WEBVTT - #192 Does Attraction Matter in a Relationship? 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:04.920 Subjeclide says, does attraction matter? I got asked out by 0:00:05.040 --> 0:00:07.440 a good Christian. I've known him for a while and 0:00:07.480 --> 0:00:10.880 he's a genuinely great guy. He checks all the boxes. 0:00:11.600 --> 0:00:15.440 I just don't really feel attracted to him in a 0:00:15.520 --> 0:00:31.280 romantic way. Does attraction matter? What's up? Everybody? Welcome back 0:00:31.280 --> 0:00:34.200 to the podcast. Granger Smith Podcast is where I answer 0:00:34.320 --> 0:00:38.800 your questions. You email me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. 0:00:39.000 --> 0:00:42.400 We just walked through it like we're friends, and we 0:00:42.520 --> 0:00:47.159 kind of are right. I agree. Really excited at this 0:00:47.360 --> 0:00:52.000 season of my life and this podcast because I have 0:00:52.000 --> 0:00:54.080 a book coming out August first, called Like a River, 0:00:54.680 --> 0:00:56.640 and it's just been top of mind for me because 0:00:56.640 --> 0:00:59.920 I just literally just finished recording the audiobook for it, 0:01:00.600 --> 0:01:03.760 and I've been, you know, working on how we're going 0:01:03.800 --> 0:01:06.160 to roll it out and you know, the promos behind 0:01:06.240 --> 0:01:07.840 you know, the publisher has to come up with all 0:01:07.840 --> 0:01:11.360 these ideas on how it's going to roll out on 0:01:11.400 --> 0:01:14.120 August first, and right now, it's going to be on 0:01:14.600 --> 0:01:16.720 pretty much every place that you could find a book. 0:01:17.040 --> 0:01:20.440 It's going to be there, but including the audiobook, which 0:01:20.440 --> 0:01:22.520 is which I'm excited about. But what I'm excited to 0:01:23.920 --> 0:01:26.240 in relation to this podcast is that a lot of 0:01:26.280 --> 0:01:31.040 these questions I get, we can I could I could say, hey, 0:01:31.120 --> 0:01:33.720 check out the book. You know, chapter six I talked 0:01:33.720 --> 0:01:36.640 about this happened to me. Your question happened to me, 0:01:37.280 --> 0:01:40.240 and here's a here's a here's the answer of how 0:01:40.280 --> 0:01:43.880 I walked through it. Take it as you please, right. 0:01:44.760 --> 0:01:47.640 And then the other thing is the other side of 0:01:47.680 --> 0:01:50.360 that is you guys could say, hey, I noticed that 0:01:50.440 --> 0:01:54.640 this happened to you, and I saw you wrestle it 0:01:54.680 --> 0:01:57.080 with with it this way, and I did it this way, 0:01:57.480 --> 0:02:00.320 and we could discuss that way anyway. I think it's 0:02:00.360 --> 0:02:05.280 a great conversation starter, and so I'll probably talking about 0:02:05.280 --> 0:02:08.160 that as we continue on, and maybe maybe we can 0:02:08.200 --> 0:02:11.200 get more in depth about what the book is about. 0:02:11.480 --> 0:02:17.160 It's about surviving grief, but it's just it's this is 0:02:17.200 --> 0:02:20.000 a heads up that we have fun times coming with 0:02:20.000 --> 0:02:24.000 the podcast, especially after Like a River August. First, let's 0:02:24.000 --> 0:02:27.600 get to the first question here. I don't I don't 0:02:27.960 --> 0:02:32.280 prepare for these, so this is all random. Subdecline says 0:02:32.320 --> 0:02:36.320 mental health for me and my family. Hey, Grindrick, my 0:02:36.400 --> 0:02:39.880 name is Zach. Your music helps me get through a lot. 0:02:40.840 --> 0:02:44.840 My grandma and Grandpa are declining in health and won't 0:02:44.919 --> 0:02:48.480 take care of themselves. When me or