Speaker 1: Nicky Glazer. Yes, here's Nikki. Hey everyone, Nicki Glazer, Welcome
Speaker 1: to the Glazer Podcast. Um oh, I was just gonna
Speaker 1: do an impressive of my mom and then I looked
Speaker 1: down and my mom was calling me. I should have
Speaker 1: picked up, but it hung up on her. I think
Speaker 1: it was a buck dial. She rarely calls me. Um,
Speaker 1: Nick wait. I wonder what she would say, Nick, what
Speaker 1: are they? What? Uh? Where did you get? That's what's
Speaker 1: the name of that site again that you use? Um?
Speaker 1: Push on it, push push Matt, push Matt. Uh posh
Speaker 1: mark Mom. She's so disappointed me in those in those
Speaker 1: boots that she opened up. I just saw the disappointment
Speaker 1: on our face of goes what you paid twenty bucks?
Speaker 1: Oh forty two? All right? Sorry coming not a big dale,
Speaker 1: just kidding. Thank you for all the replies yesterday about
Speaker 1: my mom. I got a lot of d m s
Speaker 1: being like wow, she we've never really heard her. Um,
Speaker 1: and you sound exactly like her when you do an impression.
Speaker 1: I thought she killed it. And you know, afterwards, I
Speaker 1: was running around frantically trying to get to my next thing,
Speaker 1: and I didn't have time to go like I did
Speaker 1: say like great, job. That was awesome. You know, all
Speaker 1: the things you say after a performance is done. Um,
Speaker 1: but I'm while I'm like uploading video and like, you know,
Speaker 1: just mom, that was seriously so good, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: And you know I could just tell she was just like,
Speaker 1: what's that good? And I'm just it's so interesting. People
Speaker 1: that don't work regularly in you know, podcasting or broadcast
Speaker 1: whatever it is, I forget they need validation. And why
Speaker 1: do I forget that? I mean I needed so much too.
Speaker 1: I think the problem with my mom is, and I
Speaker 1: later was telling my dad, is that when you give it,
Speaker 1: she negates, it goes You're no, it was I was terrible. No, Mom,
Speaker 1: I got a d M about how um beautiful you
Speaker 1: were this weekend. I sent her the screenshot of like
Speaker 1: someone who met her and was like, God, your mom's beautiful.
Speaker 1: They will they'll say anything. Okay. Well they also said
Speaker 1: that they enjoyed my show. Well it was it's just
Speaker 1: like okay, So eventually you just stopped giving people compliments
Speaker 1: if they can't take them. Um. And it always brings
Speaker 1: me back to that inside Amy Schoomer sketch of that
Speaker 1: I did. I think was first season for her show
Speaker 1: where a bunch of girls are meeting up to give
Speaker 1: each other compliments, or like meeting up to spreading to
Speaker 1: each other in the park, giving each other compliments, and
Speaker 1: none of us can take compliments or none of the
Speaker 1: girls are like they're all just like no, my god,
Speaker 1: I'm like disgusting. Oh my god, Like I uh, what
Speaker 1: do they say? They're like, um, oh my god, you
Speaker 1: have like your tips are amazing. They're like kay parodies
Speaker 1: and they're like, yeah, Katy Pergis, it's for the Holocaust.
Speaker 1: It was just like stuff like that, like you're right,
Speaker 1: I'm disgusting. One girl is pregnant and just oh my god,
Speaker 1: you're pregnant. She's like, are you kidding me? I'm like
Speaker 1: a hundred years old. When I burth this thing, it's
Speaker 1: just gonna be like a bunch of cobwebs, like just
Speaker 1: every girl negating the compliments. And then I stroll up
Speaker 1: and they're like, oh my god, I love your jacket
Speaker 1: and I'm like thanks, and all the girls are just
Speaker 1: like what, like they can't understand a girl that would
Speaker 1: take a compliment. And then our everyone's head to explodes.
Speaker 1: One girl walks into traffic, Another girl just takes a
Speaker 1: gun out of her purse and blows her head off
Speaker 1: just because they can't handle. It's really funny. I just
Speaker 1: ruined it for you. But um, yeah, yesterday I was
Speaker 1: doing something and um, every girl that worked at this
Speaker 1: place was like gorgeous. And I said to my friend
Speaker 1: who is a manager there, and you know, like runs it.
Speaker 1: I go, what is this? What what you're hiring models?
Speaker 1: I go, this isn't you know, Hooters? But I mean
Speaker 1: I couldn't think of an example of a place that
Speaker 1: hires beautiful women like this isn't what's the name of
Speaker 1: like a nice class? Literally, my references are so terrible.
Speaker 1: I need to like expose myself to more things. I
Speaker 1: need to read more. What's like a place that hires
Speaker 1: like super hot women? I you know what I said.
Speaker 1: I ended up going this this is like them because
Speaker 1: it was like a place where you rent canoes? I go,
Speaker 1: this is the pretty woman like big mistake, huge of
Speaker 1: of outdoor activities, Um, because it just seemed like all
Speaker 1: the girls there were like better than me and so hot. Um,
Speaker 1: what's like a club? Like if you were if I
Speaker 1: was to say, Noah, what is an exclusive club where
Speaker 1: all the women that work there are hot, like you know,
Speaker 1: one of the hide That's all I can think of.
Speaker 1: I know that was a cool place to go to. Oh,
Speaker 1: I guess the first thing. I didn't realize it was
Speaker 1: a club, but the first thing that came to mind
Speaker 1: is European Wax Center. Oh my god, that's really that's
Speaker 1: a great reference. All the women they were so beautiful. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like all the receptionists are just studying. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: you were right about that. It's so funny because my
Speaker 1: friend used to go there to get his back laser
Speaker 1: hair removed and he used to have stress about it
Speaker 1: because he was like, the receptionists are so hot. It's
Speaker 1: so funny you would say that. See, this is the
Speaker 1: joy of having people in your life that comedians, because
Speaker 1: you can go what's the first thing you think of
Speaker 1: when you think of this, and then they say something
Speaker 1: and you're like, that's more genius and on point than
Speaker 1: anything I could have come up with in my brain.
Speaker 1: Um So I'm gonna use that next as my example
Speaker 1: when you jumped me. No, European Wax Center is so
Speaker 1: funny because everyone either knows about that place and it
Speaker 1: seems like a place that hot girls would work or
Speaker 1: you've been there and it's actually verified. But yesterday no,
Speaker 1: uh um, there was a girl there at this place,
Speaker 1: younger girl, and she had pink hot pink like eyelinder
Speaker 1: under her eyelet, like not over like the bottom, hot pink,
Speaker 1: which putting pink next to your I, let's be honest,
Speaker 1: kind of a risk, because there is an affliction called
Speaker 1: a pink guy. So if you're not, if you're dealing
Speaker 1: with like a kind of bacterial infection pink color, you're
Speaker 1: it's you're treading into territory. So today I did a
Speaker 1: hot pick under eye liner which I used, um ah
Speaker 1: lip pencil liner, and I don't know what it's gonna
Speaker 1: look like from a far off shot. You can see
Speaker 1: it on the YouTube in a couple of days when
Speaker 1: this uploads. You know, we have a YouTube channel. Now
Speaker 1: you can see all of my Tailor Swift shirts that
Speaker 1: I've been wearing. Now I think this is probably day eleven.
Speaker 1: I'm kind of scraping the bottom of the barrel. I'm
Speaker 1: saving some faves for later, but this one is just
Speaker 1: you know, this one is very understated. People might say
Speaker 1: that's not a Sailor Swift shirt. You're damn righted as
Speaker 1: is from the reputation towards a tank top. It's a
Speaker 1: muscle T. I love a good muscle T. What do
Speaker 1: you think about, um, pink under the eye eyeliner? Okay,
Speaker 1: I used to have a pink eyeshadow that I really
Speaker 1: loved and um, I like, I think that red is
Speaker 1: a primary color of green and my eyes are green,
Speaker 1: so like the pink tone popped out my green color more. Yes,
Speaker 1: So I loved it. And blonde classically looks great with pink.
Speaker 1: That is kind of why I love pink so much.
Speaker 1: It's whenever I wear that color, people go, oh my god,
Speaker 1: you look amazing, Like it's just a good color on me. Um,
Speaker 1: I think it's because of the blonde air, maybe my
Speaker 1: skin tone when I spray Sally Hansen. But you're right
Speaker 1: about the You know what taught me about the eye
Speaker 1: color and like what colors you should use was that
Speaker 1: Alme campaign back in probably two thousand seven eight. Does
Speaker 1: anyone remember that. I know I'm gonna get dams from girls.
Speaker 1: They would give you a palette. I think they still
Speaker 1: do it, and it's like what color your eye is,
Speaker 1: and then it's like a brown blue for me was
Speaker 1: brown blue, like tope or like gold, and it was
Speaker 1: for like blue eyes and they weren't wrong like those colors.
Speaker 1: Browns do suit me more than you know other colors.
Speaker 1: But um, yeah, I love learning little makeup tricks that
Speaker 1: I never thought of. I just go to this girl,
Speaker 1: do you have pink eyeliner under the under not over?
Speaker 1: And she goes yeah, and I'm like, I'm stealing that look,
Speaker 1: even though she was like definitely a different complexion than me,
Speaker 1: different hair, every couldn't be more different than me, but
Speaker 1: I was very into it. Um, No, how's your how's
Speaker 1: your day yesterday? I can I my day was great.
Speaker 1: I think I don't know. I can't even remember what
Speaker 1: yesterday was. To be honest with you, I know everything.
Speaker 1: You're like, can we do a B S B check? Okay?
Speaker 1: Body body? Um? Not that great. I took a UM.
Speaker 1: I took a class on Saturday. Um. It was like
Speaker 1: a tribute class for someone else at my gym who
Speaker 1: passed away. And they did like a seminar with some
Speaker 1: black belts and stuff. It's a it's a jiu jitsu gym.
Speaker 1: And I did a move where I had to do
Speaker 1: a role and I rolled on my neck the wrong way,
Speaker 1: So I'm just kind of like been off. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: just kind of like dealing with the with the neck
Speaker 1: like a muscle spasm, which stinks, but it's almost gone.
