WEBVTT - “I AM A FIREFIGHTER” 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:00.399 Hello. 0:00:00.600 --> 0:00:02.400 Hello? Is this sile Hi? 0:00:02.600 --> 0:00:04.120 Hi? Hello? What is your name? 0:00:05.720 --> 0:00:06.520 My name is Jack? 0:00:07.080 --> 0:00:07.400 Jack? 0:00:09.360 --> 0:00:09.800 What up? 0:00:10.640 --> 0:00:14.440 Jack? Here we are? It's what June? Oh shit, it's 0:00:14.520 --> 0:00:18.919 June tenth. I've been five years since I've since I 0:00:18.960 --> 0:00:22.160 first started dressing up as a gecko and talking to 0:00:22.200 --> 0:00:24.639 people on the phone. I think maybe not exactly, but 0:00:24.720 --> 0:00:29.080 it was June of twenty twenty that I started doing this, 0:00:29.200 --> 0:00:32.280 So I didn't think that I would still that I 0:00:32.280 --> 0:00:34.920 would still be doing this, which is cool that I 0:00:34.960 --> 0:00:36.840 still am. And now I'm talking to you Jack. 0:00:38.600 --> 0:00:41.040 Well man, you know, on behalf of everybody. We all thanks, 0:00:41.240 --> 0:00:44.360 thank you for like the stuff that you do. 0:00:44.640 --> 0:00:47.279 Ah, Jack, what's up with you? Man? Tell me enough 0:00:47.320 --> 0:00:49.320 of I don't want to say. I can't suck my 0:00:49.320 --> 0:00:53.200 own dick today. What's going on with you? Jack? How's life? 0:00:53.440 --> 0:00:56.320 Well? I mean, you know, I can't complain. It's like 0:00:56.400 --> 0:00:59.320 crazy times going on. I just went to Araby for 0:00:59.360 --> 0:01:01.480 the first time, so interesting. 0:01:03.120 --> 0:01:05.040 What how was your therapy experience? 0:01:06.880 --> 0:01:10.039 Well, man, it was like, you know, an n take session. 0:01:10.120 --> 0:01:13.119 So we just talked about like why I was there 0:01:13.160 --> 0:01:15.800 in my life ship like that. 0:01:19.040 --> 0:01:23.200 Okay, Well here's I'll I guess I'll say this is 0:01:24.240 --> 0:01:27.039 you know, this is more of a I think a 0:01:27.080 --> 0:01:30.520 ponder cast than a advice cast. I don't have any 0:01:30.520 --> 0:01:34.440 advice for anything, but or maybe I do. I don't know. 0:01:34.680 --> 0:01:37.679 But do you want to talk about the things that 0:01:37.720 --> 0:01:41.600 you talked about in therapy on a public podcast or 0:01:41.600 --> 0:01:43.000 would you rather talk about something else? 0:01:44.760 --> 0:01:46.600 Man, we can talk about that if you want, dog, 0:01:46.720 --> 0:01:47.720 you know, talk good to me. 0:01:52.040 --> 0:01:53.840 We talked. Hey, fuck you we can talk about if 0:01:53.880 --> 0:01:54.160 you want. 0:01:57.320 --> 0:01:58.680 You know what, Fuck you, man, we can talk about 0:01:58.720 --> 0:01:59.640 whatever you want. What do you want to? 0:01:59.680 --> 0:02:01.600 Fuck you? Hey? Fuck you will talk about whatever you want. 0:02:03.160 --> 0:02:06.600 Fuck? All right, I guess you went all right? 0:02:06.640 --> 0:02:06.920 Cool? 0:02:10.080 --> 0:02:15.800 Well, I mean I just graduated from a fucking fire academy. 0:02:16.320 --> 0:02:22.680 Oh so yeah, I'm a fireman. And it's not like 0:02:22.680 --> 0:02:24.440 a crazy year and a half dog Like I went 0:02:24.480 --> 0:02:29.200 to went to the military, then I went to officer 0:02:29.280 --> 0:02:35.400 school and and I I'm a firefighter EMT and all 0:02:35.400 --> 0:02:36.880 that happened in like a year and a half. 0:02:36.919 --> 0:02:40.480 You know, Oh what was what was firefighter school? 