Speaker 1: Hell, I suck a good day with the Nungler and
Speaker 1: I Heart radio podcast. You're saying hello every Hello everyone.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think of unique ways to start teenth show.
Speaker 1: You should know how to say hi. Show my old
Speaker 1: lucky number. That was my lucky number in high school
Speaker 1: for at least a couple of months because Carmel Anthony
Speaker 1: were number fifteen. You know, I was a big Nuggets
Speaker 1: fan back in the day. Not anymore, but thank you
Speaker 1: for tuning in. UM joined in studio again by you
Speaker 1: know him, you love him Marking Easton Special guests say
Speaker 1: Hi more Hello, Hi, Hey, Hi, UM. Special guests in
Speaker 1: studio today to a good friend of mine from high
Speaker 1: school who lives here in Los Angeles and we are
Speaker 1: rekindling our friendship. So he's joining us in studio. Taylor,
Speaker 1: you want to say hi Hello? All right, cool, happy
Speaker 1: to be a hair dam things. Hey, Happy to have you. UM.
Speaker 1: So we have a good episode today. We're gonna be
Speaker 1: responding to a few more emails as we typically do.
Speaker 1: Love those emails because you know, it really just I
Speaker 1: guess it shows to me that people are even listening
Speaker 1: to this thing, because yeah, that's that just makes me
Speaker 1: feel good and great stories and situations and you need
Speaker 1: help and they turn to you, they say help Dean.
Speaker 1: You know, for some reason, the fact that people confide
Speaker 1: in me for dating advice still blows my mind. I'll
Speaker 1: like even get like d ms or tweets at me
Speaker 1: that are saying like, hey, Deane, I need dating advice,
Speaker 1: And I'm just sitting to myself, why are you asking
Speaker 1: me for dating advice? But you know, it's true that
Speaker 1: some people that have that give great advice have trouble
Speaker 1: following themselves. I think it's great do as I say, Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: And and I will say that I can see the
Speaker 1: benefit of getting a twenty six year olds perspective on
Speaker 1: the dating pool in today's America, Cause a lot of
Speaker 1: these girls, I don't think, have that outlet to have
Speaker 1: an unbiased opinion from a twenty six year old male
Speaker 1: to kind of tell them maybe what's going on and
Speaker 1: what's going on well and what's not going on well.
Speaker 1: Do we have a theme this week? Last week we
Speaker 1: had breakups. This week's theme is dating apps, very common situation.
Speaker 1: Before we get to that, let's see what's in the news. Oh,
Speaker 1: Dean's in the news. Wow, look at that Dean Ungler.
Speaker 1: It is all over the news. Now, this is funny
Speaker 1: because Dean gets really uncomfortable in this situation because there
Speaker 1: are certain things he can say and certain things he
Speaker 1: can't say. Most of the things I can't say, So well,
Speaker 1: I can just say this, then I could just I
Speaker 1: found an article on us weekly dot com that says
Speaker 1: the bachelorettes Dean Ungler is dating bachelor lum Leslie Murphy
Speaker 1: and that they were hanging out at the Sundance Film
Speaker 1: Festival in Parks City of Utah on Friday night. They
Speaker 1: were holding hands, walking through a party of looking very
Speaker 1: much like a couple talking only to each other. This
Speaker 1: was on e This was on US Weekly. This was
Speaker 1: all over the place. I found another article, seven facts
Speaker 1: you need to know about Dean Unglard's new girlfriend Leslie Murphy.
Speaker 1: So can you confirm you are dating someone? What I
Speaker 1: can say is, I was at Sundance this past Weekend's great,
Speaker 1: great time. Park city is beautiful. Um, they got some snow,
Speaker 1: so I got a snowboard a little bit. Um. I
Speaker 1: think that Leslie Murphy was there too. Uh, there's pictures
Speaker 1: over there, so I think we can confirm that she
Speaker 1: was there. Yeah, we can confirm that she was physically
Speaker 1: present at sundance. Um, we can confirm that you were there.
Speaker 1: Can we confirm that you're in a relationship with someone? Okay,
Speaker 1: we can't really confirm anything. And are you being coy
Speaker 1: or are you just obeying the rules that were laid
Speaker 1: down by ABC in which you can't talk about anything
Speaker 1: that may or may not happen in Winter Games. What
Speaker 1: I can confirm is that Winter Games is going to
Speaker 1: be awesome. And I think that you as a listener,
Speaker 1: and Mark and Easton and Taylor, she all tune into
Speaker 1: watch and then maybe, you know, in a month or
Speaker 1: so from now, I can start to confirm some things. Okay,
Speaker 1: So you're not just being coy, you you're I know
Speaker 1: that when you do these shows you have to sign
Speaker 1: certain agreements. My life is currently owned by ABC right now,
Speaker 1: right okay, So once that's all in the past, we'll
Speaker 1: be able to hear more about this or we won't
Speaker 1: hear more about it, depending I don't know what the
Speaker 1: current situation. I mean, I know what the current situation is,
Speaker 1: but you guys not knowing on the outside, doesn't you know? Plus,
Speaker 1: even if you were there, are you not allowed to
Speaker 1: like walk next to someone or hold hands with someone,
Speaker 1: Like hanging out with holding hands seems a little bit
Speaker 1: of a bigger stuffs friends, do you Yeah? We held
Speaker 1: hands in the car? Sure enough? Yeah, Mark, you kind
Speaker 1: of nailed on the head. This makes me uncomfortable, just
Speaker 1: because just because I don't want to overstep my boundaries.
Speaker 1: I don't want But I'll tell you what. I'm happy.
Speaker 1: That's great. I think that's the most importance all that matters.
Speaker 1: Should we If we're going to change the title of
Speaker 1: this show would have happened soon. Help I suck it? Dating? Yeah,
Speaker 1: transition to help I suck it? Relationships? Well, we'll see.
Speaker 1: Well the season two rebranding something else. I thought we
Speaker 1: should talk about. Tanya, who's going to come in here
Speaker 1: in a minute, is meeting with a matchmaker next week, okay,
Speaker 1: professional matchments. Before she could do that, she was asked
Speaker 1: to bring a list of things she needs to see
Speaker 1: in a man that she wants to date. For her,
Speaker 1: it was faith, it was family. Uh, it was five
Speaker 1: four or above because she's five four, so she didn't
Speaker 1: want anybody shorter than her. I would say population. Anyway,
Speaker 1: she had this list, so I was gonna ask you
Speaker 1: the sort of things that are on your list that
Speaker 1: you would like to see in a woman, as apparently
Speaker 1: still single dean who's still trying to find a partner,
Speaker 1: what are the kinds of things you're looking for in
Speaker 1: a woman? Uh? Okay, thinking from single Dean's perspective, I
Speaker 1: don't know how to handle this. All right, Well, I
Speaker 1: guess what I can say before jumping into that is
Speaker 1: that I'm not single, because I think it is ousted
Speaker 1: via E News. I just read it. I'm not single. Okay,
Speaker 1: Well we'll just say that. Okay, but as single dean
Speaker 1: putting myself in those shoes, you know, rewound two months,
Speaker 1: three months however long ago that I wasn't single since
Speaker 1: the last time I've spent so long I can't even remember.
Speaker 1: Um are we talking about like nonality traits? Physical traits
Speaker 1: would be anything. Here's an example of of somebody who
Speaker 1: sent one in This is the perfect man list. She
Speaker 1: keeps it on her in her notes app on her phone. Tall, funny,
Speaker 1: intelligent but not arrogant, athletic, dog lover, good friends, cute,
Speaker 1: but so there's physical as well. Family guy I'm assuming
Speaker 1: not the show, but he's actually the family guy, not
Speaker 1: an only child, like that's pretty specific. Enjoys drinking but
Speaker 1: doesn't get angry when he drinks. I think she may
Speaker 1: be coming off a bad relationship. This is a This
Speaker 1: is a woman who sent in her lift for Tanya
Speaker 1: to so like she can compare and contrast. Uh So,
Speaker 1: I don't know I say who it is, but it's
Speaker 1: just a listener, very giving, enjoys helping others, has future goals,
Speaker 1: is very secure with who he is, is available, and
Speaker 1: it's respectful of others. So it's a wide range of
Speaker 1: personality traits, physical traits, everything that was So you're thinking
Speaker 1: your listen to be shorter than that. I mean, off
Speaker 1: the top of my head, I can come up with
Speaker 1: a couple. I love someone that has a personality. I
Speaker 1: think that that's actually I just realized this not too
Speaker 1: long ago, that um, a personality is it's kind of
Speaker 1: rare to even come by someone that just is, uh,
Speaker 1: I don't know, unique in their own way. You know
Speaker 1: a lot of people just kind of conform to what
Speaker 1: society tells them to do, and it's fine. It gets
Speaker 1: them what they needed to get to in life, and um,
Speaker 1: they're happy, etcetera. Etcetera. But like a personality where someone
Speaker 1: is um, you know, like vibrant and personable and can
Speaker 1: create conversation out of thin air. Like that's pretty rare
Speaker 1: to come by these days, and I think that that
Speaker 1: really is important to me. Um, someone that is decisive.
Speaker 1: I like someone that can make decisions. And I think
Speaker 1: that comes from me not liking to make decisions. So
Speaker 1: if someone can make decisions for me, um, because I'm
Speaker 1: a pretty easy going guy and so it doesn't really
Speaker 1: take a lot to kind of like swade my interest
Speaker 1: to be into something. So someone's like, let's go do this,
Speaker 1: I'll be like, yeah, a percent, let's go do that. Um,
Speaker 1: So that's important to me. I think physically speaking, I
Speaker 1: don't really have much of a type or like there's
Speaker 1: no real barrier to entry physically speaking. Right, you might
Speaker 1: prefer a hair color over another, but that's not a
Speaker 1: deal wreaker. But I think I even prefer a hair color.
Speaker 1: I've really noticed this might be over sharing. I've really
Speaker 1: noticed that. Actually I'm not gonna say that, Okay, I
Speaker 1: think okay, I'm a big snuggler, right, and so, like
Speaker 1: physical touch is my number one love language, and that
Speaker 1: really blows down to like like when I'm dating someone
Speaker 1: and when we're like sharing a bed together at night,
Speaker 1: I like to kind of like wrap myself up with
Speaker 1: them as like a pretzel. And what I've weirdly noticed
Speaker 1: is that blondes, when their skin on skin contact of
Speaker 1: just like snuggling, there's more sweat. I don't know if
Speaker 1: it's like a genetic thing, blonde sweat more. Just yeah,
Speaker 1: I've noticed this, and it's like it's not it's not
Speaker 1: like a profuse, like like it's We're not like sitting
Speaker 1: in a swamp or anything like that, but it's just like,
Speaker 1: you know, it's it kind of gets sweaty. I don't
Speaker 1: know if we have any natural blonds around here, Erica,
Speaker 1: are you a natural blonde? Am I a natural blonde? Um? Yeah,
Speaker 1: but not this bond. Do you sweat a lot more
Speaker 1: than like a brunette would? Maybe? Do you do? I
Speaker 1: don't like judge my sweat levels with burnettes, like that's
Speaker 1: all something we do. I sorry to compare to others
Speaker 1: how much you? But do you sweat a lot? Sure?
Speaker 1: I could state because I'm married to a natural blonde
Speaker 1: and she does not sweat anymore than she actually doesn't
Speaker 1: sweat at all, I've noticed. Okay, that could just be
Speaker 1: what I induce in her. I just don't you know,
Speaker 1: I could just need to be put in more work.
Speaker 1: But that's an interesting I don't know, it's an interesting
Speaker 1: conclusion to draw or just be like me and don't
Speaker 1: snuggle at all and just see I have. And so
Speaker 1: my thing is, I'm not a sweat at all. I
Speaker 1: don't sweat at all. Very very rarely will I sweat.
Speaker 1: And so maybe that makes me hyper aware of the
Speaker 1: sweat that's around me at certain times. Does it gross
Speaker 1: you out or it's just an observation, it's just it.
