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Speaker 1: Hello.

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Speaker 2: Hello? Is this sile Hi?

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Speaker 1: Hi? Hello? What is your name?

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Speaker 2: My name is Jack?

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Speaker 1: Jack?

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Speaker 3: What up?

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Speaker 1: Jack? Here we are? It's what June? Oh shit, it's

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Speaker 1: June tenth. I've been five years since I've since I

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Speaker 1: first started dressing up as a gecko and talking to

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Speaker 1: people on the phone. I think maybe not exactly, but

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Speaker 1: it was June of twenty twenty that I started doing this,

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Speaker 1: So I didn't think that I would still that I

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Speaker 1: would still be doing this, which is cool that I

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Speaker 1: still am. And now I'm talking to you Jack.

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Speaker 2: Well man, you know, on behalf of everybody. We all thanks,

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Speaker 2: thank you for like the stuff that you do.

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Speaker 1: Ah, Jack, what's up with you? Man? Tell me enough

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Speaker 1: of I don't want to say. I can't suck my

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Speaker 1: own dick today. What's going on with you? Jack? How's life?

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Speaker 2: Well? I mean, you know, I can't complain. It's like

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Speaker 2: crazy times going on. I just went to Araby for

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Speaker 2: the first time, so interesting.

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Speaker 1: What how was your therapy experience?

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Speaker 2: Well, man, it was like, you know, an n take session.

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Speaker 2: So we just talked about like why I was there

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Speaker 2: in my life ship like that.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Well here's I'll I guess I'll say this is

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Speaker 1: you know, this is more of a I think a

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Speaker 1: ponder cast than a advice cast. I don't have any

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Speaker 1: advice for anything, but or maybe I do. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: But do you want to talk about the things that

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Speaker 1: you talked about in therapy on a public podcast or

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Speaker 1: would you rather talk about something else?

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Speaker 2: Man, we can talk about that if you want, dog,

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Speaker 2: you know, talk good to me.

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Speaker 1: We talked. Hey, fuck you we can talk about if

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Speaker 1: you want.

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Speaker 2: You know what, Fuck you, man, we can talk about

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Speaker 2: whatever you want. What do you want to?

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Speaker 1: Fuck you? Hey? Fuck you will talk about whatever you want.

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Speaker 2: Fuck? All right, I guess you went all right?

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Speaker 1: Cool?

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Speaker 2: Well, I mean I just graduated from a fucking fire academy.

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Speaker 2: Oh so yeah, I'm a fireman. And it's not like

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Speaker 2: a crazy year and a half dog Like I went

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Speaker 2: to went to the military, then I went to officer

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Speaker 2: school and and I I'm a firefighter EMT and all

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Speaker 2: that happened in like a year and a half.

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Speaker 1: You know, Oh what was what was firefighter school?

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Speaker 2: Like a man, it's like it's like basic training but

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Speaker 2: like diet, you know, but it was just like a

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Speaker 2: lot of high intensity stuff that was the real challenge

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Speaker 2: and it's like, you know, I live in the South,

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Speaker 2: so it's like hot. You got like sixty pounds on

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Speaker 2: your back, you got like this gear on that insulates

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Speaker 2: from heat, and you're just like steaming in there. You're

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Speaker 2: crawling on the floor and you're like you can't see shit,

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Speaker 2: and you're just ragging shit and trying to find your

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Speaker 2: way out. So it's pretty fun. And then you know

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Speaker 2: there's also the fire.

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Speaker 1: Stuff, and uh, well, how old.

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Speaker 2: Are you, Jack, I'm twenty seven.

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Speaker 1: Twenty seven, just graduated and now you're a firefighter. What

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Speaker 1: made you want to decide to be a firefighter? I

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Speaker 1: feel like, is that are most firefighters like around that age?

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Speaker 1: Or is that something you get into, like right out

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Speaker 1: of high school?

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Speaker 2: They usually get around high school. I was like mostly

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Speaker 2: around people of that age, you know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So I guess that's why I'm curious.

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Speaker 2: Is that?

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Speaker 1: Is that what made you want to decide to do that? Comparative? Well,

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Speaker 1: later in life, I'm.

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Speaker 2: Trying to do the thing that you do, except like

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Speaker 2: actually do it, you know, I'm trying to be like

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Speaker 2: an actual therapist.

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Speaker 1: Mm hmm.

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Speaker 2: But uh, I don't know. It's like a lot of circumstance.

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Speaker 2: I came back after like army training and stuff, and

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Speaker 2: you know, my parents, you know, they're getting old, and

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Speaker 2: you know they're not They're not from this country, so

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Speaker 2: they have to deal with that topical issue, you know.

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Speaker 2: And I want to get my master's degree. So I

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Speaker 2: was like, well, if I work at Walmart, I'm gonna

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Speaker 2: blow my brains out. And you know, I want to

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Speaker 2: do something that's important to people. But at the same time,

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Speaker 2: I need time to like get experience so for my

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Speaker 2: master's application. So I just work for I just work

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Speaker 2: for two days and I'm off for four days. So

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Speaker 2: that's the kind of kind of gig that I wanted,

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Speaker 2: you know.

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Speaker 1: Interesting. Okay, so you're a firefighter. Wait, which one the

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Speaker 1: firefighter job? Is the working for two days job?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Oh okay, you needed some side work to do while

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Speaker 1: you're pursuing your actual degree. Could that's so interesting that

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Speaker 1: being a firefighter is like a part time job. It

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Speaker 1: seems like, I guess enough part time hours. It's a

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Speaker 1: full time job with part time hours.

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Speaker 2: I mean it's forty eight hours, like straight up, straight up,

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Speaker 2: like it doesn't stop. It's forty eight hours. But once

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Speaker 2: you're done, you're four days off.

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Speaker 1: So for two days you don't sleep at all.

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Speaker 2: No, we sleep, but I mean we get woken up

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Speaker 2: by fucking alarms that tells us the like the emergency,

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Speaker 2: you just like go to sleep and then or with

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Speaker 2: throughout the day, any moment you hear due and then

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Speaker 2: like you hear this, lady just tell you what the

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Speaker 2: problem is, you go on a truck and then you

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Speaker 2: try to solve it.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so you're on call at the fire station for

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Speaker 1: forty eight hours straight, exactly exactly, okay, all right now

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Speaker 1: and now I get it. All right, So it's two

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Speaker 1: days a week where there's forty eight hours where you

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Speaker 1: cannot leave the fire station and you can sleep. But

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Speaker 1: if some shit goes down, you gotta wake up.

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Speaker 2: Exactly. Yeah, we have to. We have to respond to that.

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Speaker 1: What do you guys do while there's not shit going down?

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Speaker 1: You just sit around?

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Speaker 2: I mean we do we sometimes it depends on the

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Speaker 2: shit we we have to do, like daily stuff to

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Speaker 2: maintain the station and equipment the truck. We got to

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Speaker 2: like train. If you don't practice this stuff, you know

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Speaker 2: you're gonna get like you can't perform. So then like

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Speaker 2: you know, that's people's lives. But then after all that shit, like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I mean, you could be chilling, just like playing the

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Speaker 2: goddamn xbox do whatever the fuck you want. Some people

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Speaker 2: do with side hustles, like on the computer with their

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Speaker 2: free time. You know, a lot of different stuff.

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Speaker 1: So you're telling me, and next time I call nine

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Speaker 1: one one for like a fire I might be interrupting

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Speaker 1: somebody's crypto trading.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, homide, we're deep in doge.

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Speaker 1: Interesting. What kinds of people are the other firefighters? What's

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Speaker 1: their vibe?

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Speaker 4: Oh?

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Speaker 2: Man, it's like a wide variety, wide variety of different people.

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Speaker 2: But like you know, a lot of them are like

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Speaker 2: a lot of them are just like you know, corn

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Speaker 2: corn bread eating. You know, they're pretty traditional American. Some

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Speaker 2: of them have like varying, varying educational stuff like I

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Speaker 2: have a bachelor's degree, and then a person in my

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Speaker 2: same shift he has a master's. Other people only have

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Speaker 2: a high school diploma, you know, just sorts of stuff

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Speaker 2: like that.

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Speaker 1: Have you Okay, so I know it took a year

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Speaker 1: and a half for you to be do the training,

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Speaker 1: but how long have you been at the job.

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Speaker 2: Oh dude, that's a.

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Speaker 1: No.

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Speaker 2: I'm just saying. It's like, take a year and a

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Speaker 2: half to do all the stuff that I did, like

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Speaker 2: the army stuff and the stuff. But I've only been

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Speaker 2: on the drop for like seven to eight.

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Speaker 1: Months, And how often have you like, uh, like, what

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Speaker 1: kind of shit has been going down in those seven

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Speaker 1: eight months? Like, are you going to fires every week? No?

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Speaker 2: It depends on the It depends on the fucking city.

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Speaker 2: Like if you're in a like a bigger metropolitan area,

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Speaker 2: those like fires every day. I lived in like a

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Speaker 2: smaller town, so it's mostly like medical calls. And honestly, dude,

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Speaker 2: like we get like a lot of like fucking uh

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Speaker 2: listesists and like you know people. I had one where

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Speaker 2: this lady was freaking out because she fucking she was

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Speaker 2: taking like some CBD gummies or some shit like PhD

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Speaker 2: gummies and then her fucking mom like gave her some

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Speaker 2: fucking like violence or some shit the fucking counterair or something,

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Speaker 2: but she was freaking out. I don't know why the

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Speaker 2: fuck you did that though?

