Speaker 1: Wind down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2: Oh guys, Hi, Hi, you're good. I am not, but
Speaker 2: I am I the mend.
Speaker 3: Are you on the meds as well? What have you done? Kramer?
Speaker 2: Okay, So I texted Catherine, I texted you yesterday and
Speaker 2: I said something like, welp, welp.
Speaker 1: I love a good just FYI starting with a good
Speaker 1: Welp is my favorite thing ever.
Speaker 2: And I didn't tell you what happened because I thought
Speaker 2: it would be a good topic to just bring to
Speaker 2: the couch. Okay, right, all right, So obviously y'all have
Speaker 2: heard my my voice the last.
Speaker 4: Couple of weeks phone sex operator.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Jane, and I'm like, I will not go to
Speaker 3: the doctor. I will not get on an antibiotic.
Speaker 4: I'll drink this orange juice and my hope and Jesus
Speaker 4: will solve all of this.
Speaker 1: This was last week, seven days later, so fourteen days
Speaker 1: later from when it started.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it started wow?
Speaker 2: Yeah, so fourteen literally that would be it would be
Speaker 2: fourteen days today. Yeah, So but it was fifteen days
Speaker 2: ago was when I started the symptoms. Want to go
Speaker 2: get the IVY because I was so speak on to
Speaker 2: San France in La So I'm one of those where
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna ride it out because I don't want
Speaker 2: the antibiotics and there's just so much going on.
Speaker 3: I'm leaving you, guys, I booked a movie away.
Speaker 2: Tell us, uh, so I leave tomorrow.
Speaker 4: Wait what, I don't see? We need a different system.
Speaker 4: Haven't you learned the kind of creature and friend I am.
Speaker 4: The sudden abandonment does not go well in a nervous system.
Speaker 2: I got this call a couple of weeks ago, actually
Speaker 2: passed originally on the movie.
Speaker 3: Okay. Why you know I'm in a season where.
Speaker 4: A Christmas season too soon is that I get sung
Speaker 4: by the chimney with care go ahead.
Speaker 2: Where I'm just I'm trying to value my worth a
Speaker 2: bit more. I'm not saying I'm better than a Christmas
Speaker 2: That's not what I'm saying at all. And I don't
Speaker 2: even want to get into the whole long spiel of it.
Speaker 2: But you do have dreams I do?
Speaker 4: And inspirations, yeah, aspirations eiration.
Speaker 3: We should talk for a living. Do you think it's
Speaker 3: worth noting you're so uneducated?
Speaker 4: Apparently I can't, So we'll just move right past that
Speaker 4: one boot but I do feel like you just you
Speaker 4: just do have.
Speaker 3: Other dreach the things you want to do.
Speaker 4: Sorry, there's no reverse bo I'd like to boot back.
Speaker 3: My boot back is.
Speaker 2: I am actually good uneducated. I'm privileged and uneducated boy.
Speaker 4: And there is the clickbait for the next but that's
Speaker 4: what I've been told.
Speaker 2: It is a privilege to protect my piece. So I
Speaker 2: guess I am privileged to protect my piece totally.
Speaker 3: And I'm on.
Speaker 2: Educated an uneducated, but I'm willing to be educated when
Speaker 2: yes the education percent yes, so.
Speaker 3: Boot boot back. So we're moving forward. Three boops.
Speaker 4: And you have other things that you would like to
Speaker 4: do in your life besides in addition to Christmas movies,
Speaker 4: and I think that it is okay, thank you, but
Speaker 4: I also love a Christmas movie.
Speaker 3: We'll take a Christmas I'd like to.
Speaker 2: I also need to support my family, of course, and
Speaker 2: I love to work.
Speaker 3: I think working begets work. Yep, yep.
Speaker 2: I also have an opportunity with this movie. They sweeten
Speaker 2: the deal a little bit, and I don't want to
Speaker 2: say what it is yet. Oh, but I might have
Speaker 2: an opportunity to do something that I've been wanting to
Speaker 2: do for That's that I've been not I want to say,
Speaker 2: for a while, but it's something that I've it's been
Speaker 2: brewing in my soul a bit to do. So with
Speaker 2: this opportunity comes the next possible opportunity, and so I'm like,
Speaker 2: you know what, let's go, let's do it. And so
Speaker 2: Kat's coming sorry boop, all right?
Speaker 3: Can we start in the beginning? And in defense, I'm
Speaker 3: pretty sure tomorrow so it's not just Jamna everyone.
Speaker 4: Hey, guys, I hope you'll turn in next week to
Speaker 4: this episode of Wine Down where it's just me alone
Speaker 4: on a couch and they abandoned friends j Seline dion
Speaker 4: Ah bye my.
Speaker 1: In all defense, this guy went back and forth a
Speaker 1: lot and it was decided I mean less than a
Speaker 1: week ago.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I ended.
Speaker 4: It came back around where are you guys going?
Speaker 2: Well, this hurts my Michigan heart Cleveland, Ohio? Oh yeah,
Speaker 2: and I got nothing where I'm going.
Speaker 3: What I'm doing?
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I was like, Cat, can you come with
Speaker 2: me for a couple of days? And so she's coming
Speaker 2: with me for a couple of days. Okay, So this
Speaker 2: is very that part is very exciting for you. I've
Speaker 2: already packed yes, yes to get already packed the Rummy Cube.
Speaker 3: Yes, I don't forget them cube really oh I grew up.
Speaker 4: Oh my grandma used to We used to gamble Nickels
Speaker 4: and Rummy Cube. We should do that together. We should also,
Speaker 4: it was so fun. How did how do we not
Speaker 4: know this?
Speaker 3: I don't talk about it. I just don't see you
Speaker 3: as ever playing games really? Yeah? Well I just don't. Yeah,
Speaker 3: because I don't play because you don't want to play this. Well, no,
Speaker 3: I just don't play with you, off with you. I
Speaker 3: don't play uker so I'm not in the game night.
Speaker 1: Well, we used to do game nights that were not
Speaker 1: ker yeah, and then those just went away.
Speaker 4: But you've seen me at catchphrase like I love a game.
Speaker 4: That's true, I have a game. I'm just not as
Speaker 4: good at card games as you guys. But Rummy Cube
Speaker 4: anywaybe Yeah, we have wasted minutes of people's lives. But
Speaker 4: you are going to do a movie in Ohio without
Speaker 4: me and play Rummy Cube.
Speaker 3: Cub Yeah yep, just so all cut up? Yep, okay,
Speaker 3: cap that is the catch up.
Speaker 2: So I have had let's see, I'm like at the
Speaker 2: script on Friday. So Friday Saturday Sunday, Monday, Today's tuesdays.
Speaker 2: So I've had five days to learn the script. So
Speaker 2: I've got my script all print it out. It's been
Speaker 2: attached to my hip the last few days. I do
Speaker 2: not know how you do that. But the problem is
Speaker 2: the problem was is I continue to not feel well.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I forgot really started.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Roman has not has also got a fee. Well,
Speaker 2: I think he's got a different There's like three million
Speaker 2: different things going wrong. There's the flu, there's this really
Speaker 2: bad cold, there's something else.
Speaker 3: I don't know what he has.
Speaker 4: But and the belly bug is still alive. And well
Speaker 4: that's great, yep, not for us, great yuck.
Speaker 2: So that's all been happening, and so I know that
Speaker 2: we're leaving tomorrow for Cleveland. I still cannot hear out
Speaker 2: of my left ear. No stuff's coming out of my nose,
Speaker 2: and so I'm like, okay, but I don't have a fever.
Speaker 2: So in my mind, I'm like, Jane, just just keep riding, ride, ride, ride.
Speaker 2: But I'm like, all right, if I'm leaving wednesday, I
Speaker 2: gotta be smart about this. Something must be going on
Speaker 2: because I can't hear it and it hurts right like
Speaker 2: it it's and you're headed into yeah.
Speaker 3: Whether yeah, airplanes, airplanes. That does not feel good working.
Speaker 2: All day, you know, fourteen hour days. So I go
Speaker 2: to the doctor's walk this walking clinic, and I, you know,
Speaker 2: all the nurse, the whole thing, and I said, well,
Speaker 2: you know, I feel really silly actually being here because
Speaker 2: you know, it's been two weeks and I'm actually on
Speaker 2: the men like I'm not blowing my nose is that much?
Speaker 2: And then the sweet, sweet older doctor man came in
Speaker 2: and I then tell the story to him, Well, you know,
Speaker 2: it's been two weeks and I haven't, like, you know,
Speaker 2: I'm not blown my nose that much. I was like,
Speaker 2: but my ear really does hurt, so but I'm sure
Speaker 2: it's nothing, but I just want to make sure that
Speaker 2: it is it isn't something. And I mean I just
Speaker 2: word vomit like all over him, the symptoms, the things.
Speaker 3: But I'm sure it's fine.
