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Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda land Audio

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Speaker 1: in partnership with I Heart Radio. My oldest is fourteen,

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Speaker 1: my middle is in middle school. And we got home

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Speaker 1: from the beach the summer and I plopped down in

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Speaker 1: the play room and I was like, I feel like

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Speaker 1: we might need to turn the play room into something else, right,

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Speaker 1: Like you guys are gonna kind of old, like you know,

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Speaker 1: And all three of them were like no. Really was like, wow, Hi, everybody,

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to Katie's Crib. I have been trying to

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Speaker 1: get this guest for a very long time because she's

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Speaker 1: one of my most favorite Instagram follows. She is a

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Speaker 1: wealth of knowledge. Her name is Lizzie Asa and she

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Speaker 1: has an incredible Instagram account called the Workspace for Children,

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Speaker 1: and it has been instrumental in helping me with Albie

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Speaker 1: because she talks all about independent play and how independent

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Speaker 1: play really to avoiding parent burnout. We talk about close

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Speaker 1: ended toys versus open ended toys. If you don't know

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Speaker 1: what that is, that's okay, listen up, you'll figure it out.

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Speaker 1: How to set up a playroom and how to get

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Speaker 1: your freaking life back, because guess what with independent play.

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Speaker 1: Your kid is going to play by themselves. Doesn't everybody

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Speaker 1: want that? So let me tell you a little bit

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Speaker 1: about Lizzie. She's a parenting strategist and a play advocate.

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Speaker 1: She is the founder of the workspace for Children. Go

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Speaker 1: follow that Instagram account right now. She's an inspiration source

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Speaker 1: of living a play based life with kids. Lizzie helps

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Speaker 1: parents trade in exhausting days filled with packed schedules and

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Speaker 1: entertaining kids for days filled with independent play. Lizzie also

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Speaker 1: offers play tips and resources to parents and teachers and

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Speaker 1: caregivers through her blog and social channels. And she's a

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Speaker 1: mom to three kids who are eight, eleven, and fourteen.

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Speaker 1: I am so psyched to have you here. Welcome to

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Speaker 1: Katie's crib Lizzie. Okay, we're all sinked up and you're

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Speaker 1: not going to hear them right Good morning, everybody. Welcome

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Speaker 1: to Katie's crib with Lizzie. I mean, as you can

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Speaker 1: hear from my microphone. It's really early in l a

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Speaker 1: and my son is not yet off to preschool, so

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Speaker 1: good bye. Rest assured. This is happening all over the

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Speaker 1: world right now, and everyone's houses. I mean, it's crazy.

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Speaker 1: So first and foremost, I want you to tell us

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Speaker 1: about your children at their ages, and then also tell

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Speaker 1: us a little bit about your background and why you're

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Speaker 1: so knowledgeable about independent play and toddlers and siblings. Tell

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Speaker 1: me it all alright, totally. So before I had kids,

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Speaker 1: I taught nursery school in New York City. I went

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Speaker 1: to the Bank Street School of Education, which is just

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Speaker 1: the most progress a beautiful place to learn about becoming

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Speaker 1: a teacher and an educator. And while I was there,

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Speaker 1: I did my internship at the best little school in

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Speaker 1: downtown Manhattan. And it was really there where I formed

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Speaker 1: this love and appreciation for letting kids play and just

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Speaker 1: be who they are instead of structuring every last move,

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Speaker 1: telling them what to think, where to do it, and

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Speaker 1: you know, all the things. And so then I had

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Speaker 1: my own kids. I have three kids. So my oldest,

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Speaker 1: Nate is fourteen, and he just started high school this week.

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Speaker 1: Yeah that's insane. And Ruby is eleven and Sloan is eight.

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Speaker 1: And Ruby just went to sleep away camp this summer

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Speaker 1: on like a real camping trip, like in the woods

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Speaker 1: for two weeks. She did. Not only are you so

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Speaker 1: well studied and practiced in the toddler world, which is

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Speaker 1: one of the world I'm currently in. But because your

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Speaker 1: children are older, I'm able to see all the work

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Speaker 1: that I'm doing sort of payoff through you, because it

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Speaker 1: really looks like and we all know Instagram is truth,

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Speaker 1: it's not, but it looks like your children are very independent.

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Speaker 1: They are and very self assured in their decisions and

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Speaker 1: their choices, and they're respectful of their own wants and needs,

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Speaker 1: but also your own wants and needs. And it's really

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Speaker 1: cool that you're so far ahead of me. I have

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Speaker 1: a four year almost four year old and a ten

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Speaker 1: month old, and my god, like, parenting in the way

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Speaker 1: that you are speaking about and practiced when you were

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Speaker 1: a teacher is so hard. Like yesterday I was at

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Speaker 1: his nursery school and we've been dealing a lot with

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Speaker 1: hitting and things like that, and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I get it. Like in the fifties whatever, when someone

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Speaker 1: would just be like, oh, no, I'm just locking you

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Speaker 1: in your room or whatever it was, I'm like, that's

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Speaker 1: the easier option. This is hard, like like like working

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Speaker 1: through it, and what are you really trying to tell me?

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Speaker 1: Are you frustrated? I think you maybe? Are you hung?

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Speaker 1: You know you didn't have a nap whatever it is.

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Speaker 1: But it's like, that's exhausting. It's so exhausting. But like

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Speaker 1: you said, it's front loading and it will pay you

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Speaker 1: back so much as they grow you can't even imagine.

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Speaker 1: And that doesn't mean they stopped doing the middle school

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Speaker 1: version of hitting or whatever it is, but it does

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Speaker 1: mean that those conversations are so much faster, easier, and

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Speaker 1: you can get right to the point because they're already

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Speaker 1: speaking out language. Ah, that's such a relief. Tell us

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Speaker 1: about Workspace for Children. What is it and how did

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Speaker 1: you start it? So? Now, the Workspace for Children is

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Speaker 1: an online platform and Instagram where I teach parents and

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Speaker 1: educators how to really embrace play to actually end parental burnout.

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Speaker 1: I want people to learn that they don't have to

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Speaker 1: structure every second of their today and burn themselves out.

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Speaker 1: And that exactly what you were just saying, Like, if

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Speaker 1: you can put in that little bit of work in

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Speaker 1: the beginning, it's going to pay you back so much

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Speaker 1: in the end. The Workspace for Children, however, started when

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Speaker 1: my youngest was one and I wanted to, you know,

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Speaker 1: take her to like a mommy and me class. But

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Speaker 1: I realized that every class I took her to, it

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Speaker 1: was highly structured. There was a lot of you get

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Speaker 1: what you get and you don't get upset type of language.

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Speaker 1: And I really couldn't find a program for her that

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Speaker 1: felt aligned with our values, and so I made one.

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Speaker 1: And so I in my basement, I set up this

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Speaker 1: parenting and play studio where parents and caregivers would come

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Speaker 1: and we would do open ended art and I would

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Speaker 1: model the appropriate language and just kind of show people

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Speaker 1: that if you honor that your child inherently knows how

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Speaker 1: to play and you don't tell them what to do,

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Speaker 1: they actually will figure it out. And so that's how

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Speaker 1: the Workspace for Children was born. That's even that's how

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Speaker 1: I started my blog on my Instagram. Wow, those lucky

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Speaker 1: mamas and caregivers that got to hang out in your basement,

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Speaker 1: it was so much fun. I made some of my

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Speaker 1: best friends there. Ah. I love it for all of

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Speaker 1: you listening. I mean, it really just takes the pressure

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Speaker 1: off in Albi's room. The relief I feel when I

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Speaker 1: just get to sit back and let him take the

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Speaker 1: lead and have there be no structure or no plans

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Speaker 1: and I just sit back and watch, you know, or

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Speaker 1: partake if he wants me to, but I'm not on

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Speaker 1: my phone or anything like that, And even just fifteen

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Speaker 1: minutes is so honestly relaxing and fulfilling, and also the

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Speaker 1: relief that I feel, especially as I'm getting into this

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Speaker 1: four year old age where I'm getting just so many

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Speaker 1: texts and emails as we're opening up from the pandemic

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Speaker 1: of like, well does he want to do soccer? Well?

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Speaker 1: Does he want to do karate? Well? Does he want

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Speaker 1: to do this? Isn't to that? And I'm like, you know, honestly,

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Speaker 1: we'll do one thing a week, but it's big, and

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Speaker 1: he's exhausted that he's even nursery school. These are the

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Speaker 1: years we get to be home and he has a

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Speaker 1: ten month old baby sister that we're all getting to know,

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Speaker 1: and I'm just trying to take the pressure off myself

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Speaker 1: of like, I don't need to spend my days in

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Speaker 1: l a traffic, like driving a four year old to

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Speaker 1: like a shipload of places. That's right, but most people

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Speaker 1: think that being a good parent means signing them up

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Speaker 1: for like every enrichment and every last thing. But what's

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Speaker 1: happening is, and there are so many studies even now

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Speaker 1: if you speak to like college professors and high school

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Speaker 1: teachers where kids come in and if you're not telling

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Speaker 1: them what to do and what instruments to hold and

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Speaker 1: where to press, they have this like blank look on

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Speaker 1: their face. They don't know how to take the first step.

