1 00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:04,360 Speaker 1: Be better and quit your evil desires and lean on 2 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:17,320 Speaker 1: your own ability. What's up, everybody, Welcome back to the podcast. 3 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:19,920 Speaker 1: Glad you're here. Let's talk about some stuff. I answer 4 00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:25,040 Speaker 1: your email. Podcast at grangersmith dot com is the place 5 00:00:25,079 --> 00:00:27,120 Speaker 1: to email, and you could ask me anything you want. 6 00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:29,360 Speaker 1: We'll walk through it like the cab of a truck 7 00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: or sitting around a campfire. And there's no boundaries on this. 8 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:34,760 Speaker 1: I don't always have the right answer. I want it 9 00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:37,800 Speaker 1: to be more of a conversation. So what I mean 10 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:40,279 Speaker 1: is I don't have like a list. I haven't prepared 11 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:42,920 Speaker 1: these questions. I don't have a list in front of 12 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:46,720 Speaker 1: me that has good, you know, witty answers. I don't 13 00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:49,960 Speaker 1: have a bunch of quotes. We're just gonna We're gonna 14 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:54,440 Speaker 1: have a conversation. So let's have a conversation. First question 15 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:59,920 Speaker 1: comes from to coda and the subject client says, correct 16 00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:06,000 Speaker 1: me if I'm wrong parentheses. God's spirit not talked about. Hey, 17 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:09,600 Speaker 1: grangeer Mo. Name is Dakota from Iowa. Excuse me, Ohio. 18 00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:14,680 Speaker 1: I've listened to like a River in chapter seven and eight. 19 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:17,560 Speaker 1: There is something very special about that to me. I 20 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:20,319 Speaker 1: used to think that in order to get closer with God, 21 00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:23,399 Speaker 1: I would have to do all the right things, and 22 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:27,160 Speaker 1: I would have to stop having fun, and that would 23 00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:30,400 Speaker 1: make me to be a lukewarm Christian all the more. 24 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:34,600 Speaker 1: My question is this, should we be talking more about 25 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:38,480 Speaker 1: how it's not us individually that can change ourselves, but 26 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:42,240 Speaker 1: instead God's spirit inside of us that does the changing. 27 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:45,480 Speaker 1: I feel like that is a I rarely hear it 28 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:50,120 Speaker 1: preached that way. It's usually preached to be better and 29 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:54,560 Speaker 1: quit your evil desires, leaning on all human ability, but 30 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:57,760 Speaker 1: nothing on our full surrender and the power of God's spirit. 31 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:01,280 Speaker 1: Ps After being re born, I now read the Bible 32 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:04,040 Speaker 1: every night and cannot stop. Only God did this to me. 33 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:10,679 Speaker 1: Praise him. Yeah, okay, great question to Coda, and yeah, 34 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:13,840 Speaker 1: I agree with you that it's it's it's not preached 35 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:19,000 Speaker 1: that way. It typically is be better and quit your 36 00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:23,480 Speaker 1: evil desires and lean on your own ability. It's not 37 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:26,560 Speaker 1: said in those exact ways, but that's a lot of 38 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:30,840 Speaker 1: times that's the intention that people preach. It's hey, man, 39 00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:32,880 Speaker 1: you gotta you gotta do this and this and this, 40 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:37,880 Speaker 1: you got to stop doing this. Okay, there's a lot 41 00:02:37,919 --> 00:02:40,720 Speaker 1: of nuanced nuance to this and this that really could 42 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:43,840 Speaker 1: take the whole podcast, and it's a good question, but 43 00:02:43,919 --> 00:02:46,239 Speaker 1: it could really take the whole podcast to walk through 44 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:50,640 Speaker 1: this what what's happening. There's a couple of things that's happening. 45 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:55,960 Speaker 1: One like me, your testimony, this is your ps here 46 00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:58,280 Speaker 1: after being reborn, I now read the Bible every night 47 00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:02,600 Speaker 1: and cannot stop. And you're surprised by this, saying, only 48 00:03:02,639 --> 00:03:05,600 Speaker 1: God did that to me, And that's my story too. 49 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:09,839 Speaker 1: It's like, man, I was dead. God raised me from 50 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:14,880 Speaker 1: the dead spiritually, and now I crave things of him 51 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:18,160 Speaker 1: and only God did that. That's what you're saying. That's 52 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:21,440 Speaker 1: where you agree with me. And you used to think 53 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:23,079 Speaker 1: that in order to get closer to God you would 54 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:26,160 Speaker 1: have to do all the right things and stop having fun. 55 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:29,480 Speaker 1: That's a key thing right there, stop having fun, right 56 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:35,720 Speaker 1: That's I'll come back to that. And then this whole idea. 57 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:40,560 Speaker 1: Your main argument here is this idea that should we 58 00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:44,280 Speaker 1: be talking more, talking more about how it's not us 59 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:49,560 Speaker 1: individually that can change ourselves, but instead God's spirit inside 60 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:52,320 Speaker 1: of us that does the changing. And then you say, 61 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:58,040 Speaker 1: I really hear it preached that way, So you know 62 00:03:58,120 --> 00:03:59,880 Speaker 1: where I'm coming from, and I know where you're coming 63 00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:03,960 Speaker 1: from from And the problem is the problem with your 64 00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:09,520 Speaker 1: argument really is that the Bible says both. It says 65 00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:14,080 Speaker 1: clearly that is it is God who does the changing. 66 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:19,560 Speaker 1: Clearly it is the spirit. And the flesh is of 67 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:25,920 Speaker 1: no help at all. So the Bible says, and we 68 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:29,680 Speaker 1: were dead in our trespasses made alive in Christ. If 69 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:33,719 Speaker 1: anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. Behold, 70 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:37,320 Speaker 1: the old has passed away and the new is here. 71 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:41,920 Speaker 1: So we could read an Ezekiel about the valley of 72 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:45,200 Speaker 1: the of the dry bones, and I think about this 73 00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:50,840 Speaker 1: a lot. How God made bones and this is this 74 00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:54,240 Speaker 1: is this is the analogy he gives to Ezekiel, essentially, 75 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:59,800 Speaker 1: and Ezekiel saw this. He makes dead, dry bones alive, 76 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,840 Speaker 1: and that is you know, he puts flesh on bones. 77 00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:06,480 Speaker 1: And that is really a spiritual analogy to us that 78 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:11,960 Speaker 1: we don't do it. John six is a really interesting 79 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:18,960 Speaker 1: chapter with this John six, Jesus is walking through some 80 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:22,600 Speaker 1: difficult teaching and a lot of people start leaving him, 81 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:26,720 Speaker 1: and there's these grump there's everyone's grumbling like, man, we're 82 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,039 Speaker 1: gonna leave this guy. We're going to leave this teacher. 83 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:33,880 Speaker 1: And Jesus doesn't appear to be desperate to save them 84 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:38,680 Speaker 1: or desperate to keep them listening. He's like, my sheep 85 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:40,640 Speaker 1: will hear my voice. In fact, that's in John ten. 86 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:44,599 Speaker 1: John ten, he makes it's the big Shepherd analogy. He 87 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:47,720 Speaker 1: is the great Shepherd, and he is the gate, and 88 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:51,920 Speaker 1: he my sheep will hear my voice, and I will 89 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:55,320 Speaker 1: lose not one of them. And so take ten and 90 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:57,839 Speaker 1: six of John these chapters and kind of walk through them, 91 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:02,760 Speaker 1: and you'll see that Jesus has no intention of convincing anyone. 92 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:06,520 Speaker 1: He says all that the Father give me will come 93 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:09,599 Speaker 1: to me, and whoever comes to me, whoever comes to me, 94 00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:13,480 Speaker 1: and will never cast out. And then you have to 95 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:17,760 Speaker 1: contrast that to an equal amount of teaching in the 96 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:22,720 Speaker 1: Bible that shows human responsibility to respond and repent to 97 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:30,280 Speaker 1: the gospel. So here's the nuance. We are. We have 98 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:34,120 Speaker 1: a human responsibility to respond and repent to the Gospel, 99 00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:40,600 Speaker 1: and we are held accountable one hundred percent to that responsibility. 