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Speaker 1: That sounds like a Tuesday for me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, why was good?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I mean taking a lot of vivants and

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Speaker 1: then I mean taking a bunch of like getting super

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Speaker 1: why would I mean, I guess that this woman was

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Speaker 1: not operating off of some kind of like medical theory.

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Speaker 1: But why would vivance help calm you down if you're

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Speaker 1: being if you're anxious for that?

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Speaker 2: Okade, I got I got no clue about that, though.

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Speaker 2: What did you just decide to do that? I just

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Speaker 2: try to do something about it and calming her down,

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Speaker 2: and we just waited for the paramedic to come. And

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Speaker 2: that's as much as we could do at that moment.

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Speaker 1: Okay, that's okay. Sorry I was interrupting you, But that's

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Speaker 1: what I was going to ask, is like, if I

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Speaker 1: call you and I'm like, yo, my homie's tweaking on

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Speaker 1: vivance and having a panic attack, what do you actually

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Speaker 1: what do you do?

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Speaker 2: Well? Uh, well, we can't really do much because we

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Speaker 2: do have like no ock zone. We got a narcan.

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Speaker 2: We could do it with opioid stuff and like, you know,

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Speaker 2: if you have like a depressive episode, like we have

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Speaker 2: oxygen in order to like if you do like start hyperventilating,

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Speaker 2: we could chill you out with that. You can make

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Speaker 2: sure that you know you got the right oxygen on you.

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Speaker 2: I mean, but besides, like any like mechanical issue, if

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Speaker 2: it's like a psychological issue, all we could do is

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Speaker 2: just like be there for you to tell you to

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Speaker 2: calm down, homie.

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Speaker 1: I mean, what does a depressive episode look like? Like

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Speaker 1: the type of amt.

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Speaker 2: For Well, I'm telling you. I'm telling you, like, if

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Speaker 2: it's somehow like you have let's just say, like you

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Speaker 2: have asthma, you could do something like that. Like if

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Speaker 2: you're if something that's obstructing your airway, we could do

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Speaker 2: something about that. Like we could do a lot with

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Speaker 2: like airway airway stuff. But like if you're just tweaking out, homie,

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Speaker 2: like I mean, we just try your best, try our

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Speaker 2: best to chill you up.

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Speaker 1: Mm hmmm. How's the job been for you? Is that

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Speaker 1: like crazy and tough or do you like that schedule?

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Speaker 2: No, dude, this is the only job, like the true

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Speaker 2: only job that I don't dread going to. It's probably

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Speaker 2: like people say, like most firefighters have something fucking wrong

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Speaker 2: with them because like a lot of them like relish

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Speaker 2: the job and it's like weird to like want want

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Speaker 2: to go into dangerous situations. Like a lot of the

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Speaker 2: people there that they sit down and then like you know,

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Speaker 2: they watch fucking they watch fucking Netflix and shit and

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Speaker 2: they're just like, man, I wish there was a car

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Speaker 2: accident right now, and I'm just like, I don't wish that,

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Speaker 2: but like other people do. You know, it's like kind

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Speaker 2: of weird.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna I'm not gonna sit here and say

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Speaker 1: that that doesn't make sense. You know. I think humans

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Speaker 1: we want to, you know, be doing shit. But why

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Speaker 1: But tell me why specifically you don't dread the job

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Speaker 1: and why you love it so much.

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Speaker 2: Uh well, it's one of the few jobs where you

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Speaker 2: can see the impact of what to do, like directly

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Speaker 2: in front of your eyes. You know, I used to

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Speaker 2: stock I used to work for like the postal service too.

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Speaker 2: I used to be a mailman, and you know, I

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Speaker 2: would fucking give somebody their fucking male and you know,

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Speaker 2: I give them the wave and all that, and uh,

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Speaker 2: you know I see them throw in the trash as

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Speaker 2: it was junk mail. He's just like, man, I guess that, Like,

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Speaker 2: what the fuck am I doing it for?

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Speaker 1: You know, I don't know why. I don't know why

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Speaker 1: I love that so much. I don't know why that's

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Speaker 1: so funny to me. God damn.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: But as a firefighter, just just you're a mailman and

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Speaker 1: you're so proud of your job delivering the mail, and

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Speaker 1: you hand someone their mail and it's junk and they

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Speaker 1: throw it away. That's like, that's like, that's just such

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Speaker 1: a Charlie Brown esque scene.

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Speaker 2: Dude. I feel like Charlie Brown all the fucking time. Actually,

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Speaker 2: I feel like Charlie Brown a lot.

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Speaker 1: Why do you feel like Charlie Brown a lot?

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Speaker 2: Because Charlie Brown tends to try his best, and whenever

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Speaker 2: he has like a moment of optimism, fate happens to

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Speaker 2: just push him down back to the state where he

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Speaker 2: was before. Yeah, he trudges along, you know. That's very Charlie.

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Speaker 1: Brown asked, mm hmm, what was the last thing you

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Speaker 1: had optimism for that fate?

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Speaker 3: Uh rejected, Ah, Man, Well, it's I don't want to

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Speaker 3: get political, but it's it's like, you know, the political landscape.

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Speaker 1: I guess, yeah, you can if you even get political,

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Speaker 1: if you want. Don't really give a shit.

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Speaker 2: Well, it's uh, it's uh uh, you know, my my

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Speaker 2: parents are like they're they're what you call, like, you know,

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Speaker 2: undocumented and all that.

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Speaker 1: So that's pretty much sure.

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Speaker 2: That's the crux of it all. You know this top

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Speaker 2: and you know the very topical topical moment, especially in

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Speaker 2: the state of California.

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Speaker 1: Sure, yeah, sure, I mean yeah, I mean, I yeah,

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Speaker 1: I understand that. But I guess I guess you can

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Speaker 1: still you trudge along anyway.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just it's it's very discouraging, you know, when

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Speaker 2: you when you work for a country and like sixty

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Speaker 2: percent of it don't really care for your parents or

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Speaker 2: want them to go home or some stuff like that.

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Speaker 2: You know, it's a bit it's a bit disheartening. But

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Speaker 2: I try, I just you know, I just try my best.

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Speaker 1: As you say, yeah, no, sure, sure, I mean what

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Speaker 1: as a firefart, you work for like a county, right,

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Speaker 1: a city? Yeah, a city, I'm gonna assume. I mean sure,

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Speaker 1: you know, yeah, if you want to get bigger about it,

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Speaker 1: you can look at it like that, but like what

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Speaker 1: about your your city or forget about that, I mean,

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Speaker 1: just the people whom you who you serve directly, do

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Speaker 1: you feel.

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Speaker 2: That's why I try not to. That's why I try

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Speaker 2: not to bring that stuff into me with the job.

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Speaker 2: But when I go home, you know, that's you know,

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Speaker 2: that's what I see, frankly, But I don't. I don't work,

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Speaker 2: and that's what I think about, you know, when an

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Speaker 2: emergency happens, I don't think about how this guy is

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Speaker 2: fucking voted. I'm just like, this guy's in fucking trouble.

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Speaker 2: I need to help him out however I.

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Speaker 1: Can, right of course, of course. Hm, I'm still I'm

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Speaker 1: very I'm very curious on again, still on the thread

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Speaker 1: of you feeling like Charlie Brown all the time.

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Speaker 2: Well, but that's how I feel like Charlie Brown. It's like,

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Speaker 2: you know, I have two government jobs, and you know,

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Speaker 2: and it seems I am wary of the government, especially

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Speaker 2: in terms of how they view my family. And I

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Speaker 2: try my best to do my job, and I do

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Speaker 2: it well, but when I go home, I just, you know,

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Speaker 2: I get a little bit shaded about it because it's

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Speaker 2: it's really the crux of a lot of my problems

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Speaker 2: in my personal life is that. So I have this

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Speaker 2: optimism for working for my country in my city and

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Speaker 2: helping people and you know, doing my best, but at

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Speaker 2: the same time that gets shot down by all the

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Speaker 2: political happenings.

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Speaker 1: You know, yeah, yeah, you know, it's funny. Okay, wait, now,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to get political, but I also kind

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Speaker 1: of do a.

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Speaker 2: Little bit well that's you get go man.

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Speaker 1: You know what? Yes, you're right, Yes, you're right, it

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Speaker 1: is it is. What's your name? Jack?

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Speaker 2: Yes? Jack?

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Speaker 1: Sorry, it's bad names. I've been on I've been thinking

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Speaker 1: a lot about like uh fucking and now I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna go on a philosophical rant. Oh god, well,

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Speaker 1: like because I think like, like, okay, like like loving

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Speaker 1: America or really like loving anything. I think inherent to

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Speaker 1: like loving something or belonging to something, like true patriotism

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Speaker 1: is is being viciously critical of that which you love

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Speaker 1: and belong to.

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Speaker 2: You know what I mean, Yeah, of course because you

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Speaker 2: love it.