0:02:40.600 --> 0:02:45.240 Like a man, it's like it's like basic training but 0:02:45.400 --> 0:02:49.560 like diet, you know, but it was just like a 0:02:49.560 --> 0:02:52.040 lot of high intensity stuff that was the real challenge 0:02:52.080 --> 0:02:53.680 and it's like, you know, I live in the South, 0:02:54.360 --> 0:02:57.160 so it's like hot. You got like sixty pounds on 0:02:57.200 --> 0:03:00.920 your back, you got like this gear on that insulates 0:03:00.919 --> 0:03:03.359 from heat, and you're just like steaming in there. You're 0:03:03.400 --> 0:03:07.240 crawling on the floor and you're like you can't see shit, 0:03:07.320 --> 0:03:09.720 and you're just ragging shit and trying to find your 0:03:09.760 --> 0:03:12.640 way out. So it's pretty fun. And then you know 0:03:12.680 --> 0:03:13.840 there's also the fire. 0:03:13.600 --> 0:03:19.000 Stuff, and uh, well, how old. 0:03:18.800 --> 0:03:22.720 Are you, Jack, I'm twenty seven. 0:03:23.000 --> 0:03:26.760 Twenty seven, just graduated and now you're a firefighter. What 0:03:26.840 --> 0:03:30.400 made you want to decide to be a firefighter? I 0:03:30.440 --> 0:03:34.519 feel like, is that are most firefighters like around that age? 0:03:34.600 --> 0:03:36.320 Or is that something you get into, like right out 0:03:36.320 --> 0:03:37.800 of high school? 0:03:38.320 --> 0:03:41.400 They usually get around high school. I was like mostly 0:03:41.440 --> 0:03:43.200 around people of that age, you know. 0:03:44.200 --> 0:03:45.920 Yeah, So I guess that's why I'm curious. 0:03:45.960 --> 0:03:46.160 Is that? 0:03:46.240 --> 0:03:49.440 Is that what made you want to decide to do that? Comparative? Well, 0:03:49.600 --> 0:03:53.000 later in life, I'm. 0:03:52.840 --> 0:03:57.040 Trying to do the thing that you do, except like 0:03:57.200 --> 0:03:58.920 actually do it, you know, I'm trying to be like 0:03:58.960 --> 0:04:00.000 an actual therapist. 0:04:00.240 --> 0:04:00.640 Mm hmm. 0:04:01.280 --> 0:04:04.880 But uh, I don't know. It's like a lot of circumstance. 0:04:05.000 --> 0:04:08.160 I came back after like army training and stuff, and 0:04:09.400 --> 0:04:12.360 you know, my parents, you know, they're getting old, and 0:04:13.120 --> 0:04:17.240 you know they're not They're not from this country, so 0:04:17.320 --> 0:04:20.440 they have to deal with that topical issue, you know. 0:04:21.560 --> 0:04:25.120 And I want to get my master's degree. So I 0:04:25.160 --> 0:04:28.440 was like, well, if I work at Walmart, I'm gonna 0:04:28.440 --> 0:04:32.440 blow my brains out. And you know, I want to 0:04:32.480 --> 0:04:34.440 do something that's important to people. But at the same time, 0:04:34.520 --> 0:04:38.839 I need time to like get experience so for my 0:04:38.960 --> 0:04:44.400 master's application. So I just work for I just work 0:04:44.440 --> 0:04:47.359 for two days and I'm off for four days. So 0:04:47.480 --> 0:04:49.520 that's the kind of kind of gig that I wanted, 0:04:49.520 --> 0:04:49.719 you know. 0:04:50.880 --> 0:04:54.680 Interesting. Okay, so you're a firefighter. Wait, which one the 0:04:55.120 --> 0:04:57.560 firefighter job? Is the working for two days job? 0:04:58.680 --> 0:04:59.040 Yeah? 0:04:59.520 --> 0:05:03.839 Oh okay, you needed some side work to do while 0:05:03.880 --> 0:05:09.440 you're pursuing your actual degree. Could that's so interesting that 0:05:09.480 --> 0:05:12.760 being a firefighter is like a part time job. It 0:05:12.800 --> 0:05:17.039 seems like, I guess enough part time hours. It's a 0:05:17.040 --> 0:05:19.000 full time job with part time hours. 