WEBVTT - #119 Hard things make life much easier…eventually. 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:02.679 Every time you take the direction of the harder road, 0:00:03.120 --> 0:00:05.080 and then you take it again, and then you take 0:00:05.120 --> 0:00:07.720 it again, and you take it again. Every time you 0:00:07.720 --> 0:00:11.360 take it, you're separating yourselves from everybody else that's taking 0:00:11.400 --> 0:00:14.360 the easy road, and the hard road always pays off 0:00:14.400 --> 0:00:16.000 in the long run. You look back and you go 0:00:16.079 --> 0:00:19.520 I did things the hard way over and over and over, 0:00:19.800 --> 0:00:22.720 and that separated myself so that now I'm in a 0:00:22.760 --> 0:00:26.400 place that no one else could get to because they 0:00:26.400 --> 0:00:28.720 didn't take the hard road like I did. So do 0:00:29.080 --> 0:00:43.440 hard things. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to the Granger 0:00:43.479 --> 0:00:48.600 Smith Podcast. This is episode one hundred and nineteen. Welcome back, 0:00:48.840 --> 0:00:51.800 mister Burns. Thanks for having me. Bernie Calculus again, long 0:00:51.920 --> 0:00:54.600 term guest of mine. How many episodes have you been on? 0:00:54.640 --> 0:00:59.880 Do you think maybe like twelve? Maybe more than that. 0:01:00.160 --> 0:01:02.319 I don't know. I think it's I think it might 0:01:02.360 --> 0:01:06.320 be double that. Oh really, I was going to count today. Okay, 0:01:06.480 --> 0:01:09.880 but there's a lot. There's a lot. Yeah, one hundred 0:01:09.959 --> 0:01:13.360 nineteen episodes and I would guess you've been in between 0:01:13.400 --> 0:01:16.800 eighteen and twenty two something like that. Okay, somebody out 0:01:16.840 --> 0:01:19.760 there knows, So if you could comment below, Share, with 0:01:19.800 --> 0:01:21.880 us man, and that brings up a good point. Thank 0:01:21.920 --> 0:01:24.560 you to all the long term listeners, the people that 0:01:24.560 --> 0:01:26.680 that will tell me at a meet and greet or 0:01:26.720 --> 0:01:29.959 a show, or in public somewhere or on an email, 0:01:30.000 --> 0:01:32.640 they'll tell me that they've listened to every single episode. 0:01:33.240 --> 0:01:36.400 I love that. That means so much to me because 0:01:36.440 --> 0:01:40.240 because I have certain podcasts that I, you know, listen 0:01:40.319 --> 0:01:43.560 to all the time, or are certain speakers our pastors 0:01:43.560 --> 0:01:45.800 that I listen to a lot, and I know what 0:01:45.840 --> 0:01:48.640 they mean to me. And so just the thought of 0:01:48.800 --> 0:01:52.160 being in someone's ear every Monday morning as like a 0:01:52.280 --> 0:01:55.600 routine Monday commute to work or whatever it might be 0:01:56.920 --> 0:01:59.360 that I love that. So we release at six thirty 0:01:59.400 --> 0:02:03.480 am Central Time on Monday mornings. If that's a good time. 0:02:03.800 --> 0:02:07.000 Let me know if anyone, after so many episodes is 0:02:07.080 --> 0:02:09.880 kind of thinking maybe it should be earlier, like maybe 0:02:10.200 --> 0:02:12.880 I'm missing your commute because you leave the house at six, 0:02:13.240 --> 0:02:16.440 or is there a time I'm assuming it wouldn't be later. 0:02:16.480 --> 0:02:19.000 It would only be earlier if there was a time change, 0:02:19.000 --> 0:02:20.920 But let me know if anyone has any thoughts on that. 0:02:21.680 --> 0:02:24.040 Comment below on if you're watching on YouTube, or hit 0:02:24.080 --> 0:02:26.880 me up on social media. What this podcast is. If 0:02:26.880 --> 0:02:31.720 you're brand new, welcome. This is me and Bernie walking 0:02:31.760 --> 0:02:36.200 through your questions in a very relaxed atmosphere. We'll call 0:02:36.240 --> 0:02:39.880 it like we're in a four door crew cab pickup 0:02:39.880 --> 0:02:43.320 truck heading on a back road and me and you 0:02:43.840 --> 0:02:45.680 I'm driving. You're right next to me, and we got 0:02:45.680 --> 0:02:47.840 someone in the back and we're on a long road trip. 0:02:48.400 --> 0:02:51.280 We're going to see a bowl game. And they're like, 0:02:51.320 --> 0:02:53.680 you know, what can I ask you, guys? Something something 0:02:53.720 --> 0:02:55.720 about something that's been going on in my life I've 0:02:55.760 --> 0:02:59.120 always wondered and I've kind of got something I'm wrestling with. 0:02:59.200 --> 0:03:01.560 And then we walk through it as if we're on 0:03:01.600 --> 0:03:03.560 a four hour road trip and we just walk through 0:03:03.560 --> 0:03:05.760 it with you. That's what this podcast is, and if 0:03:05.760 --> 0:03:07.800 you want to be a part of that, we would 0:03:07.840 --> 0:03:11.720 love it. Email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Don't 0:03:11.720 --> 0:03:13.799 be afraid to write anything as long as you don't 0:03:13.800 --> 0:03:16.200 fill up too much of the space, Like just keep it, 0:03:16.480 --> 0:03:18.320 keep it as small as you can and still get 0:03:18.360 --> 0:03:21.520 your point across and I'll answer it for you. Be 0:03:21.600 --> 0:03:24.000 as creative as possible too, guys, because some of the 0:03:24.080 --> 0:03:26.919 questions come in you're like, whoa, Okay, love it man, 0:03:27.200 --> 0:03:29.919 you can we cannot be surprised anymore as deep or 0:03:29.960 --> 0:03:32.840 as shallow. Yeah, totally, it's all fun. And let me 0:03:32.919 --> 0:03:34.800 just say thank you for letting me be a part 0:03:34.800 --> 0:03:36.720 of this. This is so cool. Like, guys, I'm just 0:03:36.760 --> 0:03:40.080 a regular dude. I met Granger like twenty years ago. 0:03:41.280 --> 0:03:43.040 But what I mean is, I'm not a celebrity. I'm 0:03:43.080 --> 0:03:47.360 not an influencer. I'm just a dude. Right, I'm your dude, 0:03:47.400 --> 0:03:49.520 I'm your friend, and so I get to be here, 0:03:49.560 --> 0:03:51.920 and I it's a privilege and an honor. So thank 0:03:51.960 --> 0:03:55.560 you for letting me sit smartest and deepest thinker dudes 0:03:55.600 --> 0:03:59.160 that I know that's you. Well, so you're You're absolutely welcome. 0:03:59.200 --> 0:04:01.680 But it it is my privilege to have you on 0:04:01.720 --> 0:04:05.600 this microphone because you add so much value, you know, 0:04:06.040 --> 0:04:08.680 in life. And you taught me this a long time 0:04:08.680 --> 0:04:11.760 ago when you're raised in Boston who is now eleven eleven, 0:04:12.360 --> 0:04:16.039 when he was younger. You you taught me this because 0:04:16.080 --> 0:04:18.880 you had kids right a year before I started having kids. 0:04:19.200 --> 0:04:24.880 And there's two ways to succeed in life, really, to 0:04:24.920 --> 0:04:29.200 add value or to take value. And so we all 0:04:29.200 --> 0:04:31.719 have to question ourselves and what am I doing to 0:04:31.760 --> 0:04:34.480 get ahead in life? Am I adding value to this world? 0:04:35.160 --> 0:04:38.239 Or am I taking it for my own gain? Because 0:04:38.240 --> 0:04:40.160 you could have success either way, but the choice is 0:04:40.240 --> 0:04:44.599 up to you. That's good, and you chose to raise 0:04:44.640 --> 0:04:47.120 your kids in a mentality of adding to the world, 0:04:47.279 --> 0:04:50.039 adding value back to the world instead of take take take. 0:04:50.120 --> 0:04:53.080 You remember that conversation probably ten years ago, eight years ago. 0:04:53.200 --> 0:04:57.840 I have that conversation with Boston all the time still. 0:04:57.960 --> 0:05:01.000 So the first question here sub line is very unique. 