1 00:00:01,040 --> 00:00:06,360 Speaker 1: Conversations on life, style, beauty and relationships. It's The Velvet's 2 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:10,520 Speaker 1: Edge Podcast with Kelly Henderson, Maho molfin No. I just 3 00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:12,159 Speaker 1: had to get a lesson on how to say that name. 4 00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:15,720 Speaker 1: It's beautiful. Where are you from? Thank you, Kelly. I 5 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:19,160 Speaker 1: am originally from Argentina, but I grew up in Canada, 6 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:21,920 Speaker 1: so I had a very North American upbringing and grew 7 00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:24,880 Speaker 1: up in Canada and the States. My whole families from 8 00:00:24,920 --> 00:00:30,720 Speaker 1: South America. Wow, So is that where your name originated from? Exactly? Yeah, 9 00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:34,879 Speaker 1: my name is actually a nickname for Maria Jose, but 10 00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:39,839 Speaker 1: nobody would say my full name in Canada Jose. It's 11 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,559 Speaker 1: actually for the first thirty years of my life, I 12 00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:44,879 Speaker 1: went by Maria and then at age thirty, I decided, 13 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:46,640 Speaker 1: you know what, I want to bring that Jose back. 14 00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:49,360 Speaker 1: So I tried to convince everyone to call me Maria Jose, 15 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:53,120 Speaker 1: but it didn't work. Um mah, yes, I went with Maho. 16 00:00:53,479 --> 00:00:56,760 Speaker 1: That's a good combination. Yeah, it's fun. It's a very 17 00:00:56,800 --> 00:01:01,120 Speaker 1: common nickname in in Argentina for it. Yeah, like if 18 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:07,160 Speaker 1: your name is Maria, it's common that the nickname is maho. Ah. Yeah. Yeah, 19 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:09,080 Speaker 1: but everyone thinks it's so exotic here. They're like, are 20 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:14,360 Speaker 1: you Hawaiian? Like are you? That's amazing? Well, you are 21 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:18,520 Speaker 1: in charge now of guiding women towards more power, power 22 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:23,840 Speaker 1: and meaning through your unique style of storytelling, design, psychology, 23 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:28,039 Speaker 1: and mindfulness. You're also the host of the Heroin podcast. 24 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:30,480 Speaker 1: You're the author of the Good Girl myth, and the 25 00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:34,120 Speaker 1: founder of the leadership program. Ignite then went on to 26 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:37,319 Speaker 1: read that you have a master's in Learning, Design and 27 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:41,880 Speaker 1: Technology from Stanford University, your bachelor degree in psychology with 28 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:44,960 Speaker 1: a minor and cultural studies. I was like, Damn, this 29 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:47,400 Speaker 1: girl has really knocked some things out. So I feel 30 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:51,960 Speaker 1: I feel very confident coming to you for suggestions and 31 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:56,080 Speaker 1: thoughts on how we as women can really own our power, 32 00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:59,000 Speaker 1: not only because of your own experience, but also just 33 00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:02,080 Speaker 1: all of the research and education that you've had at 34 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:06,560 Speaker 1: this point. Yeah, I appreciate that. Thank you for for 35 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:12,200 Speaker 1: pointing that out. It's been a journey of learning about 36 00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:17,079 Speaker 1: the good girl archetype and how to break free from 37 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:20,119 Speaker 1: it so that we can really live authentically and live 38 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:23,120 Speaker 1: our truths and live who were meant to be as women. 39 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:26,120 Speaker 1: You know, they think so much of us in our 40 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:31,040 Speaker 1: early upbringing, we we received messages that are disempowering to 41 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:35,680 Speaker 1: us about how we need to behave act. Look, it's exhausting, 42 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:38,799 Speaker 1: and then you know, by the time we're in our twenties, thirties, 43 00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:43,560 Speaker 1: forties and beyond, we feel stuck. Maybe we feel like 44 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:45,679 Speaker 1: we're not making the most out of our potential, and 45 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:49,120 Speaker 1: we wonder why. It's like, well, let's look at those 46 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:52,960 Speaker 1: early early childhood years, in those adolescent years, and how 47 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:57,160 Speaker 1: how that good gold mentality followed us into adulthood without 48 00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:01,160 Speaker 1: us realizing. Right, It's something to me that's so interesting 49 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:04,600 Speaker 1: because I think I've started to hear, you know, messages 50 00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:07,440 Speaker 1: about this. I'm starting to hear people having these conversations, 51 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:12,120 Speaker 1: and to me, it's so subconscious. Immediately was like, oh, 52 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:13,880 Speaker 1: I don't think that way, or I don't have that 53 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:16,360 Speaker 1: kind of programming, you know. But the more I'm learning 54 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:20,440 Speaker 1: about it, I am like fascinated by the fact that 55 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:22,480 Speaker 1: all of it is so embedded in us that we 56 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:25,880 Speaker 1: don't even realize what we're saying to ourselves on a 57 00:03:25,919 --> 00:03:30,519 Speaker 1: consistent basis about being a woman, about what that looks like, 58 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:33,040 Speaker 1: the pressures that we put on ourselves. I mean, it 59 00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:35,320 Speaker 1: is so immense. It's it's amazing to me that we've 60 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:39,640 Speaker 1: ever been able to function at that high capacity. Absolutely, 61 00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:43,560 Speaker 1: it's the water we swimming, and it's the air we breathe, 62 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:47,280 Speaker 1: and like you said, it's so invisible that we don't 63 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:50,200 Speaker 1: even realize it. But a lot more women are waking 64 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:53,320 Speaker 1: up to it, you know, with the with what we 65 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:56,760 Speaker 1: saw with the Me Too movement and everything that's going 66 00:03:56,800 --> 00:04:00,000 Speaker 1: on on online. I think that a lot of us 67 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:04,200 Speaker 1: are waking up to what are the systems that we've inherited, 68 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:07,720 Speaker 1: you know, that we were born into that we didn't choose, 69 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,800 Speaker 1: that are shaping how we think and how we relate 70 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:14,080 Speaker 1: to other people. Uh So, Yeah, a lot of the 71 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:16,839 Speaker 1: good girl myths I write about in the book are 72 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:21,240 Speaker 1: our subconscious sneaky tendencies. And so there are a lot 73 00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:24,479 Speaker 1: of women that I speak to who, well, some women 74 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:27,120 Speaker 1: who absolutely identify with the good girl archetype. When I 75 00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:29,240 Speaker 1: describe it to them, they're like, that was me growing up. 76 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:31,760 Speaker 1: I was the girl who got the straight a's and 77 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:35,640 Speaker 1: won the trophy and wanted to look perfect and perform. 78 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:38,839 Speaker 1: And then there are the other women who say I 79 00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:41,919 Speaker 1: wasn't the good girl growing up? So h does this 80 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:44,240 Speaker 1: book relate to me? And does this work relate to me? 81 00:04:44,279 --> 00:04:46,400 Speaker 1: And I say, let's go through the good girl meths, 82 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:51,640 Speaker 1: and I guarantee you will see yourself reflected in all, 83 00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:54,920 Speaker 1: if not some, of the myths because they're so pervasive 84 00:04:55,640 --> 00:05:01,159 Speaker 1: and their tendencies I've seen again and again and my friends, listeners, uh, women, 85 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:05,840 Speaker 1: I've worked with clients, everybody. Mm hmm. Well, on your 86 00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:08,160 Speaker 1: website you say it's time to break the good girl 87 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:11,160 Speaker 1: myths that are holding you back and share your true gifts. 88 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:14,040 Speaker 1: So let's break it down from our audience. What is 89 00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:17,599 Speaker 1: the good girl myth? Sure? So, the good girl myth 90 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:23,760 Speaker 1: is a self sabotaging, sneaky, subconscious tendency that we picked 91 00:05:23,839 --> 00:05:27,039 Speaker 1: up in girlhood and that has followed us into adulthood. 92 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:31,680 Speaker 1: And we have the opportunity to unlearn and break and decondition. 93 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:35,680 Speaker 1: So there are five of them. So in the book, 94 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:38,719 Speaker 1: I outline all five and I go deep into each 95 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:42,720 Speaker 1: one because each one has a different strategy for approval, 96 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:47,560 Speaker 1: different power we need to reclaim, and also different tools 97 00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:52,480 Speaker 1: and mindsets that help counteract it. Okay, so, um, shall 98 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,800 Speaker 1: we go through them? I would love to. Actually, I 99 00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:59,360 Speaker 1: was just thinking that Okay, great, so I'll listen out 100 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:02,080 Speaker 1: and then we can we can dive into each one, 101 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:04,880 Speaker 1: and we can also whichever one appeals to you the most, 102 00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:07,920 Speaker 1: Kelly like, whichever one you feel you've got you think 103 00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:10,720 Speaker 1: your listener as well, we can dive in. So they're 104 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,840 Speaker 1: they're the myth of rules, the myth of perfection, the 105 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:16,720 Speaker 1: myth of logic, the myth of harmony, and the myth 106 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:21,080 Speaker 1: of sacrifice. So those are the five good girl meths. Okay, 107 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:25,120 Speaker 1: and my number one myth is the myth of perfection. 