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Speaker 1: Since they were four years old, people were saying, on

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Speaker 1: Monday we do soccer and karate and on Tuesday we

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Speaker 1: have voice and I'm you know, and it's like, when

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Speaker 1: are they ever home? And then they're sitting in the

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Speaker 1: back of the car and they're winding and their board

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Speaker 1: and and you're like crazy burned out. So you toss

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Speaker 1: them a tablet or your phone because you need a second,

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Speaker 1: as you should be the second to think. So you

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Speaker 1: can back all that up to those early years. So

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Speaker 1: tell me what exactly for those listen, what is independent play?

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Speaker 1: Why is it important? So? Independent play is when your

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Speaker 1: child is playing by themselves, directing their own play. They

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Speaker 1: decided what to play and how to play it. Independent

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Speaker 1: plays when your child is their most authentic self. Independent

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Speaker 1: play doesn't mean sitting and playing quietly with blocks or dolls.

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Speaker 1: I think there's a big thing there that people see

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Speaker 1: on Instagram or in the nursery school classroom that like

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Speaker 1: their child's not playing independently if they're not quietly you know,

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Speaker 1: building a black building or drawing a pretty picture. Independent

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Speaker 1: play can also be in like bouncing a ball in

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Speaker 1: the backyard against the garage and getting in a rhythm

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Speaker 1: with yourself. Independent play is just flow with yourself. Not

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Speaker 1: only is independent play so important for your child for

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Speaker 1: them to learn who they are, what their interests are,

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Speaker 1: what their interests are, not what you're what you think

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Speaker 1: their interests are supposed to be. It's also so important

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Speaker 1: for the family system. When you can set up the

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Speaker 1: habit of independent play, then that means caregiver parent gets

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Speaker 1: time back for themselves to take care of their own needs.

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Speaker 1: And then that's when it becomes the difference of being

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Speaker 1: half in all the time or all in for a

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Speaker 1: short time. All in for a short time is a

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Speaker 1: billion times more valuable than half in all the time.

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Speaker 1: How do we teach kids independent play? You can start small, right,

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Speaker 1: You can start so small, and you can start anywhere

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Speaker 1: you are. You can have a kid who watches TV

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Speaker 1: all day every day and still start where you are.

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Speaker 1: Anyone can do this anywhere. And the trick really here

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Speaker 1: is is learning about who your kid is. Literally when

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Speaker 1: you're in the car with them and they're staring out

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Speaker 1: the window and they get excited out something, that's a clue.

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Speaker 1: The kid who loves trucks and every time they see

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Speaker 1: a truck drive by, they clap and get too excited,

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Speaker 1: that's a clue. Literally, watch your child for a few minutes,

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Speaker 1: even if you're not with them, sit down and think

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Speaker 1: about your kid, Like set a timer for five minutes,

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Speaker 1: and just think about who your kid really is, the good,

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Speaker 1: the bad, all of it. What lights them up. When

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Speaker 1: you can hone in on one or two of those things.

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Speaker 1: You can set up the most simple environment, and I'm

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Speaker 1: not talking about a fancy playroom. I'm talking about any

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Speaker 1: little blanket on the floor in any part of your home,

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Speaker 1: with just some things that reflect their interests. That's when

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Speaker 1: you're going to start to see natural, independent play. And

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Speaker 1: it's so simple that I think people miss that step

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Speaker 1: and they start to think independent play means you buy

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Speaker 1: all the wooden toys and you set up these fancy crafts,

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Speaker 1: and then their kids don't play with it, and then

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Speaker 1: you're annoyed and then they're like confused, like what did

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Speaker 1: they do? And then they just want to watch TV

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Speaker 1: because TV is so much easier on everyone, you know,

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Speaker 1: and then that cycle continues. So if you can just

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Speaker 1: really find the little things that light your kids up,

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Speaker 1: and it can even be like just in that week.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be some grand thing that you're like,

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Speaker 1: my kid loves, you know, whatever it is. I mean, literally,

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Speaker 1: what did they talk NonStop about this week? It could

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Speaker 1: be pop patrol and and that just means grab a

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Speaker 1: handful of those pop patrol choice, put him down on

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Speaker 1: a blanket, put a few magnetic tiles next to it.

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Speaker 1: That's when you're going to spark kindly. How we started

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Speaker 1: was like the tip I would lie like I would

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Speaker 1: just as soon as I would set him up with something,

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Speaker 1: I would just be like, oh, I have to go

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Speaker 1: to the bathroom, and I would just go to the bathroom,

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Speaker 1: you know, for five minutes and ten minutes than fifteen minutes.

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Speaker 1: I mean. The great news about kids, they kind of

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Speaker 1: have no concept of time, you know, like it is

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Speaker 1: what you say it is. There's something actually really amazing

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Speaker 1: that you do there that's making a kind of play happen,

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Speaker 1: and that is that you're setting a limit. So for

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Speaker 1: you you're comfortable setting a limit saying I'm going to

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Speaker 1: the bathroom because you feel comfortable saying I have to

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Speaker 1: go to the bathroom, and like if they're like, now,

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Speaker 1: you know you can, but I'm going to the bathroom

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Speaker 1: because like humans go to the bathroom. When people can

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Speaker 1: set a limit that they can stand by, then your

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Speaker 1: kid can stand by it. And when you can add

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Speaker 1: those limits to play and quiet time, it's such a

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Speaker 1: game changer. What would you say if you weren't going

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Speaker 1: to use the party? So I teach a whole course

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Speaker 1: on how to teach your child and your whole family

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Speaker 1: to get in this rhythm of independent play, even with

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Speaker 1: really little kids, like kids that are too and are

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Speaker 1: dropping the nap. I would say, like, you know, something

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Speaker 1: that older children do is called quiet time, and it's

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Speaker 1: a time when you get to play with your things

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Speaker 1: without anyone interrupting you. You don't have to share with

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Speaker 1: your sister, you don't have to listen to my ideas.

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Speaker 1: Quiet time means like this is for you. And then

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Speaker 1: you're also going to say, like, this is also my

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Speaker 1: quiet time. You know, you really like build that up

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Speaker 1: as like a grown up important thing, because it is.

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Speaker 1: It is and then when you can pair that with

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Speaker 1: setting limits around that right, and then the course we

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Speaker 1: talk about like why do you even want quiet time?

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Speaker 1: Like why not just be like fine, like during quiet

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Speaker 1: time you can watch screens because no judgment. For some people,

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Speaker 1: that's what they do and that works, and that's totally fine.

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Speaker 1: If you are someone though, who wants your child to

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Speaker 1: play independently during quiet time. I help people look all

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Speaker 1: the way into the future, what kind of personality traits

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Speaker 1: do you want to help your child develop when they

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Speaker 1: are in middle school or in high school, because those

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Speaker 1: are things that are going to learn during independent play.

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Speaker 1: And so when you can remember like the reasons why

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Speaker 1: you really want your child to have these play skills.

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Speaker 1: In my course, I have a whole workbook where we

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Speaker 1: like work through that so that you can get super

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Speaker 1: clear on why you're doing it. The truth of the

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Speaker 1: matter is you can have any system, any bride, any anything.

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Speaker 1: Your child is going to push back on you. They're

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Speaker 1: supposed to. And we're so tired that like we want

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Speaker 1: to just be like, oh, forget it, fine, don't do it.

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Speaker 1: But if you have that like clear list of like nope,

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Speaker 1: I'm setting this limit, like you know, same thing. A

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Speaker 1: lot of parents feel guilty saying, you know, go play.

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Speaker 1: I'm doing my thing, you do yours, And I totally

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Speaker 1: get that. But when you look at it out through

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Speaker 1: this other lens of that, you're like doing them such

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Speaker 1: an amazing service by setting these limits and boundaries around

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Speaker 1: this time where they get to figure out their true

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Speaker 1: authentic self. Oh, this is such a relief. And guys like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: let's change the perspective when they used to say, go

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Speaker 1: outside and play. I don't want to see you till dinner.

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Speaker 1: I mean, we're doing it in a little bit of

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Speaker 1: a different way, but it's the same thing, is that

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Speaker 1: you're doing a good thing. You are not expected as

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Speaker 1: a parent to play with your child all day long

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Speaker 1: and survive. What a nightmare. And if you do that,

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Speaker 1: it's a disaster. I don't play with my kids. They

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Speaker 1: never have. I don't. I'm a play expert, and I

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Speaker 1: don't play with my kids. Guys, you heard it here first.

