WEBVTT - Crashing Out

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<v Speaker 1>On. God mm, there's nothing you could ever do to

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<v Speaker 1>stop me. If I see somebody hurt you or disrespect you,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm crashing out.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my goodness, you, me, the kids. I believe all that. Yeah, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I think all decorum goes out the window when that happens.

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<v Speaker 1>For sure, dead Ass it all started with real talk, unfiltered,

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<v Speaker 1>honest and straight from the heart. Since then, we've gone

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<v Speaker 1>on to become Webby award winning podcasters in New York

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<v Speaker 1>Times bestselling authors.

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<v Speaker 2>Dead Ass was more than a podcast for us. It

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<v Speaker 2>was about our growth, a place where we could be vulnerable,

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<v Speaker 2>be raw.

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<v Speaker 1>Of course, but most apportly be us.

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<v Speaker 2>But as we know, life keeps evolving and so do we,

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<v Speaker 2>and through it all, one thing has never changed.

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<v Speaker 3>This is.

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<v Speaker 2>Because we got a lot to talk about.

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<v Speaker 1>Story time, all right, don't.

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<v Speaker 2>Want to crash out moments.

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<v Speaker 1>I actually got many overtimes I have to One doesn't

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<v Speaker 1>concern me, okay, and the other doesn't really concern me.

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<v Speaker 1>But I gotta give both of them just so people

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<v Speaker 1>can understand. The first one happened to friends of ours

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<v Speaker 1>right when they were married. They're no longer married. He

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<v Speaker 1>was a professional athlete and he was probably the biggest

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<v Speaker 1>professional athlete that you can play in any sports. Six

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<v Speaker 1>five three hundred pounds one of four to seven can

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<v Speaker 1>bench press four h five five times, just a behemoth

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<v Speaker 1>of a man. He and his wife are at the

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<v Speaker 1>Beyonce concert and at the end of the Beyonce concert

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<v Speaker 1>they're leaving early so that they can beat the traffic.

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<v Speaker 1>And while they're leaving, she feels someone grab her ass.

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<v Speaker 1>She doesn't say nothing. She looks back and there are

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<v Speaker 1>two guys. They're looking at her like like a smirk,

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<v Speaker 1>kind of drunk, kind of drunk, but like like a

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<v Speaker 1>smirk almost, and she chose to turn around and walk away.

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<v Speaker 1>They got back to their car halfway home, she says,

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<v Speaker 1>I tell you something. When we were leaving, two guys

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<v Speaker 1>grab my ass. His first response was, why didn't you

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<v Speaker 1>tell me? Right? And her response was that's right there, right.

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<v Speaker 1>So that's one story which I'm applauding her because she saved.

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<v Speaker 2>Could have been a crash three lives that day.

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<v Speaker 1>Those two men that they were there were puny once

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<v Speaker 1>of men that he probably would have just beat one

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<v Speaker 1>with the other right, and then he probably would have

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<v Speaker 1>been in jail.

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<v Speaker 3>Right.

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<v Speaker 1>So those are three people's lives that she saved plus

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<v Speaker 1>her kids.

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<v Speaker 2>Absolutely.

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<v Speaker 1>The second story just happened to you. Chall wasn't there

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<v Speaker 1>You were in New York.

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<v Speaker 2>New York doing press Watch Now, Watch Now. Yes, No,

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<v Speaker 2>I was in New York with my castmate LaToya Lucket

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<v Speaker 2>shout out LaToya and Portia. So we were exiting the

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<v Speaker 2>hotel taking a couple of photos before we head to

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<v Speaker 2>the Sherry Shepherd show. LaToya and I literally side by

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<v Speaker 2>side taking double shots together. Josh is behind the camera,

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<v Speaker 2>Jose is doing the highlight video. Latoya's photographer is there

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<v Speaker 2>on the I would say the middle of the street,

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<v Speaker 2>towards the sidewalk, kind of out of nowhere. As I'm

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<v Speaker 2>posing with LaToya taking the photos, I feel someone grabbed

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<v Speaker 2>my ass. So for me, it's very customary to have

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<v Speaker 2>my ass grab because y'all know who my husband is.

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<v Speaker 2>So my first my first thought was, no, Devao did

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<v Speaker 2>not come to surprise me in New York because I

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<v Speaker 2>know he was filming, so I'm like, knowing you, it

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<v Speaker 2>wouldn't have been uncustomary for you to say, hey, guys,

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<v Speaker 2>can I get the day or two off to come

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<v Speaker 2>and meet Kate in the city. So that was my

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<v Speaker 2>first thing. So I turned around hoping to see Deval.

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<v Speaker 2>There was no Devo. There was this white dude walking

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<v Speaker 2>away from me. And when we made eye contact, I said,

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<v Speaker 2>did you grab my ass? And he smirked at me.

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<v Speaker 2>Again they do this smirk because he knew exactly what

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<v Speaker 2>he was doing. And then he turned to walk away.

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<v Speaker 2>Then Latoya's husband comes to my defense, shout out to

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<v Speaker 2>t Leo comes to my defense, and in that moment,

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<v Speaker 2>I was just like, oh my gosh.

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<v Speaker 1>If Deval was here, I would have crashed out.

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<v Speaker 2>In this moment. It would have been ultimate crash outs

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<v Speaker 2>and that man would not have seen the light of day.

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<v Speaker 1>I would have on top, mainly because I know the

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<v Speaker 1>embarrassment when you explained to me that you felt and

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<v Speaker 1>to feel violated like that, I would have wanted to

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<v Speaker 1>violate him the same way in front.

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<v Speaker 2>Of all of those people, absolutely.

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<v Speaker 1>So he could feel the same exact feeling you feel.

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<v Speaker 1>And I would have wanted you to see me violate

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<v Speaker 1>him that way, so you could at least have some redemption.

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<v Speaker 1>That would have been.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, the whole Now, I completely understand that. I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>in that moment, I did feel, you know, feel protected

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<v Speaker 2>by you know, t leo Ja bowling. Shout out to Jay,

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<v Speaker 2>that's Latoya's stylist. And they all were, you know, rallying

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<v Speaker 2>behind me and made sure I was okay and we

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<v Speaker 2>left and always well after that. But yeah, in that moment,

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<v Speaker 2>I always say, de Val, the God keeps the valve

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<v Speaker 2>from situations where he would crash out. There's been several

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<v Speaker 2>times and it wasn't just us, it would be family

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<v Speaker 2>and if something would be happening, and Deval was just

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<v Speaker 2>like yo, if I was there, and I said, that's

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<v Speaker 2>the whole point. You weren't supposed to be there because

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<v Speaker 2>your reaction would not have been good and it could

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<v Speaker 2>have ended badly.

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<v Speaker 1>I would have to say this too. Shout out to

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<v Speaker 1>Latoy's husband once again, because y'all have only known each

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<v Speaker 1>other at this point, about four or five weeks.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, yeah, we have just had a couple of

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<v Speaker 2>interactions here and there.

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<v Speaker 1>He saw you respond that way and jumped right into

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<v Speaker 1>action and him and the God got into a physical altercation.

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<v Speaker 1>Shout out to him because he put hisself in danger

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<v Speaker 1>for my wife, which he didn't have to do. So

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<v Speaker 1>I owe you dinner and a movie, bro. Trust me.

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<v Speaker 1>When I finally see you, Because here's the truth. Take

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<v Speaker 1>on a date. I'll take him out on a date. Bro,

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<v Speaker 1>nigga protecting my wife? Yo, I take him out on

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<v Speaker 1>the date. It's on me.

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<v Speaker 4>At a double date. Bro, look at a double date.

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<v Speaker 1>From man to man. I know what it means to

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<v Speaker 1>step up and defend someone else's wife and you're not there,

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<v Speaker 1>you know what I'm saying. Like a lot of.

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<v Speaker 2>Days, he said, yea, I know. If it was the

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<v Speaker 2>other way around, it would have been no question. My husband.

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<v Speaker 2>You know your husband would have protected.

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<v Speaker 1>No question. And the thing is you, you don't know

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<v Speaker 1>what that guy has. He put his life on all

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<v Speaker 1>he went to approach to dude, you know what I'm saying.

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<v Speaker 1>So I respect him for that, But that also goes

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<v Speaker 1>to show you, like husbands have a responsibility, and it

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<v Speaker 1>almost like they take the responsibility for everybody, every woman

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<v Speaker 1>that's around, even when it's not you know what I'm saying,

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<v Speaker 1>and it's not just me. And I'm glad that it

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<v Speaker 1>happened that way so that you could see and other

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<v Speaker 1>people could see, Like that's just what a guy who

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<v Speaker 1>wants to be a provider and protected he's going to

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<v Speaker 1>do it. It doesn't have to be his own wife

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<v Speaker 1>or child. Sure, they're going to do that. And it's

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<v Speaker 1>the same way like mothers and women who nurture. It

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't have to always being their child the husband.

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<v Speaker 2>Anybody in my possession is my baby, you know what

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<v Speaker 2>I'm saying. And they're going to be protected.

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<v Speaker 1>That's what you call a village.

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<v Speaker 2>Absolutely all right, y'all, we're.

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<v Speaker 1>Gonna take a quick break, come back, pay some bills,

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<v Speaker 1>right we do.

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<v Speaker 2>You're over there getting heated now. You don't even know

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<v Speaker 2>where you are in the show.

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<v Speaker 3>He didn't playing because I'm like, it ain't too late

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<v Speaker 3>to crash out.

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<v Speaker 2>You know what.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm somebody got this man.

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<v Speaker 2>On the footage, then the block I will go back to.

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<v Speaker 2>I know you would go back to wait for He

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<v Speaker 2>was like he wreaked at alcohol as if he did.

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<v Speaker 2>This was at like nine in the morning, eight in

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<v Speaker 2>the morning, so he clearly was coming from somewhere still inebriated.

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<v Speaker 1>You know what it is New York. It's probably standing

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<v Speaker 1>up late people.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and it's right in Times Square area.

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<v Speaker 1>So and people have heard my stories on this podcast

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<v Speaker 1>about my petty and being petty to people for months

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<v Speaker 1>after Remember when the guy locked you into the driveway,

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<v Speaker 1>and I went back with Achilles and kept throwing poop

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<v Speaker 1>on his front door for like a.

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<v Speaker 4>Monent, Like what, No, that's another story.

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<v Speaker 1>I'll tell y'all my crash out story after a.

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<v Speaker 2>Couple stick around, y'all, it's good.

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<v Speaker 1>Got a perfect song for y'all. Anybody who follows up

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<v Speaker 1>karaoke time, karaoke time you ready love ain't perfect, but

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<v Speaker 1>it is worth it.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh shoot, even want to see you understand perfect, but

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<v Speaker 3>it's worth it.

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<v Speaker 1>It may not be what you see on I G.

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<v Speaker 1>But it's dance show.

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<v Speaker 3>Is that the world? Uh huh?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah that is the word baby, but it's still perfect.

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<v Speaker 1>That's my karaoke for exact the ultimate. He don't think

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<v Speaker 1>about nothing, man, except it's get back.

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<v Speaker 2>That's scene with you beating poor Jeremiah.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that seemed hard to me for a little bit,

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<v Speaker 1>because you know how much I care about my brother

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<v Speaker 1>and family.

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<v Speaker 2>I know, I know. I felt bad for what's his

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<v Speaker 2>name in real life?

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<v Speaker 1>A mir We hugged after a long time after nobody

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<v Speaker 1>wanted to really think about Yeah, like, it's the visual

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<v Speaker 1>of this person here is my brother, and now visually

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<v Speaker 1>I have to sit down and wail on him and

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<v Speaker 1>his blood coming out of his mouth and his head.

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<v Speaker 1>And also it was a good representation of the remorse

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<v Speaker 1>you feel after because you've seen Zach after he did that,

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<v Speaker 1>get in the hospital with in the hospital with him

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<v Speaker 1>and he's crying over his brother, like, bro, like we

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<v Speaker 1>can't keep doing this to me. It was just a

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<v Speaker 1>good example of showing like crash outs, don't want to

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<v Speaker 1>crash out, bro.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm so invested in you, in in Jeremiah well Zach

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<v Speaker 2>and Jeremiah's story because you guys, as brothers, you do

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<v Speaker 2>it really well. Y'all's chemistry is top ten, my gosh,

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<v Speaker 2>shout out a rock. All right, now, let's go pay

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<v Speaker 2>some bills this time and we will be back with

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<v Speaker 2>OP or No app And listen, guys, I'm so excited

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<v Speaker 2>to show you guys what we have added to OP

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<v Speaker 2>or No Opp.

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<v Speaker 1>Let's get prop prop op op it don't stop to

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<v Speaker 1>the top. If it hops, lollipop, go ahead, just go

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<v Speaker 1>to break.

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<v Speaker 2>All right, y'all Op or no Op Today on the cards,

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<v Speaker 2>it says things that make me want to crash out.

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<v Speaker 2>Trouble what you got?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh?

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<v Speaker 2>First off, let's introduce to them the new props we

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<v Speaker 2>have for OP or no OP. Everyone go ahead and

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<v Speaker 2>hold y'all pull y'all's.

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<v Speaker 1>Up, three two, one back, all right.

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<v Speaker 2>I love it.

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<v Speaker 1>And I point out I've seen a comment somebody said, man,

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<v Speaker 1>I noticed the violent Kadean. Don't have no opinions on

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<v Speaker 1>the big celebrities. That's the fucking point.

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<v Speaker 2>That's the point.

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<v Speaker 1>The point is that their lives do nothing to help

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<v Speaker 1>or hinder ours. So we don't have opinions on ship

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<v Speaker 1>that don't got nothing to do with us.

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<v Speaker 2>Why do we have to have an opinion on what

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<v Speaker 2>they do?

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<v Speaker 1>I don't.

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<v Speaker 2>Y'all just want us to be messy and just be

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<v Speaker 2>talking about ship that don't affect us period. Now. We'll

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<v Speaker 2>talk about current events and real world stuff, things that

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<v Speaker 2>may impact our children and our lives and our day

0:10:42.600 --> 0:10:45.360
<v Speaker 2>to day, but we're not talking about people in the business, y'all.

0:10:45.440 --> 0:10:47.120
<v Speaker 1>Fact, we just not. So if that's what you're looking

0:10:47.120 --> 0:10:49.800
<v Speaker 1>for for OP and no OP, we're not giving it

0:10:49.840 --> 0:10:51.679
<v Speaker 1>to you. And we're going to keep doing that example

0:10:51.720 --> 0:10:54.000
<v Speaker 1>of us them asking us the questions of what's hot,

0:10:54.320 --> 0:10:56.640
<v Speaker 1>and we're gonna continuously say we don't have an opinion

0:10:56.679 --> 0:10:56.920
<v Speaker 1>on that.

0:10:57.679 --> 0:11:00.520
<v Speaker 2>And y'all will catch on and realize you don't have

0:11:00.520 --> 0:11:03.040
<v Speaker 2>to have an opinion about celebrities exactly.

0:11:03.200 --> 0:11:05.960
<v Speaker 3>I always tell people that people love this podcast and

0:11:06.000 --> 0:11:09.440
<v Speaker 3>love y'allays a couple because you have an aspirational life.

0:11:09.440 --> 0:11:12.480
<v Speaker 3>People aspire to be more like you. So hopefully y'all

0:11:12.480 --> 0:11:15.959
<v Speaker 3>aspire to be less messy, you know.

0:11:16.040 --> 0:11:20.079
<v Speaker 1>Get some business.

0:11:20.400 --> 0:11:22.520
<v Speaker 3>Come on, all right, op or no?

0:11:22.679 --> 0:11:22.920
<v Speaker 5>Op.

0:11:24.440 --> 0:11:26.880
<v Speaker 3>I'm not really into sports, but I'll follow the w

0:11:27.040 --> 0:11:29.719
<v Speaker 3>n B a because I'm gay. And if you're a

0:11:29.760 --> 0:11:32.280
<v Speaker 3>woman who played basketball, you are gay.

0:11:32.600 --> 0:11:43.319
<v Speaker 2>So sorry that majority women in something every day they

0:11:43.440 --> 0:11:45.000
<v Speaker 2>have nothing. Lesbians can't have nothing.

0:11:46.200 --> 0:11:50.480
<v Speaker 1>You thought you had basketball, thought you thought playing basketball?

0:11:52.640 --> 0:11:57.520
<v Speaker 3>Love it? I was gonna say something has nothing to

0:11:57.520 --> 0:12:00.800
<v Speaker 3>do with it. Never mind. So during a May seventeenth

0:12:01.000 --> 0:12:04.520
<v Speaker 3>game between the Indiana Fever and the Chicago Sky fans

0:12:04.520 --> 0:12:09.120
<v Speaker 3>on social media were enraged in discussion about racist remarks

0:12:09.640 --> 0:12:13.200
<v Speaker 3>made towards Sky player Angel Reese, star player. She just

0:12:13.240 --> 0:12:16.160
<v Speaker 3>became the first w NBA player to reach five hundred

0:12:16.160 --> 0:12:18.640
<v Speaker 3>points and five hundred rebounds, so shout out to Angel

0:12:18.679 --> 0:12:23.560
<v Speaker 3>Reese for that. But people said that during a free

0:12:23.559 --> 0:12:27.000
<v Speaker 3>throw shot that Angel Reese was making that they heard

0:12:27.080 --> 0:12:29.920
<v Speaker 3>jungle sounds being played by the Indiana Fevers DJ and

0:12:29.960 --> 0:12:35.480
<v Speaker 3>that fans were making monkey noises, and this conversation took

0:12:35.520 --> 0:12:39.600
<v Speaker 3>place all on social media during postgame interviews. Neither Angel,

0:12:39.640 --> 0:12:42.720
<v Speaker 3>because you know Kaitlin Reees places for Indiana. Neither Angel

0:12:42.760 --> 0:12:46.320
<v Speaker 3>nor Caitlin Reas had anything to say about the altercation.

0:12:46.880 --> 0:12:50.040
<v Speaker 3>They played it down as it's just basketball talk. You know,

0:12:50.080 --> 0:12:52.920
<v Speaker 3>that's what we do on the court. But fans were enraged.

0:12:52.960 --> 0:12:54.840
<v Speaker 3>Was sparked the WNBA to say that they were going

0:12:54.920 --> 0:12:58.959
<v Speaker 3>to investigate the claims, and then recently they came back

0:12:59.000 --> 0:13:02.199
<v Speaker 3>and saying that the have been unsubstantiated. They played back

0:13:02.240 --> 0:13:04.280
<v Speaker 3>to the video, they listened to the audio. They said they

0:13:04.320 --> 0:13:05.640
<v Speaker 3>didn't hear anything.

0:13:06.200 --> 0:13:09.920
<v Speaker 1>So I want to know orono, I think this is

0:13:09.920 --> 0:13:13.800
<v Speaker 1>a tale of two sides making villains of the other

0:13:13.880 --> 0:13:16.640
<v Speaker 1>sides when the two players aren't looking to be villains

0:13:16.640 --> 0:13:18.400
<v Speaker 1>with each other. You understand what I'm saying. So it's

0:13:18.440 --> 0:13:20.640
<v Speaker 1>like the fans of Caitlyn Clark, and I don't even

0:13:20.640 --> 0:13:22.240
<v Speaker 1>want to say the fans because she has said a

0:13:22.280 --> 0:13:24.040
<v Speaker 1>bunch of times like if you're a fan of mine

0:13:24.240 --> 0:13:26.400
<v Speaker 1>and you're using racist words, then you're not a fan.

