Speaker 1: On. God mm, there's nothing you could ever do to
Speaker 1: stop me. If I see somebody hurt you or disrespect you,
Speaker 1: I'm crashing out.
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, you, me, the kids. I believe all that. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: I think all decorum goes out the window when that happens.
Speaker 1: For sure, dead Ass it all started with real talk, unfiltered,
Speaker 1: honest and straight from the heart. Since then, we've gone
Speaker 1: on to become Webby award winning podcasters in New York
Speaker 1: Times bestselling authors.
Speaker 2: Dead Ass was more than a podcast for us. It
Speaker 2: was about our growth, a place where we could be vulnerable,
Speaker 2: be raw.
Speaker 1: Of course, but most apportly be us.
Speaker 2: But as we know, life keeps evolving and so do we,
Speaker 2: and through it all, one thing has never changed.
Speaker 3: This is.
Speaker 2: Because we got a lot to talk about.
Speaker 1: Story time, all right, don't.
Speaker 2: Want to crash out moments.
Speaker 1: I actually got many overtimes I have to One doesn't
Speaker 1: concern me, okay, and the other doesn't really concern me.
Speaker 1: But I gotta give both of them just so people
Speaker 1: can understand. The first one happened to friends of ours
Speaker 1: right when they were married. They're no longer married. He
Speaker 1: was a professional athlete and he was probably the biggest
Speaker 1: professional athlete that you can play in any sports. Six
Speaker 1: five three hundred pounds one of four to seven can
Speaker 1: bench press four h five five times, just a behemoth
Speaker 1: of a man. He and his wife are at the
Speaker 1: Beyonce concert and at the end of the Beyonce concert
Speaker 1: they're leaving early so that they can beat the traffic.
Speaker 1: And while they're leaving, she feels someone grab her ass.
Speaker 1: She doesn't say nothing. She looks back and there are
Speaker 1: two guys. They're looking at her like like a smirk,
Speaker 1: kind of drunk, kind of drunk, but like like a
Speaker 1: smirk almost, and she chose to turn around and walk away.
Speaker 1: They got back to their car halfway home, she says,
Speaker 1: I tell you something. When we were leaving, two guys
Speaker 1: grab my ass. His first response was, why didn't you
Speaker 1: tell me? Right? And her response was that's right there, right.
Speaker 1: So that's one story which I'm applauding her because she saved.
Speaker 2: Could have been a crash three lives that day.
Speaker 1: Those two men that they were there were puny once
Speaker 1: of men that he probably would have just beat one
Speaker 1: with the other right, and then he probably would have
Speaker 1: been in jail.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: So those are three people's lives that she saved plus
Speaker 1: her kids.
Speaker 2: Absolutely.
Speaker 1: The second story just happened to you. Chall wasn't there
Speaker 1: You were in New York.
Speaker 2: New York doing press Watch Now, Watch Now. Yes, No,
Speaker 2: I was in New York with my castmate LaToya Lucket
Speaker 2: shout out LaToya and Portia. So we were exiting the
Speaker 2: hotel taking a couple of photos before we head to
Speaker 2: the Sherry Shepherd show. LaToya and I literally side by
Speaker 2: side taking double shots together. Josh is behind the camera,
Speaker 2: Jose is doing the highlight video. Latoya's photographer is there
Speaker 2: on the I would say the middle of the street,
Speaker 2: towards the sidewalk, kind of out of nowhere. As I'm
Speaker 2: posing with LaToya taking the photos, I feel someone grabbed
Speaker 2: my ass. So for me, it's very customary to have
Speaker 2: my ass grab because y'all know who my husband is.
Speaker 2: So my first my first thought was, no, Devao did
Speaker 2: not come to surprise me in New York because I
Speaker 2: know he was filming, so I'm like, knowing you, it
Speaker 2: wouldn't have been uncustomary for you to say, hey, guys,
Speaker 2: can I get the day or two off to come
Speaker 2: and meet Kate in the city. So that was my
Speaker 2: first thing. So I turned around hoping to see Deval.
Speaker 2: There was no Devo. There was this white dude walking
Speaker 2: away from me. And when we made eye contact, I said,
Speaker 2: did you grab my ass? And he smirked at me.
Speaker 2: Again they do this smirk because he knew exactly what
Speaker 2: he was doing. And then he turned to walk away.
Speaker 2: Then Latoya's husband comes to my defense, shout out to
Speaker 2: t Leo comes to my defense, and in that moment,
Speaker 2: I was just like, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1: If Deval was here, I would have crashed out.
Speaker 2: In this moment. It would have been ultimate crash outs
Speaker 2: and that man would not have seen the light of day.
Speaker 1: I would have on top, mainly because I know the
Speaker 1: embarrassment when you explained to me that you felt and
Speaker 1: to feel violated like that, I would have wanted to
Speaker 1: violate him the same way in front.
Speaker 2: Of all of those people, absolutely.
Speaker 1: So he could feel the same exact feeling you feel.
Speaker 1: And I would have wanted you to see me violate
Speaker 1: him that way, so you could at least have some redemption.
Speaker 1: That would have been.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the whole Now, I completely understand that. I mean,
Speaker 2: in that moment, I did feel, you know, feel protected
Speaker 2: by you know, t leo Ja bowling. Shout out to Jay,
Speaker 2: that's Latoya's stylist. And they all were, you know, rallying
Speaker 2: behind me and made sure I was okay and we
Speaker 2: left and always well after that. But yeah, in that moment,
Speaker 2: I always say, de Val, the God keeps the valve
Speaker 2: from situations where he would crash out. There's been several
Speaker 2: times and it wasn't just us, it would be family
Speaker 2: and if something would be happening, and Deval was just
Speaker 2: like yo, if I was there, and I said, that's
Speaker 2: the whole point. You weren't supposed to be there because
Speaker 2: your reaction would not have been good and it could
Speaker 2: have ended badly.
Speaker 1: I would have to say this too. Shout out to
Speaker 1: Latoy's husband once again, because y'all have only known each
Speaker 1: other at this point, about four or five weeks.
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, we have just had a couple of
Speaker 2: interactions here and there.
Speaker 1: He saw you respond that way and jumped right into
Speaker 1: action and him and the God got into a physical altercation.
Speaker 1: Shout out to him because he put hisself in danger
Speaker 1: for my wife, which he didn't have to do. So
Speaker 1: I owe you dinner and a movie, bro. Trust me.
Speaker 1: When I finally see you, Because here's the truth. Take
Speaker 1: on a date. I'll take him out on a date. Bro,
Speaker 1: nigga protecting my wife? Yo, I take him out on
Speaker 1: the date. It's on me.
Speaker 4: At a double date. Bro, look at a double date.
Speaker 1: From man to man. I know what it means to
Speaker 1: step up and defend someone else's wife and you're not there,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. Like a lot of.
Speaker 2: Days, he said, yea, I know. If it was the
Speaker 2: other way around, it would have been no question. My husband.
Speaker 2: You know your husband would have protected.
Speaker 1: No question. And the thing is you, you don't know
Speaker 1: what that guy has. He put his life on all
Speaker 1: he went to approach to dude, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So I respect him for that, But that also goes
Speaker 1: to show you, like husbands have a responsibility, and it
Speaker 1: almost like they take the responsibility for everybody, every woman
Speaker 1: that's around, even when it's not you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: and it's not just me. And I'm glad that it
Speaker 1: happened that way so that you could see and other
Speaker 1: people could see, Like that's just what a guy who
Speaker 1: wants to be a provider and protected he's going to
Speaker 1: do it. It doesn't have to be his own wife
Speaker 1: or child. Sure, they're going to do that. And it's
Speaker 1: the same way like mothers and women who nurture. It
Speaker 1: doesn't have to always being their child the husband.
Speaker 2: Anybody in my possession is my baby, you know what
Speaker 2: I'm saying. And they're going to be protected.
Speaker 1: That's what you call a village.
Speaker 2: Absolutely all right, y'all, we're.
Speaker 1: Gonna take a quick break, come back, pay some bills,
Speaker 1: right we do.
Speaker 2: You're over there getting heated now. You don't even know
Speaker 2: where you are in the show.
Speaker 3: He didn't playing because I'm like, it ain't too late
Speaker 3: to crash out.
Speaker 2: You know what.
Speaker 3: I'm somebody got this man.
Speaker 2: On the footage, then the block I will go back to.
Speaker 2: I know you would go back to wait for He
Speaker 2: was like he wreaked at alcohol as if he did.
Speaker 2: This was at like nine in the morning, eight in
Speaker 2: the morning, so he clearly was coming from somewhere still inebriated.
Speaker 1: You know what it is New York. It's probably standing
Speaker 1: up late people.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's right in Times Square area.
Speaker 1: So and people have heard my stories on this podcast
Speaker 1: about my petty and being petty to people for months
Speaker 1: after Remember when the guy locked you into the driveway,
Speaker 1: and I went back with Achilles and kept throwing poop
Speaker 1: on his front door for like a.
Speaker 4: Monent, Like what, No, that's another story.
Speaker 1: I'll tell y'all my crash out story after a.
Speaker 2: Couple stick around, y'all, it's good.
Speaker 1: Got a perfect song for y'all. Anybody who follows up
Speaker 1: karaoke time, karaoke time you ready love ain't perfect, but
Speaker 1: it is worth it.
Speaker 3: Oh shoot, even want to see you understand perfect, but
Speaker 3: it's worth it.
Speaker 1: It may not be what you see on I G.
Speaker 1: But it's dance show.
Speaker 3: Is that the world? Uh huh?
Speaker 1: Yeah that is the word baby, but it's still perfect.
Speaker 1: That's my karaoke for exact the ultimate. He don't think
Speaker 1: about nothing, man, except it's get back.
Speaker 2: That's scene with you beating poor Jeremiah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that seemed hard to me for a little bit,
Speaker 1: because you know how much I care about my brother
Speaker 1: and family.
Speaker 2: I know, I know. I felt bad for what's his
Speaker 2: name in real life?
Speaker 1: A mir We hugged after a long time after nobody
Speaker 1: wanted to really think about Yeah, like, it's the visual
Speaker 1: of this person here is my brother, and now visually
Speaker 1: I have to sit down and wail on him and
Speaker 1: his blood coming out of his mouth and his head.
Speaker 1: And also it was a good representation of the remorse
Speaker 1: you feel after because you've seen Zach after he did that,
Speaker 1: get in the hospital with in the hospital with him
Speaker 1: and he's crying over his brother, like, bro, like we
Speaker 1: can't keep doing this to me. It was just a
Speaker 1: good example of showing like crash outs, don't want to
Speaker 1: crash out, bro.