100 00:06:41,279 --> 00:06:48,719 Speaker 1: Right but once you have responded, and whoever comes, whoever, 101 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:56,760 Speaker 1: whoever believes, who is that granger, whoever believes? So might 102 00:06:56,800 --> 00:07:00,440 Speaker 1: that be you listening right now? It's whoever believes, he 103 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:04,080 Speaker 1: will never cast out for God, God so little, God 104 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:08,360 Speaker 1: so loved the world, that whoever believes in him right. 105 00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:13,440 Speaker 1: So there's a lot of there's a lot of whosoevers, 106 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:15,240 Speaker 1: there's a lot of whoever there's there's a lot of 107 00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:21,120 Speaker 1: everyone who believes in the Bible. But once again, this 108 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:23,680 Speaker 1: is this, This is an entire conversation we could have 109 00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:25,640 Speaker 1: on a podcast, and trust me, I love it and 110 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:30,760 Speaker 1: I have this conversation quite a bit. But we are 111 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:36,000 Speaker 1: not capable of responding unless the spirit awakens us. And 112 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:39,120 Speaker 1: then we're not capable of living out these good works 113 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:41,720 Speaker 1: on our own, the good stuff that you said in 114 00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:44,360 Speaker 1: your email, stop doing all the bad things and do 115 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:46,720 Speaker 1: all the good things. We're not capable of stopping the 116 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:50,760 Speaker 1: bad things and doing the good things without being enabled 117 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:55,160 Speaker 1: by the spirit. But there is a nuance there that 118 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:57,480 Speaker 1: it's it's I've said this before in a sermon. It's 119 00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:00,960 Speaker 1: it's like a imagine a butterfly that comes out of 120 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:04,240 Speaker 1: its cocoon. And the reason we encourage each other and 121 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:07,640 Speaker 1: there's something about telling each other to do this, and 122 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:10,840 Speaker 1: don't do that, do this, don't do that. It would 123 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:14,080 Speaker 1: be like telling a butterfly, an old butterfly telling a 124 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:20,520 Speaker 1: new butterfly. Hey, stop eating leaves on those branches, on 125 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:23,480 Speaker 1: those twigs, hanging out on the twigs. I think I said, 126 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:28,240 Speaker 1: with all those caterpillars, you are made for so much 127 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:35,040 Speaker 1: more right. And by the way, that craving you have, 128 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:38,440 Speaker 1: that's not for twigs and leaves anymore, that craving that 129 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:40,600 Speaker 1: you can't really describe. Let me tell you what that is. 130 00:08:40,679 --> 00:08:43,760 Speaker 1: That's for nectar. And you need to be in the 131 00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:48,480 Speaker 1: garden drinking this nectar. And those things you have on 132 00:08:48,559 --> 00:08:51,520 Speaker 1: your arms that used to be used to have caterpillar arms, 133 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:53,880 Speaker 1: but now you get these big things. Those are wings 134 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:57,480 Speaker 1: and you could fly, and in fact, that's how you 135 00:08:57,480 --> 00:08:59,719 Speaker 1: get to the flowers. You use those wings and you fly, 136 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:05,120 Speaker 1: you drink nectar. So that's a Christian, an older Christian 137 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:08,559 Speaker 1: telling a younger Christian, don't do this. Do this. But 138 00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:11,160 Speaker 1: you know what I like about this butterfly analogy that 139 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:14,080 Speaker 1: I'm made up is that if you would think of 140 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:17,280 Speaker 1: it in terms of stop doing things that you love, 141 00:09:17,679 --> 00:09:20,480 Speaker 1: like hanging out on twigs, and start to do things 142 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:25,079 Speaker 1: you hate, like drink nectar. And in that scenario, you 143 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:28,120 Speaker 1: have no idea what nectar. Nectar is so much better 144 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:31,920 Speaker 1: than twigs. Nectar is so much better than dry leaves. 145 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:36,880 Speaker 1: Stop hanging out with caterpillars. Spread your wings and see 146 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:39,960 Speaker 1: where the real fun is. The real joy is in 147 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:43,439 Speaker 1: on the flower, the nectar. That is the sweetest thing 148 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:46,760 Speaker 1: you could have. You just don't know it yet. So 149 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:49,920 Speaker 1: I say it in that way because it is really 150 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:54,640 Speaker 1: never about stop having stop having so much fun, and 151 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:59,280 Speaker 1: live a boring life of obedience to God. Because you see, 152 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:02,880 Speaker 1: just like butterfly that doesn't know about nectar yet, that 153 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:07,520 Speaker 1: obedience is not made to be your prison. It's made 154 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:11,000 Speaker 1: to set you free. It's made to live in your 155 00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:16,679 Speaker 1: created purpose, and that is where the joy is. Matthew thirteen. 156 00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:19,800 Speaker 1: I say this parable all the time. The Kingdom of 157 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:22,440 Speaker 1: Heaven is like treasure hidden in a field that a 158 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:25,960 Speaker 1: man finds and covers up. Then in his joy, he 159 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:28,080 Speaker 1: goes and sells all that he has and buys that field. 160 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:31,680 Speaker 1: That's tough selling all you have in that scenario for 161 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:34,600 Speaker 1: that parable, It would be tough selling it. But the 162 00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:36,760 Speaker 1: joy that he had and the treasure in the field 163 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:39,839 Speaker 1: is so much greater that it doesn't matter anymore. You 164 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:43,959 Speaker 1: see what I mean, that's the nectar above these little 165 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:47,320 Speaker 1: leaves that you used to have as a caterpillar. So 166 00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:50,880 Speaker 1: long story short to wrap this up, we have a 167 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:56,120 Speaker 1: human responsibility to respond, and God sovereignly chooses. Those two 168 00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:59,080 Speaker 1: things are like two parallel lines that intersect only in heaven. 169 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:03,440 Speaker 1: They both and that is most evident at the Cross 170 00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:07,960 Speaker 1: where God predestined Jesus to go to the cross. God 171 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:11,680 Speaker 1: the Father predestined Jesus the Son, to go to the 172 00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:15,559 Speaker 1: cross to die for sin. That was always the plan 173 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:20,760 Speaker 1: of redemption, to reconcile God himself to his people. That 174 00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:27,640 Speaker 1: was always the plan. But humans have a responsibility for 175 00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:32,040 Speaker 1: sending Jesus, the Son of God, to die. They are 176 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:37,000 Speaker 1: guilty of murder. To be held responsible is all on 177 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:40,280 Speaker 1: humanity for killing the son of God. And yet it 178 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:45,559 Speaker 1: was always planned by God. So if you don't believe 179 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:47,079 Speaker 1: in one of those two things I just said, you're 180 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,880 Speaker 1: literally not a Christian. If you don't believe it was 181 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:52,679 Speaker 1: man's responsibility for the murder of Jesus, you're not a Christian. 182 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,320 Speaker 1: If you don't believe that God predestined the death of 183 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:57,720 Speaker 1: Jesus and had it always planned, you're not a Christian. 184 00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:00,800 Speaker 1: Those two things work together in a missious way. The 185 00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:04,760 Speaker 1: Bible teaches both. It also teaches our responsibility to respond, 186 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:10,240 Speaker 1: and it teaches that God sovereignly chooses and saves. It 187 00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:13,040 Speaker 1: is all the spirit. The flesh is of no help 188 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:16,480 Speaker 1: at all. All that the Father gives me will come 189 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:18,360 Speaker 1: to me, and whoever comes to me I'll never cast out. 190 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:24,120 Speaker 1: These are all truths that exist together. And let me 191 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:27,599 Speaker 1: wrap it up by saying one last thing. If I 192 00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:32,200 Speaker 1: were to die today and God said, why should we 193 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:36,800 Speaker 1: let you in? The only answer I have is you shouldn't. 194 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:42,480 Speaker 1: I'm undeserving to be in the presence of God. But 195 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:46,840 Speaker 1: because you provided away through your son Jesus, I've believed 196 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:52,200 Speaker 1: in him, so I would lean first on. It's all 197 00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:56,480 Speaker 1: you God, before I ever said, aren't you so happy God? 198 00:12:56,480 --> 00:13:01,240 Speaker 1: That I responded and made this decision. I'll leave it 199 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:09,680 Speaker 1: at that long time ago I started grangersmith dot Com. 200 00:13:09,679 --> 00:13:12,400 Speaker 1: When I say a long time ago, I'm talking decades ago. 201 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:16,320 Speaker 1: Started grangersmith dot com for the purpose of mainly tour 202 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:19,960 Speaker 1: dates and you know, getting my music out there. And 203 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,840 Speaker 1: the last thing that was on my mind really was 204 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:25,200 Speaker 1: selling merch or much less. How in the world do 205 00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:29,119 Speaker 1: you sell merch like practically? How does that work physically? 