1
00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:03,640
Speaker 1: On. God mm, there's nothing you could ever do to

2
00:00:03,720 --> 00:00:07,440
Speaker 1: stop me. If I see somebody hurt you or disrespect you,

3
00:00:08,080 --> 00:00:09,280
Speaker 1: I'm crashing out.

4
00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:13,280
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, you, me, the kids. I believe all that. Yeah, yeah,

5
00:00:13,440 --> 00:00:18,200
Speaker 2: I think all decorum goes out the window when that happens.

6
00:00:18,920 --> 00:00:25,200
Speaker 1: For sure, dead Ass it all started with real talk, unfiltered,

7
00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:27,680
Speaker 1: honest and straight from the heart. Since then, we've gone

8
00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:30,240
Speaker 1: on to become Webby award winning podcasters in New York

9
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:31,600
Speaker 1: Times bestselling authors.

10
00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:34,199
Speaker 2: Dead Ass was more than a podcast for us. It

11
00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:37,120
Speaker 2: was about our growth, a place where we could be vulnerable,

12
00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:37,920
Speaker 2: be raw.

13
00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:40,480
Speaker 1: Of course, but most apportly be us.

14
00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:43,440
Speaker 2: But as we know, life keeps evolving and so do we,

15
00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:46,559
Speaker 2: and through it all, one thing has never changed.

16
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:47,640
Speaker 3: This is.

17
00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:51,920
Speaker 2: Because we got a lot to talk about.

18
00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:56,800
Speaker 1: Story time, all right, don't.

19
00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:57,600
Speaker 2: Want to crash out moments.

20
00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:01,640
Speaker 1: I actually got many overtimes I have to One doesn't

21
00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:05,000
Speaker 1: concern me, okay, and the other doesn't really concern me.

22
00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:07,160
Speaker 1: But I gotta give both of them just so people

23
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:10,280
Speaker 1: can understand. The first one happened to friends of ours

24
00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:14,200
Speaker 1: right when they were married. They're no longer married. He

25
00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:17,680
Speaker 1: was a professional athlete and he was probably the biggest

26
00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:19,880
Speaker 1: professional athlete that you can play in any sports. Six

27
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:23,240
Speaker 1: five three hundred pounds one of four to seven can

28
00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:26,080
Speaker 1: bench press four h five five times, just a behemoth

29
00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:30,120
Speaker 1: of a man. He and his wife are at the

30
00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:33,160
Speaker 1: Beyonce concert and at the end of the Beyonce concert

31
00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:35,240
Speaker 1: they're leaving early so that they can beat the traffic.

32
00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:39,840
Speaker 1: And while they're leaving, she feels someone grab her ass.

33
00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:42,880
Speaker 1: She doesn't say nothing. She looks back and there are

34
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:45,080
Speaker 1: two guys. They're looking at her like like a smirk,

35
00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:47,120
Speaker 1: kind of drunk, kind of drunk, but like like a

36
00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:51,040
Speaker 1: smirk almost, and she chose to turn around and walk away.

37
00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:54,760
Speaker 1: They got back to their car halfway home, she says,

38
00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:58,120
Speaker 1: I tell you something. When we were leaving, two guys

39
00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:03,480
Speaker 1: grab my ass. His first response was, why didn't you

40
00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:08,320
Speaker 1: tell me? Right? And her response was that's right there, right.

41
00:02:08,919 --> 00:02:12,840
Speaker 1: So that's one story which I'm applauding her because she saved.

42
00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:14,639
Speaker 2: Could have been a crash three lives that day.

43
00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:19,040
Speaker 1: Those two men that they were there were puny once

44
00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:21,959
Speaker 1: of men that he probably would have just beat one

45
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:24,320
Speaker 1: with the other right, and then he probably would have

46
00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:24,840
Speaker 1: been in jail.

47
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:25,240
Speaker 3: Right.

48
00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:28,320
Speaker 1: So those are three people's lives that she saved plus

49
00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:30,000
Speaker 1: her kids.

50
00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:30,600
Speaker 2: Absolutely.

51
00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:35,200
Speaker 1: The second story just happened to you. Chall wasn't there

52
00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:37,239
Speaker 1: You were in New York.

53
00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:42,760
Speaker 2: New York doing press Watch Now, Watch Now. Yes, No,

54
00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:46,519
Speaker 2: I was in New York with my castmate LaToya Lucket

55
00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:50,200
Speaker 2: shout out LaToya and Portia. So we were exiting the

56
00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:52,519
Speaker 2: hotel taking a couple of photos before we head to

57
00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:56,080
Speaker 2: the Sherry Shepherd show. LaToya and I literally side by

58
00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:59,720
Speaker 2: side taking double shots together. Josh is behind the camera,

59
00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:04,840
Speaker 2: Jose is doing the highlight video. Latoya's photographer is there

60
00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:07,400
Speaker 2: on the I would say the middle of the street,

61
00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:11,880
Speaker 2: towards the sidewalk, kind of out of nowhere. As I'm

62
00:03:11,919 --> 00:03:14,959
Speaker 2: posing with LaToya taking the photos, I feel someone grabbed

63
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:19,799
Speaker 2: my ass. So for me, it's very customary to have

64
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,920
Speaker 2: my ass grab because y'all know who my husband is.

65
00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:27,839
Speaker 2: So my first my first thought was, no, Devao did

66
00:03:27,919 --> 00:03:30,519
Speaker 2: not come to surprise me in New York because I

67
00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:32,760
Speaker 2: know he was filming, so I'm like, knowing you, it

68
00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:35,760
Speaker 2: wouldn't have been uncustomary for you to say, hey, guys,

69
00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:37,400
Speaker 2: can I get the day or two off to come

70
00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:39,480
Speaker 2: and meet Kate in the city. So that was my

71
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:42,440
Speaker 2: first thing. So I turned around hoping to see Deval.

72
00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:46,200
Speaker 2: There was no Devo. There was this white dude walking

73
00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:50,320
Speaker 2: away from me. And when we made eye contact, I said,

74
00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:53,880
Speaker 2: did you grab my ass? And he smirked at me.

75
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,680
Speaker 2: Again they do this smirk because he knew exactly what

76
00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:58,600
Speaker 2: he was doing. And then he turned to walk away.

77
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:05,080
Speaker 2: Then Latoya's husband comes to my defense, shout out to

78
00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:08,440
Speaker 2: t Leo comes to my defense, and in that moment,

79
00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:10,320
Speaker 2: I was just like, oh my gosh.

80
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:13,400
Speaker 1: If Deval was here, I would have crashed out.

81
00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:15,840
Speaker 2: In this moment. It would have been ultimate crash outs

82
00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:18,560
Speaker 2: and that man would not have seen the light of day.

83
00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:23,320
Speaker 1: I would have on top, mainly because I know the

84
00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:26,000
Speaker 1: embarrassment when you explained to me that you felt and

85
00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:28,320
Speaker 1: to feel violated like that, I would have wanted to

86
00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:30,560
Speaker 1: violate him the same way in front.

87
00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:32,680
Speaker 2: Of all of those people, absolutely.

88
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,680
Speaker 1: So he could feel the same exact feeling you feel.

89
00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:37,400
Speaker 1: And I would have wanted you to see me violate

90
00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:39,880
Speaker 1: him that way, so you could at least have some redemption.

91
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:41,040
Speaker 1: That would have been.

92
00:04:41,279 --> 00:04:43,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, the whole Now, I completely understand that. I mean,

93
00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:45,799
Speaker 2: in that moment, I did feel, you know, feel protected

94
00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:49,840
Speaker 2: by you know, t leo Ja bowling. Shout out to Jay,

95
00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:53,000
Speaker 2: that's Latoya's stylist. And they all were, you know, rallying

96
00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:54,320
Speaker 2: behind me and made sure I was okay and we

97
00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:58,040
Speaker 2: left and always well after that. But yeah, in that moment,

98
00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:01,200
Speaker 2: I always say, de Val, the God keeps the valve

99
00:05:01,279 --> 00:05:04,480
Speaker 2: from situations where he would crash out. There's been several

100
00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:06,480
Speaker 2: times and it wasn't just us, it would be family

101
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,560
Speaker 2: and if something would be happening, and Deval was just

102
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,600
Speaker 2: like yo, if I was there, and I said, that's

103
00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:13,360
Speaker 2: the whole point. You weren't supposed to be there because

104
00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,960
Speaker 2: your reaction would not have been good and it could

105
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:16,640
Speaker 2: have ended badly.

106
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:18,680
Speaker 1: I would have to say this too. Shout out to

107
00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:22,600
Speaker 1: Latoy's husband once again, because y'all have only known each

108
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:24,520
Speaker 1: other at this point, about four or five weeks.

109
00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:26,040
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, we have just had a couple of

110
00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:27,320
Speaker 2: interactions here and there.

111
00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:30,720
Speaker 1: He saw you respond that way and jumped right into

112
00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:32,880
Speaker 1: action and him and the God got into a physical altercation.

113
00:05:33,279 --> 00:05:35,599
Speaker 1: Shout out to him because he put hisself in danger

114
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:38,479
Speaker 1: for my wife, which he didn't have to do. So

115
00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:42,800
Speaker 1: I owe you dinner and a movie, bro. Trust me.

116
00:05:42,839 --> 00:05:45,040
Speaker 1: When I finally see you, Because here's the truth. Take

117
00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:46,960
Speaker 1: on a date. I'll take him out on a date. Bro,

118
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:49,120
Speaker 1: nigga protecting my wife? Yo, I take him out on

119
00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:50,280
Speaker 1: the date. It's on me.

120
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:54,040
Speaker 4: At a double date. Bro, look at a double date.

121
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:57,120
Speaker 1: From man to man. I know what it means to

122
00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:00,360
Speaker 1: step up and defend someone else's wife and you're not there,

123
00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:02,080
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. Like a lot of.

124
00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:03,400
Speaker 2: Days, he said, yea, I know. If it was the

125
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,880
Speaker 2: other way around, it would have been no question. My husband.

126
00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:07,360
Speaker 2: You know your husband would have protected.

127
00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:09,760
Speaker 1: No question. And the thing is you, you don't know

128
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:11,400
Speaker 1: what that guy has. He put his life on all

129
00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:13,560
Speaker 1: he went to approach to dude, you know what I'm saying.

130
00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,719
Speaker 1: So I respect him for that, But that also goes

131
00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:21,120
Speaker 1: to show you, like husbands have a responsibility, and it

132
00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:24,520
Speaker 1: almost like they take the responsibility for everybody, every woman

133
00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:26,720
Speaker 1: that's around, even when it's not you know what I'm saying,

134
00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:29,440
Speaker 1: and it's not just me. And I'm glad that it

135
00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:31,720
Speaker 1: happened that way so that you could see and other

136
00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:34,360
Speaker 1: people could see, Like that's just what a guy who

137
00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:36,680
Speaker 1: wants to be a provider and protected he's going to

138
00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:38,640
Speaker 1: do it. It doesn't have to be his own wife

139
00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:40,720
Speaker 1: or child. Sure, they're going to do that. And it's

140
00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:43,880
Speaker 1: the same way like mothers and women who nurture. It

141
00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:46,479
Speaker 1: doesn't have to always being their child the husband.

142
00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:48,600
Speaker 2: Anybody in my possession is my baby, you know what

143
00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:50,240
Speaker 2: I'm saying. And they're going to be protected.

144
00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:51,280
Speaker 1: That's what you call a village.

145
00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:53,880
Speaker 2: Absolutely all right, y'all, we're.

146
00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:56,920
Speaker 1: Gonna take a quick break, come back, pay some bills,

147
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,240
Speaker 1: right we do.

148
00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:02,440
Speaker 2: You're over there getting heated now. You don't even know

149
00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:03,320
Speaker 2: where you are in the show.

150
00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:06,080
Speaker 3: He didn't playing because I'm like, it ain't too late

151
00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:06,920
Speaker 3: to crash out.

152
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:07,120
Speaker 2: You know what.

153
00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:08,839
Speaker 3: I'm somebody got this man.

154
00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:13,840
Speaker 2: On the footage, then the block I will go back to.

155
00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:17,760
Speaker 2: I know you would go back to wait for He

156
00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:19,520
Speaker 2: was like he wreaked at alcohol as if he did.

157
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:21,040
Speaker 2: This was at like nine in the morning, eight in

158
00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:24,560
Speaker 2: the morning, so he clearly was coming from somewhere still inebriated.

159
00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:26,840
Speaker 1: You know what it is New York. It's probably standing

160
00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:27,760
Speaker 1: up late people.

161
00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:29,559
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's right in Times Square area.

162
00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:32,280
Speaker 1: So and people have heard my stories on this podcast

163
00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:35,320
Speaker 1: about my petty and being petty to people for months

164
00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:37,720
Speaker 1: after Remember when the guy locked you into the driveway,

165
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:39,920
Speaker 1: and I went back with Achilles and kept throwing poop

166
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,200
Speaker 1: on his front door for like a.

167
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:45,040
Speaker 4: Monent, Like what, No, that's another story.

168
00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:47,600
Speaker 1: I'll tell y'all my crash out story after a.

169
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,520
Speaker 2: Couple stick around, y'all, it's good.

170
00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:53,080
Speaker 1: Got a perfect song for y'all. Anybody who follows up

171
00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:58,160
Speaker 1: karaoke time, karaoke time you ready love ain't perfect, but

172
00:07:58,320 --> 00:07:59,040
Speaker 1: it is worth it.

173
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:07,480
Speaker 3: Oh shoot, even want to see you understand perfect, but

174
00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:09,760
Speaker 3: it's worth it.

175
00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:11,400
Speaker 1: It may not be what you see on I G.

176
00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:12,640
Speaker 1: But it's dance show.

177
00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:16,320
Speaker 3: Is that the world? Uh huh?

178
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:22,120
Speaker 1: Yeah that is the word baby, but it's still perfect.

179
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:27,600
Speaker 1: That's my karaoke for exact the ultimate. He don't think

180
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,960
Speaker 1: about nothing, man, except it's get back.

181
00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:32,600
Speaker 2: That's scene with you beating poor Jeremiah.

182
00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:34,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, that seemed hard to me for a little bit,

183
00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:35,640
Speaker 1: because you know how much I care about my brother

184
00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:36,160
Speaker 1: and family.

185
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:39,680
Speaker 2: I know, I know. I felt bad for what's his

186
00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:40,400
Speaker 2: name in real life?

187
00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:45,560
Speaker 1: A mir We hugged after a long time after nobody

188
00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:48,520
Speaker 1: wanted to really think about Yeah, like, it's the visual

189
00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:53,000
Speaker 1: of this person here is my brother, and now visually

190
00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:54,720
Speaker 1: I have to sit down and wail on him and

191
00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:56,720
Speaker 1: his blood coming out of his mouth and his head.

192
00:08:56,760 --> 00:09:00,560
Speaker 1: And also it was a good representation of the remorse

193
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:03,360
Speaker 1: you feel after because you've seen Zach after he did that,

194
00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:05,200
Speaker 1: get in the hospital with in the hospital with him

195
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,280
Speaker 1: and he's crying over his brother, like, bro, like we

196
00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:09,320
Speaker 1: can't keep doing this to me. It was just a

197
00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:11,560
Speaker 1: good example of showing like crash outs, don't want to

198
00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:12,400
Speaker 1: crash out, bro.

199
00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:15,160
Speaker 2: I'm so invested in you, in in Jeremiah well Zach

200
00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:18,280
Speaker 2: and Jeremiah's story because you guys, as brothers, you do

201
00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:20,640
Speaker 2: it really well. Y'all's chemistry is top ten, my gosh,

202
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:23,440
Speaker 2: shout out a rock. All right, now, let's go pay

203
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:27,360
Speaker 2: some bills this time and we will be back with

204
00:09:27,679 --> 00:09:31,920
Speaker 2: OP or No app And listen, guys, I'm so excited

205
00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:35,480
Speaker 2: to show you guys what we have added to OP

206
00:09:35,559 --> 00:09:36,040
Speaker 2: or No Opp.

207
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:42,000
Speaker 1: Let's get prop prop op op it don't stop to

208
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:46,040
Speaker 1: the top. If it hops, lollipop, go ahead, just go

209
00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:46,800
Speaker 1: to break.

210
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:53,320
Speaker 2: All right, y'all Op or no Op Today on the cards,

211
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,240
Speaker 2: it says things that make me want to crash out.

212
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:56,719
Speaker 2: Trouble what you got?

213
00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:56,880
Speaker 1: Oh?

214
00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:58,920
Speaker 2: First off, let's introduce to them the new props we

215
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:00,760
Speaker 2: have for OP or no OP. Everyone go ahead and

216
00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:02,400
Speaker 2: hold y'all pull y'all's.

217
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:06,480
Speaker 1: Up, three two, one back, all right.

218
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:07,719
Speaker 2: I love it.

219
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:13,079
Speaker 1: And I point out I've seen a comment somebody said, man,

220
00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:15,680
Speaker 1: I noticed the violent Kadean. Don't have no opinions on

221
00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:18,280
Speaker 1: the big celebrities. That's the fucking point.

222
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:19,360
Speaker 2: That's the point.

223
00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:23,199
Speaker 1: The point is that their lives do nothing to help

224
00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:26,360
Speaker 1: or hinder ours. So we don't have opinions on ship

225
00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:27,920
Speaker 1: that don't got nothing to do with us.

