WEBVTT - America Ferrera: Expecting During the Unexpected 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:03.280 Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of My Heart Radio 0:00:03.360 --> 0:00:14.280 and Shonda land Audio. Hello everybody, Katie lows here, I 0:00:14.360 --> 0:00:20.560 am your host of Katie's Crib and welcome to season three. Wow. 0:00:20.800 --> 0:00:23.079 I imagine all these screaming going on in my head. 0:00:23.120 --> 0:00:24.640 It might only be in my head, or it's my 0:00:24.680 --> 0:00:27.840 son who's asleep in his nursery on the other side 0:00:27.840 --> 0:00:31.120 of the wall of the closet that I'm currently recording in. Okay, 0:00:31.560 --> 0:00:33.839 I first of all need to welcome back all of 0:00:33.880 --> 0:00:36.600 you awesome returning listeners. I also want to welcome all 0:00:36.600 --> 0:00:40.159 of you new listeners. Thank you all so much for 0:00:40.280 --> 0:00:42.800 tuning in. So you guys know, I started Katie's Crib 0:00:42.840 --> 0:00:44.519 two and a half years ago. I got knocked up 0:00:44.520 --> 0:00:48.720 on the last season of Scandal and Shonda was like, Wow, 0:00:48.880 --> 0:00:50.720 you should have a podcast, and I was like, that 0:00:50.720 --> 0:00:53.440 would be amazing. And here we are two and a 0:00:53.479 --> 0:00:57.400 half years later. My son is a full blown toddler. Um. 0:00:57.440 --> 0:01:00.280 I knew nothing when I started. I felt very loan, 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:04.839 and Katie's Crib has proven to be the most wonderful 0:01:05.560 --> 0:01:08.960 mom village community I could have ever asked for. I 0:01:09.040 --> 0:01:11.440 learned so much from you guys, all of the experts 0:01:11.720 --> 0:01:15.840 and friends and moms and mother figures we have had 0:01:15.880 --> 0:01:19.080 on this show, They're just everything to me. And I'm 0:01:19.120 --> 0:01:21.440 so honored to be part of this ride with you. Guys. 0:01:22.160 --> 0:01:25.319 We are in the middle of the pandemic and we 0:01:25.440 --> 0:01:30.039 are launching Katie's Crib season three. What an opportunity to 0:01:30.160 --> 0:01:34.040 come together and feel less alone and help each other 0:01:34.160 --> 0:01:37.080 to get through this, help each other be moms and 0:01:37.160 --> 0:01:40.240 parents during this whole thing. And I thought there is 0:01:40.280 --> 0:01:42.240 no better guest in the world to talk to right 0:01:42.240 --> 0:01:46.039 now to kick off season three than my friend America Ferrera. 0:01:46.319 --> 0:01:48.040 I mean, come on, you guys know her from shows 0:01:48.040 --> 0:01:51.400 like Ugly Betty Superstore. She's um, an executive producer and 0:01:51.440 --> 0:01:54.840 directs the bilingual dramay Dentified on Netflix. She fights for 0:01:54.840 --> 0:01:59.200 social justice to her organization Harness. She is a freaking superwoman. 0:02:00.160 --> 0:02:03.600 And America made time to talk to you guys and 0:02:03.640 --> 0:02:06.720 to me five days before she gave birth to her 0:02:06.760 --> 0:02:10.840 second child, So she's perfect. She's the best guest season opener. 0:02:11.280 --> 0:02:14.080 I'm very, very excited to bring you this episode. I'm 0:02:14.120 --> 0:02:15.680 so lucky to call her a friend and be able 0:02:15.720 --> 0:02:18.799 to pick her brain today. You guys, please welcome our 0:02:18.840 --> 0:02:22.440 first guest, first season three of Katie's Crib America, Ferrera. 