0:13:27.040 --> 0:13:29.120
<v Speaker 1>Same thing with Angel Reas she has been trying to

0:13:29.200 --> 0:13:30.760
<v Speaker 1>keep it about basketball, and of course she has her

0:13:30.760 --> 0:13:33.079
<v Speaker 1>podcast that she gives her opinion, but they are fans

0:13:33.120 --> 0:13:35.120
<v Speaker 1>of hers who also just want to look for reasons

0:13:35.120 --> 0:13:38.960
<v Speaker 1>to not like Caitlyn Clark. On both sides. Now, if

0:13:38.960 --> 0:13:41.560
<v Speaker 1>we're going to be honest, we know which fans are

0:13:41.600 --> 0:13:43.520
<v Speaker 1>a lot more vitreal have a lot more vitrial off

0:13:43.559 --> 0:13:45.320
<v Speaker 1>of who like I'm not gonna sit up paying line.

0:13:45.480 --> 0:13:48.880
<v Speaker 1>The minute Angel Reese started to get a little bit

0:13:48.920 --> 0:13:51.720
<v Speaker 1>of success and won the National championship over Caitlyn Clark,

0:13:51.760 --> 0:13:53.880
<v Speaker 1>there was just all out hate towards Angel Reaes and

0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:56.439
<v Speaker 1>it's carried over to the WNBA and that's what we're

0:13:56.440 --> 0:13:59.560
<v Speaker 1>seeing now. My thing is, I want to applaud both

0:13:59.600 --> 0:14:03.200
<v Speaker 1>of those young ladies for being professionals. Let your fans

0:14:03.240 --> 0:14:05.120
<v Speaker 1>do what they do. They the fans are going to

0:14:05.200 --> 0:14:08.040
<v Speaker 1>be messy and nasty and discussion with them to say,

0:14:09.160 --> 0:14:11.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm here to play basketball. So I rock with both

0:14:11.640 --> 0:14:12.080
<v Speaker 1>of them on that.

0:14:12.400 --> 0:14:15.120
<v Speaker 2>It's funny that you mentioned that, I guess. I guess

0:14:15.160 --> 0:14:18.480
<v Speaker 2>I do have an op not particularly about basketball, but

0:14:18.480 --> 0:14:21.760
<v Speaker 2>about pinning women against each other because, like Daval said,

0:14:21.920 --> 0:14:24.600
<v Speaker 2>they were professionals. They maintain their composure and they know

0:14:24.680 --> 0:14:25.560
<v Speaker 2>that it's part of the game.

0:14:25.640 --> 0:14:25.840
<v Speaker 3>Right.

0:14:26.240 --> 0:14:27.800
<v Speaker 2>The same can be said for me and Crystal.

0:14:28.680 --> 0:14:31.280
<v Speaker 1>Oh, it's funny because we just brought up the es.

0:14:31.680 --> 0:14:36.440
<v Speaker 2>Everybody wants me and Crystal to hate so bad, so bad,

0:14:36.920 --> 0:14:41.800
<v Speaker 2>when in real life we are such cool friends. People

0:14:42.000 --> 0:14:45.240
<v Speaker 2>facetimed hang out like, I don't understand why it has

0:14:45.320 --> 0:14:48.360
<v Speaker 2>to be a thing, And it's typically the fans of either,

0:14:48.800 --> 0:14:51.000
<v Speaker 2>you know, because I'm sure Crystal has her contingent of fans.

0:14:51.040 --> 0:14:53.920
<v Speaker 2>I have mine, and there's some overlaps, but it's like,

0:14:53.960 --> 0:14:56.120
<v Speaker 2>why does it have to be a thing. But what

0:14:56.160 --> 0:14:58.640
<v Speaker 2>I'm not gonna do is shucking jive for y'all on

0:14:58.680 --> 0:15:01.880
<v Speaker 2>the internet to prove my friendship with my friend.

0:15:02.000 --> 0:15:03.440
<v Speaker 1>I feel you know what I'm saying. I feel you.

0:15:03.480 --> 0:15:06.240
<v Speaker 2>So we're always going to be professional in public because

0:15:06.240 --> 0:15:08.320
<v Speaker 2>we have to be, and we're both actors and we're

0:15:08.320 --> 0:15:10.600
<v Speaker 2>both in the industry. But it's like, we don't have

0:15:10.680 --> 0:15:12.840
<v Speaker 2>to do the back and forth for y'all to make

0:15:12.920 --> 0:15:15.280
<v Speaker 2>y'all feel better, you know what I'm saying. So that's

0:15:15.320 --> 0:15:19.000
<v Speaker 2>my little op, I guess piggyback off of women being

0:15:19.000 --> 0:15:19.960
<v Speaker 2>pit against each other a.

0:15:19.920 --> 0:15:21.800
<v Speaker 1>Good perspective because I've never been a woman in that

0:15:21.920 --> 0:15:24.120
<v Speaker 1>situation to be pit against an other women's.

0:15:24.120 --> 0:15:26.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's just crazy. It's like, you want me to

0:15:26.800 --> 0:15:28.800
<v Speaker 2>do a post or do a story to make y'all

0:15:28.800 --> 0:15:31.920
<v Speaker 2>feel like y'all know what the relationship is when we

0:15:32.000 --> 0:15:34.480
<v Speaker 2>know what it is in a real life circumstance, Like,

0:15:35.120 --> 0:15:35.920
<v Speaker 2>it's ridiculous.

0:15:35.960 --> 0:15:38.440
<v Speaker 1>I think it was two years ago. Yeah, Crystal turned

0:15:38.480 --> 0:15:40.920
<v Speaker 1>forty and that was the same year that your uncle

0:15:40.920 --> 0:15:43.800
<v Speaker 1>passed away within the week. So you in October, yes,

0:15:44.280 --> 0:15:47.200
<v Speaker 1>you off social media. Yeah, so when everybody was making

0:15:47.240 --> 0:15:50.240
<v Speaker 1>posts for Crystal for a birthday yeah, kay, actually was

0:15:50.280 --> 0:15:52.400
<v Speaker 1>that Crystal's house for a personal dinner. Yeah, and they

0:15:52.400 --> 0:15:55.280
<v Speaker 1>saw each other. So that following week all you saw

0:15:55.560 --> 0:15:57.880
<v Speaker 1>was you see, she didn't post Crystal on social media,

0:15:57.960 --> 0:16:00.640
<v Speaker 1>she don't really fuck with Crystal, and that she was

0:16:00.680 --> 0:16:03.080
<v Speaker 1>with Crystal on the day of her birthday. So I

0:16:03.120 --> 0:16:05.080
<v Speaker 1>see what you mean. But also, you don't got to

0:16:05.080 --> 0:16:06.960
<v Speaker 1>prove the social media who you are. You don't.

0:16:08.080 --> 0:16:10.080
<v Speaker 2>You don't like I'm gonna make y'all feel better by

0:16:10.120 --> 0:16:13.120
<v Speaker 2>doing a post. No, Like, it's ridiculous. So I think

0:16:13.200 --> 0:16:15.000
<v Speaker 2>the same can be said for like, you know, I

0:16:15.000 --> 0:16:17.360
<v Speaker 2>think Angelae, Caitlyn. Yeah, they're just like guys, can I

0:16:17.400 --> 0:16:17.760
<v Speaker 2>do my job?

0:16:18.520 --> 0:16:18.840
<v Speaker 6>Can we do?

0:16:18.920 --> 0:16:20.200
<v Speaker 2>Can we do our job? And can't we just be

0:16:20.240 --> 0:16:23.080
<v Speaker 2>friends in real life without y'all's chiming, you know.

0:16:23.400 --> 0:16:26.040
<v Speaker 3>And most people that are weighing in on the drama,

0:16:26.240 --> 0:16:30.360
<v Speaker 3>they're you know, using their own context to give their opinions,

0:16:30.400 --> 0:16:32.080
<v Speaker 3>like this is something. You don't know what it's like

0:16:32.120 --> 0:16:34.680
<v Speaker 3>to be a sports competitor, and so you think that

0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:38.560
<v Speaker 3>every little thing is gonna hit at somebody's emotions, or

0:16:38.680 --> 0:16:40.440
<v Speaker 3>you don't know what it's like to talk shit to

0:16:40.480 --> 0:16:43.280
<v Speaker 3>somebody on the basketball court or in your situation. You

0:16:43.280 --> 0:16:45.640
<v Speaker 3>don't know what's going on behind the scenes, and you

0:16:46.320 --> 0:16:48.440
<v Speaker 3>a lot of these a lot of these ladies really

0:16:48.440 --> 0:16:49.320
<v Speaker 3>don't have friends.

0:16:49.400 --> 0:16:53.840
<v Speaker 1>I'll girls liked my so.

0:16:53.880 --> 0:16:56.440
<v Speaker 3>Called best friend war keep dressing my birthday dinner? Like

0:16:56.480 --> 0:17:00.440
<v Speaker 3>what a bitch like? Right, talking shit about your best

0:17:00.440 --> 0:17:03.200
<v Speaker 3>friend who was trying to look as good as you. Babes,

0:17:03.240 --> 0:17:08.440
<v Speaker 3>You're insecure personally and very bored with the sports drama

0:17:08.760 --> 0:17:10.879
<v Speaker 3>in the w n B. A surrounding like racism or

0:17:10.920 --> 0:17:13.000
<v Speaker 3>trash talk on the field, on the court, what do

0:17:13.080 --> 0:17:13.520
<v Speaker 3>you call it?

0:17:14.680 --> 0:17:16.720
<v Speaker 1>Crash talk, but I feel, you know, it's it's almost

0:17:16.800 --> 0:17:18.479
<v Speaker 1>like men get to trash talk each other, but when

0:17:18.520 --> 0:17:19.960
<v Speaker 1>the women try to each other, then.

0:17:20.640 --> 0:17:21.560
<v Speaker 3>It's got to be emotional.

0:17:22.040 --> 0:17:25.200
<v Speaker 2>She's caddy and that's just sports in general.

0:17:25.400 --> 0:17:28.000
<v Speaker 3>The drama, the w n B A drama I live

0:17:28.160 --> 0:17:36.080
<v Speaker 3>for is the who fucking who right now? That's what

0:17:36.240 --> 0:17:42.639
<v Speaker 3>you know what I haven't seen NBA. Oh Wilson, Asia Wilson, though.

0:17:43.040 --> 0:17:45.520
<v Speaker 3>I want Asia Wilson to pick me up and just

0:17:45.640 --> 0:17:47.600
<v Speaker 3>toss me in the air. One good time.

0:17:49.840 --> 0:17:53.720
<v Speaker 1>Is about six eight sixteen. He's sixteen, them is sixteen.

0:17:54.320 --> 0:17:56.960
<v Speaker 1>He might step on you taking shot to her. I mean,

0:17:57.359 --> 0:18:01.080
<v Speaker 1>this girl, it'll be working in this fly two though,

0:18:01.119 --> 0:18:03.440
<v Speaker 1>as she can ball. Like. The funny thing is all

0:18:03.440 --> 0:18:06.000
<v Speaker 1>of the stuff going on between Caitlyn and Angel Rees

0:18:06.040 --> 0:18:09.200
<v Speaker 1>has pretty much overshadowed the fact that Angel Wilson has

0:18:09.280 --> 0:18:11.720
<v Speaker 1>been like the league MVP and the best player in

0:18:11.760 --> 0:18:13.840
<v Speaker 1>the w A for the past three years. Yes, like

0:18:13.880 --> 0:18:15.960
<v Speaker 1>it's not even close. And that's the thing that bothers.

0:18:16.119 --> 0:18:18.840
<v Speaker 6>The conversation between Caitlyn and Angel is tiring, bro.

0:18:19.480 --> 0:18:21.680
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, people, And here's the truth.

0:18:22.560 --> 0:18:25.960
<v Speaker 6>You know, it's tiring. I'm tired of the back and forth,

0:18:26.440 --> 0:18:29.280
<v Speaker 6>and it's not even between them, it's just the online fans.

0:18:29.359 --> 0:18:31.800
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, it's more media driven than anything else.

0:18:32.040 --> 0:18:32.240
<v Speaker 6>Yeah.

0:18:32.560 --> 0:18:36.119
<v Speaker 5>Uh, they're moving in competition from the court to the

0:18:36.200 --> 0:18:38.520
<v Speaker 5>media and basically trying to Yeah, we all know that

0:18:39.240 --> 0:18:39.840
<v Speaker 5>tainment selves.

0:18:40.240 --> 0:18:41.879
<v Speaker 4>That's what this is. It's nothing more than that. So

0:18:41.880 --> 0:18:42.480
<v Speaker 4>it's silly to.

0:18:42.440 --> 0:18:43.920
<v Speaker 1>Me agree, all right.

0:18:43.960 --> 0:18:47.439
<v Speaker 3>Cool. So the second topic, and this is a topic

0:18:47.480 --> 0:18:49.520
<v Speaker 3>that personally makes me want to crash out. And we

0:18:49.560 --> 0:18:52.520
<v Speaker 3>live in Atlanta, So if I if I call you

0:18:52.560 --> 0:18:54.520
<v Speaker 3>and say I need bail money, just know I went

0:18:54.600 --> 0:18:59.400
<v Speaker 3>down Emery Hospital and crashed the fuck out. A thirty

0:18:59.440 --> 0:19:03.240
<v Speaker 3>year old black woman in Atlanta at Emory Hospital who

0:19:03.280 --> 0:19:06.679
<v Speaker 3>has been declared brain did is being kept alive on

0:19:06.760 --> 0:19:11.119
<v Speaker 3>life support because she is pregnant. Her name is Adrianna Smith,

0:19:11.680 --> 0:19:14.400
<v Speaker 3>and she actually went to the hospital seeking medical care

0:19:14.920 --> 0:19:17.800
<v Speaker 3>and she was denied medical care because at the time,

0:19:17.920 --> 0:19:21.639
<v Speaker 3>I think she was nine weeks pregnant, and so the

0:19:21.680 --> 0:19:24.080
<v Speaker 3>doctors were like, well, you're pregnant, we can't do anything

0:19:24.160 --> 0:19:26.840
<v Speaker 3>because we might get in trouble.

0:19:28.200 --> 0:19:28.640
<v Speaker 6>The fetus.

0:19:29.480 --> 0:19:35.200
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, And so subsequently she died and she became brain did.

0:19:35.840 --> 0:19:38.040
<v Speaker 3>And that was back in February and she's being kept

0:19:38.080 --> 0:19:41.680
<v Speaker 3>alive on life support because she has a fetus in

0:19:41.720 --> 0:19:45.200
<v Speaker 3>her body against her family's will. Her family is suffering

0:19:45.440 --> 0:19:50.560
<v Speaker 3>watching their child, their sister, their daughter, be kept alive

0:19:51.359 --> 0:19:55.280
<v Speaker 3>with a fetus that doctors don't even think is viable.

0:19:56.200 --> 0:20:01.000
<v Speaker 3>If this fetus does survive and is able to be delivered,

0:20:01.200 --> 0:20:04.600
<v Speaker 3>it will likely have very severe damage.

0:20:04.720 --> 0:20:06.600
<v Speaker 1>And who's going to be on the on the hook

0:20:07.760 --> 0:20:11.399
<v Speaker 1>to say exact state is taking liberties to keep the

0:20:11.440 --> 0:20:14.960
<v Speaker 1>fetus in her alive, but then the minute the fetus

0:20:15.040 --> 0:20:18.119
<v Speaker 1>is gone or she dies, now the family's responsible.

0:20:17.760 --> 0:20:20.560
<v Speaker 2>Assuming she had no power of attorney or anything over her.

0:20:20.600 --> 0:20:21.560
<v Speaker 3>At thirty years old.

0:20:21.600 --> 0:20:23.840
<v Speaker 1>I mean, hold on, who is going to be responsible

0:20:23.840 --> 0:20:24.720
<v Speaker 1>for the hospital building?

0:20:24.720 --> 0:20:27.080
<v Speaker 3>That has been a question, that's been a question that

0:20:27.280 --> 0:20:30.000
<v Speaker 3>people have been asking. Most people think that the family

0:20:30.040 --> 0:20:32.360
<v Speaker 3>is going to be on hook for, you know, all

0:20:32.400 --> 0:20:35.600
<v Speaker 3>of this care. Some people are saying that she's not

0:20:35.760 --> 0:20:40.200
<v Speaker 3>probably not going to be charged for this care because

0:20:40.200 --> 0:20:42.399
<v Speaker 3>it's the hospital decision. But I think that's still up

0:20:42.440 --> 0:20:43.919
<v Speaker 3>in the air whether or not the family is going

0:20:43.960 --> 0:20:44.920
<v Speaker 3>to be on the hook for the bill.

0:20:45.200 --> 0:20:47.760
<v Speaker 6>Hospitals a business about to say, hospital is a business.

0:20:48.200 --> 0:20:50.719
<v Speaker 1>They charged us when Kay had the baby in triage.

0:20:50.840 --> 0:20:53.800
<v Speaker 1>They charged us twenty seven thousand dollars and then when we.

0:20:53.680 --> 0:20:55.200
<v Speaker 2>Refused, Cairo delivered himself.

0:20:55.359 --> 0:20:56.800
<v Speaker 1>Yes, Okay ejected himself.

0:20:56.840 --> 0:20:59.160
<v Speaker 2>He literally ejected from my body and all they did

0:20:59.280 --> 0:21:00.199
<v Speaker 2>was just pass into me.

0:21:00.480 --> 0:21:03.760
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, and then they love what do we refuse?

0:21:04.280 --> 0:21:07.080
<v Speaker 2>We refused. I think it was like the vitamin K shot,

0:21:07.119 --> 0:21:09.280
<v Speaker 2>whatever shots they'd be giving babies in the hospital. We

0:21:09.280 --> 0:21:10.919
<v Speaker 2>were like, we don't want that, the eye joint, we

0:21:10.960 --> 0:21:13.040
<v Speaker 2>don't want that. And they were like, all right, well,

0:21:13.040 --> 0:21:14.800
<v Speaker 2>miss Ellis, do you need motrind do you need this that?

0:21:14.840 --> 0:21:16.640
<v Speaker 2>I didn't need, not a thing. I said, I'll be fine.

0:21:16.640 --> 0:21:18.040
<v Speaker 2>My body did what it was supposed to do. And

0:21:18.040 --> 0:21:18.880
<v Speaker 2>they were like, well you can.

0:21:19.119 --> 0:21:21.800
<v Speaker 1>They said, you you need this room? Then yeah, if

0:21:21.800 --> 0:21:23.960
<v Speaker 1>you're gonna refuse care, we need this room. We were

0:21:23.960 --> 0:21:26.320
<v Speaker 1>there for one day, then I got a bill two

0:21:26.320 --> 0:21:28.240
<v Speaker 1>weeks later for twenty seven thousands.