Speaker 1: It makes it. It leads to uncomfortable nous or uncomfortability,
Speaker 1: which makes like snuggling harder and sleeping a little bit
Speaker 1: more difficult too. And again I'm just talking out of
Speaker 1: my ass. Yeah, necessarily exactly, and data backed by any means.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be looking this up and see if there's
Speaker 1: any to this from my own personal experience. That's that's
Speaker 1: kind of what I've noticed. Um here comes Tanya, Tanya,
Speaker 1: I don't want to dwell on this list. We have
Speaker 1: one more person that we found, so we could are
Speaker 1: you blond naturally, yes, but not this blond. That's exactly
Speaker 1: what Erica said. Do you sweat a lot? Okay, maybe
Speaker 1: there is something to this. Dean has decided that blonds
Speaker 1: that he's been with sweat more than non blonds that
Speaker 1: he's been with. Interesting, Yeah, I sweat a lot. Um Again,
Speaker 1: back to the original points. I don't say you don't
Speaker 1: want to be exactly exactly. That's not the case whatsoever.
Speaker 1: I've just noticed in my experience with and and me
Speaker 1: like knowing what I like in terms of the physical
Speaker 1: affection that I require, it's harder to not go with
Speaker 1: a blonde for that reason. It's weird. I know it's weird.
Speaker 1: Let me be the first to say it's weird. I
Speaker 1: don't just like perst fire when I'm standing around, so
Speaker 1: I think was I was just talking to Mark and
Speaker 1: Easton about this. It's like when they're skin to skin contact,
Speaker 1: like when you're spooning or something like that, it creates
Speaker 1: like a like a sweat pocket. And it's like it's
Speaker 1: like when you like sit with like no shirt on
Speaker 1: and a leather chair or something like that, and like
Speaker 1: you get up and the leather chair do you ever
Speaker 1: have to be a little spoon. Oh my god, all
Speaker 1: the time. Would that help with the sweat equation or no?
Speaker 1: Well then it's just my back hast sweat on it
Speaker 1: instead of my stomach having I'm just trying the problem solved,
Speaker 1: you know. I think sweat compatibility is very important in
Speaker 1: a successful relationship. Eastern clearly has it. He just said
Speaker 1: that him and his wife don't sweat when they're snuggling. No, now,
Speaker 1: we process energy differently. She always says it, and says sweating.
Speaker 1: She shoots sugarcubes out her belly button. Wait, what where
Speaker 1: does that come from? Wise? Sugarcubes? How do the belly button?
Speaker 1: That's ah, that's just what she explains. It is very cute.
Speaker 1: I don't sweat that much either. I do a lot
Speaker 1: from under the arms. But am also not a blond,
Speaker 1: so I don't know what you're looking for. I'm not
Speaker 1: the one on trial here. People call me a blond
Speaker 1: more frequently they should. I don't think. Yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: know why people are like, are you blond or burnette?
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I'm definitely burnette. Well, because your your
Speaker 1: hair is like, um, I think it's kind of shiny. Well,
Speaker 1: it's like it's a light brown, which is considered like
Speaker 1: dirty blonde. Well here's the thing. I sweat like a
Speaker 1: like a brown haired person, which means not very much
Speaker 1: at all. But some people still mistake me as a blonde.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, no, you can stumble with me, and
Speaker 1: I promise I won't spit that much. This conversation got
Speaker 1: real fast. Um what else? What other? Uh? We were
Speaker 1: talking about your lift? Tan? Yeah? Yeah for the matchmaker
Speaker 1: until we're asking Dean what's on his list? Yeah? So
Speaker 1: far are you hasn't had much personality decisiveness? Yes, he
Speaker 1: likes a unique personality, a person like who knows who
Speaker 1: they are and is not afraid to be that right. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think. I think again, I'm very easy going to
Speaker 1: where I don't need someone to be of a certain
Speaker 1: faith or of a certain aged career, whatever it is.
Speaker 1: I just, you know, as long as you can mesh
Speaker 1: well with someone, I think that's the most important thing.
Speaker 1: So don't care. Would you date a twenty year old
Speaker 1: if it felt right? Would you date a forty year
Speaker 1: old if it felt right? I don't think that. I
Speaker 1: don't like, I don't I wouldn't judge someone for their age.
Speaker 1: I like it. I don't know what's on your list
Speaker 1: an you faith family, job, Um, those are like my
Speaker 1: main So would you date someone that doesn't confine into
Speaker 1: the ideal faith that you need them to have had
Speaker 1: a long chat about this, because because you hear that often,
Speaker 1: I guess it's a question you hear a lot of
Speaker 1: people are like, I require I really want someone that's
Speaker 1: very uh devout in the whatever they followed. Ideally, it
Speaker 1: would be nice if he was the same faith as me. Um,
Speaker 1: it's not a deal breaker. I just want someone that
Speaker 1: has faith. A lot of people now say like, I'm
Speaker 1: very spiritual, A lot of that and that religious, but
Speaker 1: I'm spiritual. I never go to church, but I'm spiritually. Like,
Speaker 1: if he's down to pray with me, you know, maybe
Speaker 1: kind of church with me. So are all good things.
Speaker 1: So what if it's someone that's that doesn't have this
Speaker 1: incredible faith but is open minded enough to at least
Speaker 1: give it a shot with you, I'd be down with that.
Speaker 1: Would you be almost more down for that someone that's
Speaker 1: willing to compromise too. I want to be more of
Speaker 1: the person that you want them to be through that avenue.
Speaker 1: I guess that makes sense. Yeah, like like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: we don't need to dive into it too much. But
Speaker 1: that makes sense. Okay, what else is? What else is
Speaker 1: on my list? Let's think about that for a second.
Speaker 1: I don't know. There's no height requirement. I would be
Speaker 1: hard to date someone's taller than me, but I don't
Speaker 1: think I've ever met a girl it's taller. And there's
Speaker 1: no body requirements full chested, flat chested. You don't care, no,
Speaker 1: I know. I had the same discussion with Mark, and
Speaker 1: he was trying to get me to pinpoint dump and
Speaker 1: I'm like, physical really doesn't matter so much to me.
Speaker 1: Attraction correct, and you're attracted to certain kinds more than others,
Speaker 1: not necessarily, Okay, yeah, And I think it's a when
Speaker 1: you see it sort of thing. And I think I
Speaker 1: think we talked about this in like episode three, very
Speaker 1: early on. I'm not very like, I'm not very sexually
Speaker 1: in person, so it's not like physical. I guess presence
Speaker 1: really doesn't mean much to me because sex is the
Speaker 1: driving factor of any relationship. Figures in the physical touches
Speaker 1: high is your number one love language. And yet you
Speaker 1: don't feel like you're a sexual, Well I don't. I
Speaker 1: think physical touching sex are different, very different in my eyes.
Speaker 1: And that's kind of why before I even know what
Speaker 1: love languages, where I was so hesitant to tell people
Speaker 1: that love or that physical touch was my favorite thing
Speaker 1: because people I automatically associate that with like sex and
Speaker 1: all that kind of stuff too. Um, But that's not
Speaker 1: the case at all in my opinion. Like for me, um,
Speaker 1: fit was fit is on my list too. I don't
Speaker 1: need someone that's like, has a six pack and like
Speaker 1: crazy muscles. It's not fit. It's like enjoys having a
Speaker 1: fitness lifestyle because I like to work out and I
Speaker 1: like to you know, do active things, and I live lifestyle,
Speaker 1: especially lately, you live a very Yeah, So I want
Speaker 1: a partner that you know has that same kind of lifestyle.
Speaker 1: I think another one for mine is adventurousness. That's the
Speaker 1: word someone that's venturous. I think that's important, someone that
Speaker 1: likes to explore, to would like to travel somewhere on
Speaker 1: a description of somebody if someone's like, I don't know
Speaker 1: traveling all the time going on in a cool places, yeah,
Speaker 1: and wanted to share those experiences with me because I
Speaker 1: like to travel. I like I'm curious. I think curiosity
Speaker 1: is very important, and you know what it's important to
Speaker 1: know what you want, so you're a step ahead Dean. No,
Speaker 1: that's the thing. I don't know what I want. Well,
Speaker 1: I know what i want, but I'm still learning a
Speaker 1: lot about But what else I want, I don't know.
Speaker 1: You know, Taylor, you've known Dean for a long time. Yes,
Speaker 1: were you close in high school? Really best friends? You
Speaker 1: spent like, oh god, like six days a week in
Speaker 1: my house probably, you guys know. I mean my high
Speaker 1: school experience fame familiar. Why speaking was a little bit rough.
Speaker 1: So I spent a lot of time at Taylor. So
Speaker 1: my house was on the same road as the high school.
Speaker 1: So a lot of people have just come by and
Speaker 1: all my food and leave, and Dean was one the
Speaker 1: ones that would stay. There's so many milestones in Indian life,
Speaker 1: and many of them tragic. And I asked about Hunter.
Speaker 1: You weren't in the room. But I asked Hill if
Speaker 1: he knew Hunter. He said he didn't. He came after,
Speaker 1: came right after, I think like a year after, maybe
Speaker 1: maybe even like in seventh grade, eighth grade, eighth grade,
Speaker 1: when he was losing his mom. You were you were
Speaker 1: there for that and yeah he was and kind of
Speaker 1: somebody to lean on during a lot of that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I remember her, and you know I met
Speaker 1: her multiple time. It was it was lots of friends time.
Speaker 1: Like I said, when I lean on in those moments
Speaker 1: where my friends and he was, I mean, he was
Speaker 1: constant in my life at that time, which was great. Um,
Speaker 1: what's funny is we both had a crush on the
Speaker 1: same girl for a large part of high school. God. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And the reason why I can't pronounce a certain word.
Speaker 1: What's even funnier is she was my very first guest
Speaker 1: on this podcast. Yeah, I remember someone told me about that.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, yeah, I remember that. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that was interesting. Wait what word can you not pronounce?
Speaker 1: I missed that? Everyone everyone knows name is okay to
Speaker 1: say that name? Caramel? People say Caramel? And I was like,
Speaker 1: remember we had Carmel, And I remember she's been in
Speaker 1: a relationship now for like seven years or something like that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: didn't she live on like a lake or something? Did
Speaker 1: she date both of you? Oh no, no, I never
Speaker 1: love triangle, never never was, but she was never got there.
Speaker 1: Well it's tough to compete with I mean, for that
Speaker 1: she was a big point of contention for a lot
Speaker 1: of guys in our high school. I feel like, yeah, well,
Speaker 1: she's exactly what you're talking about. She had that she
Speaker 1: was very distinct, and she had a very particular personality
Speaker 1: and was kind of like this mystique about her. She
Speaker 1: just did random stuff, you know, like that. It felt
Speaker 1: like everything that she did was very um thoughtless, not
Speaker 1: in a bad way, but like she that's just who
Speaker 1: she was, carefree, not thought like. Yeah yeah, so yeah,
Speaker 1: you're in a relationship now, yeah for how long? Oh god? Yes,
Speaker 1: was like four years months? Wow? Yeahs did she just
Speaker 1: moved out here in November of sixteen to Los Angeles.
Speaker 1: Then she came with you. Yeah, and we met at
Speaker 1: school in New York. Went to school together in New York.
Speaker 1: So you're very handsome. Oh thank you? I mean, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: he's talking about this girl. For people that are listening
Speaker 1: and just giving him, we'll describe him, then describe Taylor.
Speaker 1: You remind me of Tarzan. Oh I get that all
Speaker 1: the time. Yeah, I've gotten my girl. This is like,
Speaker 1: this is like a mushy anecdote. But my girlfriend actually
Speaker 1: reached out to me in college and she sent me
Speaker 1: a Facebook message saying like, hey, hi, am you know
Speaker 1: so and so and um for a long for the
Speaker 1: longest time, they her and her friends had known me
Speaker 1: around campus as Tarzan and that's what they'd call me
Speaker 1: because I had my long hair then and just walk around,
Speaker 1: you know, shirtless and a loin cloths and um, I
Speaker 1: just walk around and you know, that's how they knew me.
Speaker 1: And she had seen her, but like I didn't know her.
Speaker 1: We didn't have any classes together. She's a year younger
Speaker 1: than me. And then she just messed me on Facebook
Speaker 1: once and I was like, I we should go hang out.