my wife or 0:02:48.520 --> 0:02:51.320 my mom try to help them, they get upset and 0:02:51.360 --> 0:02:54.080 get mad at us for trying to help. Where we 0:02:54.160 --> 0:02:57.160 schedule doctor's appointments and they won't go, and then they 0:02:57.160 --> 0:03:00.800 blame us for that as well. I'm trying to find 0:03:00.800 --> 0:03:03.840 peace with the whole situation. And on top of that, 0:03:03.880 --> 0:03:05.800 my family gets upset when we reach out to my 0:03:05.800 --> 0:03:10.840 grandparents because they favor my aunt and her kids. Okay, 0:03:11.080 --> 0:03:13.760 So then he ends up by saying any kind of 0:03:13.800 --> 0:03:18.440 guidance would be appreciated, Thank you, Zach. Zach sounds like 0:03:18.440 --> 0:03:20.560 it sounds like, especially at the end there, there's like 0:03:20.600 --> 0:03:23.120 some family dynamics that I don't know about, but that 0:03:23.360 --> 0:03:25.440 I don't think that's the point of your email. Let's 0:03:25.440 --> 0:03:30.720 talk about your grandparents. They're declining in health, they won't 0:03:30.760 --> 0:03:32.600 take care, they won't take care of themselves, and they 0:03:32.600 --> 0:03:37.520 get mad if you try. Well, I don't think. I 0:03:38.080 --> 0:03:42.160 don't think yet you have thought about it from their perspective, 0:03:44.240 --> 0:03:47.600 and that's probably where I would go in my you know, 0:03:48.760 --> 0:03:51.040 fireside chat with you. That's what we're doing. We're sitting 0:03:51.040 --> 0:03:55.800 by the campfire, and I would say, Zach, just because 0:03:55.840 --> 0:04:01.600 somebody that you love doesn't want or need or ask 0:04:01.680 --> 0:04:06.480 for your help, it doesn't mean that they don't love you, 0:04:06.840 --> 0:04:08.840 or that you don't love them enough or you're not 0:04:09.000 --> 0:04:14.360 trying hard enough. What if they're just content with where 0:04:14.360 --> 0:04:18.360 and who they are. That's sometimes that's hard to swallow, 0:04:18.400 --> 0:04:21.000 as you know a grandson like you are, and you're like, hey, 0:04:21.440 --> 0:04:23.760 I want you guys to take care of yourself so 0:04:23.960 --> 0:04:26.320 that I can get ten or fifteen more years out 0:04:26.360 --> 0:04:31.400 of you. Hey, I know that deep down you wouldn't 0:04:31.480 --> 0:04:33.760 say that. I wouldn't say that, No one would say 0:04:33.800 --> 0:04:37.080 that out loud. But deep down that's the issue here, 0:04:37.200 --> 0:04:42.840 isn't it. You want them on this earth so you 0:04:42.920 --> 0:04:46.719 could be with them and benefit from them and you 0:04:46.720 --> 0:04:49.800 don't have to hurt from the loss of them four, ten, fifteen, 0:04:49.880 --> 0:04:55.359 twenty more years. What if you take yourself out of 0:04:55.360 --> 0:04:58.520 it and listen, I'm trying to kind of tread lightly 0:04:58.560 --> 0:04:59.880 on this, but what if you take yourself out of 0:05:00.120 --> 0:05:03.600 and you're like, they are happy right now. They don't 0:05:03.600 --> 0:05:07.040 want to worry about medical stuff and hearing the doctor 0:05:07.080 --> 0:05:09.960 tell them that they're getting old and they have something 0:05:09.960 --> 0:05:13.080 else wrong with them that might require surgery or some 0:05:13.240 --> 0:05:16.040 kind of hospital stay. They cost a lot of money. 