226
00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:30,880
Speaker 2: Why do we have to have an opinion on what

227
00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:31,320
Speaker 2: they do?

228
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:32,280
Speaker 1: I don't.

229
00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:34,720
Speaker 2: Y'all just want us to be messy and just be

230
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:38,040
Speaker 2: talking about ship that don't affect us period. Now. We'll

231
00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:40,440
Speaker 2: talk about current events and real world stuff, things that

232
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,559
Speaker 2: may impact our children and our lives and our day

233
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:45,360
Speaker 2: to day, but we're not talking about people in the business, y'all.

234
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:47,120
Speaker 1: Fact, we just not. So if that's what you're looking

235
00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:49,800
Speaker 1: for for OP and no OP, we're not giving it

236
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:51,679
Speaker 1: to you. And we're going to keep doing that example

237
00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:54,000
Speaker 1: of us them asking us the questions of what's hot,

238
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,640
Speaker 1: and we're gonna continuously say we don't have an opinion

239
00:10:56,679 --> 00:10:56,920
Speaker 1: on that.

240
00:10:57,679 --> 00:11:00,520
Speaker 2: And y'all will catch on and realize you don't have

241
00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:03,040
Speaker 2: to have an opinion about celebrities exactly.

242
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,960
Speaker 3: I always tell people that people love this podcast and

243
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:09,440
Speaker 3: love y'allays a couple because you have an aspirational life.

244
00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:12,480
Speaker 3: People aspire to be more like you. So hopefully y'all

245
00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:15,959
Speaker 3: aspire to be less messy, you know.

246
00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:20,079
Speaker 1: Get some business.

247
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:22,520
Speaker 3: Come on, all right, op or no?

248
00:11:22,679 --> 00:11:22,920
Speaker 5: Op.

249
00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:26,880
Speaker 3: I'm not really into sports, but I'll follow the w

250
00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:29,719
Speaker 3: n B a because I'm gay. And if you're a

251
00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:32,280
Speaker 3: woman who played basketball, you are gay.

252
00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:43,319
Speaker 2: So sorry that majority women in something every day they

253
00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:45,000
Speaker 2: have nothing. Lesbians can't have nothing.

254
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:50,480
Speaker 1: You thought you had basketball, thought you thought playing basketball?

255
00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:57,520
Speaker 3: Love it? I was gonna say something has nothing to

256
00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:00,800
Speaker 3: do with it. Never mind. So during a May seventeenth

257
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:04,520
Speaker 3: game between the Indiana Fever and the Chicago Sky fans

258
00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:09,120
Speaker 3: on social media were enraged in discussion about racist remarks

259
00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:13,200
Speaker 3: made towards Sky player Angel Reese, star player. She just

260
00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:16,160
Speaker 3: became the first w NBA player to reach five hundred

261
00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:18,640
Speaker 3: points and five hundred rebounds, so shout out to Angel

262
00:12:18,679 --> 00:12:23,560
Speaker 3: Reese for that. But people said that during a free

263
00:12:23,559 --> 00:12:27,000
Speaker 3: throw shot that Angel Reese was making that they heard

264
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,920
Speaker 3: jungle sounds being played by the Indiana Fevers DJ and

265
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:35,480
Speaker 3: that fans were making monkey noises, and this conversation took

266
00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:39,600
Speaker 3: place all on social media during postgame interviews. Neither Angel,

267
00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:42,720
Speaker 3: because you know Kaitlin Reees places for Indiana. Neither Angel

268
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:46,320
Speaker 3: nor Caitlin Reas had anything to say about the altercation.

269
00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:50,040
Speaker 3: They played it down as it's just basketball talk. You know,

270
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:52,920
Speaker 3: that's what we do on the court. But fans were enraged.

271
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:54,840
Speaker 3: Was sparked the WNBA to say that they were going

272
00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:58,959
Speaker 3: to investigate the claims, and then recently they came back

273
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:02,199
Speaker 3: and saying that the have been unsubstantiated. They played back

274
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:04,280
Speaker 3: to the video, they listened to the audio. They said they

275
00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:05,640
Speaker 3: didn't hear anything.

276
00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:09,920
Speaker 1: So I want to know orono, I think this is

277
00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:13,800
Speaker 1: a tale of two sides making villains of the other

278
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,640
Speaker 1: sides when the two players aren't looking to be villains

279
00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:18,400
Speaker 1: with each other. You understand what I'm saying. So it's

280
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:20,640
Speaker 1: like the fans of Caitlyn Clark, and I don't even

281
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:22,240
Speaker 1: want to say the fans because she has said a

282
00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:24,040
Speaker 1: bunch of times like if you're a fan of mine

283
00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:26,400
Speaker 1: and you're using racist words, then you're not a fan.

284
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,120
Speaker 1: Same thing with Angel Reas she has been trying to

285
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:30,760
Speaker 1: keep it about basketball, and of course she has her

286
00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:33,079
Speaker 1: podcast that she gives her opinion, but they are fans

287
00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:35,120
Speaker 1: of hers who also just want to look for reasons

288
00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:38,960
Speaker 1: to not like Caitlyn Clark. On both sides. Now, if

289
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:41,560
Speaker 1: we're going to be honest, we know which fans are

290
00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:43,520
Speaker 1: a lot more vitreal have a lot more vitrial off

291
00:13:43,559 --> 00:13:45,320
Speaker 1: of who like I'm not gonna sit up paying line.

292
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:48,880
Speaker 1: The minute Angel Reese started to get a little bit

293
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:51,720
Speaker 1: of success and won the National championship over Caitlyn Clark,

294
00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:53,880
Speaker 1: there was just all out hate towards Angel Reaes and

295
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:56,439
Speaker 1: it's carried over to the WNBA and that's what we're

296
00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:59,560
Speaker 1: seeing now. My thing is, I want to applaud both

297
00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:03,200
Speaker 1: of those young ladies for being professionals. Let your fans

298
00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:05,120
Speaker 1: do what they do. They the fans are going to

299
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:08,040
Speaker 1: be messy and nasty and discussion with them to say,

300
00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:11,640
Speaker 1: I'm here to play basketball. So I rock with both

301
00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:12,080
Speaker 1: of them on that.

302
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:15,120
Speaker 2: It's funny that you mentioned that, I guess. I guess

303
00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:18,480
Speaker 2: I do have an op not particularly about basketball, but

304
00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:21,760
Speaker 2: about pinning women against each other because, like Daval said,

305
00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:24,600
Speaker 2: they were professionals. They maintain their composure and they know

306
00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:25,560
Speaker 2: that it's part of the game.

307
00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:25,840
Speaker 3: Right.

308
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:27,800
Speaker 2: The same can be said for me and Crystal.

309
00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:31,280
Speaker 1: Oh, it's funny because we just brought up the es.

310
00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:36,440
Speaker 2: Everybody wants me and Crystal to hate so bad, so bad,

311
00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:41,800
Speaker 2: when in real life we are such cool friends. People

312
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:45,240
Speaker 2: facetimed hang out like, I don't understand why it has

313
00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:48,360
Speaker 2: to be a thing, And it's typically the fans of either,

314
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:51,000
Speaker 2: you know, because I'm sure Crystal has her contingent of fans.

315
00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:53,920
Speaker 2: I have mine, and there's some overlaps, but it's like,

316
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,120
Speaker 2: why does it have to be a thing. But what

317
00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:58,640
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna do is shucking jive for y'all on

318
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:01,880
Speaker 2: the internet to prove my friendship with my friend.

319
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:03,440
Speaker 1: I feel you know what I'm saying. I feel you.

320
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:06,240
Speaker 2: So we're always going to be professional in public because

321
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,320
Speaker 2: we have to be, and we're both actors and we're

322
00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:10,600
Speaker 2: both in the industry. But it's like, we don't have

323
00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:12,840
Speaker 2: to do the back and forth for y'all to make

324
00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:15,280
Speaker 2: y'all feel better, you know what I'm saying. So that's

325
00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:19,000
Speaker 2: my little op, I guess piggyback off of women being

326
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:19,960
Speaker 2: pit against each other a.

327
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:21,800
Speaker 1: Good perspective because I've never been a woman in that

328
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:24,120
Speaker 1: situation to be pit against an other women's.

329
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:26,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just crazy. It's like, you want me to

330
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,800
Speaker 2: do a post or do a story to make y'all

331
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:31,920
Speaker 2: feel like y'all know what the relationship is when we

332
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,480
Speaker 2: know what it is in a real life circumstance, Like,

333
00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:35,920
Speaker 2: it's ridiculous.

334
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:38,440
Speaker 1: I think it was two years ago. Yeah, Crystal turned

335
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,920
Speaker 1: forty and that was the same year that your uncle

336
00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:43,800
Speaker 1: passed away within the week. So you in October, yes,

337
00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:47,200
Speaker 1: you off social media. Yeah, so when everybody was making

338
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:50,240
Speaker 1: posts for Crystal for a birthday yeah, kay, actually was

339
00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:52,400
Speaker 1: that Crystal's house for a personal dinner. Yeah, and they

340
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:55,280
Speaker 1: saw each other. So that following week all you saw

341
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:57,880
Speaker 1: was you see, she didn't post Crystal on social media,

342
00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:00,640
Speaker 1: she don't really fuck with Crystal, and that she was

343
00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:03,080
Speaker 1: with Crystal on the day of her birthday. So I

344
00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:05,080
Speaker 1: see what you mean. But also, you don't got to

345
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:06,960
Speaker 1: prove the social media who you are. You don't.

346
00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:10,080
Speaker 2: You don't like I'm gonna make y'all feel better by

347
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:13,120
Speaker 2: doing a post. No, Like, it's ridiculous. So I think

348
00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:15,000
Speaker 2: the same can be said for like, you know, I

349
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,360
Speaker 2: think Angelae, Caitlyn. Yeah, they're just like guys, can I

350
00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:17,760
Speaker 2: do my job?

351
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:18,840
Speaker 6: Can we do?

352
00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:20,200
Speaker 2: Can we do our job? And can't we just be

353
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:23,080
Speaker 2: friends in real life without y'all's chiming, you know.

354
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:26,040
Speaker 3: And most people that are weighing in on the drama,

355
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:30,360
Speaker 3: they're you know, using their own context to give their opinions,

356
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:32,080
Speaker 3: like this is something. You don't know what it's like

357
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,680
Speaker 3: to be a sports competitor, and so you think that

358
00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:38,560
Speaker 3: every little thing is gonna hit at somebody's emotions, or

359
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:40,440
Speaker 3: you don't know what it's like to talk shit to

360
00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:43,280
Speaker 3: somebody on the basketball court or in your situation. You

361
00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:45,640
Speaker 3: don't know what's going on behind the scenes, and you

362
00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:48,440
Speaker 3: a lot of these a lot of these ladies really

363
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:49,320
Speaker 3: don't have friends.

364
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:53,840
Speaker 1: I'll girls liked my so.

365
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,440
Speaker 3: Called best friend war keep dressing my birthday dinner? Like

366
00:16:56,480 --> 00:17:00,440
Speaker 3: what a bitch like? Right, talking shit about your best

367
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:03,200
Speaker 3: friend who was trying to look as good as you. Babes,

368
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:08,440
Speaker 3: You're insecure personally and very bored with the sports drama

369
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,879
Speaker 3: in the w n B. A surrounding like racism or

370
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:13,000
Speaker 3: trash talk on the field, on the court, what do

371
00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:13,520
Speaker 3: you call it?

372
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:16,720
Speaker 1: Crash talk, but I feel, you know, it's it's almost

373
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:18,479
Speaker 1: like men get to trash talk each other, but when

374
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:19,960
Speaker 1: the women try to each other, then.

375
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:21,560
Speaker 3: It's got to be emotional.

376
00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:25,200
Speaker 2: She's caddy and that's just sports in general.

377
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:28,000
Speaker 3: The drama, the w n B A drama I live

378
00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:36,080
Speaker 3: for is the who fucking who right now? That's what

379
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:42,639
Speaker 3: you know what I haven't seen NBA. Oh Wilson, Asia Wilson, though.

380
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:45,520
Speaker 3: I want Asia Wilson to pick me up and just

381
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,600
Speaker 3: toss me in the air. One good time.

382
00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:53,720
Speaker 1: Is about six eight sixteen. He's sixteen, them is sixteen.

383
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,960
Speaker 1: He might step on you taking shot to her. I mean,

384
00:17:57,359 --> 00:18:01,080
Speaker 1: this girl, it'll be working in this fly two though,

385
00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:03,440
Speaker 1: as she can ball. Like. The funny thing is all

386
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:06,000
Speaker 1: of the stuff going on between Caitlyn and Angel Rees

387
00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:09,200
Speaker 1: has pretty much overshadowed the fact that Angel Wilson has

388
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:11,720
Speaker 1: been like the league MVP and the best player in

389
00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:13,840
Speaker 1: the w A for the past three years. Yes, like

390
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:15,960
Speaker 1: it's not even close. And that's the thing that bothers.

391
00:18:16,119 --> 00:18:18,840
Speaker 6: The conversation between Caitlyn and Angel is tiring, bro.

392
00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:21,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, people, And here's the truth.

393
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:25,960
Speaker 6: You know, it's tiring. I'm tired of the back and forth,

394
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:29,280
Speaker 6: and it's not even between them, it's just the online fans.

395
00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:31,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's more media driven than anything else.

396
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:32,240
Speaker 6: Yeah.

397
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:36,119
Speaker 5: Uh, they're moving in competition from the court to the

398
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:38,520
Speaker 5: media and basically trying to Yeah, we all know that

399
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:39,840
Speaker 5: tainment selves.

400
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:41,879
Speaker 4: That's what this is. It's nothing more than that. So

401
00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:42,480
Speaker 4: it's silly to.

402
00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:43,920
Speaker 1: Me agree, all right.

403
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:47,439
Speaker 3: Cool. So the second topic, and this is a topic

404
00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:49,520
Speaker 3: that personally makes me want to crash out. And we

405
00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:52,520
Speaker 3: live in Atlanta, So if I if I call you

406
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:54,520
Speaker 3: and say I need bail money, just know I went

407
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:59,400
Speaker 3: down Emery Hospital and crashed the fuck out. A thirty

408
00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:03,240
Speaker 3: year old black woman in Atlanta at Emory Hospital who

409
00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:06,679
Speaker 3: has been declared brain did is being kept alive on

410
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:11,119
Speaker 3: life support because she is pregnant. Her name is Adrianna Smith,

411
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:14,400
Speaker 3: and she actually went to the hospital seeking medical care

412
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:17,800
Speaker 3: and she was denied medical care because at the time,

413
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:21,639
Speaker 3: I think she was nine weeks pregnant, and so the

414
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:24,080
Speaker 3: doctors were like, well, you're pregnant, we can't do anything

415
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,840
Speaker 3: because we might get in trouble.

416
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:28,640
Speaker 6: The fetus.

417
00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:35,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, And so subsequently she died and she became brain did.

418
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,040
Speaker 3: And that was back in February and she's being kept

419
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:41,680
Speaker 3: alive on life support because she has a fetus in

420
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:45,200
Speaker 3: her body against her family's will. Her family is suffering

421
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:50,560
Speaker 3: watching their child, their sister, their daughter, be kept alive

422
00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:55,280
Speaker 3: with a fetus that doctors don't even think is viable.

423
00:19:56,200 --> 00:20:01,000
Speaker 3: If this fetus does survive and is able to be delivered,

424
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:04,600
Speaker 3: it will likely have very severe damage.

425
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:06,600
Speaker 1: And who's going to be on the on the hook

426
00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:11,399
Speaker 1: to say exact state is taking liberties to keep the

427
00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:14,960
Speaker 1: fetus in her alive, but then the minute the fetus

428
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:18,119
Speaker 1: is gone or she dies, now the family's responsible.

429
00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:20,560
Speaker 2: Assuming she had no power of attorney or anything over her.

430
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:21,560
Speaker 3: At thirty years old.

431
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:23,840
Speaker 1: I mean, hold on, who is going to be responsible

432
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:24,720
Speaker 1: for the hospital building?

433
00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:27,080
Speaker 3: That has been a question, that's been a question that

434
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:30,000
Speaker 3: people have been asking. Most people think that the family

435
00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:32,360
Speaker 3: is going to be on hook for, you know, all

436
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:35,600
Speaker 3: of this care. Some people are saying that she's not

437
00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:40,200
Speaker 3: probably not going to be charged for this care because

438
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,399
Speaker 3: it's the hospital decision. But I think that's still up

439
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:43,919
Speaker 3: in the air whether or not the family is going

440
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:44,920
Speaker 3: to be on the hook for the bill.

441
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,760
Speaker 6: Hospitals a business about to say, hospital is a business.

442
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,719
Speaker 1: They charged us when Kay had the baby in triage.

443
00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:53,800
Speaker 1: They charged us twenty seven thousand dollars and then when we.

444
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:55,200
Speaker 2: Refused, Cairo delivered himself.

445
00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:56,800
Speaker 1: Yes, Okay ejected himself.

446
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:59,160
Speaker 2: He literally ejected from my body and all they did

447
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:00,199
Speaker 2: was just pass into me.