206 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:31,320 Speaker 1: How do people click on something and then end up 207 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:34,280 Speaker 1: buying something and it charges their credit card? Well, you know, 208 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:36,960 Speaker 1: fast forward all these years and now I have ye 209 00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:41,040 Speaker 1: Ye apparel. Literally, that's what we do from Yee dot 210 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:46,360 Speaker 1: com is sell apparel, and we do that by using Shopify. See. 211 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:49,760 Speaker 1: Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell 212 00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:52,680 Speaker 1: at every stage of your business, whether it's from the 213 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:56,480 Speaker 1: launch your own online shop stage or the first real 214 00:13:56,559 --> 00:13:59,360 Speaker 1: life store stage to do we just hit a whole 215 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:03,280 Speaker 1: bunch of orders stage. Shopify is there to help you grow, 216 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:07,319 Speaker 1: whether you're selling scented soap or outdoor apparel like we are, 217 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:11,880 Speaker 1: Shopify helps you sell everywhere. Basically, they are an all 218 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:15,920 Speaker 1: in one e commerce platform, so it does all the 219 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:19,320 Speaker 1: work for you and selling whatever product you want. They 220 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:21,920 Speaker 1: have a really good way of turning browsers into buyers too. 221 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:24,920 Speaker 1: They have they have the internet's best converting checkout that's 222 00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:27,840 Speaker 1: thirty six percent better on average compared to the other 223 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:31,320 Speaker 1: leading commerce platforms. That's really good that you could sell 224 00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:35,800 Speaker 1: more with your business with less effort thanks to Shopify 225 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:39,160 Speaker 1: Magic that is your AI powered all star. Look. I'm 226 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,560 Speaker 1: the first to admit I'm not a techie person. I 227 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:44,680 Speaker 1: can't program code. I'm just not the kind of guy 228 00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:46,600 Speaker 1: to do that. I am the guy to go, hey man, 229 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:49,040 Speaker 1: this is a good hoodie or this is a good 230 00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:52,200 Speaker 1: hat for fall fishing, you know, But I don't want 231 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:54,960 Speaker 1: to get into the nitty gritty of how do I 232 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,560 Speaker 1: actually make the program to do this. And that's why 233 00:14:57,560 --> 00:15:00,440 Speaker 1: Shopify has been so great for me and Tyler and Parker, 234 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:05,000 Speaker 1: my brothers. For so many years. Shopify powers ten percent 235 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:08,320 Speaker 1: of all e commerce platforms in the US, and so 236 00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:12,120 Speaker 1: it's not just me. They have millions of entrepreneurs of 237 00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:15,080 Speaker 1: every size across one hundred and seventy five countries, plus 238 00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:18,280 Speaker 1: Shopify's award winning help is there to support your success 239 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:22,000 Speaker 1: every step of the way. Because businesses that grow grow 240 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:25,560 Speaker 1: with Shopify sign up for a one dollar per month 241 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:28,920 Speaker 1: trial period at shopify dot com slash granger all lowercase. 242 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:32,800 Speaker 1: Go to shopify dot com slash granger right now to 243 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:36,680 Speaker 1: grow your business no matter what stage you're in. Shopify 244 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:45,480 Speaker 1: dot com slash granger. Next question, the subject line says 245 00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:47,840 Speaker 1: easy question. I'm up for that. It says, hey Granger. 246 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,760 Speaker 1: My name is Ava and I'm from Allendale, Michigan. We 247 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:53,760 Speaker 1: haven't met before, but I hope you come and speak 248 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:56,280 Speaker 1: at our church in the future. My question is this, 249 00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:01,080 Speaker 1: I'd like to stop for a second and thank you 250 00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:04,040 Speaker 1: for being so kind and honest. I admire how you 251 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:07,240 Speaker 1: genuinely care for others and are striving to be more 252 00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:10,200 Speaker 1: like Jesus, but I love that you also encourage others 253 00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:13,320 Speaker 1: to do the same. I read your book and I 254 00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:16,320 Speaker 1: want to thank you for being so vulnerable. Many of 255 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:19,080 Speaker 1: those reading Like a River are people that you've never 256 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:21,880 Speaker 1: met or barely know, and I hope you realize the 257 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:24,840 Speaker 1: amount of lives you've influenced. That God, God did that. 258 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:29,600 Speaker 1: I have a pretty open ended question, but I'm curious 259 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,160 Speaker 1: when do you think a person is ready to date? 260 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:37,600 Speaker 1: And can you elaborate as to when you think I 261 00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:40,680 Speaker 1: should date? Sorry, I have a little bit trouble reading 262 00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:42,880 Speaker 1: your question, but I think I get the gist of it. 263 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:45,720 Speaker 1: And then you say, what should be seen in a 264 00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:48,960 Speaker 1: guy as well as a gal? What should be seen 265 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:54,600 Speaker 1: in a guy as well as a gal? Okay, Ava, 266 00:16:54,680 --> 00:17:02,360 Speaker 1: thank you, thank you for emailing, And once again, it's 267 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:04,000 Speaker 1: a good question and probably could be a question I 268 00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:07,760 Speaker 1: answer on an entire episode to talk nothing but about this, 269 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:16,439 Speaker 1: but dating really is only the purpose of getting married. 270 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:19,639 Speaker 1: That is the only purpose of dating, and there is 271 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:22,639 Speaker 1: no other purpose of dating. You can't make an argument 272 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:24,800 Speaker 1: that I would believe if you said there is a 273 00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:28,439 Speaker 1: purpose of dating and it ends up being good, it 274 00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:32,080 Speaker 1: only ends up hurting you in some way, And you 275 00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:33,760 Speaker 1: could say it this way, it only ends up hurting 276 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:37,080 Speaker 1: you in more ways than it ever is helpful to date, 277 00:17:37,359 --> 00:17:39,520 Speaker 1: and to date a bunch of people, and to date 278 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:41,280 Speaker 1: a bunch of people for a long periods of time. 279 00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:45,040 Speaker 1: That's really what we're talking about here. I'm not talking 280 00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:49,159 Speaker 1: about going to have coffee, going on a few dates, 281 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:51,439 Speaker 1: learning that that person is not for you and you 282 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:53,160 Speaker 1: move on. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about 283 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:57,879 Speaker 1: you have declared each other boyfriend and girlfriend, and you 284 00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:02,720 Speaker 1: are officially going steady and months are going by. That's 285 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:04,639 Speaker 1: what I'm talking about, And I think that's what this 286 00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:10,000 Speaker 1: question is. When are you ready to do that? So 287 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:13,040 Speaker 1: maybe we should say the first scenario, maybe we should 288 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:18,639 Speaker 1: call it courting. Like courting is getting to know someone 289 00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:23,480 Speaker 1: in preparation to decide if you're going to marry them. 290 00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:28,919 Speaker 1: And that's fine, and you should do that obviously, But 291 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:33,600 Speaker 1: what hurts us is the long term dating, and I 292 00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:37,480 Speaker 1: don't think there's any reason for it at all. Like 293 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:40,119 Speaker 1: I said, if you sit here in this blue chair 294 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,760 Speaker 1: across from me, I think we could have a great discussion. 