Speaker 1: Hello.
Speaker 2: Hello? Is this sile Hi?
Speaker 1: Hi? Hello? What is your name?
Speaker 2: My name is Jack?
Speaker 1: Jack?
Speaker 3: What up?
Speaker 1: Jack? Here we are? It's what June? Oh shit, it's
Speaker 1: June tenth. I've been five years since I've since I
Speaker 1: first started dressing up as a gecko and talking to
Speaker 1: people on the phone. I think maybe not exactly, but
Speaker 1: it was June of twenty twenty that I started doing this,
Speaker 1: So I didn't think that I would still that I
Speaker 1: would still be doing this, which is cool that I
Speaker 1: still am. And now I'm talking to you Jack.
Speaker 2: Well man, you know, on behalf of everybody. We all thanks,
Speaker 2: thank you for like the stuff that you do.
Speaker 1: Ah, Jack, what's up with you? Man? Tell me enough
Speaker 1: of I don't want to say. I can't suck my
Speaker 1: own dick today. What's going on with you? Jack? How's life?
Speaker 2: Well? I mean, you know, I can't complain. It's like
Speaker 2: crazy times going on. I just went to Araby for
Speaker 2: the first time, so interesting.
Speaker 1: What how was your therapy experience?
Speaker 2: Well, man, it was like, you know, an n take session.
Speaker 2: So we just talked about like why I was there
Speaker 2: in my life ship like that.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well here's I'll I guess I'll say this is
Speaker 1: you know, this is more of a I think a
Speaker 1: ponder cast than a advice cast. I don't have any
Speaker 1: advice for anything, but or maybe I do. I don't know.
Speaker 1: But do you want to talk about the things that
Speaker 1: you talked about in therapy on a public podcast or
Speaker 1: would you rather talk about something else?
Speaker 2: Man, we can talk about that if you want, dog,
Speaker 2: you know, talk good to me.
Speaker 1: We talked. Hey, fuck you we can talk about if
Speaker 1: you want.
Speaker 2: You know what, Fuck you, man, we can talk about
Speaker 2: whatever you want. What do you want to?
Speaker 1: Fuck you? Hey? Fuck you will talk about whatever you want.
Speaker 2: Fuck? All right, I guess you went all right?
Speaker 1: Cool?
Speaker 2: Well, I mean I just graduated from a fucking fire academy.
Speaker 2: Oh so yeah, I'm a fireman. And it's not like
Speaker 2: a crazy year and a half dog Like I went
Speaker 2: to went to the military, then I went to officer
Speaker 2: school and and I I'm a firefighter EMT and all
Speaker 2: that happened in like a year and a half.
Speaker 1: You know, Oh what was what was firefighter school?
Speaker 2: Like a man, it's like it's like basic training but
Speaker 2: like diet, you know, but it was just like a
Speaker 2: lot of high intensity stuff that was the real challenge
Speaker 2: and it's like, you know, I live in the South,
Speaker 2: so it's like hot. You got like sixty pounds on
Speaker 2: your back, you got like this gear on that insulates
Speaker 2: from heat, and you're just like steaming in there. You're
Speaker 2: crawling on the floor and you're like you can't see shit,
Speaker 2: and you're just ragging shit and trying to find your
Speaker 2: way out. So it's pretty fun. And then you know
Speaker 2: there's also the fire.
Speaker 1: Stuff, and uh, well, how old.
Speaker 2: Are you, Jack, I'm twenty seven.
Speaker 1: Twenty seven, just graduated and now you're a firefighter. What
Speaker 1: made you want to decide to be a firefighter? I
Speaker 1: feel like, is that are most firefighters like around that age?
Speaker 1: Or is that something you get into, like right out
Speaker 1: of high school?
Speaker 2: They usually get around high school. I was like mostly
Speaker 2: around people of that age, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I guess that's why I'm curious.
Speaker 2: Is that?
Speaker 1: Is that what made you want to decide to do that? Comparative? Well,
Speaker 1: later in life, I'm.
Speaker 2: Trying to do the thing that you do, except like
Speaker 2: actually do it, you know, I'm trying to be like
Speaker 2: an actual therapist.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.
Speaker 2: But uh, I don't know. It's like a lot of circumstance.
Speaker 2: I came back after like army training and stuff, and
Speaker 2: you know, my parents, you know, they're getting old, and
Speaker 2: you know they're not They're not from this country, so
Speaker 2: they have to deal with that topical issue, you know.
Speaker 2: And I want to get my master's degree. So I
Speaker 2: was like, well, if I work at Walmart, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: blow my brains out. And you know, I want to
Speaker 2: do something that's important to people. But at the same time,
Speaker 2: I need time to like get experience so for my
Speaker 2: master's application. So I just work for I just work
Speaker 2: for two days and I'm off for four days. So
Speaker 2: that's the kind of kind of gig that I wanted,
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 1: Interesting. Okay, so you're a firefighter. Wait, which one the
Speaker 1: firefighter job? Is the working for two days job?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Oh okay, you needed some side work to do while
Speaker 1: you're pursuing your actual degree. Could that's so interesting that
Speaker 1: being a firefighter is like a part time job. It
Speaker 1: seems like, I guess enough part time hours. It's a
Speaker 1: full time job with part time hours.
Speaker 2: I mean it's forty eight hours, like straight up, straight up,
Speaker 2: like it doesn't stop. It's forty eight hours. But once
Speaker 2: you're done, you're four days off.
Speaker 1: So for two days you don't sleep at all.
Speaker 2: No, we sleep, but I mean we get woken up
Speaker 2: by fucking alarms that tells us the like the emergency,
Speaker 2: you just like go to sleep and then or with
Speaker 2: throughout the day, any moment you hear due and then
Speaker 2: like you hear this, lady just tell you what the
Speaker 2: problem is, you go on a truck and then you
Speaker 2: try to solve it.
Speaker 1: Okay, so you're on call at the fire station for
Speaker 1: forty eight hours straight, exactly exactly, okay, all right now
Speaker 1: and now I get it. All right, So it's two
Speaker 1: days a week where there's forty eight hours where you
Speaker 1: cannot leave the fire station and you can sleep. But
Speaker 1: if some shit goes down, you gotta wake up.
Speaker 2: Exactly. Yeah, we have to. We have to respond to that.
Speaker 1: What do you guys do while there's not shit going down?
Speaker 1: You just sit around?
Speaker 2: I mean we do we sometimes it depends on the
Speaker 2: shit we we have to do, like daily stuff to
Speaker 2: maintain the station and equipment the truck. We got to
Speaker 2: like train. If you don't practice this stuff, you know
Speaker 2: you're gonna get like you can't perform. So then like
Speaker 2: you know, that's people's lives. But then after all that shit, like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I mean, you could be chilling, just like playing the
Speaker 2: goddamn xbox do whatever the fuck you want. Some people
Speaker 2: do with side hustles, like on the computer with their
Speaker 2: free time. You know, a lot of different stuff.
