WEBVTT - Choose the Bigger Life with Gretchen Rubin 0:00:00.920 --> 0:00:04.280 Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea, how are you. Oh well, I'm 0:00:04.280 --> 0:00:05.080 in Sunny Whistler. 0:00:05.080 --> 0:00:07.320 It's very sunny, sunny, sunny, sunny up here, a little 0:00:07.320 --> 0:00:11.440 too sunny. The snow is melting and it's sticky, sticky snow. 0:00:12.080 --> 0:00:16.960 And I'm officially a daycare runner opener starter. There are 0:00:17.079 --> 0:00:20.600 children everywhere I go. They are at my house, they 0:00:20.640 --> 0:00:23.759 live with me, not just my two buddhas, but more 0:00:23.840 --> 0:00:27.080 children have appeared, and the dogs are attracting more and 0:00:27.120 --> 0:00:30.720 more people. So my life is just turned into Yesterday, 0:00:30.760 --> 0:00:33.920 one of my little friends came by to ask for 0:00:34.000 --> 0:00:35.720 money because she was going to get ice cream and 0:00:35.720 --> 0:00:37.800 realized she didn't have any, so she said, we know 0:00:37.920 --> 0:00:39.200 Chelsea has money. 0:00:38.920 --> 0:00:39.680 That's what she said. 0:00:41.200 --> 0:00:43.040 And I said, okay, how much do you need and 0:00:43.080 --> 0:00:45.240 she said a dollar and all I had was a twenty. 0:00:45.040 --> 0:00:48.160 So I mean, hey, what does ice cream cost these days? 0:00:48.240 --> 0:00:48.479 I know? 0:00:48.760 --> 0:00:50.360 And she's like, do you need the change? And I 0:00:50.400 --> 0:00:52.760 was like, it's really up to you, I guess. And 0:00:52.920 --> 0:00:55.200 Doug is with his new dog walker today. We got 0:00:55.240 --> 0:00:58.120 evicted from his last class because he was getting too confident, 0:00:58.160 --> 0:01:00.840 and apparently Doug is going through adeless and some puberty 0:01:01.200 --> 0:01:02.760 as an eleventh month old chow. 0:01:03.360 --> 0:01:05.360 So he is a fucking nightmare. 0:01:05.600 --> 0:01:07.200 Is there a little marking happening? 0:01:07.640 --> 0:01:10.400 No, not marking, but he just well, I've had my 0:01:10.600 --> 0:01:13.840 rugs cleaned steam cleaned here twice, which smells worse than 0:01:13.880 --> 0:01:16.560 actual diarrhea. So I don't know what the point of 0:01:16.600 --> 0:01:19.920 that is. And then I take he knows his command. 0:01:20.000 --> 0:01:21.759 Yesterday I went for a walk to the golf course, 0:01:21.800 --> 0:01:23.800 which because it was covered in snow. I can only 0:01:23.800 --> 0:01:26.160 see a golf course if it's covered in snow. Otherwise 0:01:26.160 --> 0:01:28.920 it just annoys me so much. And we were so 0:01:29.040 --> 0:01:31.959 good with our commands. Come Come, Come, dog Come, and 0:01:32.000 --> 0:01:34.880 then all of a sudden, he just fucking forgot, and 0:01:34.920 --> 0:01:37.560 so I'm just screaming come, and no one's coming. It's 0:01:37.560 --> 0:01:41.000 so pathetic. And I have my treats and everything. So anyway, 0:01:41.040 --> 0:01:43.280 I have a new dog walker this week. Hopefully she 0:01:43.280 --> 0:01:45.800 can whip him into shape. She's got him Tuesday through Friday, 0:01:45.840 --> 0:01:48.320 I was like, get his ass on track, because I 0:01:48.360 --> 0:01:50.400 have a whole waiting list of people who want Doug. 0:01:50.440 --> 0:01:53.240 I was gone for seven days before last week on. 0:01:53.200 --> 0:01:55.200 The road and do it touring, and then I went 0:01:55.240 --> 0:01:57.400 to the Oscar parties and then I don't know what 0:01:57.480 --> 0:01:58.000 else I did. 0:01:58.040 --> 0:02:00.320 Oh, I went to Deer Valley to ski with my friends. 0:02:00.080 --> 0:02:03.160 There, and I came back and and my friends they 0:02:03.160 --> 0:02:05.680 had passed Doug around like a party treat. And when 0:02:05.720 --> 0:02:07.960 he went from one house to another house like a 0:02:08.000 --> 0:02:08.960 little dime store. 