448
00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:03,760
Speaker 1: So yeah, and then they love what do we refuse?

449
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:07,080
Speaker 2: We refused. I think it was like the vitamin K shot,

450
00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:09,280
Speaker 2: whatever shots they'd be giving babies in the hospital. We

451
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:10,919
Speaker 2: were like, we don't want that, the eye joint, we

452
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:13,040
Speaker 2: don't want that. And they were like, all right, well,

453
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:14,800
Speaker 2: miss Ellis, do you need motrind do you need this that?

454
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,640
Speaker 2: I didn't need, not a thing. I said, I'll be fine.

455
00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:18,040
Speaker 2: My body did what it was supposed to do. And

456
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:18,880
Speaker 2: they were like, well you can.

457
00:21:19,119 --> 00:21:21,800
Speaker 1: They said, you you need this room? Then yeah, if

458
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:23,960
Speaker 1: you're gonna refuse care, we need this room. We were

459
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:26,320
Speaker 1: there for one day, then I got a bill two

460
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:28,240
Speaker 1: weeks later for twenty seven thousands.

461
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:29,840
Speaker 2: It's like any doctor that comes in and takes a

462
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:32,679
Speaker 2: peek at your baby, it's a bill. Yes, it was

463
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,119
Speaker 2: the hearing. It was a pediatrician. It was the you know,

464
00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:37,480
Speaker 2: whoever counted the toes, whoever counted the fingers, And I'm like,

465
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:39,160
Speaker 2: these are all different doctors. That's all my baby.

466
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:41,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, one day, yes, okay, and we had to pay it.

467
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:46,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, between Trust the hospital between twenty twenty two, well,

468
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:48,840
Speaker 3: I guess twenty twenty three. I spent a total of

469
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,720
Speaker 3: like eleven days in the hospital. And when I got

470
00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:54,760
Speaker 3: that bill, I was calling down to the hospital and who, now,

471
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:56,879
Speaker 3: who the hell did you say? I ain't never seen

472
00:21:56,880 --> 00:22:00,600
Speaker 3: no doctor rush. I don't remember that person. I don't

473
00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:02,640
Speaker 3: know what this is. You're gonna have to take that off.

474
00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:04,720
Speaker 3: By the time I was done, I really didn't have

475
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:06,040
Speaker 3: to pay. I had to pay like three hundred and

476
00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:07,360
Speaker 3: fifty dollars. I had good insurance.

477
00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:08,840
Speaker 1: Oh so you called them and you told them like

478
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:10,640
Speaker 1: I didn't, they was putting that stuff on that bo.

479
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:13,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, because the medical coding department, all they do would

480
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:15,080
Speaker 2: just be popping in codes. This is that code, This

481
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:16,520
Speaker 2: is that code, This is that code.

482
00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:18,520
Speaker 1: And can I pause you real quick? This is why

483
00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:20,440
Speaker 1: we do op or no op. You see how people

484
00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:23,000
Speaker 1: have ops on this, and it's important. That's because this

485
00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:25,679
Speaker 1: really affects all of us. It has nothing to do

486
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:28,240
Speaker 1: with celebrity culture and everything to do with the fact

487
00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:29,480
Speaker 1: that people are going through this.

488
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:32,960
Speaker 2: Shit every real life, every day folks, So why do

489
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:34,919
Speaker 2: we care about celebrity culture.

490
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:38,040
Speaker 3: And not just every day folks, but black women in particular.

491
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:42,640
Speaker 3: A lot of people are markening back to a man

492
00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:45,040
Speaker 3: named Jay Mary and Simms, who is known as the

493
00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:51,159
Speaker 3: father of gynecology, who basically took practices from African women

494
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:57,600
Speaker 3: who had been doing these practices for you know, lifetime generations,

495
00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:04,280
Speaker 3: and he would practice gynecology on enslaved women with no anesthesia,

496
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:08,360
Speaker 3: no medication because the thought the practice, the thought back

497
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:11,080
Speaker 3: then was that black people did not experience pain the

498
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:17,240
Speaker 3: way white people do. And so a lot of yeah,

499
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:20,480
Speaker 3: so he developed things like the speculum and stuff that

500
00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:24,800
Speaker 3: we use that has been developed since then for past

501
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:27,960
Speaker 3: ers and stuff like that. And this is this is

502
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:33,119
Speaker 3: another Jay Mary and Sims experience. And there is a

503
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 3: literal episode that is exactly what is happening. There's a

504
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:39,399
Speaker 3: black woman in Handmaid's Tale who is brain dead, who's pregnant.

505
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:41,480
Speaker 3: They're keeping her alive so that she has a baby,

506
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,320
Speaker 3: and there is no mistake that they use a black

507
00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:47,800
Speaker 3: woman for that episode. That is exactly And it's so

508
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:52,440
Speaker 3: funny because black women are more likely to die from

509
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:56,880
Speaker 3: breast cancer from cervical cancer, from ovarian cancer, from childbirth,

510
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:59,880
Speaker 3: all these things related to women's health, and the number

511
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:03,480
Speaker 3: the one reason is because when they do studies in

512
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:06,639
Speaker 3: research on these issues, they do not study Black women.

513
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:10,320
Speaker 3: And so the way that black women respond to medicine.

514
00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:11,960
Speaker 1: What you mean, they don't study Black women.

515
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:14,959
Speaker 3: When they do like treatment studies, when they do research

516
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:18,760
Speaker 3: studies about sales focus groups, they only study white women.

517
00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:21,760
Speaker 1: So they experiment on black women and then do the

518
00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:25,080
Speaker 1: studies for cures on white men exactly. And so they

519
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:25,680
Speaker 1: wanted to be.

520
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:27,840
Speaker 3: Clear, a lot of information is not known how black

521
00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:32,080
Speaker 3: women's bodies respond to treatment. There's a lot of you know,

522
00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:34,359
Speaker 3: black women a lot of times suffer with fibroids and

523
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:36,960
Speaker 3: don't know why there's no studies. Nobody gives a fuck,

524
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:40,000
Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying. And yet in this situation,

525
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:43,440
Speaker 3: they think that it's absolutely okay to do this experimental

526
00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:46,040
Speaker 3: project on a black woman while her family suffers and

527
00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:49,160
Speaker 3: while her body cannot be you know, consecrated.

528
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:52,200
Speaker 1: And just to be clear, this ain't the first time

529
00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:54,880
Speaker 1: you brought the young lady's name up. Who open did

530
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:58,080
Speaker 1: the story on Henrietta Lacs, Henrita Lacts, who they pretty

531
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:01,760
Speaker 1: much experimented on her and used her themselves to find

532
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:05,840
Speaker 1: and cure like eighty plus diseases. And to be honest,

533
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:09,480
Speaker 1: like these are the whitewashing of history prevents us from

534
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:10,520
Speaker 1: knowing these stories.

535
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:13,680
Speaker 3: And the craziest part about that is when Henriette Henrietta

536
00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:16,440
Speaker 3: Lacks died from I think it was ovarian cancer or

537
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:19,679
Speaker 3: serbo cancer or something like that. And while she was

538
00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:22,920
Speaker 3: alive receiving treatment, she wasn't receiving any care for pain.

539
00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:27,280
Speaker 3: So in the book about Henrietta Lacks their stories about

540
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:30,280
Speaker 3: hearing her scream in agony while she was in the

541
00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:33,880
Speaker 3: hospital and nobody doing anything about it. But as soon

542
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:37,800
Speaker 3: as she died, because her cancer cells reproduced at rapid

543
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:40,920
Speaker 3: rates and kept reproducing even after she was dead, they

544
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:44,640
Speaker 3: were able to use her sales to create treatments like penicillin,

545
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:47,480
Speaker 3: which is one of the most important vaccine you know,

546
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:51,920
Speaker 3: medicines that we've had in history. Yeah, and her family

547
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:54,160
Speaker 3: had no idea they were even doing.

548
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:56,600
Speaker 1: This and didn't receive anything from it. No, that's the

549
00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:59,280
Speaker 1: biggest thing, too, right, you'll take from us, but she

550
00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:01,800
Speaker 1: won't even give or compensate us on what we need.

551
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:04,320
Speaker 1: And I think it's important that we as a people

552
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:07,119
Speaker 1: understand that this is happening, right, and we have to

553
00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:09,040
Speaker 1: do things to prevent it. For example, you go to

554
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:11,720
Speaker 1: the hospital with your young lady or your girlfriend or

555
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:14,200
Speaker 1: your daughter, there has to be an advocate there for

556
00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:16,960
Speaker 1: her when she gets there, because you never know. It's

557
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,040
Speaker 1: not enough just to trust people or say I'm going

558
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:20,439
Speaker 1: to trust the doctors. You can't.

559
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:22,719
Speaker 2: There's so many women that I know who have had

560
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:24,560
Speaker 2: children and it's just like, wait till you hear my

561
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:27,439
Speaker 2: birthing story, and it's like, why do they have to

562
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:31,960
Speaker 2: have these outlandish, ridiculous birthing stories where they're not heard,

563
00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:36,000
Speaker 2: not cared for, not considered. It's just it's really.

564
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:40,000
Speaker 1: You know why it's that way because we want to

565
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:43,240
Speaker 1: ignore the fact that this is what America is. Yeah,

566
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:46,040
Speaker 1: that's just the fact. Like we'll see these stories. For example,

567
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:49,960
Speaker 1: we hear about Tosa, Oklahoma, I'm like, wow, that really happened. Yes,

568
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:53,520
Speaker 1: it happened a whole bunch of times, and it's still happening,

569
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:56,360
Speaker 1: So yes, it happened. We need to stop being surprised

570
00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:59,040
Speaker 1: and understand that this is a fact and start taking

571
00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:00,760
Speaker 1: liberties with our own Yeah.

572
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:03,320
Speaker 2: That's why shout out to birth Fund. So birth Fund

573
00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:06,600
Speaker 2: is a fund started by Elaine welter Roth and I

574
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:09,440
Speaker 2: went down well over across to LA for a Mother's

575
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:12,000
Speaker 2: Day event that she had. It was like her second annual,

576
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:13,960
Speaker 2: but it was a nice family day where I got

577
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:15,959
Speaker 2: to see a bunch of mothers. There were also you know,

578
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:19,200
Speaker 2: spouse's husband's family. It was a really nice family day.

579
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:21,879
Speaker 2: But the purpose of birth Fund is to of course,

580
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:24,679
Speaker 2: first raise awareness around the fact that black women are

581
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:28,320
Speaker 2: dying at an exponentially larger rate than our white counterparts

582
00:27:28,359 --> 00:27:33,479
Speaker 2: when it comes to labor delivery, even postpartum, and then

583
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:37,199
Speaker 2: also bringing back and I think also educating people on

584
00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:39,760
Speaker 2: the importance of midwa free care. Like Tripo said, that

585
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:42,840
Speaker 2: was happening since the beginning of time there were no doctors.

586
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:48,760
Speaker 2: So midwives literally believe in the holistic approach to labor, delivery, pregnancy,

587
00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:51,280
Speaker 2: and the care for a woman through the entire process.

588
00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:54,840
Speaker 2: So I'm very much active now with Elaine to see

589
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:56,560
Speaker 2: how we can continue to get the word out about

590
00:27:56,560 --> 00:28:01,360
Speaker 2: that within our communities and then abroad, because it's important

591
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:03,240
Speaker 2: for us to just know what the options are. So

592
00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:05,639
Speaker 2: many people don't even know about the options of midwardfree

593
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:07,200
Speaker 2: care versus hospital care.

594
00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:09,159
Speaker 1: You know what I want to research because you just

595
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:10,639
Speaker 1: brought this up, and you brought up the young man

596
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:14,359
Speaker 1: who pretty much stole guynecology from black or midwives. Remember,

597
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:18,440
Speaker 1: during the enslaved period, there were times where slave owners'

598
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:20,800
Speaker 1: wives were going through issues with pregnancies. You know who

599
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:26,960
Speaker 1: they called oftentimes that like the then mothers and the

600
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:27,960
Speaker 1: black women.

601
00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:30,320
Speaker 2: The matriarch is something with my wife.

602
00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:33,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, And like there need to be more stories told

603
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:35,520
Speaker 1: about that because those are the same reason why those

604
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:39,080
Speaker 1: white men and those white women chose black mothers to

605
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:41,480
Speaker 1: care for their children. You know what I'm saying, Like,

606
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:43,040
Speaker 1: there's a there's a history that we need to.

607
00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:46,520
Speaker 2: There's a reason why they saw value in that.

608
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:48,760
Speaker 1: That type of history would bring us closer better than

609
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:52,520
Speaker 1: us telling the history of hatred and violence. Let's tell

610
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:55,600
Speaker 1: the history of why white people needed black people to

611
00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:58,680
Speaker 1: care for their kids. Let's explain why black women have

612
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:02,240
Speaker 1: we talked about this before? Right, I'm not a conspiracy theorist,

613
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:05,560
Speaker 1: but I do think if you understand exercise science and physiology,

614
00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:10,000
Speaker 1: they have a new new process called PRP where they

615
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,440
Speaker 1: take the blood out of your body they spin it,

616
00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:14,200
Speaker 1: get all of the nutrients and everything from and they

617
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:16,960
Speaker 1: put it back in your own blood. If you see

618
00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:20,000
Speaker 1: how they experiment on black women, it makes sense. The

619
00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:23,320
Speaker 1: first humans started in Africa, so the closer you are

620
00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:26,280
Speaker 1: to that first human, the more your blood or your

621
00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:30,120
Speaker 1: cells or your nutrients can cure diseases. We as black

622
00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:33,240
Speaker 1: people need to understand that as well, rather than going

623
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:37,440
Speaker 1: outside to get Western medicine to cure us. That's another

624
00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 1: reason why so many of us are sick right think

625
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:42,600
Speaker 1: about it. We watch stuff on TV and say, oh,

626
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:45,200
Speaker 1: that works for them, maybe it works for us, but

627
00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:47,880
Speaker 1: like Tripple just said, none of those things were designed

628
00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:48,400
Speaker 1: for us.

629
00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:49,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think there's a.

630
00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:54,680
Speaker 5: There is a high blood pressure medication that is made

631
00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:57,480
Speaker 5: for people with high blood pressure, but it's tested only

632
00:29:57,520 --> 00:30:01,120
Speaker 5: on white Caucasian people, and it's not the same because

633
00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 5: we have a high blood pressure for completely different reasons.

634
00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:06,280
Speaker 5: There's a good out of them, So that's a good

635
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:10,080
Speaker 5: study saying like the medications that they're giving us don't

636
00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:14,720
Speaker 5: really treat the exact issue of why, like why we

637
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:18,000
Speaker 5: need it. Sense it's helping high blood pressure, but it's

638
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:21,800
Speaker 5: also like not targeted specifically for African Americans, So it's.

639
00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:23,520
Speaker 1: Helping a symptom. Not really.

640
00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:25,720
Speaker 5: Yeah, And I think I think part of it is

641
00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:29,600
Speaker 5: I'm probably talking out of the term, but it just

642
00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:31,560
Speaker 5: does not work the same way that it works for

643
00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:34,920
Speaker 5: white people. They didn't test on anybody in Africa. They

644
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:39,080
Speaker 5: didn't test on African Americans. Literally tested only on white people, and.

645
00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:42,040
Speaker 1: Our biochemistry is very different. I know this from studying

646
00:30:42,080 --> 00:30:45,959
Speaker 1: exercise physiology and kinesiology. Even the professors would say, your

647
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 1: athletes are going to be different based on where they

648
00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:50,720
Speaker 1: come from, based on race and ethnicity. That is like

649
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:53,440
Speaker 1: a fact they tell us in school. Your athletes will

650
00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:55,560
Speaker 1: be different. You can't look at an athlete and say, oh,

651
00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:57,800
Speaker 1: this athlete is this. I can put all of these

652
00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 1: athletes in the same program. So if that works for

653
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:03,400
Speaker 1: sports performance, it should work for like medicine. You know,

654
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:05,560
Speaker 1: you can't put everybody on the same program.

655
00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:07,440
Speaker 2: So you know what they do market towards us though

656
00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:16,840
Speaker 2: as black people McDonald's I love blast you seriously, y'all

657
00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:23,720
Speaker 2: wonder why we have high blood pressure? Lovest like the

658
00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:26,440
Speaker 2: out of here. That's exactly what they market towards us.

659
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:29,080
Speaker 2: So is it a surprise that they want to keep

660
00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:35,880
Speaker 2: us that way.

661
00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:35,000
Speaker 4: Like a bow jangle.

662
00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:39,400
Speaker 3: That's how That's exactly how it sounds.

663
00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:44,800
Speaker 2: It sounds just like I stopped.

664
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:49,719
Speaker 3: Yeah. So uh, that is a situation personally that I

665
00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:52,640
Speaker 3: would crash out over if I was in that situation.

666
00:31:53,080 --> 00:32:01,400
Speaker 3: I consider myself, uh a part of the wood demographic wood,

667
00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:05,080
Speaker 3: Like I would, I wish a nigga would. I'd be waiting,

668
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:09,600
Speaker 3: I'd be woo, I be waiting, Honey, I'll be seeing

669
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:12,560
Speaker 3: these videos these white people doing crazy ship to black

670
00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:14,680
Speaker 3: people calling me any where, and they just filming, like,

671
00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:17,479
Speaker 3: got your own camera, I'm gonna put that camera down

672
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:20,800
Speaker 3: because I'm about to do something really illegal to your ass.

