Speaker 1: Be better and quit your evil desires and lean on
Speaker 1: your own ability. What's up, everybody, Welcome back to the podcast.
Speaker 1: Glad you're here. Let's talk about some stuff. I answer
Speaker 1: your email. Podcast at grangersmith dot com is the place
Speaker 1: to email, and you could ask me anything you want.
Speaker 1: We'll walk through it like the cab of a truck
Speaker 1: or sitting around a campfire. And there's no boundaries on this.
Speaker 1: I don't always have the right answer. I want it
Speaker 1: to be more of a conversation. So what I mean
Speaker 1: is I don't have like a list. I haven't prepared
Speaker 1: these questions. I don't have a list in front of
Speaker 1: me that has good, you know, witty answers. I don't
Speaker 1: have a bunch of quotes. We're just gonna We're gonna
Speaker 1: have a conversation. So let's have a conversation. First question
Speaker 1: comes from to coda and the subject client says, correct
Speaker 1: me if I'm wrong parentheses. God's spirit not talked about. Hey,
Speaker 1: grangeer Mo. Name is Dakota from Iowa. Excuse me, Ohio.
Speaker 1: I've listened to like a River in chapter seven and eight.
Speaker 1: There is something very special about that to me. I
Speaker 1: used to think that in order to get closer with God,
Speaker 1: I would have to do all the right things, and
Speaker 1: I would have to stop having fun, and that would
Speaker 1: make me to be a lukewarm Christian all the more.
Speaker 1: My question is this, should we be talking more about
Speaker 1: how it's not us individually that can change ourselves, but
Speaker 1: instead God's spirit inside of us that does the changing.
Speaker 1: I feel like that is a I rarely hear it
Speaker 1: preached that way. It's usually preached to be better and
Speaker 1: quit your evil desires, leaning on all human ability, but
Speaker 1: nothing on our full surrender and the power of God's spirit.
Speaker 1: Ps After being re born, I now read the Bible
Speaker 1: every night and cannot stop. Only God did this to me.
Speaker 1: Praise him. Yeah, okay, great question to Coda, and yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree with you that it's it's it's not preached
Speaker 1: that way. It typically is be better and quit your
Speaker 1: evil desires and lean on your own ability. It's not
Speaker 1: said in those exact ways, but that's a lot of
Speaker 1: times that's the intention that people preach. It's hey, man,
Speaker 1: you gotta you gotta do this and this and this,
Speaker 1: you got to stop doing this. Okay, there's a lot
Speaker 1: of nuanced nuance to this and this that really could
Speaker 1: take the whole podcast, and it's a good question, but
Speaker 1: it could really take the whole podcast to walk through
Speaker 1: this what what's happening. There's a couple of things that's happening.
Speaker 1: One like me, your testimony, this is your ps here
Speaker 1: after being reborn, I now read the Bible every night
Speaker 1: and cannot stop. And you're surprised by this, saying, only
Speaker 1: God did that to me, And that's my story too.
Speaker 1: It's like, man, I was dead. God raised me from
Speaker 1: the dead spiritually, and now I crave things of him
Speaker 1: and only God did that. That's what you're saying. That's
Speaker 1: where you agree with me. And you used to think
Speaker 1: that in order to get closer to God you would
Speaker 1: have to do all the right things and stop having fun.
Speaker 1: That's a key thing right there, stop having fun, right
Speaker 1: That's I'll come back to that. And then this whole idea.
Speaker 1: Your main argument here is this idea that should we
Speaker 1: be talking more, talking more about how it's not us
Speaker 1: individually that can change ourselves, but instead God's spirit inside
Speaker 1: of us that does the changing. And then you say,
Speaker 1: I really hear it preached that way, So you know
Speaker 1: where I'm coming from, and I know where you're coming
Speaker 1: from from And the problem is the problem with your
Speaker 1: argument really is that the Bible says both. It says
Speaker 1: clearly that is it is God who does the changing.
Speaker 1: Clearly it is the spirit. And the flesh is of
Speaker 1: no help at all. So the Bible says, and we
Speaker 1: were dead in our trespasses made alive in Christ. If
Speaker 1: anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. Behold,
Speaker 1: the old has passed away and the new is here.
Speaker 1: So we could read an Ezekiel about the valley of
Speaker 1: the of the dry bones, and I think about this
Speaker 1: a lot. How God made bones and this is this
Speaker 1: is this is the analogy he gives to Ezekiel, essentially,
Speaker 1: and Ezekiel saw this. He makes dead, dry bones alive,
Speaker 1: and that is you know, he puts flesh on bones.
Speaker 1: And that is really a spiritual analogy to us that
Speaker 1: we don't do it. John six is a really interesting
Speaker 1: chapter with this John six, Jesus is walking through some
Speaker 1: difficult teaching and a lot of people start leaving him,
Speaker 1: and there's these grump there's everyone's grumbling like, man, we're
Speaker 1: gonna leave this guy. We're going to leave this teacher.
Speaker 1: And Jesus doesn't appear to be desperate to save them
Speaker 1: or desperate to keep them listening. He's like, my sheep
Speaker 1: will hear my voice. In fact, that's in John ten.
Speaker 1: John ten, he makes it's the big Shepherd analogy. He
Speaker 1: is the great Shepherd, and he is the gate, and
Speaker 1: he my sheep will hear my voice, and I will
Speaker 1: lose not one of them. And so take ten and
Speaker 1: six of John these chapters and kind of walk through them,
Speaker 1: and you'll see that Jesus has no intention of convincing anyone.
Speaker 1: He says all that the Father give me will come
Speaker 1: to me, and whoever comes to me, whoever comes to me,
Speaker 1: and will never cast out. And then you have to
Speaker 1: contrast that to an equal amount of teaching in the
Speaker 1: Bible that shows human responsibility to respond and repent to
Speaker 1: the gospel. So here's the nuance. We are. We have
Speaker 1: a human responsibility to respond and repent to the Gospel,
Speaker 1: and we are held accountable one hundred percent to that responsibility.
