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Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to a new episode of Couch

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Speaker 1: Talks on You Need Therapy Podcast. My name is Kat.

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Speaker 1: I am the host. And if you are new and

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Speaker 1: you're not quite sure what couch Talks is, it is

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Speaker 1: the special bonus episode of You Need Therapy Podcasts where

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Speaker 1: I answer questions that you send to me at Catherine

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Speaker 1: at you Need Therapy podcast dot com. And when I

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Speaker 1: say you, I mean any of you listening are welcome

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Speaker 1: to send a question in and then maybe it will

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Speaker 1: end up on one of these episodes. And then before

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Speaker 1: we get started, before we get to the question, quick

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Speaker 1: reminder that although this is a podcast that is centered

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Speaker 1: around mental health and I'm a therapist, it does not

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Speaker 1: serve as a replacement or a substitute for any actual

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Speaker 1: mental health services, and we still always hope that it

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Speaker 1: can help you in some way. So we usually answer

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Speaker 1: one question at a time, and we're going to do

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Speaker 1: that same thing today, So our questions always remain anonymous.

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to say your name, And if there's

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Speaker 1: any information you want me to take out when I

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Speaker 1: read the email on the show, you are welcome to

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Speaker 1: put that in the email. So I don't give any

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Speaker 1: information out that you don't want, So let's get into

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Speaker 1: this first question here. It is Hi Kat, I'm wondering

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Speaker 1: if you could point me in the direction of what

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Speaker 1: kind of professional I might be looking for.

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Speaker 2: The short version of the.

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Speaker 1: Story is that I have become really sedentary and unhealthy

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Speaker 1: over the last three years, and I've gained quite a

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Speaker 1: bit of weight. I know it's not all about weight.

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Speaker 1: I have been an athlete my whole life, and now

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Speaker 1: I feel terrible and really unhealthy. There are various circumstances

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Speaker 1: that led me here, depression, anxiety, COVID, a troubled marriage

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Speaker 1: an in quotes, addiction to sweets that became worse after,

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Speaker 1: or a really restrictive diet for some gut problems that

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Speaker 1: was given to me by a doctor. I have lots

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Speaker 1: of compassion for myself, but I'm also ready to feel better.

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Speaker 1: I already see a therapist as well as a couple's

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Speaker 1: therapists with my husband, and I'm not really sure who

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Speaker 1: I should be seeking out help to turn this all

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Speaker 1: around for me. I am pretty knowledgeable about exercise and

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Speaker 1: nutrition as I work in the medical field. However, I

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Speaker 1: can't seem to get myself moving in the right direction.

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Speaker 1: I guess I need someone to motivate me, walk me

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Speaker 1: through it, hold me accountable. Am I looking for a nutritionist,

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Speaker 1: a personal trainer, a therapist, what specialty of a therapist

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Speaker 1: or is there something else? And then this is me Kat.

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Speaker 1: She actually sent a follow up email to clarify something,

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Speaker 1: which is really helpful, and you guys are also always

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Speaker 1: welcome to do Sometimes I'll send clarifying questions before I

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Speaker 1: answer them. But then I got this second email from

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Speaker 1: her that said, Hey, I just wanted to clarify that

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Speaker 1: I reached out to because you're a therapist that specialized

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Speaker 1: in disordered eating, not because I want to lose weight.

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Speaker 1: I believe I do have disordered and I don't want

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Speaker 1: to choose someone who's focused on weight and unhealthy dieting

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Speaker 1: or patterns. I am much more interested in health and

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Speaker 1: feeling good and making healthy choices for myself. I am

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Speaker 1: afraid if I seek out a nutritionist or a personal

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Speaker 1: trainer randomly that they will not align with what I'm

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Speaker 1: hoping for and then will instead just focus on pounds.

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Speaker 1: And plus I'm not really sure if I should be

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Speaker 1: actually seeking out a therapist with a specialization in something

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Speaker 1: like this rather than a nutritionist or a personal trainer,

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Speaker 1: and I thought you might have some thoughts on that.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So I.

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Speaker 1: Am going to email you specifically this person some rex

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Speaker 1: for your area that I know might be helpful, and

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Speaker 1: you can choose the people or person that you think

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Speaker 1: is going to most align with what it is that

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Speaker 1: you're really looking for. After listening to what I kind

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Speaker 1: of have to say about some of the stuff, and

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Speaker 1: like I said, I was really glad you.

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Speaker 2: Were able to clarify your question.

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Speaker 1: I think sometimes we don't want to step on any

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Speaker 1: toes in this space.

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Speaker 2: And it's a.

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Speaker 1: Reality that when we are engaging in behaviors that are

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Speaker 1: not in line with how we want to treat ourselves,

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Speaker 1: we don't feel good, and then when we look in

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Speaker 1: the mirror, we see those feelings in our body image.

