WEBVTT - Stop Doing The Things You Love. Start Doing The Things You Hate. 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:04.360 Be better and quit your evil desires and lean on 0:00:04.400 --> 0:00:17.320 your own ability. What's up, everybody, Welcome back to the podcast. 0:00:17.400 --> 0:00:19.920 Glad you're here. Let's talk about some stuff. I answer 0:00:19.960 --> 0:00:25.040 your email. Podcast at grangersmith dot com is the place 0:00:25.079 --> 0:00:27.120 to email, and you could ask me anything you want. 0:00:27.600 --> 0:00:29.360 We'll walk through it like the cab of a truck 0:00:29.440 --> 0:00:32.040 or sitting around a campfire. And there's no boundaries on this. 0:00:32.159 --> 0:00:34.760 I don't always have the right answer. I want it 0:00:34.800 --> 0:00:37.800 to be more of a conversation. So what I mean 0:00:37.880 --> 0:00:40.279 is I don't have like a list. I haven't prepared 0:00:40.280 --> 0:00:42.920 these questions. I don't have a list in front of 0:00:42.920 --> 0:00:46.720 me that has good, you know, witty answers. I don't 0:00:46.720 --> 0:00:49.960 have a bunch of quotes. We're just gonna We're gonna 0:00:50.000 --> 0:00:54.440 have a conversation. So let's have a conversation. First question 0:00:54.560 --> 0:00:59.920 comes from to coda and the subject client says, correct 0:00:59.880 --> 0:01:06.000 me if I'm wrong parentheses. God's spirit not talked about. Hey, 0:01:06.000 --> 0:01:09.600 grangeer Mo. Name is Dakota from Iowa. Excuse me, Ohio. 0:01:10.800 --> 0:01:14.680 I've listened to like a River in chapter seven and eight. 0:01:14.920 --> 0:01:17.560 There is something very special about that to me. I 0:01:17.640 --> 0:01:20.319 used to think that in order to get closer with God, 0:01:21.160 --> 0:01:23.399 I would have to do all the right things, and 0:01:23.440 --> 0:01:27.160 I would have to stop having fun, and that would 0:01:27.200 --> 0:01:30.400 make me to be a lukewarm Christian all the more. 0:01:31.560 --> 0:01:34.600 My question is this, should we be talking more about 0:01:34.680 --> 0:01:38.480 how it's not us individually that can change ourselves, but 0:01:38.680 --> 0:01:42.240 instead God's spirit inside of us that does the changing. 0:01:42.360 --> 0:01:45.480 I feel like that is a I rarely hear it 0:01:45.600 --> 0:01:50.120 preached that way. It's usually preached to be better and 0:01:50.280 --> 0:01:54.560 quit your evil desires, leaning on all human ability, but 0:01:54.720 --> 0:01:57.760 nothing on our full surrender and the power of God's spirit. 0:01:59.000 --> 0:02:01.280 Ps After being re born, I now read the Bible 0:02:01.320 --> 0:02:04.040 every night and cannot stop. Only God did this to me. 0:02:04.160 --> 0:02:10.679 Praise him. Yeah, okay, great question to Coda, and yeah, 0:02:10.720 --> 0:02:13.840 I agree with you that it's it's it's not preached 0:02:13.880 --> 0:02:19.000 that way. It typically is be better and quit your 0:02:19.040 --> 0:02:23.480 evil desires and lean on your own ability. It's not 0:02:23.520 --> 0:02:26.560 said in those exact ways, but that's a lot of 0:02:26.560 --> 0:02:30.840 times that's the intention that people preach. It's hey, man, 0:02:30.880 --> 0:02:32.880 you gotta you gotta do this and this and this, 0:02:33.080 --> 0:02:37.880 you got to stop doing this. Okay, there's a lot 0:02:37.919 --> 0:02:40.720 of nuanced nuance to this and this that really could 0:02:40.760 --> 0:02:43.840 take the whole podcast, and it's a good question, but 0:02:43.919 --> 0:02:46.239 it could really take the whole podcast to walk through 0:02:46.240 --> 0:02:50.640 this what what's happening. There's a couple of things that's happening. 