108 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:28,640 Speaker 1: I was just thinking, probably I hadn'tifout that one the most, 109 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:33,920 Speaker 1: but tell us more. Yeah, yeah, but well, what's beautiful 110 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,960 Speaker 1: about it is I have spoken to women all over 111 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:40,360 Speaker 1: the world and some of them really identify with one 112 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:43,720 Speaker 1: or two, and another woman will identify with completely different 113 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:47,039 Speaker 1: set of myths. So I tend to score high on 114 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:50,120 Speaker 1: perfection and logic, but I have a girlfriend, for example, 115 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,919 Speaker 1: where she's very high on harmony and sacrifice. Were like 116 00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:56,560 Speaker 1: at the opposite ends of the good girl map. Yeah, 117 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,839 Speaker 1: so it's fun to talk about that and how that, 118 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:03,320 Speaker 1: you know, how that is for us in how we 119 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:06,960 Speaker 1: relate to the world and each other. But yeah, so 120 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,920 Speaker 1: perfection is huge. How do you feel like that has 121 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:13,280 Speaker 1: shown up for you growing up or now? UM? I 122 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:18,640 Speaker 1: think that as a child probably and into just my 123 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:21,320 Speaker 1: high school years, college years, it was it was the 124 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:24,200 Speaker 1: straight as it was you know, captain of the basketball team, 125 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:27,960 Speaker 1: student council. I just did all of the things. But 126 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:30,400 Speaker 1: what I would say now that I relate to with 127 00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:34,440 Speaker 1: that is it within a relationship a lot like within 128 00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:37,760 Speaker 1: my relationship, I'm going to overperform all the time, Like 129 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:41,360 Speaker 1: I'm going to exhaust myself to do all of these 130 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:43,960 Speaker 1: things that everyone else is happy in the in the 131 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:47,480 Speaker 1: house is nice and the life we have is good, 132 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:51,160 Speaker 1: and you know, everyone is peaceful and calm except for 133 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:55,320 Speaker 1: me usually because I'm overperforming trying to make sure everything 134 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:58,240 Speaker 1: else is okay. And the pressure that I put on 135 00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:01,360 Speaker 1: myself to do that and be this perfect girlfriend or 136 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:06,200 Speaker 1: perfect friend or perfect whatever relationship it is, daughter, whatever 137 00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:09,560 Speaker 1: it is, um is too much, you know, and I 138 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:13,320 Speaker 1: see it now, But it doesn't allow me to be 139 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:17,440 Speaker 1: authentically myself all the time either. I love how you 140 00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:21,760 Speaker 1: just articulated that so beautifully and how it's it sneaks 141 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:26,880 Speaker 1: into all the roles we play, girlfriend, partner, you want 142 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:30,280 Speaker 1: to be the best sister possible, the best daughter, the 143 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:32,320 Speaker 1: best daughter in law, you know, and it just goes 144 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:36,520 Speaker 1: on and on and on, and it's impossible, you know. 145 00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:39,200 Speaker 1: It's like it's impossible, like the pressure we put on 146 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:42,880 Speaker 1: ourselves and the expectations are completely unrealistic, and then we 147 00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:45,679 Speaker 1: feel like we're failing. I think women with the good 148 00:08:45,679 --> 00:08:49,000 Speaker 1: girl myth of perfection the way that you know you 149 00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:50,880 Speaker 1: have this good girl myth is if you feel like 150 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:52,880 Speaker 1: you aren't doing enough, or you don't feel like you're 151 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:55,600 Speaker 1: good enough, and you feel like you're constantly failing other 152 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:57,840 Speaker 1: people or yourself. That's how you know it's a good 153 00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:00,880 Speaker 1: girl with a perfection. What a relief to know that 154 00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:03,280 Speaker 1: that's just something that's been conditioned in us. You know 155 00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:07,040 Speaker 1: that we picked up and that you know that we 156 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,080 Speaker 1: don't have to. It's not an innate part of who 157 00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:11,960 Speaker 1: we are. Actually, when you think about yourself as a 158 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,440 Speaker 1: little girl before all the rules landed on your head, 159 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:18,040 Speaker 1: you know, I'm sure you were. I don't know, describe yourself. 160 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:21,120 Speaker 1: What were you like? Um? I think I'm when I 161 00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:23,959 Speaker 1: was a child, I just remember being pretty happy. I'm 162 00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:27,000 Speaker 1: also a very a deep feeler, so I feel everything. 163 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:29,800 Speaker 1: So I mean that can look like you know, emotional, 164 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:33,319 Speaker 1: whatever emotional range that is. But it's I've learned it's 165 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:36,600 Speaker 1: a positive because I can really support people and be 166 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:40,240 Speaker 1: there for people through uncomfortable emotions. And I think I 167 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:44,120 Speaker 1: was more free and all of that as a child 168 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:47,440 Speaker 1: than I feel like I can be now sometimes because 169 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,560 Speaker 1: of the conditioning. Like I want to be there and 170 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:52,040 Speaker 1: do all the things for the people, but it just 171 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:56,440 Speaker 1: comes with such a pressure of doing it perfectly and um, 172 00:09:56,480 --> 00:10:00,640 Speaker 1: and that's just not reality with feelings, right, they're messy. Absolutely. 173 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:04,320 Speaker 1: I'm curious how you how you relate to the myth 174 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:08,560 Speaker 1: of sacrifice. Do you find that when you do self care, 175 00:10:08,679 --> 00:10:11,040 Speaker 1: when you take time for yourself, do you feel guilty? 176 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:15,840 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, And I honestly have a hard time unless 177 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:23,280 Speaker 1: I'm single, really taking care of myself. Yeah. Yeah, that's huge. 178 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:26,680 Speaker 1: I think that is probably a myth of mine. Sacrifice. Yeah, 179 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:29,000 Speaker 1: sacrifice is what I like to call it is the 180 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:31,920 Speaker 1: deepest myth, and that it has the deepest roots, I 181 00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:34,959 Speaker 1: like to say, because you have to think about you know, 182 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:37,640 Speaker 1: let's back up for a second. Okay, we live in 183 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:43,079 Speaker 1: this world in this cultural system, uh called patriarchy and 184 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:46,880 Speaker 1: unless you've taken a gender studies or feminist studies class 185 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:49,520 Speaker 1: or something, or you're you know, you might not know 186 00:10:49,679 --> 00:10:51,640 Speaker 1: what I mean by that, or maybe you do. But 187 00:10:51,679 --> 00:10:57,480 Speaker 1: patriarchy is a system that's been around for about five 188 00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:02,040 Speaker 1: thousand years, so it started in thirty and as long 189 00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:04,800 Speaker 1: as we've had written language, patriarchy has been around, which 190 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:10,560 Speaker 1: means all over the world for millennia. Um men have 191 00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:13,839 Speaker 1: you know, had a superior role to women, and women 192 00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:17,080 Speaker 1: have been supporters, supporters, and and so part of the 193 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:21,320 Speaker 1: pressure of the gender role there is really to put 194 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:24,920 Speaker 1: others before ourselves, you know, and we see it an old, 195 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:30,679 Speaker 1: old religious texts from all across all religions and spiritual traditions. 