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Speaker 1: And I want anybody to know that you're allowed to

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Speaker 1: want to work on these behaviors that aren't in line

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Speaker 1: with how you want to treat yourself. And that doesn't

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Speaker 1: mean you are saying you want to go on a

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Speaker 1: diet or you're strictly focused on weight loss. Now, if

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Speaker 1: you change with these behaviors, you might lose weight. It

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Speaker 1: might be a side effective, engaging, and more helpful and

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Speaker 1: healthy behaviors. But when we put weight as the goal,

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Speaker 1: we actually often engage in behaviors that are not healthy,

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Speaker 1: and then we don't end up feeling better, And then

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Speaker 1: we also don't end up feeling better until we reach

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Speaker 1: these arbitrary weight less goals that are sometimes either unattainable

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Speaker 1: or there's constantly changing.

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Speaker 2: And so I like that you clarified that and said, Hey, I.

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Speaker 1: Have gained a lot of weight from these behaviors, but

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Speaker 1: I'm not looking specifically to lose weight. I need to

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Speaker 1: find help and some resources to help me change.

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Speaker 2: These behavior that I don't really like.

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Speaker 1: And I think this is a really good question, and

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Speaker 1: it's actually something that I'm surprised I haven't really talked

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Speaker 1: about this specifically before. This can apply to a lot

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Speaker 1: of people. It's like, I need help with this thing,

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Speaker 1: but I don't really know what person I'm supposed to

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Speaker 1: reach out to. There's so many helpers out there and

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Speaker 1: in the disordered eating realm. What is it that I

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Speaker 1: need to focus on? Is it just my behavior? Is

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Speaker 1: it just my thoughts? Is it my emotions? It is

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Speaker 1: is it education? There's so much to it and one

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Speaker 1: thing I do want to say to you. I know

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Speaker 1: you said you're giving yourself a lot of compassion, which

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Speaker 1: I am glad to hear.

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Speaker 2: But often when we're trying the same.

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Speaker 1: Things over and over and over and we have that

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Speaker 1: idea in our head that like, I know what I

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Speaker 1: need to do, I just need to do it.

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Speaker 2: Well, maybe you don't have all of the tools.

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Speaker 1: That you need to be able to do the thing

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Speaker 1: that you know you need to do. Because if you

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Speaker 1: wanted to do it and you were capable of doing

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Speaker 1: it with the tools you have in your toolbox now,

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Speaker 1: I think you would just do it. And I hope

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Speaker 1: hearing that might help relieve a little toxic shame for

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Speaker 1: anybody who's like I know what I need, I just

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Speaker 1: need to just stuck it up and do it. Okay,

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Speaker 1: you know what you need, that's awesome. Do you have

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Speaker 1: the tools that you need to be able to do

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Speaker 1: the thing that you know that you need to do.

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Speaker 1: That's a different question. And so let's get to your

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Speaker 1: question like what kind of professional should I be looking for?

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Speaker 1: Like who should I ask to help with the specific thing.

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Speaker 1: There's so many options. Now, I'm sure you're going to

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Speaker 1: be surprised with this answer, but it really does depend.

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Speaker 1: There are a lot of different professionals that can help

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Speaker 1: you with a lot of different things, and I can

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Speaker 1: offer you those different professionals, and I can.

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Speaker 2: Tell you a little bit about what they would help with.

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Speaker 1: And then I would encourage anybody listening to tune into

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Speaker 1: what it is that you think that you really need

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Speaker 1: and start somewhere. You always can shift, you can add

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Speaker 1: somebody else, you can take a break from somebody and

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Speaker 1: try something else. Starting is going to be the best

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Speaker 1: thing for you. Starting to talk about it, starting to

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Speaker 1: bring it up with a therapist you already have, asking

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Speaker 1: question to that person, and seeking out help little by little,

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Speaker 1: then putting this pressure on I have to find the

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Speaker 1: right person on the first try. That's scary, and with

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Speaker 1: that pressure I might not ever call anybody so disordered.

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Speaker 1: Eating and eating disorders are something that can definitely be

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Speaker 1: helped with the aid of both a therapist and a dietitian,

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Speaker 1: and if you have the ability to see both of them,

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Speaker 1: I would strongly encourage that not everybody has the resources

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Speaker 1: to be able to do that, and I am well

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Speaker 1: aware of that. And if you already have a therapist,

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Speaker 1: that you like, and it sounds like you do have

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Speaker 1: a therapist. They might not be specialized, or they might

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Speaker 1: have extensive training and eating disorders. Well, if you don't

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Speaker 1: want to get a whole new therapist or pay for

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Speaker 1: two therapists or anything like that, you could seek out

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Speaker 1: a dietitian that specializes in eating disorders. And a lot

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Speaker 1: of them do more than just what you might assume.

