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Speaker 1: Niggas still be beefing.

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Speaker 2: Dead ass, But what happens when the beef came from

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Speaker 2: such a great place?

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Speaker 3: Good ass on both sides. Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout,

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Speaker 3: and we're the Ellis's.

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Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos.

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Speaker 3: With our voice and reading each other publicly as a

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Speaker 3: form of therapy.

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Speaker 1: Wait, I make you need therby most days. Wow.

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Speaker 3: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

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Speaker 1: Yes, sir, we are.

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Speaker 4: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of

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Speaker 4: li's most taboo topics.

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Speaker 3: Things most folks don't want to talk about.

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Speaker 5: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass

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Speaker 5: is a term that we say every day. So when

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Speaker 5: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred

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Speaker 5: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

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Speaker 5: We about to take philosof to our whole new level.

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Speaker 3: Dead ass starts right now.

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Speaker 1: Shoot, this is three days ago, three days ago.

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Speaker 2: Normally, deval I was like, I'm gonna take you way

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Speaker 2: back back in the time two thousand and six.

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Speaker 3: Ye, now this is like three days ago.

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Speaker 1: It's three days ago.

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Speaker 6: Just the heads up, Kadeen and I, Well, I have

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Speaker 6: a new agent now and a new manager for my

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Speaker 6: theatrical So I've been focused really on leaning into my

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Speaker 6: creative side and being a thespian, like I'm really taking

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Speaker 6: that part of my career seriously. So I hired a

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Speaker 6: new agent, hired a new manager, got my first set

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Speaker 6: of auditions the first week of the year, so I'm

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Speaker 6: super excited. Got my stuff, got my shirt, got everything on.

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Speaker 6: I went and got my all my outfits together. I

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Speaker 6: called Brian Jordan Junior over to come help me read.

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Speaker 6: He was supposed to.

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Speaker 1: Help us with the dances that we have going on

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Speaker 1: for the tour. So I'm in a mold.

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Speaker 6: I'm getting ready to go downstairs and then boom, so.

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Speaker 2: Deval at this point, now, unbeknownst to him, I ordered

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Speaker 2: some equipment that I reached out to.

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Speaker 3: His friend Cheeto, who plays Gary on the show.

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Speaker 2: Says to shout out to Cheeto anytime we'd see Cheeto

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Speaker 2: posting self tapes or showing a boomerang on Instagram of

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Speaker 2: him doing a self tape. Devals like, man, his backdrop

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Speaker 2: looks good, like his setup looks really good. And typically

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Speaker 2: we just filmed these in the theater. But Davao seemed

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Speaker 2: to really make a comment about every time Cheeto had

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Speaker 2: these self tapes that he was doing.

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Speaker 3: So I hit up Cheeto sometime.

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Speaker 2: In November December of last year and I said, hey, bro,

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Speaker 2: I want to get Deval a new revamped, you know,

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Speaker 2: look for his audition tapes, his self tape, So can

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Speaker 2: you just send me like everything that you've purchased for

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Speaker 2: your setup. I want to surprise him with it as

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Speaker 2: a little something I do for him at the top

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Speaker 2: of the year. So Cheeto sent me all of the links.

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Speaker 2: I ordered everything on Amazon, and I wanted to surprise

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Speaker 2: the vow with this prior to his audition because I

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Speaker 2: felt like, you know this twenty twenty.

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Speaker 3: Four, it's a new year, he has a new agent.

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Speaker 2: I just kind of feel this energy around him just

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Speaker 2: booking and just really people getting to see him being

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Speaker 2: the leading male that I know he is. So I

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Speaker 2: wanted to give this to him as a nice gesture

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Speaker 2: because the val has also said that he's felt like

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Speaker 2: in the past I don't do things to make him

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Speaker 2: feel love and appreciate it, like little things. So that's

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Speaker 2: an effort that I said I was going to try

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Speaker 2: to make moving forward to just show him little ways

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Speaker 2: I've been thinking about him, and this was one of them.

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Speaker 3: So de Val comes out of the room prepared to

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Speaker 3: do his audition.

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Speaker 2: He's about to go downstairs and I stop him with

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Speaker 2: Matt and I'm like, hey, babe, I just wanted to

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Speaker 2: show you something that I got for you, a little surprise.

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Speaker 2: And I told him how much you know, I was

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Speaker 2: just using it as a moment to give him his

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Speaker 2: flowers and just say how much I believe in him.

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Speaker 2: And this is a new year and this is his

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Speaker 2: breakthrough year and I want the world to figure out

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Speaker 2: what I already know that you are a star.

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Speaker 3: And Devou then says thanks.

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Speaker 6: Said also all the stuff in the boxes to hear

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Speaker 6: so cool, gave her a hug, gave her a kid

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Speaker 6: So I said thanks. So I'm gonna take this downstairs.

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Speaker 6: And then Kay says, are you being an asshole? And

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Speaker 6: I'm like, huh, Like, how am I being an asshole?

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Speaker 6: And She's just like no, I just feel like you're

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Speaker 6: being an asshole. You like you just so I'm like, Matt,

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Speaker 6: am I being an asshole? And Matt is like, hey, listen,

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Speaker 6: I'm just here to capture content. I don't know what

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Speaker 6: so then we go downstairs.

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Speaker 2: That was kind of Matt did look at me like

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Speaker 2: because I think he genuinely saw like, Okay, it was

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Speaker 2: a moment. It was awkward, and I think it was

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Speaker 2: awkward because you just say, we.

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Speaker 6: Can tell the story, and then we can dissect the story.

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Speaker 6: We just tell the story. So the end of the

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Speaker 6: story is Kadeen called me an asshole. Yes, and then

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Speaker 6: we walked downstairs. When we come back, we're gonna dissect

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Speaker 6: how everything happened. Okay, but before we come back, before

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Speaker 6: we come back, we got karaoke.

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Speaker 1: Let me see if you know this song, Uncle Paul,

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Speaker 1: he commissioned. You know what it is. She's a Leo

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Speaker 1: des Narrow.

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Speaker 6: Charlie Baltimore, Iceberg, Slim, the most shady Frankie, Baby, you

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Speaker 6: what's beef? Beef is when you need you get to

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Speaker 6: go to sleep. Beef is when your moms ain't safe,

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Speaker 6: U been in the streets. Beef is when I see

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Speaker 6: you guaranteed to be here, I see you one more

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Speaker 6: Time's beef. That's so now he called me an asshole.

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Speaker 6: We got beef.

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Speaker 3: We got beef, y'all.

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Speaker 6: When we come back, we're gonna we're gonna dissect the

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Speaker 6: beef and talk about what went wrong.

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Speaker 2: Let me tell you how we made it into filaming

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Speaker 2: your wagoo wago.

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Speaker 1: We're back.

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Speaker 3: We're back and run to take back.

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Speaker 6: So we don't even gotta tell y'all what we were

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Speaker 6: about to discuss the y'all, So matter of fact, we're

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Speaker 6: gonna put this into dead ass podcast.

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Speaker 1: Court DNN Boom.

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Speaker 6: Deval stepped out of the room ready for an audition,

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Speaker 6: not sure what the surprise was. Boom, Kadeen stepped to

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Speaker 6: Devo with a surprise he got. Deval does not seem

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Speaker 6: happy enough. Kadeen calls the vow an Assholeval.

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Speaker 2: Continues to ensue with asshole activity by taking all of

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Speaker 2: the contents in the box, fumbling down the steps, opening

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Speaker 2: them quickly and expeditiously, trying to set everything up in

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Speaker 2: one clean, sweet potion.

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Speaker 3: And he failed.

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Speaker 6: So let's discuss this, okay, bro, let's discuss this. Number One,

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Speaker 6: name calling is never.

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Speaker 3: Acceptable, that's a fact. Will admit that.

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Speaker 6: Never acceptable, but admit that when somebody is gonna call

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Speaker 6: somebody else the name, we know who the culprit is.

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Speaker 1: Kadeen is the queen name caller.

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Speaker 3: I don't be calling we don't do name calling. We don't.

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Speaker 1: We don't.

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Speaker 3: But in that moment, I was like it was getting

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Speaker 3: the record. Let the record show asshole activity.

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Speaker 6: The first time I express myself my true feelings, Kadeen said,

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Speaker 6: I sounded like a bit.

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Speaker 1: So now I.

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Speaker 6: Didn't express myself enough with gratitude, and now I'm an asshole.

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Speaker 1: I just want to be clear. But I just want that.

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Speaker 6: I want because in dead ass podcast court, I want

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Speaker 6: to submit these into evidence. Submit I got received, I

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Speaker 6: got a whole foul on you.

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Speaker 3: Well, let me grant emotion for pain and suffering.

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Speaker 1: Pain and suffering. Well, what did I do.

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Speaker 3: Because you hurt my feelings?

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Speaker 2: De val when I was trying to do a nice

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Speaker 2: gesture for you, and you literally were like, okay, h

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Speaker 2: let me patch you on the head like I'm a dog,

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Speaker 2: or like give me that church hug, thank you, and

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Speaker 2: then go on about it. But you didn't even like

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Speaker 2: sit in the moment with me for a little bit

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Speaker 2: to be like wow, like Kadine, I can really this

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Speaker 2: is great, Like this is somewhere I can really elevate

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Speaker 2: my auditions. You just really like brushed me off and

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Speaker 2: you were dismissive. Now, maybe not quite asshole, but dismissive.

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Speaker 5: Now.

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Speaker 6: In my defense, and you know this, yes, I've been

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Speaker 6: preparing for these auditions for three.

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Speaker 1: Days, Yes, three days.