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Speaker 1: I have goose bumps like sponges sponges at a bucket

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Speaker 1: of water, have fun like you know, like it's oh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: there's ranges if you know of what things cost and

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Speaker 1: all of that, But you set your kid up and

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Speaker 1: then you go away. Well, I mean, and that's part

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Speaker 1: of like having successful independent play is like using that

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Speaker 1: environment to set the limits for you or to spark

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Speaker 1: ideas for you, so that you're not part of that

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Speaker 1: and they come to it on their own terms. We

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Speaker 1: as adults, we'll see like a project on Pinterest, say

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Speaker 1: with soaphie water and a bucket, but like we'll start

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Speaker 1: getting all fancy and adding food, coloring and slime and

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Speaker 1: like this, and like a who has time for that?

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Speaker 1: Because I don't be Then your kid comes to it

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Speaker 1: and they're like and then you're annoyed, and then you're

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Speaker 1: forcing them to do it, and then you're not doing

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Speaker 1: it again. The other green thing about independent play is

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Speaker 1: that now we're a little bit in a rhythm where

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Speaker 1: he kind of does it at the same times every day,

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Speaker 1: and now it's become almost like a self regulation for

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Speaker 1: both of you, for both of us, even for example us.

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Speaker 1: You know, my schedules a little bit different today because

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Speaker 1: we're doing this call, like I said, early, so it

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Speaker 1: kind of interrupted. He likes to do a good twenty

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Speaker 1: thirty minutes of independently before he goes to school, Like

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Speaker 1: he wakes up, has breakfast, plays around with me and

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Speaker 1: his sister, and then he likes to really have some

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Speaker 1: alone time with with with his things before he goes

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Speaker 1: to school. I almost feel like it's his body knowing

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Speaker 1: that he's about to go to school and interact and

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Speaker 1: it's really intense. And then he does it when he

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Speaker 1: gets home from school and he's just starting to drop

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Speaker 1: his nap, which is crazy. I know people are like,

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Speaker 1: he still naps, and I guess he does. Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: But now we're doing this quiet time where for the

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Speaker 1: first time over this weekend, I said, Okay, if you

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Speaker 1: don't want to sleep, you're in your room. Your door

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Speaker 1: is shown. Is that rhythm of nap time? Did you

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Speaker 1: do quiet time? Oh yeah, we still do quiet time

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Speaker 1: and middle school, I literally nap every Saturday and Sunday.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to too. It is non negoci all like

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Speaker 1: quiet time happens and I nap and my husband like

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Speaker 1: watches football or whatever. And that is like hard line.

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Speaker 1: You said you don't play with your kids, But I

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Speaker 1: love this that you advised on the Balanced Parent podcast

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Speaker 1: that a parent should play with their children in a

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Speaker 1: way that is appealing to them. Yeah, it's cool to

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Speaker 1: be the caregiver where this is the type of play

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Speaker 1: I like, right, I mean, that's sort of so many

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Speaker 1: purposes too. For me, I happen to be very artsy.

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Speaker 1: I love art. I love to just like you know,

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Speaker 1: rub a marker around on the paper, and to me

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Speaker 1: like that is when I'm the most present and like

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Speaker 1: listening to my kids the most. So a lot of times.

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Speaker 1: You know, if you follow Instagram, you'll see after school

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Speaker 1: I usually set up like a snack and really simple

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Speaker 1: art on the table. That's how I can say to

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Speaker 1: my kids, like, hey, I was thinking about you and

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Speaker 1: we're gone. I'm here to connect if you want to. Also,

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Speaker 1: this took me five minutes, so like if you don't

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Speaker 1: or you're like, hey, I'm going to hang with my

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Speaker 1: buddies or whatever, that's great too. I literally don't care,

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Speaker 1: and I'll probably live it there for the whole weekend anyway.

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Speaker 1: But it's just a way for me to connect with them.

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Speaker 1: Whereas like for my husband, he loves building with blocks,

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Speaker 1: so he'll hang out on the playroom floor. Was slowan

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Speaker 1: and like listen to her ideas and help her create

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Speaker 1: a structure for him. That's really satisfying. Neither of us

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Speaker 1: sit there and play Unicorn because like that's what no,

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Speaker 1: And it's like not, I don't know. I just I

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Speaker 1: don't think that teaches my kids how to like be

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Speaker 1: a good friend or a good human. You know, they

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Speaker 1: could do that. That's amazing for them to do that

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Speaker 1: with themselves, or to find a friend who loves to

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Speaker 1: do that. For me to authentically sit there scroll my

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Speaker 1: phone with one hand and like half make a Barbie move.

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Speaker 1: That's not actually connecting with my kid and it's not

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Speaker 1: going to solve any issues. Yeah, I found out this weekend.

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Speaker 1: Like I've been doing a lot of weekends so because

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Speaker 1: my husband started this pretzel business and so he's gone

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Speaker 1: a lot. So I'm just like I'm the same. I

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Speaker 1: fucking hate playing. But Albie and I have really taken

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Speaker 1: to Vera goes down at nine and then he and

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Speaker 1: I have time together before hopefully by eleven ish when

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Speaker 1: she wakes up. I like to at least have some

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Speaker 1: sort of playdate where we go to a friend's house

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Speaker 1: outside or they come over to our house outside. In

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Speaker 1: that time, he and I have started just baking together

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Speaker 1: because I'm like, this is killing two birds with one stone,

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Speaker 1: where he's playing with the measuring cups in the water,

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Speaker 1: and he loves to be in the sink and cleaning

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Speaker 1: all the dishes and stuff. But also it makes me

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Speaker 1: feel good because I love being a host or going

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Speaker 1: to someone's house and bringing something because I feel like

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Speaker 1: it's a nice thing to do, and you're passing on

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Speaker 1: like your values in a way that feels good to him. Oh,

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Speaker 1: I did something, I'm saying, but you did something that

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Speaker 1: felt like good to you. Yes, it's great to me.

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Speaker 1: I felt right. If you go back and break this down, right,

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Speaker 1: it's like developmentally appropriate for him because he's splashing and

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Speaker 1: pouring and filling, right, and he's four years old and

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Speaker 1: that's what kids love to do. He's also doing like

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Speaker 1: an assigned task, that is, he's capable of doing like

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Speaker 1: It probably wouldn't be fun for him if you were like, hey,

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Speaker 1: sound out these words in the cookbook. You know that

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Speaker 1: he would be like, no, like, and then you would

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Speaker 1: get annoyed, and then he would get and like the

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Speaker 1: fun would be over. But you're doing something that feels

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Speaker 1: good to you, that passes on family values and is

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Speaker 1: developmentally appropriate for him. Tell us what a closed end

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Speaker 1: of toys versus an open end. So a closed ended

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Speaker 1: toy would be a toy that does one thing, like

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Speaker 1: there's one outcome to it, and the toy doesn't most

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Speaker 1: of the playing for them, so like they pressed the button,

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Speaker 1: the toy makes the thing spin around and the noise

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Speaker 1: goes off. A closed end of toy would be like

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Speaker 1: something that can only be one thing. So if it's

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Speaker 1: like the pop Patrol pop tower, like that can really

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Speaker 1: kind of only be the po patrol pop tower. That's

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Speaker 1: not going to suddenly be volcano or a you know,

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Speaker 1: it's just not. And then an open ended toy would

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Speaker 1: be something that your child can use a million different ways.

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Speaker 1: They have to put their own self, their own interests,

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Speaker 1: their own stage of development. They have to work to

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Speaker 1: make it become something, and they kind of have to

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Speaker 1: learn how to do that. There's a lot of people

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Speaker 1: who spent a lot of money on expensive wooden, open

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Speaker 1: ended toys because Instagram told them to or interest told

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Speaker 1: them to, and their kids are like, I don't know

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Speaker 1: what to do with this, or the parents can look

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Speaker 1: at and be like what are they supposed to do

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Speaker 1: with this? That takes work, that takes development. But that's

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Speaker 1: a way of thinking I had a real momentum actually

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Speaker 1: in all honesty following you on Instagram, where I felt,

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Speaker 1: I mean, this all happens to all moms, but I

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Speaker 1: felt like like I really made a massive mistake. During

430
00:22:56,480 --> 00:23:01,359
Speaker 1: the pandemic, I was pregnant and pediatrician was very We

431
00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:03,440
Speaker 1: weren't sending out me to school or pladates or everything

432
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:05,840
Speaker 1: because we were like really scared about COVID and the

433
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,600
Speaker 1: fact that I was pregetting things and it happened to

434
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:13,720
Speaker 1: run into also Hanukkah, Christmas and his birthday. The amount

435
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:17,520
Speaker 1: of crap, close ended toys that showed up in my

436
00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:23,480
Speaker 1: house was astronomical and really overwhelming for me. I don't

437
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:26,320
Speaker 1: like having a lot of things as a person to like,

438
00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:29,360
Speaker 1: I just get really overwhelmed easily. I don't like a

439
00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:32,160
Speaker 1: ton of toys, so that was hard for me. Also,

440
00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:34,840
Speaker 1: I sort of was so tired with the newborn. I

441
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,880
Speaker 1: was like, I don't care, like his closet is bursting

442
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:41,480
Speaker 1: at the seems with plastic paw patrol things. My daughter