0:05:19.800 --> 0:05:23.720 I mean it's forty eight hours, like straight up, straight up, 0:05:24.160 --> 0:05:26.720 like it doesn't stop. It's forty eight hours. But once 0:05:26.720 --> 0:05:27.880 you're done, you're four days off. 0:05:29.200 --> 0:05:31.680 So for two days you don't sleep at all. 0:05:32.720 --> 0:05:35.320 No, we sleep, but I mean we get woken up 0:05:35.360 --> 0:05:38.320 by fucking alarms that tells us the like the emergency, 0:05:38.400 --> 0:05:40.520 you just like go to sleep and then or with 0:05:40.520 --> 0:05:44.040 throughout the day, any moment you hear due and then 0:05:44.120 --> 0:05:45.919 like you hear this, lady just tell you what the 0:05:45.960 --> 0:05:47.400 problem is, you go on a truck and then you 0:05:47.440 --> 0:05:48.160 try to solve it. 0:05:49.600 --> 0:05:54.280 Okay, so you're on call at the fire station for 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:59.520 forty eight hours straight, exactly exactly, okay, all right now 0:05:59.520 --> 0:06:00.840 and now I get it. All right, So it's two 0:06:00.880 --> 0:06:03.039 days a week where there's forty eight hours where you 0:06:03.120 --> 0:06:06.680 cannot leave the fire station and you can sleep. But 0:06:06.800 --> 0:06:08.640 if some shit goes down, you gotta wake up. 0:06:09.600 --> 0:06:12.279 Exactly. Yeah, we have to. We have to respond to that. 0:06:12.680 --> 0:06:15.000 What do you guys do while there's not shit going down? 0:06:15.040 --> 0:06:15.600 You just sit around? 0:06:17.800 --> 0:06:21.039 I mean we do we sometimes it depends on the 0:06:21.040 --> 0:06:23.599 shit we we have to do, like daily stuff to 0:06:23.720 --> 0:06:27.640 maintain the station and equipment the truck. We got to 0:06:27.680 --> 0:06:31.000 like train. If you don't practice this stuff, you know 0:06:31.279 --> 0:06:34.880 you're gonna get like you can't perform. So then like 0:06:34.960 --> 0:06:39.080 you know, that's people's lives. But then after all that shit, like, yeah, 0:06:39.160 --> 0:06:41.760 I mean, you could be chilling, just like playing the 0:06:41.800 --> 0:06:44.799 goddamn xbox do whatever the fuck you want. Some people 0:06:44.839 --> 0:06:47.680 do with side hustles, like on the computer with their 0:06:47.680 --> 0:06:50.159 free time. You know, a lot of different stuff. 0:06:51.520 --> 0:06:53.440 So you're telling me, and next time I call nine 0:06:53.480 --> 0:06:56.240 one one for like a fire I might be interrupting 0:06:56.680 --> 0:06:57.920 somebody's crypto trading. 0:06:59.080 --> 0:07:02.360 Yeah, homide, we're deep in doge. 0:07:02.640 --> 0:07:06.640 Interesting. What kinds of people are the other firefighters? What's 0:07:06.640 --> 0:07:07.200 their vibe? 0:07:08.279 --> 0:07:08.599 Oh? 0:07:08.640 --> 0:07:13.120 Man, it's like a wide variety, wide variety of different people. 0:07:13.200 --> 0:07:15.560 But like you know, a lot of them are like 0:07:18.360 --> 0:07:20.040 a lot of them are just like you know, corn 0:07:20.840 --> 0:07:26.400 corn bread eating. You know, they're pretty traditional American. Some 0:07:26.440 --> 0:07:30.880 of them have like varying, varying educational stuff like I 0:07:30.920 --> 0:07:33.480 have a bachelor's degree, and then a person in my 0:07:33.640 --> 0:07:37.520 same shift he has a master's. Other people only have 0:07:37.560 --> 0:07:40.840 a high school diploma, you know, just sorts of stuff 0:07:40.880 --> 0:07:41.160 like that. 0:07:42.880 --> 0:07:46.440 Have you Okay, so I know it took a year 0:07:46.440 --> 0:07:48.680 and a half for you to be do the training, 0:07:48.720 --> 0:07:51.080 but how long have you been at the job. 0:07:52.360 --> 0:07:53.200 Oh dude, that's a. 0:07:54.680 --> 0:07:54.720 No. 0:07:54.840 --> 0:07:56.400 I'm just saying. It's like, take a year and a 0:07:56.440 --> 0:07:58.320 half to do all the stuff that I did, like 0:07:58.360 --> 0:08:00.720 the army stuff and the stuff. But I've only been 0:08:00.760 --> 0:08:02.480 on the drop for like seven to eight. 