673
00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:23,880
Speaker 2: With the two peaks.

674
00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:28,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, talking about exactly.

675
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:30,960
Speaker 3: And I'm gonna sing a song. When I do sing

676
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:33,720
Speaker 3: the song, I wish, I really do. I really wish

677
00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:37,400
Speaker 3: the nigga would. I really used to be crash out. Queen.

678
00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:44,000
Speaker 1: You are crush a fucking you was you was fighting

679
00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:46,960
Speaker 1: in high school? Not really in high school.

680
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:49,040
Speaker 4: She was breaking an entering, that's what she was doing.

681
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:49,760
Speaker 4: That was college.

682
00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:51,160
Speaker 1: That was college.

683
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:53,960
Speaker 3: Yeah. I fought a little bit in high school. I

684
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:57,040
Speaker 3: fall a little bit in you know, elementary all through life.

685
00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:00,640
Speaker 3: In college, I definitely was fighting host uh, and it's

686
00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:04,600
Speaker 3: usually just for somebody else. Like, I don't like to

687
00:33:04,640 --> 00:33:07,480
Speaker 3: be disrespected. I don't like for my friends to be expected.

688
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:11,640
Speaker 3: I don't like bullies. Uh my crash out era change.

689
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:15,400
Speaker 3: So I my friend was getting bullied. This girl she

690
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:19,480
Speaker 3: my friend like playfully sat on one of our male

691
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:22,120
Speaker 3: friend's laps or was dancing with him or something at

692
00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:24,040
Speaker 3: a club. I wasn't there, and his girlfriend saw her.

693
00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:27,360
Speaker 3: She got mad and his girlfriend wanted to carry this

694
00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:29,960
Speaker 3: beef on and so they were kind of, you know,

695
00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:32,520
Speaker 3: just doing ship to my friend while we were at

696
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:34,920
Speaker 3: this party. And so I ended up leaving a party

697
00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:37,719
Speaker 3: with another friend. I see the girl outside and the

698
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:40,560
Speaker 3: girl is like, oh you with you know my friend?

699
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:43,400
Speaker 3: And I'm like, oh, y'all, y'all the girl. So I

700
00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:46,640
Speaker 3: ended up fighting the girls outside.

701
00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:48,560
Speaker 1: Then we leave.

702
00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:51,080
Speaker 3: And I went to Africa that summer.

703
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:54,040
Speaker 1: Thought somebody went to Africa.

704
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:03,800
Speaker 3: Yes, exactly. They got strong bones over there in the

705
00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:07,000
Speaker 3: Motherland too. So I was in Africa, and while I

706
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:12,760
Speaker 3: was there, I guess my friends wanted to redeem themselves

707
00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:15,040
Speaker 3: because they weren't the ones that fought even though it

708
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:17,760
Speaker 3: was their beef. So they get a bunch of girls together.

709
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:21,160
Speaker 3: They want they meet these girls in the park. These

710
00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:24,040
Speaker 3: girls bring a man with them who brings a gun,

711
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:30,279
Speaker 3: and this man proceeds to like pistol whip. Yeah, it

712
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:31,680
Speaker 3: was crazy.

713
00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:32,440
Speaker 2: Not the pistol whipping.

714
00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:33,200
Speaker 3: It was.

715
00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:35,200
Speaker 2: And I was in college.

716
00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:37,960
Speaker 3: This was like I graduated from college that year.

717
00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:40,839
Speaker 1: So where you went to school? Ohio State never sent

718
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:45,080
Speaker 1: my kids with corn fan.

719
00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:48,480
Speaker 3: Ghetto. The girls are ghetto in Ohio.

720
00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:50,359
Speaker 1: I didn't know it got that crazy though off there

721
00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:51,120
Speaker 1: Ohio State.

722
00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:56,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean not off campus. The girls that we

723
00:34:56,719 --> 00:34:59,399
Speaker 3: fought didn't even go to Ohio State. I think one

724
00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:01,240
Speaker 3: of them grew to be a video vixen.

725
00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:07,040
Speaker 2: Rival is crazy.

726
00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:11,920
Speaker 3: Columbus Community College whatever, And the dude was definitely not enrolled.

727
00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:13,560
Speaker 3: He was just a Columbus nigga.

728
00:35:13,719 --> 00:35:14,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, well he.

729
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:19,719
Speaker 3: From around the way. But that that kind of changed.

730
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:23,960
Speaker 3: You know, my mindset on crashing out. Now I've cussed,

731
00:35:22,719 --> 00:35:26,960
Speaker 3: I have cussed, I keep a weapon in the car,

732
00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:32,960
Speaker 3: and so I mean I'll still crash. I crashed out

733
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:37,800
Speaker 3: on an NYPD officer in twenty seventeen.

734
00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:41,680
Speaker 1: You you wow, oh god, you know what is George?

735
00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:43,040
Speaker 4: What day week was?

736
00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:46,439
Speaker 3: And he said George after my crashed out pre George Floyd.

737
00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:48,719
Speaker 3: He said, this is why people end up getting shot.

738
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:50,000
Speaker 1: Well, see what I'm saying.

739
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:52,879
Speaker 3: And I said, well, it'll be a good motherfucking day.

740
00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:54,319
Speaker 3: And y'all let him know on the news that I

741
00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:58,359
Speaker 3: crashed out on his ass too. Yeah, if I get

742
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:00,399
Speaker 3: shot by cars and then.

743
00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:02,680
Speaker 1: You go to the news triple and crashed out went

744
00:36:02,719 --> 00:36:04,680
Speaker 1: to Africa, Tripple went to the news.

745
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:07,400
Speaker 4: Crash out and.

746
00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:13,640
Speaker 3: A crash side. But yeah, so you know, I've tried

747
00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:16,040
Speaker 3: to change. I've matured. I don't crash out so easily,

748
00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:20,160
Speaker 3: and I'm definitely not crashing out for anybody else's petty beef.

749
00:36:20,719 --> 00:36:22,440
Speaker 3: But what are what are some of the things that

750
00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:26,600
Speaker 3: y'all have crashed or would crash out over.

751
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:28,160
Speaker 6: Before y'all get into that, what day to week did

752
00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:29,240
Speaker 6: you crash out in that officer?

753
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:33,680
Speaker 3: Saturday? It must have been it was a Friday or Saturday.

754
00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:36,759
Speaker 3: It was crazy because the people I'm in the car

755
00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:40,720
Speaker 3: with four other people. We get pulled over. Four playe

756
00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:43,080
Speaker 3: closed officers surround the car. They're at every window of

757
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:43,319
Speaker 3: the car.

758
00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:44,840
Speaker 1: Sound like ny detective.

759
00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:47,359
Speaker 3: They asked, We weren't even a block away. We had

760
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:49,360
Speaker 3: went around the block as somebody left their phone or

761
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:52,239
Speaker 3: something at the house. So we get pulled over. They

762
00:36:52,239 --> 00:36:54,799
Speaker 3: surround the car. They asked the driver, have y'all been

763
00:36:54,800 --> 00:37:00,480
Speaker 3: smoking weed? The driver with her dumb ass, said not

764
00:37:00,640 --> 00:37:04,280
Speaker 3: in here, And that's the moment my crash out started.

765
00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:06,600
Speaker 3: That is not a question you need to ask. There's

766
00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:08,480
Speaker 3: no weed in the car. You don't smell weed. You

767
00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:10,040
Speaker 3: can ask for her. I did let us know why

768
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:12,160
Speaker 3: you're pulling her over, and then if there's not a reason,

769
00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:16,760
Speaker 3: you need to let us know. And the stupid niggas

770
00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:19,280
Speaker 3: in the car were like, triple shut up. No, bitch,

771
00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:23,120
Speaker 3: you shut up because you're doing the stupid ass talking you. Now,

772
00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:25,200
Speaker 3: I'm not going to jail for that ship. If I

773
00:37:25,280 --> 00:37:27,399
Speaker 3: go to jail, it's gonna be for slapping the ship

774
00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:31,840
Speaker 3: out of this motherfucking police officer, but not for no weed.

775
00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:34,920
Speaker 3: Get the fuck out of here. So they did let

776
00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:38,360
Speaker 3: us go because I'm not a damn fool.

777
00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:40,279
Speaker 1: Well, they had no reason to keep y'all.

778
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:41,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, but then he.

779
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:45,799
Speaker 2: And I will see this morning.

780
00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:52,520
Speaker 1: You know why, dudes, there's a greater level of repercussion

781
00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:55,279
Speaker 1: when men get to crashing out. And I'll give you

782
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:58,440
Speaker 1: an example y'all ladies about to start fighting. The only

783
00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:01,719
Speaker 1: dude that got involved brought a gun. This is what

784
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:04,600
Speaker 1: stops me from crashing out a lot of times because

785
00:38:05,120 --> 00:38:07,960
Speaker 1: a lot of dudes are emotional and a lot of

786
00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:10,880
Speaker 1: dudes can't fight. So you know what happens when you're

787
00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:13,080
Speaker 1: emotional and you can't fight, you gotta pick up a weapon.

788
00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:15,080
Speaker 1: It may not always be a gun. It may be

789
00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:18,160
Speaker 1: a razor, it may be a knife, but it could

790
00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:21,160
Speaker 1: bet anything. But I like men, they when they go

791
00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:24,640
Speaker 1: to crash out, it always ends up in incarceration of death.

792
00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:27,160
Speaker 1: So for me, there's not a lot of things that

793
00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:31,440
Speaker 1: I'll crash out for. But if it's my wife or

794
00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:37,440
Speaker 1: my kids, I'm not there's no the value should have

795
00:38:37,480 --> 00:38:39,799
Speaker 1: thought there was nothing to think about. My wife was

796
00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:42,520
Speaker 1: in danger, my kids was in danger. My wife felt disrespected,

797
00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:45,440
Speaker 1: my kids felt disrespected. They need to feel that someone

798
00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:48,239
Speaker 1: protects them, because if no one protects them, then what

799
00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:50,920
Speaker 1: is my point? You know what I'm saying, Like, if

800
00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:53,359
Speaker 1: you have, if you have one thing in life right

801
00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:56,440
Speaker 1: as a as a person, you have to survive by

802
00:38:56,480 --> 00:39:00,000
Speaker 1: any means necessary. Right, think about taking away all social constructs.

803
00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:02,520
Speaker 1: We don't live in a Mariqueen live anywhere. You just

804
00:39:02,560 --> 00:39:04,640
Speaker 1: wake up and it's like, I gotta survive. Then I

805
00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:07,000
Speaker 1: meet another person that we're gonna survive together, and we're

806
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:10,160
Speaker 1: gonna have offspring together. It's my responsibility to make sure

807
00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:10,840
Speaker 1: we all survive.

808
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:15,759
Speaker 5: Absolutely, it's your responsibility to protect them and not to

809
00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:16,319
Speaker 5: crash out.

810
00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:19,359
Speaker 1: I agree, I agree, I agree, that's my responsibility.

811
00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:23,720
Speaker 5: Yeah, so don't ever crash out because of those responsibilities.

812
00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:26,560
Speaker 5: The responsibility for that is to protect them. You crash

813
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:29,520
Speaker 5: out by everything else, but those two things your job

814
00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:31,200
Speaker 5: is to protect because if you crash out to.

815
00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:33,520
Speaker 2: The point, now I'm gone and now you're gone. How

816
00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:37,960
Speaker 2: does one temper emotions when you're on the verge of

817
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:40,680
Speaker 2: crashing out? What do you replan in your mind to say?

818
00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:42,279
Speaker 2: You know what, it may not be worth it.

819
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:44,040
Speaker 4: In this it ain't worth it?

820
00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:44,799
Speaker 3: Is it worth it?

821
00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:49,840
Speaker 1: I've listened this. This goes back to the story she

822
00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:53,640
Speaker 1: chose not to tell him because she could foresee that

823
00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:57,479
Speaker 1: he was going to crash out. If I'm being honest,

824
00:39:57,760 --> 00:40:00,520
Speaker 1: I feel like women do a better job of controlling

825
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:03,680
Speaker 1: their emotions in those type of times, Like from what

826
00:40:03,719 --> 00:40:06,800
Speaker 1: I've seen in the hood growing up in Brooklyn, you

827
00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:09,640
Speaker 1: know how many men are behind bars, are dead because

828
00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:12,200
Speaker 1: they just went out there and did something on how

829
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:15,360
Speaker 1: many women were calculated enough to not crash out themselves,

830
00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:17,719
Speaker 1: but to tell they brother or their father, or they

831
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:20,200
Speaker 1: cousin or their friend. You know what I'm saying, it's

832
00:40:20,239 --> 00:40:22,160
Speaker 1: whatever women have, that's what we got to learn.

833
00:40:22,400 --> 00:40:25,000
Speaker 5: I think it's saying to control emotions in the height

834
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:29,000
Speaker 5: of conflict that might have Dudes just might be like,

835
00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:31,279
Speaker 5: in a height of conflict, like I just got to

836
00:40:31,320 --> 00:40:33,520
Speaker 5: solve it, I gotta fix it, I gotta do something,

837
00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:36,399
Speaker 5: whereas women might be a little bit more calculated in that.

838
00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:38,399
Speaker 2: Regard, but also kind of emotional too, because I can

839
00:40:38,440 --> 00:40:40,840
Speaker 2: think of a couple times, even growing up in Brooklyn,

840
00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:42,840
Speaker 2: where there's been a young lady that felt like, for

841
00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:45,520
Speaker 2: whatever reason, she was disrespected and was like, wait till

842
00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:47,399
Speaker 2: I call my brother, Wait till I sell my father.

843
00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:49,680
Speaker 2: And then they make a mountain out of a Mohill

844
00:40:49,719 --> 00:40:51,920
Speaker 2: type of situation, getting the brother or the father or

845
00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:54,399
Speaker 2: the cousin rowed up, and then they end up coming

846
00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:56,160
Speaker 2: to press another set of dudes and it becomes a

847
00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:58,839
Speaker 2: whole altercation. And she probably didn't think it was going

848
00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:00,920
Speaker 2: to escalate to be that. But it's like in that

849
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:02,520
Speaker 2: moment where he felt like he had to come to

850
00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:05,160
Speaker 2: her defense, that escalated the entire situation.

851
00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:07,919
Speaker 1: You know what I think is that this is where

852
00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:12,399
Speaker 1: we can actually use toxic masculinity as an example, right,

853
00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:15,600
Speaker 1: because what we think is masculine is to go out

854
00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:17,399
Speaker 1: there and just hit somebody and fight somebody, and that's

855
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:21,040
Speaker 1: extremely toxic. When the real masculinity is to be even

856
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:25,280
Speaker 1: emotional and come to a solution without resorting to violence.

857
00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:29,360
Speaker 1: That's the perfect example of toxic masculinity is thinking that

858
00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:31,879
Speaker 1: the only way I can show my power is by

859
00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:34,719
Speaker 1: escalating to violence. You know what I'm saying, Like, that's

860
00:41:34,719 --> 00:41:36,480
Speaker 1: what we as a community need to learn it.

861
00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:38,319
Speaker 3: That's I just want to point out that in the

862
00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:40,799
Speaker 3: ongoing debate between me and Deval, that's the point for

863
00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:46,600
Speaker 3: me was that you agree with toxic masculinity for one.

864
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:50,760
Speaker 1: Nah, that's that's extremely toxic and I and I will

865
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:53,239
Speaker 1: I will admit the fact that men think that the

866
00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:56,040
Speaker 1: only way that I could be more manly than this

867
00:41:56,200 --> 00:41:59,960
Speaker 1: next man is to be physically more dominant is extremely toxic.

868
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:03,680
Speaker 2: I've seen you exercise that exact thing. I don't know

869
00:42:03,680 --> 00:42:05,759
Speaker 2: if we've told this story before, but it was my

870
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:09,520
Speaker 2: sister's twenty first birthday at Tracks and you were with me,

871
00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:13,360
Speaker 2: my sister cousin a group of us, and my sister

872
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:15,239
Speaker 2: was in the VIP section. This dude was kind of

873
00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:17,000
Speaker 2: drunk coming up on the stage with her and she

874
00:42:17,120 --> 00:42:18,920
Speaker 2: was just like, bro, this is not your section. So

875
00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:21,440
Speaker 2: on the back and forth, and Deval in that moment,

876
00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:25,200
Speaker 2: could have trying to defend his sister had been like

877
00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:28,200
Speaker 2: in the dude's face and making this altercation more than

878
00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:30,719
Speaker 2: it needed to be, because dude was ready to have

879
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:33,040
Speaker 2: He was ready to make it. That's what he was

880
00:42:33,120 --> 00:42:35,000
Speaker 2: ready to make it that he had his team of

881
00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:38,520
Speaker 2: friends behind and his goal was to prove a point

882
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:42,080
Speaker 2: in that moment. And I saw Devell literally stay cool

883
00:42:42,080 --> 00:42:44,040
Speaker 2: as a cucumber and even Q, I think your part

884
00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:45,160
Speaker 2: because that I had no backup.

885
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:45,960
Speaker 1: It was just me.