Speaker 1: Right but once you have responded, and whoever comes, whoever,
Speaker 1: whoever believes, who is that granger, whoever believes? So might
Speaker 1: that be you listening right now? It's whoever believes, he
Speaker 1: will never cast out for God, God so little, God
Speaker 1: so loved the world, that whoever believes in him right.
Speaker 1: So there's a lot of there's a lot of whosoevers,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of whoever there's there's a lot of
Speaker 1: everyone who believes in the Bible. But once again, this
Speaker 1: is this, This is an entire conversation we could have
Speaker 1: on a podcast, and trust me, I love it and
Speaker 1: I have this conversation quite a bit. But we are
Speaker 1: not capable of responding unless the spirit awakens us. And
Speaker 1: then we're not capable of living out these good works
Speaker 1: on our own, the good stuff that you said in
Speaker 1: your email, stop doing all the bad things and do
Speaker 1: all the good things. We're not capable of stopping the
Speaker 1: bad things and doing the good things without being enabled
Speaker 1: by the spirit. But there is a nuance there that
Speaker 1: it's it's I've said this before in a sermon. It's
Speaker 1: it's like a imagine a butterfly that comes out of
Speaker 1: its cocoon. And the reason we encourage each other and
Speaker 1: there's something about telling each other to do this, and
Speaker 1: don't do that, do this, don't do that. It would
Speaker 1: be like telling a butterfly, an old butterfly telling a
Speaker 1: new butterfly. Hey, stop eating leaves on those branches, on
Speaker 1: those twigs, hanging out on the twigs. I think I said,
Speaker 1: with all those caterpillars, you are made for so much
Speaker 1: more right. And by the way, that craving you have,
Speaker 1: that's not for twigs and leaves anymore, that craving that
Speaker 1: you can't really describe. Let me tell you what that is.
Speaker 1: That's for nectar. And you need to be in the
Speaker 1: garden drinking this nectar. And those things you have on
Speaker 1: your arms that used to be used to have caterpillar arms,
Speaker 1: but now you get these big things. Those are wings
Speaker 1: and you could fly, and in fact, that's how you
Speaker 1: get to the flowers. You use those wings and you fly,
Speaker 1: you drink nectar. So that's a Christian, an older Christian
Speaker 1: telling a younger Christian, don't do this. Do this. But
Speaker 1: you know what I like about this butterfly analogy that
Speaker 1: I'm made up is that if you would think of
Speaker 1: it in terms of stop doing things that you love,
Speaker 1: like hanging out on twigs, and start to do things
Speaker 1: you hate, like drink nectar. And in that scenario, you
Speaker 1: have no idea what nectar. Nectar is so much better
Speaker 1: than twigs. Nectar is so much better than dry leaves.
Speaker 1: Stop hanging out with caterpillars. Spread your wings and see
Speaker 1: where the real fun is. The real joy is in
Speaker 1: on the flower, the nectar. That is the sweetest thing
Speaker 1: you could have. You just don't know it yet. So
Speaker 1: I say it in that way because it is really
Speaker 1: never about stop having stop having so much fun, and
Speaker 1: live a boring life of obedience to God. Because you see,
Speaker 1: just like butterfly that doesn't know about nectar yet, that
Speaker 1: obedience is not made to be your prison. It's made
Speaker 1: to set you free. It's made to live in your
Speaker 1: created purpose, and that is where the joy is. Matthew thirteen.
Speaker 1: I say this parable all the time. The Kingdom of
Speaker 1: Heaven is like treasure hidden in a field that a
Speaker 1: man finds and covers up. Then in his joy, he
Speaker 1: goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.
Speaker 1: That's tough selling all you have in that scenario for
Speaker 1: that parable, It would be tough selling it. But the
Speaker 1: joy that he had and the treasure in the field
Speaker 1: is so much greater that it doesn't matter anymore. You
Speaker 1: see what I mean, that's the nectar above these little
Speaker 1: leaves that you used to have as a caterpillar. So
Speaker 1: long story short to wrap this up, we have a
Speaker 1: human responsibility to respond, and God sovereignly chooses. Those two
Speaker 1: things are like two parallel lines that intersect only in heaven.
Speaker 1: They both and that is most evident at the Cross
Speaker 1: where God predestined Jesus to go to the cross. God
Speaker 1: the Father predestined Jesus the Son, to go to the
Speaker 1: cross to die for sin. That was always the plan
Speaker 1: of redemption, to reconcile God himself to his people. That
Speaker 1: was always the plan. But humans have a responsibility for
Speaker 1: sending Jesus, the Son of God, to die. They are
Speaker 1: guilty of murder. To be held responsible is all on
Speaker 1: humanity for killing the son of God. And yet it
Speaker 1: was always planned by God. So if you don't believe
Speaker 1: in one of those two things I just said, you're
Speaker 1: literally not a Christian. If you don't believe it was
Speaker 1: man's responsibility for the murder of Jesus, you're not a Christian.
Speaker 1: If you don't believe that God predestined the death of
Speaker 1: Jesus and had it always planned, you're not a Christian.
Speaker 1: Those two things work together in a missious way. The
Speaker 1: Bible teaches both. It also teaches our responsibility to respond,
Speaker 1: and it teaches that God sovereignly chooses and saves. It
Speaker 1: is all the spirit. The flesh is of no help
Speaker 1: at all. All that the Father gives me will come
Speaker 1: to me, and whoever comes to me I'll never cast out.
Speaker 1: These are all truths that exist together. And let me
Speaker 1: wrap it up by saying one last thing. If I
Speaker 1: were to die today and God said, why should we
Speaker 1: let you in? The only answer I have is you shouldn't.
Speaker 1: I'm undeserving to be in the presence of God. But
Speaker 1: because you provided away through your son Jesus, I've believed
Speaker 1: in him, so I would lean first on. It's all
Speaker 1: you God, before I ever said, aren't you so happy God?