196 00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:33,559 Speaker 1: The idea of the selfless woman. You know, it's so 197 00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:37,160 Speaker 1: deep and I think it's also a beautiful concept. There's 198 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:39,719 Speaker 1: a time for us to be selfless and sacrifice. But 199 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:44,400 Speaker 1: the problem becomes when it's default and we're doing it 200 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:47,880 Speaker 1: constantly and we're the last person on the list and 201 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:50,199 Speaker 1: with the bottom of the list, and the next thing, 202 00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:54,839 Speaker 1: you know, you know, we're burnt out or we're our 203 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:58,320 Speaker 1: bodies are you know, screaming at us like please, you know, 204 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:02,080 Speaker 1: give me some time and give me some love and 205 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:06,160 Speaker 1: so um, it's it's the one that also gets passed 206 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:09,880 Speaker 1: down multi generationally. So one one good way to think 207 00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:12,000 Speaker 1: about this one too and bring some light and shed 208 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:14,160 Speaker 1: some light onto the splind spot is to think about 209 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:17,199 Speaker 1: the women and your family when you were growing up. 210 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:23,640 Speaker 1: How did they relate to um their roles and did 211 00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:27,160 Speaker 1: they play martyrs you know, and how you know, how 212 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:30,839 Speaker 1: did how did they model that for you? Because I 213 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:33,880 Speaker 1: really find that the good girlment of sacrifice gets passed 214 00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:37,960 Speaker 1: down from you know, great grandmother to grandmother to mother 215 00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:42,080 Speaker 1: to daughter, so it's very it waterfalls down and so 216 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:45,040 Speaker 1: it's really up to us to catch it and break 217 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:47,840 Speaker 1: the cycle. Break the cycle. I love that you pointed 218 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:51,280 Speaker 1: out though, that women, because I think women and nately 219 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:55,080 Speaker 1: have the gift of giving. You know, we are comforters, 220 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:58,560 Speaker 1: were supporters, we are givers and so it doesn't have 221 00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:02,560 Speaker 1: to be a bad thing. But it's it's that um 222 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:06,319 Speaker 1: in balance that becomes the problem. Like I think, if 223 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:09,880 Speaker 1: we can own those qualities of ourselves in a positive capacity, 224 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:12,120 Speaker 1: that would be really great, But it's when it gets 225 00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:15,400 Speaker 1: out of balance and then in the giving we're completely 226 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:20,680 Speaker 1: neglecting ourselves. And it becomes sacrifice. Right, we swing the 227 00:13:20,679 --> 00:13:24,960 Speaker 1: pendulum in the completely you know, the other direction, and 228 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,560 Speaker 1: with all these good girl meths, you know, even something 229 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:30,840 Speaker 1: like logic or harmony. These are beautiful qualities to have 230 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:34,520 Speaker 1: in certain context. But the problem is is when we're 231 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:37,760 Speaker 1: defaulting into these good girl meths again and again instead 232 00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:40,520 Speaker 1: of choosing them. When you break a good girl myth, 233 00:13:40,679 --> 00:13:43,080 Speaker 1: what's really nice about it is later you can choose 234 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:47,200 Speaker 1: to inhabit that myth if you want. You know, you 235 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:50,920 Speaker 1: have more freedom of choice, more flexibility, more range to 236 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:54,600 Speaker 1: be who you want. Because you're not stuck in the programming. 237 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,959 Speaker 1: You can actually back up, disidentify and say to yourself, 238 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:00,640 Speaker 1: do I want to be harmonious in this situation and 239 00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:03,800 Speaker 1: relationship right now? Or do I need to speak up 240 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:07,040 Speaker 1: and use my voice and have some conflict here in 241 00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:09,400 Speaker 1: order for the relationship to mature or move to the 242 00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:13,800 Speaker 1: next level. You can actually choose that versus you know, 243 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:18,280 Speaker 1: just being harmonious and and going along with things and 244 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:20,600 Speaker 1: being easy to get along with just because that's what 245 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:23,680 Speaker 1: you always know in your whole life. So there's I 246 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:26,440 Speaker 1: think there's more power. We're not throwing the baby out 247 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:30,080 Speaker 1: with the bath water. Right. I love that word power 248 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:32,440 Speaker 1: in that because the choice gives us the power. That's 249 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:33,920 Speaker 1: taking your power back. It doesn't mean you have to 250 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:38,280 Speaker 1: complete neglect something or abandon something, but having the choice 251 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,760 Speaker 1: is where the power lies. Yeah, And one of the 252 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:44,680 Speaker 1: biggest mistakes of feminism is, you know how we've with 253 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:47,280 Speaker 1: with the feminist movement, maybe look down on women who 254 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:49,920 Speaker 1: are like stay at home moms, right and say, oh, 255 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:53,720 Speaker 1: you know, blah blah blah. But really feminism is about choice. 256 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:56,720 Speaker 1: So if a woman wants to stay at home with 257 00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:59,160 Speaker 1: her mom and then would be a stay at home 258 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:03,160 Speaker 1: mom and and inhabit her caregiving self to the fullest 259 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:06,600 Speaker 1: because she finds that's in alignment with her purpose, more 260 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:10,720 Speaker 1: power to her. Let's not judge and shame that woman, 261 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:14,120 Speaker 1: right Right in the same vein, if a woman feels 262 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,600 Speaker 1: like she doesn't want to have children at all and 263 00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:18,960 Speaker 1: she wants to just focus on her career because it 264 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:22,760 Speaker 1: gives her deep satisfaction and meaning, more power to her. 265 00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:26,640 Speaker 1: So I feel like that what we're talking about here 266 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:29,840 Speaker 1: is allowing ourselves to inhabit the range instead of just 267 00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:31,960 Speaker 1: going along with what we've been handed, which is what 268 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,720 Speaker 1: a lot of us, do you know, go along with 269 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:38,080 Speaker 1: what we've been handed, what's been what we've inherited, and 270 00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,560 Speaker 1: then Okay, this is the culture that I grew up 271 00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:42,920 Speaker 1: in and the people I surrounded myself with, and this 272 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,920 Speaker 1: is what they believe, and so I guess that's what 273 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,600 Speaker 1: I believe. And it's like, you have an opportunity to 274 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:52,320 Speaker 1: wake up and back up and look and ask yourself, 275 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:54,680 Speaker 1: is that what I believe? Or do I believe something 276 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:58,160 Speaker 1: else and something that is more aligned with who I 277 00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:01,680 Speaker 1: really am. So that's the opportunity which is really exciting. 278 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:05,640 Speaker 1: So you mentioned the harmony belief, which I guess is 279 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:08,480 Speaker 1: just keeping the peace constantly. I would imagine that would 280 00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:13,760 Speaker 1: be the myth is that yeahony is okay, that's seeking 281 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:19,600 Speaker 1: harmony instead of embracing the conflict and confrontation we need 282 00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:23,480 Speaker 1: for change. So for all relationships to change and mature, 283 00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:25,920 Speaker 1: and even for us to grow as human beings, we 284 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:29,560 Speaker 1: need a certain dose of conflict and friction. And when 285 00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:31,560 Speaker 1: we're in the good grow myth of harmony, we're just 286 00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:35,920 Speaker 1: trying to keep things coast like peaceful and coasting. And 287 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,520 Speaker 1: what happens is long term that catches up to us 288 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:43,160 Speaker 1: long term down the short term, everything is harmonious and great, 289 00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:47,800 Speaker 1: nobody's fighting. But long term, what happens. You know, all 290 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,360 Speaker 1: that bitterness you swallow, it's going to come out some 291 00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:55,680 Speaker 1: other way. Yeah, and you don't speak your truth, right, 292 00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:59,320 Speaker 1: So I see the good goal myth of harmony come 293 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:02,480 Speaker 1: up for women in in all range and a whole 294 00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:05,760 Speaker 1: range of ways, from like small, small little ways like 295 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:07,639 Speaker 1: maybe they don't speak up at a party, or they 296 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:11,320 Speaker 1: don't speak up to their massage therapist or something tiny 297 00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:15,480 Speaker 1: to big ways like you're in a toxic relationship or 298 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:18,480 Speaker 1: partnership for years and you can't break out of it 299 00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:25,159 Speaker 1: because you're terrified of the difficult conversation, you know, the 300 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:32,359 Speaker 1: difficult break up conversation or the difficult quitting conversation. Uh, 301 00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:36,159 Speaker 1: you're terrified of another person's response. There's a lot of 302 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:39,720 Speaker 1: fear in there. Maybe there's some trauma, past trauma that 303 00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:42,520 Speaker 1: could make that has led you to feel very afraid 304 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:47,280 Speaker 1: of other people's disappointment or anger. And so what do 305 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,639 Speaker 1: you do? You swallow your voice and how and you 306 00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:54,199 Speaker 1: don't share how you really feel. And that is we 307 00:17:54,359 --> 00:17:56,720 Speaker 1: as women need to reclaim that on a personal level, 308 00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:59,800 Speaker 1: but on a collective level. As well. Yeah, I might 309 00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:01,280 Speaker 1: have a little bit of that one too. I just 310 00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:04,359 Speaker 1: was listening. I mean that really resonated what you were saying. 