886
00:42:48,239 --> 00:42:50,200
Speaker 5: He probably just prepped for that before even stepped into

887
00:42:50,239 --> 00:42:54,600
Speaker 5: the building. Women, we're just gonna figure this out. We

888
00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:57,120
Speaker 5: ain't gonna go crazy, we ain't gonna yeah, we ain't

889
00:42:57,120 --> 00:42:58,600
Speaker 5: gona do nothing. We gotta do something. We just gonna

890
00:42:58,600 --> 00:42:59,879
Speaker 5: walk out and leave. It's not worth it.

891
00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:03,200
Speaker 2: That's literally you're saying devout going into the situation already.

892
00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:07,480
Speaker 5: Yes, it's almost like you're walking into you're in an airport,

893
00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:09,319
Speaker 5: or you in a in a restaurant, you're looking at

894
00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:13,400
Speaker 5: all exits. You just when you go there, you're already

895
00:43:13,520 --> 00:43:16,279
Speaker 5: pre planned what's gonna happen. By the time you sat

896
00:43:16,320 --> 00:43:18,000
Speaker 5: down in order, you ready know what you're gonna do.

897
00:43:18,040 --> 00:43:19,879
Speaker 1: What did I tell you said the New York thinger?

898
00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:22,799
Speaker 2: Is that just like a thing? Because you taught me

899
00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:24,239
Speaker 2: the same thing to and I go to restaurants not

900
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:25,640
Speaker 2: to sit with my back to the door. If I'm

901
00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:27,799
Speaker 2: not with him, you know know what the edit is.

902
00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:30,399
Speaker 1: And that was that was part of my decision. Dude

903
00:43:30,440 --> 00:43:32,759
Speaker 1: started getting loud with Sakari. First thing I did was

904
00:43:32,800 --> 00:43:34,279
Speaker 1: stand up. Was like, Okay, I'm gonna have to handle

905
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:37,880
Speaker 1: this dude. But then I see everybody that looks similar

906
00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:39,840
Speaker 1: to what he got on. You can tell people's groups.

907
00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:42,320
Speaker 1: There's like seven to eight dudes coming across that wall.

908
00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:44,799
Speaker 1: So I'm like, they're coming to They're coming because they

909
00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:47,320
Speaker 1: see he's getting loud. Then I'm like, there's one exit.

910
00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:50,040
Speaker 1: The exit is all the way over there. It's just me.

911
00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:53,719
Speaker 1: I got six women I got Tristan, who's inebriated, but

912
00:43:53,760 --> 00:43:57,040
Speaker 1: he's smaller. You know what I'm saying, Robert smaller than Tristan.

913
00:43:57,640 --> 00:43:58,160
Speaker 3: I can't.

914
00:43:58,520 --> 00:44:00,600
Speaker 1: So my whole thing at that time was to show

915
00:44:00,680 --> 00:44:04,000
Speaker 1: him that I'm not afraid, but let him know, like

916
00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:07,120
Speaker 1: this is dumb. So I reached so I was like, Yo,

917
00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:09,480
Speaker 1: my man's you know what I'm saying, it's my sister

918
00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:12,279
Speaker 1: that like, what the fuck? I was like, dude. Then

919
00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:14,960
Speaker 1: this homeboy came up and someboy was down on the

920
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:17,320
Speaker 1: platform and was like, yo, if my man got a problem,

921
00:44:17,360 --> 00:44:18,840
Speaker 1: we got a problem. And I was like, yo, step

922
00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:21,440
Speaker 1: up here. I put my hand out. He looked at me,

923
00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:23,359
Speaker 1: grabbed my hand, and then I yanked him up. When

924
00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:25,080
Speaker 1: I yanked him up, I was trying to show him

925
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:27,600
Speaker 1: how strong I am, to let him know like, Okay,

926
00:44:27,840 --> 00:44:30,640
Speaker 1: y'all may try something, but whoever's up here first gonna

927
00:44:30,640 --> 00:44:32,920
Speaker 1: get dealt with. When I pulled him up there like that,

928
00:44:32,960 --> 00:44:34,520
Speaker 1: and he pulled up, he got close to me. I said,

929
00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:37,400
Speaker 1: look behind me, there's seven women back here. Do you

930
00:44:37,520 --> 00:44:41,759
Speaker 1: think I came here to fight with y'all? Like, think

931
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:43,879
Speaker 1: about it, this is all of this women back here.

932
00:44:43,880 --> 00:44:45,880
Speaker 1: I'm here with my wife. I'm like, look at all

933
00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:48,080
Speaker 1: these women out here. He looked at them, he looked

934
00:44:48,080 --> 00:44:49,440
Speaker 1: at his man, he looked at me. He was like,

935
00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:52,160
Speaker 1: you know what, man, you right, Because in that moment

936
00:44:52,600 --> 00:44:55,200
Speaker 1: I approached him with respect. I didn't try to be

937
00:44:55,280 --> 00:44:57,360
Speaker 1: little him, but I also let him know like this

938
00:44:57,520 --> 00:45:00,520
Speaker 1: is dumb, and to me, that was the most masculine

939
00:45:00,560 --> 00:45:02,759
Speaker 1: thing I could do. The other only option was he

940
00:45:02,840 --> 00:45:04,560
Speaker 1: was one of the biggest ones. Is hit him first

941
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:06,719
Speaker 1: and hope that when I hit him first that he

942
00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:09,439
Speaker 1: goes to sleep and then I can handle something else.

943
00:45:09,480 --> 00:45:11,239
Speaker 1: But that's a lot to think about, you know what

944
00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:14,560
Speaker 1: I'm saying. So it's just like, don't crash out. Be smart?

945
00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:17,239
Speaker 5: Is crashing out? Is there any point where crashing out

946
00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:19,279
Speaker 5: as a necessity, not for you, but for them? If

947
00:45:19,280 --> 00:45:22,200
Speaker 5: you think about for their perspective, he wants to crash

948
00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:26,600
Speaker 5: out over anything. Is there a situation where you would

949
00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:28,200
Speaker 5: just crash out for anything?

950
00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:28,920
Speaker 1: For me?

951
00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:29,200
Speaker 3: Like?

952
00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:30,520
Speaker 4: Is it survival for them?

953
00:45:30,840 --> 00:45:30,920
Speaker 1: No?

954
00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:34,200
Speaker 5: I think this is yeah. I mean in any situation,

955
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:36,760
Speaker 5: Like I think, ready to crash out at all costs.

956
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:40,600
Speaker 1: I think that's the toxic part of masculinity, especially coming

957
00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:42,880
Speaker 1: from where we come from. Is that I'm going into this.

958
00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:44,680
Speaker 1: How many times we talked to our people going to party,

959
00:45:44,680 --> 00:45:47,719
Speaker 1: anybody look at me wrong, I'm snuffing us. That's toxic you.

960
00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:49,960
Speaker 1: All you want to do is show people that you're

961
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:53,360
Speaker 1: more masculine, not realizing that that makes you look so small.

962
00:45:53,680 --> 00:45:55,960
Speaker 1: But that's what they're taught. That's what we were taught.

963
00:45:55,960 --> 00:45:58,439
Speaker 1: That's growing up in Brooklyn. You know what I'm saying.

964
00:45:58,440 --> 00:46:00,799
Speaker 1: You walking around, you got your older cousins, a older brother.

965
00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:03,200
Speaker 1: Anybody look at you, want your snuff. It's like you

966
00:46:03,239 --> 00:46:06,360
Speaker 1: start thinking that that's the way to be until you

967
00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:08,200
Speaker 1: get older and you're like, wait a minute, he did that.

968
00:46:08,239 --> 00:46:11,360
Speaker 1: He's in jail, he killed somebody, he's dead. It's like,

969
00:46:11,480 --> 00:46:14,319
Speaker 1: wait a minute, that doesn't make any sense. And then

970
00:46:14,360 --> 00:46:19,400
Speaker 1: you start to realize that crashing out has no positive response,

971
00:46:19,480 --> 00:46:22,359
Speaker 1: Like there's nothing good comes from crashing out. All that

972
00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:26,160
Speaker 1: being said, if I see somebody disrespect my wife or

973
00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:28,480
Speaker 1: hurt my wife or sexually assault my wife, it's going

974
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:30,279
Speaker 1: to be hard for me to think about all of that.

975
00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:33,000
Speaker 1: So when I told that story about being in New York,

976
00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:35,280
Speaker 1: if I would have saw her face and she looked scared,

977
00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:38,160
Speaker 1: and that dude smoked, smirked at her with that devilish smirk.

978
00:46:38,440 --> 00:46:40,080
Speaker 1: There wouldn't have been nothing left for me to think

979
00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:42,399
Speaker 1: about it your point. It would have just been he's

980
00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:44,640
Speaker 1: going to have to feel the same thing my wife feels.

981
00:46:44,640 --> 00:46:48,640
Speaker 1: I'm about to embarrass him and that and that doesn't

982
00:46:48,760 --> 00:46:51,799
Speaker 1: make me right. I'm not asking for people to say

983
00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:53,799
Speaker 1: devou right, that's just what I think.

984
00:46:53,840 --> 00:46:54,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, I get you.

985
00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:55,239
Speaker 1: The same thing with my kids.

986
00:46:55,400 --> 00:46:56,920
Speaker 5: I feel the same way when I look at like

987
00:46:57,080 --> 00:47:02,319
Speaker 5: court cases and you know, like the defendant is the

988
00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:07,080
Speaker 5: one who, like, yeah, raped or little girl somebody's daughter

989
00:47:07,160 --> 00:47:10,960
Speaker 5: and they're in the crowd. I'm sorry, I'm hopping over.

990
00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:14,560
Speaker 1: I'm taking it. I'll take it thirty days course, I'll

991
00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:15,120
Speaker 1: take it.

992
00:47:15,320 --> 00:47:18,480
Speaker 2: Yes, So it's crashing out, always responding in violence.

993
00:47:18,520 --> 00:47:19,200
Speaker 1: I was gonna.

994
00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:23,600
Speaker 2: Can't crash out, just be like I just curse somebody

995
00:47:23,640 --> 00:47:24,960
Speaker 2: out or you know what I'm saying.

996
00:47:25,480 --> 00:47:28,920
Speaker 5: From a definition standpoint, crashing out is violence.

997
00:47:29,040 --> 00:47:33,320
Speaker 1: That's silence because think about it, what issh his impact

998
00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:34,880
Speaker 1: crashes boom.

999
00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:37,279
Speaker 6: But that can be also verbally though, you can have

1000
00:47:37,360 --> 00:47:38,080
Speaker 6: impact verbally.

1001
00:47:38,120 --> 00:47:39,799
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I'm the queen.

1002
00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:44,440
Speaker 1: I wouldn't call the argument. I personally wouldn't call it

1003
00:47:44,440 --> 00:47:47,600
Speaker 1: a crash out, but I have seen online were like

1004
00:47:47,680 --> 00:47:51,080
Speaker 1: remember the balloon game, And the chick responded and was

1005
00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:52,919
Speaker 1: just like, I don't like him because he's a little short.

1006
00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:55,520
Speaker 1: She's like, that's the problem with y'all, And it was

1007
00:47:55,520 --> 00:47:57,480
Speaker 1: like crashing out.

1008
00:47:56,800 --> 00:48:00,239
Speaker 3: He was a crash out. Specifically, he was arguing with

1009
00:48:00,280 --> 00:48:02,640
Speaker 3: every girl, yeah, and he didn't get it. They kept

1010
00:48:02,640 --> 00:48:04,880
Speaker 3: being like, I don't like how you talked to women.

1011
00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:06,239
Speaker 3: He'd be like, why are you worried about I'll talk

1012
00:48:06,280 --> 00:48:08,880
Speaker 3: to the next woman. You a follower while he was

1013
00:48:08,920 --> 00:48:09,440
Speaker 3: crashing out.

1014
00:48:10,920 --> 00:48:14,480
Speaker 1: If that's the case, Matt is right crash out because

1015
00:48:14,480 --> 00:48:18,120
Speaker 1: domestic violence is not always physical. You can verbally abuse someone,

1016
00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:20,279
Speaker 1: So if you choose to verbally abuse someone, that is

1017
00:48:20,320 --> 00:48:20,799
Speaker 1: a crash out.

1018
00:48:21,239 --> 00:48:24,480
Speaker 2: To me, I felt like, initially when I learned the

1019
00:48:24,520 --> 00:48:27,120
Speaker 2: crash out terminology, this is from my son, Jackson. He

1020
00:48:27,160 --> 00:48:29,440
Speaker 2: tries to keep me young. So he initially told me

1021
00:48:29,440 --> 00:48:31,440
Speaker 2: about crash out because he was at sky Zone for

1022
00:48:31,480 --> 00:48:34,920
Speaker 2: a friend's birthday party and somebody's kids jumped on another kid,

1023
00:48:35,080 --> 00:48:37,480
Speaker 2: you know, accidentally, but theer, the kid's mom, who was

1024
00:48:37,480 --> 00:48:39,960
Speaker 2: not within the group of the birthday party, was getting

1025
00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:44,120
Speaker 2: in Jackson's friend's face. So Jackson's friend's mom, who was

1026
00:48:44,160 --> 00:48:46,000
Speaker 2: not that wasn't her son, but she was there as

1027
00:48:46,040 --> 00:48:48,640
Speaker 2: one of the parents. She jumped in and started cursing

1028
00:48:48,640 --> 00:48:50,399
Speaker 2: the lady out. So it was this back and forth

1029
00:48:50,440 --> 00:48:52,440
Speaker 2: between the two and Jackson was like, oh my god, yo,

1030
00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:54,840
Speaker 2: such as such moms crashed out, and I was like,

1031
00:48:54,840 --> 00:48:55,640
Speaker 2: what does that mean.

1032
00:48:57,239 --> 00:48:57,440
Speaker 3: To me?

1033
00:48:57,480 --> 00:48:59,399
Speaker 2: It's kind of synonymous in that moment, like when she's

1034
00:48:59,400 --> 00:49:04,400
Speaker 2: spashed at you, crash out. Son just fads out, crash

1035
00:49:04,480 --> 00:49:06,680
Speaker 2: out verbally, queen physically, not the.

1036
00:49:06,800 --> 00:49:09,160
Speaker 4: University act of going to zero and sixty, and.

1037
00:49:09,280 --> 00:49:11,360
Speaker 3: Like just like yeah, yeah, yeah. The way that I

1038
00:49:11,400 --> 00:49:14,719
Speaker 3: would characterize it, uh, something that has helped me over

1039
00:49:14,760 --> 00:49:19,520
Speaker 3: the years with my issues with anger is like somatic

1040
00:49:19,600 --> 00:49:24,320
Speaker 3: practice and learning how to recognize dysregulation in my body

1041
00:49:24,800 --> 00:49:29,719
Speaker 3: before I respond to something. And so I would say

1042
00:49:29,880 --> 00:49:33,520
Speaker 3: that a crash out is when you are so disregulated

1043
00:49:33,600 --> 00:49:36,320
Speaker 3: that you cannot control what you are doing or saying.

1044
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:41,239
Speaker 3: So sometimes, like we'll have I can have a spirited

1045
00:49:41,360 --> 00:49:45,560
Speaker 3: debate an argument with somebody where I'm still where I'm

1046
00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:50,839
Speaker 3: still listening, where I'm still able to respond, But if

1047
00:49:50,880 --> 00:49:55,080
Speaker 3: I'm crashing out. I'm simply reacting. I'm not fucking listening.

1048
00:49:55,320 --> 00:49:58,600
Speaker 3: I'm going the fuck off. I feel it in my body.

1049
00:49:58,760 --> 00:50:02,360
Speaker 3: My body is in raged. I'm full of rage. I'm shaking,

1050
00:50:02,920 --> 00:50:05,400
Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying. Some people will say like, oh,

1051
00:50:05,520 --> 00:50:06,239
Speaker 3: I blacked out.

1052
00:50:06,719 --> 00:50:06,919
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1053
00:50:07,800 --> 00:50:11,399
Speaker 3: Some people literally like cannot hear you when you're talking

1054
00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:14,000
Speaker 3: because they're crashing out. They're disregulated in their bodies so

1055
00:50:14,160 --> 00:50:16,200
Speaker 3: much so that they can't control what is happening.

1056
00:50:16,440 --> 00:50:18,640
Speaker 1: You know why that's bad. You know how crash outs

1057
00:50:18,640 --> 00:50:22,000
Speaker 1: are born. They watched their parents crash out. I think

1058
00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:25,200
Speaker 1: about that all the time, like I'd be like.

1059
00:50:27,200 --> 00:50:29,720
Speaker 2: Not being emotionally intelligent or aware or mature.