443
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:43,159
Speaker 1: is now ten months old, and I just did like

444
00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:47,120
Speaker 1: while he was at school, I've done massive cleanouts and

445
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:49,880
Speaker 1: I have to say I feel so much better, like

446
00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:51,760
Speaker 1: it's not that I got rid of them all. I

447
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:55,400
Speaker 1: have them. And I also had to really really struggle

448
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:58,960
Speaker 1: with him about what are the things you're giving away

449
00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:01,520
Speaker 1: two people? What are the things you're handing down to

450
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:04,399
Speaker 1: your baby sister to make him feel better. I'm like,

451
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:06,679
Speaker 1: because we're making room. You know your birthday is coming up,

452
00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:09,200
Speaker 1: and you're going to get to choose a few new

453
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:12,959
Speaker 1: things that you will play with. But I felt like

454
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:16,520
Speaker 1: a bad mom because of all the clothes ended toys

455
00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:19,720
Speaker 1: I had. I don't think there's anything wrong with having

456
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:24,320
Speaker 1: some commercial, closed ended toys. I really don't. When Sloan,

457
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:27,760
Speaker 1: my youngest, was little, she was obsessed with Pot Patrol

458
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:31,360
Speaker 1: and I had two older kids, and so I literally

459
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:34,960
Speaker 1: bought the knockoff pot Patrol like mini figures and I

460
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,040
Speaker 1: would put them. I kept one in a pouch in

461
00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:39,480
Speaker 1: my car, one in the diaper bag, and whenever I

462
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:42,400
Speaker 1: had to like take Nate to soccer or take rebeat

463
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:44,920
Speaker 1: a softball or whatever, and Sloan was like, I would

464
00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:47,960
Speaker 1: pull out those little pot patrols, but instead of having

465
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:51,719
Speaker 1: those with the pop tower and with the truck that

466
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:53,680
Speaker 1: makes all the noises, I would give for those little

467
00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:56,159
Speaker 1: pot patrols something she loves and thinks about, and the

468
00:24:56,320 --> 00:25:00,720
Speaker 1: lights her up with maybe like a few blocks and

469
00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:03,800
Speaker 1: you know, something that she can build, because now suddenly

470
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:06,440
Speaker 1: the pups can't aren't just going back and florth in

471
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:09,159
Speaker 1: the Pup tower like they did in the show. You know,

472
00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:11,040
Speaker 1: they're going in this block building that she made and

473
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:13,320
Speaker 1: then suddenly she had an idea and it turns into

474
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:17,520
Speaker 1: a unicorn fairy land or whatever that she wouldn't have

475
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:22,040
Speaker 1: had that opportunity with just the pop tower, right, Okay,

476
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:25,000
Speaker 1: so we're not against close ended toys. It's not reality.

477
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:27,080
Speaker 1: And also because I was thinking, I was like, my god,

478
00:25:27,119 --> 00:25:30,480
Speaker 1: like if I we're gonna get rid of close ended

479
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:34,520
Speaker 1: toys entirely. It really links back to television, to be honest.

480
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,600
Speaker 1: For in my household, it's like he's seeing that ship

481
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:40,320
Speaker 1: and he's seeing it and that's what his friends are playing.

482
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:42,520
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with it. I feel like the only

483
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:45,040
Speaker 1: time it becomes an issue is like when you have

484
00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:48,679
Speaker 1: you know, say like the Daniel Tiger figures plus the

485
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,200
Speaker 1: clubhouse plus the other thing and the other thing and

486
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:53,760
Speaker 1: the other thing. Then they're only going to play that

487
00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:56,800
Speaker 1: over and over and never taking the lead in their

488
00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:59,680
Speaker 1: own play they're not using their own imagination, and they're

489
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:02,440
Speaker 1: also and they get sick of it because you can

490
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:05,080
Speaker 1: only do one thing with it. Whereas when you take

491
00:26:05,119 --> 00:26:08,440
Speaker 1: an open ended toy like those wooden rainbows that are

492
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:11,600
Speaker 1: like so trendy, right, those are awesome because they make

493
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:14,120
Speaker 1: a great baby gift. They look great on the shelf, right,

494
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:16,680
Speaker 1: But then like you have a little sitting up baby

495
00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:19,320
Speaker 1: who can bang them together because that's where they are

496
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:21,840
Speaker 1: in their development. And as they get a little older,

497
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:24,320
Speaker 1: they're going to use them again and they're gonna start

498
00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:27,280
Speaker 1: to like stack them into each other and that. And

499
00:26:27,359 --> 00:26:30,359
Speaker 1: now Nate who's fourteen, could do these like crazy balancing

500
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:33,159
Speaker 1: tricks with them with like these giant wooden marbles that

501
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 1: like I'm like, you're fourteen, I can't believe you're still

502
00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:40,199
Speaker 1: like attracted to this thing. But it's like, you know,

503
00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:42,920
Speaker 1: he has an idea and he's like, oh, we could

504
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:45,880
Speaker 1: make this. So you talked on a Simple Families podcast,

505
00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:48,399
Speaker 1: like we're saying that it's okay to buy close ended toys.

506
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:50,720
Speaker 1: You yourself have bought them from time to time, but

507
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:53,199
Speaker 1: you wouldn't have them in play rooms. So how do

508
00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 1: you transition your child back to enjoying playing with mostly

509
00:26:57,080 --> 00:27:00,240
Speaker 1: open ended toys. Let's say that a people someone listing

510
00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:03,879
Speaker 1: like I was, is right up the close ended toys

511
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:07,919
Speaker 1: ship show. How do we get them out? Okay, so

512
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:10,000
Speaker 1: the first thing is like, don't feel like you have

513
00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:12,480
Speaker 1: to attack your whole playroom and start throwing everything out.

514
00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:15,640
Speaker 1: It's so overwhelming and you're just not gonna do it.

515
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:18,399
Speaker 1: Take something that's sort of open ended, like you know,

516
00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:21,560
Speaker 1: like those Melissa and Doug creative blocks that like someone

517
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:24,200
Speaker 1: gave you at some birthday party, because like everyone gives

518
00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:27,000
Speaker 1: that is like a first birthday gift. Right, Dig that

519
00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:29,520
Speaker 1: out of like the hole in the back of your playroom,

520
00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:33,240
Speaker 1: and you know, put it on your coffee table in

521
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:34,960
Speaker 1: your living room, like set it up in a few

522
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:39,760
Speaker 1: little stacks, and honestly, get whatever they like. Are they

523
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:42,760
Speaker 1: into dinosaurs? Are they into whatever show they're into? And

524
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:45,119
Speaker 1: you have the closes ended toys, take that out too,

525
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:47,200
Speaker 1: and grab a few of them and just like sprinkle

526
00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:50,960
Speaker 1: them around that black building and leave it there. Don't

527
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:53,440
Speaker 1: be like, look, look are you going to use this?

528
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:56,199
Speaker 1: Put it in an unexpected place, put it on your

529
00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:59,760
Speaker 1: bathroom floor. Then you can take a shower. This is great.

530
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:02,080
Speaker 1: I'm already like my brain is spinning because he just

531
00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:04,080
Speaker 1: left for preschool, and I'm like, okay, what could I

532
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:06,280
Speaker 1: just like I have that Melissa and Dug shit in

533
00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:08,120
Speaker 1: the back. I should just put that out on our

534
00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:11,239
Speaker 1: living room floor. Sloan was so needy she never just

535
00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:13,199
Speaker 1: let me take a shower. I took everything out of

536
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:18,080
Speaker 1: my bathroom cabinet thing like everything and instead inside there

537
00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:21,200
Speaker 1: and literally put like a few little blocks, a few

538
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:23,800
Speaker 1: little magnetic tiles. And whenever she wined at me and

539
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:25,359
Speaker 1: I wanted to take a shower, would just open the

540
00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:27,520
Speaker 1: cabinet in my bathroom and like I took a shower,

541
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:30,720
Speaker 1: blow out my hair, like, do all the things. Because

542
00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:33,480
Speaker 1: it wasn't like me being like go to the playroom,

543
00:28:34,119 --> 00:28:37,200
Speaker 1: go make some you know. It's just like I was like,

544
00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:39,400
Speaker 1: all right, well I'm showering. You can hang out and

545
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:41,520
Speaker 1: cry and wind and do the things, or like if

546
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:44,560
Speaker 1: you open that you can also play. So we're coming

547
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:47,600
Speaker 1: up on the fourth birthday and because I just I'm

548
00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:53,160
Speaker 1: feeling way better about his toy consumption right now. Um,

549
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:56,000
Speaker 1: I just feel better that it's a really healthy for

550
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:59,400
Speaker 1: me mix of open ended toys and clothes ended toys,

551
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:02,520
Speaker 1: and I'm just really aware and like watching how he plays,

552
00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:05,680
Speaker 1: and for me, it's a big value that he is

553
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 1: taking the clothes ended toys and and coming up with

554
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:12,480
Speaker 1: stuff on his own. So what I did was I

555
00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:17,240
Speaker 1: actually sent a text to those listening whatever if you

556
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:19,320
Speaker 1: want to, I'm just if this is helpful to anyone,

557
00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:21,360
Speaker 1: it was super helpful to me. I have a group

558
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:23,280
Speaker 1: of people that all of our children were born in

559
00:29:23,280 --> 00:29:26,800
Speaker 1: the same few weeks, and so the birthday gifts become insane.