0:02:08.960 --> 0:02:10.040 Whose that's a flusy. 0:02:10.440 --> 0:02:12.080 He is a fluosy, And so it was a Bernice. 0:02:12.160 --> 0:02:16.200 Quite frankly, the kids either want Doug or Bernice. Yeah, 0:02:16.240 --> 0:02:18.960 and now I call them Dirk and Dennis. Those are 0:02:19.000 --> 0:02:21.680 their cameo names or OnlyFans names. 0:02:21.720 --> 0:02:24.040 I guess, well, you're a true mother, just like calling 0:02:24.120 --> 0:02:26.320 them all by the wrong names. That's yeah, that's how Yeah. 0:02:26.440 --> 0:02:29.400 Yeah, yeah. So this has been a stressful winter. 0:02:29.480 --> 0:02:32.120 I'm not gonna lie between my fucking house and the 0:02:32.160 --> 0:02:33.240 bullshit that's going on. 0:02:33.520 --> 0:02:34.760 It is a disaster. 0:02:35.440 --> 0:02:38.000 And I just am waiting in Whistler until it calms 0:02:38.040 --> 0:02:40.320 down so I can go home because I have been 0:02:40.360 --> 0:02:43.760 so violated and I feel like I have been robbed. 0:02:44.840 --> 0:02:47.800 Yeah, it's past the point of like, oh yeah, just 0:02:47.840 --> 0:02:50.480 a little longer. I mean, when we're going on three years, 0:02:50.480 --> 0:02:51.040 there's something else. 0:02:51.160 --> 0:02:53.240 It's three years. I've owned this house for three years, 0:02:53.240 --> 0:02:54.280 and it's still not ready. 0:02:54.360 --> 0:02:57.280 Yep. Well, I'm glad you have somewhere else to be 0:02:57.440 --> 0:03:00.280 that is beautiful and fun. And I'm glad you got 0:03:00.320 --> 0:03:02.400 to take a break from skiing to go skiing somewhere else. 0:03:02.520 --> 0:03:04.960 Also, I know that was really fun. I love Dear Valley, 0:03:05.000 --> 0:03:07.040 I love skiing there, and I just love skiing. I mean, 0:03:07.040 --> 0:03:08.760 thank god I have skiing in my life. It is 0:03:08.840 --> 0:03:10.799 just such a gift. It is such a gift to 0:03:10.800 --> 0:03:13.079 find out what you're passionate about and get it, get 0:03:13.080 --> 0:03:16.840 after it because it gives me so much joy. 0:03:16.960 --> 0:03:18.799 I love that it is. That is kind of half 0:03:18.840 --> 0:03:21.600 the battle, is finding what you're passionate about, like finding 0:03:21.600 --> 0:03:23.160 what you really really dig you know. 0:03:23.600 --> 0:03:26.320 Yeah, Like if I can just smoke weed. Oh I 0:03:26.360 --> 0:03:28.320 can't smoke it all the time because in my throat. 0:03:28.400 --> 0:03:31.640 But if I could just eat cannabis, mushrooms, whatever drugs 0:03:31.720 --> 0:03:35.600 come my way, read books, and ski for like three 0:03:35.680 --> 0:03:38.560 months straight, I mean, I honestly would be the happiest 0:03:38.560 --> 0:03:40.280 person on the planet. 0:03:40.000 --> 0:03:42.120 Maybe, especially if there were no children involved. 0:03:42.320 --> 0:03:45.400 Well, the children are a nice addition because they're not mine. 0:03:45.440 --> 0:03:48.000 But it's gotten a little good carried away, Like I 0:03:48.040 --> 0:03:49.880 found myself at the kiddie table the other night. 0:03:49.920 --> 0:03:53.280 I'm like, what's happening here? I had a thirteen picture? 0:03:53.320 --> 0:03:53.960 You posed it? 0:03:54.160 --> 0:03:57.240 I know, and everywhere I go they come with me, 0:03:57.880 --> 0:03:59.960 and I treat them like little adults. So I think 0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:02.280 they really like that because I can't explain I'm not 0:04:02.360 --> 0:04:03.360 being nice to them. 0:04:03.680 --> 0:04:05.240 Yeah, what do they call you? Auntie? Chelsea? 