Speaker 1: And she took me to the film festival that first date,
Speaker 1: and so that that was a good good good yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: because I'm like obsessed with movies. Is that a good
Speaker 1: first day? Strong opinions on first dates. I don't love
Speaker 1: it for first maybe a second, but ale, yeah, it
Speaker 1: was really good. It was like an Indian movie that
Speaker 1: they made for like you know, no money in New
Speaker 1: York or whatever, so it probably was horrible. But like
Speaker 1: if I was like in Trouble in the Jungle, I
Speaker 1: would like want Taylor there. He looks like tars in
Speaker 1: the sense that he's tall and he's muscular and he
Speaker 1: has long hair. So it's really if your picture tars
Speaker 1: and a a green T shirt, that's pretty much what
Speaker 1: you got Taylor. Taylor in high school got like twenty
Speaker 1: d one football scholarship offers, and he said every single
Speaker 1: one of them so he could pursue a career in
Speaker 1: what's writing. I guess I would like to do like
Speaker 1: writing film acting basically, I said in the car, I
Speaker 1: was like, I'd like to be Donald Glover, but maybe
Speaker 1: not with the rap album. It's just it was it
Speaker 1: was just still working on the rap skills because he
Speaker 1: was because he's like, what are you six five six
Speaker 1: six six six six, and so he was like and
Speaker 1: he was a still in high school too, so he's
Speaker 1: very physically imposing and means he was very good at football, basketball,
Speaker 1: these things, and he had all these opportunities to go
Speaker 1: to these schools and be an athlete, but instead he
Speaker 1: decided to pursue this that is writing and acting all
Speaker 1: kind of stuff, which is great. I mean, like I
Speaker 1: was like, I guess that I wanted to commend you
Speaker 1: for that because people wouldn't. Yeah, it's not like I'm no, no,
Speaker 1: tell that to my dad and my student, my student loans.
Speaker 1: But but that's interesting. I mean, your parents had to
Speaker 1: be okay with that, right, because there's so much harm
Speaker 1: that can come to you playing football in college. I
Speaker 1: don't think, well, it's it's so it's I'm half simone
Speaker 1: and so that's a whole you know, It's a very
Speaker 1: interesting thing because I feel like for a lot of people,
Speaker 1: especially like of simone decent or in someone they see it,
Speaker 1: um they're classically of a less you know, wealthy demographic
Speaker 1: or whatever. And so often like my dad went to
Speaker 1: full went to school for a full scholarship in basketball,
Speaker 1: my my uncle's, my aunts, my cousins, like tons of people,
Speaker 1: it's tough to turn down something you're off for exactly.
Speaker 1: And so for I, oh totally understand from that perspective
Speaker 1: why my dad really wanted me to do that. And
Speaker 1: I just couldn't see myself personally from the way I
Speaker 1: am and like my characteristics, what I like doing, going
Speaker 1: to something every day that I don't love completely, you
Speaker 1: seem you seem gentle. I literally was just gonna say
Speaker 1: you're like the gentle giant. That was literally, I mean
Speaker 1: that's a I think that's a compliment be kind. What
Speaker 1: position did you play? Oh? God, d n yeah, you can.
Speaker 1: You know. They always I was really annoyed during basketball
Speaker 1: because they I was always like one of the tallest.
Speaker 1: They always put me down in post and I was like,
Speaker 1: I'd totally be like a three power forwards. We didn't.
Speaker 1: They never passed them anyway, though, I totally forgot about.
Speaker 1: You went to college in New York. Yeah, and studied film. No.
Speaker 1: Oh god, so this is it just comes to the
Speaker 1: whole thing because I love learning. I love so many things.
Speaker 1: I end up studying Spanish language and classical literature. Wow.
Speaker 1: So it has absolutely no bearing on what I do
Speaker 1: right now, which is not very much now. I think
Speaker 1: I can see your parents frustration exactly exactly. But yeah,
Speaker 1: and then you finally moved to l A at age
Speaker 1: twenty four or so. Yeah, I think it's I think.
Speaker 1: And then, um, I saved a bunch of money. I
Speaker 1: lived in Colorado obviously, but it's been our birthday or
Speaker 1: one day apart. Yeah, April six, Yeah, yeah, fifteen. Sorry,
Speaker 1: that was that was Emma. That's I forget about. Oh
Speaker 1: you did it for a while, I did. Emma was
Speaker 1: the fifteenth Taylor's the sixteenth year, the seventeenth. Sorry about that, Okay,
Speaker 1: just really just like one of your oldest brows. That's
Speaker 1: the person I see each other in a while though,
Speaker 1: So we're taking off, yeah exactly. It's like riding a bike.
Speaker 1: Se saved a bunch of money and what are you
Speaker 1: doing here? Um? I want to do writing. I've been
Speaker 1: doing some freelance writing, not very much, but um, just
Speaker 1: going to like you know that whole thing, Like meetings
Speaker 1: are like, well will this happen? Won't this happened? Maybe?
Speaker 1: But not acting you don't want to do I do
Speaker 1: want to do that. Um. It's just like I've taken
Speaker 1: some classes, but I would like to do more, you know,
Speaker 1: and I take I feel I could take everything pretty
Speaker 1: seriously and I don't want to just approach anything being
Speaker 1: like I'm just gonna show up and whatever. You know,
Speaker 1: I feel like it is it is a craft and
Speaker 1: stuff like you don't want to sick show up and
Speaker 1: be a guest on a podcast per day? Well, I mean,
Speaker 1: I love pocket. This is like my dream. I listened
Speaker 1: to podcasts like all day, so I'm really really excited
Speaker 1: to help my second dating. I was actually listening to
Speaker 1: a podcast it's about constipation. What did I say? It
Speaker 1: is like this is the whole thing, like the weekly
Speaker 1: every week is about No, he's like a natural path,
Speaker 1: natural path like doctor. So it was like, um, remedies
Speaker 1: to help constipation, natural ways to help conservation. Did you
Speaker 1: feel like it was educational? Yeah? Did he mention whether
Speaker 1: blondes or brunettes are more likely to become constipated? Not
Speaker 1: that blonde? All right? Well? Um, one way to avoid constipation,
Speaker 1: you guys, is to eat healthy. Just the better you eat,
Speaker 1: the more you know, the better your digesticism works. Diet
Speaker 1: is very very important, and you want to know. One
Speaker 1: way to have the best diet possible is to order
Speaker 1: through Hello Fresh and just have these pre packaged meals
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Speaker 1: the hell of fresh before, haven't you, And you love it,
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Speaker 1: unaware of what Hello Fresh is, it's basically a meal
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Speaker 1: step by step recipes, ingredients, all that kind of stuff,
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Speaker 1: You'll feel more confident in the kitchen and your be
Speaker 1: saving money. I think I mentioned last week. I've been
Speaker 1: cooking a lot more and the whole reason behind that
Speaker 1: is because the hell of Fresh it's been great. We
Speaker 1: just move in a new house. I got a big
Speaker 1: kitchen to use. That's so cute, a little island to
Speaker 1: prepare things on. Yeah, so I'm you know, I'm cooking again.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm in a relationship or not,
Speaker 1: but we have roommates, don't have roommates, do have roommates.
Speaker 1: But I'm just saying, you know, I'm trying to learn.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to be a better person in two thousand eighteen,
Speaker 1: and that involves being better at cooking. So you just
Speaker 1: got a new place. Hey, we moved like a month ago.
Speaker 1: We being you and the roommates roommates. Yes, Oh that's
Speaker 1: nice because roommates don't typically go from place to place together.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm crazy, but that's right, No, that's true. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: my roommate. So I've lived with these guys together for
Speaker 1: one year. One of the guys that lived with for
Speaker 1: the past two and a half years, and he just
Speaker 1: purchased the place in Venice, and we both decided to
Speaker 1: be basically his tenants in his house with me. I
Speaker 1: don't know if it's fun is the right word to
Speaker 1: discribe it, but I decided it. But or I justify
Speaker 1: it by I'd rarely pay his mortgage than some random
Speaker 1: waylord's mortgage, you know, yeah, and schoolhouse good for you,
Speaker 1: good for him? Hello Fresh, Hello co. I'm glad thirty
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Speaker 1: off your first week. So we were half an hour
Speaker 1: into the show and we haven't gotten to our theme
Speaker 1: yet this week, which is dating apps. But we're now
Speaker 1: being joined by someone from Bumble who's going to answer
Speaker 1: any questions we have about Bumble and how it all works. Um,
Speaker 1: I hope you guys have some questions prepared. I love you,
Speaker 1: but you want to know what's funny is you guys
Speaker 1: can still be using Bumble to network professionally, to be
Speaker 1: meeting BFFs. I'm sure Alex would love to tell us
Speaker 1: about all of that stuff. Here she is Dean. Hey, Alex,
Speaker 1: are you there? Hi? I'm here. Hi. This is Dean.
Speaker 1: How are you Dean? I'm doing well? How are you?
Speaker 1: I'm good? Thanks for calling in your joint or I'm
Speaker 1: joined in the studio. I guess with East and Mark
Speaker 1: Tanya Taylor. So you've got a full crew. Thank you
Speaker 1: for calling in. Wow, it sounds like a party. It's
Speaker 1: a party and you're missing out. But at least we
Speaker 1: have you on the phone. Uh, you know it could
Speaker 1: be worse, So can you tell us a little bit
Speaker 1: more so we were just kind of discussing roundtable a
Speaker 1: little bit about bumble Um. What's your roll over at
Speaker 1: bumble right now? I'm head of brands, so basically I
Speaker 1: oversee anything that the brand UM is involved in. That's uh.
Speaker 1: I oversee marketing activations and campaign on a larger scale
Speaker 1: and also the customer experience. I've been with bumble um
Speaker 1: since the very beginning when we launched um so I
Speaker 1: alongside with our CEO and founder Whitney Wolf, really came
Speaker 1: up with the voice and personality of Bumble. Got you
Speaker 1: So you are the one that greenlit uh us being
Speaker 1: able to do an ad for bumble on this podcast.
Speaker 1: That's an interesting decision. Yes, Um, you're welcome. Now. We
Speaker 1: love our sponsors, Alex, thank you so much for green
Speaker 1: lighting that. That's that's just great. Um. Okay, so tell
Speaker 1: us a little bit about bumble I mean we're we're
Speaker 1: well aware of the app itself, but maybe for the
Speaker 1: listener that's a little less informed. Um, because it's not
Speaker 1: just another run of the mill dating app, right, we
Speaker 1: aren't just another dating app. We really are a mission
Speaker 1: based company. M our our goal is to change the
Speaker 1: dynamics of relationships by having and had normative relationships. Women
Speaker 1: make the first move, and while that may seem like
Speaker 1: a gimmick, it actually does change the approach of introduction
Speaker 1: and when when the ball is in the woman's court
Speaker 1: and she makes the first move, there's less aggression online
Speaker 1: and we actually, which is unheard of her dating app,
Speaker 1: we have a less than one percent U reports of
Speaker 1: any sort of abuse or harassment and bumble. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think that really is a tw cement to what
Speaker 1: we're trying to do, which is give women more control
Speaker 1: over their dating life. You know, Historically women have been
Speaker 1: told to spend their hands and wait for a man
Speaker 1: or you know, or anybody to make the first move.
Speaker 1: And um, a lot of times women give their power
Speaker 1: over immediately in relationships, and we're trying to bring that
Speaker 1: power back for women. Um. But actually, in the past year,
Speaker 1: we've we've moved beyond just being a dating app. We
Speaker 1: have bumbled BFS. What's launched back in March two thousand
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I might get the time wrong, sixteen.
Speaker 1: I think it was March two thousand and sixteen. That's
Speaker 1: all been kind of a whirlwind, honestly. Um. And then
Speaker 1: we have bumbled Biz actually what's launched in October, and um,
Speaker 1: this is for networking and friendship finding. So Bumble really
Speaker 1: is more of an introduction app now than it is.
Speaker 1: It's a social network over just being a dating app. Um.