0:05:01.040 --> 0:05:05.599 It says podcast question, and the question is my friend 0:05:05.640 --> 0:05:07.680 introduced me to this girl and I don't know how 0:05:07.680 --> 0:05:10.120 to approach her and tell her that I want to 0:05:10.160 --> 0:05:12.360 go on a date. We've been talking for about a 0:05:12.440 --> 0:05:14.360 week or two. Now, can you help me out on 0:05:14.400 --> 0:05:19.760 this question comes from Braiden. Braiden man up, dude, take 0:05:19.800 --> 0:05:22.839 the hill. Be one of those dudes confidence. She's going 0:05:22.880 --> 0:05:24.880 to say yes if you and I've heard you answer 0:05:25.000 --> 0:05:30.720 this question on this podcast about confidence, be intentional and 0:05:30.760 --> 0:05:33.680 she's going to respond to that and vulnerable and vulnerable 0:05:33.839 --> 0:05:39.640 meaning confidence. Approach her with confidence, but in a way 0:05:39.680 --> 0:05:42.719 that's still you, like, don't don't put on a facade 0:05:42.800 --> 0:05:47.560 like this brave facade. That's not you walk up boldly courageous, 0:05:47.560 --> 0:05:50.840 I guess is that courageous? You could be courageous and 0:05:50.920 --> 0:05:54.320 bold and vulnerable all at the same time. Brene Brown, 0:05:54.480 --> 0:05:59.240 Yes you can. Yeah, yeah, daring greatly. Brene Brown, great book, 0:05:59.279 --> 0:06:02.200 by the way, great motivational speaker. But yeah, be bold, 0:06:02.240 --> 0:06:06.280 be courageous, and be yourself and with that be vulnerable. 0:06:06.560 --> 0:06:08.960 Meaning that means when you walk up to a girl 0:06:09.520 --> 0:06:12.520 and you you boldly take this step to her, you 0:06:12.600 --> 0:06:15.600 open your mouth to let words out, and if you stutter, 0:06:15.839 --> 0:06:18.240 if you fumble, if you shake a little bit, that's 0:06:18.279 --> 0:06:21.080 all part of it. And the right girl will see 0:06:21.160 --> 0:06:24.240 through that and go, wow, this guy's kind of nervous. 0:06:24.279 --> 0:06:26.880 He must really like me. That says something to the 0:06:26.920 --> 0:06:30.479 girl instead of like, this guy's a charmer. He just 0:06:30.480 --> 0:06:32.919 does it to everyone. He has his lines down perfectly, 0:06:33.240 --> 0:06:36.120 and I'm just the next one in order for him. 0:06:36.160 --> 0:06:38.560 So man, just buddy, the good thing is you've been 0:06:38.720 --> 0:06:40.360 you talked to her for a week or two. I 0:06:40.400 --> 0:06:44.120 would make it simple like, hey, we've been talking for 0:06:44.160 --> 0:06:47.680 a week or two. I would I'd like to get 0:06:47.680 --> 0:06:49.760 something to eat or go see a movie. Have you 0:06:49.760 --> 0:06:54.840 seen the new Spider Man. You know here, I'll Braiden right, yes, okay, 0:06:55.400 --> 0:06:58.279 I'll throw this out there to you. Braiden, if you 0:06:58.440 --> 0:07:02.200 can be bold, courageous, vulnerable go up to this girl 0:07:02.200 --> 0:07:07.200 and ask her out. And Granger has come in to 0:07:07.240 --> 0:07:10.680 do a concert in a city near you. He will 0:07:10.680 --> 0:07:12.800 put you on the guest list for a meet and 0:07:12.840 --> 0:07:16.320 greet if you bring that girl with you. Dude, you 0:07:16.360 --> 0:07:20.000 could be the one that like helped him. I Hey, 0:07:20.560 --> 0:07:22.360 you know, my buddy Granger is doing the show and 0:07:22.400 --> 0:07:23.600 we're going to meet him. Do you want to go? 0:07:23.640 --> 0:07:25.480 And she'd be like, oh yeah, and then they start 0:07:25.520 --> 0:07:28.440 talking more and there you go this question. I know 0:07:28.480 --> 0:07:30.000 I just signed him up for that on the fly, 0:07:30.120 --> 0:07:32.400 but this is a recent question, and I'll take Bernie's 0:07:32.480 --> 0:07:35.360 challenge on this. Braden email me back to this exact 0:07:35.440 --> 0:07:39.880 email from your email so I know it's you and say, hey, 0:07:40.320 --> 0:07:42.480 Bernie promised that I can come and meet you at 0:07:42.520 --> 0:07:44.640 a meet and greet with this girl. The answer is yes, 0:07:44.680 --> 0:07:46.280 I'll get you tickets. I'll get you meet and greets 0:07:46.280 --> 0:07:48.160 when I come to your town or close to it, 0:07:48.680 --> 0:07:52.280 and use that as an excuse for this date. She said, yes, 0:07:53.040 --> 0:07:57.880 we're coming Okay, deal love it. Okay, Burns, I'm gonna 0:07:58.320 --> 0:08:02.160 we've got a list here, you're folder for today's podcast. 