WEBVTT - Stop rushing, with Jenna Free 0:00:02.960 --> 0:00:06.920 Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. 0:00:08.720 --> 0:00:13.760 Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. 0:00:14.360 --> 0:00:17.279 Today's episode is going to be a longer one part 0:00:17.320 --> 0:00:20.520 of the series where I interview fascinating people about how 0:00:20.560 --> 0:00:24.360 they take their days from great to awesome and any advice. 0:00:24.040 --> 0:00:25.400 They have for the rest of us. 0:00:25.840 --> 0:00:28.479 So today I am delighted to welcome Jenna Free to 0:00:28.520 --> 0:00:32.400 Before Breakfast. Jenna is a therapist, an expert on ADHD, 0:00:32.720 --> 0:00:34.559 and is the author of the brand new book, The 0:00:34.600 --> 0:00:36.920 Simple Guide to ADHD Regulation. 0:00:37.159 --> 0:00:38.640 Jenna, Welcome to the show. 0:00:38.880 --> 0:00:40.239 Thank you so much for having me. 0:00:40.840 --> 0:00:43.200 Yeah, so excited to talk with you about this topic. 0:00:43.200 --> 0:00:45.839 Why don't you tell our listeners a little bit about yourself? 0:00:46.159 --> 0:00:49.160 Absolutely so. I'm a therapist. I was diagnosed with ADHD 0:00:49.360 --> 0:00:52.600 at the age of thirty two while in grad school 0:00:52.640 --> 0:00:57.600 to become a therapist. I have been working with clients 0:00:57.640 --> 0:01:01.520 for about three years now, and in working with them, 0:01:01.600 --> 0:01:06.640 learned about myself and found a strong connection that adhders 0:01:06.720 --> 0:01:09.720 are almost always in fight or flight and that dysregulated 0:01:09.760 --> 0:01:11.959 state is what causes a lot of our struggles, not 0:01:12.040 --> 0:01:13.120 the DHD itself. 0:01:13.959 --> 0:01:15.479 Yeah, so talk about that a little bit. 0:01:15.520 --> 0:01:19.080 Being diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, I mean for SARTs. 0:01:19.440 --> 0:01:21.360 Did you go like, oh, yeah, that explains a lot 0:01:21.400 --> 0:01:22.000 when you heard that. 0:01:22.560 --> 0:01:26.040 Absolutely, And that's why I saw it sought it because 0:01:26.200 --> 0:01:28.920 I was like, Mmmm, this can't be normal. I don't 0:01:28.920 --> 0:01:30.360 think life is supposed to be this hard. 0:01:31.040 --> 0:01:34.320 Well, what was it that was tripping tipping you off 0:01:34.319 --> 0:01:35.440 that that might be the case. 0:01:35.600 --> 0:01:37.720 It was like for many women after I had two 0:01:37.800 --> 0:01:41.280 kids in a year and a half and everything just 0:01:41.360 --> 0:01:45.400 became too much for my coping mechanism. So I didn't 0:01:45.440 --> 0:01:49.400 realize I was masking and coping and just keeping my 0:01:49.440 --> 0:01:51.800 head above water. But then when you have so much 0:01:51.800 --> 0:01:55.120 going on, it kind of shows those cracks that oh 0:01:55.160 --> 0:01:58.440 I am not managing well and I'm overwhelmed by the 0:01:58.440 --> 0:02:02.200 thought of sweeping the floor and changing a diaper. And 0:02:02.400 --> 0:02:03.800 I don't think this is typical. 0:02:04.400 --> 0:02:08.360 Yeah, well, because normally when people think of, you know, 0:02:08.400 --> 0:02:11.720 attention deficit order disorder and things like that, they're picturing 0:02:12.200 --> 0:02:15.919 a little boy who can't sit still in class. And 0:02:16.040 --> 0:02:18.480 yet it manifests in lots of other ways. And I 0:02:18.520 --> 0:02:20.840 hear from a lot of women in particular who are 0:02:20.960 --> 0:02:23.640 high functioning that they aren't diagnosed until they're adults. 