295 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:45,960 Speaker 1: But I don't think there is a single argument of 296 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,600 Speaker 1: why it's better to date a lot of people for 297 00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:54,000 Speaker 1: long periods of time and then get married later. I 298 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,600 Speaker 1: probably met some people mad with that, that's okay. I 299 00:18:56,720 --> 00:19:00,240 Speaker 1: firmly believe that. So a long time ago and for 300 00:19:00,359 --> 00:19:06,080 Speaker 1: most of humanity, there were arranged marriages, and you know what, 301 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:11,359 Speaker 1: surprisingly for our twenty twenty four brains to understand, arranged 302 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:16,560 Speaker 1: marriages worked pretty well. They were, you know, two families 303 00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:20,960 Speaker 1: decided that these two people should come together, and it 304 00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:23,880 Speaker 1: just really proves the fact that they were so successful 305 00:19:24,359 --> 00:19:26,600 Speaker 1: for so many years. And of course there's bad examples, 306 00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:29,879 Speaker 1: of course, of course, but I think the reason they 307 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:33,160 Speaker 1: were so successful for so many years proves to us 308 00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:40,199 Speaker 1: that love, really wholly is a decision. Who l y fully, 309 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:47,120 Speaker 1: it's a decision, it's not. It's not some mystical spiritual feeling. 310 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:51,639 Speaker 1: This Pixie starred us cupid stuff that happens to us. 311 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:54,840 Speaker 1: And I've talked about this before and I don't want 312 00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:59,119 Speaker 1: anyone to think I'm not romantic, because that's anyone that 313 00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:02,080 Speaker 1: knows me, and my realation with the Amber would say, no, 314 00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:05,640 Speaker 1: that's not the case at all. I love Amber passionately. 315 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:09,480 Speaker 1: And I'm trying to make a point here that on 316 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:12,119 Speaker 1: those arranged marriages, and there was so much success in 317 00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:16,480 Speaker 1: that because eventually, no matter who you're dating, you have 318 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:19,959 Speaker 1: to decide that you love them, and you have to 319 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:24,960 Speaker 1: decide past the butterflies and your belly that say, oh, 320 00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:29,800 Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm so attracted to this person. And once 321 00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:32,720 Speaker 1: you get past that and hard days set in or 322 00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:36,960 Speaker 1: the newness wears off, then you rely on the decision, 323 00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:39,119 Speaker 1: just like you make when you say your vows and 324 00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:43,879 Speaker 1: you say through sickness and through health, rich and poor, 325 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:48,760 Speaker 1: you better or worse. That's a decision. When you say 326 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:55,080 Speaker 1: vowels like that traditional vows, you're saying, I decide, not 327 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:58,320 Speaker 1: my heart, not my gut, not my feeling, not my spirit. 328 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:02,639 Speaker 1: I decide that for better or for worse. I'm sticking 329 00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:07,000 Speaker 1: with you. That's what that means. It's a decision based 330 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:11,400 Speaker 1: on your brain. Your brain, your cerebral cortex makes a decision, 331 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,480 Speaker 1: goes I decide right now, and I make a vow 332 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:17,200 Speaker 1: to you, I make a promise to you, a covenant 333 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:20,800 Speaker 1: with you. Let's pinky swear, let's shake hands on this 334 00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:25,639 Speaker 1: that I will stick with you for better, if for worse. 335 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:28,679 Speaker 1: It's crazy if you think of it that way. How 336 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:31,840 Speaker 1: many people decide that they don't want to do that anymore. 337 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:36,280 Speaker 1: I'm backing out of this. You're not living up to 338 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,760 Speaker 1: what you promised, and so I'm going to back out 339 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:42,840 Speaker 1: of what I promised. Last week I had Marv Miller, 340 00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:46,160 Speaker 1: a pastor, a Mennonite pastor. And it's interesting as we're 341 00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:51,400 Speaker 1: talking about the Mennonite culture, because divorce really doesn't exist 342 00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:57,800 Speaker 1: in that culture. They don't have a superior culture to 343 00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:00,000 Speaker 1: anyone else. And he would be the first to admit 344 00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:04,720 Speaker 1: that they don't have superior marriages to all other cultures. 345 00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:07,919 Speaker 1: That's not what he's trying to say. It's more about 346 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:11,680 Speaker 1: in that culture, they make a decision and they stick 347 00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:16,600 Speaker 1: with it. Imagine that they decide, we're not going to 348 00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:22,440 Speaker 1: accept divorces as a natural course of what we do. 349 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:26,040 Speaker 1: We're gonna make this this thing we call marriage something 350 00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:30,440 Speaker 1: we actually stick with. We're going to do it regardless 351 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:33,600 Speaker 1: of what happens regardless of sickness, regardless of if this 352 00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:38,000 Speaker 1: person is not serving me that the way that I 353 00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:40,920 Speaker 1: wanted them to. You know me me, I want this, 354 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:43,960 Speaker 1: I want this, and they're not doing it. And if 355 00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:46,760 Speaker 1: both of you thought of it in that way, then 356 00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:50,520 Speaker 1: it's a great marriage. And so back to this question 357 00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:53,560 Speaker 1: about dating, when do you think it's appropriate to start dating? 358 00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:55,320 Speaker 1: I don't think that. I don't think you expected this 359 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:58,679 Speaker 1: long answer from me on this, but it's really interesting 360 00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:00,960 Speaker 1: if we think of it in terms of this dating. 361 00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:04,720 Speaker 1: This courting is just it's really just to see are 362 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:09,320 Speaker 1: you attractive to me? Could we have good conversations? Do 363 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:12,000 Speaker 1: you love Jesus like I do? Because that's a major 364 00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:14,760 Speaker 1: problem If you don't. All kinds of implications will happen 365 00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:18,560 Speaker 1: if you don't, These all kinds of religious fallout. What 366 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:20,520 Speaker 1: do we do with the kids? What are we doing 367 00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:25,000 Speaker 1: on Sunday mornings? That's just a given a presupposition. I 368 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:31,120 Speaker 1: hope that that's understood. You love Jesus or I could 369 00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:33,320 Speaker 1: also make the argument, or you don't love Jesus because 370 00:23:33,359 --> 00:23:36,520 Speaker 1: I don't, right, because if you do and I don't, 371 00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:40,879 Speaker 1: that's another problem, but a different question, different discussion. But 372 00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:42,520 Speaker 1: I think you get my point. You need to be 373 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:46,240 Speaker 1: on the same page. They're not a project. They have 374 00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:51,240 Speaker 1: good references. I'm not saying they have great parents, or 375 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:53,359 Speaker 1: they've brought they were brought upright, or they have a 376 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,280 Speaker 1: lot of money. That's not what I mean. I mean 377 00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:57,480 Speaker 1: there are people around them in their lives that go, 378 00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:02,439 Speaker 1: this person is truly a good person for you. So 379 00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:06,480 Speaker 1: you've got references. So it's not just all on you. You've 380 00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:09,440 Speaker 1: guarded your heart. You're not just diving in and going 381 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,000 Speaker 1: head over heels and you haven't really thought about it 382 00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:14,960 Speaker 1: with a clear brain. So those are things the courting 383 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:20,760 Speaker 1: process should do. But I'm against dating long term. So 384 00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:24,239 Speaker 1: whatever that means to you, I'm assuming Ava that you're 385 00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:27,760 Speaker 1: pretty young and you're like Grangeer. I didn't want all that. 386 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:31,440 Speaker 1: I just really wanted to know I'm fourteen and when 387 00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:34,560 Speaker 1: can I start dating. I'm thinking that that's more about 388 00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:37,840 Speaker 1: what this is about. And so the reason I kind 389 00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:40,399 Speaker 1: of set it up with all that is a little 390 00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:43,560 Speaker 1: bit of a fatherly aspect to this, because I have 391 00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:46,439 Speaker 1: a girl, a little girl that's twelve it she'll be 392 00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:52,320 Speaker 1: thirteen in October, and dating is not going to be 393 00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:56,160 Speaker 1: a thing in our house unless you're with a group, 394 00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:57,639 Speaker 1: and whatever you want to call it, you can call 395 00:24:57,640 --> 00:24:59,520 Speaker 1: it whatever you want. But unless you're in a group 396 00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:02,960 Speaker 1: of of several people, there's not going to be one 397 00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:08,320 Speaker 1: on one dating while you live here. And it's kind 398 00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:11,560 Speaker 1: of like the last question. We're talking about telling me 399 00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:14,080 Speaker 1: things I don't want to do, and I got to 400 00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:15,840 