0:08:02.720 --> 0:08:05.440 I'm going to read some of these questions at subject lines, 0:08:05.480 --> 0:08:07.240 and you tell me where you want to go. Okay, 0:08:08.880 --> 0:08:15.040 depression and death, pushing people away, picking where to start 0:08:15.040 --> 0:08:23.640 with career saying, hey, college, transition, dating, advice, love or 0:08:23.640 --> 0:08:27.240 excuse me? Life and religion? Did any of those pop out? 0:08:27.720 --> 0:08:32.000 For some reason? The college transition jumped out, and I'm 0:08:32.040 --> 0:08:34.400 not sure why I didn't go to college. I'm not 0:08:34.480 --> 0:08:37.280 in college. Great. I don't know if I have any 0:08:37.320 --> 0:08:40.000 college advice. Great. Okay, well how about this, let's go 0:08:40.000 --> 0:08:41.520 with that one. It says, Hey Granger, I listened to 0:08:41.600 --> 0:08:43.840 your I listened to your podcast for the first time, 0:08:43.840 --> 0:08:47.320 and I absolutely loved it. I've been struggling with transitioning 0:08:47.400 --> 0:08:50.760 into college. I'm about to start my second semester and 0:08:50.800 --> 0:08:53.400 I don't really want to go back. It's hard because 0:08:53.440 --> 0:08:55.559 I look around and I see my friends loving college, 0:08:55.559 --> 0:08:58.640 so I'm wondering why am I not. I'm trying to 0:08:58.679 --> 0:09:01.880 compare and underst It's just a season, but I don't 0:09:01.920 --> 0:09:04.079 know how it's supposed to get better. How am i 0:09:04.120 --> 0:09:07.800 supposed to navigate through this life transition and find my purpose. 0:09:08.360 --> 0:09:10.040 I hope this email finds you. Thank you and God 0:09:10.040 --> 0:09:15.360 bless Callie Calie like that name. Okay, so she's in, 0:09:15.480 --> 0:09:18.640 she's in, sounds like she's a she's a freshman. I'm 0:09:18.679 --> 0:09:21.240 about to start the second semester and this this email 0:09:21.320 --> 0:09:24.480 is current, So this is happening right now. She says, 0:09:24.559 --> 0:09:27.600 I don't really want to go back. Okay, So one 0:09:27.600 --> 0:09:29.560 thing jumps out that, I'll say real quick, and then 0:09:29.600 --> 0:09:34.760 past Griz. You're looking at your friends and you're comparing. 0:09:35.120 --> 0:09:41.160 So our success success in life is is, you know, 0:09:41.240 --> 0:09:45.400 giving value to ourselves and worth to ourselves based on 0:09:45.480 --> 0:09:52.839 comparison to other people. Excellence is how we give ourselves 0:09:52.920 --> 0:10:00.360 value base based on our own potential. So stop looking 0:10:00.360 --> 0:10:03.280 around at what your friends are doing and think, like, man, 0:10:03.320 --> 0:10:09.040 they're having a successful college experience, And to focus on yourself, 0:10:09.240 --> 0:10:12.320 what is your potential, what are you capable of? What 0:10:12.360 --> 0:10:15.280 are you seeing? And try to pursue that with excellence, 0:10:15.760 --> 0:10:17.640 and I think you're going to find that your whole 0:10:17.679 --> 0:10:20.840 experience kind of changes. So man, absolutely right, I think 0:10:21.080 --> 0:10:24.320 CALLI what's interesting is your friends. There's a good chance 0:10:24.320 --> 0:10:27.040 they're looking at you and thinking the same thing about you. 0:10:27.600 --> 0:10:32.240 My gosh, I'm struggling. CALLI seems to love it. But 0:10:32.280 --> 0:10:34.280 that's just a front you're putting on, and that might 0:10:34.320 --> 0:10:36.360 be a front they're putting on. In fact, it probably 0:10:36.520 --> 0:10:41.120 is because because I did go to college and that 0:10:41.160 --> 0:10:45.880 second semester I felt that, like, oh, I want to 0:10:45.920 --> 0:10:48.920 be a musician. I don't really need this, like why 0:10:48.920 --> 0:10:54.000 am I here? In fact, my one of those early semesters, 0:10:54.080 --> 0:10:57.440 I ended up failing the whole thing because I was 0:10:57.480 --> 0:11:00.120 too worried about I don't need this, I'm an to 0:11:00.160 --> 0:11:03.160 be a musician. I'm gonna move to Nashville. I ended 0:11:03.240 --> 0:11:05.640 up failing out of college and moving to Nashville. That's 0:11:05.640 --> 0:11:09.120 actually when I met Bernie. But then four years later 0:11:09.920 --> 0:11:12.560 I decided to go back to Texas and start