0:21:28.240 --> 0:21:29.840
<v Speaker 2>It's like any doctor that comes in and takes a

0:21:29.840 --> 0:21:32.679
<v Speaker 2>peek at your baby, it's a bill. Yes, it was

0:21:32.720 --> 0:21:35.119
<v Speaker 2>the hearing. It was a pediatrician. It was the you know,

0:21:35.119 --> 0:21:37.480
<v Speaker 2>whoever counted the toes, whoever counted the fingers, And I'm like,

0:21:37.520 --> 0:21:39.160
<v Speaker 2>these are all different doctors. That's all my baby.

0:21:39.240 --> 0:21:41.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, one day, yes, okay, and we had to pay it.

0:21:42.240 --> 0:21:46.000
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, between Trust the hospital between twenty twenty two, well,

0:21:46.080 --> 0:21:48.840
<v Speaker 3>I guess twenty twenty three. I spent a total of

0:21:48.920 --> 0:21:51.720
<v Speaker 3>like eleven days in the hospital. And when I got

0:21:51.720 --> 0:21:54.760
<v Speaker 3>that bill, I was calling down to the hospital and who, now,

0:21:54.800 --> 0:21:56.879
<v Speaker 3>who the hell did you say? I ain't never seen

0:21:56.880 --> 0:22:00.600
<v Speaker 3>no doctor rush. I don't remember that person. I don't

0:22:00.640 --> 0:22:02.640
<v Speaker 3>know what this is. You're gonna have to take that off.

0:22:03.119 --> 0:22:04.720
<v Speaker 3>By the time I was done, I really didn't have

0:22:04.760 --> 0:22:06.040
<v Speaker 3>to pay. I had to pay like three hundred and

0:22:06.040 --> 0:22:07.360
<v Speaker 3>fifty dollars. I had good insurance.

0:22:07.359 --> 0:22:08.840
<v Speaker 1>Oh so you called them and you told them like

0:22:08.880 --> 0:22:10.640
<v Speaker 1>I didn't, they was putting that stuff on that bo.

0:22:10.840 --> 0:22:13.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, because the medical coding department, all they do would

0:22:13.080 --> 0:22:15.080
<v Speaker 2>just be popping in codes. This is that code, This

0:22:15.080 --> 0:22:16.520
<v Speaker 2>is that code, This is that code.

0:22:16.520 --> 0:22:18.520
<v Speaker 1>And can I pause you real quick? This is why

0:22:18.560 --> 0:22:20.440
<v Speaker 1>we do op or no op. You see how people

0:22:20.480 --> 0:22:23.000
<v Speaker 1>have ops on this, and it's important. That's because this

0:22:23.080 --> 0:22:25.679
<v Speaker 1>really affects all of us. It has nothing to do

0:22:25.760 --> 0:22:28.240
<v Speaker 1>with celebrity culture and everything to do with the fact

0:22:28.240 --> 0:22:29.480
<v Speaker 1>that people are going through this.

0:22:29.480 --> 0:22:32.960
<v Speaker 2>Shit every real life, every day folks, So why do

0:22:33.040 --> 0:22:34.919
<v Speaker 2>we care about celebrity culture.

0:22:34.720 --> 0:22:38.040
<v Speaker 3>And not just every day folks, but black women in particular.

0:22:38.600 --> 0:22:42.640
<v Speaker 3>A lot of people are markening back to a man

0:22:42.760 --> 0:22:45.040
<v Speaker 3>named Jay Mary and Simms, who is known as the

0:22:45.080 --> 0:22:51.159
<v Speaker 3>father of gynecology, who basically took practices from African women

0:22:52.160 --> 0:22:57.600
<v Speaker 3>who had been doing these practices for you know, lifetime generations,

0:22:57.640 --> 0:23:04.280
<v Speaker 3>and he would practice gynecology on enslaved women with no anesthesia,

0:23:04.480 --> 0:23:08.360
<v Speaker 3>no medication because the thought the practice, the thought back

0:23:08.400 --> 0:23:11.080
<v Speaker 3>then was that black people did not experience pain the

0:23:11.160 --> 0:23:17.240
<v Speaker 3>way white people do. And so a lot of yeah,

0:23:17.280 --> 0:23:20.480
<v Speaker 3>so he developed things like the speculum and stuff that

0:23:20.520 --> 0:23:24.800
<v Speaker 3>we use that has been developed since then for past

0:23:25.000 --> 0:23:27.960
<v Speaker 3>ers and stuff like that. And this is this is

0:23:28.000 --> 0:23:33.119
<v Speaker 3>another Jay Mary and Sims experience. And there is a

0:23:33.160 --> 0:23:36.280
<v Speaker 3>literal episode that is exactly what is happening. There's a

0:23:36.320 --> 0:23:39.399
<v Speaker 3>black woman in Handmaid's Tale who is brain dead, who's pregnant.

0:23:39.440 --> 0:23:41.480
<v Speaker 3>They're keeping her alive so that she has a baby,

0:23:41.800 --> 0:23:44.320
<v Speaker 3>and there is no mistake that they use a black

0:23:44.359 --> 0:23:47.800
<v Speaker 3>woman for that episode. That is exactly And it's so

0:23:48.000 --> 0:23:52.440
<v Speaker 3>funny because black women are more likely to die from

0:23:52.560 --> 0:23:56.880
<v Speaker 3>breast cancer from cervical cancer, from ovarian cancer, from childbirth,

0:23:56.960 --> 0:23:59.880
<v Speaker 3>all these things related to women's health, and the number

0:24:00.000 --> 0:24:03.480
<v Speaker 3>the one reason is because when they do studies in

0:24:03.600 --> 0:24:06.639
<v Speaker 3>research on these issues, they do not study Black women.

0:24:07.280 --> 0:24:10.320
<v Speaker 3>And so the way that black women respond to medicine.

0:24:10.280 --> 0:24:11.960
<v Speaker 1>What you mean, they don't study Black women.

0:24:11.760 --> 0:24:14.959
<v Speaker 3>When they do like treatment studies, when they do research

0:24:15.000 --> 0:24:18.760
<v Speaker 3>studies about sales focus groups, they only study white women.

0:24:18.880 --> 0:24:21.760
<v Speaker 1>So they experiment on black women and then do the

0:24:21.800 --> 0:24:25.080
<v Speaker 1>studies for cures on white men exactly. And so they

0:24:25.160 --> 0:24:25.680
<v Speaker 1>wanted to be.

0:24:25.640 --> 0:24:27.840
<v Speaker 3>Clear, a lot of information is not known how black

0:24:27.880 --> 0:24:32.080
<v Speaker 3>women's bodies respond to treatment. There's a lot of you know,

0:24:32.160 --> 0:24:34.359
<v Speaker 3>black women a lot of times suffer with fibroids and

0:24:34.400 --> 0:24:36.960
<v Speaker 3>don't know why there's no studies. Nobody gives a fuck,

0:24:37.600 --> 0:24:40.000
<v Speaker 3>you know what I'm saying. And yet in this situation,

0:24:40.080 --> 0:24:43.440
<v Speaker 3>they think that it's absolutely okay to do this experimental

0:24:43.480 --> 0:24:46.040
<v Speaker 3>project on a black woman while her family suffers and

0:24:46.119 --> 0:24:49.160
<v Speaker 3>while her body cannot be you know, consecrated.

0:24:50.560 --> 0:24:52.200
<v Speaker 1>And just to be clear, this ain't the first time

0:24:52.560 --> 0:24:54.880
<v Speaker 1>you brought the young lady's name up. Who open did

0:24:54.920 --> 0:24:58.080
<v Speaker 1>the story on Henrietta Lacs, Henrita Lacts, who they pretty

0:24:58.160 --> 0:25:01.760
<v Speaker 1>much experimented on her and used her themselves to find

0:25:01.800 --> 0:25:05.840
<v Speaker 1>and cure like eighty plus diseases. And to be honest,

0:25:05.880 --> 0:25:09.480
<v Speaker 1>like these are the whitewashing of history prevents us from

0:25:09.520 --> 0:25:10.520
<v Speaker 1>knowing these stories.

0:25:10.600 --> 0:25:13.680
<v Speaker 3>And the craziest part about that is when Henriette Henrietta

0:25:13.720 --> 0:25:16.440
<v Speaker 3>Lacks died from I think it was ovarian cancer or

0:25:16.480 --> 0:25:19.679
<v Speaker 3>serbo cancer or something like that. And while she was

0:25:19.720 --> 0:25:22.920
<v Speaker 3>alive receiving treatment, she wasn't receiving any care for pain.

0:25:23.359 --> 0:25:27.280
<v Speaker 3>So in the book about Henrietta Lacks their stories about

0:25:27.359 --> 0:25:30.280
<v Speaker 3>hearing her scream in agony while she was in the

0:25:30.280 --> 0:25:33.880
<v Speaker 3>hospital and nobody doing anything about it. But as soon

0:25:33.880 --> 0:25:37.800
<v Speaker 3>as she died, because her cancer cells reproduced at rapid

0:25:37.920 --> 0:25:40.920
<v Speaker 3>rates and kept reproducing even after she was dead, they

0:25:40.920 --> 0:25:44.640
<v Speaker 3>were able to use her sales to create treatments like penicillin,

0:25:44.920 --> 0:25:47.480
<v Speaker 3>which is one of the most important vaccine you know,

0:25:47.560 --> 0:25:51.920
<v Speaker 3>medicines that we've had in history. Yeah, and her family

0:25:52.320 --> 0:25:54.160
<v Speaker 3>had no idea they were even doing.

0:25:53.960 --> 0:25:56.600
<v Speaker 1>This and didn't receive anything from it. No, that's the

0:25:56.600 --> 0:25:59.280
<v Speaker 1>biggest thing, too, right, you'll take from us, but she

0:25:59.320 --> 0:26:01.800
<v Speaker 1>won't even give or compensate us on what we need.

0:26:02.440 --> 0:26:04.320
<v Speaker 1>And I think it's important that we as a people

0:26:04.480 --> 0:26:07.119
<v Speaker 1>understand that this is happening, right, and we have to

0:26:07.160 --> 0:26:09.040
<v Speaker 1>do things to prevent it. For example, you go to

0:26:09.080 --> 0:26:11.720
<v Speaker 1>the hospital with your young lady or your girlfriend or

0:26:11.760 --> 0:26:14.200
<v Speaker 1>your daughter, there has to be an advocate there for

0:26:14.359 --> 0:26:16.960
<v Speaker 1>her when she gets there, because you never know. It's

0:26:17.000 --> 0:26:19.040
<v Speaker 1>not enough just to trust people or say I'm going

0:26:19.080 --> 0:26:20.439
<v Speaker 1>to trust the doctors. You can't.

0:26:21.320 --> 0:26:22.719
<v Speaker 2>There's so many women that I know who have had

0:26:22.760 --> 0:26:24.560
<v Speaker 2>children and it's just like, wait till you hear my

0:26:24.720 --> 0:26:27.439
<v Speaker 2>birthing story, and it's like, why do they have to

0:26:27.520 --> 0:26:31.960
<v Speaker 2>have these outlandish, ridiculous birthing stories where they're not heard,

0:26:32.080 --> 0:26:36.000
<v Speaker 2>not cared for, not considered. It's just it's really.

0:26:36.200 --> 0:26:40.000
<v Speaker 1>You know why it's that way because we want to

0:26:40.080 --> 0:26:43.240
<v Speaker 1>ignore the fact that this is what America is. Yeah,

0:26:43.280 --> 0:26:46.040
<v Speaker 1>that's just the fact. Like we'll see these stories. For example,

0:26:46.040 --> 0:26:49.960
<v Speaker 1>we hear about Tosa, Oklahoma, I'm like, wow, that really happened. Yes,

0:26:50.040 --> 0:26:53.520
<v Speaker 1>it happened a whole bunch of times, and it's still happening,

0:26:53.640 --> 0:26:56.360
<v Speaker 1>So yes, it happened. We need to stop being surprised

0:26:56.760 --> 0:26:59.040
<v Speaker 1>and understand that this is a fact and start taking

0:26:59.080 --> 0:27:00.760
<v Speaker 1>liberties with our own Yeah.

0:27:00.680 --> 0:27:03.320
<v Speaker 2>That's why shout out to birth Fund. So birth Fund

0:27:03.480 --> 0:27:06.600
<v Speaker 2>is a fund started by Elaine welter Roth and I

0:27:06.680 --> 0:27:09.440
<v Speaker 2>went down well over across to LA for a Mother's

0:27:09.520 --> 0:27:12.000
<v Speaker 2>Day event that she had. It was like her second annual,

0:27:12.520 --> 0:27:13.960
<v Speaker 2>but it was a nice family day where I got

0:27:13.960 --> 0:27:15.959
<v Speaker 2>to see a bunch of mothers. There were also you know,

0:27:16.000 --> 0:27:19.200
<v Speaker 2>spouse's husband's family. It was a really nice family day.

0:27:19.520 --> 0:27:21.879
<v Speaker 2>But the purpose of birth Fund is to of course,

0:27:21.880 --> 0:27:24.679
<v Speaker 2>first raise awareness around the fact that black women are

0:27:24.720 --> 0:27:28.320
<v Speaker 2>dying at an exponentially larger rate than our white counterparts

0:27:28.359 --> 0:27:33.479
<v Speaker 2>when it comes to labor delivery, even postpartum, and then

0:27:33.560 --> 0:27:37.199
<v Speaker 2>also bringing back and I think also educating people on

0:27:37.320 --> 0:27:39.760
<v Speaker 2>the importance of midwa free care. Like Tripo said, that

0:27:39.920 --> 0:27:42.840
<v Speaker 2>was happening since the beginning of time there were no doctors.

0:27:43.200 --> 0:27:48.760
<v Speaker 2>So midwives literally believe in the holistic approach to labor, delivery, pregnancy,

0:27:48.840 --> 0:27:51.280
<v Speaker 2>and the care for a woman through the entire process.

0:27:51.520 --> 0:27:54.840
<v Speaker 2>So I'm very much active now with Elaine to see

0:27:54.840 --> 0:27:56.560
<v Speaker 2>how we can continue to get the word out about

0:27:56.560 --> 0:28:01.360
<v Speaker 2>that within our communities and then abroad, because it's important

0:28:01.400 --> 0:28:03.240
<v Speaker 2>for us to just know what the options are. So

0:28:03.240 --> 0:28:05.639
<v Speaker 2>many people don't even know about the options of midwardfree

0:28:05.640 --> 0:28:07.200
<v Speaker 2>care versus hospital care.

0:28:07.359 --> 0:28:09.159
<v Speaker 1>You know what I want to research because you just

0:28:09.200 --> 0:28:10.639
<v Speaker 1>brought this up, and you brought up the young man

0:28:10.680 --> 0:28:14.359
<v Speaker 1>who pretty much stole guynecology from black or midwives. Remember,

0:28:14.480 --> 0:28:18.440
<v Speaker 1>during the enslaved period, there were times where slave owners'

0:28:18.520 --> 0:28:20.800
<v Speaker 1>wives were going through issues with pregnancies. You know who

0:28:20.800 --> 0:28:26.960
<v Speaker 1>they called oftentimes that like the then mothers and the

0:28:27.160 --> 0:28:27.960
<v Speaker 1>black women.

0:28:27.920 --> 0:28:30.320
<v Speaker 2>The matriarch is something with my wife.

0:28:30.520 --> 0:28:33.120
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And like there need to be more stories told

0:28:33.119 --> 0:28:35.520
<v Speaker 1>about that because those are the same reason why those

0:28:35.720 --> 0:28:39.080
<v Speaker 1>white men and those white women chose black mothers to

0:28:39.160 --> 0:28:41.480
<v Speaker 1>care for their children. You know what I'm saying, Like,

0:28:41.520 --> 0:28:43.040
<v Speaker 1>there's a there's a history that we need to.

0:28:43.280 --> 0:28:46.520
<v Speaker 2>There's a reason why they saw value in that.

0:28:45.200 --> 0:28:48.760
<v Speaker 1>That type of history would bring us closer better than

0:28:48.840 --> 0:28:52.520
<v Speaker 1>us telling the history of hatred and violence. Let's tell

0:28:52.560 --> 0:28:55.600
<v Speaker 1>the history of why white people needed black people to

0:28:55.640 --> 0:28:58.680
<v Speaker 1>care for their kids. Let's explain why black women have

0:28:59.000 --> 0:29:02.240
<v Speaker 1>we talked about this before? Right, I'm not a conspiracy theorist,

0:29:02.280 --> 0:29:05.560
<v Speaker 1>but I do think if you understand exercise science and physiology,

0:29:06.160 --> 0:29:10.000
<v Speaker 1>they have a new new process called PRP where they

0:29:10.000 --> 0:29:12.440
<v Speaker 1>take the blood out of your body they spin it,

0:29:12.520 --> 0:29:14.200
<v Speaker 1>get all of the nutrients and everything from and they

0:29:14.200 --> 0:29:16.960
<v Speaker 1>put it back in your own blood. If you see

0:29:16.960 --> 0:29:20.000
<v Speaker 1>how they experiment on black women, it makes sense. The

0:29:20.040 --> 0:29:23.320
<v Speaker 1>first humans started in Africa, so the closer you are

0:29:23.720 --> 0:29:26.280
<v Speaker 1>to that first human, the more your blood or your

0:29:26.360 --> 0:29:30.120
<v Speaker 1>cells or your nutrients can cure diseases. We as black

0:29:30.120 --> 0:29:33.240
<v Speaker 1>people need to understand that as well, rather than going

0:29:33.320 --> 0:29:37.440
<v Speaker 1>outside to get Western medicine to cure us. That's another

0:29:37.480 --> 0:29:40.360
<v Speaker 1>reason why so many of us are sick right think

0:29:40.400 --> 0:29:42.600
<v Speaker 1>about it. We watch stuff on TV and say, oh,

0:29:42.640 --> 0:29:45.200
<v Speaker 1>that works for them, maybe it works for us, but

0:29:45.280 --> 0:29:47.880
<v Speaker 1>like Tripple just said, none of those things were designed

0:29:47.920 --> 0:29:48.400
<v Speaker 1>for us.

0:29:48.760 --> 0:29:49.680
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I think there's a.

0:29:51.200 --> 0:29:54.680
<v Speaker 5>There is a high blood pressure medication that is made

0:29:54.760 --> 0:29:57.480
<v Speaker 5>for people with high blood pressure, but it's tested only

0:29:57.520 --> 0:30:01.120
<v Speaker 5>on white Caucasian people, and it's not the same because

0:30:01.120 --> 0:30:04.560
<v Speaker 5>we have a high blood pressure for completely different reasons.

0:30:04.360 --> 0:30:06.280
<v Speaker 5>There's a good out of them, So that's a good

0:30:06.480 --> 0:30:10.080
<v Speaker 5>study saying like the medications that they're giving us don't

0:30:10.120 --> 0:30:14.720
<v Speaker 5>really treat the exact issue of why, like why we

0:30:14.800 --> 0:30:18.000
<v Speaker 5>need it. Sense it's helping high blood pressure, but it's

0:30:18.040 --> 0:30:21.800
<v Speaker 5>also like not targeted specifically for African Americans, So it's.

0:30:21.640 --> 0:30:23.520
<v Speaker 1>Helping a symptom. Not really.