Speaker 1: And that's great. And I don't use dating apps anymore,
Speaker 1: as we discussed a learn in this podcast, because I'm
Speaker 1: I'm not allowed to. But Tanya's in the studio she
Speaker 1: uses them. Um. And I will say that as a
Speaker 1: former user of dating apps, I always found Bumble to
Speaker 1: be the most successful. For whatever reason. I guess with
Speaker 1: the woman having to uh, the opportunity to reach out
Speaker 1: first kind of leads to more success rates, right, but
Speaker 1: what's your experience with it? You know what's funny is
Speaker 1: on other dating apps also, like you know that the
Speaker 1: women don't have to make the first move, I still
Speaker 1: find myself making the first move. I don't know why,
Speaker 1: you go yeah, thank you. I don't know why because
Speaker 1: I think it takes the pressure off the guys and
Speaker 1: then they don't have to think of some like you know, whatever,
Speaker 1: clever you know, I just say whatever I want to say,
Speaker 1: and then it's like an easy open conversation. It really does.
Speaker 1: And for whatever reason, dating apps, you know, they do
Speaker 1: become almost a numbers game and if you if a
Speaker 1: man is constantly making the first move, women almost become
Speaker 1: inundated with messages on dating apps. And that's what we
Speaker 1: wanted to prevent, was that feeling of ye, you know,
Speaker 1: of being overwhelmed and actually, you know, honestly, we wanted
Speaker 1: to change the whole mentality where women are sent photos
Speaker 1: and messages that are very aggressive and uncomfortable to receive
Speaker 1: and feel like harassment online. Yeah, I mean everyone wants
Speaker 1: to avoid that. Well, people want to avoid that. You
Speaker 1: like that, you like that the women made the first move. Well,
Speaker 1: I think it's been a common theme is that. Uh.
Speaker 1: I think Tanya and Becca both seemed to think that
Speaker 1: I love it when a girl makes the first move,
Speaker 1: and I mean, to be honest, it's it's nice. It
Speaker 1: like kind of validates in this in this realm, at least,
Speaker 1: it validates the match that you guys have when the
Speaker 1: girl is matching with you and then still wanting to
Speaker 1: reach out on top of that. Um. But Alex, you
Speaker 1: mentioned a couple of times like the importance of the introduction.
Speaker 1: So from your side of things on the backside, what
Speaker 1: do you kind of see as the most appropriate introduction
Speaker 1: for a girl to say to a guy in terms
Speaker 1: of the dating realm. And I think Erica, who's one
Speaker 1: of the producers in here, was saying that she likes
Speaker 1: to send a gift or is it a Jeff. I
Speaker 1: actually think it's it's the correct mestiation, is Jeff From
Speaker 1: what I've heard, I've heard that for graphics graphics interface,
Speaker 1: it's got to be g totally agree with you. Somebody,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm one of the older members on our
Speaker 1: team at thirty and somebody on the team was trying
Speaker 1: to explain to me that it was a Jeff and
Speaker 1: I was like, I've gotta say, gift for me, Um,
Speaker 1: I gift. It's a great option, I think, you know,
Speaker 1: I think a gift really does as we move forward,
Speaker 1: not j I gift really does help sin through personality. UM.
Speaker 1: I think also playing off somebody's profile. I think, you know,
Speaker 1: especially for men and women, it's really important to fill
Speaker 1: out your bio and give information. And I think that
Speaker 1: you can almost put a hook in your bio of
Speaker 1: a conversation starter as well. And listen, when we first
Speaker 1: launched bumble Um, we were having to not only change
Speaker 1: the fact that people thought that meeting online and dating
Speaker 1: apps were the whole concept behind it was a little
Speaker 1: bit seedy and a little bit um, you know, people
Speaker 1: were embarrassing, but also women weren't making the first move
Speaker 1: um and so we were having to almost retrain the
Speaker 1: way that women teach a new concepts that you can
Speaker 1: make the first move. So I'm always proud of a
Speaker 1: man who does, if it's even just like an emoji,
Speaker 1: like a waving hand or a high But I think
Speaker 1: there's so much more that you can you can There's
Speaker 1: so many places you can go from there. And I
Speaker 1: think the most important part of a first move is
Speaker 1: you get to direct the way that you want the
Speaker 1: conversation to go. And I always say that you can
Speaker 1: almost move into a first date and ask the questions
Speaker 1: that you would be asking on a first date in
Speaker 1: chats on bumble and then that way, but you almost
Speaker 1: you show up for the first date in person for
Speaker 1: your second date, UM, So I think that you can
Speaker 1: you can begin uh asking a question playing off of
Speaker 1: somebody's bio, using a gift um, anything like that that
Speaker 1: really does, uh just help you separate from a high
Speaker 1: or a hello. Yeah, it definitely helps build a level
Speaker 1: of comfortability. I think I was telling I was telling
Speaker 1: Erica earlier that, uh, whenever a girl would message me
Speaker 1: just hey to start, I think that I would probably
Speaker 1: respond to those maybe one percent of the time. No way. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just there's no personalization. It just all it takes
Speaker 1: is really thirt what half of the second to type
Speaker 1: out hey, and then saturday second, I don't know we're
Speaker 1: talking to you, but I'm just saying that it's not
Speaker 1: personal and it takes She's probably literally doing that to
Speaker 1: like every other guy that she matched with, and that's
Speaker 1: just kind of why I never really had any interest
Speaker 1: in starting conversation with profile like my bumble profile. Actually
Speaker 1: I remember what the bio said. It was. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's just you know, regular pictures of me off of
Speaker 1: my Instagram or something. I think my my bio caption
Speaker 1: said if you don't want to message me first, that's fine.
Speaker 1: I get that, but you're wrong and I hate you.
Speaker 1: It was a playoff of It was a playoff of
Speaker 1: the workaholics line. Um very aggressive it Yeah, it's it's
Speaker 1: it was a playoff of the workaholics line, where's like,
Speaker 1: if you don't want to date me, that's fine, I
Speaker 1: get that, but you're wrong and I hate you. So
Speaker 1: I just twisted it into being dating app relevant. And
Speaker 1: then I mean, obviously there were a couple of girls
Speaker 1: that maybe didn't get the reference, but the ones that
Speaker 1: did kind of allowed us to have a content. Can
Speaker 1: I say one thing about that. I think it's hilarious
Speaker 1: that you had that is your bio and then weren't
Speaker 1: responding when people, Yeah, that's actually I didn't even think
Speaker 1: of that. That's funny. And again this come this is
Speaker 1: was you know, a year and a half, two years ago.
Speaker 1: I was twenty four, I was young. I wasn't really
Speaker 1: sure what I was doing. I was just testing the
Speaker 1: dating app waters um. But I mean, it's new territory
Speaker 1: we're all doing. I mean, just this is uncharted waters
Speaker 1: for everyone. Right. People are getting the hang of it now,
Speaker 1: but it is. It's just a new way of meeting
Speaker 1: and it's and I think too, if you were saying women,
Speaker 1: you know, saying hey, that's that's new territory for women
Speaker 1: to say hi and make the first move. A lot
Speaker 1: of for a lot of women that's extremely outside of
Speaker 1: their comfort zones. And I think that any time that
Speaker 1: a woman makes the first move is is really exciting. Um,
Speaker 1: but it is. We're we're just we're all kind of
Speaker 1: trying to navigate the new world of dating. And I
Speaker 1: think that another point that was another point to a
Speaker 1: woman just saying hey or hi, Like, I think the
Speaker 1: majority of people nowadays are you know, going after their
Speaker 1: careers and are just busy in general, so sometimes it
Speaker 1: does get hard to be creative. And I think that's
Speaker 1: where gifts come in. Yeah, that makes sense. And I
Speaker 1: think that you were talking about earlier how you guys
Speaker 1: have done a great job of kind of eliminating the
Speaker 1: stigma attached to dating apps. Um, And it seems to
Speaker 1: be more widely socially acceptable now, whereas like two or
Speaker 1: three years ago, no one really it was kind of
Speaker 1: like almost taboo to talk about, Like you didn't really
Speaker 1: tell your friends that you were on Bumble or Tinder
Speaker 1: or any of these apps. But now it seems like
Speaker 1: everyone that's on it is a lot more comfortable to
Speaker 1: be like, yeah, I'm on it, I'm trying to you know, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you were using you were using dating apps like at
Speaker 1: eleven PM when none of your friends were around in
Speaker 1: the privacy of your room to nobody. Now, I would
Speaker 1: just use it when I was at my office and
Speaker 1: I was, I don't know, trying to procrastinate and put
Speaker 1: off working. It was it was. It was a great outlet.
Speaker 1: You can people can still use it that way too.
Speaker 1: Just don't tell your boss that we say that, right
Speaker 1: And if my if my former boss is listening, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: But it wasn't super into the work I guess I
Speaker 1: was doing at the time. Um, where did the name
Speaker 1: bumble come from? Bumble came from the concept of a
Speaker 1: clean bee, right, so a woman being in control. That's
Speaker 1: that's where bumble came from. And and um, something else
Speaker 1: that I think is was really clever when we were
Speaker 1: starting to talk about bumble and playing around with it. Um,
Speaker 1: it's the idea that when you date, like to to
Speaker 1: bumble is to stumble about awkwardly, and that's kind of
Speaker 1: what dating is. Um, You're stumbling around trying to get
Speaker 1: to catch your footing. And I think that that's also
Speaker 1: a really clever play on the word bumble. So it's
Speaker 1: it's bumble as a verb. I guess not and actually
Speaker 1: I think you know there was a time, Whitney, you
Speaker 1: actually spoke about this. But we were in my mom's
Speaker 1: kitchen one time in Dallas and talking about the name
Speaker 1: Bumble and my mom was like, um, be the clean bee,
Speaker 1: find your honey, and Whitney was like, yes, so that's it.
Speaker 1: So that's I mean, we realized how many, how many
Speaker 1: ways there were like words to play on with it
Speaker 1: and wasting courage women, um, really to take ownership with
Speaker 1: their life. That's great. I actually have a couple of
Speaker 1: friends that I've worked over at Bumble just from like
Speaker 1: the inside perspective. They've all said very very positive things
Speaker 1: of like work, atmosphere, environment, and a lot kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: It's kind of off topic, but that's awesome. Maybe we
Speaker 1: can talk offline about who your friends are because we've
Speaker 1: we try to maintain that kind of a workplace environment.
Speaker 1: So that's really great to years and especially with all
Speaker 1: the growth you guys have seen. I'm sure it must
Speaker 1: be difficult to do, but it's good that you guys
Speaker 1: are still doing it. We are having so much fun.
Speaker 1: I mean our team, I know that we're talking more
Speaker 1: about you know, just stating and how to use bumblo
Speaker 1: with our team is I mean, we have a spectacular
Speaker 1: team with people and everybody who joins. I've been amazed.
Speaker 1: I've had a lot of growth, especially in the past
Speaker 1: six months, and so many incredible minds haven't joined have
Speaker 1: joined our teams. And uh, it's just all of the
Speaker 1: new creativity and collaboration that's really exciting. And um, we
Speaker 1: really do try to treat each other, um with respect.
Speaker 1: Nobody's ideas are more important or valuable than anybody else
Speaker 1: is on our team. Okay, I have another question for you. So, um,
Speaker 1: back in the day when I did have bumble, I
Speaker 1: would notice that if I wasn't on for a couple
Speaker 1: of days, like the first ten profiles I came across
Speaker 1: were profiles that were almost automatic, like swipe rights. Do
Speaker 1: you guys have like a specific algorithm And maybe I
Speaker 1: don't know, maybe this is I p that you're not
Speaker 1: willing to share, maybe you're not allowed to share, but
Speaker 1: are like the first ten profiles of every time you
Speaker 1: log onto the app, like the more attractive profiles, or
Speaker 1: maybe like the profiles that you see more swipe rights on.
Speaker 1: So that's kind of why you put them at the
Speaker 1: top of the queue. No, not necessarily. I think that
Speaker 1: it's more about like who, It's more of a compatibility thing. Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, that's just a question that I was. It
Speaker 1: was something I always kind of thought about. What advice
Speaker 1: do you have for a profile picture? I know that's
Speaker 1: a very stressful thing for some people because that's really
Speaker 1: all you have to go on if you're just doing
Speaker 1: a swipe run. I well, and it's and it's going
Speaker 1: back to this also goes back to make like making
Speaker 1: the first move. I am so about being yourself. I
Speaker 1: think that you should lay your cards on the table
Speaker 1: and just be who you are and you're going to
Speaker 1: attract the right person. Um, but I think that your
Speaker 1: first not being said, I'm about to give advice on
Speaker 1: what your first profile pictures should be, but I think
Speaker 1: that used it should be approachable. You know, there are
Speaker 1: sometimes people who will have their first pictures be them
Speaker 1: like on a motorcycle, um, you know, very like intimid eating.