0:02:50.680 --> 0:02:55.960 One like me, your testimony, this is your ps here 0:02:56.040 --> 0:02:58.280 after being reborn, I now read the Bible every night 0:02:58.360 --> 0:03:02.600 and cannot stop. And you're surprised by this, saying, only 0:03:02.639 --> 0:03:05.600 God did that to me, And that's my story too. 0:03:05.680 --> 0:03:09.839 It's like, man, I was dead. God raised me from 0:03:09.840 --> 0:03:14.880 the dead spiritually, and now I crave things of him 0:03:15.360 --> 0:03:18.160 and only God did that. That's what you're saying. That's 0:03:18.160 --> 0:03:21.440 where you agree with me. And you used to think 0:03:21.440 --> 0:03:23.079 that in order to get closer to God you would 0:03:23.120 --> 0:03:26.160 have to do all the right things and stop having fun. 0:03:26.200 --> 0:03:29.480 That's a key thing right there, stop having fun, right 0:03:29.600 --> 0:03:35.720 That's I'll come back to that. And then this whole idea. 0:03:35.760 --> 0:03:40.560 Your main argument here is this idea that should we 0:03:40.640 --> 0:03:44.280 be talking more, talking more about how it's not us 0:03:44.640 --> 0:03:49.560 individually that can change ourselves, but instead God's spirit inside 0:03:49.560 --> 0:03:52.320 of us that does the changing. And then you say, 0:03:52.360 --> 0:03:58.040 I really hear it preached that way, So you know 0:03:58.120 --> 0:03:59.880 where I'm coming from, and I know where you're coming 0:03:59.880 --> 0:04:03.960 from from And the problem is the problem with your 0:04:04.040 --> 0:04:09.520 argument really is that the Bible says both. It says 0:04:10.360 --> 0:04:14.080 clearly that is it is God who does the changing. 0:04:14.840 --> 0:04:19.560 Clearly it is the spirit. And the flesh is of 0:04:19.600 --> 0:04:25.920 no help at all. So the Bible says, and we 0:04:25.920 --> 0:04:29.680 were dead in our trespasses made alive in Christ. If 0:04:29.720 --> 0:04:33.719 anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. Behold, 0:04:33.960 --> 0:04:37.320 the old has passed away and the new is here. 0:04:37.400 --> 0:04:41.920 So we could read an Ezekiel about the valley of 0:04:41.960 --> 0:04:45.200 the of the dry bones, and I think about this 0:04:45.240 --> 0:04:50.840 a lot. How God made bones and this is this 0:04:50.920 --> 0:04:54.240 is this is the analogy he gives to Ezekiel, essentially, 0:04:55.200 --> 0:04:59.800 and Ezekiel saw this. He makes dead, dry bones alive, 0:05:00.120 --> 0:05:02.840 and that is you know, he puts flesh on bones. 0:05:02.839 --> 0:05:06.480 And that is really a spiritual analogy to us that 0:05:06.640 --> 0:05:11.960 we don't do it. John six is a really interesting 0:05:12.040 --> 0:05:18.960 chapter with this John six, Jesus is walking through some 0:05:19.240 --> 0:05:22.600 difficult teaching and a lot of people start leaving him, 0:05:22.880 --> 0:05:26.720 and there's these grump there's everyone's grumbling like, man, we're 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:29.039 gonna leave this guy. We're going to leave this teacher. 0:05:30.080 --> 0:05:33.880 And Jesus doesn't appear to be desperate to save them 0:05:34.160 --> 0:05:38.680 or desperate to keep them listening. He's like, my sheep 0:05:38.720 --> 0:05:40.640 will hear my voice. In fact, that's in John ten. 0:05:41.160 --> 0:05:44.599 John ten, he makes it's the big Shepherd analogy. He 0:05:44.800 --> 0:05:47.720 is the great Shepherd, and he is the gate, and 0:05:47.880 --> 0:05:51.920 he my sheep will hear my voice, and I will 0:05:51.960 --> 0:05:55.320 lose not one of them. And so take ten and 0:05:55.400 --> 0:05:57.839 six of John these chapters and kind of walk through them, 0:05:57.880 --> 0:06:02.760 and you'll see that Jesus has no intention of convincing anyone. 0:06:03.520 --> 0:06:06.520 He says all that the Father give me will come 0:06:06.520 --> 0:06:09.599 to me, and whoever comes to me, whoever comes to me, 0:06:09.880 --> 0:06:13.480 and will never cast out. And then you have to 0:06:13.520 --> 0:06:17.760 contrast that to an equal amount of teaching in the 0:06:17.760 --> 0:06:22.720 Bible that shows human responsibility to respond and repent to 0:06:22.760 --> 0:06:30.280 the gospel. So here's the nuance. We are. We have 0:06:30.320 --> 0:06:34.120 a human responsibility to respond and repent to the Gospel, 0:06:35.080 --> 0:06:40.600 and we are held accountable one hundred percent to that responsibility. 