Speaker 1: So I'm very happy for you so bad. Would that
Speaker 1: feel good to like dig into it? Yes, I mean
Speaker 1: av he's been massaging it and putting tiger bomb and stuff,
Speaker 1: and when he massages it just feels like he's like
Speaker 1: putting a knife in my back and like just like
Speaker 1: moving it around. But it does feel good. Is it
Speaker 1: the way he's massaging or does he do everything like
Speaker 1: he does the soundtrack or the intro for fan Trax
Speaker 1: just yelled in my ear. Well he's a commander, right,
Speaker 1: um so he uh so any massage feels like a knife.
Speaker 1: It's just like a byproduct of having this muscle spasm
Speaker 1: because it, you know, it like walks in the back
Speaker 1: of my neck, but it affects my shoulder and my
Speaker 1: upper back. Yeah, it's like as it called when they
Speaker 1: say that it goes. It's I watched so many massage
Speaker 1: videos on the sm are I know. I usually know
Speaker 1: the word for um when it like radiates down, there's
Speaker 1: like a special word for that, and affects so many things. Yeah,
Speaker 1: forget the name for it, but I'm very common well sciatica. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but the word for it radiating down your leg it's
Speaker 1: um god, I forget it's it's like, oh, that's a
Speaker 1: blank spot. Like it means that it has impact everywhere,
Speaker 1: which really everywhere on your body has effect everywhere else.
Speaker 1: But um, I'm sorry. Okay, So be body is not great.
Speaker 1: Spirit spirits, good school, spirit school spirits, good Buzzy is
Speaker 1: getting uh, I keep forgetting what it is for boys.
Speaker 1: But he's getting snipped tomorrow, and I'm a little bit Yes, Spade,
Speaker 1: I think Spader Neuterard Spade because all of my dogs
Speaker 1: were Spade and I've only had male dogs besides Marion. Okay,
Speaker 1: so he's getting Spade tomorrow, and I'm just having a
Speaker 1: little bit of a I don't know, mom, I'm just nervous. Yeah,
Speaker 1: why I'm nervous, Just I don't like the thought of
Speaker 1: him being uh scared, not scared like um, anesthetized. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I just have a fear, not feeling, not
Speaker 1: having natural like cat impulses to fuck no no, no,
Speaker 1: anesthetized no, the the anesthesia. Yeah, yeah, being put to
Speaker 1: scott or whatever temporarily. Yeah, because it Yeah, I honestly,
Speaker 1: I just took Luigian for a check up to get
Speaker 1: anxiety meds. I got him on prozac and he is
Speaker 1: going to get a dental that's what they call it.
Speaker 1: It's pretty much just like tooth cleaning and they have
Speaker 1: to necetize him for. And I'm like, yes, isn't that
Speaker 1: kind of like adding danger to the whole thing? Like
Speaker 1: sometimes they don't wake up from that. I don't mean
Speaker 1: still on the age Okay, he's in a pretty good
Speaker 1: age category. I feel like most spangs, like I've never
Speaker 1: I really don't hear many times of dogs being you know,
Speaker 1: not waking up or cats not waking up, but I
Speaker 1: understand the anxiety of that. That was the moment that
Speaker 1: I knew Luigi was mine to keep when I was
Speaker 1: fostering him, was when he went and got spayed and
Speaker 1: the technician had him on the um. They had a
Speaker 1: Muslim because he was so freaked out and biting, you know,
Speaker 1: And at that point he wasn't even like warmed up
Speaker 1: to me that much. He was just barely I had
Speaker 1: him probably for like four days, and he was just
Speaker 1: kind of like I don't trust you, bitch. And then
Speaker 1: when he was on the table and the technician had
Speaker 1: muzzled him and was like you know, checking him, like
Speaker 1: feeling his glands and stuff, and Luigi just looked at me.
Speaker 1: And I think I've told this before, but he looked
Speaker 1: at me when I was waiting on the stairs like
Speaker 1: chair right next to him, like mom like do something
Speaker 1: like the eyes were like looking to me like you're
Speaker 1: you're you look After that look, I just like in
Speaker 1: my car and was like sobbing because it was just
Speaker 1: like something finally depends on me and loves me. And
Speaker 1: that was the moment I knew that he loved me,
Speaker 1: and I loved him like I was all he had
Speaker 1: in that world and he just like he I think
Speaker 1: he had to in that moment just accept me because
Speaker 1: I was the only one that was And then I
Speaker 1: just go by bitch, and I left and went to
Speaker 1: probably went to Starbucks. Um no. But then after that,
Speaker 1: I just cried in my car. I was like I
Speaker 1: know it's him because of that that look of like mama, um.
Speaker 1: I do wonder though, what do they do with the balls?
Speaker 1: What are they I do with buzzies balls? After they
Speaker 1: take them off. Um you can get an anklet made
Speaker 1: or a key chain. Um, I don't know. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm guessing just in the trash they recycled them. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I don't know. I'm going to ask though,
Speaker 1: because I'm so curious. Um, yeah, I mean, I that
Speaker 1: that's a great question. I think you should ask that.
Speaker 1: I was talking to my vet the their day and
Speaker 1: was talking about, you know, I've I've heard anecdotally I think,
Speaker 1: or maybe on Reddit somewhere, which you can only trust,
Speaker 1: that so much that veterinarians are the number one they
Speaker 1: kill themselves more than any profession. And we always used
Speaker 1: to hear dentists where that, which I don't know where
Speaker 1: that came from, but it's vets, and even the vets
Speaker 1: said it. She was like, yeah, you know, we are
Speaker 1: we are prone to depression because we have we get
Speaker 1: into this because we have like massive amounts of empathy.
Speaker 1: And it was more about I was like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: because I hear like you get into this business to
Speaker 1: save animals and you end up putting them down all day.
Speaker 1: She was like, it is that, but it's more that
Speaker 1: you know, when if someone cries, like because I have
Speaker 1: involved with animals. I'm generally people who love animals are
Speaker 1: very empathetic to not only animals, but people as well.
Speaker 1: And not only is it sad to put down a dog,
Speaker 1: which happens all the time and is the way we is,
Speaker 1: the gentle way we and most pets lives, which is
Speaker 1: so weird to me that that's like the best decision.
Speaker 1: But in a humans life, it's just like no, just
Speaker 1: suffer until the very end, until your body just like
Speaker 1: you know, you you choke on your own fucking um,
Speaker 1: you know, lung tissue. Um. But and if you let
Speaker 1: a human, if you let an animal die the way
Speaker 1: we let our grandparents die, you would be cruel and selfish.
Speaker 1: But that's neither here nor there, um. But it is,
Speaker 1: it's both here and there. Um. But what they she
Speaker 1: said is it's just so set like people when they're
Speaker 1: putting down their pets, they're in the probably one of
Speaker 1: the worst states they've ever been in. And so she
Speaker 1: has to comfort you know, when the vet is there,
Speaker 1: if your vets just cold and not there to comfort
Speaker 1: you or hug you or kind of like treat you
Speaker 1: like this is more special than the other ones, Like
Speaker 1: they do it all day. You know, she says sometimes
Speaker 1: there's like thirteen in a day was her worst day.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, how do you make each of those
Speaker 1: people feel special? Like and and and how do you
Speaker 1: let that in without? You know, if all day you're
Speaker 1: watching people just like like sobbing, how do you walk
Speaker 1: away from that? And like, I let go home watch
Speaker 1: Gray's Anatomy like you just and so she was talking
Speaker 1: about I, you know, I get people to open up
Speaker 1: about things they don't want to open up about almost immediately,
Speaker 1: And I felt a little bit like why are we
Speaker 1: on the subject? And I hope this woman's okay sharing
Speaker 1: this because you know, there were cameras following me around.
Speaker 1: I still don't know why, guys who I didn't get it,
Speaker 1: but there were cameras there. And I was talking to
Speaker 1: her about, you know, I want to get Luigi meds
Speaker 1: because I'm on meds. Why do I again, it's like
Speaker 1: the euthanization thing. Why do I get to experience some
Speaker 1: relief from this? But giving your dog prozac is like
Speaker 1: a you know, late night monologue joke. I just remember
Speaker 1: Jay lettle Be like here people are giving their dogs prozac.
Speaker 1: Like it was just like, oh, that's so stupid dogs.
Speaker 1: Aren't people who so bid? It's like, if your dog
Speaker 1: can find relief from it, why wouldn't you give it
Speaker 1: to it. So I was telling her that, and I
Speaker 1: was like, you know, I love therapy, and she's like, oh, girl,
Speaker 1: me too. She said to me that she goes to
Speaker 1: do E d m R E M d R E
Speaker 1: d m R whatever the one is that isn't the
Speaker 1: music genre that rapid eye movement thing. You've heard of it? Noah, right?
Speaker 1: And I was like, dude, that's the one I want
Speaker 1: to do. Because right before I went for um F
Speaker 1: Boy Island and I wasn't doing a podcast then, So
Speaker 1: you guys don't know this, But I went to Whitney
Speaker 1: Cummings gave me actually her therapist, and you know, she
Speaker 1: gave me a lot of things. She gave me clothes,
Speaker 1: She when I come to visit her, she gives me books,
Speaker 1: just work books to like heal. She's amazing, such a
Speaker 1: good friend. And she gave me your therapist. She gave
Speaker 1: me a nutrition is. She give me all like all
Speaker 1: this stuff and she's like, I'll pay for her like
Speaker 1: she's just like, you know, she's just so generous. I
Speaker 1: love her. To death, and she gave me this woman
Speaker 1: and we were gonna start e D m R. Well,
Speaker 1: the woman is in l A. I'm in St. Louis,
Speaker 1: so I bought the the system. So it's you hold
Speaker 1: these little paddles. It's like scientology. Like at first, it
Speaker 1: feels like, is this like a you know, what do
Speaker 1: they call it in psyitology when you're doing when you're
Speaker 1: telling them all their secrets so they can use it
Speaker 1: against you if you ever try to leave. You know,
Speaker 1: it's a dumb word. But um, it felt like that.
Speaker 1: But instead it's like these paddles buzz and they create
Speaker 1: pulses back and forth just to like switch your focus,
Speaker 1: I think. And then what if you want to look
Speaker 1: into it if you have like a lot of trauma
Speaker 1: um and even if you don't, like I don't have
Speaker 1: specified trauma I have like you know, I don't have
Speaker 1: like car accidents or uh, specific abuse that happened to me.
Speaker 1: But it's kind of like this or maybe I do.
Speaker 1: This will go in there. If you have PTSD, this
Speaker 1: goes in there. And said of talk therapy where you're
Speaker 1: just talking for years and years, this can get in
Speaker 1: there and just target it right away. The place in
Speaker 1: your brain that is keeping you stuck in that moment
Speaker 1: and and and literally resolve it. And it's all based
Speaker 1: on your eye movement and it's just a very pointed technique.
Speaker 1: So anyway, I found someone locally who's going to do it,
Speaker 1: and that was honestly UM. I did Jamila Jamil's podcast
Speaker 1: UM a while back, and we both have kind of
Speaker 1: come to the same place with our body image and
Speaker 1: like accepting our bodies and like not starving ourselves anymore
Speaker 1: and all these things. And I kind of shared with
Speaker 1: her offline, like how I did it, and she shared
Speaker 1: with me online how she did it, and her technique
Speaker 1: was E E D M R UM. And So if
Speaker 1: you're someone out there who is struggling with that kind
Speaker 1: of stuff or literally any trauma, I just recommend looking
Speaker 1: into that. I have a lot of friends who have
Speaker 1: done it and who have seen amazing, really quick results
Speaker 1: with trauma work, and just you know, and it doesn't
Speaker 1: have to be major and massive, and like, I don't
Speaker 1: deserve to do it because I didn't go to war.
Speaker 1: I don't deserve to do it because my parents were cool. Like,
Speaker 1: there's stuff in there it can you can benefit from it,
Speaker 1: so I have a machine. So I'm gonna start going
Speaker 1: because this VAT gave me the card. Anyway, that's my story.
Speaker 1: I'm sticking to it. Let's get Andrew in here, and
Speaker 1: I want to know how he was able to turn
Speaker 1: off our fire alarms when yesterday my mom and I
Speaker 1: were trying to get the beaping to stop. And I know,
Speaker 1: I understand that means the batteries need to be changed.
Speaker 1: I know, um, but I needed the beating to stop.
Speaker 1: And I don't have batteries yet and they're hooked to
Speaker 1: the wall and there's no batteries, so I don't know
Speaker 1: what's going on. I'm going to call the building. Anyway.
Speaker 1: My mom and I had to stack a chair with
Speaker 1: a suitcase on top, and she had to hold it steady. Andrew,
Speaker 1: who is as tall as me, just seems to make
Speaker 1: them stop right away. I need to know his secret.
Speaker 1: Let up, Andrew, welcome back. Yeah, you've been pooping a lot.
Speaker 1: You pooped last night, this morning and then again this morning.
Speaker 1: Why how much do you poop? I mean I would
Speaker 1: say twice a day, like once, maybe once a day
Speaker 1: actually severy once a day on av Yeah, I'm no,
Speaker 1: I'm definitely more than that. I don't know. And I
Speaker 1: also engage in sex that makes me have to like
Speaker 1: get it all out once a day. No, but you
Speaker 1: would think you'd poop more. No, I just have it
Speaker 1: stacked up. So it's like once a day ready to go,
Speaker 1: and then like sometimes twice a day sometimes do you
Speaker 1: know exactly what time? No, but like if I know
Speaker 1: I'm going to be engaging in activities back there, I
Speaker 1: just I need about fifteen minutes now and good to go.
Speaker 1: Can I ask you a personal question? Like only, um,
Speaker 1: last night, Yeah, when I went to my room for
Speaker 1: a second, did you go prepare yourself and come out
Speaker 1: like I'm ready for you? Master? Yeah? Yeah, yeah. It's
Speaker 1: like it's like I always making in the waiting room.
Speaker 1: I can feel you come out. Your order is ready,
Speaker 1: Like that's how you've done that before. I was because
Speaker 1: I go another room and I because I don't like
Speaker 1: him in my bedroom while I'm in my bathroom because
Speaker 1: there's stuff you here, and I blast the like um wait, no,
Speaker 1: I blast. It's sounding okay as a personality. As a listener,
Speaker 1: it sounds like you're preparing yourself for Andrew. Oh no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no, no no, someone was here. Part okay, my sexual partner
Speaker 1: was here, Like I didn't know that part, and I
Speaker 1: always whenever he always goes. Last night, I got a
Speaker 1: little horny for him. Unexpectedly. I didn't think I was
Speaker 1: going to engage in this act because I just we
Speaker 1: were just hanging out, but we always do, like we
Speaker 1: never don't if he comes over, Like, but I wanted
Speaker 1: to do more than just give a blow job, you know,
Speaker 1: like I wanted to receive some stuff, which I can,
Speaker 1: but I wanted it to involve his penis. Yeah, so um,
Speaker 1: like down there, I wanted it to involve his penis,
Speaker 1: like he could do toys me. But like I just
Speaker 1: and I enjoy I enjoy that act. It's not like
Speaker 1: I'm like it's the only thing I can do. It's
Speaker 1: like I like it. So um. I wasn't in the
Speaker 1: mood to like prepare because it takes so long. And
Speaker 1: I'm sorry to anyone who doesn't want to hear any
Speaker 1: of this, but I do believe that um education about
Speaker 1: how to. I just never I was someone who was
Speaker 1: having this kind of sex. I want to call it
Speaker 1: something else. I hate the word. Yeah maybe um asshole sex?
Speaker 1: Is that better? Or butt? Hole, fill my butt hole
Speaker 1: or oh my god, my duty hole, something like that.
Speaker 1: Um rector RAMMINGA so I was railroad crossing. Let's call
Speaker 1: it railroading. No, that sounds worse. Are are r R?
Speaker 1: A little R and r um for rector ramming? But
Speaker 1: we all know what I'm talking about. What I say
Speaker 1: are and ye're kind of it, But it sounds like
Speaker 1: rest and real exitation, Okay. So I enjoy a little
Speaker 1: r R and a lot of it actually, And I
Speaker 1: think that even though I've been doing it a really
Speaker 1: long time and it used to be more of like
Speaker 1: a delicacy and more of a special occasion thing when
Speaker 1: I was in a relationship, now it's become a staple
Speaker 1: of my UM life and I I really want to
Speaker 1: put out there that um, it should be that way
Speaker 1: for other people as well. And like I wish I
Speaker 1: would have done the research and done and really try.
Speaker 1: I was too scared to try because I was so
Speaker 1: scared of the stigma of being someone who like buys
Speaker 1: the tools to make it efficient because then it's like
Speaker 1: your this, that's your thing, and you have to like
Speaker 1: where you put all those things, and then it's like
Speaker 1: if you're investing in that then what's wrong with you?
Speaker 1: But it has led to like such a great experience
Speaker 1: that A I don't worry about getting pregnant. I don't
Speaker 1: have to be on any birth control because of it.
Speaker 1: I never worry about um any residual stuff happening. I'm
Speaker 1: for I'm as free as if it were in my vagina. UM.
Speaker 1: I feel very clean. I feel like I it's made
Speaker 1: me balance my diet better. UM, it feels amazing. It's
Speaker 1: connective and um enjoyable and very intimate, and it feels
Speaker 1: so good. But I wouldn't you know, I do a
Speaker 1: bit about it now, which is not even a bit,
Speaker 1: but I go, you know, I wish everyone would be
Speaker 1: more open to anal I really just do and no
Speaker 1: pun intended whatever, Like I just I understand because I
Speaker 1: hear so many girls going I've tried it. No, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I've tried it. I hear you, and I'm sure it
Speaker 1: did hurt. But unless did when you tried it? Did
Speaker 1: you use all the lube in the land, like literally
Speaker 1: all of it, like a whole bottle of it? Did
Speaker 1: you use so much? What if the argument is is
Speaker 1: if you need to use that much lube maybe naturally
Speaker 1: it's not supposed to happen. I get that, But are
Speaker 1: you naturally supposed to be swinging a golf club with
Speaker 1: a glove and like weird spikes on your shoes? None
Speaker 1: of that's natural, but it's still enjoyable. Okay, good argument,
Speaker 1: and also it feels so good. I'm not yeah, that's
Speaker 1: true unless it is black or brown. Um U. I
Speaker 1: just picture your white glove and I'm like, that's gonna
Speaker 1: be a whole thing. Um what about the communication part
Speaker 1: of it? There's a lot of other things. I say,
Speaker 1: do you use all the lube in the land. If
Speaker 1: you can't say yes to all of these, then you
Speaker 1: have not tried to handle, in my opinion, and you
Speaker 1: should give it another shot. Have you come once or
Speaker 1: twice vaginally or clatorally, um so that you are relaxed
Speaker 1: enough to for your body to receive further penetration, or
Speaker 1: have you been on the brink of climax? Like are
Speaker 1: you extremely relaxed with at least twenty to thirty minutes
Speaker 1: of four play that is just dedicated to your vagian
Speaker 1: and your pleasure and not his? Okay, if you can't
Speaker 1: answer yes, so that you haven't tried it? Number three?
Speaker 1: Have have you taken tiny? Have you first of all
Speaker 1: clean cleaned yourself out in a way that has made
Speaker 1: you feel less knowing that nothing's going to happen, or
Speaker 1: if something does happen, it's truly not your fault because
Speaker 1: you did everything you could. Do you have a partner
Speaker 1: that do you have? Four? You have? Do you have
Speaker 1: a brown towel down? How now brown towel? Do you have?
Speaker 1: Or blacked out? Do you do? You have a partner
Speaker 1: who if something does happen, you could probably look them
Speaker 1: in the face again and they are understanding and compassionate. Numbers?
Speaker 1: That was number five? Five? No, brown towe was four?
Speaker 1: How now brown tower? That five is partner? Number six
Speaker 1: is do you? Um? I want to list? I want
Speaker 1: the people on the YouTube channel to make a list.
Speaker 1: Next to me? Do you um? Do? Oh? Do? Did
Speaker 1: you get warmed up with fingers? Maybe a tongue? A
Speaker 1: smaller thing? Sorry, I'm just a smaller thing than what
Speaker 1: is about to enter you? And uh? Numbers seven? Do
Speaker 1: you do you like it? Do you want to do
Speaker 1: you want to experience? Do you want do you want
Speaker 1: to do you want to experience? More pleasure? In your
Speaker 1: life and are you are you interested in actually doing
Speaker 1: this or are you doing it for you? Are you
Speaker 1: doing it for them? Now? If the answer is you're
Speaker 1: doing it for them, sorry we're getting the numbers confused.
Speaker 1: But let me just say sub note on are you
Speaker 1: doing it for them? If you're doing it for them
Speaker 1: and it's turning you on to do it for them,
Speaker 1: you're good to go. But if you're doing it for
Speaker 1: them because you just want them to like you more,
Speaker 1: obviously not good to go. I think then you can
Speaker 1: say you've tried it. If you don't like it, after
Speaker 1: that you can say you've tried it, and then we
Speaker 1: can we can talk seven in R and R heaven,
Speaker 1: that's what they call it. That's the list. Okay, question.
Speaker 1: You are a very hard worker. You When you get
Speaker 1: your mind onto something, you're extremely motivated. Now, if you're
Speaker 1: a lazy couple, I feel like out there the idea
Speaker 1: of thirty minutes of four play as well as like
Speaker 1: different steps to get your butt ready, then you shouldn't
Speaker 1: do it. Yeah. I just think that that's where I
Speaker 1: think you shouldn't do it. I think that's because I
Speaker 1: think all those steps by the couple equals no, thirty
Speaker 1: minutes of four play. Do you think that's too much?
Speaker 1: I think for a regular couple that just wants to
Speaker 1: fuck like for like maybe just like penis and vagina,
Speaker 1: like you can have you can have sex like make
Speaker 1: her calm, like once or twice, and maybe you don't come,
Speaker 1: so you can actually be interested in what you're doing. No,
Speaker 1: I think you can do that. But I'm just I'm
Speaker 1: just saying if every time you have to prepare like
Speaker 1: you're Geisha, then it's a kind of a lot. Well,
Speaker 1: let me just say that it makes I agree with you,
Speaker 1: because every time that I have sex, now because I'm
Speaker 1: not having vaginal sex, I have to do the Well, No,
Speaker 1: that's just if you now, I can skip many of
Speaker 1: those steps because I know how to clean out myself
Speaker 1: in a way that I don't need even sometimes need
Speaker 1: to put down the brown how now brown towe and
Speaker 1: I don't um and all the lube in the land
Speaker 1: is doesn't isn't at any time consuming You're like that
Speaker 1: gets like the tires changed and my now I'm stop.
Speaker 1: And but I will say that it is there. Days
Speaker 1: like last night, I I had to get horny enough
Speaker 1: to motivate me to go prepare, because it's about fifteen
Speaker 1: minutes of squeezing water up your ass and then pushing
Speaker 1: it out, doing it again, pushing it up, doing it again,
Speaker 1: pushing it up like it's it's and it's a lot.
Speaker 1: At the end of it, you're like, I think I
Speaker 1: just sucked myself with this thing, Like I've been penetrated
Speaker 1: a lot by this little tube. Um. But the because
Speaker 1: the investment, you go, oh my god, I put something.
Speaker 1: I didn't just lay back and get it. I didn't
Speaker 1: just like put you know, push my underwear side. When
Speaker 1: you put in work to something, the reward is so
Speaker 1: much better. Let's say you do all that work right,
Speaker 1: you already know I think you know my question. He
Speaker 1: comes in seconds. How upset? Are you? Not upset at all?
Speaker 1: Because you have a dildo next to you that you
Speaker 1: can finish off the process. Because that does happen a lot.
Speaker 1: Is like I a lot of times with my partner,
Speaker 1: he will finish, and he he doesn't even know that
Speaker 1: I want to keep Like, I don't even know that
Speaker 1: I want to keep going because I I'm so turned
Speaker 1: on by them finishing usually that he will just keep
Speaker 1: going um afterwards without even me asking with his penis
Speaker 1: not hard and like he's obviously probably not as turned on,
Speaker 1: but sometimes it it oftentimes leads to him getting hard
Speaker 1: again because he just keeps going. So you just you
Speaker 1: have a toy on hand, and I would would recommend
Speaker 1: like anal training kits. There's like you know, different sized
Speaker 1: ones that move up and up and you can do up.
Speaker 1: You can work with the ug But I promised you, like,
Speaker 1: I just think it's the thing. Um, I was trying
Speaker 1: to think of a toys r us. Lust toys are lust.
Speaker 1: Sex toys are lust. Yeah, boys fuck me in my
Speaker 1: butt something like that my butt hole. I just wanted
Speaker 1: more people to experience. I think that I think has
Speaker 1: brought me a lot of joy that I just didn't
Speaker 1: know about. And I was enjoying anal so much before,
Speaker 1: or R and R so much before I knew all
Speaker 1: of this, And now I know all of this, and
Speaker 1: it's like a whole night. Does it takeaway? When it's
Speaker 1: a delicacy? You know, you eat like you know, a
Speaker 1: rainbow roll, which is you know, twenty dollars, so you're like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I get a rain But then now
Speaker 1: you're offering essentially spicy tuna every day does that, and
Speaker 1: then your vagina becomes a delicacy. So whatever you're not
Speaker 1: doing becomes the thing that you kind of go, oh, well,
Speaker 1: this will be exciting again once we go back to
Speaker 1: this thing. And and I don't think other couples are
Speaker 1: going to do anal every time. It is so much work.
Speaker 1: I have as much as like probably a porn star
Speaker 1: who films anal, Like I have to get ready for
Speaker 1: a scene. But I enjoy investing that time, and like
Speaker 1: my partner is really grateful for the time like that
Speaker 1: I put into it, Like it's something that I can
Speaker 1: give to our relationship. That that's like it's a love
Speaker 1: language of like anally douching for fifteen to forty minutes.
Speaker 1: You also got to get the camera operator, the boom guy,
Speaker 1: white noise in the room. It was interesting last night.
Speaker 1: My partner, UM said to me, partner, well, he's my
Speaker 1: sex partner, and it just feels very country. My partner
Speaker 1: and had his spurs on his boots. Uh. He said
Speaker 1: to me, Um, top your horse and listen to me
Speaker 1: for a second. He tilted his his hat and he said, well,
Speaker 1: you know, we talk a lot. We fantasize a lot
Speaker 1: of in in um in bed and talk a big
Speaker 1: game of different things. And it was interesting. Lest during
Speaker 1: during and Daring, Sorry, did you understand what I'm saying? Daring? Oh? Like, um,
Speaker 1: double dare dirt, daring, dirt dirt, Uh fred Dart do
Speaker 1: you say fred darst? Okay, Well that's weird, especially during
Speaker 1: this song Daring, a fred Dar song. Um, so he said,
Speaker 1: just kid, just kid, he said to me, Um, if
Speaker 1: I you know, it's it's interesting communication. We have the
Speaker 1: most open communication in bed. Like I've said things that
Speaker 1: could probably get me charged with a felony and I'm exaggerating,
Speaker 1: but like the things I say in Better Wild, and
Speaker 1: so are the things he says. And I'm going to
Speaker 1: kill your family and steal their car. I only at
Speaker 1: where I knew you were sucking all right? It was
Speaker 1: one and how do man? So he did say to
Speaker 1: me the last night, I'm trying to be very thoughtful
Speaker 1: when I say this, and I thought it was just
Speaker 1: so adorable. He was like, you know, because we're talking
Speaker 1: about what happens if we take this too long term,
Speaker 1: like if we get married someday and we're not even
Speaker 1: boyfriend and girlfriend. But I was like, you know, he
Speaker 1: knows that I want that someday. And he's like, what
Speaker 1: if you know, the things we're talking about doing eventually,
Speaker 1: which were now just like fantasizing about, but if we
Speaker 1: eventually do those things, which are wild things, He's like,
Speaker 1: what if there's and he goes, I don't even know
Speaker 1: that this is true, But what if I don't envision
Speaker 1: my wife doing those things? And if if if for me,
Speaker 1: He goes, I don't think that's going to be the thing.
Speaker 1: But I'm just worried that if I picture you as
Speaker 1: a wife, that my idea of those things I might
Speaker 1: not want to happen to my wife, but to my
Speaker 1: like partner, to my partner, it's it's fine, And I go,
Speaker 1: That's kind of what I'm enjoying about this time where
Speaker 1: I'm not a wife, is like I can be the
Speaker 1: whore and like be the um, you know, kind of
Speaker 1: the woman that you would never marry. Like that's kind
Speaker 1: of the fantasy. Is Like we talk about that a lot,
Speaker 1: like you know, our fantasies involved. My fantasy is involved
Speaker 1: like GBS, right, and a lot of times yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I should call it stay in a lafe. It's gbs. Yeah,
Speaker 1: gang and you can feel warfare. Yeah, so a lot
Speaker 1: of those GBS involved, like in our fantasies men that
Speaker 1: are married and in the fantasy, but that's not what
Speaker 1: I want to actually happen. But in the fantasy they are,
Speaker 1: like there's something about I like being it's for me,
Speaker 1: a woman that involves in the gangmang is like the
Speaker 1: ultimate like whore, Like, oh my god, she's servicing all
Speaker 1: these guys and you can't even believe what a wore
Speaker 1: this girl is. Like it's almost like the um, the
Speaker 1: everest of hord Um for me, like and for me
Speaker 1: as as many as you, like you know, in my fantasy,
Speaker 1: it's like hunter, like it can be so many it's disgusting.
Speaker 1: But wondering, I'm not I'm not judging. I'm just wondering,
Speaker 1: Like I say, like I have, I've kind of liked
Speaker 1: the idea of them being like my wife would never
Speaker 1: fucking do this, like you're such a whore, Like I
Speaker 1: never marry you, but like I'm going to think about
Speaker 1: this forever when I'm sucking my boring wife and like
Speaker 1: not that they don't want to marry me, but they
Speaker 1: they they say I'm a different category. And by the way,
Speaker 1: this is I do want to be a wife some
Speaker 1: day that a guy would think of another woman this way. Like,
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be like I want to steal
Speaker 1: your man and have him think about me. That's part
Speaker 1: of a fantasy of like being the ultimate whore. It's
Speaker 1: my thing. Okay. So he was saying to me, like,
Speaker 1: what if, and I was like, that actually fits exactly
Speaker 1: with what I want, Like I want to separate those
Speaker 1: two as well. And he goes, but you might end up,
Speaker 1: you know, I might end up wanting my wife to
Speaker 1: do those things even though we haven't done those things.
Speaker 1: He was like, I don't know yet, but I'm just
Speaker 1: wondering if if in the future I decide I don't
Speaker 1: want to do any of the stuff we've been talking
Speaker 1: about fantasizing about. I'm like, He's like, would you want
Speaker 1: to be with me? And I'm like, yes, In fact,
Speaker 1: I'm terrified of any of the things that we're talking
Speaker 1: about doing. The idea that you would bring strange men
Speaker 1: into the bedroom to bang me is horrifying, and he goes, Actually,
Speaker 1: I like that. It was interesting, he goes, because that
Speaker 1: means if you're scared of it and I'm making you
Speaker 1: do it. Then it isn't you wanting it, it's me.
Speaker 1: It's it's still me in control. And it made me
Speaker 1: think of this thing and I don't want to mean
Speaker 1: to compare it to the R word, and I'm talking
Speaker 1: about the real R word. Um, but I was reading
Speaker 1: on Reddit and I'm going to get to the news
Speaker 1: in a second. I'm sorry. Well, I was reading on red.
Speaker 1: I was reading on Reddit that, uh, there's so many
Speaker 1: R words coming back, but this is not R and R.
Speaker 1: This is like R a P and then blank, um.
Speaker 1: I was reading on Reddit that a lot of jab
Speaker 1: There was someone that said, why is all Japanese porn?
Speaker 1: I really love Japanese porn, but so much of it
Speaker 1: is like rape. It seems like rape where the girl
Speaker 1: at first is fighting it off and then she ends
Speaker 1: up enjoying it. Okay, that's that's I don't know this
Speaker 1: to be true, but a lot of people that were
Speaker 1: commenting about Japanese porn said that is a like of
Speaker 1: the porn that's Japanese porn and starting Japanese you know
Speaker 1: porn makers is that version where the girl at first
Speaker 1: is like no, no, no, and then she loves it.
Speaker 1: And the reason is that I read through all of
Speaker 1: the kind of people psychoanalyzing this kind of porn and
Speaker 1: why the Japanese culture tends to drift towards this is
Speaker 1: because in the Japanese culture, being a woman who enjoys
Speaker 1: sex is like or you're not to be trusted. You
Speaker 1: might you know, stray. It's like you you are a
Speaker 1: whore and like, you know the same kind of way
Speaker 1: weird if you're forced into it and you enjoy it after.
Speaker 1: It's so it's not about rape for them. It's not
Speaker 1: about like they like to rape women like it's about
Speaker 1: the woman isn't actively loving it until the guy is.
Speaker 1: It's the guy's idea. Now, I don't mean to compare
Speaker 1: the two, but it was just an interesting because people.
Speaker 1: I don't want to shame the Japanese culture for having
Speaker 1: these because at first I was like, what the funk
Speaker 1: Japanese love rape? And I was like, it is misogynistic
Speaker 1: that a woman can't have pleasure, and that if she
Speaker 1: does have pleasure, it means that she's going to abandon
Speaker 1: her family and abandon her man because she just loves
Speaker 1: dick so much. I mean, that is just like this
Speaker 1: false idea of what a woman who enjoys sex is.
Speaker 1: But it was interesting that the same way that, um,
Speaker 1: I just love the psychology behind the stuff of like, oh,
Speaker 1: my partner might be into a g B situation if
Speaker 1: it's his idea, and I'm a little bit nervous, Like
Speaker 1: he was, like, I like the idea that this is
Speaker 1: the thing you want, but you're also like, I kind
Speaker 1: of don't want it, because then that means if you're
Speaker 1: doing it, it's because I I'm your master and I
Speaker 1: told you you have to even though he secretly knows
Speaker 1: I want it. Does that make sense? Yes, it does.
Speaker 1: It's like when you have you ever heard someone tell
Speaker 1: a story and they're like, fucking I love I fucking
Speaker 1: did fucking uh cocaine and then I'll fuck this hooker
Speaker 1: and the ass and it just feels dirty because they're
Speaker 1: just so accepting of it, and as a listener, you
Speaker 1: don't really want to hear how like comfortable they are
Speaker 1: with because then you're just like, oh, this is kind
Speaker 1: of like a bad person. But then if it's like
Speaker 1: a fish out of water where it's like I did
Speaker 1: cocaine and I and I you mean Andrew Colin act. Yeah,
Speaker 1: your entire comedy act. You are that way like you are.
Speaker 1: You're a guy that's done some of those things, been
Speaker 1: in those situations, but you're always the guy that's like,
Speaker 1: how did I get here? Yes, as a listener, it's
Speaker 1: a little bit more palatable then because I've been at
Speaker 1: like storytelling events and just some guy will get and
Speaker 1: I'll be like, I've done something similar in that, but
Speaker 1: I don't feel that great great about it like that.
Speaker 1: I love that analogy. You're spot on, and I think
Speaker 1: that that's why you're so lovable in the scenarios that
Speaker 1: you put yourself in where you're you're around guys that
Speaker 1: are that like let's fuck or dude, and like let's
Speaker 1: just you know, but you're a You're a guy that's
Speaker 1: just like once to hang out with the guys and
Speaker 1: then you are like suddenly a part of this thing.
Speaker 1: But you're like you but you're not like I'm want
Speaker 1: to funk, like you don't have that, but you are
Speaker 1: around guys that like kind of bring you into it.
Speaker 1: So your story is about those things never come off
Speaker 1: as do she Yeah, so essentially so then so then
Speaker 1: if if your part your patner, how do I if
Speaker 1: he robbed the bone his cloudsdale to town saloon and
Speaker 1: you're sitting there and you're going, look, I like these
Speaker 1: five gentlemen here about a ball. I would I wouldn't
Speaker 1: say that. I'm he would have to choose them. Idea. Okay,
Speaker 1: hey lady, I know what do you think of all that? No,
Speaker 1: I'm saying no, the initial thing would be bad. If
Speaker 1: you go I like the five God, I want to Yes,
Speaker 1: He's like, oh that's a little much. But during it,
Speaker 1: this thing that he's forcing me to do, I come
Speaker 1: around to enjoying it. Well, then he's the one that
Speaker 1: gave it to me. He's the chef that made the
Speaker 1: food that I'm enjoying. And if I exactly obviously all
Speaker 1: this sounds horrible to like an ear of someone that
Speaker 1: says misogynistic. So it's it's based in you know, ownership
Speaker 1: of women and thinking women are loose and not to
Speaker 1: be trusted if they enjoy sex, and like, it's it's
Speaker 1: all based on that. But you know, I am finally
Speaker 1: in my life not trying. I'm acknowledging that and presenting
Speaker 1: a way to both acknowledge that men are wired to
Speaker 1: think a certain way and that they can't help it,
Speaker 1: and at the same time going, well, how can we thick?
Speaker 1: How can we got to acknowledge the problem. So the
Speaker 1: fact that he was able to say, I am I'm
Speaker 1: uncomfortable with you wanting it because it makes me feel
Speaker 1: threatened and secure that you would want other guys. But
Speaker 1: if I, if I've concocted in a way that it's
Speaker 1: my idea, it makes it more palatable for me. That
Speaker 1: to me is acknowledging the problem and coming up with
Speaker 1: a solution, whereas it's not being in denial of just like, no,
Speaker 1: I just I just like I just like it that way,
Speaker 1: He's going, this is why I like it because of
Speaker 1: the fund up thinking that is based on the patriarchy. No,
Speaker 1: your face is kind of scrunching. Oh no, no, I'm
Speaker 1: just I'm taking this all in. I view the bedroom
Speaker 1: Americans using a lot of lube. I see. I see
Speaker 1: the bedroom as like an alternate universe. Yes, and like
Speaker 1: you know, all these fantasies and stuff is between consenting
Speaker 1: people adults, and it's just like you can't really compare
Speaker 1: it to reality. So do you say the R word
Speaker 1: or all that? Like, I don't see it as um,
Speaker 1: the same as the crime, right, I see it like fantasy.
Speaker 1: But that's when people were having a problem with Reddit.
Speaker 1: The guy on Reddit goes, I love Japanese born, and
Speaker 1: I love Japanese women. I loved up. He's probably Japanese himself.
Speaker 1: He could have been at least I don't think it
Speaker 1: was a fetish thing. He said. I'm just disturbed that
Speaker 1: it all seems to be rapey. And this guy was like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to see women fighting. I want to
Speaker 1: go to the end when they're enjoying it. Why does
Speaker 1: he have to start this way? And it was an
Speaker 1: interesting thing. Noah, hold on before we get to the news.
Speaker 1: This is news. Last night with my patna, I was
Speaker 1: doing I was just like, you know, talking to him unlus,
Speaker 1: you know, doing things. We're just talking about, yep, making
Speaker 1: some annimal balloons. And I suddenly go, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I want to separate it with my nose. I listen,
Speaker 1: I go my Noah told me he knows of you
Speaker 1: obviously and knows you. I said, Noah, so innocent. The
Speaker 1: other day said I don't know. I like to just
Speaker 1: and I did an impression of you while I'm like
Speaker 1: holding a dick. Sorry, Noah, and he's like naked. I go,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I just sometimes I like to um
Speaker 1: divide it with my nose. And he laughed so hard,
Speaker 1: and I go, so can I divide it with my nose?
Speaker 1: I was like, I know exactly what you're talking about.
Speaker 1: It's so comforting. I want to do it. So I
Speaker 1: just put it my nose and I divided it with
Speaker 1: my nose, and I go, I'm dividing it with my nose,
Speaker 1: and I like set it into his asshole literally, because
Speaker 1: like I literally did an impression of you into his
Speaker 1: asshole book and dividing it with my nose. My nose
Speaker 1: bats flew out. Wait, I want to do my best,
Speaker 1: not my Yeah, I just put your bats like, like,
Speaker 1: you know, screeching out. I'm glad you liked that of
Speaker 1: them hanging upside down on my hemorrhoid. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: sometimes I oh, yeah, like your hemorrhoid is a stalagmite,
Speaker 1: like one of those dripping caves. Okay, we gotta get
Speaker 1: to the news. Wait wait, wait, so then, how did
Speaker 1: it feel? It feels so cool? No, one's right, it
Speaker 1: feels awesome. Every girl's out there. Try say, I'm dividing
Speaker 1: it with my nose when you're down there. It's so
Speaker 1: cute and honestly, I think, by the way, that was
Speaker 1: my favorite moment in the podcast ever, ever, ever, the futest,
Speaker 1: funniest thing I've ever heard, because you said it so
Speaker 1: instantly and or you know, like innocently and matter matter
Speaker 1: of factly that if you don't know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1: It was from like a few days ago, two days ago,
Speaker 1: two days ago, when Andrew was in Charleston still and
Speaker 1: she said, I don't know. Sometimes I just like to
Speaker 1: just put my nose on because you're talking about balls,
Speaker 1: and she goes and I just like to divide them
Speaker 1: with my nose, and it's I mean, there's I'm going
Speaker 1: to teach my children to do that. I'm gonna teach
Speaker 1: my daughter to go. You know what, You don't need
Speaker 1: a blow a guy, just divide it with your nose
Speaker 1: and then I'm gonna carry the one, carry a one
Speaker 1: two divided by one is and then add a zero
Speaker 1: to the end and then like I love long division.
Speaker 1: It's fun. Okay, let's get to the news. So funny.
Speaker 1: So if you have thirty ball sacks, get to the news,
Speaker 1: and hey, what's up there, folks, I'm back. I know
Speaker 1: you guys missed me at least. Um it's Wednesday, so
Speaker 1: we all know what that means. Did you listen to
Speaker 1: my mom wednesday? I have not. I'm a little nervous
Speaker 1: that she probably did better at me, so I need
Speaker 1: maybe two days. She was really good, but she wasn't you,
Speaker 1: Andrew and you know that. But she was really proud
Speaker 1: of her. I want her to do like kursten and
Speaker 1: stuff like sit on your chair. I think it would
Speaker 1: be so fun. I love having a third It's fun. Yeah,
Speaker 1: g B, g B. Let's let's get in person. Yeah
Speaker 1: that you picked, just kidding, just kidding, just getting I
Speaker 1: don't want Julie on here, all right? Anyways, have all
Speaker 1: the swells Julie out there. I hope you're at a
Speaker 1: thrift store. Um. You know she doesn't listen to the podcast. Obviously,
Speaker 1: she was like, what is all the swells? What is that?
Speaker 1: That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Let's get
Speaker 1: to the news. Sorry, okay, Um, researchers, Fine, okay, this
Speaker 1: is obviously you're gonna say. This is the most self
Speaker 1: this is the most apparent paragraph you've ever heard Researchers
Speaker 1: find that online daters decide whether to swipe right within
Speaker 1: a second, and that the attractiveness of a person is
Speaker 1: what compels people to swipe right and if they accept
Speaker 1: the date like what you called it the most apparent
Speaker 1: I don't know that that's the right word, but yeah,
Speaker 1: the most obvious. Yes. Like. The results reveal that people
Speaker 1: who like a profile first are more likely to be
Speaker 1: accepted by that person, regardless of an unappealing profile or
Speaker 1: if the person is not as attractive dating apps like
Speaker 1: match dot com tender okay, ten percent of long lasting
Speaker 1: adult relationships in America, Oh so wait, ten percent of
Speaker 1: adult relationships right now from dating. I would have thought
Speaker 1: it was more. I would think it was more too.
Speaker 1: I think that a lot of those people la la
Speaker 1: la um. How do you feel about this? If if
Speaker 1: you go to the guy that swipes right and write
Speaker 1: to you, and you go, what did you think of
Speaker 1: my third photo? And and maybe you make your third photo.
Speaker 1: We're saying this, they don't even look at the other photos. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they just swipe right right away. Do you go and
Speaker 1: you make your third photo? I don't know, like a
Speaker 1: picture of a dead squirrel or maybe that's not a
Speaker 1: good time. But you know, like uh, something horrible or
Speaker 1: something like whatever, just me. Would I wake up in
Speaker 1: the morning like just puppy eyes, like kind of looking
Speaker 1: like I was a fight with Tyson. Yeah. So and
Speaker 1: they go, what do you think about a third photo? Photo?
Speaker 1: And they go, oh, I loved it? What was it? Yeah?
Speaker 1: But do you think that would you want a guy
Speaker 1: to like read your whole profile? You care if it
Speaker 1: was just one photo and they were like, oh, not
Speaker 1: at all. I feel like, you know, once we go
Speaker 1: on a date, I would hope that they would look
Speaker 1: a little bit more, but no, I think that the
Speaker 1: first photo is absolutely cruise and yeah, and that I
Speaker 1: wouldn't if anything, I would be like a little bit more,
Speaker 1: I would be I would prefer them to just be
Speaker 1: like obviously, you know, as opposed to like let me
Speaker 1: see you know. Yeah, when someone goes I love your
Speaker 1: like unhinge, like oh your top three or this, it's
Speaker 1: like do you think I'm hot? Like what do you like?
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't even think of answer. I don't know.
Speaker 1: Then then in the first like a first line, would
Speaker 1: it be better to comment about like how hot you
Speaker 1: think someone is or something on their profile, because usually
Speaker 1: the profile stuff is an icebreaker. Agreed. I think that
Speaker 1: I like Hinge for that, and Bumble has that now
Speaker 1: going to Bumble slowly turned into Hinge in terms of
Speaker 1: like the prompt questions and things like that, Um, you
Speaker 1: like a witty line. Actually, I've noticed that. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: like a witty line, and I like good punctuation. Um,
Speaker 1: I just like a person that doesn't like when you
Speaker 1: have recently had a guy that did like two sentences
Speaker 1: and he didn't put a period in between them, and
Speaker 1: it was just like, I can't deal with someone who
Speaker 1: it's just it's it just tells me who you are
Speaker 1: in a way that like I don't you know. It
Speaker 1: just was like it was too weird. And then um,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I matched with this black guy okay
Speaker 1: on um Bumble and I went to go say hi
Speaker 1: to him, and there's this new feature on Bumble that
Speaker 1: it is just when when you pull up the chat,
Speaker 1: it's just like send a high send a wave. And
Speaker 1: I thought it was just gonna send a wave like
Speaker 1: it's a way for girls. I thought for I thought
Speaker 1: for sure, it's it's like, oh, they've adapted to the
Speaker 1: idea that women shouldn't be the aggressors, and they're making
Speaker 1: the most easy way for a girl to flirt without
Speaker 1: being too too aggressive. So it was a hand wave
Speaker 1: and they just go say hello. It was an easy button.
Speaker 1: I thought it was just gonna send a wave to
Speaker 1: the guy. It's sent a jef of Cardi B going
Speaker 1: hey babe, And I'm like, first of all, this feels
Speaker 1: like I cocked like a jiff that would like do
Speaker 1: you do you understand this? Yeah? Is this the version
Speaker 1: of what? Like? It just felt so like it was
Speaker 1: it just picked a random Jeff and it just happened
Speaker 1: to be Cardi B. And it's like it's fine, And
Speaker 1: I just wrote, oh my god, I don't even know
Speaker 1: what the funk that was. I tried to just wave
Speaker 1: at you can, and he goes, I'll just ignore it,
Speaker 1: and then he went on to use run on sentences,
Speaker 1: you know, just sentences that ran into each other, and
Speaker 1: I just couldn't but um, and he said, he was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I see your musician, because I have a picture I
Speaker 1: guess where I'm holding a guitar. But um, he go,
Speaker 1: He's like, do tour. I'm just like, okay, Well, like,
Speaker 1: can you just send a gift instead, like stop trying
Speaker 1: to I had a CARDI be just slamming the door.
Speaker 1: Um No, it was just so, it just was so awkward.
Speaker 1: Seemed like I chose like, what's a great what's a great? Um? Well, no, no,
Speaker 1: I wasn't gonna ask that. If a guy's like a
Speaker 1: seven in the looks right, he looks like me but
Speaker 1: a little bit more attractive. Maybe, Uh, what's a great
Speaker 1: first about me Lyne that you've seen before that a
Speaker 1: guy could use or a girl could use in her
Speaker 1: profile that might um counteract the fact that they're not
Speaker 1: as attractive as they should be or not. Um, I
Speaker 1: think just someone saying what they value without being too
Speaker 1: um so, not too silly. No, I think being too
Speaker 1: silly is oftentimes I'm like, wow, they're they're trying sort
Speaker 1: and a lot of times they don't nail it. Like
Speaker 1: the one guy that I read to you we both liked.
Speaker 1: He was like I'm a bad boy because I'm bad
Speaker 1: at everything or something like that. That was funny, like that,
Speaker 1: that's hard to do. Don't steal that one, though. I
Speaker 1: want you to come up with your own, you know,
Speaker 1: just steal it. No, don't. If I find out you
Speaker 1: stole it, I'm gonna be like, it's like a quote
Speaker 1: from some movie. I'm not privy too, but like everyone knows,
Speaker 1: I'm going to be like and I'm sure that something
Speaker 1: in that vein I think, like I think I like
Speaker 1: a guy writing I value blank, blank and blank, like I, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, these are the things that I enjoy doing.
Speaker 1: I don't mind a guy that's like I like the outdoors. Politics,
Speaker 1: you hate, you hate when guys right, No, but if
Speaker 1: that's telling me who he is, now I know you
Speaker 1: know I like um. So start off with three right
Speaker 1: things you love, but not saying what you think we
Speaker 1: want to hear, Like, I think that the best thing
Speaker 1: to do is like we like a guy who knows
Speaker 1: who he is and isn't doing anything to try to
Speaker 1: peak to peacock and like get us. I think what
Speaker 1: a good advice would be is maybe do too broad
Speaker 1: things like I like outdoors, I love cooking, like a joke.
Speaker 1: And then the third thing, don't make a joke, you though,
Speaker 1: just something very specific to you that you really like
Speaker 1: that maybe not everyone likes. That's good, Like I love outdoors,
Speaker 1: I love I love um traveling. Phobias would be a
Speaker 1: funny thing. Yeah, And I'm afraid of spiders and I'm
Speaker 1: afraid of yeah, like a fun fact at the last one.
Speaker 1: And one time I met you know, Tony Braxton. Yeah,
Speaker 1: or just like somewhere hey the CARDI B gift. But
Speaker 1: sometimes though, sometimes though, when guys do a interesting fact
Speaker 1: about themselves, like and one time I booked a one
Speaker 1: way ticket to Africa with with no plan and no
Speaker 1: and I'm just like, that's the one thing you've done
Speaker 1: cool in your life. And I just go, there's someone
Speaker 1: who's done one cool thing and they can't stop talking
Speaker 1: about the thing. And I judge that, so it's it's
Speaker 1: it's very tricky. Yeah, it is tricky. Yeah, I just
Speaker 1: showed up to the airport, I said, I just picked
Speaker 1: the spot on the pictures of you with friends is key.
Speaker 1: Oh that was another article that I didn't pick, but
Speaker 1: something about like you look more attractive smile with friends friends. No, yeah,
Speaker 1: alone when you you can't be the ugly. But I
Speaker 1: don't mind a guy having someone take a picture of
Speaker 1: him in like a monument or like on a bridge
Speaker 1: or somewhere cool where he's obviously told someone to take
Speaker 1: a picture and he's alone. That is so much better
Speaker 1: than a selfie. So yeah, selfies, I gotta say. I
Speaker 1: know it might be your only option, but just ask
Speaker 1: a stranger to take a picture of you. The problem
Speaker 1: it's not someone's self. It's also selfie face and you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, selfie faces. Yeah, it's also like
Speaker 1: just smile if you do a selfie, smile maybe yeah,
Speaker 1: And it doesn't feel it self, almost like you're just
Speaker 1: sending a picture to your mom of like my mom,
Speaker 1: Like send a selfie you'd send your mom instead of
Speaker 1: one that you'd send like that. Also, Um had one
Speaker 1: more thing to to say, No, no, no, Um, it
Speaker 1: was a monument standing alone. Friends. Yeah. Oh I'm begging
Speaker 1: you girls that have guy friends that are single. When
Speaker 1: you think your guy friend looks attractive or is wearing
Speaker 1: a good outfit, take loads of pictures of him and
Speaker 1: just send him to him and go listen, I know,
Speaker 1: because he's gonna go no, no, no no, I don't want that.
Speaker 1: Just go, it doesn't matter. Just start, say tell me
Speaker 1: a story, and have them tell you a story where
Speaker 1: they're smiling a lot. Go fake laugh, just laugh, laugh, laugh,
Speaker 1: then shoot from all the angles and then just air
Speaker 1: drop him too, the guy so he has he has
Speaker 1: dinner profile pictures. Yeah. Girls, we've got to help out
Speaker 1: our guy friends. Guys ain't taking pics. We were always
Speaker 1: want taking pictures. To just do it for your guy friends.
Speaker 1: It's they're never going to ask you, even though they
Speaker 1: need it desperately, all right. Next story, a local news
Speaker 1: station in Spokane which we can Yeah, Washington air porn
Speaker 1: over this aired porn over the shoulder of a meteorologist, daring. Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: thirteen seconds of it. I heard it on the radio
Speaker 1: this morning. Really yeah, well yeah, seconds that's long enough
Speaker 1: to get your an already. I mean you are and are?
Speaker 1: I mean that's what you know? Um, that's what we
Speaker 1: were watching. Probably Wait, so are we going to see this? Oh? Well?
Speaker 1: I wish I could have found the footage, which apparently
Speaker 1: was of a woman's backside. That's what I heard. It
Speaker 1: was her, but you see the TV monitor on like
Speaker 1: over her shoulder, that's where it is. Thirteen seconds. That's
Speaker 1: a long time on the huge and she didn't know
Speaker 1: it was there, I'm guessing, or do we ever? Did
Speaker 1: the meteorologist kind of with a TV set behind her
Speaker 1: shoulder like on the side of her and The funny
Speaker 1: part is like the weather pattern that's behind her right
Speaker 1: now with like the white in the middle looks like
Speaker 1: a close up of an asshole. Yeah, I mean people
Speaker 1: called in. They were like, I can't believe people looked
Speaker 1: at porn earlier that day, last night. They just want
Speaker 1: something to complain about. And it's not like anyone meant
Speaker 1: to do that. Whoever did it is either like a
Speaker 1: little scamp that just got fired or it was an accident. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it's an interesting accident. I mean, how how
Speaker 1: does that even happen? But it is interesting how much
Speaker 1: people care when I say I pay for porn on
Speaker 1: stage and people just kind of go, you like, it's
Speaker 1: shocking to pay for porn. It's like, is the only
Speaker 1: thing in our society. I think that people just are
Speaker 1: like you you pay for that. It's like, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: a it's a it's a service. It's but YouTube's free ads, Okay,
Speaker 1: so if porn had ads, you would feel less inclined.
Speaker 1: Well that's why I pay for it. I don't want
Speaker 1: to put up with ads and I want the Yeah,
Speaker 1: not the kind of I watch because I pay, but
Speaker 1: like the idea that it's crazy to pay for porn
Speaker 1: because there are places that you can go and not
Speaker 1: put up with ads and it's just banners, you know.
Speaker 1: It's like, I just I think it's so funny that
Speaker 1: it's the amount of people that pay for porn versus
Speaker 1: don't pay for it are very different than people who
Speaker 1: pay pay for YouTube premium and don't. I think it
Speaker 1: has again it goes back to like the same stigma
Speaker 1: of like buying things for your butt to clean. It
Speaker 1: is the idea of like I'm paying for porn. That's
Speaker 1: like bad. Like if I'm not paying for it, I'm
Speaker 1: not really like part of it. I'm you know, I'm
Speaker 1: better than that. But if you're not, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. I know advertisers are paying for it, but
Speaker 1: I just feel like we need to. That's why only
Speaker 1: fans I just I don't know, I just like to.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm still subscribed to so many only fans and
Speaker 1: patreons that they just don't even I don't even use
Speaker 1: their content. I just want to make sure I'm supporting
Speaker 1: artists who struggle. But I could do better. I need
Speaker 1: to do better. Um, all right, let's go to a
Speaker 1: quick break and then we'll come back with what do
Speaker 1: I care? Why do I care? Why do I care?
Speaker 1: Can I can I do a left turn here? Okay?
Speaker 1: So well no, this is why do I care? But okay,
Speaker 1: So there's this these two guys on TikTok. I don't
Speaker 1: know if you've seen them. Everyone's talking about the Yes.
Speaker 1: So there's the Island Boys. They're two twins. Right, this
Speaker 1: is what they look like. They look like human cartoon characters.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, they look like yeah, machine gun Kelly's
Speaker 1: uh sperms. I was gonna say that they do. So
Speaker 1: there's these two brothers and they're like, blow, they blow
Speaker 1: up their tattooed over. You know, it looks like, you know,
Speaker 1: they didn't write. I think they're just freestyling in a
Speaker 1: pool and everyone like, I don't know. It's weird when
Speaker 1: these things catch fire because everyone's talking about So I
Speaker 1: want to know your real thoughts on the song, right,
Speaker 1: I can't wait to hear this. I'm staying like you
Speaker 1: want to find this? Can you show it to me?
Speaker 1: Dumb shopping like dumb on the put my this song? Yeah,
Speaker 1: like a shadow mega his hair looks like a king crown.
Speaker 1: On Twitter, this video from yesterday has eight point one
Speaker 1: million views. Okay, it's definitely there. Look boy, dance boy. Okay,
Speaker 1: I like it. I get it. I actually, I mean
Speaker 1: it sounds like alligator boy. Dude, that's what I was thinking,
Speaker 1: sing alligator. But I'm an alligator boy. I'm an alligator boy.
Speaker 1: I mean alligator. I think they copied alligator boy. I'm
Speaker 1: an alligator boyator boy, I ain't no do you have
Speaker 1: this documented onliner anywhere? It doesn't sound that much. I
Speaker 1: mean it sounds more like I'm an alligator boy. I'm
Speaker 1: an alligator boy. I'm an alligator I started, no, it's
Speaker 1: I'm an alligator boy. I'm an alligator boy. I'm an
Speaker 1: alligator boy. I'm an alligator boy. I'm an alligator boy.
Speaker 1: I'm an alligator boy. I ain't no kid. I ain't
Speaker 1: no carget kid. I ain't no gargata kid. I ain't
Speaker 1: no cracket that kid. I'm an alligator boy. I'm an
Speaker 1: alligator bull. Alligator boy, I'm an alligator bull. But if
Speaker 1: we did it in a pool, we gotta do this.
Speaker 1: We got our hair up, we got we got do that,
Speaker 1: mil walkie. There's no pools open this pool down here.
Speaker 1: We got our pool open to Yeah, we gotta do it. Um, god,
Speaker 1: how much we use them pol These guys blew up.
Speaker 1: I mean they're blowing up. I mean it's a very
Speaker 1: like six nine kind of field. But they're nice kids.
Speaker 1: Like if you watch their video, like people talk shit
Speaker 1: a lot about them, and you can like they're problem
Speaker 1: They're like, look, I know you have a problem with me.
Speaker 1: I don't know why you do. I don't have a
Speaker 1: problem with you. Kind of They're not. Like taking one
Speaker 1: more video of them and see just I want to
Speaker 1: hear them like talking and yeah, I'm not in boy. Okay,
Speaker 1: so they're white guys. They look like Pete David's Davidson's.
Speaker 1: I was not going to he got a winktobe. I
Speaker 1: was like with, like, where are they from Miami? Oh
Speaker 1: so they're not island boys. Okay, Okay, I've seen enough.
Speaker 1: Um yeah, they're gonna be famous. I mean they are
Speaker 1: famouses we honestly, Okay, it's kind of original. It's like
Speaker 1: it's it's an individual thing. Their hair is insane. It
Speaker 1: has these spies. They look at the Statue of Liberty.