Speaker 1: So you're telling me, and next time I call nine
Speaker 1: one one for like a fire I might be interrupting
Speaker 1: somebody's crypto trading.
Speaker 2: Yeah, homide, we're deep in doge.
Speaker 1: Interesting. What kinds of people are the other firefighters? What's
Speaker 1: their vibe?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 2: Man, it's like a wide variety, wide variety of different people.
Speaker 2: But like you know, a lot of them are like
Speaker 2: a lot of them are just like you know, corn
Speaker 2: corn bread eating. You know, they're pretty traditional American. Some
Speaker 2: of them have like varying, varying educational stuff like I
Speaker 2: have a bachelor's degree, and then a person in my
Speaker 2: same shift he has a master's. Other people only have
Speaker 2: a high school diploma, you know, just sorts of stuff
Speaker 2: like that.
Speaker 1: Have you Okay, so I know it took a year
Speaker 1: and a half for you to be do the training,
Speaker 1: but how long have you been at the job.
Speaker 2: Oh dude, that's a.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 2: I'm just saying. It's like, take a year and a
Speaker 2: half to do all the stuff that I did, like
Speaker 2: the army stuff and the stuff. But I've only been
Speaker 2: on the drop for like seven to eight.
Speaker 1: Months, And how often have you like, uh, like, what
Speaker 1: kind of shit has been going down in those seven
Speaker 1: eight months? Like, are you going to fires every week? No?
Speaker 2: It depends on the It depends on the fucking city.
Speaker 2: Like if you're in a like a bigger metropolitan area,
Speaker 2: those like fires every day. I lived in like a
Speaker 2: smaller town, so it's mostly like medical calls. And honestly, dude,
Speaker 2: like we get like a lot of like fucking uh
Speaker 2: listesists and like you know people. I had one where
Speaker 2: this lady was freaking out because she fucking she was
Speaker 2: taking like some CBD gummies or some shit like PhD
Speaker 2: gummies and then her fucking mom like gave her some
Speaker 2: fucking like violence or some shit the fucking counterair or something,
Speaker 2: but she was freaking out. I don't know why the
Speaker 2: fuck you did that though?
Speaker 1: That sounds like a Tuesday for me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, why was good?
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I mean taking a lot of vivants and
Speaker 1: then I mean taking a bunch of like getting super
Speaker 1: why would I mean, I guess that this woman was
Speaker 1: not operating off of some kind of like medical theory.
Speaker 1: But why would vivance help calm you down if you're
Speaker 1: being if you're anxious for that?
Speaker 2: Okade, I got I got no clue about that, though.
Speaker 2: What did you just decide to do that? I just
Speaker 2: try to do something about it and calming her down,
Speaker 2: and we just waited for the paramedic to come. And
Speaker 2: that's as much as we could do at that moment.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's okay. Sorry I was interrupting you, But that's
Speaker 1: what I was going to ask, is like, if I
Speaker 1: call you and I'm like, yo, my homie's tweaking on
Speaker 1: vivance and having a panic attack, what do you actually
Speaker 1: what do you do?
Speaker 2: Well? Uh, well, we can't really do much because we
Speaker 2: do have like no ock zone. We got a narcan.
Speaker 2: We could do it with opioid stuff and like, you know,
Speaker 2: if you have like a depressive episode, like we have
Speaker 2: oxygen in order to like if you do like start hyperventilating,
Speaker 2: we could chill you out with that. You can make
Speaker 2: sure that you know you got the right oxygen on you.
Speaker 2: I mean, but besides, like any like mechanical issue, if
Speaker 2: it's like a psychological issue, all we could do is
Speaker 2: just like be there for you to tell you to
Speaker 2: calm down, homie.
Speaker 1: I mean, what does a depressive episode look like? Like
Speaker 1: the type of amt.
Speaker 2: For Well, I'm telling you. I'm telling you, like, if
Speaker 2: it's somehow like you have let's just say, like you
Speaker 2: have asthma, you could do something like that. Like if
Speaker 2: you're if something that's obstructing your airway, we could do
Speaker 2: something about that. Like we could do a lot with
Speaker 2: like airway airway stuff. But like if you're just tweaking out, homie,
Speaker 2: like I mean, we just try your best, try our
Speaker 2: best to chill you up.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm. How's the job been for you? Is that
Speaker 1: like crazy and tough or do you like that schedule?
Speaker 2: No, dude, this is the only job, like the true
Speaker 2: only job that I don't dread going to. It's probably
Speaker 2: like people say, like most firefighters have something fucking wrong
Speaker 2: with them because like a lot of them like relish
Speaker 2: the job and it's like weird to like want want
Speaker 2: to go into dangerous situations. Like a lot of the
Speaker 2: people there that they sit down and then like you know,
Speaker 2: they watch fucking they watch fucking Netflix and shit and
Speaker 2: they're just like, man, I wish there was a car
Speaker 2: accident right now, and I'm just like, I don't wish that,
Speaker 2: but like other people do. You know, it's like kind
Speaker 2: of weird.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna I'm not gonna sit here and say
Speaker 1: that that doesn't make sense. You know. I think humans
Speaker 1: we want to, you know, be doing shit. But why
Speaker 1: But tell me why specifically you don't dread the job
Speaker 1: and why you love it so much.
Speaker 2: Uh well, it's one of the few jobs where you
Speaker 2: can see the impact of what to do, like directly
Speaker 2: in front of your eyes. You know, I used to
Speaker 2: stock I used to work for like the postal service too.
Speaker 2: I used to be a mailman, and you know, I
Speaker 2: would fucking give somebody their fucking male and you know,
Speaker 2: I give them the wave and all that, and uh,
Speaker 2: you know I see them throw in the trash as
Speaker 2: it was junk mail. He's just like, man, I guess that, Like,
Speaker 2: what the fuck am I doing it for?
Speaker 1: You know, I don't know why. I don't know why
Speaker 1: I love that so much. I don't know why that's
Speaker 1: so funny to me. God damn.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: But as a firefighter, just just you're a mailman and
Speaker 1: you're so proud of your job delivering the mail, and
Speaker 1: you hand someone their mail and it's junk and they
Speaker 1: throw it away. That's like, that's like, that's just such
Speaker 1: a Charlie Brown esque scene.
Speaker 2: Dude. I feel like Charlie Brown all the fucking time. Actually,
Speaker 2: I feel like Charlie Brown a lot.
Speaker 1: Why do you feel like Charlie Brown a lot?