311 00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:07,440 Speaker 1: Um And for me, I don't know if if any 312 00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:09,840 Speaker 1: of the listeners would relate to this, but as I've 313 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:12,440 Speaker 1: gotten older, there's a voice inside of me that's like no, 314 00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:15,159 Speaker 1: no, no no, that like wants to break this myth. And 315 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:18,240 Speaker 1: so the more I try to operate under the harmony 316 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:21,119 Speaker 1: good girl myth, the more that voice rejects that and 317 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:25,720 Speaker 1: it but it's coming out maybe a little bit um uncontrolled. 318 00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:28,080 Speaker 1: And so it's begin with that pendulum, like finding the 319 00:18:28,119 --> 00:18:30,959 Speaker 1: balance of how to own your power and own your 320 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:35,400 Speaker 1: voice within whatever the context of that. Breaking that myth 321 00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:39,000 Speaker 1: looks like. Yeah, I spoke with this other fellow author 322 00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:40,920 Speaker 1: we didn't I g live together, and we were talking 323 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:43,320 Speaker 1: about the good girl myle harmony and she was like, okay, 324 00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:44,919 Speaker 1: well how do you break this? And I was I 325 00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:48,480 Speaker 1: was talking about a framework for saying no, and she 326 00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:50,600 Speaker 1: was like, you know what, the nuances and all this. 327 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:54,440 Speaker 1: I feel like, it's not just about saying no. It's 328 00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:57,960 Speaker 1: about saying no but still having an open heart when 329 00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:01,159 Speaker 1: you say no. And I was like, wow, that was 330 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:06,159 Speaker 1: really profound, Mary, because I think it is easy to 331 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:09,000 Speaker 1: just be like, alright, like I'm not going to be 332 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:12,200 Speaker 1: like you can swing in the other direction, like opposite 333 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:17,800 Speaker 1: direction and just be like difficult and argumentative. And you 334 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:21,280 Speaker 1: don't want that either, you know, you want this, Yeah, 335 00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:25,880 Speaker 1: you wanted to feel really aligned and centered and and 336 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:29,440 Speaker 1: and when you set a boundary, you're you're setting it 337 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:32,040 Speaker 1: in a way that is honoring either yourself or the 338 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:36,320 Speaker 1: other person um and or the other person. So having 339 00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:39,600 Speaker 1: an open heart when when doing that is I thought 340 00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:43,040 Speaker 1: that was a really nice nuance. I love that too, 341 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:46,320 Speaker 1: because to me, the biggest, one of the biggest powers 342 00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:49,240 Speaker 1: of the feminine is that we don't have to be 343 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:51,880 Speaker 1: abrasive to communicate. But you know, I think we can 344 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:54,719 Speaker 1: come from a kind and loving place as well as 345 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:57,320 Speaker 1: a firm place at the same time. And so it's 346 00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:00,600 Speaker 1: like finding that balance. But that that, to me is 347 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:03,199 Speaker 1: like the true power of the feminine, being able to 348 00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:06,359 Speaker 1: embrace all of those things at the same time and 349 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:10,360 Speaker 1: not having to be so harsh and abrasive. I think 350 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:12,679 Speaker 1: I just said, but that that is kind of what 351 00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:14,680 Speaker 1: I was saying. I've kind of swung into the masculine 352 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:17,080 Speaker 1: of like no, and then I'm like, wait, let's find 353 00:20:17,119 --> 00:20:21,520 Speaker 1: this this middle ground here that really truly encompasses what 354 00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:25,360 Speaker 1: I'm trying to say as well as giving loving kindness 355 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:30,200 Speaker 1: to those around me. Yes, beautiful. I think that integration 356 00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:33,760 Speaker 1: is so important. You know, it's like integrating feminine and 357 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:38,240 Speaker 1: masculine in that case, where there's like a firmness and 358 00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:40,840 Speaker 1: and a soft and a softness at the same time. 359 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:45,160 Speaker 1: And I think you can only integrate those qualities when 360 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:48,320 Speaker 1: you've gone to be both extremes. And that's my belief. 361 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:51,840 Speaker 1: I think. Yeah, So it's almost like you picking up 362 00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:53,720 Speaker 1: your sword and drawing a line in the sand and 363 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:56,159 Speaker 1: being firm and being like no, and like accessing that 364 00:20:56,240 --> 00:21:00,160 Speaker 1: warrior energy is actually helping you then move into more 365 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,440 Speaker 1: integrated place. But you kind of need to almost touch 366 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:06,200 Speaker 1: that extreme, I think, right to them, you know that, Yeah, 367 00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:10,720 Speaker 1: to know that that power is there. Yeah, I really 368 00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:14,960 Speaker 1: believe that. And what a beautiful opportunity to to practice 369 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:19,160 Speaker 1: communication with those we love, because the truth is, you know, 370 00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:22,560 Speaker 1: in all our relationships, we get we get triggered, you know, 371 00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:27,080 Speaker 1: by what other people say and do, and when we're 372 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:29,240 Speaker 1: under the good growment of harmony, it's easy to just 373 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:35,160 Speaker 1: not say anything, and the opportunity chance is to communicate, 374 00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:37,199 Speaker 1: give feedback. I call in the book, I call it 375 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:40,280 Speaker 1: relationship hygiene. You brush your teeth, you brush your hair, 376 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,760 Speaker 1: you shower every day. You kind of need to have 377 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:47,800 Speaker 1: hygiene with your relationships. Like over communicate, you know, communicate 378 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:52,840 Speaker 1: what's working, what's not working. Um communicate when you're feeling 379 00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:56,199 Speaker 1: a trigger, don't let it just slide past, you know, 380 00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:01,120 Speaker 1: especially if it's a repeated offense. If it's the one 381 00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:04,440 Speaker 1: time thing, you might say okay, but if it's happening constantly, 382 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:08,040 Speaker 1: it's really up to you to speak up. So, yeah, 383 00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:09,960 Speaker 1: I found the good going with the harmony is a 384 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:16,520 Speaker 1: big one. So talk us through the good goal myth 385 00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:21,639 Speaker 1: of logic, Yes, so, good girl. Myth of logic is 386 00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:26,639 Speaker 1: a really interesting, good girl myth. It's when you choose 387 00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:33,480 Speaker 1: logic over intuition in decision making. So it's really about 388 00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:38,800 Speaker 1: living life from the neck up, you know, and really uh, 389 00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:43,560 Speaker 1: navigating your life from a very cerebral place. Maybe before 390 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:45,199 Speaker 1: you make a decision, you make like a pros and 391 00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:47,600 Speaker 1: cons list and you think really hard about it, and 392 00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:49,320 Speaker 1: you mull it over and you talk to a lot 393 00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:52,160 Speaker 1: of people and you you think about what's the logical 394 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:58,720 Speaker 1: thing here to do versus accessing a whole well of intelligence. 