Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of My Heart Radio
Speaker 1: and Shonda land Audio. Hello everybody, Katie lows here, I
Speaker 1: am your host of Katie's Crib and welcome to season three. Wow.
Speaker 1: I imagine all these screaming going on in my head.
Speaker 1: It might only be in my head, or it's my
Speaker 1: son who's asleep in his nursery on the other side
Speaker 1: of the wall of the closet that I'm currently recording in. Okay,
Speaker 1: I first of all need to welcome back all of
Speaker 1: you awesome returning listeners. I also want to welcome all
Speaker 1: of you new listeners. Thank you all so much for
Speaker 1: tuning in. So you guys know, I started Katie's Crib
Speaker 1: two and a half years ago. I got knocked up
Speaker 1: on the last season of Scandal and Shonda was like, Wow,
Speaker 1: you should have a podcast, and I was like, that
Speaker 1: would be amazing. And here we are two and a
Speaker 1: half years later. My son is a full blown toddler. Um.
Speaker 1: I knew nothing when I started. I felt very loan,
Speaker 1: and Katie's Crib has proven to be the most wonderful
Speaker 1: mom village community I could have ever asked for. I
Speaker 1: learned so much from you guys, all of the experts
Speaker 1: and friends and moms and mother figures we have had
Speaker 1: on this show, They're just everything to me. And I'm
Speaker 1: so honored to be part of this ride with you. Guys.
Speaker 1: We are in the middle of the pandemic and we
Speaker 1: are launching Katie's Crib season three. What an opportunity to
Speaker 1: come together and feel less alone and help each other
Speaker 1: to get through this, help each other be moms and
Speaker 1: parents during this whole thing. And I thought there is
Speaker 1: no better guest in the world to talk to right
Speaker 1: now to kick off season three than my friend America Ferrera.
Speaker 1: I mean, come on, you guys know her from shows
Speaker 1: like Ugly Betty Superstore. She's um, an executive producer and
Speaker 1: directs the bilingual dramay Dentified on Netflix. She fights for
Speaker 1: social justice to her organization Harness. She is a freaking superwoman.
Speaker 1: And America made time to talk to you guys and
Speaker 1: to me five days before she gave birth to her
Speaker 1: second child, So she's perfect. She's the best guest season opener.
Speaker 1: I'm very, very excited to bring you this episode. I'm
Speaker 1: so lucky to call her a friend and be able
Speaker 1: to pick her brain today. You guys, please welcome our
Speaker 1: first guest, first season three of Katie's Crib America, Ferrera.
Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib America. Ferrera. Thank you so much
Speaker 1: for being on. You have been listening to podcasts I
Speaker 1: saw on your Instagram, like I think because during quarantine time,
Speaker 1: like it's sort of it's very I feel very excited
Speaker 1: to have Katie's Crib because I think we're all feeling
Speaker 1: very isolated right now, and podcasts are a really great
Speaker 1: way to keep people together. Yeah, but first and foremost,
Speaker 1: congrats on your pregnancy. Thank you. How are you feeling
Speaker 1: is it? I'm so curious. People have always said to me,
Speaker 1: every pregnancy is different, every labor is different, blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: Is that true? Like, are you having a complete different
Speaker 1: experience or is it more similar than different. It's pretty different,
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, not in like the ways that
Speaker 1: you expect necessarily, like you know, I actually we this
Speaker 1: is maybe t M I, but we like not no
Speaker 1: such thing. They basically both have the exact same do date,
Speaker 1: which means like if you know, if your back up
Speaker 1: nine months like me, we you know we It means
Speaker 1: you guys are really feeling each other around a certain time, Ye,
Speaker 1: exactly were consistent. So it was so weird because I
Speaker 1: was like I had this thought of like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: everything's gonna happen exactly the same, Like it was just
Speaker 1: a thought. And as soon as that thought entered my mind,
Speaker 1: another voice was like, nothing is ever the same. Where
Speaker 1: are you sever? Are you sick? Were you more sick?
Speaker 1: Less sick? Like more tired less tired? You see, it
Speaker 1: was less that stuff like I was. I was more
Speaker 1: nauseous sooner, and it the nausea lasted longer, and I
Speaker 1: was nauseous for more of the day this time around,
Speaker 1: So like the nausea was just sort of more intense.
Speaker 1: It did kind of go away at that, like transitioning
Speaker 1: from first to second trimester, it did go away, thank god,
Speaker 1: it was. It was worse this time than before, but
Speaker 1: by no means, like to the extent that I've had
Speaker 1: friends experience, like, you know, vomiting every day for nine months.
Speaker 1: That seems like how anyone ever gets through that. It's
Speaker 1: like how you know mothers are full on superheroes because
Speaker 1: I don't understand how that happens. Yeah, and the exhaustion
Speaker 1: was more intense, but a lot of people are like, well,
Speaker 1: you're also like chasing a toddler around, so so there's
Speaker 1: that like you don't just get to like lie down
Speaker 1: every time you're like tired and take a nap. I
Speaker 1: was working and on set, and like i'd come home
Speaker 1: and every day around like you know, I'd usually come
Speaker 1: home around four thirty five and like have a couple
Speaker 1: of hours with us and like play with him and
Speaker 1: feed him and putting over his nap. I mean, I
Speaker 1: would come home and before I knew knew I was pregnant,
Speaker 1: it was like I got hit by a truck at
Speaker 1: four thirty every day and I must have been I
Speaker 1: don't know, like two weeks pregnant, three weeks pregnant. I
Speaker 1: didn't even know, like I hadn't taken a test, but
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, this is a different kind of tip.
Speaker 1: But part of it is like you've done it once before,
Speaker 1: so you kind of know what to look out for,
Speaker 1: and you're kind of like, oh, this is familiar, Like
Speaker 1: I know what this is. And maybe maybe I was
Speaker 1: that tired the first time around and I just didn't
Speaker 1: know what to attribute it to, you know. So but
Speaker 1: those things were relatively small I'm talking more about like
Speaker 1: global pandemic. We need to talk about all of this
Speaker 1: ship like we need to talk about for our moms
Speaker 1: out there. How I'm curious because I think, like, have
Speaker 1: you been again? I just think you're such an inspiring mom.
Speaker 1: Do you talk to Baz about the state of the
Speaker 1: world in which we're in right now? Obviously he's so
Speaker 1: young and like does he even understand? Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: he's very young. He's not even too yet. He'll be
Speaker 1: too in a month. Fish, So no, we're not talking
Speaker 1: to him about like, you know, the virus and people
Speaker 1: being sick. We were sort of advised through his um
Speaker 1: like classes to sort of let them know, like everyone's
Speaker 1: on a break, Like it's a break, you know, So
Speaker 1: we keep and for him. Like he's such a social butterfly,
Speaker 1: and he loves everyone who comes in and out of
Speaker 1: our house, Like you know, he's super social. I remember
Speaker 1: that one kid's birthday party. I saw him. He was
Speaker 1: like after he was like going good. He was like
Speaker 1: like eating, walking around, like he's very independent, does his thing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he like loves watching the Gardener's Garden, the yard every week.
Speaker 1: He like loves watching the pool Man, like you know,
Speaker 1: so every day he's like pool man, Calman coming, you know,
Speaker 1: like everyone he's used to seeing. Like for the first
Speaker 1: couple of weeks, he would ask almost every day and
Speaker 1: he'd be like, like music class, will let class, like
Speaker 1: all these things that he was used to doing. And
Speaker 1: it was just like heartbreaking to say everyone's on a break,
Speaker 1: will will We'll go back soon. Everyone's on a break.
Speaker 1: And you know, that's as much as I can say
Speaker 1: over and I love that idea. I haven't said break.