0:02:23.360 --> 0:02:26.880 Welcome to Katie's Crib America. Ferrera. Thank you so much 0:02:26.880 --> 0:02:29.960 for being on. You have been listening to podcasts I 0:02:30.000 --> 0:02:33.880 saw on your Instagram, like I think because during quarantine time, 0:02:33.919 --> 0:02:37.240 like it's sort of it's very I feel very excited 0:02:37.280 --> 0:02:39.400 to have Katie's Crib because I think we're all feeling 0:02:39.480 --> 0:02:41.399 very isolated right now, and podcasts are a really great 0:02:41.440 --> 0:02:46.440 way to keep people together. Yeah, but first and foremost, 0:02:46.800 --> 0:02:50.720 congrats on your pregnancy. Thank you. How are you feeling 0:02:50.919 --> 0:02:54.360 is it? I'm so curious. People have always said to me, 0:02:54.840 --> 0:02:57.959 every pregnancy is different, every labor is different, blah blah blah. 0:02:58.080 --> 0:03:00.359 Is that true? Like, are you having a complete different 0:03:00.360 --> 0:03:04.840 experience or is it more similar than different. It's pretty different, 0:03:05.040 --> 0:03:08.760 I mean, you know, not in like the ways that 0:03:08.840 --> 0:03:15.680 you expect necessarily, like you know, I actually we this 0:03:15.720 --> 0:03:17.960 is maybe t M I, but we like not no 0:03:18.000 --> 0:03:22.680 such thing. They basically both have the exact same do date, 0:03:23.200 --> 0:03:26.400 which means like if you know, if your back up 0:03:26.480 --> 0:03:30.520 nine months like me, we you know we It means 0:03:30.560 --> 0:03:33.080 you guys are really feeling each other around a certain time, Ye, 0:03:33.440 --> 0:03:38.840 exactly were consistent. So it was so weird because I 0:03:38.920 --> 0:03:41.680 was like I had this thought of like, oh my gosh, 0:03:41.720 --> 0:03:45.840 everything's gonna happen exactly the same, Like it was just 0:03:45.880 --> 0:03:48.720 a thought. And as soon as that thought entered my mind, 0:03:49.680 --> 0:03:54.360 another voice was like, nothing is ever the same. Where 0:03:54.440 --> 0:03:57.640 are you sever? Are you sick? Were you more sick? 0:03:57.760 --> 0:04:01.560 Less sick? Like more tired less tired? You see, it 0:04:01.640 --> 0:04:05.400 was less that stuff like I was. I was more 0:04:05.520 --> 0:04:11.080 nauseous sooner, and it the nausea lasted longer, and I 0:04:11.120 --> 0:04:15.680 was nauseous for more of the day this time around, 0:04:15.760 --> 0:04:17.919 So like the nausea was just sort of more intense. 0:04:18.120 --> 0:04:22.560 It did kind of go away at that, like transitioning 0:04:22.600 --> 0:04:25.280 from first to second trimester, it did go away, thank god, 0:04:25.320 --> 0:04:27.880 it was. It was worse this time than before, but 0:04:28.480 --> 0:04:31.000 by no means, like to the extent that I've had 0:04:31.040 --> 0:04:34.480 friends experience, like, you know, vomiting every day for nine months. 0:04:34.560 --> 0:04:37.560 That seems like how anyone ever gets through that. It's 0:04:37.600 --> 0:04:40.239 like how you know mothers are full on superheroes because 0:04:40.240 --> 0:04:44.320 I don't understand how that happens. Yeah, and the exhaustion 0:04:44.839 --> 0:04:48.080 was more intense, but a lot of people are like, well, 0:04:48.080 --> 0:04:51.440 you're also like chasing a toddler around, so so there's 0:04:51.520 --> 0:04:53.839 that like you don't just get to like lie down 0:04:53.960 --> 0:04:57.200 every time you're like tired and take a nap. I 0:04:57.240 --> 0:04:59.680 was working and on set, and like i'd come home 0:05:00.600 --> 0:05:03.320 and every day around like you know, I'd usually come 0:05:03.320 --> 0:05:06.360 home around four thirty five and like have a couple 0:05:06.360 --> 0:05:09.000 of hours with us and like play with him and 0:05:09.040 --> 0:05:11.240 feed him and putting over his nap. I mean, I 0:05:11.240 --> 0:05:13.920 would come home and before I knew knew I was pregnant, 0:05:14.320 --> 0:05:16.360 it was like I got hit by a truck at 0:05:16.360 --> 0:05:18.960 four thirty every day and I must have been I 0:05:18.960 --> 0:05:22.800 don't know, like two weeks pregnant, three weeks pregnant. I 0:05:22.839 --> 0:05:25.039 didn't even know, like I hadn't taken a test, but 0:05:25.080 --> 0:05:29.080 I was like, oh, this is a different kind of tip. 0:05:29.960 --> 0:05:32.760 But part of it is like you've done it once before, 0:05:32.880 --> 0:05:34.800 so you kind of know what to look out for, 0:05:35.040 --> 0:05:38.000 and you're kind of like, oh, this is familiar, Like 0:05:38.080 --> 0:05:41.279 I know what