0:04:05.880 --> 0:04:10.560 No, they call me cheuse auntie. I'm not there, auntie. 0:04:10.720 --> 0:04:13.640 Even my nieces, Oh, this is funny. I'm taking my 0:04:13.680 --> 0:04:15.760 nieces and nephews to my York. I said only a 0:04:15.840 --> 0:04:19.080 kid's trip for this this summer. I said, only a 0:04:19.120 --> 0:04:21.400 kid's trip, no adults allowed. And so then my brother 0:04:21.640 --> 0:04:25.120 emails me yesterday and was like, uh, you know, Teddy's 0:04:25.160 --> 0:04:27.360 fourteen and he needs an adult to travel with him, 0:04:27.360 --> 0:04:29.520 which means his wife doesn't trust me alone with the 0:04:29.600 --> 0:04:33.640 children and the children's I want to repeat that the children's, 0:04:33.920 --> 0:04:36.160 nor should she. And so he's like, so I have 0:04:36.200 --> 0:04:38.280 to come. I'm like, oh, so you're coming. So then 0:04:38.279 --> 0:04:40.520 my other brother lays like, well, if Glenn's coming, I'm coming, 0:04:40.560 --> 0:04:42.000 and I'm like, this. 0:04:42.000 --> 0:04:45.720 Is exactly the dynamic I was hoping for. No spouses, 0:04:46.120 --> 0:04:47.479 the kids, my brother. 0:04:47.680 --> 0:04:49.520 There you go, then it's a party. 0:04:50.120 --> 0:04:51.840 Now, it's going to be so much fun. Yeah. 0:04:51.960 --> 0:04:53.440 I mean, if you only have people who are underage, 0:04:53.440 --> 0:04:55.000 who's going to take all your drugs this year? 0:04:55.600 --> 0:04:56.000 I don't know. 0:04:56.040 --> 0:04:57.760 I'll have to find some new customers. 0:04:58.400 --> 0:04:59.960 Oh, you know what we need, We need people to 0:05:00.160 --> 0:05:00.480 right in. 0:05:00.600 --> 0:05:02.880 We don't want to cover the same kinds of topics 0:05:02.920 --> 0:05:05.599 each episode, so I guess we want to get into 0:05:05.600 --> 0:05:10.279 different kind of categories of problems or questions that you 0:05:10.360 --> 0:05:11.280 might want help with. 0:05:11.480 --> 0:05:14.080 Yeah, like if you haven't heard it on this show, Like, 0:05:14.160 --> 0:05:16.960 if you haven't heard your question, this is your sign 0:05:17.040 --> 0:05:17.520 to write in. 0:05:19.200 --> 0:05:24.080 All interpersonal affairs are of interest. All interpersonal affairs if 0:05:24.080 --> 0:05:27.200 you're having an affair, if you are having a problem 0:05:27.279 --> 0:05:30.200 with a loved one, a partner. I still think we 0:05:30.200 --> 0:05:33.200 should do a couple's counseling episode. I want couples together 0:05:33.320 --> 0:05:36.880 to come in sure for an issue or overall counseling. 0:05:36.920 --> 0:05:39.440 That would be fun. We're going to do a nice 0:05:39.440 --> 0:05:42.800 counseling session between my three girlfriends who visited us, right 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:47.279 Amina and Marie and Sydney. 0:05:47.600 --> 0:05:50.840 So we'll get our counseling on. Definitely couples right in. 0:05:51.000 --> 0:05:52.960 And I also think if you have like a problem 0:05:52.960 --> 0:05:54.960 with a friend and you guys want to come on together, 0:05:55.120 --> 0:05:57.840 That's a great, great thing for us to do. If 0:05:57.839 --> 0:05:59.560 there's any you know, if you want to come on 0:05:59.600 --> 0:06:01.760 with your mom I'm or your sister or your brother 0:06:02.040 --> 0:06:04.599 or anything like that and you want to like hash 0:06:04.600 --> 0:06:06.919 out an issue, I think this is a good place 0:06:07.000 --> 0:06:07.480 to do that. 0:06:07.760 --> 0:06:10.039 Yeah. And the more specific the question, the better I 0:06:10.080 --> 0:06:10.520 think too. 0:06:10.920 --> 0:06:11.160 Yes. 0:06:11.400 --> 0:06:15.280 Yeah, right into Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Chelsea, 0:06:15.320 --> 0:06:18.640 