Speaker 1: That's like a really good word. Who ever gave that
Speaker 1: to you? That's really helpful? Are you? I mean, for me,
Speaker 1: this is the most time consecutively I've spent with my
Speaker 1: kid because I went back to work, and I know
Speaker 1: you did too. Um, I'm kind of freaked out about
Speaker 1: that transition because he's so happy, like he loves that
Speaker 1: mommy and Daddy are around seven, and even though he
Speaker 1: misses his friends in his little classes or he says
Speaker 1: playground a lot because he's like, why can't I go
Speaker 1: to the playground? But how do you feel a out
Speaker 1: whenever this shifts into something else, you know, I feel like,
Speaker 1: you know, last summer, when the world was in a
Speaker 1: very different place. I took four weeks off and we
Speaker 1: were on like a family summer vacation, and it was
Speaker 1: four weeks of just us, and I saw how how
Speaker 1: much he grew and developed and and how excited he
Speaker 1: was to have us around all the time, and just like,
Speaker 1: you know what it meant to him to be with
Speaker 1: mom and dad and and have us there with him.
Speaker 1: And you know, I think that those times when when
Speaker 1: they can, when they're possible, are wonderful for for him. Um,
Speaker 1: but that's also just like not the reality of every day.
Speaker 1: And he has a very awesome, rich life on a
Speaker 1: day to day basis. He has an incredible nanny who
Speaker 1: we love so much and is so attentive to him
Speaker 1: and interactive, and he goes to music class and he
Speaker 1: goes to this class. So it's like his life is
Speaker 1: so rich that there's no losing for him. It's like
Speaker 1: he's either out like enjoying and he's very very active,
Speaker 1: loves running and climbing and being in the park. And
Speaker 1: for now, it's it's this and I think we just
Speaker 1: sort of try to, you know, milk it for what
Speaker 1: it is and and have this special time together this
Speaker 1: because baby number two is coming basically any day now.
Speaker 1: Thank you for being on Katie's crib. This is amazing,
Speaker 1: this this was going to be this time was sort
Speaker 1: of going to be this for us anyway. That's so interesting.
Speaker 1: This is sort of your nesting hunger down time anyway,
Speaker 1: because the baby could have come already, Like it's like right,
Speaker 1: so you know, it's not so different from how we
Speaker 1: had planned to spend the summer, you know, other than
Speaker 1: obviously started seven weeks ago for us, and there's less
Speaker 1: he can do in terms of like go out and
Speaker 1: run around at parks and beaches and that type of thing.
Speaker 1: But you know, it's a lot, because I think it's
Speaker 1: a lot when you're trying to keep everything else up.
Speaker 1: Like for now, I'm still on zooms and on calls,
Speaker 1: and you have some projects and development and so we're
Speaker 1: still on you know, moving things forward and and working.
Speaker 1: I think once I have the privilege of sort of
Speaker 1: saying I'm now on maternity leave and it's just us
Speaker 1: the time of like bringing a baby number two, transitioning
Speaker 1: us just having this kind of quiet time as a family,
Speaker 1: there's there's sort of like a real silver lining and
Speaker 1: having like the global energy support that internal turn of work.
Speaker 1: We're not missing it. You know, you're not missing anything. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's not just you stopping your life. It's like, no,
Speaker 1: everything has pretty much stopped. Are you struggling at all
Speaker 1: with anxiety? Um, about being pregnant during this time? I
Speaker 1: know we have a lot of listeners who are pregnant
Speaker 1: during this time, and I've been watching endlessly about you know,
Speaker 1: there's just not that much studied on it yet. But
Speaker 1: thankfully the smaller case slow that they have, thank god,
Speaker 1: you know, the majority of mothers and babies and everyone
Speaker 1: comes out okay, even the moms who have like really
Speaker 1: struggled with coronavirus and given birth totally. Yeah. I mean
Speaker 1: there's the anxiety about the virus itself, which is like
Speaker 1: you don't want to get sick. You don't want your
Speaker 1: children to get sick, you don't want a newborn baby
Speaker 1: to get sick. Obviously, I try to stay away from
Speaker 1: the news cycle because I think you can drive yourself
Speaker 1: absolutely insane. Um. The very few times that I like
Speaker 1: have caught like some sensational story because obviously it's happening,
Speaker 1: it's not the norm, but like young people are getting
Speaker 1: sick and like little people are getting sick and little
Speaker 1: people are suffering, Like I just know, like I have
Speaker 1: to put up my filters because I don't have the
Speaker 1: emotional capacity to let that in. And I knew. I
Speaker 1: realized that really early on for me, like you know,
Speaker 1: there's information that you need to know to be informed,
Speaker 1: and and unfortunately in this day age, it's like you
Speaker 1: have to be able to stop yourself and know like
Speaker 1: what's healthy for you and what's not. And for me,
Speaker 1: like I could feel my heart rate and my anxiety
Speaker 1: and my blood brush are and like everything and go up.
Speaker 1: And also not to be not being able to close
Speaker 1: my eyes and go to sleep at night because I'm
Speaker 1: sitting there with all these news stories, you know, swirling
Speaker 1: in my head and just realizing early on that like
Speaker 1: I had to be very disciplined about what I let
Speaker 1: in because it just doesn't serve you, especially in a
Speaker 1: time where like you know, you just don't need that
Speaker 1: added stress when you're pregnant. And I feel so similar
Speaker 1: like I've had to really I really was going down
Speaker 1: a bad spiral in the first couple of weeks, and
Speaker 1: I was like, this is I'm not sleeping, like I'm
Speaker 1: making myself feel mentally like I just like it was like,
Speaker 1: this is are you a big meditator or I know
Speaker 1: you've been in your life, you've had periods of like
Speaker 1: being really physical and and like is that something that
Speaker 1: you're finding help with right now? With the mental stuff
Speaker 1: like you know, just staying calm and at peace for
Speaker 1: your baby or you just like I'm just resting and
Speaker 1: that's it, and I'm not looking at ship And I
Speaker 1: definitely have my ways of like staying grounded. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think so there's the anxiety about the virus obviously
Speaker 1: that you know, I think that we're doing all the things.
Speaker 1: You know, if you're doing all the things to stay
Speaker 1: socially distance and clean and healthy and you know, safe,
Speaker 1: like you can't really worry too much about it. You
Speaker 1: just have to do the things that that that our
Speaker 1: common sense and hope that that that that's enough. Even
Speaker 1: when I had my first child, childbirth triggers for me
Speaker 1: some really deep you know, fears and and and and
Speaker 1: what I realized the first time around was our culture
Speaker 1: and our culture around mothering and our kind of consumer
Speaker 1: culture around preparing women to become mothers, like has very
Speaker 1: little to do with what you actually or rather what
Speaker 1: I actually needed in that time. It is so imps
Speaker 1: right now that could not have been a tore Steve.
Speaker 1: I'm just like, you know, I would like kill me,
Speaker 1: Like I don't want to like pick out baby clothes
Speaker 1: and pin the poopy diaper on the donkey, Like I
Speaker 1: don't want to do any of that. Ship Like I
Speaker 1: like some really primal ancestral like fear of dying in
Speaker 1: childbirth is coming up, and like where do I get
Speaker 1: to talk about that? You know? I used to wake
Speaker 1: up at him in the middle of the night and
Speaker 1: be like, first of all, like guys don't know, like
Speaker 1: like I was just like people still fucking die in
Speaker 1: childbirth and like as of fifty years ago, like and
Speaker 1: that's not happening, but like fifth years ago, like everybody
Speaker 1: did or whatever. And I'm like, this is I'm being
Speaker 1: asked to do something that I am very, very very
Speaker 1: We're not talking about how afraid I am right now, Like, well,
Speaker 1: that's the thing, right, Like where in the culture does
Speaker 1: that exist for women to be for their real deeper
Speaker 1: fears to be seen and and you know, whether they're
Speaker 1: physical or or whether they're just about like your life
Speaker 1: shift and your identity shift and like you think, like, oh,
Speaker 1: you did it one time, but you know it's all
Speaker 1: going to change again. It's like, what does it mean
Speaker 1: to be a mother? It took two children? What's that
Speaker 1: going to do to my relationship with the first one?
Speaker 1: What's that going to How's that going to impact my marriage?