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Speaker 1: Because you love it so I so so by being

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Speaker 1: a man who in such a pure way serves his

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Speaker 1: country and yet is critical of it and feel it

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Speaker 1: feels betrayed by it. I don't think you you, I

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Speaker 1: guess from that perspective, you don't live in a contradiction

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Speaker 1: at all. You live in you know. I mean, you're

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Speaker 1: a you're a you're a you're a patriot. You're doing

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Speaker 1: what you're I think should be doing. If you're a patriot.

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Speaker 2: Well, it's not just for you, know, I don't want

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Speaker 2: to be the stereotype. It's not just for country. You know,

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Speaker 2: there's I do it because it's a it's a thing

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Speaker 2: to do regardless of like you know, the whole country stuff.

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Speaker 2: And you know, I do love my country. It's just like, uh,

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Speaker 2: I mean, you know, if you if you believe life

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Speaker 2: is suffering, which I believe it is, and that everybody suffers,

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Speaker 2: you inherently have compassionate for your fellow man. So you're

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Speaker 2: you have you're prompted to want to quell that suffering

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Speaker 2: as much as you can. And you know, I know

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Speaker 2: I suffer.

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Speaker 1: So you know what's so funny is I I forgive

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Speaker 1: me listeners if I referenced this on an earlier podcast,

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Speaker 1: because I'm sure I have. It's one of my favorite

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Speaker 1: Onion articles. Do you know the one I'm talking about?

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Speaker 1: It goes existentialist firefighter delays three deaths, And it's so

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Speaker 1: funny because like, that's you. That's what you're doing every

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Speaker 1: time you're really you're going out there delaying deaths every day,

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Speaker 1: putting that's that's what it is, don't putting your death

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Speaker 1: closer to now to help delay the deaths of others.

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Speaker 2: Pretty much as it's pretty much how it is man.

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Speaker 1: But so I'm trying to I'm trying to think here

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Speaker 1: again we can talk about you. Is this is wait?

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Speaker 1: Is this what you were talking about with your therapist?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: You were just okay, yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, this is what I was talking about.

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Speaker 1: Tell tell me, tell me more if you want. I

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Speaker 1: got this like kind of conflict you're having internally.

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Speaker 2: It's honestly, it's just, uh, sometimes I just get fucking

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Speaker 2: mad at society because you know, we we we we

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Speaker 2: deal with all this and it's like greater stuff like too,

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Speaker 2: like we deal with all this cate categorization, and and

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Speaker 2: we just put ourselves in these boxes and we hate

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Speaker 2: ourselves for reasons that don't even make sense, that are

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Speaker 2: just social constructs. But yet here we are in this

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Speaker 2: fucking clusterfuck of whatever the fuck is going on right

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Speaker 2: now that just makes everybody else suffer. And I and

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Speaker 2: that's what I'm in the middle of it, just like

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Speaker 2: like what do I do? You know?

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Speaker 1: What did your what did the therapist say?

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Speaker 2: Well, it was it was like the first session, so

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Speaker 2: that they're just like, well, well, we'll deal with this

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Speaker 2: the next session. But she said, she said, like she

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Speaker 2: understands where my anger is from. She she gets it.

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Speaker 4: Sure, but then again I didn't pay her, so yeah,

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Speaker 4: it's true if she didn't understand where your anger was

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Speaker 4: coming from.

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Speaker 1: I mean, is that that it's not that hard. I

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Speaker 1: don't think to understand where your anger is coming from. Wait,

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Speaker 1: hold on, I'm trying to see if I'm trying to

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Speaker 1: see if I understand where I think I understand where

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Speaker 1: your anger is coming from. I mean, yeah, you're in

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Speaker 1: a you're in a crisis about like, oh, I'm working

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Speaker 1: so hard to do all this and then it seems

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Speaker 1: like nobody really gives a fuck on like a global scale. Yes,

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Speaker 1: but I don't know, I can I just from from

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Speaker 1: my uh personal opinion perspective looking at uh, your life

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Speaker 1: is like your kind is like you're kind of doing

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Speaker 1: the best that you can. I think, what like one

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Speaker 1: of the subjects I think about a lot when I

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Speaker 1: just sit around and think or whatever, is like like

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Speaker 1: like the the onus of the individual versus the onus

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Speaker 1: of society and because it's like it's like, well, you

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Speaker 1: sit there and you want things to get better, and

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Speaker 1: you you know, if you really want to go crazy

399
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Speaker 1: mode and not going crazy whatever, if you really want

400
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Speaker 1: to you know, do a bunch of ship. Yeah, you

401
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:16,160
Speaker 1: can pick some cause that you have and you can

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Speaker 1: protest and you can work on it, and you can

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Speaker 1: you know, vote, of course you can do all these things.

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Speaker 1: But there comes a point where you where like, uh,

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Speaker 1: I'm also I'm also big on like what is within

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Speaker 1: my control and what is not? And there's also a

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Speaker 1: it's like when it comes like societal issues, there becomes

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Speaker 1: a little bit of a point where you're like, when

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Speaker 1: is when is when do I when? When do I

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Speaker 1: throw up my hands? You know? When do I throw

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Speaker 1: up my hands and go? A lot of this is

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Speaker 1: out of my control and for you you are doing,

413
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Speaker 1: like to look around. I really hope I'm trying to

414
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Speaker 1: hone in on a point here is for you to

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Speaker 1: look around, and it's everything you see is on fire metaphorically,

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Speaker 1: and then you go and then you go, Okay, in

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Speaker 1: response to everything around me metaphorically being on fire, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to literally go and put out fires. And I

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Speaker 1: like that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I like that.

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Speaker 1: I like that about your life, Jack, That's cool. I

422
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Speaker 1: think that's really cool. I think that's a good thing.

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Speaker 1: I think that's a good response to fighting the metaphorical

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Speaker 1: fires is to fight real ones. I think that's a

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Speaker 1: good Uh, that's a good vibe.

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Speaker 2: That's a good point, man, very good point.

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Speaker 1: Do you got do you? Is there an Xbox in

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Speaker 1: the fire station? Uh?

429
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Speaker 2: I mean sometimes people bring it. I mean I can

430
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Speaker 2: bring my own PlayStation. But yeah, what do.

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Speaker 1: You What do you got on the what do you

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Speaker 1: got on the PlayStation?

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Speaker 2: Ah? Man, people are gonna uh dude, I played fucking

434
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Speaker 2: overall Watching Dark Souls. Those are the fucking games that

435
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Speaker 2: I play.

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Speaker 1: Okay, why why why did you think that people would

437
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Speaker 1: be upset about that? Millions and millions of people play

438
00:25:09,119 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 1: those games.

439
00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:12,240
Speaker 2: I don't fucking know. I don't know. I just thoughted

440
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:15,080
Speaker 2: up because it's just such a juxtaposition of two games

441
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:16,320
Speaker 2: just seems weird.

442
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:23,440
Speaker 1: Overwatching Dark Souls. Yeah, what is Uh? I don't really

443
00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:25,480
Speaker 1: know much about Dark Souls. I just know it's like,

444
00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:27,439
Speaker 1: I know, it's I know it's hard. That's what I

445
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:28,000
Speaker 1: know about it.

446
00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:32,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like one, like Overwatching, like it's a very cutesy

447
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:35,520
Speaker 2: game and all that, and then like fucking I played like,

448
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:38,760
Speaker 2: well I'm born now going to the beginning of like

449
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:42,919
Speaker 2: Dark Souls, like this gritty, like gothic, fucking fuck you

450
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:44,159
Speaker 2: kind of a game.

451
00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:52,080
Speaker 1: Are the other are the other firefighters also like inexistential

452
00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:54,639
Speaker 1: crisises or like what do you think is going on

453
00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:57,000
Speaker 1: in their bro what do you think is going on brains?

454
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:02,879
Speaker 2: Well, everybody has like you know and apparently like a

455
00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:05,280
Speaker 2: special human experience, So I don't really know what the

456
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:06,760
Speaker 2: fuck's going on. But a lot of them are like,

457
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:10,600
Speaker 2: you know, I think they just go home, have a

458
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:16,439
Speaker 2: few beers, like fucking watch sports and just you know,

459
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:20,000
Speaker 2: people like live with their families and just big chilling

460
00:26:20,119 --> 00:26:22,040
Speaker 2: until like the next time they got to come here.

461
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:25,040
Speaker 2: But who knows what they have in their own personal life.

462
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:30,119
Speaker 1: You know, how's how's your personal life gone?

463
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:34,560
Speaker 2: You know, it's you know, I did. I have been

464
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:38,640
Speaker 2: fucking complaining for about like fucking thirty minutes. But like comparatively,

465
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:41,800
Speaker 2: like I live a pretty good life, like I do,

466
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:47,880
Speaker 2: Like I have a good as you know, I got

467
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:51,840
Speaker 2: a fiance, I have a bachelor's degree. I have a

468
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:54,600
Speaker 2: kick ass job. People say, like it's one of the

469
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:58,600
Speaker 2: greatest jobs people can have. You know, I have the

470
00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:03,440
Speaker 2: benefits of military benefits and these benefits, I actually own

471
00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:08,360
Speaker 2: a home and my parents live in it and all that.