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Speaker 6: Brian had just gotten into the house to help us

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Speaker 6: with something else. I asked him to do one audition

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Speaker 6: and then the second one came in. So it wasn't

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Speaker 6: that I was just trying to brush her off. It

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Speaker 6: was more like, let me be cognizant of everyone's time

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Speaker 6: and be considerate because it was already eight pm. Brian

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Speaker 6: had got here eight pm in the night. He also

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Speaker 6: has to drive back to Nova Scotia where he lives,

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Speaker 6: because he lives far from us. So I was really

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Speaker 6: just trying to be cognizant of everyone's time because we

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Speaker 6: had to do these auditions and then also prepare for

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Speaker 6: the tour. So in my defense, I was not brushing

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Speaker 6: you off. I was trying to stay prepared because, as

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Speaker 6: you know, it's two auditions, it's two sets asides two

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Speaker 6: separate characters. You've heard me mumbling through these lines for

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Speaker 6: the past couple of days. So I just was focused.

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Speaker 6: It wasn't that I was brushing you off. I really

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Speaker 6: was just focused. Last thing, In my defense, I didn't

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Speaker 6: give you a church hug. I held you with my

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Speaker 6: right arm. I kissed you on your head. I kissed

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Speaker 6: you on the forehead.

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Speaker 3: I said, thank you.

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Speaker 6: This is it was like a headlock. It was I'm

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Speaker 6: not gonna lie, it was like a headlock. But I

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Speaker 6: kissed you on the four and I was said, baby,

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Speaker 6: this is very, very thoughtful. It's all the stuff in

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Speaker 6: the box.

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Speaker 1: This is it? Okay? Cool?

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Speaker 6: Now can we go downstairs. That's what I did. Now,

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Speaker 6: I will admit that wasn't the same thing that I

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Speaker 6: typically do when I have time. No, I typically throw

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Speaker 6: you in the air, twirl you around, tell you how

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Speaker 6: great you are, swim through the floor, announce to the

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Speaker 6: whole world how amazing my wife is.

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Speaker 1: I didn't get a chance to do that this time.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I rest my case.

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Speaker 6: Objective objection not objective? God, come on, man, how you

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Speaker 6: gonna be in dead ass podcast? You don't even know

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Speaker 6: the words objection, objection, strike.

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Speaker 3: To motion the strike. First of all, you're.

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Speaker 6: Just saying all the stuff you see on the practice.

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Speaker 3: Law in order.

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Speaker 2: It's for you too much. I, in that moment, wasn't

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Speaker 2: wasn't wanting you to give me. In turn, all of

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Speaker 2: my flowers and make me feel good about doing something

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Speaker 2: for you. I just genuinely wanted you to feel good

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Speaker 2: that something was done for you. So it really like

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Speaker 2: I wasn't looking for you to, you know, praise me

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Speaker 2: in that moment and be like, oh my god, couldn't

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Speaker 2: you hear the best wife ever? Because you thought of this.

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Speaker 2: I really just wanted you in that moment to say, wow,

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Speaker 2: oh my god, I could probably be using for my audition,

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Speaker 2: like this was a really thoughtful thing, Like, let's see

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Speaker 2: if we can set it up. But in your defense,

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Speaker 2: I do know how you get when you are very

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Speaker 2: like one track mine horse blinders on. When you have

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Speaker 2: an audition, particularly two at the same time. It's two

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Speaker 2: different characters that you have to get into that mode. Like,

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Speaker 2: I completely understand it. So after everything panned out, I

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Speaker 2: did say to Matt, you know, maybe we should have

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Speaker 2: given it to him yesterday because I was going to

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Speaker 2: give it to you the day before so you can

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Speaker 2: kind of know that you have it and prep for it.

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Speaker 3: But since I wanted to kind of capture.

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Speaker 2: Everything and we were doing a Patreon episode all in one,

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Speaker 2: I kind of felt like that was the perfect time

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Speaker 2: to do everything and just make it fluid. We can

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Speaker 2: capture everything to that one episode and you know, I

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Speaker 2: got you. That was my mindset. But was it poor

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Speaker 2: timing on my part? Probably because I didn't even think

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Speaker 2: about you being in that mode for auditioning. Right, So

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Speaker 2: I apologize for calling you an asshole? Do you accept

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Speaker 2: my apologies?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 6: I accept. I accepted your apologist now, and here's the

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Speaker 6: truth you said. I then continued in asshole activities after

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Speaker 6: she caught me an asshole. I felt bad because I

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Speaker 6: was kind of like, what did I do wrong? So

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Speaker 6: she was like, you can leave it here. It's like no, no, no, no, no,

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Speaker 6: let's use it. So I'm grabbing all the stuff to

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Speaker 6: take downstairs because I'm trying to prove to her like

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Speaker 6: I appreciate it. And now she's like upset that I'm

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Speaker 6: grabbing the stuff, and she keeps saying to me theout

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Speaker 6: we don't have to use it now, we don't have

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Speaker 6: to use it now, And I'm like, you called me

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Speaker 6: an asshole because I didn't get excited about using it

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Speaker 6: in that moment.

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Speaker 1: So we're gonna use it now.

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Speaker 2: But there's a way to do it, Like he was

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Speaker 2: like pretty much grabbing everything, because even Brian when you

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Speaker 2: came downstairs, Brian was like, yo, I just looked over

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Speaker 2: and saw de VAO's eyes looking at the floor like

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Speaker 2: he was on a mission. I was like, yeah, that's

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Speaker 2: because you called me an asshole, right, and that was

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Speaker 2: the asshole activity. You weren't coming downstairs like damn be like,

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Speaker 2: KY set this up for me. I know that you're

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Speaker 2: here waiting my bad like she got me this setup.

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Speaker 2: I want to try to use it for my audition.

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Speaker 2: You went downstairs like like you were on a mission

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Speaker 2: to open up all on your thing.

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Speaker 6: It's not full, no, but it was. I'm watching it

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Speaker 6: and it's on the end of spilling because you keep clicking.

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Speaker 1: Your leg, do do you?

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Speaker 2: But you were down this stairs like on a mission

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Speaker 2: to get the set up done, so I need you

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Speaker 2: to use.

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Speaker 3: It that moment.

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Speaker 6: But let's ask the people what's asshole activity? Calling someone

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Speaker 6: an asshole because they don't respond the way you want

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Speaker 6: them to respond, or then trying to respond the way

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Speaker 6: they want you to respond after the fact, one seems

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Speaker 6: a little bit more assholest than the other.

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Speaker 1: And it's not me. I'm just being honest, like I

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Speaker 1: really did do nothing to you. I didn't do anything

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Speaker 1: to you.

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Speaker 2: So I did say after the fact that maybe asshole

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Speaker 2: wasn't the right word, But you were dismissive in that moment.

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Speaker 6: So in my defense, I will say I don't think

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Speaker 6: I was dismissive because I wasn't even really paying attention.

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Speaker 6: It'd be different if I was paying attention and I

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Speaker 6: was just like, fuck this gift.

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Speaker 1: I really wasn't. I was unaware.

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Speaker 6: I was a loof, and I don't think that's any better,

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Speaker 6: But I don't think it was dismissive. I was a loof,

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Speaker 6: like I was focusing while you were saying the things

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Speaker 6: you were saying. I was focusing on being Zach Cobb

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Speaker 6: and being Quentin like you was just like, babe, I

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Speaker 6: just this, and I'm going through lines over my head.

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Speaker 1: And the minute you were done, I was just like.

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Speaker 2: I did.

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Speaker 1: I didn't hear what you were saying.

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Speaker 2: I was, and so it's fair to say that you

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Speaker 2: weren't paying attention to what I was not paying attention,

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Speaker 2: And because of that, it made me feel like you

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Speaker 2: were detached and disconnected and being in that moment asshole.

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Speaker 2: But you were dismissive, I felt right, and that was

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Speaker 2: where the disconnect came in.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely absolut I agree, that's where the disconnect came in.

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Speaker 6: I just feel like calling someone the name and then

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Speaker 6: being upset about how they respond about you calling them

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Speaker 6: a name.

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Speaker 1: It's not an adult like behavior.

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Speaker 2: I didn't know you were upset because I called you asshole.

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Speaker 2: I thought you were just upset because I was like

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Speaker 2: breaking your train of thought when it came you were upset.

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Speaker 6: Because I was definitely upset that you called me an asshole.

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Speaker 6: Why would I be happy what you calling me an asshole?

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Speaker 6: Especially when I don't think I'm being an asshole? And

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Speaker 6: then also, no one wants to be called a name.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 6: But it's like I really didn't understand in the moment

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Speaker 6: because I didn't know what was happening. I didn't know

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Speaker 6: how I was being an asshole. I legitimately didn't know

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Speaker 6: how you perceived it. It was kind of like you.

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Speaker 1: And here's the truth.

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Speaker 6: Remember I was looking for the light, yes, and I

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Speaker 6: was like, babe, I was like, where's a tripod?

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Speaker 1: Babe, where's a tripod?

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Speaker 6: So I thought you had a tripod in there, And

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Speaker 6: at first I was like, why are we filming you

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Speaker 6: giving me a tripod you asked me for. I asked

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Speaker 6: for a tripod. I didn't know what was happening. I

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Speaker 6: noticed it was a whole thing you.

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Speaker 1: Had thought of.

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Speaker 3: It was a surprise going wrong.

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Speaker 6: And I'll say I was I was aloof to that.

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Speaker 6: I could have been, yeah, I could have been more aware.

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Speaker 6: But it's like after that, I was really trying to

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Speaker 6: correct it because I was like, so, what did I do? Like,

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Speaker 6: I didn't know? I was like, and then I was concerned.

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Speaker 6: I was like, is it something I do to her

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Speaker 6: all the time? And she's she hasn't told me, And

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Speaker 6: now this is destroyed.