395 00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:02,080 Speaker 1: You know, been an intelligence since we've brought up the 396 00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:05,919 Speaker 1: feminine and masculine, the feminine intelligence that is in the body, 397 00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:10,720 Speaker 1: that is in intuition. And I think because some of them, 398 00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:14,280 Speaker 1: we've grown up in patriarchy and you know, and a 399 00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:22,360 Speaker 1: system that is really into you know, analytical thinking, critical thinking, uh, analyzing, 400 00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:26,119 Speaker 1: dissecting things. You know, that's most of the education. Modern 401 00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:29,159 Speaker 1: Western education system is based on that kind of school 402 00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:31,840 Speaker 1: of thought. Most of us have been divorced from our 403 00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:35,280 Speaker 1: the intelligence of our bodies. And then as girls, you know, 404 00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:39,159 Speaker 1: we were kind of some of us taught or have 405 00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:42,120 Speaker 1: gone through experiences that have led us to believe we're 406 00:23:42,119 --> 00:23:44,960 Speaker 1: not safe in our bodies. And so it's like, boom, 407 00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:50,600 Speaker 1: let me just evacuate here and stay up here and 408 00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:54,120 Speaker 1: never really check in about how I'm feeling. And so 409 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,960 Speaker 1: someone like you, who's an artist and a feeler, and 410 00:23:57,119 --> 00:23:59,160 Speaker 1: I think I heard your a angiogram four. I think 411 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:02,240 Speaker 1: I heard that an interview you might not be high 412 00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:07,000 Speaker 1: on the good grow myth of logic because someone like me, Yeah, 413 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:10,000 Speaker 1: I'm like pretty high on. This has been my one 414 00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,720 Speaker 1: of my big ones because I feel like, deep down 415 00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:15,720 Speaker 1: I'm an artist, but good grow myth of logic constantly 416 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:19,280 Speaker 1: getting in the way, right, I think that's I think 417 00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:23,040 Speaker 1: it's interesting too, because I, as much as my nature 418 00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:25,920 Speaker 1: would not be to live that way. There have been 419 00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:28,119 Speaker 1: times in my life I can look back and usually 420 00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:30,400 Speaker 1: they blow up because this does not work for me. 421 00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:32,360 Speaker 1: But there have been times that I can look back 422 00:24:32,359 --> 00:24:35,159 Speaker 1: and know that I was operating trying to operate from 423 00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:38,720 Speaker 1: that place, like knowing something and I'm going to do 424 00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:41,159 Speaker 1: that because I should do that, but knowing in my 425 00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:44,440 Speaker 1: body it just did not resonate, and you still but 426 00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:46,159 Speaker 1: you can still try to talk yourself out of it. 427 00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:50,480 Speaker 1: I think that's interesting, absolutely, And I think with ties 428 00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:54,240 Speaker 1: nicely to the good grow myths of rules because rules, 429 00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:57,200 Speaker 1: because rules and logic often get mixed up. But logic 430 00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:00,760 Speaker 1: is really you're listening to your brain and you're divorced 431 00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:04,560 Speaker 1: from your body. With rules, you're listening to external authority. 432 00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:08,879 Speaker 1: So think about the communities you're a part of, like 433 00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:15,400 Speaker 1: maybe your family system or your religious system, or the 434 00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:18,399 Speaker 1: media that you grew up in, or you know, the 435 00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:22,280 Speaker 1: culture that whatever. Communities that you grew up in there 436 00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:25,240 Speaker 1: are every community has authority figures. If you look in 437 00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:28,840 Speaker 1: a community, there's always authority figures. In school, we have 438 00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:32,320 Speaker 1: teachers and principles, you know, in religion we have priests 439 00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:35,840 Speaker 1: and rabbis, and so there's always there's systems and communities 440 00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:40,960 Speaker 1: usually organized in a hierarchical way. So so what often 441 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,159 Speaker 1: happens is because we grew up in these communities, we 442 00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:47,080 Speaker 1: look to these authorities to give us answers. Yeah, but 443 00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:51,879 Speaker 1: that's not necessarily the right answer for you. Mm hmm. Okay, 444 00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:57,760 Speaker 1: that's fascinating. So we've done harmony, we've done logic, we've 445 00:25:57,800 --> 00:26:02,720 Speaker 1: done perfection, We've done with the other. Now I'm like sacrifice, sacrifice, 446 00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:07,280 Speaker 1: and then there's one more, Yeah, rules, which things is okay? Yes, 447 00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:10,600 Speaker 1: I didn't realize rules was that the other myth? Say, 448 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:12,600 Speaker 1: the rules is the first myth I start the book 449 00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:15,520 Speaker 1: with because it's the most important one to break. What 450 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:18,560 Speaker 1: do you see most consistently? Is there one that you 451 00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:23,679 Speaker 1: know it seems to override the others amongst women? Honestly, 452 00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:28,000 Speaker 1: I've seen such a distribution. But I will say perfection, harmony, 453 00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:33,680 Speaker 1: and sacrifice. Yea logic unless a woman grew up like 454 00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:37,840 Speaker 1: super I see logic more on like girls who had 455 00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:39,399 Speaker 1: to grow up to be like book smart, and I'm 456 00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:42,879 Speaker 1: really like math and science and like feel really credible 457 00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:46,359 Speaker 1: and like win at school in academia. Then they tend 458 00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:51,760 Speaker 1: to have myths of logic. Um, rules is so invisible. 459 00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:55,840 Speaker 1: It's so hard to catch that even in my assessment. 460 00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:58,200 Speaker 1: I have an assessment in chapter three where you can 461 00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:00,560 Speaker 1: see which of the good girl myths you have the 462 00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:04,040 Speaker 1: highest and how you score on them. I stay right there, 463 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:11,040 Speaker 1: and then like, rules is really hard to catch. So um, 464 00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:16,320 Speaker 1: it's just it's so invisible because because think about all 465 00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:21,080 Speaker 1: the communities were a part of right and and think 466 00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:28,120 Speaker 1: about all the messages and invisible rules each community has. 467 00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:31,919 Speaker 1: We're talking hundreds where and it's in social psyche that 468 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:34,520 Speaker 1: they're called norms. You know as well, they don't have 469 00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:38,119 Speaker 1: to think of them as rules. But every like and 470 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:41,280 Speaker 1: I know that you you're you're in the beauty industry, right, 471 00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:46,960 Speaker 1: music industry. Those industries have certain norms, things that people 472 00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:50,480 Speaker 1: their expectations about how to behave and act and do. 473 00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:53,720 Speaker 1: And so when you break away from that, what happens? 474 00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:57,840 Speaker 1: You know, either you can't like be in that industry 475 00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:02,760 Speaker 1: or you get backlash or you know in that And 476 00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:05,520 Speaker 1: so somebody who's listening right now, like a really easy 477 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:09,480 Speaker 1: thing to do is think about the I call them 478 00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:14,440 Speaker 1: the four major systems. You grew up in religion, family, um, 479 00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:21,840 Speaker 1: pop and media, culture and school. Okay, those four systems. 480 00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:25,119 Speaker 1: Think about all the rules you received in those four 481 00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:27,840 Speaker 1: systems you grew up in those four communities, and if 482 00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:29,960 Speaker 1: you grew up in another community that was like really 483 00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:32,639 Speaker 1: really important to you, like like the music industry or something, 484 00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:35,720 Speaker 1: think about it and then ask yourself like, do I 485 00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:40,400 Speaker 1: actually resonate with some of these or am I just um? 486 00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:44,240 Speaker 1: Am I just doing them to gain benefit? Because the 487 00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:47,360 Speaker 1: truth is when we follow the rules, we get a 488 00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:51,000 Speaker 1: lot of benefits. That's why we follow them because if 489 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:52,960 Speaker 1: you think about it, when you follow the rules in 490 00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:56,120 Speaker 1: a community or the norms, you get a sense of belonging. 