0:30:23.680 --> 0:30:25.720
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, And I think I think part of it is

0:30:26.560 --> 0:30:29.600
<v Speaker 5>I'm probably talking out of the term, but it just

0:30:29.680 --> 0:30:31.560
<v Speaker 5>does not work the same way that it works for

0:30:31.560 --> 0:30:34.920
<v Speaker 5>white people. They didn't test on anybody in Africa. They

0:30:34.920 --> 0:30:39.080
<v Speaker 5>didn't test on African Americans. Literally tested only on white people, and.

0:30:39.040 --> 0:30:42.040
<v Speaker 1>Our biochemistry is very different. I know this from studying

0:30:42.080 --> 0:30:45.959
<v Speaker 1>exercise physiology and kinesiology. Even the professors would say, your

0:30:46.000 --> 0:30:48.200
<v Speaker 1>athletes are going to be different based on where they

0:30:48.200 --> 0:30:50.720
<v Speaker 1>come from, based on race and ethnicity. That is like

0:30:50.720 --> 0:30:53.440
<v Speaker 1>a fact they tell us in school. Your athletes will

0:30:53.480 --> 0:30:55.560
<v Speaker 1>be different. You can't look at an athlete and say, oh,

0:30:55.560 --> 0:30:57.800
<v Speaker 1>this athlete is this. I can put all of these

0:30:57.840 --> 0:31:00.320
<v Speaker 1>athletes in the same program. So if that works for

0:31:00.360 --> 0:31:03.400
<v Speaker 1>sports performance, it should work for like medicine. You know,

0:31:03.440 --> 0:31:05.560
<v Speaker 1>you can't put everybody on the same program.

0:31:05.640 --> 0:31:07.440
<v Speaker 2>So you know what they do market towards us though

0:31:07.520 --> 0:31:16.840
<v Speaker 2>as black people McDonald's I love blast you seriously, y'all

0:31:16.880 --> 0:31:23.720
<v Speaker 2>wonder why we have high blood pressure? Lovest like the

0:31:24.040 --> 0:31:26.440
<v Speaker 2>out of here. That's exactly what they market towards us.

0:31:26.440 --> 0:31:29.080
<v Speaker 2>So is it a surprise that they want to keep

0:31:29.160 --> 0:31:35.880
<v Speaker 2>us that way.

0:31:34.360 --> 0:31:35.000
<v Speaker 4>Like a bow jangle.

0:31:37.720 --> 0:31:39.400
<v Speaker 3>That's how That's exactly how it sounds.

0:31:42.440 --> 0:31:44.800
<v Speaker 2>It sounds just like I stopped.

0:31:45.800 --> 0:31:49.719
<v Speaker 3>Yeah. So uh, that is a situation personally that I

0:31:49.800 --> 0:31:52.640
<v Speaker 3>would crash out over if I was in that situation.

0:31:53.080 --> 0:32:01.400
<v Speaker 3>I consider myself, uh a part of the wood demographic wood,

0:32:01.480 --> 0:32:05.080
<v Speaker 3>Like I would, I wish a nigga would. I'd be waiting,

0:32:05.360 --> 0:32:09.600
<v Speaker 3>I'd be woo, I be waiting, Honey, I'll be seeing

0:32:09.640 --> 0:32:12.560
<v Speaker 3>these videos these white people doing crazy ship to black

0:32:12.600 --> 0:32:14.680
<v Speaker 3>people calling me any where, and they just filming, like,

0:32:14.760 --> 0:32:17.479
<v Speaker 3>got your own camera, I'm gonna put that camera down

0:32:17.520 --> 0:32:20.800
<v Speaker 3>because I'm about to do something really illegal to your ass.

0:32:21.520 --> 0:32:23.880
<v Speaker 2>With the two peaks.

0:32:24.960 --> 0:32:28.880
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, talking about exactly.

0:32:28.920 --> 0:32:30.960
<v Speaker 3>And I'm gonna sing a song. When I do sing

0:32:31.000 --> 0:32:33.720
<v Speaker 3>the song, I wish, I really do. I really wish

0:32:33.760 --> 0:32:37.400
<v Speaker 3>the nigga would. I really used to be crash out. Queen.

0:32:38.960 --> 0:32:44.000
<v Speaker 1>You are crush a fucking you was you was fighting

0:32:44.000 --> 0:32:46.960
<v Speaker 1>in high school? Not really in high school.

0:32:47.040 --> 0:32:49.040
<v Speaker 4>She was breaking an entering, that's what she was doing.

0:32:49.080 --> 0:32:49.760
<v Speaker 4>That was college.

0:32:50.440 --> 0:32:51.160
<v Speaker 1>That was college.

0:32:51.760 --> 0:32:53.960
<v Speaker 3>Yeah. I fought a little bit in high school. I

0:32:54.000 --> 0:32:57.040
<v Speaker 3>fall a little bit in you know, elementary all through life.

0:32:57.760 --> 0:33:00.640
<v Speaker 3>In college, I definitely was fighting host uh, and it's

0:33:00.720 --> 0:33:04.600
<v Speaker 3>usually just for somebody else. Like, I don't like to

0:33:04.640 --> 0:33:07.480
<v Speaker 3>be disrespected. I don't like for my friends to be expected.

0:33:07.560 --> 0:33:11.640
<v Speaker 3>I don't like bullies. Uh my crash out era change.

0:33:11.800 --> 0:33:15.400
<v Speaker 3>So I my friend was getting bullied. This girl she

0:33:15.480 --> 0:33:19.480
<v Speaker 3>my friend like playfully sat on one of our male

0:33:19.560 --> 0:33:22.120
<v Speaker 3>friend's laps or was dancing with him or something at

0:33:22.120 --> 0:33:24.040
<v Speaker 3>a club. I wasn't there, and his girlfriend saw her.

0:33:24.080 --> 0:33:27.360
<v Speaker 3>She got mad and his girlfriend wanted to carry this

0:33:27.480 --> 0:33:29.960
<v Speaker 3>beef on and so they were kind of, you know,

0:33:30.360 --> 0:33:32.520
<v Speaker 3>just doing ship to my friend while we were at

0:33:32.520 --> 0:33:34.920
<v Speaker 3>this party. And so I ended up leaving a party

0:33:34.960 --> 0:33:37.719
<v Speaker 3>with another friend. I see the girl outside and the

0:33:37.760 --> 0:33:40.560
<v Speaker 3>girl is like, oh you with you know my friend?

0:33:40.680 --> 0:33:43.400
<v Speaker 3>And I'm like, oh, y'all, y'all the girl. So I

0:33:43.480 --> 0:33:46.640
<v Speaker 3>ended up fighting the girls outside.

0:33:46.960 --> 0:33:48.560
<v Speaker 1>Then we leave.

0:33:49.080 --> 0:33:51.080
<v Speaker 3>And I went to Africa that summer.

0:33:52.800 --> 0:33:54.040
<v Speaker 1>Thought somebody went to Africa.

0:34:00.160 --> 0:34:03.800
<v Speaker 3>Yes, exactly. They got strong bones over there in the

0:34:03.920 --> 0:34:07.000
<v Speaker 3>Motherland too. So I was in Africa, and while I

0:34:07.080 --> 0:34:12.760
<v Speaker 3>was there, I guess my friends wanted to redeem themselves

0:34:12.800 --> 0:34:15.040
<v Speaker 3>because they weren't the ones that fought even though it

0:34:15.080 --> 0:34:17.760
<v Speaker 3>was their beef. So they get a bunch of girls together.

0:34:18.239 --> 0:34:21.160
<v Speaker 3>They want they meet these girls in the park. These

0:34:21.160 --> 0:34:24.040
<v Speaker 3>girls bring a man with them who brings a gun,

0:34:25.080 --> 0:34:30.279
<v Speaker 3>and this man proceeds to like pistol whip. Yeah, it

0:34:30.400 --> 0:34:31.680
<v Speaker 3>was crazy.

0:34:31.400 --> 0:34:32.440
<v Speaker 2>Not the pistol whipping.

0:34:32.640 --> 0:34:33.200
<v Speaker 3>It was.

0:34:33.520 --> 0:34:35.200
<v Speaker 2>And I was in college.

0:34:35.440 --> 0:34:37.960
<v Speaker 3>This was like I graduated from college that year.

0:34:38.000 --> 0:34:40.839
<v Speaker 1>So where you went to school? Ohio State never sent

0:34:41.000 --> 0:34:45.080
<v Speaker 1>my kids with corn fan.

0:34:46.080 --> 0:34:48.480
<v Speaker 3>Ghetto. The girls are ghetto in Ohio.

0:34:48.520 --> 0:34:50.359
<v Speaker 1>I didn't know it got that crazy though off there

0:34:50.440 --> 0:34:51.120
<v Speaker 1>Ohio State.

0:34:51.920 --> 0:34:56.560
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I mean not off campus. The girls that we

0:34:56.719 --> 0:34:59.399
<v Speaker 3>fought didn't even go to Ohio State. I think one

0:34:59.440 --> 0:35:01.240
<v Speaker 3>of them grew to be a video vixen.

0:35:06.200 --> 0:35:07.040
<v Speaker 2>Rival is crazy.

0:35:07.120 --> 0:35:11.920
<v Speaker 3>Columbus Community College whatever, And the dude was definitely not enrolled.

0:35:11.960 --> 0:35:13.560
<v Speaker 3>He was just a Columbus nigga.

0:35:13.719 --> 0:35:14.600
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, well he.

0:35:16.040 --> 0:35:19.719
<v Speaker 3>From around the way. But that that kind of changed.

0:35:20.200 --> 0:35:23.960
<v Speaker 3>You know, my mindset on crashing out. Now I've cussed,

0:35:22.719 --> 0:35:26.960
<v Speaker 3>I have cussed, I keep a weapon in the car,

0:35:28.120 --> 0:35:32.960
<v Speaker 3>and so I mean I'll still crash. I crashed out

0:35:33.000 --> 0:35:37.800
<v Speaker 3>on an NYPD officer in twenty seventeen.

0:35:38.040 --> 0:35:41.680
<v Speaker 1>You you wow, oh god, you know what is George?

0:35:42.280 --> 0:35:43.040
<v Speaker 4>What day week was?

0:35:43.080 --> 0:35:46.439
<v Speaker 3>And he said George after my crashed out pre George Floyd.

0:35:46.520 --> 0:35:48.719
<v Speaker 3>He said, this is why people end up getting shot.

0:35:49.000 --> 0:35:50.000
<v Speaker 1>Well, see what I'm saying.

0:35:50.600 --> 0:35:52.879
<v Speaker 3>And I said, well, it'll be a good motherfucking day.

0:35:52.880 --> 0:35:54.319
<v Speaker 3>And y'all let him know on the news that I

0:35:54.360 --> 0:35:58.359
<v Speaker 3>crashed out on his ass too. Yeah, if I get

0:35:58.400 --> 0:36:00.399
<v Speaker 3>shot by cars and then.

0:36:00.280 --> 0:36:02.680
<v Speaker 1>You go to the news triple and crashed out went

0:36:02.719 --> 0:36:04.680
<v Speaker 1>to Africa, Tripple went to the news.

0:36:06.840 --> 0:36:07.400
<v Speaker 4>Crash out and.

0:36:09.280 --> 0:36:13.640
<v Speaker 3>A crash side. But yeah, so you know, I've tried

0:36:13.640 --> 0:36:16.040
<v Speaker 3>to change. I've matured. I don't crash out so easily,

0:36:16.440 --> 0:36:20.160
<v Speaker 3>and I'm definitely not crashing out for anybody else's petty beef.

0:36:20.719 --> 0:36:22.440
<v Speaker 3>But what are what are some of the things that

0:36:22.520 --> 0:36:26.600
<v Speaker 3>y'all have crashed or would crash out over.

0:36:26.560 --> 0:36:28.160
<v Speaker 6>Before y'all get into that, what day to week did

0:36:28.200 --> 0:36:29.240
<v Speaker 6>you crash out in that officer?

0:36:30.160 --> 0:36:33.680
<v Speaker 3>Saturday? It must have been it was a Friday or Saturday.

0:36:34.000 --> 0:36:36.759
<v Speaker 3>It was crazy because the people I'm in the car

0:36:36.880 --> 0:36:40.720
<v Speaker 3>with four other people. We get pulled over. Four playe

0:36:40.760 --> 0:36:43.080
<v Speaker 3>closed officers surround the car. They're at every window of

0:36:43.080 --> 0:36:43.319
<v Speaker 3>the car.

0:36:43.320 --> 0:36:44.840
<v Speaker 1>Sound like ny detective.

0:36:45.040 --> 0:36:47.359
<v Speaker 3>They asked, We weren't even a block away. We had

0:36:47.440 --> 0:36:49.360
<v Speaker 3>went around the block as somebody left their phone or

0:36:49.400 --> 0:36:52.239
<v Speaker 3>something at the house. So we get pulled over. They

0:36:52.239 --> 0:36:54.799
<v Speaker 3>surround the car. They asked the driver, have y'all been

0:36:54.800 --> 0:37:00.480
<v Speaker 3>smoking weed? The driver with her dumb ass, said not

0:37:00.640 --> 0:37:04.280
<v Speaker 3>in here, And that's the moment my crash out started.

0:37:04.560 --> 0:37:06.600
<v Speaker 3>That is not a question you need to ask. There's

0:37:06.600 --> 0:37:08.480
<v Speaker 3>no weed in the car. You don't smell weed. You

0:37:08.480 --> 0:37:10.040
<v Speaker 3>can ask for her. I did let us know why

0:37:10.200 --> 0:37:12.160
<v Speaker 3>you're pulling her over, and then if there's not a reason,

0:37:12.200 --> 0:37:16.760
<v Speaker 3>you need to let us know. And the stupid niggas

0:37:16.760 --> 0:37:19.280
<v Speaker 3>in the car were like, triple shut up. No, bitch,

0:37:19.320 --> 0:37:23.120
<v Speaker 3>you shut up because you're doing the stupid ass talking you. Now,

0:37:23.160 --> 0:37:25.200
<v Speaker 3>I'm not going to jail for that ship. If I

0:37:25.280 --> 0:37:27.399
<v Speaker 3>go to jail, it's gonna be for slapping the ship

0:37:27.440 --> 0:37:31.840
<v Speaker 3>out of this motherfucking police officer, but not for no weed.

0:37:33.040 --> 0:37:34.920
<v Speaker 3>Get the fuck out of here. So they did let

0:37:35.000 --> 0:37:38.360
<v Speaker 3>us go because I'm not a damn fool.

0:37:38.920 --> 0:37:40.279
<v Speaker 1>Well, they had no reason to keep y'all.

0:37:40.360 --> 0:37:41.280
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, but then he.

0:37:44.120 --> 0:37:45.799
<v Speaker 2>And I will see this morning.

0:37:46.280 --> 0:37:52.520
<v Speaker 1>You know why, dudes, there's a greater level of repercussion

0:37:53.200 --> 0:37:55.279
<v Speaker 1>when men get to crashing out. And I'll give you

0:37:55.280 --> 0:37:58.440
<v Speaker 1>an example y'all ladies about to start fighting. The only

0:37:58.560 --> 0:38:01.719
<v Speaker 1>dude that got involved brought a gun. This is what

0:38:01.760 --> 0:38:04.600
<v Speaker 1>stops me from crashing out a lot of times because

0:38:05.120 --> 0:38:07.960
<v Speaker 1>a lot of dudes are emotional and a lot of

0:38:08.040 --> 0:38:10.880
<v Speaker 1>dudes can't fight. So you know what happens when you're

0:38:10.920 --> 0:38:13.080
<v Speaker 1>emotional and you can't fight, you gotta pick up a weapon.

0:38:13.360 --> 0:38:15.080
<v Speaker 1>It may not always be a gun. It may be

0:38:15.120 --> 0:38:18.160
<v Speaker 1>a razor, it may be a knife, but it could

0:38:18.160 --> 0:38:21.160
<v Speaker 1>bet anything. But I like men, they when they go

0:38:21.280 --> 0:38:24.640
<v Speaker 1>to crash out, it always ends up in incarceration of death.

0:38:25.520 --> 0:38:27.160
<v Speaker 1>So for me, there's not a lot of things that

0:38:27.200 --> 0:38:31.440
<v Speaker 1>I'll crash out for. But if it's my wife or

0:38:31.520 --> 0:38:37.440
<v Speaker 1>my kids, I'm not there's no the value should have

0:38:37.480 --> 0:38:39.799
<v Speaker 1>thought there was nothing to think about. My wife was

0:38:39.800 --> 0:38:42.520
<v Speaker 1>in danger, my kids was in danger. My wife felt disrespected,

0:38:42.560 --> 0:38:45.440
<v Speaker 1>my kids felt disrespected. They need to feel that someone

0:38:45.520 --> 0:38:48.239
<v Speaker 1>protects them, because if no one protects them, then what

0:38:48.440 --> 0:38:50.920
<v Speaker 1>is my point? You know what I'm saying, Like, if

0:38:50.960 --> 0:38:53.359
<v Speaker 1>you have, if you have one thing in life right

0:38:53.840 --> 0:38:56.440
<v Speaker 1>as a as a person, you have to survive by

0:38:56.480 --> 0:39:00.000
<v Speaker 1>any means necessary. Right, think about taking away all social constructs.

0:39:00.800 --> 0:39:02.520
<v Speaker 1>We don't live in a Mariqueen live anywhere. You just

0:39:02.560 --> 0:39:04.640
<v Speaker 1>wake up and it's like, I gotta survive. Then I

0:39:04.719 --> 0:39:07.000
<v Speaker 1>meet another person that we're gonna survive together, and we're

0:39:07.000 --> 0:39:10.160
<v Speaker 1>gonna have offspring together. It's my responsibility to make sure

0:39:10.160 --> 0:39:10.840
<v Speaker 1>we all survive.

0:39:11.000 --> 0:39:15.759
<v Speaker 5>Absolutely, it's your responsibility to protect them and not to

0:39:15.800 --> 0:39:16.319
<v Speaker 5>crash out.

0:39:16.680 --> 0:39:19.359
<v Speaker 1>I agree, I agree, I agree, that's my responsibility.

0:39:19.440 --> 0:39:23.720
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, so don't ever crash out because of those responsibilities.

0:39:23.920 --> 0:39:26.560
<v Speaker 5>The responsibility for that is to protect them. You crash

0:39:26.600 --> 0:39:29.520
<v Speaker 5>out by everything else, but those two things your job

0:39:29.560 --> 0:39:31.200
<v Speaker 5>is to protect because if you crash out to.

0:39:31.120 --> 0:39:33.520
<v Speaker 2>The point, now I'm gone and now you're gone. How

0:39:33.560 --> 0:39:37.960
<v Speaker 2>does one temper emotions when you're on the verge of

0:39:38.000 --> 0:39:40.680
<v Speaker 2>crashing out? What do you replan in your mind to say?

0:39:40.719 --> 0:39:42.279
<v Speaker 2>You know what, it may not be worth it.

0:39:42.280 --> 0:39:44.040
<v Speaker 4>In this it ain't worth it?

0:39:44.080 --> 0:39:44.799
<v Speaker 3>Is it worth it?