Speaker 1: That I responded and made this decision. I'll leave it
Speaker 1: at that long time ago I started grangersmith dot Com.
Speaker 1: When I say a long time ago, I'm talking decades ago.
Speaker 1: Started grangersmith dot com for the purpose of mainly tour
Speaker 1: dates and you know, getting my music out there. And
Speaker 1: the last thing that was on my mind really was
Speaker 1: selling merch or much less. How in the world do
Speaker 1: you sell merch like practically? How does that work physically?
Speaker 1: How do people click on something and then end up
Speaker 1: buying something and it charges their credit card? Well, you know,
Speaker 1: fast forward all these years and now I have ye
Speaker 1: Ye apparel. Literally, that's what we do from Yee dot
Speaker 1: com is sell apparel, and we do that by using Shopify. See.
Speaker 1: Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell
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Speaker 1: launch your own online shop stage or the first real
Speaker 1: life store stage to do we just hit a whole
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Speaker 1: the first to admit I'm not a techie person. I
Speaker 1: can't program code. I'm just not the kind of guy
Speaker 1: to do that. I am the guy to go, hey man,
Speaker 1: this is a good hoodie or this is a good
Speaker 1: hat for fall fishing, you know, But I don't want
Speaker 1: to get into the nitty gritty of how do I
Speaker 1: actually make the program to do this. And that's why
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Speaker 1: grow your business no matter what stage you're in. Shopify
Speaker 1: dot com slash granger. Next question, the subject line says
Speaker 1: easy question. I'm up for that. It says, hey Granger.
Speaker 1: My name is Ava and I'm from Allendale, Michigan. We
Speaker 1: haven't met before, but I hope you come and speak
Speaker 1: at our church in the future. My question is this,
Speaker 1: I'd like to stop for a second and thank you
Speaker 1: for being so kind and honest. I admire how you
Speaker 1: genuinely care for others and are striving to be more
Speaker 1: like Jesus, but I love that you also encourage others
Speaker 1: to do the same. I read your book and I
Speaker 1: want to thank you for being so vulnerable. Many of
Speaker 1: those reading Like a River are people that you've never
Speaker 1: met or barely know, and I hope you realize the
Speaker 1: amount of lives you've influenced. That God, God did that.
Speaker 1: I have a pretty open ended question, but I'm curious
Speaker 1: when do you think a person is ready to date?
Speaker 1: And can you elaborate as to when you think I
Speaker 1: should date? Sorry, I have a little bit trouble reading
Speaker 1: your question, but I think I get the gist of it.
Speaker 1: And then you say, what should be seen in a
Speaker 1: guy as well as a gal? What should be seen
Speaker 1: in a guy as well as a gal? Okay, Ava,
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you for emailing, And once again, it's
Speaker 1: a good question and probably could be a question I
Speaker 1: answer on an entire episode to talk nothing but about this,
Speaker 1: but dating really is only the purpose of getting married.
Speaker 1: That is the only purpose of dating, and there is
Speaker 1: no other purpose of dating. You can't make an argument
Speaker 1: that I would believe if you said there is a
Speaker 1: purpose of dating and it ends up being good, it
Speaker 1: only ends up hurting you in some way, And you
Speaker 1: could say it this way, it only ends up hurting
Speaker 1: you in more ways than it ever is helpful to date,
Speaker 1: and to date a bunch of people, and to date
Speaker 1: a bunch of people for a long periods of time.
Speaker 1: That's really what we're talking about here. I'm not talking
Speaker 1: about going to have coffee, going on a few dates,
Speaker 1: learning that that person is not for you and you
Speaker 1: move on. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about
Speaker 1: you have declared each other boyfriend and girlfriend, and you
Speaker 1: are officially going steady and months are going by. That's
Speaker 1: what I'm talking about, And I think that's what this
Speaker 1: question is. When are you ready to do that? So
Speaker 1: maybe we should say the first scenario, maybe we should
Speaker 1: call it courting. Like courting is getting to know someone
Speaker 1: in preparation to decide if you're going to marry them.
Speaker 1: And that's fine, and you should do that obviously, But
Speaker 1: what hurts us is the long term dating, and I
Speaker 1: don't think there's any reason for it at all. Like
Speaker 1: I said, if you sit here in this blue chair
Speaker 1: across from me, I think we could have a great discussion.
Speaker 1: But I don't think there is a single argument of
Speaker 1: why it's better to date a lot of people for
Speaker 1: long periods of time and then get married later. I
Speaker 1: probably met some people mad with that, that's okay. I
Speaker 1: firmly believe that. So a long time ago and for
Speaker 1: most of humanity, there were arranged marriages, and you know what,
Speaker 1: surprisingly for our twenty twenty four brains to understand, arranged
Speaker 1: marriages worked pretty well. They were, you know, two families
Speaker 1: decided that these two people should come together, and it
Speaker 1: just really proves the fact that they were so successful
Speaker 1: for so many years. And of course there's bad examples,
Speaker 1: of course, of course, but I think the reason they
Speaker 1: were so successful for so many years proves to us
Speaker 1: that love, really wholly is a decision. Who l y fully,
Speaker 1: it's a decision, it's not. It's not some mystical spiritual feeling.
Speaker 1: This Pixie starred us cupid stuff that happens to us.
Speaker 1: And I've talked about this before and I don't want
Speaker 1: anyone to think I'm not romantic, because that's anyone that
Speaker 1: knows me, and my realation with the Amber would say, no,
Speaker 1: that's not the case at all. I love Amber passionately.
Speaker 1: And I'm trying to make a point here that on
Speaker 1: those arranged marriages, and there was so much success in
Speaker 1: that because eventually, no matter who you're dating, you have
Speaker 1: to decide that you love them, and you have to
Speaker 1: decide past the butterflies and your belly that say, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm so attracted to this person. And once
Speaker 1: you get past that and hard days set in or
Speaker 1: the newness wears off, then you rely on the decision,
Speaker 1: just like you make when you say your vows and
Speaker 1: you say through sickness and through health, rich and poor,
Speaker 1: you better or worse. That's a decision. When you say
Speaker 1: vowels like that traditional vows, you're saying, I decide, not
Speaker 1: my heart, not my gut, not my feeling, not my spirit.