Speaker 1: give up what I love and do what I don't 401 00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:19,480 Speaker 1: want to do. That kind of thing. It's like, no, No, 402 00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:23,320 Speaker 1: I'm trying to talk about what your creative purpose is 403 00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:27,760 Speaker 1: because there's so much damage that can come from not 404 00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:33,960 Speaker 1: being prepared, and so much damage could come from bad dating. Everyone, 405 00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:38,080 Speaker 1: including me, everyone that has done this has a terrible 406 00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:41,600 Speaker 1: story about some kind of breakup or some kind of 407 00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,640 Speaker 1: problem that happened, or some kind of purity that they 408 00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:50,800 Speaker 1: lost in a vulnerable time, and you can't get that 409 00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:53,919 Speaker 1: stuff back. This is bag that you carry with you 410 00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:56,600 Speaker 1: and people go no gradeard. That's good because you learn 411 00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:59,440 Speaker 1: from your lessons and you move on. But you can't 412 00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:01,720 Speaker 1: know who you really want unless you date all the 413 00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:07,040 Speaker 1: people you know you don't want. That is not true. 414 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:11,080 Speaker 1: That's just not true. That's just something we tell ourselves 415 00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:16,280 Speaker 1: to make ourselves feel better. But that's why I made 416 00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:20,040 Speaker 1: the argument about arranged marriages, because love's a decision. You 417 00:26:20,119 --> 00:26:24,360 Speaker 1: find someone you're attracted to, someone that loves Jesus, that 418 00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:27,800 Speaker 1: you could have good conversations with, you can agree on 419 00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:34,680 Speaker 1: basic fundamental parenting and living together roommate types things right, 420 00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:38,320 Speaker 1: and they're genuinely a good friend. And then at some 421 00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:40,600 Speaker 1: point after the attraction. Of course, you need to be 422 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:43,680 Speaker 1: attracted at the beginning, but then you make a decision. 423 00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:47,880 Speaker 1: I'm gonna love this person and I'm not gonna stop. 424 00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:55,400 Speaker 1: That's it. Next question, subject line says long lost Love. 425 00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:58,080 Speaker 1: Hey Granger, my name is Lane. I'm twenty six years old. 426 00:26:58,359 --> 00:27:00,480 Speaker 1: My son's mom and I have been separated for five 427 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:02,960 Speaker 1: years now, and I can't seem to shake the love 428 00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:06,760 Speaker 1: that I had while we were dating. I don't feel 429 00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:09,000 Speaker 1: like I can block her on social media because she 430 00:27:09,119 --> 00:27:12,000 Speaker 1: posts pictures of our child. What advice would you give 431 00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:15,720 Speaker 1: me in this situation? All right, Lane, thanks for the question, buddy, 432 00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:19,040 Speaker 1: and man, I love you and I don't want to 433 00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:25,040 Speaker 1: use you as an example against your will, but I 434 00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:26,400 Speaker 1: think I could do it in a way to help 435 00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:28,840 Speaker 1: not only you, but other people because I want to 436 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:31,600 Speaker 1: say with your email, I want to say, look to 437 00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:34,480 Speaker 1: the last email. Or about dating, I want to say, 438 00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:39,040 Speaker 1: look look at the fallout. Really, just from this podcast 439 00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:41,919 Speaker 1: alone that I deal with every other question, it seems 440 00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:46,439 Speaker 1: like there's some kind of fallout from bad habits of dating, 441 00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:52,440 Speaker 1: from people falling out of situations that they should have 442 00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:56,000 Speaker 1: made a decision and stuck with it. Lane, Not on you, buddy, 443 00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:58,560 Speaker 1: That's not what I mean. This isn't a knock on you. 444 00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:03,000 Speaker 1: I'm just saying, look look at this. For all the 445 00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:06,720 Speaker 1: people that go what's wrong with dating? I say, look 446 00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:12,639 Speaker 1: at Lane twenty six years old, probably not married, but 447 00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:19,480 Speaker 1: had a baby with son's mom, and now he's struggling 448 00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:24,560 Speaker 1: so much to shake it the original love that he had, 449 00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:27,960 Speaker 1: and he so much so that he's like debating blocking 450 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,920 Speaker 1: her and he doesn't know what to do. I mean, 451 00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:35,160 Speaker 1: she literally post pictures of his child. Let's dive into this. 452 00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:41,320 Speaker 1: That's Lane. That stuff's done now, so we can't. We 453 00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:43,800 Speaker 1: can't go back and fix things that have already happened. 454 00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:48,600 Speaker 1: But let's kind of unpack your life a little bit. 455 00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:50,080 Speaker 1: As much as I know, and I wish we were 456 00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:51,720 Speaker 1: in a cap of a truck together but let's talk 457 00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:55,160 Speaker 1: about twenty six years old, separated for five That means 458 00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:58,600 Speaker 1: we're talking back when you're twenty one. You had a 459 00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:01,920 Speaker 1: little baby boy. I don't know how old he is now. 460 00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:06,880 Speaker 1: Maybe he's four three, maybe he's five, I don't know, 461 00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:10,560 Speaker 1: maybe he's one. I don't know. I'm assuming it happened 462 00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:13,600 Speaker 1: around this before the separation, so we could say five 463 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:19,840 Speaker 1: plus and that means you were dating before that. So 464 00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:25,120 Speaker 1: this goes back like a quarter of your life. Okay. 465 00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:33,600 Speaker 1: The problem always is, this is the dilemma. So that 466 00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:38,520 Speaker 1: this doesn't become generational and your son doesn't pay the 467 00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:44,640 Speaker 1: price for this whatever it is, you have to act 468 00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:52,280 Speaker 1: self lesslie instead of selfishly. And the dilemma is I 469 00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:55,200 Speaker 1: want to say, I'm sorry, dude, that you're twenty six 470 00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:58,200 Speaker 1: and you gotta you have to be self less now 471 00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:01,160 Speaker 1: in a time when you probably want to like go 472 00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:05,720 Speaker 1: get life or whatever, but you can't because of this. 473 00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:10,160 Speaker 1: I mean you can, but I I would think it 474 00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:14,880 Speaker 1: would be really tough, really tough on your boy. Here's 475 00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:20,360 Speaker 1: a scenario. A good friend of mine, another podcaster, went 476 00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:26,040 Speaker 1: through a divorce and separation with kids. She moved back 477 00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:30,640 Speaker 1: with her parents all the way across the US. He 478 00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:32,520 Speaker 1: was on the East coast. She moved all the way 479 00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:35,880 Speaker 1: to the West coast. He made a decision, and a 480 00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:42,920 Speaker 1: good one, I believe he made a He manned up Lane, 481 00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:47,160 Speaker 1: and he said, I'm moving with him. He left his 482 00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:50,720 Speaker 1: work in all that he knows on the east coast 483 00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:55,560 Speaker 1: and moved, shadowing the mom back to the West coast 484 00:30:55,840 --> 00:31:00,920 Speaker 1: and literally rented a house on the street the same 485 00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:04,640 Speaker 1: neighborhood as where the mom moved in with the parents, 486 00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:07,240 Speaker 1: not in like a weird Stocker way. I mean, she 487 00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:11,760 Speaker 1: knew it. They had the discussion, but he decided being 488 00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:15,760 Speaker 1: there for my kids, being the dad that they need 489 00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:18,760 Speaker 1: so close that they could just go out the front 490 00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:21,960 Speaker 1: door and go to dad's house, is more important than 491 00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:24,440 Speaker 1: whatever else I have going on in my little world. 492 00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:30,600 Speaker 1: I think in a bad situation, making it good is 493 00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:33,120 Speaker 1: about as good as it can get in that way. 494 00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:38,640 Speaker 1: So how does this apply to you, Lane? But if 495 00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:39,920 Speaker 1: I was in the cab of the truck with you, 496 00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:43,600 Speaker 1: I'd say you need to be there for that boy, 497 00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:53,080 Speaker 1: and so reconciling this relationship is of utmost most importance. 