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Speaker 2: This is what happens when two people who like, are

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Speaker 2: invested and love each other, Yeah, are really like internally

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Speaker 2: trying to figure out what's going on well and then

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Speaker 2: also trying to like make sure the other person's okay

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Speaker 2: at the same time simultaneously. And I didn't read it

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Speaker 2: that way. I guess the way I received it was okay.

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Speaker 2: Once I did call you an asshole, which I will

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Speaker 2: apologize that for that again and say that you don't

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Speaker 2: have to apologize, No, just for people to know it's

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Speaker 2: not okay to be name calling you know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 2: but in that moment, I think my feelings were a

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Speaker 2: little hurt, and that's just what came out, you know

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Speaker 2: what I'm.

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Speaker 3: Saying in that moment.

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Speaker 2: But I just felt like the way that you went

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Speaker 2: about then trying to now put the light together and

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Speaker 2: like you were kind of fumbling over everything. You weren't

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Speaker 2: even taking care of that moment to say, Okay, let's

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Speaker 2: try to figure this out real quick, or really just

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Speaker 2: decide do I want to tackle this right now or

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Speaker 2: do I want to continue to focus on my audition.

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Speaker 2: It just felt that you were just adding fuel to

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Speaker 2: the fire in that moment by being all erratic about

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Speaker 2: how you were trying to put things together.

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Speaker 6: I'm going to be honest, I didn't know what to

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Speaker 6: do because I thought I was doing what I wanted

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Speaker 6: to do, and I got called an asshole for it.

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Speaker 6: So now it's like, well, let me just do what

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Speaker 6: she wants me to do, and now you're telling me, well,

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Speaker 6: you don't have to do it. It was kind of

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Speaker 6: like you called me an asshole for not doing what

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Speaker 6: you want or not responding the way you want me

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Speaker 6: to respond. But now I think I'm trying to respond

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Speaker 6: and I was confused. I was like, what did I do?

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Speaker 6: I was like, I wasn't really focused on putting it together.

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Speaker 6: I was more thinking like what did I do? Like?

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Speaker 1: What did I do?

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Speaker 6: And that's why I asked Matt, And ultimately I asked

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Speaker 6: Matt to run the tape back, which is a good

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Speaker 6: thing about having filmed hey. And then once I watched it,

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Speaker 6: I was like, man, like, I didn't realize you had

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Speaker 6: said all of those things. And I saiday am, I bad,

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Speaker 6: Like I don't want you to feel bad, but I

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Speaker 6: see how I can see how you felt dismissed. Right,

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Speaker 6: So I apologized and that time after watching the tape, and.

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Speaker 1: It's the good thing. Sometimes it's good to have tape

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Speaker 1: back of yourself.

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Speaker 3: I wasn't gonna say that.

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Speaker 2: Imagine if people argued or had discussions in debates with tape.

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Speaker 1: You wouldn't want that.

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Speaker 3: Why wouldn't I want that?

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Speaker 1: Trust me, you would not want that. You don't you

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Speaker 1: don't you really want to know why you wouldn't want that?

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Speaker 2: All I said, I didn't say anything about me. I said,

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Speaker 2: imagine if people had arguments like you sound triggered because

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Speaker 2: you're you're putting it on me. I didn't say anything.

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Speaker 2: I just said, imagine if people had arguments with.

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Speaker 1: Tape, and I'm saying you wouldn't want that.

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Speaker 3: Why is it about me? What about people? What about

401
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Speaker 3: in general?

402
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:30,119
Speaker 6: Well?

403
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Speaker 3: Why are you making it so personal?

404
00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:34,480
Speaker 1: Because we talking about us? We are?

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Speaker 6: Are we not literally talking about us? Are we not

406
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:44,000
Speaker 6: literally talking about us? Dead ass podcast Court Matt Josh Tripple?

407
00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:45,320
Speaker 6: Are we not talking about us?

408
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Speaker 3: Who are we talking to? I'm just saying, in general,

409
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Speaker 3: wouldn't it be a talking to people about us tapes? Okay,

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Speaker 3: go ahead to Beth.

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Speaker 6: We are talking to people. We are talking to the

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Speaker 6: people about us, right right? My is you don't want

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Speaker 6: the tape to be there all the time.

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Speaker 2: I didn't say all the time. I'm just saying to

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Speaker 2: imagine if there were, and if there were what.

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Speaker 6: That cozy part, there's a crazy part.

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Speaker 1: You keep saying how I triggered? I am right. You

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Speaker 1: called me an asshole the other day.

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Speaker 6: Right, All I said was you don't want that, You

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Speaker 6: wouldn't want the tape and look at how triggered you got.

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Speaker 6: That's my point about the tape. That's my point about

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Speaker 6: the tape. Some people can't deal with accountability. Can't deal

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Speaker 6: with seeing theyself, and that's my point.

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Speaker 2: But we both got a chance to see ourselves. I

425
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Speaker 2: don't have a problem with accountability. I have in the past,

426
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Speaker 2: but I don't have a problem with the accountability now

427
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Speaker 2: do I really?

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Speaker 3: Oh? Now we sit and tea over here, y'all, y'all

429
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Speaker 3: in the middle of it Ellis debate.

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Speaker 1: This is why we're bringing it to that podcast.

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Speaker 3: I love it.

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Speaker 2: I don't have a problem with the accountability, especially at my

433
00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:48,840
Speaker 2: big age. I think we've gotten past all of that.

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Speaker 2: But I'm saying if people did have the opportunity to

435
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Speaker 2: run a tape back the same way we did, they

436
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:56,560
Speaker 2: probably can then say, damn, I didn't even realize I

437
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,399
Speaker 2: came across like that, Or I don't even realize I

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00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,000
Speaker 2: said that on shit in the heat of the moment,

439
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:03,879
Speaker 2: moment in the debate, or you know, having emotions flearing,

440
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,080
Speaker 2: I didn't realize I said that, or I delivered it

441
00:19:06,119 --> 00:19:08,880
Speaker 2: that way. That's why I said that people would probably

442
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:11,800
Speaker 2: not or it would be interesting to see if people

443
00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:14,720
Speaker 2: had tapes to play back after debates.

444
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:18,200
Speaker 6: Copy I said what I said because between the two

445
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,520
Speaker 6: of us, and since we're debating between the two of us.

446
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:22,720
Speaker 6: One of us is more logic driven and one of

447
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:25,560
Speaker 6: us is more emotion driven. The more stopped me when

448
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:28,080
Speaker 6: I'm telling a lie, The more logic driven person is

449
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:33,240
Speaker 6: who you right, Typically I said, more logically driven person.

450
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:36,680
Speaker 6: I'm not always logically driven, right. But with that being said,

451
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,880
Speaker 6: I typically do things based on fat, based on things

452
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:40,359
Speaker 6: that happened.

453
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:41,840
Speaker 1: You go based on emotion.

454
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:46,240
Speaker 6: Typically, when we argue, your thing is deval, I didn't

455
00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:48,320
Speaker 6: say it like that. And if I had a camera

456
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,520
Speaker 6: to show you how many times you said things based

457
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:52,959
Speaker 6: on the way you responded with your emotion, you'd be like,

458
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:55,240
Speaker 6: I didn't know that I said it like that. I've

459
00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:59,800
Speaker 6: agree and that's why I said, but that's why I said.

460
00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:01,920
Speaker 6: You wouldn't want to see that that you that would

461
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:03,520
Speaker 6: trigger you all the time. If every time we got

462
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:06,040
Speaker 6: to an argument I said stop play the tape, you would.

463
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:07,800
Speaker 3: Be like, oh, would it trigger me? Or wouldn't allow

464
00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:08,280
Speaker 3: me to say?

465
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,280
Speaker 2: Damn Kitdeen like, maybe you need to make an adjustment

466
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:12,639
Speaker 2: because you've been doing this and IV I was telling you,

467
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:14,200
Speaker 2: And clearly, if there's only two people in the room

468
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:16,920
Speaker 2: during an argument, you all I can.

469
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,760
Speaker 3: Rely on is what you tell me. How I said it,

470
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:19,960
Speaker 3: or how it made you feel.

471
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:23,080
Speaker 2: I can't know what actually happened, so it would be helpful,

472
00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:25,400
Speaker 2: and I would like something like that. If we did

473
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:26,920
Speaker 2: have an argument, you could play a tape back. I

474
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:29,080
Speaker 2: wouldn't mind that if you want to. You want to

475
00:20:29,119 --> 00:20:30,600
Speaker 2: set a camera up every time we have a debate

476
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:33,760
Speaker 2: from now on, if you try whatever you want to do,

477
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:36,280
Speaker 2: we could try and see what it's saying. I'm not

478
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:39,000
Speaker 2: opposed to it. Well, I'm a big girl. I could

479
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:39,359
Speaker 2: do with it.

480
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:39,760
Speaker 1: Whatever.

481
00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:44,520
Speaker 6: Whatever you want to do, whatever you want to do.

482
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:47,800
Speaker 2: Back to the story at hand, Back to the should

483
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:49,240
Speaker 2: we go to the facts and stats? Because I don't

484
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:51,240
Speaker 2: know Trippa was able to find facts and stats out

485
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:52,720
Speaker 2: of this whole.

486
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:54,239
Speaker 3: Debacle that happened with us the other day.

487
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:57,040
Speaker 2: What Ultimately, I just wanted to love on my man

488
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:00,760
Speaker 2: and give him a moment, and I know you just

489
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,560
Speaker 2: want to deliver a great audition, and in both of

490
00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:04,840
Speaker 2: our hearts, I think we're in the right place ultimately

491
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,880
Speaker 2: when we deciphered and broke down everything.