this is. And maybe maybe I was 0:05:41.320 --> 0:05:43.120 that tired the first time around and I just didn't 0:05:43.120 --> 0:05:45.839 know what to attribute it to, you know. So but 0:05:45.960 --> 0:05:49.279 those things were relatively small I'm talking more about like 0:05:49.839 --> 0:05:53.800 global pandemic. We need to talk about all of this 0:05:53.839 --> 0:05:57.160 ship like we need to talk about for our moms 0:05:57.400 --> 0:06:02.479 out there. How I'm curious because I think, like, have 0:06:02.640 --> 0:06:05.080 you been again? I just think you're such an inspiring mom. 0:06:05.120 --> 0:06:08.560 Do you talk to Baz about the state of the 0:06:08.600 --> 0:06:10.520 world in which we're in right now? Obviously he's so 0:06:10.640 --> 0:06:14.080 young and like does he even understand? Yeah, you know, 0:06:14.400 --> 0:06:17.240 he's very young. He's not even too yet. He'll be 0:06:17.240 --> 0:06:21.320 too in a month. Fish, So no, we're not talking 0:06:21.320 --> 0:06:25.599 to him about like, you know, the virus and people 0:06:25.640 --> 0:06:29.800 being sick. We were sort of advised through his um 0:06:29.839 --> 0:06:33.839 like classes to sort of let them know, like everyone's 0:06:33.880 --> 0:06:36.160 on a break, Like it's a break, you know, So 0:06:36.200 --> 0:06:39.080 we keep and for him. Like he's such a social butterfly, 0:06:39.160 --> 0:06:41.200 and he loves everyone who comes in and out of 0:06:41.200 --> 0:06:44.640 our house, Like you know, he's super social. I remember 0:06:44.640 --> 0:06:46.320 that one kid's birthday party. I saw him. He was 0:06:46.400 --> 0:06:49.200 like after he was like going good. He was like 0:06:49.200 --> 0:06:53.040 like eating, walking around, like he's very independent, does his thing. Yeah, 0:06:53.080 --> 0:06:57.039 he like loves watching the Gardener's Garden, the yard every week. 0:06:57.120 --> 0:06:59.520 He like loves watching the pool Man, like you know, 0:06:59.560 --> 0:07:06.000 so every day he's like pool man, Calman coming, you know, 0:07:06.880 --> 0:07:09.800 like everyone he's used to seeing. Like for the first 0:07:09.840 --> 0:07:12.240 couple of weeks, he would ask almost every day and 0:07:12.280 --> 0:07:16.240 he'd be like, like music class, will let class, like 0:07:16.320 --> 0:07:18.040 all these things that he was used to doing. And 0:07:18.120 --> 0:07:21.920 it was just like heartbreaking to say everyone's on a break, 0:07:22.520 --> 0:07:25.680 will will We'll go back soon. Everyone's on a break. 0:07:25.720 --> 0:07:27.880 And you know, that's as much as I can say 0:07:27.960 --> 0:07:30.360 over and I love that idea. I haven't said break. 0:07:30.480 --> 0:07:33.960 That's like a really good word. Who ever gave that 0:07:34.000 --> 0:07:36.840 to you? That's really helpful? Are you? I mean, for me, 0:07:36.960 --> 0:07:40.000 this is the most time consecutively I've spent with my 0:07:40.080 --> 0:07:42.080 kid because I went back to work, and I know 0:07:42.160 --> 0:07:46.120 you did too. Um, I'm kind of freaked out about 0:07:46.200 --> 0:07:49.520 that transition because he's so happy, like he loves that 0:07:49.600 --> 0:07:52.800 mommy and Daddy are around seven, and even though he 0:07:52.880 --> 0:07:55.160 misses his friends in his little classes or he says 0:07:55.240 --> 0:07:57.600 playground a lot because he's like, why can't I go 0:07:57.640 --> 0:08:00.200 to the playground? But how do you feel a out 0:08:00.200 --> 0:08:04.680 whenever this shifts into something else, you know, I feel like, 0:08:06.000 --> 0:08:08.480 you know, last summer, when the world was in a 0:08:08.560 --> 0:08:11.680 very different place. I took four weeks off and we 0:08:11.680 --> 0:08:14.480 were on like a family summer vacation, and it was 0:08:15.000 --> 0:08:19.560 four weeks of just us, and I saw how how 0:08:19.640 --> 0:08:23.280 much he grew and developed and and how excited he 0:08:23.360 --> 0:08:26.120 was to have us around all the time, and just like, 