498 00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:59,120 Speaker 1: And whatever you did to cause this separation, and you 499 00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:02,280 Speaker 1: say time out, man, and it was mutual. I didn't 500 00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:05,160 Speaker 1: say what she did because I'm sure she did something, 501 00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:09,040 Speaker 1: but that's okay. I'm saying whatever you did, because it's 502 00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:11,880 Speaker 1: always there's always two sides of the street here, there's 503 00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:16,680 Speaker 1: always two stories. Whatever you did or didn't do to 504 00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:20,040 Speaker 1: cause and keep this separation, you need to fix it. 505 00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:24,920 Speaker 1: And if she is with someone else, she's dating or 506 00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:28,360 Speaker 1: married to someone else, then and this is all about 507 00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:33,000 Speaker 1: the boy, you need to be close to that boy, 508 00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:36,440 Speaker 1: and to be close to that boy, you love his 509 00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:40,120 Speaker 1: mother in a righteous way, and you have to learn 510 00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:44,200 Speaker 1: to love whoever mother is with, because that is the 511 00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:48,720 Speaker 1: way to get close to that boy and to be 512 00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:52,040 Speaker 1: there for him. And you don't talk bad about mama. 513 00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:56,040 Speaker 1: You don't talk bad about new boyfriend. Look, I hope 514 00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:58,520 Speaker 1: that that's not the case, and I'm not advocating for that. 515 00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:01,840 Speaker 1: I'm just I'm giving you your only options. If she's 516 00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:06,000 Speaker 1: single and she's not dating or married, then you need 517 00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:10,800 Speaker 1: to do everything you can to reconcile this relationship. If 518 00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:15,200 Speaker 1: not anything for the sake of your boy, because you 519 00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:18,280 Speaker 1: have to stop this generational problem because he will grow 520 00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:21,640 Speaker 1: up to think that's okay, and he probably will fall 521 00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:25,480 Speaker 1: into the same mess. I'm assuming you will unless you 522 00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:28,200 Speaker 1: stop it. And that's up to you. And that's up 523 00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:32,000 Speaker 1: to you being selfless, that's up to you swallowing your pride. 524 00:33:32,240 --> 00:33:37,560 Speaker 1: That's up to you saying, look, I'm so sorry. I 525 00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:40,040 Speaker 1: was twenty one years old and I was an idiot. 526 00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:43,840 Speaker 1: I want to earn a new chance with you. And 527 00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:45,640 Speaker 1: she goes blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. She 528 00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:47,280 Speaker 1: just you know, bark sets you and you just go, 529 00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:49,440 Speaker 1: I'll take it. I'll take it. I'll take it. I 530 00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:52,440 Speaker 1: deserve it. I'll deserve it. I deserve it. I'm about 531 00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:57,720 Speaker 1: serving you, not myself. People here, I say this stuff 532 00:33:57,720 --> 00:33:59,920 Speaker 1: on the podcast and people are like, man, no way, man, 533 00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:05,760 Speaker 1: you're advocating a verbal abuse. Okay, if that's how you 534 00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:09,239 Speaker 1: want to hear it. But but what I'm advocating is humility, 535 00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:15,760 Speaker 1: pouring out yourself, counting others more worthy than you are. Right, 536 00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:19,920 Speaker 1: So this is about your boy now, it's not about 537 00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:24,120 Speaker 1: your love and the love that you need to rekindle 538 00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:27,799 Speaker 1: this old flame that would be a byproduct of you 539 00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:40,200 Speaker 1: only you rekindling the relationship with your son. Hey, real quick, 540 00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:42,319 Speaker 1: if you want to get a hold of me. Did 541 00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:44,560 Speaker 1: you know that that's easy to do with cameo dot 542 00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:47,560 Speaker 1: com slash Granger Smith. Log in there. You could find 543 00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:50,279 Speaker 1: me and ask me to send you any kind of 544 00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:52,920 Speaker 1: message you want, and I do that on a phone 545 00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:55,400 Speaker 1: and I send you a video of whatever a phone 546 00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:58,719 Speaker 1: message you want. It could be happy anniversary, making some 547 00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:02,360 Speaker 1: kind of baby announced, happy birthday, a word of encouragement, 548 00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:04,960 Speaker 1: whatever that might be. You just tell me in the 549 00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:07,239 Speaker 1: comments how you want me to do it, and I'll 550 00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:10,080 Speaker 1: shoot it over to you super easy. You could also 551 00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:14,560 Speaker 1: download that app Cameo Cimeo and search for me Granger Smith. 552 00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:17,160 Speaker 1: I'll shoot you a video message. It's a great way 553 00:35:17,239 --> 00:35:25,840 Speaker 1: to stay in touch. Next question, subject line says feeling 554 00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:29,280 Speaker 1: a little lost. Hey, Granger, just found your podcast recently 555 00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:31,839 Speaker 1: and I can't stop listening. In a way, it makes 556 00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:35,360 Speaker 1: me feel a little less alone. Life is tough, and 557 00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:39,399 Speaker 1: sometimes I think I'm the only one going through something 558 00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:42,680 Speaker 1: specific and I'm not. I've opened my heart to God 559 00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:45,240 Speaker 1: after pushing him away, shutting him out for many years, 560 00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:48,720 Speaker 1: and I know I can't do this myself. I'm craving 561 00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:51,640 Speaker 1: his word right now. I've gotten into a good routine 562 00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:54,760 Speaker 1: of starting my day off that way, I still feel 563 00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:58,520 Speaker 1: like there is just something missing. Am I missing something? 564 00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:02,000 Speaker 1: Am I doing something wrong? I feel my faith is 565 00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:04,400 Speaker 1: stronger than it ever has been, but I still feel 566 00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:08,080 Speaker 1: a little lost. Sarah. All right, Sarah, thank you so 567 00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:12,160 Speaker 1: much for emailing and being sincere and vulnerable in this situation. 568 00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:17,680 Speaker 1: These I love how some of these questions will connect 569 00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:19,600 Speaker 1: with each other, and I think this kind of connects 570 00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:22,239 Speaker 1: with the first question of this podcast. First of all, 571 00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:24,600 Speaker 1: I just want to say, your faith is stronger than 572 00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:29,279 Speaker 1: it ever has been. That's amazing. Sometimes we have to 573 00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:34,880 Speaker 1: just stop right there and go, Sarah, amazing, Praise God. 574 00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:40,439 Speaker 1: Your faith is stronger than it ever has been. It's 575 00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:42,600 Speaker 1: I understand that you want it to be going faster, 576 00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:45,360 Speaker 1: and you want things to clear up and be better, better, quicker, 577 00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:48,040 Speaker 1: but sometimes you just have to step back and go, 578 00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:54,399 Speaker 1: Praise God. My faith right now today is stronger than 579 00:36:54,400 --> 00:37:00,120 Speaker 1: it ever has been. It's great. That's really great. And 580 00:37:00,160 --> 00:37:05,280 Speaker 1: if you're asking me how do I make it even stronger? 581 00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:11,160 Speaker 1: Let's talk. Okay, after I say congratulations, you're in a 582 00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:17,640 Speaker 1: good place. What we need to discuss here is spiritual disciplines. 583 00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:21,959 Speaker 1: Another subject that I feel like I could talk about 584 00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:24,759 Speaker 1: it every episode, and maybe I do sometimes, but it's 585 00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:29,480 Speaker 1: probably worth it. It's that important. But our spiritual disciplines 586 00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:34,800 Speaker 1: are the way that we contribute to growing our own faith. Now, 587 00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:39,440 Speaker 1: of course, that the faith is a gift from God, 588 00:37:39,719 --> 00:37:44,560 Speaker 1: and you know that the Disciple asked Jesus in the Bible, 589 00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:49,200 Speaker 1: or he says, increase my faith. I have faith, but 590 00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:53,560 Speaker 1: increase my faith help my unbelief. Right, that's basically the idea. 591 00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:59,080 Speaker 1: And so there's an aspect where we need to trust 592 00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:03,399 Speaker 1: in that and trust trust God's work in his gift 593 00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:08,040 Speaker 1: of grace in our faith. But the way that we 594 00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:12,200 Speaker 1: contribute to that to growing it, that responsibility we have 595 00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:16,480 Speaker 1: is through our spiritual disciplines. Reading is great. Reading the 596 00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:21,720 Speaker 1: Bible is the most important spiritual discipline. That's in taking 597 00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:26,719 Speaker 1: God's word. That's God speaking to us. Prayer is important, 598 