472
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:10,760
Speaker 2: I mean, you know, prices are going up and fucking

473
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:14,000
Speaker 2: I I'm broke as ship. But like comparatively to a

474
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:15,840
Speaker 2: lot of people, I mean, I'm love. It's good, you know,

475
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:23,280
Speaker 2: but sometimes when I yes, no, go ahead. But if

476
00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:29,160
Speaker 2: they you know, the point of contention here, it's just like, uh,

477
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:32,160
Speaker 2: you know, I here's here. Let me tell you the truth.

478
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:34,560
Speaker 2: I would give all the ship that I've ever done away,

479
00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:37,520
Speaker 2: like all the all this ship. I would give it

480
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:41,879
Speaker 2: all away as my parents truly had had like it

481
00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:44,520
Speaker 2: had the shot to be citizens of these United States,

482
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:47,960
Speaker 2: you know. So that's that's all. That's all they've ever

483
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:52,040
Speaker 2: wanted ever since they got here. M I'd throw it

484
00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:56,040
Speaker 2: all with m hmm, I saw it all. M hm.

485
00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:00,600
Speaker 1: Where can I ask where they're from?

486
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:02,600
Speaker 2: Uh? Therefore south as a border?

487
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:08,680
Speaker 1: What is the like actual I was reading a little

488
00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:11,760
Speaker 1: bit about this, like what what What is the actual

489
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:16,080
Speaker 1: process of becoming a US citizen?

490
00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:22,720
Speaker 2: It depends on like and and now I'm talking about

491
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:24,920
Speaker 2: a subject that I'm not an expert that so I mean,

492
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,240
Speaker 2: if I'm saying something, if I've been wrong, you know,

493
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:32,240
Speaker 2: excuse me. But under their circumstances where they came here,

494
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:36,240
Speaker 2: you know, illegally, and all that in the traditional sense,

495
00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:39,760
Speaker 2: they have this penalty of ten years where they would

496
00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:43,480
Speaker 2: have to go back to their home country and then

497
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:46,240
Speaker 2: they would have to wait that out and then particularly

498
00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:50,360
Speaker 2: apply it again. However, since you know, I am a

499
00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:55,880
Speaker 2: whe where I am a member of the United States Military,

500
00:28:56,760 --> 00:29:00,959
Speaker 2: I I've put two petitions to Homeland Security for a

501
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:04,240
Speaker 2: parole in place, which means that they'll take off that

502
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:08,760
Speaker 2: ten year penalty and for one year they cannot be

503
00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:13,760
Speaker 2: they cannot be deported. But it's in that system, and

504
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:16,320
Speaker 2: it's gonna take like a year and a half and

505
00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:18,960
Speaker 2: it's only you know, I still have a year to wait.

506
00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:23,160
Speaker 2: So that's that. That's where I'm at. Mm hmm.

507
00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:30,800
Speaker 1: Okay. So you as a military okay, sorry, hold on,

508
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:33,560
Speaker 1: I'm trying to piece together your life. You you have

509
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:35,520
Speaker 1: a government job as a firefighter and then a government

510
00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:39,640
Speaker 1: job in the military, okay, okay, And so as a

511
00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:46,360
Speaker 1: member of the military, you are eligible to like petition

512
00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:48,800
Speaker 1: for your parents to get citizenship.

513
00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:51,120
Speaker 2: Yep, That's basically what I'm doing.

514
00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:56,920
Speaker 1: And there's a bunch of bureaucratic bullshit that is keeping

515
00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:59,960
Speaker 1: that in the system for a year, so your parents

516
00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:08,320
Speaker 1: still are dealing with insecure status for like a year, yes, yes,

517
00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:11,480
Speaker 1: but then what happened and are we and after that

518
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:14,200
Speaker 1: year is up, they.

519
00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:16,720
Speaker 2: Don't make a decision. They'll make a decision. You know,

520
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:21,200
Speaker 2: not all positions are guaranteed. It's like case by case basis,

521
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:25,520
Speaker 2: and who knows, Like if you know, the current administration

522
00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:30,480
Speaker 2: wants to change the certain those certain qualifications and can

523
00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:32,440
Speaker 2: make it either easier or more difficult. You know what

524
00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:32,880
Speaker 2: I'm saying.

525
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:36,479
Speaker 1: Mm hmmmm what yeah? What are they? You said? It's

526
00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:38,120
Speaker 1: a case by case basis, Like do you do you

527
00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:39,480
Speaker 1: have any idea what they.

528
00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:48,760
Speaker 2: It looks like, Uh, criminal background mostly and like you know,

529
00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:55,400
Speaker 2: like whether you're on welfare or not, the stuff you've done.

530
00:30:56,200 --> 00:31:01,880
Speaker 1: But I think, oh, sorry, Jack, your phone fucked up again?

531
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:09,200
Speaker 2: Oh sorry, I said, whether you pay taxes? Criminal history, Uh,

532
00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:12,160
Speaker 2: the stuff you've done, whether you can do in any

533
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:15,120
Speaker 2: other crimes stuff like that. M hm.

534
00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:19,040
Speaker 1: And how long how long have your parents been in

535
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:19,680
Speaker 1: the States For.

536
00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:22,680
Speaker 2: As long as I've been alive. I think it's probably

537
00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:23,720
Speaker 2: like thirty years now.

538
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:28,480
Speaker 1: God damn, that's crazy after that long, really, Like that's

539
00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:32,920
Speaker 1: crazy to me that like after that long it's still

540
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:33,320
Speaker 1: I had.

541
00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:34,960
Speaker 2: To sign a contract for them to get a shot

542
00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:36,800
Speaker 2: at it, and it is a shot.

543
00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:45,960
Speaker 1: That's crazy. So but if you aren't, if you aren't,

544
00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:49,479
Speaker 1: like if your son's not in the military, like, what

545
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:50,320
Speaker 1: the fuck do you do?

546
00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:55,040
Speaker 2: I guess fucking get a million dollars and then fucking

547
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:55,440
Speaker 2: do that?

548
00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:58,719
Speaker 1: What can you can you buy citizenship?

549
00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:02,400
Speaker 2: That's what the current administration is talking about. I'm not

550
00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:04,320
Speaker 2: sure if it's a million or what. It's some sort

551
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:07,960
Speaker 2: of exorbitant amount, but he's been talking about it. It's

552
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:09,480
Speaker 2: like some sort of gold card or whatever.

553
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:18,280
Speaker 1: Huh yeah, do you have siblings? Yes, how are they doing?

554
00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:23,720
Speaker 2: Uh? Well, you know one of them is doing the

555
00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:27,000
Speaker 2: same situation as my parents, and then you know another

556
00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:30,560
Speaker 2: one's just like trying to start their own life.

557
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:38,000
Speaker 1: So wait, you have a sibling who was not born here, right?

558
00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:41,920
Speaker 1: And then do they and they have to deal with

559
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:43,600
Speaker 1: the exact same shit that your parents do.

560
00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:46,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's even worse because I was talking to him.

561
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:49,360
Speaker 2: I talked to an immigration lawyer to deal with all

562
00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:51,880
Speaker 2: this stuff, and he said if I wanted a petition

563
00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:55,720
Speaker 2: for him directly, it would take thirteen years.

564
00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:57,000
Speaker 1: What the fuck?

565
00:32:57,920 --> 00:33:00,640
Speaker 2: Yep, So apparently one of my parents would need to

566
00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:02,880
Speaker 2: get naturalized first, and then he can get a shot

567
00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 2: at it.

568
00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:06,760
Speaker 1: When he says it will take thirteen years, does that

569
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:09,720
Speaker 1: mean like he has to go back to where he

570
00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:11,800
Speaker 1: came from and then wait thirteen.

571
00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:16,000
Speaker 2: Years thirteen years in the United States?

572
00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:19,640
Speaker 1: Okay, so he'll spend thirteen years in the United States,

573
00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:22,680
Speaker 1: but he doesn't become it. But it requires thirteen years

574
00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:23,520
Speaker 1: to be a citizen.

575
00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:27,280
Speaker 2: Not a citizen, he would like get the same like petition,

576
00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:30,560
Speaker 2: like parole in place, like it'd be like that same thing,

577
00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:33,080
Speaker 2: and then he would get a shot at being a

578
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:36,080
Speaker 2: naturalized citizen. It's not like it's not an automatic picket.

579
00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:37,400
Speaker 2: There's steps.

580
00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:42,000
Speaker 1: But during those thirteen years, like motherfuckers, can't just think

581
00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:44,240
Speaker 1: it happen, anything can happen to him.

582
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:46,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, damn.

583
00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:53,920
Speaker 1: And you said your other sibling is like not he's

584
00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:55,040
Speaker 1: that kind of doing their own thing.

585
00:33:56,080 --> 00:33:57,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's just doing their own thing.

586
00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:03,160
Speaker 1: Are you close with them? Yeah that's cool.

587
00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:09,440
Speaker 2: Yeah hmm.

588
00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:15,920
Speaker 1: And what and your therapist didn't tell you anything.

589
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:26,560
Speaker 2: I was talking to them about it, and they said

590
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:30,840
Speaker 2: I was justified in my anger. And I was telling

591
00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:35,880
Speaker 2: them basically like how I'm motivated by existential spite about it.