Speaker 1: And if that is who you are, then let that,
Speaker 1: let that hine. But if you are more you know,
Speaker 1: you like what do you banter and you're more laid
Speaker 1: back and you're really more about like fronting, I don't
Speaker 1: think that you should really front somebody who you're not. UM. So,
Speaker 1: I think it's important to show the most approachable version
Speaker 1: of yourself. UM and I always recommend having a photo
Speaker 1: of you, like your favorite current photo of you, not
Speaker 1: a photo of you from like six months ago. When
Speaker 1: you try blue hair, you know, just make it who
Speaker 1: you are now, and that person should be smiling and approachable.
Speaker 1: UM And I think that that that we tend to
Speaker 1: see the most stripe rights with that. It's funny that
Speaker 1: you mentioned that I have a friend, uh who was
Speaker 1: talking to me, talking to us recently about how she's
Speaker 1: not having the most success on these dates, and then
Speaker 1: we looked at her profile and we're like, well, yeah,
Speaker 1: of course you have all of the pictures from when
Speaker 1: you were in college and you're twenty nine now, so
Speaker 1: it's like you're they're expecting something different and not that
Speaker 1: that's obviously the driving factor to a success relationship, but
Speaker 1: it's like, I mean, you want to go into a
Speaker 1: date with at least an idea of the current person
Speaker 1: that you're Yeah. I also think it's really important too,
Speaker 1: Like I it's amazing if you have a bunch of
Speaker 1: photos of modeling, or if that's hobby or your profession.
Speaker 1: But keep in mind when you're you're wanting to go
Speaker 1: out with somebody and sit down and have a coffee
Speaker 1: or have a drink, and sometimes you're like, if it's
Speaker 1: a photo of you that's to stylize, it can be intimidating. Um.
Speaker 1: So I think you know where whereas like an Instagram
Speaker 1: is a place where you really can uh show off
Speaker 1: like incredibly gorgeous stylized photos of yourself, you want this
Speaker 1: to be a place where people feel like they can
Speaker 1: actually approach to you. It also goes downd to like
Speaker 1: I mean in real life. You know, when you're out
Speaker 1: at a bar or you're out with your friends, you know,
Speaker 1: if you're if you are sitting there and you're you
Speaker 1: aren't being very open and you aren't smiling, and you
Speaker 1: aren't being approachable, sometimes it's difficult to start conversations that way,
Speaker 1: which is nothing to say if you're more introverted. I mean, um,
Speaker 1: that's the beauty of bumble is that you can find somebody,
Speaker 1: um in a much easier way if you are introverted.
Speaker 1: I was thinking about this today while I was flying
Speaker 1: back from Sundance, and I consider myself an introvert, and
Speaker 1: I would sometimes walk around with earbuds in my ear
Speaker 1: without music playing, because I think that when you have
Speaker 1: earbuds and you're less approachable and so like, I'd be
Speaker 1: like at work with earbuds and no music playing just
Speaker 1: because I didn't want anyone to come up and talk
Speaker 1: to me. That kind of that's kind of you know,
Speaker 1: I've done that, but I usually have music on. Oh well,
Speaker 1: I mean teach their own, I guess, which also is
Speaker 1: scary because I have really bumbles based in Austin, Texas,
Speaker 1: and that's always like terrifying to me when I'm in
Speaker 1: like London or New York and I'm walking around with music,
Speaker 1: and I'm always so afraid walking around on the streets
Speaker 1: that way. It's not the most intelligent. Well, as long
Speaker 1: as you get away with it, I guess. But um, Alex,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for calling in and um, I
Speaker 1: guess helping us and helping our listeners improve their bumble profiles. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: any any parting words before we up off the phone. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think just the most important thing is to be
Speaker 1: yourself and to bumble with an open mind. I think
Speaker 1: you know a lot of times we go into like
Speaker 1: you log on and you expect to be looking for
Speaker 1: a certain type of person, right. You think that you
Speaker 1: have an idea of what you're looking for ahead of time.
Speaker 1: But maybe you masked with somebody who ends up truthfully
Speaker 1: being one of your best friends, or maybe they connect
Speaker 1: you to the person who it is the love of
Speaker 1: your life. And I just think that you never know
Speaker 1: what you know. You can't really tell what you're looking for.
Speaker 1: And sometimes in friendship and dating and in business, and
Speaker 1: I think that if you keep an open mind and
Speaker 1: don't limit yourself, that the options are limit less of
Speaker 1: who you can meet. And it's really just about expanding
Speaker 1: your world. I love it. It's great to have another
Speaker 1: avenue to meet people. I mean, the guy who wears
Speaker 1: heads well, okay, and how can you graduate? It's hard people.
Speaker 1: This is coming from the guy that would prefer to
Speaker 1: stay on our Friday night and a Saturday night. And
Speaker 1: so it's nice if you're a single person to be
Speaker 1: able to kind of have the experience of meeting new
Speaker 1: people without having to go out too social settings. That
Speaker 1: makes sense. Actually able to meet new people while you're
Speaker 1: eating pizza watching that sucks the greatest, exactly all right, Alex, Well,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for calling in again. Uh, we
Speaker 1: definitely appreciate the time and we will hopefully continue to
Speaker 1: have listeners who use bumble and reap the benefits of it. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: thank you all for having me. This is a great conversation.
Speaker 1: All right, take care? Alright? Can we go back to
Speaker 1: the fact that you are, like, what's wrong with the
Speaker 1: world right now? What do you mean, Oh how I'd
Speaker 1: just like to be closed off? And yeah, like nobody
Speaker 1: I can walk down. I like actually did an experiment
Speaker 1: where I would walk just walk to like my local
Speaker 1: farmer's market or whatever, and I'd say good morning to
Speaker 1: every single person that walked by, and so many people
Speaker 1: did not respond, And I'm like, what is okay? And
Speaker 1: this is different because I'm an incredibly affectionate person when
Speaker 1: I run into anyone on the street. But it's like
Speaker 1: there are times where you want to be like in
Speaker 1: your own head and closed off and all that kind
Speaker 1: stuff actually got at Sundance. I mean, obviously there's like
Speaker 1: movie stars everywhere, but for some reasons, people still wanted
Speaker 1: to like approach me and say hi to me and
Speaker 1: like have a conversation with me, and almost kind of
Speaker 1: gotten trouble for and I've gotten in trouble for this before,
Speaker 1: where when I meet someone new that's excited to meet me,
Speaker 1: I like to create as much of an impression as
Speaker 1: I possibly can, So I'll I'll have like a five
Speaker 1: de seminant conversation with with whoever that is, and with
Speaker 1: whoever it is that I'm with kind of sometimes gets
Speaker 1: annoyed by me investing my time and strangers on the
Speaker 1: street instead of investing time in the relationship that I
Speaker 1: think that's because that's the only time they're gonna have
Speaker 1: with you, And that's that's the way that I justified
Speaker 1: to I'm like five five minutes, uh with meeting someone
Speaker 1: that's excited, and we'll put a smile on their face
Speaker 1: and all that kind of stuff is is nothing, and
Speaker 1: then you know, obviously like we'll still have time to
Speaker 1: spend together after this conversation. I had a friend visit
Speaker 1: from Wisconsin that I hadn't seen in many, many years,
Speaker 1: and she brought her daughter out here and I said, oh,
Speaker 1: do you guys know that? Bashley Nodina like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: we know. Do you know what comes to say? How
Speaker 1: did Dean? And they did and he couldn't have been
Speaker 1: nicer and kinder, and he spent maybe not ten minutes,
Speaker 1: but he spent like two minutes with him. But they
Speaker 1: felt like he made them feel so special. Who's asking
Speaker 1: about them and all these questions. You really just made
Speaker 1: them feel important and like the only people in the room.
Speaker 1: And I think that was really kind. Thanks. Martin's a
Speaker 1: good guy. So at the point that is is, yes,
Speaker 1: I am a lot of what's wrong with the world's
Speaker 1: because I'd like to avoid uh social settings, but at
Speaker 1: the same time, when I'm in them, I I do
Speaker 1: do my best to make sure I'm very present and
Speaker 1: no show the same as you, I said, I feel
Speaker 1: the same as Yeah. So it's just interesting when when
Speaker 1: you said that, because to me, you are very extroverted,
Speaker 1: like you're so happy, go lucky, you're so engaging, and
Speaker 1: you're so like such a people person that got I
Speaker 1: got into this conversation actually just recently as well as um,
Speaker 1: I can say I define myself as an introvert, but
Speaker 1: other people call me an extrovert because I guess I'm
Speaker 1: able to survive or key my head above in social
Speaker 1: settings or a head above water. But I think I
Speaker 1: would define it as what you're doing when you're by yourself,
Speaker 1: or say it's like Friday eight pm and what you're
Speaker 1: what you're motivated by is what defines you whether introverted
Speaker 1: experts of it's Friday eight pm and you want to
Speaker 1: stay in, and that's consistent and makes you an introvert.
Speaker 1: But if your Friday a pm and you want to
Speaker 1: go out, that would say that you're more extroverted. That's
Speaker 1: just kind of a way like when you're acting for
Speaker 1: yourself and not for other people. Kind of that She
Speaker 1: sheds late on whether you like to be in the
Speaker 1: interesting and like I said, I'd rather spend a Friday
Speaker 1: night in watching movies eating pizza than going out to
Speaker 1: a bar. And what celebrities did you see at Sundance?
Speaker 1: We saw Paul Rudd the first night and then Peter
Speaker 1: Dinklich on Sunday night. I went up to Peter Dinklich
Speaker 1: and I asked him for a picture and he said no,
Speaker 1: but one time I've ever asked anyone for a picture.
Speaker 1: He just said no, but you can shake my hand,
Speaker 1: and I was like, all right. He told me that
Speaker 1: in the car and I thought I heard an interview
Speaker 1: with Laurence Fishburne once and he said, you'd much rather
Speaker 1: spend like I have a human a moment of human connection,
Speaker 1: and you know, just this picture a picture. I know
Speaker 1: what you're saying. I was saying, maybe if we think
Speaker 1: about it from Peter's perspective, you know, and he's very sure,
Speaker 1: he's very easily identifiable, So I'm sure he gets asked
Speaker 1: for pictures. Yeah, but I wonder if that's part of
Speaker 1: his sensitivity towards it, is that it's very Maybe he's
Speaker 1: been goofed down in the past and that sort of
Speaker 1: a thing, and maybe that's why he's sensitive about that.
Speaker 1: But it's just it was funny going from my experience
Speaker 1: where it's I would never say no to someone asking
Speaker 1: for a picture, and then I just get like, the
Speaker 1: only time I've ever asked someone for a picture, I
Speaker 1: just get shut down. So I but it's overwhelming for him, though,
Speaker 1: since Game of Thrones, you should ask more people everyone easy.
Speaker 1: Here's some emails. I don't either, but emails, and these
Speaker 1: are continuing with the theme of dating apps. This is Jared.
Speaker 1: I'm twenty two and officially an adult. I have a
Speaker 1: nine to five job that I love. I feel like
Speaker 1: I just want to find that one person in my life.
Speaker 1: But now I hate dating. I've really never had a
Speaker 1: long relationship or even dated much. It went on bumble,
Speaker 1: and now suddenly I have too much going on. I'm
Speaker 1: talking to four girls right now, which is very weird
Speaker 1: for me. I just want to figure out who could
Speaker 1: be my potential partner, but I feel so guilty dating
Speaker 1: multiple girls. Help, I'm suddenly too good at dating. Thank you.
Speaker 1: Look how this episode has been just one ongoing bumble
Speaker 1: app that sounds like an nightmare to me. Of talking
Speaker 1: to four girls at the same time. Just the entire
Speaker 1: like structure of how this would happen makes me anxious.