a band. 0:11:13.200 --> 0:11:15.520 And in the meantime, I thought, I'm going to re 0:11:15.720 --> 0:11:19.520 enroll in the community college and try to get my 0:11:19.520 --> 0:11:21.880 grades up again and go back to Texas A and M. 0:11:22.800 --> 0:11:25.800 And when I did it the second time, it wasn't 0:11:25.880 --> 0:11:29.440 about other people around me, or that's the thing to 0:11:29.480 --> 0:11:32.600 do in life, or that's what society tells us we 0:11:32.600 --> 0:11:34.080 need to do. Is go to college. It was more 0:11:34.120 --> 0:11:37.760 about I want to do this for me. I want 0:11:37.760 --> 0:11:40.880 to do this for me because it because I want 0:11:40.880 --> 0:11:44.520 to make it a priority. And so at some point, Cali, 0:11:44.600 --> 0:11:47.440 you're gonna have to do that instead of going. I'm 0:11:47.480 --> 0:11:49.640 just here because my parents told me I should, and 0:11:50.000 --> 0:11:52.360 all my friends came and it's kind of a party here, 0:11:52.400 --> 0:11:54.120 and what else am I going to do? I don't 0:11:54.160 --> 0:11:57.839 have any other options. You're dealing with that, and you've 0:11:57.880 --> 0:12:00.600 got to flip that whole thing to go. No, you 0:12:00.600 --> 0:12:03.560 know what, I want to be here because ten years 0:12:03.600 --> 0:12:05.200 from now, I look back and be glad that I 0:12:05.280 --> 0:12:08.280 did go back to that second semester, because I don't 0:12:08.320 --> 0:12:11.080 think you're gonna look back in ten years and go 0:12:12.040 --> 0:12:15.000 glad I left and didn't go back. Sure, I'm glad 0:12:15.240 --> 0:12:18.240 because you're there. It's almost like you might as well 0:12:18.400 --> 0:12:23.160 keep going. You're obviously getting funding somehow, like maybe maybe 0:12:23.200 --> 0:12:24.840 you're working for it through a job, maybe you have 0:12:24.840 --> 0:12:26.959 a grant, maybe you have a scholarship, maybe your parents 0:12:27.240 --> 0:12:30.720 have loaned you some money for this, but you're there, 0:12:30.840 --> 0:12:34.319 so I'm assuming it's getting paid for. You have this opportunity. 0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:37.240 You're not gonna regret just doing it. But you need 0:12:37.280 --> 0:12:39.960 to make that switch in your mind that says I'm 0:12:39.960 --> 0:12:43.000 gonna do this for me because it's gonna I'm gonna 0:12:43.080 --> 0:12:46.720 learn something and if anything, even if not in the books, 0:12:47.040 --> 0:12:50.679 I'm gonna learn how to learn. And college and high 0:12:50.720 --> 0:12:53.280 school is a lot about learning how to learn. You 0:12:53.360 --> 0:12:56.840 either do that and there with people around you that 0:12:56.960 --> 0:12:59.360 allow you to stumble and fall, or you do it 0:12:59.400 --> 0:13:02.360 in life and you stumble and fall out loud with 0:13:02.440 --> 0:13:05.760 your own bank account. Yeah, if there's any book nerds 0:13:05.800 --> 0:13:08.600 out there, email into Grangeer and tell me your book 0:13:08.679 --> 0:13:11.880 nerd because we can connect. But let me throw one 0:13:11.880 --> 0:13:15.240 to you. The Art of Learning by Joshua Whiteskin. Go 0:13:15.400 --> 0:13:17.400 read that book if you're a book nerd, because it's 0:13:17.440 --> 0:13:18.800 really good. I don't know if you've read that, but 0:13:18.840 --> 0:13:23.839 I haven't really really good book. So can you read 0:13:23.920 --> 0:13:27.040 There's two different things that I'm kind of thinking here, 0:13:27.080 --> 0:13:29.160 But can you read the part about her friends again 0:13:31.000 --> 0:13:33.360 where they are having a different experience or what was 0:13:33.640 --> 0:13:36.160 It's hard because I look around and see my friends 0:13:36.280 --> 0:13:40.160 loving college, and I wonder why I'm not. Do you 0:13:40.240 --> 0:13:46.400 think that it's her friends at other colleges or do 0:13:46.440 --> 0:13:48.200 you think it kind of feels like she's looking immediately 0:13:48.280 --> 0:13:52.199 around at her own campus. Okay. And the interesting