Speaker 2: Because Charlie Brown tends to try his best, and whenever
Speaker 2: he has like a moment of optimism, fate happens to
Speaker 2: just push him down back to the state where he
Speaker 2: was before. Yeah, he trudges along, you know. That's very Charlie.
Speaker 1: Brown asked, mm hmm, what was the last thing you
Speaker 1: had optimism for that fate?
Speaker 3: Uh rejected, Ah, Man, Well, it's I don't want to
Speaker 3: get political, but it's it's like, you know, the political landscape.
Speaker 1: I guess, yeah, you can if you even get political,
Speaker 1: if you want. Don't really give a shit.
Speaker 2: Well, it's uh, it's uh uh, you know, my my
Speaker 2: parents are like they're they're what you call, like, you know,
Speaker 2: undocumented and all that.
Speaker 1: So that's pretty much sure.
Speaker 2: That's the crux of it all. You know this top
Speaker 2: and you know the very topical topical moment, especially in
Speaker 2: the state of California.
Speaker 1: Sure, yeah, sure, I mean yeah, I mean, I yeah,
Speaker 1: I understand that. But I guess I guess you can
Speaker 1: still you trudge along anyway.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just it's it's very discouraging, you know, when
Speaker 2: you when you work for a country and like sixty
Speaker 2: percent of it don't really care for your parents or
Speaker 2: want them to go home or some stuff like that.
Speaker 2: You know, it's a bit it's a bit disheartening. But
Speaker 2: I try, I just you know, I just try my best.
Speaker 1: As you say, yeah, no, sure, sure, I mean what
Speaker 1: as a firefart, you work for like a county, right,
Speaker 1: a city? Yeah, a city, I'm gonna assume. I mean sure,
Speaker 1: you know, yeah, if you want to get bigger about it,
Speaker 1: you can look at it like that, but like what
Speaker 1: about your your city or forget about that, I mean,
Speaker 1: just the people whom you who you serve directly, do
Speaker 1: you feel.
Speaker 2: That's why I try not to. That's why I try
Speaker 2: not to bring that stuff into me with the job.
Speaker 2: But when I go home, you know, that's you know,
Speaker 2: that's what I see, frankly, But I don't. I don't work,
Speaker 2: and that's what I think about, you know, when an
Speaker 2: emergency happens, I don't think about how this guy is
Speaker 2: fucking voted. I'm just like, this guy's in fucking trouble.
Speaker 2: I need to help him out however I.
Speaker 1: Can, right of course, of course. Hm, I'm still I'm
Speaker 1: very I'm very curious on again, still on the thread
Speaker 1: of you feeling like Charlie Brown all the time.
Speaker 2: Well, but that's how I feel like Charlie Brown. It's like,
Speaker 2: you know, I have two government jobs, and you know,
Speaker 2: and it seems I am wary of the government, especially
Speaker 2: in terms of how they view my family. And I
Speaker 2: try my best to do my job, and I do
Speaker 2: it well, but when I go home, I just, you know,
Speaker 2: I get a little bit shaded about it because it's
Speaker 2: it's really the crux of a lot of my problems
Speaker 2: in my personal life is that. So I have this
Speaker 2: optimism for working for my country in my city and
Speaker 2: helping people and you know, doing my best, but at
Speaker 2: the same time that gets shot down by all the
Speaker 2: political happenings.
Speaker 1: You know, yeah, yeah, you know, it's funny. Okay, wait, now,
Speaker 1: I don't want to get political, but I also kind
Speaker 1: of do a.
Speaker 2: Little bit well that's you get go man.
Speaker 1: You know what? Yes, you're right, Yes, you're right, it
Speaker 1: is it is. What's your name? Jack?
Speaker 2: Yes? Jack?
Speaker 1: Sorry, it's bad names. I've been on I've been thinking
Speaker 1: a lot about like uh fucking and now I'm gonna
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go on a philosophical rant. Oh god, well,
Speaker 1: like because I think like, like, okay, like like loving
Speaker 1: America or really like loving anything. I think inherent to
Speaker 1: like loving something or belonging to something, like true patriotism
Speaker 1: is is being viciously critical of that which you love
Speaker 1: and belong to.
Speaker 2: You know what I mean, Yeah, of course because you
Speaker 2: love it.
Speaker 1: Because you love it so I so so by being
Speaker 1: a man who in such a pure way serves his
Speaker 1: country and yet is critical of it and feel it
Speaker 1: feels betrayed by it. I don't think you you, I
Speaker 1: guess from that perspective, you don't live in a contradiction
Speaker 1: at all. You live in you know. I mean, you're
Speaker 1: a you're a you're a you're a patriot. You're doing
Speaker 1: what you're I think should be doing. If you're a patriot.
Speaker 2: Well, it's not just for you, know, I don't want
Speaker 2: to be the stereotype. It's not just for country. You know,
Speaker 2: there's I do it because it's a it's a thing
Speaker 2: to do regardless of like you know, the whole country stuff.
Speaker 2: And you know, I do love my country. It's just like, uh,
Speaker 2: I mean, you know, if you if you believe life
Speaker 2: is suffering, which I believe it is, and that everybody suffers,
Speaker 2: you inherently have compassionate for your fellow man. So you're
Speaker 2: you have you're prompted to want to quell that suffering
Speaker 2: as much as you can. And you know, I know
Speaker 2: I suffer.
Speaker 1: So you know what's so funny is I I forgive
Speaker 1: me listeners if I referenced this on an earlier podcast,
Speaker 1: because I'm sure I have. It's one of my favorite
Speaker 1: Onion articles. Do you know the one I'm talking about?
Speaker 1: It goes existentialist firefighter delays three deaths, And it's so
Speaker 1: funny because like, that's you. That's what you're doing every
Speaker 1: time you're really you're going out there delaying deaths every day,
Speaker 1: putting that's that's what it is, don't putting your death
Speaker 1: closer to now to help delay the deaths of others.
Speaker 2: Pretty much as it's pretty much how it is man.
Speaker 1: But so I'm trying to I'm trying to think here
Speaker 1: again we can talk about you. Is this is wait?
Speaker 1: Is this what you were talking about with your therapist?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: You were just okay, yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is what I was talking about.
Speaker 1: Tell tell me, tell me more if you want. I
Speaker 1: got this like kind of conflict you're having internally.
Speaker 2: It's honestly, it's just, uh, sometimes I just get fucking
Speaker 2: mad at society because you know, we we we we
Speaker 2: deal with all this and it's like greater stuff like too,
Speaker 2: like we deal with all this cate categorization, and and
Speaker 2: we just put ourselves in these boxes and we hate
Speaker 2: ourselves for reasons that don't even make sense, that are
Speaker 2: just social constructs. But yet here we are in this
Speaker 2: fucking clusterfuck of whatever the fuck is going on right
Speaker 2: now that just makes everybody else suffer. And I and
Speaker 2: that's what I'm in the middle of it, just like
Speaker 2: like what do I do? You know?