Speaker 2: He looks in my ear and he goes, honey, he goes,
Speaker 2: I haven't seen an ear infection that bad in a.
Speaker 3: Really long time. Oh, I can still get ear infection.
Speaker 2: We can.
Speaker 3: Apparently I didn't know at our age. And so when
Speaker 3: things go and there's all maybe that's why I don't know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And so he's like, you need an antibiotic. And
Speaker 2: then he goes, and I want to talk to you
Speaker 2: some I want to talk to you about something off
Speaker 2: the chart. And then I just, you know, when you
Speaker 2: start to feel like a little swelling up of maybe
Speaker 2: possible emotions. And he's just like, I was reading your chart,
Speaker 2: and I was reading your anxiety PTSD stuff on your chart.
Speaker 2: He goes, have you ever read the book The Body
Speaker 2: Keeps a Score? Yes, I've heard of it. Such an
Speaker 2: amazing book. It's so good, and I've read it before
Speaker 2: because I throw anxiety stuff and all the things. But
Speaker 2: I instantly he's like saying this, but I just like
Speaker 2: instantly start crying because I'm overwhelmed too, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean. I'm like, I haven't been feeling good for
Speaker 2: the last fourteen days. I've got a movie that I
Speaker 2: don't even know. And then I'm you know, trying to learn,
Speaker 2: trying to manage the kids, all the things, and he's
Speaker 2: just like, I really just think He's like, he just
Speaker 2: wrote another book called and I wrote. I actually ordered
Speaker 2: it and it's downstairs. It came overnight, so I can
Speaker 2: bring it to Cleveland, but it words to building a
Speaker 2: non anxious life. Sweet doctor was like, I really, he's like,
Speaker 2: on top of the antibiotics, I'm going to prescribe you
Speaker 2: that Amazon book.
Speaker 3: And I was like, I'm sorry for the tears.
Speaker 4: I'm just really stressed out right now.
Speaker 3: And then my ear really does hurt. So thank you
Speaker 3: for validating my feeling my ear. But what an incredible
Speaker 3: doctor to be sweet.
Speaker 4: I feel like so often you're more likely than not
Speaker 4: going to get a doctor that is just going to
Speaker 4: take care of what is medical, not the whole person.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's really special.
Speaker 2: And that's what made me like start to cry because
Speaker 2: I'm like I needed obviously he could sense. He goes,
Speaker 2: you just seem like you're a little You didn't say
Speaker 2: high strong, but he could tell that. I was like stressed,
Speaker 2: you wouldn't say high strong, holding yeah, our husband's seat, ye,
Speaker 2: holding this anxious stuff and then reading He goes, you know,
Speaker 2: I think this would be really helpful for you. I
Speaker 2: just thought it was the sweetest thing ever. This man
Speaker 2: is so sweet, I know, so I just saw positivity
Speaker 2: to me. I know, the sweet man doctor at the
Speaker 2: Vanderbilt on the queue and walk in shout out to you.
Speaker 2: What a sweet man I ordered it saw that's I'm
Speaker 2: reading on the Planet I Love while learning my lines.
Speaker 4: But yeah, you've got a lot to read and taking
Speaker 4: your moxas already.
Speaker 2: So but here's I started thinking about this though, is
Speaker 2: and I really don't think it's just me. I think
Speaker 2: moms do this too, because I'm I was, you know,
Speaker 2: Roman's been sick, okay a couple days, all right, he's
Speaker 2: got to go to the doctor's. He either probably is
Speaker 2: a strap or maybe he is an ear infection too
Speaker 2: or something. But it's like I did the same thing
Speaker 2: two years ago when I waited too long and I
Speaker 2: had a terrible case of strap, which is so bad
Speaker 2: to wait that long.
Speaker 3: You do ever think it's strap? Do not wait?
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I was just like, oh, it's just my
Speaker 2: thaar out like it's but I'm like, we don't take
Speaker 2: care of ourselves. We should be the first ones to
Speaker 2: take care of like we should be number one, but
Speaker 2: we're not doing that. And that was another I think
Speaker 2: what made me upset too, is I'm like I would
Speaker 2: have been flying to Cleveland with this terrible ear infection
Speaker 2: just because I'm not taking care of myself, like we
Speaker 2: got to take care of ourselves. So reminder of the moms,
Speaker 2: don't let things wait and take care of yourself.
Speaker 1: Well, and I think a lot of it you're you
Speaker 1: want it to be. You don't want to feel silly.
Speaker 3: I'm so that.
Speaker 2: Way because if I walked in there and I walked
Speaker 2: out without something, I'd been like, well, i just wasted
Speaker 2: an hour of this and now I'm going to feel silly.
Speaker 2: Big I didn't have anything right, but like my knee,
Speaker 2: when I didn't have when it wasn't actually a torn something,
Speaker 2: I felt so silly, like yeah there was a little
Speaker 2: stuff that he could scope, but he's like it's fine.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, like it's just you just But would
Speaker 3: we feel that way for our kids?
Speaker 1: No, you know, like if we went I mean, how
Speaker 1: many times do we take our kids and they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's not strep or flu or whatever. We're like just
Speaker 1: you know, like at least we made sure, yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: like wild do we do that?
Speaker 2: And then we beat ourselves up that we wasted time
Speaker 2: and this, that and the other.
Speaker 1: Exactly, you're so right, and so yes, no need to
Speaker 1: feel silly. It's better to hear that it's nothing and
Speaker 1: they needn't have a book.
Speaker 4: I know exactly, Yeah, but it was something this time
Speaker 4: was yeah, and now you know, and you get a
Speaker 4: book and a moxicillia.
Speaker 1: I thought you were going to say it was bronk.
Speaker 1: Aren't you really prone to getting bronchitis?
Speaker 3: I used to be. You used to get it a
Speaker 3: lot when you guys think. So I was worried about that.
Speaker 1: I almost said that last week when You're like, I'm
Speaker 1: not getting an antibiotic and I was like.
Speaker 3: Oh god, we're going to what is usually it does
Speaker 3: go to my does go to your chest? Yeah? Well
Speaker 3: I'm glad you're better. We're on the mend wind down,
Speaker 3: So glad. So that's that. So going to Cleveland working.
Speaker 3: But other updates anything? Love?
Speaker 4: What got taken out of her big fat cast?
Speaker 3: Oh? Yeah, sweet girl?
Speaker 4: And she's in her below the elbow?
Speaker 3: How there she do at the cheer comp on the
Speaker 3: on the side. Great?
Speaker 4: I could get emotional talking about this, Yeah I did.
Speaker 3: Could you tell it was understand? Yeah, I'm going to detach.
Speaker 4: I can just report it like the news, I think,
Speaker 4: because it was incredible. Of course we're going to go
Speaker 4: to cheercomp, you know, Preston was like, I think we
Speaker 4: should go the other half of our duo win on
Speaker 4: a cruise, and he's like, I think we should cancel
Speaker 4: cheercomp and you guys should go we should go on
Speaker 4: the cruise instead.
Speaker 3: And I was like that no, and So.
Speaker 1: Said, yeah, they don't. I mean, I think everyone doesn't
Speaker 1: understand that world though. I think any anybody would say well,
Speaker 1: just don't go there, not on you know, like it's
Speaker 1: so that's what I thought was.
Speaker 2: Someone that's not in I think Nick and Alan might
Speaker 2: because they know the sports, like you should go there
Speaker 2: to support your team, but I think maybe a pressise,
Speaker 2: he's not a sports guy.
Speaker 1: Even part of Nick would even be like really like
Speaker 1: even part of him that's like if they're hurt, like
Speaker 1: why do they go to I mean, I mean it
Speaker 1: hasn't really so it's like they go to practice.
Speaker 3: Why are they spending the time?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 1: He even still gets a little bit like that, but
Speaker 1: mostly understands.
Speaker 4: Well, it's a lot of money, Like, you know, we
Speaker 4: spent money to go to the throat and you're still
Speaker 4: Saint Louis and.
Speaker 3: You're still paying regardless of being hurt or not.
Speaker 4: She's at practice standing there with the coaches and playing
Speaker 4: DJ and high fiving with my hand and we're still
Speaker 4: paying that membership and we're paying for the travel, and yeah,
Speaker 4: but it Saint Louis has some of the best human
Speaker 4: beings on the planet period. The end, I just freaking
Speaker 4: love the people of Saint Louis. They are so friendly
Speaker 4: and so lovely, and she the grace of I won't
Speaker 4: make this long, but the night before we were supposed
Speaker 4: to leave, we were traveling with a mother and daughter
Speaker 4: and the mom texting me, so os, my daughter is sick.
Speaker 3: She's thrown up everywhere.
Speaker 4: And I was like, no, so I you know, we
Speaker 4: were going to potentially be driving by ourselves at Saint Louis.
Speaker 3: No big deal. I can handle a road trip.