00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:29,480 Speaker 1: very important, but that's us speaking to him, and when 599 00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:31,440 Speaker 1: he speaks back, he speaks through the Word. If you're 600 00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:33,640 Speaker 1: not reading the Word at all, if you don't have 601 00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:36,360 Speaker 1: a routine of reading the Bible at all, in any way, 602 00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:42,279 Speaker 1: that's a serious problem, and you're in serious jeopardy of 603 00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:49,400 Speaker 1: losing anything you've ever built, especially if a hard time hits. 604 00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:57,359 Speaker 1: But it's not always just about reading it, because there 605 00:38:57,400 --> 00:39:02,440 Speaker 1: needs to be a component of meditating on it. Otherwise 606 00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:05,600 Speaker 1: you're just going through the motions, checking a box, reading 607 00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:08,520 Speaker 1: the Bible. That's it. It doesn't matter. Just read read, read, 608 00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:12,279 Speaker 1: read it. Okay, done, got my morning reading done, Time 609 00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:15,400 Speaker 1: to start my day. And then a couple hours go 610 00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:17,719 Speaker 1: by and you go, do you even remember at all 611 00:39:17,719 --> 00:39:20,640 Speaker 1: what you read this morning? And the answer is probably no, 612 00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:23,799 Speaker 1: I was just reading. I was just distracted, but at 613 00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:28,279 Speaker 1: least I read right. No. This is where meditating comes in. 614 00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:31,800 Speaker 1: And I'm not talking about Eastern meditation where you empty 615 00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:36,719 Speaker 1: your mind. I'm talking about Biblical meditation, where you are 616 00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:41,040 Speaker 1: pouring God into your mind. You're taking captive of every 617 00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:47,319 Speaker 1: thought to Christ and so taking a scripture captive in 618 00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:51,120 Speaker 1: your mind and living with it, thinking, dissecting it. There's 619 00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:53,200 Speaker 1: a lot of ways to do this. Memorizing it is 620 00:39:53,239 --> 00:39:57,279 Speaker 1: a way. Different apps that you can memorize scripture with 621 00:39:57,760 --> 00:40:01,839 Speaker 1: is a great way to meditate on scripture. Meditating through memorization. 622 00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:06,719 Speaker 1: Journaling is another way to meditate on scripture. Reading you 623 00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:10,200 Speaker 1: read the scripture and then you journal a little bit 624 00:40:10,239 --> 00:40:13,120 Speaker 1: of your thoughts on it. And that journal is for 625 00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:15,880 Speaker 1: you and you alone, So it doesn't really matter what 626 00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:20,400 Speaker 1: you say, but it's about processing through what you just read. 627 00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:23,960 Speaker 1: I've done the journal thing and the memorization thing for 628 00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:28,480 Speaker 1: a long time, and the journaling has helped me tremendously 629 00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:31,879 Speaker 1: after my mourning Bible read, which I never ever, ever, 630 00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:36,279 Speaker 1: ever ever skip my Mourning Bible read. No matter what 631 00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:38,440 Speaker 1: I'm doing or how busy I am, I don't ever 632 00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:44,200 Speaker 1: skip that. In fact, I did four I skipped four 633 00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:48,560 Speaker 1: days this year because I was in Pakistan and it's 634 00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:52,680 Speaker 1: illegal to have a Bible, so I figured that was 635 00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:57,759 Speaker 1: the only time when I could. I could not read 636 00:40:57,960 --> 00:40:59,680 Speaker 1: in my plan, and then I had to just catch 637 00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:02,399 Speaker 1: up and get caught up and read double four times 638 00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:06,839 Speaker 1: in a row. That's it. So what I've done over 639 00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:11,480 Speaker 1: the last several years is read, journal, memorize, and then 640 00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:15,680 Speaker 1: from the journal, I make a social media post. And 641 00:41:15,719 --> 00:41:19,680 Speaker 1: some of y'all might know that that I've posted a 642 00:41:19,719 --> 00:41:23,440 Speaker 1: scripture and maybe a little bit of my own thoughts 643 00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:26,800 Speaker 1: about the scripture. But I'll post it on social media. 644 00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:31,920 Speaker 1: And that is not really for anyone to grow or 645 00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:36,000 Speaker 1: learn or it's really a part of my own spiritual 646 00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:40,200 Speaker 1: discipline that I know I need to read, journal and 647 00:41:40,239 --> 00:41:45,279 Speaker 1: then post because that's like completing completing my job in 648 00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:49,120 Speaker 1: journaling and thinking through things. If I don't post it, 649 00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:53,160 Speaker 1: then I haven't completed my spiritual discipline of the day. 650 00:41:54,920 --> 00:41:59,440 Speaker 1: One Timothy four to seven says train yourself for godliness, 651 00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:02,640 Speaker 1: and some like the King James. I believe it. It says 652 00:42:04,680 --> 00:42:06,759 Speaker 1: I forgot which one, but discipline. Think it might be 653 00:42:06,840 --> 00:42:12,240 Speaker 1: King James. Discipline yourself for godliness. So this is something 654 00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:15,080 Speaker 1: we're called to do, something we're required to do, and 655 00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:19,839 Speaker 1: something that is so helpful, so Sarah. Other spiritual disciplines 656 00:42:19,880 --> 00:42:28,560 Speaker 1: are prayer or listening to sermons, fasting time alone, solitude 657 00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:32,320 Speaker 1: in the wilderness like Jesus did. Jesus is actually the 658 00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:35,560 Speaker 1: greatest model for all spiritual disciplines because he did all 659 00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:39,120 Speaker 1: these things minus the journaling. That's kind of a we 660 00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:41,680 Speaker 1: added that kind of later, but you could understand how 661 00:42:41,719 --> 00:42:45,799 Speaker 1: it would make sense to journal. But Jesus, I mean, 662 00:42:45,800 --> 00:42:50,600 Speaker 1: his memorization was like perfect. We see so many times 663 00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:55,480 Speaker 1: him quoting scripture, including his time on the Cross, quoting scripture. 664 00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:59,880 Speaker 1: So how much if Jesus did it quote a scripture 665 00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:03,520 Speaker 1: in his time of suffering on the cross. What does 666 00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:06,560 Speaker 1: that say to us about why it's important to memorize 667 00:43:06,840 --> 00:43:09,160 Speaker 1: or to have good Bible intake from our reading and 668 00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:12,600 Speaker 1: not just mindlessly read through it. What does that tell us? 669 00:43:13,160 --> 00:43:16,840 Speaker 1: What does that tell us that Jesus was constantly taking 670 00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:19,880 Speaker 1: time and leaving and going into the wilderness time of 671 00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:24,080 Speaker 1: solitude and prayer. How does that model for us? Like, 672 00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:26,520 Speaker 1: what does that tell us that Jesus goes out in 673 00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:34,720 Speaker 1: fast so that he could he could be completely filled 674 00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:41,040 Speaker 1: with the spirit and not distracted by fleshly desires like food. 675 00:43:41,560 --> 00:43:45,760 Speaker 1: What does that tell us If we see Jesus modeling 676 00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:49,920 Speaker 1: these things for us, that's really a good thing. We 677 00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:54,560 Speaker 1: could ask ourselves, Sarah is like, what do I need? 678 00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:59,279 Speaker 1: Because you're saying, am I doing something wrong? Better? Said? 679 00:43:59,320 --> 00:44:01,320 Speaker 1: I think you could have better said that by saying, 680 00:44:01,840 --> 00:44:05,720 Speaker 1: am I should I be doing something else in addition 681 00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:11,120 Speaker 1: to this right? And the answer would be, let's look 682 00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:14,080 Speaker 1: at what Jesus was doing in this kind of scenario 683 00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:24,400 Speaker 1: as far as spiritual disciplines, fasting, meditating, solitude, prayer, Bible memorization, 684 00:44:25,440 --> 00:44:28,120 Speaker 1: Bible reading. We know he was reading, We know he 685 00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:31,759 Speaker 1: was sitting under sermons. Can you imagine Jesus so many 686 00:44:31,800 --> 00:44:35,520 Speaker 1: times sitting in the synagogue listening to someone else preached 687 00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:38,560 Speaker 1: to him about his word, and yet he did it 688 00:44:39,040 --> 00:44:43,680 Speaker 1: as a spiritual discipline. So this is what we need 689 00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:47,399 Speaker 1: to crank up, Sarah, and this is what I would do. 690 00:44:47,640 --> 00:44:53,239 Speaker 1: In addition to this, reading next question, subject line says 691 00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:55,759 Speaker 1: being a man. Hey, sir, my name is Brent. I'm 692 00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:59,160 Speaker 1: from Kansas and I'm twenty years old. I'm engaged. I'm 693 00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:02,959 Speaker 1: in the Air Force and i've been in just about 694 00:45:02,960 --> 00:45:09,759 Speaker 1: a year and I've been deployed. All that to say 695 00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:13,839 Speaker 1: that sometimes I struggle with being a man and not 696 00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:16,959 Speaker 1: viewing myself as a kid. I don't act like a child. 