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Speaker 1: And I will say I was surprised when I started

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Speaker 1: working in this field how much more a dietitian does

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Speaker 1: than what I thought was in my head about them.

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Speaker 1: It's not just about learning about food and getting a

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Speaker 1: meal plan. It's not just oh, here do this, come

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Speaker 1: back and tell me if you did it. They're often

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Speaker 1: trained to help you process some of the rigid or

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Speaker 1: unhealthy thoughts about food, the foods that you are eating,

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Speaker 1: the foods that you aren't eating. They're trained to help

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Speaker 1: you process some thoughts and energicity about your body and

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Speaker 1: beliefs about your body, and beliefs about exercise. And they

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Speaker 1: can do more therapeutic work then you might just assume

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Speaker 1: from looking at the definition of what a dietitian is.

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Speaker 1: And somebody recently actually asked me for a recommendation for

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Speaker 1: a therapist for some of their behaviors. When it came

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Speaker 1: to eating and want I asked a couple more questions.

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Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, you can totally see a therapist. Obviously,

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Speaker 1: I'm pro therapy. And I wonder if a dietitian is

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Speaker 1: going to have more of the helpful information and skills

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Speaker 1: than a therapist is going to have with this specific

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Speaker 1: thing and long story, or they were able to get

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Speaker 1: a lot of help from the dietitian. And I said,

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Speaker 1: if you want to add a therapist to this, you're

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Speaker 1: welcome to do that, but let's start here and see

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Speaker 1: what happens. And I end up working out really well,

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Speaker 1: and so I share that. To share that again, we

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Speaker 1: kind of have to open our minds to what a

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Speaker 1: dietitian really is. They're not just going to be telling

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Speaker 1: us what to do. They're going to be helping us

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Speaker 1: figure out what it is we need to be able

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Speaker 1: to do this thing that I know I need to do,

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Speaker 1: and they're going to help you build those skills. I

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Speaker 1: would strongly recommend if that is what you're going to

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Speaker 1: a dietitian for, you seek out a dietitian that is

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Speaker 1: trained and specializes in eating disorders.

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Speaker 2: Just like therapists.

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Speaker 1: Dietitians are not all created equal, and if you're struggling

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Speaker 1: with the idea of moving your body, a trainer is

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Speaker 1: also not a bad idea, again the right one. They're

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Speaker 1: not all created equally, and I believe that exercise avoidance

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Speaker 1: is just as valid as something to work through as

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Speaker 1: exercise addiction and moving your body as some I want

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Speaker 1: everyone to be able to do in a healthy way,

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Speaker 1: and sometimes you need some accountability to help you do

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Speaker 1: the thing that you need to do to do. You

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Speaker 1: need some encouragement from another person to walk you through.

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Speaker 1: You need somebody to show you things and explain things

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Speaker 1: in a way that you wouldn't understand just getting up

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Speaker 1: and going to do it on your own. You know,

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Speaker 1: personal trainers can be people that help you not overdo

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Speaker 1: it just as much as underdo it. And I think

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Speaker 1: that's really important. I thought a lot of times. I know,

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Speaker 1: I grew up in this era in space of fitness

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Speaker 1: where it was like push yourself harder, go go, go,

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Speaker 1: go go. It's not a workout unless you feel like

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Speaker 1: you're dying. And that was a really hard belief system

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Speaker 1: for me to be able to shift and realize that hey,

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Speaker 1: I can like not sweat and still have done something

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Speaker 1: really good for my body and still.

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Speaker 2: Have worked out.

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Speaker 1: And there are trainers that can help walk you through

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Speaker 1: that process. And there's one in Natural. Her name is

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Speaker 1: Anne Marie. She's been on the podcast before and I've

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Speaker 1: talked about her before, but she's somebody who, over and

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Speaker 1: over in a session with a client will remind people

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Speaker 1: that breaks are okay and they can rest, and rest

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Speaker 1: is needed, and rest is part of the process, and

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Speaker 1: that challenging yourself is good and there are different ways

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Speaker 1: to challenge yourself. Sometimes it's challenging to do something less

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Speaker 1: high impact, and it's a different kind of challenge, but

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Speaker 1: it's still a challenge for your mind and your body.

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Speaker 1: And I hear over and over and over and over

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Speaker 1: and over again about how people feel not welcome or

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Speaker 1: like they don't belong in a gem, and they have

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Speaker 1: a hard time exercising because they don't think that they

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Speaker 1: deserve or are worthy of doing so, because they don't

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Speaker 1: look and quote fit and hear me when I say

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Speaker 1: fit is not a look. And every single body, no

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Speaker 1: matter what it looks like, deserves to be cared for

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Speaker 1: period like the end of story.

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Speaker 2: And it's really really really important.

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Speaker 1: I think, to validate how hard it is to move

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Speaker 1: your body when you're feeling shame about your fitness level,

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Speaker 1: when you're feeling shame about what you're body looks, when

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Speaker 1: you're feeling shame about your behavior, it makes.