0:02:23.680 --> 0:02:26.120 I mean, what's going on there? Absolutely so. 0:02:27.600 --> 0:02:30.600 It's historically that's how we saw it, little boy running 0:02:30.600 --> 0:02:32.960 around that was the hyperactive type. But there's also the 0:02:33.000 --> 0:02:38.200 inattentive type, which is a bit more spaceiness, forgetfulness, easily overwhelmed, 0:02:38.520 --> 0:02:42.160 kind of that internal struggle and hyperactivity not so much 0:02:42.200 --> 0:02:45.400 the external. So of course, growing up that's not seen 0:02:45.440 --> 0:02:47.200 as much. It's not as much of a bother in 0:02:47.200 --> 0:02:50.720 the classroom, so people think you're doing just fine. 0:02:50.960 --> 0:02:53.840 Yeah, but it turns out that there are ways to 0:02:54.480 --> 0:02:56.760 treat this or at least know what you're working with 0:02:57.240 --> 0:02:58.040 so that you can. 0:02:58.000 --> 0:03:00.000 Live life in a more calm fashion. 0:03:00.960 --> 0:03:03.359 So one of the things that I read in your 0:03:03.480 --> 0:03:08.519 new book on ADHD regulation, you encourage people who are 0:03:09.320 --> 0:03:11.840 living with ADHD to not talk about like, oh my 0:03:11.919 --> 0:03:14.520 ADHD brain is making me do this, but to talk 0:03:14.520 --> 0:03:15.640 about dysregulation. 0:03:16.120 --> 0:03:17.919 What is dysregulation? 0:03:18.440 --> 0:03:23.600 Absolutely so, being a neurodivergent person living in a neurotypical world, 0:03:23.680 --> 0:03:25.919 you're going to bump up to a lot of struggles, 0:03:25.960 --> 0:03:28.880 a lot of differences. Feels a little bit like a 0:03:29.000 --> 0:03:31.639 round peg in a square holes just what don't always 0:03:31.639 --> 0:03:34.920 fit everywhere, and that will put your nervous system into 0:03:34.960 --> 0:03:39.160 a protective state where I'm on the defense, I'm hyper vigilant, 0:03:39.200 --> 0:03:41.960 making sure I'm doing the right thing, I'm not late, 0:03:42.000 --> 0:03:45.520 I'm not forgetting stuff. And once we get tipped into 0:03:45.600 --> 0:03:47.640 that state, you tend to get stuck in that state. 0:03:47.760 --> 0:03:51.400 So I work with adults who don't know life other 0:03:51.480 --> 0:03:54.680 than being in fight or flight or being dysregulated. So 0:03:55.160 --> 0:03:58.840 that causes a lot of problems. Because being in fighter 0:03:58.880 --> 0:04:02.080 flight is useful when you're imminent life threatening danger, right 0:04:02.120 --> 0:04:04.960 when fight flight freeze and fawn is actually going to 0:04:05.000 --> 0:04:08.160 save your life. If you are writing emails, have a 0:04:08.160 --> 0:04:10.600 long to do list, trying to organize your day, not 0:04:10.680 --> 0:04:15.480 as helpful. So that is what's actually creating so many 0:04:15.520 --> 0:04:19.000 of the problems, not the neurodivergence itself. 0:04:19.160 --> 0:04:22.000 Because people believe they're in danger, at least their nervous 0:04:22.000 --> 0:04:24.960 system believes they're in danger even though they actually aren't. 0:04:25.279 --> 0:04:28.840 Absolutely, So it's perceiving the stress, the overwhelm, all of 0:04:28.880 --> 0:04:32.120 that stuff that we've kind of it's like a flip 0:04:32.160 --> 0:04:36.640 has been switched on my system perceived danger because we're 0:04:36.720 --> 0:04:39.760 very primal being still even though it was Oh, my 0:04:39.800 --> 0:04:42.320 teacher was mad at me. I got in trouble for 0:04:42.520 --> 0:04:45.200 handing that thing in light, but we still perceive that 0:04:45.360 --> 0:04:48.479 as a bear is chasing me. And so because it's 0:04:48.520 --> 0:04:52.320 twenty twenty six and not everybody obviously, but most of 0:04:52.400 --> 0:04:55.960 us people listening to this podcast are probably physically safe, 0:04:56.120 --> 0:04:58.320 it causes a lot of problems because the blood flow 0:04:58.440 --> 0:05:02.360 actually leaves the brain and goes to the limbs when 0:05:02.360 --> 0:05:05.440 I'm trying to write emails, organize my day, prioritize I 0:05:05.480 --> 0:05:08.960 need blood float to the brain. So we really our skills, 0:05:09.279 --> 0:05:12.560 our executive functioning goes down when we're in that state 0:05:12.640 --> 0:05:13.000 as well. 0:05:13.839 --> 