0:06:41.279 --> 0:06:48.719 Right but once you have responded, and whoever comes, whoever, 0:06:49.520 --> 0:06:56.760 whoever believes, who is that granger, whoever believes? So might 0:06:56.800 --> 0:07:00.440 that be you listening right now? It's whoever believes, he 0:07:00.480 --> 0:07:04.080 will never cast out for God, God so little, God 0:07:04.200 --> 0:07:08.360 so loved the world, that whoever believes in him right. 0:07:10.040 --> 0:07:13.440 So there's a lot of there's a lot of whosoevers, 0:07:13.440 --> 0:07:15.240 there's a lot of whoever there's there's a lot of 0:07:15.320 --> 0:07:21.120 everyone who believes in the Bible. But once again, this 0:07:21.200 --> 0:07:23.680 is this, This is an entire conversation we could have 0:07:23.680 --> 0:07:25.640 on a podcast, and trust me, I love it and 0:07:25.640 --> 0:07:30.760 I have this conversation quite a bit. But we are 0:07:30.800 --> 0:07:36.000 not capable of responding unless the spirit awakens us. And 0:07:36.040 --> 0:07:39.120 then we're not capable of living out these good works 0:07:39.160 --> 0:07:41.720 on our own, the good stuff that you said in 0:07:41.760 --> 0:07:44.360 your email, stop doing all the bad things and do 0:07:44.400 --> 0:07:46.720 all the good things. We're not capable of stopping the 0:07:46.760 --> 0:07:50.760 bad things and doing the good things without being enabled 0:07:50.760 --> 0:07:55.160 by the spirit. But there is a nuance there that 0:07:55.200 --> 0:07:57.480 it's it's I've said this before in a sermon. It's 0:07:57.480 --> 0:08:00.960 it's like a imagine a butterfly that comes out of 0:08:01.000 --> 0:08:04.240 its cocoon. And the reason we encourage each other and 0:08:04.280 --> 0:08:07.640 there's something about telling each other to do this, and 0:08:07.720 --> 0:08:10.840 don't do that, do this, don't do that. It would 0:08:10.880 --> 0:08:14.080 be like telling a butterfly, an old butterfly telling a 0:08:14.120 --> 0:08:20.520 new butterfly. Hey, stop eating leaves on those branches, on 0:08:20.560 --> 0:08:23.480 those twigs, hanging out on the twigs. I think I said, 0:08:24.080 --> 0:08:28.240 with all those caterpillars, you are made for so much 0:08:28.280 --> 0:08:35.040 more right. And by the way, that craving you have, 0:08:35.400 --> 0:08:38.440 that's not for twigs and leaves anymore, that craving that 0:08:38.520 --> 0:08:40.600 you can't really describe. Let me tell you what that is. 0:08:40.679 --> 0:08:43.760 That's for nectar. And you need to be in the 0:08:43.800 --> 0:08:48.480 garden drinking this nectar. And those things you have on 0:08:48.559 --> 0:08:51.520 your arms that used to be used to have caterpillar arms, 0:08:51.520 --> 0:08:53.880 but now you get these big things. Those are wings 0:08:54.480 --> 0:08:57.480 and you could fly, and in fact, that's how you 0:08:57.480 --> 0:08:59.719 get to the flowers. You use those wings and you fly, 0:09:00.080 --> 0:09:05.120 you drink nectar. So that's a Christian, an older Christian 0:09:05.160 --> 0:09:08.559 telling a younger Christian, don't do this. Do this. But 0:09:08.760 --> 0:09:11.160 you know what I like about this butterfly analogy that 0:09:11.160 --> 0:09:14.080 I'm made up is that if you would think of 0:09:14.120 --> 0:09:17.280 it in terms of stop doing things that you love, 0:09:17.679 --> 0:09:20.480 like hanging out on twigs, and start to do things 0:09:20.480 --> 0:09:25.079 you hate, like drink nectar. And in that scenario, you 0:09:25.160 --> 0:09:28.120 have no idea what nectar. Nectar is so much better 0:09:28.160 --> 0:09:31.920 than twigs. Nectar is so much better than dry leaves. 