I do have a couple of updates. Brenna wrote in 0:06:18.960 --> 0:06:23.320 after listening to our episode last year with Katie Couric, 0:06:24.360 --> 0:06:27.320 and she says, Dear Chelsea, I was listening to that 0:06:27.360 --> 0:06:30.080 episode the morning it came out, and I was ready 0:06:30.080 --> 0:06:33.080 for work. As Katie spoke about her cancer diagnosis and 0:06:33.120 --> 0:06:36.800 the importance of checking yourself for lumps, I thought to myself, Hey, 0:06:36.839 --> 0:06:39.360 I haven't felt myself for lumps in a pretty long time. 0:06:39.920 --> 0:06:42.280 While I reached down, and to my horror, I actually 0:06:42.279 --> 0:06:45.480 did feel a lump in my left breast. My heart stopped. 0:06:45.960 --> 0:06:47.960 Within a week of listening to that episode, I had 0:06:48.000 --> 0:06:50.920 gone to the doctor, received an ultrasound on my breast, 0:06:51.080 --> 0:06:54.560 had two mammograms and a biopsy taken. I'm thirty two 0:06:54.680 --> 0:06:57.040 years old. I've never had a mammogram in my life, 0:06:57.080 --> 0:06:59.159 and of course, like forty is kind of when you 0:06:59.200 --> 0:07:03.040 start getting those, so she wouldn't have otherwise gone. I've 0:07:03.080 --> 0:07:05.000 never had a mammogram in my life and no history 0:07:05.040 --> 0:07:08.440 of breast cancer in my family, and I was terrified. Luckily, 0:07:08.480 --> 0:07:10.680 the biopsy came back benine, but it was larger than 0:07:10.720 --> 0:07:12.640 they thought it should be, so in June I went 0:07:12.720 --> 0:07:15.720 back so it could be easily removed. Once it was 0:07:15.760 --> 0:07:17.960 taken out, they were able to test it and confirmed 0:07:17.960 --> 0:07:20.280 that the lump and I were both cancer free and 0:07:20.320 --> 0:07:23.080 I could go back to not having another mammogram until forty. 0:07:23.760 --> 0:07:25.840 I wanted to thank you for raising awareness about this. 0:07:26.280 --> 0:07:28.360 I've known my whole life that I'm supposed to check 0:07:28.400 --> 0:07:32.080 myself regularly, but that is advice I rarely follow. Without 0:07:32.080 --> 0:07:34.240 listening to your episode, who knows when I would have 0:07:34.280 --> 0:07:36.800 actually felt the lump. I also want to thank you 0:07:36.840 --> 0:07:38.840 for giving me that push to start therapy a few 0:07:38.880 --> 0:07:41.520 years ago and for normalizing it. I look forward to 0:07:41.520 --> 0:07:44.240 seeing you on tour this year. Brenna. 0:07:44.400 --> 0:07:48.560 Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful breast. I know I need to do 0:07:48.680 --> 0:07:51.680 more breast self examinations. Also, now that I'm hearing. 0:07:51.440 --> 0:07:54.640 That figure supposed to do it the week after year period, 0:07:54.960 --> 0:07:57.200 I think that's like the key time. 0:07:57.640 --> 0:07:59.400 Yeah, but I got an ablacion, so I don't know 0:07:59.400 --> 0:08:01.720 when my period. I thought my boobs were getting smaller, 0:08:01.880 --> 0:08:03.080 and I was like liking them. 0:08:03.120 --> 0:08:03.840 I'm like, oh, they're a. 0:08:03.840 --> 0:08:07.840 Little bit like purchas souayant, less perky, like a little 0:08:07.840 --> 0:08:10.120 bit like yeah, And I was like, oh, oh, I 0:08:10.160 --> 0:08:12.400 guess I'm you know, forty nine. Maybe they're just kind 0:08:12.440 --> 0:08:13.400 of dropping a little bit. 0:08:13.840 --> 0:08:14.840 But then I. 0:08:14.800 --> 0:08:16.920 Got I don't know what I'm getting my period because 0:08:16.960 --> 0:08:19.800 of that Ablasian And then they blew up. When I 0:08:19.840 --> 0:08:22.320 went to the Oscar parties my dress, my boobs were 0:08:22.360 --> 0:08:25.440 like it was like gargantuan, and I couldn't believe it. 0:08:25.480 --> 0:08:27.400 I was like, oh my god, where did these come from? 0:08:27.640 --> 0:08:30.600 So I must be on my period, but they still 0:08:30.640 --> 0:08:33.480 haven't completely deflated. Yeah, so you're supposed to check a 0:08:33.520 --> 0:08:34.720 week after your period. 