492
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:12,119
Speaker 1: No, yeah, I just that's you do a lot of.

493
00:21:12,119 --> 00:21:13,840
Speaker 3: Tea sipping over here, So I'm not sure. I just

494
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:14,640
Speaker 3: wasn't sure if you.

495
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,760
Speaker 1: Were I'm just sipping my tea because it's here in

496
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:17,400
Speaker 1: this tea.

497
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:21,320
Speaker 3: Like okay, just making sure you don't want to.

498
00:21:22,119 --> 00:21:23,560
Speaker 1: You don't want me to sit my tea no more.

499
00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:24,360
Speaker 1: I won't sit my tea.

500
00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:26,080
Speaker 6: No money either, Tell me what else you don't want

501
00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:29,520
Speaker 6: me to do, and write down the responses you want

502
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:31,240
Speaker 6: me to have to the things you want to have.

503
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:34,000
Speaker 2: I sitting next to you in this moment, I just

504
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:35,800
Speaker 2: want to make sure that you are okay, babe.

505
00:21:36,359 --> 00:21:38,240
Speaker 3: So when I see you sipping your tea doesn't.

506
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:39,919
Speaker 1: Mean you need more tea.

507
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:42,120
Speaker 3: You can't sip your tea to make sure.

508
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:44,760
Speaker 1: It'll cause no more fights today.

509
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:47,040
Speaker 3: I just want to make sure that you're okay. I'm

510
00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:48,040
Speaker 3: fine this moment.

511
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:48,760
Speaker 1: I'm fine.

512
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:50,240
Speaker 3: Do you need to reaup on some tea?

513
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:53,320
Speaker 6: No, because I don't want to accidentally sip it and

514
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:56,400
Speaker 6: cause any problems. So I'm just gonna not set my tea.

515
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:59,840
Speaker 6: I'll just be partched while I'm here, I'll be parted.

516
00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:02,159
Speaker 2: I don't want you to be parched. So Triple was

517
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:03,760
Speaker 2: able to come up with the facts and stats. Let's

518
00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:04,800
Speaker 2: see what they have to say here.

519
00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:07,400
Speaker 6: The risk we haven't even finished how we we haven't

520
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:09,680
Speaker 6: even finished telling everybody how we got to a resolution.

521
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:12,080
Speaker 1: Oh right, right.

522
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:14,960
Speaker 2: I think I was trying to say that ultimately my

523
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,199
Speaker 2: heart was in the right place. You delivered a great audition,

524
00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:18,919
Speaker 2: But how do we get to the audio? Yeah, tell

525
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,560
Speaker 2: them how we were able to hash things out after

526
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:24,760
Speaker 2: all of that. So we left you off where you

527
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:28,199
Speaker 2: fumbling and bumbling taking things out of the boxes. Me saying, Babe,

528
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:30,320
Speaker 2: you really don't have to assemble this right now. I

529
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:32,720
Speaker 2: don't want to take you out of your mindset that

530
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:36,240
Speaker 2: you're in for these characters. Brian is on the floor

531
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:40,760
Speaker 2: laughing yes, yes. Matt is standing there like, I don't

532
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:44,040
Speaker 2: know if I should record this or not. It was

533
00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:46,240
Speaker 2: just very, very awkward in that moment.

534
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:48,560
Speaker 6: And then I asked I was I was like, yo, Matt,

535
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,480
Speaker 6: can you, like, like seriously, can you tell me what

536
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:53,119
Speaker 6: I did? And then I asked my saying, let me

537
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:56,000
Speaker 6: just see the tape. After watching the tape, I apologized

538
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,000
Speaker 6: to Kay for not responding in the way that she

539
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:01,480
Speaker 6: deemed to be a acceptable in the moment and making

540
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:06,280
Speaker 6: her feel small. I apologize for that, and then I

541
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:09,159
Speaker 6: proceeded to give you a hug and then listen to

542
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:11,800
Speaker 6: you tell me what the whole purpose behind that was,

543
00:23:12,359 --> 00:23:13,840
Speaker 6: and then we were able to squash it. But the

544
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:17,560
Speaker 6: biggest thing was being able to put everything aside and

545
00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:24,280
Speaker 6: say I see fault in myself and apologizing, which I'm

546
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:25,800
Speaker 6: just putting out there and want to cause a fight.

547
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:28,520
Speaker 1: I did first. You did not apologize for calling me

548
00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:29,320
Speaker 1: an asshole. First.

549
00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:35,879
Speaker 6: I apologize first for saying that I might have dismissed you.

550
00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:38,600
Speaker 6: And then you apologize for calling me an asshole, and

551
00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:40,840
Speaker 6: you said asshole might not have been the word.

552
00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:44,159
Speaker 2: Yes, does it matter who did what first? Because we

553
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:45,000
Speaker 2: were in there adults me.

554
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:46,800
Speaker 1: If it don't matter to you, it doesn't matter me, okay.

555
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,280
Speaker 2: Because I mean we were trying to at that point

556
00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:51,080
Speaker 2: talk things out and figure out what went wrong in

557
00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:51,639
Speaker 2: that moment.

558
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:54,080
Speaker 6: So I will say I will say that I think

559
00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:57,200
Speaker 6: that it is important to note that I did ask

560
00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:59,760
Speaker 6: to see the tape and was willing to apologize without

561
00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:00,919
Speaker 6: being prompted by anyone.

562
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:03,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure, that matters because a lot of people,

563
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:05,960
Speaker 1: when they have arguments, no one is willing.

564
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:07,600
Speaker 6: To be first, to be first, yeah, or to be

565
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:10,399
Speaker 6: I will say on that ass podcast, And I am

566
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:12,920
Speaker 6: always willing to be first because I don't like there

567
00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:14,240
Speaker 6: to be any conflict.

568
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:15,560
Speaker 1: I want there to be resolution.

569
00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:16,240
Speaker 3: Oh yeah.

570
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:18,399
Speaker 6: And the reason why I think that's important is because

571
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:22,040
Speaker 6: I feel like I always proclaim that I am the

572
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:25,359
Speaker 6: leader of this house. I proclaim that as the leader

573
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:28,840
Speaker 6: of the house, at most times, you have to be

574
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:32,679
Speaker 6: willing to apologize first, even if you don't think you

575
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:35,600
Speaker 6: did anything wrong. If you can find fault in what

576
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:38,840
Speaker 6: you did and may have made your partner feel a way,

577
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:42,360
Speaker 6: it is your responsibility to apologize first. I don't think

578
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:44,040
Speaker 6: it should be well, I did it last time, you

579
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:46,879
Speaker 6: did it next time. It's just if you proclaim to

580
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:48,960
Speaker 6: be the leader, whether you're a man or a woman,

581
00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:51,719
Speaker 6: there is a responsibility that comes with that, and that

582
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:54,560
Speaker 6: responsibility means you have to be accountable for what you did,

583
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:57,399
Speaker 6: even if you don't think what you did warranted the

584
00:24:57,440 --> 00:24:59,560
Speaker 6: response from your partner. And I just want to put

585
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:02,480
Speaker 6: that out there because some people will say, well, she

586
00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:04,960
Speaker 6: called you an asshole and you didn't know, so she

587
00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:07,800
Speaker 6: was wrong. To me, it didn't matter who I felt

588
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:09,560
Speaker 6: was wrong. I just knew that I want into a

589
00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:12,199
Speaker 6: potest for what I did wrong. And that's how I

590
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:15,199
Speaker 6: feel like we're able to get to resolutions because like

591
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:17,440
Speaker 6: you said, it doesn't matter who does what first.

592
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:19,560
Speaker 1: Somebody has to take the first step.

593
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:22,600
Speaker 2: Right, and thank you for just even teaching me how

594
00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:25,880
Speaker 2: to do that right, to be accountable, to have the discussions,

595
00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:28,199
Speaker 2: to talk about it, to be the first to say something,

596
00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:31,359
Speaker 2: because I didn't come from that, and it took a

597
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:33,440
Speaker 2: long time for me to get to the place where

598
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:35,359
Speaker 2: I am where I can just see, for example, something

599
00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:37,639
Speaker 2: may be wrong with you come something completely unrelated to

600
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:39,800
Speaker 2: this topic, but I can see, okay, something's off with

601
00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:41,800
Speaker 2: de Val and what do I do now, I'll be

602
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:44,080
Speaker 2: in your face. I wanted to talk about it and

603
00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:47,120
Speaker 2: wanted to find out what's wrong in the moment because

604
00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:50,119
Speaker 2: I don't want things to linger into fester. And the

605
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,360
Speaker 2: overarching topic here I think that we could take away

606
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:55,120
Speaker 2: from this is that there was clearly a riff.

607
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:56,399
Speaker 3: There was clearly a beef.

608
00:25:56,760 --> 00:25:59,720
Speaker 2: Both feelings were hurt in that moment, for me calling

609
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:02,680
Speaker 2: him asshole, for me feeling like he didn't receive my

610
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:04,880
Speaker 2: surprise the way I intended for it to be received.

611
00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:07,439
Speaker 2: And then it could have been a thing where we

612
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:09,520
Speaker 2: both just like in the past, we joke about it.

613
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:12,080
Speaker 2: But in the past, Deval would have sent Brian Home

614
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:15,359
Speaker 2: and Matt and been like, fuck these auditions and we'd

615
00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:19,399
Speaker 2: have been in a fight for the night yep, Like

616
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:21,680
Speaker 2: years ago that would have been us Like it would

617
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:23,360
Speaker 2: have played out so many different ways, but the way

618
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:25,640
Speaker 2: it did in that moment, we literally watched.

619
00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:27,000
Speaker 1: It in that moment maturity.