1060
00:50:30,080 --> 00:50:32,719
Speaker 1: And I learned from my dad, Like my dad was

1061
00:50:32,800 --> 00:50:36,239
Speaker 1: not a crash out. I've seen people getting into physical altercations,

1062
00:50:36,280 --> 00:50:38,239
Speaker 1: and my father was a bouncer. I think I told

1063
00:50:38,239 --> 00:50:41,880
Speaker 1: you other story. He learned how to regulate other people's

1064
00:50:41,920 --> 00:50:43,759
Speaker 1: emotions by and he told me this. He said, d

1065
00:50:43,800 --> 00:50:45,719
Speaker 1: vow when I was bouncing at the club. He used

1066
00:50:45,719 --> 00:50:47,600
Speaker 1: to bounce at Tunnel and another big club in the

1067
00:50:47,680 --> 00:50:49,879
Speaker 1: nineties when it was like a lot of hip hop

1068
00:50:49,920 --> 00:50:52,719
Speaker 1: people there. He was like, there's only five bounces the

1069
00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:55,880
Speaker 1: club holds four hundred people. If a big fight breaks

1070
00:50:55,920 --> 00:50:58,239
Speaker 1: out with all of these dudes, I need to know

1071
00:50:58,680 --> 00:51:01,160
Speaker 1: that these people will listen. He talked about every time

1072
00:51:01,239 --> 00:51:03,680
Speaker 1: he came and had people come in the club, they'd

1073
00:51:03,680 --> 00:51:05,960
Speaker 1: be like, yo, listen, it's only five of us. Let's

1074
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:07,680
Speaker 1: make sure that we got each other's back. Da da

1075
00:51:07,760 --> 00:51:10,120
Speaker 1: da da when a fight happened. He never ran in

1076
00:51:10,200 --> 00:51:13,160
Speaker 1: there throwing punches. He ran in there to be like yo.

1077
00:51:14,120 --> 00:51:16,160
Speaker 1: And I think that's what I learned how to do it,

1078
00:51:17,160 --> 00:51:19,359
Speaker 1: and that's where our kids are learning it. So if

1079
00:51:19,400 --> 00:51:21,400
Speaker 1: you're a person that crashes out and have kids, what

1080
00:51:21,480 --> 00:51:23,960
Speaker 1: do you think your kids are watching and learning when

1081
00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:25,920
Speaker 1: they watch you constantly crash out.

1082
00:51:25,840 --> 00:51:28,759
Speaker 4: Every time there's a conflict, every time flip the handle.

1083
00:51:28,680 --> 00:51:31,319
Speaker 6: My reaction should be yeah, because that's what I saw,

1084
00:51:31,400 --> 00:51:32,280
Speaker 6: my folks.

1085
00:51:32,400 --> 00:51:36,000
Speaker 3: And not only that, like emotional dysregulation comes from your

1086
00:51:36,120 --> 00:51:41,960
Speaker 3: fight or flight, like hormones not being controlled for you

1087
00:51:42,160 --> 00:51:45,200
Speaker 3: to always feel like you're in danger when something happens

1088
00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:47,960
Speaker 3: and you either want to fight or fight, and if

1089
00:51:48,000 --> 00:51:52,560
Speaker 3: you're in a household where you don't feel safe because

1090
00:51:52,600 --> 00:51:54,560
Speaker 3: your parent is always crashing out, not even just that

1091
00:51:54,640 --> 00:51:56,799
Speaker 3: you're seeing them do it, but you might be hearing

1092
00:51:56,880 --> 00:51:59,279
Speaker 3: it or any little thing they're snapping at you. Now

1093
00:51:59,400 --> 00:52:03,560
Speaker 3: you are disregulated. Now you're a alert nervous system. Right,

1094
00:52:03,640 --> 00:52:05,960
Speaker 3: your alarm system is going off with any little thing

1095
00:52:06,040 --> 00:52:08,760
Speaker 3: that happens. And now you are a disregulated adult.

1096
00:52:09,080 --> 00:52:11,040
Speaker 2: That's why conversation is so important.

1097
00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:12,600
Speaker 1: You see how all of this is like, and you

1098
00:52:12,719 --> 00:52:14,120
Speaker 1: like you're thinking about things and people.

1099
00:52:14,320 --> 00:52:16,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I was gonna say that. This is why conversation, though,

1100
00:52:16,800 --> 00:52:19,160
Speaker 2: is so important because your father, for example, is a bouncer.

1101
00:52:19,560 --> 00:52:22,440
Speaker 2: Knowing how his dad is, I can see him. If

1102
00:52:22,520 --> 00:52:25,279
Speaker 2: somebody is irate, you know, and feeling like they've been

1103
00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:28,640
Speaker 2: wronged in whatever situation it was in the club, for example,

1104
00:52:29,520 --> 00:52:32,279
Speaker 2: just bringing them close and talking to them and trying

1105
00:52:32,360 --> 00:52:34,200
Speaker 2: to empathize with their point of view. A lot of

1106
00:52:34,280 --> 00:52:36,600
Speaker 2: times people just want you to understand their perspective and

1107
00:52:36,600 --> 00:52:40,000
Speaker 2: where they're coming from, what made them upset. So for me,

1108
00:52:40,160 --> 00:52:43,319
Speaker 2: I think, to Tripple's point, having someone that can then

1109
00:52:43,440 --> 00:52:45,520
Speaker 2: if you're in that fight or flight mode, kind of

1110
00:52:45,600 --> 00:52:48,000
Speaker 2: bring you back down and regulate it by empathizing with

1111
00:52:48,080 --> 00:52:50,400
Speaker 2: how you feel, even if you're wrong. Yeah, it's just

1112
00:52:50,520 --> 00:52:53,040
Speaker 2: having somebody to communicate with you on that level into

1113
00:52:53,080 --> 00:52:55,640
Speaker 2: personally that I think that it can then start to

1114
00:52:55,840 --> 00:52:58,680
Speaker 2: potentially de escalate something from being a crash out moment.

1115
00:52:58,800 --> 00:53:01,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a renew your sense of safety to help

1116
00:53:01,640 --> 00:53:05,400
Speaker 3: your alarm bells turn off to be like you're you're safe.

1117
00:53:05,680 --> 00:53:08,399
Speaker 3: Nothing is happening to you, right, has to happen, nothing

1118
00:53:08,440 --> 00:53:10,759
Speaker 3: has to happen. Right, Yeah, I hear you.

1119
00:53:10,840 --> 00:53:11,520
Speaker 2: You're wrong as hell.

1120
00:53:13,680 --> 00:53:15,719
Speaker 3: You need to be, but we don't want it to

1121
00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:16,160
Speaker 3: get there.

1122
00:53:16,800 --> 00:53:18,560
Speaker 1: I listening to Tripple whe We're gonna have to take

1123
00:53:18,680 --> 00:53:21,560
Speaker 1: a break someone, But listening to Triple really like set

1124
00:53:21,600 --> 00:53:23,719
Speaker 1: off an alarm in my brain. And I'm thinking about

1125
00:53:23,760 --> 00:53:26,160
Speaker 1: all the people I grew up with and now thinking about.

1126
00:53:25,960 --> 00:53:28,120
Speaker 2: Their parents, right, and how they respond.

1127
00:53:28,280 --> 00:53:30,200
Speaker 1: When she talked about fight or flight, I can think

1128
00:53:30,239 --> 00:53:34,319
Speaker 1: about five friends who have crash out moms right, who

1129
00:53:34,920 --> 00:53:38,800
Speaker 1: their kids either be ready to fight or run from everything.

1130
00:53:39,480 --> 00:53:42,040
Speaker 1: And it's funny when I mean run from everything. The

1131
00:53:42,120 --> 00:53:45,080
Speaker 1: minute somebody's voice get raised, they gon't, or it's the

1132
00:53:45,080 --> 00:53:47,080
Speaker 1: minute somebody's voice get raised like why did you punch

1133
00:53:47,120 --> 00:53:49,160
Speaker 1: some and so man like, I'm thinking about all of

1134
00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:51,000
Speaker 1: these things, and it makes the most sense when you

1135
00:53:51,080 --> 00:53:51,919
Speaker 1: have a crash our parents.

1136
00:53:51,920 --> 00:53:53,640
Speaker 2: I know a mother child duo that came to mind

1137
00:53:53,640 --> 00:53:56,000
Speaker 2: where it's just like, yo, you could fuck with them

1138
00:53:56,040 --> 00:53:57,840
Speaker 2: if you want to. They're gonna be cool as a

1139
00:53:57,920 --> 00:54:01,160
Speaker 2: que coming through it all I know. But them two,

1140
00:54:01,520 --> 00:54:04,879
Speaker 2: if anything shit goes awry, say the word. It's either

1141
00:54:04,960 --> 00:54:07,560
Speaker 2: gonna go all the way sky high or they can

1142
00:54:07,640 --> 00:54:08,239
Speaker 2: keep it down low.

1143
00:54:08,400 --> 00:54:10,520
Speaker 1: But she's very controlled in her emotion.

1144
00:54:10,520 --> 00:54:14,239
Speaker 2: Control, and that's why he is. However, if shit needs

1145
00:54:14,280 --> 00:54:16,680
Speaker 2: to get done and dealt with, it's gonna get done

1146
00:54:16,719 --> 00:54:19,439
Speaker 2: and dealt with on a very low, even Q level.

1147
00:54:19,680 --> 00:54:22,200
Speaker 2: So all right, y'all, let's go pay some bills before

1148
00:54:22,680 --> 00:54:25,080
Speaker 2: the bill collectors crash out on us, and we'll be

1149
00:54:25,160 --> 00:54:42,120
Speaker 2: back with listening letters. Stick around, all right. We're back

1150
00:54:42,400 --> 00:54:44,719
Speaker 2: back with listener letters, and we have one for today.

1151
00:54:44,760 --> 00:54:46,800
Speaker 2: Oh it's a bit lengthy one, so let's go in

1152
00:54:46,920 --> 00:54:52,920
Speaker 2: and dive right in. All right. I'm approaching the second

1153
00:54:52,960 --> 00:54:54,880
Speaker 2: half of my thirties and I recently moved out of

1154
00:54:54,920 --> 00:54:57,480
Speaker 2: my childhood home into a two bedroom apartment with my

1155
00:54:57,600 --> 00:55:01,279
Speaker 2: teenage son. It's my first apartment after having lived with

1156
00:55:01,520 --> 00:55:04,640
Speaker 2: my six plus siblings and parents my entire life. When

1157
00:55:04,680 --> 00:55:07,200
Speaker 2: I moved, my dad who was retired and divorced from

1158
00:55:07,239 --> 00:55:10,279
Speaker 2: my mom, was staying with other family, doesn't have a

1159
00:55:10,360 --> 00:55:13,200
Speaker 2: place of his own, volunteer to move in with me

1160
00:55:13,440 --> 00:55:15,200
Speaker 2: for two weeks to help me get settled in, and

1161
00:55:15,320 --> 00:55:18,680
Speaker 2: also for what he felt was assuring my safety as

1162
00:55:18,719 --> 00:55:20,960
Speaker 2: a single woman in a new neighborhood. I welcome. This

1163
00:55:21,120 --> 00:55:22,400
Speaker 2: offer makes sense, I.

1164
00:55:22,440 --> 00:55:25,160
Speaker 1: Knew, yep.

1165
00:55:25,640 --> 00:55:27,880
Speaker 2: The problem is it's been six months now and he

1166
00:55:28,080 --> 00:55:31,200
Speaker 2: hasn't left. He's taking over my living room to a

1167
00:55:31,239 --> 00:55:33,439
Speaker 2: point where I can't even utilize it because it feels

1168
00:55:33,480 --> 00:55:36,680
Speaker 2: like I'm invading his space. I haven't had people over,

1169
00:55:36,840 --> 00:55:39,160
Speaker 2: neither has my son, and I'm feeling very restricted in

1170
00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:41,120
Speaker 2: a place that was supposed to be just for me

1171
00:55:41,239 --> 00:55:43,560
Speaker 2: and my kid. I'm nervous to ask him to go

1172
00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:46,400
Speaker 2: back to where he was staying or with other of

1173
00:55:46,800 --> 00:55:49,359
Speaker 2: another of my siblings, because I don't want to hurt

1174
00:55:49,360 --> 00:55:51,759
Speaker 2: his feelings. We have a great relationship, but I don't

1175
00:55:51,760 --> 00:55:54,359
Speaker 2: want to risk it going bad by becoming the daughter

1176
00:55:54,440 --> 00:55:57,719
Speaker 2: who put him out quote unquote. However, I need my

1177
00:55:57,840 --> 00:56:00,360
Speaker 2: space and independence. Resentment is starting to grow, and I

1178
00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:03,359
Speaker 2: don't want to be miserable in my own home. There's

1179
00:56:03,400 --> 00:56:05,520
Speaker 2: also the fact that we are from the Caribbean West

1180
00:56:05,520 --> 00:56:09,720
Speaker 2: Indian massive and it's very common for parents and elders

1181
00:56:09,760 --> 00:56:12,360
Speaker 2: in our cultures to feel entitled to their children's success

1182
00:56:12,560 --> 00:56:17,520
Speaker 2: and any really is that in any capacity because of

1183
00:56:17,680 --> 00:56:22,760
Speaker 2: this sacrifice. Yo, speak to me, speaking to me, siss

1184
00:56:23,200 --> 00:56:27,920
Speaker 2: I understand, Let's go back. It's very common for parents

1185
00:56:27,960 --> 00:56:30,200
Speaker 2: and elders in our culture to feel entitled to their

1186
00:56:30,320 --> 00:56:34,400
Speaker 2: children's success in any capacity because of the sacrifices they

1187
00:56:34,560 --> 00:56:37,040
Speaker 2: made coming to this country and building a life for

1188
00:56:37,239 --> 00:56:38,359
Speaker 2: us to suited.

1189
00:56:39,600 --> 00:56:46,000
Speaker 1: I'm gonna let you. I'm gonna close my laptop and

1190
00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:46,600
Speaker 1: I'm gonna let you.

1191
00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:52,160
Speaker 2: However, I haven't reached that plateau of success where I

1192
00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:55,520
Speaker 2: can invite others to partake. Yet, if I had a

1193
00:56:55,600 --> 00:56:58,120
Speaker 2: house where he could actually have his own room or wing,

1194
00:56:58,719 --> 00:57:01,719
Speaker 2: sure he'd be welcome. Until he's not, says, because I'm

1195
00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:08,680
Speaker 2: about to reach my max. Honey, did you just you?

1196
00:57:09,600 --> 00:57:16,640
Speaker 7: My god, it's all over his you Okay, I'm sorry

1197
00:57:17,160 --> 00:57:20,320
Speaker 7: this conversation category ofsion.

1198
00:57:21,000 --> 00:57:25,400
Speaker 2: This has been our lives. Honey, what you going to

1199
00:57:25,440 --> 00:57:25,720
Speaker 2: tell her?

1200
00:57:25,720 --> 00:57:28,160
Speaker 1: Because I don't even know girl?

1201
00:57:28,240 --> 00:57:29,560
Speaker 2: Moving with us, I don't know what to tell you.

1202
00:57:31,360 --> 00:57:34,240
Speaker 1: With us, moving with us? Whatever you do.

1203
00:57:35,040 --> 00:57:36,320
Speaker 2: I'm about to say, we couple old.

1204
00:57:36,200 --> 00:57:37,640
Speaker 3: Appearance in one house? How about that?

1205
00:57:37,680 --> 00:57:38,440
Speaker 2: And they have each other?

1206
00:57:39,480 --> 00:57:39,760
Speaker 3: Okay?

1207
00:57:39,800 --> 00:57:42,920
Speaker 1: Good? So you wrote this, be honest, you wrote this,

1208
00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:43,720
Speaker 1: I might have wrote.

1209
00:57:45,880 --> 00:57:47,800
Speaker 2: You got me. That actually would be funny if you

1210
00:57:48,040 --> 00:57:51,920
Speaker 2: wrote it, if we wrote in anonymously. All right. So

1211
00:57:52,520 --> 00:57:54,080
Speaker 2: if I had a house where he could actually have

1212
00:57:54,160 --> 00:57:56,560
Speaker 2: his own rumor wing, sure he'd be welcome. But my

1213
00:57:56,680 --> 00:57:59,320
Speaker 2: first apartment and he's just in my living room. My

1214
00:57:59,360 --> 00:58:01,440
Speaker 2: son and I can't have friends over because my couch

1215
00:58:01,920 --> 00:58:05,360
Speaker 2: is double timing as his bed. I can't even think

1216
00:58:05,400 --> 00:58:08,440
Speaker 2: about inviting a potential husband in because how does that

1217
00:58:08,600 --> 00:58:11,840
Speaker 2: look ough. He earns more than enough money from his

1218
00:58:11,960 --> 00:58:15,840
Speaker 2: retirement and social Security to get a place of his own,

1219
00:58:16,080 --> 00:58:18,600
Speaker 2: But what I've gathered when I ask him about that

1220
00:58:18,760 --> 00:58:20,920
Speaker 2: route in a nutshell. He just doesn't want to spend

1221
00:58:20,960 --> 00:58:24,160
Speaker 2: the money. We live in New York City. I would

1222
00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:26,400
Speaker 2: love your thoughts on how to approach speaking to a

1223
00:58:26,440 --> 00:58:30,280
Speaker 2: close family member about exercising those options and getting out

1224
00:58:30,400 --> 00:58:34,280
Speaker 2: of your house. It's hard because that's my girl. Todd

1225
00:58:34,360 --> 00:58:34,640
Speaker 2: asked me.

1226
00:58:35,120 --> 00:58:35,480
Speaker 6: I don't know.

1227
00:58:36,560 --> 00:58:38,720
Speaker 2: I don't know how to tell you because I'm in

1228
00:58:38,800 --> 00:58:44,000
Speaker 2: the same situation. It's hard because that's my father and

1229
00:58:44,120 --> 00:58:46,800
Speaker 2: he worked outdoors his whole life in every kind of

1230
00:58:46,880 --> 00:58:49,560
Speaker 2: weather to support our family, mom as a housewife. So

1231
00:58:49,640 --> 00:58:53,160
Speaker 2: when I think about his sacrifices, I feel terrible. Anyway,

1232
00:58:53,280 --> 00:58:57,280
Speaker 2: please help girl, first of all, because start a support group,

1233
00:58:57,720 --> 00:59:00,520
Speaker 2: because that's exactly what Daval and I have. And I

1234
00:59:00,720 --> 00:59:03,520
Speaker 2: just at this point, you guys know, my parents' mom

1235
00:59:04,040 --> 00:59:08,680
Speaker 2: particularly moved with us from Brooklyn to California. When we

1236
00:59:08,760 --> 00:59:10,200
Speaker 2: were living in California for a year and a half

1237
00:59:10,600 --> 00:59:13,120
Speaker 2: COVID hit. The plan was initially for her to move

1238
00:59:13,200 --> 00:59:16,040
Speaker 2: for about six months, take some time off of work, decompress,

1239
00:59:16,800 --> 00:59:19,080
Speaker 2: help us with the transitions to California. But then, of

1240
00:59:19,120 --> 00:59:21,640
Speaker 2: course nobody expected for COVID to hit, and then COVID

1241
00:59:21,720 --> 00:59:24,200
Speaker 2: kind of just put everybody into rut, as you all know.

1242
00:59:24,800 --> 00:59:28,560
Speaker 2: And we moved from California to Georgia and it has

1243
00:59:28,640 --> 00:59:31,240
Speaker 2: become and how both parents are here. Both parents are

1244
00:59:31,280 --> 00:59:33,200
Speaker 2: here because of course dad's retired, wanted to come be

1245
00:59:33,280 --> 00:59:35,560
Speaker 2: with us and the children, so as much as we

1246
00:59:35,880 --> 00:59:38,160
Speaker 2: love and enjoy them being here with the kids. Because

1247
00:59:38,160 --> 00:59:40,280
Speaker 2: of course, y'all know, Deval and I have crazy schedules.

1248
00:59:40,960 --> 00:59:41,600
Speaker 3: I have reached the.

1249
00:59:41,560 --> 00:59:45,680
Speaker 2: Point where I can use my own space, and it's

1250
00:59:45,720 --> 00:59:48,560
Speaker 2: been particularly difficult because I know that we have created

1251
00:59:48,600 --> 00:59:51,920
Speaker 2: a very comfortable environment for my parents to exist here

1252
00:59:51,960 --> 00:59:55,280
Speaker 2: with us, because essentially they don't have to worry about anything.

1253
00:59:56,000 --> 00:59:58,400
Speaker 2: And anytime my mom and I or my mom and

1254
00:59:58,480 --> 01:00:01,320
Speaker 2: my siblings and I or devall my mom have the conversation,

1255
01:00:02,040 --> 01:00:06,080
Speaker 2: you know about potentially them getting their own place, you know,

1256
01:00:06,240 --> 01:00:07,160
Speaker 2: she'll talk about all.

1257
01:00:07,120 --> 01:00:10,560
Speaker 1: Of the sacrifice literally the same word.

1258
01:00:10,520 --> 01:00:12,960
Speaker 2: Guy, Like, I think it's a thing within the Caribbean

1259
01:00:13,000 --> 01:00:14,960
Speaker 2: community that I don't know. Josh and Matt if you've

1260
01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:19,840
Speaker 2: heard about the sacrifice that they've made for us. And

1261
01:00:19,960 --> 01:00:22,480
Speaker 2: we had even done an episode on the podcast a

1262
01:00:22,520 --> 01:00:25,840
Speaker 2: little while back where I said how the word sacrifice

1263
01:00:25,920 --> 01:00:28,520
Speaker 2: is so triggering to me and how I would never

1264
01:00:28,760 --> 01:00:31,440
Speaker 2: use that with my boys, like, you know, using that

1265
01:00:31,480 --> 01:00:34,080
Speaker 2: almost as a guilt trip, like I have sacrificed so much.

1266
01:00:35,680 --> 01:00:40,160
Speaker 4: No, no, no, listen, my mom watches this. Mommy, I.

1267
01:00:41,960 --> 01:00:42,600
Speaker 1: Don't have to hie.

1268
01:00:42,680 --> 01:00:45,200
Speaker 5: My mom has never a guilt tripped me by anything.

1269
01:00:45,320 --> 01:00:47,440
Speaker 5: If anything is the other way around. She's she feels

1270
01:00:47,520 --> 01:00:49,280
Speaker 5: bad that she doesn't have enough to give me.

1271
01:00:49,920 --> 01:00:52,440
Speaker 4: So I love that, so don't put me in it, Mommy.

1272
01:00:52,480 --> 01:00:53,880
Speaker 3: I love you. I love you.

1273
01:00:54,040 --> 01:00:55,480
Speaker 4: You would never Okay, thank you.

1274
01:00:56,040 --> 01:00:58,400
Speaker 6: I found out my mom watches this too, but also.

1275
01:00:59,560 --> 01:01:01,000
Speaker 2: Sacrifice supporting.

1276
01:01:05,800 --> 01:01:06,720
Speaker 3: Stories over there.

1277
01:01:08,600 --> 01:01:10,760
Speaker 6: I appreciate exactly.

1278
01:01:12,760 --> 01:01:15,920
Speaker 2: It's the idea of the sacrifice, and my mindset when

1279
01:01:15,960 --> 01:01:17,840
Speaker 2: it comes to the sacrifice portion of it is like

1280
01:01:18,240 --> 01:01:20,400
Speaker 2: whatever I do, or di and I do collectively for

1281
01:01:20,480 --> 01:01:23,720
Speaker 2: our children, I don't see it as a sacrificing to

1282
01:01:23,880 --> 01:01:25,960
Speaker 2: give it to them. This is the life that we

1283
01:01:26,080 --> 01:01:27,560
Speaker 2: want to live, and this is the work that we

1284
01:01:27,720 --> 01:01:30,160
Speaker 2: want to do for ourselves where our children will reap

1285
01:01:30,200 --> 01:01:32,720
Speaker 2: the benefits, of course, but I would never think that

1286
01:01:32,840 --> 01:01:36,520
Speaker 2: my children are responsible for the sacrifice. Me as a parent,

1287
01:01:36,920 --> 01:01:38,600
Speaker 2: me as a woman, me as a person. This is

1288
01:01:38,640 --> 01:01:41,160
Speaker 2: the kind of life that I want to provide for

1289
01:01:41,440 --> 01:01:43,880
Speaker 2: my family. That's why Dival and I work so hard,

1290
01:01:43,920 --> 01:01:46,080
Speaker 2: and that's why I could just stay home and chill,

1291
01:01:46,160 --> 01:01:47,680
Speaker 2: but no, I want to be able to contribute but

1292
01:01:47,760 --> 01:01:50,160
Speaker 2: also be an active mom and active wife at home.

1293
01:01:50,760 --> 01:01:53,320
Speaker 2: So I laugh about the sacrifice portion of it because

1294
01:01:53,320 --> 01:01:55,520
Speaker 2: that's what my mom says, and that's not taking away

1295
01:01:55,560 --> 01:01:59,360
Speaker 2: from what her story is. Right coming up here at

1296
01:01:59,400 --> 01:02:00,600
Speaker 2: seventeen by herself.

1297
01:02:01,080 --> 01:02:01,480
Speaker 4: She gives it.

1298
01:02:02,560 --> 01:02:04,400
Speaker 2: She sacrificed those he did.

1299
01:02:04,760 --> 01:02:07,480
Speaker 1: I think that's why the Caribbean massive is always like

1300
01:02:07,520 --> 01:02:10,320
Speaker 1: a sacrifice. I left my is from here for a

1301
01:02:10,400 --> 01:02:14,600
Speaker 1: better life than all of us at all.

1302
01:02:15,040 --> 01:02:19,040
Speaker 2: It's a huge thing. It's a huge sacrifice as well. Yeah,

1303
01:02:19,440 --> 01:02:21,240
Speaker 2: so I would never take away from that. I actually

1304
01:02:21,240 --> 01:02:23,120
Speaker 2: applaud and have empathy for my mom. I even in

1305
01:02:23,160 --> 01:02:24,920
Speaker 2: a Mother's Day post that we just posted I just

1306
01:02:25,000 --> 01:02:27,520
Speaker 2: posted in May, I told her that she needs to

1307
01:02:27,600 --> 01:02:29,600
Speaker 2: be proud of that seventeen year old girl that came

1308
01:02:29,680 --> 01:02:31,640
Speaker 2: up here by herself for a new country, trying to

1309
01:02:31,680 --> 01:02:34,200
Speaker 2: figure out things on her own. Like I don't want

1310
01:02:34,280 --> 01:02:37,320
Speaker 2: nobody to drop me at forty one in no country

1311
01:02:37,360 --> 01:02:39,480
Speaker 2: to figure shit out on my own, you know what

1312
01:02:39,520 --> 01:02:41,800
Speaker 2: I'm saying. So I completely get that and I empathize

1313
01:02:41,800 --> 01:02:45,280
Speaker 2: with that. But Dad is overdoing it. He is overdoing it,

1314
01:02:45,360 --> 01:02:47,520
Speaker 2: and he is overstaying his welcome, and he probably was

1315
01:02:47,560 --> 01:02:49,560
Speaker 2: looking for out from Mom and the other six plus

1316
01:02:49,600 --> 01:02:52,840
Speaker 2: siblings that y'all got there too, you know. So I

1317
01:02:52,960 --> 01:02:55,840
Speaker 2: think like a nice encouraging conversation where of course, with

1318
01:02:56,120 --> 01:02:58,160
Speaker 2: our parents, you have to make sure that you build

1319
01:02:58,240 --> 01:03:01,760
Speaker 2: them up and you talk about appreciating the sacrifices, and

1320
01:03:01,880 --> 01:03:03,680
Speaker 2: you talk about that, but then you talk about what's

1321
01:03:03,680 --> 01:03:04,800
Speaker 2: healthy for what you need in your.

1322
01:03:05,480 --> 01:03:07,880
Speaker 4: Please do not listen, young lady.

1323
01:03:08,080 --> 01:03:11,120
Speaker 5: Do not let your dad come live with you, all right,

1324
01:03:11,120 --> 01:03:13,480
Speaker 5: because once you get them in, they can't come out.

1325
01:03:13,440 --> 01:03:14,320
Speaker 2: Too late, too late.

1326
01:03:14,600 --> 01:03:21,440
Speaker 3: He's on the couch, he said, and he's been there

1327
01:03:21,520 --> 01:03:22,360
Speaker 3: for six months.

1328
01:03:23,000 --> 01:03:23,920
Speaker 1: Oh damn.

1329
01:03:25,880 --> 01:03:26,040
Speaker 6: Yea.

1330
01:03:27,080 --> 01:03:29,400
Speaker 2: And now the conversation in my house with deval and

1331
01:03:29,440 --> 01:03:31,160
Speaker 2: I and my mom and dad are like, hey, guys, okay,

1332
01:03:31,280 --> 01:03:33,680
Speaker 2: so you've sold, you know, your investment property in New York.

1333
01:03:34,000 --> 01:03:35,960
Speaker 2: We have this money sitting aside for you, guys. Let's

1334
01:03:35,960 --> 01:03:38,840
Speaker 2: start house hunting. My mom will text me all the memes,

1335
01:03:39,480 --> 01:03:41,520
Speaker 2: she will d m me all the reels, and she

1336
01:03:41,560 --> 01:03:44,200
Speaker 2: will all the things, and she will not reply to

1337
01:03:44,360 --> 01:03:47,600
Speaker 2: anything house related when typically looking for houses is like

1338
01:03:47,880 --> 01:03:49,320
Speaker 2: a thing like on a random day, I might look

1339
01:03:49,360 --> 01:03:50,920
Speaker 2: on Zilla, like what they got on the market, knowing

1340
01:03:51,000 --> 01:03:52,880
Speaker 2: good and one. I ain't buying ship. But that's just

1341
01:03:52,960 --> 01:03:56,840
Speaker 2: something that she was out there, and she has not

1342
01:03:57,000 --> 01:04:01,000
Speaker 2: responded to anything, like there's no conversation happening a house

1343
01:04:01,480 --> 01:04:03,680
Speaker 2: at all. So and I know that there's several reasons,

1344
01:04:03,760 --> 01:04:06,240
Speaker 2: like from a personal and more private standpoint where I

1345
01:04:06,280 --> 01:04:09,080
Speaker 2: won't divulge why potentially she doesn't want to have her

1346
01:04:09,120 --> 01:04:11,560
Speaker 2: own space, but it's also just awfully convenient to be

1347
01:04:11,600 --> 01:04:13,040
Speaker 2: here because she don't have to worry about nothing. The

1348
01:04:13,080 --> 01:04:14,120
Speaker 2: kids are here, you know.

1349
01:04:14,840 --> 01:04:16,840
Speaker 1: So also I will say this, and this is not

1350
01:04:16,960 --> 01:04:20,040
Speaker 1: personal to your parents or your parents or your parents,

1351
01:04:20,120 --> 01:04:22,600
Speaker 1: this is just life when you get to that age,

1352
01:04:23,160 --> 01:04:25,040
Speaker 1: sometimes they just don't want to be around each other.

1353
01:04:25,480 --> 01:04:27,160
Speaker 1: And now I have somewhere else to go. And I'll

1354
01:04:27,200 --> 01:04:28,880
Speaker 1: use my own family as an example. I look at

1355
01:04:28,920 --> 01:04:31,720
Speaker 1: my Papa John and my nanny. They sleep together at

1356
01:04:31,800 --> 01:04:33,640
Speaker 1: night in the same room, but all day my nanny

1357
01:04:33,680 --> 01:04:35,280
Speaker 1: will be in one room. My Papa John will be

1358
01:04:35,320 --> 01:04:37,040
Speaker 1: in his room, or he'll be in the garden. And

1359
01:04:37,160 --> 01:04:40,360
Speaker 1: it works for them. They have their space. John, you're hungry,

1360
01:04:40,880 --> 01:04:42,760
Speaker 1: John can yeah, b They come in, they eat, They

1361
01:04:42,800 --> 01:04:44,680
Speaker 1: have a great relationship. But they just don't want to

1362
01:04:44,720 --> 01:04:46,080
Speaker 1: be around each other all the time.

1363
01:04:46,160 --> 01:04:46,520
Speaker 3: That's true.

1364
01:04:46,560 --> 01:04:48,320
Speaker 2: Even your dad comes down to help with the boys

1365
01:04:48,360 --> 01:04:50,360
Speaker 2: and he'll come chill, but he'd be facetiming your mom

1366
01:04:50,400 --> 01:04:51,520
Speaker 2: and he'd be like, hey, miss you.

1367
01:04:51,800 --> 01:04:52,600
Speaker 6: But they like the space.

1368
01:04:52,640 --> 01:04:54,400
Speaker 2: They like the space sometimes, you know what I'm saying.

1369
01:04:54,400 --> 01:04:56,040
Speaker 2: I go away on vacation with my girls a couple

1370
01:04:56,080 --> 01:04:57,840
Speaker 2: two three days, Deval be missing me. I'd be sending

1371
01:04:57,880 --> 01:04:59,800
Speaker 2: him little selfies and whatnot and come back home. So

1372
01:04:59,880 --> 01:05:05,920
Speaker 2: I get the space component wanting that, But I do

1373
01:05:06,120 --> 01:05:08,080
Speaker 2: I do You need a space, girl, You need your space.

1374
01:05:08,120 --> 01:05:10,600
Speaker 2: Your son, who's a grown boy, needs his size. You know,

1375
01:05:10,760 --> 01:05:12,120
Speaker 2: like you said, you want to have people over and

1376
01:05:12,280 --> 01:05:14,080
Speaker 2: entertain them. And Dad has to fall up his pillow

1377
01:05:14,120 --> 01:05:15,840
Speaker 2: and blanket because that's as bad as well.

1378
01:05:16,160 --> 01:05:19,120
Speaker 4: She got a guilt trip him the opposite.

1379
01:05:20,840 --> 01:05:22,800
Speaker 3: This is the perfect time.

1380
01:05:23,160 --> 01:05:23,480
Speaker 2: I'm not.

1381
01:05:26,280 --> 01:05:26,600
Speaker 7: Crash.

1382
01:05:30,920 --> 01:05:32,360
Speaker 4: She needs a real help though. How would you get

1383
01:05:32,400 --> 01:05:33,000
Speaker 4: her at this house?

1384
01:05:33,160 --> 01:05:33,280
Speaker 3: Now?

1385
01:05:33,360 --> 01:05:35,360
Speaker 1: Seriously, seriously, this is what works for me, because I've

1386
01:05:35,360 --> 01:05:38,040
Speaker 1: even spoken to Kadeen's parents and my parents. You have to,

1387
01:05:38,160 --> 01:05:41,120
Speaker 1: like Kadeen said, acknowledge the fact that they have sacrificed,

1388
01:05:41,600 --> 01:05:44,320
Speaker 1: and also acknowledge the fact that Dad, because you've been

1389
01:05:44,400 --> 01:05:46,520
Speaker 1: here for six months, I do feel safe. I know

1390
01:05:46,680 --> 01:05:50,560
Speaker 1: my environment, people know that you're here, so I feel safe.

1391
01:05:50,560 --> 01:05:52,439
Speaker 1: But Dad, at the same time, I'm a grown girl

1392
01:05:52,520 --> 01:05:54,400
Speaker 1: and I have a son, and we need our space.

1393
01:05:54,440 --> 01:05:57,320
Speaker 1: That we can flourish. I guarantee you. Because her father

1394
01:05:57,440 --> 01:06:00,919
Speaker 1: does care so much, you'll understand, You'll unders He also

1395
01:06:01,000 --> 01:06:04,320
Speaker 1: may be waiting for her to say I'm good. What

1396
01:06:04,440 --> 01:06:06,160
Speaker 1: if what if he's there, like, I can't leave because

1397
01:06:06,160 --> 01:06:06,720
Speaker 1: she hasn't.

1398
01:06:06,480 --> 01:06:08,200
Speaker 2: Told me she's enjoying having me here.

1399
01:06:08,520 --> 01:06:09,200
Speaker 1: Maybe he doesn't know.

1400
01:06:09,320 --> 01:06:11,320
Speaker 3: Maybe she said in the letter that every time she

1401
01:06:11,440 --> 01:06:14,960
Speaker 3: brings it up, he sacrifice. She's not trying to hear it,

1402
01:06:15,200 --> 01:06:21,280
Speaker 3: so it crash out. It's time.

1403
01:06:21,720 --> 01:06:24,880
Speaker 1: I wouldn't crash out on my dad, but I would

1404
01:06:25,120 --> 01:06:27,200
Speaker 1: tell him like you got to Friday.

1405
01:06:29,720 --> 01:06:32,440
Speaker 3: You know why, because as many sacrifices as your parents

1406
01:06:32,480 --> 01:06:35,560
Speaker 3: have made, they've made just as many mistakes. So you

1407
01:06:36,080 --> 01:06:40,640
Speaker 3: you get one. You get one good crash out, you

1408
01:06:40,720 --> 01:06:42,720
Speaker 3: get one good motherfucking crash out, And I think this

1409
01:06:42,920 --> 01:06:45,120
Speaker 3: is your one. I think it's time to use your

1410
01:06:45,240 --> 01:06:46,480
Speaker 3: free crash out on dad.

1411
01:06:46,680 --> 01:06:49,200
Speaker 4: You can't crash your parents agree with everything you said.

1412
01:06:49,200 --> 01:06:50,960
Speaker 3: I'm never gonna crash out on my parents, but you

1413
01:06:51,040 --> 01:06:53,360
Speaker 3: got to crash out within your limit.

1414
01:06:54,680 --> 01:06:54,960
Speaker 6: Reasons.

1415
01:06:55,000 --> 01:06:57,840
Speaker 2: But then reason, and maybe you're the favorite daughter. Maybe

1416
01:06:57,880 --> 01:06:59,720
Speaker 2: he just likes being with you because I feel like

1417
01:06:59,760 --> 01:07:01,040
Speaker 2: I'm my father's favorite.

1418
01:07:01,080 --> 01:07:03,880
Speaker 1: Well you are not your father's favorite. You better stop

1419
01:07:04,000 --> 01:07:06,800
Speaker 1: lying to yourself right now. You are your mother's favorite.

1420
01:07:07,520 --> 01:07:14,480
Speaker 1: You are your mother's favorite. Tristan, is your mother, you Grandma,

1421
01:07:14,560 --> 01:07:20,000
Speaker 1: Brian's face, somebody, somebody who love.

1422
01:07:19,960 --> 01:07:29,640
Speaker 2: You, somebody, It's true most for these two write you

1423
01:07:29,640 --> 01:07:31,640
Speaker 2: know what I'm saying. But it's also one hand watches

1424
01:07:31,720 --> 01:07:33,440
Speaker 2: the other situation like I love that they're here to

1425
01:07:33,480 --> 01:07:35,560
Speaker 2: be with my boys and be there full time. But sis,

1426
01:07:35,880 --> 01:07:38,160
Speaker 2: and when you when you kick him out, be like yo, dad,

1427
01:07:38,200 --> 01:07:40,120
Speaker 2: if you want to pop in every now and again

1428
01:07:40,440 --> 01:07:44,040
Speaker 2: see us, But you gotta go back home, sir, You

1429
01:07:44,160 --> 01:07:44,960
Speaker 2: gotta go back home.

1430
01:07:46,320 --> 01:07:49,720
Speaker 3: My mom asked me she should move with me every

1431
01:07:49,760 --> 01:07:51,480
Speaker 3: couple of months. Don't you want me to move that?

1432
01:07:51,600 --> 01:07:53,040
Speaker 3: And I crashed out on her right there.

1433
01:07:55,960 --> 01:07:58,560
Speaker 1: Don't want to triple toxic? Man.

1434
01:07:58,960 --> 01:08:01,200
Speaker 4: Yes, you get some people, ash man, they take a mile.

1435
01:08:03,760 --> 01:08:04,320
Speaker 4: I hate.

1436
01:08:06,040 --> 01:08:11,600
Speaker 1: Here for six years. Huh. Well if you well, if

1437
01:08:11,600 --> 01:08:11,960
Speaker 1: you want to.

1438
01:08:11,920 --> 01:08:15,920
Speaker 2: Hear more of that podcast, but now that we know

1439
01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:19,360
Speaker 2: that Daisy and ed is Edna. Yeah, Daisy and Edna listen,

1440
01:08:19,400 --> 01:08:21,240
Speaker 2: I don't know if mom be watching, but my girl,

1441
01:08:21,320 --> 01:08:23,800
Speaker 2: you're ready to know what the conversations. Man, answer me

1442
01:08:24,120 --> 01:08:26,519
Speaker 2: one text about the Zillow's okay because some houses are

1443
01:08:26,520 --> 01:08:28,200
Speaker 2: probably not under contract, and then we got to look

1444
01:08:28,200 --> 01:08:28,679
Speaker 2: at more houses.

1445
01:08:28,800 --> 01:08:33,360
Speaker 1: Scrifice, don't care. I love you, Oh my.

1446
01:08:33,400 --> 01:08:35,400
Speaker 2: God, we love you girl, but he got to go.

1447
01:08:36,200 --> 01:08:37,760
Speaker 2: If you'd like to be featured as one of our

1448
01:08:37,800 --> 01:08:40,400
Speaker 2: listener letters, be sure to email us at the Ellis

1449
01:08:40,479 --> 01:08:42,000
Speaker 2: Advice at gmail dot com.

1450
01:08:42,240 --> 01:08:44,800
Speaker 1: That's t h E E L L I S A

1451
01:08:45,000 --> 01:08:48,360
Speaker 1: d V I C E at gmail dot com.

1452
01:08:49,040 --> 01:08:51,559
Speaker 2: All right, moment of truth time. We're talking about crash out,

1453
01:08:51,640 --> 01:08:54,400
Speaker 2: When to when not to? Should we what are the rippercussions?

1454
01:08:55,080 --> 01:08:57,519
Speaker 2: Let's start with Uh, we're gonna start with it, Matt.

1455
01:08:57,920 --> 01:08:59,400
Speaker 2: Any moment of truth when it comes to.

1456
01:08:59,439 --> 01:09:04,000
Speaker 6: Crashing out, I think big before you, before you crash out,

1457
01:09:04,400 --> 01:09:05,840
Speaker 6: it might not be worth it at all.

1458
01:09:07,720 --> 01:09:12,080
Speaker 5: Yes, same, same long along, the same lives thinking I

1459
01:09:12,200 --> 01:09:16,680
Speaker 5: was thinking about from all right, listen.

1460
01:09:17,240 --> 01:09:23,160
Speaker 1: Think about you act. Don't cut any of this.

1461
01:09:23,840 --> 01:09:26,040
Speaker 3: It's right now.

1462
01:09:26,240 --> 01:09:28,080
Speaker 4: She don't cut it, said his brain.

1463
01:09:29,360 --> 01:09:35,360
Speaker 5: All right, listen, don't crash out. All right, don't crash out.

1464
01:09:35,760 --> 01:09:37,760
Speaker 5: I've crashed out before. I'm so happy we didn't get

1465
01:09:37,760 --> 01:09:39,439
Speaker 5: to it today because I don't really want to talk

1466
01:09:39,479 --> 01:09:39,760
Speaker 5: about it.

1467
01:09:39,800 --> 01:09:41,640
Speaker 4: My mom watches this, but I've crashed out before and

1468
01:09:41,720 --> 01:09:42,280
Speaker 4: it ain't worth it.

1469
01:09:42,400 --> 01:09:42,559
Speaker 1: Man.

1470
01:09:42,920 --> 01:09:44,639
Speaker 4: You can end up in jail, you getting up dead.

1471
01:09:45,400 --> 01:09:48,120
Speaker 4: There's so many repercussions.

1472
01:09:48,120 --> 01:09:50,599
Speaker 5: I was it repercussions that you did not expect before

1473
01:09:50,760 --> 01:09:51,519
Speaker 5: before crashing out.

1474
01:09:51,560 --> 01:09:53,840
Speaker 4: So please, it's like, just do what Matt said. I'm

1475
01:09:53,840 --> 01:09:54,760
Speaker 4: not even gonna try to repeat it.

1476
01:09:57,000 --> 01:09:59,960
Speaker 3: Tips what you got him saying. That made me remember

1477
01:10:00,080 --> 01:10:05,000
Speaker 3: I did get arrested for crashing out once. I've changed, honestly,

1478
01:10:05,760 --> 01:10:09,280
Speaker 3: and that is why this is my literue. Get familiar

1479
01:10:09,520 --> 01:10:13,040
Speaker 3: with the way your body feels, so that you know

1480
01:10:13,760 --> 01:10:16,920
Speaker 3: when a crash out is upon you. When you're about

1481
01:10:16,960 --> 01:10:19,880
Speaker 3: to crash out, you know, you get hot, you start shaking, Yeah,

1482
01:10:20,320 --> 01:10:23,719
Speaker 3: you get fancy. Get to know how your body feels

1483
01:10:23,760 --> 01:10:26,560
Speaker 3: and learn how to regulate.

1484
01:10:26,800 --> 01:10:29,000
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's why I shut it down. Why you're not

1485
01:10:29,080 --> 01:10:29,400
Speaker 6: saying that.

1486
01:10:33,880 --> 01:10:36,400
Speaker 5: Well, And don't put yourself in situations where you can't

1487
01:10:36,439 --> 01:10:39,360
Speaker 5: crash out. I understand it's always like you can't always

1488
01:10:39,600 --> 01:10:42,400
Speaker 5: like control that, but there are some times that you

1489
01:10:42,560 --> 01:10:44,840
Speaker 5: just don't put yourself in a situation where you can

1490
01:10:44,920 --> 01:10:46,200
Speaker 5: crash out, Like if you.

1491
01:10:46,200 --> 01:10:48,400
Speaker 4: Don't drive in New York City, if you're driving man,

1492
01:10:49,160 --> 01:10:50,000
Speaker 4: don't don't do it.

1493
01:10:50,160 --> 01:10:53,679
Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree, but mine is short.

1494
01:10:53,760 --> 01:10:53,920
Speaker 2: Man.

1495
01:10:54,439 --> 01:10:58,360
Speaker 1: Crashing out is toxic the most. I think the most

1496
01:10:58,400 --> 01:11:00,960
Speaker 1: relevant form of toxic masking is when you watch a

1497
01:11:01,040 --> 01:11:04,479
Speaker 1: man crash out seriously. And I gotta say that because

1498
01:11:04,560 --> 01:11:07,240
Speaker 1: me and Troup will always be arguing about masculine and feminine.

1499
01:11:07,960 --> 01:11:12,519
Speaker 1: I don't think toxic masculinity is a thing, but when

1500
01:11:12,560 --> 01:11:16,519
Speaker 1: I think about crashing out, that's definitely toxic as fuck.

1501
01:11:16,840 --> 01:11:21,200
Speaker 1: And there's nothing good That immediate gratification you get from

1502
01:11:21,280 --> 01:11:23,760
Speaker 1: hitting somebody or cursing somebody out of feeling like you

1503
01:11:23,880 --> 01:11:27,360
Speaker 1: want is instantly going to be gone the minute the

1504
01:11:27,439 --> 01:11:29,600
Speaker 1: act is over, and you got to deal with the consequences.

1505
01:11:29,720 --> 01:11:33,760
Speaker 1: So don't crash out, yo, don't And shout out to

1506
01:11:33,800 --> 01:11:36,080
Speaker 1: all the women who protect their men from crashing out

1507
01:11:36,360 --> 01:11:38,640
Speaker 1: by deciding not to tell them what the fuck is

1508
01:11:38,720 --> 01:11:41,720
Speaker 1: going on, because I know a couple of I know

1509
01:11:41,840 --> 01:11:44,240
Speaker 1: a couple that's saved some lives by doing that, And

1510
01:11:44,320 --> 01:11:46,240
Speaker 1: also to the women who use the fact that your

1511
01:11:46,320 --> 01:11:50,080
Speaker 1: man crashes out as a weapon against other men's corny man,

1512
01:11:50,200 --> 01:11:52,120
Speaker 1: please refrain from doing that because you don't want to

1513
01:11:52,160 --> 01:11:54,720
Speaker 1: lose your loved ones, So to something that you thought

1514
01:11:54,800 --> 01:11:55,800
Speaker 1: wasn't gonna be that big of a time.

1515
01:11:55,800 --> 01:11:58,280
Speaker 2: Absolutely, this might be me at my big age having

1516
01:11:58,320 --> 01:12:01,120
Speaker 2: this revelation too. But it's like just when you say

1517
01:12:01,160 --> 01:12:02,840
Speaker 2: your prayers in the morning and you thank God for

1518
01:12:02,920 --> 01:12:06,320
Speaker 2: another day, pray for the discernment to know whether or

1519
01:12:06,439 --> 01:12:09,519
Speaker 2: not something is worthy of. Yeah, a crash out, like

1520
01:12:09,600 --> 01:12:11,840
Speaker 2: we gotta have, you have to, like at some point.

1521
01:12:12,160 --> 01:12:13,560
Speaker 2: I don't know if it's at some age because we

1522
01:12:13,600 --> 01:12:15,439
Speaker 2: see big people fighting on the internet all the time

1523
01:12:15,479 --> 01:12:17,760
Speaker 2: and it's just like why, you know, but just just

1524
01:12:17,840 --> 01:12:20,160
Speaker 2: pray for the discernment to know when you should just

1525
01:12:20,200 --> 01:12:24,120
Speaker 2: walk away from situations that can become an escalated situation

1526
01:12:24,240 --> 01:12:26,200
Speaker 2: and no one You can maybe solve that with just

1527
01:12:26,280 --> 01:12:28,559
Speaker 2: having a candid conversation with the person in that moment,

1528
01:12:29,200 --> 01:12:31,680
Speaker 2: and I think that'll come from regulating your body and

1529
01:12:31,800 --> 01:12:35,760
Speaker 2: understanding what's happening before the crash out comes. All right, y'all,

1530
01:12:35,840 --> 01:12:38,400
Speaker 2: be sure to find us on Patreon if you have

1531
01:12:38,680 --> 01:12:41,080
Speaker 2: not yet, be sure to subscribe. You get all of

1532
01:12:41,160 --> 01:12:44,880
Speaker 2: this amazing after show footage as well as any behind

1533
01:12:44,920 --> 01:12:47,720
Speaker 2: the scenes Ellis Family content, and you can find us

1534
01:12:47,720 --> 01:12:51,719
Speaker 2: on social media at Ellis ever After. I'm at Kadeen,

1535
01:12:51,800 --> 01:12:52,720
Speaker 2: I am and I.

1536
01:12:52,800 --> 01:12:54,840
Speaker 1: Am Deval and Matt. Can you tell us where to

1537
01:12:54,920 --> 01:12:55,280
Speaker 1: find you?

1538
01:12:55,640 --> 01:12:58,000
Speaker 6: I'm Underscore Matt dot Ellis and.

1539
01:12:58,040 --> 01:13:01,040
Speaker 4: You can double click on my flex at Joshua Underscore Dwayne.

1540
01:13:01,520 --> 01:13:06,680
Speaker 3: And I'm at Trams The Cool Cribbz, The Cool on Everything.

1541
01:13:06,640 --> 01:13:09,240
Speaker 1: And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate,

1542
01:13:09,600 --> 01:13:13,879
Speaker 1: review and subscribe. Everybody on three one two three.

1543
01:13:18,640 --> 01:13:24,679
Speaker 3: Got Ellis ever After is an iHeartMedia podcast. It's hosted

1544
01:13:24,760 --> 01:13:29,320
Speaker 3: by Kadeen and Deval Ellis. It's produced by Triple Video,

1545
01:13:29,479 --> 01:13:33,960
Speaker 3: Production by Joshua Dwyane and Matthew Ellis, video editing by

1546
01:13:34,080 --> 01:13:34,880
Speaker 3: Lashan Rowe.

1547
01:15:04,520 --> 01:15:10,240
Speaker 1: Tuk Tuk

1548
01:15:15,200 --> 01:15:15,559
Speaker 7: Tuk