0:08:26.480 --> 0:08:28.560 you know what it meant to him to be with 0:08:28.600 --> 0:08:32.719 mom and dad and and have us there with him. 0:08:32.760 --> 0:08:36.280 And you know, I think that those times when when 0:08:36.320 --> 0:08:41.439 they can, when they're possible, are wonderful for for him. Um, 0:08:41.440 --> 0:08:44.280 but that's also just like not the reality of every day. 0:08:44.320 --> 0:08:47.960 And he has a very awesome, rich life on a 0:08:48.160 --> 0:08:51.840 day to day basis. He has an incredible nanny who 0:08:51.880 --> 0:08:55.440 we love so much and is so attentive to him 0:08:55.520 --> 0:08:58.400 and interactive, and he goes to music class and he 0:08:58.440 --> 0:09:00.920 goes to this class. So it's like his life is 0:09:01.040 --> 0:09:04.240 so rich that there's no losing for him. It's like 0:09:04.280 --> 0:09:09.040 he's either out like enjoying and he's very very active, 0:09:09.640 --> 0:09:12.840 loves running and climbing and being in the park. And 0:09:12.920 --> 0:09:15.600 for now, it's it's this and I think we just 0:09:15.640 --> 0:09:18.719 sort of try to, you know, milk it for what 0:09:18.760 --> 0:09:22.160 it is and and have this special time together this 0:09:22.520 --> 0:09:27.080 because baby number two is coming basically any day now. 0:09:30.240 --> 0:09:32.280 Thank you for being on Katie's crib. This is amazing, 0:09:32.760 --> 0:09:36.280 this this was going to be this time was sort 0:09:36.320 --> 0:09:40.359 of going to be this for us anyway. That's so interesting. 0:09:40.400 --> 0:09:43.680 This is sort of your nesting hunger down time anyway, 0:09:43.720 --> 0:09:46.959 because the baby could have come already, Like it's like right, 0:09:47.080 --> 0:09:49.960 so you know, it's not so different from how we 0:09:50.040 --> 0:09:52.880 had planned to spend the summer, you know, other than 0:09:53.480 --> 0:09:58.160 obviously started seven weeks ago for us, and there's less 0:09:58.200 --> 0:10:00.640 he can do in terms of like go out and 0:10:00.720 --> 0:10:03.600 run around at parks and beaches and that type of thing. 0:10:04.000 --> 0:10:08.360 But you know, it's a lot, because I think it's 0:10:08.400 --> 0:10:11.840 a lot when you're trying to keep everything else up. 0:10:12.040 --> 0:10:15.920 Like for now, I'm still on zooms and on calls, 0:10:16.040 --> 0:10:19.079 and you have some projects and development and so we're 0:10:19.120 --> 0:10:23.720 still on you know, moving things forward and and working. 0:10:24.160 --> 0:10:27.960 I think once I have the privilege of sort of 0:10:27.960 --> 0:10:31.800 saying I'm now on maternity leave and it's just us 0:10:32.559 --> 0:10:35.880 the time of like bringing a baby number two, transitioning 0:10:36.679 --> 0:10:39.320 us just having this kind of quiet time as a family, 0:10:40.080 --> 0:10:42.719 there's there's sort of like a real silver lining and 0:10:42.760 --> 0:10:48.160 having like the global energy support that internal turn of work. 0:10:48.640 --> 0:10:51.600 We're not missing it. You know, you're not missing anything. Yeah, 0:10:51.600 --> 0:10:53.719 it's not just you stopping your life. It's like, no, 0:10:53.880 --> 0:10:57.200 everything has pretty much stopped. Are you struggling at all 0:10:57.240 --> 0:11:02.160 with anxiety? Um, about being pregnant during this time? I 0:11:02.200 --> 0:11:04.520 know we have a lot of listeners who are pregnant 0:11:04.600 --> 0:11:08.480 during this time, and I've been watching endlessly about you know, 0:11:08.559 --> 0:11:12.120 there's just not that much studied on it yet. But 0:11:12.200 --> 0:11:15.800 thankfully the smaller case slow that they have, thank god, 0:11:15.920 --> 0:11:18.360 you know, the majority of mothers and babies and everyone 0:11:18.400 --> 0:11:20.679 comes out okay, even the moms who have like really 0:11:20.720 --> 0:11:25.960 struggled with coronavirus and given birth totally. Yeah. I mean 0:11:26.040 --> 0:11:29.480 there's the anxiety about the virus