Speaker 4: But what I hated for her is she's been waiting
Speaker 4: three years to get to a travel camp, and that
Speaker 4: this is our first travel camp, and she's been waiting
Speaker 4: for the.
Speaker 3: Car rides and the hotel share and that out today
Speaker 3: we're supposed to share room with them as well.
Speaker 4: Yes, and we I just could feel it come over me.
Speaker 4: It's ten o'clock at night, the night before leaving. Everyone's
Speaker 4: got their plans. We're not all staying in the same
Speaker 4: hotel block. It just was like, it's a very scattered
Speaker 4: because we are a different kind of team. We're just
Speaker 4: a sweet club team, you know. And anyways, I sent
Speaker 4: an SOS to two moms who deserve to live in history,
Speaker 4: Cammi and Joy, and I said, if there is They
Speaker 4: were leaving at nine am. My husband wasn't even landing
Speaker 4: back in Nashville until ninet thirty. So I sent a
Speaker 4: note and I said, if there is any room in
Speaker 4: your schedule to just we don't have to we can caravan.
Speaker 4: You know, I just want us to not be riding
Speaker 4: completely alone safety wise too, you know. But these women
Speaker 4: paused at their worlds and let they all left two
Speaker 4: hours later than they wanted to, and we all rode
Speaker 4: together and Love had the time of her life five
Speaker 4: hours in the.
Speaker 3: Car, enjoyed. It made a million memories. So cute. So
Speaker 3: what did y'all do about rooming? Did you still? I
Speaker 3: just I just kept my own room.
Speaker 1: But how did if y'all only had one room planned?
Speaker 1: How did y'all both end up with a hotel room?
Speaker 1: Did they not go?
Speaker 3: They didn't end up going at all?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, throwing up, that's nice.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so definitely go even if we're throwing up.
Speaker 4: Well, they wanted her to, but this mom was nervous.
Speaker 4: She'd be five hours there and I gotta be honest
Speaker 4: with you.
Speaker 3: And I'd be a nervous wreck. Would you might be.
Speaker 4: Really proud of this kreamer. I'd be really extra proud
Speaker 4: of this. She was like, she's throwing up, and I
Speaker 4: was like, yeah, I don't want a carpool. I've had
Speaker 4: my fair share sicknesses. I'm not usually that mom. But
Speaker 4: I thought, you know what, it's kind of irresponsible for
Speaker 4: me to bring the air for five hours twelve hours
Speaker 4: after a vomiting So we went ahead and canceled that.
Speaker 4: But watching Love sit and coach next to her coach
Speaker 4: and do the motions and do the big smiles, I
Speaker 4: have just never been more proud of a human. And
Speaker 4: I'm just in awe of her athleticism in this moment.
Speaker 4: It is just so I kept checking in on her feelings.
Speaker 4: I wanted to check in on the feelings without giving
Speaker 4: her feelings, you know, like I don't want to say
Speaker 4: are you sad? Or does make you feel left out?
Speaker 4: Or you know, because this is what she's been training
Speaker 4: for since August this particular routine. Yeah, I was just
Speaker 4: blown away. She was like, I'm nervous for them. They
Speaker 4: did amazing and they took first in their division, second overall,
Speaker 4: which was sweet.
Speaker 3: Yeah that's great.
Speaker 4: But I feel just really proud of the person and
Speaker 4: teammates she's been So that's been awesome. I love that
Speaker 4: now she's got a slimmer cast. It's pink and glitter.
Speaker 4: We're feeling better. I love that two more weeks than
Speaker 4: a cast than we brace in the good memory. Yeah,
Speaker 4: it's really cool. And you were also at a cheer comp.
Speaker 3: Yes, I wish we were at the same one. Cat,
Speaker 3: this one is huge.
Speaker 1: I haven't been to this one in Yeah, I haven't
Speaker 1: been to this one in probably eight years or so.
Speaker 2: Yes, how was the mom drama because I saw some
Speaker 2: it was in there.
Speaker 1: No drama great, well mostly note no drama between the moms.
Speaker 3: This weekend.
Speaker 1: It was actually a really really good weekend. Right the
Speaker 1: weekend before that was a little weirder and it's still
Speaker 1: a little different, but we were all at the same hotel,
Speaker 1: which is not always the case. So it was all
Speaker 1: but I am in like this new mentality of I'm
Speaker 1: having fun and I'm happy no matter what. Okay, that's
Speaker 1: where I'm just like, yeah, right there, I want to
Speaker 1: do something. I'm going to reach out and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: tell I'm not going to worry about what everybody else
Speaker 1: is doing, you know.
Speaker 3: So it was a great It was actually a really
Speaker 3: great weekend. And how is Emmy with second?
Speaker 1: Amazing great because the team that won got a ninety
Speaker 1: nine point five and the highest of the thirty one
Speaker 1: thousand people that were there. Wow, so thirty, I mean
Speaker 1: it's huge. I saw pictures of it. Did you see
Speaker 1: Ashley's posts?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 3: I saw that.
Speaker 4: No, I just saw our cheer coaches sent us a
Speaker 4: picture and said because ours was teen yeah, yeah, like
Speaker 4: teeny junny. And it was funny because they were like
Speaker 4: we could have been here and they sent the picture
Speaker 4: and I was like my throat, baggie, my children while
Speaker 4: I'm staring at it.
Speaker 1: It's definitely the most overwhelming one and I hadn't been
Speaker 1: since Emmy was probably like seven, and I can remember
Speaker 1: having her there like finding a child that was lost
Speaker 1: and trying to help her find a parent.
Speaker 3: Like, it's overwhelming.
Speaker 1: There's so many people, but they had a great day
Speaker 1: one but they jumped almost two points higher the next day,
Speaker 1: so that second place felt like a win.
Speaker 3: So it was great.
Speaker 2: How do you guys deal with the disappointment when they
Speaker 2: don't win? And I kind of had my first experience
Speaker 2: with Jason. You guys, come on, but his little basketball tournament.
Speaker 2: They were I got to give mad props to my
Speaker 2: ex because he coached them so well this season. They
Speaker 2: were the I would say, the lowest ranking team in
Speaker 2: the beginning. We ended up being Parker and Mackenzie's team.
Speaker 3: That's awesome.
Speaker 2: They crushed us in the beginning of the season and
Speaker 2: then we came back. I mean again, Mike just did
Speaker 2: great with these kids, and they were I mean, they
Speaker 2: should have won the tournament, but they you know did
Speaker 2: they just made some mistakes and the you know, the
Speaker 2: last But seeing Jason's face, I mean they lost by two.
Speaker 3: Points, and they were and they.
Speaker 2: Were ahead ten points like almost the entire game, and
Speaker 2: just to see his face, I was just he was
Speaker 2: so I saw the disappointment for the first time, you know,
Speaker 2: like he's been disappointed when he would strike out in baseball.
Speaker 2: But it was like they knew they were the underdogs
Speaker 2: that came back and just and then.
Speaker 4: It's also a wild hard because for a long time,
Speaker 4: I feel like they don't care.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they win or lose.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And so when it starts registering did we win?
Speaker 4: Did we win?
Speaker 3: It's like and then when.
Speaker 2: They know, they see the thing and I mean it
Speaker 2: was just his little face and uddie and I was
Speaker 2: just like, body, I'm so proud of you and you
Speaker 2: guys went out there and you did amazing. I'm trying
Speaker 2: to but also let them have their feelings. I'm like,
Speaker 2: how have you guys got heart? We've done this for
Speaker 2: a long time.
Speaker 1: And I can I mean even I mean, it all
Speaker 1: gets to me. I mean, Cayden is playing a not
Speaker 1: even serious basketball tournament and I'm still like, oh, what
Speaker 1: a heartbreaker. I mean, it's like football players playing basketball
Speaker 1: for fun, Like it never changes. Like as many times
Speaker 1: as Emmy's gone to a cheer comp since she was five,
Speaker 1: how many first place has she gotten? I mean probably
Speaker 1: a handful really if you look at it, but it
Speaker 1: never goes away, Like even getting that second place the
Speaker 1: other day, Emmy didn't have necessarily her best day. Just
Speaker 1: she's usually I'm not gonna say flawless, but like she's
Speaker 1: usually pretty and there were two things to her that
Speaker 1: just were not perfect. So she came off disappointed, you know,
Speaker 1: And so it never goes away. It literally, I don't
Speaker 1: think ever goes away.