0:05:17.080 --> 0:05:21.359 They would rather just do their thing, just do the 0:05:21.440 --> 0:05:24.479 routine that they love to do. And if that cost 0:05:24.600 --> 0:05:29.320 them a little bit earlier passing in their life, if that, 0:05:29.480 --> 0:05:32.239 if that costs them, you know, a little bit less 0:05:32.279 --> 0:05:35.640 off to the top of their life, then they're okay 0:05:35.680 --> 0:05:40.040 with that. The question is are you okay with them 0:05:40.320 --> 0:05:45.000 being content? You could still love them in a way 0:05:45.040 --> 0:05:48.919 that you go, Hey, I'm concerned about you, guys, but 0:05:49.720 --> 0:05:52.719 I'm not going to push anything because you've lived a 0:05:52.720 --> 0:05:55.760 lot longer than me. Grandpa. You've seen this, You've seen 0:05:55.760 --> 0:05:59.320 a lot more stuff than I have. And maybe, just maybe, 0:05:59.440 --> 0:06:01.359 by the time I get to your age, Lord Willing, 0:06:02.160 --> 0:06:03.880 I feel the same way as you. It's like, Hey, 0:06:04.480 --> 0:06:07.240 don't want to go to doctor. It's gonna get me 0:06:07.320 --> 0:06:09.560 more years. He's gonna keep me alive for a few 0:06:09.600 --> 0:06:14.719 more years. I don't know if I want that. It's interesting, 0:06:14.760 --> 0:06:17.000 but I don't think you've thought of it that way, 0:06:17.120 --> 0:06:20.960 and so I want to suggest it. Okay, just love them, 0:06:21.320 --> 0:06:24.200 Just love them. You don't have to Loving someone doesn't 0:06:24.240 --> 0:06:26.120 mean you got to keep up with them. And make 0:06:26.160 --> 0:06:30.680 sure they're taking their medicine. That doesn't mean that just 0:06:30.720 --> 0:06:35.560 be there for him, be there to facilitate whatever they want, right, 0:06:36.560 --> 0:06:38.359 I mean you don't want to. I'm not saying go 0:06:38.440 --> 0:06:41.920 too far and let them. Actually they're physically hurting themselves, 0:06:42.640 --> 0:06:45.120 but to some extent if they want some they want 0:06:45.120 --> 0:06:48.520 to eat some ice cream, and they got high cholesterol 0:06:49.360 --> 0:06:51.960 and they're eighty five years old, just let them eat 0:06:51.960 --> 0:07:00.680 the ice cream. Right. Thanks for the emailing, buddy. Next question, 0:07:00.920 --> 0:07:04.719 Sepicliente says, does attraction matter? Hey, Grainder been listening to 0:07:04.760 --> 0:07:07.120 the podcast for a while now, and I've gotten so 0:07:07.200 --> 0:07:10.280 much good advice from it. Thank you. I got to 0:07:10.320 --> 0:07:15.840 ask a question. Excuse me. I got asked out by 0:07:15.960 --> 0:07:21.080 a good Christian a few days ago. I've known him 0:07:21.120 --> 0:07:23.880 for a while and he's a genuinely great guy. He 0:07:23.960 --> 0:07:28.400 checks all the boxes. I just don't really feel attracted 0:07:28.440 --> 0:07:33.720 to him in a romantic way. Does attraction matter? Or 0:07:33.800 --> 0:07:38.680 should I listen to what logically makes sense? Thanks for 0:07:38.720 --> 0:07:42.320 all you do, Anonymous, Anonymous, thank you for the email. 0:07:42.680 --> 0:07:45.040 I think it's a good question. I think it's a 0:07:45.040 --> 0:07:48.760 good question because we all know these people that kind 0:07:48.800 --> 0:07:52.720 of check all the right boxes, except there's just nothing there. 0:07:53.000 --> 0:07:58.600 There's no chemistry, nothing gives you the butterflies. And you ask, 0:07:58.760 --> 0:08:04.000 doesn't matter? I say, yes, I think it does. I 0:08:04.000 --> 0:08:08.840 think attraction is is there for a reason, it's it's 0:08:09.640 --> 0:08:12.920 attraction isn't just frivolous. We could look at it. Sometimes 0:08:13.000 --> 0:08:16.920 we go, oh, you know, appearances on the outside don't 0:08:16.960 --> 0:08:19.120 matter as much as the inside. We say that all 0:08:19.160 --> 0:08:22.800 the time, right, just tell someone you can't judge a 0:08:22.840 --> 0:08:26.920 