Speaker 1: You know what, I think there are two very different
Speaker 1: types of people in the world. There's people that can
Speaker 1: date multiple people at once, and there's people that like
Speaker 1: to date one person at time. I personally like to
Speaker 1: do one at a time. I can't. I can barely
Speaker 1: remember something, you know what I mean, Like on the
Speaker 1: first date. I think it's hard to remember. It could
Speaker 1: imagine doing that with four other people. But I do
Speaker 1: think that it is a numbers game, you know, like
Speaker 1: you go through people faster and you're bound to click
Speaker 1: with somebody. Quicker, Well, he's texting all four of them,
Speaker 1: Is that what he's saying that he's texting for them
Speaker 1: at the same time he's actually dating multiple girls. As
Speaker 1: I'm talking to four girls talking to I feel so
Speaker 1: guilty dating and multiple girls. So I feel like he's
Speaker 1: saying that when you're on a dating app, you're gonna
Speaker 1: meet for coffee or whatever and here and here, and
Speaker 1: suddenly you're at date two or three with multiple girls,
Speaker 1: which is kind of an uncomfortable thing, and then gets
Speaker 1: to the point where you're at date eight with one
Speaker 1: and date two with another, and then how do you
Speaker 1: probably ties and the other one they find out? Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I get I get the discomfort, but I also think
Speaker 1: that this is kind of how it is right now.
Speaker 1: I have no idea, so I'm just like, yeah, and
Speaker 1: dating is so ill defined now too. I feel like,
Speaker 1: is a coffee like you go to coffee twice and
Speaker 1: you're dating that person. It feels like high school again
Speaker 1: because it'll be like, oh, these people are dating. It's like,
Speaker 1: does that mean they're like going out going out with
Speaker 1: the whole thing? And so maybe that's what we should
Speaker 1: maybe that should be twenty initiative is two more, uh,
Speaker 1: granularly define what dating is. Set some more barriers and
Speaker 1: some more structure in the dating word, the word of
Speaker 1: dating to make it more clear for all of us.
Speaker 1: You should do that on the next episode, like actually
Speaker 1: spell it out, like this is dating, this is seeing
Speaker 1: each other, this is talking create like parameters forward like
Speaker 1: a ven diagram. But but I think in this he's
Speaker 1: not dating these women, right, He's seeing multiple pie seeing them,
Speaker 1: he's dating, He's going on dates with them, he's dating them. Um,
Speaker 1: what advice do we have for him? First of all,
Speaker 1: I also have to say I love one guy's email
Speaker 1: and all that kind of stuff. It's nice to know
Speaker 1: that there's some males out there that are are they
Speaker 1: listening to the podcast or And also a sensitive guy
Speaker 1: like this who is bothered by the fact that he's
Speaker 1: dating multiple people. Guys are high five and about that sort.
Speaker 1: I mean he's still dating four or five people at
Speaker 1: the same time. I mean, you know this sounds like
Speaker 1: Mr Wilsher I dated I Well, I was going on
Speaker 1: dates with this guy, um that I met on Wilshire
Speaker 1: Boulevard like literally car to car and he asked me
Speaker 1: for my number, and like it's a move. So I
Speaker 1: was like I wanted to encourage, Like I was like,
Speaker 1: that's what I'm really bad with cars. I don't know.
Speaker 1: But it was a nice it was a nice car. Okay. Um,
Speaker 1: and so got my number and we went out. We
Speaker 1: had a really good time, and I was like, Wow,
Speaker 1: I can't believe, like actually into this guy that like
Speaker 1: I met on Wilsher and Boulevard. What the heck? Um?
Speaker 1: So we had like two dates. Everything's going great, Like
Speaker 1: kissed him. Everything was like going good. And then I'm
Speaker 1: at I'm like he lives on in West Hall, it
Speaker 1: would and I'm like on the west side of town,
Speaker 1: and I'm having lunched with Becca and I'm supposed to
Speaker 1: see this guy that night. We're supposed to get drinks
Speaker 1: some dinner that night. Okay. So it's like Saturday night
Speaker 1: and Beck and I are having lunch and we're sitting
Speaker 1: at this bench and who walks right in front of
Speaker 1: our bench the guy Mr Wells were holding hands with
Speaker 1: some other chick. Mind you, this is the second time
Speaker 1: I've seen him. I saw him actually driving down Sunds
Speaker 1: at Boulevard, and I saw him on a date literally
Speaker 1: on a restaurant that's weird with this, different girls, different
Speaker 1: girls than when I have experienced dating a Jared, and
Speaker 1: I think he needs to quit doing it while he's
Speaker 1: ahead and just pick one. And that's and that's in
Speaker 1: l A too, and like one of the biggest to
Speaker 1: the world where you're not supposed to run into people
Speaker 1: randomly like that. And so if you're doing it in
Speaker 1: like a small town, I can obviously we don't know
Speaker 1: where Jared lives, but growing up in a small town
Speaker 1: in Colorado, like there's no way you could possibly do that.
Speaker 1: And even if in l A, I feel like you
Speaker 1: can't get away with it just at once. Like I
Speaker 1: feel like the way this works doesn't necessarily mean you're
Speaker 1: good at it, you know what I mean, because you're
Speaker 1: not developing the conversation between and I just feel like
Speaker 1: it'd be hard to compartmentalize your time and your brain
Speaker 1: in such a way that you develop a meaningful relationship
Speaker 1: with I mean, obviously it was probably winnow down to
Speaker 1: one person, but I mean I have friends that use
Speaker 1: these apps that will have like a roster of like
Speaker 1: three or four girls that's talking too one time, and
Speaker 1: maybe one drops off, they get back on the app
Speaker 1: and get like a fourth or fifth one put back on.
Speaker 1: There's definitely a bad side to these. There's a constant
Speaker 1: churn of new people that they're being introduced to. And
Speaker 1: I mean maybe, like like Alex said on the phone
Speaker 1: just now, it is a numbers game in a lot
Speaker 1: of ways, and maybe they're just dating until one of
Speaker 1: them sticks and then that stickiness turns into it. I
Speaker 1: don't feel like he's doing anything wrong here. I'm not.
Speaker 1: I really don't know. They don't think you're doing anything
Speaker 1: wrong wrong, But I think you should maybe pick two
Speaker 1: and just stick to two. I feel like four is
Speaker 1: a lot if if if four is wrong, isn't too
Speaker 1: also wrong? Well, but two we can be honest and say, like,
Speaker 1: I'm not just dating you, I am dating somebody else. Honesty.
Speaker 1: It's better when it's on TV. And I think you're right,
Speaker 1: he's not lying to anybody. I don't think he's doing
Speaker 1: anything wrong here, And I think at some point one
Speaker 1: of these girls will capture his heart and that will
Speaker 1: make it an easy decision to go in that direction. Hopefully,
Speaker 1: Unless you get down to like seven or eight days
Speaker 1: and you have three people, they're all like, these are
Speaker 1: all pretty cool. I mean at twenty two, I was
Speaker 1: doing the same thing as him. I can't. It obviously
Speaker 1: didn't work out for me positively, but I still I mean,
Speaker 1: I was having fun, so if he just wants that fun,
Speaker 1: but it really depends what he's looking for. Like I
Speaker 1: I wouldn't advise doing that now, but that sounds like
Speaker 1: he's having fun. Yeah, you're right, it really doesn't. But
Speaker 1: be over it, Jared, I feel for you. YEA, all right?
Speaker 1: What else we have? Megan? First, I listened every week.
Speaker 1: I love shifting away from Bachelor in Paradise and being
Speaker 1: personal struggle to the more all around dating advice and input. God. Yeah,
Speaker 1: my question is on how to navigate the awkward waters
Speaker 1: of dating apps. I live in New Orleans. I'm thirty.
Speaker 1: I've been single for a long time. I'm a PhD
Speaker 1: student and very dedicated to my studies. Happily independent. I
Speaker 1: have hobbies, but it would be nice to have someone
Speaker 1: to share my time with. I try to meet people
Speaker 1: in person, social groups, fitness groups, try to go out
Speaker 1: with my single girl friends the places guys would be,
Speaker 1: but still nothing has stuck, and I feel like in
Speaker 1: person people don't try this is interesting. I feel like
Speaker 1: in person. People don't try as much because they can
Speaker 1: just go home and swipe from their bed. I feel
Speaker 1: like people are shifting away from meeting in person to
Speaker 1: meeting on apps, and it's awkward. My issue is that
Speaker 1: I'm in bumble a match with guys. I try to
Speaker 1: message most people I match with, but guys do not respond.
Speaker 1: Do you have any advice on dating app etiquette and
Speaker 1: how to really grab a guy's attention? Everyone has the
Speaker 1: typical advice, Say something cute, quirky, don't just say hey,
Speaker 1: ask something about their profile, comment on a pick. But
Speaker 1: it all feels awkward and disingenuous. Help dating in the
Speaker 1: modern world sucks. That's another possible title for this show.
Speaker 1: But I find this interesting because, uh, you match with them,
Speaker 1: meaning they swiped right on you, and then the guy
Speaker 1: doesn't respond. I hear this complaint a lot. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think we were talking earlier about how I didn't
Speaker 1: respond to a lot of people that I meshed with.
Speaker 1: A lot of guys go with the shotgun approach where
Speaker 1: they're not even looking at the phone and they're just swiping. Horrifying.
Speaker 1: It's not great. Why would you do that? It's it's
Speaker 1: like fishing right you're just casting a wide net, and
Speaker 1: you can still cast a wide net of girls that
Speaker 1: you like, but it does the process for you rather
Speaker 1: than you're going okay, no, yes, no, you say yes
Speaker 1: to everything and whoever pops up. It's an even lazier way.
Speaker 1: It's a lazy way of doing a lazy chore kind
Speaker 1: of thing. Yeah, but that's incredible. I've never heard that.
Speaker 1: But I think I think even though she said that
Speaker 1: she gets this advice a lot, I think the very
Speaker 1: first um, I guess introduction is super important. It doesn't
Speaker 1: have to be like something interesting about their profile, but
Speaker 1: like maybe like a funny pun or like a like
Speaker 1: a cheesy joke. It just blows my mind. Yeah, it's like,
Speaker 1: it's it's it's crazy. It seems to comfort full circle
Speaker 1: from going like you don't want to say a cheesy
Speaker 1: pickup line to like, now you should text a cheesy
Speaker 1: pickup line or a pund like if they say they're
Speaker 1: a Grace Anatomy fan and you say, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: you've seen this good episode yet. Isn't that a better
Speaker 1: way to get a conversation going? No, I think so.
Speaker 1: I mean, it seems you find a common point of
Speaker 1: interest and be like, hey, I saw that you like, yeah,
Speaker 1: a mutual interesting? You ask about it, Tanya, you're giving
Speaker 1: me that look you give me sometimes. Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think I wouldn't mind that, like in the conversation,
Speaker 1: not the opening line. You don't want them to seem
Speaker 1: kind of like sockers. What would be your ideal opening line?
Speaker 1: I mean I enjoy happy Saturday. They on a Saturday. No,
Speaker 1: we're like happy Tuesday or whatever. It is just like,
Speaker 1: you know, positive vibes, like you know, hey, like a
Speaker 1: quick witted, like funny joke or response. That's what, at
Speaker 1: least for me, keeps my intention and would keep me
Speaker 1: interested in. So I remember some of my roommate, Uh,
Speaker 1: well have you ever seen of none where he's he's
Speaker 1: always like, I'm going to Whole Food is gonna get
Speaker 1: you something? That one got overused a lot after that
Speaker 1: season airs, But that's like funny because it's like, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: you're funny because it's, um, how would you respond to
Speaker 1: that time if you've got an opening wine I'm going
Speaker 1: to Whole Food is gonna get you something? I wouldn't
Speaker 1: get the joke and I'd be like delete. But it's
Speaker 1: it's better than I think that. One that I used
Speaker 1: in the past was like if if again. I use
Speaker 1: it primarily as um very lighthearted, right, so like I
Speaker 1: just wanted to, like, I don't know, see what potentially
Speaker 1: could come from anything. So one that my roommate and
Speaker 1: I've used was like, did you hear about the explosion
Speaker 1: of the cheese factory? And they'd be like, oh my god, no,
Speaker 1: the explosion of cheese factory and go, yeah, apparently there
Speaker 1: was debris everywhere, and then it just like sparks like
Speaker 1: a stupid conversation that's like like one pond after another,
Speaker 1: like it really hurt. Well, that's the point. It's supposed
Speaker 1: to be very cheesy. But then some people aren't gonna
Speaker 1: get the bris reference and they're just gonna be like, well,
Speaker 1: then that's how you weed up the ones that you
Speaker 1: don't want to be dating in. Don't know, Oh that's
Speaker 1: a gooda Joe back, it's fun. I want to be
Speaker 1: a monster all it's fun. It's it's I think it's
Speaker 1: good to establish inside joke early on because then it
Speaker 1: allows like a fallback if something gets like weird, uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: you go always fall back on my back to cheese.