Speaker 1: How's that going to impact my ability to be the
Speaker 1: person I want to be in the world. And like
Speaker 1: all those things that are there the first time around
Speaker 1: are slightly different because you've been through it what once before,
Speaker 1: but but your world is still gonna change and shift
Speaker 1: in a big way. And so you know, the first
Speaker 1: time around, I really had to kind of get in
Speaker 1: touch with what I needed it and then and then
Speaker 1: find the community to help me get that. And you know,
Speaker 1: I I asked some women very close to me to
Speaker 1: like help me design like a ceremony, like a transition ceremony.
Speaker 1: Like I was like, I don't want a baby shower.
Speaker 1: I want people to witness and acknowledge like this deep
Speaker 1: identity shift that I'm going through and transformation. And like
Speaker 1: that's what I needed and I'm so grateful I reached
Speaker 1: out And it was a little awkward to sort of
Speaker 1: say to the people in my life, like this is
Speaker 1: actually what I want and meet and crave right now,
Speaker 1: So can you guys give me this? And they were
Speaker 1: so happy to and grateful to, and in a way
Speaker 1: was like really nourishing to them because it would have
Speaker 1: felt so fake for them to be like making your
Speaker 1: I mean, it's really the baby shower. We should I
Speaker 1: got to do a whole episode on that. I was
Speaker 1: I was so on in a spotlight and I know
Speaker 1: I'm an actor, but my god, I was so uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: like by that, you know what I mean, but feeling
Speaker 1: like I had to say something like I just was
Speaker 1: like I just felt uncomfortable. I was just like whoa,
Speaker 1: Like I'm so sweaty. I have never been this. I hadn't.
Speaker 1: So I've a friend, a brilliant friend named Prea Parker,
Speaker 1: who was this book called The Art of Gathering like
Speaker 1: How We Gather and Why it Matters? And she's amazing.
Speaker 1: She has her own podcast, Prea Parker. She's incredible. And
Speaker 1: I didn't really know her well and we hadn't had
Speaker 1: these conversations at this time when I was sort of
Speaker 1: feeling my way through like what do I actually need?
Speaker 1: But you know, she's this master facilitator, peace and conflict
Speaker 1: resolution moderator, And she talks about like asking the question of,
Speaker 1: like what is the purpose of this gathering, like all
Speaker 1: of these events that we do, weddings, birthdays, baby showers,
Speaker 1: like we do them and almost in this protocol way
Speaker 1: that really has so much more to do with like
Speaker 1: consumerism and sort of you know, checking off boxes versus
Speaker 1: asking the question like what do I need and how
Speaker 1: is this gathering going to fulfill those needs for me?
Speaker 1: And I feel like that's a question that as you're
Speaker 1: a mother or becoming a mother or you know, becoming
Speaker 1: mother of more children, like you have to be your
Speaker 1: own best protector of asking that question like what do
Speaker 1: I need? And how is this thing serving that need?
Speaker 1: And once I had my like grounding ceremony with the
Speaker 1: women that I consider like my coven, like I sobbed
Speaker 1: and cried and you know, you know, let things go
Speaker 1: and made space for other things. Then like Ryan and
Speaker 1: I had like a dance party like crazy baby shower
Speaker 1: and so there's nothing wrong. The thing is, like there's
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with like cupcakes and poopy diaper games, but
Speaker 1: it's just not enough for me. Like I don't think
Speaker 1: that it really addresses the needs of of what that
Speaker 1: what that emotional landscape is of becoming a mom and
Speaker 1: having your identity shift that way, and and so all,
Speaker 1: like I you know, I did it all once, so
Speaker 1: I thought like, great, I have the road map, Like
Speaker 1: we'll just do that again. Then, you know, a lot
Speaker 1: was different when I was around twenty weeks pregnant. You know,
Speaker 1: they realized my placenta was low lying, you know, so
Speaker 1: since then it's been like, a is this going to
Speaker 1: be a C section? And so I've never had a
Speaker 1: c section, so that was something brand new of like, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: this is really being different or could be different, and
Speaker 1: and and then I had to you know change, you know,
Speaker 1: things that I had planned on in terms of like
Speaker 1: you know, trying to work out through my pregnancy, not intensely,
Speaker 1: but just like to stay feeling strong and like that
Speaker 1: had to go out the window because you know, I've
Speaker 1: been advised to to not overdo it. Oh yeah, when
Speaker 1: you have a low lying placenta, if you work out
Speaker 1: really hard, there can be like there can be there. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So so like basically every plan that basically every single
Speaker 1: plan that I made in this pregnancy was just like
Speaker 1: systematically like out the window. But how great is that
Speaker 1: this baby is already doing his job, Like the baby
Speaker 1: is already saying like, oh you thought you did this before,
Speaker 1: you thought you knew what you were doing. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: I'm different, Like I'm this is going to be totally different. Moms.
Speaker 1: I do take a little bit of pride in the
Speaker 1: fact that, like, even as I had the thought this
Speaker 1: is going to be exactly the same, there was another
Speaker 1: voice that was like, girl, don't you know anything, Like
Speaker 1: nothing is ever going to be the same, And I
Speaker 1: was that voice was right. So I have a little
Speaker 1: pride in the fact that I knew the expectation that
Speaker 1: things would be the same was a ridiculous expectation, But
Speaker 1: you still have it. I would have it too. I
Speaker 1: mean like I'm like breastfeeding was like so shitty for
Speaker 1: me the first time around, and I've been like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I got this, Like I already climbed that
Speaker 1: fucking mountain, like I'm good to go, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: in my the other side of me is like you
Speaker 1: was saying, like, what's it going to be? Something else
Speaker 1: is going to bite you in the ass. You just
Speaker 1: don't know what it is. Yet in quarantine. Like a
Speaker 1: lot of the things I found really helpful towards the
Speaker 1: end of pregnancy last time, like acupuncture. I had this
Speaker 1: incredible osteopath that I saw once a week who made
Speaker 1: me feel like it's great and I had so much energy,
Speaker 1: and I could walk for three hours and feel amazing.
Speaker 1: Like I can't walk right now, I can't walk twenty
Speaker 1: minutes without being like this is painful and I have
Speaker 1: to sit down. So all of these things that I
Speaker 1: had come to lean on and felt like okay, I
Speaker 1: built my support system, Like none of those things are
Speaker 1: available to me right now. And so it really is
Speaker 1: this deep like exercise and practice of like just continually
Speaker 1: letting go, like you gotta let that go. You gotta
Speaker 1: let that go, you gotta let that go, and and
Speaker 1: and really invest a lot more trust in myself and
Speaker 1: in the fact that like I can do this, Like
Speaker 1: I can do this, I'm going to be okay, I'm
Speaker 1: well taken care of. It's not gonna look and feel
Speaker 1: and have all of the amenities and the bits and
Speaker 1: bobs of the first time around, but like this is
Speaker 1: what it is. And so I have to kind of
Speaker 1: stay connected to the fact that this this baby is
Speaker 1: going to come into the world, and it's gonna be
Speaker 1: me and this baby, and we're gonna do it and
Speaker 1: and we're we're gonna be We're gonna have everything we
Speaker 1: need um and and so that's the meditation over which
Speaker 1: is brilliant. I mean, you sound so, I mean, but
Speaker 1: it's it's totally Listen. There are times like yesterday I
Speaker 1: was on the phone with my acupuncturists where I was like,
Speaker 1: just show me where to push, like show me where
Speaker 1: to like press so that this abotica goes away, you know.
Speaker 1: And you know, talking about postpartum, like did you have
Speaker 1: any sort of postpartum depression with Baz or were you
Speaker 1: immediately in love? Did you? Not that that's even the measure,
Speaker 1: but I mean, like, did you feel did you walk
Speaker 1: into it like with positivity? Did you? Did you was
Speaker 1: it a slow burn? I felt really good after postpartum, uh.