0:09:32.880 --> 0:09:36.880 Stop hanging out with caterpillars. Spread your wings and see 0:09:36.960 --> 0:09:39.960 where the real fun is. The real joy is in 0:09:40.280 --> 0:09:43.439 on the flower, the nectar. That is the sweetest thing 0:09:43.480 --> 0:09:46.760 you could have. You just don't know it yet. So 0:09:47.520 --> 0:09:49.920 I say it in that way because it is really 0:09:50.240 --> 0:09:54.640 never about stop having stop having so much fun, and 0:09:54.720 --> 0:09:59.280 live a boring life of obedience to God. Because you see, 0:09:59.720 --> 0:10:02.880 just like butterfly that doesn't know about nectar yet, that 0:10:02.960 --> 0:10:07.520 obedience is not made to be your prison. It's made 0:10:07.600 --> 0:10:11.000 to set you free. It's made to live in your 0:10:11.040 --> 0:10:16.679 created purpose, and that is where the joy is. Matthew thirteen. 0:10:17.160 --> 0:10:19.800 I say this parable all the time. The Kingdom of 0:10:19.840 --> 0:10:22.440 Heaven is like treasure hidden in a field that a 0:10:22.480 --> 0:10:25.960 man finds and covers up. Then in his joy, he 0:10:26.040 --> 0:10:28.080 goes and sells all that he has and buys that field. 0:10:29.040 --> 0:10:31.680 That's tough selling all you have in that scenario for 0:10:31.720 --> 0:10:34.600 that parable, It would be tough selling it. But the 0:10:34.720 --> 0:10:36.760 joy that he had and the treasure in the field 0:10:36.840 --> 0:10:39.839 is so much greater that it doesn't matter anymore. You 0:10:39.840 --> 0:10:43.959 see what I mean, that's the nectar above these little 0:10:44.000 --> 0:10:47.320 leaves that you used to have as a caterpillar. So 0:10:48.360 --> 0:10:50.880 long story short to wrap this up, we have a 0:10:50.960 --> 0:10:56.120 human responsibility to respond, and God sovereignly chooses. Those two 0:10:56.160 --> 0:10:59.080 things are like two parallel lines that intersect only in heaven. 0:10:59.440 --> 0:11:03.440 They both and that is most evident at the Cross 0:11:03.920 --> 0:11:07.960 where God predestined Jesus to go to the cross. God 0:11:08.000 --> 0:11:11.680 the Father predestined Jesus the Son, to go to the 0:11:11.720 --> 0:11:15.559 cross to die for sin. That was always the plan 0:11:15.880 --> 0:11:20.760 of redemption, to reconcile God himself to his people. That 0:11:20.920 --> 0:11:27.640 was always the plan. But humans have a responsibility for 0:11:27.760 --> 0:11:32.040 sending Jesus, the Son of God, to die. They are 0:11:32.080 --> 0:11:37.000 guilty of murder. To be held responsible is all on 0:11:37.080 --> 0:11:40.280 humanity for killing the son of God. And yet it 0:11:40.360 --> 0:11:45.559 was always planned by God. So if you don't believe 0:11:45.600 --> 0:11:47.079 in one of those two things I just said, you're 0:11:47.120 --> 0:11:49.880 literally not a Christian. If you don't believe it was 0:11:49.920 --> 0:11:52.679 man's responsibility for the murder of Jesus, you're not a Christian. 0:11:52.880 --> 0:11:55.320 If you don't believe that God predestined the death of 0:11:55.400 --> 0:11:57.720 Jesus and had it always planned, you're not a Christian. 0:11:57.840 --> 0:12:00.800 Those two things work together in a missious way. The 0:12:00.840 --> 0:12:04.760 Bible teaches both. It also teaches our responsibility to respond, 0:12:04.920 --> 0:12:10.240 and it teaches that God sovereignly chooses and saves. It 0:12:10.360 --> 0:12:13.040 is all the spirit. The flesh is of no help 0:12:13.080 --> 0:12:16.480 at all. All that the Father gives me will come 0:12:16.480 --> 0:12:18.360 to me, and whoever comes to me I'll never cast out. 0:12:18.520 --> 0:12:24.120 These are all truths that exist together. And let me 0:12:24.120 --> 0:12:27.599 wrap it up by saying one last thing. If I 0:12:27.640 --> 0:12:32.200 were to die today and God said, why should we 0:12:32.240 --> 0:12:36.800 let you in? The only answer I have is you shouldn't. 0:12:37.600 --> 0:12:42.480 I'm undeserving to be in the presence of God. But 0:12:42.600 --> 0:12:46.840 because you provided away through your son Jesus, I've believed 0:12:46.840 --> 0:12:52.200 in him, so I would lean first on. It's all 0:12:52.280 --> 0:12:56.480 you God, before I ever said, aren't you so happy God? 0:12:56.480 --> 0:13:01.240 That I responded and made this decision. I'll leave it 0:13:01.280 --> 0:13:09.680 at that long time ago I started grangersmith dot Com. 0:13:09.679 --> 0:13:12.400 When I say a long time ago, I'm talking decades ago. 0:13:12.960 --> 0:13:16.320 Started grangersmith dot com for the purpose of mainly tour 0:13:16.440 --> 0:13:19.960 dates and you know, getting my music out there. And 0:13:20.000 --> 0:13:21.840 the last thing that was on my mind really was 0:13:21.960 --> 0:13:25.200 selling merch or much less. How in the world do 0:13:25.280 --> 0:13:29.119 you sell merch like practically? How does that work physically? 