620
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:32,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then Deval was able to deliver stellar Stellar

621
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:39,360
Speaker 2: auditions for two different roles, one show, one film. I'm

622
00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:42,879
Speaker 2: so excited for you, ultimately, that's that's all. And you

623
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:46,200
Speaker 2: look beautiful against that background that you got.

624
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:50,040
Speaker 1: Don't don't forget that part you got it? What why

625
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:51,200
Speaker 1: do you look at me like that?

626
00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:54,200
Speaker 3: You look beautiful against that background.

627
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:56,960
Speaker 2: And I'm just hoping that that will bring you some

628
00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:01,639
Speaker 2: good luck and some good energy as you go into it.

629
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:05,880
Speaker 6: Will it will, because when you manifest things, things come

630
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:06,639
Speaker 6: out well.

631
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:07,840
Speaker 3: And you work for it.

632
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:13,520
Speaker 2: Fact, since that's the risk of miscommunication is higher with

633
00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:15,920
Speaker 2: your spouse than it is with a stranger.

634
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:18,120
Speaker 3: It's interesting.

635
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:20,800
Speaker 6: I think that's the fact because we communicate the most,

636
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:22,560
Speaker 6: Like if that's a stranger, I don't got to talk

637
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:24,200
Speaker 6: to you, and if you say something that I don't like,

638
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:25,240
Speaker 6: I could just walk away.

639
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:29,960
Speaker 1: Your spouse I got to see you every day.

640
00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:32,480
Speaker 6: So even if we have a miscommunication, now, I gotta

641
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:33,160
Speaker 6: see you tomorrow.

642
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:34,760
Speaker 1: I got to see you later on in the day.

643
00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:35,960
Speaker 1: There's no getting away from it.

644
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:39,520
Speaker 2: Absolutely miscommunication can occur when one person is emotional and

645
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:43,600
Speaker 2: the other person is left to interpret those emotions.

646
00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:47,640
Speaker 3: I tend to be the more emotional one go figure.

647
00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:51,159
Speaker 6: And I tend to have to interpret these emotions and

648
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:53,560
Speaker 6: handle them with silk gloves.

649
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:55,800
Speaker 3: Now, I'm a big girl. You don't got to do

650
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:59,080
Speaker 3: all that. No more, ask for clarity. Are you serious?

651
00:27:59,880 --> 00:28:02,400
Speaker 3: I'm very serious. Do you feel like you gotta handle

652
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:04,639
Speaker 3: me with a silk glove? I'm a thug de val.

653
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:06,399
Speaker 1: I can't even to sit my tea because if I

654
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:08,639
Speaker 1: sit my tea, then I'm gonna get it. Ques it

655
00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:10,040
Speaker 1: being triggered for simple tea.

656
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,000
Speaker 3: Don't talk about it. Say what it is. We hear.

657
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:15,040
Speaker 1: I do feel like I got to handle you with

658
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:16,359
Speaker 1: silk gloves. I do.

659
00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:20,840
Speaker 6: That's a perfect situation. I'm going into something that I'm

660
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:23,680
Speaker 6: super focused on it. Because I didn't respond the way

661
00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:26,040
Speaker 6: you wanted me to respond, I get called an asshole

662
00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:27,800
Speaker 6: that don't seem a little crazy to you.

663
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:30,400
Speaker 1: And then even though I get called an asshole.

664
00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:33,080
Speaker 6: I have to apologize first for you didn't open up

665
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:34,600
Speaker 6: and be like, maybe I could do it a different time.

666
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:37,680
Speaker 6: That don't seem a little crazy. Think just think about

667
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:41,040
Speaker 6: it for a minute. You know how focused I am.

668
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:43,719
Speaker 6: You know how I have to become a different character.

669
00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:45,720
Speaker 6: You know, I didn't mean no harm. But still I

670
00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:48,720
Speaker 6: get called an asshole, and then I still apologize first.

671
00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:51,440
Speaker 1: That don't seem crazy.

672
00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:54,160
Speaker 3: That's amazing. He wins, y'all, he wins.

673
00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:57,320
Speaker 6: No, it's not about Judge. I'm asking you a serious

674
00:28:57,480 --> 00:28:59,320
Speaker 6: I'm asking you a serious question. I don't even give

675
00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:02,200
Speaker 6: a fuck about the these stat facts, the stats. I'm

676
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:05,040
Speaker 6: asking you a serious question. When you sit back and

677
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:11,680
Speaker 6: think about that whole thing, you don't realize that damn Like, yeah, yeah,

678
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:13,800
Speaker 6: he just didn't you know, I didn't do it on purpose.

679
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:16,120
Speaker 2: Of course, that's what we hashed out after the fact.

680
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:18,960
Speaker 2: I'm saying in the moment, of course I was being emotional.

681
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:21,280
Speaker 6: But that's what I'm saying about handling. You were so gloves.

682
00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:23,760
Speaker 6: I know that you're a more emotional person. Hey, And

683
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:25,680
Speaker 6: what I'm saying is is that since I know that,

684
00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:28,040
Speaker 6: I have to make sure that I handle you delicately.

685
00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:28,840
Speaker 3: I understand that.

686
00:29:28,880 --> 00:29:32,440
Speaker 2: And typically in a situation like that, right, you probably

687
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:35,160
Speaker 2: wouldn't have even responded the way you responded because you

688
00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:37,840
Speaker 2: just your head wasn't in the right place. Right unbeknownst

689
00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:40,600
Speaker 2: to me, you probably on a day to day basis,

690
00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:43,000
Speaker 2: whenever we do have a debate or a discussion or

691
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:45,800
Speaker 2: whatever you want to call it, you probably approached me

692
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:47,640
Speaker 2: with a level of delicacy that I don't even.

693
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:49,400
Speaker 1: Know that you use's And that's what I was saying.

694
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:50,640
Speaker 3: Okay, so that's what I'm saying.

695
00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:53,000
Speaker 2: Now that we're talking about it, I can see, all right,

696
00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:54,960
Speaker 2: So maybe I do need to be handled with silk

697
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:57,600
Speaker 2: gloves and I don't even realize that. And the moment

698
00:29:57,600 --> 00:30:00,120
Speaker 2: when you didn't necessarily handle me that way, that's what

699
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,520
Speaker 2: what happened. Yes, so that's a moment of revelation for it.

700
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:06,560
Speaker 6: But that's what I'm saying, is like, even in a relationship,

701
00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:09,600
Speaker 6: one person is more emotional than the other, if I

702
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:10,200
Speaker 6: know that.

703
00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:14,000
Speaker 1: It's my responsibility to handle you more delicately, not say,

704
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:16,160
Speaker 1: well I'm not as emotional, I'm gonna handle you how

705
00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:19,920
Speaker 1: I'm handled. No, this is how you have to handle

706
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:22,960
Speaker 1: someone who's more emotional. My point is is that understanding

707
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:25,640
Speaker 1: that your partner is different and that your partner may

708
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:28,440
Speaker 1: handle things differently, requires that if you want to be

709
00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:31,120
Speaker 1: in a relationship with that person, you learn how to

710
00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:33,320
Speaker 1: handle that person in a way that works for both

711
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:33,560
Speaker 1: of you.

712
00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:36,840
Speaker 6: Rather than saying everything has to be split evenly. If

713
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:38,680
Speaker 6: you talk to me like this I talked, that just

714
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:41,520
Speaker 6: doesn't work. You know what I'm saying. And that's my

715
00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:45,440
Speaker 6: whole point is that, like you just said, here, one

716
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:47,040
Speaker 6: person is more emotional than the other.

717
00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:50,480
Speaker 1: If we know that, then we have to be able.

718
00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:52,400
Speaker 6: To handle those things and understand that that's what our

719
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:55,120
Speaker 6: reality is, not try to change that person into a

720
00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:56,400
Speaker 6: less emotional person.

721
00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:58,000
Speaker 1: I you know what I'm saying, I get it.

722
00:30:58,040 --> 00:31:00,000
Speaker 3: I mean there's tact with the way we approach each other.

723
00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:03,360
Speaker 2: You don't think that you're emotional most of the time,

724
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:07,280
Speaker 2: but there's attacked and a level of sensitivity and approach

725
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:09,160
Speaker 2: that I take when I approach you about certainly, I'm

726
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:11,800
Speaker 2: pretty and you may not even think that, you may

727
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:14,320
Speaker 2: think it's it's not. I'm pretty sure, but in my mind,

728
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:17,280
Speaker 2: I'm like, I have to approach the voalt in this

729
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:21,120
Speaker 2: way so that it doesn't sound like I'm being insensitive

730
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:25,120
Speaker 2: or I'm attacking. I'm pretty so yeah, we both do it,

731
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:26,920
Speaker 2: I think to an extent, but me being the more

732
00:31:26,920 --> 00:31:29,960
Speaker 2: emotional one, which we admit, I completely get what this

733
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:30,720
Speaker 2: statement is saying.

734
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:33,280
Speaker 3: Okay, got it.

735
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:37,680
Speaker 2: Next that ask for clarity if you're not sure about

736
00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:39,520
Speaker 2: the intent behind someone's words.

737
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:41,280
Speaker 3: That's exactly what we did.

738
00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:44,080
Speaker 2: If I ran the tape back in this instant because

739
00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:45,920
Speaker 2: he wasn't quite sure what, I call him an asshole

740
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:48,120
Speaker 2: and we were able.

741
00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:50,240
Speaker 1: To question about point something out to you, why you

742
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:50,880
Speaker 1: was going to be what?

743
00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:52,719
Speaker 6: You do that too? You realize that that's like a

744
00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:54,160
Speaker 6: like a defense mechanism.

745
00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:54,720
Speaker 3: What's that?