0:08:02.320 --> 0:08:06.720 Months, And how often have you like, uh, like, what 0:08:06.840 --> 0:08:09.240 kind of shit has been going down in those seven 0:08:09.280 --> 0:08:12.960 eight months? Like, are you going to fires every week? No? 0:08:13.120 --> 0:08:16.600 It depends on the It depends on the fucking city. 0:08:16.800 --> 0:08:19.800 Like if you're in a like a bigger metropolitan area, 0:08:19.840 --> 0:08:22.520 those like fires every day. I lived in like a 0:08:22.560 --> 0:08:26.480 smaller town, so it's mostly like medical calls. And honestly, dude, 0:08:26.520 --> 0:08:28.560 like we get like a lot of like fucking uh 0:08:29.160 --> 0:08:34.080 listesists and like you know people. I had one where 0:08:35.040 --> 0:08:39.360 this lady was freaking out because she fucking she was 0:08:39.400 --> 0:08:42.120 taking like some CBD gummies or some shit like PhD 0:08:42.280 --> 0:08:45.720 gummies and then her fucking mom like gave her some 0:08:45.800 --> 0:08:49.400 fucking like violence or some shit the fucking counterair or something, 0:08:49.440 --> 0:08:52.679 but she was freaking out. I don't know why the 0:08:52.720 --> 0:08:53.600 fuck you did that though? 0:08:54.080 --> 0:08:55.480 That sounds like a Tuesday for me. 0:08:57.280 --> 0:08:59.959 Yeah, why was good? 0:09:01.080 --> 0:09:03.360 Yeah, well, I mean taking a lot of vivants and 0:09:03.400 --> 0:09:06.079 then I mean taking a bunch of like getting super 0:09:06.280 --> 0:09:08.760 why would I mean, I guess that this woman was 0:09:08.760 --> 0:09:11.400 not operating off of some kind of like medical theory. 0:09:11.520 --> 0:09:15.320 But why would vivance help calm you down if you're 0:09:15.840 --> 0:09:18.880 being if you're anxious for that? 0:09:19.000 --> 0:09:21.840 Okade, I got I got no clue about that, though. 0:09:23.200 --> 0:09:26.080 What did you just decide to do that? I just 0:09:26.120 --> 0:09:30.000 try to do something about it and calming her down, 0:09:30.080 --> 0:09:32.440 and we just waited for the paramedic to come. And 0:09:32.480 --> 0:09:34.200 that's as much as we could do at that moment. 0:09:34.520 --> 0:09:36.320 Okay, that's okay. Sorry I was interrupting you, But that's 0:09:36.320 --> 0:09:37.920 what I was going to ask, is like, if I 0:09:38.000 --> 0:09:40.800 call you and I'm like, yo, my homie's tweaking on 0:09:40.960 --> 0:09:44.320 vivance and having a panic attack, what do you actually 0:09:44.360 --> 0:09:44.960 what do you do? 0:09:46.480 --> 0:09:50.600 Well? Uh, well, we can't really do much because we 0:09:50.640 --> 0:09:52.840 do have like no ock zone. We got a narcan. 0:09:52.920 --> 0:09:55.800 We could do it with opioid stuff and like, you know, 0:09:55.840 --> 0:09:58.160 if you have like a depressive episode, like we have 0:09:58.400 --> 0:10:02.439 oxygen in order to like if you do like start hyperventilating, 0:10:02.480 --> 0:10:04.600 we could chill you out with that. You can make 0:10:04.640 --> 0:10:06.600 sure that you know you got the right oxygen on you. 0:10:06.720 --> 0:10:10.839 I mean, but besides, like any like mechanical issue, if 0:10:10.840 --> 0:10:13.040 it's like a psychological issue, all we could do is 0:10:13.120 --> 0:10:14.480 just like be there for you to tell you to 0:10:14.520 --> 0:10:15.400 calm down, homie. 