thing 0:13:52.240 --> 0:13:54.080 is we have Burns here with us on the podcast 0:13:54.080 --> 0:13:56.160 who didn't go to college, like you said, but he's 0:13:56.160 --> 0:13:59.760 also very successful in his career right now. So it's 0:13:59.760 --> 0:14:04.840 not it's not you don't go to college equals be 0:14:04.960 --> 0:14:09.480 successful in life, because you can definitely be successful without it. 0:14:09.800 --> 0:14:11.920 So this is different and this is a different question 0:14:11.960 --> 0:14:16.040 for you to wrestle with. Yeah, I'm just I'm wondering 0:14:16.080 --> 0:14:21.120 if this is a lack of community with this girl. Yeah, 0:14:21.160 --> 0:14:25.560 I think, Cali, because if you're really I mean, the 0:14:25.600 --> 0:14:30.200 books and all that is irrelevant really because I mean, 0:14:30.600 --> 0:14:33.520 you and I found community in Nashville and it was 0:14:33.600 --> 0:14:36.520 like this is our college, that this is awesome. We 0:14:36.560 --> 0:14:42.320 are learning in the school hard knocks together. So I 0:14:43.200 --> 0:14:45.680 think that there may be a lack of community and 0:14:45.720 --> 0:14:47.920 maybe some of the I know, the girls are different 0:14:47.920 --> 0:14:50.720 than boys, you know, there's different things going on. But 0:14:52.600 --> 0:14:56.800 I think Cali maybe just consider, you know, pushing into 0:14:57.120 --> 0:15:00.160 your community of friends and like Granger said on one 0:15:00.160 --> 0:15:05.640 of the episodes recently about how are you like giving, 0:15:05.840 --> 0:15:08.560 don't just be looking for like what you get from 0:15:08.760 --> 0:15:11.240 your girlfriends and your community. But like man, how can 0:15:11.280 --> 0:15:13.720 I connect with people? How can I serve them? I 0:15:13.720 --> 0:15:16.320 think that could change your experience and this is not 0:15:16.440 --> 0:15:18.800 And what I love about this podcast is that you 0:15:18.920 --> 0:15:24.560 take questions from everyday people just like us, and we're 0:15:24.600 --> 0:15:30.120 answering Calli's question. But these questions are relevant to anybody. 0:15:30.240 --> 0:15:33.080 So anybody out there that is struggling with man they're 0:15:33.120 --> 0:15:35.800 having I feel like they're having a better experience than 0:15:35.800 --> 0:15:38.920 me or I just I'm not feeling this. I think 0:15:38.960 --> 0:15:42.760 the principle of community can come in and lack of 0:15:42.800 --> 0:15:46.600 community and how Granger has talked about look to the 0:15:46.600 --> 0:15:48.640 community and how you can serve and how can I 0:15:48.720 --> 0:15:51.480 look for the benefit of others? How can I engage 0:15:51.480 --> 0:15:56.440 in each conversation for the encouragement, excitement, and delight of 0:15:56.480 --> 0:16:00.600 the other person. You do that consistently, it's going to 0:16:00.720 --> 0:16:03.280 change your experience. Totally agree. I think I think this 0:16:03.360 --> 0:16:07.720 is a result CALLI of missing home, missing mama, living 0:16:07.760 --> 0:16:10.200 on your own for the first time. It's all that's 0:16:10.240 --> 0:16:12.840 all combined and for what it's worth. For the record, 0:16:12.880 --> 0:16:16.000 when I moved to Nashville, college was really hard for me, 0:16:16.800 --> 0:16:19.320 and it was because I didn't have the right motivation. 0:16:19.480 --> 0:16:22.480 I was away from home, living away. But when I 0:16:22.480 --> 0:16:24.880 moved to Nashville and lived there for four years, and 0:16:24.920 --> 0:16:26.640 like Bernie said, we went through the hard knocks of 0:16:26.680 --> 0:16:30.840 life together. Going back to college the second time was easy. 0:16:31.160 --> 0:16:33.880 It was easy. It was a breeze compared to life, 0:16:33.960 --> 0:16:38.840 you know. And so that says something. I think this 0:16:38.880 --> 0:16:42.480 boils down to one thing. For you do hard things, 0:16:43.880 --> 0:16:46.840 take the hard road. If you take the harder road 0:16:46.880 --> 0:16:50.120 in life. Every time you take the