592
00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:41,000
Speaker 2: And I was telling them like, you know, I don't

593
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:44,880
Speaker 2: think this is a healthy mechanism to motivate myself. And

594
00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:49,759
Speaker 2: they were just basically like, uh yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right,

595
00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:52,759
Speaker 2: there's healthier ways to do it. And then we're gonna talk.

596
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:55,279
Speaker 2: We're gonna work that through. Basically, they said, like, you know,

597
00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:57,959
Speaker 2: it's just an intake, so they're gonna we're gonna work

598
00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:00,360
Speaker 2: through those negative.

599
00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:06,440
Speaker 1: I've never heard that word before. Existential spite.

600
00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:09,440
Speaker 2: Yeah.

601
00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:12,720
Speaker 1: Can you explain what that means to you? Existential spites?

602
00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:20,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll explain it. Given the situations that I've, like,

603
00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:25,120
Speaker 2: you know, been through, where like all this shit piles

604
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:28,120
Speaker 2: on you, and you know, you're backed in a fucking corner,

605
00:35:28,239 --> 00:35:33,280
Speaker 2: and it seems like the fates themselves have vendetta towards

606
00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:38,680
Speaker 2: your life. Like it just seems that the only way

607
00:35:38,719 --> 00:35:43,919
Speaker 2: to move forward is to hate, Like the position you're in,

608
00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:50,440
Speaker 2: your very own hate. You should hate the fates, like

609
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:54,480
Speaker 2: you should get revenge on the fates for doing this

610
00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:58,680
Speaker 2: to you by living a good life. That's how I

611
00:35:58,680 --> 00:36:00,879
Speaker 2: feel about it.

612
00:36:01,719 --> 00:36:04,200
Speaker 1: Okay, a couple of things. What I I don't think

613
00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:10,880
Speaker 1: I have a strong I don't think I have a

614
00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:17,839
Speaker 1: strong understanding of what absurdism is but I think it's

615
00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:23,799
Speaker 1: something kind of like this. But also actually, what I

616
00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:27,560
Speaker 1: was going to say before you explained existential spite is

617
00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:32,959
Speaker 1: like I feel like, maybe sorry, maybe I'm being maybe

618
00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:36,200
Speaker 1: this is just like semantics or whatever, but like existentialism

619
00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:40,920
Speaker 1: or maybe this is nihilism. Uh, just the the idea

620
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:43,480
Speaker 1: that they're even the idea, Okay, the idea that there

621
00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:48,799
Speaker 1: even are fates to spite, I feel like, is not

622
00:36:51,520 --> 00:36:53,440
Speaker 1: like do you believe in fates? Like do you believe

623
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:59,640
Speaker 1: that there are like forces that exist like God, like.

624
00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:02,680
Speaker 2: I make I'm agnostic, so I don't really know.

625
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:07,799
Speaker 1: So you believe there might be fates that exist that

626
00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:10,080
Speaker 1: are that hate you.

627
00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:15,400
Speaker 2: Sometimes it feels like that, Oh you know, it's a

628
00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:18,600
Speaker 2: ridiculous thing to think about, but sometimes it feels like that,

629
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:21,120
Speaker 2: Like you know when you know when you want to

630
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:24,080
Speaker 2: you want to hate something and there's nothing for you

631
00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:27,359
Speaker 2: to hate, so you just invent.

632
00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:31,560
Speaker 1: Something and you said it is and you said you

633
00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:34,719
Speaker 1: believe it's unhealthy, Yeah.

634
00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:37,840
Speaker 2: To be motivated by by fight because it makes you

635
00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:38,640
Speaker 2: hate everything.

636
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:47,040
Speaker 1: Okay, that idea, I'm the idea. Basically I kind of

637
00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:57,239
Speaker 1: believe through operating like this in my life and through

638
00:37:57,320 --> 00:38:02,360
Speaker 1: kind of observing ship and talking to people in my

639
00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:05,839
Speaker 1: real life and on this podcast and stuff. It might

640
00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:09,400
Speaker 1: not be this binary, but like you can kind of act.

641
00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:19,520
Speaker 1: I think out of fear or love and through and

642
00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:24,680
Speaker 1: it's dynamic and people are dynamic and narratives are dynamic.

643
00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:35,560
Speaker 1: And yeah, all that, and I've personally lived probably lived

644
00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:39,160
Speaker 1: most of my If you took everything I've ever done

645
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:43,279
Speaker 1: in my entire life, I would say a lot of

646
00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:47,799
Speaker 1: it is fear, for sure. Yeah, hold lot, I'm actually thinking.

647
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:48,840
Speaker 1: I was you know what I was gonna. I was

648
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:50,160
Speaker 1: gonna try to make a joke and I was going

649
00:38:50,239 --> 00:38:52,160
Speaker 1: to say something like wiping. I don't know if I

650
00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:54,080
Speaker 1: wiped my ass out of fear of love. But now

651
00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:56,160
Speaker 1: I'm gonna challenge myself to decide if I wipe my

652
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:58,240
Speaker 1: ass out of fear of love. I think I wipe

653
00:38:58,239 --> 00:39:00,840
Speaker 1: my ass out of love. I think I wipe my

654
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:03,759
Speaker 1: ass out of love because I love well the fun.

655
00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:05,239
Speaker 1: You could wipe your ass out of fear of love.

656
00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:07,520
Speaker 1: You could have You could be afraid that you have

657
00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:11,960
Speaker 1: a stinky asshole and there are the cancer that people

658
00:39:11,960 --> 00:39:16,160
Speaker 1: will judge you. You can you can be wiping your ass.

659
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:19,680
Speaker 2: Because instead of like up and down.

660
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:24,480
Speaker 1: You know, yeah, yeah, yeah, but you or you call

661
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:26,600
Speaker 1: wipe your ass out of love because you love yourself

662
00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:32,719
Speaker 1: and so you want to clean an asshole. I should, Yes,

663
00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:36,600
Speaker 1: I I think I wipe my ass out of a

664
00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:39,920
Speaker 1: fear of discomfort when I'm like walking around and I

665
00:39:40,160 --> 00:39:43,200
Speaker 1: have shit in my ass. But you can also But

666
00:39:43,360 --> 00:39:45,000
Speaker 1: either way, you wipe your ass either way with a

667
00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:49,799
Speaker 1: motive behind. It didn't matter that much anyway, Okay, fear

668
00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:58,480
Speaker 1: and love and your life is typically I think gonna

669
00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:04,359
Speaker 1: be better the more you can operate from love and

670
00:40:04,440 --> 00:40:12,080
Speaker 1: not fear. Although again in my personal life, I feel

671
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:17,000
Speaker 1: as though I have gotten to a lot of places

672
00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:19,920
Speaker 1: that I enjoy. I have gotten a lot of good

673
00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:27,440
Speaker 1: results via things that I did operating out of fear.

674
00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:32,160
Speaker 1: And I was pretty miserable. I'm pretty miserable anytime I'm

675
00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:35,839
Speaker 1: operating out of fear, I'm pretty fucking miserable. And when

676
00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:40,239
Speaker 1: I look back, part of me is like, and this

677
00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:44,760
Speaker 1: is something I can I can only come to looking back.

678
00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:51,000
Speaker 1: But when I look back, I'm like, oh, I probably

679
00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:56,760
Speaker 1: could have gotten similar results if I did the same

680
00:40:56,960 --> 00:41:03,720
Speaker 1: exact shit, but I operated from a place of love,

681
00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:07,799
Speaker 1: you know, because look you're gonna go to work and

682
00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:12,120
Speaker 1: you're gonna put out fires, and you're gonna try to

683
00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:15,560
Speaker 1: live your best life and you're gonna, you know, try

684
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:20,759
Speaker 1: to be a good boyfriend or you know, exercise or

685
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:24,760
Speaker 1: be a good son to your parents, or you're gonna

686
00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:29,319
Speaker 1: do all the ship anyway, like the the the action,

687
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:34,719
Speaker 1: the actions are the actions themselves. They're like objective. So

688
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:38,440
Speaker 1: if you're gonna do it, you might as well reframe

689
00:41:38,520 --> 00:41:43,880
Speaker 1: it and be doing it from a place of you know,

690
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:48,759
Speaker 1: I love helping people, I love my parents, I love

691
00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:55,359
Speaker 1: myself all that, you know. Stupid ship. You know, I'm

692
00:41:55,400 --> 00:41:57,880
Speaker 1: trying to get I'm trying to get more on that train.

693
00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:04,920
Speaker 1: I'm realizing this, Yeah, because I because yeah, that's the thing.

694
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:07,719
Speaker 1: Despite the doing thing, I always thought I've always thought

695
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:10,799
Speaker 1: doing things that a spike was really fucking stupid. Like

696
00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:15,680
Speaker 1: uh like I'm uh like when you you ever, you

697
00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:18,839
Speaker 1: ever on Instagram and you see a thing where it's

698
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:22,120
Speaker 1: like a guy with a cool watch and he's like

699
00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:24,880
Speaker 1: yeah and he's like and he's like he's like you

700
00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:26,880
Speaker 1: got and he's like you got a lot of people

701
00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:29,920
Speaker 1: to prove wrong. Today, I'm like, what a stupid, fucking

702
00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:33,640
Speaker 1: reason to do anything to prove someone wrong. You know,

703
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:36,960
Speaker 1: it's so fucking stupid, really stupid reason to do anything.