560
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:29,200
Speaker 1: And I texted all of them and I said, please

561
00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:32,040
Speaker 1: make a donation or nothing at all. Thank you so much,

562
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:35,600
Speaker 1: but we're at capacity and I'm not interested. And then

563
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:38,120
Speaker 1: his grandparents who really want to buy him a gift,

564
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:39,920
Speaker 1: and his aunt nuncles who really want to buy him

565
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:43,760
Speaker 1: a gift. I actually, maybe this is still controlling. I

566
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:48,720
Speaker 1: made a list on unshared note and I said, please,

567
00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:50,320
Speaker 1: I just want to let you know we just did

568
00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:52,880
Speaker 1: a big clean out of his toys and I'm really

569
00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:56,600
Speaker 1: carefully curating this year what he's getting for his birthday

570
00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:59,800
Speaker 1: that rolls into Hanukkah, that rolls into Christmas. And this

571
00:29:59,880 --> 00:30:03,400
Speaker 1: is the list, completely affordable and inexpensive, and I feel

572
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:07,800
Speaker 1: really proud of myself and you can reframe your thinking.

573
00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:10,680
Speaker 1: Are you being controlling or are you setting a boundary?

574
00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:14,680
Speaker 1: You know, like he's really just gotten into costume play,

575
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:16,920
Speaker 1: Like really, I've noticed in another kid's house and we

576
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:19,680
Speaker 1: don't have any of that stuff. I know costumes can

577
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:25,280
Speaker 1: be really close ended, you know, a scarf versus a outfit.

578
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:28,320
Speaker 1: But like he loves the astronaut thing. He pretends to

579
00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 1: be an astronaut. I was like, great, that's from Grandma.

580
00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:33,200
Speaker 1: I don't think there's anything wrong with that. And also

581
00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:36,200
Speaker 1: like if you know that he loves astronaut things, have

582
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:38,320
Speaker 1: someone or you could do this for his birthday, like

583
00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:41,840
Speaker 1: literally get a big shoe box, caught up some tinfoil,

584
00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:45,400
Speaker 1: like some like you know, like some little boxes, or

585
00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:48,440
Speaker 1: give him some like wooden play people with tinfoil and

586
00:30:48,520 --> 00:31:04,320
Speaker 1: let him like turn that into something. That's great. Talk

587
00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:10,400
Speaker 1: to me about TV watching totally. So I love TV

588
00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:13,800
Speaker 1: like myself personally, like I love t V um and

589
00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:16,640
Speaker 1: my kids like to be and I don't think it's

590
00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:21,080
Speaker 1: the enemy. I'm just really clear with boundaries. So now

591
00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:28,560
Speaker 1: that they are fourteen eight, were like the big kids

592
00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:31,440
Speaker 1: are allowed to have like their you know, screen time

593
00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:36,000
Speaker 1: or whatever at night on the weekends, and Sloan gets

594
00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:39,800
Speaker 1: hers in the morning on the weekends, and she is like,

595
00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:41,840
Speaker 1: why do they get it at night? And I'm like,

596
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:43,880
Speaker 1: they get it at night because when they're done, they're

597
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:46,640
Speaker 1: not asking me to tuck them in. You are when

598
00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:49,040
Speaker 1: you feel comfortable being old enough, like having yours at

599
00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:52,040
Speaker 1: night and then going to bed, then that's fine. But

600
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:55,000
Speaker 1: otherwise she also wakes up early early, So you know,

601
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:58,080
Speaker 1: we make screen time work for us. It's just the differences,

602
00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:01,560
Speaker 1: Like it's not a fallback. So my kids know when

603
00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:05,360
Speaker 1: screen time is allowed, what they're allowed to like watch

604
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:07,480
Speaker 1: and not watch, which is also changing now that Nates

605
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:09,720
Speaker 1: in high school, Like I'm learning a lot about like

606
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:13,880
Speaker 1: how to let go of that um. But our boundaries

607
00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:18,240
Speaker 1: again are just like really clear around. Tablets are kept

608
00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:20,840
Speaker 1: up high in the cabinet in our kitchen. They always

609
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:24,480
Speaker 1: have been their mine and Dave's. They're not the kids.

610
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:26,440
Speaker 1: Like I heard Slow the other day be like, where's

611
00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:28,840
Speaker 1: my iPad? And I was like, oh, well, you don't

612
00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:31,960
Speaker 1: have an iPad. Actually it's mine, and I let you

613
00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:35,200
Speaker 1: use it. Remember when she rolled her eyes. But I

614
00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:38,400
Speaker 1: think it's a pretty clear distinction, like it's mine, it's

615
00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:41,560
Speaker 1: my rules, and that's sort of how we've always gone

616
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:45,160
Speaker 1: and I've always done it for me. You mentioned an

617
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 1: Instagram post to use the always sometimes method when it

618
00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:50,160
Speaker 1: comes to your kids watching TV. Can you tell us

619
00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:53,320
Speaker 1: a little bit about that. That totally And it's so

620
00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:55,560
Speaker 1: funny now because my big kids like fully roll their

621
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:59,480
Speaker 1: eyes at this, um But I tell my kids, you know,

622
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:02,040
Speaker 1: first slow, you always get to watch TV on Saturday

623
00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:07,719
Speaker 1: and Sunday mornings. You can count on that. Sometimes on Thursday,

624
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:11,400
Speaker 1: I'm freaking tired and and I don't, you know, you

625
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 1: get to watch a show like you know sometimes but

626
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:16,800
Speaker 1: that's up to me. But the weekends you will always

627
00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:19,200
Speaker 1: get it. It's not conditional. I don't take it away

628
00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:22,120
Speaker 1: from her, you know, for whatever reason, or like I

629
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:26,080
Speaker 1: really try not to. Then sometimes they get extra you know,

630
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:29,120
Speaker 1: you always get to watch on the weekends. Sometimes we

631
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:31,360
Speaker 1: go in a really long car ride and you get

632
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:33,640
Speaker 1: to and I mean even just recently, we were with

633
00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:35,560
Speaker 1: the kids in the car. We're going on a short

634
00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:38,280
Speaker 1: trip from Massachusetts to Maine. And the short trips we

635
00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:40,560
Speaker 1: don't tend to like use devices in the car we

636
00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:42,880
Speaker 1: just don't know judgment for people who do it. Whatever.

637
00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:45,640
Speaker 1: It was a really quick drive and so the kids

638
00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:48,080
Speaker 1: didn't even expect to have devices. But then Dave and

639
00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:50,160
Speaker 1: I decided we wanted to listen to a true crime

640
00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 1: podcast and we want to listen to it. So you're like, guys,

641
00:33:54,160 --> 00:34:00,920
Speaker 1: it's sometimes that's so funny, and they were on site

642
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:03,040
Speaker 1: they were like, yeah, this is such a win. I

643
00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:05,240
Speaker 1: think what also made me feel good and change my

644
00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:09,319
Speaker 1: perspective because my son is like U. I recently just

645
00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:12,239
Speaker 1: changed to him only being allowed to watch on weekends

646
00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:15,160
Speaker 1: and that's like our set rule, and my gosh, it's

647
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:18,640
Speaker 1: it's been so much better. I don't know why, but

648
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:22,160
Speaker 1: it does. It changes like it's been so much better

649
00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:25,879
Speaker 1: because to be honest, sometimes the TV watching isn't worth

650
00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:29,239
Speaker 1: it for me because the shut off and the boundary

651
00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:33,600
Speaker 1: if he's is so upsetting to him that it's like, well,

652
00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:35,920
Speaker 1: this was a fucking nightmare. And so the fact that

653
00:34:36,680 --> 00:34:38,680
Speaker 1: on the weekdays that's just not an option and on

654
00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:43,359
Speaker 1: Saturdays he's allowed to watch TV UM in the later

655
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 1: afternoon and saying with Sundays like, that's it same. We've

656
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:48,920
Speaker 1: also set the boundary that Monday through Friday he has

657
00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:51,080
Speaker 1: to get dressed for school, and Saturday and Sunday he

658
00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:53,919
Speaker 1: can wear pajamas all day. I don't care. That's my thing.

659
00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:56,719
Speaker 1: But that's the thing. You're apparent you're allowed to have

660
00:34:56,800 --> 00:35:00,719
Speaker 1: your thing. Like that's my thing? Yeah, if okay? And

661
00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:03,759
Speaker 1: always sometimes context like you always gonna get TV on

662
00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:05,960
Speaker 1: the weekend and sometimes you might get it on a

663
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:10,000
Speaker 1: Thursday or something if mommy needs it. What happens if

664
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:14,160
Speaker 1: there's some acting out behavior? Um? Do you ever take

665
00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:17,840
Speaker 1: away the always weekend TV? Is that ever on the table?

666
00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:21,200
Speaker 1: I try really hard not to. I'm not gonna sit

667
00:35:21,239 --> 00:35:23,359
Speaker 1: here and say I've never lost my temper and done it,

668
00:35:23,440 --> 00:35:27,760
Speaker 1: because hi, I have, UM, but no, they're not related.

669
00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:30,840
Speaker 1: I really try to use like consequences that are related.

670
00:35:31,600 --> 00:35:35,120
Speaker 1: I want them to trust that always. That's you know,

671
00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:39,319
Speaker 1: it's unconditional. Um. And Also, I mean I just feel

672
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:41,200
Speaker 1: like if they say they did something like kick down

673
00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:44,640
Speaker 1: the block tower and I took away TV, like that

674
00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:48,799
Speaker 1: doesn't really add up from that related, right. I might say, Hey,

675
00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:52,080
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm gonna take away these blocks right now,

676
00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:54,160
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna put out only maybe ten of them

677
00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:57,080
Speaker 1: instead of forty and as you learn how to like

678
00:35:57,200 --> 00:35:59,120
Speaker 1: work more safely with blocks and I can help you

679
00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:01,440
Speaker 1: with that, we can add them back it so you

680
00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:06,560
Speaker 1: know something like that? Okay, what if? Oh? I was

681
00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:08,839
Speaker 1: gonna say. The thing that changed my perspective so much

682
00:36:08,840 --> 00:36:11,040
Speaker 1: about TV is the reason why I was like, why

683
00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:13,480
Speaker 1: is my son so obsessed with television? Is something wrong

684
00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:19,680
Speaker 1: with him? Something's wrong, Something's wrong. Still sitting in my

685
00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:23,640
Speaker 1: therapist's office last Friday, being like, why do I default?

686
00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:26,160
Speaker 1: Something wrong with her when like I teach other people

687
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:28,600
Speaker 1: how to not default too? Is something wrong with her?

688
00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:32,440
Speaker 1: That's horrible. But what made me feel better about it

689
00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:36,600
Speaker 1: is TV for our toddlers is a break for their brain.

690
00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:40,080
Speaker 1: And that's what I learned from you doing independent play,

691
00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:42,160
Speaker 1: go to school, all these things using their brain this way.

692
00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:45,680
Speaker 1: It's hard, it's exhausting. It's hard work for them, as

693
00:36:45,719 --> 00:36:48,239
Speaker 1: hard work as us adults are doing to work and

694
00:36:48,360 --> 00:36:50,759
Speaker 1: do our jobs and multitask a million things. Is as

695
00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:54,879
Speaker 1: hard as it is for Albie's brain to learn all

696
00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:59,880
Speaker 1: day and negotiate all day and socialize and play with

697
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:02,040
Speaker 1: toys like that's their work. So when he gets to

698
00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:04,600
Speaker 1: also veg out in front of the television. It's like

699
00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:07,719
Speaker 1: vegging out. It's like the same ship we went, right.

700
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:10,960
Speaker 1: I love vegging out so totally. But the thing about

701
00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:14,560
Speaker 1: independent play that's so cool is that the more they

702
00:37:14,719 --> 00:37:20,000
Speaker 1: work in the beginning and like practice, then it becomes

703
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:23,520
Speaker 1: like this major like decompression. And for parents it's so

704
00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:25,799
Speaker 1: cool because like, you know, you want to be like

705
00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:28,040
Speaker 1: your kid after school, who'd you play with? What you do?

706
00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:30,560
Speaker 1: Who got in trouble? Like all the things, which is

707
00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:32,680
Speaker 1: obviously can't do and they're not going to tell you whatever.

708
00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:35,160
Speaker 1: But if you set up like a dollhouse and two

709
00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:38,160
Speaker 1: little people and stuff, you better believe they're going to

710
00:37:38,200 --> 00:37:41,799
Speaker 1: go in there and act out every single experience. And

711
00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:43,800
Speaker 1: it's going to be from their perspective, right, it's not

712
00:37:43,840 --> 00:37:46,359
Speaker 1: going to be like what really happened? But like I

713
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:50,120
Speaker 1: can just spy on the play room and be like, oh,

714
00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:52,799
Speaker 1: you know all those things, because that is when they're

715
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:57,840
Speaker 1: really processing their day out loud. How do you handle

716
00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:02,799
Speaker 1: I don't I mean badhavior. My son's really really um

717
00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:08,719
Speaker 1: physical and so we run into a lot of hitting, punching,

718
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:13,080
Speaker 1: tickling her sister in the eyeball. I try really hard

719
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:16,120
Speaker 1: to say I'm only saying this once, especially if something's

720
00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:19,440
Speaker 1: crossing the line with safety. And I really say that

721
00:38:19,520 --> 00:38:23,799
Speaker 1: for myself because I'm so mushy gushy lovey that it's

722
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:25,719
Speaker 1: really hard for me to stick to something. So I

723
00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:28,480
Speaker 1: say that to myself, to stick to something, and then

724
00:38:28,239 --> 00:38:31,880
Speaker 1: I'll take away whatever is currently being used as a weapon.

725
00:38:33,239 --> 00:38:36,520
Speaker 1: I would too, I mean safety first, right, but like

726
00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:39,359
Speaker 1: also like go back to like why you're doing it,

727
00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:41,400
Speaker 1: Like when you want to get mushy gushy or like

728
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:44,880
Speaker 1: you feel bad, then be like, actually, no, why do

729
00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:47,000
Speaker 1: I feel bad? Like he's poking his sister in the

730
00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:51,000
Speaker 1: eye with this block, Like it's okay for me to say,

731
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:54,240
Speaker 1: like stop, I won't let you hurt her the same

732
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:56,759
Speaker 1: way I'm going to always keep you safe and I'm

733
00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:59,000
Speaker 1: not gonna let anyone hurt you. I'm not gonna let

734
00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:02,080
Speaker 1: anyone hurt her. So I'm going to take that. It's

735
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:04,160
Speaker 1: not up to you. I mean that's a big one

736
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:06,040
Speaker 1: that I say, Like I know you wish like you

737
00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:07,719
Speaker 1: could be in charge of that, but I am the

738
00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:10,000
Speaker 1: grown up in charge. And so then what do you

739
00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:12,000
Speaker 1: do if he says no, I'm the grown up. That's

740
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:14,919
Speaker 1: what my son said. I would say, you really wish

741
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:17,120
Speaker 1: you could be in charge. I know it feels so good.

742
00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:19,319
Speaker 1: Like you can be in charge of when you go

743
00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:21,640
Speaker 1: to the potty, you can be in charge of if

744
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:23,880
Speaker 1: you have this or this for breakfast, But when it

745
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:26,640
Speaker 1: comes to keeping you and your sister safe, I am

746
00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:31,799
Speaker 1: actually in charge. Hell yeah, oh I can't wait right,

747
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:34,239
Speaker 1: And you prove that all day every day. You prove

748
00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:37,480
Speaker 1: that in like the soft moments, in the good moments,

749
00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:39,680
Speaker 1: and in the hard moments. It's the same thing as

750
00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:41,799
Speaker 1: like when they're having like a tant room and like

751
00:39:42,040 --> 00:39:44,680
Speaker 1: completely falling apart and you're still saying like I'm here

752
00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:47,480
Speaker 1: for you, like I'm not gonna let you kick down.

753
00:39:47,719 --> 00:39:49,759
Speaker 1: You know this thing that could hurt someone, but I

754
00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:52,560
Speaker 1: am here for you. That's the same thing. Like that's

755
00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:55,760
Speaker 1: also you showing them, showing him that like you're in charge.

756
00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:58,640
Speaker 1: Talk to me about your dining room being the playroom.

757
00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:01,880
Speaker 1: Why did you decide this? Yes, okay, so a million

758
00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:04,360
Speaker 1: and a half years ago when we moved to Maplewood,

759
00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:08,120
Speaker 1: we had like an actual formal dining room because we

760
00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:10,719
Speaker 1: thought that's like what grown ups do. And in the

761
00:40:10,719 --> 00:40:13,680
Speaker 1: basement we put all the toys. But then I realized

762
00:40:13,719 --> 00:40:16,120
Speaker 1: that like, no one goes in the basement, let alone,

763
00:40:16,160 --> 00:40:18,759
Speaker 1: my kids let alone unless I go with them, and

764
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:20,520
Speaker 1: like that wasn't helpful. I had a two year old

765
00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:22,960
Speaker 1: in a newborn. I wasn't going to basement and you

766
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:26,560
Speaker 1: want to drink wine upstairs with your friends. Yeah, So

767
00:40:26,960 --> 00:40:30,080
Speaker 1: little by little I started to like first like the

768
00:40:30,520 --> 00:40:32,800
Speaker 1: you know, the train table came up, and my husband

769
00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:35,120
Speaker 1: came home and he was like, what's going on over here?

