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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to stuff

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Speaker 1: I'll never told you production if I hurried you. And

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Speaker 1: welcome to another edition of Happy Hour. As always with these,

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Speaker 1: if you choose to drink or whatever you choose to do,

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Speaker 1: please do so responsibly. Are you sipping on anything, Samantha.

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Speaker 2: I've sipping on my bubble water with a little bit

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Speaker 2: of electrolyts.

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Speaker 1: But you nice, I've got water with lemon, but I've

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Speaker 1: also got my trusty red wine.

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Speaker 3: Nice.

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Speaker 1: It's a long recording day for us because we're trying

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Speaker 1: to take vacation. What I know, as you know, sometimes

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Speaker 1: when I'm combing through classics, it cracks me up how

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Speaker 1: many times we have like the same topic around the

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Speaker 1: same I'm like, oh, this was in May it's a

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Speaker 1: Star Wars month, or yeah yeah, but around July there's

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Speaker 1: usually something about complaining about how difficult it for us

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Speaker 1: to take vacation.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yes, but.

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Speaker 1: We are tempting it. I did have I'm not proud

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Speaker 1: of it, but I had kind of a mini tantrum

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Speaker 1: by myself, so nobody else was subjected to it, but

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Speaker 1: I was like, everybody was talking about how excited they

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Speaker 1: were to go on vacation. I was like, all I

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Speaker 1: feel is stress, but that's not really what we're talking

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Speaker 1: about today. But it does relate to what we're talking

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Speaker 1: about today, Okay, because this is another topic that I

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Speaker 1: discussed a year ago. I think where it was around

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Speaker 1: I was talking about enforcing boundaries but also asking for

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Speaker 1: help and how that was something that was kind of

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Speaker 1: new to me. Today, I want to do a bit

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Speaker 1: of a revisit to that, but also talking about accepting

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Speaker 1: help because I have had a lot of instances lately

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Speaker 1: where I've had some health issues and I just it

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Speaker 1: was really difficult for me to ask for help, and

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Speaker 1: I didn't in a lot of ways. But then I

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Speaker 1: started to, like, I started to say, you know, I

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Speaker 1: really can't do this today. I just can't do it,

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Speaker 1: or even with my ear thing, I'm sorry. I've gotten

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Speaker 1: better about being like, can I please sit here? So

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Speaker 1: I've gotten better about the asking, and now I've moved

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Speaker 1: on to the accepting where you don't feel guilty or

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Speaker 1: you're not always being like did I ask for too much?

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Speaker 1: Or what is it? Every now and then, when I'm

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Speaker 1: writing fan fiction, I catch myself writing something where I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 1: you're clearly working through something right now. And I just

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Speaker 1: wrote a chapter wherein there's a whole section that was like,

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Speaker 1: you know, one character was saying to the other, see

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Speaker 1: how easy it was to ask for help. Now you

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Speaker 1: have to learn to accept it. And after I wrote it,

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Speaker 1: I was like, ah, the old brain is trying to

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Speaker 1: work through some things. And it's true, it can be difficult.

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Speaker 1: And I'm always concerned about overstaying my welcome or annoying people,

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Speaker 1: especially like people getting like she's too much, She's always

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Speaker 1: asking for too much. But actually one of the reasons

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Speaker 1: this was on my mind is because you, who are

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Speaker 1: always so wonderful, You and your partner On the fourth

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Speaker 1: of July, in the heat, came out to help me

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Speaker 1: with my car, which by the way, did not start.

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Speaker 1: If you heard the previous hour, I said, I don't

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Speaker 1: think it's going to start. It absolutely didn't, and I

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Speaker 1: was just so like, no, we don't need to do that,

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Speaker 1: We don't need to do that. But it was such

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Speaker 1: a nice thing, and it was such a weight off

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Speaker 1: my mind, exactly, and you know, I would always want

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Speaker 1: to help you, and so I like to think it

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Speaker 1: was not a huge deal like I was making it

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Speaker 1: to this huge deal. Yes, but it was so nice

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Speaker 1: and I got some fazel out of it.

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Speaker 2: This also goes into my other happy hour where I'm like.

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Speaker 3: You have basil, I have propagated things and making you

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Speaker 3: share my joy.