704
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:41,680
Speaker 1: But also love, I think, like you know, love can

705
00:42:41,719 --> 00:42:45,319
Speaker 1: take a lot of different forms, you know, like it's

706
00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:52,720
Speaker 1: not doesn't have to just necessarily be like positive. Yeah,

707
00:42:52,760 --> 00:42:56,439
Speaker 1: maybe I don't know. Existential spite you do, you feel

708
00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:59,080
Speaker 1: so you feel that way right now? You're living out

709
00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:02,160
Speaker 1: of spite. But you're trying to spite fate. But you

710
00:43:02,160 --> 00:43:04,719
Speaker 1: don't even believe in fate. So how so you're trying

711
00:43:04,719 --> 00:43:06,520
Speaker 1: to spite something that you don't even believe.

712
00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:21,080
Speaker 2: I spite in spite, in spite of your own circumstances.

713
00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:24,080
Speaker 2: Like you hate said, since you hate the position you

714
00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:27,919
Speaker 2: are in now, that motivates you to try to beat it.

715
00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:32,000
Speaker 1: You know, yeah, yeah, yes, okay, sorry everyone, I have

716
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:37,040
Speaker 1: to give some context real quick. Halfway okay, two seconds ago,

717
00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:43,520
Speaker 1: while we were recording the computer, my computer shout out

718
00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:47,440
Speaker 1: and it's still might shut out, who knows, But so

719
00:43:47,719 --> 00:43:50,440
Speaker 1: I I I had to, like I spent like an

720
00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:55,520
Speaker 1: hour fixing it, and then I called Jack back and

721
00:43:55,600 --> 00:44:00,160
Speaker 1: so now we we so in in the in a

722
00:44:00,239 --> 00:44:05,600
Speaker 1: split second that you that between whatever I was just saying,

723
00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:10,200
Speaker 1: before and now there has been in real time an hour.

724
00:44:12,200 --> 00:44:14,200
Speaker 1: But sorry, Jack, and this is weird. I'm gonna try

725
00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:19,120
Speaker 1: to get back into our conversation because what the thing, Okay,

726
00:44:19,160 --> 00:44:21,920
Speaker 1: the thing that got cut out that I wanted to

727
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:24,680
Speaker 1: tell that I told you but that I wanted to record,

728
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:30,640
Speaker 1: was that, yeah, I've personally, I would be lying, is

729
00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:33,760
Speaker 1: that I would be lying to you if I told

730
00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:39,080
Speaker 1: you that I haven't in my own like personal life

731
00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:46,239
Speaker 1: achieved certain like empirical outcomes via by being fueled by

732
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:51,000
Speaker 1: like hating myself or like hating my life or whatever,

733
00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:53,919
Speaker 1: you know, Like i'd it would be wrong to say

734
00:44:53,920 --> 00:45:00,600
Speaker 1: that that's not an effective fuel, but that I also

735
00:45:00,719 --> 00:45:05,120
Speaker 1: I but that I also kind of believe that I'm

736
00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:07,719
Speaker 1: also I try, I try to be like optimistic. That

737
00:45:07,800 --> 00:45:11,880
Speaker 1: it's that that you that it is possible to achieve

738
00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:17,320
Speaker 1: like effective results that you want by not hating yourself

739
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:23,239
Speaker 1: and operating out of some form of of love. You know,

740
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:27,080
Speaker 1: it feels weird to get back into this conversation with

741
00:45:27,120 --> 00:45:32,919
Speaker 1: you after a full hour of losing momentum. But but

742
00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:38,439
Speaker 1: but I know you were talking a little bit about uh, yeah,

743
00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:45,640
Speaker 1: like going against like fate. You know, do you do

744
00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:47,520
Speaker 1: you do you do you so you feel like do

745
00:45:47,560 --> 00:45:52,520
Speaker 1: you feel like you're working in spite of fate?

746
00:45:54,800 --> 00:46:00,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, because like it feels like my life the cards

747
00:46:00,680 --> 00:46:05,400
Speaker 2: have always been stacked against me, given like my demographical makeup,

748
00:46:05,480 --> 00:46:08,120
Speaker 2: you know, like, you know, I'm a first generation American.

749
00:46:08,640 --> 00:46:12,640
Speaker 2: I'm the first person in my family who's like got

750
00:46:12,680 --> 00:46:17,120
Speaker 2: a college degree, been in the military, who's been a firefighter.

751
00:46:18,520 --> 00:46:23,120
Speaker 2: And it's you know, it's sometimes I feel like I

752
00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:29,920
Speaker 2: don't really belong in these places because I think of

753
00:46:30,040 --> 00:46:33,400
Speaker 2: like because like, let's just give you this instance. I

754
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:38,520
Speaker 2: was working with somebody like during the summer, like in construction,

755
00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:42,200
Speaker 2: and they were like the same demographic that I was.

756
00:46:42,280 --> 00:46:44,560
Speaker 2: You know, we were both laborers, with the differences that

757
00:46:44,640 --> 00:46:47,839
Speaker 2: I was an American citizen than this guy. He came

758
00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:51,400
Speaker 2: from some you know, he came from some of my

759
00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:55,360
Speaker 2: Hispanic country. He didn't have like any citizenship or anything.

760
00:46:55,800 --> 00:46:59,160
Speaker 2: He couldn't speak English. We only spoke in like Spanish,

761
00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:01,560
Speaker 2: and that was that was the difference. So I I

762
00:47:01,600 --> 00:47:04,120
Speaker 2: talked to myself about, man, I could this could happen

763
00:47:04,160 --> 00:47:06,960
Speaker 2: to me? You know, I could be that guy, And

764
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:09,880
Speaker 2: there's so many people like that around here in this country.

765
00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:12,640
Speaker 2: That that's what I mean by like things are like

766
00:47:13,960 --> 00:47:17,080
Speaker 2: stacked up against me, that it's like the fates. It's

767
00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:18,320
Speaker 2: that circumstance.

768
00:47:19,000 --> 00:47:25,799
Speaker 1: Mmm. I also wanted to ask, like, I guess with

769
00:47:26,080 --> 00:47:33,680
Speaker 1: that uh operation from existential spites like moving forward, what

770
00:47:33,760 --> 00:47:36,160
Speaker 1: do you what do you hope to accomplish out of that?

771
00:47:36,280 --> 00:47:38,080
Speaker 1: Out of that spite?

772
00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:42,920
Speaker 2: Well, that's why I'm like going to the to the

773
00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:46,920
Speaker 2: counselor if I went today. It's because I know, I know,

774
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:49,600
Speaker 2: in my heart of hearts, like it's not you know,

775
00:47:49,880 --> 00:47:51,879
Speaker 2: it's not a healthy thing to do, but like I've

776
00:47:51,920 --> 00:47:56,120
Speaker 2: done so much with it, like like even like talking

777
00:47:56,160 --> 00:47:58,279
Speaker 2: about it right now, I guess you're like pumped up

778
00:47:58,320 --> 00:48:01,560
Speaker 2: because it's it's like it's like self defense mechanism. You know,

779
00:48:02,080 --> 00:48:04,359
Speaker 2: when when the card is stacked up against you and

780
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:07,680
Speaker 2: you're trapped in that corner. You're trapped in that corner,

781
00:48:07,719 --> 00:48:09,839
Speaker 2: the only thing you want to do is fight, right,

782
00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:12,359
Speaker 2: and if you fight all the time, you just get

783
00:48:12,400 --> 00:48:16,080
Speaker 2: so like tired and defeated. And sometimes I feel.

784
00:48:15,880 --> 00:48:18,440
Speaker 1: Like that, you know, you know, maybe you know, actually

785
00:48:18,440 --> 00:48:21,279
Speaker 1: what you just said brings up kind of a thing

786
00:48:21,320 --> 00:48:24,239
Speaker 1: where I'm like, uh, because again I'm trying I try

787
00:48:24,239 --> 00:48:30,600
Speaker 1: to be optimistic that you can achieve good results via

788
00:48:31,040 --> 00:48:36,360
Speaker 1: like being fueled by I guess more like traditionally healthy things.

789
00:48:36,719 --> 00:48:38,879
Speaker 1: What you just said was interesting because it's like, well, okay,

790
00:48:38,920 --> 00:48:42,319
Speaker 1: maybe like I'll show them, I'll prove them wrong or

791
00:48:43,640 --> 00:48:46,840
Speaker 1: you know, I I I want to work in spite

792
00:48:47,320 --> 00:48:51,799
Speaker 1: of shit. Like it is an effective fuel when balanced,

793
00:48:52,360 --> 00:48:55,759
Speaker 1: you know, you know, like like like maybe it's an

794
00:48:55,760 --> 00:49:01,800
Speaker 1: effective fuel when two point and then after a certain

795
00:49:01,840 --> 00:49:05,520
Speaker 1: point become it's like maybe finding the balance. Maybe maybe

796
00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:08,319
Speaker 1: that fuel itself is fine, but it's like finding the

797
00:49:08,360 --> 00:49:11,480
Speaker 1: balance of how much how much to hit that gas pedal?