Speaker 1: Who else did you use that cheese? Joe, tell me
Speaker 1: it's not bad. It's not bad. Let's maybe make a
Speaker 1: list of those. I kind of like that of cheese jokes,
Speaker 1: just like funny, funny things you can start out with. Erica,
Speaker 1: you've been using gifts. I believe Alex mentioned gifts, but
Speaker 1: Erica has some success with a gift on Bumble. I
Speaker 1: think it's going fine. I like gifts. I'm a big fan.
Speaker 1: You get response, which one did you use? The sub
Speaker 1: seal it's like shimmying in the snow and then it
Speaker 1: says up, Yeah, that's good. I think the one is
Speaker 1: there's an animated penguin that waves and says hello, Oh
Speaker 1: that's cute, very cute. How would you feel about that?
Speaker 1: Tanais like, Okay, maybe I'm just not unders standing these
Speaker 1: jokes now that I like think back on some of
Speaker 1: my opening lines and like maybe just google them or something.
Speaker 1: And that's the thing too, I feel I feel like
Speaker 1: sometimes people take it too seriously. Yeah, and so if
Speaker 1: you're able to make light of everything, then it kind
Speaker 1: of is like, okay, like this is gonna be a
Speaker 1: fun conversation instead of like, oh, we're going to go
Speaker 1: on a date and potentially fall in love and get married.
Speaker 1: For this, obviously everyone wants that, but by like putting
Speaker 1: so much pressure on you on the so early on too.
Speaker 1: You know, what were some of the worst ones you've gotten?
Speaker 1: Like something about Starburst. It was something like if you
Speaker 1: were if if you were, if I was eating Starburst,
Speaker 1: you'd be my red one or something, and I was like,
Speaker 1: maybe that was a joke. I didn't understand. I deleted.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's not bad because everyone loves the red Starburst.
Speaker 1: And then there was one that was very persumptuous breakfast
Speaker 1: for dinner, something about how do you like your eggs
Speaker 1: in morning? Or breakfast for dinner? Question mark and I
Speaker 1: was like, maybe I'm maybe I'm missing something. Well, I
Speaker 1: think you should put yourself in their position and think
Speaker 1: maybe they're just trying something different to get your attention. Well,
Speaker 1: that's what I was saying with this question. I imagine
Speaker 1: a lot of people that sign up that are like guys,
Speaker 1: are also like kind of introvert or having trouble connecting,
Speaker 1: and so they get messaged from these women and they're
Speaker 1: also being like, oh God, someone actually messaged me. You know,
Speaker 1: because you have people that are out there trying to
Speaker 1: get everyone. But then I'll see how people are probably
Speaker 1: like I don't know how to respond either, And when
Speaker 1: when it's such a numbers game and the net is
Speaker 1: cast so wide, I think the best thing that you
Speaker 1: can do is do something NIC's unique to make you
Speaker 1: stand out. Hopefully that was helpful for Megan. You're I'm
Speaker 1: sure you're like, you're obviously a beautiful person, and I'm
Speaker 1: sure that that is the first thing that they noticed.
Speaker 1: But I mean you should be more than just saying, hey, okay,
Speaker 1: you know what, I am going to step up my game.
Speaker 1: But I also think some advice to give Megan is,
Speaker 1: aside from dating apps, I think asking your friends to
Speaker 1: set you up is a really good call. You're leaving
Speaker 1: dating apps and just getting well not leaving them. But like,
Speaker 1: in addition to um asking your you don't think that
Speaker 1: she's a PhD student. Imagine she has a lot of
Speaker 1: people in I won't name her, but so well, you guys,
Speaker 1: don't ask she's she used to be. She's like actually
Speaker 1: best friends. Oh yeah, so she's single and she's like
Speaker 1: looking to be introduced to someone. She like asked me,
Speaker 1: She's like, do you have any friends that you can
Speaker 1: introduce me to, and I think that. I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to introduce it any of my friends
Speaker 1: because all my friends are morons. Well that's fine, and
Speaker 1: that's totally fine. Then you don't accept okay, but that's fine.
Speaker 1: Then you don't set her up. But if they have somebody,
Speaker 1: like a lot of you know, a lot of people don't,
Speaker 1: they're like, no, like I wanna want to say it
Speaker 1: with any of these freaks, but a lot of people do.
Speaker 1: They're like, oh my gosh, yeah, I do have somebody
Speaker 1: that I could set you up with, And I think
Speaker 1: people really like to do that, especially for the friends.
Speaker 1: But then he gets awkward though, and it doesn't work.
Speaker 1: It doesn't work out. Everyone keeps hanging out and they're like, Okay,
Speaker 1: that's the thing too, especially because nas is such an
Speaker 1: incredible person, so I would want to set her up
Speaker 1: with my most incredible friend, and I'm like, too good
Speaker 1: for all of my friends by far. So it's like, well,
Speaker 1: I can't do that, but I'm glad that you care
Speaker 1: about her that much. That's cool. This is from a
Speaker 1: woman who calls herself first Date blunder Woman. Hi Deane
Speaker 1: Hi mark anyone else is in the studio. I was
Speaker 1: having trouble finding guys that are mentally and physically attractive,
Speaker 1: especially when it comes to meeting guts some dating apps,
Speaker 1: it's tough to meet guys outside of the ugly bar
Speaker 1: scene or work. Recently, I went on date with a
Speaker 1: guy I met on a dating app. I'm twenty one,
Speaker 1: he's twenty six. I had low expectations going into it,
Speaker 1: and surprisingly it turned out so well. He would even
Speaker 1: say things of how he's so glad it wasn't a catfish,
Speaker 1: and how he could tell we were going to get
Speaker 1: along when he looked into my eyes. Blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: We talked about where we came from, the places we've traveled,
Speaker 1: and the goals for the future. He even asked to
Speaker 1: get drinks at a bar after dinner. I thought things
Speaker 1: were going great. We had so much chemistry, but I
Speaker 1: also haven't heard from him since the date we kissed.
Speaker 1: It was electric. Why would I not hear from him?
Speaker 1: Did I read the signs incorrectly? Or is he at
Speaker 1: a place with work and everything that he wouldn't want
Speaker 1: to pursue something. Thank you for your help. I suck
Speaker 1: at dating. Maybe this is Jared and he just has
Speaker 1: four other I mean, that's the only thing that I
Speaker 1: could really think of. I don't have a good feeling
Speaker 1: about this. I'm sorry. I think you felt that spark.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure he did. Yeah, well, I think it's
Speaker 1: been a long time for me. But I just feel
Speaker 1: like in situations like this, it sucks. But I don't
Speaker 1: know from the tone of it, the way it's being described.
Speaker 1: I think the best thing you could do is just
Speaker 1: try to forget about move on. I don't even think
Speaker 1: forget about it. He went on a wonderful date, You
Speaker 1: had a great time, You had an electrifying kiss. Think
Speaker 1: of that. I think of that as like a positive,
Speaker 1: Like you can't have these feelings whatever. For some reason,
Speaker 1: you can never know what's going on with the guy.
Speaker 1: He might be dealing with family. I mean I always
Speaker 1: go to like, it's never you with them, But you
Speaker 1: might have family issues. He might be going through a
Speaker 1: lot of stress at work. He might have met somebody
Speaker 1: else and likes them better. You know, you don't ever
Speaker 1: know what's happening. But the fact that you were able
Speaker 1: to have enjoy yourself and have a really great date,
Speaker 1: that's a good sign it is and you'll learn from it. Dating.
Speaker 1: Dating is a good thing to practice even if it's
Speaker 1: not the one. And clearly he's not the one. And
Speaker 1: I don't think he's just too busy at work. I
Speaker 1: just don't think he's into it. I think she feel bad,
Speaker 1: that says blunder woman, Like I don't think she didn't
Speaker 1: nothing wrong. Of course, I think she should continue to
Speaker 1: have low expectations though, right, that was good. It's my
Speaker 1: word of advice because that's that way. I mean, it's
Speaker 1: it's weird because she went from having low expectations to
Speaker 1: calling the kiss electric and now she's upset about it.
Speaker 1: But if you kind of like maintain the expectations until
Speaker 1: something actually like formulated from it. I feel bad because
Speaker 1: she sounds like she's met a lot of frogs looking
Speaker 1: for a prince, finally gets a guy okay great, finally
Speaker 1: gets to go out with okay, great, it goes so well,
Speaker 1: like she finally gets one's one though exactly, that's a
Speaker 1: good point. She's when she's twenty two, she can go
Speaker 1: on the Bachelor, just like back. There's a quote that
Speaker 1: this makes me think of, and it's, um, I'm really
Speaker 1: trying to try out to mess this one up. It's um,
Speaker 1: you never do this right, Um okay, Uh, don't be
Speaker 1: be open to the possibility but not attached to the outcome.
Speaker 1: Very nice. I think you got it, Thank you. I
Speaker 1: think it because you're open to the possibility of a
Speaker 1: great relationship when you're going on a date, but you're
Speaker 1: not attached to the outcome. So if you don't hear
Speaker 1: from again. I think that also has to do with
Speaker 1: being present, because so many people are like dates going well,
Speaker 1: good job, the date's going well, and they're immediately like, oh,
Speaker 1: what do we getting next day? It's like slowdowns, be here,
Speaker 1: enjoy the moment. And by the way, she may have
Speaker 1: heard from him since she sent this email. Who knows.
Speaker 1: That's the hard thing for someone like a Jared too,
Speaker 1: is if he's dating four or five girls on the
Speaker 1: same app at the same time. I'm sure he's probably
Speaker 1: the one that's responsible for, uh, deciding where to go
Speaker 1: for the dates. I'm sure he's probably like recycling a
Speaker 1: lot of the date ideas, like that Master of None episode.
Speaker 1: He's like in the at the same bar every Tuesday, Thursday,
Speaker 1: Friday night, meeting a girl doing the exact same thing
Speaker 1: over and over again, like it's boring and redundant and old. Um,
Speaker 1: do you even watch the show? Is the second time
Speaker 1: you brought it up. It's a good show. It's on Netflix.
Speaker 1: I mean it covers like a lot of like the
Speaker 1: modern dable dating struggles. It depends on how you feel
Speaker 1: about us. He's on Sorry this week? Are you okay
Speaker 1: with this week? Oh? Yeah, I guess some stuff came
Speaker 1: out about him. Some stuff came out, but it was
Speaker 1: an interesting thing because it came out. And then you know,
Speaker 1: you see the headline like up, his career is over,
Speaker 1: just like every other career is over. And then you
Speaker 1: read the article. I think, oh, well, hmm, this one's
Speaker 1: not quite as cut and dried as a Kevin Spacey
Speaker 1: or a Harvey weinsteiner all these other ones. C K.
Speaker 1: This one's a little bit more her opinion, his opinion.
Speaker 1: What she says is of course valid and respected and
Speaker 1: how she feels as legitimate. But is it is it
Speaker 1: should have cost him his career? To me, as he's
Speaker 1: on Sorry, it sounds like he was a bit of
Speaker 1: a dick on this date, which we've all experienced. I
Speaker 1: think so yeah, I think so many people are focused
Speaker 1: on the legal bit of stuff with like the more
Speaker 1: extreme people, but now I have to move into like
Speaker 1: a social bit of like are you being a considerate person?