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Speaker 1: Yes, and it was she does have a beautiful garden. Everybody,

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Speaker 1: I showed it off. But I mean, it's just one

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Speaker 1: of those things where like, I know it's true. I

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Speaker 1: know that I personally would love like if somebody I

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Speaker 1: care about needs help, I want to help them. It's

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Speaker 1: just hard to sometimes it's just hard to accept it.

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Speaker 1: And I think I have a couple of friends, possibly you,

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Speaker 1: who got a little annoyed that I didn't say anything

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Speaker 1: about my health concerns. Oh yeah, I yelled at you, yeah,

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Speaker 1: until it was too late, and they were like, you know,

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Speaker 1: I want to help you. I don't know why you

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Speaker 1: were making it into this thing where I find out

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Speaker 1: much later and now I'm very concerned, right, and I

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Speaker 1: don't know, Like I get check ins like every day

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Speaker 1: now every day, are you okay? Is everything okay? Which

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Speaker 1: I really appreciate. So it's a work in progress. It's

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Speaker 1: a work in progress. I do think that can that

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Speaker 1: also sort of does relate to us going on vacation

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Speaker 1: because you know you're asking someone for help. You're asking,

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Speaker 1: at least in the context of our jobs a lot

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Speaker 1: of jobs, but in our job specifically, you're asking someone,

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Speaker 1: Is it okay, I actually want to take time off

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Speaker 1: and not be working on my break? And of course absolutely, Christina,

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Speaker 1: take the break, Please take the break. But when it's

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Speaker 1: I don't know, when it's you, it feels more difficult.

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Speaker 1: I think that kind of ties back into the whole

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Speaker 1: sort of what we talked about with going to the

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Speaker 1: doctor is I don't want people to think I'm making

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Speaker 1: a big deal with things. I don't want to draw

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Speaker 1: attention to things right.

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Speaker 3: Now.

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Speaker 2: I have time to tell you before, and we've done

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Speaker 2: this before.

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Speaker 3: If it was the opposite, if I did these things,

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Speaker 3: you would be upset. And a part of our anxiety

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Speaker 3: is that we or even like our need for being

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Speaker 3: helped is being asked to help, Like if you don't,

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Speaker 3: then I feel like I failed you as a friend,

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Speaker 3: that there's some distrust happening. And also, like with the

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Speaker 3: whole vacation thing, I'm like, oh no, we set a

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Speaker 3: really bad example. I feel like for some people and

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Speaker 3: when we're like, yeah, we constantly work. It's a constant

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Speaker 3: work thing. We don't technically take breaks. We take breaks,

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Speaker 3: don't get me wrong, But we also have modes of

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Speaker 3: like no, but if you need me. But we're also

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Speaker 3: going to enter these emails. We're also going to listen

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Speaker 3: to these episodes, you know, things like that we're still working.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, both those things apply.

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Speaker 3: Like we want to be help remember that, so when

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Speaker 3: you do ask for help, there is this like realization

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Speaker 3: for a lot of us. For me, maybe maybe it's

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Speaker 3: just me and my need to be helpful and anxiety

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Speaker 3: is like, oh, you trust me and not to tell

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Speaker 3: you what's going on.

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Speaker 2: Wonderful. I'm glad to ask for help.

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Speaker 3: So that's one and then the other part is like,

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Speaker 3: please don't take my example and take a break or Sina,

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Speaker 3: don't we really have no judgments in you being like

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Speaker 3: I might not be reachable.

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Speaker 2: No, no, don't be reachable. What are you talking about?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, And to be clear, like this is uh,

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Speaker 1: I actually find this as progress, but it is an

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Speaker 1: ongoing thing. I do trust you. It is just a

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Speaker 1: I am very concerned that people will be like she

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Speaker 1: has too much or she's asking for too much, which

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Speaker 1: this is not that, but people do do that. So

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Speaker 1: also be mindful of when you're asking for help and

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Speaker 1: like how and how the other person is to spread

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Speaker 1: it about.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, And.

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Speaker 1: I mean sometimes it's just like I really need help

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Speaker 1: right now and there can't be any questions. But but

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Speaker 1: you know, if you're constantly taking advantage of somebody's desire

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Speaker 1: to be helpful, that is a that is a problem.

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Speaker 2: That I hope.