491 00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:59,720 Speaker 1: I feels so nice, you know, you gain a sense 492 00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:02,920 Speaker 1: of comfort and safety and and rules give us all 493 00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:05,640 Speaker 1: this convenience and ease. So rules are great, they have 494 00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:09,360 Speaker 1: so many so much benefit. But then the question we 495 00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:13,160 Speaker 1: have to ask ourselves what is the cost? Right? You know, 496 00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:16,200 Speaker 1: when we're following the rules over multiple years and the 497 00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:19,680 Speaker 1: next thing, you know, we're h did I even want that? 498 00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:22,840 Speaker 1: Was that? Even what I really wanted was that my 499 00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:28,320 Speaker 1: true desire? Was that the true opinion that I had 500 00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:33,360 Speaker 1: about that? Or did I just swallow some external thing? Yeah? 501 00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:35,360 Speaker 1: I mean I was thinking as you're saying that, I'm 502 00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:38,440 Speaker 1: thinking about multiple conversations that I've had with friends of mine, 503 00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:42,680 Speaker 1: other women, and there have We've each, i think, experienced 504 00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:45,200 Speaker 1: a point in our life where, you know, maybe something 505 00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:48,440 Speaker 1: falls apart, whether it's a marriage, a relationship of some kind, 506 00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:52,280 Speaker 1: a job, and someone looks at you and says, well, 507 00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:54,680 Speaker 1: what do you want to do? This is the opportunity to, like, 508 00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:57,280 Speaker 1: you know, do whatever you want with your life, and 509 00:29:57,360 --> 00:30:00,480 Speaker 1: a lot of us at that point have hit this 510 00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:03,240 Speaker 1: wall of I don't even know, And that to me 511 00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:06,200 Speaker 1: speaks to this rules piece in a way of we've 512 00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:09,080 Speaker 1: been operating so much out of our conditioning for so 513 00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:11,040 Speaker 1: long that we get so out of touch with our 514 00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:15,160 Speaker 1: own selves and our own desires and wants because of 515 00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:18,400 Speaker 1: just the programming that I know I hold on to 516 00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:20,960 Speaker 1: for the exact reasons that you're saying. It gives you 517 00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:25,360 Speaker 1: the satisfaction temporarily, or it gives you a sense of belonging, 518 00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:29,440 Speaker 1: of connection, and that's how we're wired and they to be. 519 00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:33,760 Speaker 1: But if you're out of touch with yourself and you're 520 00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:37,120 Speaker 1: following the old programming of maybe any of these things 521 00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:41,360 Speaker 1: really but rules specifically UM, eventually it does seem to 522 00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:44,200 Speaker 1: kind of fall apart. For most of us. Oh, it 523 00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:48,360 Speaker 1: always catches up. Always, Yeah, you're going along with the 524 00:30:48,360 --> 00:30:52,560 Speaker 1: program that that and then something breaks because we're our 525 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:57,920 Speaker 1: our innate being and soul and who we are is 526 00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:01,720 Speaker 1: oriented towards growth, and so it's almost like it won't 527 00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:04,160 Speaker 1: put up with it, Like who we truly are is 528 00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:06,360 Speaker 1: not going to put up with you playing along with 529 00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:09,160 Speaker 1: the rules till your deathbed. Like eventually there's going to 530 00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:14,360 Speaker 1: be some breaking point. Something is going to happen, like 531 00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:17,240 Speaker 1: you know, like you said in speaking to all these women, 532 00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:19,880 Speaker 1: when women I interview on the Heroin podcast, same thing. 533 00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:23,640 Speaker 1: It's like it's going along and then boom, turning point 534 00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:29,720 Speaker 1: dark Knight of the Soul. Interesting, Okay, what happens some 535 00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:33,960 Speaker 1: waking up moment of realizing who am I? What am? 536 00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:35,840 Speaker 1: What do I want to do? And what do I want? 537 00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:41,280 Speaker 1: And that's an opportunity to um what I call in 538 00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:45,800 Speaker 1: the chapter on rules, I call it unearthing your ingredients 539 00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:50,640 Speaker 1: of meaning. So typically we get meaning from the outside world, 540 00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:54,240 Speaker 1: right from all the We define success based on whatever 541 00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:56,880 Speaker 1: communities were a part of and how they define success. 542 00:31:57,240 --> 00:32:02,360 Speaker 1: And so we have to figure out and introspect about 543 00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:06,160 Speaker 1: what gives us meaning? And so what are our ingredients 544 00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:09,240 Speaker 1: of meaning? So what what are the things what gives 545 00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:12,680 Speaker 1: us flow, what gives us joy? What have been the 546 00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:15,800 Speaker 1: biggest challenges in our lives? Often pain is a good 547 00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:19,160 Speaker 1: indication towards what our purpose might be and what gives 548 00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:23,280 Speaker 1: us most meaning. So I need to stop you there 549 00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:25,160 Speaker 1: because that's fascinating to me. What do you mean by 550 00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:30,080 Speaker 1: that pain is the biggest indicator of something we're supposed 551 00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:34,400 Speaker 1: to be doing. Yeah, tell me more. What does that mean? 552 00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:38,840 Speaker 1: So when you're thinking about like, what's what's my purpose? 553 00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:40,840 Speaker 1: What's going to give me meaning? How am I going 554 00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:44,600 Speaker 1: to be most of service to other people? One really 555 00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:47,560 Speaker 1: great place to look is to what have been the 556 00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:51,400 Speaker 1: greatest challenges in your life? Because that is how why 557 00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:55,440 Speaker 1: there's a reason you went through those challenges, and that 558 00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:58,760 Speaker 1: is because you are here to teach something and guide 559 00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:03,920 Speaker 1: people to awards. Moving through those exact challenges, and a 560 00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:07,840 Speaker 1: lot of healers are quote unquote wounded healers, and the 561 00:33:07,840 --> 00:33:09,880 Speaker 1: way is that they've been wounded is what they support 562 00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:13,520 Speaker 1: other people in healing. And I completely believe that. So 563 00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:17,400 Speaker 1: sometimes it's it's kind of interesting. People don't want to 564 00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:19,680 Speaker 1: look there. They don't want to look into the shadow 565 00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:23,800 Speaker 1: and the darkness. But you know, I write here on 566 00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:27,560 Speaker 1: page seventy two, pain is a powerful teacher. Some of 567 00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:31,440 Speaker 1: our greatest gifts come from our deepest challenges. Right, So 568 00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:35,240 Speaker 1: I coached a woman who worked for a venture capital firm. Yeah, 569 00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:37,840 Speaker 1: this woman who felt like her career was completely meaningless, 570 00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:41,280 Speaker 1: but she was also sexual assault survivor, and through our 571 00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:43,920 Speaker 1: work together, she realized she had a great opportunity to 572 00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:46,680 Speaker 1: support other sexual assault survivors. She went on to become 573 00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:49,840 Speaker 1: a social worker. And so I'm not saying that every 574 00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:52,360 Speaker 1: woman who has ever experienced sexual assault that they need 575 00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:56,760 Speaker 1: to necessarily support other people in that, but for her particularly, 576 00:33:56,800 --> 00:33:59,440 Speaker 1: it was clearly her purpose. She had to go into 577 00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:04,320 Speaker 1: that um and understand that trauma. So I have some 578 00:34:04,440 --> 00:34:10,080 Speaker 1: journaling prompts around about challenges on page seventy three that 579 00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:12,960 Speaker 1: will sort of you can journal and free right to 580 00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:15,719 Speaker 1: these questions to help you kind of unearthed. Okay, what 581 00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:20,640 Speaker 1: would have been my greatest challenges? I've just never heard 582 00:34:20,680 --> 00:34:22,600 Speaker 1: it put that way. That was such an AHA moment 583 00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:25,640 Speaker 1: for me. Thank you? Yeah? Do you resonate? Is that? 584 00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:28,759 Speaker 1: Is that how it's been for you? You know? It 585 00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:32,040 Speaker 1: truly has? And Um, I think I've been sort of 586 00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:35,160 Speaker 1: in another season of that the last two years, and 587 00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:38,480 Speaker 1: sometimes you know, when you're in it, I think it 588 00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:42,759 Speaker 1: can be very overwhelming and trying to figure out how 589 00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:46,600 Speaker 1: to use it. And I because I've been through very 590 00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:49,560 Speaker 1: painful situations like early on, I just there was a 591 00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:53,080 Speaker 1: couple of experiences that really affected my life. But I've 592 00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:56,600 Speaker 1: now been able since to have certain experiences where I've 593 00:34:56,600 --> 00:35:00,279 Speaker 1: seen exactly what you're saying, where I really throw five, 594 00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:06,160 Speaker 1: and I find myself finding the most um satisfaction, contentment, 595 00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:10,360 Speaker 1: fulfillment in helping other people are connecting with other people 596 00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:13,879 Speaker 1: through similar stories, and just I don't know if it's 597 00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:16,440 Speaker 1: like giving experience strength and hope kind of thing or 598 00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:19,239 Speaker 1: if it's what it is, but it satisfies me in 599 00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:22,400 Speaker 1: a way that nothing else in my life does. And 600 00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:26,280 Speaker 1: so um, I'm starting to identify that, but I haven't 601 00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:31,279 Speaker 1: quite figured out necessarily the path of using even the 602 00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:33,200 Speaker 1: things that have been happening in the last couple of years, 603 00:35:33,239 --> 00:35:35,680 Speaker 1: because it's the same things but on a bigger scale. 