itself, which is like 0:11:29.800 --> 0:11:32.040 you don't want to get sick. You don't want your 0:11:32.120 --> 0:11:34.520 children to get sick, you don't want a newborn baby 0:11:34.520 --> 0:11:38.480 to get sick. Obviously, I try to stay away from 0:11:38.520 --> 0:11:41.400 the news cycle because I think you can drive yourself 0:11:41.480 --> 0:11:45.920 absolutely insane. Um. The very few times that I like 0:11:46.080 --> 0:11:50.680 have caught like some sensational story because obviously it's happening, 0:11:50.679 --> 0:11:53.320 it's not the norm, but like young people are getting 0:11:53.360 --> 0:11:55.880 sick and like little people are getting sick and little 0:11:55.880 --> 0:12:00.120 people are suffering, Like I just know, like I have 0:12:00.160 --> 0:12:02.200 to put up my filters because I don't have the 0:12:02.240 --> 0:12:05.480 emotional capacity to let that in. And I knew. I 0:12:05.520 --> 0:12:08.720 realized that really early on for me, like you know, 0:12:09.000 --> 0:12:11.719 there's information that you need to know to be informed, 0:12:11.880 --> 0:12:14.920 and and unfortunately in this day age, it's like you 0:12:14.960 --> 0:12:17.120 have to be able to stop yourself and know like 0:12:17.160 --> 0:12:19.800 what's healthy for you and what's not. And for me, 0:12:19.960 --> 0:12:23.439 like I could feel my heart rate and my anxiety 0:12:23.520 --> 0:12:27.200 and my blood brush are and like everything and go up. 0:12:27.280 --> 0:12:29.600 And also not to be not being able to close 0:12:29.640 --> 0:12:31.520 my eyes and go to sleep at night because I'm 0:12:31.559 --> 0:12:35.040 sitting there with all these news stories, you know, swirling 0:12:35.040 --> 0:12:37.840 in my head and just realizing early on that like 0:12:38.720 --> 0:12:41.120 I had to be very disciplined about what I let 0:12:41.160 --> 0:12:45.360 in because it just doesn't serve you, especially in a 0:12:45.360 --> 0:12:48.400 time where like you know, you just don't need that 0:12:48.440 --> 0:12:51.880 added stress when you're pregnant. And I feel so similar 0:12:51.960 --> 0:12:54.800 like I've had to really I really was going down 0:12:54.880 --> 0:12:57.080 a bad spiral in the first couple of weeks, and 0:12:57.120 --> 0:12:59.439 I was like, this is I'm not sleeping, like I'm 0:12:59.440 --> 0:13:02.400 making myself feel mentally like I just like it was like, 0:13:02.480 --> 0:13:05.840 this is are you a big meditator or I know 0:13:05.960 --> 0:13:08.000 you've been in your life, you've had periods of like 0:13:08.040 --> 0:13:11.440 being really physical and and like is that something that 0:13:11.480 --> 0:13:14.160 you're finding help with right now? With the mental stuff 0:13:14.280 --> 0:13:16.160 like you know, just staying calm and at peace for 0:13:16.200 --> 0:13:18.959 your baby or you just like I'm just resting and 0:13:19.000 --> 0:13:21.960 that's it, and I'm not looking at ship And I 0:13:22.240 --> 0:13:25.320 definitely have my ways of like staying grounded. I mean, 0:13:25.559 --> 0:13:28.880 I think so there's the anxiety about the virus obviously 0:13:29.440 --> 0:13:32.800 that you know, I think that we're doing all the things. 0:13:33.000 --> 0:13:34.920 You know, if you're doing all the things to stay 0:13:35.360 --> 0:13:39.720 socially distance and clean and healthy and you know, safe, 0:13:39.880 --> 0:13:43.440 like you can't really worry too much about it. You 0:13:43.480 --> 0:13:46.200 just have to do the things that that that our 0:13:46.280 --> 0:13:50.480 common sense and hope that that that that's enough. Even 0:13:50.520 --> 0:13:55.960 when I had my first child, childbirth triggers for me 0:13:57.120 --> 0:14:02.720 some really deep you know, fears and and and and 0:14:02.760 --> 0:14:06.120 what I realized the first time around was our culture 0:14:06.240 --> 0:14:10.000 and our culture around mothering and our kind of consumer 0:14:10.080 --> 0:14:14.880 culture around preparing women to become mothers, like has very 0:14:14.960 --> 0:14:18.520 little to do with what you actually or rather what 0:14:18.679 --> 0:14:22.200 I actually needed in that time. It is so imps 0:14:22.280 --> 0:14:24.600 right now that could not have been a tore Steve. 