Speaker 2: So I'm curious what you say to her, because Alan
Speaker 2: and I've been reading this book called Us by Terrence Reel,
Speaker 2: and it's all about you learn a lot about like
Speaker 2: your adaptive child and your wounded child, and it's been
Speaker 2: such a beautiful book to read together. But he was
Speaker 2: talking about how as parents, some of the things that
Speaker 2: we might have learned as kids, like we might have
Speaker 2: gotten either the abandonment or false empowerment. So the false
Speaker 2: empowerment that we received as kids then led us to
Speaker 2: being the superiority when we're like, oh, we just think
Speaker 2: we're this grandiose thoughts about ourselves and because our parents
Speaker 2: are like, well, you're amazing this, and yes, we want
Speaker 2: to empower them, but there's this piece of false empowerment
Speaker 2: too that in those moments like how do you like
Speaker 2: give them the empowerment but also not build them up
Speaker 2: so much that they're just like, yeah, screw that other team,
Speaker 2: you know, or you know right where it's like where
Speaker 2: they they don't have this like grandiose.
Speaker 3: That's a that's a fine line. I think.
Speaker 1: As as a parent, that's a really hard question. I
Speaker 1: think in most kids instances and in most sports, you're
Speaker 1: not always winning, So it knocks you down on its own. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're not going to stay this now. Where I do
Speaker 1: think it's detrimental to kids is when they are on
Speaker 1: a team that is always winning. Detrimental, Like, they cannot
Speaker 1: always be on a team that's always winning, because then
Speaker 1: you might get to a point where you don't and
Speaker 1: nine times out of ten that and you know, they
Speaker 1: feel like they're the top dog and they have bad
Speaker 1: attitudes when they lose. So I think the best thing
Speaker 1: you can do if that starts happening is to make
Speaker 1: sure they're on a team that's not always winning.
Speaker 3: As hard as that is, I know.
Speaker 2: That because that's for us too, Like we we like
Speaker 2: to win when we play games.
Speaker 4: Okay, so that's what I was going to ask, because
Speaker 4: I don't care about winning, okay, yep, no, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 4: you don't yeah yeah, no, Like I mean, of course
Speaker 4: everyone would love to win.
Speaker 3: Of course, we're human. Not like no, I like him
Speaker 3: more about that.
Speaker 4: We have a great time doing it, but I think
Speaker 4: that's also why I was a cross country runner, right,
Speaker 4: Like I wasn't in sports where it was it was
Speaker 4: just me versus me, right, But when we play games,
Speaker 4: I don't care about winning. I always just want us
Speaker 4: to have like the best time possible. So but I
Speaker 4: Preston and I have had to talk about this because
Speaker 4: that can foster something in kids too that isn't necessarily beneficial.
Speaker 4: I don't want to make mediocre, lackluster athletes because I'm like, well,
Speaker 4: did you have a good time? Well, then that's enough,
Speaker 4: you know, because you want to win and you want
Speaker 4: to bring there's.
Speaker 3: A happy medium.
Speaker 1: I think for me, I usually go to the every
Speaker 1: did you do everything that you felt like that you could?
Speaker 3: Did you do your best?
Speaker 1: And that's where Emmy was upset with herself because she
Speaker 1: didn't feel like she did her She was not upset
Speaker 1: at anyone else. She was not, you know, And so
Speaker 1: teaching them at the end of the day, with these
Speaker 1: team sports, all you can control is yourself, all you
Speaker 1: and if a mistake happens, a mistake happens, So you
Speaker 1: did your best, but a mistake still happened, you know.
Speaker 1: I think that's all you can really do you know.
Speaker 1: I mean, you can empower them, but they're you know,
Speaker 1: I think there's I don't think you have to say
Speaker 1: you're the best or you know, do your best. I
Speaker 1: think that becomes very important to kind of answer your
Speaker 1: question and how you know, if something's very easy for them,
Speaker 1: why was this hard for you this time?
Speaker 3: Or why did we mess this up? Did we not
Speaker 3: try our hardest? You know?
Speaker 1: Or if something's really hard for them and they did
Speaker 1: it really well, wow, like that's always been.
Speaker 3: Really hard for you.
Speaker 1: I just think focusing on those little things, I think
Speaker 1: is about all you can do. But you can't do
Speaker 1: anything about the disappointment, can't do anything about the tears.
Speaker 3: That's the hardest thing.
Speaker 1: I Mean, we had cheer coaches that would yell at
Speaker 1: them for crying, and I'm like, don't kill their spirit,
Speaker 1: Like that's a competitive edge that you don't want to
Speaker 1: go away. You want them to feel that. You want
Speaker 1: them to be a little upset and is if they're not,
Speaker 1: they're not upset and disappointed, they're not going to do
Speaker 1: their best and work their hardest.
Speaker 3: In my opinion, I agree.
Speaker 2: I always say, of course that hurts, of course, that's yeah,
Speaker 2: of course you're sad that that's This actually is a
Speaker 2: really great example. I I am speaking just like on feelings,
Speaker 2: and there's a kind of a teaching moment for my
Speaker 2: daughter too. I there's a whole other layer, and I'm
Speaker 2: not going to cry, Oh my goodness, because I am
Speaker 2: fighting my sinus all the things.
Speaker 3: I can't do it buck it up.
Speaker 2: Because it's such a bigger conversation that But I had
Speaker 2: a really hard conversation with Alan about something that I
Speaker 2: don't even it's not it was it's not about our relationship.
Speaker 2: It's about my own personal work and stuff.
Speaker 3: Sure, and it was This was not.
Speaker 2: In the car, but when I was in the car,
Speaker 2: we were actually leaving church and something that the pastor said,
Speaker 2: I kind of looked to Alan and I started to
Speaker 2: get teary because he knew like where my emotion level
Speaker 2: was at and I was basically so that you know,
Speaker 2: the audition that I sent. So I ended up not
Speaker 2: getting the part or whatever, and it started to make me.
Speaker 2: I just had a bunch of feelings and I'll talk
Speaker 2: about it later because I'm just in this like, yeah.
Speaker 4: It's okay to sort it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I needs to take kind of a minute with
Speaker 2: it sure, but Jolie it kind of like saw me
Speaker 2: like wiping away some tears or whatever, and she's she
Speaker 2: she has a little Apple watch. And so we're in
Speaker 2: the Starbucks line and you know, I got my glasses.
Speaker 2: I'm just like, you know, Alan holds my hand. I'm
Speaker 2: just wiping away some tears and he and she goes, Mommy,
Speaker 2: you don't look okay.
Speaker 3: Are you okay?
Speaker 2: And instead of being like, no, baby, I'm fine, I
Speaker 2: look back and I go, you know what, baby, I
Speaker 2: was like, Oh, your message is so sweet. I go, Actually,
Speaker 2: mommy's feelings, I go, Mommy's sad. I go, you know
Speaker 2: that part I was really excited about. I said, Mommy
Speaker 2: just got the word that you know that I didn't
Speaker 2: get it on Friday, and it makes mommy sad. Even
Speaker 2: at forty two and been acting for so long, I said,
Speaker 2: I'm I'm really disappointed and I'm sad, you know. And
Speaker 2: I think it's I think it's good for kids to
Speaker 2: see that, even at this age and this long, I
Speaker 2: said that it still affects me yes day. I said,
Speaker 2: but you know, Mommy's gonna keep on going. I said,
Speaker 2: but it does hurt mommy's heart.
Speaker 3: In this moment, I said, but I love you guys. Yeah,
Speaker 3: we're all good. I think that was absolutely like the
Speaker 3: best thing to do. But I wanted to say, I'm fine, right,
Speaker 3: all good? And how many times have we done that million?
Speaker 3: You know, I mean down to a earache?
Speaker 1: And they can be such lessons for them. Yeah, if
Speaker 1: we just aren't trying to make ourselves. I mean, I
Speaker 1: get it.
Speaker 3: We don't always be, you know, sometimes we like wipe
Speaker 3: of course, always right right.
Speaker 1: I know there are moments where I'm like, what am
Speaker 1: I doing is stupid? But I think there are usually
Speaker 1: good teaching moments for them.
Speaker 3: Agreed, sweet girl.
Speaker 2: Side note of it, any of you guys watched the
Speaker 2: d I know we talked a little bit about Olympics,
Speaker 2: but has anybody else watched anything else?
Speaker 3: Not really just about the I've been watching.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Molina, I don't want to butcher his name, but
Speaker 2: the figure skater who fell a bunch during his routine
Speaker 2: saw the about it, Yeah, which broke my heart for him,
Speaker 2: because you know, he is twenty one years old. He
Speaker 2: does all the quads favored to win. You know, he
Speaker 2: popped a lot of his jumps, fell on a couple
Speaker 2: of them, ended up in eighth place. But the pressure
Speaker 2: that he was to have that pressure being that star
Speaker 2: always like in that number one position, and it's like
Speaker 2: it wasn't able to handle that pressure too, And I
Speaker 2: can't imagine that for you know, yes he's not a
Speaker 2: kid anymore, but growing being the favorite Yeah yeah, favored
Speaker 2: person too, you know, but yes, but still is.
Speaker 3: But it's still so young even if you think about it.
Speaker 3: But yeah, that pressure.