0:39:46.280 --> 0:39:49.840
<v Speaker 1>I've listened this. This goes back to the story she

0:39:50.160 --> 0:39:53.640
<v Speaker 1>chose not to tell him because she could foresee that

0:39:53.680 --> 0:39:57.479
<v Speaker 1>he was going to crash out. If I'm being honest,

0:39:57.760 --> 0:40:00.520
<v Speaker 1>I feel like women do a better job of controlling

0:40:00.560 --> 0:40:03.680
<v Speaker 1>their emotions in those type of times, Like from what

0:40:03.719 --> 0:40:06.800
<v Speaker 1>I've seen in the hood growing up in Brooklyn, you

0:40:06.880 --> 0:40:09.640
<v Speaker 1>know how many men are behind bars, are dead because

0:40:09.640 --> 0:40:12.200
<v Speaker 1>they just went out there and did something on how

0:40:12.200 --> 0:40:15.360
<v Speaker 1>many women were calculated enough to not crash out themselves,

0:40:15.360 --> 0:40:17.719
<v Speaker 1>but to tell they brother or their father, or they

0:40:17.760 --> 0:40:20.200
<v Speaker 1>cousin or their friend. You know what I'm saying, it's

0:40:20.239 --> 0:40:22.160
<v Speaker 1>whatever women have, that's what we got to learn.

0:40:22.400 --> 0:40:25.000
<v Speaker 5>I think it's saying to control emotions in the height

0:40:25.040 --> 0:40:29.000
<v Speaker 5>of conflict that might have Dudes just might be like,

0:40:29.040 --> 0:40:31.279
<v Speaker 5>in a height of conflict, like I just got to

0:40:31.320 --> 0:40:33.520
<v Speaker 5>solve it, I gotta fix it, I gotta do something,

0:40:33.960 --> 0:40:36.399
<v Speaker 5>whereas women might be a little bit more calculated in that.

0:40:36.360 --> 0:40:38.399
<v Speaker 2>Regard, but also kind of emotional too, because I can

0:40:38.440 --> 0:40:40.840
<v Speaker 2>think of a couple times, even growing up in Brooklyn,

0:40:40.920 --> 0:40:42.840
<v Speaker 2>where there's been a young lady that felt like, for

0:40:42.920 --> 0:40:45.520
<v Speaker 2>whatever reason, she was disrespected and was like, wait till

0:40:45.520 --> 0:40:47.399
<v Speaker 2>I call my brother, Wait till I sell my father.

0:40:47.719 --> 0:40:49.680
<v Speaker 2>And then they make a mountain out of a Mohill

0:40:49.719 --> 0:40:51.920
<v Speaker 2>type of situation, getting the brother or the father or

0:40:51.920 --> 0:40:54.399
<v Speaker 2>the cousin rowed up, and then they end up coming

0:40:54.400 --> 0:40:56.160
<v Speaker 2>to press another set of dudes and it becomes a

0:40:56.200 --> 0:40:58.839
<v Speaker 2>whole altercation. And she probably didn't think it was going

0:40:58.840 --> 0:41:00.920
<v Speaker 2>to escalate to be that. But it's like in that

0:41:01.000 --> 0:41:02.520
<v Speaker 2>moment where he felt like he had to come to

0:41:02.560 --> 0:41:05.160
<v Speaker 2>her defense, that escalated the entire situation.

0:41:05.920 --> 0:41:07.919
<v Speaker 1>You know what I think is that this is where

0:41:07.920 --> 0:41:12.399
<v Speaker 1>we can actually use toxic masculinity as an example, right,

0:41:12.760 --> 0:41:15.600
<v Speaker 1>because what we think is masculine is to go out

0:41:15.600 --> 0:41:17.399
<v Speaker 1>there and just hit somebody and fight somebody, and that's

0:41:17.400 --> 0:41:21.040
<v Speaker 1>extremely toxic. When the real masculinity is to be even

0:41:21.080 --> 0:41:25.280
<v Speaker 1>emotional and come to a solution without resorting to violence.

0:41:26.080 --> 0:41:29.360
<v Speaker 1>That's the perfect example of toxic masculinity is thinking that

0:41:29.400 --> 0:41:31.879
<v Speaker 1>the only way I can show my power is by

0:41:32.040 --> 0:41:34.719
<v Speaker 1>escalating to violence. You know what I'm saying, Like, that's

0:41:34.719 --> 0:41:36.480
<v Speaker 1>what we as a community need to learn it.

0:41:36.520 --> 0:41:38.319
<v Speaker 3>That's I just want to point out that in the

0:41:38.400 --> 0:41:40.799
<v Speaker 3>ongoing debate between me and Deval, that's the point for

0:41:40.880 --> 0:41:46.600
<v Speaker 3>me was that you agree with toxic masculinity for one.

0:41:47.280 --> 0:41:50.760
<v Speaker 1>Nah, that's that's extremely toxic and I and I will

0:41:50.880 --> 0:41:53.239
<v Speaker 1>I will admit the fact that men think that the

0:41:53.280 --> 0:41:56.040
<v Speaker 1>only way that I could be more manly than this

0:41:56.200 --> 0:41:59.960
<v Speaker 1>next man is to be physically more dominant is extremely toxic.

0:42:00.120 --> 0:42:03.680
<v Speaker 2>I've seen you exercise that exact thing. I don't know

0:42:03.680 --> 0:42:05.759
<v Speaker 2>if we've told this story before, but it was my

0:42:05.760 --> 0:42:09.520
<v Speaker 2>sister's twenty first birthday at Tracks and you were with me,

0:42:09.920 --> 0:42:13.360
<v Speaker 2>my sister cousin a group of us, and my sister

0:42:13.440 --> 0:42:15.239
<v Speaker 2>was in the VIP section. This dude was kind of

0:42:15.320 --> 0:42:17.000
<v Speaker 2>drunk coming up on the stage with her and she

0:42:17.120 --> 0:42:18.920
<v Speaker 2>was just like, bro, this is not your section. So

0:42:18.960 --> 0:42:21.440
<v Speaker 2>on the back and forth, and Deval in that moment,

0:42:21.680 --> 0:42:25.200
<v Speaker 2>could have trying to defend his sister had been like

0:42:25.480 --> 0:42:28.200
<v Speaker 2>in the dude's face and making this altercation more than

0:42:28.200 --> 0:42:30.719
<v Speaker 2>it needed to be, because dude was ready to have

0:42:30.880 --> 0:42:33.040
<v Speaker 2>He was ready to make it. That's what he was

0:42:33.120 --> 0:42:35.000
<v Speaker 2>ready to make it that he had his team of

0:42:35.040 --> 0:42:38.520
<v Speaker 2>friends behind and his goal was to prove a point

0:42:38.560 --> 0:42:42.080
<v Speaker 2>in that moment. And I saw Devell literally stay cool

0:42:42.080 --> 0:42:44.040
<v Speaker 2>as a cucumber and even Q, I think your part

0:42:44.040 --> 0:42:45.160
<v Speaker 2>because that I had no backup.

0:42:45.480 --> 0:42:45.960
<v Speaker 1>It was just me.

0:42:48.239 --> 0:42:50.200
<v Speaker 5>He probably just prepped for that before even stepped into

0:42:50.239 --> 0:42:54.600
<v Speaker 5>the building. Women, we're just gonna figure this out. We

0:42:54.640 --> 0:42:57.120
<v Speaker 5>ain't gonna go crazy, we ain't gonna yeah, we ain't

0:42:57.120 --> 0:42:58.600
<v Speaker 5>gona do nothing. We gotta do something. We just gonna

0:42:58.600 --> 0:42:59.879
<v Speaker 5>walk out and leave. It's not worth it.

0:43:00.040 --> 0:43:03.200
<v Speaker 2>That's literally you're saying devout going into the situation already.

0:43:03.320 --> 0:43:07.480
<v Speaker 5>Yes, it's almost like you're walking into you're in an airport,

0:43:07.600 --> 0:43:09.319
<v Speaker 5>or you in a in a restaurant, you're looking at

0:43:09.320 --> 0:43:13.400
<v Speaker 5>all exits. You just when you go there, you're already

0:43:13.520 --> 0:43:16.279
<v Speaker 5>pre planned what's gonna happen. By the time you sat

0:43:16.320 --> 0:43:18.000
<v Speaker 5>down in order, you ready know what you're gonna do.

0:43:18.040 --> 0:43:19.879
<v Speaker 1>What did I tell you said the New York thinger?

0:43:19.920 --> 0:43:22.799
<v Speaker 2>Is that just like a thing? Because you taught me

0:43:22.800 --> 0:43:24.239
<v Speaker 2>the same thing to and I go to restaurants not

0:43:24.280 --> 0:43:25.640
<v Speaker 2>to sit with my back to the door. If I'm

0:43:25.680 --> 0:43:27.799
<v Speaker 2>not with him, you know know what the edit is.

0:43:27.960 --> 0:43:30.399
<v Speaker 1>And that was that was part of my decision. Dude

0:43:30.440 --> 0:43:32.759
<v Speaker 1>started getting loud with Sakari. First thing I did was

0:43:32.800 --> 0:43:34.279
<v Speaker 1>stand up. Was like, Okay, I'm gonna have to handle

0:43:34.320 --> 0:43:37.880
<v Speaker 1>this dude. But then I see everybody that looks similar

0:43:37.880 --> 0:43:39.840
<v Speaker 1>to what he got on. You can tell people's groups.

0:43:40.040 --> 0:43:42.320
<v Speaker 1>There's like seven to eight dudes coming across that wall.

0:43:42.800 --> 0:43:44.799
<v Speaker 1>So I'm like, they're coming to They're coming because they

0:43:44.800 --> 0:43:47.320
<v Speaker 1>see he's getting loud. Then I'm like, there's one exit.

0:43:47.600 --> 0:43:50.040
<v Speaker 1>The exit is all the way over there. It's just me.

0:43:50.800 --> 0:43:53.719
<v Speaker 1>I got six women I got Tristan, who's inebriated, but

0:43:53.760 --> 0:43:57.040
<v Speaker 1>he's smaller. You know what I'm saying, Robert smaller than Tristan.

0:43:57.640 --> 0:43:58.160
<v Speaker 3>I can't.

0:43:58.520 --> 0:44:00.600
<v Speaker 1>So my whole thing at that time was to show

0:44:00.680 --> 0:44:04.000
<v Speaker 1>him that I'm not afraid, but let him know, like

0:44:04.000 --> 0:44:07.120
<v Speaker 1>this is dumb. So I reached so I was like, Yo,

0:44:07.200 --> 0:44:09.480
<v Speaker 1>my man's you know what I'm saying, it's my sister

0:44:09.560 --> 0:44:12.279
<v Speaker 1>that like, what the fuck? I was like, dude. Then

0:44:12.280 --> 0:44:14.960
<v Speaker 1>this homeboy came up and someboy was down on the

0:44:15.000 --> 0:44:17.320
<v Speaker 1>platform and was like, yo, if my man got a problem,

0:44:17.360 --> 0:44:18.840
<v Speaker 1>we got a problem. And I was like, yo, step

0:44:18.880 --> 0:44:21.440
<v Speaker 1>up here. I put my hand out. He looked at me,

0:44:21.520 --> 0:44:23.359
<v Speaker 1>grabbed my hand, and then I yanked him up. When

0:44:23.360 --> 0:44:25.080
<v Speaker 1>I yanked him up, I was trying to show him

0:44:25.120 --> 0:44:27.600
<v Speaker 1>how strong I am, to let him know like, Okay,

0:44:27.840 --> 0:44:30.640
<v Speaker 1>y'all may try something, but whoever's up here first gonna

0:44:30.640 --> 0:44:32.920
<v Speaker 1>get dealt with. When I pulled him up there like that,

0:44:32.960 --> 0:44:34.520
<v Speaker 1>and he pulled up, he got close to me. I said,

0:44:34.560 --> 0:44:37.400
<v Speaker 1>look behind me, there's seven women back here. Do you

0:44:37.520 --> 0:44:41.759
<v Speaker 1>think I came here to fight with y'all? Like, think

0:44:41.800 --> 0:44:43.879
<v Speaker 1>about it, this is all of this women back here.

0:44:43.880 --> 0:44:45.880
<v Speaker 1>I'm here with my wife. I'm like, look at all

0:44:45.960 --> 0:44:48.080
<v Speaker 1>these women out here. He looked at them, he looked

0:44:48.080 --> 0:44:49.440
<v Speaker 1>at his man, he looked at me. He was like,

0:44:49.440 --> 0:44:52.160
<v Speaker 1>you know what, man, you right, Because in that moment

0:44:52.600 --> 0:44:55.200
<v Speaker 1>I approached him with respect. I didn't try to be

0:44:55.280 --> 0:44:57.360
<v Speaker 1>little him, but I also let him know like this

0:44:57.520 --> 0:45:00.520
<v Speaker 1>is dumb, and to me, that was the most masculine

0:45:00.560 --> 0:45:02.759
<v Speaker 1>thing I could do. The other only option was he

0:45:02.840 --> 0:45:04.560
<v Speaker 1>was one of the biggest ones. Is hit him first

0:45:04.960 --> 0:45:06.719
<v Speaker 1>and hope that when I hit him first that he

0:45:06.800 --> 0:45:09.439
<v Speaker 1>goes to sleep and then I can handle something else.

0:45:09.480 --> 0:45:11.239
<v Speaker 1>But that's a lot to think about, you know what

0:45:11.280 --> 0:45:14.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm saying. So it's just like, don't crash out. Be smart?

0:45:14.840 --> 0:45:17.239
<v Speaker 5>Is crashing out? Is there any point where crashing out

0:45:17.280 --> 0:45:19.279
<v Speaker 5>as a necessity, not for you, but for them? If

0:45:19.280 --> 0:45:22.200
<v Speaker 5>you think about for their perspective, he wants to crash

0:45:22.200 --> 0:45:26.600
<v Speaker 5>out over anything. Is there a situation where you would

0:45:26.640 --> 0:45:28.200
<v Speaker 5>just crash out for anything?

0:45:28.640 --> 0:45:28.920
<v Speaker 1>For me?

0:45:29.120 --> 0:45:29.200
<v Speaker 3>Like?

0:45:29.320 --> 0:45:30.520
<v Speaker 4>Is it survival for them?

0:45:30.840 --> 0:45:30.920
<v Speaker 1>No?

0:45:31.120 --> 0:45:34.200
<v Speaker 5>I think this is yeah. I mean in any situation,

0:45:34.280 --> 0:45:36.760
<v Speaker 5>Like I think, ready to crash out at all costs.

0:45:36.800 --> 0:45:40.600
<v Speaker 1>I think that's the toxic part of masculinity, especially coming

0:45:40.600 --> 0:45:42.880
<v Speaker 1>from where we come from. Is that I'm going into this.

0:45:42.920 --> 0:45:44.680
<v Speaker 1>How many times we talked to our people going to party,

0:45:44.680 --> 0:45:47.719
<v Speaker 1>anybody look at me wrong, I'm snuffing us. That's toxic you.

0:45:47.920 --> 0:45:49.960
<v Speaker 1>All you want to do is show people that you're

0:45:50.000 --> 0:45:53.360
<v Speaker 1>more masculine, not realizing that that makes you look so small.

0:45:53.680 --> 0:45:55.960
<v Speaker 1>But that's what they're taught. That's what we were taught.

0:45:55.960 --> 0:45:58.439
<v Speaker 1>That's growing up in Brooklyn. You know what I'm saying.

0:45:58.440 --> 0:46:00.799
<v Speaker 1>You walking around, you got your older cousins, a older brother.

0:46:00.960 --> 0:46:03.200
<v Speaker 1>Anybody look at you, want your snuff. It's like you

0:46:03.239 --> 0:46:06.360
<v Speaker 1>start thinking that that's the way to be until you

0:46:06.400 --> 0:46:08.200
<v Speaker 1>get older and you're like, wait a minute, he did that.

0:46:08.239 --> 0:46:11.360
<v Speaker 1>He's in jail, he killed somebody, he's dead. It's like,

0:46:11.480 --> 0:46:14.319
<v Speaker 1>wait a minute, that doesn't make any sense. And then

0:46:14.360 --> 0:46:19.400
<v Speaker 1>you start to realize that crashing out has no positive response,

0:46:19.480 --> 0:46:22.359
<v Speaker 1>Like there's nothing good comes from crashing out. All that

0:46:22.480 --> 0:46:26.160
<v Speaker 1>being said, if I see somebody disrespect my wife or

0:46:26.200 --> 0:46:28.480
<v Speaker 1>hurt my wife or sexually assault my wife, it's going

0:46:28.520 --> 0:46:30.279
<v Speaker 1>to be hard for me to think about all of that.

0:46:30.800 --> 0:46:33.000
<v Speaker 1>So when I told that story about being in New York,

0:46:33.320 --> 0:46:35.280
<v Speaker 1>if I would have saw her face and she looked scared,

0:46:35.320 --> 0:46:38.160
<v Speaker 1>and that dude smoked, smirked at her with that devilish smirk.

0:46:38.440 --> 0:46:40.080
<v Speaker 1>There wouldn't have been nothing left for me to think

0:46:40.120 --> 0:46:42.399
<v Speaker 1>about it your point. It would have just been he's

0:46:42.440 --> 0:46:44.640
<v Speaker 1>going to have to feel the same thing my wife feels.

0:46:44.640 --> 0:46:48.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm about to embarrass him and that and that doesn't

0:46:48.760 --> 0:46:51.799
<v Speaker 1>make me right. I'm not asking for people to say

0:46:51.840 --> 0:46:53.799
<v Speaker 1>devou right, that's just what I think.

0:46:53.840 --> 0:46:54.360
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I get you.

0:46:54.360 --> 0:46:55.239
<v Speaker 1>The same thing with my kids.

0:46:55.400 --> 0:46:56.920
<v Speaker 5>I feel the same way when I look at like

0:46:57.080 --> 0:47:02.319
<v Speaker 5>court cases and you know, like the defendant is the

0:47:02.320 --> 0:47:07.080
<v Speaker 5>one who, like, yeah, raped or little girl somebody's daughter

0:47:07.160 --> 0:47:10.960
<v Speaker 5>and they're in the crowd. I'm sorry, I'm hopping over.

0:47:11.520 --> 0:47:14.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm taking it. I'll take it thirty days course, I'll

0:47:14.600 --> 0:47:15.120
<v Speaker 1>take it.

0:47:15.320 --> 0:47:18.480
<v Speaker 2>Yes, So it's crashing out, always responding in violence.

0:47:18.520 --> 0:47:19.200
<v Speaker 1>I was gonna.

0:47:20.560 --> 0:47:23.600
<v Speaker 2>Can't crash out, just be like I just curse somebody

0:47:23.640 --> 0:47:24.960
<v Speaker 2>out or you know what I'm saying.

0:47:25.480 --> 0:47:28.920
<v Speaker 5>From a definition standpoint, crashing out is violence.

0:47:29.040 --> 0:47:33.320
<v Speaker 1>That's silence because think about it, what issh his impact

0:47:33.360 --> 0:47:34.880
<v Speaker 1>crashes boom.

0:47:35.000 --> 0:47:37.279
<v Speaker 6>But that can be also verbally though, you can have

0:47:37.360 --> 0:47:38.080
<v Speaker 6>impact verbally.

0:47:38.120 --> 0:47:39.799
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, I'm the queen.