direction of the 0:16:50.120 --> 0:16:52.880 harder road, and then you take it again, and then 0:16:52.880 --> 0:16:55.400 you take it again, and you take it again. Every 0:16:55.480 --> 0:16:58.880 time you take it, you're separating yourself from everybody else 0:16:58.960 --> 0:17:02.280 that's taking the easy and the hard road always pays 0:17:02.280 --> 0:17:03.920 off in the long run. You look back and you 0:17:03.960 --> 0:17:07.080 go I did things the hard way over and over 0:17:07.160 --> 0:17:10.600 and over, and that separated myself so that now I'm 0:17:10.640 --> 0:17:13.720 in a place that no one else could get to 0:17:14.000 --> 0:17:16.320 because they didn't take the hard road like I did. 0:17:16.359 --> 0:17:21.199 So do hard things, and remember this CALLI this is 0:17:21.240 --> 0:17:24.879 probably just a coordinate. It's not the destination. I know 0:17:24.920 --> 0:17:27.719 it can feel like the destination, But if you can 0:17:27.800 --> 0:17:29.800 kind of zoom out a little bit and be like, Okay, 0:17:31.320 --> 0:17:34.320 there is something to be learned here that is going 0:17:34.400 --> 0:17:36.760 to prepare me for the next place that I'm going. 0:17:37.520 --> 0:17:41.639 Don't miss the opportunity to gain everything out of that 0:17:41.720 --> 0:17:44.720 experience that you can before it's gone, and so you 0:17:44.760 --> 0:17:46.199 can look back on it and be like, man, I 0:17:46.240 --> 0:17:51.080 took full advantage of that present moment. Life's a gift. 0:17:51.119 --> 0:17:53.680 That's why they call the present great. Great question CALLI 0:17:53.800 --> 0:17:57.720 and good luck to you any of these other ones 0:17:57.840 --> 0:18:02.280 Depression and death question for the podcast People Pushing People Away. Yeah, 0:18:02.359 --> 0:18:05.359 let's go pushing people Away. My name is Claire. I'm 0:18:05.400 --> 0:18:07.280 twenty three years old. I live in a small town 0:18:07.320 --> 0:18:09.879 in North Carolina. I've lost so many good friends over 0:18:09.880 --> 0:18:13.880 the last twenty three years just from overthinking things. I've 0:18:13.920 --> 0:18:16.400 been hurt so many times by people I call friends. 0:18:17.280 --> 0:18:19.160 I push people away once I get close to them 0:18:19.160 --> 0:18:21.879 because I'm afraid that they're going to leave if I 0:18:21.960 --> 0:18:24.840 do anything wrong, say something wrong, open up more, become 0:18:24.880 --> 0:18:27.760 more emotional, and when I push them away, I automatically 0:18:27.800 --> 0:18:30.080 regret it and try to fix it by making things 0:18:30.080 --> 0:18:32.880 worse and saying I'm sorry and bringing up past situations 0:18:32.880 --> 0:18:35.360 and then arguing with them I just don't know how 0:18:35.359 --> 0:18:38.760 to communicate what I'm feeling without it coming across as 0:18:38.800 --> 0:18:41.400 too emotional or someone who's expecting them to be there 0:18:41.400 --> 0:18:43.679 for me all the time. I just don't know what 0:18:43.680 --> 0:18:45.800 to do anymore. I don't know how I can stop 0:18:45.840 --> 0:18:49.400 pushing people away that I care about and our friendship. 0:18:49.440 --> 0:18:52.720 I honestly am scared that people really care and do 0:18:52.800 --> 0:18:54.520 want to be my friends. I just don't know what 0:18:54.600 --> 0:19:00.720 to do, Claire, thanks for Sharon. Claire. On the last 0:19:00.720 --> 0:19:03.600 podcast that I was on Granger and I kind of 0:19:03.640 --> 0:19:08.479 stress tested this idea that these questions can fall into 0:19:09.200 --> 0:19:14.320 these three c's of answers right lack of community, communion, 0:19:15.000 --> 0:19:20.040 or communication on the fly. I think a fourth one 0:19:20.080 --> 0:19:24.880 may have just hit me. Counseling, because I mean, honestly, 0:19:24.960 --> 0:19:35.200 sometimes if you have ingrained neuropathways in your thinking of 0:19:35.320 --> 0:19:40.520 how you navigate situations, it's gonna it may sometimes take 0:19:40.600 --> 0:19:46.560 professional help to help you re establish those