Speaker 1: I decide that for better or for worse. I'm sticking
Speaker 1: with you. That's what that means. It's a decision based
Speaker 1: on your brain. Your brain, your cerebral cortex makes a decision,
Speaker 1: goes I decide right now, and I make a vow
Speaker 1: to you, I make a promise to you, a covenant
Speaker 1: with you. Let's pinky swear, let's shake hands on this
Speaker 1: that I will stick with you for better, if for worse.
Speaker 1: It's crazy if you think of it that way. How
Speaker 1: many people decide that they don't want to do that anymore.
Speaker 1: I'm backing out of this. You're not living up to
Speaker 1: what you promised, and so I'm going to back out
Speaker 1: of what I promised. Last week I had Marv Miller,
Speaker 1: a pastor, a Mennonite pastor. And it's interesting as we're
Speaker 1: talking about the Mennonite culture, because divorce really doesn't exist
Speaker 1: in that culture. They don't have a superior culture to
Speaker 1: anyone else. And he would be the first to admit
Speaker 1: that they don't have superior marriages to all other cultures.
Speaker 1: That's not what he's trying to say. It's more about
Speaker 1: in that culture, they make a decision and they stick
Speaker 1: with it. Imagine that they decide, we're not going to
Speaker 1: accept divorces as a natural course of what we do.
Speaker 1: We're gonna make this this thing we call marriage something
Speaker 1: we actually stick with. We're going to do it regardless
Speaker 1: of what happens regardless of sickness, regardless of if this
Speaker 1: person is not serving me that the way that I
Speaker 1: wanted them to. You know me me, I want this,
Speaker 1: I want this, and they're not doing it. And if
Speaker 1: both of you thought of it in that way, then
Speaker 1: it's a great marriage. And so back to this question
Speaker 1: about dating, when do you think it's appropriate to start dating?
Speaker 1: I don't think that. I don't think you expected this
Speaker 1: long answer from me on this, but it's really interesting
Speaker 1: if we think of it in terms of this dating.
Speaker 1: This courting is just it's really just to see are
Speaker 1: you attractive to me? Could we have good conversations? Do
Speaker 1: you love Jesus like I do? Because that's a major
Speaker 1: problem If you don't. All kinds of implications will happen
Speaker 1: if you don't, These all kinds of religious fallout. What
Speaker 1: do we do with the kids? What are we doing
Speaker 1: on Sunday mornings? That's just a given a presupposition. I
Speaker 1: hope that that's understood. You love Jesus or I could
Speaker 1: also make the argument, or you don't love Jesus because
Speaker 1: I don't, right, because if you do and I don't,
Speaker 1: that's another problem, but a different question, different discussion. But
Speaker 1: I think you get my point. You need to be
Speaker 1: on the same page. They're not a project. They have
Speaker 1: good references. I'm not saying they have great parents, or
Speaker 1: they've brought they were brought upright, or they have a
Speaker 1: lot of money. That's not what I mean. I mean
Speaker 1: there are people around them in their lives that go,
Speaker 1: this person is truly a good person for you. So
Speaker 1: you've got references. So it's not just all on you. You've
Speaker 1: guarded your heart. You're not just diving in and going
Speaker 1: head over heels and you haven't really thought about it
Speaker 1: with a clear brain. So those are things the courting
Speaker 1: process should do. But I'm against dating long term. So
Speaker 1: whatever that means to you, I'm assuming Ava that you're
Speaker 1: pretty young and you're like Grangeer. I didn't want all that.
Speaker 1: I just really wanted to know I'm fourteen and when
Speaker 1: can I start dating. I'm thinking that that's more about
Speaker 1: what this is about. And so the reason I kind
Speaker 1: of set it up with all that is a little
Speaker 1: bit of a fatherly aspect to this, because I have
Speaker 1: a girl, a little girl that's twelve it she'll be
Speaker 1: thirteen in October, and dating is not going to be
Speaker 1: a thing in our house unless you're with a group,
Speaker 1: and whatever you want to call it, you can call
Speaker 1: it whatever you want. But unless you're in a group
Speaker 1: of of several people, there's not going to be one
Speaker 1: on one dating while you live here. And it's kind
Speaker 1: of like the last question. We're talking about telling me
Speaker 1: things I don't want to do, and I got to
Speaker 1: give up what I love and do what I don't
Speaker 1: want to do. That kind of thing. It's like, no, No,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to talk about what your creative purpose is
Speaker 1: because there's so much damage that can come from not
Speaker 1: being prepared, and so much damage could come from bad dating. Everyone,
Speaker 1: including me, everyone that has done this has a terrible
Speaker 1: story about some kind of breakup or some kind of
Speaker 1: problem that happened, or some kind of purity that they
Speaker 1: lost in a vulnerable time, and you can't get that
Speaker 1: stuff back. This is bag that you carry with you
Speaker 1: and people go no gradeard. That's good because you learn
Speaker 1: from your lessons and you move on. But you can't
Speaker 1: know who you really want unless you date all the
Speaker 1: people you know you don't want. That is not true.
Speaker 1: That's just not true. That's just something we tell ourselves
Speaker 1: to make ourselves feel better. But that's why I made
Speaker 1: the argument about arranged marriages, because love's a decision. You
Speaker 1: find someone you're attracted to, someone that loves Jesus, that
Speaker 1: you could have good conversations with, you can agree on
Speaker 1: basic fundamental parenting and living together roommate types things right,
Speaker 1: and they're genuinely a good friend. And then at some
Speaker 1: point after the attraction. Of course, you need to be
Speaker 1: attracted at the beginning, but then you make a decision.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna love this person and I'm not gonna stop.
Speaker 1: That's it. Next question, subject line says long lost Love.