798
00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:13,640
Speaker 1: You know, maybe maybe maybe that's it.

799
00:49:14,560 --> 00:49:16,879
Speaker 2: Well, part of me is afraid of letting that part

800
00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:19,839
Speaker 2: of me go because it's been such a motivator, like

801
00:49:20,560 --> 00:49:22,560
Speaker 2: and it's fucked up to think about that, Like me

802
00:49:22,640 --> 00:49:27,640
Speaker 2: being like happy and healthier may make me less motivated.

803
00:49:27,960 --> 00:49:30,239
Speaker 2: Like that's that's the thing that scares me. Like what

804
00:49:30,360 --> 00:49:34,440
Speaker 2: if I can't go anymore? You know, I get complacent.

805
00:49:35,160 --> 00:49:37,919
Speaker 1: I I only have again, I only I only have

806
00:49:38,040 --> 00:49:43,000
Speaker 1: my own data to work off of. I will say

807
00:49:43,000 --> 00:49:49,200
Speaker 1: that like since I like for me, like like since

808
00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:54,680
Speaker 1: since I've been feeling better, I kind of care. I

809
00:49:54,719 --> 00:50:01,479
Speaker 1: care a lot less about, like certain success metrics, which

810
00:50:01,520 --> 00:50:06,200
Speaker 1: I think does lead to them going down. But I

811
00:50:06,360 --> 00:50:11,440
Speaker 1: found new metrics to care about, and those metrics are

812
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:16,840
Speaker 1: going up, and like personal mental health and happiness becomes

813
00:50:16,880 --> 00:50:20,880
Speaker 1: its own metric, and then that goes up. You know,

814
00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:24,839
Speaker 1: but it is if but but you know, it is

815
00:50:24,880 --> 00:50:28,759
Speaker 1: hard to It is hard to tell. My strategy was that,

816
00:50:28,880 --> 00:50:31,920
Speaker 1: like UH, I would hate myself for a certain amount

817
00:50:31,960 --> 00:50:34,560
Speaker 1: of time until I got to a certain place, and

818
00:50:34,600 --> 00:50:37,000
Speaker 1: then once I was there, I would try to learn

819
00:50:37,080 --> 00:50:38,360
Speaker 1: how to not hate myself.

820
00:50:40,800 --> 00:50:49,120
Speaker 2: But the thing is is that it never stops. Like

821
00:50:49,200 --> 00:50:52,000
Speaker 2: you always want you always want to There's always a new.

822
00:50:51,880 --> 00:50:55,440
Speaker 1: Thing, Yes, there is always of course, you know, there

823
00:50:55,440 --> 00:51:02,680
Speaker 1: is always gonna be a new thing. But I don't know,

824
00:51:03,920 --> 00:51:07,279
Speaker 1: I don't know. I was talking to him, Do you

825
00:51:07,280 --> 00:51:08,920
Speaker 1: have any I don't know how. I don't know how.

826
00:51:09,200 --> 00:51:12,360
Speaker 1: You don't strike me as an extremely online guy, But

827
00:51:12,960 --> 00:51:15,000
Speaker 1: do you do you know who doctor K is?

828
00:51:16,040 --> 00:51:16,279
Speaker 2: Yeah?

829
00:51:17,480 --> 00:51:21,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. I was on his podcast like four years

830
00:51:21,480 --> 00:51:24,279
Speaker 1: ago and I was like, I don't know why, but

831
00:51:24,320 --> 00:51:26,640
Speaker 1: I was watching a little bit of it the other

832
00:51:26,719 --> 00:51:32,279
Speaker 1: day and in it, I'm talking about UH, and he's

833
00:51:32,360 --> 00:51:34,640
Speaker 1: kind of like a like he's a little he's like

834
00:51:34,680 --> 00:51:37,239
Speaker 1: a spiritual dude. And we were talking about like the

835
00:51:37,239 --> 00:51:42,040
Speaker 1: concept of like there, you know, like once I get there. Yeah,

836
00:51:42,080 --> 00:51:44,040
Speaker 1: And I was kind of saying like, I don't know

837
00:51:44,080 --> 00:51:46,239
Speaker 1: if there is a there, and he was like, yeah,

838
00:51:46,239 --> 00:51:48,399
Speaker 1: I don't think there is a there either, And if

839
00:51:48,400 --> 00:51:51,759
Speaker 1: I went back on there, I would be more skeptical.

840
00:51:51,840 --> 00:51:56,279
Speaker 1: I looa dude, I dude, it's all this is all

841
00:51:56,320 --> 00:51:59,359
Speaker 1: theory crafting. But I low key think I low key

842
00:51:59,480 --> 00:52:03,040
Speaker 1: think there might be a there. I don't have enough data,

843
00:52:03,680 --> 00:52:05,640
Speaker 1: but I low I low key think there might be

844
00:52:05,760 --> 00:52:06,400
Speaker 1: a there.

845
00:52:07,160 --> 00:52:10,319
Speaker 2: Like self actualization there or Nirvana there.

846
00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:15,080
Speaker 1: Uh no, not nothing like that, but like, uh like

847
00:52:15,160 --> 00:52:18,520
Speaker 1: for me, my my version of there was like like

848
00:52:18,520 --> 00:52:21,600
Speaker 1: for the for the past five years, at any given time,

849
00:52:21,640 --> 00:52:25,200
Speaker 1: if you asked me how I was doing, I would

850
00:52:25,280 --> 00:52:29,760
Speaker 1: probably say, like, I'm okay or whatever. But I would

851
00:52:30,560 --> 00:52:34,319
Speaker 1: only for like a little only only sparsely, would I

852
00:52:34,400 --> 00:52:41,320
Speaker 1: say I'm doing great and for the past and only

853
00:52:41,360 --> 00:52:47,120
Speaker 1: I'm dude, Jack, I'm like only as of less than

854
00:52:47,160 --> 00:52:49,520
Speaker 1: a month ago, maybe like three and a half weeks,

855
00:52:50,480 --> 00:52:53,480
Speaker 1: four weeks, could I if you asked me how I

856
00:52:53,520 --> 00:52:57,160
Speaker 1: was doing could I say I'm actually doing great and

857
00:52:57,239 --> 00:53:00,040
Speaker 1: for me fantastic, and I appreciate you saying that, and

858
00:53:00,080 --> 00:53:04,080
Speaker 1: for me, that's there. And I never felt that way before,

859
00:53:04,400 --> 00:53:07,080
Speaker 1: and now that I feel that way, I'm like, yo,

860
00:53:07,160 --> 00:53:09,880
Speaker 1: am I there? But then this morning I was like

861
00:53:10,000 --> 00:53:12,320
Speaker 1: feeling kind of like shit, and I was like okay,

862
00:53:12,360 --> 00:53:14,640
Speaker 1: but and then I was like, okay, there can't be there,

863
00:53:14,680 --> 00:53:18,080
Speaker 1: Like I can't. There's no fucking way. I'm like done

864
00:53:18,120 --> 00:53:21,719
Speaker 1: with adversity or anything forever. Like I think just like

865
00:53:22,280 --> 00:53:24,560
Speaker 1: all of that shit is kind of like you know,

866
00:53:24,719 --> 00:53:28,880
Speaker 1: depression or whatever the fuck is like inherent to the

867
00:53:28,920 --> 00:53:33,080
Speaker 1: human experience. But so I don't know, maybe there's no

868
00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:35,799
Speaker 1: a there. But I was at least for three weeks ago,

869
00:53:35,840 --> 00:53:39,080
Speaker 1: at least as a three weeks feeling like there is

870
00:53:39,840 --> 00:53:42,640
Speaker 1: a there. So I don't know. I don't know. I'm

871
00:53:42,680 --> 00:53:45,279
Speaker 1: just yeah, sorry, go ahead.

872
00:53:45,040 --> 00:53:51,600
Speaker 2: What if there like actually exists? But like it's like

873
00:53:51,640 --> 00:53:55,640
Speaker 2: the same idea of like like Buddhists, like zen Buddhism,

874
00:53:55,760 --> 00:53:59,560
Speaker 2: like nirvana, like you can always have it, but you

875
00:53:59,760 --> 00:54:02,200
Speaker 2: you need to get it, but if you if you

876
00:54:02,280 --> 00:54:07,240
Speaker 2: search for it too hard, like it push it repels itself,

877
00:54:07,680 --> 00:54:09,880
Speaker 2: like you could have it, like like an oasis, like

878
00:54:09,920 --> 00:54:13,440
Speaker 2: a cloud moving across the sun or something like. You

879
00:54:13,480 --> 00:54:16,000
Speaker 2: can always have it, but if you search for it

880
00:54:16,040 --> 00:54:18,319
Speaker 2: too much, if you try too hard to get it,

881
00:54:19,200 --> 00:54:22,040
Speaker 2: if you like instead, if you just allow yourself to

882
00:54:22,080 --> 00:54:24,719
Speaker 2: be there, it'll be there. M hm.

883
00:54:26,560 --> 00:54:28,600
Speaker 1: Oh man, No, I know, I know what you're talking.