0:13:29.160 --> 0:13:31.320 How do people click on something and then end up 0:13:31.360 --> 0:13:34.280 buying something and it charges their credit card? Well, you know, 0:13:34.320 --> 0:13:36.960 fast forward all these years and now I have ye 0:13:37.080 --> 0:13:41.040 Ye apparel. Literally, that's what we do from Yee dot 0:13:41.040 --> 0:13:46.360 com is sell apparel, and we do that by using Shopify. See. 0:13:46.400 --> 0:13:49.760 Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell 0:13:49.800 --> 0:13:52.680 at every stage of your business, whether it's from the 0:13:53.000 --> 0:13:56.480 launch your own online shop stage or the first real 0:13:56.559 --> 0:13:59.360 life store stage to do we just hit a whole 0:13:59.360 --> 0:14:03.280 bunch of orders stage. Shopify is there to help you grow, 0:14:03.360 --> 0:14:07.319 whether you're selling scented soap or outdoor apparel like we are, 0:14:07.800 --> 0:14:11.880 Shopify helps you sell everywhere. Basically, they are an all 0:14:11.920 --> 0:14:15.920 in one e commerce platform, so it does all the 0:14:15.960 --> 0:14:19.320 work for you and selling whatever product you want. They 0:14:19.320 --> 0:14:21.920 have a really good way of turning browsers into buyers too. 0:14:21.960 --> 0:14:24.920 They have they have the internet's best converting checkout that's 0:14:25.160 --> 0:14:27.840 thirty six percent better on average compared to the other 0:14:27.960 --> 0:14:31.320 leading commerce platforms. That's really good that you could sell 0:14:31.360 --> 0:14:35.800 more with your business with less effort thanks to Shopify 0:14:35.880 --> 0:14:39.160 Magic that is your AI powered all star. Look. I'm 0:14:39.200 --> 0:14:41.560 the first to admit I'm not a techie person. I 0:14:41.600 --> 0:14:44.680 can't program code. I'm just not the kind of guy 0:14:44.720 --> 0:14:46.600 to do that. I am the guy to go, hey man, 0:14:46.640 --> 0:14:49.040 this is a good hoodie or this is a good 0:14:49.080 --> 0:14:52.200 hat for fall fishing, you know, But I don't want 0:14:52.240 --> 0:14:54.960 to get into the nitty gritty of how do I 0:14:55.000 --> 0:14:57.560 actually make the program to do this. And that's why 0:14:57.560 --> 0:15:00.440 Shopify has been so great for me and Tyler and Parker, 0:15:00.520 --> 0:15:05.000 my brothers. For so many years. Shopify powers ten percent 0:15:05.080 --> 0:15:08.320 of all e commerce platforms in the US, and so 0:15:08.520 --> 0:15:12.120 it's not just me. They have millions of entrepreneurs of 0:15:12.160 --> 0:15:15.080 every size across one hundred and seventy five countries, plus 0:15:15.240 --> 0:15:18.280 Shopify's award winning help is there to support your success 0:15:18.400 --> 0:15:22.000 every step of the way. Because businesses that grow grow 0:15:22.120 --> 0:15:25.560 with Shopify sign up for a one dollar per month 0:15:25.600 --> 0:15:28.920 trial period at shopify dot com slash granger all lowercase. 0:15:29.360 --> 0:15:32.800 Go to shopify dot com slash granger right now to 0:15:32.800 --> 0:15:36.680 grow your business no matter what stage you're in. Shopify 0:15:36.720 --> 0:15:45.480 dot com slash granger. Next question, the subject line says 0:15:45.480 --> 0:15:47.840 easy question. I'm up for that. It says, hey Granger. 