:23,799
Speaker 2: up learning like to me, like the fact that love

708
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:26,080
Speaker 2: is hard and you got to chase them the way

709
00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:28,479
Speaker 2: you have to work for it, like all of those

710
00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:32,480
Speaker 2: negative like tropes around love to me is what I

711
00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:34,279
Speaker 2: talk about, Like I don't even like saying a word. Now.

712
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:35,800
Speaker 2: I love my friends, but these niggas, I don't know

713
00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:39,319
Speaker 2: about that. So like for me, though, it's because that

714
00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:45,120
Speaker 2: word is attached to such toxicity in romantic partnerships that

715
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:46,799
Speaker 2: it's made me resent the word.

716
00:36:46,880 --> 00:36:48,040
Speaker 1: It's it's surface level.

717
00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:50,399
Speaker 2: It's something that you say, but the actions behind it

718
00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:53,799
Speaker 2: don't often exist. And then once you say it, you

719
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:59,200
Speaker 2: feel tied into this relationship over a thing that what

720
00:36:59,320 --> 00:36:59,480
Speaker 2: is it?

721
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:02,000
Speaker 1: I don't know love is y'all. So, by the way,

722
00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:04,839
Speaker 1: when you read the book, thought I'm out to note,

723
00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:08,040
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know what it is like. And

724
00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:11,360
Speaker 1: I have my hang ups with that word specifically because

725
00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:12,040
Speaker 1: of the use of it.

726
00:37:12,120 --> 00:37:16,959
Speaker 2: But wasn't you Weasy who said something about at least

727
00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:18,560
Speaker 2: it was better than that kind of thing.

728
00:37:18,719 --> 00:37:24,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, Oh, it's not physical abuse, it's not so.

729
00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:26,719
Speaker 2: One of the conversations, Caudy, it's crazy. So that didn't

730
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:28,880
Speaker 2: I just say that a few hours ago? Literally we

731
00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:33,480
Speaker 2: just recorded, so because we've been working, I ran into

732
00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:37,520
Speaker 2: my ex and it was crazy because I maybe he

733
00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:40,239
Speaker 2: said a week before, I haven't seen any years. And

734
00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:43,279
Speaker 2: it's been on my mind because this chapter. Everyone that

735
00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:46,919
Speaker 2: interviews us is like, damn, he was terrible. But then

736
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:48,960
Speaker 2: when I'm writing a chapter, I'm.

737
00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:50,560
Speaker 1: Like, why did I think he was that bad?

738
00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:53,799
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, well, I've been in physically abused the relationship.

739
00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:57,279
Speaker 1: He wasn't whipping my ass, he was cheating, So if

740
00:37:57,320 --> 00:37:59,120
Speaker 1: I let the fuck girls anyway, what's the big deal?

741
00:37:59,239 --> 00:37:59,879
Speaker 1: He just lied?

742
00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:03,040
Speaker 2: And then the other thing was I've been in emotionally

743
00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:05,400
Speaker 2: if used relationship. People didn't mean to me, never yelled

744
00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:05,600
Speaker 2: at me.

745
00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:06,880
Speaker 1: We have fun.

746
00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:09,880
Speaker 2: Am I really in a bad relationship? He's just fucking bitches?

747
00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:11,760
Speaker 2: But at the end of the day, I never thought

748
00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:15,960
Speaker 2: or had it clicked, Oh, he's disrespecting me, he's lying

749
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:18,120
Speaker 2: to me, he's not telling me the truth.

750
00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:20,719
Speaker 1: And not only when is he not telling you truth?

751
00:38:20,760 --> 00:38:21,840
Speaker 1: When he when they find.

752
00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:24,759
Speaker 2: Out or have a conversation with him, He's like, I

753
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:26,560
Speaker 2: don't care about them. I mean, we're gonna be there,

754
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:29,080
Speaker 2: so you know, it's just I didn't.

755
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:30,680
Speaker 1: Tell you you lucky, see. But other women. Bos just

756
00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:34,040
Speaker 1: didn't tell you, So it's not that bad and I'd really.

757
00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:39,520
Speaker 2: Say that, And that's the thing we start to think

758
00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:41,200
Speaker 2: because it's not as bad as something else I said

759
00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:43,920
Speaker 2: on the breakfast Clob the other day. Comparison is the

760
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:45,920
Speaker 2: thief of joy, but it's also the reason that we

761
00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:49,920
Speaker 2: sometimes get joy. Let's just say your man cheated on it.

762
00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:52,799
Speaker 2: You're gonna say, well, my homegirl got cheated on three

763
00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:53,840
Speaker 2: times last he didn't do that.

764
00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:56,480
Speaker 1: It's rationalized so much much.

765
00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:58,759
Speaker 2: It's only do this thing of like, well not this

766
00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:01,920
Speaker 2: instead of what did I set out for myself if

767
00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:03,560
Speaker 2: I made a list of the things I need from

768
00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:10,279
Speaker 2: a man or the lady break that w We don't

769
00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:13,959
Speaker 2: to stop acting like there's not that many people out there, yeah,

770
00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:16,240
Speaker 2: because they're actually is and we make.

771
00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:20,000
Speaker 1: Bro let me tell you something.

772
00:39:20,400 --> 00:39:23,000
Speaker 2: There is there there girl living?

773
00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:33,600
Speaker 1: This is crazy? Where and how.

774
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:38,520
Speaker 2: Was your favorite place to start to write? Like where

775
00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:40,839
Speaker 2: did the juices flow at?

776
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:45,960
Speaker 1: Like? What was great question?

777
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:49,640
Speaker 2: Because I know my story so I know like how

778
00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:52,040
Speaker 2: it started coming, so I want to know what that.

779
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:52,319
Speaker 1: Is for you.

780
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:56,200
Speaker 2: Guy. This is gonna be so cliche, the fucking stories

781
00:39:56,840 --> 00:40:01,719
Speaker 2: about sex. No, but where where there were you that

782
00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:07,160
Speaker 2: made you, like, made it come to you sometimes before

783
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:09,800
Speaker 2: the proposal. No, when we're supposed to write the book,

784
00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:13,400
Speaker 2: it's like you have to find the time, you have

785
00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:15,320
Speaker 2: to find the spider.

786
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:17,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh man, Like, was it.

787
00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:20,120
Speaker 2: Like in the bed on the plane, on the toilet

788
00:40:20,320 --> 00:40:22,880
Speaker 2: in the nine Do you remember the thing about the

789
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:25,360
Speaker 2: toilet when I texted my friends and my man love you.

790
00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:27,440
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm telling you the

791
00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:29,520
Speaker 1: toilet and the beach.

792
00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:33,680
Speaker 2: So I went out with my friends, uh, tow them

793
00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:36,680
Speaker 2: out here. We did some asked it in Mexico and

794
00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:43,600
Speaker 2: when they asked subsided, I said the drug.

795
00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:46,120
Speaker 1: So I'm there.

796
00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:49,040
Speaker 2: I'm in this moment of just gratitude for friendship and love.

797
00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:52,880
Speaker 2: And I got on the beach and on my phone

798
00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:56,600
Speaker 2: started to write right about how it yes, okay in

799
00:40:56,719 --> 00:40:59,040
Speaker 2: the notes section of my phone, and I remember my

800
00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:04,719
Speaker 2: phone was dying and I'm like, and they're charging my

801
00:41:04,760 --> 00:41:06,520
Speaker 2: phone on the time, like, I got to get this out,

802
00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:09,080
Speaker 2: And I think there was something about a moment of

803
00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:13,600
Speaker 2: release because it was very hard. Our editor Michelle's here

804
00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:15,480
Speaker 2: and to the sexes here and we're like, okay, we

805
00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:17,280
Speaker 2: gotta get this chapter out by Saturday.

806
00:41:18,160 --> 00:41:18,560
Speaker 1: That ship.

807
00:41:18,680 --> 00:41:20,640
Speaker 2: It makes it harder because now you can't be authentic

808
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:22,120
Speaker 2: because you got a deadline and we.

809
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:31,360
Speaker 1: Ain't meet them deadline. So that second fired.

810
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:36,360
Speaker 2: I'm not a deadline person. May and you tell me Saturday,

811
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:37,760
Speaker 2: I'm like, no, I'm gonna buck.

812
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:44,520
Speaker 1: Y'all to cut it off, like you want the email thrust.

813
00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:50,000
Speaker 1: I'll tell you this. The publishing day eight the same.

814
00:41:50,719 --> 00:41:53,799
Speaker 2: It's fine if I needed my time, need my time

815
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:55,560
Speaker 2: to make magic, and.

816
00:41:57,280 --> 00:42:00,520
Speaker 1: And it was what it was, so be that as

817
00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:03,800
Speaker 1: it May, I really did need time.

818
00:42:03,719 --> 00:42:10,680
Speaker 2: Without and she came down off the high started like

819
00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:12,960
Speaker 2: because what happened was I got to like be out

820
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:15,640
Speaker 2: of this I need to finish my book brain instead

821
00:42:15,680 --> 00:42:16,759
Speaker 2: of like this book is fun.

822
00:42:17,239 --> 00:42:19,279
Speaker 1: Right, So the second you know, I went out with

823
00:42:19,400 --> 00:42:20,600
Speaker 1: friends and had fun.

824
00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:23,120
Speaker 2: I got to have this release of like, oh this

825
00:42:23,200 --> 00:42:24,920
Speaker 2: one it was like to have a good time, and

826
00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:27,640
Speaker 2: I hadn't felt that because the book went through ebbs

827
00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:30,560
Speaker 2: and flows of fun for right, Like I went through

828
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:32,560
Speaker 2: a really serious hard time at the end of the

829
00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:35,480
Speaker 2: book that you'll read and talk about suicide and depression.

830
00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:37,719
Speaker 2: So it's like I gotta go back to this.

831
00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:40,000
Speaker 1: Let's just say I'm having a good day, Oh man,

832
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:42,680
Speaker 1: I go back to the death chapter. I wanted to

833
00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:43,480
Speaker 1: kill myself.

834
00:42:44,239 --> 00:42:47,880
Speaker 2: That ship was hot. You know.

835
00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:51,120
Speaker 1: Everybody's saying you're like talking about.

836
00:42:52,440 --> 00:42:56,040
Speaker 2: You know, So it's really that, it's like finding the

837
00:42:56,520 --> 00:42:59,640
Speaker 2: sweet spot of making this book pleasurable to write, is

838
00:42:59,719 --> 00:43:03,320
Speaker 2: gonna make it a good reason, And it was your.

839
00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:06,279
Speaker 1: Place, so y'all know, I'm very yeah.

840
00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:09,239
Speaker 2: So once the proposal was done and I knew all

841
00:43:09,239 --> 00:43:11,880
Speaker 2: the chapters I was gonna write mentally, I saw with

842
00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:13,800
Speaker 2: which ones would be the easier mentally for me.

843
00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:18,080
Speaker 1: So I went through with that first. I was like, okay.

844
00:43:19,080 --> 00:43:22,239
Speaker 2: I went through the ones with tempests. I said, these

845
00:43:22,239 --> 00:43:24,800
Speaker 2: are gonna be tough for me. I'm gonna do therapy

846
00:43:24,920 --> 00:43:28,759
Speaker 2: sessions for those and I'll record them. So eventually, if

847
00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:31,440
Speaker 2: y'all are patrons, I have recorded therapy sessions for certain

848
00:43:31,520 --> 00:43:33,400
Speaker 2: chapters that I planned to.

849
00:43:33,440 --> 00:43:34,759
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm gonna narrate them.

850
00:43:34,840 --> 00:43:37,600
Speaker 2: I said, I want this process recorded, and so I

851
00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:40,080
Speaker 2: went through certain therapy sessions.

852
00:43:40,160 --> 00:43:44,160
Speaker 1: Crime who all the shame had to go through therapy sessions.

853
00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:46,120
Speaker 1: So the ones that were easy were the ones like

854
00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:46,920
Speaker 1: around sex.

855
00:43:47,520 --> 00:43:50,840
Speaker 2: Ironically, the abortion chapter was fairly easy, and so my

856
00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:54,120
Speaker 2: process was Okay, if I need therapy, I go to

857
00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:57,319
Speaker 2: therapy first. Next with tempests, would come to my house

858
00:43:58,200 --> 00:44:01,560
Speaker 2: and we put like four hour blocks. Literally, she would

859
00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:03,320
Speaker 2: come to my house for four hours. We'd do a

860
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:07,240
Speaker 2: mid lunch and like basically.

861
00:44:06,920 --> 00:44:09,040
Speaker 1: What she came over to do was to give me

862
00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:11,200
Speaker 1: to talk how do I want this chapter? Lay out?

863
00:44:11,239 --> 00:44:14,960
Speaker 1: What is the theme, what is the arc, what emotions

864
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:16,200
Speaker 1: do you want to resonate? What do you want from

865
00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:16,560
Speaker 1: the reader.

866
00:44:16,760 --> 00:44:19,520
Speaker 2: And she would sit there and help me decide how

867
00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:21,680
Speaker 2: we would write, like how it should flow as a chapter.

868
00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:24,719
Speaker 1: Then she's like, Okay, here's how we said you're gonna

869
00:44:24,719 --> 00:44:26,320
Speaker 1: write it, so go write it.

870
00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:29,680
Speaker 2: So after those four hours, we'd normally do it for

871
00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:33,280
Speaker 2: like two chapters at a time, sometimes three, and she'd

872
00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:34,960
Speaker 2: be like, okay, so here's your story.

873
00:44:35,239 --> 00:44:36,800
Speaker 1: Here's how you want to tell it. Now put it

874
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:37,840
Speaker 1: to computer.

875
00:44:38,239 --> 00:44:39,920
Speaker 2: So what I would do actually is because I'm a

876
00:44:39,960 --> 00:44:43,000
Speaker 2: morning person, like an idiot, I get my goddamn coffee.

877
00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:44,640
Speaker 1: I would wake up.

878
00:44:44,719 --> 00:44:47,040
Speaker 2: I scheduled the days that I would write, and so

879
00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:49,480
Speaker 2: I would wake up, prepare to write, prepare to tell

880
00:44:49,560 --> 00:44:52,799
Speaker 2: these stories. I'd get my coffee, sit at my sit

881
00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:57,600
Speaker 2: at my dining room table and just type, and sometimes

882
00:44:57,760 --> 00:45:00,560
Speaker 2: I had it in me. Oftentimes I'd be Okay, bitch,

883
00:45:00,560 --> 00:45:02,279
Speaker 2: I need a break. I'm eight pages in. Let me

884
00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:04,920
Speaker 2: call my friend and talk honestly too. I've loved it

885
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:07,000
Speaker 2: cutties here, and that's why I asked what I would

886
00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:08,080
Speaker 2: be done with some chapters.

887
00:45:08,520 --> 00:45:11,040
Speaker 1: I would send them the Cuddy. Cuddy's written a book,

888
00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:13,640
Speaker 1: so she'd be like, this is cool, but I don't

889
00:45:13,640 --> 00:45:14,600
Speaker 1: get what you're trying to stay here.

890
00:45:14,640 --> 00:45:16,400
Speaker 2: So maybe I had this, and so I had a

891
00:45:16,440 --> 00:45:19,359
Speaker 2: support system between Tempest and Cuddy during writing this this thing.

892
00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:22,160
Speaker 2: But I would honestly do it in the mornings over coffee,

893
00:45:22,520 --> 00:45:25,400
Speaker 2: and I scheduled it like it was a workshift, like

894
00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:27,400
Speaker 2: today I'm working on this. I think I was wired

895
00:45:27,680 --> 00:45:30,160
Speaker 2: just wheezy, being wheezy writing for me to be a

896
00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:32,360
Speaker 2: different place every time I actually want to tell a

897
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:34,880
Speaker 2: story about a friend that to read one of my chapters,

898
00:45:35,120 --> 00:45:36,400
Speaker 2: this was my favorite reaction.

899
00:45:36,160 --> 00:45:39,040
Speaker 1: I've ever seen. I'm sorry, but I'm da. She was

900
00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:42,480
Speaker 1: reading the love chapter where I talked about now you

901
00:45:43,719 --> 00:45:50,600
Speaker 1: love love love all right girl now, and you know

902
00:45:50,880 --> 00:45:52,000
Speaker 1: this is my sister.

903
00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:54,839
Speaker 2: So she's reading this thing and I'm looking at her

904
00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:57,360
Speaker 2: for this validation of please, like tell me what you

905
00:45:57,400 --> 00:45:58,799
Speaker 2: think with blah blah blah blah blah.

906
00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:01,440
Speaker 1: I'm really proud of this. She's holding my phone at the.

907
00:46:01,440 --> 00:46:04,640
Speaker 2: Time and reading it, and I remember she's reading it

908
00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:07,120
Speaker 2: kind of about loud, like a mumba and like okay.

909
00:46:07,160 --> 00:46:12,480
Speaker 1: So then they came inside me. She's looks, you're easy, please,

910
00:46:13,920 --> 00:46:20,359
Speaker 1: And then when he was fucking she's I don't all.

911
00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:23,040
Speaker 2: Right time getting through this, and I'm like, it's kind

912
00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:27,720
Speaker 2: and like it's crazy because what we need from friends

913
00:46:27,880 --> 00:46:30,600
Speaker 2: in this moment need them to hear these stories, right.

914
00:46:31,040 --> 00:46:32,880
Speaker 2: So that to me was a funny story because it

915
00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:35,879
Speaker 2: was sexual tempest. Ex has become a friend is reading

916
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:39,040
Speaker 2: this story about depression and suicide. She's like, Okay, I

917
00:46:39,120 --> 00:46:40,200
Speaker 2: know we need to like I need to give you

918
00:46:40,239 --> 00:46:40,880
Speaker 2: feedback right now?

919
00:46:40,960 --> 00:46:44,640
Speaker 1: Can I just say? Like whoa? So each time we're

920
00:46:44,680 --> 00:46:48,360
Speaker 1: handing someone something for approval, they're trying to be like

921
00:46:48,760 --> 00:46:50,719
Speaker 1: do I be soft right now? Like what do I do?

922
00:46:51,200 --> 00:46:53,360
Speaker 2: So that was the most interesting part of the writing process,

923
00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:56,960
Speaker 2: sending chapters to friends that have heard nothing even I mean,

924
00:46:57,000 --> 00:47:01,200
Speaker 2: I hate to make it dark, bro, and your friends

925
00:47:01,239 --> 00:47:02,879
Speaker 2: are reading something for the first time.

926
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:05,600
Speaker 1: I'm like, Hey, I know this happened to you, but

927
00:47:05,719 --> 00:47:07,960
Speaker 1: what the fuck? Mm hmmm. And I feel like, you know,

928
00:47:08,040 --> 00:47:10,520
Speaker 1: you guys are so connected to us that you will

929
00:47:10,560 --> 00:47:13,080
Speaker 1: feel the same reading that about Mandy. I read things

930
00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:16,080
Speaker 1: about Mandy. I've podcasted with Mandy eight years, known her

931
00:47:16,120 --> 00:47:16,880
Speaker 1: since I was fifteen.

932
00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:19,800
Speaker 2: I was like, oh that made me feel you know

933
00:47:19,840 --> 00:47:22,120
Speaker 2: what I'm saying, So like everyone will connect to this

934
00:47:22,280 --> 00:47:25,279
Speaker 2: in a different way. Yeah, Okay, Well we're gonna wrap

935
00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:28,360
Speaker 2: up here, but I just want to congratulate you guys.

936
00:47:28,520 --> 00:47:36,640
Speaker 2: But I'm just want to talk about how a lot

937
00:47:36,719 --> 00:47:42,200
Speaker 2: of people look at people as entertainers, right, not the

938
00:47:42,440 --> 00:47:46,040
Speaker 2: voice as bitches that you guys are right because it's

939
00:47:46,080 --> 00:47:49,480
Speaker 2: a there's a business to it, you know. But in

940
00:47:49,800 --> 00:47:55,240
Speaker 2: the book, you guys talk about your your foundation, like school,

941
00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:57,960
Speaker 2: your old jobs, Like do you still hold on to

942
00:47:58,080 --> 00:48:02,320
Speaker 2: that to any degree to feel like that helped you

943
00:48:02,840 --> 00:48:07,719
Speaker 2: in this endeavor in this industry because you both were

944
00:48:07,800 --> 00:48:11,480
Speaker 2: in corporate. You both were you know, and it's something

945
00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:13,920
Speaker 2: totally different. You do talk about that part of your

946
00:48:14,719 --> 00:48:16,600
Speaker 2: journey where you guys were at work and you were

947
00:48:16,680 --> 00:48:18,399
Speaker 2: changing clothing, you know, like all of that, you even

948
00:48:18,719 --> 00:48:21,360
Speaker 2: I think mentioned it on the Breakfast Club this morning,

949
00:48:21,880 --> 00:48:24,080
Speaker 2: you know, so do you guys want to hold on

950
00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:26,600
Speaker 2: to that part of you and and still say like.

951
00:48:28,160 --> 00:48:31,680
Speaker 1: That propelled me that you know, like that helped, that

952
00:48:31,800 --> 00:48:35,040
Speaker 1: was a foundational piece of what's happening right now? Did

953
00:48:35,080 --> 00:48:36,799
Speaker 1: it help? Did it? Does it not matter?

954
00:48:36,880 --> 00:48:40,160
Speaker 2: Is it totally separate with my credits cord that just

955
00:48:40,239 --> 00:48:46,960
Speaker 2: dropped nail knit and financial lead. I hate the you know,

956
00:48:47,320 --> 00:48:50,720
Speaker 2: like I'm not technically technically using my degrees.

957
00:48:51,080 --> 00:48:53,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, but so that's what I was gonna say. Technically,

958
00:48:54,320 --> 00:48:58,560
Speaker 1: I'm not in a corporate space that you know, I

959
00:48:58,680 --> 00:48:59,840
Speaker 1: got because of my degrees.

960
00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:04,719
Speaker 2: However, I don't think the like the podcast is here,

961
00:49:04,800 --> 00:49:06,920
Speaker 2: I'm able to look at the way I am without

962
00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:09,080
Speaker 2: the lens from the things that I learned in school

963
00:49:09,160 --> 00:49:10,800
Speaker 2: and from working in a corporate setting.

964
00:49:11,320 --> 00:49:14,480
Speaker 1: If you weren't an accountant, you wouldn't have been getting

965
00:49:14,520 --> 00:49:18,399
Speaker 1: paid the way that you were. Yes, because well, girl,

966
00:49:18,600 --> 00:49:19,080
Speaker 1: the bartender.

967
00:49:19,120 --> 00:49:20,759
Speaker 2: Bartend has made a lot of money career back in

968
00:49:20,800 --> 00:49:23,399
Speaker 2: the day with the scamml's a scammon, they're not doing

969
00:49:23,440 --> 00:49:25,520
Speaker 2: it no more. But for me to like even the

970
00:49:25,680 --> 00:49:29,000
Speaker 2: organizational aspects of it, that the deadline has Like you know,

971
00:49:29,160 --> 00:49:31,120
Speaker 2: I come hard off these Excel sheets.

972
00:49:31,200 --> 00:49:33,560
Speaker 1: That's what I make them for everything, And so I

973
00:49:33,719 --> 00:49:34,239
Speaker 1: don't think.

974
00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:37,520
Speaker 2: I don't think I care about a pivotable or how

975
00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:39,520
Speaker 2: pretty an Excel sheet is if I don't go through

976
00:49:39,600 --> 00:49:40,080
Speaker 2: that element.

977
00:49:40,160 --> 00:49:43,239
Speaker 1: And so to me, the organizational aspects of it and

978
00:49:43,600 --> 00:49:46,399
Speaker 1: how it makes things easier for me to see.

979
00:49:46,600 --> 00:49:48,719
Speaker 2: I love that I was able to transport that into

980
00:49:48,880 --> 00:49:52,640
Speaker 2: being an entrepreneur, right, I think being a first generation

981
00:49:52,960 --> 00:49:53,720
Speaker 2: college graduate.

982
00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:57,000
Speaker 1: In my family, no one in my family is an entrepreneur.

983
00:49:57,600 --> 00:49:59,960
Speaker 1: No one in my family has a savings account.

984
00:50:00,480 --> 00:50:04,879
Speaker 2: No one in my family had the opportunities that I've

985
00:50:04,920 --> 00:50:06,200
Speaker 2: had now to travel.

986
00:50:06,360 --> 00:50:08,480
Speaker 1: I mean, my mom get a passport so I could

987
00:50:08,480 --> 00:50:09,080
Speaker 1: take her to Greece.

988
00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:12,680
Speaker 2: Guess where we had to go in twenty nineteen because

989
00:50:12,719 --> 00:50:14,439
Speaker 2: she didn't have a passport. It's Puerto Rico.

990
00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:18,480
Speaker 1: My mom is fifty plus now and I literally am like,

991
00:50:18,560 --> 00:50:20,040
Speaker 1: I'd like to get you to see the world.

992
00:50:20,560 --> 00:50:25,320
Speaker 2: And so like my family being being very on grown Orlando, Jamaic,

993
00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:28,440
Speaker 2: like they just they don't really get out. Like for

994
00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:30,960
Speaker 2: me to have that opportunity to do this, I don't

995
00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:32,960
Speaker 2: think I do that without going to college and so

996
00:50:33,120 --> 00:50:36,000
Speaker 2: for me constantly for anyone who goes all the way

997
00:50:36,040 --> 00:50:38,960
Speaker 2: back to that, like whether you're using your degree or not,

998
00:50:39,120 --> 00:50:40,839
Speaker 2: it's still one of the things that I'm most proud

999
00:50:40,880 --> 00:50:44,640
Speaker 2: of because I was disciplined enough to complete it. But

1000
00:50:44,760 --> 00:50:47,560
Speaker 2: I don't think that how I've been able to manage

1001
00:50:47,600 --> 00:50:50,279
Speaker 2: as an entrepreneur for the last six years exists without that.

1002
00:50:50,840 --> 00:50:55,200
Speaker 2: So none of this for me exists for me without that,

1003
00:50:55,640 --> 00:50:57,480
Speaker 2: And so I still give credence. I love to talk

1004
00:50:57,520 --> 00:51:01,200
Speaker 2: about when I was a corporate that was cool, Like

1005
00:51:01,600 --> 00:51:02,560
Speaker 2: I always loved.

1006
00:51:02,440 --> 00:51:04,080
Speaker 1: Bringing it back up because it's something that I'm still

1007
00:51:04,120 --> 00:51:05,120
Speaker 1: most product Yeah.

1008
00:51:05,360 --> 00:51:08,400
Speaker 2: And you, oh girl, love when somebody bring up, well,

1009
00:51:08,440 --> 00:51:10,280
Speaker 2: that was the big things to work at mobile. Indeed,

1010
00:51:12,600 --> 00:51:15,320
Speaker 2: I'm very proud of where I've come from. Like just

1011
00:51:15,960 --> 00:51:20,680
Speaker 2: my dad was an entrepreneur, and it's interesting because I

1012
00:51:20,719 --> 00:51:23,400
Speaker 2: always felt like they were never that proud of me.

1013
00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:26,040
Speaker 2: Well I was in college at ground now, but I

1014
00:51:26,080 --> 00:51:27,960
Speaker 2: always felt like that wasn't the most exciting part. And

1015
00:51:28,040 --> 00:51:29,920
Speaker 2: so when he got to see me do this in

1016
00:51:30,000 --> 00:51:34,280
Speaker 2: my life, not to mention just even the financial freedom

1017
00:51:34,320 --> 00:51:36,640
Speaker 2: that Mandy and I got to feel when leaving our jobs,

1018
00:51:36,680 --> 00:51:38,280
Speaker 2: I just got to see that happening with two friends.

1019
00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:41,560
Speaker 2: After starting trap House, yeah, like Pride and our parents

1020
00:51:41,640 --> 00:51:43,320
Speaker 2: come into our new space, you know.

1021
00:51:43,520 --> 00:51:45,319
Speaker 1: And that wasn't my first business I started.

1022
00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:46,920
Speaker 2: I started to shout out to the other hell its

1023
00:51:47,120 --> 00:51:51,520
Speaker 2: and WTF media and knowing that, like I got to

1024
00:51:51,719 --> 00:51:53,840
Speaker 2: be in this seller mode. When I was in corporate,

1025
00:51:53,920 --> 00:51:57,240
Speaker 2: I was a seller constantly, right, I was selling everything

1026
00:51:57,520 --> 00:51:59,319
Speaker 2: from ethernet I can't even spell it.

1027
00:52:00,400 --> 00:52:02,960
Speaker 1: That data recovery software. And it was like people would

1028
00:52:02,960 --> 00:52:04,279
Speaker 1: look at me like why is she selling that? Because

1029
00:52:04,280 --> 00:52:05,280
Speaker 1: I could fucking sell anything.

1030
00:52:05,760 --> 00:52:08,439
Speaker 2: So now today to know that all of the things

1031
00:52:08,480 --> 00:52:12,640
Speaker 2: that we've accomplished come from horrible. It's crazy, you know,

1032
00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:16,200
Speaker 2: to be in a workout and there's someone that's like,

1033
00:52:18,200 --> 00:52:20,520
Speaker 2: you know, someone just told me just now, Joey over

1034
00:52:20,560 --> 00:52:23,040
Speaker 2: there just said something about it, and like Mandy and

1035
00:52:23,120 --> 00:52:25,960
Speaker 2: I will be out somewhere and then someone's coming to

1036
00:52:26,080 --> 00:52:29,880
Speaker 2: her about her show. Like it's just crazy that we

1037
00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:32,480
Speaker 2: are all connected from this thing. So I think that

1038
00:52:32,680 --> 00:52:36,160
Speaker 2: our corporate background isn't something even that I think about,

1039
00:52:36,400 --> 00:52:38,239
Speaker 2: because I now look at us as entrepreneurs is a

1040
00:52:38,239 --> 00:52:39,720
Speaker 2: different way, and all I think about is horrible.

1041
00:52:40,320 --> 00:52:42,239
Speaker 1: I almost forgot I had a corporate job. All I

1042
00:52:42,280 --> 00:52:43,040
Speaker 1: remember is horrible.

1043
00:52:43,080 --> 00:52:45,440
Speaker 2: When I start the new job, there's not a thing

1044
00:52:45,480 --> 00:52:48,000
Speaker 2: I'm gonna do on my life. I can start a church,

1045
00:52:48,280 --> 00:52:52,200
Speaker 2: it can do. It's just like, girl, we're all stupid, like.

1046
00:52:53,960 --> 00:52:57,640
Speaker 1: The try and dat so horrible. Feels like now there's

1047
00:52:57,680 --> 00:53:00,880
Speaker 1: been almost a decade my first job. It's so crazy.

1048
00:53:01,360 --> 00:53:04,279
Speaker 2: So I almost treat new things in this corporate setting

1049
00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:07,440
Speaker 2: and being professional like it's horrible. I don't have a

1050
00:53:07,520 --> 00:53:08,920
Speaker 2: meeting I'm in where I don't say something a.

1051
00:53:08,880 --> 00:53:11,919
Speaker 1: Little bit dirty. Yeah, because this is this is all

1052
00:53:11,920 --> 00:53:12,239
Speaker 1: the world.

1053
00:53:12,360 --> 00:53:12,960
Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying.

1054
00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:18,120
Speaker 1: It's like where we're at with you and so like

1055
00:53:18,520 --> 00:53:19,840
Speaker 1: you ever had sex on a reformer?

1056
00:53:21,920 --> 00:53:22,120
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1057
00:53:23,880 --> 00:53:24,640
Speaker 1: And I no, no no.

1058
00:53:24,880 --> 00:53:26,920
Speaker 2: By the way, y'all, you don't understand how serious you

1059
00:53:28,120 --> 00:53:29,680
Speaker 2: Especially when he sees another country.

1060
00:53:30,160 --> 00:53:34,600
Speaker 1: It'll be thirteen people on the phone execs. Sorry, guys,

1061
00:53:34,640 --> 00:53:36,839
Speaker 1: I was doing blow last night. Me got a girl

1062
00:53:36,920 --> 00:53:37,439
Speaker 1: to the room.

1063
00:53:38,080 --> 00:53:40,680
Speaker 2: It'll be in a corporate fucking college. She's talking about

1064
00:53:40,760 --> 00:53:43,640
Speaker 2: how she just had a threesome last night. Introduction is

1065
00:53:43,680 --> 00:53:45,640
Speaker 2: that man?

1066
00:53:45,719 --> 00:53:51,400
Speaker 1: It got the deal done? Maybe I get a lie

1067
00:53:51,480 --> 00:53:56,640
Speaker 1: on it, you know, likes real ship.

1068
00:53:57,120 --> 00:53:59,279
Speaker 2: When I was working at audible, they said, oh, do

1069
00:53:59,320 --> 00:54:03,560
Speaker 2: you want to listen to your mekhezy at audible? A fuck,

1070
00:54:04,040 --> 00:54:06,840
Speaker 2: this this is how me now, Like there's no faking it,

1071
00:54:07,040 --> 00:54:09,960
Speaker 2: like it's just me. I'd be saying, hey, y'all in

1072
00:54:10,080 --> 00:54:12,800
Speaker 2: the emails, I just I feel like this is the

1073
00:54:12,880 --> 00:54:15,200
Speaker 2: most natural state that I wanted. And the only thing

1074
00:54:15,280 --> 00:54:18,440
Speaker 2: I think corporate really taught me was that everything, at

1075
00:54:18,480 --> 00:54:21,320
Speaker 2: the end of the day is about authenticity. Yeah, like

1076
00:54:21,640 --> 00:54:22,920
Speaker 2: you know, it was different because I know you were

1077
00:54:22,920 --> 00:54:24,760
Speaker 2: an accountant, and so for me, I was front facing

1078
00:54:24,800 --> 00:54:25,719
Speaker 2: with clients all the time.

1079
00:54:26,800 --> 00:54:29,360
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'd be like, nice to meet you, sir, and

1080
00:54:29,400 --> 00:54:32,719
Speaker 1: I'd be like, damn, it's night. Still got the ship done.

1081
00:54:32,880 --> 00:54:35,399
Speaker 1: I love being myself and just knowing that we made

1082
00:54:35,400 --> 00:54:38,760
Speaker 1: this book just being honest. It's fucking crazy. So okay,

1083
00:54:38,920 --> 00:54:40,880
Speaker 1: take youngratuate.

1084
00:54:43,400 --> 00:54:46,239
Speaker 2: By the way, we have pro learned that this was

1085
00:54:46,239 --> 00:54:48,960
Speaker 2: only supposed to be a thirty minute a conversation because

1086
00:54:49,000 --> 00:54:50,040
Speaker 2: a goddamn how bitch.

1087
00:54:50,280 --> 00:54:52,759
Speaker 1: We just kept knowing do you want to leave time

1088
00:54:52,800 --> 00:54:54,759
Speaker 1: for Q? And A next time we don't have a

1089
00:54:54,800 --> 00:54:56,480
Speaker 1: time or look at me. I'm like, oh, y'all, I've

1090
00:54:56,480 --> 00:54:56,719
Speaker 1: been over.

1091
00:54:56,719 --> 00:54:59,320
Speaker 2: We're looking at tongue like, we still gotta sign books,

1092
00:55:00,160 --> 00:55:01,840
Speaker 2: but I do want to allow at least time.

1093
00:55:01,760 --> 00:55:03,200
Speaker 1: For like three questions.

1094
00:55:03,320 --> 00:55:05,640
Speaker 2: We love Q and A, we love homeow we loved

1095
00:55:05,680 --> 00:55:08,359
Speaker 2: that y'all chose to sit in the basement with us

1096
00:55:08,719 --> 00:55:12,880
Speaker 2: and talk and we'll listen to us talk about a

1097
00:55:13,000 --> 00:55:15,000
Speaker 2: book that meant so much for us.

1098
00:55:15,120 --> 00:55:17,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, we don't talk about it. You want to tell

1099
00:55:17,480 --> 00:55:20,200
Speaker 1: we won't talk about it. You see all the town.

1100
00:55:23,200 --> 00:55:25,600
Speaker 1: Does anybody have a question? I'm glad I didn't wear that.

1101
00:55:25,680 --> 00:55:30,479
Speaker 1: God damn, can we come on, Lee give us a question?

1102
00:55:32,760 --> 00:55:34,920
Speaker 3: Well, it wasn't specific to I guess the content of

1103
00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:36,960
Speaker 3: the book per se, but have versions. I'm going to

1104
00:55:37,000 --> 00:55:39,520
Speaker 3: say through asking a book, thank you. I hope you

1105
00:55:39,640 --> 00:55:42,560
Speaker 3: guys really have a moment to really take it in

1106
00:55:42,680 --> 00:55:46,400
Speaker 3: because it's no small feed. But I'm curious more so

1107
00:55:46,760 --> 00:55:51,080
Speaker 3: around what you guys learned about each other this process,

1108
00:55:51,760 --> 00:55:54,120
Speaker 3: because there was a lot of obviously your individual stories.

1109
00:55:54,200 --> 00:55:57,800
Speaker 3: But like you said, I think from just a listener perspective,

1110
00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:00,400
Speaker 3: we get one version of you that we're seeing and

1111
00:56:00,520 --> 00:56:03,000
Speaker 3: gotten used to. But I feel like I learned so

1112
00:56:03,200 --> 00:56:07,800
Speaker 3: much about even stories I already heard in more detail

1113
00:56:07,840 --> 00:56:09,800
Speaker 3: and just in different kind of versions of yourself. So

1114
00:56:09,880 --> 00:56:12,040
Speaker 3: my question is YouTube knowing each other for what for

1115
00:56:12,160 --> 00:56:13,040
Speaker 3: most two decades?

1116
00:56:13,080 --> 00:56:13,239
Speaker 1: Now?

1117
00:56:20,360 --> 00:56:23,960
Speaker 3: Okay, was there anything I guess specifically that surprised you

1118
00:56:24,360 --> 00:56:26,440
Speaker 3: in each other's chapter? What did you learn about each

1119
00:56:26,480 --> 00:56:27,400
Speaker 3: other in this process?

1120
00:56:30,280 --> 00:56:32,160
Speaker 1: I mean for me, and this maybe.

1121
00:56:32,000 --> 00:56:38,040
Speaker 2: Comes from my upbringing and how I judged, not judged,

1122
00:56:38,560 --> 00:56:41,560
Speaker 2: But there was nothing else that.

1123
00:56:41,640 --> 00:56:46,920
Speaker 1: I wanted growing up. The money I started working at fifteen.

1124
00:56:47,719 --> 00:56:50,120
Speaker 2: I once I got to high school, I paid for

1125
00:56:50,239 --> 00:56:53,680
Speaker 2: school supplies and back to school things for me and

1126
00:56:53,880 --> 00:56:57,839
Speaker 2: my siblings, and I used to always think that money

1127
00:56:57,880 --> 00:57:01,040
Speaker 2: would have made growing up so much easier and so

1128
00:57:01,760 --> 00:57:05,680
Speaker 2: weezy during our even teenage years, living on a different

1129
00:57:05,719 --> 00:57:07,600
Speaker 2: side of town than most of my friends and had

1130
00:57:07,640 --> 00:57:10,520
Speaker 2: a life that I was like, oh my god, bitch,

1131
00:57:10,520 --> 00:57:12,360
Speaker 2: you got a whole movie theater in your house. And

1132
00:57:12,440 --> 00:57:14,759
Speaker 2: when we got to writing the book and I put

1133
00:57:14,800 --> 00:57:19,680
Speaker 2: those things in there, she shied away from those things.

1134
00:57:20,160 --> 00:57:22,840
Speaker 2: When we had her mom on our most recent Patreon episode,

1135
00:57:23,680 --> 00:57:25,520
Speaker 2: it was interesting because her mom was like, yeah, girl,

1136
00:57:25,560 --> 00:57:28,000
Speaker 2: spent forty thousand my birthday parties, And you could see

1137
00:57:28,040 --> 00:57:31,760
Speaker 2: the pride in growing up with those financial like things,

1138
00:57:32,120 --> 00:57:36,800
Speaker 2: And so for me, it was surprising that Weezy didn't

1139
00:57:36,800 --> 00:57:38,800
Speaker 2: really want to drive the Jaguar to high school, that

1140
00:57:38,920 --> 00:57:41,040
Speaker 2: she didn't want to talk about growing up in a.

1141
00:57:41,120 --> 00:57:44,080
Speaker 1: Certain way, even though like things changed as she got older.

1142
00:57:44,160 --> 00:57:47,240
Speaker 2: With that financials, I was like, ooh, bitch, there's nothing

1143
00:57:47,280 --> 00:57:52,800
Speaker 2: in the world I want more than nepotism, right, And

1144
00:57:52,960 --> 00:57:56,439
Speaker 2: so for me, a part that I learned was like, damn,

1145
00:57:56,520 --> 00:57:59,880
Speaker 2: there can be shame in growing up with things that

1146
00:58:00,040 --> 00:58:03,160
Speaker 2: that I would have killed four even just two parents,

1147
00:58:03,800 --> 00:58:05,720
Speaker 2: Like I didn't grow up with two parents. I didn't

1148
00:58:06,160 --> 00:58:08,760
Speaker 2: like me and my sisters rotated, who shared rooms with

1149
00:58:08,800 --> 00:58:11,320
Speaker 2: my younger sister, like there were just different things. And

1150
00:58:11,440 --> 00:58:14,360
Speaker 2: so when we wrote this book and I leaned into that,

1151
00:58:15,000 --> 00:58:19,000
Speaker 2: I was surprised that there wasn't pride in having that

1152
00:58:19,200 --> 00:58:22,720
Speaker 2: style of an upbringing because I thought, like, bitch, that's

1153
00:58:22,760 --> 00:58:24,680
Speaker 2: what we all would have liked, Like I would have

1154
00:58:24,880 --> 00:58:26,400
Speaker 2: been able to go to more field trips, or my

1155
00:58:26,520 --> 00:58:28,680
Speaker 2: dad to be able to like like me, not having

1156
00:58:28,720 --> 00:58:30,800
Speaker 2: to go ask my dad for shit. So that was

1157
00:58:30,920 --> 00:58:35,160
Speaker 2: just I think surprising that there could be shame in

1158
00:58:35,280 --> 00:58:37,840
Speaker 2: that type of lifestyle and privilege.

1159
00:58:37,920 --> 00:58:40,200
Speaker 1: To me, that's what I learned. Hmmm.

1160
00:58:40,760 --> 00:58:42,120
Speaker 2: I want to talk about that on the pod more

1161
00:58:42,160 --> 00:58:43,600
Speaker 2: because for me it was more so you know, I

1162
00:58:43,760 --> 00:58:46,320
Speaker 2: was watching my parents lose money in real time, so

1163
00:58:46,480 --> 00:58:48,960
Speaker 2: as a kid, I'm just like, oh, I know that

1164
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:50,520
Speaker 2: the more you're gonna be paid, I know that people

1165
00:58:50,560 --> 00:58:53,480
Speaker 2: come over, I know that there's foreclosure, like as a teenager,

1166
00:58:53,560 --> 00:58:58,240
Speaker 2: and that point where I could be prideful, how I

1167
00:58:58,280 --> 00:59:01,280
Speaker 2: will take The thing I learned the most is probably

1168
00:59:02,840 --> 00:59:06,680
Speaker 2: healing in real time. There were stories that you were telling.

1169
00:59:07,280 --> 00:59:09,200
Speaker 2: You know, we're on the podcast telling each other's stories.

1170
00:59:09,400 --> 00:59:10,160
Speaker 1: Ahakey key.

1171
00:59:10,920 --> 00:59:13,400
Speaker 2: And the more that I would read the stories, especially

1172
00:59:13,480 --> 00:59:15,919
Speaker 2: you know, talking about sex for money, and it's even

1173
00:59:16,120 --> 00:59:18,560
Speaker 2: hard to say that because I know you don't even

1174
00:59:18,800 --> 00:59:20,120
Speaker 2: really want to talk about that in fress, but you

1175
00:59:20,200 --> 00:59:20,640
Speaker 2: brought it up for.

1176
00:59:22,120 --> 00:59:23,560
Speaker 1: Like in a room like this, But I ain't going

1177
00:59:23,680 --> 00:59:26,680
Speaker 1: on breakfast clo, like, yeah, I'll understand money.

1178
00:59:27,560 --> 00:59:30,080
Speaker 2: When Mandy was talking about the way she felt reading

1179
00:59:30,160 --> 00:59:34,800
Speaker 2: it was making me feel really sad because my chapter

1180
00:59:35,200 --> 00:59:35,640
Speaker 2: was different.

1181
00:59:35,680 --> 00:59:41,040
Speaker 1: I'm like sugar dad, right, I was like fuck Ariada

1182
00:59:41,120 --> 00:59:41,680
Speaker 1: back and forth.

1183
00:59:41,800 --> 00:59:43,880
Speaker 2: But at the end of the day, that's kind of

1184
00:59:43,920 --> 00:59:47,280
Speaker 2: the beauty of these stories. It's like you can see

1185
00:59:47,360 --> 00:59:51,720
Speaker 2: two different experiences and so yeah, to answer the question fully,

1186
00:59:51,920 --> 00:59:55,200
Speaker 2: with Mandy's chapters, the healing in real time was happening

1187
00:59:55,360 --> 00:59:58,640
Speaker 2: while hearing the stories, like maybe that little bit of

1188
00:59:58,680 --> 01:00:01,360
Speaker 2: shame was back there, but we we are on a

1189
01:00:01,400 --> 01:00:03,480
Speaker 2: show where we gotta be liberated for everybody, so we

1190
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:05,439
Speaker 2: better tell this with a smile on our face.

1191
01:00:05,520 --> 01:00:06,440
Speaker 1: So it was Dot.

1192
01:00:06,640 --> 01:00:08,640
Speaker 2: It was knowing that she had to come to these

1193
01:00:08,680 --> 01:00:12,280
Speaker 2: realizations sitting next to me every week on the mic.

1194
01:00:12,160 --> 01:00:14,320
Speaker 1: Like that ship isn't easy. It's like when you find

1195
01:00:14,360 --> 01:00:16,080
Speaker 1: out someone that you work with is going through a

1196
01:00:16,120 --> 01:00:18,400
Speaker 1: really hard time. You're like, what the fuck? How you

1197
01:00:18,560 --> 01:00:22,000
Speaker 1: being here? Smiling? You know it's sheriffy Yeah, and vodka

1198
01:00:24,160 --> 01:00:25,960
Speaker 1: and we'll do We'll do one more question because I

1199
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:27,800
Speaker 1: know we gotta sign these books. Burns off.

1200
01:00:27,840 --> 01:00:34,160
Speaker 2: You will ask me questions I do if you don't mind,

1201
01:00:34,800 --> 01:00:37,160
Speaker 2: If there's anyone you will get it. You'll get the

1202
01:00:37,240 --> 01:00:39,720
Speaker 2: last question because you was in the conversation up here

1203
01:00:39,720 --> 01:00:40,360
Speaker 2: in the front seat.

1204
01:00:40,800 --> 01:00:42,280
Speaker 1: Do we have because I know we got some war

1205
01:00:42,440 --> 01:00:44,640
Speaker 1: Hive members in here? What's that? No Amy with that care?

1206
01:00:46,120 --> 01:00:48,120
Speaker 1: Do we have any in the back and all I know,

1207
01:00:48,280 --> 01:00:48,800
Speaker 1: like y'all just.

1208
01:00:48,800 --> 01:00:54,240
Speaker 2: Got the books today, all right, our first day listener

1209
01:00:59,280 --> 01:01:04,680
Speaker 2: everything that what was a turning point for y'all to

1210
01:01:05,240 --> 01:01:08,200
Speaker 2: for the y'all authentic so.

1211
01:01:09,880 --> 01:01:10,200
Speaker 1: Fully.

1212
01:01:11,760 --> 01:01:15,920
Speaker 2: So It's funny because when we started this podcast, and

1213
01:01:15,960 --> 01:01:18,520
Speaker 2: I've said this before, I was about to be a CPA.

1214
01:01:20,920 --> 01:01:25,360
Speaker 2: My dad is Jamaican and so as a bartender working

1215
01:01:25,440 --> 01:01:27,680
Speaker 2: in the clubs and all that, he used to always say,

1216
01:01:27,680 --> 01:01:29,880
Speaker 2: when you're gonna get a real job. It was always

1217
01:01:29,880 --> 01:01:33,640
Speaker 2: about getting a real job. Yeah, so he does construction,

1218
01:01:33,760 --> 01:01:37,840
Speaker 2: blue collar. My mom is an LPN still trying to

1219
01:01:37,840 --> 01:01:39,600
Speaker 2: pass these math classes to get a R rate.

1220
01:01:41,000 --> 01:01:44,440
Speaker 1: And so for me it was when we first started

1221
01:01:44,440 --> 01:01:46,160
Speaker 1: this pod, I was like, yeah, I don't mind sharing this.

1222
01:01:46,320 --> 01:01:49,280
Speaker 1: I tweeted, I lived this life. I don't mind. But

1223
01:01:49,400 --> 01:01:51,040
Speaker 1: if it don't make no money, I'm about to be

1224
01:01:51,080 --> 01:01:52,880
Speaker 1: an accountant because I want to be taken serious. I

1225
01:01:52,920 --> 01:01:53,520
Speaker 1: want to be your wife.

1226
01:01:53,720 --> 01:01:55,479
Speaker 2: If y'all hear me talk about twenty four to seven,

1227
01:01:55,800 --> 01:01:58,800
Speaker 2: I remember like, oh here, rapper, I can't bring him

1228
01:01:58,800 --> 01:01:59,560
Speaker 2: to my Christmas parties.

1229
01:01:59,560 --> 01:02:01,880
Speaker 1: When I become an accountant, I need to get a lawyer.

1230
01:02:02,040 --> 01:02:05,480
Speaker 2: Like I had this view, this traditional view of what

1231
01:02:05,720 --> 01:02:09,000
Speaker 2: life should look like when I get into certain spaces

1232
01:02:09,040 --> 01:02:12,040
Speaker 2: in my life. And so it wasn't really until honestly,

1233
01:02:12,840 --> 01:02:16,160
Speaker 2: probably started touring. And as we started touring and we

1234
01:02:16,200 --> 01:02:21,520
Speaker 2: started meeting y'all, my stories changing people, my stories making

1235
01:02:21,560 --> 01:02:23,400
Speaker 2: people cry or get through the things that they were

1236
01:02:23,440 --> 01:02:25,440
Speaker 2: going through. And I told this to Charlemagne in the

1237
01:02:25,520 --> 01:02:27,160
Speaker 2: South of France in front of everybody, and I was like,

1238
01:02:28,080 --> 01:02:35,160
Speaker 2: thank you. We were, you know, in the South of France,

1239
01:02:36,000 --> 01:02:37,560
Speaker 2: and I said, thank you for being my baby day,

1240
01:02:38,080 --> 01:02:40,040
Speaker 2: because this book is a baby. But I told him,

1241
01:02:40,040 --> 01:02:43,400
Speaker 2: I said, without the push and support from him, I

1242
01:02:43,600 --> 01:02:45,040
Speaker 2: don't know what my purpose is.

1243
01:02:45,160 --> 01:02:46,120
Speaker 1: And my purpose is now this.

1244
01:02:46,840 --> 01:02:48,840
Speaker 2: My purpose is now being able to touch people with

1245
01:02:49,480 --> 01:02:53,080
Speaker 2: with my stories and my vulnerability, whether it keeps a nigga.

1246
01:02:52,800 --> 01:02:53,480
Speaker 1: From dating me or not.

1247
01:02:54,280 --> 01:02:57,360
Speaker 2: I'm on the front line for y'all. To me, it

1248
01:02:57,520 --> 01:03:00,880
Speaker 2: wasn't until I realized this is a bigger picture than me.

1249
01:03:01,240 --> 01:03:02,960
Speaker 2: We say that that's why this pot is still here,

1250
01:03:03,000 --> 01:03:04,960
Speaker 2: that's why we have a book. We don't fault quite

1251
01:03:05,000 --> 01:03:08,000
Speaker 2: a bit. We might not always see the same things

1252
01:03:08,120 --> 01:03:10,520
Speaker 2: all the time, but whenever we really get to where

1253
01:03:10,520 --> 01:03:13,840
Speaker 2: it's like I I, it's always like this shit is

1254
01:03:13,840 --> 01:03:16,400
Speaker 2: bigger than both of us, and like when we meet

1255
01:03:16,720 --> 01:03:19,120
Speaker 2: you guys, when we see people buying our book. This

1256
01:03:19,280 --> 01:03:22,760
Speaker 2: is where I was like, well here, yep, I did it,

1257
01:03:24,400 --> 01:03:29,280
Speaker 2: not OJ style, I did it. It's here, it exists.

1258
01:03:29,520 --> 01:03:31,680
Speaker 2: I am me, and I don't feel like I have

1259
01:03:31,960 --> 01:03:39,200
Speaker 2: that without meeting our hive. Okay, sorry a yell er hot,

1260
01:03:39,200 --> 01:03:41,480
Speaker 2: I'm just try to make mine quick. I would say,

1261
01:03:41,920 --> 01:03:43,160
Speaker 2: there's a moment I had.

1262
01:03:43,200 --> 01:03:45,600
Speaker 1: And I know a lot of us may never.

1263
01:03:45,560 --> 01:03:48,920
Speaker 2: Get approval from our parents or our family, especially the

1264
01:03:49,000 --> 01:03:50,960
Speaker 2: queer few people in here, like they're just always going

1265
01:03:51,000 --> 01:03:51,440
Speaker 2: through some shit.

1266
01:03:51,440 --> 01:03:53,440
Speaker 1: They don't get us. But I had a moment to

1267
01:03:53,560 --> 01:03:56,480
Speaker 1: let me know this is her accepting me.

1268
01:03:56,720 --> 01:04:00,160
Speaker 2: I don't give a fuck about anyone else. Says, there's

1269
01:04:00,160 --> 01:04:03,919
Speaker 2: my ex girlfriend. I brought her to my mom's house

1270
01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:04,960
Speaker 2: and she.

1271
01:04:05,000 --> 01:04:06,920
Speaker 1: Knew it was my girlfriend, but she just was like ever,

1272
01:04:07,400 --> 01:04:09,400
Speaker 1: she just eat busy today. This will be over with soon.

1273
01:04:10,280 --> 01:04:13,040
Speaker 1: So we go out to eat and we run into

1274
01:04:13,120 --> 01:04:16,560
Speaker 1: a girl, her mother from high school. And this was

1275
01:04:16,640 --> 01:04:19,600
Speaker 1: the cool girl, super rich, like just.

1276
01:04:19,840 --> 01:04:22,000
Speaker 2: It and my mom was like, why does she looks

1277
01:04:22,000 --> 01:04:24,520
Speaker 2: at the annoy I'm like, oh, that's Rossie's mom, And

1278
01:04:24,640 --> 01:04:26,960
Speaker 2: so she says, what's Rossie doing it?

1279
01:04:27,080 --> 01:04:30,200
Speaker 1: And the woman said, Rossie's a doctor and she's working

1280
01:04:30,200 --> 01:04:32,000
Speaker 1: in a blah blah blah blah blah and all this shit.

1281
01:04:32,040 --> 01:04:34,200
Speaker 1: And I'm sitting there with my girlfriend and my.

1282
01:04:34,280 --> 01:04:39,280
Speaker 2: Mom goes, well, Gila has a sex podcast and everybody

1283
01:04:39,400 --> 01:04:40,000
Speaker 2: listens to it.

1284
01:04:40,320 --> 01:04:43,720
Speaker 1: It's so good. I mean, it's everywhere and she's all

1285
01:04:43,760 --> 01:04:46,920
Speaker 1: over the place. That's your girlfriend. Anyway, I have been there.

1286
01:04:47,640 --> 01:04:52,520
Speaker 1: We're gonna watch it on TV on the YouTube one.

1287
01:04:53,080 --> 01:04:56,320
Speaker 1: I'm a podcaster. I had a doctor, and my mom's like,

1288
01:04:56,520 --> 01:05:01,480
Speaker 1: my daughter really yours that? Like, what do I give

1289
01:05:01,520 --> 01:05:05,520
Speaker 1: a ship about anybody else? Now, my father and y'all know,

1290
01:05:05,680 --> 01:05:06,920
Speaker 1: y'all know because I've opened up about it.

1291
01:05:06,920 --> 01:05:10,080
Speaker 2: If he wants in a nursing home, he literally tells people,

1292
01:05:10,160 --> 01:05:14,960
Speaker 2: you know, my daughter, she's like doctor, she talks about it, talk.

1293
01:05:14,880 --> 01:05:20,640
Speaker 1: About this sex and all did the sex. And it's

1294
01:05:20,760 --> 01:05:22,680
Speaker 1: just my reality. And at the end of the day,

1295
01:05:23,120 --> 01:05:25,040
Speaker 1: I take care of my parents with this fucking money,

1296
01:05:25,120 --> 01:05:36,720
Speaker 1: So sucking dick story is safe. We wouldn't have been here.

1297
01:05:40,880 --> 01:05:43,000
Speaker 1: Thank you, by it's very thank thank you guys.

1298
01:05:43,360 --> 01:05:46,160
Speaker 2: And we will make sure for anyone's book that we

1299
01:05:46,240 --> 01:05:48,720
Speaker 2: have not signed, because also this is the work night, school.

1300
01:05:48,520 --> 01:05:51,000
Speaker 1: Night, all the things. Y'all gotta get home and I.

1301
01:05:51,120 --> 01:05:54,040
Speaker 2: Want to eat, but we want to make sure that

1302
01:05:54,120 --> 01:05:56,480
Speaker 2: we signed all books. And thank you guys personally for

1303
01:05:56,600 --> 01:06:00,600
Speaker 2: coming out to the basement to join us in a

1304
01:06:00,680 --> 01:06:05,040
Speaker 2: heat wave on a Tuesday, but most importantly on the

1305
01:06:05,200 --> 01:06:06,480
Speaker 2: release date of This Guy.