884
00:54:28,640 --> 00:54:30,719
Speaker 1: I've like, I've I've thought about that shit because I

885
00:54:30,760 --> 00:54:32,800
Speaker 1: know that that's the whole Buddhist thing of like desire

886
00:54:32,880 --> 00:54:36,080
Speaker 1: is suffering, so if you don't desire, you will not suffer.

887
00:54:36,320 --> 00:54:38,920
Speaker 1: But I always, I always felt that was so paradoxical,

888
00:54:40,080 --> 00:54:40,279
Speaker 1: you know.

889
00:54:41,239 --> 00:54:44,560
Speaker 2: Yes, the way I took it, Yeah, the way I

890
00:54:44,560 --> 00:54:46,920
Speaker 2: took it is that it's like an ideal, you know,

891
00:54:48,000 --> 00:54:50,200
Speaker 2: that's the ideal of what you want to do. And

892
00:54:50,280 --> 00:54:53,680
Speaker 2: of course ideals, like ideals are perfect and we're not.

893
00:54:54,120 --> 00:54:57,200
Speaker 2: But if you can like train yourself to do that,

894
00:54:57,280 --> 00:55:00,279
Speaker 2: you can you can have like at least a little

895
00:55:00,280 --> 00:55:00,719
Speaker 2: bit of it.

896
00:55:03,200 --> 00:55:06,600
Speaker 1: Oh, yes, I like that. It's it's it's an ideal

897
00:55:06,680 --> 00:55:11,280
Speaker 1: to be striven for, not necessarily. It is an ideal

898
00:55:11,360 --> 00:55:18,480
Speaker 1: to be striven to go towards not necessarily, it's not

899
00:55:18,520 --> 00:55:21,480
Speaker 1: necessarily that Buddhism is saying, like Hey, this is a

900
00:55:21,560 --> 00:55:29,479
Speaker 1: state that exists, you know. Actually, Jack, actually Jack, sorry

901
00:55:29,560 --> 00:55:33,520
Speaker 1: Jackie there. Yeah, actually Jack, I don't know who was.

902
00:55:33,520 --> 00:55:35,040
Speaker 1: I don't know who was just calling you to tell

903
00:55:35,040 --> 00:55:37,120
Speaker 1: you that you gotta go. But actually I'm looking at

904
00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:39,440
Speaker 1: my computer right now and I've got like probably sixty

905
00:55:39,480 --> 00:55:45,040
Speaker 1: seconds before it craps out again. So I'm gonna dude,

906
00:55:45,040 --> 00:55:47,239
Speaker 1: I really I really appreciate. First of all, I really

907
00:55:47,280 --> 00:55:50,960
Speaker 1: appreciate you should wait call letting me call you back

908
00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:53,640
Speaker 1: after an hour to finish this conversation. Sorry, I know

909
00:55:53,680 --> 00:55:56,840
Speaker 1: that was kind of annoying, but again, I really appreciate

910
00:55:56,880 --> 00:56:00,840
Speaker 1: this whole conversation, man. And I hope I hope you

911
00:56:00,880 --> 00:56:04,520
Speaker 1: get whatever it is that you're going after. And man,

912
00:56:04,560 --> 00:56:05,680
Speaker 1: is there is there anything else you want to say

913
00:56:05,719 --> 00:56:07,040
Speaker 1: to the people of the computer before we go?

914
00:56:08,280 --> 00:56:12,960
Speaker 2: Nah? I just do for you, man, Just just I hope.

915
00:56:13,080 --> 00:56:15,120
Speaker 2: I hope you stay there. I really do you. I

916
00:56:15,239 --> 00:56:18,319
Speaker 2: hope you there, and I'm trying to and I'm trying

917
00:56:18,320 --> 00:56:23,239
Speaker 2: to get there, you know, and to everybody is like

918
00:56:23,320 --> 00:56:26,160
Speaker 2: in a similar position like me. You know, just do

919
00:56:26,280 --> 00:56:29,680
Speaker 2: your best, you know. I I certainly empathize and feel

920
00:56:29,719 --> 00:56:33,840
Speaker 2: for you, but you know, just as as you said,

921
00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:37,239
Speaker 2: just try to do everything with love as best as

922
00:56:37,280 --> 00:56:37,640
Speaker 2: you can.

923
00:56:38,760 --> 00:56:41,680
Speaker 1: Thank you, Jack. I'll let you get back to whoever

924
00:56:41,800 --> 00:56:42,800
Speaker 1: is whoever is yelling.

925
00:56:42,640 --> 00:56:45,440
Speaker 2: At you, all right, have a good night.

926
00:56:45,480 --> 00:56:47,200
Speaker 1: Get hey, Thank you Jack, take care man.

927
00:56:48,080 --> 00:56:53,160
Speaker 2: Thank you Yo.

928
00:56:53,280 --> 00:56:57,200
Speaker 1: That was that guy was sick. Okay, hold on, I

929
00:56:57,200 --> 00:56:59,120
Speaker 1: want to record this post call thought, but my computer

930
00:56:59,320 --> 00:57:01,800
Speaker 1: is is about to he is about to get fucked.

931
00:57:03,160 --> 00:57:05,680
Speaker 1: But now, that conversation was awesome. I liked that conversation

932
00:57:05,800 --> 00:57:10,359
Speaker 1: so much that I called Jack back after an hour

933
00:57:10,400 --> 00:57:12,839
Speaker 1: so we could finish it. But I hope he's doing

934
00:57:12,840 --> 00:57:14,799
Speaker 1: all right. And I don't know if there's a there.

935
00:57:16,040 --> 00:57:18,400
Speaker 1: I don't have enough data. I've only felt I've only

936
00:57:18,440 --> 00:57:23,120
Speaker 1: felt mentally healthy for three weeks, so I don't know

937
00:57:23,120 --> 00:57:27,280
Speaker 1: if there's a there yet. But we'll see. We'll see

938
00:57:27,280 --> 00:57:31,240
Speaker 1: how long it goes. I'm optimistic. I think I think

939
00:57:31,280 --> 00:57:33,320
Speaker 1: there might be a there. I don't know. I don't

940
00:57:33,320 --> 00:57:35,080
Speaker 1: know anything. All right, my computer is about to die. Okay,

941
00:57:35,120 --> 00:57:38,520
Speaker 1: hold on, hello, folks, it's Lyle here. That's the end

942
00:57:38,560 --> 00:57:42,720
Speaker 1: of this episode. But get this, I'm releasing a bonus

943
00:57:42,760 --> 00:57:47,880
Speaker 1: episode this week. That's right, an entire extra hour of

944
00:57:47,920 --> 00:57:50,880
Speaker 1: the podcast that you can listen to by becoming a

945
00:57:50,920 --> 00:57:55,600
Speaker 1: Premium member of Therapy Gecko over at therapy Gecko dot

946
00:57:55,680 --> 00:58:00,480
Speaker 1: supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers get access to bonus episodes,

947
00:58:00,720 --> 00:58:03,720
Speaker 1: They get a completely ad free podcast feed of the

948
00:58:03,760 --> 00:58:07,520
Speaker 1: regular show, they get recordings from my live shows, members

949
00:58:07,640 --> 00:58:10,960
Speaker 1: only streams, and they help support my ability to continue

950
00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:14,640
Speaker 1: doing this podcast. So here's a clip from this week's

951
00:58:14,960 --> 00:58:19,480
Speaker 1: members only bonus episode, good luck watching a bunch more

952
00:58:19,520 --> 00:58:24,000
Speaker 1: Dogs Die. I hope that I was going to say,

953
00:58:24,000 --> 00:58:28,600
Speaker 1: I hope you enjoy it, but whatever. I hope that

954
00:58:29,040 --> 00:58:31,160
Speaker 1: I hope that it doesn't fuck you up too much.

955
00:58:33,320 --> 00:58:36,880
Speaker 1: But you but I assume that if you go to

956
00:58:36,920 --> 00:58:40,440
Speaker 1: be a veteran veterinarian, but maybe there's a part of

957
00:58:40,440 --> 00:58:43,120
Speaker 1: you that likes to watch dogs die because you go

958
00:58:43,240 --> 00:58:45,760
Speaker 1: into it knowing that you're going to do that a lot.

959
00:58:46,160 --> 00:58:51,520
Speaker 1: So I wanted to leave room to wish that upon you,

960
00:58:51,640 --> 00:58:55,760
Speaker 1: if that's what you wanted, If that makes any sense.

961
00:58:56,160 --> 00:58:58,200
Speaker 1: If you want to hear this full conversation, you can

962
00:58:58,240 --> 00:59:01,320
Speaker 1: sign up to become a premium member at therapy Gecko

963
00:59:01,480 --> 00:59:05,320
Speaker 1: dot supercast dot com, or find the link in the

964
00:59:05,360 --> 00:59:11,120
Speaker 1: episode description that's therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. All right,

965
00:59:11,520 --> 00:59:15,720
Speaker 1: I have nothing else to say. Therapy goes on the line,

966
00:59:15,960 --> 00:59:19,720
Speaker 1: taking your phone calls every night. Therapy goes to his

967
00:59:19,840 --> 00:59:21,840
Speaker 1: side's teaching you aloud to the men.

968
00:59:21,800 --> 00:59:25,720
Speaker 2: Of your life. Money's not ready, an expert