746
00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:56,479
Speaker 6: If I say I have to hold you, handle you

747
00:31:56,480 --> 00:31:59,600
Speaker 6: with delicate clothes because you're emotional, your response isn't like, well,

748
00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:00,720
Speaker 6: that's true, I am more emotional.

749
00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:03,360
Speaker 1: You're poscious. Well, you're emotional too. Do you not realize that.

750
00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:05,960
Speaker 3: I've definitely just said that You're right, I am the

751
00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:06,840
Speaker 3: emotional one.

752
00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:08,840
Speaker 1: But then your response to that is to be like, well,

753
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:10,000
Speaker 1: I do that for you too.

754
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:13,440
Speaker 2: I'm just saying unbeknownst to the other party, we many

755
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:17,120
Speaker 2: not even know how we approach the other because we

756
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:19,160
Speaker 2: feel like they need that. Like you're saying that you

757
00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:21,560
Speaker 2: don't announce me, Kadin, You're the most emotional one, So

758
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:24,280
Speaker 2: I'm going to approach you this way. I'm saying, I

759
00:32:24,280 --> 00:32:26,280
Speaker 2: can agree with you because I do the same thing

760
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:29,640
Speaker 2: on my end for the sake of the discussion.

761
00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:30,880
Speaker 3: Is what I'm saying, but.

762
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:32,840
Speaker 1: Base but based on arguments and debates.

763
00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:34,840
Speaker 6: If I say that I do this to you because

764
00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:36,200
Speaker 6: you're this way, and you say I do this to you,

765
00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:38,479
Speaker 6: that's in a way negating my statement by saying, well,

766
00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:39,560
Speaker 6: I do the same thing for you.

767
00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:42,040
Speaker 3: I'm not negating it ilways agreeing with you.

768
00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:44,160
Speaker 1: No, but based on okay, in debates.

769
00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:48,000
Speaker 2: But I never debated other than with you. I didn't

770
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:49,920
Speaker 2: do debate team or anything like that. But you can

771
00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:51,000
Speaker 2: probably educate me on it.

772
00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:52,920
Speaker 1: There's a way.

773
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:55,480
Speaker 6: There's a way to debate, right by a debate. I

774
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:59,400
Speaker 6: forgot the exact term. But if I say a point

775
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:02,560
Speaker 6: by saying I prove that you're more emotional by handling

776
00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:04,600
Speaker 6: you this way, and then you say, well, you do

777
00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:06,680
Speaker 6: the same thing, what that does is negate my point

778
00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:08,800
Speaker 6: because what I'm saying is I only have to do

779
00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:09,560
Speaker 6: that for you.

780
00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:11,440
Speaker 1: You understand what I'm saying to me.

781
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:13,160
Speaker 2: It's not about a point and who made the point.

782
00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:15,360
Speaker 2: The fact of the matter is that we're having a

783
00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:17,320
Speaker 2: discussion about the both of us. It's not a debate

784
00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:19,200
Speaker 2: to see who's right or who wins right.

785
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:21,440
Speaker 6: But there also has to be a level of accountability,

786
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:25,640
Speaker 6: and the accountability comes as is. Accountability stops, starts and

787
00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:28,320
Speaker 6: stops with yes, I am this way. That's what it is,

788
00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:31,360
Speaker 6: not yes I am this way. But because then you've

789
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:33,960
Speaker 6: just taken away anytime you add a butt or you

790
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:36,360
Speaker 6: say something that's not accepting accountability.

791
00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:39,120
Speaker 2: But what if you say also because I said, I

792
00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:41,160
Speaker 2: also can agree with you that yes, I am the

793
00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:43,040
Speaker 2: emotional one that I have to be handled with the

794
00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:45,280
Speaker 2: glove that I didn't even know that you were handling

795
00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:48,360
Speaker 2: me with. So I'm saying, yes, I agree to that,

796
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:50,360
Speaker 2: and I'm just like, shoot, as you say that, I

797
00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:52,560
Speaker 2: don't even realize that maybe I approach you the same

798
00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:54,680
Speaker 2: way with a certain level of delicacy that you don't know.

799
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:57,760
Speaker 2: So I'm not negating anything at all. I'm just agreeing

800
00:33:57,760 --> 00:34:02,000
Speaker 2: with you and saying that yeah, I can see that. No,

801
00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:04,360
Speaker 2: or does does that? I mean, from a debate standpoint,

802
00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:05,240
Speaker 2: does that not make sense.

803
00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:05,960
Speaker 1: No, I mean.

804
00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:11,120
Speaker 6: Is understanding is understanding right, And it's like trying to

805
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:14,600
Speaker 6: figure out what words work for each partner is exactly

806
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:17,000
Speaker 6: an exercise and what people are seeing us do now

807
00:34:17,360 --> 00:34:19,960
Speaker 6: trying to understand what we mean by having a civil

808
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:23,839
Speaker 6: conversation that doesn't resort to any type of hostility or

809
00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:26,600
Speaker 6: volatile acts. Yeah, for sure, you know, from name calling

810
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:28,960
Speaker 6: to hitting or whatever. It's just let's have a discussion

811
00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:30,680
Speaker 6: about it, which to me, I think is a greater

812
00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:34,120
Speaker 6: exercise than just stating this is what we've done, but

813
00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:36,040
Speaker 6: they actually get a chance to see it's exercising it.

814
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:40,040
Speaker 2: This is literally how our debates, arguments, discussions. I don't

815
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:41,080
Speaker 2: know what you want to call it, but this is

816
00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:43,399
Speaker 2: literally how it goes. Like dival and I will sit

817
00:34:43,440 --> 00:34:45,879
Speaker 2: here and just do this and so back and forth,

818
00:34:45,920 --> 00:34:48,359
Speaker 2: and I really genuinely try to understand where you're coming from,

819
00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:50,799
Speaker 2: because I mean, I don't want to repeat the same

820
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:53,200
Speaker 2: behaviors over and over again. And if I can take

821
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:55,160
Speaker 2: a pound ability for something I've done wrong, then I'll

822
00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:56,680
Speaker 2: be like, all right, well I did it wrong.

823
00:34:56,719 --> 00:34:57,880
Speaker 3: I don't profess to be perfect.

824
00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:00,719
Speaker 6: Well I've said this before and I'm just sometimes I

825
00:35:00,719 --> 00:35:04,320
Speaker 6: feel like in these conversations, you'd rather defend your point

826
00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:06,880
Speaker 6: more than trying to understand where I'm coming from. And

827
00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:11,640
Speaker 6: I think that's sometimes where couples end up with miscommunications

828
00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:15,200
Speaker 6: or not even miscommunications, but they don't even communicate because

829
00:35:15,239 --> 00:35:18,600
Speaker 6: it's like one partner will be trying to express how

830
00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:20,560
Speaker 6: they feel about something, and then the other partner was

831
00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:24,200
Speaker 6: just waiting for an opportunity to just defend what they're

832
00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:27,920
Speaker 6: saying without even saying, well, you know what, that is true,

833
00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:30,239
Speaker 6: or the partner will just be yeah, that's true, but

834
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:32,919
Speaker 6: you understand what I'm saying. So when you just say yeah,

835
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:35,080
Speaker 6: that's true, butt and then you give a response, it's like,

836
00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:37,640
Speaker 6: so you really just want to defend I'm not saying

837
00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:39,880
Speaker 6: you when I'm saying Anyone who speaks in that manner

838
00:35:40,239 --> 00:35:42,400
Speaker 6: just want to defend their point to say this is

839
00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:46,760
Speaker 6: why I did it, rather than saying, well, I realize

840
00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:50,239
Speaker 6: what I did hurt your feelings, or what I did

841
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:51,919
Speaker 6: or what I'm doing is.

842
00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:54,399
Speaker 1: Being perceived the wrong way. You understand what I'm.

843
00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:55,200
Speaker 3: Saying, understand that.

844
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:57,920
Speaker 2: But my response to that always is because we battle

845
00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:01,480
Speaker 2: with this, you know, we have battle with this saying

846
00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:04,000
Speaker 2: that you understand and you know, trying to get to

847
00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,480
Speaker 2: the bottom of how it made the person feel. Don't

848
00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:09,680
Speaker 2: you then want to understand why I might have acted

849
00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:12,879
Speaker 2: a certain way, or how I might have arrived at

850
00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:16,719
Speaker 2: whatever delivery or whatever I imparted on you to make

851
00:36:16,719 --> 00:36:18,400
Speaker 2: you feel that way. Don't you want to know why?

852
00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:21,160
Speaker 2: Or you just prefer for me to say, I understand

853
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:23,800
Speaker 2: how you feel. You're warranted for feeling the way you feel.

854
00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:26,120
Speaker 2: I'm taking accountability for it, and that be it.

855
00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:29,880
Speaker 6: I guess it depends on the person. I guess it

856
00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:32,560
Speaker 6: just depends on the person because there is no one

857
00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:34,680
Speaker 6: way to debate, right, There's no one way that it depends

858
00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:38,799
Speaker 6: on the person. So me, for example, when I gave

859
00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:42,600
Speaker 6: my example, my example was I looked at the tape

860
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:43,840
Speaker 6: and I realized, like, man.

861
00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:45,880
Speaker 1: How she took it.

862
00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:49,200
Speaker 6: She might have felt dismissed. That's my fault, baby coming,

863
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:51,719
Speaker 6: that's my fault. You might even dismissed, and I didn't

864
00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:54,520
Speaker 6: want you to feel like that. Boom, and I gave

865
00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:55,799
Speaker 6: you a hug and apologize.

866
00:36:55,840 --> 00:36:56,080
Speaker 4: To me.