Speaker 1: Hey Granger, my name is Lane. I'm twenty six years old.
Speaker 1: My son's mom and I have been separated for five
Speaker 1: years now, and I can't seem to shake the love
Speaker 1: that I had while we were dating. I don't feel
Speaker 1: like I can block her on social media because she
Speaker 1: posts pictures of our child. What advice would you give
Speaker 1: me in this situation? All right, Lane, thanks for the question, buddy,
Speaker 1: and man, I love you and I don't want to
Speaker 1: use you as an example against your will, but I
Speaker 1: think I could do it in a way to help
Speaker 1: not only you, but other people because I want to
Speaker 1: say with your email, I want to say, look to
Speaker 1: the last email. Or about dating, I want to say,
Speaker 1: look look at the fallout. Really, just from this podcast
Speaker 1: alone that I deal with every other question, it seems
Speaker 1: like there's some kind of fallout from bad habits of dating,
Speaker 1: from people falling out of situations that they should have
Speaker 1: made a decision and stuck with it. Lane, Not on you, buddy,
Speaker 1: That's not what I mean. This isn't a knock on you.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, look look at this. For all the
Speaker 1: people that go what's wrong with dating? I say, look
Speaker 1: at Lane twenty six years old, probably not married, but
Speaker 1: had a baby with son's mom, and now he's struggling
Speaker 1: so much to shake it the original love that he had,
Speaker 1: and he so much so that he's like debating blocking
Speaker 1: her and he doesn't know what to do. I mean,
Speaker 1: she literally post pictures of his child. Let's dive into this.
Speaker 1: That's Lane. That stuff's done now, so we can't. We
Speaker 1: can't go back and fix things that have already happened.
Speaker 1: But let's kind of unpack your life a little bit.
Speaker 1: As much as I know, and I wish we were
Speaker 1: in a cap of a truck together but let's talk
Speaker 1: about twenty six years old, separated for five That means
Speaker 1: we're talking back when you're twenty one. You had a
Speaker 1: little baby boy. I don't know how old he is now.
Speaker 1: Maybe he's four three, maybe he's five, I don't know,
Speaker 1: maybe he's one. I don't know. I'm assuming it happened
Speaker 1: around this before the separation, so we could say five
Speaker 1: plus and that means you were dating before that. So
Speaker 1: this goes back like a quarter of your life. Okay.
Speaker 1: The problem always is, this is the dilemma. So that
Speaker 1: this doesn't become generational and your son doesn't pay the
Speaker 1: price for this whatever it is, you have to act
Speaker 1: self lesslie instead of selfishly. And the dilemma is I
Speaker 1: want to say, I'm sorry, dude, that you're twenty six
Speaker 1: and you gotta you have to be self less now
Speaker 1: in a time when you probably want to like go
Speaker 1: get life or whatever, but you can't because of this.
Speaker 1: I mean you can, but I I would think it
Speaker 1: would be really tough, really tough on your boy. Here's
Speaker 1: a scenario. A good friend of mine, another podcaster, went
Speaker 1: through a divorce and separation with kids. She moved back
Speaker 1: with her parents all the way across the US. He
Speaker 1: was on the East coast. She moved all the way
Speaker 1: to the West coast. He made a decision, and a
Speaker 1: good one, I believe he made a He manned up Lane,
Speaker 1: and he said, I'm moving with him. He left his
Speaker 1: work in all that he knows on the east coast
Speaker 1: and moved, shadowing the mom back to the West coast
Speaker 1: and literally rented a house on the street the same
Speaker 1: neighborhood as where the mom moved in with the parents,
Speaker 1: not in like a weird Stocker way. I mean, she
Speaker 1: knew it. They had the discussion, but he decided being
Speaker 1: there for my kids, being the dad that they need
Speaker 1: so close that they could just go out the front
Speaker 1: door and go to dad's house, is more important than
Speaker 1: whatever else I have going on in my little world.
Speaker 1: I think in a bad situation, making it good is
Speaker 1: about as good as it can get in that way.
Speaker 1: So how does this apply to you, Lane? But if
Speaker 1: I was in the cab of the truck with you,
Speaker 1: I'd say you need to be there for that boy,
Speaker 1: and so reconciling this relationship is of utmost most importance.
Speaker 1: And whatever you did to cause this separation, and you
Speaker 1: say time out, man, and it was mutual. I didn't
Speaker 1: say what she did because I'm sure she did something,
Speaker 1: but that's okay. I'm saying whatever you did, because it's
Speaker 1: always there's always two sides of the street here, there's
Speaker 1: always two stories. Whatever you did or didn't do to
Speaker 1: cause and keep this separation, you need to fix it.
Speaker 1: And if she is with someone else, she's dating or
Speaker 1: married to someone else, then and this is all about
Speaker 1: the boy, you need to be close to that boy,
Speaker 1: and to be close to that boy, you love his
Speaker 1: mother in a righteous way, and you have to learn
Speaker 1: to love whoever mother is with, because that is the
Speaker 1: way to get close to that boy and to be
Speaker 1: there for him. And you don't talk bad about mama.
Speaker 1: You don't talk bad about new boyfriend. Look, I hope
Speaker 1: that that's not the case, and I'm not advocating for that.
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm giving you your only options. If she's
Speaker 1: single and she's not dating or married, then you need
Speaker 1: to do everything you can to reconcile this relationship. If
Speaker 1: not anything for the sake of your boy, because you
Speaker 1: have to stop this generational problem because he will grow
Speaker 1: up to think that's okay, and he probably will fall
Speaker 1: into the same mess. I'm assuming you will unless you
Speaker 1: stop it. And that's up to you. And that's up
Speaker 1: to you being selfless, that's up to you swallowing your pride.
Speaker 1: That's up to you saying, look, I'm so sorry. I
Speaker 1: was twenty one years old and I was an idiot.