770
00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:37,520
Speaker 1: And I was like, I could do whatever I want,

771
00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:39,320
Speaker 1: Like if I'm in the same room as Nate, but

772
00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:41,719
Speaker 1: the train tables here, I can like wash the bottles

773
00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:44,799
Speaker 1: or like talk on the phone. He just wants to

774
00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:48,080
Speaker 1: be in my vision. Long story short, kids want to

775
00:40:48,120 --> 00:40:50,759
Speaker 1: be where we are, right And so we got rid

776
00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:53,399
Speaker 1: of the designing room stuff because we're not formal people.

777
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:56,160
Speaker 1: We do not host formal things, like we have little kids.

778
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:58,080
Speaker 1: So if anyone comes over for dinner with their kids,

779
00:40:58,120 --> 00:41:00,440
Speaker 1: were in the kitchen anyway, so we act to the

780
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:05,200
Speaker 1: dining room, and our playroom was born. And our playroom

781
00:41:05,280 --> 00:41:07,440
Speaker 1: is right off of our kitchen. And so like my

782
00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:09,680
Speaker 1: kids can sort of see me if they needs to

783
00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:11,279
Speaker 1: see me, I can see them. I can you know,

784
00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:12,920
Speaker 1: we can sort of talk, but I can do my

785
00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:16,720
Speaker 1: thing and they can do theirs. Ah, this sounds incredible.

786
00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:19,560
Speaker 1: And it's been years now that you've had this. I mean,

787
00:41:19,640 --> 00:41:21,560
Speaker 1: it's in so many years. And like I said, like,

788
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:24,280
Speaker 1: my oldest is fourteen, my middle is in middle school.

789
00:41:24,320 --> 00:41:26,200
Speaker 1: And we got home from the beach the summer and

790
00:41:26,239 --> 00:41:28,000
Speaker 1: I plucked down in the playroom and I was like,

791
00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:30,360
Speaker 1: I feel like we might need to like turn the

792
00:41:30,360 --> 00:41:32,319
Speaker 1: playroom and does something else right, like you guys are

793
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:35,120
Speaker 1: gonna find of old like you know, And all three

794
00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:40,720
Speaker 1: of them were like no, really, So it's like, wow, Okay,

795
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:42,840
Speaker 1: is that where they do their homework? Or is homework

796
00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:45,600
Speaker 1: in bedroom? It's right off it's right off our kitchen.

797
00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:49,799
Speaker 1: My oldest does his homework in his room. I'm not

798
00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:54,920
Speaker 1: sure my middle really does her homework. It's in the kitchen. Okay.

799
00:41:54,920 --> 00:41:58,080
Speaker 1: Tell me about like your kids all get along. It

800
00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:00,759
Speaker 1: seems like it how the fund you do that. I

801
00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:02,960
Speaker 1: don't show them fighting on Instagram because that would be

802
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:07,400
Speaker 1: hard for you. And yes, yeah, but I'm I really

803
00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:10,960
Speaker 1: think it is from like having really clear and firm boundaries.

804
00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:13,640
Speaker 1: I'm just getting into this now where my daughter just

805
00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:16,520
Speaker 1: started crawling. So here we go, like she's going to

806
00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:19,719
Speaker 1: take his ship. He's already pushing her. You know, I'm

807
00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:23,200
Speaker 1: helping him learn a lot about Oh if you know,

808
00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:25,719
Speaker 1: let's pick the things that's that sister is not going

809
00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:27,680
Speaker 1: to play with today. Let's pick the things that you

810
00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:30,080
Speaker 1: would be okay with her sharing. If you're she's coming

811
00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:32,040
Speaker 1: close to something that you don't want to, you have

812
00:42:32,120 --> 00:42:35,520
Speaker 1: to tell me, right, okay. So one another great way

813
00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:37,839
Speaker 1: to use quiet time is like you can have fly

814
00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:39,560
Speaker 1: time in your room and you can bring you know,

815
00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:42,319
Speaker 1: whatever toys you don't want your sister to have, and

816
00:42:42,400 --> 00:42:44,239
Speaker 1: like use them in your room for this whole time.

817
00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:47,440
Speaker 1: You do not have to share them, because honestly, sharing

818
00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:50,040
Speaker 1: is really hard, and it's really hard when it's your sibling,

819
00:42:50,040 --> 00:42:51,759
Speaker 1: and it's really hard when it's all the time and

820
00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:56,080
Speaker 1: they meet their life and their things in their space protected. Um.

821
00:42:56,280 --> 00:42:58,480
Speaker 1: But so I feel like one that was like it

822
00:42:58,560 --> 00:43:01,600
Speaker 1: was really protecting the things I don't make them share

823
00:43:01,600 --> 00:43:04,440
Speaker 1: all the time. I learned this as a classroom nursery

824
00:43:04,440 --> 00:43:07,640
Speaker 1: school teacher that like it's okay to say, like I'm

825
00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:11,440
Speaker 1: still using that we're finished. Like I think we think

826
00:43:11,440 --> 00:43:13,880
Speaker 1: our kids are like bad if they're not like I

827
00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:16,680
Speaker 1: want that here, you know, No, you teach them how

828
00:43:16,680 --> 00:43:19,960
Speaker 1: to advocate for themselves so that they can do it themselves.

829
00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:25,120
Speaker 1: My kids do fight, um for sure, but they also

830
00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:28,040
Speaker 1: love each other really hard. I think it also it

831
00:43:28,200 --> 00:43:30,760
Speaker 1: was because I didn't sign them up for a million

832
00:43:30,800 --> 00:43:33,799
Speaker 1: things when they were small. They are and we're each

833
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:37,560
Speaker 1: other's playmates, so you know, after school or after nursery

834
00:43:37,560 --> 00:43:40,080
Speaker 1: school or whatever it was, and quiet time like they

835
00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:42,960
Speaker 1: played together. Also, I don't want to spend all that money,

836
00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:46,120
Speaker 1: like I really, like, I'm so stupid, Like he's just

837
00:43:46,239 --> 00:43:49,920
Speaker 1: I'm spending two whatever soccer and he doesn't even really

838
00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:51,799
Speaker 1: like it or like know what the fun it is,

839
00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:55,480
Speaker 1: to be honest, it's like why does he have to

840
00:43:55,520 --> 00:43:58,359
Speaker 1: do it? I mean I I just like even with that,

841
00:43:58,560 --> 00:44:00,880
Speaker 1: like I did that stuff with He wasn't the first

842
00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:02,560
Speaker 1: I signed him up for the two year old soccer

843
00:44:02,600 --> 00:44:04,200
Speaker 1: and the three year old soccer and four year old

844
00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:06,840
Speaker 1: soccer like every weekend. It was so annoying, And I

845
00:44:06,880 --> 00:44:10,000
Speaker 1: remember in kindergarten looking at him being like, um, if

846
00:44:10,000 --> 00:44:12,200
Speaker 1: you really like soccer and you want to practice it

847
00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:14,400
Speaker 1: and get good at it, like I'm all in. But

848
00:44:14,440 --> 00:44:16,319
Speaker 1: if you're not that into it, like could we not?

849
00:44:16,719 --> 00:44:19,759
Speaker 1: He's like, this is not fun for anyone, And he

850
00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:22,799
Speaker 1: was so relieved. I mean he was like, I ate it.

851
00:44:23,800 --> 00:44:30,680
Speaker 1: How great? How great? Quickly? Boredom? Yeah, is it the best?

852
00:44:30,760 --> 00:44:34,279
Speaker 1: Like boredom, you are not sailing as a parent when

853
00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:37,600
Speaker 1: your child is like on board. No, no, In fact,

854
00:44:37,640 --> 00:44:40,480
Speaker 1: you're like giving them the gift that it is. Listen,

855
00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:42,279
Speaker 1: when your kid comes to you and tells you that

856
00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:44,680
Speaker 1: they're bored, it is ingrained in you to be like,

857
00:44:45,239 --> 00:44:47,080
Speaker 1: oh my god, I should have signed them up for

858
00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:50,200
Speaker 1: all the things were like I bought our on toys

859
00:44:50,320 --> 00:44:52,399
Speaker 1: or like, oh my god, I'm the worst parent. I'm

860
00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:55,000
Speaker 1: sitting here scrolling my phone and my kid is bored.

861
00:44:55,239 --> 00:44:58,320
Speaker 1: Boredom is the entry point to how anything is created.

862
00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:00,840
Speaker 1: And I know that sounds so cliche, but it's true.

863
00:45:01,120 --> 00:45:03,520
Speaker 1: And let me tell you, like my eight year old

864
00:45:03,760 --> 00:45:08,959
Speaker 1: still literally still says it's I'm board. The other day,

865
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:10,560
Speaker 1: my husband and I were laughing story because I looked

866
00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:14,799
Speaker 1: and have you met me? Like just like really, and

867
00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:17,239
Speaker 1: she was like whatever, and she went off and like

868
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:21,040
Speaker 1: did her thing. It's about as a parent tolerating that

869
00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:25,120
Speaker 1: uncomfortable nous for them, and it's like knowing for you,

870
00:45:25,239 --> 00:45:28,160
Speaker 1: Like what is it triggering you when they say you're bored?