0:08:34.800 --> 0:08:36.440 Yes, I believe that's correct. 0:08:36.920 --> 0:08:38.760 So big. I don't even know if I would feel 0:08:38.760 --> 0:08:39.240 a lump. 0:08:39.360 --> 0:08:41.559 I think maybe there's less swelling or whatever, so it's 0:08:41.600 --> 0:08:43.959 easier to find any lumps or bumps. 0:08:44.320 --> 0:08:45.280 Yeah, when they get little. 0:08:45.440 --> 0:08:48.040 Okay, Yeah, I was going to ask your ablasian. You 0:08:48.120 --> 0:08:50.240 went through with that and everything's been fine. Have you 0:08:50.280 --> 0:08:51.520 had less period? 0:08:51.559 --> 0:08:54.240 I've never had a period since I got Yeah, my 0:08:54.360 --> 0:08:57.200 uterus scorched. My sister got it done and then told 0:08:57.200 --> 0:08:58.440 me about it, and I was like, I didn't know 0:08:58.520 --> 0:09:00.800 you could get that, and so so I went right 0:09:00.840 --> 0:09:02.319 away and was like, scorch it. 0:09:02.480 --> 0:09:02.959 Let's go. 0:09:03.080 --> 0:09:04.960 I don't want any more uterine. I guess it gets 0:09:05.040 --> 0:09:07.120 rid of your uterine lining. Yeah. Yeah, so that you 0:09:07.160 --> 0:09:08.360 can't bleed anymore. 0:09:08.559 --> 0:09:10.400 And believe me, I mean it was the best thing. 0:09:10.720 --> 0:09:13.000 I don't get a period, and every once in a 0:09:13.080 --> 0:09:15.559 while I feel my PMS, but not every month. 0:09:15.600 --> 0:09:16.880 It's like every few months. 0:09:16.960 --> 0:09:17.719 That's incredible. 0:09:17.800 --> 0:09:18.199 Yeah. 0:09:18.240 --> 0:09:19.800 And then you can go and like wear address to 0:09:19.840 --> 0:09:21.960 an Oscar's party and you only have the symptom of 0:09:22.000 --> 0:09:25.160 having big boobs, like no other period symptoms. No. 0:09:25.320 --> 0:09:26.040 I mean, I don't know. 0:09:26.080 --> 0:09:28.040 Maybe I'm bitchier, but I wouldn't be able to tell 0:09:28.080 --> 0:09:28.600 the difference. 0:09:29.360 --> 0:09:30.640 How were the Oscar parties? 0:09:31.240 --> 0:09:33.560 Oh? Fun, fun. I went to the Vanity Fair party 0:09:33.720 --> 0:09:36.959 and then I went to a Gaio series party, and 0:09:37.240 --> 0:09:39.520 yeah it was good. I was hume By two nothing crazy. 0:09:39.600 --> 0:09:41.439 And then I went to Deer Valley the next morning. 0:09:41.559 --> 0:09:43.880 Oh fantastic, just like an easy pop by. 0:09:44.600 --> 0:09:46.640 Yeah, saw a lot of friends, saw a lot of people. 0:09:46.840 --> 0:09:48.280 It was fun, good, good. 0:09:48.520 --> 0:09:51.600 Our guest today is Happiness Expert, six time best selling 0:09:51.600 --> 0:09:56.400 author and host of the popular Happier with Gretchen Rubin podcast. 0:09:56.920 --> 0:10:00.240 Her most recent New York Times bestseller, Life and Five Cents. 0:10:00.000 --> 0:10:03.480 This comes out in paperback April thirtieth. Please welcome to 0:10:03.559 --> 0:10:05.440 the podcast, Gretchen Rubin. 0:10:06.000 --> 0:10:08.160 Hey, Chelsey, I'm so happy to be talking to you. 0:10:08.400 --> 0:10:11.400 Oh, nice to be talking to you. So this book 0:10:11.440 --> 0:10:14.960 was interesting because you discussed the difficulty that you found 0:10:15.120 --> 0:10:19.839 in forming a meditation practice, and I think that's very 0:10:19.880 --> 0:10:22.080 common for many of our listeners. A lot of people 0:10:22.240 --> 0:10:24.360 are struggling with how to meditate. 0:10:24.720 --> 0:10:26.920 The thing that I found about the five senses which 0:10:26.960 --> 0:10:30.120 surprised me, is it's for practically anything you want to 0:10:30.160 --> 0:10:32.960 do to be happier or healthier, or more productive or 0:10:32.960 --> 0:10:35.720 more creative, we can use our five senses. It's like 0:10:35.760 --> 0:10:37.880 the Swiss army knife. If you want to calm down, 0:10:37.920 --> 0:10:39.439 you can use your five senses. If you want to 0:10:39.480 --> 0:10:41.240 pump up, you can use your five senses. If you 0:10:41.240 --> 0:10:43.240 want to connect with the moment, if you want to 0:10:43.280 --> 0:10:45.760 revisit the past, if you want to connect with other people, 0:10:46.360 --> 0:10:48.520 if you want to calm down, if you want to 0:10:48.520 --> 0:10:51.679 be creative, you want to just like you, grind it out. 0:10:52.200 --> 0:10:54.760 All of these things can be done with the five senses. 0:10:54.800 --> 0:10:56.920 So it was just this thing. It was kind of 0:10:56.920 --> 0:10:59.000 a perspective I had never tapped into. And then I 0:10:59.120 --> 0:11:03.760 found all of these great exercises and approaches that were, 0:11:03.880 --> 0:11:05.720 you know, right at the you know, the tip of 0:11:05.720 --> 0:11:07.800 my nose, right at hand. 0:11:08.360 --> 0:11:09.600 I did a huge amount of research. 0:11:09.640 --> 0:11:11.560 I'm just like the kind of person who always runs 0:11:11.600 --> 0:11:13.480 to the library. The only way I can get out 0:11:13.480 --> 0:11:15.120 of my head is sort of throw a book, and 0:11:15.200 --> 0:11:18.000 so so part of the fun of it was finding 0:11:18.320 --> 0:11:22.240 things to try. For instance, heinz Ketchup, like we've all 0:11:22.280 --> 0:11:24.160 had heinz ketch up. And then what I learned is 0:11:24.200 --> 0:11:26.920 heinz ketch up. Probably the reason that is so popular 0:11:26.960 --> 0:11:29.040 and is like the secret ingredient in so many popular 0:11:29.080 --> 0:11:32.800 foods is that it's one of the extremely rare flavors 0:11:32.840 --> 0:11:37.080 that's sweet, sour, bitter, salty, and umami. It's all five 0:11:37.120 --> 0:11:39.360 and one. That is hard to do, and so it's 0:11:39.400 --> 0:11:41.920 just fun to learn something like that and then go 0:11:41.960 --> 0:11:45.640 taste it and then you're like, heinz, ketchup is amazing. 0:11:45.800 --> 0:11:48.679 It's so complex, it's so rich, but who knew. 0:11:48.960 --> 0:11:50.640 So yeah, So part of the fun for me was 0:11:50.679 --> 0:11:53.280 discovering all these aspects of the world that I had 0:11:53.360 --> 0:11:55.040 just I was so stuck up in my head that 0:11:55.120 --> 0:11:56.400 I didn't pay attention to them. 0:11:56.440 --> 0:11:57.680 Okay, I just want to go on the record and 0:11:57.679 --> 0:11:59.440 say that I fucking hate ketchup. So what does that 0:11:59.520 --> 0:12:02.080 say about me? I'm one of the only people I 0:12:02.160 --> 0:12:03.640 know that does not I don't like the smell, I 0:12:03.679 --> 0:12:05.400 don't like the taste, I don't like the texture. I 0:12:05.400 --> 0:12:06.400 don't like any of it. 0:12:06.640 --> 0:12:09.920 Well, then that's that's a good thing to know about yourself. 0:12:09.920 --> 0:12:11.760 And that's another thing that really surprised me about the 0:12:11.800 --> 0:12:14.720 five senses is how we all live in very different 0:12:14.760 --> 0:12:17.160 sensory worlds. Like a lot of people might say, well, 0:12:17.200 --> 0:12:20.600 of course ketchup taste good, or of course ketchup enhances flavor, 0:12:20.920 --> 0:12:22.840 but you're saying that is not my experience. 0:12:22.880 --> 0:12:26.000 I don't like it. Same thing with the textures. 