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Speaker 1: That's clearly not what's happening with me, I hope, but

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Speaker 1: but that that is a separate issue. And I do

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Speaker 1: know people do that, But I feel like I'm becoming

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Speaker 1: more willing to accept help when it is offered to me.

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Speaker 3: Yes, to be fair, I told you the plan you

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Speaker 3: would did okay. Like I was like, we're doing this

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Speaker 3: this night, you're staying over, You're going to do this

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Speaker 3: with us, and then next day we're taking you home

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Speaker 3: and I'm doing this, my partner's going to do this

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Speaker 3: and this We've already set it up and you're like okay.

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Speaker 3: And then the next day I'm like, Basil.

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna send you Basil. You're like okay. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: It was acceptance.

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Speaker 2: It was confused acceptance.

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Speaker 1: It was acceptance.

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Speaker 2: This is true. It's true. I'll acknowledge it. You didn't

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Speaker 2: fight me on it.

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Speaker 4: I did not that that I'll give you like the

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Speaker 4: day that I asked, because the week before I had

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Speaker 4: planned to go, uh to a little small trip and

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Speaker 4: I was leaving early morning, like I can come before

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Speaker 4: and I can come crank and help you.

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Speaker 2: We'll figure that out together.

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Speaker 3: And you were like no, no, I'm okay. So then

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Speaker 3: when I was like, did you do it? And you're

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Speaker 3: like no, I got to make a plan for you.

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Speaker 3: I gave you four opportunities.

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Speaker 2: It's time.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean maybe it's slow, it's baby steps.

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Speaker 2: Baby, but you did good. You did good.

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Speaker 3: And because when we got out there, because my partner

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Speaker 3: is extra, if he sees extra things that need to

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Speaker 3: be done, he's gonna do it. He's like, I'm gonna

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Speaker 3: take it. I'm gonna drop around. He even offered to

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Speaker 3: wash it and he really wants to. He's actually gonna

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Speaker 3: do this one day. I think he's gonna come kidnap

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Speaker 3: your car and then carnap your car and wash it

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Speaker 3: for you and bring it back like he has a plan.

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Speaker 2: He replaced by Winsfield wife or would he drove it around.

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Speaker 5: It's like, look, you need to be doing this, and

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Speaker 5: he's a good partner, like yeah, but I feel like

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Speaker 5: very good. The three of us are such a good

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Speaker 5: like as a group anyway, that makes it.

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Speaker 2: It makes it easier and I'm like, yeah, he's definitely

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Speaker 2: doing that.

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Speaker 3: And then the extra but Andy, it worked out for

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Speaker 3: us because we went right down the street to where

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Speaker 3: one of our old restaurants has now become like a

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Speaker 3: sandwich restaurant.

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Speaker 1: Was so good, nice but good, No, it was.

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Speaker 2: Delicious nice ten ten recommends we're gonna go back. Okay,

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Speaker 2: so you know it worked out for us to well.

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Speaker 1: That makes me feel even better. But I have to

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Speaker 1: say my heart was filled with warmth and affection.

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Speaker 3: So I have you started it this week?

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Speaker 2: You promised us you would.

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Speaker 1: I will on Friday. It's on my calendar. I won't

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Speaker 1: let it go so bad again. Well anyway, anyway, thank

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Speaker 1: you so much. Tell your partner thank you too. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I really appreciated it. And listeners, please write in if

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Speaker 1: you can relate to any of this, If you have

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Speaker 1: any tips about any of this, because I am still

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Speaker 1: work in progress, but progress has been made. Email us

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Speaker 1: at Hello at stuff I Never Told You dot com.

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Speaker 1: You can also find us on Blue Skype, Momster podcast

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Speaker 1: or in Instagram and TikTok at stuff I've Never Told

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Speaker 1: You for us on YouTube and we have a look

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Speaker 1: you can get here you get your books. Thanks and

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Speaker 1: always to our super dus Christina Exect to my ant architrict.

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Speaker 2: For Joey, Thank you and thanks you.

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Speaker 1: For listening Stuff I Never Told You production by heart Idio.

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Speaker 1: For more podcasts from my Heart Radio, you can check

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Speaker 1: out the Heart Radio a couple podcasts wherever you listen

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Speaker 1: to your favorite shows