0:14:25.160 --> 0:14:28.920 I'm just like, you know, I would like kill me, 0:14:29.000 --> 0:14:34.080 Like I don't want to like pick out baby clothes 0:14:34.160 --> 0:14:37.480 and pin the poopy diaper on the donkey, Like I 0:14:37.480 --> 0:14:41.080 don't want to do any of that. Ship Like I 0:14:41.200 --> 0:14:44.760 like some really primal ancestral like fear of dying in 0:14:44.880 --> 0:14:47.320 childbirth is coming up, and like where do I get 0:14:47.360 --> 0:14:49.480 to talk about that? You know? I used to wake 0:14:49.560 --> 0:14:50.640 up at him in the middle of the night and 0:14:50.680 --> 0:14:53.680 be like, first of all, like guys don't know, like 0:14:53.680 --> 0:14:56.120 like I was just like people still fucking die in 0:14:56.240 --> 0:14:58.760 childbirth and like as of fifty years ago, like and 0:14:58.800 --> 0:15:01.400 that's not happening, but like fifth years ago, like everybody 0:15:01.440 --> 0:15:03.280 did or whatever. And I'm like, this is I'm being 0:15:03.320 --> 0:15:07.160 asked to do something that I am very, very very 0:15:07.560 --> 0:15:10.480 We're not talking about how afraid I am right now, Like, well, 0:15:10.560 --> 0:15:13.480 that's the thing, right, Like where in the culture does 0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:16.920 that exist for women to be for their real deeper 0:15:17.280 --> 0:15:20.000 fears to be seen and and you know, whether they're 0:15:20.040 --> 0:15:22.800 physical or or whether they're just about like your life 0:15:22.800 --> 0:15:25.640 shift and your identity shift and like you think, like, oh, 0:15:25.680 --> 0:15:27.760 you did it one time, but you know it's all 0:15:27.760 --> 0:15:29.760 going to change again. It's like, what does it mean 0:15:29.800 --> 0:15:32.080 to be a mother? It took two children? What's that 0:15:32.120 --> 0:15:34.080 going to do to my relationship with the first one? 0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:36.520 What's that going to How's that going to impact my marriage? 0:15:36.520 --> 0:15:38.720 How's that going to impact my ability to be the 0:15:38.720 --> 0:15:40.280 person I want to be in the world. And like 0:15:40.560 --> 0:15:43.120 all those things that are there the first time around 0:15:44.120 --> 0:15:47.800 are slightly different because you've been through it what once before, 0:15:47.840 --> 0:15:51.800 but but your world is still gonna change and shift 0:15:51.840 --> 0:15:54.120 in a big way. And so you know, the first 0:15:54.120 --> 0:15:58.680 time around, I really had to kind of get in 0:15:58.720 --> 0:16:01.440 touch with what I needed it and then and then 0:16:01.560 --> 0:16:05.120 find the community to help me get that. And you know, 0:16:05.200 --> 0:16:08.440 I I asked some women very close to me to 0:16:08.560 --> 0:16:13.960 like help me design like a ceremony, like a transition ceremony. 0:16:14.000 --> 0:16:15.600 Like I was like, I don't want a baby shower. 0:16:15.920 --> 0:16:19.280 I want people to witness and acknowledge like this deep 0:16:20.120 --> 0:16:24.520 identity shift that I'm going through and transformation. And like 0:16:24.960 --> 0:16:28.000 that's what I needed and I'm so grateful I reached 0:16:28.000 --> 0:16:29.640 out And it was a little awkward to sort of 0:16:29.680 --> 0:16:31.680 say to the people in my life, like this is 0:16:31.680 --> 0:16:34.120 actually what I want and meet and crave right now, 0:16:34.280 --> 0:16:37.680 So can you guys give me this? And they were 0:16:37.760 --> 0:16:41.080 so happy to and grateful to, and in a way 0:16:41.240 --> 0:16:44.280 was like really nourishing to them because it would have 0:16:44.280 --> 0:16:46.920 felt so fake for them to be like making your 0:16:47.360 --> 0:16:50.520 I