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Speaker 2: It really really hard to care for your body well.

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Speaker 1: And so having somebody, a trainer, who is aligned with

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Speaker 1: your goals can be so helpful to help relieve some

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Speaker 1: of that shame. Because the more we sit in the shame,

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Speaker 1: the bigger the shame is going to get, and the

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Speaker 1: farther away we are going to be from being able

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Speaker 1: to do that thing that we know that we need

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Speaker 1: to do. And so it's again this is another thing.

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Speaker 1: A trainer can be somebody who is a tool and

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Speaker 1: offers you tools to be able to do that thing

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Speaker 1: in a way that's attainable for you. And lastly here

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Speaker 1: I'm a therapist and obviously think therapy is great. I

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Speaker 1: think working with a therapist on disordered eating and exercise avoidance,

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Speaker 1: all the things I have to do with this is

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Speaker 1: a amazing tool. So if you want to go see

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Speaker 1: a therapist, go see a therapist. All of these different

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Speaker 1: professionals can help in a different way, and it's actually

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Speaker 1: really nice to have a team of people supporting you

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Speaker 1: if again, you can't afford those resources. And I also

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Speaker 1: think that therapists have limitations, right, So there are things

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Speaker 1: that we can't do with you because you come to

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Speaker 1: our office and then we don't leave with you. You

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Speaker 1: can't take us with you out into the world. You

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Speaker 1: can take some things we said in your brain out

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Speaker 1: to the world. And again, therapy obviously don't want you

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Speaker 1: guys to hear me saying therapists aren't important and they

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Speaker 1: are not helpful in this area, because that's the opposite of.

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Speaker 2: What I would ever want to say.

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Speaker 1: And although you can learn so much about yourself and

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Speaker 1: you can process and get so much help out of

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Speaker 1: a therapy session, some extra support outside of the room,

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Speaker 1: it's sometimes really what we need to initiate and get

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Speaker 1: some momentum built in making some changes for your life

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Speaker 1: for the better. And the dietician can help with that,

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Speaker 1: the trainer can help with that. And there's also something

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Speaker 1: called a recovery coach that can be a really great

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Speaker 1: asset for people who need help with certain behaviors. And

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Speaker 1: these coaches can actually integrate more into their life than

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Speaker 1: a therapist can. You've heard me probably talk about on

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Speaker 1: this podcast coaches before, and I think there's a time

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Speaker 1: and a place for them, and we need to be

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Speaker 1: really aware and mindful of the coaches that we'd choose,

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Speaker 1: because so often we can work outside of our scope.

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Speaker 1: Just like I as a therapist, I can't give you

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Speaker 1: a meal plan. I can't tell you what food to eat.

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Speaker 1: That's outside of my scope. There are things that a

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Speaker 1: recovery coach can't do either, and so you want to

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Speaker 1: make sure that you're choosing the right one. And again

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Speaker 1: I said to this listener who wrote this question, I'll

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Speaker 1: send you some resources in your area. I'm not able

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Speaker 1: to do that in every area because I'm really not

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Speaker 1: that plugged into a lot of cities around the United States,

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Speaker 1: but I just wanted to offer that, and maybe I

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Speaker 1: can give more information in a later episode about a

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Speaker 1: recovery coach and what they do. But they are people

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Speaker 1: who can sit with you during a meal, they can

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Speaker 1: go on a walk with you. You can text some or

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Speaker 1: call them throughout the day to help motivate you to

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Speaker 1: either use a skill than an unhealthy behavior. Or not

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Speaker 1: use an unhealthy behavior, and so those are people that

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Speaker 1: just can integrate more into your everyday life than like

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Speaker 1: just one hour or two a week.

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Speaker 2: So just want to put that out there.

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Speaker 1: I think those are people that aren't as well known't exist.

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Speaker 1: I guess I don't know if that was correct in English,

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Speaker 1: but they can be really powerful and really helpful in

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Speaker 1: a way that's different than all of these other things,

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Speaker 1: including therapy.

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Speaker 2: So I hope that.

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Speaker 1: Was helpful, and I am so grateful for this question

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Speaker 1: and so grateful for the intention you're putting behind getting

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Speaker 1: the right help for what.

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Speaker 2: It is that you're looking for.

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Speaker 1: And anybody else who has any questions feel free to

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Speaker 1: email me, like I said, Katherine at you Need Therapy

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Speaker 1: podcast dot com. You can follow us at You Need

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Speaker 1: Therapy Podcast. You can follow me at cat dot Defada,

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Speaker 1: and you can follow my private practice at three Quords

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Speaker 1: Therapy all on Instagram. I will be back with you

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Speaker 1: guys on Monday, and until then, I hope you guys

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Speaker 1: are having the day you need to have