Speaker 1: I want to earn a new chance with you. And
Speaker 1: she goes blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. She
Speaker 1: just you know, bark sets you and you just go,
Speaker 1: I'll take it. I'll take it. I'll take it. I
Speaker 1: deserve it. I'll deserve it. I deserve it. I'm about
Speaker 1: serving you, not myself. People here, I say this stuff
Speaker 1: on the podcast and people are like, man, no way, man,
Speaker 1: you're advocating a verbal abuse. Okay, if that's how you
Speaker 1: want to hear it. But but what I'm advocating is humility,
Speaker 1: pouring out yourself, counting others more worthy than you are. Right,
Speaker 1: So this is about your boy now, it's not about
Speaker 1: your love and the love that you need to rekindle
Speaker 1: this old flame that would be a byproduct of you
Speaker 1: only you rekindling the relationship with your son. Hey, real quick,
Speaker 1: if you want to get a hold of me. Did
Speaker 1: you know that that's easy to do with cameo dot
Speaker 1: com slash Granger Smith. Log in there. You could find
Speaker 1: me and ask me to send you any kind of
Speaker 1: message you want, and I do that on a phone
Speaker 1: and I send you a video of whatever a phone
Speaker 1: message you want. It could be happy anniversary, making some
Speaker 1: kind of baby announced, happy birthday, a word of encouragement,
Speaker 1: whatever that might be. You just tell me in the
Speaker 1: comments how you want me to do it, and I'll
Speaker 1: shoot it over to you super easy. You could also
Speaker 1: download that app Cameo Cimeo and search for me Granger Smith.
Speaker 1: I'll shoot you a video message. It's a great way
Speaker 1: to stay in touch. Next question, subject line says feeling
Speaker 1: a little lost. Hey, Granger, just found your podcast recently
Speaker 1: and I can't stop listening. In a way, it makes
Speaker 1: me feel a little less alone. Life is tough, and
Speaker 1: sometimes I think I'm the only one going through something
Speaker 1: specific and I'm not. I've opened my heart to God
Speaker 1: after pushing him away, shutting him out for many years,
Speaker 1: and I know I can't do this myself. I'm craving
Speaker 1: his word right now. I've gotten into a good routine
Speaker 1: of starting my day off that way, I still feel
Speaker 1: like there is just something missing. Am I missing something?
Speaker 1: Am I doing something wrong? I feel my faith is
Speaker 1: stronger than it ever has been, but I still feel
Speaker 1: a little lost. Sarah. All right, Sarah, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for emailing and being sincere and vulnerable in this situation.
Speaker 1: These I love how some of these questions will connect
Speaker 1: with each other, and I think this kind of connects
Speaker 1: with the first question of this podcast. First of all,
Speaker 1: I just want to say, your faith is stronger than
Speaker 1: it ever has been. That's amazing. Sometimes we have to
Speaker 1: just stop right there and go, Sarah, amazing, Praise God.
Speaker 1: Your faith is stronger than it ever has been. It's
Speaker 1: I understand that you want it to be going faster,
Speaker 1: and you want things to clear up and be better, better, quicker,
Speaker 1: but sometimes you just have to step back and go,
Speaker 1: Praise God. My faith right now today is stronger than
Speaker 1: it ever has been. It's great. That's really great. And
Speaker 1: if you're asking me how do I make it even stronger?
Speaker 1: Let's talk. Okay, after I say congratulations, you're in a
Speaker 1: good place. What we need to discuss here is spiritual disciplines.
Speaker 1: Another subject that I feel like I could talk about
Speaker 1: it every episode, and maybe I do sometimes, but it's
Speaker 1: probably worth it. It's that important. But our spiritual disciplines
Speaker 1: are the way that we contribute to growing our own faith. Now,
Speaker 1: of course, that the faith is a gift from God,
Speaker 1: and you know that the Disciple asked Jesus in the Bible,
Speaker 1: or he says, increase my faith. I have faith, but
Speaker 1: increase my faith help my unbelief. Right, that's basically the idea.
Speaker 1: And so there's an aspect where we need to trust
Speaker 1: in that and trust trust God's work in his gift
Speaker 1: of grace in our faith. But the way that we
Speaker 1: contribute to that to growing it, that responsibility we have
Speaker 1: is through our spiritual disciplines. Reading is great. Reading the
Speaker 1: Bible is the most important spiritual discipline. That's in taking
Speaker 1: God's word. That's God speaking to us. Prayer is important,
Speaker 1: very important, but that's us speaking to him, and when
Speaker 1: he speaks back, he speaks through the Word. If you're
Speaker 1: not reading the Word at all, if you don't have
Speaker 1: a routine of reading the Bible at all, in any way,
Speaker 1: that's a serious problem, and you're in serious jeopardy of
Speaker 1: losing anything you've ever built, especially if a hard time hits.
Speaker 1: But it's not always just about reading it, because there
Speaker 1: needs to be a component of meditating on it. Otherwise
Speaker 1: you're just going through the motions, checking a box, reading
Speaker 1: the Bible. That's it. It doesn't matter. Just read read, read,
Speaker 1: read it. Okay, done, got my morning reading done, Time
Speaker 1: to start my day. And then a couple hours go
Speaker 1: by and you go, do you even remember at all
Speaker 1: what you read this morning? And the answer is probably no,
Speaker 1: I was just reading. I was just distracted, but at
Speaker 1: least I read right. No. This is where meditating comes in.
Speaker 1: And I'm not talking about Eastern meditation where you empty
Speaker 1: your mind. I'm talking about Biblical meditation, where you are
Speaker 1: pouring God into your mind. You're taking captive of every
Speaker 1: thought to Christ and so taking a scripture captive in
Speaker 1: your mind and living with it, thinking, dissecting it. There's
Speaker 1: a lot of ways to do this. Memorizing it is
Speaker 1: a way. Different apps that you can memorize scripture with
Speaker 1: is a great way to meditate on scripture. Meditating through memorization.