mean, it's really the baby shower. We should I 0:16:50.560 --> 0:16:53.760 got to do a whole episode on that. I was 0:16:53.880 --> 0:16:56.560 I was so on in a spotlight and I know 0:16:56.600 --> 0:16:59.160 I'm an actor, but my god, I was so uncomfortable, 0:16:59.320 --> 0:17:01.680 like by that, you know what I mean, but feeling 0:17:01.720 --> 0:17:03.480 like I had to say something like I just was 0:17:03.520 --> 0:17:06.560 like I just felt uncomfortable. I was just like whoa, 0:17:06.720 --> 0:17:11.360 Like I'm so sweaty. I have never been this. I hadn't. 0:17:11.400 --> 0:17:14.639 So I've a friend, a brilliant friend named Prea Parker, 0:17:15.080 --> 0:17:18.359 who was this book called The Art of Gathering like 0:17:19.240 --> 0:17:21.240 How We Gather and Why it Matters? And she's amazing. 0:17:21.240 --> 0:17:23.879 She has her own podcast, Prea Parker. She's incredible. And 0:17:24.119 --> 0:17:26.960 I didn't really know her well and we hadn't had 0:17:27.000 --> 0:17:29.280 these conversations at this time when I was sort of 0:17:29.280 --> 0:17:31.360 feeling my way through like what do I actually need? 0:17:31.400 --> 0:17:34.800 But you know, she's this master facilitator, peace and conflict 0:17:34.880 --> 0:17:39.959 resolution moderator, And she talks about like asking the question of, 0:17:40.040 --> 0:17:43.640 like what is the purpose of this gathering, like all 0:17:43.720 --> 0:17:47.880 of these events that we do, weddings, birthdays, baby showers, 0:17:47.880 --> 0:17:51.480 like we do them and almost in this protocol way 0:17:51.560 --> 0:17:53.320 that really has so much more to do with like 0:17:53.400 --> 0:17:57.200 consumerism and sort of you know, checking off boxes versus 0:17:57.240 --> 0:18:00.280 asking the question like what do I need and how 0:18:00.400 --> 0:18:03.200 is this gathering going to fulfill those needs for me? 0:18:03.560 --> 0:18:06.920 And I feel like that's a question that as you're 0:18:06.920 --> 0:18:11.199 a mother or becoming a mother or you know, becoming 0:18:11.240 --> 0:18:13.720 mother of more children, like you have to be your 0:18:13.720 --> 0:18:17.119 own best protector of asking that question like what do 0:18:17.160 --> 0:18:20.440 I need? And how is this thing serving that need? 0:18:20.880 --> 0:18:24.720 And once I had my like grounding ceremony with the 0:18:24.760 --> 0:18:29.119 women that I consider like my coven, like I sobbed 0:18:29.160 --> 0:18:34.040 and cried and you know, you know, let things go 0:18:34.320 --> 0:18:37.040 and made space for other things. Then like Ryan and 0:18:37.080 --> 0:18:41.159 I had like a dance party like crazy baby shower 0:18:41.240 --> 0:18:43.840 and so there's nothing wrong. The thing is, like there's 0:18:43.840 --> 0:18:46.600 nothing wrong with like cupcakes and poopy diaper games, but 0:18:46.720 --> 0:18:50.080 it's just not enough for me. Like I don't think 0:18:50.080 --> 0:18:56.359 that it really addresses the needs of of what that 0:18:56.840 --> 0:19:00.879 what that emotional landscape is of becoming a mom and 0:19:00.960 --> 0:19:04.680 having your identity shift that way, and and so all, 0:19:04.920 --> 0:19:07.800 like I you know, I did it all once, so 0:19:07.960 --> 0:19:10.639 I thought like, great, I have the road map, Like 0:19:11.200 --> 0:19:15.200 we'll just do that again. Then, you know, a lot 0:19:15.359 --> 0:19:19.399 was different when I was around twenty weeks pregnant. You know, 0:19:19.440 --> 0:19:22.159 they realized my placenta was low lying, you know, so 0:19:22.880 --> 0:19:25.119 since then it's been like, a is this going to 0:19:25.200 --> 0:19:29.159 be a C section? And so I've never had a 0:19:29.200 --> 0:19:32.280 c section, so that was something brand new of like, oh, okay, 0:19:32.280 --> 0:19:37.080 this is really being different or could be different, and 0:19:37.080 --> 0:19:40.399 and and then I had to you know change, you know, 0:19:40.480 --> 0:19:42.360 things that I had planned on in terms of