Speaker 1: What did your what did the therapist say?
Speaker 2: Well, it was it was like the first session, so
Speaker 2: that they're just like, well, well, we'll deal with this
Speaker 2: the next session. But she said, she said, like she
Speaker 2: understands where my anger is from. She she gets it.
Speaker 4: Sure, but then again I didn't pay her, so yeah,
Speaker 4: it's true if she didn't understand where your anger was
Speaker 4: coming from.
Speaker 1: I mean, is that that it's not that hard. I
Speaker 1: don't think to understand where your anger is coming from. Wait,
Speaker 1: hold on, I'm trying to see if I'm trying to
Speaker 1: see if I understand where I think I understand where
Speaker 1: your anger is coming from. I mean, yeah, you're in
Speaker 1: a you're in a crisis about like, oh, I'm working
Speaker 1: so hard to do all this and then it seems
Speaker 1: like nobody really gives a fuck on like a global scale. Yes,
Speaker 1: but I don't know, I can I just from from
Speaker 1: my uh personal opinion perspective looking at uh, your life
Speaker 1: is like your kind is like you're kind of doing
Speaker 1: the best that you can. I think, what like one
Speaker 1: of the subjects I think about a lot when I
Speaker 1: just sit around and think or whatever, is like like
Speaker 1: like the the onus of the individual versus the onus
Speaker 1: of society and because it's like it's like, well, you
Speaker 1: sit there and you want things to get better, and
Speaker 1: you you know, if you really want to go crazy
Speaker 1: mode and not going crazy whatever, if you really want
Speaker 1: to you know, do a bunch of ship. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: can pick some cause that you have and you can
Speaker 1: protest and you can work on it, and you can
Speaker 1: you know, vote, of course you can do all these things.
Speaker 1: But there comes a point where you where like, uh,
Speaker 1: I'm also I'm also big on like what is within
Speaker 1: my control and what is not? And there's also a
Speaker 1: it's like when it comes like societal issues, there becomes
Speaker 1: a little bit of a point where you're like, when
Speaker 1: is when is when do I when? When do I
Speaker 1: throw up my hands? You know? When do I throw
Speaker 1: up my hands and go? A lot of this is
Speaker 1: out of my control and for you you are doing,
Speaker 1: like to look around. I really hope I'm trying to
Speaker 1: hone in on a point here is for you to
Speaker 1: look around, and it's everything you see is on fire metaphorically,
Speaker 1: and then you go and then you go, Okay, in
Speaker 1: response to everything around me metaphorically being on fire, I'm
Speaker 1: going to literally go and put out fires. And I
Speaker 1: like that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I like that.
Speaker 1: I like that about your life, Jack, That's cool. I
Speaker 1: think that's really cool. I think that's a good thing.
Speaker 1: I think that's a good response to fighting the metaphorical
Speaker 1: fires is to fight real ones. I think that's a
Speaker 1: good Uh, that's a good vibe.
Speaker 2: That's a good point, man, very good point.
Speaker 1: Do you got do you? Is there an Xbox in
Speaker 1: the fire station? Uh?
Speaker 2: I mean sometimes people bring it. I mean I can
Speaker 2: bring my own PlayStation. But yeah, what do.
Speaker 1: You What do you got on the what do you
Speaker 1: got on the PlayStation?
Speaker 2: Ah? Man, people are gonna uh dude, I played fucking
Speaker 2: overall Watching Dark Souls. Those are the fucking games that
Speaker 2: I play.
Speaker 1: Okay, why why why did you think that people would
Speaker 1: be upset about that? Millions and millions of people play
Speaker 1: those games.
Speaker 2: I don't fucking know. I don't know. I just thoughted
Speaker 2: up because it's just such a juxtaposition of two games
Speaker 2: just seems weird.
Speaker 1: Overwatching Dark Souls. Yeah, what is Uh? I don't really
Speaker 1: know much about Dark Souls. I just know it's like,
Speaker 1: I know, it's I know it's hard. That's what I
Speaker 1: know about it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like one, like Overwatching, like it's a very cutesy
Speaker 2: game and all that, and then like fucking I played like,
Speaker 2: well I'm born now going to the beginning of like
Speaker 2: Dark Souls, like this gritty, like gothic, fucking fuck you
Speaker 2: kind of a game.
Speaker 1: Are the other are the other firefighters also like inexistential
Speaker 1: crisises or like what do you think is going on
Speaker 1: in their bro what do you think is going on brains?
Speaker 2: Well, everybody has like you know and apparently like a
Speaker 2: special human experience, So I don't really know what the
Speaker 2: fuck's going on. But a lot of them are like,
Speaker 2: you know, I think they just go home, have a
Speaker 2: few beers, like fucking watch sports and just you know,
Speaker 2: people like live with their families and just big chilling
Speaker 2: until like the next time they got to come here.
Speaker 2: But who knows what they have in their own personal life.
Speaker 1: You know, how's how's your personal life gone?
Speaker 2: You know, it's you know, I did. I have been
Speaker 2: fucking complaining for about like fucking thirty minutes. But like comparatively,
Speaker 2: like I live a pretty good life, like I do,
Speaker 2: Like I have a good as you know, I got
Speaker 2: a fiance, I have a bachelor's degree. I have a
Speaker 2: kick ass job. People say, like it's one of the
Speaker 2: greatest jobs people can have. You know, I have the
Speaker 2: benefits of military benefits and these benefits, I actually own
Speaker 2: a home and my parents live in it and all that.
Speaker 2: I mean, you know, prices are going up and fucking
Speaker 2: I I'm broke as ship. But like comparatively to a
Speaker 2: lot of people, I mean, I'm love. It's good, you know,
Speaker 2: but sometimes when I yes, no, go ahead. But if
Speaker 2: they you know, the point of contention here, it's just like, uh,
Speaker 2: you know, I here's here. Let me tell you the truth.
Speaker 2: I would give all the ship that I've ever done away,
Speaker 2: like all the all this ship. I would give it
Speaker 2: all away as my parents truly had had like it
Speaker 2: had the shot to be citizens of these United States,
Speaker 2: you know. So that's that's all. That's all they've ever
Speaker 2: wanted ever since they got here. M I'd throw it
Speaker 2: all with m hmm, I saw it all. M hm.
Speaker 1: Where can I ask where they're from?
Speaker 2: Uh? Therefore south as a border?
Speaker 1: What is the like actual I was reading a little
Speaker 1: bit about this, like what what What is the actual
Speaker 1: process of becoming a US citizen?