book by this cover. We say that, okay, and and 0:08:26.960 --> 0:08:30.680 that's right. There's nothing wrong with saying that and believing 0:08:30.760 --> 0:08:34.880 those those you know, core virtues that what's on the 0:08:34.920 --> 0:08:38.880 inside is more valuable and more longer lasting, and that 0:08:39.040 --> 0:08:42.520 everything on the outside will eventually get old and wither 0:08:42.520 --> 0:08:46.079 away and be gone. Right, So we don't We don't 0:08:46.720 --> 0:08:51.600 stay because of the way someone looks. We stay with 0:08:51.679 --> 0:08:54.160 them because of the connection we have in our heart 0:08:54.280 --> 0:08:58.360 and the the the inner connection of who they are 0:08:58.400 --> 0:09:02.520 as a person. That's what makes a lasting relationship, and 0:09:02.559 --> 0:09:05.480 that's what everyone ultimately wants, is that person that you 0:09:05.480 --> 0:09:07.760 could sit on the porch with in the rocking chair 0:09:08.240 --> 0:09:11.120 when you're eighty years old and you're holding hands. You know, 0:09:11.880 --> 0:09:15.640 and at that point doesn't matter what they look like anymore. No, 0:09:16.960 --> 0:09:19.600 But because of all that all just said, I don't 0:09:19.640 --> 0:09:24.120 think we just toss away attraction because it's a natural 0:09:24.520 --> 0:09:28.920 part of relationships. It's a natural part of how we're 0:09:28.960 --> 0:09:33.640 created to be. It's a natural part of boy meets girl. 0:09:33.800 --> 0:09:37.760 Boy is attracted by girl and therefore ask her out 0:09:38.679 --> 0:09:44.839 because initially he sees that attraction initially, right, and then 0:09:45.040 --> 0:09:46.720 he gets to know her and he falls in love 0:09:46.760 --> 0:09:50.120 with her and who she is. But it's there for 0:09:50.160 --> 0:09:53.040 a reason, so that he doesn't just ask everyone out. 0:09:53.240 --> 0:09:56.080 He doesn't see every girl on a street that's around 0:09:56.080 --> 0:09:58.800 his age, and regardless of what they look like, he 0:09:58.920 --> 0:10:01.560 just ask him out and tries to get coffee with 0:10:01.640 --> 0:10:04.440 them to see if there's a connection. That that's why 0:10:04.480 --> 0:10:09.560 attraction exists, right, So we don't count it out. And yes, 0:10:09.920 --> 0:10:13.360 to answer your question, does it matter, Yes, it matters. 0:10:14.600 --> 0:10:17.679 So you got a guy he checks all the boxes. 0:10:18.320 --> 0:10:22.240 I wouldn't count him out yet, because hey, y'all correct 0:10:22.240 --> 0:10:27.480 me if I'm wrong. But girls can be attracted later 0:10:28.120 --> 0:10:31.480 after their heart's a little bit more connected. I don't 0:10:31.480 --> 0:10:35.000 think guys do that as much. They can. It's possible, 0:10:35.640 --> 0:10:39.320 but it's more likely that a girl could get to 0:10:39.400 --> 0:10:41.679 be friends with the guy that she's not attracted to, 0:10:42.480 --> 0:10:45.800 and then gets a little more intimate in their conversations. 0:10:45.800 --> 0:10:47.760 She finds out how sweet he is, how he serves 0:10:47.840 --> 0:10:51.120 his mother, how he you know, what a good guy 0:10:51.200 --> 0:10:53.560 he is when they go, you know, when she sees 0:10:53.600 --> 0:10:56.360 him out and walking his dog or whatever, and then 0:10:56.400 --> 0:10:58.640 she's like, man, I'm really starting to like this guy. 0:11:00.080 --> 0:11:03.000 Guys don't do that as often, but girls can so. 0:11:03.080 --> 0:11:04.760 For you, I would say, don't don't kick him to 0:11:04.800 --> 0:11:10.280 the curb, continue to talk with them, go grab coffee, 0:11:11.160 --> 0:11:17.400 hang out in groups. But if there's not an attraction, ultimately, 0:11:17.440 --> 0:11:20.520 it's not going to work. You can't just put that 0:11:20.559 --> 0:11:24.360 off forever and say eventually, it doesn't matter if I 0:11:24.400 --> 0:11:26.440 like him or not, it's all about what's on the inside. 