Speaker 1: Are you considering the other person? Or you president not
Speaker 1: thinking about only what you want and not defending in
Speaker 1: seasons all right at all? Because I don't really know,
Speaker 1: and I think I should probably be more aware of
Speaker 1: pop culture and the things that are going on around
Speaker 1: in this I would read up about this one. This
Speaker 1: one was really an interesting whatever everbody had a different
Speaker 1: and the James Frankly stuff too, that's an interesting one too. Um.
Speaker 1: But I was just thinking when I was when The
Speaker 1: Bachelor was airing, there was this girl that I diated
Speaker 1: for like three weeks in college, was like commenting on
Speaker 1: all these posts or something like saying like, oh, Dean's
Speaker 1: a bad guy. Um, he like doesn't deserve any of
Speaker 1: this all that kind of stuff. And I texted her,
Speaker 1: I was like, why are you Like, what's I thought, like,
Speaker 1: what's wrong? Why are you so angry at me for
Speaker 1: for not doing anything? She's like, when we dated in college,
Speaker 1: you were a jerk and you said this and did this.
Speaker 1: And I was like, we dated for three weeks. We
Speaker 1: went on two or three dates. Um, it clearly didn't
Speaker 1: work out very well between the two of us. I
Speaker 1: was twenty years old. Like, there's the fact that you're
Speaker 1: like remembering everything so horribly. It's just like it doesn't
Speaker 1: make sense. And so for maybe these people like in
Speaker 1: the Seasons are you James frankl Again, I don't know
Speaker 1: what they did. I don't like I'm not defending them
Speaker 1: by any means, but when people remember things, they tend
Speaker 1: to like exaggerate them a little bit and make them
Speaker 1: seem worse than they actually are. Well, there's three sides
Speaker 1: every story. Yeah, your side of his side, and the
Speaker 1: truth kind of thing. That's exactly right. And maybe I'm
Speaker 1: remembering things through rose colored glasses where I don't really
Speaker 1: think I ever had that negative relationship with anyone. But
Speaker 1: when I don't know, a sour girl that you took
Speaker 1: on two dates sees you on TV, she gets upset
Speaker 1: about something. Okay, one more, this is a good one, sayer,
Speaker 1: lovely name, beautiful. Uh. This week's topic was really interesting
Speaker 1: about breakups. In the first one with Ashley had talked
Speaker 1: about long distance I have been living in Madrid for
Speaker 1: the past four years, which has been really interesting for
Speaker 1: dating anyway, Here's my question. I met my boyfriend last year.
Speaker 1: He was studying abroad in Madrid, where I was. He
Speaker 1: was from Germany and he was my roommate. A week
Speaker 1: after we met, we were spending every night together and
Speaker 1: the rest of the roommates were fine with it. When
Speaker 1: he had to go back home at the end of June,
Speaker 1: we had to talk about long distance and decided to
Speaker 1: try it. It's been surprisingly great. We see each other
Speaker 1: once a month. We talk a lot. We just spent
Speaker 1: Christmas together and had good, serious talks about next year.
Speaker 1: Here's my question. Should I move to Germany to be
Speaker 1: with him? He has two more years of school Definistiones masters.
Speaker 1: I'll be done with my master's in international education at
Speaker 1: the end of July and help to find a job
Speaker 1: at an international school. If I can find a job
Speaker 1: in Germany, that's great. If not, what do I do?
Speaker 1: That's sair Well, don't take our advice to Germany. I
Speaker 1: think I think most of these situations, I would say,
Speaker 1: don't do it. Do what's best for you, and if
Speaker 1: they're along for the ride and that they can fit
Speaker 1: into what's best for you, great, But Honestly, this one
Speaker 1: seems perfect. She has as she's gonna have a master's
Speaker 1: in international education. You feel like it, like it's like
Speaker 1: that he's giving her the pie and the spoon. What what?
Speaker 1: Oh the classic pine you had it? You had that
Speaker 1: one expression. You couldn't just leave well enough alone. I
Speaker 1: was gonna be someone's bumble openings like can stand it?
Speaker 1: Always leave the room on a high note. I'm done.
Speaker 1: Um yeah, moved to Germany. Germany's Germany's economy is doing well.
Speaker 1: As a teacher out there if that's what you're looking for,
Speaker 1: and you can always move home. I don't know why not.
Speaker 1: It sounds like once you graduate, you're a bit of
Speaker 1: a free agent anyway. You can go wherever you want
Speaker 1: in the world with that degree. It's not like she's
Speaker 1: in a job in a great job of her promotion,
Speaker 1: like this is kind of her time to make a move.
Speaker 1: I like to tell this story when I moved to
Speaker 1: Los Angeles my current wife girlfriend at the time. We've
Speaker 1: only been together six months, and I knew I was
Speaker 1: moving when we met. So from day one we knew
Speaker 1: that we got six months here. Let's make the most
Speaker 1: of it. Because end of February, I'm gone. And we
Speaker 1: had an amazing six months and we feel very much
Speaker 1: in love and it was very, very difficult to leave.
Speaker 1: But we never said we're breaking up, and we never
Speaker 1: said we're gonna try a long distance. We just didn't
Speaker 1: really say. So I came out to California. She was
Speaker 1: still in Wisconsin, and we would talk a couple of
Speaker 1: times a week see how things were going. And then
Speaker 1: she said to me, Hey, my aunt and uncle live
Speaker 1: in Huntington's Beach, so I'm in California. They've given me
Speaker 1: the offer that I can stay with them, so I
Speaker 1: can go out there and we can be together. Now,
Speaker 1: what she wanted from me was yeah, And sadly, I
Speaker 1: have to admit that wasn't my reaction. And I'll tell
Speaker 1: you why, because I've been trying to get over her
Speaker 1: for a good month and a half two months at
Speaker 1: this point, trying to put my mind in other things,
Speaker 1: trying to move on with my life. And the other
Speaker 1: feeling was if she moves out here, there are two
Speaker 1: ways for this to end. We get married we've a
Speaker 1: lily been together six months, or it ends really badly
Speaker 1: and her family hates me, pulled her across the country
Speaker 1: and actually goes back to Wisconsin. It's it was really
Speaker 1: scary for me that those were the only two outcomes. Anyway,
Speaker 1: long story show, she came out to visit for a
Speaker 1: week and it was the greatest week ever, and I
Speaker 1: was then I was all on board, and I'm so
Speaker 1: happy she did because we've been together now for twenty years.
Speaker 1: But anyway, I feel like it may scare him a
Speaker 1: bit that you're lifting up your life and moving to
Speaker 1: another part of the world for him, because that puts
Speaker 1: a lot of pressure on him and on the relationship.
Speaker 1: That's what scared me so much. But I also just
Speaker 1: think that if you can go anywhere in the world,
Speaker 1: why wouldn't you go to where this guy is and
Speaker 1: you and spin it with him however you want. Like, no,
Speaker 1: I got this great job. It's just kind of right
Speaker 1: near you, and that's gonna be okay. And even if
Speaker 1: it doesn't work out, I've got my thing, You've got
Speaker 1: your thing, and it's gonna be fine. Yeah, Yeah, it
Speaker 1: doesn't work out. She's in Germany with tons of other people,
Speaker 1: you know, Yeah, very well educated. That's funny. You just
Speaker 1: exactly described a situation that I had um too. It's
Speaker 1: like there's two things that could happen in the relationship.
Speaker 1: You either get married or ends horribly and you don't
Speaker 1: want I mean, obviously you want to get married for
Speaker 1: twenty years and have it and that like that, but
Speaker 1: it's just like a daunting idea to even like come
Speaker 1: to terms with and be like, well, because she was nineteen,
Speaker 1: so that's and so so mentally we're about the same
Speaker 1: level of maturity and so neither one of us is
Speaker 1: ready to get married. So that added to some of
Speaker 1: the fear too. And just like the idea of someone
Speaker 1: moving somewhere for you, it's kind of scary as well,
Speaker 1: because you kind of almost feel like you might let
Speaker 1: them down a little bit. My girlfriend, my girlfriend moved
Speaker 1: from New York to be with me in California or here,
Speaker 1: I guess. So did you feel pressure with that? I
Speaker 1: mean yeah, I mean I just want everything to work out,
Speaker 1: you know, like career wise, and so I mean it's
Speaker 1: such a you know, you never know what if it's
Speaker 1: going to happen or not, and you work really hard
Speaker 1: at it. But I am positive, I remain positive, so
Speaker 1: hopefully it works out. And I think she's still happy,
Speaker 1: so that's good. Well, four years together, four years and
Speaker 1: three the twentieth so it's kind of even getting towards
Speaker 1: that time. I'm thinking, we are you gonna pop the question? Well,
Speaker 1: we don't talk about that. Come on, Mark and I
Speaker 1: are Tanya and are all pouring their souls out on
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, I've been here and we've been talking.
Speaker 1: It's been fun. Okay that four years? Oh, no way,
Speaker 1: four years in Okay, I was waiting for I was
Speaker 1: waiting for four years. Have you too discussed it? Yes?
Speaker 1: Have you looked at rings together? That's good. I don't
Speaker 1: like that. The shopping papering together. I think that's on you.
Speaker 1: I don't think I would ask. Yeah, yeah, it should be.
Speaker 1: It should be you know, maybe surprise is the wrong word,
Speaker 1: but something of a surprise when you actually decide to
Speaker 1: do it. She should be surprised. I would, I would hope.
Speaker 1: So yeah, um, okay. Well, what I think that we
Speaker 1: didn't get enough of was name suggestions for the podcast.
Speaker 1: I still stand by help Dating Sucks with Dean and Alert.
Speaker 1: I like the modern dating one. Oh, Cassie says, what
Speaker 1: if you just call it dating? Etcetera? With Dean, Wait,
Speaker 1: it's supposed to. You're changing the name. Yes, he wants
Speaker 1: to change the name. The powers that be may not
Speaker 1: let him change. Help him. Okay, and I help dating sucks. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what I suggested. Yeah, yeah, I mean but again,
Speaker 1: maybe after Winter Games Airs, we could get a special
Speaker 1: someone to come in and talk about how much I
Speaker 1: really do suck it dating. I think that would be
Speaker 1: great if we get to that point. That's your job
Speaker 1: to keep it going until Winter Games Airs, because that
Speaker 1: will be a real let down expectations than that. Let's
Speaker 1: just say, in this hypothetical situation, I would think that
Speaker 1: things are going very well good. But this is all hypothetically,
Speaker 1: hypothetically great. We're hypothetically happy for you. I'm hypothetically happy
Speaker 1: for myself. Impothetically I'm legitimately happy no matter what. Thanks Taylor. UM.
Speaker 1: All right, well that'll do it for episode fifteen of
Speaker 1: Help I Suck at Dating. Um. If you have any
Speaker 1: listener emails, you want, any stories you want to share
Speaker 1: with us, submit them to I Suck at Dating at
Speaker 1: i heeart media dot com. That's I suck a t
Speaker 1: dating at I heeart media dot com. Because there's two
Speaker 1: acts in there. I don't want to confuse you. Thanks
Speaker 1: again to Taylor for coming in studio. Um, it's nice
Speaker 1: to hang out again. I'm excited. Yes, um our friends. Wait,
Speaker 1: you jumped off the screen, all right, so yeah. Thanks
Speaker 1: to to Alex for talking about Bumble a little bit,
Speaker 1: telling us about some profile tips, maybe some um pictures
Speaker 1: and all that kind of stuff. And a big thank
Speaker 1: you to a woman who doesn't get nearly enough credit
Speaker 1: around here, the amazing Erica Solivan. She's behind the scenes
Speaker 1: every day, smile on her face. She's just a real
Speaker 1: gem and a real peach to have around um. And
Speaker 1: if you get a subceal from her on Bumble, you
Speaker 1: should respond because you want do you like when they
Speaker 1: respond with gifts or do you want them to respond
Speaker 1: with words? If you respond with the gift, then you
Speaker 1: get kind of stuck in this weird like gift off.
Speaker 1: Someone has to put an end to it eventually. All right.
Speaker 1: Well that's that'll do it for episode fifteen. Help I
Speaker 1: Suck at Dating? Thank you for listening. Tune in next
Speaker 1: week maybe I'll suck a little bit less. Follow Help
Speaker 1: I Suck At Dating with Dean Anglert on I Heart
Speaker 1: Radio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts,