Speaker 1: Hell, Hi Suck a Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared
Speaker 1: and I Heart Radio podcast. Hey, everybody, welcome to a
Speaker 1: new episode of Help I Suck a Dating. I'm Jared Haven,
Speaker 1: joined by the wonderful Vanessa Grimaldi all the way from Montreal.
Speaker 1: All Mark and Easton are in studio. We have a
Speaker 1: couple of wonderful guests that are in studio right now. One, Well,
Speaker 1: why don't you introduce yourself? Am I a guest? Oh?
Speaker 1: It's been recognize on the podcast. Holy crap. Dean is
Speaker 1: back in studio, which is very exciting. He's finally in
Speaker 1: Los Angeles. And we have an amazing guest who's sitting
Speaker 1: right next to me, Blake hortsman and ladies and gentlemen,
Speaker 1: a man who truly needs no introduction at all. It's
Speaker 1: nice to have a fellow single person on the podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's right. Oh my gosh, you're always at number two
Speaker 1: to one. And then Easton is married, Mark is Marion.
Speaker 1: Come on, it's nice that we have more numbers on
Speaker 1: the single side now, but you know what that means.
Speaker 1: You just gotta go back on paradise. Why are we
Speaker 1: are we doing? No, let's tell Blake, we don't have
Speaker 1: it for you too long. But what's going on in
Speaker 1: your life? Blake? Are you dating anybody? No? I am
Speaker 1: single right now? I am I am. I am great
Speaker 1: as being single. You married, you know, trust me, I
Speaker 1: live vicariously through Dan. Now. The only person you have
Speaker 1: to worry about is yourself. You don't have to worry
Speaker 1: about what people are thinking, what other where, other people
Speaker 1: want you to be at any time, what you're cooking
Speaker 1: for dinner. That happy relationships are not supposed to be
Speaker 1: like that anyway. But Blake, I want to ask you, so,
Speaker 1: since you're so close to Jason and he's dating Caitlin,
Speaker 1: has Caitlin tried hooking up with any of her friends? Uh? No,
Speaker 1: actually not really. No, Now that I think about it's
Speaker 1: kind of bitchy of it, kind of think about it ridiculous.
Speaker 1: Have you been because she lives in Nashville, right, Yeah?
Speaker 1: So have you visited? And I'm sure Jason's been to Nashville. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've been out there twice with I'm actually in Nashville
Speaker 1: hanging out with him. So she's just holding out. She's
Speaker 1: not introducing you to any of the friends. No, you don't,
Speaker 1: I think Jason's actually trying took me up with some
Speaker 1: of her friends. But now I think about a kid,
Speaker 1: nobody from the Batchel franchise. I don't just try to
Speaker 1: hook you up with. I'm trying to think of anybody
Speaker 1: that comes to mind, and even would anyone in the
Speaker 1: Batchel of franchise? Yeah, I mean I wouldn't. I'm not
Speaker 1: like against stating anybody about your friendship, you know, like
Speaker 1: open to it. So if you're open to everybody, you
Speaker 1: don't just I don't discriminate. We'll see, we'll see. That's
Speaker 1: a yes. There's a lot of time left three months
Speaker 1: from now. Would there be any reason for you not?
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not a big examlationship. Like I'm kidding myself.
Speaker 1: If I'm single, I'll probably go on about your parent.
Speaker 1: You gotta go hang out on a beach for a month.
Speaker 1: Everybody I talked to who've done it or not done it, like, yeah,
Speaker 1: of course they're gonna like why wouldn't I would do
Speaker 1: it if I were you? No, the first person I
Speaker 1: needed was one person to say no, she's lying. And
Speaker 1: you want to know how I know he's lying because
Speaker 1: when you're down at that beach, you're going to see
Speaker 1: this down the stairs like two weeks after do it? Wow? Uh,
Speaker 1: just take take these words of advices, like, don't get
Speaker 1: yourself into a love triangle because I promised that one
Speaker 1: will come back and bite you in the butt. Don't
Speaker 1: pull it. You've totally totally I love that my name
Speaker 1: can now be an adjective for something that you don't
Speaker 1: want to. Jason's calling in right now. Actually, should I
Speaker 1: speaker on speaker? Hey jays On, No, man, not much, man,
Speaker 1: I'm on the I suck a dating podcast. Say hi,
Speaker 1: hey Jacky Vanessa as well, Hey, don't forget about me.
Speaker 1: We're doing well. We're doing good man. I just kind
Speaker 1: of text message Dart and Bend and they're all like,
Speaker 1: so what are we wearing tonight? And we have to
Speaker 1: be ready pretty soon. So yeah, yeah, I'm at the studio,
Speaker 1: I mean the studio right now, and my car gets
Speaker 1: there in like a half hour. So time you're only
Speaker 1: on live TV. You don't have to look that good.
Speaker 1: All right, sounds good, dude, I'll call you later to
Speaker 1: see Jason. Wait. So yeah, Blake Phillison on what you
Speaker 1: got going on? I guess this is gonna air on Tuesday,
Speaker 1: but Monday night you're going to be on the panel
Speaker 1: for after the final, so it's actually live tonight, Okay,
Speaker 1: good night, So yeah, I honestly don't. Yeah. So it's me, Jason, Garrett,
Speaker 1: and Ben and we're gonna sit down with Colton and
Speaker 1: have a man chat. So at the end of the
Speaker 1: episode in front of a whole live studio audience, studio,
Speaker 1: right there we go. I gotta make sure I don't
Speaker 1: loosen up too much and started up in a bomb
Speaker 1: like I would beforehand, not five over the one. Do
Speaker 1: you think Colton's excited for this season to be over? So?
Speaker 1: I think he's just I think any lead it's like
Speaker 1: super excited for it to get over so you can
Speaker 1: be with the person. If he's with somebody, I don't
Speaker 1: know someone we all know he's marrying the fence. I
Speaker 1: guess Vanessa is really the only one that's experience. Vanessa,
Speaker 1: what what was it like, because obviously you have to
Speaker 1: wait like three months after the show is done, however
Speaker 1: long it is, and then you can finally be public
Speaker 1: with your relationship, right. I mean, I think my relationship
Speaker 1: with Nick was a little bit different because I was
Speaker 1: like more I was like really realistic about what we
Speaker 1: were going through, and I just wanted to like, I
Speaker 1: don't know it was it was, let me tell you,
Speaker 1: it was faking hard, and I I did not want
Speaker 1: to go on a far pretending as if like it
Speaker 1: was all rainbows and butterflies because it wasn't. Um. So, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it's like super exciting for Colton right now
Speaker 1: if he is with someone and I did message him,
Speaker 1: I'm like, dude, I have no idea what's going on
Speaker 1: with you. I've watched I've watched a few episodes. I
Speaker 1: haven't read any spoilers. I don't want to know what's happening.
Speaker 1: But whatever advice I can give you is this, just
Speaker 1: soak it all in and if you are with someone,
Speaker 1: make sure to nurture that relationship and not listen to
Speaker 1: any outside noise. So Blake is going to be on
Speaker 1: a panel with him tonight, what advice do you have? Well,
Speaker 1: was this after we see whether he chooses no, no no.
Speaker 1: So that's true. That's a good point. I guess I don't.
Speaker 1: I think they just want I don't really know what.
Speaker 1: We're all friends, so it's just like a friendly see
Speaker 1: where the conversation goes to be Honestly, I think it's
Speaker 1: they just want to. I think we're going to try
Speaker 1: and see where his head was at in that moment
Speaker 1: at the end of this episode, Like what happens in
Speaker 1: them in this episode. I don't want to spoil it
Speaker 1: for you, but but I mean, I well, I saw
Speaker 1: obviously the last episode where he jumped the fence and
Speaker 1: everyone was like, oh my god. They keeps saying it's dramatic.
Speaker 1: I'm like, listen, it's for me. Was the most romantic
Speaker 1: thing a guy could have ever done as the lead
Speaker 1: of the show. Like it, I want to go after
Speaker 1: the one girl I'm in love with. I'm done filming,
Speaker 1: like I know what I want. Obviously, I don't know
Speaker 1: what happens. I don't know what happens in this episode,
Speaker 1: but I thought it was just and I hope he
Speaker 1: ends up with Cassie. I love different perspective on it.
Speaker 1: Ahead I was gonna say, I'm loving this unfiltered Vanessa,
Speaker 1: that's two f bombs you've dropped. So because I'm here,
Speaker 1: it's a lot of a lot of editing for east
Speaker 1: and poor Easton over here. Um, I thought I see
Speaker 1: I had a different perspective, because I don't think he
Speaker 1: was running away because Cassie was leaving. He was, but
Speaker 1: I think he was really running away from production as well,
Speaker 1: because even in that that scene, they showed a couple
Speaker 1: of times where he was looking around the room, and
Speaker 1: it was very obvious that he was looking at producers
Speaker 1: behind the camera, even somebody's totally like even casual audience
Speaker 1: members were looking at like, well, is he looking at
Speaker 1: producers right now? What's going on? So? And then obviously
Speaker 1: he's running away from everybody. It was it was an
Speaker 1: interesting moment. But Blake, I wanted to talk about you.
Speaker 1: Is it weird at all for you to watch this
Speaker 1: season seeing how close you were to being the Bachelor? Yeah?
Speaker 1: It is, Yeah, it is interesting to Yeah, I often
Speaker 1: put myself in the positions that he was in or
Speaker 1: you know, and I don't know, obviously it could have
Speaker 1: played out different, but um, I have PTSD watching it.
Speaker 1: Like like he told me, so, I had the conversation
Speaker 1: with him about actually jumping the fence. I was like
Speaker 1: two to it, like when you got over that fence,
Speaker 1: like what you know? What happened? It's like I legitimately
Speaker 1: ran away like he hid and like they'll see they
Speaker 1: can't find him. They legitimately can't find him. Um, and
Speaker 1: I can relate to that so much, where you just
Speaker 1: want to get away, you know, you just want to
Speaker 1: go after the failed proposal. Uh in the Maldives, I
Speaker 1: couldn't get off that island. I was stuck. They were
Speaker 1: playing enough that iland. I was stuck on that island
Speaker 1: knowing they were engaged, you know, down it was off.
Speaker 1: At this point, you're like three months in. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: haven't talked to your family, friends and that, however long
Speaker 1: I can only imagine it's. Yeah. Well so I mean
Speaker 1: basically because it was, it seemed like down to you,
Speaker 1: Jason Colton, Right, But so now what's even better for
Speaker 1: you is you have your pick of the litters of
Speaker 1: the yeah that all my friends are inflationships. Well, I
Speaker 1: also want to get into a little story that has
Speaker 1: to involve Dean that happened on the Women Tell Law,
Speaker 1: because you can. I was gonna ask Blake if any
Speaker 1: girls has slid into your d m s. You don't
Speaker 1: have to tell names, but have any girls from you?
Speaker 1: You know what it is? I bet you that they're
Speaker 1: they're they're afraid that if they reach out to you
Speaker 1: before Paradise and you're on there, and then they'll be villainized,
Speaker 1: because there's always that villain who reaches out beforehand and
Speaker 1: they talk and then they lie on the show, and
Speaker 1: I bet they don't want to go down that path.
Speaker 1: Then everyone do that, not just one like I'm sure
Speaker 1: I'm going to meet them, like I'm going to render
Speaker 1: them at some point. You know, before before I went
Speaker 1: on Paradise, however, two years ago, I was very careful
Speaker 1: not to DM anyone beforehand ad because it's just God
Speaker 1: forbid you go down there, and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: the story becomes about you talking to beforehand, and now
Speaker 1: you're kind of in this drama. It's horrible. But on
Speaker 1: the Women Tell All, somebody, I think it might have
Speaker 1: been Katie was talking about how Kalin's went into somebody's Yeah,
Speaker 1: I forgot about this, and they were using it as
Speaker 1: an example as to why Kalen's out there for the
Speaker 1: right reasons. Fast forward to the almost famous podcast last week,
Speaker 1: Kerpa goes on and says that Kalin slid into Dean's
Speaker 1: d MS, so deed, I'm not surprised that. Look at
Speaker 1: that face. Oh you're so sweet. Yeah, she's great. Let's
Speaker 1: talk about it. I think, I mean, I want to
Speaker 1: just go on record and exonerate Kalin from all of
Speaker 1: this nonsense. That's nonsense that she's been part of because
Speaker 1: the dams were completely innocuous. They were like before she
Speaker 1: was on the TV show. She basically messaged me and said,
Speaker 1: I was in was that trip that I did Japan, Indonesia, Malaysia,
Speaker 1: Singapore blah blah blah blah blah, yep um. And she
Speaker 1: was like, hey, I was just on that same trip
Speaker 1: not too long ago. Like what are you doing copy
Speaker 1: my trip? You know whatever? Oh with me? This is
Speaker 1: like back in July last year or something like that.
Speaker 1: And I go, yeah, ha ha, I'm copying your trip.
Speaker 1: And then I got to the point where she's like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be in l A. Can we meet for
Speaker 1: coffee or lunch or something. It was like yeah, let's
Speaker 1: me yeah, And I was like, yeah, let's meet for
Speaker 1: coffee when I get back. Um, I'll text you when
Speaker 1: I get back in like a month or something. However
Speaker 1: long I was gone for. I got back and then
Speaker 1: she messaged me again and she goes, hey, I'm actually
Speaker 1: in l a until Thursday. Um, I see you just
Speaker 1: got back on Monday. Like, let's grab coffee before I leave? Uh.
Speaker 1: I said, sure, let's grab coffee, and then I just
Speaker 1: never followed up. So it was just one of those
Speaker 1: things where we both kind of ghost at each other. Well,
Speaker 1: it was like it was a mutual ghosting. It seemed
Speaker 1: like she was probably going through casting at this point.
Speaker 1: And I guarantee you the reason that she wanted to
Speaker 1: get coffee or go to lunch was just to kind
Speaker 1: of pick my brain about the whole process of going
Speaker 1: on the show, because at this point she knew she
Speaker 1: was going on the show. Um. Yeah, And I remember
Speaker 1: I was like she was a miss what would she miss?
Speaker 1: Alabama or something like that, North Carolina? And what's funny,
Speaker 1: actually I didn't even realize that she had deemed me until, um,
Speaker 1: like maybe a month ago. I was hanging out with
Speaker 1: one of my friends, who is they're going to be
Speaker 1: working together in some capacity on the line, um, and
Speaker 1: my name got brought up in that conversation and then
Speaker 1: she mentioned to my friend how she deemed me a
Speaker 1: while ago. And then I went back and you can
Speaker 1: go to the messages, so I googled I'm sorry. I
Speaker 1: instagrams her profile and went through the messages. I was like, Holy,
Speaker 1: this is the girl that wanted to get coffee at
Speaker 1: one point, and I totally blew her off. And I
Speaker 1: didn't even realize it. So you didn't put two and
Speaker 1: two together when you were watching the season. I had
Speaker 1: absolutely no idea. I mean, that's how many girls slide
Speaker 1: into the DM. I don't know if that's necessarily the case,
Speaker 1: but it literally was like we exchanged like five messages apiece,
Speaker 1: and so that's there was just no like I didn't
Speaker 1: necessarily remember. How do the girls know that she slid
Speaker 1: into her d M into my d M. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think she can candidly talk about it because she knows
Speaker 1: there was no foul play involved in any sense. It
Speaker 1: wasn't like she was like, hey, let's hang out, let's
Speaker 1: go get drinks, let's you know that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: It was basically just like, hey, let's get lunch and
Speaker 1: talk about what I'm about to get myself into. Crazy
Speaker 1: crazy crazy. I mean, it's pretty funny. And then I
Speaker 1: feel bad because she's betting blown up a little bit
Speaker 1: thinking this was something big thing happened after the show
Speaker 1: or whatever. Yeah, it was completely innocent. Um. And so
Speaker 1: I mean, I keep these articles written about me, like
Speaker 1: Kalen miller Key slides in the Dean Unglert's dams and
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, you guys don't even know the story.
Speaker 1: What's your last name? I think Miller Keys, Miller Miller Keys. Anyway,
Speaker 1: it's great, you're just on scuping in with that was
Speaker 1: I was feeling in Frotania. She had dirty duty in
Speaker 1: would you? We talked about true story, all right, yet
Speaker 1: I was thinking about well because I was thinking about
Speaker 1: douche like deuish and French is like showering, So I
Speaker 1: was like, oh wait, but no, I'm talking about actual douching,
Speaker 1: like very informing. What type of contribution did you have
Speaker 1: to the conversation? Yeah, listening anytime I'm gonna have anytime
Speaker 1: I think of douche. Have you guys seen sauce party
Speaker 1: that's only think it's dirty, that's a dirty dirty. But
Speaker 1: the dude she's bag like juice stop. Roy did douche
Speaker 1: and he's like he goes around to all the other groceries.
Speaker 1: He's like, I'm a douche. It's pretty hilarious. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: very informative, and you if you ever call somebody douche,
Speaker 1: you'll have meaning behind because you after listening to that podcast,
Speaker 1: you probably mean you probably learned a lot from that.
Speaker 1: I stared a lot and they trapped me like I
Speaker 1: didn't know it's coming and got on the phone and
Speaker 1: they'll do that started talking about that. We're all going
Speaker 1: to learn a little bit from listening to that podcast.
Speaker 1: So thank you for filling in with Scrubbling and guys,
Speaker 1: you can definitely check that out this week, and thank
Speaker 1: you so much for coming in today. We're very excited
Speaker 1: to see you on the Panels Light and see what
Speaker 1: you what advice you have to give to Colton, and
Speaker 1: we're even more excited to see you on Paradise. See.
Speaker 1: I'm so excited for that because Jason is not going
Speaker 1: to be there because he's dating so well, that's the
Speaker 1: other thing. I don't need friends to go down there
Speaker 1: with anymore blank as someone that's experienced the season after his,
Speaker 1: you being the guy from your season and it's not
Speaker 1: gonna have to take a back seat to whoever like
Speaker 1: the new guy is. I remember when I first saw
Speaker 1: you walk out and you have the horse, I was
Speaker 1: like this mother, He's gonna steal my spotlight, and I
Speaker 1: guarantee you're gonna have the same feelings, gonna be irrelevant
Speaker 1: and about Yeah, well, I think tomorrow twenty minutes. I
Speaker 1: don't bring out guys, starts to I'm just saying bad.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't think. What do you guys think?
Speaker 1: Is the next Hanna Beast? That's the rumor mill right now,
Speaker 1: Hanna be Hannah By Yeah, that's what I'm hearing. Which hey,
Speaker 1: Blake this year type of all Hanna be Yeah, Oh
Speaker 1: my god, going the season again? No, dude, you mean
Speaker 1: Nick Vile second again? Or Becka Tilly or Becka Tilly.
Speaker 1: It did work out for those two. I mean they're
Speaker 1: pretty say no way, I'm not doing that nowhere. Alright,
Speaker 1: fair enough, alright, Bake, have fun to night, good luck.
Speaker 1: We look forward to see you on TV tonight for
Speaker 1: the first time in a year. So cool. Thanks by
Speaker 1: the way, Jared, by the way, Dean, do you know
Speaker 1: who we have coming in next year? We have coming
Speaker 1: in now? You're gonna love these three lovely ladies, the
Speaker 1: Three Bubbies. They have a new TV show coming out.
Speaker 1: I heard about this, The Three Bubbies Trust me. You're
Speaker 1: not gonna want to miss this. But before we get
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Speaker 1: I need to get in shape. Bachelor Paradise is right
Speaker 1: around the corner. I don't know why that affects me
Speaker 1: at all, because it because you're gonna go on, not
Speaker 1: for your own enjoyment, It's all about everybody else's. Let's say, hypothetically, Jared,
Speaker 1: I were to go on Bachelor in Paradise, what advice
Speaker 1: do you have for me to get into shape? Funny
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Speaker 1: I do with them a lot. I enjoy them, and
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Speaker 1: have two owls and two consonants. It's it's fantastic. The
Speaker 1: similarities are mind boggle, mind boggling. So anyway, sex and
Speaker 1: you can get all of that for free for thirty days. Unbelievable. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: next up we have the stars of j L t VS.
Speaker 1: What's the name of the show again, it's best exactly. Well,
Speaker 1: that's amazing. It's so great to have all three of
Speaker 1: you in studio today, Can you guys go around and
Speaker 1: introduce yourselfs real quick? Absolutely, I'm Bubby Linda. Oay, I'm
Speaker 1: a smart one, Bubby Linda the smart one. I'm Bubby
Speaker 1: s J. I'm the sassy one. I can I can
Speaker 1: sense that one from just the voice alone. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: I'm Bubby Bunny. They say I'm the sweet one, but
Speaker 1: I'm not too sure about that. So for the listeners
Speaker 1: of it, can you guys tell us what bubbies are?
Speaker 1: What is a bubby? Well, bubby is a Jewish grandmother, Okay, yes,
Speaker 1: and we give advice because we have years and years
Speaker 1: of wisdom and we have grand children, so we know
Speaker 1: from where we speak. That's right. And you're a grand bubby. Yes,
Speaker 1: but seven seven I have three grandsons, woun, I have
Speaker 1: four grandchildren and two great grandchildren. Between the all of us,
Speaker 1: we're fourteen grandchildren, two great grandchildren. You're a great grand bubby. Yes,
Speaker 1: that's amazing. Over two hundred years of experience here, so
Speaker 1: we getting them married and so on the TV show?
Speaker 1: Then what do you got? What? It just follows along
Speaker 1: your life? How does it work exactly? The TV show? Well,
Speaker 1: we have a suitor or three suitors that we have
Speaker 1: a data male or female whatever week whatever catches catch
Speaker 1: can Well, most of them are Jewish, but we do
Speaker 1: have segments where there's a non Jewish gentiles if you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Sure, and then they come in
Speaker 1: and we interview them. Okay, see who would match data?
Speaker 1: We grilled them? Do you Yeah? We try to find
Speaker 1: things in common, like well, first of all, interview the suitor. Okay,
Speaker 1: then there's three potential dates. Let's say the suitor likes
Speaker 1: to work out or something like that' and so we
Speaker 1: then we interview the three potential dates. We find out,
Speaker 1: we'll say, well, if you like, you know, to work
Speaker 1: out like three boots whatever, you find things in common,
Speaker 1: So you guys are like the three Jewish grandmothers like
Speaker 1: of Patti Stanger. That's it. You're exactly where Patty, but
Speaker 1: better exact, way better right to ye? Jamin, I am
Speaker 1: so happy happy that you and Ashley are together. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, broke your child? Are you single or Mary?
Speaker 1: I'm single? Do you guys need a suitor to come on? All? Right?
Speaker 1: Kind of available? Would be a suitor or would be
Speaker 1: one of the dates. You'll be a data okay, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: because I don't want to be grilled too hard. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm the hard grill up. If you're not going to
Speaker 1: wear a shirt that's pressed, forget about a big colored shirt, guy,
Speaker 1: I'll be honest with you. T shirts typically am I
Speaker 1: go to I think you are so good looking you
Speaker 1: don't have to thank you? Yes. So what kind of
Speaker 1: questions do you ask the suitors or the daters? Well,
Speaker 1: I always ask the tough questions, like if a woman
Speaker 1: is wearing like phony hair, I'll always say, is that joy?
Speaker 1: We don't like that. We don't like when girls, you know,
Speaker 1: and I don't let me come on show your real looks, right, Jarret, Absolutely,
Speaker 1: I'll ask you that every day. And I'll ask them
Speaker 1: what level of let's say, Judaism do they like? You're
Speaker 1: very traditionally or less traditional? You know. Again, the more
Speaker 1: things you have in common, the better you know. What
Speaker 1: do you like to do? Well? We even had lesbians
Speaker 1: on the show. Now that was a tough one for me.
Speaker 1: I don't know what the top the bottom. I don't
Speaker 1: know all about that the top and bottom, top at
Speaker 1: the bottom. I would ask that question the important questions.
Speaker 1: I get it. Yeah, So I took a DNA test
Speaker 1: on twenty three and me not too long ago, and
Speaker 1: I found out that I'm less than one percent Ashcarnazi Jew,
Speaker 1: So that means I have some Jewish blood in me. Well, right,
Speaker 1: that's when. That's why I'm here, Dean. I took my
Speaker 1: DNA test and I found out on fifty jew Hey, okay,
Speaker 1: and yesterday I got my first call from Israel. I'm
Speaker 1: mean now I'm like the new jew in The names
Speaker 1: were all these Jewish Yiddish words like say naos na.
Speaker 1: They hurl their tongue in the back of their teeth.
Speaker 1: It's never gonna happen. Dean. Yeah, job you got. You're
Speaker 1: very very cute. I'm just looking at doorable glass is adorable.
Speaker 1: What kind of girl do you like? Tean? Give us
Speaker 1: an idea? Oh, I have absolutely no idea. Really, I
Speaker 1: think someone out doorsy, someone fun. Okay, you guys have
Speaker 1: anyone in my I think we can find someone for him.
Speaker 1: She might be sitting right here. Do you have an
Speaker 1: age limit? She s all right, Vanessa, I've never gonn
Speaker 1: to give up. Okay, she given up a good looking guy.
Speaker 1: Are you single? Yes? I'm not was going to ask
Speaker 1: you ladies. So my boyfriend is actually Jewish and he
Speaker 1: doesn't have his bubby's not with us anymore, so I
Speaker 1: don't I can't go to her to ask for advice.
Speaker 1: What kind of advice would you give me for my boyfriend? Well,
Speaker 1: I would say, um, yet to know? How long have
Speaker 1: you been dating him? For? Four months? Four months? Okay?
Speaker 1: So have you gotten to know his friends? Because you
Speaker 1: can really tell a lot about a guy with who
Speaker 1: you know about who he associates with. Yes, I haven't
Speaker 1: met all of his friends yet. But he's very close
Speaker 1: to his family, which is like integral for me to
Speaker 1: date someone who understands that they need to spend as
Speaker 1: much time with their family as they do with mine.
Speaker 1: And this is the first relationship. It best like that.
Speaker 1: So that's like always with his sisters or with his mom.
Speaker 1: That's a good sign. That's a good sign. All right?
Speaker 1: Are you living together yet? Okay? You think four months
Speaker 1: is too early to start leaving? I don't know. I do.
Speaker 1: I lived with my husband pre husband, the last third husband. Uh.
Speaker 1: Six weeks after I met him, I moved him in.
Speaker 1: But I'm old, honey, so you know how much time
Speaker 1: have I got left? I want to get to know
Speaker 1: each other a little bit better before you move in.
Speaker 1: I agree, I agree. I think it's great that you're
Speaker 1: both from Canada. I mean, at least you're he's geographically suitable.
Speaker 1: Nick was not because he was too far away, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's exactly the reason. So he's Jewish and you're Jewish rights,
Speaker 1: there's a story. But he's Jewish, but he's doing okay.
Speaker 1: Do you guys like to go to temple together? Or?
Speaker 1: I mean, how do you work that out? So we're
Speaker 1: not practicing. So I'm Catholic but not practicing, and he's
Speaker 1: Jewish but not practicing. Well, I mean he's practicing, but
Speaker 1: not as religious as other people would be. So your Italian.
Speaker 1: I am Italian and Jews. A parent was raised on
Speaker 1: an Italian and Jewish block. Of course we get along,
Speaker 1: jolly yeah, it's very very similar backgrounds, Vanessa. Do you
Speaker 1: love them good money? That is a great question. The
Speaker 1: boys haven't even asked me that. How does he make
Speaker 1: you feel when you see I do love him? Do
Speaker 1: you do? Do you do you feel he makes you
Speaker 1: a better person? Do you look forward to seeing him?
Speaker 1: Does he make your heart like tingle when you see him?
Speaker 1: He does, and he's very soft. If you see him,
Speaker 1: he looks like this, like macho like Jared calls him
Speaker 1: the silver Fox, but he's such a has such a
Speaker 1: soft side to him. Um, which is where to find
Speaker 1: someone who's really good looking and is able to just
Speaker 1: sit you down and talk things through and talk about
Speaker 1: your emotions and not feel um scared to be vulnerable.
Speaker 1: There are a lot of things in common, like what
Speaker 1: you like to do together. Um. We love spending time
Speaker 1: with our family. I made it's either I'm spending time
Speaker 1: with his or he's spending time with mine. And we
Speaker 1: love helping out the community too. He's involved in politics
Speaker 1: and has other big projects that he wants to do
Speaker 1: to help out the Montreal community. And I have a nonprofit.
Speaker 1: So there's yeah. So we have a lot of great
Speaker 1: things in common. Um, and it's nice. So I wanted
Speaker 1: to actually ask you, guys, what is the best piece
Speaker 1: of advice you've ever given or what's the best piece
Speaker 1: of advice that people have ever given you? Wow, that's
Speaker 1: a great question, right for the two of you. Just
Speaker 1: to keep things always good no matter what. I It's
Speaker 1: like the five minute rule. The first when he walks
Speaker 1: through the door. You walk through the door. You want
Speaker 1: them to see in your eyes that you are glad
Speaker 1: to see them, and that can make the difference of
Speaker 1: the whole day, the whole night of being with someone.
Speaker 1: I think, you know, we take it for granted after
Speaker 1: a while, Like a relationship is like a plant. You
Speaker 1: gotta water it. And as long as you make him
Speaker 1: feel special, he's not going anywhere. MS go ahead, Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've been married thirty years last October, Wow graduation. I
Speaker 1: know and like it. Oh yeah, thank you put a
Speaker 1: ring on it. And I think that our relationship has
Speaker 1: stayed fresh because we tell each other we love each
Speaker 1: other every day. We look at each other, we look
Speaker 1: at each other's eyes, and we keep it fresh and
Speaker 1: we go out, we date, we do things, you know,
Speaker 1: so you gotta keep it fresh and always tell each
Speaker 1: other and remember the first day you met how felt.
Speaker 1: Never forget that. And I'm the realist in the group. Honey,
Speaker 1: let me tell you first of all, don't throw the
Speaker 1: baby out with the bathwater. You should always have something
Speaker 1: in common with the person. And you know, whoever tells
Speaker 1: you I love you first is the loser. That I mean,
Speaker 1: he's the loser. That means that, like my husband told
Speaker 1: me he loved me first, I'm the winner. I meant
Speaker 1: the first one. Throw the baby out with the bathwater.
Speaker 1: Don't throw the baby out, just you know, wait a
Speaker 1: while before, like, for example, don't go to bed angry. Okay,
Speaker 1: So you know that means like, don't give up you
Speaker 1: know yet, Just give it a shot, give it a chance. Jared, Hey, Bubby. So,
Speaker 1: you guys, obviously all are very well versed on all
Speaker 1: things love and relationships, so we decided to ask our
Speaker 1: listeners on our Facebook some questions that they might have
Speaker 1: for you that you guys could help answer. You. Okay, Mark,
Speaker 1: read some questions from our Facebook page for you guys.
Speaker 1: This is from Ashley. She says, should partners discuss how
Speaker 1: many sexual partners they've had in the past? No? No, no.
Speaker 1: The only thing that your partner wants to know is
Speaker 1: that it's over period and they're the only one. No.
Speaker 1: So okay. Follow up from Ashley she says, do men
Speaker 1: really think about sex every two minutes like the statistics says? No? Think. Actually,
Speaker 1: I think they do that on their mind a lot
Speaker 1: more than women. I don't think it's every two seconds,
Speaker 1: but I think let's say it's out there a lot.
Speaker 1: We got some men here games in the past two minutes,
Speaker 1: have you thought about sex? I've been thinking about it
Speaker 1: a lot. Once you guys walked into the women rule.
Speaker 1: Now get out of here. All the man forget about it.
Speaker 1: They don't care that much. Maybe your husband does mine,
Speaker 1: Miss cougar here, I used to be a right. Yeah, Well,
Speaker 1: let's see, my second husband was ten years younger than me,
Speaker 1: and my last boyfriend before my husband was twenty five
Speaker 1: years More power to you, thanks, honey. I don't think
Speaker 1: age really matters. I think it's you know, the connection
Speaker 1: you guys have. I also dated a guy that was
Speaker 1: ten years younger, well, ten years older. It doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: I always I always say that age doesn't matter, and
Speaker 1: then I always hear other people's perspective when I see
Speaker 1: an article about how a seventy eight year old billionaire
Speaker 1: is dating a twenty three year old model matters. So
Speaker 1: I think kind of a gray area. That's kind of
Speaker 1: a trophy wife kind of thing. That's a whole little
Speaker 1: bit that's about reading the will. That's that's yeah. This
Speaker 1: is from Caitlin, and this is a nice transition here.
Speaker 1: How do you deal with money in a relationship. Do
Speaker 1: you share funds? How do you split the bills? How
Speaker 1: do you make sure the person who makes less money
Speaker 1: doesn't feel like they contribute less to the overall relationship. Well,
Speaker 1: let me tell you about my relationship. Because I married
Speaker 1: some not a little bit more money than I did.
Speaker 1: We split it and if he didn't like it, he
Speaker 1: could leave. Oh you split okay, So it's basically we
Speaker 1: commingle our funds. You add the funds together. Yes, that's
Speaker 1: what we did. I'm old school. I mean, I come
Speaker 1: from an age like the fifties and everything the men
Speaker 1: took care of the women. I don't mind treating and
Speaker 1: doing all those things, but I want to be with
Speaker 1: it man that you can take care of me. I'm agreeing. Um,
Speaker 1: My husband and I both worked. He made a lot
Speaker 1: more money than me, but we just co mild co
Speaker 1: mingled our funds and when I'm not working, you know
Speaker 1: he's taking care of me. Yeah. I've been on both
Speaker 1: sides of it. I think in past relationships, I've made
Speaker 1: less money than my girlfriend and she was much Uh,
Speaker 1: she was very giving, I guess if you would. Um,
Speaker 1: So I've seen both sides of it, and I agree
Speaker 1: with that. Jay, once you're once you're married, I think,
Speaker 1: just your money, not each other. Do you think I
Speaker 1: don't know if I agree with that? Well, what do
Speaker 1: you think? Why? Okay? So I come from my parents
Speaker 1: are divorced and I have you know, people in my
Speaker 1: life that have been divorced and where the women just
Speaker 1: end up getting burnt at the end of it. And
Speaker 1: I want to make sure that when the day comes
Speaker 1: where I get married, if I choose to get married,
Speaker 1: if I'm in a long term relationship and I'm cohabiting
Speaker 1: with someone, habitating with someone, I want to make sure
Speaker 1: that the money that I've earned, every dollar I've ever made,
Speaker 1: nothing was ever given to me. So I know the
Speaker 1: value of a dollar. So it's very important for me
Speaker 1: to make sure that I protect what I've earned throughout
Speaker 1: the years of working and that, Um, I don't know
Speaker 1: if it's important. I don't know, Maybe I'm not, maybe
Speaker 1: I'm not thinking straight. But is it important to make
Speaker 1: sure that you both know how much money you have
Speaker 1: in the bank account? Or should women and men alike
Speaker 1: not have to display everything before entering? I think the
Speaker 1: question are you talking about pre marriage or after you're marriage. Uh, well,
Speaker 1: pre marriage, because I mean I went on a first
Speaker 1: date a couple of months ago and somehow we brought
Speaker 1: up the topic of credit scores and I have a
Speaker 1: really bad credit score and she has a really good
Speaker 1: credit score. And she goes that was we're still like,
Speaker 1: we still talking, we're still friends. Whatever, she goes, you're
Speaker 1: telling me your credit score was a pretty big red
Speaker 1: flag for me. Wow that you bet you modern day people,
Speaker 1: and you know, I'm not ashamed to admit the fact
Speaker 1: that I got a score in the six hundreds. It's growing,
Speaker 1: it's just gonna take a little bit of time. And
Speaker 1: the highest scores like eight hundred, it's not so far
Speaker 1: from yea that for getting off you. But no, I
Speaker 1: think if you're come into the marriage and you have
Speaker 1: a whole bunch of money, you might want to do
Speaker 1: a think about a pre nup. I'm not against that.
Speaker 1: Let's ask the question to Jared because he's engaged, right,
Speaker 1: So what do you and actually I'm certain sure discussed this.
Speaker 1: So what did you guys conclude? It's our money we make,
Speaker 1: is we're putting it? That's right? But Jahreed would about
Speaker 1: from before gan Us is saying she's worked hard for
Speaker 1: her money, right, that should stay your money. You have
Speaker 1: to throw it into the pot. Well, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't agree with that because like when I I
Speaker 1: had a business, my husband has a business. When we
Speaker 1: got together and I go, this is my business, let's
Speaker 1: you know, this is what I make. This is how
Speaker 1: much I've said, blah blah blah, And I said, what
Speaker 1: have you got to you know, contribute? So he brought
Speaker 1: everything along so I could look at I like that transparency.
Speaker 1: Everything I think in a marriage has to be transparent.
Speaker 1: If it is, you start having secrets. Right. No, I
Speaker 1: agree with the transparency. I just think that we need
Speaker 1: to protect ourselves because you never know what ends up happening. Right,
Speaker 1: And I've had women. I've had women come up to
Speaker 1: me and they're like, well, you know, I never agreed
Speaker 1: with the idea of prenup ever, because I was like,
Speaker 1: what's the point of having a printup and having and
Speaker 1: talking about a prenup before getting into marriage when you're
Speaker 1: basically saying, hey, there's a fifty fifty chance that we're
Speaker 1: not going to work out. But now I'm looking at as, Hey,
Speaker 1: why I don't want to end up like some couples,
Speaker 1: divorce rates are so high, like I think now it's
Speaker 1: like people that get married get divorced, and it is
Speaker 1: really scary because dating nowadays it's not the same as
Speaker 1: it was like in the seventies and the eighties and
Speaker 1: the nineties, like it's it's very different. And I want
Speaker 1: to make sure if things do, if hits the fan,
Speaker 1: I want to make sure that we're able to end
Speaker 1: the relationship or the marriage or whatever it is on
Speaker 1: good terms without it having to be messy because of money.
Speaker 1: And money is the root of all people. That's true, Essa,
Speaker 1: I hear you, and he needs to respect you as
Speaker 1: the man that makes you feel safe to keep your money,
Speaker 1: and that man just say okay, honey, that's what we're
Speaker 1: going to do, because I sense it's going to be
Speaker 1: too uncomfortable for you to do it any other way.
Speaker 1: But you made a great point, Vanessa. The divorce rate
Speaker 1: is so very hi these days. That's why we buppies
Speaker 1: who are around to give advice seriously, and we do
Speaker 1: every Monday night on J J L t V A
Speaker 1: A PM. Vanessa, I've married a man that I was
Speaker 1: totally in love with, and ten years later I looked
Speaker 1: over at the pillow. I wanted to smuggle him. You know,
Speaker 1: you just don't know in life, so you thought to
Speaker 1: keep a little booty to your booty yourself. I don't
Speaker 1: think I don't know your booty or whatever. I think
Speaker 1: every situation is different. When I married my husband, he
Speaker 1: had been divorced five years and he really didn't have
Speaker 1: that much. I didn't have that much, so we were
Speaker 1: able to grow and build our lives together. So with
Speaker 1: you know, somebody that has money, like it's saying, it's
Speaker 1: a whole different situation you might want to do. I'm
Speaker 1: not saying I have money, even if it's five dollars.
Speaker 1: You know, yeah's here the next Western girl, Oh, thank
Speaker 1: you very much. Um, Dana oft to know. How do
Speaker 1: you deal with a guy who is love bombing you?
Speaker 1: For example, he comes on really strong. He mentioned your
Speaker 1: future on a third date. He wants to meet your
Speaker 1: parents in the near future. He needs constant communication plans
Speaker 1: the next date while on one date. I've come across
Speaker 1: a lot of men like this lately, and it's such
Speaker 1: a turn off. I don't believe him. He sounds too desperate.
Speaker 1: I don't believe that somebody's planning it. That's just like love.
Speaker 1: I love that expression love bombing. I don't believe that
Speaker 1: somebody is like, oh we're planning, we're gonna get married.
Speaker 1: Don't believe that guy. It just happened to me about
Speaker 1: seven months ago, and I wanted to throw up. I mean,
Speaker 1: if this happened to me like when I was younger,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, he loves me, he wants to do
Speaker 1: all this. Now I see through this. I mean what
Speaker 1: is love? Love is respect right, and that is garnered
Speaker 1: over time when you get to know someone too many,
Speaker 1: too many angles. He he was gone, he was I
Speaker 1: forgot his phone numbers. A turn off that would frighten
Speaker 1: me if someone came on that strong to me, I say,
Speaker 1: whoa back off? Back off? In my opinions were back
Speaker 1: to and understanding, right, and so how could you love
Speaker 1: someone that you don't fully understand? If that takes time,
Speaker 1: it takes right right. Well, as soon as I told him,
Speaker 1: I was getting this like major operation and all these
Speaker 1: things were happening. Bye bye. It doesn't call anymore. But
Speaker 1: so from my perspective, for someone that can fall quickly,
Speaker 1: I can see how someone can get excited, but it
Speaker 1: does kind of lead to like, uh, misunderstandings later on
Speaker 1: right because maybe you won't follow through with a lot
Speaker 1: of the things that you thought you could promise the
Speaker 1: person and leads to bad things. You take a step back. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm looking at you. You're so handsome. I'm saying, calmed down,
Speaker 1: you have bad breath. You're not what the list is
Speaker 1: endless somehow credit score show find you someone you want
Speaker 1: to come on Conversare you in modern dating? Would you say?
Speaker 1: Because I feel like, would you agree dating is a
Speaker 1: little different today, isn't it? The swipe right and leveling?
Speaker 1: My question? Do you know what bumble is? Well, it's
Speaker 1: a hair care product. I know that I do. I know.
Speaker 1: All this is that there's Bumble is one of the
Speaker 1: dating sites. But it's nothing. It's different from a thousand
Speaker 1: years ago or today. Love is love. You're look in
Speaker 1: somebody's eyes and you know, you know how they feel,
Speaker 1: and then that's what you should wait for. You should
Speaker 1: wait for that feeling that Cupid's come down and just
Speaker 1: shut your right through the heart. I really feel like
Speaker 1: today it looks like there's so many choices. There's too
Speaker 1: many choices, Like I was saying, swipe left, swipe right.
Speaker 1: You know, in my day, which was many years ago
Speaker 1: and sixteen years ago again, it was a little easier
Speaker 1: to find people and a little easier to find love,
Speaker 1: you know, than in today's with your swiping you have
Speaker 1: so many choices. How you gonna pick just one? You know? Well,
Speaker 1: you know, arranged marriages are nothing knew. They go back
Speaker 1: bounds of years, even in the Bible of Talks in Genesis,
Speaker 1: Isaac send somebody out to go meet Rebecca, bring her
Speaker 1: back to Canaan. They fall in love, they get married,
Speaker 1: they have family in common. And even in the Orthodox community,
Speaker 1: some more of Thedox community, they have a matchmakers set
Speaker 1: updates and they work. Yeah, so that's why we're here.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to pull up stats because you said that
Speaker 1: it used to be easier to get you know, in
Speaker 1: your day, it was easier to marry than is today
Speaker 1: because there's too many options. And it was in a
Speaker 1: book I was reading a while ago. I wish I
Speaker 1: could bring up the stats, but it was saying how
Speaker 1: marriage has evolved because back in the seventies, statistically speaking,
Speaker 1: you're more likely to get married to someone that lived
Speaker 1: in the same city as you, uh, and that has
Speaker 1: obviously decreased greatly throughout the years, and the same thing,
Speaker 1: like it's just gone. It's it's gone from like most
Speaker 1: likely to get married within the same city, state, country,
Speaker 1: and just you're doing their family because you just meet
Speaker 1: everybody all around the world. Like I opened up my
Speaker 1: phone and I'm connected to millions of people all across
Speaker 1: the globe. Well that's because you were on a TV show.
Speaker 1: Oh you kid fair. But it's interesting to me because
Speaker 1: I think it is harder to meet people because I
Speaker 1: do believe in that grass is greener on the other
Speaker 1: side theory, which says that people are always looking for
Speaker 1: the next best thing. They're almost looking for something that
Speaker 1: doesn't exist. It's different grass, That's what I always say.
Speaker 1: It grass is not green or just different grass doesn't
Speaker 1: mean it's going to be better grass than the grass
Speaker 1: that's in your row. If you help grow the grass
Speaker 1: in your own backyard and till it and stuff, then
Speaker 1: it's going to be great as opposed to like, oh
Speaker 1: that's better than what I've got. Jared is growing his
Speaker 1: grass with Ashley. The grass is growing. The moment that
Speaker 1: you knew that this is going to work, and she's
Speaker 1: not going to cry anymore. I love that. But I
Speaker 1: think that's the important thing to realize, especially about couples,
Speaker 1: that today that everything is not perfect. I think people
Speaker 1: look at Ashley and myself as this perfect couple and
Speaker 1: it's not. We argue sometimes, there's some bad moments, there's
Speaker 1: some animosity and obstacles that we have to overcome as
Speaker 1: a couple together. But I think that's the way we
Speaker 1: look at it, that we are a couple working together
Speaker 1: to overcome this obstacle because I've realized, especially in my
Speaker 1: past relationships, that it's always not going to be perfect,
Speaker 1: and the idea of looking for this this soul mate
Speaker 1: that fits every one of my needs is just ridiculous
Speaker 1: and childish to think. And so that's why it's commitment
Speaker 1: is a choice. Right, it's not a guy when right now.
Speaker 1: Give you a bubby hint, and it would be that
Speaker 1: when you do argue, try to take their hand and
Speaker 1: remember why you fell in love with them. Yeah. I mean,
Speaker 1: we don't have big blows, but of course there's you know,
Speaker 1: certain things that we talk about and have adult conversations.
Speaker 1: But I think it's good to let everybody know that
Speaker 1: so they don't see, oh, well, they're in a perfect relationship.
Speaker 1: Jared is just in cloud nine right now, and it's like, no,
Speaker 1: we're very We're two very real people that have been
Speaker 1: friends for quite some times, that know each other very well,
Speaker 1: and sometimes we have wonderful moments, and sometimes we have
Speaker 1: things that we have to work with, you know, together,
Speaker 1: Expect perfection, You're never gonna stay together. I feel like
Speaker 1: a lot of people today expected. That's the problem today everybody.
Speaker 1: So many people like expect the perfect whatever it is. Yeah,
Speaker 1: lighter happens. There is no perfect anything. No, And I
Speaker 1: think you guys can attest to this. You know, fifty
Speaker 1: years ago, women and men were getting married because it
Speaker 1: made sense because they you know, they it was so
Speaker 1: social status, wanted to start a family. Now people are
Speaker 1: getting married because they want to find their selman, they
Speaker 1: want to find their love. They're getting married later in
Speaker 1: life because they want to self discover themselves before they
Speaker 1: commit to somebody else. And so it's finny matchmakers finding matchmakers,
Speaker 1: which is something that going on in world. That's right, Bachelor,
Speaker 1: I Paradise, that's right. But I agree with you guys
Speaker 1: are saying. I think some people are just looking for
Speaker 1: something that just does not exist. There is no perfect
Speaker 1: That's all I gotta say. When you first meet, there's
Speaker 1: that all that chemistry and all that stuff. But then
Speaker 1: you know, the marriages and relationships that hang together is
Speaker 1: when you hang together during the difficult times, you understand
Speaker 1: life happened totally. One of my favorite quotes of all time,
Speaker 1: uh is gentlemen that I look up to very greatly.
Speaker 1: He was talking about marriage. He's been married for quite
Speaker 1: some time, and he said, you know, in the first year,
Speaker 1: it's all lovey dovey. You guys folding clothes together and
Speaker 1: you're just maddenlying love because it's in. There's infatuation and
Speaker 1: you guys are attracted to each other and it's new
Speaker 1: and it's great. And then some bad stuff is going
Speaker 1: to happen and then you guys are gonna have to
Speaker 1: work together to overcome those things. And if you can
Speaker 1: overcome those things together as a couple, that's when the
Speaker 1: real marriage starts. And that's when we love changes into
Speaker 1: something greater. That's greatly. Do you guys mind sharing with
Speaker 1: our listeners one more time where we can watch you
Speaker 1: Jewish Lifetime Television Network on Monday nights at eight pm
Speaker 1: at all j LTV Bubbies No Best. Thank you all
Speaker 1: so much for coming in today. It's always great to
Speaker 1: get a unique perspective. I don't think we've ever had
Speaker 1: a Bubby on the podcast before, so it's nice to
Speaker 1: kind of hear more from you guys. I'll definitely be
Speaker 1: tuning into Bubby's No Best Monday Night. We want to say, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm working on the show. Come on, I'll be there
Speaker 1: next week. Let's perfect because that night and then people
Speaker 1: who can't get enough need more dating Next Monday Night,
Speaker 1: eight o'clock. Best and the best of love, Vanessa, love you,
Speaker 1: love you alright, Dean. Last week you weren't here. I
Speaker 1: asked Vanessa ten questions about her life, dating life, anything
Speaker 1: to really do with relationships in general. So I figured, well,
Speaker 1: you're back in studio, why not we play another segment
Speaker 1: of ten questions with Dean and Vanessa. Well, I'm asking
Speaker 1: the questions, yeah, but I think you should be ten
Speaker 1: questions with Jared. It's because yeah, I answer them too,
Speaker 1: but it goes far more in depth with you two,
Speaker 1: because people just care more about you than they do me.
Speaker 1: Moving forward, here we go Ten questions with Dean and Vanessa.
Speaker 1: Is my Mike on, don't hear whistle. You're talking. Here
Speaker 1: we go, We're talking, all right? Ten questions here we go? No,
Speaker 1: I remember one, Dean and Vanessa. Who is your celebrity
Speaker 1: crush slash? Who's your hall pass? If you have a
Speaker 1: hall pass, you have one celebrity that you're significant other, Dean,
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to pretend for this one would let
Speaker 1: you date or pretty much sleep with? And who would
Speaker 1: that be? Emily Radikowski? That's your celebrity crush? I mean,
Speaker 1: she's gorgeous. Don't get me wrong. Is she dating anybody? Probably?
Speaker 1: I think she's married or something isn't Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: she's married. Oh good god, she is a gorgeous woman
Speaker 1: who was married last year at Sebastian Bear mcleard. I
Speaker 1: wonder if that great name. I wonder if I could
Speaker 1: be her pass. Maybe she's doing a podcast in some
Speaker 1: other universe right now answering the question with my name.
Speaker 1: I don't think it would be another universe because you're
Speaker 1: on TV, so she probably she may know who you are.
Speaker 1: Probably you are my answered, Dean, that's the answer is
Speaker 1: I'm looking for was paying attention. That's why I know
Speaker 1: it's funny. So I message Dean no hold on. We
Speaker 1: connected on Ryan and he's like, what are you doing
Speaker 1: on this thing? You're an earlier ship and I totally forgot.
Speaker 1: I still had the app on and there was like
Speaker 1: this notification, so Mike, I wanted to show. I wanted
Speaker 1: to show my boyfriend how it worked. And so Dean
Speaker 1: was the first profile that showed up, and I pressed
Speaker 1: like the because I said, I'm just here for friends.
Speaker 1: So I clicked the check mark and we connected. I
Speaker 1: was like, what what do you mean eye a profile?
Speaker 1: I didn't even check it. I just saw your face
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, keep your Heart Young by
Speaker 1: Brandy Carlyle. Oh that's nice. But that's what I don't
Speaker 1: I don't know. I haven't checked my profile in months.
Speaker 1: What do you remember? I know you told us before
Speaker 1: it was like cold Play or something like that. No,
Speaker 1: I think it's like something with three AM. I don't
Speaker 1: know three AM matox. Yeah, yeah, there you go, right,
Speaker 1: you really have three M matchbox. If you guys cross
Speaker 1: you on ry to what you guys? Are you guys?
Speaker 1: Do you have short term memory loss? Because we've literally
Speaker 1: had this exact same conversation where Jared gushed over the
Speaker 1: fact that Vanessa used Matchbox. It's coming back to me now,
Speaker 1: I'm super bad memory. So apparently it's called Keep Your
Speaker 1: Heart Young by Brandy Carlisle. It's fantastic, you guys letting
Speaker 1: it out right now. It's a good feel a good song,
Speaker 1: all right. Number two, have you ever dated a friend's X? Now?
Speaker 1: This includes if you've ever hooked up with a friend's
Speaker 1: X one night. Now. This is an interesting question because
Speaker 1: obviously we're in the Bachelor franchise and we're kind of clear.
Speaker 1: I am, oh, well, whoa you really count? No, it
Speaker 1: doesn't really count because I didn't know Caitlin before. I'm
Speaker 1: friends with Caitlin now. But you're innocent, you hand, so
Speaker 1: don't I'm disqualified from this because I don't That was fair. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but in your personal life here, if you're dated uh
Speaker 1: an ex friend? Yeah you have outside of Bachelor? Okay,
Speaker 1: was that awkward at first? Yeah? How'd that come about?
Speaker 1: Because your friend was dating this person? Then they broke
Speaker 1: up and then you started. It wasn't very serious with
Speaker 1: my friend and the girl, and then I wanted to
Speaker 1: get serious with the girl. So we just had a
Speaker 1: conversation and figure it out. Alright, fair enough, alright. Number three. Now,
Speaker 1: if you could choose us, we've all been Deean, you've
Speaker 1: been on Paradise, Winter Games, Bachelorette, Vanessa, you've been on Bachelor. Now,
Speaker 1: if you could choose, would you rather be a contestant
Speaker 1: on The Bachelor, the Bachelorette, or Bachelor in Paradise? Now,
Speaker 1: this includes being the lead on one of them. If
Speaker 1: you got to choose, If producers came to you said, hey,
Speaker 1: you have a choice to either be the Bachelor, Bachelor, Reid, Bachelorettes,
Speaker 1: excuse me, be a contestant on one of those shows,
Speaker 1: or be contestant on Bachelor in Paradise. Which one would
Speaker 1: you choose? Vanessa? I would probably choose Bachelorette, but on
Speaker 1: the condition that I can work with production to actually
Speaker 1: so that they can hire a matchmaker to find two
Speaker 1: guys that they know would be a really great match
Speaker 1: for me and not just like random thirty people that
Speaker 1: they think that I would connect with. But you would
Speaker 1: pick being the Bachelorette, Yeah, I choose zero. I choose
Speaker 1: none of them. You have to choose them. I probably
Speaker 1: do Paradise again. Interesting, so you would not be the Bachelor.
Speaker 1: There's just too much pressure. And that's why I asked
Speaker 1: the question because I was thinking in my head if
Speaker 1: I had to choose I actually and I were just
Speaker 1: talking to about it, what we choose, and I don't
Speaker 1: know if I choose being the Bachelor already I had.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I ever talked about this publicly
Speaker 1: on this podcast, but they were talking to me about
Speaker 1: being the Bachelor after my season of Bachelor at and
Speaker 1: I said, I said, sure, but you guys have to
Speaker 1: realize it's a really bad decision for you because I
Speaker 1: don't even know if I want to get married. I'm
Speaker 1: not ready. But that's fine, but that's okay. You can
Speaker 1: just end up in a serious relationship. I don't see
Speaker 1: what the pressure is of, like having to put a
Speaker 1: ring on it. I don't know. I think they should
Speaker 1: change a little bit. I told. I told them, I
Speaker 1: was like, look, I again, I'll do it. But I
Speaker 1: just want you to know odds are pretty high that
Speaker 1: I probably wouldn't propose to anyone by the end of
Speaker 1: the season. Any think that's why they didn't choose you.
Speaker 1: I'm sure there's many reasons why they didn't end up
Speaker 1: going with me. But I'm sure that was factored into
Speaker 1: the equation. Yeah, but Vanessa, part of being on the
Speaker 1: show is being ready for a marriage, right, But you
Speaker 1: can be ready. I was definitely ready for marriage. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's really that my engagement didn't work out. I think
Speaker 1: there's a higher success rate if you could get to
Speaker 1: know each other and then get and then get proposed
Speaker 1: to and then go into marriage. I don't think you
Speaker 1: have to get engaged at the end of the show. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but that's not how the show works. I get that,
Speaker 1: but I listen, that's my mentality. I I did. I'm
Speaker 1: happy I did, and um, I'm happy I had that
Speaker 1: conversation with it because he was basically like, yeah, that's fair,
Speaker 1: all right, numb before, where's the strangest place you ever made? Whoopee?
Speaker 1: You kidding me? You never heard whoopy? I don't know
Speaker 1: what whoope is. I bet the bobbies know. What would
Speaker 1: I don't know. Maybe a park, a public park, public park,
Speaker 1: public park in broad daylight. I would say it's probably
Speaker 1: the weirdest place where there are others present, plenty of
Speaker 1: other people present. You're joking, that's actually a funny story
Speaker 1: that I'll share. Um, it was years ago. It was
Speaker 1: during a thing called Santa Con or you get similiary
Speaker 1: Santa con in New York. It's in San Francisco. I'm
Speaker 1: sure there's one New York Santa Monica over. It's basically
Speaker 1: just thousands of people coming together dressing up like Santa
Speaker 1: Claus doing a pub crawl. We were in San Francisco
Speaker 1: with like forty of our friends and we were all
Speaker 1: obviously drinking and partying and all dressed up like Santa Claus,
Speaker 1: and me and my girlfriend at the time both decided
Speaker 1: to um make whoopee if you will in Santa class
Speaker 1: toombs in the middle of a public park, in the
Speaker 1: middle of Broadway. Did you get caught? No, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I just felt it was just fun. Beard on. I
Speaker 1: don't know if she had a beard on, but she
Speaker 1: was in a full Santa Clause outfit, and so was I.
Speaker 1: It's just it's just funny to think of two Santa
Speaker 1: Claus going at it, and then the chimney Vanessa, what
Speaker 1: about you? I wanted to share, but then I'm like,
Speaker 1: I know my dad listened to this podcast, Oh so
Speaker 1: was it in your parents? Like, you know, I just
Speaker 1: don't want my parents to know that I what is
Speaker 1: this mean? Yeah, that I did a whoopee in Um, okay, fine,
Speaker 1: I'll just share it. So I was on vacations and
Speaker 1: what I said that was easy. Yeah. So I was
Speaker 1: on vacation and you know, sometimes you just want to
Speaker 1: do something a little bit out of the box. And um,
Speaker 1: so we we walked into someone's garage and made whooping
Speaker 1: there were oh nice Jared garage. Jen. I wanted to
Speaker 1: answer this question to please right a strangers gage. Okay,
Speaker 1: I like the adventurous. It's a crime. That's a crime.
Speaker 1: Did you come down this chimney? But it was a question.
Speaker 1: Jaredy answer the question too. Yeah, it was in a basement. Um,
Speaker 1: but it was. It was. It was weird. It was
Speaker 1: at my girlfriend's college at the time, but so it
Speaker 1: wasn't in her dorm. It was like in this basement.
Speaker 1: For some reason, we just thought it would be spontaneous
Speaker 1: and I ended up I ended up bending down at
Speaker 1: one point and hit my head against a pipe and
Speaker 1: I got a black eye from it. Was so for
Speaker 1: like two months afterward, I had a black eye. And
Speaker 1: I've obviously lied to my parents and told them that
Speaker 1: I just I did it while like walking into the
Speaker 1: gym or something and banged my eye while it really
Speaker 1: was trying to make whoop be in the basement alright.
Speaker 1: Number five On this podcast, we're talking last week about
Speaker 1: how we should learn a new dating term each week.
Speaker 1: So this week, have you guys ever heard of the
Speaker 1: term cuffing? See is in cuffing cee U F F
Speaker 1: I n G. Who hasn't heard a coffing season? Well,
Speaker 1: there we go, Dean, would you care to explain what
Speaker 1: you think cuffing season? At home? And actually, Vanessa, what
Speaker 1: do you think it is? First? Okay, coffing cuffing coffing
Speaker 1: as in cuffs, Like, yeah, coffing season. Oh, I know,
Speaker 1: I know. Winter very good a lot in the winter,
Speaker 1: cough a lot all the time. You know, it's it's
Speaker 1: cold season, like you wanna you wanna know because you
Speaker 1: want to like, um, you want to make sure you're
Speaker 1: settling down with someone because it's cold and you wanna
Speaker 1: be coosy with someone so like you're like you're arresting them.
Speaker 1: It's like musical chairs the music could have a chair
Speaker 1: quickly totally it is have somebody now it is? Is
Speaker 1: that what you thought it was Dean. Well, yeah, of course,
Speaker 1: of course you know what it is. It is described
Speaker 1: as during the fall in winter months, people who would
Speaker 1: normally rather be single or permiscuous find themselves, along with
Speaker 1: the rest of the world, desiring to be cuffed or
Speaker 1: tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and
Speaker 1: parl longed indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and
Speaker 1: desperate to be coffed. Now that obviously goes to the
Speaker 1: opposite of that, which is uncoffing season, usually during the
Speaker 1: spring and summer months, when people who are previously in
Speaker 1: relationship during the winter break, uh, they break up with
Speaker 1: their girlfriend or boyfriend to be free for the summer
Speaker 1: and warm months so you can play the field and
Speaker 1: not be tied down during the best times of your life.
Speaker 1: Coffing season and uncoffing season. And this coffing season affects you,
Speaker 1: do you get those desires as you're as the guy
Speaker 1: who celebrates non monogamy. I think the thing that messes
Speaker 1: with me most is just my friends practice coffing season,
Speaker 1: and so it's like when all your good friends are,
Speaker 1: you know, kind of coupling up over the over the
Speaker 1: winter months, that kind of thing. Then you're kind of like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: why am I not doing that? Um, but no, I
Speaker 1: don't know. That's we live in l at summer year
Speaker 1: around here. He's in a quite ironic that uncoffing season
Speaker 1: occurs during Bachelor in Paradise. Um, No, it's like uncoffing.
Speaker 1: You're going on paradise to kind of like meet singles,
Speaker 1: but yet the entire idea of the show is to
Speaker 1: get engaged. Yeah, it was badly suggesting this, but maybe
Speaker 1: five questions? Yeah, you guys, I have a question for
Speaker 1: you guys. You guys know what b D means. Hell, yeah,
Speaker 1: Mark's got it, Pete David's the guy. What's p D?
Speaker 1: What is it? P D b D E? What's that? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I know that one. Okay, I just figured that one out.
Speaker 1: I was like, whoa us. This room was overflowing with
Speaker 1: bed between Mark Eason and Jared. It's just all right.
Speaker 1: That was five questions with Dean and Vanessay. I do
Speaker 1: have a couple of emails I want to get to
Speaker 1: before we go because I find these. I love when
Speaker 1: we get unique questions that we've never heard before. Kelsey,
Speaker 1: I don't make much money, but my boyfriend has a
Speaker 1: corporate job and his paychecks are three to four times mine.
Speaker 1: We're looking at apartments and we found when we love.
Speaker 1: When discussing what I could afford, I offered basically my
Speaker 1: bi monthly paycheck, and he offered less than one quarter
Speaker 1: of his salary, which is still more than mine. However,
Speaker 1: we're still short on rent, and he asked the fire
Speaker 1: could increase my budget, but I really can't. I feel
Speaker 1: like as my boyfriend, he should understand that I don't
Speaker 1: have any money and he makes a lot more money.
Speaker 1: He shouldn't be asking me to add more money. Am
Speaker 1: I being overly sensitive? Or do I make a valid argument?
Speaker 1: Valid argument? Okay, so yes, I think things should be
Speaker 1: split fift someone who like it. Takes pride in working
Speaker 1: and making my own money, but at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, like my fifty percent might be very different
Speaker 1: than someone else's. I dated someone, hold on, I dated
Speaker 1: someone that um wanted a luxurious like place to live in,
Speaker 1: and I was like, well, all I can afford is
Speaker 1: X amount of money per rent. So I said, well,
Speaker 1: all I can offer is this amount of money per rent,
Speaker 1: this amount of money per month for rent, and if
Speaker 1: you want to get this specific place, then you're gonna
Speaker 1: have to put in whatever, um whatever half that I
Speaker 1: can't afford. And I think that was fair because it
Speaker 1: was I was still paying my rent and they wanted
Speaker 1: to live in something that I couldn't afford at the time,
Speaker 1: so that was my That kind of goes against what
Speaker 1: you're saying earlier though, what the bubbies here. I feel like, listen,
Speaker 1: if you're making more money and you want to live
Speaker 1: somewhere that's a little bit more, that's that the person
Speaker 1: can't afford, then how is that fair? So then let's
Speaker 1: live according to the person who makes less money. I agree.
Speaker 1: I think that you should set your budget before you
Speaker 1: begin looking. And if someone wants to say someone it's
Speaker 1: more expensive than you, just say, Okay, this is what
Speaker 1: I was supposed to pay. If you want to live
Speaker 1: in this area, that's on you, but this is our budget.
Speaker 1: We can get a place somewhere else with that money. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you have to compromise before you guys even think about
Speaker 1: getting a place, um, because it should be like it all,
Speaker 1: It all depends on what you discuss. It should be
Speaker 1: if you guys wanted to be fifty or if you
Speaker 1: think you're gonna get married and you want to combine
Speaker 1: bank accounts, then one person should pay and it's all
Speaker 1: one lup some of rent. By the way, I have
Speaker 1: an update on my living situation if anyone's curious. I'm
Speaker 1: moving out of my house in May and I'm going
Speaker 1: to move full time in to a van. Interesting is like,
Speaker 1: stop it really for three months? I'm stebad leasing my
Speaker 1: room in my house for three months May to August.
Speaker 1: I've wanted to do van life for a long time.
Speaker 1: Now marks given me a weird look, just baffling to me.
Speaker 1: But I guess with you, I shouldn't be supersed. I
Speaker 1: wanted to live in a van for a long time.
Speaker 1: I know I need to do it while I'm still
Speaker 1: young and still single. Um, it's kind Do you follow
Speaker 1: this guy on Instagram? I think he's from Montreal. He's
Speaker 1: like really good looking and he lives in a van.
Speaker 1: I'll send you his Instagram page, but anyway, he like
Speaker 1: it looks like I said, I got such a fulfilling life,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, damn, I want that. Yeah, what is
Speaker 1: appealing about living in a van? Um? I mean, it's
Speaker 1: just like a nomadic experience. You're kind of responsible for
Speaker 1: where you sleep and where you wake up, And I
Speaker 1: don't know, it just seems like something that you can
Speaker 1: do to kind of get away from everything for travel
Speaker 1: America or yeah, I'm gonna drive up to like Yosemite
Speaker 1: or like over to Arizona, go to like Grand Canyon, Zion,
Speaker 1: those types of places. I've always wanted to see the
Speaker 1: amount rushmore. I know it's kind of more of a
Speaker 1: flight thing that's a long drive, but it's always a possibility.
Speaker 1: What type of van are we talking about, like the
Speaker 1: old school of VWST Folia with a pop top. Oh
Speaker 1: that's a good van. Yeah, a little bit more pricey
Speaker 1: than I thought they were going to be. Um. I'm
Speaker 1: also gonna be in Europe for like a month in July,
Speaker 1: and so I'm like, well, I might as well just
Speaker 1: you know, you should buy the Mystery Machine. Yeah, it'd
Speaker 1: be cool. I could be Scoop. I could totally see
Speaker 1: Dean driving around the Mystery Machine this podcast. So I
Speaker 1: don't have to live in a van. That's why I'm hearing.
Speaker 1: That's interesting how different goals are right now. I mean, hey, look,
Speaker 1: like I said, I've always wanted to do it. I
Speaker 1: lived in an RV for four years when I was
Speaker 1: a little kid. So maybe this is like me returning
Speaker 1: to my roots. My brother has done it for the
Speaker 1: past like five years, and he seems to be pretty
Speaker 1: happy with it. And it fits your nomadic lifestyle. You're
Speaker 1: always traveling and you're not tied down. I will say,
Speaker 1: I can I can imagine it will make me significantly
Speaker 1: less appealing to the opposite sex. But that's fine, that's
Speaker 1: just you know, that's just I don't think so. I
Speaker 1: mean to have more money in your bank account. Well,
Speaker 1: it's not really that that I'm doing it. How are
Speaker 1: you going to clean yourself? Oh that's the thing, Marcus,
Speaker 1: I just won't, I think a big negative to the female. No,
Speaker 1: I'll get JYM memberships. I'll go cleaning myself on the
Speaker 1: ocean every once in a while. There are ways it
Speaker 1: could be done. I was in Mexico, remember last year
Speaker 1: or last year, for like two weeks living in an
Speaker 1: RV with Courtney. Didn't shower once. Phenomenal. You want to
Speaker 1: tell Mark and Easton we you just started using again.
Speaker 1: I just started using soap again. You guys would all
Speaker 1: be pleased to Yeah, yeah, there was there's a story
Speaker 1: behind it that I probably shouldn't share, but I'm going to. Anyways,
Speaker 1: I got a rash all over my stomach, which I thought,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I remember that, which I thought to be shingles.
Speaker 1: I thought that I contracted shingles at one point. Um
Speaker 1: turned out was just contact dermatitis. It was like an
Speaker 1: allergic reaction to something. But it was on my stomming
Speaker 1: for maybe a couple of weeks, and I was like,
Speaker 1: this is just getting worse. It's not really getting any better.
Speaker 1: And I started using soap, and the soaps are just
Speaker 1: to clear it right up. So's amazing like that. It's
Speaker 1: I'm gonna stand up right now. It's actually got a
Speaker 1: little bit worse. It's a rash. I don't know how
Speaker 1: excited you should be over that very sexy rash. Start
Speaker 1: over too. I don't know what's going on. It's not
Speaker 1: it's not the best thing in the world. But I
Speaker 1: remember when yep, I think I got a skydiving back
Speaker 1: in January, I said in his bunk house for a
Speaker 1: couple of days, Um, but your back to underwear. No
Speaker 1: not no, no underwear. You know that. I'm using body
Speaker 1: so up at least once, probably too out every three days.
Speaker 1: Champoon condition once a week. My skin has ever been dryer. Sorry, No,
Speaker 1: you're fine. I love talking about your skin. I just
Speaker 1: wanted to ask one more thing about that last email
Speaker 1: to Vanessa before we move on. Vanessa, if the rolls
Speaker 1: are reversed and it was the girl that had to
Speaker 1: support the guy by paying more and rent, would you
Speaker 1: still agree to that? Its just the PC answer, though,
Speaker 1: No it's not. It's really not all right. That's next
Speaker 1: email from Claudia. I've been with my now ex for
Speaker 1: only six months. I just found I had been with
Speaker 1: my now x sorry for only six months. I just
Speaker 1: found out that during the exclusive time not like putting
Speaker 1: a label on it time, but we were exclusive, my
Speaker 1: boyfriend cheated on me twice. I instantly broke up with
Speaker 1: him when I found out. Now I'm second guessing myself.
Speaker 1: I really loved him, and he says he really loved
Speaker 1: me too. He also said he's not going to give
Speaker 1: up on us, but he also cheated on his previous girlfriend.
Speaker 1: Is it worth thinking him back or my right to
Speaker 1: have broken up with him right away? All right, here's
Speaker 1: what makes me frustrated about this email. What does it mean?
Speaker 1: I just found out during the quote exclusive, but not
Speaker 1: like putting a label on. Look. I just found out
Speaker 1: about this too with the Morning Show with the Secrets
Speaker 1: Morning Show staff. Now apparently now and you guys are
Speaker 1: in the dating world, you can confirm this. For me,
Speaker 1: there is exclusive time and then there is boyfriend girlfriend time.
Speaker 1: Those are two separate levels of the relationship. I hate everybody.
Speaker 1: I agree that this is nonsense to me, What does
Speaker 1: that even mean? So boyfriend and girlfriend? You could you're
Speaker 1: still dating other people? No, no, no, that comes after that.
Speaker 1: The conversation first is we're not sleeping with other people?
Speaker 1: Got it. Then the next conversation months later is you're
Speaker 1: my boyfriend or you're my girlfriend. I think that once
Speaker 1: you say you're not sleeping other people, and then they
Speaker 1: because yeah, I agree to I think it's exclusive, not
Speaker 1: like we're exclusive sleeping together. It's exclusive to each other emotionally.
Speaker 1: I'm willing to bet that Claudia and him never had
Speaker 1: that exclusive talk. I bet you that she thought it
Speaker 1: was assumed that they were in the exclusive period. He
Speaker 1: probably didn't think the same thing. He was hooking up
Speaker 1: other girls. At least I hope that the very least
Speaker 1: he was honest about it. It sounds like he might.
Speaker 1: Sounds like she wouldn't have known. I don't consider was
Speaker 1: he honest or was it did he get caught. I
Speaker 1: don't consider that cheating if he was honest, if he
Speaker 1: was honest about sleeping with other girls. Yeah, she asked
Speaker 1: him and he was like, yeah, I am hoping with
Speaker 1: not cheating because they were never label as boyfriend girlfriend.
Speaker 1: Because here's the thing. I think you can't assume that
Speaker 1: you're exclusive just because you're hooking albo. You have to
Speaker 1: have a conversation about it. That's what makes me frustrated
Speaker 1: about today's dating. It's like, well, we're not boyfriend girlfriend,
Speaker 1: but we're not seeing other people. And it's like, well,
Speaker 1: what does that even mean? Why would you not be
Speaker 1: boyfriend girlfriend if you're not going to try to work
Speaker 1: towards something or if you're if you're exclusive your boyfriend girlfriend.
Speaker 1: If you're not exclusive, you're not well. I think Claude
Speaker 1: needs to have that conversation with him if she if
Speaker 1: she wants to actually be exclusively boyfriend and girlfriend, then yeah, whatever,
Speaker 1: give him another chance. Maybe there was some miscommunication and
Speaker 1: you thought that you guys were exclusive, and that's why
Speaker 1: he quote unquot cheated. But maybe Claudia, we just want
Speaker 1: to say we love you and we really appreciate you
Speaker 1: listening to the podcast, But you're the headline. Am I
Speaker 1: wrong for breaking up with my cheating boyfriend? He's not
Speaker 1: your boyfriend. I will say too, that the second paragraph
Speaker 1: kind of sticks out where he said where she says
Speaker 1: I really loved him and he says you really loved
Speaker 1: me too. You're not really saying you love someone unless
Speaker 1: you're in a relationship with them, And if you love someone,
Speaker 1: you're probably not talking about other people. So I would
Speaker 1: say maybe, I don't know. People just mess around with
Speaker 1: each other's heads. I find we clearly need more information
Speaker 1: on this. Bottom line is you need to decide what
Speaker 1: is important to you and what your standards are for
Speaker 1: a relationship. And if you don't mind somebody who's going
Speaker 1: behind your back, then go back to him. But I
Speaker 1: don't again, Yeah, I don't know. No, I agree, Claudia.
Speaker 1: Best thing would probably just give the same thing ultimatum.
Speaker 1: You know, either we're going to be in a relationship
Speaker 1: and work towards something or we're not. Although I don't
Speaker 1: believe in the whole ultimatum thing either. But it sounds
Speaker 1: like something has to happen, because how often does a
Speaker 1: good relationship start off ultimatums are not good? Well, it
Speaker 1: doesn't start like this. They've been I've been with my
Speaker 1: ex for six months. Six months, I've been given the
Speaker 1: ultimatum thing before. I think she just needs to have
Speaker 1: an honest conversation with him, and that is her form
Speaker 1: of ultimatum. But if you cheat, if you feel you
Speaker 1: were cheated on and you know he cheated on an X,
Speaker 1: you're going into this without any trust whatsoever. That's not
Speaker 1: a great relationship. What she needs to do is just
Speaker 1: clearly to find their relationship. If he if their boyfriend girlfriend,
Speaker 1: and they both agreed to understand that, and then he
Speaker 1: looks up with someone else again and that isn't defined
Speaker 1: in the relationship before, then that's when you know that
Speaker 1: you don't have to ever trust this guy again. In
Speaker 1: my opinion, now, I feel like it's almost too much
Speaker 1: of a gray area right now. That's why it's marks
Speaker 1: point communication. Figure it out, set out the parameters of
Speaker 1: the relationship, and then hope for the best. Emily says,
Speaker 1: I met a guy recently and we have so much
Speaker 1: in common. We even kissed a few times. After a
Speaker 1: few days of talking to him, he dropped the bomb
Speaker 1: that he has a four year old son. He's essentially
Speaker 1: separated from him due to the state court system. I
Speaker 1: know I'm nowhere near ready entering into that type of
Speaker 1: situation in a serious way. My question is would it
Speaker 1: be bad to hang out with him usually or should
Speaker 1: just shut it down right now? And is it bad
Speaker 1: for me to have this be a deal breaker? It's
Speaker 1: not bad? Well, wait, what's the state court system? That's good?
Speaker 1: A whole bunch of information there that's missing. Yeah, right exactly,
Speaker 1: So that would be my red flag. Why because maybe
Speaker 1: he did something to deserve to be separated from his kid. Obviously, Yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe that would be the red flag. The fact that
Speaker 1: he has a kid not a deal breaker. I think
Speaker 1: it's important for someone that has a child to make
Speaker 1: sure that they get to know the person before they
Speaker 1: introduce them to their to their kid. And a kid
Speaker 1: should never be a deal breaker. Also depends what I mean,
Speaker 1: hold on, It also depends at what stage you are
Speaker 1: in your life. You're older, like in my like now
Speaker 1: in my thirties. My pool of men are very different
Speaker 1: compared to when I was in my younger twenties and
Speaker 1: in my younger twenties, I may not have thought that
Speaker 1: that's what I wanted um a type of relationship to be.
Speaker 1: But the only red flag is really why state court system? Yeah,
Speaker 1: what did he do that the state required? He can't
Speaker 1: be years son? Right, If you get involved with somebody
Speaker 1: the kid, that's your prerogative. I don't that makes you're
Speaker 1: a bad person by any means at all. We don't
Speaker 1: know your nerve, but it's fine. But also I wouldn't
Speaker 1: hang out with him casually. I think I just if
Speaker 1: you want to day to single, that go day to single.
Speaker 1: That if you don't, don't, But I wouldn't hang out
Speaker 1: with him casually kind of see where it goes. You
Speaker 1: think it's leading him on too much. I think it's
Speaker 1: it's preparing everybody for heartbreak. I think all bad. But
Speaker 1: if the chemistry is there, then you should hang out
Speaker 1: with him, not casually and as a relationship. It sounds
Speaker 1: like she's finding a reason to hang out with him.
Speaker 1: Clearly she's drawn to him. But then you got to
Speaker 1: accept the kid. I mean, I've dated girls with kids
Speaker 1: in the past full well knowing that I'm not ready
Speaker 1: to be a father anytime soon. There's less pressure knowing
Speaker 1: that it's not going to necessarily be your own kid,
Speaker 1: but you could be like a supplementary figure. Did you
Speaker 1: break their hearts? No? I don't think so. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's all I asked them afterwards, Hey, hey,
Speaker 1: are you heartbroken? Okay? Cool? If you break someone's heart,
Speaker 1: like it never got to the point of that, I
Speaker 1: didn't didn't progress that far. It was, I mean, it
Speaker 1: was just casual. Did it get to the point where
Speaker 1: you met the kid and hung out with the kid? No?
Speaker 1: So I guess that is obviously a big step too, right,
Speaker 1: because then you can break the kids heard too? What
Speaker 1: you don't want to do that? Yeah? Of course. God,
Speaker 1: I mean I'm a kid at the end of the day.
Speaker 1: So living in a vans all right? Is that it?
Speaker 1: We've done with emails today. That's all we got for you,
Speaker 1: all right, perfect. We'll always please send your emails in
Speaker 1: that's our favorite part of the show. And a big
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Speaker 1: Blake Courtsman. We're excited to see him back on The
Speaker 1: Bachelor tonight and of course in Paradise this summer, Mark
Speaker 1: East and Amy. You guys are wonderful. Vanessa, You're beautiful
Speaker 1: as always. Dean, thanks for having me on as a
Speaker 1: guest today. Guys, I really appreciate it. Getting best stop
Speaker 1: that this is your podcast so hopefully so why don't
Speaker 1: you ended, Dean um? Anyways, this is another episode of
Speaker 1: help I Suck at Dating. Thanks for tuning in. Be
Speaker 1: sure to tune in next week because maybe I'll suck
Speaker 1: a little bit less. Follow help by suck at Dating
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Speaker 1: wherever you listen to podcast. All Right, cool,