0:15:47.880 --> 0:15:50.760 My name is Ava and I'm from Allendale, Michigan. We 0:15:50.840 --> 0:15:53.760 haven't met before, but I hope you come and speak 0:15:53.800 --> 0:15:56.280 at our church in the future. My question is this, 0:15:57.800 --> 0:16:01.080 I'd like to stop for a second and thank you 0:16:01.120 --> 0:16:04.040 for being so kind and honest. I admire how you 0:16:04.160 --> 0:16:07.240 genuinely care for others and are striving to be more 0:16:07.280 --> 0:16:10.200 like Jesus, but I love that you also encourage others 0:16:10.280 --> 0:16:13.320 to do the same. I read your book and I 0:16:13.360 --> 0:16:16.320 want to thank you for being so vulnerable. Many of 0:16:16.400 --> 0:16:19.080 those reading Like a River are people that you've never 0:16:19.120 --> 0:16:21.880 met or barely know, and I hope you realize the 0:16:21.880 --> 0:16:24.840 amount of lives you've influenced. That God, God did that. 0:16:26.160 --> 0:16:29.600 I have a pretty open ended question, but I'm curious 0:16:30.080 --> 0:16:32.160 when do you think a person is ready to date? 0:16:32.720 --> 0:16:37.600 And can you elaborate as to when you think I 0:16:37.640 --> 0:16:40.680 should date? Sorry, I have a little bit trouble reading 0:16:40.720 --> 0:16:42.880 your question, but I think I get the gist of it. 0:16:43.360 --> 0:16:45.720 And then you say, what should be seen in a 0:16:45.800 --> 0:16:48.960 guy as well as a gal? What should be seen 0:16:49.120 --> 0:16:54.600 in a guy as well as a gal? Okay, Ava, 0:16:54.680 --> 0:17:02.360 thank you, thank you for emailing, And once again, it's 0:17:02.360 --> 0:17:04.000 a good question and probably could be a question I 0:17:04.040 --> 0:17:07.760 answer on an entire episode to talk nothing but about this, 0:17:08.400 --> 0:17:16.439 but dating really is only the purpose of getting married. 0:17:16.840 --> 0:17:19.639 That is the only purpose of dating, and there is 0:17:19.680 --> 0:17:22.639 no other purpose of dating. You can't make an argument 0:17:22.680 --> 0:17:24.800 that I would believe if you said there is a 0:17:24.800 --> 0:17:28.439 purpose of dating and it ends up being good, it 0:17:28.520 --> 0:17:32.080 only ends up hurting you in some way, And you 0:17:32.080 --> 0:17:33.760 could say it this way, it only ends up hurting 0:17:33.840 --> 0:17:37.080 you in more ways than it ever is helpful to date, 0:17:37.359 --> 0:17:39.520 and to date a bunch of people, and to date 0:17:39.520 --> 0:17:41.280 a bunch of people for a long periods of time. 0:17:41.880 --> 0:17:45.040 That's really what we're talking about here. I'm not talking 0:17:45.040 --> 0:17:49.159 about going to have coffee, going on a few dates, 0:17:49.320 --> 0:17:51.439 learning that that person is not for you and you 0:17:51.480 --> 0:17:53.160 move on. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about 0:17:53.800 --> 0:17:57.879 you have declared each other boyfriend and girlfriend, and you 0:17:57.960 --> 0:18:02.720 are officially going steady and months are going by. That's 0:18:02.720 --> 0:18:04.639 what I'm talking about, And I think that's what this 0:18:04.880 --> 0:18:10.000 question is. When are you ready to do that? So 0:18:10.680 --> 0:18:13.040 maybe we should say the first scenario, maybe we should 0:18:13.080 --> 0:18:18.639 call it courting. Like courting is getting to know someone 0:18:19.600 --> 0:18:23.480 in preparation to decide if you're going to marry them. 0:18:24.880 --> 0:18:28.919 And that's fine, and you should do that obviously, But 0:18:29.680 --> 0:18:33.600 what hurts us is the long term dating, and I 0:18:33.600 --> 0:18:37.480 don't think there's any reason for it at all. Like 0:18:37.800 --> 0:18:40.119 I said, if you sit here in this blue chair 0:18:40.400 --> 0:18:42.760 across from me, I think we could have a great discussion. 