Speaker 1: Journaling is another way to meditate on scripture. Reading you
Speaker 1: read the scripture and then you journal a little bit
Speaker 1: of your thoughts on it. And that journal is for
Speaker 1: you and you alone, So it doesn't really matter what
Speaker 1: you say, but it's about processing through what you just read.
Speaker 1: I've done the journal thing and the memorization thing for
Speaker 1: a long time, and the journaling has helped me tremendously
Speaker 1: after my mourning Bible read, which I never ever, ever,
Speaker 1: ever ever skip my Mourning Bible read. No matter what
Speaker 1: I'm doing or how busy I am, I don't ever
Speaker 1: skip that. In fact, I did four I skipped four
Speaker 1: days this year because I was in Pakistan and it's
Speaker 1: illegal to have a Bible, so I figured that was
Speaker 1: the only time when I could. I could not read
Speaker 1: in my plan, and then I had to just catch
Speaker 1: up and get caught up and read double four times
Speaker 1: in a row. That's it. So what I've done over
Speaker 1: the last several years is read, journal, memorize, and then
Speaker 1: from the journal, I make a social media post. And
Speaker 1: some of y'all might know that that I've posted a
Speaker 1: scripture and maybe a little bit of my own thoughts
Speaker 1: about the scripture. But I'll post it on social media.
Speaker 1: And that is not really for anyone to grow or
Speaker 1: learn or it's really a part of my own spiritual
Speaker 1: discipline that I know I need to read, journal and
Speaker 1: then post because that's like completing completing my job in
Speaker 1: journaling and thinking through things. If I don't post it,
Speaker 1: then I haven't completed my spiritual discipline of the day.
Speaker 1: One Timothy four to seven says train yourself for godliness,
Speaker 1: and some like the King James. I believe it. It says
Speaker 1: I forgot which one, but discipline. Think it might be
Speaker 1: King James. Discipline yourself for godliness. So this is something
Speaker 1: we're called to do, something we're required to do, and
Speaker 1: something that is so helpful, so Sarah. Other spiritual disciplines
Speaker 1: are prayer or listening to sermons, fasting time alone, solitude
Speaker 1: in the wilderness like Jesus did. Jesus is actually the
Speaker 1: greatest model for all spiritual disciplines because he did all
Speaker 1: these things minus the journaling. That's kind of a we
Speaker 1: added that kind of later, but you could understand how
Speaker 1: it would make sense to journal. But Jesus, I mean,
Speaker 1: his memorization was like perfect. We see so many times
Speaker 1: him quoting scripture, including his time on the Cross, quoting scripture.
Speaker 1: So how much if Jesus did it quote a scripture
Speaker 1: in his time of suffering on the cross. What does
Speaker 1: that say to us about why it's important to memorize
Speaker 1: or to have good Bible intake from our reading and
Speaker 1: not just mindlessly read through it. What does that tell us?
Speaker 1: What does that tell us that Jesus was constantly taking
Speaker 1: time and leaving and going into the wilderness time of
Speaker 1: solitude and prayer. How does that model for us? Like,
Speaker 1: what does that tell us that Jesus goes out in
Speaker 1: fast so that he could he could be completely filled
Speaker 1: with the spirit and not distracted by fleshly desires like food.
Speaker 1: What does that tell us If we see Jesus modeling
Speaker 1: these things for us, that's really a good thing. We
Speaker 1: could ask ourselves, Sarah is like, what do I need?
Speaker 1: Because you're saying, am I doing something wrong? Better? Said?
Speaker 1: I think you could have better said that by saying,
Speaker 1: am I should I be doing something else in addition
Speaker 1: to this right? And the answer would be, let's look
Speaker 1: at what Jesus was doing in this kind of scenario
Speaker 1: as far as spiritual disciplines, fasting, meditating, solitude, prayer, Bible memorization,
Speaker 1: Bible reading. We know he was reading, We know he
Speaker 1: was sitting under sermons. Can you imagine Jesus so many
Speaker 1: times sitting in the synagogue listening to someone else preached
Speaker 1: to him about his word, and yet he did it
Speaker 1: as a spiritual discipline. So this is what we need
Speaker 1: to crank up, Sarah, and this is what I would do.
Speaker 1: In addition to this, reading next question, subject line says
Speaker 1: being a man. Hey, sir, my name is Brent. I'm
Speaker 1: from Kansas and I'm twenty years old. I'm engaged. I'm
Speaker 1: in the Air Force and i've been in just about
Speaker 1: a year and I've been deployed. All that to say
Speaker 1: that sometimes I struggle with being a man and not
Speaker 1: viewing myself as a kid. I don't act like a child.
Speaker 1: I just make childish decisions. However, I struggle with viewing
Speaker 1: myself as a man. When do I go from being
Speaker 1: just a kid from Kansas to the man God wants
Speaker 1: me to be. Thanks for your time to read this.
Speaker 1: I hope you have a great day, Brent. Thank you.