like 0:19:43.160 --> 0:19:46.639 you know, trying to work out through my pregnancy, not intensely, 0:19:46.680 --> 0:19:49.879 but just like to stay feeling strong and like that 0:19:49.960 --> 0:19:52.080 had to go out the window because you know, I've 0:19:52.119 --> 0:19:55.480 been advised to to not overdo it. Oh yeah, when 0:19:55.480 --> 0:19:57.360 you have a low lying placenta, if you work out 0:19:57.359 --> 0:20:01.480 really hard, there can be like there can be there. Yeah. Yeah. 0:20:01.600 --> 0:20:07.320 So so like basically every plan that basically every single 0:20:07.480 --> 0:20:11.280 plan that I made in this pregnancy was just like 0:20:11.400 --> 0:20:14.399 systematically like out the window. But how great is that 0:20:14.440 --> 0:20:16.720 this baby is already doing his job, Like the baby 0:20:16.760 --> 0:20:19.240 is already saying like, oh you thought you did this before, 0:20:19.720 --> 0:20:21.880 you thought you knew what you were doing. No, no, no, 0:20:22.240 --> 0:20:24.640 I'm different, Like I'm this is going to be totally different. Moms. 0:20:24.760 --> 0:20:26.280 I do take a little bit of pride in the 0:20:26.320 --> 0:20:28.760 fact that, like, even as I had the thought this 0:20:28.840 --> 0:20:30.919 is going to be exactly the same, there was another 0:20:31.040 --> 0:20:33.560 voice that was like, girl, don't you know anything, Like 0:20:33.640 --> 0:20:35.399 nothing is ever going to be the same, And I 0:20:35.440 --> 0:20:37.960 was that voice was right. So I have a little 0:20:37.960 --> 0:20:40.919 pride in the fact that I knew the expectation that 0:20:40.960 --> 0:20:44.159 things would be the same was a ridiculous expectation, But 0:20:44.200 --> 0:20:45.760 you still have it. I would have it too. I 0:20:45.760 --> 0:20:49.040 mean like I'm like breastfeeding was like so shitty for 0:20:49.040 --> 0:20:51.040 me the first time around, and I've been like, oh 0:20:51.119 --> 0:20:53.679 my god, I got this, Like I already climbed that 0:20:53.720 --> 0:20:55.719 fucking mountain, like I'm good to go, and I'm like, 0:20:56.040 --> 0:20:58.280 in my the other side of me is like you 0:20:58.440 --> 0:21:00.840 was saying, like, what's it going to be? Something else 0:21:00.920 --> 0:21:02.240 is going to bite you in the ass. You just 0:21:02.280 --> 0:21:06.560 don't know what it is. Yet in quarantine. Like a 0:21:06.600 --> 0:21:08.840 lot of the things I found really helpful towards the 0:21:08.920 --> 0:21:13.159 end of pregnancy last time, like acupuncture. I had this 0:21:13.320 --> 0:21:17.240 incredible osteopath that I saw once a week who made 0:21:17.240 --> 0:21:21.080 me feel like it's great and I had so much energy, 0:21:21.080 --> 0:21:23.640 and I could walk for three hours and feel amazing. 0:21:23.760 --> 0:21:26.639 Like I can't walk right now, I can't walk twenty 0:21:26.640 --> 0:21:29.159 minutes without being like this is painful and I have 0:21:29.240 --> 0:21:31.600 to sit down. So all of these things that I 0:21:31.600 --> 0:21:35.240 had come to lean on and felt like okay, I 0:21:35.320 --> 0:21:37.600 built my support system, Like none of those things are 0:21:37.640 --> 0:21:41.040 available to me right now. And so it really is 0:21:41.160 --> 0:21:48.600 this deep like exercise and practice of like just continually 0:21:48.720 --> 0:21:51.639 letting go, like you gotta let that go. You gotta 0:21:51.720 --> 0:21:55.200 let that go, you gotta let that go, and and 0:21:55.200 --> 0:21:59.240 and really invest a lot more trust in myself and 0:21:59.280 --> 0:22:01.560 in the fact that like I can do this, Like 0:22:02.080 --> 0:22:04.640 I can do this, I'm going to be okay, I'm 0:22:04.640 --> 0:22:07.879 well taken care of. It's not gonna look and feel 0:22:08.240 --> 0:22:10.960 and have all of the amenities and the bits and 0:22:11.000 --> 0:22:14.520 bobs of the first time around, but like this is 0:22:14.560 --> 0:22:17.960 what it is. And so I have to kind of 0:22:18.160 --> 0:22:22.760