0:05:15.719 So one of the first things you need to do 0:05:15.760 --> 0:05:18.560 then if you recognize this state or recognize this about yourself, 0:05:18.880 --> 0:05:22.560 is to figure out how to calm yourself down. What 0:05:23.000 --> 0:05:25.919 are some strategies that I suppose people even who are 0:05:26.200 --> 0:05:29.280 not living with ADHD could use to calm ourselves down. 0:05:29.520 --> 0:05:32.600 Yes, being in fight or flight it can't affect anybody, right, 0:05:32.640 --> 0:05:34.200 So it's not just for eight each year's it's just 0:05:34.320 --> 0:05:39.200 very common with neurodivergent people. First thing would be rushing. 0:05:39.760 --> 0:05:42.240 This is something that's not talked about as much, but 0:05:43.320 --> 0:05:46.480 regardless of the reason you're doing it, rushing is going 0:05:46.520 --> 0:05:48.279 to signal to your body that you are in danger. 0:05:49.040 --> 0:05:51.400 I'm getting chased by a bear, I'm moving so quickly 0:05:51.480 --> 0:05:54.680 or even thinking so quickly that there must be danger present. 0:05:55.160 --> 0:05:57.480 So we really want to work on slowing down. So 0:05:57.520 --> 0:05:59.880 if you're rushing to a meeting, we just want to walk. 0:06:00.080 --> 0:06:04.480 If you're typing out an email at breakneck speed, slow 0:06:04.640 --> 0:06:06.960 down and just do things at a pace that's a 0:06:06.960 --> 0:06:10.320 little bit more calming. And that's a great first step. 0:06:11.440 --> 0:06:12.200 What else could we do. 0:06:12.640 --> 0:06:14.280 Let's go through a list of things that you would 0:06:14.320 --> 0:06:15.200 recommend some people. 0:06:15.760 --> 0:06:18.920 Well, there's kind of three elements to the ADHD regulation 0:06:19.000 --> 0:06:21.159 method that I use with people. So first is that 0:06:21.200 --> 0:06:24.080 physical piece. We want to tell the body we are safe, 0:06:24.120 --> 0:06:27.120 and that's going to look like a deep breath, relaxing 0:06:27.120 --> 0:06:32.680 your shoulders, slowing down, very simple. The second piece is 0:06:32.800 --> 0:06:35.640 thought and belief regulation, which is much more complex. And 0:06:35.720 --> 0:06:38.240 we have a lot of ways of thinking and a 0:06:38.240 --> 0:06:44.360 lot of belief systems that are rooted that are sorry, 0:06:44.400 --> 0:06:47.599 that stem from a nervous system that feels unsafe. So 0:06:47.839 --> 0:06:50.520 thoughts like I'm behind, I need to catch up, there's 0:06:50.520 --> 0:06:53.240 not enough time in the day, I should have done 0:06:53.320 --> 0:06:57.400 that yesterday. All of those That kind of thinking keeps 0:06:57.480 --> 0:06:59.479 us in a disregulated state, which is going to make 0:06:59.520 --> 0:07:05.120 us ineffect forget full, unorganized. So another thing is really 0:07:05.200 --> 0:07:09.840 being aware of your thinking. Are my thoughts and beliefs 0:07:09.960 --> 0:07:16.160 keeping me anxiety in anxiety? Are they keeping me rushing frazzled? 0:07:16.320 --> 0:07:17.720 And we want to work on that as well. 0:07:18.760 --> 0:07:20.840 So how are some ways I could rewrite those scripts? 0:07:20.840 --> 0:07:22.520 Because I know a lot of people listening to this 0:07:22.800 --> 0:07:25.080 are in fact telling themselves there's not enough. 0:07:24.920 --> 0:07:25.640 Time in the day. 0:07:25.720 --> 0:07:29.120 I mean, we're all busy these days, so what could 0:07:29.160 --> 0:07:32.120 I do to stop telling myself that story? 0:07:33.120 --> 0:07:37.880 A big part of regulation work is aligning with reality, 0:07:38.120 --> 0:07:41.280 which just me to stop fighting with reality. So if 0:07:41.320 --> 0:07:44.200 you're thinking there's not enough time in the day, just 0:07:44.240 --> 0:07:45.920 think of that fight like you are going to lose 0:07:45.960 --> 0:07:48.440 that fight every time there is the time there is? 0:07:49.200 --> 0:07:50.680 Now what can I do with it? So it's just 0:07:50.720 --> 0:07:53.640 observing where am I fighting with reality? I should have 0:07:53.640 --> 0:07:58.640 done that yesterday, okay, but you didn't, So what's the reality? 