Speaker 1: Yeah it was you know, a delinquent um tattoo on
Speaker 1: the face. A lot of people talk about tattoo on
Speaker 1: the face, but if you want to make him to
Speaker 1: do that, and if they're going out, they're getting recognized
Speaker 1: all the time, Like that is such a look you
Speaker 1: can't you know, Judah Friedlander is someone that you know
Speaker 1: everywhere he goes he has that. He looks very distinguishable. Um,
Speaker 1: you know you like, you know, we could be anyone
Speaker 1: the most where, the most universal looking people. Um, I
Speaker 1: think we gotta we gotta start wearing something like very
Speaker 1: noticeable and like order might be. I think they're like,
Speaker 1: take someone like Luke Combs, right, well he's a he's
Speaker 1: a heavier anleman, but he looks like an everyday truck.
Speaker 1: Like there's you either got to look like the everyday
Speaker 1: trucker at first getting recognized all the time. But I
Speaker 1: bet you it's gonna end up being not fun and
Speaker 1: they're gonna be wearing very thick concealer to cover up
Speaker 1: like they're just so they can or just flattening any
Speaker 1: of these people that have tattoos on their face. It's cool.
Speaker 1: But even though I got these, yeah, I was wondering
Speaker 1: what was happening there? Do you think it looks like
Speaker 1: I have an infection? Yeah? Oh, ship. It doesn't look cool. Okay, well,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, but I didn't know.
Speaker 1: But at first, the thing is, it's it's hot pink,
Speaker 1: which is like not the color of an event. Let
Speaker 1: me just look at it. At first I thought an infection.
Speaker 1: I go, what, Actually, I still like it. I thought
Speaker 1: cankers were moving to your eyes, canker eyes. But this
Speaker 1: is the honest thing. Then, like it kind of grew
Speaker 1: on me throughout the podcast and I stopped. I started
Speaker 1: to like it. Okay, you liked the pink. Yeah, at
Speaker 1: first I was like, oh, I know, I know, but
Speaker 1: it's both eyes, and it's like it's that both the girls,
Speaker 1: it's the both Speaking of songs, it's time for Slice
Speaker 1: of Life. This is our Wednesday segment. It's wild Card Wednesday,
Speaker 1: so we always do a different segment today UM for
Speaker 1: wild Card Wednesday, I'm going to UM. Well on the
Speaker 1: podcast video on YouTube, you'll be able to see the
Speaker 1: video of this. But I got asked by Bob Saget
Speaker 1: to participate in UM, a charity event that he does
Speaker 1: every year. It's called the It's for the Sclare Sclare
Speaker 1: Derma Research Foundation, where Sclare Derma is a autoimmune disease
Speaker 1: that is fatal and doesn't have a cure, and it
Speaker 1: is just took the life of his sister. It took
Speaker 1: the life of his sister and still takes the lives
Speaker 1: of many people. And it's just so many people suffer
Speaker 1: with it. Not a lot of people know about it.
Speaker 1: The Sclarre DRMA Research Foundation, UM look them up. They
Speaker 1: do like so much good work. And Bob always gets this,
Speaker 1: like cavalcade of comedians and celebrities who send in videos
Speaker 1: for these events. And usually it's a live event. But
Speaker 1: the past two years have been up covidy obviously, and
Speaker 1: so last year I did a thing, and then this
Speaker 1: year I decided to um do a song and I
Speaker 1: decided to I worked with you, I asked you and
Speaker 1: Brenna about it. It's like, is this a good idea?
Speaker 1: I decided to take the full house theme song. I know,
Speaker 1: at first I thought it was family matters. I thought
Speaker 1: it was like, it's a grand tradition, that's that's full house.
Speaker 1: I thought it was you take the good you take
Speaker 1: no no, no family matters is um uh oh no, no,
Speaker 1: it is. That's just I was gonna say, it's a
Speaker 1: rare condition. It's called scleroderma read any news like. I
Speaker 1: was going to do that, but then I realized that's
Speaker 1: not the that's the Family Matter theme song. And then
Speaker 1: I looked up Full House and it's everywhere you look, everywhere,
Speaker 1: So I decided to do that song. I looked up
Speaker 1: the chords for it. They were not clear, so I
Speaker 1: just made up my own. They are not right. I
Speaker 1: am not good. Uh. This was a thing I did
Speaker 1: in two takes because I just did enough time. But
Speaker 1: I think it ended up being pretty funny and I
Speaker 1: wanted to share it with you guys. And this is
Speaker 1: something I did well. Andrew and Brenna, we're having sex
Speaker 1: in the next room. I think, miss you, Brenna, miss
Speaker 1: you baby. Hi there, it's Nikki Glazer and I am
Speaker 1: so honored to be one of Bob's friends that he
Speaker 1: hits up every year for one of these videos. Um.
Speaker 1: I hope that you take the time tonight to donate
Speaker 1: what you can to the Sclare Drummer Research Foundation. Um.
Speaker 1: They do such incredible work and they only really beg
Speaker 1: us for money once a year, and UM, yeah, I
Speaker 1: just it warms my heart how much Bob cares and um,
Speaker 1: how many texts he sent me over and over reminding
Speaker 1: me to send this in so um with that I
Speaker 1: don't have uh stand up comedy performed for you. But
Speaker 1: over the past year, I've learned a couple of chords
Speaker 1: enough to to to sing this and whatever happened to
Speaker 1: Bob sag it's charity. I wake my year they call
Speaker 1: from him, asking me to work for free. Then I
Speaker 1: get that text from Bob and I say, here we
Speaker 1: go again. Every October since the day I met Bob.
Speaker 1: I met Bob. He asked me for content, and I
Speaker 1: have to look and I have to look up to
Speaker 1: look up how to pronounce s wear a derm. But
Speaker 1: then I read the facts like how we have no
Speaker 1: cure so Manny's still suffer like crowds when Bob is
Speaker 1: on two don't e two s R fuck you, Unicel
Speaker 1: and every other charity just for tonight at least least
Speaker 1: then it did. Bob, bain't daint thing, Ranny don it
Speaker 1: Have you ever thought about doing I'm a Boy. I
Speaker 1: don't think about it. Those guys didn't come out yet.
Speaker 1: That was great. It was actually really well received and
Speaker 1: it was very easy to do. It was really it
Speaker 1: was fun to do. I love doing stuff like that
Speaker 1: all day. I hate when you say you're not a
Speaker 1: good songwriter writer and then you I mean, I can
Speaker 1: take it. That's so Yeah, what do you think writing
Speaker 1: songs is? That's what they all do well. Melodies are
Speaker 1: hard for me to come up with. Have you tried.
Speaker 1: I'm a melody boy, I'm a melody girl. I'm a
Speaker 1: melody girl. I'm a melody girl. Um. I tried the
Speaker 1: other day to write a song. Was so embarrassing. It was, Oh,
Speaker 1: you know what it's I want to do a song
Speaker 1: about called um because I'm so into this artist right now. Um.
Speaker 1: I know everyone and you've tried to get me a
Speaker 1: do it before, but I only like this one song
Speaker 1: right now. I'm obsessed with it. Maggie Rodgers. It's called
Speaker 1: back in My Body. I'm obsessed with this song. I
Speaker 1: can't stop singing it. It's about when she got really
Speaker 1: famous and was on tour for the first time, and
Speaker 1: she thought, like that's all she wanted to do, is
Speaker 1: like be on tour, and it's her out on the
Speaker 1: road having panic attacks and like hating it and wanting
Speaker 1: to leave and like it's just so. But if anyone
Speaker 1: can relate to it. I didn't even know it was
Speaker 1: about her on tour until I showed the video of her.
Speaker 1: F Yeah. Yeah, if you're out there and you haven't
Speaker 1: seen this yet, type in Maggie Rodgers, Farrell n y
Speaker 1: U and it's a tear jerker. I think totally it is. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she got discovered by Farrell. She's just cool and um.
Speaker 1: But anyway, this song, what was I getting too? Oh?
Speaker 1: So I've tried to write a song I just am.
Speaker 1: I like songs that have like double meaning obviously, and
Speaker 1: I think the coolest double meaning I've kind of stumbled
Speaker 1: upon in my comedy is that isn't too sexual or whatever?
Speaker 1: Is settling And like we say settled down down, And
Speaker 1: we also say like you shouldn't settle. When are you
Speaker 1: going to settle? Stop? Settle down, Like we say that
Speaker 1: to someone who's like freaking out. We also tell women
Speaker 1: you need to settle down, like and find someone soon,
Speaker 1: like you need to find a man, settle, you need
Speaker 1: to settle. When are you going to settle? And also
Speaker 1: like you should never settle. So there's so many different
Speaker 1: meanings of settled that I think a song about settling
Speaker 1: would be a cool and about like the struggle of um,
Speaker 1: when to settle and why and and having it be
Speaker 1: about like yeah and just having it kind of have
Speaker 1: you tried, like let me think about I'm a settling boy,
Speaker 1: I'm a settling so um like other things I've heard.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I just feel it's probably original, but
Speaker 1: it just sounds like a lot of others. Okay, what
Speaker 1: about this? It makes me think of I'm settling down,
Speaker 1: I'm settling down. I'm settling down. I'm settling down, settling.
Speaker 1: Now have you come to me? I just make a decision.
Speaker 1: And I watched that about writing a song, the YouTube video,
Speaker 1: and it was just like, it's all I talked about
Speaker 1: this in the podcast yesterday in my opening. It's just
Speaker 1: about making decisions. And the problem with songwriting for me
Speaker 1: is if I'm you know, doing a minor A a
Speaker 1: minor A, I'm like, but what if there could be
Speaker 1: a better court progression? And then I can't land on that,
Speaker 1: and then I just give up because I'm like, this
Speaker 1: isn't good enough, and I just I always wanted but
Speaker 1: the thing has anything, you can make it simple, and
Speaker 1: then a better guitarist no offense can then make it more.
Speaker 1: There's a better guitarist out there than me. Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do it. I'm gonna write a song. I should settle,
Speaker 1: just on a couple of chords and then some words
Speaker 1: and then it's over. Thank you guys so much for
Speaker 1: listening today. As always, jumpy Kid and uh Frost