pathways of 0:19:46.600 --> 0:19:50.640 thinking to where if you see this and you automatically 0:19:50.720 --> 0:19:55.640 go to this place of hurt and protection, it may 0:19:55.680 --> 0:19:57.439 not be as easy as I need to just be 0:19:57.560 --> 0:20:00.439 vulnerable and trust people. It's like you may, Claire, you 0:20:00.480 --> 0:20:03.560 may need to think about. And again, this is for 0:20:03.640 --> 0:20:06.840 anybody out there who's maybe struggling with what Claire is. Yeah, 0:20:06.880 --> 0:20:10.600 it's a form of anxiety she's having. Yeah, there's no 0:20:10.800 --> 0:20:14.159 shame in asking for help and like reaching out to 0:20:14.280 --> 0:20:18.800 a professional that a counselor at your church or a 0:20:18.840 --> 0:20:22.480 professional therapist or somebody that can help you maybe navigate. 0:20:23.320 --> 0:20:27.639 There's some deeper hurts going on. Yeah, probably from the 0:20:27.680 --> 0:20:32.280 past that have brought you to this place, and until 0:20:32.520 --> 0:20:38.600 you really take the time and work through those things, 0:20:38.840 --> 0:20:41.080 I think you're going to probably continue the same habits. 0:20:42.160 --> 0:20:44.000 That's great. That's why I love you on this podcast 0:20:44.040 --> 0:20:46.280 because that's something I probably wouldn't have gone to first 0:20:46.320 --> 0:20:49.879 out of the arsenal. So that Yeah, yeah, Claire, I 0:20:49.880 --> 0:20:52.760 think Bernie's right, there's more things than we could sit here. 0:20:53.040 --> 0:20:54.800 We could sit here and tell you to be bold 0:20:54.840 --> 0:20:58.479 and be courageous and be vulnerable and open up from 0:20:58.520 --> 0:21:01.280 the beginning, and to pour into the friends instead of 0:21:01.560 --> 0:21:06.200 instead of expecting what they're going to give you, lower 0:21:06.200 --> 0:21:08.119 your expectations on what you're going to get out of 0:21:08.160 --> 0:21:11.720 a friendship and raise the expectation that you're going to 0:21:11.760 --> 0:21:14.800 put into it. So expect that you're going to be 0:21:14.840 --> 0:21:17.560 the one doing the work. You're pouring in. You're the 0:21:17.600 --> 0:21:21.960 one giving thankfulness and gratitude for these friends and adding 0:21:22.080 --> 0:21:26.560 value to their lives without worrying about reciprocation, without worrying 0:21:26.560 --> 0:21:29.719 about what they're going to give you in return, including 0:21:30.359 --> 0:21:35.440 emotional respect or or acknowledgment or or politeness. I mean, 0:21:35.720 --> 0:21:38.320 you just lower all those expectations because I think you're 0:21:38.359 --> 0:21:42.640 you're expecting that they're they're going to go, hey, Claire, Wow, 0:21:42.720 --> 0:21:45.959 you're a great friend, and thank you for picking up 0:21:45.960 --> 0:21:48.359 this lunch tab. I just you're you're you're really great, 0:21:48.400 --> 0:21:50.280 and thank you for spending it some extra time with 0:21:50.359 --> 0:21:54.680 me tonight dealing with my mother in law's problem. Thank you. 0:21:54.680 --> 0:21:57.640 You're expecting that, And when you don't get it, you go, gosh, 0:21:57.920 --> 0:22:01.040 this is this is a bad friendship. I'm putting in 0:22:01.080 --> 0:22:04.080 more than I'm getting, So flip that and start thinking 0:22:04.800 --> 0:22:07.440 how could you add value to the friendship without getting 0:22:07.480 --> 0:22:11.200 anything in return? And usually that kind of approach leads 0:22:11.240 --> 0:22:15.160 to them pouring back into you, or it's it gives 0:22:15.200 --> 0:22:16.920 you a good discernment on who's a good friend and 0:22:16.960 --> 0:22:19.679 who's not. But I think Bernie said it before I 0:22:19.680 --> 0:22:21.800 say any of that, though, I think Bernie's right that 0:22:22.320 --> 0:22:24.639 with you and your situation and the way you worded this, 0:22:24.800 --> 0:22:28.560 it sounds like some kind of wise counsel or professional 0:22:28.600 --> 0:22:33.000 counsel or therapist could help you, and I know there's 0:22:33.000 --> 0:22:35.439