Speaker 2: It depends on like and and now I'm talking about
Speaker 2: a subject that I'm not an expert that so I mean,
Speaker 2: if I'm saying something, if I've been wrong, you know,
Speaker 2: excuse me. But under their circumstances where they came here,
Speaker 2: you know, illegally, and all that in the traditional sense,
Speaker 2: they have this penalty of ten years where they would
Speaker 2: have to go back to their home country and then
Speaker 2: they would have to wait that out and then particularly
Speaker 2: apply it again. However, since you know, I am a
Speaker 2: whe where I am a member of the United States Military,
Speaker 2: I I've put two petitions to Homeland Security for a
Speaker 2: parole in place, which means that they'll take off that
Speaker 2: ten year penalty and for one year they cannot be
Speaker 2: they cannot be deported. But it's in that system, and
Speaker 2: it's gonna take like a year and a half and
Speaker 2: it's only you know, I still have a year to wait.
Speaker 2: So that's that. That's where I'm at. Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: Okay. So you as a military okay, sorry, hold on,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to piece together your life. You you have
Speaker 1: a government job as a firefighter and then a government
Speaker 1: job in the military, okay, okay, And so as a
Speaker 1: member of the military, you are eligible to like petition
Speaker 1: for your parents to get citizenship.
Speaker 2: Yep, That's basically what I'm doing.
Speaker 1: And there's a bunch of bureaucratic bullshit that is keeping
Speaker 1: that in the system for a year, so your parents
Speaker 1: still are dealing with insecure status for like a year, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: but then what happened and are we and after that
Speaker 1: year is up, they.
Speaker 2: Don't make a decision. They'll make a decision. You know,
Speaker 2: not all positions are guaranteed. It's like case by case basis,
Speaker 2: and who knows, Like if you know, the current administration
Speaker 2: wants to change the certain those certain qualifications and can
Speaker 2: make it either easier or more difficult. You know what
Speaker 2: I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmmm what yeah? What are they? You said? It's
Speaker 1: a case by case basis, Like do you do you
Speaker 1: have any idea what they.
Speaker 2: It looks like, Uh, criminal background mostly and like you know,
Speaker 2: like whether you're on welfare or not, the stuff you've done.
Speaker 1: But I think, oh, sorry, Jack, your phone fucked up again?
Speaker 2: Oh sorry, I said, whether you pay taxes? Criminal history, Uh,
Speaker 2: the stuff you've done, whether you can do in any
Speaker 2: other crimes stuff like that. M hm.
Speaker 1: And how long how long have your parents been in
Speaker 1: the States For.
Speaker 2: As long as I've been alive. I think it's probably
Speaker 2: like thirty years now.
Speaker 1: God damn, that's crazy after that long, really, Like that's
Speaker 1: crazy to me that like after that long it's still
Speaker 1: I had.
Speaker 2: To sign a contract for them to get a shot
Speaker 2: at it, and it is a shot.
Speaker 1: That's crazy. So but if you aren't, if you aren't,
Speaker 1: like if your son's not in the military, like, what
Speaker 1: the fuck do you do?
Speaker 2: I guess fucking get a million dollars and then fucking
Speaker 2: do that?
Speaker 1: What can you can you buy citizenship?
Speaker 2: That's what the current administration is talking about. I'm not
Speaker 2: sure if it's a million or what. It's some sort
Speaker 2: of exorbitant amount, but he's been talking about it. It's
Speaker 2: like some sort of gold card or whatever.
Speaker 1: Huh yeah, do you have siblings? Yes, how are they doing?
Speaker 2: Uh? Well, you know one of them is doing the
Speaker 2: same situation as my parents, and then you know another
Speaker 2: one's just like trying to start their own life.
Speaker 1: So wait, you have a sibling who was not born here, right?
Speaker 1: And then do they and they have to deal with
Speaker 1: the exact same shit that your parents do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's even worse because I was talking to him.
Speaker 2: I talked to an immigration lawyer to deal with all
Speaker 2: this stuff, and he said if I wanted a petition
Speaker 2: for him directly, it would take thirteen years.
Speaker 1: What the fuck?
Speaker 2: Yep, So apparently one of my parents would need to
Speaker 2: get naturalized first, and then he can get a shot
Speaker 2: at it.
Speaker 1: When he says it will take thirteen years, does that
Speaker 1: mean like he has to go back to where he
Speaker 1: came from and then wait thirteen.
Speaker 2: Years thirteen years in the United States?
Speaker 1: Okay, so he'll spend thirteen years in the United States,
Speaker 1: but he doesn't become it. But it requires thirteen years
Speaker 1: to be a citizen.
Speaker 2: Not a citizen, he would like get the same like petition,
Speaker 2: like parole in place, like it'd be like that same thing,
Speaker 2: and then he would get a shot at being a
Speaker 2: naturalized citizen. It's not like it's not an automatic picket.
Speaker 2: There's steps.
Speaker 1: But during those thirteen years, like motherfuckers, can't just think
Speaker 1: it happen, anything can happen to him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, damn.
Speaker 1: And you said your other sibling is like not he's
Speaker 1: that kind of doing their own thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's just doing their own thing.
Speaker 1: Are you close with them? Yeah that's cool.
Speaker 2: Yeah hmm.
Speaker 1: And what and your therapist didn't tell you anything.
Speaker 2: I was talking to them about it, and they said
Speaker 2: I was justified in my anger. And I was telling
Speaker 2: them basically like how I'm motivated by existential spite about it.
Speaker 2: And I was telling them like, you know, I don't
Speaker 2: think this is a healthy mechanism to motivate myself. And
Speaker 2: they were just basically like, uh yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right,
Speaker 2: there's healthier ways to do it. And then we're gonna talk.
Speaker 2: We're gonna work that through. Basically, they said, like, you know,
Speaker 2: it's just an intake, so they're gonna we're gonna work
Speaker 2: through those negative.
Speaker 1: I've never heard that word before. Existential spite.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Can you explain what that means to you? Existential spites?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll explain it. Given the situations that I've, like,
Speaker 2: you know, been through, where like all this shit piles
Speaker 2: on you, and you know, you're backed in a fucking corner,
Speaker 2: and it seems like the fates themselves have vendetta towards
Speaker 2: your life. Like it just seems that the only way
Speaker 2: to move forward is to hate, Like the position you're in,
Speaker 2: your very own hate. You should hate the fates, like
Speaker 2: you should get revenge on the fates for doing this
Speaker 2: to you by living a good life. That's how I
Speaker 2: feel about it.