871
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:32,680
Speaker 1: Figure that out, move past it and let them be bored,

872
00:45:32,719 --> 00:45:35,160
Speaker 1: because I mean, my kids don't come to me on

873
00:45:35,160 --> 00:45:36,880
Speaker 1: the weekend of day. What are we doing? What are

874
00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:40,000
Speaker 1: we doing? I'm like, it's Saturday, and I was gonna

875
00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:42,279
Speaker 1: like do this thing on my email. I wanted to

876
00:45:42,280 --> 00:45:44,440
Speaker 1: like sitting backyard for a little while, like what are

877
00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:47,200
Speaker 1: you doing? It's not my job to entertain you? Know?

878
00:45:48,239 --> 00:45:52,279
Speaker 1: This is so helpful. Okay, as we wrap up any

879
00:45:52,400 --> 00:45:57,360
Speaker 1: last tips on helping moms encourage and set up independent play.

880
00:45:57,640 --> 00:46:01,759
Speaker 1: Make it so simple and easy the on yourself. The

881
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:04,520
Speaker 1: easier it is for you, the more you're gonna do it,

882
00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:07,240
Speaker 1: and then that's how they're going to develop the skills.

883
00:46:07,320 --> 00:46:10,960
Speaker 1: If you start doing these like complicated play prompts and

884
00:46:11,040 --> 00:46:15,480
Speaker 1: your kid loves them, that's what they're going to require, right,

885
00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:18,279
Speaker 1: So like, keep it super simple. I have a little

886
00:46:18,280 --> 00:46:20,279
Speaker 1: I have a downloadable it's called the play Plan, and

887
00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:23,680
Speaker 1: it's shows you, like five materials how to use the

888
00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:27,759
Speaker 1: twenty five different ways. Because the idea is like less

889
00:46:27,880 --> 00:46:30,400
Speaker 1: is more, and the less you do, the more they'll

890
00:46:30,440 --> 00:46:33,319
Speaker 1: do and that's what you want, but you really want

891
00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:36,120
Speaker 1: to make it. If you hate mass, do not set

892
00:46:36,160 --> 00:46:39,160
Speaker 1: up messy projects because then you're not going to want

893
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:42,120
Speaker 1: to do that all the time. Yeah, Like I love cleaning,

894
00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:45,239
Speaker 1: so like the fact that my son will stand at

895
00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:50,400
Speaker 1: the sink and clean dishes and like loves loading the dishwasher.

896
00:46:50,440 --> 00:46:57,640
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is like or he loves like watering plants,

897
00:46:57,680 --> 00:46:59,399
Speaker 1: and that's the thing on my list. Like I've had

898
00:46:59,440 --> 00:47:02,480
Speaker 1: to help him like figure out how to not over water.

899
00:47:02,920 --> 00:47:05,279
Speaker 1: But like literally I'm just using my son to check

900
00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:08,359
Speaker 1: off my lift. But but the thing is, that's so

901
00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:10,320
Speaker 1: good for him. I taught Nate how to make coffee,

902
00:47:10,360 --> 00:47:13,840
Speaker 1: and the curate when he that says every day he

903
00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:16,319
Speaker 1: makes my coffee, it's the best. But it gives them

904
00:47:16,440 --> 00:47:18,719
Speaker 1: such a good sense of purpose and instead of them

905
00:47:18,760 --> 00:47:20,920
Speaker 1: feeling like they're in a in the way or needing

906
00:47:20,960 --> 00:47:24,200
Speaker 1: to be entertained or any of those things, giving them real,

907
00:47:24,320 --> 00:47:27,560
Speaker 1: actual jobs that help the family unit give them a

908
00:47:27,600 --> 00:47:31,880
Speaker 1: sense of purpose, and that in itself is it changes

909
00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:34,759
Speaker 1: everything about them. It changes their behavior, it changes how

910
00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:38,040
Speaker 1: they see themselves, It changes their ability to take risks

911
00:47:38,160 --> 00:47:41,480
Speaker 1: later in life because they feel good at something. Guys,

912
00:47:42,160 --> 00:47:44,799
Speaker 1: it can be easier than what we're doing. Is there

913
00:47:44,840 --> 00:47:50,400
Speaker 1: any other things you want to mention talk about anything?

914
00:47:51,320 --> 00:47:55,440
Speaker 1: The biggest thing I want to hit on is saying that, like,

915
00:47:55,880 --> 00:47:58,560
Speaker 1: when you take care of yourself, you can take care

916
00:47:58,600 --> 00:48:00,319
Speaker 1: of your kids so much better. And if I could

917
00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:05,680
Speaker 1: change anything for moms, especially post well is it post

918
00:48:05,760 --> 00:48:10,719
Speaker 1: pandemic moms now in life? Um? Is that like it's

919
00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:14,560
Speaker 1: okay for your kid to be upset or sad or

920
00:48:14,600 --> 00:48:18,399
Speaker 1: whatever it is. While you're taking care of yourself. You're

921
00:48:18,440 --> 00:48:20,799
Speaker 1: modeling for them that you have your own needs and

922
00:48:20,800 --> 00:48:23,640
Speaker 1: you're also going to become like a better human being,

923
00:48:24,600 --> 00:48:27,440
Speaker 1: which in turn a better parent. But like, I just

924
00:48:27,480 --> 00:48:30,160
Speaker 1: feel like the more you can do your own thing,

925
00:48:30,680 --> 00:48:33,640
Speaker 1: it is so good for your kids. Like just really quickly,

926
00:48:33,680 --> 00:48:36,240
Speaker 1: Like but when I'm with with your son this morning,

927
00:48:36,280 --> 00:48:38,920
Speaker 1: like as that happened, all I could think was, Wow,

928
00:48:39,160 --> 00:48:41,239
Speaker 1: she just showed him that like a she can set

929
00:48:41,280 --> 00:48:43,319
Speaker 1: a limit and stick to it, be that she has

930
00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:46,400
Speaker 1: her own stuff that doesn't revolve around him like kids

931
00:48:46,480 --> 00:48:48,839
Speaker 1: later in life, like when they think their parents life

932
00:48:48,840 --> 00:48:53,080
Speaker 1: revolves around them, that's not good. Like, but you also

933
00:48:53,120 --> 00:48:55,560
Speaker 1: showed him that, like you were okay with him being upset,

934
00:48:56,040 --> 00:48:59,680
Speaker 1: and you were also okay with him like going off

935
00:48:59,719 --> 00:49:01,879
Speaker 1: to he's gonna You have so much faith in him

936
00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:04,840
Speaker 1: right that, like he can be upset, he cannot like

937
00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:07,080
Speaker 1: your choices, but they still are what they are and

938
00:49:07,120 --> 00:49:11,520
Speaker 1: he's still him and he's still okay. Lizzie, You've made

939
00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:16,399
Speaker 1: me feel great today and I have learned endless amounts

940
00:49:16,719 --> 00:49:21,120
Speaker 1: from you on Instagram, like endless amounts of ideas, and

941
00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:23,920
Speaker 1: you make it so easy and accessible for all of

942
00:49:24,040 --> 00:49:27,080
Speaker 1: us to just like go on your Amazon thing and

943
00:49:27,239 --> 00:49:30,600
Speaker 1: go on your and like you're all of your different

944
00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:32,640
Speaker 1: packets and things that we can sign up for. I

945
00:49:32,800 --> 00:49:37,440
Speaker 1: really like you're truly one of my favorite follows and

946
00:49:38,520 --> 00:49:41,759
Speaker 1: I really appreciate you coming on Katie's Crib. Thanks for

947
00:49:41,800 --> 00:49:51,920
Speaker 1: having men. Yeah, thank you guys so much for listening

948
00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:54,640
Speaker 1: to today's episode. I hope you enjoyed. I learned a

949
00:49:54,680 --> 00:49:57,480
Speaker 1: ton and I feel like way better about being a

950
00:49:57,480 --> 00:49:59,600
Speaker 1: mom today, So that's a huge win. How can I

951
00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:01,960
Speaker 1: help you you feel better about where you're at in

952
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:05,040
Speaker 1: your parenting life. You can always find me at Katie's

953
00:50:05,040 --> 00:50:09,200
Speaker 1: Crib at shawonda Land dot com. Katie's Crib is a

954
00:50:09,239 --> 00:50:12,280
Speaker 1: production of Shawonda land Audio in partnership with I Heart Radio.

955
00:50:12,600 --> 00:50:15,120
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from Shawda land Audio, visit the iHeart

956
00:50:15,200 --> 00:50:17,759
Speaker 1: Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your

957
00:50:17,800 --> 00:50:35,759
Speaker 1: favorite shops. You can never know until you try me

958
00:50:36,600 --> 00:50:38,040
Speaker 1: ride than