Speaker 1: And I I definitely had some big hormonal shifts and
Speaker 1: some big hormonal moments and events, But I don't think
Speaker 1: that I struggled with depression. Maybe like the blues every
Speaker 1: now and then, but but I had it pretty great
Speaker 1: the first time around. You know, I know that every
Speaker 1: pregnancy can be different, so so who knows. But but
Speaker 1: what I'm saying is like there is a very deep
Speaker 1: well of emotion and anxiety that I have tapped into
Speaker 1: now and then, and it just feels so overwhelming at
Speaker 1: the moment that I can't let myself dwell there, you know.
Speaker 1: But I know that like, yeah, there's a lot of
Speaker 1: ship going on right now, and to be pregnant in
Speaker 1: this moment and to have to be in and out
Speaker 1: of hospitals and doctors offices because you're at the end,
Speaker 1: which means you're in the doctor's office all the time
Speaker 1: like they've been and all this stuff I've read that
Speaker 1: you know, there are people who if you're if you're
Speaker 1: okay and your doctors recommending it, you can not do
Speaker 1: every two weeks at the beginning, you know, for safety,
Speaker 1: precautious reasons. But now that you're at the end, there's
Speaker 1: no way around that. Like you're in pandemic and you're
Speaker 1: going to the doctor all the time, and now my
Speaker 1: husband can't come with me, you know, to these appointments,
Speaker 1: and so you know, I am trying to be as
Speaker 1: grounded and as like put my big girl pants on
Speaker 1: and just be like the whole world is dealing with this.
Speaker 1: You can do this, like this is the time your
Speaker 1: baby chose to come into the world for some reason.
Speaker 1: So here we go, right, And but like I said,
Speaker 1: like there is real there is real anxiety, there's real emotion,
Speaker 1: there's real fear that feels very like like a lot
Speaker 1: of it would be there anyway. I think it feels
Speaker 1: amplified and it feels overwhelming to kind of go there
Speaker 1: and access it in this moment. And you know, I
Speaker 1: put out like one Instagram post about it like a
Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago. It was so beautiful. I haven't
Speaker 1: it was so inspiring. It was like it was it
Speaker 1: was expecting mothers during the pandemic, and it was just like, really,
Speaker 1: it was really lovely. Thank you. I don't know if
Speaker 1: you can hear my toddscrep I love it on Katie's crib.
Speaker 1: But the wave of mothers who were spot like pregnant
Speaker 1: women responded who were like it's my first, or I
Speaker 1: delivered yesterday, or you know I had to deliver alone,
Speaker 1: or I was in that window where the where my
Speaker 1: partner wasn't allowed in. I mean, lord, I mean I
Speaker 1: was reading these comments and like sobbing and just thinking
Speaker 1: like it's a very heightened time to be in this
Speaker 1: state that already is a heightened place to be in
Speaker 1: this and then to be in it with this global
Speaker 1: event happening, and look just to be separated from your
Speaker 1: social network, like the fact that nobody I love is
Speaker 1: going to get to meet my baby. You know that,
Speaker 1: you know that no one's going to be there to
Speaker 1: like hug me and hold me, and like, you know,
Speaker 1: some friends who like the first time around, like cooked,
Speaker 1: Like she lived in my lives in my building in
Speaker 1: New York and she like cooked for me for two
Speaker 1: weeks after Bass came, and like, you know, just all
Speaker 1: of that stuff of like knowing that you're held and
Speaker 1: and being like, okay, it's just us. It's me and
Speaker 1: Ryan and and our son, and we do thank god,
Speaker 1: we're our nanny is quarantining with us, so she's here
Speaker 1: to help us. Um, but we're just like here we go.
Speaker 1: You know. It's like it's unprecedented this time, and we're
Speaker 1: just going to stay focused on how lucky we are
Speaker 1: to have all the things we do have and trust
Speaker 1: that like we can get through this and it's going
Speaker 1: to be okay. And and and it might even be
Speaker 1: wonderful and beautiful and it might bring about, you know,
Speaker 1: some circumstances that we feel great about. Have you been
Speaker 1: super into like how do you talk to Baz about
Speaker 1: becoming an older sibling? How do you plan on introducing him?
Speaker 1: Are you big into that or you just sort of
Speaker 1: like will trust or instincts and see how it goes,
Speaker 1: or you like like you have a whole thing you've
Speaker 1: got planned. Yeah. I was super anxious about it because
Speaker 1: I was definitely one of those moms who like you know,
Speaker 1: held baths and I'm like, I'm going to ruin your
Speaker 1: life by bringing in another. Meanwhile, I'm the youngest of
Speaker 1: six children, like you know, and I'm probably projecting a
Speaker 1: lot onto him of like like, um, now you're gonna
Speaker 1: have to like fight for attention, my attention. Um. But
Speaker 1: I did right classes with as UM and we do
Speaker 1: UM parent child classes at the Waldorf Steiner Schools, and
Speaker 1: we sort of, you know, off their recommendations. And also
Speaker 1: one of our mutual friends, Angelique Cabral, who is like
Speaker 1: my go to mama for everything, and also she just
Speaker 1: had her second so I was like, tell me everything,
Speaker 1: and you know, her first was basically around Basie's age,
Speaker 1: so I'd just like tell me everything. So he's so
Speaker 1: young he can't really conceptualize it, so like burdening him
Speaker 1: too early on with the fact that like everything's going
Speaker 1: to change and a baby is coming and and it
Speaker 1: just s and they you know, and the advice was like,
Speaker 1: don't put that on them too soon, you know, and
Speaker 1: when the time starts to come, which is around now,
Speaker 1: like you can talk about it and you know, trying
Speaker 1: to talk about it in ways that are that won't
Speaker 1: trigger like scariness, you know, just even you know, Angelie
Speaker 1: mentioned the like you know, not saying like you're going
Speaker 1: to be a big brother and she's going to be
Speaker 1: your little sister and she's the baby and you're a
Speaker 1: big boy, is like just trying to imagine like, well,
Speaker 1: he's not even two, so like he's a baby too,
Speaker 1: and he and that might be scary to be like
Speaker 1: get out of the baby's seat, kid like babies coming,
Speaker 1: you know, like just even stuff like that that like
Speaker 1: oh yeah, that makes sense. Like I don't want to
Speaker 1: make him feel like he's not little and small and
Speaker 1: and has these needs and and has the right to
Speaker 1: need me in these ways. So like small things like
Speaker 1: that are helpful. Yeah. She was the person who first
Speaker 1: told me, like she brought her second home from the
Speaker 1: hospital and that's where they met, and I it had
Speaker 1: never even occurred to me. I mean, however, anyone wants
Speaker 1: to do it is how they want to do it.
Speaker 1: But but because we're so conditioned in movies and stuff
Speaker 1: like that to be like, well, no, like the sibling
Speaker 1: comes to the hospital and that's where they meet the baby.
Speaker 1: And she was the first person who ever said to me, like, well,
Speaker 1: he might be scared, like to go to a hospital
Speaker 1: he has never been to before, Like why don't you
Speaker 1: just the baby home and you can do it? Like
Speaker 1: when I was like, oh my god, that's an option,
Speaker 1: Like I just didn't even occur to me. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and that's going to be our situation because he can't
Speaker 1: even come visit us. So so which is like that
Speaker 1: decision was made for us. But yeah, just even the
Speaker 1: you know, Angelie gave me such great advice. She was
Speaker 1: like what she did was spend time alone with her first,
Speaker 1: you know, say mommy's back, I used you and like
Speaker 1: read a book and have a little bit of time
Speaker 1: of just like mommy and and toddler, and and then
Speaker 1: she had her partner walk in, her husband walking with
Speaker 1: the baby and put the baby in in her toddler's
Speaker 1: arms so that it wasn't like, oh, mommy came home
Speaker 1: and she's holding the baby, and now the baby's in
Speaker 1: her arms, like even just those psychological things of like
Speaker 1: oh yeah, like let the introduction not be like this
Speaker 1: is now Mommy's new attachment, Like this is now Mommy's
Speaker 1: new sidekicks. So you know, just small things like that,
Speaker 1: and who knows. I mean, her daughter seems to be
Speaker 1: us doing really well. Yeah, she's great, she's doing great,
Speaker 1: So we'll see. I mean, I have all these nerves
Speaker 1: about it, but I've also had so many friends say like,
Speaker 1: you know, it's also really beautiful to see the kids together.