867
00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:59,359
Speaker 6: That apology feels sincere because I just recognized what I did,

868
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:02,440
Speaker 6: rather than me saying, yeah, I see how you feel,

869
00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:05,040
Speaker 6: but I did it because this then it kind of

870
00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:06,600
Speaker 6: negates the fact that I apologize.

871
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:07,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't see it that way.

872
00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:09,320
Speaker 1: That's why I'm saying it's a difference in on discuss

873
00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:09,719
Speaker 1: That's why.

874
00:37:09,640 --> 00:37:12,440
Speaker 2: We always have an issue every debate because for me,

875
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:15,759
Speaker 2: it's the damn babe, I watch the tape, I see

876
00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:17,120
Speaker 2: how you could have taken it this way.

877
00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:19,680
Speaker 3: But to be honest, in that moment, my head was just.

878
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:22,520
Speaker 2: Really in the game and I was not even thinking

879
00:37:22,560 --> 00:37:25,600
Speaker 2: about anything else other than the audition. So if it

880
00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:28,120
Speaker 2: landed the wrong way, it's not because it was intentional,

881
00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:31,200
Speaker 2: it's because of XYZ. Like that's the kind of explanation

882
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:33,400
Speaker 2: that I like to have because I want to know

883
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:35,719
Speaker 2: why you made me feel that way, Whereas with you,

884
00:37:35,719 --> 00:37:37,200
Speaker 2: you're just like you made me feel this way and

885
00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:38,520
Speaker 2: that's just it.

886
00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:40,520
Speaker 3: So you have to accept that that's at with me,

887
00:37:40,600 --> 00:37:41,920
Speaker 3: I didn't do that.

888
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:43,880
Speaker 1: I actually gave you an explanation. I told you why.

889
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:46,040
Speaker 2: I'm just saying, we're just doing like this like exercise

890
00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:48,120
Speaker 2: in terms of like how people can argue sometimes where

891
00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:50,399
Speaker 2: you're saying that you don't want to hear the butt,

892
00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:53,520
Speaker 2: you just want to hear it, I understand.

893
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:56,000
Speaker 6: Absolutely, because if you're going to give me apology with me,

894
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:57,320
Speaker 6: I don't even like apologies.

895
00:37:57,440 --> 00:38:00,120
Speaker 1: The best apologies to me is changed behavior. But if

896
00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:00,799
Speaker 1: you're going to give me.

897
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:03,359
Speaker 6: An apology, give me an apology and tell me why

898
00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:05,640
Speaker 6: you sorry. Don't give me an apology. Tell me why

899
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:07,239
Speaker 6: you sorry. But then they try to explain to me

900
00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:09,960
Speaker 6: why I shouldn't feel the way I feel. That to

901
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:13,120
Speaker 6: me is like it's almost like a slap in the face.

902
00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:15,960
Speaker 6: You know what I'm saying, Like, if I know I

903
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:18,400
Speaker 6: did something wrong to you and it made you wrong,

904
00:38:18,719 --> 00:38:21,319
Speaker 6: I mean made you feel bad, I don't I don't

905
00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:24,240
Speaker 6: ever in my heart of hearts want to be like, damn, babe,

906
00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:24,919
Speaker 6: you feel bad.

907
00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:26,280
Speaker 1: But I think you acting.

908
00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:29,480
Speaker 6: I think you acted kind of sensitive because I did

909
00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:31,879
Speaker 6: it this way, or I didn't mean to do it, or.

910
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:35,879
Speaker 2: But you saying that is then negating someone's feelings. It's

911
00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:38,440
Speaker 2: not saying, babe, I didn't intend to do it that way. Really,

912
00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:40,480
Speaker 2: in my heart of hearts, what I was trying to

913
00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:42,400
Speaker 2: do was this, this, that, and the third.

914
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:44,560
Speaker 3: Then that's just saying.

915
00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:48,160
Speaker 2: I arrived at this location because of these things, not

916
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:51,200
Speaker 2: saying that you still should feel a certain kind of

917
00:38:51,239 --> 00:38:53,080
Speaker 2: way about it. You still entitled to feel the way

918
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:54,920
Speaker 2: you want to feel about it, but at least give

919
00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:57,239
Speaker 2: me a background or scenario of how we arrived here,

920
00:38:57,280 --> 00:38:59,680
Speaker 2: so I don't think you were just frivolously out here

921
00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:03,080
Speaker 2: just doing whatever, and then now my feelings are hurt

922
00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:04,319
Speaker 2: and I don't know how we got there.

923
00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:07,480
Speaker 6: No, I understand it's more important for you to explain

924
00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:09,799
Speaker 6: your position so that you don't want it to be

925
00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:12,480
Speaker 6: taken as doing something with malice.

926
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:15,279
Speaker 1: I get that. I get that. What I'm saying is

927
00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:17,479
Speaker 1: that sometimes when I'm.

928
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:19,400
Speaker 6: Trying to tell you how I feel and you just

929
00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:23,239
Speaker 6: disregard that, and because you're more concerned with that, it

930
00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:24,920
Speaker 6: makes me feel like you don't feel like you did

931
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:26,760
Speaker 6: anything wrong, gotcha, because it's.

932
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:28,279
Speaker 1: Like I'm feeling a way.

933
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:30,880
Speaker 6: You ask me how I feel, I tell you how

934
00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:33,200
Speaker 6: I feel, and then your first response when I'm telling

935
00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:35,600
Speaker 6: you how I feel is, but I did it like this,

936
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:37,080
Speaker 6: so I don't think you should feel that way.

937
00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:41,600
Speaker 1: It's like that's not I didn't ask to feel as well.

938
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:44,319
Speaker 2: I don't say I didn't like this, so then you

939
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:46,480
Speaker 2: shouldn't feel that way at that portion. I never do

940
00:39:46,600 --> 00:39:49,120
Speaker 2: I just let you know this is why I did that,

941
00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:51,759
Speaker 2: and then we normally hash out how that could have

942
00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:53,719
Speaker 2: made you feel. I don't try to change the way

943
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:56,680
Speaker 2: you feel. I can't do that. As a person. You're

944
00:39:56,760 --> 00:39:58,920
Speaker 2: entitled to feel the way you feel, regardless of my intent.

945
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:02,680
Speaker 2: I always want to make sure that you could hear

946
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:04,839
Speaker 2: like a damn Cadie wasn't just out here willy nearly

947
00:40:04,920 --> 00:40:07,239
Speaker 2: doing whatever to make me feel some kind of way, right,

948
00:40:07,560 --> 00:40:09,719
Speaker 2: she really arrived at this hit in this way. So

949
00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:11,840
Speaker 2: moving forward, I know not to take that approach the

950
00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:12,560
Speaker 2: next time.

951
00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:12,960
Speaker 1: I got you.

952
00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:15,600
Speaker 6: But what I'm saying is is that remember when you

953
00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:18,640
Speaker 6: ask me about the tape and watching the tape. If

954
00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:21,040
Speaker 6: I play the tape back and we're having a conversation

955
00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:24,719
Speaker 6: or discussion about something that happens, you sometimes tend to

956
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:26,919
Speaker 6: think that you said or did things a certain way

957
00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:30,560
Speaker 6: when you really didn't. For example, most of the time,

958
00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:34,120
Speaker 6: I can't even get my full thought out about what

959
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:36,520
Speaker 6: I'm feeling before you cut me off and try to

960
00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:38,600
Speaker 6: explain to me. So how could you even apologize for

961
00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:41,080
Speaker 6: how I feel when you haven't even listened to how

962
00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:43,000
Speaker 6: I feel? And then when I say to you, like baby,

963
00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:44,279
Speaker 6: you won't even let me finish you like I did

964
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:44,800
Speaker 6: let you finish.

965
00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:45,440
Speaker 1: You took a pause.

966
00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:47,560
Speaker 6: I'm like, if there was a tape here to show

967
00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:49,360
Speaker 6: you how many times when I'm trying to tell you

968
00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:52,399
Speaker 6: how I feel, where you're more interested in getting out

969
00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:55,560
Speaker 6: what you think so that you can defend your point,

970
00:40:55,760 --> 00:40:58,120
Speaker 6: you would realize, like, dang, that's why deval ends up

971
00:40:58,120 --> 00:40:59,920
Speaker 6: getting quiet when we have the base and just say

972
00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:02,480
Speaker 6: as all right, that's that's how you feel.

973
00:41:02,520 --> 00:41:04,279
Speaker 1: That's how you feel totally. You know what I'm saying.

974
00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:07,160
Speaker 1: That's and that's what I'm talking about that you know

975
00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:07,760
Speaker 1: what I'm saying.

976
00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:11,080
Speaker 6: I learned that I when it comes to debates, I

977
00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:14,160
Speaker 6: tend to be super narrow minded with certain things. And

978
00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:16,560
Speaker 6: it's just like once I get my mind fixated, just

979
00:41:16,600 --> 00:41:19,920
Speaker 6: like with auditions, once I get my mind fixated on

980
00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:22,120
Speaker 6: one thing, that's but you see what I'm saying.

981
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:23,920
Speaker 1: Once I get my mind fixated on one thing.

982
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:26,600
Speaker 2: That at one point and I completely get it, and

983
00:41:26,640 --> 00:41:29,160
Speaker 2: I too, Yes, you're right. Sometimes I'm like, oh, but

984
00:41:29,200 --> 00:41:31,839
Speaker 2: I want to just say something to explain if you're

985
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:33,600
Speaker 2: explaining to me how you feel, and I'm like, damn,

986
00:41:33,719 --> 00:41:36,080
Speaker 2: this is the perfect moment for me to explain how

987
00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:39,560
Speaker 2: I arrived there. I don't come from a debate background

988
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:41,840
Speaker 2: where I learned how to like register my points in

989
00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:44,759
Speaker 2: my head to then be able to respond. So my

990
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:47,960
Speaker 2: natural inclination is to want to after you say something

991
00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:50,799
Speaker 2: that may have been misconstrued, I want to go back

992
00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:53,080
Speaker 2: in and say, babe, no, no, no, like that really

993
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:55,200
Speaker 2: wasn't how I arrived there, or that's not what I meant,

994
00:41:55,360 --> 00:41:57,480
Speaker 2: or this is not the intent.