0:47:41.560 --> 0:47:44.440
<v Speaker 1>I wouldn't call the argument. I personally wouldn't call it

0:47:44.440 --> 0:47:47.600
<v Speaker 1>a crash out, but I have seen online were like

0:47:47.680 --> 0:47:51.080
<v Speaker 1>remember the balloon game, And the chick responded and was

0:47:51.120 --> 0:47:52.919
<v Speaker 1>just like, I don't like him because he's a little short.

0:47:53.000 --> 0:47:55.520
<v Speaker 1>She's like, that's the problem with y'all, And it was

0:47:55.520 --> 0:47:57.480
<v Speaker 1>like crashing out.

0:47:56.800 --> 0:48:00.239
<v Speaker 3>He was a crash out. Specifically, he was arguing with

0:48:00.280 --> 0:48:02.640
<v Speaker 3>every girl, yeah, and he didn't get it. They kept

0:48:02.640 --> 0:48:04.880
<v Speaker 3>being like, I don't like how you talked to women.

0:48:04.920 --> 0:48:06.239
<v Speaker 3>He'd be like, why are you worried about I'll talk

0:48:06.280 --> 0:48:08.880
<v Speaker 3>to the next woman. You a follower while he was

0:48:08.920 --> 0:48:09.440
<v Speaker 3>crashing out.

0:48:10.920 --> 0:48:14.480
<v Speaker 1>If that's the case, Matt is right crash out because

0:48:14.480 --> 0:48:18.120
<v Speaker 1>domestic violence is not always physical. You can verbally abuse someone,

0:48:18.160 --> 0:48:20.279
<v Speaker 1>So if you choose to verbally abuse someone, that is

0:48:20.320 --> 0:48:20.799
<v Speaker 1>a crash out.

0:48:21.239 --> 0:48:24.480
<v Speaker 2>To me, I felt like, initially when I learned the

0:48:24.520 --> 0:48:27.120
<v Speaker 2>crash out terminology, this is from my son, Jackson. He

0:48:27.160 --> 0:48:29.440
<v Speaker 2>tries to keep me young. So he initially told me

0:48:29.440 --> 0:48:31.440
<v Speaker 2>about crash out because he was at sky Zone for

0:48:31.480 --> 0:48:34.920
<v Speaker 2>a friend's birthday party and somebody's kids jumped on another kid,

0:48:35.080 --> 0:48:37.480
<v Speaker 2>you know, accidentally, but theer, the kid's mom, who was

0:48:37.480 --> 0:48:39.960
<v Speaker 2>not within the group of the birthday party, was getting

0:48:39.960 --> 0:48:44.120
<v Speaker 2>in Jackson's friend's face. So Jackson's friend's mom, who was

0:48:44.160 --> 0:48:46.000
<v Speaker 2>not that wasn't her son, but she was there as

0:48:46.040 --> 0:48:48.640
<v Speaker 2>one of the parents. She jumped in and started cursing

0:48:48.640 --> 0:48:50.399
<v Speaker 2>the lady out. So it was this back and forth

0:48:50.440 --> 0:48:52.440
<v Speaker 2>between the two and Jackson was like, oh my god, yo,

0:48:52.640 --> 0:48:54.840
<v Speaker 2>such as such moms crashed out, and I was like,

0:48:54.840 --> 0:48:55.640
<v Speaker 2>what does that mean.

0:48:57.239 --> 0:48:57.440
<v Speaker 3>To me?

0:48:57.480 --> 0:48:59.399
<v Speaker 2>It's kind of synonymous in that moment, like when she's

0:48:59.400 --> 0:49:04.400
<v Speaker 2>spashed at you, crash out. Son just fads out, crash

0:49:04.480 --> 0:49:06.680
<v Speaker 2>out verbally, queen physically, not the.

0:49:06.800 --> 0:49:09.160
<v Speaker 4>University act of going to zero and sixty, and.

0:49:09.280 --> 0:49:11.360
<v Speaker 3>Like just like yeah, yeah, yeah. The way that I

0:49:11.400 --> 0:49:14.719
<v Speaker 3>would characterize it, uh, something that has helped me over

0:49:14.760 --> 0:49:19.520
<v Speaker 3>the years with my issues with anger is like somatic

0:49:19.600 --> 0:49:24.320
<v Speaker 3>practice and learning how to recognize dysregulation in my body

0:49:24.800 --> 0:49:29.719
<v Speaker 3>before I respond to something. And so I would say

0:49:29.880 --> 0:49:33.520
<v Speaker 3>that a crash out is when you are so disregulated

0:49:33.600 --> 0:49:36.320
<v Speaker 3>that you cannot control what you are doing or saying.

0:49:36.920 --> 0:49:41.239
<v Speaker 3>So sometimes, like we'll have I can have a spirited

0:49:41.360 --> 0:49:45.560
<v Speaker 3>debate an argument with somebody where I'm still where I'm

0:49:45.600 --> 0:49:50.839
<v Speaker 3>still listening, where I'm still able to respond, But if

0:49:50.880 --> 0:49:55.080
<v Speaker 3>I'm crashing out. I'm simply reacting. I'm not fucking listening.

0:49:55.320 --> 0:49:58.600
<v Speaker 3>I'm going the fuck off. I feel it in my body.

0:49:58.760 --> 0:50:02.360
<v Speaker 3>My body is in raged. I'm full of rage. I'm shaking,

0:50:02.920 --> 0:50:05.400
<v Speaker 3>you know what I'm saying. Some people will say like, oh,

0:50:05.520 --> 0:50:06.239
<v Speaker 3>I blacked out.

0:50:06.719 --> 0:50:06.919
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:50:07.800 --> 0:50:11.399
<v Speaker 3>Some people literally like cannot hear you when you're talking

0:50:11.440 --> 0:50:14.000
<v Speaker 3>because they're crashing out. They're disregulated in their bodies so

0:50:14.160 --> 0:50:16.200
<v Speaker 3>much so that they can't control what is happening.

0:50:16.440 --> 0:50:18.640
<v Speaker 1>You know why that's bad. You know how crash outs

0:50:18.640 --> 0:50:22.000
<v Speaker 1>are born. They watched their parents crash out. I think

0:50:22.040 --> 0:50:25.200
<v Speaker 1>about that all the time, like I'd be like.

0:50:27.200 --> 0:50:29.720
<v Speaker 2>Not being emotionally intelligent or aware or mature.

0:50:30.080 --> 0:50:32.719
<v Speaker 1>And I learned from my dad, Like my dad was

0:50:32.800 --> 0:50:36.239
<v Speaker 1>not a crash out. I've seen people getting into physical altercations,

0:50:36.280 --> 0:50:38.239
<v Speaker 1>and my father was a bouncer. I think I told

0:50:38.239 --> 0:50:41.880
<v Speaker 1>you other story. He learned how to regulate other people's

0:50:41.920 --> 0:50:43.759
<v Speaker 1>emotions by and he told me this. He said, d

0:50:43.800 --> 0:50:45.719
<v Speaker 1>vow when I was bouncing at the club. He used

0:50:45.719 --> 0:50:47.600
<v Speaker 1>to bounce at Tunnel and another big club in the

0:50:47.680 --> 0:50:49.879
<v Speaker 1>nineties when it was like a lot of hip hop

0:50:49.920 --> 0:50:52.719
<v Speaker 1>people there. He was like, there's only five bounces the

0:50:52.800 --> 0:50:55.880
<v Speaker 1>club holds four hundred people. If a big fight breaks

0:50:55.920 --> 0:50:58.239
<v Speaker 1>out with all of these dudes, I need to know

0:50:58.680 --> 0:51:01.160
<v Speaker 1>that these people will listen. He talked about every time

0:51:01.239 --> 0:51:03.680
<v Speaker 1>he came and had people come in the club, they'd

0:51:03.680 --> 0:51:05.960
<v Speaker 1>be like, yo, listen, it's only five of us. Let's

0:51:06.000 --> 0:51:07.680
<v Speaker 1>make sure that we got each other's back. Da da

0:51:07.760 --> 0:51:10.120
<v Speaker 1>da da when a fight happened. He never ran in

0:51:10.200 --> 0:51:13.160
<v Speaker 1>there throwing punches. He ran in there to be like yo.

0:51:14.120 --> 0:51:16.160
<v Speaker 1>And I think that's what I learned how to do it,

0:51:17.160 --> 0:51:19.359
<v Speaker 1>and that's where our kids are learning it. So if

0:51:19.400 --> 0:51:21.400
<v Speaker 1>you're a person that crashes out and have kids, what

0:51:21.480 --> 0:51:23.960
<v Speaker 1>do you think your kids are watching and learning when

0:51:24.000 --> 0:51:25.920
<v Speaker 1>they watch you constantly crash out.

0:51:25.840 --> 0:51:28.759
<v Speaker 4>Every time there's a conflict, every time flip the handle.

0:51:28.680 --> 0:51:31.319
<v Speaker 6>My reaction should be yeah, because that's what I saw,

0:51:31.400 --> 0:51:32.280
<v Speaker 6>my folks.

0:51:32.400 --> 0:51:36.000
<v Speaker 3>And not only that, like emotional dysregulation comes from your

0:51:36.120 --> 0:51:41.960
<v Speaker 3>fight or flight, like hormones not being controlled for you

0:51:42.160 --> 0:51:45.200
<v Speaker 3>to always feel like you're in danger when something happens

0:51:45.280 --> 0:51:47.960
<v Speaker 3>and you either want to fight or fight, and if

0:51:48.000 --> 0:51:52.560
<v Speaker 3>you're in a household where you don't feel safe because

0:51:52.600 --> 0:51:54.560
<v Speaker 3>your parent is always crashing out, not even just that

0:51:54.640 --> 0:51:56.799
<v Speaker 3>you're seeing them do it, but you might be hearing

0:51:56.880 --> 0:51:59.279
<v Speaker 3>it or any little thing they're snapping at you. Now

0:51:59.400 --> 0:52:03.560
<v Speaker 3>you are disregulated. Now you're a alert nervous system. Right,

0:52:03.640 --> 0:52:05.960
<v Speaker 3>your alarm system is going off with any little thing

0:52:06.040 --> 0:52:08.760
<v Speaker 3>that happens. And now you are a disregulated adult.

0:52:09.080 --> 0:52:11.040
<v Speaker 2>That's why conversation is so important.

0:52:11.160 --> 0:52:12.600
<v Speaker 1>You see how all of this is like, and you

0:52:12.719 --> 0:52:14.120
<v Speaker 1>like you're thinking about things and people.

0:52:14.320 --> 0:52:16.719
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, no, I was gonna say that. This is why conversation, though,

0:52:16.800 --> 0:52:19.160
<v Speaker 2>is so important because your father, for example, is a bouncer.

0:52:19.560 --> 0:52:22.440
<v Speaker 2>Knowing how his dad is, I can see him. If

0:52:22.520 --> 0:52:25.279
<v Speaker 2>somebody is irate, you know, and feeling like they've been

0:52:25.360 --> 0:52:28.640
<v Speaker 2>wronged in whatever situation it was in the club, for example,

0:52:29.520 --> 0:52:32.279
<v Speaker 2>just bringing them close and talking to them and trying

0:52:32.360 --> 0:52:34.200
<v Speaker 2>to empathize with their point of view. A lot of

0:52:34.280 --> 0:52:36.600
<v Speaker 2>times people just want you to understand their perspective and

0:52:36.600 --> 0:52:40.000
<v Speaker 2>where they're coming from, what made them upset. So for me,

0:52:40.160 --> 0:52:43.319
<v Speaker 2>I think, to Tripple's point, having someone that can then

0:52:43.440 --> 0:52:45.520
<v Speaker 2>if you're in that fight or flight mode, kind of

0:52:45.600 --> 0:52:48.000
<v Speaker 2>bring you back down and regulate it by empathizing with

0:52:48.080 --> 0:52:50.400
<v Speaker 2>how you feel, even if you're wrong. Yeah, it's just

0:52:50.520 --> 0:52:53.040
<v Speaker 2>having somebody to communicate with you on that level into

0:52:53.080 --> 0:52:55.640
<v Speaker 2>personally that I think that it can then start to

0:52:55.840 --> 0:52:58.680
<v Speaker 2>potentially de escalate something from being a crash out moment.

0:52:58.800 --> 0:53:01.600
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it's a renew your sense of safety to help

0:53:01.640 --> 0:53:05.400
<v Speaker 3>your alarm bells turn off to be like you're you're safe.

0:53:05.680 --> 0:53:08.399
<v Speaker 3>Nothing is happening to you, right, has to happen, nothing

0:53:08.440 --> 0:53:10.759
<v Speaker 3>has to happen. Right, Yeah, I hear you.

0:53:10.840 --> 0:53:11.520
<v Speaker 2>You're wrong as hell.

0:53:13.680 --> 0:53:15.719
<v Speaker 3>You need to be, but we don't want it to

0:53:15.800 --> 0:53:16.160
<v Speaker 3>get there.

0:53:16.800 --> 0:53:18.560
<v Speaker 1>I listening to Tripple whe We're gonna have to take

0:53:18.680 --> 0:53:21.560
<v Speaker 1>a break someone, But listening to Triple really like set

0:53:21.600 --> 0:53:23.719
<v Speaker 1>off an alarm in my brain. And I'm thinking about

0:53:23.760 --> 0:53:26.160
<v Speaker 1>all the people I grew up with and now thinking about.

0:53:25.960 --> 0:53:28.120
<v Speaker 2>Their parents, right, and how they respond.

0:53:28.280 --> 0:53:30.200
<v Speaker 1>When she talked about fight or flight, I can think

0:53:30.239 --> 0:53:34.319
<v Speaker 1>about five friends who have crash out moms right, who

0:53:34.920 --> 0:53:38.800
<v Speaker 1>their kids either be ready to fight or run from everything.

0:53:39.480 --> 0:53:42.040
<v Speaker 1>And it's funny when I mean run from everything. The

0:53:42.120 --> 0:53:45.080
<v Speaker 1>minute somebody's voice get raised, they gon't, or it's the

0:53:45.080 --> 0:53:47.080
<v Speaker 1>minute somebody's voice get raised like why did you punch

0:53:47.120 --> 0:53:49.160
<v Speaker 1>some and so man like, I'm thinking about all of

0:53:49.200 --> 0:53:51.000
<v Speaker 1>these things, and it makes the most sense when you

0:53:51.080 --> 0:53:51.919
<v Speaker 1>have a crash our parents.

0:53:51.920 --> 0:53:53.640
<v Speaker 2>I know a mother child duo that came to mind

0:53:53.640 --> 0:53:56.000
<v Speaker 2>where it's just like, yo, you could fuck with them

0:53:56.040 --> 0:53:57.840
<v Speaker 2>if you want to. They're gonna be cool as a

0:53:57.920 --> 0:54:01.160
<v Speaker 2>que coming through it all I know. But them two,

0:54:01.520 --> 0:54:04.879
<v Speaker 2>if anything shit goes awry, say the word. It's either

0:54:04.960 --> 0:54:07.560
<v Speaker 2>gonna go all the way sky high or they can

0:54:07.640 --> 0:54:08.239
<v Speaker 2>keep it down low.

0:54:08.400 --> 0:54:10.520
<v Speaker 1>But she's very controlled in her emotion.

0:54:10.520 --> 0:54:14.239
<v Speaker 2>Control, and that's why he is. However, if shit needs

0:54:14.280 --> 0:54:16.680
<v Speaker 2>to get done and dealt with, it's gonna get done

0:54:16.719 --> 0:54:19.439
<v Speaker 2>and dealt with on a very low, even Q level.

0:54:19.680 --> 0:54:22.200
<v Speaker 2>So all right, y'all, let's go pay some bills before

0:54:22.680 --> 0:54:25.080
<v Speaker 2>the bill collectors crash out on us, and we'll be

0:54:25.160 --> 0:54:42.120
<v Speaker 2>back with listening letters. Stick around, all right. We're back

0:54:42.400 --> 0:54:44.719
<v Speaker 2>back with listener letters, and we have one for today.

0:54:44.760 --> 0:54:46.800
<v Speaker 2>Oh it's a bit lengthy one, so let's go in

0:54:46.920 --> 0:54:52.920
<v Speaker 2>and dive right in. All right. I'm approaching the second

0:54:52.960 --> 0:54:54.880
<v Speaker 2>half of my thirties and I recently moved out of

0:54:54.920 --> 0:54:57.480
<v Speaker 2>my childhood home into a two bedroom apartment with my

0:54:57.600 --> 0:55:01.279
<v Speaker 2>teenage son. It's my first apartment after having lived with

0:55:01.520 --> 0:55:04.640
<v Speaker 2>my six plus siblings and parents my entire life. When

0:55:04.680 --> 0:55:07.200
<v Speaker 2>I moved, my dad who was retired and divorced from

0:55:07.239 --> 0:55:10.279
<v Speaker 2>my mom, was staying with other family, doesn't have a

0:55:10.360 --> 0:55:13.200
<v Speaker 2>place of his own, volunteer to move in with me

0:55:13.440 --> 0:55:15.200
<v Speaker 2>for two weeks to help me get settled in, and

0:55:15.320 --> 0:55:18.680
<v Speaker 2>also for what he felt was assuring my safety as

0:55:18.719 --> 0:55:20.960
<v Speaker 2>a single woman in a new neighborhood. I welcome. This

0:55:21.120 --> 0:55:22.400
<v Speaker 2>offer makes sense, I.

0:55:22.440 --> 0:55:25.160
<v Speaker 1>Knew, yep.

0:55:25.640 --> 0:55:27.880
<v Speaker 2>The problem is it's been six months now and he

0:55:28.080 --> 0:55:31.200
<v Speaker 2>hasn't left. He's taking over my living room to a

0:55:31.239 --> 0:55:33.439
<v Speaker 2>point where I can't even utilize it because it feels

0:55:33.480 --> 0:55:36.680
<v Speaker 2>like I'm invading his space. I haven't had people over,

0:55:36.840 --> 0:55:39.160
<v Speaker 2>neither has my son, and I'm feeling very restricted in

0:55:39.200 --> 0:55:41.120
<v Speaker 2>a place that was supposed to be just for me

0:55:41.239 --> 0:55:43.560
<v Speaker 2>and my kid. I'm nervous to ask him to go

0:55:43.680 --> 0:55:46.400
<v Speaker 2>back to where he was staying or with other of

0:55:46.800 --> 0:55:49.359
<v Speaker 2>another of my siblings, because I don't want to hurt

0:55:49.360 --> 0:55:51.759
<v Speaker 2>his feelings. We have a great relationship, but I don't

0:55:51.760 --> 0:55:54.359
<v Speaker 2>want to risk it going bad by becoming the daughter

0:55:54.440 --> 0:55:57.719
<v Speaker 2>who put him out quote unquote. However, I need my

0:55:57.840 --> 0:56:00.360
<v Speaker 2>space and independence. Resentment is starting to grow, and I

0:56:00.400 --> 0:56:03.359
<v Speaker 2>don't want to be miserable in my own home. There's

0:56:03.400 --> 0:56:05.520
<v Speaker 2>also the fact that we are from the Caribbean West

0:56:05.520 --> 0:56:09.720
<v Speaker 2>Indian massive and it's very common for parents and elders

0:56:09.760 --> 0:56:12.360
<v Speaker 2>in our cultures to feel entitled to their children's success

0:56:12.560 --> 0:56:17.520
<v Speaker 2>and any really is that in any capacity because of

0:56:17.680 --> 0:56:22.760
<v Speaker 2>this sacrifice. Yo, speak to me, speaking to me, siss

0:56:23.200 --> 0:56:27.920
<v Speaker 2>I understand, Let's go back. It's very common for parents

0:56:27.960 --> 0:56:30.200
<v Speaker 2>and elders in our culture to feel entitled to their

0:56:30.320 --> 0:56:34.400
<v Speaker 2>children's success in any capacity because of the sacrifices they

0:56:34.560 --> 0:56:37.040
<v Speaker 2>made coming to this country and building a life for

0:56:37.239 --> 0:56:38.359
<v Speaker 2>us to suited.