Speaker 1: Okay, a couple of things. What I I don't think
Speaker 1: I have a strong I don't think I have a
Speaker 1: strong understanding of what absurdism is but I think it's
Speaker 1: something kind of like this. But also actually, what I
Speaker 1: was going to say before you explained existential spite is
Speaker 1: like I feel like, maybe sorry, maybe I'm being maybe
Speaker 1: this is just like semantics or whatever, but like existentialism
Speaker 1: or maybe this is nihilism. Uh, just the the idea
Speaker 1: that they're even the idea, Okay, the idea that there
Speaker 1: even are fates to spite, I feel like, is not
Speaker 1: like do you believe in fates? Like do you believe
Speaker 1: that there are like forces that exist like God, like.
Speaker 2: I make I'm agnostic, so I don't really know.
Speaker 1: So you believe there might be fates that exist that
Speaker 1: are that hate you.
Speaker 2: Sometimes it feels like that, Oh you know, it's a
Speaker 2: ridiculous thing to think about, but sometimes it feels like that,
Speaker 2: Like you know when you know when you want to
Speaker 2: you want to hate something and there's nothing for you
Speaker 2: to hate, so you just invent.
Speaker 1: Something and you said it is and you said you
Speaker 1: believe it's unhealthy, Yeah.
Speaker 2: To be motivated by by fight because it makes you
Speaker 2: hate everything.
Speaker 1: Okay, that idea, I'm the idea. Basically I kind of
Speaker 1: believe through operating like this in my life and through
Speaker 1: kind of observing ship and talking to people in my
Speaker 1: real life and on this podcast and stuff. It might
Speaker 1: not be this binary, but like you can kind of act.
Speaker 1: I think out of fear or love and through and
Speaker 1: it's dynamic and people are dynamic and narratives are dynamic.
Speaker 1: And yeah, all that, and I've personally lived probably lived
Speaker 1: most of my If you took everything I've ever done
Speaker 1: in my entire life, I would say a lot of
Speaker 1: it is fear, for sure. Yeah, hold lot, I'm actually thinking.
Speaker 1: I was you know what I was gonna. I was
Speaker 1: gonna try to make a joke and I was going
Speaker 1: to say something like wiping. I don't know if I
Speaker 1: wiped my ass out of fear of love. But now
Speaker 1: I'm gonna challenge myself to decide if I wipe my
Speaker 1: ass out of fear of love. I think I wipe
Speaker 1: my ass out of love. I think I wipe my
Speaker 1: ass out of love because I love well the fun.
Speaker 1: You could wipe your ass out of fear of love.
Speaker 1: You could have You could be afraid that you have
Speaker 1: a stinky asshole and there are the cancer that people
Speaker 1: will judge you. You can you can be wiping your ass.
Speaker 2: Because instead of like up and down.
Speaker 1: You know, yeah, yeah, yeah, but you or you call
Speaker 1: wipe your ass out of love because you love yourself
Speaker 1: and so you want to clean an asshole. I should, Yes,
Speaker 1: I I think I wipe my ass out of a
Speaker 1: fear of discomfort when I'm like walking around and I
Speaker 1: have shit in my ass. But you can also But
Speaker 1: either way, you wipe your ass either way with a
Speaker 1: motive behind. It didn't matter that much anyway, Okay, fear
Speaker 1: and love and your life is typically I think gonna
Speaker 1: be better the more you can operate from love and
Speaker 1: not fear. Although again in my personal life, I feel
Speaker 1: as though I have gotten to a lot of places
Speaker 1: that I enjoy. I have gotten a lot of good
Speaker 1: results via things that I did operating out of fear.
Speaker 1: And I was pretty miserable. I'm pretty miserable anytime I'm
Speaker 1: operating out of fear, I'm pretty fucking miserable. And when
Speaker 1: I look back, part of me is like, and this
Speaker 1: is something I can I can only come to looking back.
Speaker 1: But when I look back, I'm like, oh, I probably
Speaker 1: could have gotten similar results if I did the same
Speaker 1: exact shit, but I operated from a place of love,
Speaker 1: you know, because look you're gonna go to work and
Speaker 1: you're gonna put out fires, and you're gonna try to
Speaker 1: live your best life and you're gonna, you know, try
Speaker 1: to be a good boyfriend or you know, exercise or
Speaker 1: be a good son to your parents, or you're gonna
Speaker 1: do all the ship anyway, like the the the action,
Speaker 1: the actions are the actions themselves. They're like objective. So
Speaker 1: if you're gonna do it, you might as well reframe
Speaker 1: it and be doing it from a place of you know,
Speaker 1: I love helping people, I love my parents, I love
Speaker 1: myself all that, you know. Stupid ship. You know, I'm
Speaker 1: trying to get I'm trying to get more on that train.
Speaker 1: I'm realizing this, Yeah, because I because yeah, that's the thing.
Speaker 1: Despite the doing thing, I always thought I've always thought
Speaker 1: doing things that a spike was really fucking stupid. Like
Speaker 1: uh like I'm uh like when you you ever, you
Speaker 1: ever on Instagram and you see a thing where it's
Speaker 1: like a guy with a cool watch and he's like
Speaker 1: yeah and he's like and he's like he's like you
Speaker 1: got and he's like you got a lot of people
Speaker 1: to prove wrong. Today, I'm like, what a stupid, fucking
Speaker 1: reason to do anything to prove someone wrong. You know,
Speaker 1: it's so fucking stupid, really stupid reason to do anything.
Speaker 1: But also love, I think, like you know, love can
Speaker 1: take a lot of different forms, you know, like it's
Speaker 1: not doesn't have to just necessarily be like positive. Yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe I don't know. Existential spite you do, you feel
Speaker 1: so you feel that way right now? You're living out
Speaker 1: of spite. But you're trying to spite fate. But you
Speaker 1: don't even believe in fate. So how so you're trying
Speaker 1: to spite something that you don't even believe.
Speaker 2: I spite in spite, in spite of your own circumstances.
Speaker 2: Like you hate said, since you hate the position you
Speaker 2: are in now, that motivates you to try to beat it.
Speaker 1: You know, yeah, yeah, yes, okay, sorry everyone, I have
Speaker 1: to give some context real quick. Halfway okay, two seconds ago,
Speaker 1: while we were recording the computer, my computer shout out
Speaker 1: and it's still might shut out, who knows, But so
Speaker 1: I I I had to, like I spent like an
Speaker 1: hour fixing it, and then I called Jack back and
Speaker 1: so now we we so in in the in a
Speaker 1: split second that you that between whatever I was just saying,
Speaker 1: before and now there has been in real time an hour.