0:10:15.440 --> 0:10:22.200 I mean, what does a depressive episode look like? Like 0:10:22.240 --> 0:10:24.240 the type of amt. 0:10:23.840 --> 0:10:27.040 For Well, I'm telling you. I'm telling you, like, if 0:10:27.920 --> 0:10:32.400 it's somehow like you have let's just say, like you 0:10:32.480 --> 0:10:37.040 have asthma, you could do something like that. Like if 0:10:37.080 --> 0:10:39.480 you're if something that's obstructing your airway, we could do 0:10:39.520 --> 0:10:41.640 something about that. Like we could do a lot with 0:10:41.800 --> 0:10:46.640 like airway airway stuff. But like if you're just tweaking out, homie, 0:10:46.679 --> 0:10:49.400 like I mean, we just try your best, try our 0:10:49.400 --> 0:10:50.240 best to chill you up. 0:10:50.720 --> 0:10:55.960 Mm hmmm. How's the job been for you? Is that 0:10:56.080 --> 0:10:58.280 like crazy and tough or do you like that schedule? 0:10:59.320 --> 0:11:03.440 No, dude, this is the only job, like the true 0:11:03.559 --> 0:11:07.040 only job that I don't dread going to. It's probably 0:11:07.080 --> 0:11:11.840 like people say, like most firefighters have something fucking wrong 0:11:11.880 --> 0:11:15.160 with them because like a lot of them like relish 0:11:15.240 --> 0:11:19.520 the job and it's like weird to like want want 0:11:19.720 --> 0:11:21.800 to go into dangerous situations. Like a lot of the 0:11:21.840 --> 0:11:23.960 people there that they sit down and then like you know, 0:11:24.000 --> 0:11:27.439 they watch fucking they watch fucking Netflix and shit and 0:11:27.480 --> 0:11:29.520 they're just like, man, I wish there was a car 0:11:29.559 --> 0:11:31.679 accident right now, and I'm just like, I don't wish that, 0:11:31.760 --> 0:11:33.640 but like other people do. You know, it's like kind 0:11:33.640 --> 0:11:34.000 of weird. 0:11:36.559 --> 0:11:38.320 I'm not gonna I'm not gonna sit here and say 0:11:38.320 --> 0:11:41.440 that that doesn't make sense. You know. I think humans 0:11:41.480 --> 0:11:45.280 we want to, you know, be doing shit. But why 0:11:45.320 --> 0:11:51.080 But tell me why specifically you don't dread the job 0:11:51.120 --> 0:11:52.400 and why you love it so much. 0:11:55.040 --> 0:11:58.440 Uh well, it's one of the few jobs where you 0:11:58.520 --> 0:12:01.280 can see the impact of what to do, like directly 0:12:01.280 --> 0:12:04.000 in front of your eyes. You know, I used to 0:12:04.000 --> 0:12:07.960 stock I used to work for like the postal service too. 0:12:07.960 --> 0:12:11.400 I used to be a mailman, and you know, I 0:12:11.400 --> 0:12:14.680 would fucking give somebody their fucking male and you know, 0:12:14.720 --> 0:12:17.800 I give them the wave and all that, and uh, 0:12:17.840 --> 0:12:19.920 you know I see them throw in the trash as 0:12:19.920 --> 0:12:22.520 it was junk mail. He's just like, man, I guess that, Like, 0:12:23.080 --> 0:12:24.560 what the fuck am I doing it for? 0:12:24.840 --> 0:12:34.360 You know, I don't know why. I don't know why 0:12:34.400 --> 0:12:36.120 I love that so much. I don't know why that's 0:12:36.160 --> 0:12:37.520 so funny to me. God damn. 0:12:39.920 --> 0:12:40.160 Yeah. 0:12:40.640 --> 0:12:44.640 But as a firefighter, just just you're a mailman and 0:12:44.679 --> 0:12:50.000 you're so proud of your job delivering the mail, and 0:12:50.040 --> 0:12:53.040 you hand someone their mail and it's junk and they 0:12:53.080 --> 0:12:56.240 throw it away. That's like, that's like, that's just such 0:12:56.280 --> 0:13:00.800 a Charlie Brown esque scene. 0:13:01.640 --> 0:13:04.559 Dude. I feel like Charlie Brown all the fucking time. Actually, 0:13:05.679 --> 0:13:07.000 I feel like Charlie Brown a lot. 0:13:07.360 --> 0:13:11.040 Why do you feel like Charlie Brown a lot? 0:13:11.520 --> 0:13:18.200 Because Charlie Brown tends to try his best, and whenever 0:13:18.240 --> 0:13:22.480 he has like a moment of optimism, fate happens to 0:13:22.640 --> 0:13:26.480 just push him down back to the state where he 0:13:26.640 --> 0:13:31.280 was before. Yeah, he trudges along, you know. That's very Charlie. 