Speaker 1: Brent had great question, and man, I love how this
Speaker 1: connects to the guy that was saying Lane, who was
Speaker 1: twenty six saying, what do I do about this girl,
Speaker 1: my baby mama, my little boy at home? What do
Speaker 1: I do about this girl, and I put so much
Speaker 1: emphasis on the baby boy, not the girl, because Brent,
Speaker 1: I hope there's no disrespect in saying this, but I
Speaker 1: would I would just guess by not knowing you. And
Speaker 1: I want to say this. I want to say this
Speaker 1: as politely and sensitively as I can, but I have
Speaker 1: a feeling, Brent, that your dad wasn't there in the
Speaker 1: way that he could have been. Because typically when someone
Speaker 1: is questioning, when an adult man is questioning themselves on
Speaker 1: how to view themselves, Like you said, Brent, I struggle
Speaker 1: with viewing myself as a man, typically that comes from
Speaker 1: someone that was never verified. It was never told this
Speaker 1: or reinforced this. They were They were never taken under
Speaker 1: the under the wing of a man as a child,
Speaker 1: as a boy and said this is how to be
Speaker 1: a man. And when they became of age, no one
Speaker 1: ever said you are now a man, my son. No
Speaker 1: one ever did that to you, I'm assuming and if
Speaker 1: they did do it, it wasn't intentional. The fact that
Speaker 1: brings up an idea. There was a book called The
Speaker 1: Intentional Father. Great book, Brent. It would be for you Lane,
Speaker 1: It would also be for you the Intentional Father. There's
Speaker 1: also a poem I want you to read. It's called
Speaker 1: if I want you to read that Rudred Kipling book
Speaker 1: or poem. If this is so good about manhood, I
Speaker 1: think I could say this, but yeah, I think I'll
Speaker 1: say it. Most people on this podcast know my friend Bernie,
Speaker 1: who's been a guest many, many times. Well, yesterday I
Speaker 1: went with Bernie and his son who just turned thirteen,
Speaker 1: and several other of Bernie's Christian brothers, brothers in christ
Speaker 1: and we all went through a right of passage for
Speaker 1: his son. And each of us men had a virtue
Speaker 1: that we taught to Bernie's son with scripture and prayer,
Speaker 1: and then we acted on that virtue in a way
Speaker 1: to teach him how to adopt that virtue. Now, Bernie's
Speaker 1: going to go through this whole thing with his son,
Speaker 1: and eventually it'll end up, because he's thirteen, it'll end
Speaker 1: up in a place where Bernie says, you are now
Speaker 1: a man. It's going to take about five years until
Speaker 1: he's eighteen, but it starts now. This is the right
Speaker 1: of passage begins now at thirteen. We trace back history,
Speaker 1: almost every culture and tribe and heritage, all of them
Speaker 1: had a right of passage in some way about this
Speaker 1: age for a boy so that he knows. Unlike Brent,
Speaker 1: you don't have to ask the question when did I
Speaker 1: go from being just a kid from Kansas to the
Speaker 1: man God wants me to be? That is something God
Speaker 1: doesn't speak down through the clouds. That is something God
Speaker 1: provides us the answer with through community. And God provided
Speaker 1: the ultimate community to us through church, through his church.
Speaker 1: And so Brent, this is a little late for you,
Speaker 1: so that part of this can't apply. But to anyone else,
Speaker 1: fathers and even young teenagers listening, Church provides God's way
Speaker 1: of community for us, so that through community we are
Speaker 1: given the affirmation that we are man. There's a great
Speaker 1: book called Wild at Heart, and that I read that
Speaker 1: book as a teenager, and then I read it again
Speaker 1: when I was going to to be a father, and
Speaker 1: Wild at Heart is great for understanding this kind of affirmation.
Speaker 1: There are specific times in Wild at Heart John Eldridge
Speaker 1: is their author when John walks through these specific scenarios
Speaker 1: with his sons. As you find these moments when they
Speaker 1: need they need to be told that they're either on
Speaker 1: the right track or that they are affirmed in growing
Speaker 1: into a man. So, Brent, none of this is answering
Speaker 1: your question because you are past all that. I'm hopefully
Speaker 1: just kind of building up a little information for everyone
Speaker 1: else that might be heading towards this. But Brent, what
Speaker 1: do you do now if you haven't had that affirmation,
Speaker 1: if you're making childlike decisions and one you're struggling with
Speaker 1: viewing yourself as a man, You're still twenty and you're
Speaker 1: still super young, and you will make dumb mistakes as
Speaker 1: a twenty year old. I certainly did way past twenty. Okay,
Speaker 1: So being in the Air Force, being deployed is can
Speaker 1: be a huge plus because you're going to be around
Speaker 1: older men. But having the affirmation of older godly men
Speaker 1: will come ultimately from being an active member of a church,
Speaker 1: a god fearing Bible teaching, expositional preaching. Church sized proportionately
Speaker 1: to the amount of sheep to the shepherd. If there's
Speaker 1: too many sheep and not enough shepherds, and it can't
Speaker 1: be healthy in that way. Instead, if you have a
Speaker 1: lot of sheep in your church, you gotta have a
Speaker 1: lot of efforts. Basically, it's easy math think about in
Speaker 1: proportion to how many people, how many pastors can be
Speaker 1: directly involved with the lives of the congregation. That kind
Speaker 1: of church. That's what I'm advocating for, Brent. Being a
Speaker 1: member active in that kind of church will provide you
Speaker 1: with older men, younger men, toddlers, babies, men your age,
Speaker 1: men that have been through what you've been through, men
Speaker 1: that are grandfathers that you can go I'm having trouble
Speaker 1: just being a man. I'm making stupid, child boyish decisions
Speaker 1: and I need some accountability from you. And there are
Speaker 1: so many godly men in these churches, planted in these
Speaker 1: churches that just live for that live for a twenty
Speaker 1: year old Air Force kid to come in and say
Speaker 1: this to them, and they go, come under my wing,
Speaker 1: my son. Let me show you not only the pitfall
Speaker 1: that I don't want you to step in like I did,
Speaker 1: but let me show you in some places I actually
Speaker 1: made the right decisions. And let me show you those two.
Speaker 1: Let me step in for maybe what your father didn't do,
Speaker 1: and let me fill that gap. The only way, Brent,
Speaker 1: for you to feel like a man and be affirmed
Speaker 1: as a man is to be around other godly men.
Speaker 1: You can't do this on your own. You can't do
Speaker 1: it outside of community, Read your Bible, increase your prayer life,
Speaker 1: Increase your spiritual disciplines. Like the last email, plant yourself
Speaker 1: in a good church with godly men that can keep
Speaker 1: you accountable and tell you, yes, Brent, you are a man.
Speaker 1: We love you, guys. Let's see you next Monday. I
Speaker 1: thanks for joining me on the grater Smith Podcast. I
Speaker 1: appreciate all of you guys. You could help me out
Speaker 1: by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,
Speaker 1: subscribe to this channel. Hit that little like button and
Speaker 1: the notification spell so that you never miss anytime I
Speaker 1: upload a video. If you have a question for me
Speaker 1: that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com.