0:11:27.280 --> 0:11:30.880 He's not handsome at all. To me. Is that what 0:11:30.920 --> 0:11:35.520 you want? Is that what you deserve? Anonymous? Is that 0:11:35.559 --> 0:11:38.320 what you want? A guy that checks the boxes but 0:11:38.320 --> 0:11:41.719 you're not attracted to him. I think you're going to 0:11:41.760 --> 0:11:44.120 find a guy that you are attracted to and you 0:11:44.200 --> 0:11:48.000 connect with that checks all the boxes. That's the guy 0:11:48.040 --> 0:11:51.920 for you. I don't think that's too much to ask. 0:11:55.640 --> 0:11:59.000 Next question, subject client says, what should I do? They're 0:11:59.000 --> 0:12:02.040 going Your name is Kyle eighteen from New Jersey. Just 0:12:02.080 --> 0:12:05.000 recently found your podcast and I've been listening and it's 0:12:05.040 --> 0:12:08.440 really helped me grow. And I'm also going through a breakup. 0:12:09.120 --> 0:12:11.400 This girl and I broke up because her dad is 0:12:11.520 --> 0:12:15.280 very controlling in her life and thought that she was 0:12:15.400 --> 0:12:18.439 not focused on school because she was in a relationship 0:12:18.440 --> 0:12:25.000 with me. But he also liked me. But he made 0:12:25.120 --> 0:12:28.720 her and her twin sister block me on social media 0:12:29.160 --> 0:12:32.000 trying to follow this email here and I never got 0:12:32.000 --> 0:12:34.920 a reason or anything behind it. They stopped contacting me, 0:12:35.320 --> 0:12:37.679 and I've not contacted them. It's been two months since 0:12:37.720 --> 0:12:40.680 it's happened. I was wondering should I reach out or 0:12:40.760 --> 0:12:43.880 let it be. I've moved on, but at the same time, 0:12:43.960 --> 0:12:46.480 I want to know why all of this treatment happened 0:12:46.520 --> 0:12:49.840 to me. I'm going to college with her sister next year, 0:12:49.920 --> 0:12:51.720 so I'm not sure if I should wait till I ask. 0:12:51.840 --> 0:12:54.560 Then it was the biggest wake up call in my life, 0:12:54.559 --> 0:12:59.000 and I found myself and was able to self supply 0:12:59.240 --> 0:13:01.960 my own happiness. Yes, but I would not love but 0:13:02.080 --> 0:13:04.360 I would love to get your opinion here. Thank you, Kyle. 0:13:04.800 --> 0:13:08.320 All Right, Kyle, I think I'm following when your brother. 0:13:08.360 --> 0:13:11.439 Thank you for the email. I appreciate it and shout 0:13:11.440 --> 0:13:17.400 out to New Jersey. Let's break this down here. First 0:13:17.440 --> 0:13:22.360 of all, let's talk about the relationship, the breakup, the dad. 0:13:23.040 --> 0:13:26.840 Let's justify the dad real quick. The dad is telling 0:13:26.880 --> 0:13:29.240 his daughter, I don't think I don't think you should 0:13:29.280 --> 0:13:32.480 be with this guy because he's making you not focus 0:13:32.559 --> 0:13:38.680 on school. Okay, we can't blame him for that, especially 0:13:38.760 --> 0:13:40.720 since we don't know. I don't know all the information, 0:13:41.480 --> 0:13:44.200 but I don't think he just made that up. I 0:13:44.200 --> 0:13:48.400 think there would be some kind of legitimate reason that 0:13:48.480 --> 0:13:51.160 he thinks you are taking more attention away from her 0:13:51.240 --> 0:13:53.839 school and she needs to be focusing on school right now. 0:13:54.120 --> 0:13:57.320 She's probably about sixteen, seventeen, eighteen years old, and I 0:13:57.320 --> 0:14:02.240 can't say I disagree with dad. Right I've got a daughter. 