Speaker 2: And then he said too, it's like fighting invisible battles,
Speaker 2: you know, that people don't know about.
Speaker 3: So it's aren't we all we're all just that it
Speaker 3: all comes in when you're when you're doing that on
Speaker 3: the biggest stage, it's just like made me sad.
Speaker 4: Represent the whole country like that is just can you
Speaker 4: imagine the pressure?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I can't at all, But I'm just maybe just
Speaker 2: think about kids too and the pressure that when they're
Speaker 2: always winning, like you to your point, always on the
Speaker 2: winning team. Yeah, how that might make them have this Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean my sister in law brings that up to
Speaker 1: me all the time because her son was like that
Speaker 1: in basketball for years and she's like, we're not doing
Speaker 1: this anymore. We're taking to a different team. You're going
Speaker 1: to go on a team that's got to fight for
Speaker 1: it because this is not good for you. I mean,
Speaker 1: because they just get you know, you get used to it.
Speaker 4: Well.
Speaker 3: I kind of see that with Amy because I feel
Speaker 3: like they always won. No, they don't always win. I
Speaker 3: just really oh yeah, okay, And a lot of times
Speaker 3: I was like, man, yes, and I mean yeah, yes, definitely.
Speaker 3: And and that's the thing.
Speaker 1: Even this season we have gone we won the first one,
Speaker 1: we bombed the second one. Three and a half of deductions,
Speaker 1: you know, I mean it's like and then we did
Speaker 1: okay day one, but then killed day two. It is
Speaker 1: all over the place. And that's where your emotions if
Speaker 1: you can't like kind of keep them in check because again,
Speaker 1: it's just it can you know.
Speaker 4: And that's why we chose the music industry, because defeat
Speaker 4: is every day and you can.
Speaker 3: Never get too big for.
Speaker 4: You.
Speaker 3: That's a great nas we're navigating at the bros. Houses.
Speaker 1: And then they take this into adulthood because that's all
Speaker 1: that they really can compare it to is the sports
Speaker 1: that they play. And then and it's like, hello, like
Speaker 1: life beat you down, yeah, and you are not always
Speaker 1: as an adult.
Speaker 2: Perfect segue. Into wine about it. Oh, does anybody got anything?
Speaker 1: I have a little wine about it. But it's like
Speaker 1: so silly, go for it, y'all. I'm starting to get gray.
Speaker 3: I found my first. Oh it's been here, and I
Speaker 3: know that. I know. I'm blessed. Hashtag blessed. I don't
Speaker 3: even need the hate.
Speaker 2: So, y'all, I think I don't have a gray yet,
Speaker 2: and I'm shocked I found one.
Speaker 3: She came out. She's right at the bank.
Speaker 1: I've got a several several, Yeah, I do you Oh,
Speaker 1: she's she happened.
Speaker 3: They've been there for a little while. I'm surprised you'll
Speaker 3: haven't noticed. But it's going to Are we going to
Speaker 3: keep it?
Speaker 2: Well, that's what I need to know. Well, here's is
Speaker 2: great with it? Like look at Hillary Burton.
Speaker 3: Yes, she does rock it like right now.
Speaker 1: It's just like, you know, there's like three or four
Speaker 1: or five guys sitting there, and then there's some random ones,
Speaker 1: you know, and I'll pluck them every now and then,
Speaker 1: and then one day they're curly. Then you know, it's
Speaker 1: all It's It's just that's my question. Okay, so you
Speaker 1: start to get a couple. I don't dye my hair
Speaker 1: ever ever, you've never once, never, once. I did a
Speaker 1: semi permanent when I was a teenager's.
Speaker 4: Yeah, why you just day beautiful human to me?
Speaker 1: Well, I did a semi permanent not to get to whatever,
Speaker 1: but I had alopecia, yes, and so I was scared
Speaker 1: to dye my hair. I was like, I'm afraid it's
Speaker 1: going to fall out, you know. I was terrified of it.
Speaker 1: So one time I was like, He's like, we could
Speaker 1: try a semi permanent. It's not going to kill your hair.
Speaker 1: And I was like, it's fine, but like I don't
Speaker 1: care enough to keep up with.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you also have a beautiful natural wells. So
Speaker 2: what do you feel when the girl when you see
Speaker 2: the gray.
Speaker 1: Not a lot of emotion about it, right at all.
Speaker 1: I'm just like I wish I said, I wish I
Speaker 1: could say that. Yeah, I mean I had emotion.
Speaker 3: I had an emotion.
Speaker 1: I just still I don't know what it is and
Speaker 1: I should probably care more. No, But when stuff like that,
Speaker 1: I don't know why it doesn't bother me. I just
Speaker 1: need to know that's great.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I guess it is good.
Speaker 1: You know, but there's a point where I'm gonna my
Speaker 1: I guess my point in saying it is this, though.
Speaker 1: My problem is, you know, like I just throw it
Speaker 1: up in a bun, people criticize it. I don't care,
Speaker 1: you know, criticize what your bun, yeah, like do something
Speaker 1: with your hair, and I just don't care. But my problem,
Speaker 1: my worry is that I don't care so much. Just
Speaker 1: I'm gona get to point people are gonna be like.
Speaker 4: No, we would tell you girls got a dire hair.
Speaker 4: I think we would tell you. I think so gray
Speaker 4: is so cool. Yeah, I just don't think it starts.
Speaker 1: Like being like once it's like all gray, yeah cool,
Speaker 1: but like just little spurts of gray.
Speaker 4: Good with spurts. I don't think the spirts are beautiful.
Speaker 2: Do we touch up until I would probably if it
Speaker 2: was me, I would touch up until it was more.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm wondering, because it's like, you know, it's
Speaker 1: just like and it's not like a big like clump.
Speaker 1: It's just like a hair and hair and hair, and
Speaker 1: then there's like a few like random ones or whatever.
Speaker 2: But also it's still like I can't I can't tell
Speaker 2: and it still looks good, you know, Yeah, I.
Speaker 1: Mean it's not bad yet, but it's happening, and it's
Speaker 1: weird almost. It's like now I notice, I'm like another one. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, wait, this one wasn't here the other day,
Speaker 1: you know. So it's like I'm like, it's coming, it's coming. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's my that's my wine about it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're there.
Speaker 4: I think that is was the emotion which we've talked
Speaker 4: about and I've talked about for I don't really feel
Speaker 4: forty four.
Speaker 3: Oh, I truly don't feel. Yeah.
Speaker 4: I feel like we're all just taking great care of
Speaker 4: ourselves and really proud of that for us. Like, but
Speaker 4: it's weird when you have these like super sobering moments
Speaker 4: are like, yeah, well now that's a great and I
Speaker 4: came to get Now Preston is getting He's going to
Speaker 4: kill me for saying this thought.
Speaker 2: He's getting very salty, and I love. I think Alan's
Speaker 2: the same thing. He's like, babe, He's like, I'm getting gray,
Speaker 2: and I.
Speaker 3: Was like, yeah, same. I think it's cute. I'm like,
Speaker 3: I think it's been great for a while in his beard. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: But I think because he's in this industry where it's
Speaker 4: like look younger, be younger, and don't sit your age,
Speaker 4: you know whatever. And so I came into him. I
Speaker 4: was like, baby, look it right here, and he's like, well,
Speaker 4: you just you just got one.
Speaker 3: That's it.
Speaker 4: Like it was almost like but it was such a
Speaker 4: weird because I I guess I'm in some sort.
Speaker 3: Did y'all ever get gray hairs when you were young? Ever?
Speaker 3: So Jolie remember that one time? Yeah? Do you remember
Speaker 3: when she was like four, three or four?
Speaker 2: It was in Los Angeles and I'm like, I plucked
Speaker 2: a gray she had one?
Speaker 3: Yeah, gray hair.
Speaker 4: Didn't we all get gray hair from that chapter?
Speaker 3: That was the chapter that age just saw like a
Speaker 3: presidential term, very joy. Even Jo's poster little gray. That's
Speaker 3: why I'm surprised.
Speaker 1: You really fared well, friend, But like I can remember
Speaker 1: finding them in seventh grade, So I think that's why
Speaker 1: it also hasn't hit me as like necessarily like an
Speaker 1: old thing. Like I remember being at the lunch table
Speaker 1: and somebody be like, you got a gray hair, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, that's interesting, and.
Speaker 3: Maybe, yeah, I know it's a blonde too.
Speaker 2: I think there's an iron deficion, there's something, and I
Speaker 2: do have low iron.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I'm surprised. I'm not I probably just made
Speaker 3: that up. And I'm not gonna chat because Chad doesn't
Speaker 3: tell me the truth all the time. But I'm just
Speaker 3: saying boop.
Speaker 2: But I I remember looking at it, and I've seen
Speaker 2: the doctor and they said, because I'm like, why is
Speaker 2: my four or three four year old having a right?