0:56:39.600 --> 0:56:46.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna let you. I'm gonna close my laptop and

0:56:46.000 --> 0:56:46.600
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna let you.

0:56:48.000 --> 0:56:52.160
<v Speaker 2>However, I haven't reached that plateau of success where I

0:56:52.200 --> 0:56:55.520
<v Speaker 2>can invite others to partake. Yet, if I had a

0:56:55.600 --> 0:56:58.120
<v Speaker 2>house where he could actually have his own room or wing,

0:56:58.719 --> 0:57:01.719
<v Speaker 2>sure he'd be welcome. Until he's not, says, because I'm

0:57:01.960 --> 0:57:08.680
<v Speaker 2>about to reach my max. Honey, did you just you?

0:57:09.600 --> 0:57:16.640
<v Speaker 7>My god, it's all over his you Okay, I'm sorry

0:57:17.160 --> 0:57:20.320
<v Speaker 7>this conversation category ofsion.

0:57:21.000 --> 0:57:25.400
<v Speaker 2>This has been our lives. Honey, what you going to

0:57:25.440 --> 0:57:25.720
<v Speaker 2>tell her?

0:57:25.720 --> 0:57:28.160
<v Speaker 1>Because I don't even know girl?

0:57:28.240 --> 0:57:29.560
<v Speaker 2>Moving with us, I don't know what to tell you.

0:57:31.360 --> 0:57:34.240
<v Speaker 1>With us, moving with us? Whatever you do.

0:57:35.040 --> 0:57:36.320
<v Speaker 2>I'm about to say, we couple old.

0:57:36.200 --> 0:57:37.640
<v Speaker 3>Appearance in one house? How about that?

0:57:37.680 --> 0:57:38.440
<v Speaker 2>And they have each other?

0:57:39.480 --> 0:57:39.760
<v Speaker 3>Okay?

0:57:39.800 --> 0:57:42.920
<v Speaker 1>Good? So you wrote this, be honest, you wrote this,

0:57:43.000 --> 0:57:43.720
<v Speaker 1>I might have wrote.

0:57:45.880 --> 0:57:47.800
<v Speaker 2>You got me. That actually would be funny if you

0:57:48.040 --> 0:57:51.920
<v Speaker 2>wrote it, if we wrote in anonymously. All right. So

0:57:52.520 --> 0:57:54.080
<v Speaker 2>if I had a house where he could actually have

0:57:54.160 --> 0:57:56.560
<v Speaker 2>his own rumor wing, sure he'd be welcome. But my

0:57:56.680 --> 0:57:59.320
<v Speaker 2>first apartment and he's just in my living room. My

0:57:59.360 --> 0:58:01.440
<v Speaker 2>son and I can't have friends over because my couch

0:58:01.920 --> 0:58:05.360
<v Speaker 2>is double timing as his bed. I can't even think

0:58:05.400 --> 0:58:08.440
<v Speaker 2>about inviting a potential husband in because how does that

0:58:08.600 --> 0:58:11.840
<v Speaker 2>look ough. He earns more than enough money from his

0:58:11.960 --> 0:58:15.840
<v Speaker 2>retirement and social Security to get a place of his own,

0:58:16.080 --> 0:58:18.600
<v Speaker 2>But what I've gathered when I ask him about that

0:58:18.760 --> 0:58:20.920
<v Speaker 2>route in a nutshell. He just doesn't want to spend

0:58:20.960 --> 0:58:24.160
<v Speaker 2>the money. We live in New York City. I would

0:58:24.200 --> 0:58:26.400
<v Speaker 2>love your thoughts on how to approach speaking to a

0:58:26.440 --> 0:58:30.280
<v Speaker 2>close family member about exercising those options and getting out

0:58:30.400 --> 0:58:34.280
<v Speaker 2>of your house. It's hard because that's my girl. Todd

0:58:34.360 --> 0:58:34.640
<v Speaker 2>asked me.

0:58:35.120 --> 0:58:35.480
<v Speaker 6>I don't know.

0:58:36.560 --> 0:58:38.720
<v Speaker 2>I don't know how to tell you because I'm in

0:58:38.800 --> 0:58:44.000
<v Speaker 2>the same situation. It's hard because that's my father and

0:58:44.120 --> 0:58:46.800
<v Speaker 2>he worked outdoors his whole life in every kind of

0:58:46.880 --> 0:58:49.560
<v Speaker 2>weather to support our family, mom as a housewife. So

0:58:49.640 --> 0:58:53.160
<v Speaker 2>when I think about his sacrifices, I feel terrible. Anyway,

0:58:53.280 --> 0:58:57.280
<v Speaker 2>please help girl, first of all, because start a support group,

0:58:57.720 --> 0:59:00.520
<v Speaker 2>because that's exactly what Daval and I have. And I

0:59:00.720 --> 0:59:03.520
<v Speaker 2>just at this point, you guys know, my parents' mom

0:59:04.040 --> 0:59:08.680
<v Speaker 2>particularly moved with us from Brooklyn to California. When we

0:59:08.760 --> 0:59:10.200
<v Speaker 2>were living in California for a year and a half

0:59:10.600 --> 0:59:13.120
<v Speaker 2>COVID hit. The plan was initially for her to move

0:59:13.200 --> 0:59:16.040
<v Speaker 2>for about six months, take some time off of work, decompress,

0:59:16.800 --> 0:59:19.080
<v Speaker 2>help us with the transitions to California. But then, of

0:59:19.120 --> 0:59:21.640
<v Speaker 2>course nobody expected for COVID to hit, and then COVID

0:59:21.720 --> 0:59:24.200
<v Speaker 2>kind of just put everybody into rut, as you all know.

0:59:24.800 --> 0:59:28.560
<v Speaker 2>And we moved from California to Georgia and it has

0:59:28.640 --> 0:59:31.240
<v Speaker 2>become and how both parents are here. Both parents are

0:59:31.280 --> 0:59:33.200
<v Speaker 2>here because of course dad's retired, wanted to come be

0:59:33.280 --> 0:59:35.560
<v Speaker 2>with us and the children, so as much as we

0:59:35.880 --> 0:59:38.160
<v Speaker 2>love and enjoy them being here with the kids. Because

0:59:38.160 --> 0:59:40.280
<v Speaker 2>of course, y'all know, Deval and I have crazy schedules.

0:59:40.960 --> 0:59:41.600
<v Speaker 3>I have reached the.

0:59:41.560 --> 0:59:45.680
<v Speaker 2>Point where I can use my own space, and it's

0:59:45.720 --> 0:59:48.560
<v Speaker 2>been particularly difficult because I know that we have created

0:59:48.600 --> 0:59:51.920
<v Speaker 2>a very comfortable environment for my parents to exist here

0:59:51.960 --> 0:59:55.280
<v Speaker 2>with us, because essentially they don't have to worry about anything.

0:59:56.000 --> 0:59:58.400
<v Speaker 2>And anytime my mom and I or my mom and

0:59:58.480 --> 1:00:01.320
<v Speaker 2>my siblings and I or devall my mom have the conversation,

1:00:02.040 --> 1:00:06.080
<v Speaker 2>you know about potentially them getting their own place, you know,

1:00:06.240 --> 1:00:07.160
<v Speaker 2>she'll talk about all.

1:00:07.120 --> 1:00:10.560
<v Speaker 1>Of the sacrifice literally the same word.

1:00:10.520 --> 1:00:12.960
<v Speaker 2>Guy, Like, I think it's a thing within the Caribbean

1:00:13.000 --> 1:00:14.960
<v Speaker 2>community that I don't know. Josh and Matt if you've

1:00:15.000 --> 1:00:19.840
<v Speaker 2>heard about the sacrifice that they've made for us. And

1:00:19.960 --> 1:00:22.480
<v Speaker 2>we had even done an episode on the podcast a

1:00:22.520 --> 1:00:25.840
<v Speaker 2>little while back where I said how the word sacrifice

1:00:25.920 --> 1:00:28.520
<v Speaker 2>is so triggering to me and how I would never

1:00:28.760 --> 1:00:31.440
<v Speaker 2>use that with my boys, like, you know, using that

1:00:31.480 --> 1:00:34.080
<v Speaker 2>almost as a guilt trip, like I have sacrificed so much.

1:00:35.680 --> 1:00:40.160
<v Speaker 4>No, no, no, listen, my mom watches this. Mommy, I.

1:00:41.960 --> 1:00:42.600
<v Speaker 1>Don't have to hie.

1:00:42.680 --> 1:00:45.200
<v Speaker 5>My mom has never a guilt tripped me by anything.

1:00:45.320 --> 1:00:47.440
<v Speaker 5>If anything is the other way around. She's she feels

1:00:47.520 --> 1:00:49.280
<v Speaker 5>bad that she doesn't have enough to give me.

1:00:49.920 --> 1:00:52.440
<v Speaker 4>So I love that, so don't put me in it, Mommy.

1:00:52.480 --> 1:00:53.880
<v Speaker 3>I love you. I love you.

1:00:54.040 --> 1:00:55.480
<v Speaker 4>You would never Okay, thank you.

1:00:56.040 --> 1:00:58.400
<v Speaker 6>I found out my mom watches this too, but also.

1:00:59.560 --> 1:01:01.000
<v Speaker 2>Sacrifice supporting.

1:01:05.800 --> 1:01:06.720
<v Speaker 3>Stories over there.

1:01:08.600 --> 1:01:10.760
<v Speaker 6>I appreciate exactly.

1:01:12.760 --> 1:01:15.920
<v Speaker 2>It's the idea of the sacrifice, and my mindset when

1:01:15.960 --> 1:01:17.840
<v Speaker 2>it comes to the sacrifice portion of it is like

1:01:18.240 --> 1:01:20.400
<v Speaker 2>whatever I do, or di and I do collectively for

1:01:20.480 --> 1:01:23.720
<v Speaker 2>our children, I don't see it as a sacrificing to

1:01:23.880 --> 1:01:25.960
<v Speaker 2>give it to them. This is the life that we

1:01:26.080 --> 1:01:27.560
<v Speaker 2>want to live, and this is the work that we

1:01:27.720 --> 1:01:30.160
<v Speaker 2>want to do for ourselves where our children will reap

1:01:30.200 --> 1:01:32.720
<v Speaker 2>the benefits, of course, but I would never think that

1:01:32.840 --> 1:01:36.520
<v Speaker 2>my children are responsible for the sacrifice. Me as a parent,

1:01:36.920 --> 1:01:38.600
<v Speaker 2>me as a woman, me as a person. This is

1:01:38.640 --> 1:01:41.160
<v Speaker 2>the kind of life that I want to provide for

1:01:41.440 --> 1:01:43.880
<v Speaker 2>my family. That's why Dival and I work so hard,

1:01:43.920 --> 1:01:46.080
<v Speaker 2>and that's why I could just stay home and chill,

1:01:46.160 --> 1:01:47.680
<v Speaker 2>but no, I want to be able to contribute but

1:01:47.760 --> 1:01:50.160
<v Speaker 2>also be an active mom and active wife at home.

1:01:50.760 --> 1:01:53.320
<v Speaker 2>So I laugh about the sacrifice portion of it because

1:01:53.320 --> 1:01:55.520
<v Speaker 2>that's what my mom says, and that's not taking away

1:01:55.560 --> 1:01:59.360
<v Speaker 2>from what her story is. Right coming up here at

1:01:59.400 --> 1:02:00.600
<v Speaker 2>seventeen by herself.

1:02:01.080 --> 1:02:01.480
<v Speaker 4>She gives it.

1:02:02.560 --> 1:02:04.400
<v Speaker 2>She sacrificed those he did.

1:02:04.760 --> 1:02:07.480
<v Speaker 1>I think that's why the Caribbean massive is always like

1:02:07.520 --> 1:02:10.320
<v Speaker 1>a sacrifice. I left my is from here for a

1:02:10.400 --> 1:02:14.600
<v Speaker 1>better life than all of us at all.

1:02:15.040 --> 1:02:19.040
<v Speaker 2>It's a huge thing. It's a huge sacrifice as well. Yeah,

1:02:19.440 --> 1:02:21.240
<v Speaker 2>so I would never take away from that. I actually

1:02:21.240 --> 1:02:23.120
<v Speaker 2>applaud and have empathy for my mom. I even in

1:02:23.160 --> 1:02:24.920
<v Speaker 2>a Mother's Day post that we just posted I just

1:02:25.000 --> 1:02:27.520
<v Speaker 2>posted in May, I told her that she needs to

1:02:27.600 --> 1:02:29.600
<v Speaker 2>be proud of that seventeen year old girl that came

1:02:29.680 --> 1:02:31.640
<v Speaker 2>up here by herself for a new country, trying to

1:02:31.680 --> 1:02:34.200
<v Speaker 2>figure out things on her own. Like I don't want

1:02:34.280 --> 1:02:37.320
<v Speaker 2>nobody to drop me at forty one in no country

1:02:37.360 --> 1:02:39.480
<v Speaker 2>to figure shit out on my own, you know what

1:02:39.520 --> 1:02:41.800
<v Speaker 2>I'm saying. So I completely get that and I empathize

1:02:41.800 --> 1:02:45.280
<v Speaker 2>with that. But Dad is overdoing it. He is overdoing it,

1:02:45.360 --> 1:02:47.520
<v Speaker 2>and he is overstaying his welcome, and he probably was

1:02:47.560 --> 1:02:49.560
<v Speaker 2>looking for out from Mom and the other six plus

1:02:49.600 --> 1:02:52.840
<v Speaker 2>siblings that y'all got there too, you know. So I

1:02:52.960 --> 1:02:55.840
<v Speaker 2>think like a nice encouraging conversation where of course, with

1:02:56.120 --> 1:02:58.160
<v Speaker 2>our parents, you have to make sure that you build

1:02:58.240 --> 1:03:01.760
<v Speaker 2>them up and you talk about appreciating the sacrifices, and

1:03:01.880 --> 1:03:03.680
<v Speaker 2>you talk about that, but then you talk about what's

1:03:03.680 --> 1:03:04.800
<v Speaker 2>healthy for what you need in your.

1:03:05.480 --> 1:03:07.880
<v Speaker 4>Please do not listen, young lady.

1:03:08.080 --> 1:03:11.120
<v Speaker 5>Do not let your dad come live with you, all right,

1:03:11.120 --> 1:03:13.480
<v Speaker 5>because once you get them in, they can't come out.

1:03:13.440 --> 1:03:14.320
<v Speaker 2>Too late, too late.

1:03:14.600 --> 1:03:21.440
<v Speaker 3>He's on the couch, he said, and he's been there

1:03:21.520 --> 1:03:22.360
<v Speaker 3>for six months.

1:03:23.000 --> 1:03:23.920
<v Speaker 1>Oh damn.

1:03:25.880 --> 1:03:26.040
<v Speaker 6>Yea.

1:03:27.080 --> 1:03:29.400
<v Speaker 2>And now the conversation in my house with deval and

1:03:29.440 --> 1:03:31.160
<v Speaker 2>I and my mom and dad are like, hey, guys, okay,

1:03:31.280 --> 1:03:33.680
<v Speaker 2>so you've sold, you know, your investment property in New York.

1:03:34.000 --> 1:03:35.960
<v Speaker 2>We have this money sitting aside for you, guys. Let's

1:03:35.960 --> 1:03:38.840
<v Speaker 2>start house hunting. My mom will text me all the memes,

1:03:39.480 --> 1:03:41.520
<v Speaker 2>she will d m me all the reels, and she

1:03:41.560 --> 1:03:44.200
<v Speaker 2>will all the things, and she will not reply to

1:03:44.360 --> 1:03:47.600
<v Speaker 2>anything house related when typically looking for houses is like

1:03:47.880 --> 1:03:49.320
<v Speaker 2>a thing like on a random day, I might look

1:03:49.360 --> 1:03:50.920
<v Speaker 2>on Zilla, like what they got on the market, knowing

1:03:51.000 --> 1:03:52.880
<v Speaker 2>good and one. I ain't buying ship. But that's just

1:03:52.960 --> 1:03:56.840
<v Speaker 2>something that she was out there, and she has not

1:03:57.000 --> 1:04:01.000
<v Speaker 2>responded to anything, like there's no conversation happening a house

1:04:01.480 --> 1:04:03.680
<v Speaker 2>at all. So and I know that there's several reasons,

1:04:03.760 --> 1:04:06.240
<v Speaker 2>like from a personal and more private standpoint where I

1:04:06.280 --> 1:04:09.080
<v Speaker 2>won't divulge why potentially she doesn't want to have her

1:04:09.120 --> 1:04:11.560
<v Speaker 2>own space, but it's also just awfully convenient to be

1:04:11.600 --> 1:04:13.040
<v Speaker 2>here because she don't have to worry about nothing. The

1:04:13.080 --> 1:04:14.120
<v Speaker 2>kids are here, you know.

1:04:14.840 --> 1:04:16.840
<v Speaker 1>So also I will say this, and this is not

1:04:16.960 --> 1:04:20.040
<v Speaker 1>personal to your parents or your parents or your parents,

1:04:20.120 --> 1:04:22.600
<v Speaker 1>this is just life when you get to that age,

1:04:23.160 --> 1:04:25.040
<v Speaker 1>sometimes they just don't want to be around each other.

1:04:25.480 --> 1:04:27.160
<v Speaker 1>And now I have somewhere else to go. And I'll

1:04:27.200 --> 1:04:28.880
<v Speaker 1>use my own family as an example. I look at

1:04:28.920 --> 1:04:31.720
<v Speaker 1>my Papa John and my nanny. They sleep together at

1:04:31.800 --> 1:04:33.640
<v Speaker 1>night in the same room, but all day my nanny

1:04:33.680 --> 1:04:35.280
<v Speaker 1>will be in one room. My Papa John will be

1:04:35.320 --> 1:04:37.040
<v Speaker 1>in his room, or he'll be in the garden. And

1:04:37.160 --> 1:04:40.360
<v Speaker 1>it works for them. They have their space. John, you're hungry,

1:04:40.880 --> 1:04:42.760
<v Speaker 1>John can yeah, b They come in, they eat, They

1:04:42.800 --> 1:04:44.680
<v Speaker 1>have a great relationship. But they just don't want to

1:04:44.720 --> 1:04:46.080
<v Speaker 1>be around each other all the time.

1:04:46.160 --> 1:04:46.520
<v Speaker 3>That's true.