0:07:58.680 --> 0:08:02.280 The reality is I didn't do that? Now what? And 0:08:02.320 --> 0:08:03.960 I love the now whatk So it gives us just 0:08:04.040 --> 0:08:08.560 that forward momentum. So observing where are my thoughts and beliefs. 0:08:08.800 --> 0:08:11.800 Fighting with reality or fighting with what is? That is 0:08:11.840 --> 0:08:14.040 a great place to work on love that. 0:08:14.320 --> 0:08:15.880 Well, we're going to take a quick ad break and 0:08:15.920 --> 0:08:20.480 I'll be back with more from Jenniffree. 0:08:25.080 --> 0:08:25.760 Well, I am. 0:08:25.680 --> 0:08:29.000 Back talking with Jennifree, who is a therapist, an expert 0:08:29.040 --> 0:08:31.679 on ADHD, and the author of the brand new book 0:08:31.920 --> 0:08:36.200 The Simple Guide to ADHD Regulation. So I love one 0:08:36.240 --> 0:08:38.920 of your sayings that if you have to rush, there 0:08:38.960 --> 0:08:43.199 isn't time. I'm curious how you see this manifesting itself 0:08:43.240 --> 0:08:44.920 so often with people. I one thing that comes to mind, 0:08:44.920 --> 0:08:47.239 people always telling me, well, I could empty the dishwasher 0:08:47.240 --> 0:08:48.280 before I walk out the door. 0:08:48.360 --> 0:08:49.400 It's like, well maybe you can't. 0:08:50.000 --> 0:08:54.120 Absolutely that's exactly the right example. So, especially in each years, 0:08:54.120 --> 0:08:57.840 but anybody who struggles with being on time, we will 0:08:57.840 --> 0:09:01.280 blame you know, oh I'm too easily distry, or I 0:09:01.360 --> 0:09:03.760 have time blindness. That's a big thing for eight each year's. 0:09:04.360 --> 0:09:08.320 But often we've because go back to our beliefs there's 0:09:08.320 --> 0:09:09.920 not enough time in the day, so I have to 0:09:09.960 --> 0:09:13.640 squeeze everything into every possible minute I can. So I'll 0:09:13.679 --> 0:09:16.520 just quickly unload the dishwasher. Well, you you should have 0:09:16.640 --> 0:09:19.480 left five minutes ago. Why if we have to quickly 0:09:19.600 --> 0:09:22.679 rush to do it, it's probably a sign that there's no time. 0:09:23.520 --> 0:09:25.720 Let's just put it down, we can do it later, 0:09:25.800 --> 0:09:29.679 and let's leave now. It really will retrain your system 0:09:30.040 --> 0:09:33.080 to just live in the reality that there is the 0:09:33.120 --> 0:09:37.040 time there is. We're valuing being on time more than 0:09:37.080 --> 0:09:40.640 we are rushing to quickly get that thing done, because 0:09:40.679 --> 0:09:42.839 every time we rush to do a task, we are 0:09:42.880 --> 0:09:45.880 also signaling to our body that we're not safe. We've 0:09:45.880 --> 0:09:47.839 got to get into fight or flight. Blood flow is 0:09:47.840 --> 0:09:49.720 gonna leave your brain, it's gonna go to your limbs. 0:09:49.760 --> 0:09:51.640 You're not gonna be as clear thinking, You're not gonna 0:09:51.640 --> 0:09:54.840 be able to prioritize plan. So it really is a 0:09:55.840 --> 0:09:59.400 kind of philosophy to live by because oh, slow and 0:09:59.400 --> 0:10:01.840 steady wins like that is a saying for a reason. 0:10:02.360 --> 0:10:06.000 Yeah, what is time blindness? Maybe you can explain that 0:10:06.080 --> 0:10:06.400 to us. 0:10:07.240 --> 0:10:11.520 So I don't know if a lot of ADHD's symptoms 0:10:11.600 --> 0:10:16.160 terminology is just summing up what we see as a 0:10:16.160 --> 0:10:21.240 struggle with ADHD. And in my work, I am proposing 0:10:21.280 --> 0:10:24.079 that a lot of what we've assumed is ADHD is 0:10:24.120 --> 0:10:29.360 actually a dysregulated brain that's also neurodivergent, but it is 0:10:29.400 --> 0:10:33.200 a temporal distortion, meaning a distortion of time. Well, that 0:10:33.360 --> 0:10:35.280 happens when we're in fight or flight as well, So 0:10:35.320 --> 0:10:39.360 it's not exclusive to the neurodivergent brain, but it can 0:10:39.440 --> 0:10:42.840 be you know, losing track of time really easily, thinking 0:10:42.960 --> 0:10:45.439 things will take away longer than they do, thinking things 0:10:45.480 --> 0:10:47.800 will take away less time than they do, and just 0:10:47.840 --> 0:10:50.600 feeling like you can't get a grasp on organizing your 0:10:50.600 --> 0:10:53.040 time well because you can't perceive it accurately. 0:10:53.880 --> 0:10:56.160 Are there things you can do to become a more 0:10:56.160 --> 0:10:57.760 accurate perceiver of time? 0:10:58.440 --> 0:11:02.280 Regulate, which is that slow down, retraining our system that 0:11:02.400 --> 0:11:06.720 it is not in danger, aligning with reality and not 0:11:06.800 --> 0:11:09.320 fighting with reality as much. Of course, there's many more 0:11:09.360 --> 0:11:12.280 tools we can get into, but all of this leads 0:11:12.360 --> 0:11:15.679 to a system that is calm, cool, collected. It's going 0:11:15.720 --> 0:11:18.360 to think more clearly, it's going to have less distortions, 0:11:18.400 --> 0:11:23.760 both cognitive distortions temporal distortions where we don't see things accurately. 0:11:24.120 --> 0:11:26.920 That will all dissipate naturally with regulation. 0:11:28.040 --> 0:11:30.240 So one of the things I always suggest to people 0:11:30.280 --> 0:11:33.200 when they're trying to figure out time is keeping track 0:11:33.240 --> 0:11:33.480 of it. 0:11:34.720 --> 0:11:37.280 And I'm curious if you think that that might. 0:11:37.200 --> 0:11:40.480 Be helpful to people I'm talking to who are neurodivergent, 0:11:40.559 --> 0:11:42.600 or do you think they're not going to like that 0:11:42.679 --> 0:11:43.080 at all. 0:11:43.960 --> 0:11:46.360 It can be tricky because that is what's taught to 0:11:46.400 --> 0:11:49.800 each year is the external tools, the timers, the calendars, 0:11:49.840 --> 0:11:54.120 the planners, the tracking, the systems strategies. But what I 0:11:54.200 --> 0:11:57.400 have found is a system in fight or flight. Give 0:11:57.440 --> 0:12:00.160 that system tools is like an umbrella and a hurricane. 0:12:00.520 --> 0:12:03.800 There is no amount of external support that's going to 0:12:04.880 --> 0:12:07.319 make up for a system in fight or flight. So 0:12:07.360 --> 0:12:11.360 it's always working on that internal based stuff first. Then 0:12:11.440 --> 0:12:13.760 we can go, Okay, where are my missing gaps and 0:12:13.760 --> 0:12:15.760 what tools and strategies can I use. I have a 0:12:15.840 --> 0:12:20.240 calendar that I use religiously that is so supportive of me, 0:12:20.960 --> 0:12:23.000 no matter how regulated I am. I do have a 0:12:23.000 --> 0:12:26.560 wristwatch that I wear it's just the time, so that 0:12:26.640 --> 0:12:28.680 I'm more in tune with what time it is and 0:12:28.720 --> 0:12:34.920 have it accessible, but overly tracking. Being hyper vigilant about 0:12:34.920 --> 0:12:38.400 these things can also tip into dysregulation. Because I also 0:12:38.400 --> 0:12:41.800 have many clients who are chronically early because they are 0:12:41.880 --> 0:12:45.160 so anxious about being late, that they'll waste forty five 0:12:45.200 --> 0:12:47.559 minutes going early and sitting and waiting. Well, that it's 0:12:47.559 --> 0:12:50.320 not really a good solution either, So it's finding that balance. 0:12:50.960 --> 0:12:53.360 So how do you use your calendar to support yourself? 