0:14:02.320 --> 0:14:04.480 I think I might tell her the same thing if 0:14:04.480 --> 0:14:06.800 she was getting a little too close to some guy. 0:14:07.120 --> 0:14:09.839 It's like, hey, I need you to back away from 0:14:09.840 --> 0:14:11.640 this guy because I need you to focus on school 0:14:11.720 --> 0:14:15.040 right now. There's plenty of time for this later. I 0:14:15.559 --> 0:14:17.600 don't think that's a bad thing, So let's not blame 0:14:17.679 --> 0:14:21.960 dad without knowing the whole story. Secondly, he made her 0:14:22.280 --> 0:14:24.920 and her sister block you on social media. Now there's 0:14:24.920 --> 0:14:27.160 a lot of reasons for that. I don't think that 0:14:27.160 --> 0:14:30.120 that's not necessarily a bad thing either. I talk about 0:14:30.160 --> 0:14:33.000 that all the time or recommend people block people on 0:14:33.040 --> 0:14:35.480 social media on this podcast all the time. It has 0:14:35.520 --> 0:14:38.840 nothing to do with not liking the person. It's more 0:14:38.880 --> 0:14:41.520 about just being able to health, have a lot of 0:14:41.560 --> 0:14:45.760 health and moving on and just be be be out 0:14:45.760 --> 0:14:48.960 of side, out of mind for your own heart to heal, 0:14:49.160 --> 0:14:53.400 not for not for you know, being a bad guy 0:14:53.440 --> 0:14:56.760 to the other person. Right, So I'm not blaming him 0:14:56.760 --> 0:14:59.760 for either of these things. So then it comes to you, 0:14:59.760 --> 0:15:03.320 what should you do. You're confused, you don't know why 0:15:03.400 --> 0:15:07.000 they did this, and the dad said break up and 0:15:07.040 --> 0:15:13.120 then block him. So then you're asking this question. I've 0:15:13.160 --> 0:15:16.880 been wondering if I should reach out or let it be, Kyle, 0:15:16.960 --> 0:15:21.840 let it be, don't reach out, let it be. Nothing 0:15:21.920 --> 0:15:25.560 good can happen from this. You're not gonna go in 0:15:25.600 --> 0:15:29.280 there and change things like all of a sudden, now 0:15:29.600 --> 0:15:31.920 the dad likes you, or now the dad's out of 0:15:31.920 --> 0:15:34.160 the picture, and he doesn't speak into her life as 0:15:34.240 --> 0:15:38.080 much like he'd used to. It's been two months, brother. No, 0:15:38.880 --> 0:15:42.680 you're done. You're done. You're blocked. You're blocked on social media. 0:15:42.840 --> 0:15:45.040 If I tell someone on this podcast to block somebody 0:15:45.920 --> 0:15:49.400 on social media, it's for their own healing. And so 0:15:49.440 --> 0:15:52.160 I don't want that person, the person they blocked, going 0:15:52.160 --> 0:15:55.200 through the back door and coming in through the window 0:15:55.200 --> 0:15:58.840 in the kitchen and interrupting their life. Again, it's no 0:15:58.880 --> 0:16:02.520 offense to you, that's just what the scenario is calling for. No, 0:16:02.720 --> 0:16:06.880 you're done. Now, that's finished. Now let's go to the 0:16:06.960 --> 0:16:09.320 end of the email, because to me, it gets even 0:16:09.320 --> 0:16:14.280 more interesting you say this last sentence. It was the 0:16:14.320 --> 0:16:17.240 biggest wake up call in my life, and I found 0:16:17.240 --> 0:16:21.040 myself and was able to self supply my own happiness. 