Speaker 2: But and I want to but I don't know. I'm
Speaker 2: so uneducated.
Speaker 3: Let us know. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I will look into that because I mean, I've always
Speaker 1: had low iron, so maybe.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I take iron simplement. I don't know how.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 4: I don't know how I feel about it, but I
Speaker 4: am getting I've gotten I think one of the low
Speaker 4: iron is strongly linked to premature graying.
Speaker 3: But is this premature greg Well, that's what I don't know.
Speaker 3: Maybe it was when I was in seventh grade. Right
Speaker 3: when is it? When do we google that?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 1: When is the normal age to start graying? Because I
Speaker 1: don't know that it's well, I know.
Speaker 3: Is there maybe an average to get gray hair? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Well, okay, most people start to notice their first gray
Speaker 2: hairs in their thirties or early forties.
Speaker 3: Okay, so that's normal.
Speaker 1: But maybe it was fun when I was like seventh
Speaker 1: grade and had one, and then Jolie when she was young.
Speaker 3: Why is a young kid.
Speaker 4: A chat?
Speaker 3: This is Google? Okay?
Speaker 2: Which ya it's called by like vitamin deficiencies, iron or whatever.
Speaker 1: Okay, that would make sense for why I would have
Speaker 1: seen one when I was younger, I'm sure. Yeah, because
Speaker 1: I didn't find out I was low and iron and
Speaker 1: stress environment hair stuff happened.
Speaker 3: Yeah, do you have a.
Speaker 4: We can make this quick, but I actually wanted to
Speaker 4: ask y'all on a text message, so might as well
Speaker 4: just ask it here in front of all of.
Speaker 3: Our friends that can judge me for it. Do you
Speaker 3: think that.
Speaker 4: There is an age where you should no longer have
Speaker 4: longer hair? Because I'm starting to feel I don't want short.
Speaker 3: Short there yet? Well, I don't actually don't know.
Speaker 4: For me, something has happened between forty two and forty
Speaker 4: four that is really shifting for me.
Speaker 1: It's sixty really, yes, we don't need to wait too,
Speaker 1: this is too early.
Speaker 4: Wait which I'm not talking about going like short short
Speaker 4: like because like fifty year olds and stuff have long hair.
Speaker 3: Well like just say though, yet the fifty year olds
Speaker 3: we know do well, Pam just chopped her She chopped
Speaker 3: it but it's not like.
Speaker 4: No, but she's on her like she's but I'm saying
Speaker 4: that to my Hey, Pam, it was really a pleasure
Speaker 4: me listen to this episode.
Speaker 3: We are not I feel like we are.
Speaker 4: I'm one year away from being on the back side.
Speaker 3: And maybe that's because I'm great gray away from a
Speaker 3: second Sorry, can we get in my asthmosis?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 4: She like you know, like even Pam is getting in
Speaker 4: her later forties. She talks about the very openly, so,
Speaker 4: but she did chop. I'm just wondering fifty year olds
Speaker 4: still have long I missed my last hair appointment by
Speaker 4: I'm like months out right now, which is fine because
Speaker 4: color wise, I'm going more natural, so it's not really
Speaker 4: big deal. But I've noticed I always grow my hair
Speaker 4: pretty fast, and so I have just felt like you've
Speaker 4: noticed this has been this is the mo for the
Speaker 4: last two episodes, because it's so long and gross and
Speaker 4: just feels like it feels youthfully long for my age,
Speaker 4: like it's starting like I'm I don't I don't feel
Speaker 4: like I match it.
Speaker 2: Oh, there's no specific age to cut your hair short.
Speaker 2: Modern dialing trends allow for long, healthy hair at any age.
Speaker 2: While many women historically cut their hair around age fifty
Speaker 2: to sixty due to changing their texture, thinning, easy maintenance
Speaker 2: makes sense. I will say, though, I too, have looked
Speaker 2: around at other forties mid forties people with their hair
Speaker 2: length because I am as well, feeling like I'm not
Speaker 2: fitting my long hair anymore, and I'm thinking about a chop.
Speaker 3: I'm ready, so we need to cut it. So everyone's
Speaker 3: cutting it in their forties.
Speaker 2: But also I then I remember getting on my mom.
Speaker 2: I'm like, Mom, don't chop your don't mom chop? Yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, like keep your long hair.
Speaker 4: But I don't think it's mom chopping anymore because now
Speaker 4: it is cute.
Speaker 3: It's like mom chopping.
Speaker 4: No no, no, no, like lobbing like like no, like no.
Speaker 1: That's like seventy eighty okay, yeah, so we're just gradually.
Speaker 1: It's so funny. I'll bring this up though. This weekend,
Speaker 1: literally I had so many friends and be like, oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, your hair is so long.
Speaker 3: It looks so good.
Speaker 1: So I was like, thanks, I'll keep it long, and no,
Speaker 1: guess what we're chopping and touching it up?
Speaker 3: You do you boo?
Speaker 4: Yeah, well you want to do the strong opinion about
Speaker 4: me cutting though.
Speaker 2: He doesn't want you to see. Alan's like baby, He's like,
Speaker 2: do whatever you want.
Speaker 4: Well, it's going to be cute no matter what.
Speaker 3: I've never seen your hair short.
Speaker 1: I've seen your hair short and I love it short,
Speaker 1: so that doesn't bother me.
Speaker 3: Oh, thank you, great news because my car. When I
Speaker 3: got the Catherine approval, and then I thought, do I
Speaker 3: get a bang? I used to get banged every fall
Speaker 3: without it, I don't think bang. No, Wow, it's okay.
Speaker 4: We can have strong opinions, sang, and I got to
Speaker 4: tidy up my vision board.
Speaker 2: Okay maybe no, I don't know. I just remember I'm
Speaker 2: just a showrunner. Actually are one Tree Hill showrunner. He said,
Speaker 2: if you would have had bangs, you wouldn't have been hired.
Speaker 2: He hated bangs. He always says it's where women keep
Speaker 2: their secrets, but well, that's where we keep our secret.
Speaker 3: He's not the gunner. So how did that work out? Yeah,
Speaker 3: he's probably twenty so shut up.
Speaker 2: Ten no and so, but I I had bangs when
Speaker 2: I was like, you know, bangs are super cute, but
Speaker 2: once you have them, they're you know.
Speaker 4: Well, I got bangs when I got pregnant with lion because.
Speaker 3: I remember, but they were like, no, they're not.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I was never going to get like they're they're like longer.
Speaker 3: I remember that question across. I remember it was cute.
Speaker 4: I always felt pretty because I felt like it always
Speaker 4: brought out my eyes. I used to do every single fall,
Speaker 4: and then I would just grow them out through the winter.
Speaker 3: I don't know, but I I touch up.
Speaker 1: You go put up those banks and we'll be good.
Speaker 3: Well I can't, now, yes you can. We can do
Speaker 3: whatever we want, all right.
Speaker 2: So headline this week, which is sad because James Vanderbeek
Speaker 2: has passed away from cancer and I just from colorectal
Speaker 2: cancer at the age of forty eight. It's so incredibly sad,
Speaker 2: as leaving his wife Kimberly and six kids.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's awful.
Speaker 2: I mean just mel Dawson's creek cart and I even
Speaker 2: texted Mary who played you know his mom and just
Speaker 2: like all the like he was such we had the
Speaker 2: opportunity to interview him on when I did like the
Speaker 2: Massing Earth thing. Such a nice guy, like just so lovely.
Speaker 2: So it's absolutely awful. And I even hate speaking about
Speaker 2: this headline given that he's passed, but there's some controversy
Speaker 2: going around, so let's dive into it. James Vanderbeek's financial
Speaker 2: situation after his passing on FIBRU eleven set up a
Speaker 2: firestorm of controversy on the internet. So immediately after his death,
Speaker 2: a gofund me account was set up to assist the
Speaker 2: large family with their uncertain future. The funds were to
Speaker 2: help Kimberly and the children for essential living expenses, pay bills,
Speaker 2: and support the children's education with Within a matter of days,
Speaker 2: the account raised over two point six million dollars. But
Speaker 2: then his rep explained to the out Outlet that James
Speaker 2: secured a down payment for the Texas ranch for the
Speaker 2: family with the help of friends through a trust so
Speaker 2: they could shift from rent to mortgage. The thirty six
Speaker 2: acre ranch was purchased on January ninth for four point
Speaker 2: seven six million dollars. And that's when the backlash began.
Speaker 2: So a lot of people that had contributed to the GoFundMe.
Speaker 2: You know, people are saying like, must have had, must
Speaker 2: not have had real financial issues of taking on responsibilities
Speaker 2: of multimillion dollar property. One critic said, an x and
Speaker 2: the GoFundMe is going to pay for the rest. Mind
Speaker 2: boggling to me that regular people are donating for someone
Speaker 2: to maintain their luxury lifestyle and someone else wrote great,
Speaker 2: so his family doesn't need donations from poor people making
Speaker 2: thirty k per year. And what I think, just what
Speaker 2: makes me sad, first and foremost is that this is
Speaker 2: overshadowing the little life that was taken, and it's it's
Speaker 2: very sad, but there is outrage obviously, so.