0:12:53.360 --> 0:12:53.520 Then? 0:12:53.920 --> 0:12:56.520 If you think that you might have some time blindness 0:12:56.520 --> 0:12:59.360 on occasion, how does your calendar support you and moving 0:12:59.400 --> 0:12:59.880 beyond that? 0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:04.840 Absolutely so being a regulated person as absolutely supported in 0:13:04.960 --> 0:13:08.240 me being able to use it every single day, and 0:13:08.480 --> 0:13:10.400 I keep my old ones because I do have these 0:13:10.440 --> 0:13:13.520 paper calendar. I use a paper calendar. It's more grounding, 0:13:13.559 --> 0:13:16.559 it's more physical. I find that really helpful for regulation. 0:13:16.960 --> 0:13:18.560 But I'm on my fourth book of it. So this 0:13:18.640 --> 0:13:21.959 is my fourth year every single day using my calendar, 0:13:22.000 --> 0:13:24.920 and it's simply writing down what I'm going to do. 0:13:25.080 --> 0:13:28.120 But because I'm regulated, I'm mindful enough to remember to 0:13:28.120 --> 0:13:30.760 look at it. I do have it open in front 0:13:30.800 --> 0:13:35.000 of me on my desk at all times, and I'm 0:13:35.000 --> 0:13:37.640 not caught up in the perfection guilt and shame that 0:13:37.679 --> 0:13:40.440 we can be when we're disregulated and try to use tools. 0:13:40.720 --> 0:13:42.920 I'm flexible about it. If I don't get something done, 0:13:43.000 --> 0:13:45.760 I'm completely fine crossing it off and moving it along. 0:13:45.800 --> 0:13:48.840 So it's that flexibility I think that allows for a 0:13:48.920 --> 0:13:50.360 calendar to work for somebody. 0:13:51.040 --> 0:13:54.319 Now, you mentioned in your book this sort of analogy 0:13:54.480 --> 0:13:58.240 of viewing big projects as either a wall of bricks 0:13:58.360 --> 0:14:00.439 in front of you or more of. 0:14:00.520 --> 0:14:02.160 A brick path. Can you talk a little bit. 0:14:02.120 --> 0:14:04.079 About that analogy and how that might be helpful for 0:14:04.160 --> 0:14:08.800 people who even are neurotypical and view big projects as 0:14:08.840 --> 0:14:09.760 almost overwhelming. 0:14:10.040 --> 0:14:14.800 Absolutely so, if you have overwhelmed, you're not present, because 0:14:14.840 --> 0:14:17.719 you cannot be overwhelmed if you're present. So if we 0:14:17.760 --> 0:14:20.360 are thinking about a project, oh, I want to start 0:14:20.360 --> 0:14:22.040 that work project, but I'm going to have to email 0:14:22.080 --> 0:14:23.800 those five people. I have to do that five hours 0:14:23.800 --> 0:14:26.000 of research. I'm also going to have to write this paper. 0:14:26.920 --> 0:14:28.960 It's like all the bricks are stacking up in front 0:14:28.960 --> 0:14:31.960 of us, when the reality is I can only do 0:14:32.000 --> 0:14:35.120 one thing at a time. So there's the awareness of ah, 0:14:35.160 --> 0:14:39.840 I'm seeing the brick wall, which is a cognitive distortion. Right, 0:14:39.920 --> 0:14:43.360 So that's a skewed perspective of reality. Because the reality 0:14:43.480 --> 0:14:46.760 is time and space are linear. I can only do 0:14:46.840 --> 0:14:49.640 one thing at a time. So we can practice laying 0:14:49.680 --> 0:14:52.400 that down in our mind's eye. Okay, if this was 0:14:52.440 --> 0:14:55.760 a brick path. What is one brick I could step on? 0:14:56.600 --> 0:14:59.680 Not what is the one right, perfect first brick? What 0:14:59.800 --> 0:15:03.040 is a brick? Kick a step on? That mightbe A'll 0:15:03.080 --> 0:15:05.800 email Joe and ask him that question. I have right, 0:15:05.800 --> 0:15:09.080 it's just getting into some momentum and movement and stepping 0:15:09.120 --> 0:15:11.720 on the bricks one by one instead of trying to 0:15:11.760 --> 0:15:14.080 smash the wall down all at once. 0:15:15.120 --> 0:15:16.880 We're going to take a quick ad break and I'll 0:15:16.920 --> 0:15:21.360 be back with more from Jennifree. 