0:13:31.040 --> 0:13:35.000 Brown asked, mm hmm, what was the last thing you 0:13:35.080 --> 0:13:37.000 had optimism for that fate? 0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:46.640 Uh rejected, Ah, Man, Well, it's I don't want to 0:13:46.679 --> 0:13:50.800 get political, but it's it's like, you know, the political landscape. 0:13:50.840 --> 0:13:55.680 I guess, yeah, you can if you even get political, 0:13:55.679 --> 0:13:56.720 if you want. Don't really give a shit. 0:13:57.880 --> 0:14:03.000 Well, it's uh, it's uh uh, you know, my my 0:14:03.160 --> 0:14:07.880 parents are like they're they're what you call, like, you know, 0:14:08.000 --> 0:14:09.480 undocumented and all that. 0:14:09.640 --> 0:14:11.480 So that's pretty much sure. 0:14:12.240 --> 0:14:14.840 That's the crux of it all. You know this top 0:14:14.960 --> 0:14:19.040 and you know the very topical topical moment, especially in 0:14:19.080 --> 0:14:20.600 the state of California. 0:14:20.880 --> 0:14:23.200 Sure, yeah, sure, I mean yeah, I mean, I yeah, 0:14:23.240 --> 0:14:28.880 I understand that. But I guess I guess you can 0:14:29.000 --> 0:14:32.440 still you trudge along anyway. 0:14:34.600 --> 0:14:38.200 Yeah, it's just it's it's very discouraging, you know, when 0:14:38.240 --> 0:14:43.800 you when you work for a country and like sixty 0:14:43.840 --> 0:14:46.240 percent of it don't really care for your parents or 0:14:46.280 --> 0:14:48.440 want them to go home or some stuff like that. 0:14:48.560 --> 0:14:51.920 You know, it's a bit it's a bit disheartening. But 0:14:51.960 --> 0:14:53.960 I try, I just you know, I just try my best. 0:14:54.040 --> 0:14:57.160 As you say, yeah, no, sure, sure, I mean what 0:14:59.280 --> 0:15:01.360 as a firefart, you work for like a county, right, 0:15:02.240 --> 0:15:06.840 a city? Yeah, a city, I'm gonna assume. I mean sure, 0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:10.600 you know, yeah, if you want to get bigger about it, 0:15:11.720 --> 0:15:13.960 you can look at it like that, but like what 0:15:14.000 --> 0:15:16.800 about your your city or forget about that, I mean, 0:15:16.880 --> 0:15:23.040 just the people whom you who you serve directly, do 0:15:23.120 --> 0:15:23.920 you feel. 0:15:23.840 --> 0:15:27.320 That's why I try not to. That's why I try 0:15:27.400 --> 0:15:29.800 not to bring that stuff into me with the job. 0:15:29.840 --> 0:15:32.480 But when I go home, you know, that's you know, 0:15:33.040 --> 0:15:36.880 that's what I see, frankly, But I don't. I don't work, 0:15:36.920 --> 0:15:38.720 and that's what I think about, you know, when an 0:15:38.760 --> 0:15:41.200 emergency happens, I don't think about how this guy is 0:15:41.280 --> 0:15:43.920 fucking voted. I'm just like, this guy's in fucking trouble. 0:15:43.960 --> 0:15:45.320 I need to help him out however I. 0:15:45.280 --> 0:15:56.040 Can, right of course, of course. Hm, I'm still I'm 0:15:56.160 --> 0:15:58.920 very I'm very curious on again, still on the thread 0:15:58.960 --> 0:16:01.240 of you feeling like Charlie Brown all the time. 0:16:04.280 --> 0:16:08.400 Well, but that's how I feel like Charlie Brown. It's like, 0:16:08.480 --> 0:16:14.200 you know, I have two government jobs, and you know, 0:16:16.200 --> 0:16:23.120 and it seems I am wary of the government, especially 0:16:23.240 --> 0:16:27.200 in terms of how they view my family. And I 0:16:27.280 --> 0:16:31.760 try my best to do my job, and I do 0:16:31.840 --> 0:16:36.400 it well, but when I go home, I just, you know, 0:16:36.480 --> 0:16:40.400 I get a little bit shaded about it because it's 0:16:41.160 --> 0:16:44.360 it's really the crux of a lot of my problems 0:16:44.400 --> 0:16:50.280 in my personal life is that. So I have this 0:16:50.400 --> 0:16:54.560 optimism for working for my country in my city and 0:16:54.680 --> 0:16:58.160 helping people and you know, doing my best, but at 0:16:58.200 --> 0:17:01.920 the same time that gets shot down by all the 0:17:01.960 --> 0:17:03.520 political happenings. 