1:04:46.560 --> 1:04:48.320
<v Speaker 2>Even your dad comes down to help with the boys

1:04:48.360 --> 1:04:50.360
<v Speaker 2>and he'll come chill, but he'd be facetiming your mom

1:04:50.400 --> 1:04:51.520
<v Speaker 2>and he'd be like, hey, miss you.

1:04:51.800 --> 1:04:52.600
<v Speaker 6>But they like the space.

1:04:52.640 --> 1:04:54.400
<v Speaker 2>They like the space sometimes, you know what I'm saying.

1:04:54.400 --> 1:04:56.040
<v Speaker 2>I go away on vacation with my girls a couple

1:04:56.080 --> 1:04:57.840
<v Speaker 2>two three days, Deval be missing me. I'd be sending

1:04:57.880 --> 1:04:59.800
<v Speaker 2>him little selfies and whatnot and come back home. So

1:04:59.880 --> 1:05:05.920
<v Speaker 2>I get the space component wanting that, But I do

1:05:06.120 --> 1:05:08.080
<v Speaker 2>I do You need a space, girl, You need your space.

1:05:08.120 --> 1:05:10.600
<v Speaker 2>Your son, who's a grown boy, needs his size. You know,

1:05:10.760 --> 1:05:12.120
<v Speaker 2>like you said, you want to have people over and

1:05:12.280 --> 1:05:14.080
<v Speaker 2>entertain them. And Dad has to fall up his pillow

1:05:14.120 --> 1:05:15.840
<v Speaker 2>and blanket because that's as bad as well.

1:05:16.160 --> 1:05:19.120
<v Speaker 4>She got a guilt trip him the opposite.

1:05:20.840 --> 1:05:22.800
<v Speaker 3>This is the perfect time.

1:05:23.160 --> 1:05:23.480
<v Speaker 2>I'm not.

1:05:26.280 --> 1:05:26.600
<v Speaker 7>Crash.

1:05:30.920 --> 1:05:32.360
<v Speaker 4>She needs a real help though. How would you get

1:05:32.400 --> 1:05:33.000
<v Speaker 4>her at this house?

1:05:33.160 --> 1:05:33.280
<v Speaker 3>Now?

1:05:33.360 --> 1:05:35.360
<v Speaker 1>Seriously, seriously, this is what works for me, because I've

1:05:35.360 --> 1:05:38.040
<v Speaker 1>even spoken to Kadeen's parents and my parents. You have to,

1:05:38.160 --> 1:05:41.120
<v Speaker 1>like Kadeen said, acknowledge the fact that they have sacrificed,

1:05:41.600 --> 1:05:44.320
<v Speaker 1>and also acknowledge the fact that Dad, because you've been

1:05:44.400 --> 1:05:46.520
<v Speaker 1>here for six months, I do feel safe. I know

1:05:46.680 --> 1:05:50.560
<v Speaker 1>my environment, people know that you're here, so I feel safe.

1:05:50.560 --> 1:05:52.439
<v Speaker 1>But Dad, at the same time, I'm a grown girl

1:05:52.520 --> 1:05:54.400
<v Speaker 1>and I have a son, and we need our space.

1:05:54.440 --> 1:05:57.320
<v Speaker 1>That we can flourish. I guarantee you. Because her father

1:05:57.440 --> 1:06:00.919
<v Speaker 1>does care so much, you'll understand, You'll unders He also

1:06:01.000 --> 1:06:04.320
<v Speaker 1>may be waiting for her to say I'm good. What

1:06:04.440 --> 1:06:06.160
<v Speaker 1>if what if he's there, like, I can't leave because

1:06:06.160 --> 1:06:06.720
<v Speaker 1>she hasn't.

1:06:06.480 --> 1:06:08.200
<v Speaker 2>Told me she's enjoying having me here.

1:06:08.520 --> 1:06:09.200
<v Speaker 1>Maybe he doesn't know.

1:06:09.320 --> 1:06:11.320
<v Speaker 3>Maybe she said in the letter that every time she

1:06:11.440 --> 1:06:14.960
<v Speaker 3>brings it up, he sacrifice. She's not trying to hear it,

1:06:15.200 --> 1:06:21.280
<v Speaker 3>so it crash out. It's time.

1:06:21.720 --> 1:06:24.880
<v Speaker 1>I wouldn't crash out on my dad, but I would

1:06:25.120 --> 1:06:27.200
<v Speaker 1>tell him like you got to Friday.

1:06:29.720 --> 1:06:32.440
<v Speaker 3>You know why, because as many sacrifices as your parents

1:06:32.480 --> 1:06:35.560
<v Speaker 3>have made, they've made just as many mistakes. So you

1:06:36.080 --> 1:06:40.640
<v Speaker 3>you get one. You get one good crash out, you

1:06:40.720 --> 1:06:42.720
<v Speaker 3>get one good motherfucking crash out, And I think this

1:06:42.920 --> 1:06:45.120
<v Speaker 3>is your one. I think it's time to use your

1:06:45.240 --> 1:06:46.480
<v Speaker 3>free crash out on dad.

1:06:46.680 --> 1:06:49.200
<v Speaker 4>You can't crash your parents agree with everything you said.

1:06:49.200 --> 1:06:50.960
<v Speaker 3>I'm never gonna crash out on my parents, but you

1:06:51.040 --> 1:06:53.360
<v Speaker 3>got to crash out within your limit.

1:06:54.680 --> 1:06:54.960
<v Speaker 6>Reasons.

1:06:55.000 --> 1:06:57.840
<v Speaker 2>But then reason, and maybe you're the favorite daughter. Maybe

1:06:57.880 --> 1:06:59.720
<v Speaker 2>he just likes being with you because I feel like

1:06:59.760 --> 1:07:01.040
<v Speaker 2>I'm my father's favorite.

1:07:01.080 --> 1:07:03.880
<v Speaker 1>Well you are not your father's favorite. You better stop

1:07:04.000 --> 1:07:06.800
<v Speaker 1>lying to yourself right now. You are your mother's favorite.

1:07:07.520 --> 1:07:14.480
<v Speaker 1>You are your mother's favorite. Tristan, is your mother, you Grandma,

1:07:14.560 --> 1:07:20.000
<v Speaker 1>Brian's face, somebody, somebody who love.

1:07:19.960 --> 1:07:29.640
<v Speaker 2>You, somebody, It's true most for these two write you

1:07:29.640 --> 1:07:31.640
<v Speaker 2>know what I'm saying. But it's also one hand watches

1:07:31.720 --> 1:07:33.440
<v Speaker 2>the other situation like I love that they're here to

1:07:33.480 --> 1:07:35.560
<v Speaker 2>be with my boys and be there full time. But sis,

1:07:35.880 --> 1:07:38.160
<v Speaker 2>and when you when you kick him out, be like yo, dad,

1:07:38.200 --> 1:07:40.120
<v Speaker 2>if you want to pop in every now and again

1:07:40.440 --> 1:07:44.040
<v Speaker 2>see us, But you gotta go back home, sir, You

1:07:44.160 --> 1:07:44.960
<v Speaker 2>gotta go back home.

1:07:46.320 --> 1:07:49.720
<v Speaker 3>My mom asked me she should move with me every

1:07:49.760 --> 1:07:51.480
<v Speaker 3>couple of months. Don't you want me to move that?

1:07:51.600 --> 1:07:53.040
<v Speaker 3>And I crashed out on her right there.

1:07:55.960 --> 1:07:58.560
<v Speaker 1>Don't want to triple toxic? Man.

1:07:58.960 --> 1:08:01.200
<v Speaker 4>Yes, you get some people, ash man, they take a mile.

1:08:03.760 --> 1:08:04.320
<v Speaker 4>I hate.

1:08:06.040 --> 1:08:11.600
<v Speaker 1>Here for six years. Huh. Well if you well, if

1:08:11.600 --> 1:08:11.960
<v Speaker 1>you want to.

1:08:11.920 --> 1:08:15.920
<v Speaker 2>Hear more of that podcast, but now that we know

1:08:16.000 --> 1:08:19.360
<v Speaker 2>that Daisy and ed is Edna. Yeah, Daisy and Edna listen,

1:08:19.400 --> 1:08:21.240
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if mom be watching, but my girl,

1:08:21.320 --> 1:08:23.800
<v Speaker 2>you're ready to know what the conversations. Man, answer me

1:08:24.120 --> 1:08:26.519
<v Speaker 2>one text about the Zillow's okay because some houses are

1:08:26.520 --> 1:08:28.200
<v Speaker 2>probably not under contract, and then we got to look

1:08:28.200 --> 1:08:28.679
<v Speaker 2>at more houses.

1:08:28.800 --> 1:08:33.360
<v Speaker 1>Scrifice, don't care. I love you, Oh my.

1:08:33.400 --> 1:08:35.400
<v Speaker 2>God, we love you girl, but he got to go.

1:08:36.200 --> 1:08:37.760
<v Speaker 2>If you'd like to be featured as one of our

1:08:37.800 --> 1:08:40.400
<v Speaker 2>listener letters, be sure to email us at the Ellis

1:08:40.479 --> 1:08:42.000
<v Speaker 2>Advice at gmail dot com.

1:08:42.240 --> 1:08:44.800
<v Speaker 1>That's t h E E L L I S A

1:08:45.000 --> 1:08:48.360
<v Speaker 1>d V I C E at gmail dot com.

1:08:49.040 --> 1:08:51.559
<v Speaker 2>All right, moment of truth time. We're talking about crash out,

1:08:51.640 --> 1:08:54.400
<v Speaker 2>When to when not to? Should we what are the rippercussions?

1:08:55.080 --> 1:08:57.519
<v Speaker 2>Let's start with Uh, we're gonna start with it, Matt.

1:08:57.920 --> 1:08:59.400
<v Speaker 2>Any moment of truth when it comes to.

1:08:59.439 --> 1:09:04.000
<v Speaker 6>Crashing out, I think big before you, before you crash out,

1:09:04.400 --> 1:09:05.840
<v Speaker 6>it might not be worth it at all.

1:09:07.720 --> 1:09:12.080
<v Speaker 5>Yes, same, same long along, the same lives thinking I

1:09:12.200 --> 1:09:16.680
<v Speaker 5>was thinking about from all right, listen.

1:09:17.240 --> 1:09:23.160
<v Speaker 1>Think about you act. Don't cut any of this.

1:09:23.840 --> 1:09:26.040
<v Speaker 3>It's right now.

1:09:26.240 --> 1:09:28.080
<v Speaker 4>She don't cut it, said his brain.

1:09:29.360 --> 1:09:35.360
<v Speaker 5>All right, listen, don't crash out. All right, don't crash out.

1:09:35.760 --> 1:09:37.760
<v Speaker 5>I've crashed out before. I'm so happy we didn't get

1:09:37.760 --> 1:09:39.439
<v Speaker 5>to it today because I don't really want to talk

1:09:39.479 --> 1:09:39.760
<v Speaker 5>about it.

1:09:39.800 --> 1:09:41.640
<v Speaker 4>My mom watches this, but I've crashed out before and

1:09:41.720 --> 1:09:42.280
<v Speaker 4>it ain't worth it.

1:09:42.400 --> 1:09:42.559
<v Speaker 1>Man.

1:09:42.920 --> 1:09:44.639
<v Speaker 4>You can end up in jail, you getting up dead.

1:09:45.400 --> 1:09:48.120
<v Speaker 4>There's so many repercussions.

1:09:48.120 --> 1:09:50.599
<v Speaker 5>I was it repercussions that you did not expect before

1:09:50.760 --> 1:09:51.519
<v Speaker 5>before crashing out.

1:09:51.560 --> 1:09:53.840
<v Speaker 4>So please, it's like, just do what Matt said. I'm

1:09:53.840 --> 1:09:54.760
<v Speaker 4>not even gonna try to repeat it.

1:09:57.000 --> 1:09:59.960
<v Speaker 3>Tips what you got him saying. That made me remember

1:10:00.080 --> 1:10:05.000
<v Speaker 3>I did get arrested for crashing out once. I've changed, honestly,

1:10:05.760 --> 1:10:09.280
<v Speaker 3>and that is why this is my literue. Get familiar

1:10:09.520 --> 1:10:13.040
<v Speaker 3>with the way your body feels, so that you know

1:10:13.760 --> 1:10:16.920
<v Speaker 3>when a crash out is upon you. When you're about

1:10:16.960 --> 1:10:19.880
<v Speaker 3>to crash out, you know, you get hot, you start shaking, Yeah,

1:10:20.320 --> 1:10:23.719
<v Speaker 3>you get fancy. Get to know how your body feels

1:10:23.760 --> 1:10:26.560
<v Speaker 3>and learn how to regulate.

1:10:26.800 --> 1:10:29.000
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, that's why I shut it down. Why you're not

1:10:29.080 --> 1:10:29.400
<v Speaker 6>saying that.

1:10:33.880 --> 1:10:36.400
<v Speaker 5>Well, And don't put yourself in situations where you can't

1:10:36.439 --> 1:10:39.360
<v Speaker 5>crash out. I understand it's always like you can't always

1:10:39.600 --> 1:10:42.400
<v Speaker 5>like control that, but there are some times that you

1:10:42.560 --> 1:10:44.840
<v Speaker 5>just don't put yourself in a situation where you can

1:10:44.920 --> 1:10:46.200
<v Speaker 5>crash out, Like if you.

1:10:46.200 --> 1:10:48.400
<v Speaker 4>Don't drive in New York City, if you're driving man,

1:10:49.160 --> 1:10:50.000
<v Speaker 4>don't don't do it.

1:10:50.160 --> 1:10:53.679
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I agree, but mine is short.

1:10:53.760 --> 1:10:53.920
<v Speaker 2>Man.

1:10:54.439 --> 1:10:58.360
<v Speaker 1>Crashing out is toxic the most. I think the most

1:10:58.400 --> 1:11:00.960
<v Speaker 1>relevant form of toxic masking is when you watch a

1:11:01.040 --> 1:11:04.479
<v Speaker 1>man crash out seriously. And I gotta say that because

1:11:04.560 --> 1:11:07.240
<v Speaker 1>me and Troup will always be arguing about masculine and feminine.

1:11:07.960 --> 1:11:12.519
<v Speaker 1>I don't think toxic masculinity is a thing, but when

1:11:12.560 --> 1:11:16.519
<v Speaker 1>I think about crashing out, that's definitely toxic as fuck.

1:11:16.840 --> 1:11:21.200
<v Speaker 1>And there's nothing good That immediate gratification you get from

1:11:21.280 --> 1:11:23.760
<v Speaker 1>hitting somebody or cursing somebody out of feeling like you

1:11:23.880 --> 1:11:27.360
<v Speaker 1>want is instantly going to be gone the minute the

1:11:27.439 --> 1:11:29.600
<v Speaker 1>act is over, and you got to deal with the consequences.

1:11:29.720 --> 1:11:33.760
<v Speaker 1>So don't crash out, yo, don't And shout out to

1:11:33.800 --> 1:11:36.080
<v Speaker 1>all the women who protect their men from crashing out

1:11:36.360 --> 1:11:38.640
<v Speaker 1>by deciding not to tell them what the fuck is

1:11:38.720 --> 1:11:41.720
<v Speaker 1>going on, because I know a couple of I know

1:11:41.840 --> 1:11:44.240
<v Speaker 1>a couple that's saved some lives by doing that, And

1:11:44.320 --> 1:11:46.240
<v Speaker 1>also to the women who use the fact that your

1:11:46.320 --> 1:11:50.080
<v Speaker 1>man crashes out as a weapon against other men's corny man,

1:11:50.200 --> 1:11:52.120
<v Speaker 1>please refrain from doing that because you don't want to

1:11:52.160 --> 1:11:54.720
<v Speaker 1>lose your loved ones, So to something that you thought

1:11:54.800 --> 1:11:55.800
<v Speaker 1>wasn't gonna be that big of a time.

1:11:55.800 --> 1:11:58.280
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely, this might be me at my big age having

1:11:58.320 --> 1:12:01.120
<v Speaker 2>this revelation too. But it's like just when you say

1:12:01.160 --> 1:12:02.840
<v Speaker 2>your prayers in the morning and you thank God for

1:12:02.920 --> 1:12:06.320
<v Speaker 2>another day, pray for the discernment to know whether or

1:12:06.439 --> 1:12:09.519
<v Speaker 2>not something is worthy of. Yeah, a crash out, like

1:12:09.600 --> 1:12:11.840
<v Speaker 2>we gotta have, you have to, like at some point.

1:12:12.160 --> 1:12:13.560
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if it's at some age because we

1:12:13.600 --> 1:12:15.439
<v Speaker 2>see big people fighting on the internet all the time

1:12:15.479 --> 1:12:17.760
<v Speaker 2>and it's just like why, you know, but just just

1:12:17.840 --> 1:12:20.160
<v Speaker 2>pray for the discernment to know when you should just

1:12:20.200 --> 1:12:24.120
<v Speaker 2>walk away from situations that can become an escalated situation

1:12:24.240 --> 1:12:26.200
<v Speaker 2>and no one You can maybe solve that with just

1:12:26.280 --> 1:12:28.559
<v Speaker 2>having a candid conversation with the person in that moment,

1:12:29.200 --> 1:12:31.680
<v Speaker 2>and I think that'll come from regulating your body and

1:12:31.800 --> 1:12:35.760
<v Speaker 2>understanding what's happening before the crash out comes. All right, y'all,

1:12:35.840 --> 1:12:38.400
<v Speaker 2>be sure to find us on Patreon if you have

1:12:38.680 --> 1:12:41.080
<v Speaker 2>not yet, be sure to subscribe. You get all of

1:12:41.160 --> 1:12:44.880
<v Speaker 2>this amazing after show footage as well as any behind

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<v Speaker 2>the scenes Ellis Family content, and you can find us

1:12:47.720 --> 1:12:51.719
<v Speaker 2>on social media at Ellis ever After. I'm at Kadeen,

1:12:51.800 --> 1:12:52.720
<v Speaker 2>I am and I.

1:12:52.800 --> 1:12:54.840
<v Speaker 1>Am Deval and Matt. Can you tell us where to

1:12:54.920 --> 1:12:55.280
<v Speaker 1>find you?

1:12:55.640 --> 1:12:58.000
<v Speaker 6>I'm Underscore Matt dot Ellis and.

1:12:58.040 --> 1:13:01.040
<v Speaker 4>You can double click on my flex at Joshua Underscore Dwayne.

1:13:01.520 --> 1:13:06.680
<v Speaker 3>And I'm at Trams The Cool Cribbz, The Cool on Everything.

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<v Speaker 1>And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate,

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<v Speaker 1>review and subscribe. Everybody on three one two three.

1:13:18.640 --> 1:13:24.679
<v Speaker 3>Got Ellis ever After is an iHeartMedia podcast. It's hosted

1:13:24.760 --> 1:13:29.320
<v Speaker 3>by Kadeen and Deval Ellis. It's produced by Triple Video,

1:13:29.479 --> 1:13:33.960
<v Speaker 3>Production by Joshua Dwyane and Matthew Ellis, video editing by

1:13:34.080 --> 1:13:34.880
<v Speaker 3>Lashan Rowe.

1:15:04.520 --> 1:15:10.240
<v Speaker 1>Tuk Tuk

1:15:15.200 --> 1:15:15.559
<v Speaker 7>Tuk