Speaker 1: It's a lot of times like the toddlers are really excited,
Speaker 1: you know, And so so I've been anticipating all the
Speaker 1: like stressful things, but I'm also trying to stay open
Speaker 1: that like that this will that he'll love it, you know,
Speaker 1: and that he'll love the new baby and love love
Speaker 1: that he has a role to play. I mean, I've
Speaker 1: started saying to him, like I keep telling Angelicia to
Speaker 1: like write a mommy book or something. Because every day
Speaker 1: she's been on this podcast two times and it's coming
Speaker 1: back up for another one. Like for sure, um, you
Speaker 1: know she said, uh, oh wait now pregnancy bright and
Speaker 1: I lost my train. She was giving you advice about, oh,
Speaker 1: empowering them to give them a job or something. Yeah,
Speaker 1: or just to say, like, you're older, so you know
Speaker 1: more things, So you get to teach the baby be
Speaker 1: the things you know. You know, like you know how
Speaker 1: to wash your hands, you get to teach the baby
Speaker 1: how to do that. You know how to put your
Speaker 1: choice away, You get to teach the baby how to
Speaker 1: do that. So just giving him like a role in
Speaker 1: in the baby, in the baby's life and that sort
Speaker 1: of thing. But you know, I'm sure there's gonna be
Speaker 1: ups and downs. I what I love about Rye and
Speaker 1: what I love about Waldorf and that there's some intersections
Speaker 1: there is that there's just at the core of it,
Speaker 1: it just assumes like a deep respect for the child,
Speaker 1: that they're a little human being, budding and growing, experiencing
Speaker 1: the world with all these big feelings and emotions, and
Speaker 1: that while it's easy as an adult to be like
Speaker 1: because I said so, because Mommy can't because I like
Speaker 1: that there's that that there's just that reminder to really
Speaker 1: acknowledge that that their feelings are like big and real
Speaker 1: and valid and and let them in on it, I mean,
Speaker 1: the amount and they can take the lead to like
Speaker 1: I think he is going to be so like That's
Speaker 1: what I always loved about Rye stuff, was like, oh,
Speaker 1: like I think they don't know. Like I'm just like
Speaker 1: like they know, like they just sort of give them
Speaker 1: the space and you're like, oh, they already know that,
Speaker 1: Like you know what I mean. Like he blows my
Speaker 1: mind with how much he understands every day. Absolutely. Um.
Speaker 1: Can we talk about like sharing your Latin X culture
Speaker 1: with bas and the baby. Do you have a lot
Speaker 1: of like rituals or traditions or how you do that
Speaker 1: in your household? Um? Yeah, So you know I was
Speaker 1: raised in a Spanish speaking home. My parents were immigrants. Um,
Speaker 1: but I was also like very americanized. You know. I
Speaker 1: was number six, so all my siblings, so my older
Speaker 1: siblings like who who, I can't even imagine that, Like
Speaker 1: I can't now having one and you're about to do
Speaker 1: like six. I mean, wow, I know, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Just like what in the world. But my like my
Speaker 1: older siblings, they spoke only Spanish until they went to school, right,
Speaker 1: so they had that foundation. But by the time I
Speaker 1: came around, all my oldert winds are speaking English. So
Speaker 1: so I just went like straight to English. I mean
Speaker 1: I understood Spanish because my mother spoke Spanish, my father
Speaker 1: spoke Spanished, my aunt and grandparents and like everyone spoke
Speaker 1: Spanish around me, So that was a big part of it.
Speaker 1: But but I was also like very very American and
Speaker 1: English speaking from the get go. So you know, I
Speaker 1: struggle with ways just in my own life to to
Speaker 1: feel you know, connected to my my cultural roots. And
Speaker 1: it's really important to me that Baz and baby too,
Speaker 1: like feel that connection. And I almost, I like overcompensating
Speaker 1: for for the connection that you know, that that I
Speaker 1: didn't get. It was really important to me that he'd
Speaker 1: be surrounded by people who speak Spanish. My Spanish is okay,
Speaker 1: but it's not like amazing. So our nanny speaks to
Speaker 1: him in Spanish all day. You know, we have so
Speaker 1: many friends who are in and out of the house,
Speaker 1: not right now obviously, who speak to him in Spanish
Speaker 1: all day. Like he uses a lot of Spanish words.
Speaker 1: He understands Spanish really well, so the language and giving
Speaker 1: him the gift of like the gift of the language
Speaker 1: and hoping really hoping fingers crossed that like that just
Speaker 1: always feels like a natural thing to him in a
Speaker 1: way that it wasn't always for me, Like is really
Speaker 1: important to me. And we blast Latino music all the time, Like,
Speaker 1: I mean, his favorite song that he asked for twenty
Speaker 1: five times a day is Jay Valvin's Local Contigo, and
Speaker 1: like it's like literally any Latin beat that comes on,
Speaker 1: he starts moving. I'm like, Oh, you've got it. You're
Speaker 1: like a little Latino brother. I love it. Um my
Speaker 1: husband plays, oh brother, we're art that like the Whitest
Speaker 1: Hike is soundtrack you can imagine. I'm like, you are
Speaker 1: equal parts both of these things, so you get to
Speaker 1: be both of them. But um, you know, yeah, it
Speaker 1: is really important to me that he feels that cultural connection.
Speaker 1: But I think I think for me, my feeling of
Speaker 1: connection had so much to do with the people I
Speaker 1: knew and loved to are part of that culture. So
Speaker 1: surrounding him with people who represent that culture for him,
Speaker 1: whom he loves, Yeah, it's going to take care of
Speaker 1: itself translates into him loving his culture and and feeling
Speaker 1: deeply connected to that. But it is really important to me.
Speaker 1: So you just helped launch the drama Dentified on Netflix
Speaker 1: and you're the executive producer. You've directed a number of episodes.
Speaker 1: I can't even believe, like what you've been doing in
Speaker 1: this year, which is the most insane year that I've
Speaker 1: ever lived. But please tell me what your work life
Speaker 1: This is a huge topic on Katie's crib always Um
Speaker 1: your work life balance as a mom and as a director, actress, producer, activist.
Speaker 1: I mean, your list is very long. Clearly you mentioned
Speaker 1: you have a nanny. You have a great village of
Speaker 1: it sounds like friends who are ahead of you in
Speaker 1: the mom department that you text and ask questions and
Speaker 1: ask for help. Um, is it? Was it a hard
Speaker 1: transition for you to go back to work. Do you
Speaker 1: love that you work? And you also like, how do
Speaker 1: you feel about being a mom and working the crazy
Speaker 1: hours you do? I mean, I love working and I
Speaker 1: love being the person that I am out in the world,
Speaker 1: and I love my work and I feel connected to
Speaker 1: it and I can't imagine not having that. You know,
Speaker 1: there are certainly times where, like like I said, like
Speaker 1: last summer, going away and being like for this amount
Speaker 1: of time, like that is not what I'm doing, Like
Speaker 1: I'm just here, I'm just with my family, I'm just
Speaker 1: I can certainly sink into times where you know, I
Speaker 1: don't feel the need to be constantly connected to that work,
Speaker 1: you know, outer world identity, but you know, it's the
Speaker 1: totality of my life and my identity like has a
Speaker 1: lot to do with who I am in the world
Speaker 1: and the work I do and the work I care about.
Speaker 1: And it was a bit excruciating. I mean not physically
Speaker 1: and logistically. To me, it was all mental and psychological.
Speaker 1: And I feel like I'm still kind of working through that.
Speaker 1: And I from what I hear, like it doesn't necessarily
Speaker 1: ever go away that yeah, And for me it was
Speaker 1: like I loved going. I went back to work when
Speaker 1: bas was like ten weeks. We went back to set.
Speaker 1: I had a baby nurse with me. He was there.