0:17:03.840 --> 0:17:12.840 You know, yeah, yeah, you know, it's funny. Okay, wait, now, 0:17:12.880 --> 0:17:14.440 I don't want to get political, but I also kind 0:17:14.440 --> 0:17:14.760 of do a. 0:17:14.720 --> 0:17:18.840 Little bit well that's you get go man. 0:17:19.280 --> 0:17:21.560 You know what? Yes, you're right, Yes, you're right, it 0:17:21.640 --> 0:17:23.440 is it is. What's your name? Jack? 0:17:24.680 --> 0:17:25.200 Yes? Jack? 0:17:28.119 --> 0:17:32.240 Sorry, it's bad names. I've been on I've been thinking 0:17:32.280 --> 0:17:35.080 a lot about like uh fucking and now I'm gonna 0:17:35.080 --> 0:17:42.040 I'm gonna go on a philosophical rant. Oh god, well, 0:17:42.080 --> 0:17:44.600 like because I think like, like, okay, like like loving 0:17:44.640 --> 0:17:50.280 America or really like loving anything. I think inherent to 0:17:50.480 --> 0:17:57.880 like loving something or belonging to something, like true patriotism 0:17:58.880 --> 0:18:03.880 is is being viciously critical of that which you love 0:18:03.920 --> 0:18:04.639 and belong to. 0:18:05.880 --> 0:18:09.040 You know what I mean, Yeah, of course because you 0:18:09.080 --> 0:18:09.560 love it. 0:18:09.720 --> 0:18:13.160 Because you love it so I so so by being 0:18:14.119 --> 0:18:20.560 a man who in such a pure way serves his 0:18:20.760 --> 0:18:26.720 country and yet is critical of it and feel it 0:18:26.720 --> 0:18:32.919 feels betrayed by it. I don't think you you, I 0:18:32.920 --> 0:18:35.520 guess from that perspective, you don't live in a contradiction 0:18:36.240 --> 0:18:40.520 at all. You live in you know. I mean, you're 0:18:40.520 --> 0:18:43.720 a you're a you're a you're a patriot. You're doing 0:18:43.760 --> 0:18:46.960 what you're I think should be doing. If you're a patriot. 0:18:51.480 --> 0:18:53.800 Well, it's not just for you, know, I don't want 0:18:53.800 --> 0:18:56.119 to be the stereotype. It's not just for country. You know, 0:18:56.160 --> 0:19:00.320 there's I do it because it's a it's a thing 0:19:00.359 --> 0:19:04.080 to do regardless of like you know, the whole country stuff. 0:19:04.119 --> 0:19:09.400 And you know, I do love my country. It's just like, uh, 0:19:09.840 --> 0:19:13.680 I mean, you know, if you if you believe life 0:19:13.720 --> 0:19:18.360 is suffering, which I believe it is, and that everybody suffers, 0:19:18.400 --> 0:19:21.440 you inherently have compassionate for your fellow man. So you're 0:19:21.600 --> 0:19:24.920 you have you're prompted to want to quell that suffering 0:19:24.960 --> 0:19:26.600 as much as you can. And you know, I know 0:19:26.680 --> 0:19:27.159 I suffer. 0:19:27.400 --> 0:19:31.639 So you know what's so funny is I I forgive 0:19:31.680 --> 0:19:34.680 me listeners if I referenced this on an earlier podcast, 0:19:34.720 --> 0:19:36.640 because I'm sure I have. It's one of my favorite 0:19:36.640 --> 0:19:42.120 Onion articles. Do you know the one I'm talking about? 0:19:42.440 --> 0:19:51.480 It goes existentialist firefighter delays three deaths, And it's so 0:19:51.520 --> 0:19:57.080 funny because like, that's you. That's what you're doing every 0:19:57.119 --> 0:20:01.200 time you're really you're going out there delaying deaths every day, 0:20:01.359 --> 0:20:06.679 putting that's that's what it is, don't putting your death 0:20:07.119 --> 0:20:17.440 closer to now to help delay the deaths of others. 