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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that's teamed up with Ben and

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Speaker 1: Jerry's to create a new holiday flavor called Peppermint Cry

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Speaker 1: Scream Wait a minute made using Jewish children's tears after

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Speaker 1: Sanna didn't show up on Christmas. I do like peppermint though, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: get that sweet and salty taste. With Laser Stories, the segment,

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Speaker 1: we read weird news stories around the globe, just like

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Speaker 1: everyone else does, except we've got a laser. Those are there,

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Speaker 1: tinsel tear drops just don't This first laser story is

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Speaker 1: out of Britain. Police in the UK are investigating a

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Speaker 1: theft from Saint Andrew's Church that happened last month. Three

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Speaker 1: religious paintings were stolen, including one with the Ten Commandments

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Speaker 1: that actually said thou shalt not steal the irony, So

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Speaker 1: the crook stole the thou shalt not steal painting, along

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Speaker 1: with one that included the Lord's Prayer.

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Speaker 2: And they were all in big, heavy.

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Speaker 1: Wooden frames, so it isn't like someone unknowingly moved them.

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Speaker 3: Are you saying the church didn't say, you know what,

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Speaker 3: those guys needed that in their life.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, forgiven, that's right.

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Speaker 1: Unclear how much the pieces are worth but some are

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Speaker 1: saying it's in the six figures and higher old.

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Speaker 3: Well, there's something about it that says inside job to

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Speaker 3: me anybody else.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how you knew that, Brooke, because police

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Speaker 1: do think that it might be an inside job.

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Speaker 2: Since I didn't even get to this yet.

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Speaker 1: The church showed no signs of four steentry.

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Speaker 2: How did you know, Brook.

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Speaker 4: Because those church ladies can't trust him? Are you gossip circles?

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Speaker 1: You seem to know the most about what's going on

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Speaker 1: in this church. You knew that the doors were unlocked,

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Speaker 1: You knew what all.

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Speaker 2: The church ladies are church every day.

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Speaker 4: You please don't look at my recent flights to English.

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Speaker 3: Okay, you need to know any of the other ten Commandments.

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Speaker 2: You'll read them off. Got a written Sure, cops.

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Speaker 1: Are asking people to keep an eye out for them,

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Speaker 1: especially on Facebook marketplace.

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Speaker 4: Nah, that's always a tell. That's where the Lord shops.

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Speaker 1: This next Lazer story is out of Michigan. One rule

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Speaker 1: of life I always live by never pass out in

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Speaker 1: the middle of a college party.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, why do I feel like to say?

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Speaker 2: If you learn it the hard way?

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Speaker 4: Okay, I knew that there's something else in.

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Speaker 1: A frat and we need to add one more to

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Speaker 1: that list. What's that never pass out around your extended family?

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Speaker 4: That's also good.

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Speaker 1: I say that because a twenty seven year old guy

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Speaker 1: named Ethan Chandler drank too much at a family barbecue.

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Speaker 1: He fell asleep in a hammock and his brother in

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Speaker 1: law filled his belly button with super glue and.

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Speaker 2: Nobody got it.

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Speaker 3: Was actually like, this is amazing until you said super

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Speaker 3: You just go with them marker on a face situation.

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Speaker 4: Sure, super glue.

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Speaker 2: I've never done this fill a belly button thing.

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Speaker 3: I kind of like it.

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Speaker 2: In law went full savage with it.

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Speaker 1: When Ethan woke up, he obviously freaked out and someone

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Speaker 1: took him to the er. Doctors had to use solvent

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Speaker 1: and ointment to remove the glue, and he ended up

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Speaker 1: with a medical bill for two thousand, two hundred and

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Speaker 1: fifty three dollars.

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Speaker 2: Helps.

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Speaker 4: I bet it's the cleaness his belly button has ever been.

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Speaker 1: And his brother in law refused to pay for the

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Speaker 1: medical bill, so Ethan took him to small claims court

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Speaker 1: and won, but brother in law still has not paid.

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Speaker 4: I know the small claims court doesn't do anything.

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Speaker 1: Ethan then went online for advice because it's caused a

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Speaker 1: big rift in his family. His wife's side thinks he

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Speaker 1: overreacted and shouldn't have gone to the hospital in the

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Speaker 1: first court.

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Speaker 4: Her brother come on.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Also, the mother in law offered to pay, but

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Speaker 1: she's on a fixed income, so.

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Speaker 2: He hasn't taken her up on that.

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Speaker 4: Dude, just pay?

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Speaker 2: So what should he do?