Speaker 1: I was pumping, but I was so hard on myself,
Speaker 1: where like if I had a ten minute turnaround on set,
Speaker 1: I would run back to the trailer and like be
Speaker 1: with him, play with him, hold him, and then run
Speaker 1: back to set and work. And at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, I was like, I'm exhausted and I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm always failing and and you're doing like at
Speaker 1: both You're just so You're like, it's like you're not
Speaker 1: doing your best at either. But I like, I called
Speaker 1: all my friends you were moms, and I'm just like,
Speaker 1: what do I do? And you know, they have given
Speaker 1: me such incredible advice, and they're just like, you gotta
Speaker 1: be you gotta take those ten minutes and be by yourself.
Speaker 1: It's okay to you know, BAS was fourteen months I
Speaker 1: think before I let myself go back to working out,
Speaker 1: because that wasn't an hour. An hour that you weren't
Speaker 1: with him, or you weren't working on your rash project
Speaker 1: or whatever. Wasn't exactly. It's like if I wasn't working
Speaker 1: because I had to be working, then I felt like
Speaker 1: I had to be with him, and if I wasn't,
Speaker 1: I felt guilty. Like I remember a moment where I
Speaker 1: went to get my teeth cleaned at the dentist. I
Speaker 1: brought my baby nurse and Baz and I let her
Speaker 1: walk around the block as I got my teeth cleaned.
Speaker 1: Up the dentist, and I sat in the chair feeling
Speaker 1: like if something happens to my baby while I'm getting
Speaker 1: my teeth cleaned, like it's going to be all I'll
Speaker 1: never forget. And I'm like, oh my gosh. I was
Speaker 1: like I can't believe that I can't go and get
Speaker 1: my teeth cleaned at the dentist without feeling like I'm
Speaker 1: a terrible wasting and and I think there was an
Speaker 1: awareness of like this isn't sustainable, it's not fair to me.
Speaker 1: I also have the awareness that like mothers go back
Speaker 1: to work and spend the whole day away from their
Speaker 1: children because they have to, like my mom did, and
Speaker 1: those kids turn out fine. So I need to get
Speaker 1: my I don't got my ship under the drol Like
Speaker 1: I've been in therapy for like decades, Like I am
Speaker 1: great with therapy, so I just to me it was
Speaker 1: just about not isolating myself. It was like I could
Speaker 1: and forgiving myself. It's like my body is full of hormones.
Speaker 1: I'm this new person. I've got a lot on my plate.
Speaker 1: Like I'm physically a new person, I'm hormonally you know, new,
Speaker 1: Like I got to forgive myself for the crazy thoughts.
Speaker 1: I have to forgive myself for how tough I am
Speaker 1: on myself. I have to forgive myself for the irrationality
Speaker 1: and and just not isolate. I just kept reaching out.
Speaker 1: I kept reaching out to my friends. I reached out
Speaker 1: to my therapist. That's so good. You're so conscious, you're
Speaker 1: so with I mean, I feel like that in itself,
Speaker 1: Like you said, therapy for years and really knowing to
Speaker 1: reach out and ask for help. I feel like that
Speaker 1: is where a lot of moms trip up, is that
Speaker 1: they go so inward and they feel ashamed or embarrassed
Speaker 1: that they're not doing their best, and they don't want
Speaker 1: anyone to know, so they don't ask um. And that's
Speaker 1: the biggest thing because even if no one could give
Speaker 1: you a good answer, and just like being able to
Speaker 1: say it out loud and have a friend who's a
Speaker 1: mom be like yeah, that sucks, just like Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: not a terrible human being, Like like I'm It's like
Speaker 1: it's okay that I feel guilty that I'm taking ten
Speaker 1: extra minutes in the shower. It's okay that I want
Speaker 1: to take ten minutes away from my baby, And it's
Speaker 1: okay that I feel guilty about it, like it's all okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's okay. I remember someone, my friend came on the
Speaker 1: podcast ran Bill Sorry, and she was the first person
Speaker 1: that was like, oh no, like you know in the
Speaker 1: airplane where you you put your mask on first. And
Speaker 1: I was like, oh what and she was like yeah,
Speaker 1: like if you like do the things that you need, like,
Speaker 1: you're probably going to be better at all the stuff
Speaker 1: you want to do. And I was like, oh right,
Speaker 1: you know, all right, like because I think my husband
Speaker 1: is much better at putting his own mask on, which
Speaker 1: creates a lot of resentment because you're like, why don't
Speaker 1: you feel the constant guilt I feel? Why don't you like,
Speaker 1: how dare you take a shower? Before you know, we
Speaker 1: had the exact same thing with my husband and I.
Speaker 1: We both we had our son. He was seven months old.
Speaker 1: We made our Broadway debuts together and Waitress the Musical,
Speaker 1: And this is the exact example. During two show days,
Speaker 1: I would I made the apartments that it was close
Speaker 1: by the theater. I would run home between two shows
Speaker 1: three hours days, breastfeed, be with him for three hours,
Speaker 1: give him his dinner, put his bath, do his bottle,
Speaker 1: get him down and then rush back for my half
Speaker 1: hour and your husbandam would say, stay as the theater,
Speaker 1: take a nap, have lunch, maybe stop by, do some
Speaker 1: like crunches or whatever, like to get himself warmed up,
Speaker 1: like chill the funk out so that he could perform
Speaker 1: like crazy at night. I was like, that's not good parenting,
Speaker 1: Like you're not seeing our kid like and he was like,
Speaker 1: I don't. I'm committed to my job today, like I
Speaker 1: will kick ass on Monday when I'm off, Like I'm
Speaker 1: going to be a kick asstad on Monday. But like
Speaker 1: and I was like, you're a dick, I know. I
Speaker 1: mean there was a lot of judgment and a lot
Speaker 1: of resentment going on, um of just like you're not
Speaker 1: as committed, you don't care as much. And I mean,
Speaker 1: I think a lot of things contribute to it. I'm
Speaker 1: no biologist or social scientists, but you know, clearly the
Speaker 1: physical experience that new moms have, or the physical experience
Speaker 1: I had as a new mom that attached me to
Speaker 1: my child and like makes my heart ace when he
Speaker 1: cries in a way that it doesn't make Ryan's heart race.
Speaker 1: Is like it's biological and there there that is a
Speaker 1: real thing. But you know there's a there so acknowledging
Speaker 1: just that like, okay, biologically we're having different experiences of
Speaker 1: becoming parents and so that that means different things. And
Speaker 1: it took me a while to like let go of
Speaker 1: the anger and the resentment that he was better at
Speaker 1: taking care of himself in this transition and then just
Speaker 1: take his cues and be like, oh, yeah, I should
Speaker 1: do that, Like I should go like get my nails
Speaker 1: done once a month and like not feel bad about it,
Speaker 1: you know, or go work out because I because that
Speaker 1: does make me feel better, That does make me feel
Speaker 1: more connected to myself. That like when I did finally
Speaker 1: go back to working out, my commitment to the working
Speaker 1: out had nothing to do with my body and had
Speaker 1: everything to do with I will give myself this one
Speaker 1: hour a day and that's what it was about. And
Speaker 1: it was like and you know, really it was two
Speaker 1: hours a day because it took me half an hour
Speaker 1: to get to my train to get care what happened?
Speaker 1: I want to get back. Did you struggle with body
Speaker 1: image stuff at all? Like I'm you and I both
Speaker 1: share this to you were on television at well, and
Speaker 1: you way more than me. But you're far more in
Speaker 1: the public eye than I am. Being pregnant the first
Speaker 1: time and the second time. Did you struggle with that
Speaker 1: at all? Did you embrace it? Did you? You know?
Speaker 1: I've struggled with body image my whole life, and I
Speaker 1: feel like I've gotten to such a place of like
Speaker 1: fuck that ship, Like what a waste of time and energy,
Speaker 1: and like fuck the patriarchy, and funk what my body
Speaker 1: is supposed to look like, and also fuck you even
Speaker 1: more when I just brought life into the world and
Speaker 1: then my body was supposed to look like something like
Speaker 1: fuck all of it. And I was so in that
Speaker 1: place that like post baby, I didn't really struggle with
Speaker 1: it because I was just like, I fucking dare somebody
Speaker 1: to tell me to lose weight. I will like gouge you.
Speaker 1: I t donuts to spite you, like fuck you, Like
Speaker 1: I'm breastfeeding, I like you're wearing diapers. You're like I'm
Speaker 1: I'm figuring out who I am and I'm a mother,
Speaker 1: which is one of the most wonderful experiences. So so
Speaker 1: when you went back to working out, finally, it was
Speaker 1: more about the mental space of giving yourself the time
Speaker 1: totally back into your body, connect to yourself, like feel
Speaker 1: the endorphins that you get totally and like when I
Speaker 1: got pregnant with Bass, I was training for my third triathlon,
Speaker 1: like I had gotten into this like best shape of
Speaker 1: my life again not for body reasons. Uh. I wrote
Speaker 1: an article about it for The New York Times called
Speaker 1: my first triathlon actually, but it was like really like
Speaker 1: kind of a soul evolution to like do something that
Speaker 1: I never really identified myself as somebody who could do that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the triathlon is the one where you swim in the ocean, right,
Speaker 1: that's so hard. I when you swim a mile in
Speaker 1: the ocean and then my by Fried play miles and
Speaker 1: then you run a ka kay um And it was
Speaker 1: you know, I spent like a year and a half
Speaker 1: kind of in that kind of mentality and mindset of
Speaker 1: like it felt so good to be this connected to
Speaker 1: my strength and to my health and to feel like,
Speaker 1: you know, there was nothing I couldn't do if I
Speaker 1: wanted to do it. And so it had been a
Speaker 1: long time since I I mean, I felt connected to
Speaker 1: my body through my pregnancy and even through postpartum. I
Speaker 1: felt I was very kind to myself. I gave myself
Speaker 1: that space and time. And then I when I realized,
Speaker 1: I'm like again more than anything, of like, I need
Speaker 1: to start learning how to do things for me and
Speaker 1: give myself time. The hour working out was more about
Speaker 1: the hour of giving myself time than it was about
Speaker 1: my body. But of course I got stronger and felt
Speaker 1: great about how I was looking and feeling and um,
Speaker 1: and then I got pregnant again. So and but you know,
Speaker 1: in a way, I'm like, great, I don't want to
Speaker 1: go back to like getting track long body and then
Speaker 1: getting pregnant again. You know, but this time I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: this time, I'm gonna work out through my whole pregnancy,
Speaker 1: even if it's just a little bit, I'm gonna work out.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna feel strong. And then the placentic thing happened,
Speaker 1: and the doctors were like you And that's the thing,
Speaker 1: is like, I feel like there's an older version of
Speaker 1: myself who would have felt like that. I that that
Speaker 1: it was this deeper part of myself if something in
Speaker 1: my plan wasn't going to go my way, that I
Speaker 1: couldn't be pregnant and and stay fit the whole time,
Speaker 1: that I that I, you know, couldn't be pregnant and
Speaker 1: have the doctor that I needed or thought I needed,
Speaker 1: Like five years ago or ten years ago, America, going
Speaker 1: through this moment would have been a really different story.
Speaker 1: You know, where you where you attached to these notions
Speaker 1: in these plans that you have as if you're only
Speaker 1: capable of doing the thing you need to do because
Speaker 1: you have these other things that are making you capable.
Speaker 1: And I feel like it's been in a journey of
Speaker 1: letting go of that attachment and realizing like, no, I'm
Speaker 1: capable because I'm capable, and these things helped me feel
Speaker 1: more prepared, more connected. But without all of those things,
Speaker 1: I still have everything I need and do what I
Speaker 1: need to be and do, and I'm enough. And it
Speaker 1: really like that's a place that I've had to work
Speaker 1: really really hard to get to. M hmm. There's one
Speaker 1: last thing I want to talk to you about that
Speaker 1: you are a very politically active person, and I want
Speaker 1: to know how being a mom has shifted at all
Speaker 1: your view of politics, what good Lord is hasn't been insane.
Speaker 1: We're going into election time, and how do you plan
Speaker 1: on going through that being a mom? Like I'm you know,
Speaker 1: I wasn't a mom the last time around, and I'm
Speaker 1: thankful actually that I wasn't because I I just was
Speaker 1: an emotional wreck. And I don't know, I just I
Speaker 1: don't think I have that option this time around, if
Speaker 1: that makes sense to you know what I mean, Like,
Speaker 1: I just think I really have. I've never felt between
Speaker 1: pandemic and election season, and you know, having a two
Speaker 1: and a half year old during this administration, I've never
Speaker 1: had to like call so much on not letting those
Speaker 1: things affect my mothering. I might be different if my
Speaker 1: kid was older, to be honest, it probably would be um.
Speaker 1: But how do you feel about those things? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think it's it's really it's really challenging and in ways
Speaker 1: contradictory because you have a child that heightens your sensitivity
Speaker 1: to everything happening in the world so much more. But
Speaker 1: it also calls for all your energy and time and attention,
Speaker 1: and you know, even in the midst of big, crazy
Speaker 1: things happening that can feel overwhelming. You have to find
Speaker 1: a centered nous and a calmness to be present with
Speaker 1: your child and to give them the experience of you
Speaker 1: and and of the world that you want them to have.
Speaker 1: Like I don't want bays, it two years old to
Speaker 1: feel all the anxiety of this moment. He doesn't need that.
Speaker 1: What is he going to do with that? And he
Speaker 1: doesn't need to feel it in me, And he doesn't
Speaker 1: need to feel it through me. So you know, in
Speaker 1: a way, the child forces you to find perspective and
Speaker 1: grounding and not get lost in the throes of you know,
Speaker 1: the hell fire that's happening. And at the same time,
Speaker 1: the stakes are higher because you're like, this is the
Speaker 1: world that I'm putting my children into. Um, you know,
Speaker 1: after I had Bays, it was like right at the
Speaker 1: time summer when all of those images of like the
Speaker 1: children in cages were emerging, and you know, I sat
Speaker 1: there and like sobbed and felt all these emotions and
Speaker 1: and you know, got on a train and went to
Speaker 1: d C and and march. You know, I had there
Speaker 1: four week old child at home, and like still felt
Speaker 1: compelled to get on that train and go to d
Speaker 1: C and march with people and rally and and you know,
Speaker 1: it was a relief to feel that passion to be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm not all of a sudden, I'm not going to
Speaker 1: become a mom and all of a sudden not care
Speaker 1: about the things I care about. But it was also
Speaker 1: a moment where I had to realize, like I can't
Speaker 1: be all things to everything and everyone all the time,
Speaker 1: and that's narcissism and my own stuff that I have
Speaker 1: to deal with and say, the world isn't going to
Speaker 1: end if I have to sit this out the world,
Speaker 1: you know, the work isn't good, not going to get
Speaker 1: done because America is not there. It's like it's like,
Speaker 1: in a way, your world gets bigger and your world
Speaker 1: gets smaller at the same time, and learning to navigate
Speaker 1: like where can I put my resources to make an
Speaker 1: impact and a difference in the world, And where are
Speaker 1: the times where it's like, actually, my resources have to
Speaker 1: go to my child, them to my family and to
Speaker 1: what's right in front of me right now, and that
Speaker 1: has to be enough. And I don't need to be
Speaker 1: driven by a hero complex that that tells me that
Speaker 1: like the world's going to fall apart if I'm not
Speaker 1: out there marching. So you know, it's it's a balance
Speaker 1: and and um and and I and I imagine it's
Speaker 1: one that will just keep changing. You know, I'm kind
Speaker 1: of excited for the time, or I don't know if
Speaker 1: excited is the right word. But you know, I'm interested
Speaker 1: in the time where my children have an awareness of
Speaker 1: the world, and that has to be a totally different
Speaker 1: kind of discussion of like who they're going to be
Speaker 1: and who we're going to be together in the world,
Speaker 1: and being able to do things and explain to them
Speaker 1: why those things are important, why those things matter, why
Speaker 1: we're a part of something bigger than ourselves. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I've definitely especially like like in this moment, you know,
Speaker 1: I have felt a real sense of helplessness because part
Speaker 1: of what we're being told to do is isolate and quarantine,
Speaker 1: and that's that's the best way to help, you know.