604 00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:38,399 Speaker 1: And so it's like, Okay, just like what you're saying, 605 00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:41,239 Speaker 1: this can't be a mistake. Why is this happening? And 606 00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:44,040 Speaker 1: what am I supposed to do with this? You know? Um? 607 00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:46,800 Speaker 1: But hearing it verbal as you said it so so perfectly, 608 00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:49,239 Speaker 1: and I think that that is such a beauty of 609 00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:52,480 Speaker 1: the life journey when you can really take yourself out 610 00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:54,080 Speaker 1: of it and go, Okay, wait, how do I help 611 00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:57,120 Speaker 1: other people? Because we all have a purpose here? And like, 612 00:35:57,200 --> 00:36:02,680 Speaker 1: what is that? What is it? M M, Absolutely that's it. 613 00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:06,000 Speaker 1: And I have found that the places I've struggled the most, 614 00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:09,960 Speaker 1: you know, with Good Girl conditioning and mentality is what 615 00:36:10,040 --> 00:36:13,200 Speaker 1: I felt called to teach and support, you know, and 616 00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:16,920 Speaker 1: support others. And so if someone's listening right now, to 617 00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:22,239 Speaker 1: have that aha moment and just really turn those turn 618 00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:27,279 Speaker 1: those horrible moments and traumas and small or big into 619 00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:33,480 Speaker 1: into get a gift to give give the world. Was 620 00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:36,040 Speaker 1: there one moment that you can identify in your life 621 00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:39,359 Speaker 1: that you slipped that switch from Good Girl myth too. 622 00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:42,200 Speaker 1: I got to break out of this and really use 623 00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:46,840 Speaker 1: this to help other people. I had many epiphanies in 624 00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:54,480 Speaker 1: my twenties, um and they arranged. So One was ah 625 00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:58,520 Speaker 1: really having a hard look at myself in the mirror 626 00:36:58,600 --> 00:37:02,400 Speaker 1: after being in a corporate job, feeling burnt out, being depressed, 627 00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:05,400 Speaker 1: breaking out on my skin, having lost weight, my body, 628 00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:09,560 Speaker 1: yelling at me um in realizing Okay, I'm wearing a 629 00:37:09,640 --> 00:37:13,359 Speaker 1: costume like this blazer I'm wearing. And this is something 630 00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:15,400 Speaker 1: about looking in the mirror too that it just felt 631 00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:19,520 Speaker 1: so eerie and I couldn't create a distance between I 632 00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:23,080 Speaker 1: was observing myself. That really helped me start to wake up. 633 00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:25,640 Speaker 1: But another piphany I had in my later twenties was 634 00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:31,600 Speaker 1: I am actually experimented with some psychedelics that really supported 635 00:37:31,600 --> 00:37:35,120 Speaker 1: me and I know now we know was so much 636 00:37:35,239 --> 00:37:41,640 Speaker 1: research that psychedelics are have incredible healing properties, and one 637 00:37:41,680 --> 00:37:46,319 Speaker 1: particular episode, my first episode with a specific medicine, really 638 00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:49,920 Speaker 1: opened my mind to the cage I was living in 639 00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:54,839 Speaker 1: and how much I had been suppressing my creativity and 640 00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:58,400 Speaker 1: my power because I wanted to please my parents and 641 00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:03,600 Speaker 1: please my partner at the time, and how much actual 642 00:38:04,719 --> 00:38:09,720 Speaker 1: latent power, particularly creative power, was sort of asleep inside 643 00:38:09,719 --> 00:38:14,520 Speaker 1: of me, and that moment really helped me shift my consciousness. 644 00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:17,359 Speaker 1: I like to say it's it broke the good girl 645 00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:20,359 Speaker 1: myth of logic. Psychedelics are good at that. They just 646 00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:24,800 Speaker 1: break your brain a little bit. Um that that allowed 647 00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:28,920 Speaker 1: me to make a flip. I like to tell people, 648 00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:32,120 Speaker 1: sometimes it's one big moment, like someone gets into a 649 00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:34,480 Speaker 1: car accident, or they have a near death experience, or 650 00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:38,000 Speaker 1: they have a really traumatic experience. Sometimes it's these little epiphanies, 651 00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:40,520 Speaker 1: you know, along the journey that kind of add up 652 00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:45,200 Speaker 1: and start to carve a picture for you. Yeah. So 653 00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:48,120 Speaker 1: one of the things you talk about is once you 654 00:38:48,239 --> 00:38:52,560 Speaker 1: identify these good girl myths, taking them. I mean, I 655 00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:55,000 Speaker 1: would assume it's like anything else where, awareness is the key, right, 656 00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:57,480 Speaker 1: So once you can identify it, then you take them, 657 00:38:57,480 --> 00:39:00,400 Speaker 1: and then you can build the life you want after 658 00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:03,239 Speaker 1: you've gotten through this process. So I wanted you to 659 00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:05,680 Speaker 1: kind of tap into that. You just mentioned creativity, which 660 00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:08,600 Speaker 1: is what took me here. But how do we build 661 00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:14,240 Speaker 1: the creative confidence to go into our lives and create 662 00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:19,800 Speaker 1: the life that we want? Such a beautiful question. I Um, 663 00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:26,680 Speaker 1: I really believe in exploration and experimentation. So I think 664 00:39:26,719 --> 00:39:28,920 Speaker 1: one of the one of the things that I'm seeing 665 00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:33,359 Speaker 1: in the in the personal growth, uh conversation right now 666 00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:38,120 Speaker 1: is get very clear about what you want and then 667 00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:43,120 Speaker 1: go and manifest it, right like that's in the conversation, yes, 668 00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:47,000 Speaker 1: And the problem with that conversation is a lot of 669 00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:50,400 Speaker 1: people have trouble getting clear about what they want right 670 00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:55,839 Speaker 1: point right. That's what I can't see it and and 671 00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:58,600 Speaker 1: so the lack of clarity right, So so they try 672 00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:02,200 Speaker 1: to do a meditation, they journal about it, and and 673 00:40:02,239 --> 00:40:04,560 Speaker 1: then there's there's it's there's too much noise in the 674 00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:09,440 Speaker 1: mind or they can't get clarity. And so I actually 675 00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:11,879 Speaker 1: believe that the way that we get clarity is through 676 00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:15,440 Speaker 1: engaging with the world and trying things out and prototyping. 677 00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:18,000 Speaker 1: And that's been because of my background and design thinking 678 00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:23,560 Speaker 1: and my understanding as a designer is that we need 679 00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:27,600 Speaker 1: to create and make things okay, put them out into 680 00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:30,799 Speaker 1: the world, even if they're messy and ugly, and even 681 00:40:30,840 --> 00:40:35,239 Speaker 1: if we're beginners, get feedback from people, and then refine, 682 00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:38,920 Speaker 1: refine that thing, and continue to refine it and iterate 683 00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:42,239 Speaker 1: on it. And that's how we grow. And so when 684 00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:44,880 Speaker 1: women come to work with me, it's like, let's anchoring 685 00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:47,160 Speaker 1: on a starting point for you. Let's scope a little 686 00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:52,080 Speaker 1: project that feels aligned with your creative purpose, and let's 687 00:40:52,239 --> 00:40:56,480 Speaker 1: run experiments, and let's run them quickly. So you gain 688 00:40:56,520 --> 00:40:59,400 Speaker 1: a lot of information and you get feedback from people, 689 00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:03,400 Speaker 1: and you build creative confidence that way. So it's very practical, 690 00:41:03,560 --> 00:41:08,600 Speaker 1: very practical. Um, I believe manifestation is a creative process. 691 00:41:08,719 --> 00:41:14,120 Speaker 1: It's it's as much introspection as doing so if you, 692 00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:17,239 Speaker 1: for example, want to create a podcast, you want to 693 00:41:17,239 --> 00:41:19,560 Speaker 1: write a book, you want to start a business, you 694 00:41:19,640 --> 00:41:21,920 Speaker 1: want whatever it is that you think you want, even 695 00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:24,359 Speaker 1: if it's fuzzy around the edges, that's okay. You don't 696 00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:28,080 Speaker 1: have to be crystal clear, even if it's fuzzy. What 697 00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:32,480 Speaker 1: we do in prototyping is we break down the questions 698 00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:35,759 Speaker 1: you want to answer. What are the questions you want 699 00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:38,080 Speaker 1: to answer with your experiments, and then we run the 700 00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:42,160 Speaker 1: little experiments. So with podcasting, it's like, so is my audience, 701 00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:45,960 Speaker 1: that's a question, what what kind of format do my 702 00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:48,759 Speaker 1: interviews want to be? What kind of guests do I 703 00:41:48,760 --> 00:41:51,760 Speaker 1: want to have on these are quite so when people 704 00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:53,520 Speaker 1: have questions that they don't. When they're in the I 705 00:41:53,560 --> 00:41:56,000 Speaker 1: don't know space, they panic, right, They're like, I don't know, 706 00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:59,520 Speaker 1: and then they feel stuck. Yeah, it's like, great, you 707 00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:03,279 Speaker 1: don't know, let's go find out right. It doesn't have 708 00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:07,239 Speaker 1: to be overwhelming exciting. It's exciting that I don't know. 709 00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:12,919 Speaker 1: Our questions for exploration, questions to