Speaker 2: I'm so invested in you, in in Jeremiah well Zach
Speaker 2: and Jeremiah's story because you guys, as brothers, you do
Speaker 2: it really well. Y'all's chemistry is top ten, my gosh,
Speaker 2: shout out a rock. All right, now, let's go pay
Speaker 2: some bills this time and we will be back with
Speaker 2: OP or No app And listen, guys, I'm so excited
Speaker 2: to show you guys what we have added to OP
Speaker 2: or No Opp.
Speaker 1: Let's get prop prop op op it don't stop to
Speaker 1: the top. If it hops, lollipop, go ahead, just go
Speaker 1: to break.
Speaker 2: All right, y'all Op or no Op Today on the cards,
Speaker 2: it says things that make me want to crash out.
Speaker 2: Trouble what you got?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: First off, let's introduce to them the new props we
Speaker 2: have for OP or no OP. Everyone go ahead and
Speaker 2: hold y'all pull y'all's.
Speaker 1: Up, three two, one back, all right.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 1: And I point out I've seen a comment somebody said, man,
Speaker 1: I noticed the violent Kadean. Don't have no opinions on
Speaker 1: the big celebrities. That's the fucking point.
Speaker 2: That's the point.
Speaker 1: The point is that their lives do nothing to help
Speaker 1: or hinder ours. So we don't have opinions on ship
Speaker 1: that don't got nothing to do with us.
Speaker 2: Why do we have to have an opinion on what
Speaker 2: they do?
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 2: Y'all just want us to be messy and just be
Speaker 2: talking about ship that don't affect us period. Now. We'll
Speaker 2: talk about current events and real world stuff, things that
Speaker 2: may impact our children and our lives and our day
Speaker 2: to day, but we're not talking about people in the business, y'all.
Speaker 1: Fact, we just not. So if that's what you're looking
Speaker 1: for for OP and no OP, we're not giving it
Speaker 1: to you. And we're going to keep doing that example
Speaker 1: of us them asking us the questions of what's hot,
Speaker 1: and we're gonna continuously say we don't have an opinion
Speaker 1: on that.
Speaker 2: And y'all will catch on and realize you don't have
Speaker 2: to have an opinion about celebrities exactly.
Speaker 3: I always tell people that people love this podcast and
Speaker 3: love y'allays a couple because you have an aspirational life.
Speaker 3: People aspire to be more like you. So hopefully y'all
Speaker 3: aspire to be less messy, you know.
Speaker 1: Get some business.
Speaker 3: Come on, all right, op or no?
Speaker 5: Op.
Speaker 3: I'm not really into sports, but I'll follow the w
Speaker 3: n B a because I'm gay. And if you're a
Speaker 3: woman who played basketball, you are gay.
Speaker 2: So sorry that majority women in something every day they
Speaker 2: have nothing. Lesbians can't have nothing.
Speaker 1: You thought you had basketball, thought you thought playing basketball?
Speaker 3: Love it? I was gonna say something has nothing to
Speaker 3: do with it. Never mind. So during a May seventeenth
Speaker 3: game between the Indiana Fever and the Chicago Sky fans
Speaker 3: on social media were enraged in discussion about racist remarks
Speaker 3: made towards Sky player Angel Reese, star player. She just
Speaker 3: became the first w NBA player to reach five hundred
Speaker 3: points and five hundred rebounds, so shout out to Angel
Speaker 3: Reese for that. But people said that during a free
Speaker 3: throw shot that Angel Reese was making that they heard
Speaker 3: jungle sounds being played by the Indiana Fevers DJ and
Speaker 3: that fans were making monkey noises, and this conversation took
Speaker 3: place all on social media during postgame interviews. Neither Angel,
Speaker 3: because you know Kaitlin Reees places for Indiana. Neither Angel
Speaker 3: nor Caitlin Reas had anything to say about the altercation.
Speaker 3: They played it down as it's just basketball talk. You know,
Speaker 3: that's what we do on the court. But fans were enraged.
Speaker 3: Was sparked the WNBA to say that they were going
Speaker 3: to investigate the claims, and then recently they came back
Speaker 3: and saying that the have been unsubstantiated. They played back
Speaker 3: to the video, they listened to the audio. They said they
Speaker 3: didn't hear anything.
Speaker 1: So I want to know orono, I think this is
Speaker 1: a tale of two sides making villains of the other
Speaker 1: sides when the two players aren't looking to be villains
Speaker 1: with each other. You understand what I'm saying. So it's
Speaker 1: like the fans of Caitlyn Clark, and I don't even
Speaker 1: want to say the fans because she has said a
Speaker 1: bunch of times like if you're a fan of mine
Speaker 1: and you're using racist words, then you're not a fan.
Speaker 1: Same thing with Angel Reas she has been trying to
Speaker 1: keep it about basketball, and of course she has her
Speaker 1: podcast that she gives her opinion, but they are fans
Speaker 1: of hers who also just want to look for reasons
Speaker 1: to not like Caitlyn Clark. On both sides. Now, if
Speaker 1: we're going to be honest, we know which fans are
Speaker 1: a lot more vitreal have a lot more vitrial off
Speaker 1: of who like I'm not gonna sit up paying line.
Speaker 1: The minute Angel Reese started to get a little bit
Speaker 1: of success and won the National championship over Caitlyn Clark,
Speaker 1: there was just all out hate towards Angel Reaes and
Speaker 1: it's carried over to the WNBA and that's what we're
Speaker 1: seeing now. My thing is, I want to applaud both
Speaker 1: of those young ladies for being professionals. Let your fans
Speaker 1: do what they do. They the fans are going to
Speaker 1: be messy and nasty and discussion with them to say,
Speaker 1: I'm here to play basketball. So I rock with both
Speaker 1: of them on that.
Speaker 2: It's funny that you mentioned that, I guess. I guess
Speaker 2: I do have an op not particularly about basketball, but
Speaker 2: about pinning women against each other because, like Daval said,
Speaker 2: they were professionals. They maintain their composure and they know
Speaker 2: that it's part of the game.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 2: The same can be said for me and Crystal.
Speaker 1: Oh, it's funny because we just brought up the es.
Speaker 2: Everybody wants me and Crystal to hate so bad, so bad,
Speaker 2: when in real life we are such cool friends. People
Speaker 2: facetimed hang out like, I don't understand why it has
Speaker 2: to be a thing, And it's typically the fans of either,
Speaker 2: you know, because I'm sure Crystal has her contingent of fans.
Speaker 2: I have mine, and there's some overlaps, but it's like,
Speaker 2: why does it have to be a thing. But what
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna do is shucking jive for y'all on
Speaker 2: the internet to prove my friendship with my friend.
Speaker 1: I feel you know what I'm saying. I feel you.
Speaker 2: So we're always going to be professional in public because
Speaker 2: we have to be, and we're both actors and we're
Speaker 2: both in the industry. But it's like, we don't have
Speaker 2: to do the back and forth for y'all to make
Speaker 2: y'all feel better, you know what I'm saying. So that's
Speaker 2: my little op, I guess piggyback off of women being
Speaker 2: pit against each other a.
Speaker 1: Good perspective because I've never been a woman in that
Speaker 1: situation to be pit against an other women's.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just crazy. It's like, you want me to
Speaker 2: do a post or do a story to make y'all
Speaker 2: feel like y'all know what the relationship is when we
Speaker 2: know what it is in a real life circumstance, Like,
Speaker 2: it's ridiculous.
Speaker 1: I think it was two years ago. Yeah, Crystal turned
Speaker 1: forty and that was the same year that your uncle
Speaker 1: passed away within the week. So you in October, yes,
Speaker 1: you off social media. Yeah, so when everybody was making
Speaker 1: posts for Crystal for a birthday yeah, kay, actually was
Speaker 1: that Crystal's house for a personal dinner. Yeah, and they
Speaker 1: saw each other. So that following week all you saw
Speaker 1: was you see, she didn't post Crystal on social media,
Speaker 1: she don't really fuck with Crystal, and that she was
Speaker 1: with Crystal on the day of her birthday. So I
Speaker 1: see what you mean. But also, you don't got to
Speaker 1: prove the social media who you are. You don't.
Speaker 2: You don't like I'm gonna make y'all feel better by
Speaker 2: doing a post. No, Like, it's ridiculous. So I think
Speaker 2: the same can be said for like, you know, I
Speaker 2: think Angelae, Caitlyn. Yeah, they're just like guys, can I
Speaker 2: do my job?
Speaker 6: Can we do?
Speaker 2: Can we do our job? And can't we just be
Speaker 2: friends in real life without y'all's chiming, you know.
Speaker 3: And most people that are weighing in on the drama,
Speaker 3: they're you know, using their own context to give their opinions,
Speaker 3: like this is something. You don't know what it's like
Speaker 3: to be a sports competitor, and so you think that
Speaker 3: every little thing is gonna hit at somebody's emotions, or
Speaker 3: you don't know what it's like to talk shit to
Speaker 3: somebody on the basketball court or in your situation. You
Speaker 3: don't know what's going on behind the scenes, and you
Speaker 3: a lot of these a lot of these ladies really
Speaker 3: don't have friends.
Speaker 1: I'll girls liked my so.
Speaker 3: Called best friend war keep dressing my birthday dinner? Like
Speaker 3: what a bitch like? Right, talking shit about your best
Speaker 3: friend who was trying to look as good as you. Babes,
Speaker 3: You're insecure personally and very bored with the sports drama
Speaker 3: in the w n B. A surrounding like racism or
Speaker 3: trash talk on the field, on the court, what do
Speaker 3: you call it?
Speaker 1: Crash talk, but I feel, you know, it's it's almost
Speaker 1: like men get to trash talk each other, but when
Speaker 1: the women try to each other, then.
Speaker 3: It's got to be emotional.
Speaker 2: She's caddy and that's just sports in general.
Speaker 3: The drama, the w n B A drama I live
Speaker 3: for is the who fucking who right now? That's what
Speaker 3: you know what I haven't seen NBA. Oh Wilson, Asia Wilson, though.
Speaker 3: I want Asia Wilson to pick me up and just
Speaker 3: toss me in the air. One good time.
Speaker 1: Is about six eight sixteen. He's sixteen, them is sixteen.
Speaker 1: He might step on you taking shot to her. I mean,
Speaker 1: this girl, it'll be working in this fly two though,
Speaker 1: as she can ball. Like. The funny thing is all
Speaker 1: of the stuff going on between Caitlyn and Angel Rees
Speaker 1: has pretty much overshadowed the fact that Angel Wilson has
Speaker 1: been like the league MVP and the best player in
Speaker 1: the w A for the past three years. Yes, like
Speaker 1: it's not even close. And that's the thing that bothers.
Speaker 6: The conversation between Caitlyn and Angel is tiring, bro.
Speaker 1: Yeah, people, And here's the truth.
Speaker 6: You know, it's tiring. I'm tired of the back and forth,
Speaker 6: and it's not even between them, it's just the online fans.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's more media driven than anything else.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Uh, they're moving in competition from the court to the
Speaker 5: media and basically trying to Yeah, we all know that
Speaker 5: tainment selves.
Speaker 4: That's what this is. It's nothing more than that. So
Speaker 4: it's silly to.
Speaker 1: Me agree, all right.
Speaker 3: Cool. So the second topic, and this is a topic
Speaker 3: that personally makes me want to crash out. And we
Speaker 3: live in Atlanta, So if I if I call you
Speaker 3: and say I need bail money, just know I went
Speaker 3: down Emery Hospital and crashed the fuck out. A thirty
Speaker 3: year old black woman in Atlanta at Emory Hospital who
Speaker 3: has been declared brain did is being kept alive on
Speaker 3: life support because she is pregnant. Her name is Adrianna Smith,
Speaker 3: and she actually went to the hospital seeking medical care
Speaker 3: and she was denied medical care because at the time,
Speaker 3: I think she was nine weeks pregnant, and so the
Speaker 3: doctors were like, well, you're pregnant, we can't do anything
Speaker 3: because we might get in trouble.
Speaker 6: The fetus.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And so subsequently she died and she became brain did.
Speaker 3: And that was back in February and she's being kept
Speaker 3: alive on life support because she has a fetus in
Speaker 3: her body against her family's will. Her family is suffering
Speaker 3: watching their child, their sister, their daughter, be kept alive
Speaker 3: with a fetus that doctors don't even think is viable.
Speaker 3: If this fetus does survive and is able to be delivered,
Speaker 3: it will likely have very severe damage.
Speaker 1: And who's going to be on the on the hook
Speaker 1: to say exact state is taking liberties to keep the
Speaker 1: fetus in her alive, but then the minute the fetus
Speaker 1: is gone or she dies, now the family's responsible.
Speaker 2: Assuming she had no power of attorney or anything over her.
Speaker 3: At thirty years old.
Speaker 1: I mean, hold on, who is going to be responsible
Speaker 1: for the hospital building?
Speaker 3: That has been a question, that's been a question that
Speaker 3: people have been asking. Most people think that the family
Speaker 3: is going to be on hook for, you know, all
Speaker 3: of this care. Some people are saying that she's not
Speaker 3: probably not going to be charged for this care because
Speaker 3: it's the hospital decision. But I think that's still up
Speaker 3: in the air whether or not the family is going
Speaker 3: to be on the hook for the bill.
Speaker 6: Hospitals a business about to say, hospital is a business.
Speaker 1: They charged us when Kay had the baby in triage.
Speaker 1: They charged us twenty seven thousand dollars and then when we.
Speaker 2: Refused, Cairo delivered himself.
Speaker 1: Yes, Okay ejected himself.
Speaker 2: He literally ejected from my body and all they did
Speaker 2: was just pass into me.
Speaker 1: So yeah, and then they love what do we refuse?
Speaker 2: We refused. I think it was like the vitamin K shot,
Speaker 2: whatever shots they'd be giving babies in the hospital. We
Speaker 2: were like, we don't want that, the eye joint, we
Speaker 2: don't want that. And they were like, all right, well,
Speaker 2: miss Ellis, do you need motrind do you need this that?
Speaker 2: I didn't need, not a thing. I said, I'll be fine.
Speaker 2: My body did what it was supposed to do. And
Speaker 2: they were like, well you can.
Speaker 1: They said, you you need this room? Then yeah, if
Speaker 1: you're gonna refuse care, we need this room. We were
Speaker 1: there for one day, then I got a bill two
Speaker 1: weeks later for twenty seven thousands.
Speaker 2: It's like any doctor that comes in and takes a
Speaker 2: peek at your baby, it's a bill. Yes, it was
Speaker 2: the hearing. It was a pediatrician. It was the you know,
Speaker 2: whoever counted the toes, whoever counted the fingers, And I'm like,
Speaker 2: these are all different doctors. That's all my baby.
Speaker 1: Yeah, one day, yes, okay, and we had to pay it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, between Trust the hospital between twenty twenty two, well,
Speaker 3: I guess twenty twenty three. I spent a total of
Speaker 3: like eleven days in the hospital. And when I got
Speaker 3: that bill, I was calling down to the hospital and who, now,
Speaker 3: who the hell did you say? I ain't never seen
Speaker 3: no doctor rush. I don't remember that person. I don't
Speaker 3: know what this is. You're gonna have to take that off.
Speaker 3: By the time I was done, I really didn't have
Speaker 3: to pay. I had to pay like three hundred and
Speaker 3: fifty dollars. I had good insurance.
Speaker 1: Oh so you called them and you told them like
Speaker 1: I didn't, they was putting that stuff on that bo.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because the medical coding department, all they do would
Speaker 2: just be popping in codes. This is that code, This
Speaker 2: is that code, This is that code.
Speaker 1: And can I pause you real quick? This is why
Speaker 1: we do op or no op. You see how people
Speaker 1: have ops on this, and it's important. That's because this
Speaker 1: really affects all of us. It has nothing to do
Speaker 1: with celebrity culture and everything to do with the fact
Speaker 1: that people are going through this.
Speaker 2: Shit every real life, every day folks, So why do
Speaker 2: we care about celebrity culture.
Speaker 3: And not just every day folks, but black women in particular.
Speaker 3: A lot of people are markening back to a man
Speaker 3: named Jay Mary and Simms, who is known as the
Speaker 3: father of gynecology, who basically took practices from African women
Speaker 3: who had been doing these practices for you know, lifetime generations,
Speaker 3: and he would practice gynecology on enslaved women with no anesthesia,
Speaker 3: no medication because the thought the practice, the thought back
Speaker 3: then was that black people did not experience pain the
Speaker 3: way white people do. And so a lot of yeah,
Speaker 3: so he developed things like the speculum and stuff that
Speaker 3: we use that has been developed since then for past
Speaker 3: ers and stuff like that. And this is this is
Speaker 3: another Jay Mary and Sims experience. And there is a
Speaker 3: literal episode that is exactly what is happening. There's a
Speaker 3: black woman in Handmaid's Tale who is brain dead, who's pregnant.
Speaker 3: They're keeping her alive so that she has a baby,
Speaker 3: and there is no mistake that they use a black
Speaker 3: woman for that episode. That is exactly And it's so
Speaker 3: funny because black women are more likely to die from
Speaker 3: breast cancer from cervical cancer, from ovarian cancer, from childbirth,
Speaker 3: all these things related to women's health, and the number
Speaker 3: the one reason is because when they do studies in
Speaker 3: research on these issues, they do not study Black women.
Speaker 3: And so the way that black women respond to medicine.
Speaker 1: What you mean, they don't study Black women.
Speaker 3: When they do like treatment studies, when they do research
Speaker 3: studies about sales focus groups, they only study white women.
Speaker 1: So they experiment on black women and then do the
Speaker 1: studies for cures on white men exactly. And so they
Speaker 1: wanted to be.
Speaker 3: Clear, a lot of information is not known how black
Speaker 3: women's bodies respond to treatment. There's a lot of you know,
Speaker 3: black women a lot of times suffer with fibroids and
Speaker 3: don't know why there's no studies. Nobody gives a fuck,
Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying. And yet in this situation,
Speaker 3: they think that it's absolutely okay to do this experimental
Speaker 3: project on a black woman while her family suffers and
Speaker 3: while her body cannot be you know, consecrated.
Speaker 1: And just to be clear, this ain't the first time
Speaker 1: you brought the young lady's name up. Who open did
Speaker 1: the story on Henrietta Lacs, Henrita Lacts, who they pretty
Speaker 1: much experimented on her and used her themselves to find
Speaker 1: and cure like eighty plus diseases. And to be honest,
Speaker 1: like these are the whitewashing of history prevents us from
Speaker 1: knowing these stories.
Speaker 3: And the craziest part about that is when Henriette Henrietta
Speaker 3: Lacks died from I think it was ovarian cancer or
Speaker 3: serbo cancer or something like that. And while she was
Speaker 3: alive receiving treatment, she wasn't receiving any care for pain.
Speaker 3: So in the book about Henrietta Lacks their stories about
Speaker 3: hearing her scream in agony while she was in the
Speaker 3: hospital and nobody doing anything about it. But as soon
Speaker 3: as she died, because her cancer cells reproduced at rapid
Speaker 3: rates and kept reproducing even after she was dead, they
Speaker 3: were able to use her sales to create treatments like penicillin,
Speaker 3: which is one of the most important vaccine you know,
Speaker 3: medicines that we've had in history. Yeah, and her family
Speaker 3: had no idea they were even doing.
Speaker 1: This and didn't receive anything from it. No, that's the
Speaker 1: biggest thing, too, right, you'll take from us, but she
Speaker 1: won't even give or compensate us on what we need.
Speaker 1: And I think it's important that we as a people
Speaker 1: understand that this is happening, right, and we have to
Speaker 1: do things to prevent it. For example, you go to
Speaker 1: the hospital with your young lady or your girlfriend or
Speaker 1: your daughter, there has to be an advocate there for
Speaker 1: her when she gets there, because you never know. It's
Speaker 1: not enough just to trust people or say I'm going
Speaker 1: to trust the doctors. You can't.
Speaker 2: There's so many women that I know who have had
Speaker 2: children and it's just like, wait till you hear my
Speaker 2: birthing story, and it's like, why do they have to
Speaker 2: have these outlandish, ridiculous birthing stories where they're not heard,
Speaker 2: not cared for, not considered. It's just it's really.
Speaker 1: You know why it's that way because we want to
Speaker 1: ignore the fact that this is what America is. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's just the fact. Like we'll see these stories. For example,
Speaker 1: we hear about Tosa, Oklahoma, I'm like, wow, that really happened. Yes,
Speaker 1: it happened a whole bunch of times, and it's still happening,
Speaker 1: So yes, it happened. We need to stop being surprised
Speaker 1: and understand that this is a fact and start taking
Speaker 1: liberties with our own Yeah.
Speaker 2: That's why shout out to birth Fund. So birth Fund
Speaker 2: is a fund started by Elaine welter Roth and I
Speaker 2: went down well over across to LA for a Mother's
Speaker 2: Day event that she had. It was like her second annual,
Speaker 2: but it was a nice family day where I got
Speaker 2: to see a bunch of mothers. There were also you know,
Speaker 2: spouse's husband's family. It was a really nice family day.
Speaker 2: But the purpose of birth Fund is to of course,
Speaker 2: first raise awareness around the fact that black women are
Speaker 2: dying at an exponentially larger rate than our white counterparts
Speaker 2: when it comes to labor delivery, even postpartum, and then
Speaker 2: also bringing back and I think also educating people on
Speaker 2: the importance of midwa free care. Like Tripo said, that
Speaker 2: was happening since the beginning of time there were no doctors.
Speaker 2: So midwives literally believe in the holistic approach to labor, delivery, pregnancy,
Speaker 2: and the care for a woman through the entire process.
Speaker 2: So I'm very much active now with Elaine to see
Speaker 2: how we can continue to get the word out about
Speaker 2: that within our communities and then abroad, because it's important
Speaker 2: for us to just know what the options are. So
Speaker 2: many people don't even know about the options of midwardfree
Speaker 2: care versus hospital care.
Speaker 1: You know what I want to research because you just
Speaker 1: brought this up, and you brought up the young man
Speaker 1: who pretty much stole guynecology from black or midwives. Remember,
Speaker 1: during the enslaved period, there were times where slave owners'
Speaker 1: wives were going through issues with pregnancies. You know who
Speaker 1: they called oftentimes that like the then mothers and the
Speaker 1: black women.
Speaker 2: The matriarch is something with my wife.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And like there need to be more stories told
Speaker 1: about that because those are the same reason why those
Speaker 1: white men and those white women chose black mothers to
Speaker 1: care for their children. You know what I'm saying, Like,
Speaker 1: there's a there's a history that we need to.
Speaker 2: There's a reason why they saw value in that.
Speaker 1: That type of history would bring us closer better than
Speaker 1: us telling the history of hatred and violence. Let's tell
Speaker 1: the history of why white people needed black people to
Speaker 1: care for their kids. Let's explain why black women have
Speaker 1: we talked about this before? Right, I'm not a conspiracy theorist,
Speaker 1: but I do think if you understand exercise science and physiology,
Speaker 1: they have a new new process called PRP where they
Speaker 1: take the blood out of your body they spin it,
Speaker 1: get all of the nutrients and everything from and they
Speaker 1: put it back in your own blood. If you see
Speaker 1: how they experiment on black women, it makes sense. The
Speaker 1: first humans started in Africa, so the closer you are
Speaker 1: to that first human, the more your blood or your
Speaker 1: cells or your nutrients can cure diseases. We as black
Speaker 1: people need to understand that as well, rather than going
Speaker 1: outside to get Western medicine to cure us. That's another
Speaker 1: reason why so many of us are sick right think
Speaker 1: about it. We watch stuff on TV and say, oh,
Speaker 1: that works for them, maybe it works for us, but
Speaker 1: like Tripple just said, none of those things were designed
Speaker 1: for us.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think there's a.
Speaker 5: There is a high blood pressure medication that is made
Speaker 5: for people with high blood pressure, but it's tested only
Speaker 5: on white Caucasian people, and it's not the same because
Speaker 5: we have a high blood pressure for completely different reasons.
Speaker 5: There's a good out of them, So that's a good
Speaker 5: study saying like the medications that they're giving us don't
Speaker 5: really treat the exact issue of why, like why we
Speaker 5: need it. Sense it's helping high blood pressure, but it's
Speaker 5: also like not targeted specifically for African Americans, So it's.
Speaker 1: Helping a symptom. Not really.
Speaker 5: Yeah, And I think I think part of it is
Speaker 5: I'm probably talking out of the term, but it just
Speaker 5: does not work the same way that it works for
Speaker 5: white people. They didn't test on anybody in Africa. They
Speaker 5: didn't test on African Americans. Literally tested only on white people, and.
Speaker 1: Our biochemistry is very different. I know this from studying
Speaker 1: exercise physiology and kinesiology. Even the professors would say, your
Speaker 1: athletes are going to be different based on where they
Speaker 1: come from, based on race and ethnicity. That is like
Speaker 1: a fact they tell us in school. Your athletes will
Speaker 1: be different. You can't look at an athlete and say, oh,
Speaker 1: this athlete is this. I can put all of these
Speaker 1: athletes in the same program. So if that works for
Speaker 1: sports performance, it should work for like medicine. You know,
Speaker 1: you can't put everybody on the same program.
Speaker 2: So you know what they do market towards us though
Speaker 2: as black people McDonald's I love blast you seriously, y'all
Speaker 2: wonder why we have high blood pressure? Lovest like the
Speaker 2: out of here. That's exactly what they market towards us.
Speaker 2: So is it a surprise that they want to keep
Speaker 2: us that way.
Speaker 4: Like a bow jangle.
Speaker 3: That's how That's exactly how it sounds.
Speaker 2: It sounds just like I stopped.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So uh, that is a situation personally that I
Speaker 3: would crash out over if I was in that situation.
Speaker 3: I consider myself, uh a part of the wood demographic wood,
Speaker 3: Like I would, I wish a nigga would. I'd be waiting,
Speaker 3: I'd be woo, I be waiting, Honey, I'll be seeing
Speaker 3: these videos these white people doing crazy ship to black
Speaker 3: people calling me any where, and they just filming, like,
Speaker 3: got your own camera, I'm gonna put that camera down
Speaker 3: because I'm about to do something really illegal to your ass.
Speaker 2: With the two peaks.
Speaker 1: Yeah, talking about exactly.
Speaker 3: And I'm gonna sing a song. When I do sing
Speaker 3: the song, I wish, I really do. I really wish
Speaker 3: the nigga would. I really used to be crash out. Queen.
Speaker 1: You are crush a fucking you was you was fighting
Speaker 1: in high school? Not really in high school.
Speaker 4: She was breaking an entering, that's what she was doing.
Speaker 4: That was college.
Speaker 1: That was college.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I fought a little bit in high school. I
Speaker 3: fall a little bit in you know, elementary all through life.
Speaker 3: In college, I definitely was fighting host uh, and it's
Speaker 3: usually just for somebody else. Like, I don't like to
Speaker 3: be disrespected. I don't like for my friends to be expected.
Speaker 3: I don't like bullies. Uh my crash out era change.
Speaker 3: So I my friend was getting bullied. This girl she
Speaker 3: my friend like playfully sat on one of our male
Speaker 3: friend's laps or was dancing with him or something at
Speaker 3: a club. I wasn't there, and his girlfriend saw her.
Speaker 3: She got mad and his girlfriend wanted to carry this
Speaker 3: beef on and so they were kind of, you know,
Speaker 3: just doing ship to my friend while we were at
Speaker 3: this party. And so I ended up leaving a party
Speaker 3: with another friend. I see the girl outside and the
Speaker 3: girl is like, oh you with you know my friend?
Speaker 3: And I'm like, oh, y'all, y'all the girl. So I
Speaker 3: ended up fighting the girls outside.
Speaker 1: Then we leave.
Speaker 3: And I went to Africa that summer.
Speaker 1: Thought somebody went to Africa.
Speaker 3: Yes, exactly. They got strong bones over there in the
Speaker 3: Motherland too. So I was in Africa, and while I
Speaker 3: was there, I guess my friends wanted to redeem themselves
Speaker 3: because they weren't the ones that fought even though it
Speaker 3: was their beef. So they get a bunch of girls together.
Speaker 3: They want they meet these girls in the park. These
Speaker 3: girls bring a man with them who brings a gun,
Speaker 3: and this man proceeds to like pistol whip. Yeah, it
Speaker 3: was crazy.
Speaker 2: Not the pistol whipping.
Speaker 3: It was.
Speaker 2: And I was in college.
Speaker 3: This was like I graduated from college that year.
Speaker 1: So where you went to school? Ohio State never sent
Speaker 1: my kids with corn fan.
Speaker 3: Ghetto. The girls are ghetto in Ohio.
Speaker 1: I didn't know it got that crazy though off there
Speaker 1: Ohio State.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean not off campus. The girls that we
Speaker 3: fought didn't even go to Ohio State. I think one
Speaker 3: of them grew to be a video vixen.
Speaker 2: Rival is crazy.
Speaker 3: Columbus Community College whatever, And the dude was definitely not enrolled.
Speaker 3: He was just a Columbus nigga.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well he.
Speaker 3: From around the way. But that that kind of changed.
Speaker 3: You know, my mindset on crashing out. Now I've cussed,
Speaker 3: I have cussed, I keep a weapon in the car,
Speaker 3: and so I mean I'll still crash. I crashed out
Speaker 3: on an NYPD officer in twenty seventeen.
Speaker 1: You you wow, oh god, you know what is George?
Speaker 4: What day week was?
Speaker 3: And he said George after my crashed out pre George Floyd.
Speaker 3: He said, this is why people end up getting shot.
Speaker 1: Well, see what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: And I said, well, it'll be a good motherfucking day.
Speaker 3: And y'all let him know on the news that I
Speaker 3: crashed out on his ass too. Yeah, if I get
Speaker 3: shot by cars and then.
Speaker 1: You go to the news triple and crashed out went
Speaker 1: to Africa, Tripple went to the news.
Speaker 4: Crash out and.
Speaker 3: A crash side. But yeah, so you know, I've tried
Speaker 3: to change. I've matured. I don't crash out so easily,
Speaker 3: and I'm definitely not crashing out for anybody else's petty beef.
Speaker 3: But what are what are some of the things that
Speaker 3: y'all have crashed or would crash out over.
Speaker 6: Before y'all get into that, what day to week did
Speaker 6: you crash out in that officer?
Speaker 3: Saturday? It must have been it was a Friday or Saturday.
Speaker 3: It was crazy because the people I'm in the car
Speaker 3: with four other people. We get pulled over. Four playe
Speaker 3: closed officers surround the car. They're at every window of
Speaker 3: the car.
Speaker 1: Sound like ny detective.
Speaker 3: They asked, We weren't even a block away. We had
Speaker 3: went around the block as somebody left their phone or
Speaker 3: something at the house. So we get pulled over. They
Speaker 3: surround the car. They asked the driver, have y'all been
Speaker 3: smoking weed? The driver with her dumb ass, said not
Speaker 3: in here, And that's the moment my crash out started.
Speaker 3: That is not a question you need to ask. There's
Speaker 3: no weed in the car. You don't smell weed. You
Speaker 3: can ask for her. I did let us know why
Speaker 3: you're pulling her over, and then if there's not a reason,
Speaker 3: you need to let us know. And the stupid niggas
Speaker 3: in the car were like, triple shut up. No, bitch,
Speaker 3: you shut up because you're doing the stupid ass talking you. Now,
Speaker 3: I'm not going to jail for that ship. If I
Speaker 3: go to jail, it's gonna be for slapping the ship
Speaker 3: out of this motherfucking police officer, but not for no weed.
Speaker 3: Get the fuck out of here. So they did let
Speaker 3: us go because I'm not a damn fool.
Speaker 1: Well, they had no reason to keep y'all.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but then he.
Speaker 2: And I will see this morning.
Speaker 1: You know why, dudes, there's a greater level of repercussion
Speaker 1: when men get to crashing out. And I'll give you
Speaker 1: an example y'all ladies about to start fighting. The only
Speaker 1: dude that got involved brought a gun. This is what
Speaker 1: stops me from crashing out a lot of times because
Speaker 1: a lot of dudes are emotional and a lot of
Speaker 1: dudes can't fight. So you know what happens when you're
Speaker 1: emotional and you can't fight, you gotta pick up a weapon.
Speaker 1: It may not always be a gun. It may be
Speaker 1: a razor, it may be a knife, but it could
Speaker 1: bet anything. But I like men, they when they go
Speaker 1: to crash out, it always ends up in incarceration of death.
Speaker 1: So for me, there's not a lot of things that
Speaker 1: I'll crash out for. But if it's my wife or
Speaker 1: my kids, I'm not there's no the value should have
Speaker 1: thought there was nothing to think about. My wife was
Speaker 1: in danger, my kids was in danger. My wife felt disrespected,
Speaker 1: my kids felt disrespected. They need to feel that someone
Speaker 1: protects them, because if no one protects them, then what
Speaker 1: is my point? You know what I'm saying, Like, if
Speaker 1: you have, if you have one thing in life right
Speaker 1: as a as a person, you have to survive by
Speaker 1: any means necessary. Right, think about taking away all social constructs.
Speaker 1: We don't live in a Mariqueen live anywhere. You just
Speaker 1: wake up and it's like, I gotta survive. Then I
Speaker 1: meet another person that we're gonna survive together, and we're
Speaker 1: gonna have offspring together. It's my responsibility to make sure
Speaker 1: we all survive.
Speaker 5: Absolutely, it's your responsibility to protect them and not to
Speaker 5: crash out.
Speaker 1: I agree, I agree, I agree, that's my responsibility.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so don't ever crash out because of those responsibilities.
Speaker 5: The responsibility for that is to protect them. You crash
Speaker 5: out by everything else, but those two things your job
Speaker 5: is to protect because if you crash out to.
Speaker 2: The point, now I'm gone and now you're gone. How
Speaker 2: does one temper emotions when you're on the verge of
Speaker 2: crashing out? What do you replan in your mind to say?
Speaker 2: You know what, it may not be worth it.
Speaker 4: In this it ain't worth it?
Speaker 3: Is it worth it?
Speaker 1: I've listened this. This goes back to the story she
Speaker 1: chose not to tell him because she could foresee that
Speaker 1: he was going to crash out. If I'm being honest,
Speaker 1: I feel like women do a better job of controlling
Speaker 1: their emotions in those type of times, Like from what
Speaker 1: I've seen in the hood growing up in Brooklyn, you
Speaker 1: know how many men are behind bars, are dead because
Speaker 1: they just went out there and did something on how
Speaker 1: many women were calculated enough to not crash out themselves,
Speaker 1: but to tell they brother or their father, or they
Speaker 1: cousin or their friend. You know what I'm saying, it's
Speaker 1: whatever women have, that's what we got to learn.
Speaker 5: I think it's saying to control emotions in the height
Speaker 5: of conflict that might have Dudes just might be like,
Speaker 5: in a height of conflict, like I just got to
Speaker 5: solve it, I gotta fix it, I gotta do something,
Speaker 5: whereas women might be a little bit more calculated in that.
Speaker 2: Regard, but also kind of emotional too, because I can
Speaker 2: think of a couple times, even growing up in Brooklyn,
Speaker 2: where there's been a young lady that felt like, for
Speaker 2: whatever reason, she was disrespected and was like, wait till
Speaker 2: I call my brother, Wait till I sell my father.
Speaker 2: And then they make a mountain out of a Mohill
Speaker 2: type of situation, getting the brother or the father or
Speaker 2: the cousin rowed up, and then they end up coming
Speaker 2: to press another set of dudes and it becomes a
Speaker 2: whole altercation. And she probably didn't think it was going
Speaker 2: to escalate to be that. But it's like in that
Speaker 2: moment where he felt like he had to come to
Speaker 2: her defense, that escalated the entire situation.
Speaker 1: You know what I think is that this is where
Speaker 1: we can actually use toxic masculinity as an example, right,
Speaker 1: because what we think is masculine is to go out
Speaker 1: there and just hit somebody and fight somebody, and that's
Speaker 1: extremely toxic. When the real masculinity is to be even
Speaker 1: emotional and come to a solution without resorting to violence.
Speaker 1: That's the perfect example of toxic masculinity is thinking that
Speaker 1: the only way I can show my power is by
Speaker 1: escalating to violence. You know what I'm saying, Like, that's
Speaker 1: what we as a community need to learn it.
Speaker 3: That's I just want to point out that in the
Speaker 3: ongoing debate between me and Deval, that's the point for
Speaker 3: me was that you agree with toxic masculinity for one.
Speaker 1: Nah, that's that's extremely toxic and I and I will
Speaker 1: I will admit the fact that men think that the
Speaker 1: only way that I could be more manly than this
Speaker 1: next man is to be physically more dominant is extremely toxic.
Speaker 2: I've seen you exercise that exact thing. I don't know
Speaker 2: if we've told this story before, but it was my
Speaker 2: sister's twenty first birthday at Tracks and you were with me,
Speaker 2: my sister cousin a group of us, and my sister
Speaker 2: was in the VIP section. This dude was kind of
Speaker 2: drunk coming up on the stage with her and she
Speaker 2: was just like, bro, this is not your section. So
Speaker 2: on the back and forth, and Deval in that moment,
Speaker 2: could have trying to defend his sister had been like
Speaker 2: in the dude's face and making this altercation more than
Speaker 2: it needed to be, because dude was ready to have
Speaker 2: He was ready to make it. That's what he was
Speaker 2: ready to make it that he had his team of
Speaker 2: friends behind and his goal was to prove a point
Speaker 2: in that moment. And I saw Devell literally stay cool
Speaker 2: as a cucumber and even Q, I think your part
Speaker 2: because that I had no backup.
Speaker 1: It was just me.
Speaker 5: He probably just prepped for that before even stepped into
Speaker 5: the building. Women, we're just gonna figure this out. We
Speaker 5: ain't gonna go crazy, we ain't gonna yeah, we ain't
Speaker 5: gona do nothing. We gotta do something. We just gonna
Speaker 5: walk out and leave. It's not worth it.
Speaker 2: That's literally you're saying devout going into the situation already.
Speaker 5: Yes, it's almost like you're walking into you're in an airport,
Speaker 5: or you in a in a restaurant, you're looking at
Speaker 5: all exits. You just when you go there, you're already
Speaker 5: pre planned what's gonna happen. By the time you sat
Speaker 5: down in order, you ready know what you're gonna do.
Speaker 1: What did I tell you said the New York thinger?
Speaker 2: Is that just like a thing? Because you taught me
Speaker 2: the same thing to and I go to restaurants not
Speaker 2: to sit with my back to the door. If I'm
Speaker 2: not with him, you know know what the edit is.
Speaker 1: And that was that was part of my decision. Dude
Speaker 1: started getting loud with Sakari. First thing I did was
Speaker 1: stand up. Was like, Okay, I'm gonna have to handle
Speaker 1: this dude. But then I see everybody that looks similar
Speaker 1: to what he got on. You can tell people's groups.
Speaker 1: There's like seven to eight dudes coming across that wall.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, they're coming to They're coming because they
Speaker 1: see he's getting loud. Then I'm like, there's one exit.
Speaker 1: The exit is all the way over there. It's just me.
Speaker 1: I got six women I got Tristan, who's inebriated, but
Speaker 1: he's smaller. You know what I'm saying, Robert smaller than Tristan.
Speaker 3: I can't.
Speaker 1: So my whole thing at that time was to show
Speaker 1: him that I'm not afraid, but let him know, like
Speaker 1: this is dumb. So I reached so I was like, Yo,
Speaker 1: my man's you know what I'm saying, it's my sister
Speaker 1: that like, what the fuck? I was like, dude. Then
Speaker 1: this homeboy came up and someboy was down on the
Speaker 1: platform and was like, yo, if my man got a problem,
Speaker 1: we got a problem. And I was like, yo, step
Speaker 1: up here. I put my hand out. He looked at me,
Speaker 1: grabbed my hand, and then I yanked him up. When
Speaker 1: I yanked him up, I was trying to show him
Speaker 1: how strong I am, to let him know like, Okay,
Speaker 1: y'all may try something, but whoever's up here first gonna
Speaker 1: get dealt with. When I pulled him up there like that,
Speaker 1: and he pulled up, he got close to me. I said,
Speaker 1: look behind me, there's seven women back here. Do you
Speaker 1: think I came here to fight with y'all? Like, think
Speaker 1: about it, this is all of this women back here.
Speaker 1: I'm here with my wife. I'm like, look at all
Speaker 1: these women out here. He looked at them, he looked
Speaker 1: at his man, he looked at me. He was like,
Speaker 1: you know what, man, you right, Because in that moment
Speaker 1: I approached him with respect. I didn't try to be
Speaker 1: little him, but I also let him know like this
Speaker 1: is dumb, and to me, that was the most masculine
Speaker 1: thing I could do. The other only option was he
Speaker 1: was one of the biggest ones. Is hit him first
Speaker 1: and hope that when I hit him first that he
Speaker 1: goes to sleep and then I can handle something else.
Speaker 1: But that's a lot to think about, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. So it's just like, don't crash out. Be smart?
Speaker 5: Is crashing out? Is there any point where crashing out
Speaker 5: as a necessity, not for you, but for them? If
Speaker 5: you think about for their perspective, he wants to crash
Speaker 5: out over anything. Is there a situation where you would
Speaker 5: just crash out for anything?
Speaker 1: For me?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 4: Is it survival for them?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 5: I think this is yeah. I mean in any situation,
Speaker 5: Like I think, ready to crash out at all costs.
Speaker 1: I think that's the toxic part of masculinity, especially coming
Speaker 1: from where we come from. Is that I'm going into this.
Speaker 1: How many times we talked to our people going to party,
Speaker 1: anybody look at me wrong, I'm snuffing us. That's toxic you.
Speaker 1: All you want to do is show people that you're
Speaker 1: more masculine, not realizing that that makes you look so small.
Speaker 1: But that's what they're taught. That's what we were taught.
Speaker 1: That's growing up in Brooklyn. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: You walking around, you got your older cousins, a older brother.
Speaker 1: Anybody look at you, want your snuff. It's like you
Speaker 1: start thinking that that's the way to be until you
Speaker 1: get older and you're like, wait a minute, he did that.
Speaker 1: He's in jail, he killed somebody, he's dead. It's like,
Speaker 1: wait a minute, that doesn't make any sense. And then
Speaker 1: you start to realize that crashing out has no positive response,
Speaker 1: Like there's nothing good comes from crashing out. All that
Speaker 1: being said, if I see somebody disrespect my wife or
Speaker 1: hurt my wife or sexually assault my wife, it's going
Speaker 1: to be hard for me to think about all of that.
Speaker 1: So when I told that story about being in New York,
Speaker 1: if I would have saw her face and she looked scared,
Speaker 1: and that dude smoked, smirked at her with that devilish smirk.
Speaker 1: There wouldn't have been nothing left for me to think
Speaker 1: about it your point. It would have just been he's
Speaker 1: going to have to feel the same thing my wife feels.
Speaker 1: I'm about to embarrass him and that and that doesn't
Speaker 1: make me right. I'm not asking for people to say
Speaker 1: devou right, that's just what I think.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I get you.
Speaker 1: The same thing with my kids.
Speaker 5: I feel the same way when I look at like
Speaker 5: court cases and you know, like the defendant is the
Speaker 5: one who, like, yeah, raped or little girl somebody's daughter
Speaker 5: and they're in the crowd. I'm sorry, I'm hopping over.
Speaker 1: I'm taking it. I'll take it thirty days course, I'll
Speaker 1: take it.
Speaker 2: Yes, So it's crashing out, always responding in violence.
Speaker 1: I was gonna.
Speaker 2: Can't crash out, just be like I just curse somebody
Speaker 2: out or you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 5: From a definition standpoint, crashing out is violence.
Speaker 1: That's silence because think about it, what issh his impact
Speaker 1: crashes boom.
Speaker 6: But that can be also verbally though, you can have
Speaker 6: impact verbally.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I'm the queen.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't call the argument. I personally wouldn't call it
Speaker 1: a crash out, but I have seen online were like
Speaker 1: remember the balloon game, And the chick responded and was
Speaker 1: just like, I don't like him because he's a little short.
Speaker 1: She's like, that's the problem with y'all, And it was
Speaker 1: like crashing out.
Speaker 3: He was a crash out. Specifically, he was arguing with
Speaker 3: every girl, yeah, and he didn't get it. They kept
Speaker 3: being like, I don't like how you talked to women.
Speaker 3: He'd be like, why are you worried about I'll talk
Speaker 3: to the next woman. You a follower while he was
Speaker 3: crashing out.
Speaker 1: If that's the case, Matt is right crash out because
Speaker 1: domestic violence is not always physical. You can verbally abuse someone,
Speaker 1: So if you choose to verbally abuse someone, that is
Speaker 1: a crash out.
Speaker 2: To me, I felt like, initially when I learned the
Speaker 2: crash out terminology, this is from my son, Jackson. He
Speaker 2: tries to keep me young. So he initially told me
Speaker 2: about crash out because he was at sky Zone for
Speaker 2: a friend's birthday party and somebody's kids jumped on another kid,
Speaker 2: you know, accidentally, but theer, the kid's mom, who was
Speaker 2: not within the group of the birthday party, was getting
Speaker 2: in Jackson's friend's face. So Jackson's friend's mom, who was
Speaker 2: not that wasn't her son, but she was there as
Speaker 2: one of the parents. She jumped in and started cursing
Speaker 2: the lady out. So it was this back and forth
Speaker 2: between the two and Jackson was like, oh my god, yo,
Speaker 2: such as such moms crashed out, and I was like,
Speaker 2: what does that mean.
Speaker 3: To me?
Speaker 2: It's kind of synonymous in that moment, like when she's
Speaker 2: spashed at you, crash out. Son just fads out, crash
Speaker 2: out verbally, queen physically, not the.
Speaker 4: University act of going to zero and sixty, and.
Speaker 3: Like just like yeah, yeah, yeah. The way that I
Speaker 3: would characterize it, uh, something that has helped me over
Speaker 3: the years with my issues with anger is like somatic
Speaker 3: practice and learning how to recognize dysregulation in my body
Speaker 3: before I respond to something. And so I would say
Speaker 3: that a crash out is when you are so disregulated
Speaker 3: that you cannot control what you are doing or saying.
Speaker 3: So sometimes, like we'll have I can have a spirited
Speaker 3: debate an argument with somebody where I'm still where I'm
Speaker 3: still listening, where I'm still able to respond, But if
Speaker 3: I'm crashing out. I'm simply reacting. I'm not fucking listening.
Speaker 3: I'm going the fuck off. I feel it in my body.
Speaker 3: My body is in raged. I'm full of rage. I'm shaking,
Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying. Some people will say like, oh,
Speaker 3: I blacked out.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Some people literally like cannot hear you when you're talking
Speaker 3: because they're crashing out. They're disregulated in their bodies so
Speaker 3: much so that they can't control what is happening.
Speaker 1: You know why that's bad. You know how crash outs
Speaker 1: are born. They watched their parents crash out. I think
Speaker 1: about that all the time, like I'd be like.
Speaker 2: Not being emotionally intelligent or aware or mature.
Speaker 1: And I learned from my dad, Like my dad was
Speaker 1: not a crash out. I've seen people getting into physical altercations,
Speaker 1: and my father was a bouncer. I think I told
Speaker 1: you other story. He learned how to regulate other people's
Speaker 1: emotions by and he told me this. He said, d
Speaker 1: vow when I was bouncing at the club. He used
Speaker 1: to bounce at Tunnel and another big club in the
Speaker 1: nineties when it was like a lot of hip hop
Speaker 1: people there. He was like, there's only five bounces the
Speaker 1: club holds four hundred people. If a big fight breaks
Speaker 1: out with all of these dudes, I need to know
Speaker 1: that these people will listen. He talked about every time
Speaker 1: he came and had people come in the club, they'd
Speaker 1: be like, yo, listen, it's only five of us. Let's
Speaker 1: make sure that we got each other's back. Da da
Speaker 1: da da when a fight happened. He never ran in
Speaker 1: there throwing punches. He ran in there to be like yo.
Speaker 1: And I think that's what I learned how to do it,
Speaker 1: and that's where our kids are learning it. So if
Speaker 1: you're a person that crashes out and have kids, what
Speaker 1: do you think your kids are watching and learning when
Speaker 1: they watch you constantly crash out.
Speaker 4: Every time there's a conflict, every time flip the handle.
Speaker 6: My reaction should be yeah, because that's what I saw,
Speaker 6: my folks.
Speaker 3: And not only that, like emotional dysregulation comes from your
Speaker 3: fight or flight, like hormones not being controlled for you
Speaker 3: to always feel like you're in danger when something happens
Speaker 3: and you either want to fight or fight, and if
Speaker 3: you're in a household where you don't feel safe because
Speaker 3: your parent is always crashing out, not even just that
Speaker 3: you're seeing them do it, but you might be hearing
Speaker 3: it or any little thing they're snapping at you. Now
Speaker 3: you are disregulated. Now you're a alert nervous system. Right,
Speaker 3: your alarm system is going off with any little thing
Speaker 3: that happens. And now you are a disregulated adult.
Speaker 2: That's why conversation is so important.
Speaker 1: You see how all of this is like, and you
Speaker 1: like you're thinking about things and people.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I was gonna say that. This is why conversation, though,
Speaker 2: is so important because your father, for example, is a bouncer.
Speaker 2: Knowing how his dad is, I can see him. If
Speaker 2: somebody is irate, you know, and feeling like they've been
Speaker 2: wronged in whatever situation it was in the club, for example,
Speaker 2: just bringing them close and talking to them and trying
Speaker 2: to empathize with their point of view. A lot of
Speaker 2: times people just want you to understand their perspective and
Speaker 2: where they're coming from, what made them upset. So for me,
Speaker 2: I think, to Tripple's point, having someone that can then
Speaker 2: if you're in that fight or flight mode, kind of
Speaker 2: bring you back down and regulate it by empathizing with
Speaker 2: how you feel, even if you're wrong. Yeah, it's just
Speaker 2: having somebody to communicate with you on that level into
Speaker 2: personally that I think that it can then start to
Speaker 2: potentially de escalate something from being a crash out moment.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a renew your sense of safety to help
Speaker 3: your alarm bells turn off to be like you're you're safe.
Speaker 3: Nothing is happening to you, right, has to happen, nothing
Speaker 3: has to happen. Right, Yeah, I hear you.
Speaker 2: You're wrong as hell.
Speaker 3: You need to be, but we don't want it to
Speaker 3: get there.
Speaker 1: I listening to Tripple whe We're gonna have to take
Speaker 1: a break someone, But listening to Triple really like set
Speaker 1: off an alarm in my brain. And I'm thinking about
Speaker 1: all the people I grew up with and now thinking about.
Speaker 2: Their parents, right, and how they respond.
Speaker 1: When she talked about fight or flight, I can think
Speaker 1: about five friends who have crash out moms right, who
Speaker 1: their kids either be ready to fight or run from everything.
Speaker 1: And it's funny when I mean run from everything. The
Speaker 1: minute somebody's voice get raised, they gon't, or it's the
Speaker 1: minute somebody's voice get raised like why did you punch
Speaker 1: some and so man like, I'm thinking about all of
Speaker 1: these things, and it makes the most sense when you
Speaker 1: have a crash our parents.
Speaker 2: I know a mother child duo that came to mind
Speaker 2: where it's just like, yo, you could fuck with them
Speaker 2: if you want to. They're gonna be cool as a
Speaker 2: que coming through it all I know. But them two,
Speaker 2: if anything shit goes awry, say the word. It's either
Speaker 2: gonna go all the way sky high or they can
Speaker 2: keep it down low.
Speaker 1: But she's very controlled in her emotion.
Speaker 2: Control, and that's why he is. However, if shit needs
Speaker 2: to get done and dealt with, it's gonna get done
Speaker 2: and dealt with on a very low, even Q level.
Speaker 2: So all right, y'all, let's go pay some bills before
Speaker 2: the bill collectors crash out on us, and we'll be
Speaker 2: back with listening letters. Stick around, all right. We're back
Speaker 2: back with listener letters, and we have one for today.
Speaker 2: Oh it's a bit lengthy one, so let's go in
Speaker 2: and dive right in. All right. I'm approaching the second
Speaker 2: half of my thirties and I recently moved out of
Speaker 2: my childhood home into a two bedroom apartment with my
Speaker 2: teenage son. It's my first apartment after having lived with
Speaker 2: my six plus siblings and parents my entire life. When
Speaker 2: I moved, my dad who was retired and divorced from
Speaker 2: my mom, was staying with other family, doesn't have a
Speaker 2: place of his own, volunteer to move in with me
Speaker 2: for two weeks to help me get settled in, and
Speaker 2: also for what he felt was assuring my safety as
Speaker 2: a single woman in a new neighborhood. I welcome. This
Speaker 2: offer makes sense, I.
Speaker 1: Knew, yep.
Speaker 2: The problem is it's been six months now and he
Speaker 2: hasn't left. He's taking over my living room to a
Speaker 2: point where I can't even utilize it because it feels
Speaker 2: like I'm invading his space. I haven't had people over,
Speaker 2: neither has my son, and I'm feeling very restricted in
Speaker 2: a place that was supposed to be just for me
Speaker 2: and my kid. I'm nervous to ask him to go
Speaker 2: back to where he was staying or with other of
Speaker 2: another of my siblings, because I don't want to hurt
Speaker 2: his feelings. We have a great relationship, but I don't
Speaker 2: want to risk it going bad by becoming the daughter
Speaker 2: who put him out quote unquote. However, I need my
Speaker 2: space and independence. Resentment is starting to grow, and I
Speaker 2: don't want to be miserable in my own home. There's
Speaker 2: also the fact that we are from the Caribbean West
Speaker 2: Indian massive and it's very common for parents and elders
Speaker 2: in our cultures to feel entitled to their children's success
Speaker 2: and any really is that in any capacity because of
Speaker 2: this sacrifice. Yo, speak to me, speaking to me, siss
Speaker 2: I understand, Let's go back. It's very common for parents
Speaker 2: and elders in our culture to feel entitled to their
Speaker 2: children's success in any capacity because of the sacrifices they
Speaker 2: made coming to this country and building a life for
Speaker 2: us to suited.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna let you. I'm gonna close my laptop and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna let you.
Speaker 2: However, I haven't reached that plateau of success where I
Speaker 2: can invite others to partake. Yet, if I had a
Speaker 2: house where he could actually have his own room or wing,
Speaker 2: sure he'd be welcome. Until he's not, says, because I'm
Speaker 2: about to reach my max. Honey, did you just you?
Speaker 7: My god, it's all over his you Okay, I'm sorry
Speaker 7: this conversation category ofsion.
Speaker 2: This has been our lives. Honey, what you going to
Speaker 2: tell her?
Speaker 1: Because I don't even know girl?
Speaker 2: Moving with us, I don't know what to tell you.
Speaker 1: With us, moving with us? Whatever you do.
Speaker 2: I'm about to say, we couple old.
Speaker 3: Appearance in one house? How about that?
Speaker 2: And they have each other?
Speaker 3: Okay?
Speaker 1: Good? So you wrote this, be honest, you wrote this,
Speaker 1: I might have wrote.
Speaker 2: You got me. That actually would be funny if you
Speaker 2: wrote it, if we wrote in anonymously. All right. So
Speaker 2: if I had a house where he could actually have
Speaker 2: his own rumor wing, sure he'd be welcome. But my
Speaker 2: first apartment and he's just in my living room. My
Speaker 2: son and I can't have friends over because my couch
Speaker 2: is double timing as his bed. I can't even think
Speaker 2: about inviting a potential husband in because how does that
Speaker 2: look ough. He earns more than enough money from his
Speaker 2: retirement and social Security to get a place of his own,
Speaker 2: But what I've gathered when I ask him about that
Speaker 2: route in a nutshell. He just doesn't want to spend
Speaker 2: the money. We live in New York City. I would
Speaker 2: love your thoughts on how to approach speaking to a
Speaker 2: close family member about exercising those options and getting out
Speaker 2: of your house. It's hard because that's my girl. Todd
Speaker 2: asked me.
Speaker 6: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't know how to tell you because I'm in
Speaker 2: the same situation. It's hard because that's my father and
Speaker 2: he worked outdoors his whole life in every kind of
Speaker 2: weather to support our family, mom as a housewife. So
Speaker 2: when I think about his sacrifices, I feel terrible. Anyway,
Speaker 2: please help girl, first of all, because start a support group,
Speaker 2: because that's exactly what Daval and I have. And I
Speaker 2: just at this point, you guys know, my parents' mom
Speaker 2: particularly moved with us from Brooklyn to California. When we
Speaker 2: were living in California for a year and a half
Speaker 2: COVID hit. The plan was initially for her to move
Speaker 2: for about six months, take some time off of work, decompress,
Speaker 2: help us with the transitions to California. But then, of
Speaker 2: course nobody expected for COVID to hit, and then COVID
Speaker 2: kind of just put everybody into rut, as you all know.
Speaker 2: And we moved from California to Georgia and it has
Speaker 2: become and how both parents are here. Both parents are
Speaker 2: here because of course dad's retired, wanted to come be
Speaker 2: with us and the children, so as much as we
Speaker 2: love and enjoy them being here with the kids. Because
Speaker 2: of course, y'all know, Deval and I have crazy schedules.
Speaker 3: I have reached the.
Speaker 2: Point where I can use my own space, and it's
Speaker 2: been particularly difficult because I know that we have created
Speaker 2: a very comfortable environment for my parents to exist here
Speaker 2: with us, because essentially they don't have to worry about anything.
Speaker 2: And anytime my mom and I or my mom and
Speaker 2: my siblings and I or devall my mom have the conversation,
Speaker 2: you know about potentially them getting their own place, you know,
Speaker 2: she'll talk about all.
Speaker 1: Of the sacrifice literally the same word.
Speaker 2: Guy, Like, I think it's a thing within the Caribbean
Speaker 2: community that I don't know. Josh and Matt if you've
Speaker 2: heard about the sacrifice that they've made for us. And
Speaker 2: we had even done an episode on the podcast a
Speaker 2: little while back where I said how the word sacrifice
Speaker 2: is so triggering to me and how I would never
Speaker 2: use that with my boys, like, you know, using that
Speaker 2: almost as a guilt trip, like I have sacrificed so much.
Speaker 4: No, no, no, listen, my mom watches this. Mommy, I.
Speaker 1: Don't have to hie.
Speaker 5: My mom has never a guilt tripped me by anything.
Speaker 5: If anything is the other way around. She's she feels
Speaker 5: bad that she doesn't have enough to give me.
Speaker 4: So I love that, so don't put me in it, Mommy.
Speaker 3: I love you. I love you.
Speaker 4: You would never Okay, thank you.
Speaker 6: I found out my mom watches this too, but also.
Speaker 2: Sacrifice supporting.
Speaker 3: Stories over there.
Speaker 6: I appreciate exactly.
Speaker 2: It's the idea of the sacrifice, and my mindset when
Speaker 2: it comes to the sacrifice portion of it is like
Speaker 2: whatever I do, or di and I do collectively for
Speaker 2: our children, I don't see it as a sacrificing to
Speaker 2: give it to them. This is the life that we
Speaker 2: want to live, and this is the work that we
Speaker 2: want to do for ourselves where our children will reap
Speaker 2: the benefits, of course, but I would never think that
Speaker 2: my children are responsible for the sacrifice. Me as a parent,
Speaker 2: me as a woman, me as a person. This is
Speaker 2: the kind of life that I want to provide for
Speaker 2: my family. That's why Dival and I work so hard,
Speaker 2: and that's why I could just stay home and chill,
Speaker 2: but no, I want to be able to contribute but
Speaker 2: also be an active mom and active wife at home.
Speaker 2: So I laugh about the sacrifice portion of it because
Speaker 2: that's what my mom says, and that's not taking away
Speaker 2: from what her story is. Right coming up here at
Speaker 2: seventeen by herself.
Speaker 4: She gives it.
Speaker 2: She sacrificed those he did.
Speaker 1: I think that's why the Caribbean massive is always like
Speaker 1: a sacrifice. I left my is from here for a
Speaker 1: better life than all of us at all.
Speaker 2: It's a huge thing. It's a huge sacrifice as well. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so I would never take away from that. I actually
Speaker 2: applaud and have empathy for my mom. I even in
Speaker 2: a Mother's Day post that we just posted I just
Speaker 2: posted in May, I told her that she needs to
Speaker 2: be proud of that seventeen year old girl that came
Speaker 2: up here by herself for a new country, trying to
Speaker 2: figure out things on her own. Like I don't want
Speaker 2: nobody to drop me at forty one in no country
Speaker 2: to figure shit out on my own, you know what
Speaker 2: I'm saying. So I completely get that and I empathize
Speaker 2: with that. But Dad is overdoing it. He is overdoing it,
Speaker 2: and he is overstaying his welcome, and he probably was
Speaker 2: looking for out from Mom and the other six plus
Speaker 2: siblings that y'all got there too, you know. So I
Speaker 2: think like a nice encouraging conversation where of course, with
Speaker 2: our parents, you have to make sure that you build
Speaker 2: them up and you talk about appreciating the sacrifices, and
Speaker 2: you talk about that, but then you talk about what's
Speaker 2: healthy for what you need in your.
Speaker 4: Please do not listen, young lady.
Speaker 5: Do not let your dad come live with you, all right,
Speaker 5: because once you get them in, they can't come out.
Speaker 2: Too late, too late.
Speaker 3: He's on the couch, he said, and he's been there
Speaker 3: for six months.
Speaker 1: Oh damn.
Speaker 6: Yea.
Speaker 2: And now the conversation in my house with deval and
Speaker 2: I and my mom and dad are like, hey, guys, okay,
Speaker 2: so you've sold, you know, your investment property in New York.
Speaker 2: We have this money sitting aside for you, guys. Let's
Speaker 2: start house hunting. My mom will text me all the memes,
Speaker 2: she will d m me all the reels, and she
Speaker 2: will all the things, and she will not reply to
Speaker 2: anything house related when typically looking for houses is like
Speaker 2: a thing like on a random day, I might look
Speaker 2: on Zilla, like what they got on the market, knowing
Speaker 2: good and one. I ain't buying ship. But that's just
Speaker 2: something that she was out there, and she has not
Speaker 2: responded to anything, like there's no conversation happening a house
Speaker 2: at all. So and I know that there's several reasons,
Speaker 2: like from a personal and more private standpoint where I
Speaker 2: won't divulge why potentially she doesn't want to have her
Speaker 2: own space, but it's also just awfully convenient to be
Speaker 2: here because she don't have to worry about nothing. The
Speaker 2: kids are here, you know.
Speaker 1: So also I will say this, and this is not
Speaker 1: personal to your parents or your parents or your parents,
Speaker 1: this is just life when you get to that age,
Speaker 1: sometimes they just don't want to be around each other.
Speaker 1: And now I have somewhere else to go. And I'll
Speaker 1: use my own family as an example. I look at
Speaker 1: my Papa John and my nanny. They sleep together at
Speaker 1: night in the same room, but all day my nanny
Speaker 1: will be in one room. My Papa John will be
Speaker 1: in his room, or he'll be in the garden. And
Speaker 1: it works for them. They have their space. John, you're hungry,
Speaker 1: John can yeah, b They come in, they eat, They
Speaker 1: have a great relationship. But they just don't want to
Speaker 1: be around each other all the time.
Speaker 3: That's true.
Speaker 2: Even your dad comes down to help with the boys
Speaker 2: and he'll come chill, but he'd be facetiming your mom
Speaker 2: and he'd be like, hey, miss you.
Speaker 6: But they like the space.
Speaker 2: They like the space sometimes, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: I go away on vacation with my girls a couple
Speaker 2: two three days, Deval be missing me. I'd be sending
Speaker 2: him little selfies and whatnot and come back home. So
Speaker 2: I get the space component wanting that, But I do
Speaker 2: I do You need a space, girl, You need your space.
Speaker 2: Your son, who's a grown boy, needs his size. You know,
Speaker 2: like you said, you want to have people over and
Speaker 2: entertain them. And Dad has to fall up his pillow
Speaker 2: and blanket because that's as bad as well.
Speaker 4: She got a guilt trip him the opposite.
Speaker 3: This is the perfect time.
Speaker 2: I'm not.
Speaker 7: Crash.
Speaker 4: She needs a real help though. How would you get
Speaker 4: her at this house?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 1: Seriously, seriously, this is what works for me, because I've
Speaker 1: even spoken to Kadeen's parents and my parents. You have to,
Speaker 1: like Kadeen said, acknowledge the fact that they have sacrificed,
Speaker 1: and also acknowledge the fact that Dad, because you've been
Speaker 1: here for six months, I do feel safe. I know
Speaker 1: my environment, people know that you're here, so I feel safe.
Speaker 1: But Dad, at the same time, I'm a grown girl
Speaker 1: and I have a son, and we need our space.
Speaker 1: That we can flourish. I guarantee you. Because her father
Speaker 1: does care so much, you'll understand, You'll unders He also
Speaker 1: may be waiting for her to say I'm good. What
Speaker 1: if what if he's there, like, I can't leave because
Speaker 1: she hasn't.
Speaker 2: Told me she's enjoying having me here.
Speaker 1: Maybe he doesn't know.
Speaker 3: Maybe she said in the letter that every time she
Speaker 3: brings it up, he sacrifice. She's not trying to hear it,
Speaker 3: so it crash out. It's time.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't crash out on my dad, but I would
Speaker 1: tell him like you got to Friday.
Speaker 3: You know why, because as many sacrifices as your parents
Speaker 3: have made, they've made just as many mistakes. So you
Speaker 3: you get one. You get one good crash out, you
Speaker 3: get one good motherfucking crash out, And I think this
Speaker 3: is your one. I think it's time to use your
Speaker 3: free crash out on dad.
Speaker 4: You can't crash your parents agree with everything you said.
Speaker 3: I'm never gonna crash out on my parents, but you
Speaker 3: got to crash out within your limit.
Speaker 6: Reasons.
Speaker 2: But then reason, and maybe you're the favorite daughter. Maybe
Speaker 2: he just likes being with you because I feel like
Speaker 2: I'm my father's favorite.
Speaker 1: Well you are not your father's favorite. You better stop
Speaker 1: lying to yourself right now. You are your mother's favorite.
Speaker 1: You are your mother's favorite. Tristan, is your mother, you Grandma,
Speaker 1: Brian's face, somebody, somebody who love.
Speaker 2: You, somebody, It's true most for these two write you
Speaker 2: know what I'm saying. But it's also one hand watches
Speaker 2: the other situation like I love that they're here to
Speaker 2: be with my boys and be there full time. But sis,
Speaker 2: and when you when you kick him out, be like yo, dad,
Speaker 2: if you want to pop in every now and again
Speaker 2: see us, But you gotta go back home, sir, You
Speaker 2: gotta go back home.
Speaker 3: My mom asked me she should move with me every
Speaker 3: couple of months. Don't you want me to move that?
Speaker 3: And I crashed out on her right there.
Speaker 1: Don't want to triple toxic? Man.
Speaker 4: Yes, you get some people, ash man, they take a mile.
Speaker 4: I hate.
Speaker 1: Here for six years. Huh. Well if you well, if
Speaker 1: you want to.
Speaker 2: Hear more of that podcast, but now that we know
Speaker 2: that Daisy and ed is Edna. Yeah, Daisy and Edna listen,
Speaker 2: I don't know if mom be watching, but my girl,
Speaker 2: you're ready to know what the conversations. Man, answer me
Speaker 2: one text about the Zillow's okay because some houses are
Speaker 2: probably not under contract, and then we got to look
Speaker 2: at more houses.
Speaker 1: Scrifice, don't care. I love you, Oh my.
Speaker 2: God, we love you girl, but he got to go.
Speaker 2: If you'd like to be featured as one of our
Speaker 2: listener letters, be sure to email us at the Ellis
Speaker 2: Advice at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: That's t h E E L L I S A
Speaker 1: d V I C E at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2: All right, moment of truth time. We're talking about crash out,
Speaker 2: When to when not to? Should we what are the rippercussions?
Speaker 2: Let's start with Uh, we're gonna start with it, Matt.
Speaker 2: Any moment of truth when it comes to.
Speaker 6: Crashing out, I think big before you, before you crash out,
Speaker 6: it might not be worth it at all.
Speaker 5: Yes, same, same long along, the same lives thinking I
Speaker 5: was thinking about from all right, listen.
Speaker 1: Think about you act. Don't cut any of this.
Speaker 3: It's right now.
Speaker 4: She don't cut it, said his brain.
Speaker 5: All right, listen, don't crash out. All right, don't crash out.
Speaker 5: I've crashed out before. I'm so happy we didn't get
Speaker 5: to it today because I don't really want to talk
Speaker 5: about it.
Speaker 4: My mom watches this, but I've crashed out before and
Speaker 4: it ain't worth it.
Speaker 1: Man.
Speaker 4: You can end up in jail, you getting up dead.
Speaker 4: There's so many repercussions.
Speaker 5: I was it repercussions that you did not expect before
Speaker 5: before crashing out.
Speaker 4: So please, it's like, just do what Matt said. I'm
Speaker 4: not even gonna try to repeat it.
Speaker 3: Tips what you got him saying. That made me remember
Speaker 3: I did get arrested for crashing out once. I've changed, honestly,
Speaker 3: and that is why this is my literue. Get familiar
Speaker 3: with the way your body feels, so that you know
Speaker 3: when a crash out is upon you. When you're about
Speaker 3: to crash out, you know, you get hot, you start shaking, Yeah,
Speaker 3: you get fancy. Get to know how your body feels
Speaker 3: and learn how to regulate.
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's why I shut it down. Why you're not
Speaker 6: saying that.
Speaker 5: Well, And don't put yourself in situations where you can't
Speaker 5: crash out. I understand it's always like you can't always
Speaker 5: like control that, but there are some times that you
Speaker 5: just don't put yourself in a situation where you can
Speaker 5: crash out, Like if you.
Speaker 4: Don't drive in New York City, if you're driving man,
Speaker 4: don't don't do it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree, but mine is short.
Speaker 2: Man.
Speaker 1: Crashing out is toxic the most. I think the most
Speaker 1: relevant form of toxic masking is when you watch a
Speaker 1: man crash out seriously. And I gotta say that because
Speaker 1: me and Troup will always be arguing about masculine and feminine.
Speaker 1: I don't think toxic masculinity is a thing, but when
Speaker 1: I think about crashing out, that's definitely toxic as fuck.
Speaker 1: And there's nothing good That immediate gratification you get from
Speaker 1: hitting somebody or cursing somebody out of feeling like you
Speaker 1: want is instantly going to be gone the minute the
Speaker 1: act is over, and you got to deal with the consequences.
Speaker 1: So don't crash out, yo, don't And shout out to
Speaker 1: all the women who protect their men from crashing out
Speaker 1: by deciding not to tell them what the fuck is
Speaker 1: going on, because I know a couple of I know
Speaker 1: a couple that's saved some lives by doing that, And
Speaker 1: also to the women who use the fact that your
Speaker 1: man crashes out as a weapon against other men's corny man,
Speaker 1: please refrain from doing that because you don't want to
Speaker 1: lose your loved ones, So to something that you thought
Speaker 1: wasn't gonna be that big of a time.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, this might be me at my big age having
Speaker 2: this revelation too. But it's like just when you say
Speaker 2: your prayers in the morning and you thank God for
Speaker 2: another day, pray for the discernment to know whether or
Speaker 2: not something is worthy of. Yeah, a crash out, like
Speaker 2: we gotta have, you have to, like at some point.
Speaker 2: I don't know if it's at some age because we
Speaker 2: see big people fighting on the internet all the time
Speaker 2: and it's just like why, you know, but just just
Speaker 2: pray for the discernment to know when you should just
Speaker 2: walk away from situations that can become an escalated situation
Speaker 2: and no one You can maybe solve that with just
Speaker 2: having a candid conversation with the person in that moment,
Speaker 2: and I think that'll come from regulating your body and
Speaker 2: understanding what's happening before the crash out comes. All right, y'all,
Speaker 2: be sure to find us on Patreon if you have
Speaker 2: not yet, be sure to subscribe. You get all of
Speaker 2: this amazing after show footage as well as any behind
Speaker 2: the scenes Ellis Family content, and you can find us
Speaker 2: on social media at Ellis ever After. I'm at Kadeen,
Speaker 2: I am and I.
Speaker 1: Am Deval and Matt. Can you tell us where to
Speaker 1: find you?
Speaker 6: I'm Underscore Matt dot Ellis and.
Speaker 4: You can double click on my flex at Joshua Underscore Dwayne.
Speaker 3: And I'm at Trams The Cool Cribbz, The Cool on Everything.
Speaker 1: And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate,
Speaker 1: review and subscribe. Everybody on three one two three.
Speaker 3: Got Ellis ever After is an iHeartMedia podcast. It's hosted
Speaker 3: by Kadeen and Deval Ellis. It's produced by Triple Video,
Speaker 3: Production by Joshua Dwyane and Matthew Ellis, video editing by
Speaker 3: Lashan Rowe.
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