0:15:25.920 --> 0:15:26.600 Well, I am. 0:15:26.520 --> 0:15:30.960 Back talking with Jennifree, therapist and ADHD expert, author of 0:15:31.000 --> 0:15:36.240 the brand new book The Simple Guide to ADHD Regulation. So, Jenna, 0:15:36.240 --> 0:15:39.080 I'd love to move more to what your own schedule 0:15:39.080 --> 0:15:43.080 looks like. People love to hear about people's schedules with 0:15:43.160 --> 0:15:45.640 this show, do you what does a day look like 0:15:45.720 --> 0:15:46.080 for you? 0:15:48.320 --> 0:15:50.840 Well, I am like a broken record. But it's I 0:15:50.960 --> 0:15:54.440 prioritize regulation, so I don't want to do too much, 0:15:54.520 --> 0:15:56.360 I don't want to do too little. It's finding that 0:15:56.400 --> 0:16:00.680 sweet spot. The definition of being regulated is the rate 0:16:00.800 --> 0:16:04.600 or speed at which technically a machine functions best. So 0:16:05.040 --> 0:16:09.360 having nothing on my calendar is you know, it's too open, 0:16:09.640 --> 0:16:12.520 there's too much flexibility. You kind of don't use your 0:16:12.520 --> 0:16:15.840 time well. Also, stuffing too much in there makes it overwhelming, 0:16:16.000 --> 0:16:19.600 puts you in a paralysis, puts you into a state 0:16:19.680 --> 0:16:23.160 where you're not very efficient and effective. So I really 0:16:23.240 --> 0:16:26.440 have gotten good at knowing what my capacity is, knowing 0:16:26.480 --> 0:16:30.120 what's too much for me, and having that flexibility to 0:16:30.240 --> 0:16:34.280 move things around. I don't have any specifics that's rigid 0:16:34.360 --> 0:16:38.480 every day. That flexibility is key for me to stay regulated. 0:16:38.880 --> 0:16:43.840 But I do find when I when I'm not rushing, 0:16:44.240 --> 0:16:46.440 when i have a great relationship with reality and I'm 0:16:46.480 --> 0:16:49.800 not fighting with it, the days just really flow well. 0:16:50.200 --> 0:16:53.280 And my sound for regulation is do do do do. 0:16:53.920 --> 0:16:56.320 That's what I want my feeling to be every day 0:16:56.400 --> 0:16:58.480 is I'm chugging along. I'm getting things done, but I'm 0:16:58.480 --> 0:17:00.960 not in a panic, not frantic. I'm not trying to 0:17:00.960 --> 0:17:04.600 squeeze fifteen things in that are unrealistic. And I'm also 0:17:04.680 --> 0:17:07.280 not stuck and stagnant doing nothing. So that's a bit 0:17:07.320 --> 0:17:12.280 of a less tangible example, but those are the key 0:17:12.320 --> 0:17:15.520 points that have really helped me with functioning well in 0:17:15.520 --> 0:17:16.399 scheduling well. 0:17:16.480 --> 0:17:19.360 But of course, I mean you have children and so 0:17:19.560 --> 0:17:23.880 they probably occasionally mess up that schedule. That sense of 0:17:23.960 --> 0:17:26.560 you know, trying to have the right amount in any 0:17:26.640 --> 0:17:30.600 given day, or you know they tend to throw curveballs 0:17:30.640 --> 0:17:31.320 into a schedule. 0:17:31.320 --> 0:17:32.440 I'm curious how. 0:17:33.680 --> 0:17:34.960 You know you deal with that, because I think that 0:17:35.119 --> 0:17:37.520 the chaos of having young kids is again one of 0:17:37.520 --> 0:17:40.480 those things that leads people to understand that they are 0:17:40.600 --> 0:17:43.000 neurotypical and how they're reacting to it. So I'm curious 0:17:43.080 --> 0:17:48.520 how you are dealing with raising children and needing that regulation. 0:17:49.440 --> 0:17:52.000 Absolutely so, yes, I have six and seven year old boys. 0:17:52.040 --> 0:17:56.480 We are in the thick of it. And I when 0:17:56.520 --> 0:18:00.600 I was more dysregulated, I had so much anger and rigidity. 0:18:00.720 --> 0:18:03.359 If they woke up sick, had to stay home from daycare, 0:18:04.280 --> 0:18:07.200 I just won't forget me, like punching the matress, going ah, 0:18:07.320 --> 0:18:10.320 how am I so frustrated by this change in plans? 