Speaker 4: So was the GoFundMe opened, and then days later the
Speaker 4: rep starts talking about it being a four point seven
Speaker 4: million dollar property. Yes, okay, I believe that people were
Speaker 4: donating before we knew that this was a four point
Speaker 4: seven Yes.
Speaker 3: That's how I've understood it. Yeah, correct me, Yes, okay.
Speaker 1: So the go fund me was already out, was raising money,
Speaker 1: and it was public, so it's not like it was
Speaker 1: just going to some friends.
Speaker 3: I saw people posting about us.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then you know, and then he went from
Speaker 1: renting to purchasing to have a mortgage, which I posted
Speaker 1: the GoFundMe was it. I'm sure like friends and family.
Speaker 1: I would think I think friends and family. Okay, you know.
Speaker 1: My opinion on this is man obviously all of this
Speaker 1: is so sad, and I can so understand being a
Speaker 1: man and wanting them to not be renting and to
Speaker 1: be in a home, to be comfortable and have the
Speaker 1: mortgage and the bills and all of that paid. Where
Speaker 1: this went wrong was the public gofund me. In my opinion,
Speaker 1: I just it's a very tricky thing anyway for you know,
Speaker 1: for celebrities to.
Speaker 3: Just want to correction one thing. His wife launched the GoFundMe.
Speaker 1: Okay, so his wife started the gofund me account, And
Speaker 1: I can understand as a wife being mortified, I mean
Speaker 1: and terrified, not mortified, terrified for their future where they
Speaker 1: care of their kids. Six kids they're renting, which is
Speaker 1: probably astronomical amount, you know, this huge estate they're you
Speaker 1: know they're in California, I zoom or I don't know
Speaker 1: where they're Texas, but either way, spending a lot of
Speaker 1: money on rent. So I can understand all of this
Speaker 1: needing to go to like a purchase situation before he
Speaker 1: passes away, to make sure everybody's taken care of. I
Speaker 1: understand that. Again, where I think it went wrong is
Speaker 1: going to a public gofund me. Because I think people
Speaker 1: are are right to be a little outraged if you
Speaker 1: gave some money and you're barely making any money and
Speaker 1: then you do that, and then to find out that
Speaker 1: he spent or they spent sorry not they spent four
Speaker 1: points something million dollars on a home like that just
Speaker 1: gets really tricky. And I understand that celebrities can be
Speaker 1: making zero. I mean, you can be a celebrity and
Speaker 1: be on a show back in the day. I'm not
Speaker 1: saying he was making zero, but he could have been
Speaker 1: on a show Dawson's Creek and then not ever really
Speaker 1: worked again. But be a celebrity, but not be bringing
Speaker 1: in any money.
Speaker 2: Right if he's not acting exactly And I don't know
Speaker 2: the residuals how that played a role back in the
Speaker 2: day too, so I'm sure he got some sort of
Speaker 2: but sometimes they do a residual payout, so then they
Speaker 2: don't end up having residuals at right.
Speaker 1: Or maybe it's not enough to support Like I can
Speaker 1: understand all of that. I don't think everyone fully understands
Speaker 1: that though. I don't think everyone. Once you know a celebrity,
Speaker 1: you think of them as being rich, right, you think
Speaker 1: of them as having money. That's not I mean, how
Speaker 1: many people have we seen that have blown all their money,
Speaker 1: you know, or they're just they had they were a
Speaker 1: one hit wonder, but we know their name, but that
Speaker 1: didn't do anything for them for the next twenty thirty years.
Speaker 1: So it's just tricky, you know. I just think that
Speaker 1: the most people don't fully understand that.
Speaker 3: And then you're giving money your heart and money know
Speaker 3: that part?
Speaker 2: Then then how does so let's just say he didn't
Speaker 2: have that, is it's still then okay? Because so just
Speaker 2: on the other side of that, Yeah, knowing that is
Speaker 2: the case.
Speaker 1: I I think it's okay.
Speaker 3: I truly do.
Speaker 1: I think it's okay. But where I think then that
Speaker 1: goes wrong is I love y'all. I'm going to take
Speaker 1: care of y'all. We're going to downsize, yeah, like the
Speaker 1: we're gonna responsible. Yeah, And I think you have to
Speaker 1: be upfront. I think this has to be a hey,
Speaker 1: and you explain it. Like I know that my husband
Speaker 1: was a celebrity. You know, this is our money situation.
Speaker 1: It drained us. We've obviously been living on this and
Speaker 1: I would love for my kids to be able to
Speaker 1: keep this lifestyle, but that's not reality. We're going to
Speaker 1: have to you know, it just gets a little tricky
Speaker 1: when you're saying I'm not making any more money, and
Speaker 1: then you're buying a four point something million dollar house
Speaker 1: and did you who, where did the money come from?
Speaker 1: Did you have the money? It just gets tricky. And again,
Speaker 1: I don't think it's wrong necessarily to ask for money,
Speaker 1: but then to ask for money and then buy a
Speaker 1: four point six million I think it just gets that's where, yeah.
Speaker 3: And I get that.
Speaker 4: I think we're also living in an economic climate where
Speaker 4: we are all downsizing or refinancing or trying to save
Speaker 4: or picking up different habits for spending or not spending
Speaker 4: that help us be in a different position. So listen,
Speaker 4: I would love to live on a thirty six acre, right,
Speaker 4: I mean, that's the dream, right. And I can also
Speaker 4: understand the great loss. I mean I can't understand, but
Speaker 4: I can empathize with the loss of a husband and
Speaker 4: wanting to keep a state of life for kids that
Speaker 4: just lost their dad. I just it's a that's a
Speaker 4: really big part. I mean, that's a huge property. Four
Speaker 4: point seven million dollars is and especially in Texas, by
Speaker 4: the way, because in Texas we can get money to
Speaker 4: go a little bit further in some areas. So I
Speaker 4: just I I also do think I can understand. I
Speaker 4: understand like the fans have wanted to. I think that's the.
Speaker 3: Only way they can sometimes connect.
Speaker 4: Right, So like it feels good to to give Dawson
Speaker 4: some money, it feels like something. Yeah, Like it just
Speaker 4: feels like, okay, this is the least we can do.
Speaker 4: How do we mourn or grieve, and so here take
Speaker 4: some of this. It's probably wasn't like they're not It's
Speaker 4: just sweet. Actually, I think it's really sweet. And then
Speaker 4: it just felt like a little bit of a slap
Speaker 4: in the face. It was like, oh right, I feel
Speaker 4: like we.
Speaker 1: Were helping because of your medical bills and we just
Speaker 1: help you buy a four point something million dollar health.
Speaker 2: Here's a question. Do you wish the rep would have
Speaker 2: not said anything? Or is it good that the rep
Speaker 2: said something? To be honest about the situation. This is
Speaker 2: a little avoidant.
Speaker 4: I wish they wouldn't have just because I do feel
Speaker 4: like now it's overshadowing the loss of this really great
Speaker 4: human And so now this is the headline over the world,
Speaker 4: warning the loss of this talented actor and dad and father.
Speaker 1: I mean, and husband yeah, and I agree with that.
Speaker 1: I just think, on the other hand, it should know, yeah,
Speaker 1: like you should know where your money's go. But I
Speaker 1: don't even know if we're clear if that money went
Speaker 1: towards that, or if that money did go to pay
Speaker 1: bills or you know, someone could have said they could
Speaker 1: have done a GoFundMe and someone could have said he
Speaker 1: was my favorite person in the whole where here's five
Speaker 1: million dollars. After that happens, like we don't know the
Speaker 1: exact specifics, like that money might not have gone towards that, sure,
Speaker 1: but you know, so I don't know. Some transparency I
Speaker 1: think is very important, but it is overshadowing, so that's tough.
Speaker 2: I could use some advice on how to handle feeling
Speaker 2: overwhelmed and isolated, sometimes to the point where life feels impossible.
Speaker 2: I feel guilty for having these feelings, especially as a mother.
Speaker 2: My partner works crazy hours and isn't able to be
Speaker 2: around a lot. I work full time and I live
Speaker 2: a couple of hour ways hour aways from family and friends.
Speaker 2: It doesn't sound super crazy, but when there's a lot
Speaker 2: going on, or I have to rush to the ear
Speaker 2: with a baby by myself, I can feel overwhelming and stressful.
Speaker 3: Maybe are you right?
Speaker 2: Just hey, gad a friends sign KB, just wondering what
Speaker 2: helps with the littles and traveling husbands. I remember KB
Speaker 2: just recently and Jana mentioning husbands have to be away
Speaker 2: and not having family help while dealing sick or her babies.