697 00:45:17,040 --> 00:45:21,320 Speaker 1: I just make childish decisions. However, I struggle with viewing 698 00:45:21,440 --> 00:45:24,919 Speaker 1: myself as a man. When do I go from being 699 00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:27,040 Speaker 1: just a kid from Kansas to the man God wants 700 00:45:27,120 --> 00:45:29,719 Speaker 1: me to be. Thanks for your time to read this. 701 00:45:30,040 --> 00:45:31,600 Speaker 1: I hope you have a great day, Brent. Thank you. 702 00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:35,960 Speaker 1: Brent had great question, and man, I love how this 703 00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:40,080 Speaker 1: connects to the guy that was saying Lane, who was 704 00:45:40,120 --> 00:45:42,520 Speaker 1: twenty six saying, what do I do about this girl, 705 00:45:42,640 --> 00:45:45,360 Speaker 1: my baby mama, my little boy at home? What do 706 00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:48,160 Speaker 1: I do about this girl, and I put so much 707 00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:52,960 Speaker 1: emphasis on the baby boy, not the girl, because Brent, 708 00:45:56,080 --> 00:46:00,319 Speaker 1: I hope there's no disrespect in saying this, but I 709 00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:03,520 Speaker 1: would I would just guess by not knowing you. And 710 00:46:03,520 --> 00:46:04,920 Speaker 1: I want to say this. I want to say this 711 00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:09,920 Speaker 1: as politely and sensitively as I can, but I have 712 00:46:09,960 --> 00:46:16,680 Speaker 1: a feeling, Brent, that your dad wasn't there in the 713 00:46:16,680 --> 00:46:23,240 Speaker 1: way that he could have been. Because typically when someone 714 00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:29,000 Speaker 1: is questioning, when an adult man is questioning themselves on 715 00:46:29,200 --> 00:46:32,760 Speaker 1: how to view themselves, Like you said, Brent, I struggle 716 00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:38,640 Speaker 1: with viewing myself as a man, typically that comes from 717 00:46:38,880 --> 00:46:46,719 Speaker 1: someone that was never verified. It was never told this 718 00:46:46,880 --> 00:46:51,399 Speaker 1: or reinforced this. They were They were never taken under 719 00:46:51,440 --> 00:46:55,600 Speaker 1: the under the wing of a man as a child, 720 00:46:55,680 --> 00:46:58,640 Speaker 1: as a boy and said this is how to be 721 00:46:58,680 --> 00:47:02,120 Speaker 1: a man. And when they became of age, no one 722 00:47:02,160 --> 00:47:06,759 Speaker 1: ever said you are now a man, my son. No 723 00:47:06,800 --> 00:47:09,600 Speaker 1: one ever did that to you, I'm assuming and if 724 00:47:09,920 --> 00:47:15,719 Speaker 1: they did do it, it wasn't intentional. The fact that 725 00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:18,080 Speaker 1: brings up an idea. There was a book called The 726 00:47:18,120 --> 00:47:22,120 Speaker 1: Intentional Father. Great book, Brent. It would be for you Lane, 727 00:47:22,160 --> 00:47:25,640 Speaker 1: It would also be for you the Intentional Father. There's 728 00:47:25,680 --> 00:47:27,839 Speaker 1: also a poem I want you to read. It's called 729 00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:32,440 Speaker 1: if I want you to read that Rudred Kipling book 730 00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:44,120 Speaker 1: or poem. If this is so good about manhood, I 731 00:47:44,120 --> 00:47:46,600 Speaker 1: think I could say this, but yeah, I think I'll 732 00:47:46,600 --> 00:47:49,720 Speaker 1: say it. Most people on this podcast know my friend Bernie, 733 00:47:50,640 --> 00:47:54,759 Speaker 1: who's been a guest many, many times. Well, yesterday I 734 00:47:54,800 --> 00:47:59,360 Speaker 1: went with Bernie and his son who just turned thirteen, 735 00:48:00,360 --> 00:48:04,880 Speaker 1: and several other of Bernie's Christian brothers, brothers in christ 736 00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:12,000 Speaker 1: and we all went through a right of passage for 737 00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:16,400 Speaker 1: his son. And each of us men had a virtue 738 00:48:16,920 --> 00:48:22,120 Speaker 1: that we taught to Bernie's son with scripture and prayer, 739 00:48:22,600 --> 00:48:25,239 Speaker 1: and then we acted on that virtue in a way 740 00:48:25,280 --> 00:48:30,400 Speaker 1: to teach him how to adopt that virtue. Now, Bernie's 741 00:48:30,400 --> 00:48:31,839 Speaker 1: going to go through this whole thing with his son, 742 00:48:32,480 --> 00:48:36,440 Speaker 1: and eventually it'll end up, because he's thirteen, it'll end 743 00:48:36,560 --> 00:48:39,760 Speaker 1: up in a place where Bernie says, you are now 744 00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:42,919 Speaker 1: a man. It's going to take about five years until 745 00:48:42,960 --> 00:48:46,200 Speaker 1: he's eighteen, but it starts now. This is the right 746 00:48:46,280 --> 00:48:52,080 Speaker 1: of passage begins now at thirteen. We trace back history, 747 00:48:52,239 --> 00:48:56,239 Speaker 1: almost every culture and tribe and heritage, all of them 748 00:48:57,120 --> 00:49:00,520 Speaker 1: had a right of passage in some way about this 749 00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:04,440 Speaker 1: age for a boy so that he knows. Unlike Brent, 750 00:49:04,760 --> 00:49:08,080 Speaker 1: you don't have to ask the question when did I 751 00:49:08,160 --> 00:49:11,319 Speaker 1: go from being just a kid from Kansas to the 752 00:49:11,400 --> 00:49:15,919 Speaker 1: man God wants me to be? That is something God 753 00:49:15,960 --> 00:49:18,920 Speaker 1: doesn't speak down through the clouds. That is something God 754 00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:24,440 Speaker 1: provides us the answer with through community. And God provided 755 00:49:24,480 --> 00:49:27,800 Speaker 1: the ultimate community to us through church, through his church. 756 00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:30,600 Speaker 1: And so Brent, this is a little late for you, 757 00:49:30,920 --> 00:49:34,480 Speaker 1: so that part of this can't apply. But to anyone else, 758 00:49:34,680 --> 00:49:40,719 Speaker 1: fathers and even young teenagers listening, Church provides God's way 759 00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:45,080 Speaker 1: of community for us, so that through community we are 760 00:49:45,200 --> 00:49:52,239 Speaker 1: given the affirmation that we are man. There's a great 761 00:49:52,239 --> 00:49:56,160 Speaker 1: book called Wild at Heart, and that I read that 762 00:49:56,160 --> 00:49:57,919 Speaker 1: book as a teenager, and then I read it again 763 00:49:58,760 --> 00:50:01,799 Speaker 1: when I was going to to be a father, and 764 00:50:02,080 --> 00:50:07,239 Speaker 1: Wild at Heart is great for understanding this kind of affirmation. 765 00:50:07,920 --> 00:50:13,719 Speaker 1: There are specific times in Wild at Heart John Eldridge 766 00:50:14,000 --> 00:50:20,080 Speaker 1: is their author when John walks through these specific scenarios 767 00:50:20,080 --> 00:50:23,200 Speaker 1: with his sons. As you find these moments when they 768 00:50:23,280 --> 00:50:26,600 Speaker 1: need they need to be told that they're either on 769 00:50:26,680 --> 00:50:30,320 Speaker 1: the right track or that they are affirmed in growing 770 00:50:30,360 --> 00:50:34,760 Speaker 1: into a man. So, Brent, none of this is answering 771 00:50:34,760 --> 00:50:37,440 Speaker 1: your question because you are past all that. I'm hopefully 772 00:50:37,480 --> 00:50:41,440 Speaker 1: just kind of building up a little information for everyone 773 00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:47,880 Speaker 1: else that might be heading towards this. But Brent, what 774 00:50:48,040 --> 00:50:51,839 Speaker 1: do you do now if you haven't had that affirmation, 775 00:50:52,440 --> 00:50:58,120 Speaker 1: if you're making childlike decisions and one you're struggling with 776 00:50:58,239 --> 00:51:04,439 Speaker 1: viewing yourself as a man, You're still twenty and you're 777 00:51:04,480 --> 00:51:09,120 Speaker 1: still super young, and you will make dumb mistakes as 778 00:51:09,160 --> 00:51:12,920 Speaker 1: a twenty year old. I certainly did way past twenty. Okay, 779 00:51:13,400 --> 00:51:20,279 Speaker 1: So being in the Air Force, being deployed is can 780 00:51:20,320 --> 00:51:22,560 Speaker 1: be a huge plus because you're going to be around 781 00:51:23,200 --> 00:51:28,799 Speaker 1: older men. But having the affirmation of older godly men 782 00:51:29,760 --> 00:51:36,000 Speaker 1: will come ultimately from being an active member of a church, 783 00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:46,080 Speaker 1: a god fearing Bible teaching, expositional preaching. Church sized proportionately 784 00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:51,319 Speaker 1: to the amount of sheep to the shepherd. If there's 785 00:51:51,320 --> 00:51:55,280 Speaker 1: too many sheep and not enough shepherds, and it can't 786 00:51:55,280 --> 00:51:57,920 Speaker 1: be healthy in that way. Instead, if you have a 787 00:51:57,920 --> 00:51:59,680 Speaker 1: lot of sheep in your church, you gotta have a 788 00:51:59,680 --> 00:52:02,960 Speaker 1: lot of efforts. Basically, it's easy math think about in 789 00:52:03,080 --> 00:52:08,000 Speaker 1: proportion to how many people, how many pastors can be 790 00:52:08,520 --> 00:52:12,200 Speaker 1: directly involved with the lives of the congregation. That kind 791 00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:15,560 Speaker 1: of church. That's what I'm advocating for, Brent. Being a 792 00:52:15,600 --> 00:52:19,160 Speaker 1: member active in that kind of church will provide you 793 00:52:19,200 --> 00:52:24,840 Speaker 1: with older men, younger men, toddlers, babies, men your age, 794 00:52:25,080 --> 00:52:27,359 Speaker 1: men that have been through what you've been through, men 795 00:52:27,400 --> 00:52:31,760 Speaker 1: that are grandfathers that you can go I'm having trouble 796 00:52:33,200 --> 00:52:37,000 Speaker 1: just being a man. I'm making stupid, child boyish decisions 797 00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:40,520 Speaker 1: and I need some accountability from you. And there are 798 00:52:40,560 --> 00:52:44,359 Speaker 1: so many godly men in these churches, planted in these 799 00:52:44,440 --> 00:52:48,480 Speaker 1: churches that just live for that live for a twenty 800 00:52:48,520 --> 00:52:51,480 Speaker 1: year old Air Force kid to come in and say 801 00:52:51,480 --> 00:52:55,080 Speaker 1: this to them, and they go, come under my wing, 802 00:52:55,200 --> 00:52:59,920 Speaker 1: my son. Let me show you not only the pitfall 803 00:53:00,400 --> 00:53:02,680 Speaker 1: that I don't want you to step in like I did, 804 00:53:03,239 --> 00:53:05,760 Speaker 1: but let me show you in some places I actually 805 00:53:05,840 --> 00:53:09,080 Speaker 1: made the right decisions. And let me show you those two. 806 00:53:10,480 --> 00:53:13,520 Speaker 1: Let me step in for maybe what your father didn't do, 807 00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:17,080 Speaker 1: and let me fill that gap. The only way, Brent, 808 00:53:17,800 --> 00:53:20,480 Speaker 1: for you to feel like a man and be affirmed 809 00:53:20,760 --> 00:53:25,439 Speaker 1: as a man is to be around other godly men. 810 00:53:27,239 --> 00:53:29,080 Speaker 1: You can't do this on your own. You can't do 811 00:53:29,120 --> 00:53:35,200 Speaker 1: it outside of community, Read your Bible, increase your prayer life, 812 00:53:35,560 --> 00:53:40,000 Speaker 1: Increase your spiritual disciplines. Like the last email, plant yourself 813 00:53:40,120 --> 00:53:43,879 Speaker 1: in a good church with godly men that can keep 814 00:53:43,920 --> 00:53:49,680 Speaker 1: you accountable and tell you, yes, Brent, you are a man. 815 00:53:52,520 --> 00:53:54,719 Speaker 1: We love you, guys. Let's see you next Monday. I 816 00:53:57,000 --> 00:53:59,319 Speaker 1: thanks for joining me on the grater Smith Podcast. I 817 00:53:59,360 --> 00:54:01,919 Speaker 1: appreciate all of you guys. You could help me out 818 00:54:02,040 --> 00:54:05,280 Speaker 1: by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, 819 00:54:05,560 --> 00:54:08,799 Speaker 1: subscribe to this channel. Hit that little like button and 820 00:54:08,840 --> 00:54:12,040 Speaker 1: the notification spell so that you never miss anytime I 821 00:54:12,200 --> 00:54:15,000 Speaker 1: upload a video. If you have a question for me 822 00:54:15,080 --> 00:54:18,880 Speaker 1: that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast 823 00:54:19,000 --> 00:54:28,840 Speaker 1: at gmail dot com.