0:16:23.200 --> 0:16:29.440 H I don't believe you, Kyle. I love you, brother, 0:16:29.840 --> 0:16:31.440 and I wish I could talk to you face to face, 0:16:31.480 --> 0:16:34.360 But I don't believe you because I was once eighteen 0:16:36.560 --> 0:16:39.520 and the fact that you could find your you found 0:16:39.560 --> 0:16:42.600 yourself once again, Kyle. I letna say all this out 0:16:42.640 --> 0:16:45.440 of love. Okay, this is just tough love. I'm gonna 0:16:45.440 --> 0:16:48.280 say all this because I actually care about you, and 0:16:48.360 --> 0:16:53.359 not not because I dislike you. But you found yourself? 0:16:53.680 --> 0:16:57.400 Where were you hiding? Where did you go? How did 0:16:57.440 --> 0:17:03.120 you lose yourself? That's my first question. And you go, ah, Granger, 0:17:03.280 --> 0:17:05.760 you know what I mean. Man, I've found myself Like 0:17:05.800 --> 0:17:08.720 I didn't. I didn't know who who, I hadn't come 0:17:08.720 --> 0:17:12.119 into my own yet. I'm like, I get it. But 0:17:12.200 --> 0:17:17.320 I'm saying, if you were lost, you found yourself where? 0:17:18.119 --> 0:17:21.520 How did you What did you read? Who did you 0:17:21.600 --> 0:17:24.760 hear from? What did you do in the two months 0:17:24.800 --> 0:17:26.840 since you broke up with your girlfriend? You go, oh, 0:17:27.040 --> 0:17:29.760 now I found myself. I was lost before, but now 0:17:29.800 --> 0:17:33.440 I'm found. Tell me more about that. Second of all, 0:17:34.200 --> 0:17:36.760 I want talked about the lie that you the lie 0:17:36.960 --> 0:17:39.760 that has been fed to you. It's not your lie, 0:17:40.320 --> 0:17:42.440 it's a lie of the world that has been fed 0:17:42.480 --> 0:17:46.399 to you that tells you that you have the ability 0:17:46.760 --> 0:17:53.800 to quote self supply your own happiness. How do you 0:17:53.840 --> 0:17:58.160 do that? Can you produce more of that and sell 0:17:58.200 --> 0:18:00.239 it to other people so that they could buy some 0:18:00.280 --> 0:18:03.520 of your happiness because you are a self supplier of it. 0:18:04.400 --> 0:18:07.720 I want to tell you, brother, that's not possible. You 0:18:07.840 --> 0:18:15.040 have been. I don't want to try. I want to 0:18:15.080 --> 0:18:18.520 tread lightly here because I don't want to I don't 0:18:18.520 --> 0:18:21.120 want you to take it the wrong way that I'm 0:18:21.160 --> 0:18:24.800 just kind of dogging on you. But I want to 0:18:24.800 --> 0:18:28.240 tell you. I want to give you a warning. I 0:18:28.280 --> 0:18:34.760 was once eighteen, for sure. And if you come to 0:18:34.800 --> 0:18:38.560 the conclusion that you have the ability to find yourself 0:18:38.600 --> 0:18:41.719 when you're lost and self supply your own happiness, I 0:18:41.760 --> 0:18:44.359 promise you that is leading down a path that you 0:18:44.400 --> 0:18:46.720 will not be able to recover from. Let me put 0:18:46.760 --> 0:18:52.080 it this way. If you're driving down a road and 0:18:52.160 --> 0:18:56.119 you realize that you have control of the vehicle, and 0:18:56.200 --> 0:18:58.440 you finally realize that not only do you have control 0:18:58.480 --> 0:19:01.280 of the vehicle, but you have control of the road itself, 0:19:02.800 --> 0:19:04.600 then that might work for a little bit. You might 0:19:04.600 --> 0:19:07.560 be able to get around some potholes, you might be 0:19:07.560 --> 0:19:10.960 able to avoid a couple of head on incidents from 0:19:10.960 --> 0:19:13.879 people driving on the wrong side of the road. But 0:19:14.000 --> 0:19:18.440 one day the bridge will be out. You'll be driving 0:19:18.480 --> 0:19:23.280 down the road and the bridge is gone, and suddenly 0:19:23.760 --> 0:19:27.960 you driving your car and control realize you might be 0:19:27.960 --> 0:19:30.920 able to control that, but you cannot control the road itself. 