Speaker 2: In my heart goes out to any mom who has
Speaker 2: to go through this. I admire and respect to each
Speaker 2: of you as women and as mothers. Any advice you'd
Speaker 2: be greatly appreciated and helpful. Love you girls, KB, take
Speaker 2: it away.
Speaker 4: I mean, I really just been living this for the
Speaker 4: last ten years, but more specifically the last year. I
Speaker 4: do Okay. So one thing I feel really proud of
Speaker 4: myself for and I because I don't know if it's
Speaker 4: the way we're raised. I don't know if it's the
Speaker 4: alcohol drug addicted family and very resilient do by myself
Speaker 4: independent blah blah blah. I just don't ask for help,
Speaker 4: like I don't phone a friend to say, like, you know, so,
Speaker 4: for instance, just a recent example, like love has to
Speaker 4: go into the e ar they're going to put her under.
Speaker 4: I'm obviously not going to take all three kids if
Speaker 4: I can help it. But we don't have family. And
Speaker 4: I'm also at that point, I had been in it all day,
Speaker 4: and I'm like, who do who lives close to here
Speaker 4: that I'm not taking? You know, like I have this
Speaker 4: such I think we probably all share this, Like it's
Speaker 4: very hard for me to ask for help because I
Speaker 4: know then I'm taking you away from your family or
Speaker 4: your family. So I will say and I'll try not
Speaker 4: to get emotional during this, but it was probably like
Speaker 4: the most I'm gonna probably get emotional. It's I have
Speaker 4: never experienced community like I did when love broke her arm.
Speaker 4: I've never seen and I think a lot of that
Speaker 4: is not that the community hasn't been available to me.
Speaker 4: So that's the one thing I would want to just
Speaker 4: pass along more than anything is. I think sometimes we
Speaker 4: feel more lonely than we actually are, and we get
Speaker 4: in our own way because we feel indebted if we ask,
Speaker 4: or we feel like it's weakness if we ask for
Speaker 4: me We've just been conditioned to just never have help,
Speaker 4: so it's not our default to think for help, like
Speaker 4: that's my default is just to not ask for help
Speaker 4: because notoriously and historically no one has showed up for me. Family, wise,
Speaker 4: and so the coaches actually had had message and said,
Speaker 4: can we come sit with you? My first gut reaction
Speaker 4: is no, because I also know that I do better
Speaker 4: because it's comfortable to me to be alone. I just
Speaker 4: just leave me alone, just me and my bible, you know.
Speaker 4: And I actually just gutterly said yes. And when they
Speaker 4: showed up, I don't know how they got there so fast,
Speaker 4: It felt like ten minutes. They came with a stack
Speaker 4: of cards. They were the ones that paused the doctors
Speaker 4: to pray over love, and they led the prayer so
Speaker 4: that I didn't have to sit there weeping like a
Speaker 4: ridiculous mom. And when everything was done, they so timely
Speaker 4: and sweetly exited. They sat in the background. They weren't
Speaker 4: looking for attention. I think too, if you grew up
Speaker 4: a certain type of parent, it becomes about them. And
Speaker 4: in those instances, I have found that being alone is
Speaker 4: just easier than having to deal with another personality.
Speaker 3: And so.
Speaker 4: I just want to maybe ask the question back to you,
Speaker 4: dearest gentle reader, if you have people you can lean into,
Speaker 4: are you just not taking advantage of that? Because that
Speaker 4: has been my experience. Like I know, if I call
Speaker 4: either of you you're going to get to me. Yeah,
Speaker 4: you just will. It's my own issue to not overcome asking.
Speaker 3: You for the help.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and if you're able to also maybe get extra
Speaker 2: help with someone that can help with the kids, to pay,
Speaker 2: you know, a part time sitter or something. Yeah, Like
Speaker 2: I do think there's there's other options the friends aren't available.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like I you know, I reached out to one
Speaker 4: of the people that used to sit for us, and
Speaker 4: they were kind of like not super jumping on the
Speaker 4: chance to get there for us that night, and I
Speaker 4: was like, so I ended up texting Cheney because she
Speaker 4: lives so close. I'm like, I don't know when I'm going.
Speaker 4: I don't, but I knew she had Josh home and
Speaker 4: she was like, of course, you know, like the kids
Speaker 4: are comfortable with her, and it was like no big
Speaker 4: deal for her, but it was so My whole point
Speaker 4: is I think that there might be more of a communie.
Speaker 4: Then we lean into We're just so used to doing
Speaker 4: things alone that that becomes our default. And I'm trying
Speaker 4: really hard to reframe my brain. This is my goal
Speaker 4: for myself this year, just to find the village a
Speaker 4: little more or lean into the.
Speaker 3: Village a little more.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I do think there is you know, if
Speaker 4: you can get even a couple hours of mother's helper,
Speaker 4: like it doesn't have to be even leave the building
Speaker 4: just to lock yourself in your room for like an hour.
Speaker 1: And I think, you know, getting the village is key.
Speaker 1: And I mean, I have a husband that's home all
Speaker 1: the time and we have a huge village that helps
Speaker 1: us that we could not do it without, you know,
Speaker 1: And so I think, like you said, it's very important
Speaker 1: to lean into that. And at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: the village means you're also helping. So to me, there's
Speaker 1: there's no reason. I understand the guilt part of it,
Speaker 1: but there's truly no reason to feel guilt over that
Speaker 1: because it's a give and take. It's not like, you know,
Speaker 1: as long as not one person's always the one giving,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 3: And maybe it's hard.
Speaker 1: For you to find that village and that case, you know,
Speaker 1: for whatever reason, maybe you don't have a neighborhood or
Speaker 1: maybe you don't have those people. But I would definitely
Speaker 1: say that's going to be your best bet to find
Speaker 1: someone that y'all can give and take where you can
Speaker 1: help when you have some energy and extra time and
Speaker 1: they can help you.
Speaker 2: And I would say too, it's okay to hold the
Speaker 2: feelings that you want it to be your husband, because
Speaker 2: I think that's where you sometimes go into that where
Speaker 2: it's but I want my husband to be there.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you want to do life with the person you
Speaker 4: chose to do life with. Yeah, that's what I think
Speaker 4: has been the hardest. But the reality also is that
Speaker 4: in order for us to have a life, he has
Speaker 4: to go make money, and making money for us is
Speaker 4: away from us. It sounds like current I have that
Speaker 4: in common. So it's like you just I think there
Speaker 4: is a level of acceptance that I've hit which I
Speaker 4: felt like, felt like in my body it translated to defeat.
Speaker 4: So I had to really reframe that and work through that,
Speaker 4: like accepting something and being defeated by something or different,
Speaker 4: and also just finding some space and some village is
Speaker 4: really important, even if it just starts with you and
Speaker 4: a girlfriend together and one of you runs out and
Speaker 4: does an Aaron and you watch their kids. We you know,
Speaker 4: like flip flop whatever, Just get some comfortability, because it's
Speaker 4: really it just is game.
Speaker 1: I will say too, we didn't truly get like a
Speaker 1: village village until the third child and to say, now
Speaker 1: that's where we all have the breaking point, right we did,
Speaker 1: but like it truly fell into place with that third kid,
Speaker 1: and Ramsey just went on a cruise with that second mother.
Speaker 1: I mean we basically call her her second mom, you know.
Speaker 1: And so it's like there's other positives to that too.
Speaker 1: You know, it's good for the kids. They've got the relationships.
Speaker 1: I think it's good for them to learn to behave
Speaker 1: for other people in their home and all this.
Speaker 3: So I think there's a lot of positives to that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I would also like to recommend a book
Speaker 2: building a non.
Speaker 3: Anxious life, because I stress.
Speaker 2: About the schedule of things, just as I'm stressing about how,
Speaker 2: you know, getting you know, the schedule for the movie
Speaker 2: and the kids making sure I see them and so
Speaker 2: it's but also what Keith has been helping me is
Speaker 2: just staying really present in today. And that's been the
Speaker 2: one main thing that's helping me not be as anxious
Speaker 2: about because, you know, opportunities like I know Alan's going
Speaker 2: to get the opportunity one day, and as he should
Speaker 2: because he's an amazing coach to head coach, But I
Speaker 2: don't need to stress about that right now, correct I.
Speaker 2: You know, we will figure it out when it happens,
Speaker 2: you know. And I hope it happens for him, you know.
Speaker 2: But I think it's just staying present what is right
Speaker 2: now and what can I do today too, not be
Speaker 2: anxious about it and good the people around.
Speaker 3: So hope that helps. Love you guys, Hey, Catherine, you
Speaker 3: ready to go to clueland almost boop?
Speaker 2: Send me a both guard well will zoomy and baby girl? Okay,
Speaker 2: well zoom me in a podcast next week.
Speaker 3: Bye bye