0:12:26.040 --> 0:12:28.880 You know, just I thought that everybody liked sort of 0:12:28.880 --> 0:12:30.920 silky textures. I thought they were sort of almost like 0:12:31.000 --> 0:12:34.280 by definition, a good feeling. But turns out a lot 0:12:34.320 --> 0:12:37.840 of people detest kind of a silky satiny feeling. It 0:12:37.840 --> 0:12:39.560 almost like gives them the creeps. Where do you weigh 0:12:39.600 --> 0:12:41.040 in on the silkiness question? 0:12:41.120 --> 0:12:41.520 Kind of mind? 0:12:41.559 --> 0:12:44.320 I like silky, I like that you like, yeah, that's fine. 0:12:44.360 --> 0:12:50.040 I don't feel about the candy corn. That's another candy corn. Okay. 0:12:50.440 --> 0:12:52.000 Yeah, there's a lot of things that I have a 0:12:52.080 --> 0:12:55.040 violet reaction to. I wonder do you not like sweet 0:12:55.080 --> 0:12:57.760 things I like? I like gummy bears and Twizzlers, those 0:12:57.760 --> 0:13:00.520 are my favorite items. And twig spars those are good. 0:13:00.400 --> 0:13:02.599 To Okay, okay, so you do like some sweet. 0:13:02.320 --> 0:13:05.120 Things, but I'm not a normal Yeah, I don't subscribe 0:13:05.160 --> 0:13:07.760 to a lot of things that people find like staples. 0:13:07.800 --> 0:13:11.040 I'm like, I also have an aversion to water. I 0:13:11.080 --> 0:13:15.040 find that to be very boring and unsatisfying. So and 0:13:15.120 --> 0:13:17.439 I really am annoyed that people are constantly trying to 0:13:17.480 --> 0:13:18.280 force me to drink it. 0:13:18.559 --> 0:13:19.719 Yeah, okay, so. 0:13:19.720 --> 0:13:22.200 Let's talk about how the senses though, how focusing on 0:13:22.240 --> 0:13:26.400 those and harnessing your relationship with your senses actually is 0:13:26.480 --> 0:13:28.040 an act of mindfulness. 0:13:28.600 --> 0:13:28.760 Right. 0:13:28.840 --> 0:13:31.800 Well, as you said, like I've tried meditating, I've given it, solitarize. 0:13:31.800 --> 0:13:33.960 I even did a silent meditation retreat. Did not work 0:13:33.960 --> 0:13:34.240 for me. 0:13:34.360 --> 0:13:36.160 But the great thing about the sense is is like 0:13:36.720 --> 0:13:39.080 if what you want is to cultivate mindfulness, like that 0:13:39.200 --> 0:13:41.640 is the way we experience the senses, Like you're experiencing 0:13:41.640 --> 0:13:44.480 it right here right now. You can't book market, you 0:13:44.520 --> 0:13:46.240 can't come back to it later. 0:13:46.559 --> 0:13:47.640 It's always going to be new. 0:13:47.880 --> 0:13:49.720 And for a lot of our senses, you can't even 0:13:49.800 --> 0:13:53.480 keep experiencing it over and over. For instance, smell, right, 0:13:53.559 --> 0:13:55.880 even if you love a smell, if you keep sniffing 0:13:55.920 --> 0:13:58.280 and sniffing, it just fades away because that's the way 0:13:58.360 --> 0:14:01.400 you know, smell is a difference detector. So once something 0:14:01.640 --> 0:14:05.080 is not changing, we can't smell it anymore. And so 0:14:05.440 --> 0:14:07.640 turning into your five senses is a great way to 0:14:07.679 --> 0:14:09.599 cultivate mindfulness. And of course there is a kind of 0:14:09.600 --> 0:14:11.920 a mindfulness technique called five four three two one. 0:14:12.520 --> 0:14:14.360 Well, let's talk about five four three two one. 0:14:15.400 --> 0:14:17.320 Well, I don't really meditate, so I don't use it 0:14:17.400 --> 0:14:19.080 a lot of people find it very helpful, Like, there 0:14:19.080 --> 0:14:20.560 are five things that you see, do. 0:14:20.520 --> 0:14:21.640 You do this one? Is this one? 0:14:21.840 --> 0:14:22.040 No? 0:14:22.120 --> 0:14:22.720 I don't know. 0:14:22.920 --> 0:14:25.360 I don't know this either, So it's five things you see, 0:14:25.400 --> 0:14:27.320 four things you hear, et cetera. 0:14:27.880 --> 0:14:31.560 So what was it about meditation that was so tricky 0:14:31.560 --> 0:14:31.840 for you? 0:14:32.240 --> 0:14:35.280 Yeah, I mean whatever other benefit people were getting, I 0:14:35.320 --> 0:14:37.280 was not getting. And one of the things I've really 0:14:37.320 --> 0:14:40.880 come to believe is that no tool fits every hand, 0:14:41.040 --> 0:14:43.520 and that whenever somebody says this is the best way 0:14:43.560 --> 0:14:46.160 or this is the right way to improve your habits 0:14:46.200 --> 0:14:48.200 or to make yourself happier, it's like, well, maybe that 0:14:48.240 --> 0:14:50.000 works really well for you, and maybe that works really 0:14:50.040 --> 0:14:51.840 well for a lot of people. But if it doesn't 0:14:51.840 --> 0:14:54.480 work for me, let me try something else. And there's 0:14:54.520 --> 0:14:56.760 no need to just sort of persist in something because 0:14:56.800 --> 0:14:59.320 everybody tells you it's the right thing to do if 0:14:59.320 --> 0:15:01.480 it doesn't work for you. So I keep trying it 0:15:01.800 --> 0:15:03.600 because of all these friends who are like, oh, it's 0:15:03.640 --> 0:15:05.720 so you know, you have to try it again. And 0:15:05.760 --> 0:15:07.760 of course people tell me that the very fact that 0:15:07.880 --> 0:15:11.320 I don't benefit from meditation means that I needed all 0:15:11.360 --> 0:15:14.120 the more. But I'm like, there's other things that feel 0:15:14.160 --> 0:15:17.040 more productive and more entasting to me. So let me 0:15:17.080 --> 0:15:19.680 spend my time and energy on those things. But I'll 0:15:19.720 --> 0:15:20.800 probably try it again. 0:15:20.880 --> 0:15:24.160 Yeah, I do think it's so interesting because meditation quote 0:15:24.200 --> 0:15:26.640 unquote wasn't a good fit for you, and yet you 0:15:26.720 --> 0:15:29.000 wound up writing a book about the five senses and 0:15:29.040 --> 0:15:32.520 like achieving my mindfulness kind of that way. And then also, 0:15:32.720 --> 0:15:35.480 gratitude journal wasn't something that you really connected with, and 0:15:35.560 --> 0:15:38.120 yet you have like your happiness journal, the one sentence 0:15:38.120 --> 0:15:40.160 a day is sort of happiness journal, and that for 0:15:40.280 --> 0:15:43.040 me it feels very similar and feels like your gets 0:15:43.040 --> 0:15:44.040 way into those things. 0:15:44.640 --> 0:15:46.760 No exactly, and that's a great point. 0:15:46.800 --> 0:15:49.480 It's that there we can all achieve the same aim, 0:15:49.640 --> 0:15:52.160 but we might find different ways to achieve it. So 0:15:52.400 --> 0:15:54.680 I was deeply annoyed by a gratitude journal, but a 0:15:54.680 --> 0:15:56.960 one sentence journal did the same thing for me, but 0:15:57.000 --> 0:15:59.400 in a way that felt right for me. For all 0:15:59.440 --> 0:16:02.880 of us, there's no one right way to go about 0:16:02.880 --> 0:16:05.520 these things. That's really figuring out what what do I 0:16:05.600 --> 0:16:08.320 want and what's the right way for me? Because if 0:16:08.360 --> 0:16:10.800 you don't like candy corns, candy corns aren't going to 0:16:10.840 --> 0:16:13.400 make you happier, even if somebody else is like the 0:16:13.440 --> 0:16:16.120 highlight of my ears when the candy corns come out, 0:16:16.200 --> 0:16:18.080 you know, it's like, Okay, well people are different. 0:16:19.000 --> 0:16:21.120 So can you talk a little about what you did 0:16:21.160 --> 0:16:24.160 discover works for you with regard to your five senses? 0:16:24.880 --> 0:16:26.320 Oh yeah, so many things. 0:16:26.360 --> 0:16:28.560 One thing that I did was that I started I 0:16:28.600 --> 0:16:30.160