0:20:14.320 --> 0:20:16.840 Pretty much as it's pretty much how it is man. 0:20:17.400 --> 0:20:22.840 But so I'm trying to I'm trying to think here 0:20:24.480 --> 0:20:26.440 again we can talk about you. Is this is wait? 0:20:26.840 --> 0:20:28.920 Is this what you were talking about with your therapist? 0:20:29.560 --> 0:20:29.760 Yeah? 0:20:29.880 --> 0:20:31.879 You were just okay, yeah. 0:20:31.800 --> 0:20:35.199 Yeah, this is what I was talking about. 0:20:36.640 --> 0:20:38.119 Tell tell me, tell me more if you want. I 0:20:38.160 --> 0:20:41.840 got this like kind of conflict you're having internally. 0:20:44.040 --> 0:20:48.919 It's honestly, it's just, uh, sometimes I just get fucking 0:20:49.080 --> 0:20:55.600 mad at society because you know, we we we we 0:20:55.680 --> 0:20:58.200 deal with all this and it's like greater stuff like too, 0:20:58.600 --> 0:21:05.040 like we deal with all this cate categorization, and and 0:21:05.080 --> 0:21:07.640 we just put ourselves in these boxes and we hate 0:21:07.640 --> 0:21:11.800 ourselves for reasons that don't even make sense, that are 0:21:11.840 --> 0:21:16.080 just social constructs. But yet here we are in this 0:21:16.400 --> 0:21:20.679 fucking clusterfuck of whatever the fuck is going on right 0:21:20.720 --> 0:21:24.879 now that just makes everybody else suffer. And I and 0:21:24.880 --> 0:21:28.120 that's what I'm in the middle of it, just like 0:21:28.119 --> 0:21:29.399 like what do I do? You know? 0:21:33.720 --> 0:21:35.520 What did your what did the therapist say? 0:21:36.880 --> 0:21:38.919 Well, it was it was like the first session, so 0:21:38.960 --> 0:21:40.760 that they're just like, well, well, we'll deal with this 0:21:41.680 --> 0:21:46.240 the next session. But she said, she said, like she 0:21:46.400 --> 0:21:50.280 understands where my anger is from. She she gets it. 0:21:50.880 --> 0:21:57.000 Sure, but then again I didn't pay her, so yeah, 0:21:57.119 --> 0:22:00.000 it's true if she didn't understand where your anger was 0:22:00.480 --> 0:22:01.159 coming from. 0:22:02.000 --> 0:22:03.680 I mean, is that that it's not that hard. I 0:22:03.680 --> 0:22:07.880 don't think to understand where your anger is coming from. Wait, 0:22:07.920 --> 0:22:09.240 hold on, I'm trying to see if I'm trying to 0:22:09.240 --> 0:22:11.000 see if I understand where I think I understand where 0:22:11.000 --> 0:22:13.399 your anger is coming from. I mean, yeah, you're in 0:22:13.440 --> 0:22:20.159 a you're in a crisis about like, oh, I'm working 0:22:20.200 --> 0:22:23.240 so hard to do all this and then it seems 0:22:23.280 --> 0:22:27.159 like nobody really gives a fuck on like a global scale. Yes, 0:22:27.640 --> 0:22:29.639 but I don't know, I can I just from from 0:22:29.760 --> 0:22:37.760 my uh personal opinion perspective looking at uh, your life 0:22:38.720 --> 0:22:42.000 is like your kind is like you're kind of doing 0:22:44.480 --> 0:22:47.120 the best that you can. I think, what like one 0:22:47.119 --> 0:22:50.919 of the subjects I think about a lot when I 0:22:50.960 --> 0:22:54.200 just sit around and think or whatever, is like like 0:22:54.200 --> 0:22:57.840 like the the onus of the individual versus the onus 0:22:57.880 --> 0:23:03.960 of society and because it's like it's like, well, you 0:23:04.080 --> 0:23:06.840 sit there and you want things to get better, and 0:23:06.880 --> 0:23:09.399 you you know, if you really want to go crazy 0:23:09.480 --> 0:23:11.560 mode and not going crazy whatever, if you really want 0:23:11.560 --> 0:23:13.000 to you know, do a bunch of ship. Yeah, you 0:23:13.000 --> 0:23:16.160