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Speaker 1: Some of the feedback he's received say that he should

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Speaker 1: garnish the guy's wages. He could do him I aink

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Speaker 1: him back or just go on Judge Judy. I personally

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Speaker 1: think he should come on our show and do an

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Speaker 1: awkward Tuesday phone call.

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Speaker 2: I may love it.

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Speaker 3: I think he should get a Gorilla glue endorsement. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: just lean into it instead of against it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, why not? Okay? This next Lazer story is out

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Speaker 1: of Austria. Maybe you've heard of the Vienna Orchestra before.

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Speaker 1: They are world famous, but I doubt you've heard of

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Speaker 1: the Vienna Vegetable Orchestra.

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Speaker 2: But it's a real thing.

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Speaker 1: The group exclusively makes music from vegetable instruments.

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Speaker 2: Is this guy playing an art joke? Well, yes, it's

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Speaker 2: like a carrot through an art to check it is.

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Speaker 4: That's definitely a turn up. In the back. They just

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Speaker 4: like cars.

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Speaker 1: They just took home a Guinness World record for playing

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Speaker 1: the most concerts by a vegetable orchestra ever, after completing

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Speaker 1: three hundred and forty four performances over the last twenty

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Speaker 1: seven years.

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Speaker 4: Going out like that? Who is buying a ticket to see?

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Speaker 4: I mean, maybe professional.

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Speaker 1: Let's listen to a guy playing the cabbage like a

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Speaker 1: drum and someone else playing a carrot like a flute.

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Speaker 1: It sounds like all the vegetables are crying out for help,

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Speaker 1: even kill me.

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Speaker 4: I don't know the right amount of cocktails in me.

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Speaker 4: I can really get down on that if you're wondering.

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Speaker 1: The musicians do have to carve fresh vegetables before every performance,

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Speaker 1: since they only last for six hours before they start

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Speaker 1: to rot or lose their shape.

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Speaker 2: Imagine you've playing the same carrot for thirty.

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Speaker 1: Years, and any unused veggies are in fact made into

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Speaker 1: soup and then served at the concert.

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Speaker 4: Everybody wants soup at a car.

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Speaker 2: That's actually not gonna be.

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Speaker 1: The orchestra told Ginnis that only one subject is off

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Speaker 1: limits during their concert. That's asking whether the musicians are vegetarians.

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Speaker 1: They say, don't ask that because they've heard it three

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Speaker 1: million times at every single.

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Speaker 4: Showy But our beaten turn up jokes would kill.

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Speaker 1: This next lay the stories out of the Hollywood elite.

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Speaker 1: Sure we all have regrets, but how many people can

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Speaker 1: say they have billion dollars regrets?

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Speaker 4: Not a lot?

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Speaker 2: Not me.

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Speaker 1: Well, now, because of a new article, we know of

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Speaker 1: actors who turned down main roles in billion dollar movies.

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Speaker 4: I love this, I love these type of things.

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Speaker 1: Number three years ago, Matt Damon said no to playing

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Speaker 1: the main character in James Cameron's Avatar franchise.

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Speaker 2: You probably only lost like a quarter of a billion

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Speaker 2: for that, so sure, he's fine.

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Speaker 4: I can still see him as Matt Damon even in

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Speaker 4: full blue paper.

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Speaker 2: Number two. Dens L.

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Speaker 1: Washington turned down a role in Fast and the Furious.

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Speaker 3: Whoa, oh no, that's a franchip that actually would have

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Speaker 3: made it like a legit movie, like they would have

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Speaker 3: maybe even had a plot.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and that was it.

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Speaker 1: And finally, eighty year old Michael Douglas had the opportunity

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Speaker 1: to play ole Off in the movie Frozen, and he

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Speaker 1: said nod with royalties and profit sharing. If he would

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Speaker 1: have said yes, the estimate he could have walked away

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Speaker 1: with over five hundred million dollars.

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Speaker 4: Oh my god, yeah, he would have been a terrible olof.

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Speaker 2: I believe in Michael Douglas.

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Speaker 4: Give me Josh all day.

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Speaker 1: I'm this guy's biggest Hollywood regret turning down the film

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Speaker 1: Hard Shell soft Core four.

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Speaker 2: His spirit Wasn't it okay?

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Speaker 1: He doesn't do it.

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Speaker 2: For the money. He does it for the love of

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Speaker 2: the game, and.

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Speaker 1: That sound means Laser Stories has come to an end

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Speaker 1: for the day. We'll do it again, same time on Monday.

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Speaker 4: Brooking Jeffrey in the morning