Speaker 1: But sorry, Jack, and this is weird. I'm gonna try
Speaker 1: to get back into our conversation because what the thing, Okay,
Speaker 1: the thing that got cut out that I wanted to
Speaker 1: tell that I told you but that I wanted to record,
Speaker 1: was that, yeah, I've personally, I would be lying, is
Speaker 1: that I would be lying to you if I told
Speaker 1: you that I haven't in my own like personal life
Speaker 1: achieved certain like empirical outcomes via by being fueled by
Speaker 1: like hating myself or like hating my life or whatever,
Speaker 1: you know, Like i'd it would be wrong to say
Speaker 1: that that's not an effective fuel, but that I also
Speaker 1: I but that I also kind of believe that I'm
Speaker 1: also I try, I try to be like optimistic. That
Speaker 1: it's that that you that it is possible to achieve
Speaker 1: like effective results that you want by not hating yourself
Speaker 1: and operating out of some form of of love. You know,
Speaker 1: it feels weird to get back into this conversation with
Speaker 1: you after a full hour of losing momentum. But but
Speaker 1: but I know you were talking a little bit about uh, yeah,
Speaker 1: like going against like fate. You know, do you do
Speaker 1: you do you do you so you feel like do
Speaker 1: you feel like you're working in spite of fate?
Speaker 2: Yeah, because like it feels like my life the cards
Speaker 2: have always been stacked against me, given like my demographical makeup,
Speaker 2: you know, like, you know, I'm a first generation American.
Speaker 2: I'm the first person in my family who's like got
Speaker 2: a college degree, been in the military, who's been a firefighter.
Speaker 2: And it's you know, it's sometimes I feel like I
Speaker 2: don't really belong in these places because I think of
Speaker 2: like because like, let's just give you this instance. I
Speaker 2: was working with somebody like during the summer, like in construction,
Speaker 2: and they were like the same demographic that I was.
Speaker 2: You know, we were both laborers, with the differences that
Speaker 2: I was an American citizen than this guy. He came
Speaker 2: from some you know, he came from some of my
Speaker 2: Hispanic country. He didn't have like any citizenship or anything.
Speaker 2: He couldn't speak English. We only spoke in like Spanish,
Speaker 2: and that was that was the difference. So I I
Speaker 2: talked to myself about, man, I could this could happen
Speaker 2: to me? You know, I could be that guy, And
Speaker 2: there's so many people like that around here in this country.
Speaker 2: That that's what I mean by like things are like
Speaker 2: stacked up against me, that it's like the fates. It's
Speaker 2: that circumstance.
Speaker 1: Mmm. I also wanted to ask, like, I guess with
Speaker 1: that uh operation from existential spites like moving forward, what
Speaker 1: do you what do you hope to accomplish out of that?
Speaker 1: Out of that spite?
Speaker 2: Well, that's why I'm like going to the to the
Speaker 2: counselor if I went today. It's because I know, I know,
Speaker 2: in my heart of hearts, like it's not you know,
Speaker 2: it's not a healthy thing to do, but like I've
Speaker 2: done so much with it, like like even like talking
Speaker 2: about it right now, I guess you're like pumped up
Speaker 2: because it's it's like it's like self defense mechanism. You know,
Speaker 2: when when the card is stacked up against you and
Speaker 2: you're trapped in that corner. You're trapped in that corner,
Speaker 2: the only thing you want to do is fight, right,
Speaker 2: and if you fight all the time, you just get
Speaker 2: so like tired and defeated. And sometimes I feel.
Speaker 1: Like that, you know, you know, maybe you know, actually
Speaker 1: what you just said brings up kind of a thing
Speaker 1: where I'm like, uh, because again I'm trying I try
Speaker 1: to be optimistic that you can achieve good results via
Speaker 1: like being fueled by I guess more like traditionally healthy things.
Speaker 1: What you just said was interesting because it's like, well, okay,
Speaker 1: maybe like I'll show them, I'll prove them wrong or
Speaker 1: you know, I I I want to work in spite
Speaker 1: of shit. Like it is an effective fuel when balanced,
Speaker 1: you know, you know, like like like maybe it's an
Speaker 1: effective fuel when two point and then after a certain
Speaker 1: point become it's like maybe finding the balance. Maybe maybe
Speaker 1: that fuel itself is fine, but it's like finding the
Speaker 1: balance of how much how much to hit that gas pedal?
Speaker 1: You know, maybe maybe maybe that's it.
Speaker 2: Well, part of me is afraid of letting that part
Speaker 2: of me go because it's been such a motivator, like
Speaker 2: and it's fucked up to think about that, Like me
Speaker 2: being like happy and healthier may make me less motivated.
Speaker 2: Like that's that's the thing that scares me. Like what
Speaker 2: if I can't go anymore? You know, I get complacent.
Speaker 1: I I only have again, I only I only have
Speaker 1: my own data to work off of. I will say
Speaker 1: that like since I like for me, like like since
Speaker 1: since I've been feeling better, I kind of care. I
Speaker 1: care a lot less about, like certain success metrics, which
Speaker 1: I think does lead to them going down. But I
Speaker 1: found new metrics to care about, and those metrics are
Speaker 1: going up, and like personal mental health and happiness becomes
Speaker 1: its own metric, and then that goes up. You know,
Speaker 1: but it is if but but you know, it is
Speaker 1: hard to It is hard to tell. My strategy was that,
Speaker 1: like UH, I would hate myself for a certain amount
Speaker 1: of time until I got to a certain place, and
Speaker 1: then once I was there, I would try to learn
Speaker 1: how to not hate myself.
Speaker 2: But the thing is is that it never stops. Like
Speaker 2: you always want you always want to There's always a new.
Speaker 1: Thing, Yes, there is always of course, you know, there
Speaker 1: is always gonna be a new thing. But I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I was talking to him, Do you
Speaker 1: have any I don't know how. I don't know how.
Speaker 1: You don't strike me as an extremely online guy, But
Speaker 1: do you do you know who doctor K is?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. I was on his podcast like four years
Speaker 1: ago and I was like, I don't know why, but
Speaker 1: I was watching a little bit of it the other
Speaker 1: day and in it, I'm talking about UH, and he's
Speaker 1: kind of like a like he's a little he's like
Speaker 1: a spiritual dude. And we were talking about like the
Speaker 1: concept of like there, you know, like once I get there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I was kind of saying like, I don't know
Speaker 1: if there is a there, and he was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't think there is a there either, And if
Speaker 1: I went back on there, I would be more skeptical.
Speaker 1: I looa dude, I dude, it's all this is all
Speaker 1: theory crafting. But I low key think I low key
Speaker 1: think there might be a there. I don't have enough data,
Speaker 1: but I low I low key think there might be
Speaker 1: a there.
Speaker 2: Like self actualization there or Nirvana there.