0:19:32.880 --> 0:19:38.160 And at that point, what will you rely on your 0:19:38.240 --> 0:19:45.840 self supplied happiness? What happens when your self supply runs out? 0:19:46.560 --> 0:19:48.560 This is something I want you to wrestle with. I 0:19:48.560 --> 0:19:52.240 want you to think on hard, and it's not something 0:19:52.240 --> 0:19:54.040 that you might just come up with all at once, 0:19:54.080 --> 0:19:56.880 But I want to challenge you and say you didn't 0:19:56.920 --> 0:20:02.360 find yourself, you weren't lost, and you cannot self supply 0:20:03.520 --> 0:20:10.000 your own happiness. Keep listening to this podcast. I appreciate you. Brother. 0:20:10.720 --> 0:20:13.080 Let's catch up one of these days. In first, we'll 0:20:13.119 --> 0:20:19.440 take a break and be read back. Podcast is brought 0:20:19.440 --> 0:20:22.760 to you all today by manscathed breaking news here. Manscaped 0:20:22.840 --> 0:20:27.200 now sells beard products. That's right there, once again revolutionizing 0:20:27.359 --> 0:20:30.880 men's grooming with the brand new beard Hedger Pro Kit. 0:20:31.320 --> 0:20:34.159 From a beard trim to a fresh shave. 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That's my email and I will go through 0:22:59.560 --> 0:23:02.119 these emails now. Okay, no notes in front of me, 0:23:02.160 --> 0:23:05.879 no quotes, books, you know, So making this up as 0:23:05.920 --> 0:23:08.240 I go and hearing this as I read it for 0:23:08.280 --> 0:23:13.160 the first time with you. Okay, the next question here 0:23:13.359 --> 0:23:17.560 is subject line says anonymous, because they know that sometimes 0:23:17.600 --> 0:23:22.600 I mess that up. Anonymous scripture direction email says, hey Granger, 0:23:23.280 --> 0:23:26.480 I have a deep rooted battle with rejection that stems 0:23:26.520 --> 0:23:29.960 back to my toddler years. I have endured several different 0:23:30.080 --> 0:23:33.760 levels of abuse from physical, sexual, verbal, and mental. After 0:23:33.840 --> 0:23:38.440 eight years of not dating and focusing on myself healthy, 0:23:39.400 --> 0:23:43.480 on getting myself healthy, and even finally obtaining my VA 0:23:43.560 --> 0:23:48.160 and MBA, but my new boyfriend did something not maliciously 0:23:48.720 --> 0:23:53.200 and unknowingly that seemed to send me back into fear, 0:23:53.320 --> 0:23:57.880 insecurity and self doubt of rejection. My question is what 0:23:58.040 --> 0:24:02.240 scripture can you recommend? And battling my own heart and 0:24:02.359 --> 0:24:11.840 mind about the rejection, insecurities, and self doubt. Thanks for everything, Anonymous. Okay, 0:24:12.000 --> 0:24:15.200 I am going to keep you anonymous because you said 0:24:15.200 --> 0:24:19.800 it three times and I will respect that. Thank you 0:24:19.840 --> 0:24:21.760 so much for the email, Thanks for being vulnerable, Thanks 0:24:21.800 --> 0:24:24.119 for listening to the podcast and trusting me with something 0:24:24.160 --> 0:24:28.159 that's very very difficult for you. And so that's I 0:24:28.200 --> 0:24:32.040 don't take that lightly. That's not lost on me. I 0:24:32.040 --> 0:24:34.400 don't know the details. I don't know and I don't 0:24:34.440 --> 0:24:37.240 need to know what you've battled with stemming back to 0:24:37.280 --> 0:24:39.640 your toddler years. And I don't need to know what 0:24:39.760 --> 0:24:44.400 your new boyfriend did, but I can answer your question 0:24:44.440 --> 0:24:51.240 about scripture. You say this, what scripture can be recommended 0:24:51.600 --> 0:24:54.400