0:18:42.960 --> 0:18:45.960 But I don't think there is a single argument of 0:18:46.000 --> 0:18:48.600 why it's better to date a lot of people for 0:18:48.760 --> 0:18:54.000 long periods of time and then get married later. I 0:18:54.080 --> 0:18:56.600 probably met some people mad with that, that's okay. I 0:18:56.720 --> 0:19:00.240 firmly believe that. So a long time ago and for 0:19:00.359 --> 0:19:06.080 most of humanity, there were arranged marriages, and you know what, 0:19:06.240 --> 0:19:11.359 surprisingly for our twenty twenty four brains to understand, arranged 0:19:11.400 --> 0:19:16.560 marriages worked pretty well. They were, you know, two families 0:19:16.600 --> 0:19:20.960 decided that these two people should come together, and it 0:19:21.320 --> 0:19:23.880 just really proves the fact that they were so successful 0:19:24.359 --> 0:19:26.600 for so many years. And of course there's bad examples, 0:19:26.640 --> 0:19:29.879 of course, of course, but I think the reason they 0:19:29.920 --> 0:19:33.160 were so successful for so many years proves to us 0:19:33.680 --> 0:19:40.199 that love, really wholly is a decision. Who l y fully, 0:19:40.680 --> 0:19:47.120 it's a decision, it's not. It's not some mystical spiritual feeling. 0:19:47.840 --> 0:19:51.639 This Pixie starred us cupid stuff that happens to us. 0:19:51.640 --> 0:19:54.840 And I've talked about this before and I don't want 0:19:54.880 --> 0:19:59.119 anyone to think I'm not romantic, because that's anyone that 0:19:59.160 --> 0:20:02.080 knows me, and my realation with the Amber would say, no, 0:20:02.119 --> 0:20:05.640 that's not the case at all. I love Amber passionately. 0:20:06.880 --> 0:20:09.480 And I'm trying to make a point here that on 0:20:09.560 --> 0:20:12.119 those arranged marriages, and there was so much success in 0:20:12.200 --> 0:20:16.480 that because eventually, no matter who you're dating, you have 0:20:16.520 --> 0:20:19.959 to decide that you love them, and you have to 0:20:20.000 --> 0:20:24.960 decide past the butterflies and your belly that say, oh, 0:20:25.320 --> 0:20:29.800 I'm like, I'm so attracted to this person. And once 0:20:29.840 --> 0:20:32.720 you get past that and hard days set in or 0:20:32.760 --> 0:20:36.960 the newness wears off, then you rely on the decision, 0:20:37.640 --> 0:20:39.119 just like you make when you say your vows and 0:20:39.160 --> 0:20:43.879 you say through sickness and through health, rich and poor, 0:20:44.000 --> 0:20:48.760 you better or worse. That's a decision. When you say 0:20:48.880 --> 0:20:55.080 vowels like that traditional vows, you're saying, I decide, not 0:20:55.240 --> 0:20:58.320 my heart, not my gut, not my feeling, not my spirit. 0:20:58.800 --> 0:21:02.639 I decide that for better or for worse. I'm sticking 0:21:02.680 --> 0:21:07.000 with you. That's what that means. It's a decision based 0:21:07.000 --> 0:21:11.400 on your brain. Your brain, your cerebral cortex makes a decision, 0:21:11.480 --> 0:21:14.480 goes I decide right now, and I make a vow 0:21:14.600 --> 0:21:17.200 to you, I make a promise to you, a covenant 0:21:17.400 --> 0:21:20.800 with you. Let's pinky swear, let's shake hands on this 0:21:22.320 --> 0:21:25.639 that I will stick with you for better, if for worse. 0:21:26.800 --> 0:21:28.679 It's crazy if you think of it that way. How 0:21:28.720 --> 0:21:31.840 many people decide that they don't want to do that anymore. 0:21:32.760 --> 0:21:36.280 I'm backing out of this. You're not living up to 0:21:36.320 --> 0:21:38.760 what you promised, and so I'm going to back out 0:21:38.760 --> 0:21:42.840 of what I promised. Last week I had Marv Miller, 0:21:42.960 --> 0:21:46.160 a pastor, a Mennonite pastor. And it's interesting as we're 0:21:46.160 --> 0:21:51.400 talking about the Mennonite culture, because divorce really doesn't exist 0:21:51.600 --> 0:21:57.800 in that culture. They don't have a superior culture to 0:21:57.840 --> 0:22:00.000 anyone else. And he would be the first to admit 0:22:00.119 --> 0:22:04.720 that they don't have superior marriages to all other cultures. 