Speaker 1: And yet you see and it's so anti what I
Speaker 1: do and you too. It's like we're so active, and
Speaker 1: I'm so like hands on, and I'm so like want
Speaker 1: to race to the fire, and it's like no, no, no no, no,
Speaker 1: that's actually not what you're being asked to do right
Speaker 1: It's not what you're being asked to do right now.
Speaker 1: And also it's like it's that it's that struggle that
Speaker 1: I deal with sometimes where I'm like, I actually, in
Speaker 1: this moment, don't feel the urge to race to the
Speaker 1: front line and help. I actually feel a deep internal
Speaker 1: call to rest and be with my child or be
Speaker 1: with this pregnancy, and like and then dealing with the
Speaker 1: guilt of that, I'm like, oh, what does that mean
Speaker 1: about me? That that that, you know, my activist self
Speaker 1: isn't like firing on all cylinders right now and running
Speaker 1: out to to to the front lines like that to me?
Speaker 1: Is it? I think that's a struggle that anybody who
Speaker 1: kind of has an activist spirit and and I want
Speaker 1: to be out in the world making things better struggles
Speaker 1: with I think when you're a mom, it's a parent,
Speaker 1: it intensifies because you only have so much to give
Speaker 1: and you only have so much energy and resources and focus.
Speaker 1: And I have just had to learn to go easy
Speaker 1: on myself and to know that like my just because
Speaker 1: in one moment, this aspect of my identity is resting
Speaker 1: and this aspect is calling me to it and then
Speaker 1: vice versa, it doesn't mean I've lost something. It means
Speaker 1: that in this moment, this is what is needed of me,
Speaker 1: and I can trust that, and I can trust myself,
Speaker 1: and I can trust that I'm not going to lose
Speaker 1: myself by allowing myself to go to what is calling
Speaker 1: me at this time, and that's that's that can be
Speaker 1: a struggle sometimes fraught with like a lot of guilt
Speaker 1: and doubt and uncertainty that that I just have to
Speaker 1: keep on working on letting that extra bad. Did you
Speaker 1: go mhm um, this is God. I'm I'm so I
Speaker 1: could talk to you for a hundred hours. Is there
Speaker 1: any last parting words? This one's always the worst. I'm like,
Speaker 1: why do we ask this? Because I hate when it
Speaker 1: has to be but because I'm I just I think
Speaker 1: it's hard to pick one thing. But is there any
Speaker 1: one thing you would give moms of advice or a
Speaker 1: mantra or something that has worked for you, or or
Speaker 1: anything you want to say to mothers out there right now.
Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be advice. I would just say
Speaker 1: that every that you're doing great, that you're doing great,
Speaker 1: and that nothing that happens in this moment most likely
Speaker 1: is going to scar or ruin your children or ruin
Speaker 1: your relationship to them. You know, give yourself a break
Speaker 1: and and allow yourself to feel whatever is coming up
Speaker 1: without judging it, and know that that you're doing great
Speaker 1: and you're going to be fine, and your kids are
Speaker 1: going to be fine, as long as you're healthy and
Speaker 1: you have all the basics that you need, like the
Speaker 1: small decisions that you're making from moment to moment about
Speaker 1: how long they get to be on a screen or
Speaker 1: how you know, have they had enough school stimulation, have
Speaker 1: they played enough? Have they eaten healthy enough? Like I
Speaker 1: always just go back to my childhood and think, like
Speaker 1: my mom was in survival mode all the time. I
Speaker 1: was one of she she's a single mom. Was your
Speaker 1: single mom raising six children at work, constantly trying to
Speaker 1: provide and feed for feed us. Like we grew up
Speaker 1: kind of in a madhouse. And and I survived, and
Speaker 1: we survived, and like kids are strong and resilient and
Speaker 1: they'll get through it. And and I would just say
Speaker 1: that you're that, that you're doing great, and you have
Speaker 1: you have everything you need to get through this. And
Speaker 1: just give yourself a little bit of give yourself a
Speaker 1: little bit of slack, and allow whatever emotions and feelings
Speaker 1: are coming up to come up. Yeah, and just extend
Speaker 1: the kindness to yourself that that you would to to
Speaker 1: your children or to your best friend. You know, Oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, hallelujah. I need to take that for my
Speaker 1: advice I'm sitting here like I got to teach my
Speaker 1: husband how to give a low back massage. I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh god, there's nowhere to go. I just it's so weird.
Speaker 1: I've like in this quarantine. I'm like, I just want
Speaker 1: to be touched by a stranger. I want to pay
Speaker 1: him assuse, I know, to rub my body like very bad. Like, ah,
Speaker 1: this was so wonderful America. I can't thank you for
Speaker 1: taking it, like an hour of your time when you
Speaker 1: are so close to meeting your next child and it
Speaker 1: was so helpful and so inspiring and it's just very needed. Well,
Speaker 1: thank you. I mean, I know nothing, Like what do
Speaker 1: I know? I know nothing. All I know is like
Speaker 1: my experience. Um, and I'm happy to be as honest
Speaker 1: and open about it as possible if it makes other
Speaker 1: people feel more connected and more seen. And you know,
Speaker 1: that's the thing is, like we don't have to have
Speaker 1: the same experience as to just be able to see
Speaker 1: each other and witness and say yep, yep, yes I
Speaker 1: see that and I feel that and and it's all okay,
Speaker 1: and it's all good. You know, we deserve that, and um,
Speaker 1: you know, it's nice to connect. It's nice to talk
Speaker 1: to moms who you know are are experiencing so many
Speaker 1: of these internal journeys and and it's so sad that
Speaker 1: anyone ever feels like they have to go through those
Speaker 1: by themselves, like they just don't. We don't have to
Speaker 1: do it alone. Yeah, that's the whole Katie's Group thing.
Speaker 1: It's like we have moms on here, and every single
Speaker 1: time anyone says any story, and they can be small,
Speaker 1: they can be huge, they can be dramatic, they can
Speaker 1: be completely uneventful, and yet it's just being able to
Speaker 1: sit and be like, oh, like I felt that way,
Speaker 1: Like I totally felt that way, or I just I've
Speaker 1: been feeling like ship and that made me laugh, or
Speaker 1: that gave me the reason to say, hey, if America
Speaker 1: Freyre says, I can just chill for a second, not
Speaker 1: be so hard on myself, Like got like yeah, it's
Speaker 1: like that's the whole thing. Um, So thank you so much.
Speaker 1: I really appreciate it. I wish you the best journey,
Speaker 1: most beautiful birth experience and bringing your child home and
Speaker 1: expansion of your already beautiful and glowing family. I'm happy
Speaker 1: to share, I'm happy to update how it goes, and
Speaker 1: i really am thinking about all the moms out there
Speaker 1: who who are birthing and delivering in this time, um
Speaker 1: in all the different ways, and you know, I just
Speaker 1: think women are amazing and women and moms and their
Speaker 1: bodies are a miracle. And just the fact that like
Speaker 1: we don't have a choice, you have to kind of
Speaker 1: put your big girl pants on and get through it,
Speaker 1: and like that doesn't make it any less powerful and
Speaker 1: a miracle and amazing, and like all of them, all
Speaker 1: of the pregnant mamas out there right now, like I
Speaker 1: feel you, it's a lot. If you got this, you
Speaker 1: got it. Thanks so much for listening, you guys, And
Speaker 1: if you love hearing from a phenomenal guests like America Ferrara,
Speaker 1: be sure to share Katie's Crip with your crew and
Speaker 1: show us some love by rating and subscribing. And if
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