0:18:10.359 --> 0:18:13.240 And there's the rigidity that also tips me off when 0:18:13.320 --> 0:18:16.440 someone is neurodivergent and in a fight or flight. Now, 0:18:16.480 --> 0:18:19.240 in a more regulated state, I plan as best I can, 0:18:19.359 --> 0:18:23.200 but again that alignment with reality. The reality is he's homesick. Okay, 0:18:24.320 --> 0:18:26.160 what am I gonna do? Right? How am I gonna 0:18:26.200 --> 0:18:29.080 work with the reality I have? And instead of spending 0:18:29.160 --> 0:18:32.440 so much of my time and energy fighting with he 0:18:32.440 --> 0:18:34.640 should If he hadn't been home, I would have gotten 0:18:34.640 --> 0:18:37.840 this done. I would well, here we are, how do 0:18:37.920 --> 0:18:39.920 I deal with it? So it's so much easier to 0:18:40.000 --> 0:18:46.440 roll with the punches, except reality adjusts things accordingly without it. 0:18:46.520 --> 0:18:48.000 Derael like everything. Well. 0:18:48.040 --> 0:18:50.040 Do you have any routines though that you think make 0:18:50.080 --> 0:18:52.600 you more productive? I mean, even if days are different, 0:18:52.640 --> 0:18:54.199 are there any sort of routines you make sure to 0:18:54.240 --> 0:18:55.359 follow as much as you can? 0:18:56.760 --> 0:19:00.160 I do just get out of bed when my alarm goes. 0:19:00.240 --> 0:19:03.520 That is something I could not do when I was disregulated, 0:19:03.600 --> 0:19:05.160 and I know for eight each year it's very hard 0:19:05.160 --> 0:19:07.800 to wake up in the morning. But when you are 0:19:08.760 --> 0:19:13.400 more present and less stuck in your thinking, I do 0:19:13.440 --> 0:19:15.560 find I just don't even think about it. I just 0:19:15.600 --> 0:19:18.320 stand up and mows you through my day, So that 0:19:18.400 --> 0:19:23.960 really helps I do. Something that I kind of connected 0:19:24.080 --> 0:19:26.480 is if I'm already going out, it's so much easier 0:19:26.560 --> 0:19:28.120 for me to go to the gym. So I'm lucky 0:19:28.240 --> 0:19:31.160 enough to have a flexible schedule where after I drop 0:19:31.160 --> 0:19:32.800 my kids off from school, if I go straight to 0:19:32.840 --> 0:19:35.880 the gym, I'm going to go. If I come home first, 0:19:36.520 --> 0:19:38.880 I ain't going. So it's some little things I've learned 0:19:38.920 --> 0:19:41.960 about myself that I try to honor as much as possible, 0:19:43.520 --> 0:19:45.200 So that has helped. But everyone's gonna be so different 0:19:45.240 --> 0:19:46.040 in what works for them. 0:19:46.160 --> 0:19:48.879 Yeah. Yeah, although I'm sure exercise does help in general, 0:19:48.960 --> 0:19:51.239 right getting physical activity is that a good way to 0:19:51.359 --> 0:19:52.400 regulate oneself? 0:19:53.240 --> 0:19:57.720 Absolutely ideally, And if you are in fight or flight, 0:19:57.720 --> 0:20:01.280 you're in survival mode. You are just keeping your head 0:20:01.280 --> 0:20:05.120 above water. I do not ask anyone who is drowning 0:20:05.240 --> 0:20:08.280 to go work out as the first step. So it 0:20:08.400 --> 0:20:10.399 is a beautiful thing if you can do it, but 0:20:10.480 --> 0:20:12.359 that is not something we have to do right away 0:20:12.480 --> 0:20:15.360 in order to regulate excellent. 0:20:15.680 --> 0:20:18.159 So, Jenna, I always ask my guests, what is something 0:20:18.200 --> 0:20:21.399 you have done recently to take a day from great 0:20:21.600 --> 0:20:22.200 to awesome? 0:20:24.560 --> 0:20:27.439 I think the biggest thing that makes a lot of 0:20:27.440 --> 0:20:33.200 my days awesome is really connecting with my belief that 0:20:33.240 --> 0:20:36.000 the day is meant to be enjoyed, not just to 0:20:36.080 --> 0:20:38.200 check off the to do list. So I really try 0:20:38.200 --> 0:20:41.080 to enjoy the process of the day. Doesn't mean I'm 0:20:41.560 --> 0:20:43.840 playing hooky at work, doesn't mean I'm going to Disneyland 0:20:43.880 --> 0:20:46.920 every day. But even in you know, writing emails. Can 0:20:46.960 --> 0:20:49.639 I sit in somewhere comfortable. Can I do it at 0:20:49.680 --> 0:20:51.920 a pace that's not painful? Can I make this as 0:20:51.920 --> 0:20:56.399