0:22:05.200 --> 0:22:07.919 That's not what he's trying to say. It's more about 0:22:08.160 --> 0:22:11.680 in that culture, they make a decision and they stick 0:22:11.720 --> 0:22:16.600 with it. Imagine that they decide, we're not going to 0:22:16.680 --> 0:22:22.440 accept divorces as a natural course of what we do. 0:22:23.280 --> 0:22:26.040 We're gonna make this this thing we call marriage something 0:22:26.080 --> 0:22:30.440 we actually stick with. We're going to do it regardless 0:22:30.440 --> 0:22:33.600 of what happens regardless of sickness, regardless of if this 0:22:33.640 --> 0:22:38.000 person is not serving me that the way that I 0:22:38.040 --> 0:22:40.920 wanted them to. You know me me, I want this, 0:22:41.000 --> 0:22:43.960 I want this, and they're not doing it. And if 0:22:43.960 --> 0:22:46.760 both of you thought of it in that way, then 0:22:46.920 --> 0:22:50.520 it's a great marriage. And so back to this question 0:22:50.560 --> 0:22:53.560 about dating, when do you think it's appropriate to start dating? 0:22:53.600 --> 0:22:55.320 I don't think that. I don't think you expected this 0:22:55.440 --> 0:22:58.679 long answer from me on this, but it's really interesting 0:22:58.720 --> 0:23:00.960 if we think of it in terms of this dating. 0:23:01.040 --> 0:23:04.720 This courting is just it's really just to see are 0:23:04.760 --> 0:23:09.320 you attractive to me? Could we have good conversations? Do 0:23:09.400 --> 0:23:12.000 you love Jesus like I do? Because that's a major 0:23:12.040 --> 0:23:14.760 problem If you don't. All kinds of implications will happen 0:23:14.800 --> 0:23:18.560 if you don't, These all kinds of religious fallout. What 0:23:18.600 --> 0:23:20.520 do we do with the kids? What are we doing 0:23:20.560 --> 0:23:25.000 on Sunday mornings? That's just a given a presupposition. I 0:23:25.000 --> 0:23:31.120 hope that that's understood. You love Jesus or I could 0:23:31.119 --> 0:23:33.320 also make the argument, or you don't love Jesus because 0:23:33.359 --> 0:23:36.520 I don't, right, because if you do and I don't, 0:23:36.680 --> 0:23:40.879 that's another problem, but a different question, different discussion. But 0:23:40.960 --> 0:23:42.520 I think you get my point. You need to be 0:23:42.560 --> 0:23:46.240 on the same page. They're not a project. They have 0:23:46.400 --> 0:23:51.240 good references. I'm not saying they have great parents, or 0:23:51.280 --> 0:23:53.359 they've brought they were brought upright, or they have a 0:23:53.400 --> 0:23:55.280 lot of money. That's not what I mean. I mean 0:23:55.480 --> 0:23:57.480 there are people around them in their lives that go, 0:23:57.800 --> 0:24:02.439 this person is truly a good person for you. So 0:24:02.800 --> 0:24:06.480 you've got references. So it's not just all on you. You've 0:24:05.720 --> 0:24:09.440 guarded your heart. You're not just diving in and going 0:24:09.720 --> 0:24:12.000 head over heels and you haven't really thought about it 0:24:12.040 --> 0:24:14.960 with a clear brain. So those are things the courting 0:24:15.000 --> 0:24:20.760 process should do. But I'm against dating long term. So 0:24:20.840 --> 0:24:24.239 whatever that means to you, I'm assuming Ava that you're 0:24:24.280 --> 0:24:27.760 pretty young and you're like Grangeer. I didn't want all that. 0:24:27.880 --> 0:24:31.440 I just really wanted to know I'm fourteen and when 0:24:31.440 --> 0:24:34.560 can I start dating. I'm thinking that that's more about 0:24:34.560 --> 0:24:37.840 what this is about. And so the reason I kind 0:24:37.840 --> 0:24:40.399 of set it up with all that is a little 0:24:40.400 --> 0:24:43.560 bit of a fatherly aspect to this, because I have 0:24:43.600 --> 0:24:46.439 a girl, a little girl that's twelve it she'll be 0:24:46.440 --> 0:24:52.320 thirteen in October, and dating is not going to be 0:24:52.320 --> 0:24:56.160 a thing in our house unless you're with a group, 0:24:56.240 --> 0:24:57.639 and whatever you want to call it, you can call 0:24:57.640 --> 0:24:59.520 it whatever you want. But unless you're in a group 0:24:59.560 --> 0:25:02.960 of of several people, there's not going to be one 0:25:02.960 --> 0:25:08.320 on one dating while you live here. And it's kind 0:25:08.320 --> 0:25:11.560 of like the last question. We're talking about telling me 0:25:11.640 --> 0:25:14.080 things I don't want to do, and I got to 0:25:14.119 --> 0:25:15.840 give up what I love and do what I don't 0:25:15.880 --> 0:25:19.480