Speaker 1: Uh no, not nothing like that, but like, uh like
Speaker 1: for me, my my version of there was like like
Speaker 1: for the for the past five years, at any given time,
Speaker 1: if you asked me how I was doing, I would
Speaker 1: probably say, like, I'm okay or whatever. But I would
Speaker 1: only for like a little only only sparsely, would I
Speaker 1: say I'm doing great and for the past and only
Speaker 1: I'm dude, Jack, I'm like only as of less than
Speaker 1: a month ago, maybe like three and a half weeks,
Speaker 1: four weeks, could I if you asked me how I
Speaker 1: was doing could I say I'm actually doing great and
Speaker 1: for me fantastic, and I appreciate you saying that, and
Speaker 1: for me, that's there. And I never felt that way before,
Speaker 1: and now that I feel that way, I'm like, yo,
Speaker 1: am I there? But then this morning I was like
Speaker 1: feeling kind of like shit, and I was like okay,
Speaker 1: but and then I was like, okay, there can't be there,
Speaker 1: Like I can't. There's no fucking way. I'm like done
Speaker 1: with adversity or anything forever. Like I think just like
Speaker 1: all of that shit is kind of like you know,
Speaker 1: depression or whatever the fuck is like inherent to the
Speaker 1: human experience. But so I don't know, maybe there's no
Speaker 1: a there. But I was at least for three weeks ago,
Speaker 1: at least as a three weeks feeling like there is
Speaker 1: a there. So I don't know. I don't know. I'm
Speaker 1: just yeah, sorry, go ahead.
Speaker 2: What if there like actually exists? But like it's like
Speaker 2: the same idea of like like Buddhists, like zen Buddhism,
Speaker 2: like nirvana, like you can always have it, but you
Speaker 2: you need to get it, but if you if you
Speaker 2: search for it too hard, like it push it repels itself,
Speaker 2: like you could have it, like like an oasis, like
Speaker 2: a cloud moving across the sun or something like. You
Speaker 2: can always have it, but if you search for it
Speaker 2: too much, if you try too hard to get it,
Speaker 2: if you like instead, if you just allow yourself to
Speaker 2: be there, it'll be there. M hm.
Speaker 1: Oh man, No, I know, I know what you're talking.
Speaker 1: I've like, I've I've thought about that shit because I
Speaker 1: know that that's the whole Buddhist thing of like desire
Speaker 1: is suffering, so if you don't desire, you will not suffer.
Speaker 1: But I always, I always felt that was so paradoxical,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: Yes, the way I took it, Yeah, the way I
Speaker 2: took it is that it's like an ideal, you know,
Speaker 2: that's the ideal of what you want to do. And
Speaker 2: of course ideals, like ideals are perfect and we're not.
Speaker 2: But if you can like train yourself to do that,
Speaker 2: you can you can have like at least a little
Speaker 2: bit of it.
Speaker 1: Oh, yes, I like that. It's it's it's an ideal
Speaker 1: to be striven for, not necessarily. It is an ideal
Speaker 1: to be striven to go towards not necessarily, it's not
Speaker 1: necessarily that Buddhism is saying, like Hey, this is a
Speaker 1: state that exists, you know. Actually, Jack, actually Jack, sorry
Speaker 1: Jackie there. Yeah, actually Jack, I don't know who was.
Speaker 1: I don't know who was just calling you to tell
Speaker 1: you that you gotta go. But actually I'm looking at
Speaker 1: my computer right now and I've got like probably sixty
Speaker 1: seconds before it craps out again. So I'm gonna dude,
Speaker 1: I really I really appreciate. First of all, I really
Speaker 1: appreciate you should wait call letting me call you back
Speaker 1: after an hour to finish this conversation. Sorry, I know
Speaker 1: that was kind of annoying, but again, I really appreciate
Speaker 1: this whole conversation, man. And I hope I hope you
Speaker 1: get whatever it is that you're going after. And man,
Speaker 1: is there is there anything else you want to say
Speaker 1: to the people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 2: Nah? I just do for you, man, Just just I hope.
Speaker 2: I hope you stay there. I really do you. I
Speaker 2: hope you there, and I'm trying to and I'm trying
Speaker 2: to get there, you know, and to everybody is like
Speaker 2: in a similar position like me. You know, just do
Speaker 2: your best, you know. I I certainly empathize and feel
Speaker 2: for you, but you know, just as as you said,
Speaker 2: just try to do everything with love as best as
Speaker 2: you can.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Jack. I'll let you get back to whoever
Speaker 1: is whoever is yelling.
Speaker 2: At you, all right, have a good night.
Speaker 1: Get hey, Thank you Jack, take care man.
Speaker 2: Thank you Yo.
Speaker 1: That was that guy was sick. Okay, hold on, I
Speaker 1: want to record this post call thought, but my computer
Speaker 1: is is about to he is about to get fucked.
Speaker 1: But now, that conversation was awesome. I liked that conversation
Speaker 1: so much that I called Jack back after an hour
Speaker 1: so we could finish it. But I hope he's doing
Speaker 1: all right. And I don't know if there's a there.
Speaker 1: I don't have enough data. I've only felt I've only
Speaker 1: felt mentally healthy for three weeks, so I don't know
Speaker 1: if there's a there yet. But we'll see. We'll see
Speaker 1: how long it goes. I'm optimistic. I think I think
Speaker 1: there might be a there. I don't know. I don't
Speaker 1: know anything. All right, my computer is about to die. Okay,
Speaker 1: hold on, hello, folks, it's Lyle here. That's the end
Speaker 1: of this episode. But get this, I'm releasing a bonus
Speaker 1: episode this week. That's right, an entire extra hour of
Speaker 1: the podcast that you can listen to by becoming a
Speaker 1: Premium member of Therapy Gecko over at therapy Gecko dot
Speaker 1: supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers get access to bonus episodes,
Speaker 1: They get a completely ad free podcast feed of the
Speaker 1: regular show, they get recordings from my live shows, members
Speaker 1: only streams, and they help support my ability to continue
Speaker 1: doing this podcast. So here's a clip from this week's
Speaker 1: members only bonus episode, good luck watching a bunch more
Speaker 1: Dogs Die. I hope that I was going to say,
Speaker 1: I hope you enjoy it, but whatever. I hope that
Speaker 1: I hope that it doesn't fuck you up too much.
Speaker 1: But you but I assume that if you go to
Speaker 1: be a veteran veterinarian, but maybe there's a part of
Speaker 1: you that likes to watch dogs die because you go
Speaker 1: into it knowing that you're going to do that a lot.
Speaker 1: So I wanted to leave room to wish that upon you,
Speaker 1: if that's what you wanted, If that makes any sense.
Speaker 1: If you want to hear this full conversation, you can
Speaker 1: sign up to become a premium member at therapy Gecko
Speaker 1: dot supercast dot com, or find the link in the
Speaker 1: episode description that's therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. All right,
Speaker 1: I have nothing else to say. Therapy goes on the line,
Speaker 1: taking your phone calls every night. Therapy goes to his
Speaker 1: side's teaching you aloud to the men.
Speaker 2: Of your life. Money's not ready, an expert