go run your little 710 00:42:12,960 --> 00:42:16,839 Speaker 1: experiments in the world, because you know what, a lot 711 00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:19,560 Speaker 1: of the journaling and meditation and the manifestation work. It's 712 00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:22,920 Speaker 1: very safe. It's like I'm in my bedroom like when 713 00:42:22,920 --> 00:42:27,320 Speaker 1: I was a teenager, and I'm just like I'm getting 714 00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:30,920 Speaker 1: to do my vision board and it's it's like cozy 715 00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:34,640 Speaker 1: and I'm into that, totally into it because I practice it. 716 00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:40,160 Speaker 1: But I'm also like, go make something, put it out 717 00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:42,839 Speaker 1: how it works. So it's again, I think we talked 718 00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:46,680 Speaker 1: about feminine and masculine energy is integrating. That's what essentially, 719 00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:48,640 Speaker 1: So I actually work with a lot of women on 720 00:42:48,680 --> 00:42:53,080 Speaker 1: the masculine surprisingly because in some ways it's been distorted 721 00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:57,640 Speaker 1: as much as a feminine we've we've patriarchy has distorted 722 00:42:57,760 --> 00:43:02,880 Speaker 1: our sense of agency and creative our um because I 723 00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:05,920 Speaker 1: really do believe it's active. It's not just passive, you know, 724 00:43:06,120 --> 00:43:09,520 Speaker 1: and and how beautiful it is to gain insights and 725 00:43:09,600 --> 00:43:13,360 Speaker 1: awareness and and have those aha moments. We need both. 726 00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:16,520 Speaker 1: But I don't think a lot of people know or 727 00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:19,640 Speaker 1: have a method for taking action that feels methodical that 728 00:43:19,719 --> 00:43:24,560 Speaker 1: they can build on. And I think designers do because 729 00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:29,640 Speaker 1: designers know how to create something from nothing. I interviewed 730 00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:31,960 Speaker 1: a woman. This was almost a year ago now it's 731 00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:35,520 Speaker 1: Tara Moore is her name, But she talked about how 732 00:43:37,040 --> 00:43:39,319 Speaker 1: if we I mean just what you're just talking about 733 00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:41,480 Speaker 1: with the meditating and stuff, like, it's very easy to 734 00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:44,680 Speaker 1: sit back and kind of right right the things and 735 00:43:44,719 --> 00:43:46,399 Speaker 1: put them there and then close your journal and put 736 00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:49,040 Speaker 1: it to the side and not actually put it into play. 737 00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:52,920 Speaker 1: But how does that manifest itself in your life? Like ultimately, 738 00:43:52,960 --> 00:43:55,040 Speaker 1: like you're making yourself small in a lot of ways 739 00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:58,200 Speaker 1: because you're not actually putting yourself out there to live 740 00:43:58,239 --> 00:44:01,000 Speaker 1: this big, grand life. And so when once you start 741 00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:03,520 Speaker 1: doing that, you know, you might put some things out 742 00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:06,400 Speaker 1: there that don't work where they I'm doing air quotes 743 00:44:06,440 --> 00:44:09,560 Speaker 1: like don't work. But it's just feedback, that's what she said. 744 00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:11,880 Speaker 1: It's like you take that and you take it's answering 745 00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:14,880 Speaker 1: questions just like what you're saying, Like you ask the 746 00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:17,520 Speaker 1: question and maybe that's not what works with your audience 747 00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:19,400 Speaker 1: or maybe that's not what works for you once you 748 00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:23,000 Speaker 1: do it and make the prototype. But doing the activity 749 00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:26,440 Speaker 1: of doing it is what gives you the answer to 750 00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:30,920 Speaker 1: then figure out which direction, which path, which prototype you 751 00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:34,120 Speaker 1: want to create next. Exactly. I think a lot of 752 00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:37,360 Speaker 1: people do goal setting. They're like, let me get clear 753 00:44:37,719 --> 00:44:39,919 Speaker 1: with the goal, end goal, and let me break down 754 00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:44,600 Speaker 1: steps right and the like have milestones, and so it's 755 00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:48,400 Speaker 1: goal setting is working backwards. With prototyping. We work for 756 00:44:48,640 --> 00:44:52,000 Speaker 1: we build our way forward. We run an experiment and 757 00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:56,040 Speaker 1: we go, oh, look at that interesting feedback. Right, Okay, 758 00:44:56,120 --> 00:44:57,959 Speaker 1: well let me just turn a little bit this way 759 00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:02,440 Speaker 1: and run another experiment. Oh interesting, look at what happened there. Oh, 760 00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:05,239 Speaker 1: let me go again. So it's it's so the mindset 761 00:45:05,400 --> 00:45:09,799 Speaker 1: is nimble, flexible, it's it's it's what I think is 762 00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:14,760 Speaker 1: creative confidence. It's really also learning not to get attached 763 00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:18,000 Speaker 1: to outcomes. You know, so much of what we're going 764 00:45:18,040 --> 00:45:20,759 Speaker 1: to put out there is not going to resonate, and 765 00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:23,960 Speaker 1: there's going to be a range of responses with what 766 00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:25,800 Speaker 1: we put out there. Some people are gonna love it, 767 00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:30,479 Speaker 1: We're gonna hate it. Some people are gonna say nothing, Okay, right, 768 00:45:31,560 --> 00:45:35,279 Speaker 1: I love that simple okay, like that's it right, Like 769 00:45:35,320 --> 00:45:37,600 Speaker 1: it doesn't have I get so I take everything so 770 00:45:37,680 --> 00:45:40,359 Speaker 1: personal and it hurts if it doesn't work, and it's 771 00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:43,920 Speaker 1: like no, it's just okay, let's shift then or do 772 00:45:44,080 --> 00:45:47,560 Speaker 1: something different. It's just fascinating how we can get really 773 00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:50,520 Speaker 1: wrapped up in the answers and it could just be 774 00:45:50,600 --> 00:45:56,200 Speaker 1: as simple as okay, okay, let's move on next. Yes, 775 00:45:58,239 --> 00:46:01,200 Speaker 1: I love that. Will tell us a little bit about 776 00:46:01,239 --> 00:46:03,200 Speaker 1: what people can find on the podcast again, it's called 777 00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:05,800 Speaker 1: the Heroin Podcast. I assume you can find this anywhere 778 00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:09,560 Speaker 1: you listen to podcast. Yes, so it's Heroin as in 779 00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:14,759 Speaker 1: the Heroine's Journey and I interview women women leaders in 780 00:46:14,800 --> 00:46:19,120 Speaker 1: different industries, mostly creative industries. My upcoming season is going 781 00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:21,799 Speaker 1: to be focused on women in literary arts, which I'm 782 00:46:21,800 --> 00:46:27,280 Speaker 1: really excited about, like fiction and fiction writers and memorrists. Um. 783 00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:30,719 Speaker 1: And I'm also my book is available at good girl 784 00:46:30,760 --> 00:46:33,960 Speaker 1: myth dot com. Okay, good girl dot com. And then 785 00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:37,160 Speaker 1: I'm pretty active on Instagram, so I love to connect 786 00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:39,600 Speaker 1: with listeners there. So if you want to give me 787 00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:43,480 Speaker 1: say hello or send me a d m H. I 788 00:46:43,520 --> 00:46:47,480 Speaker 1: love that I'm at Maho Molfino Majos spelled m A 789 00:46:47,640 --> 00:46:51,080 Speaker 1: j O and then m O l if I know 790 00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:54,680 Speaker 1: you'll you'll find me with that first name. Yeah. I'm 791 00:46:54,719 --> 00:46:56,520 Speaker 1: also going to put all of this information in the 792 00:46:56,560 --> 00:46:58,399 Speaker 1: description of this podcast for you guys to be able 793 00:46:58,400 --> 00:47:00,200 Speaker 1: to find it easily. But I do think I'll be 794 00:47:00,200 --> 00:47:04,600 Speaker 1: able to find your Instagram handle easily. Yeah, mah. Also, 795 00:47:04,680 --> 00:47:06,080 Speaker 1: I did hear you mentioned I just want to touch 796 00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:07,759 Speaker 1: back on the book for just a second, because I 797 00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:10,440 Speaker 1: know you said, you know, we've talked through what people 798 00:47:10,480 --> 00:47:13,879 Speaker 1: can read, but did you mention journal prompts as well. Yeah, 799 00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:17,520 Speaker 1: So the book has journaling prompts in there. There's some meditations, 800 00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:20,359 Speaker 1: and then there are some challenges I give about how 801 00:47:20,440 --> 00:47:22,640 Speaker 1: you can put things out into the world. Okay, like 802 00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:25,480 Speaker 1: peppered in throughout the book, and then at the end 803 00:47:25,520 --> 00:47:28,160 Speaker 1: of each chapter there's a little toolbox where I'm like, 804 00:47:28,239 --> 00:47:30,480 Speaker 1: here are the tools we went through in this chapter, 805 00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:34,279 Speaker 1: so you can reference them easily. Okay, amazing. Again, the 806 00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:37,200 Speaker 1: book is called The Good Girl Myth How to Dismantle 807 00:47:37,360 --> 00:47:39,880 Speaker 1: the Outdated Rules, unleash your power and design a more 808 00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:44,080 Speaker 1: purposeful life. The podcast is heroin Maha. Thank you so 809 00:47:44,200 --> 00:47:46,800 Speaker 1: much for being here. This was very, very insightful to me. 810 00:47:46,800 --> 00:47:48,279 Speaker 1: I'm gonna go back and listen. I love when I 811 00:47:48,320 --> 00:47:51,040 Speaker 1: can go back and listen in journal on my own podcast. 812 00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:55,080 Speaker 1: That's great. It's a good sign that you're doing it right. 813 00:47:55,360 --> 00:47:57,640 Speaker 1: It shows me I'm interviewing people that I'm actually really 814 00:47:57,680 --> 00:48:01,239 Speaker 1: interested in, which is awesome. Great. Thank you so much, Kelly, 815 00:48:01,320 --> 00:48:03,440 Speaker 1: Thank you for having me. Thank you guys so much 816 00:48:03,480 --> 00:48:06,320 Speaker 1: for listening. Thanks for listening to The Velvet's Edge podcast 817 00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:09,319 Speaker 1: with Kelly Henderson, where we believe everyone has a little 818 00:48:09,440 --> 00:48:13,560 Speaker 1: velvet and a little edge. Subscribe for more conversations on life, style, 819 00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:17,880 Speaker 1: beauty and relationships. Search Velvet's Edge wherever you get your podcasts.