995
00:41:58,080 --> 00:41:58,319
Speaker 3: You know.

996
00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:00,160
Speaker 2: That's when I That's the reason why I I think

997
00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:01,600
Speaker 2: you feel like I cut you off a lot, is

998
00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:03,520
Speaker 2: because I don't want to forget points. That's why I

999
00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:05,720
Speaker 2: joked last time I think we met and had a discussion,

1000
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:08,080
Speaker 2: I was like, damn, I need to literally like make

1001
00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:11,440
Speaker 2: bullet points as you speak, because then when it's my

1002
00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:14,359
Speaker 2: time to speak back, I can't remember everything that you've

1003
00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:16,880
Speaker 2: said because you sometimes tend to be long winded with

1004
00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:18,759
Speaker 2: your explanations, the same way I know I get long

1005
00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:19,680
Speaker 2: winded sometimes too.

1006
00:42:21,160 --> 00:42:21,799
Speaker 1: No, I feel you.

1007
00:42:21,840 --> 00:42:26,560
Speaker 6: I just the biggest thing is learning to have conversations

1008
00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:30,319
Speaker 6: to understand, as opposed to having conversations to win and

1009
00:42:30,360 --> 00:42:30,719
Speaker 6: be right.

1010
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:32,640
Speaker 3: You know, you know what I'm saying that's never really

1011
00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:33,520
Speaker 3: our no.

1012
00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:35,319
Speaker 6: That's how we've been able to make it this far,

1013
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:38,320
Speaker 6: even but even for people to see.

1014
00:42:38,120 --> 00:42:40,080
Speaker 1: How you practice having those discussions.

1015
00:42:40,120 --> 00:42:43,360
Speaker 6: Right, what I learned today, even in this moment, was

1016
00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:48,200
Speaker 6: that it's more important to you that I understand why you.

1017
00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:50,239
Speaker 1: Did what you did, to understand that you didn't come

1018
00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:50,960
Speaker 1: from malice.

1019
00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:53,920
Speaker 6: You know what I'm saying, And for me, it's more

1020
00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:57,440
Speaker 6: important for me to just apologize to you, so you

1021
00:42:57,560 --> 00:43:03,520
Speaker 6: understand that I recognize your feelings, which is actually kind

1022
00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:04,839
Speaker 6: of perfect when you think about it.

1023
00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:07,560
Speaker 1: You care about what I feel.

1024
00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:10,080
Speaker 6: You know that I'm a logically driven person, so you're

1025
00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:12,480
Speaker 6: trying to give me reasons as to why a logical

1026
00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:14,040
Speaker 6: reasons as to why you did it. So I don't

1027
00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:16,520
Speaker 6: think you come from malice. I know you're an emotional

1028
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:19,600
Speaker 6: purpose person. So I'm trying to make you feel seen

1029
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:21,960
Speaker 6: by saying, you know what, babe, I understand how you feel.

1030
00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:22,719
Speaker 1: It is what it is.

1031
00:43:23,239 --> 00:43:26,440
Speaker 6: The problem with that is when we're constantly debating with

1032
00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:29,279
Speaker 6: each other. You're worried about my feelings, I'm worried about

1033
00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:31,880
Speaker 6: your feelings. Sometimes we walk away and neither one of

1034
00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:34,600
Speaker 6: us have addressed our own feelings.

1035
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:36,160
Speaker 2: And it happens a lot, and then what's left to

1036
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:39,960
Speaker 2: our own devices to just self sue. Yes, yes, you're

1037
00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:43,000
Speaker 2: left to self soothe a lot because we're so invested

1038
00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:43,839
Speaker 2: in the other person.

1039
00:43:43,880 --> 00:43:45,520
Speaker 3: And that makes sense, It makes perfect sense. I didn't

1040
00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:46,359
Speaker 3: even think of it that way, but.

1041
00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:48,319
Speaker 6: I didn't think of it until I heard you talk

1042
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:50,520
Speaker 6: just now, and I was like, like, once again just

1043
00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:54,680
Speaker 6: trying to actively listen. It really made me realize, like,

1044
00:43:54,719 --> 00:43:57,360
Speaker 6: oh snap, Like the reason why she gives me the

1045
00:43:57,400 --> 00:44:00,920
Speaker 6: explanation she gives me is because she's trying to logically

1046
00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:04,640
Speaker 6: get me to understand that she didn't come from malice, right,

1047
00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:07,239
Speaker 6: And then for me, I'm just listening to you because

1048
00:44:07,239 --> 00:44:10,520
Speaker 6: I want to hear like I deal with you, like

1049
00:44:10,560 --> 00:44:12,480
Speaker 6: I said with silk gloves, I want you in that

1050
00:44:12,520 --> 00:44:15,160
Speaker 6: moment to handle me the same way. But you know,

1051
00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:17,400
Speaker 6: I'm logically driven, so you like, he's not gonna want

1052
00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:19,040
Speaker 6: to be handled delicately.

1053
00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:20,880
Speaker 1: He's gonna want to hear what the facts are.

1054
00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:22,600
Speaker 2: And that's why sometimes you say at the end of

1055
00:44:22,680 --> 00:44:26,000
Speaker 2: like us having an argument or discussion or whatever, like

1056
00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:27,759
Speaker 2: you're just like you don't even come over. You don't

1057
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:29,160
Speaker 2: give me a hug you can get me kiss Like

1058
00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:30,719
Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't even know if that'll that will

1059
00:44:30,760 --> 00:44:33,000
Speaker 2: help you in that moment because you're so logically driven.

1060
00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:35,200
Speaker 2: For you, it's just like A plus B got an

1061
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:38,239
Speaker 2: equal C, Like because you're so logically driven with a

1062
00:44:38,239 --> 00:44:39,840
Speaker 2: lot of things, Like I don't even know how to

1063
00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:44,160
Speaker 2: ventit that moment, like without it being awkward, throw emotion

1064
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:46,160
Speaker 2: into it, because really, in the middle of arguments, I

1065
00:44:46,200 --> 00:44:47,799
Speaker 2: just want to hug you and just be like five.

1066
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:49,239
Speaker 2: We don't want to fight, you know what I'm saying.

1067
00:44:49,719 --> 00:44:52,160
Speaker 2: I just want everything to be squashed. But I know

1068
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:54,480
Speaker 2: that that's not gonna That's not you. You're gonna want

1069
00:44:54,520 --> 00:44:57,719
Speaker 2: to argue this point to the death until I realize

1070
00:44:57,719 --> 00:45:00,640
Speaker 2: this is your point and it doesn't happen that way

1071
00:45:00,680 --> 00:45:01,240
Speaker 2: all the time.

1072
00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:02,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, now I get it.

1073
00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:05,840
Speaker 6: It's just it's a good practice for two different people

1074
00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:08,480
Speaker 6: to understand and I even learned in this moment. And

1075
00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:09,759
Speaker 6: you know, I think it's a good time to take

1076
00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:11,439
Speaker 6: a break because we have to go to listening letters.

1077
00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:12,640
Speaker 3: I don't even know if we're gonna get to listen

1078
00:45:12,640 --> 00:45:13,960
Speaker 3: to letters today. I feel like this was a whole

1079
00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:15,880
Speaker 3: listening let of guys we wrote.

1080
00:45:15,040 --> 00:45:18,200
Speaker 1: It was a whole listen letter. This is.

1081
00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:22,960
Speaker 2: Let's let's do the Valenkadeens listener letter. That's exactly what

1082
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:23,440
Speaker 2: today say.

1083
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:25,360
Speaker 6: We did our own stuff for a listening letter. But

1084
00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:28,839
Speaker 6: we were supposed to take a break. We were, all right,

1085
00:45:28,840 --> 00:45:30,320
Speaker 6: so let's let's take a quick break. Let's take a

1086
00:45:30,360 --> 00:45:32,520
Speaker 6: quick break. Let's do one listening letter real quick. Going

1087
00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:33,600
Speaker 6: to get back to the moment of truth.

1088
00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:46,360
Speaker 3: All right, cool, all right, and we're back.

1089
00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:48,239
Speaker 2: So even though you got to listen to our long

1090
00:45:48,280 --> 00:45:51,400
Speaker 2: listen listening letter, we're gonna do one real quick just

1091
00:45:51,440 --> 00:45:54,360
Speaker 2: so we can have Oh what is this one talking about?

1092
00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:56,200
Speaker 1: You have the first one or the second one?

1093
00:45:56,360 --> 00:45:59,080
Speaker 3: Let's see, Well, the second one is a little short.

1094
00:45:59,160 --> 00:45:59,919
Speaker 1: Yeah, second short.

1095
00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:03,000
Speaker 2: We'll save that first one for another episode. How about that?

1096
00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:04,680
Speaker 2: Go ahead and read it? Do you mind because I'm

1097
00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:05,920
Speaker 2: not voice off today.

1098
00:46:05,960 --> 00:46:06,480
Speaker 1: What's up? Fam?

1099
00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:08,720
Speaker 6: I hope all is well with you guys and the kids.

1100
00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:11,240
Speaker 6: I really enjoy watching the vols A team and sisters

1101
00:46:11,239 --> 00:46:15,680
Speaker 6: and Kadeen. I really need you back on okkk, what

1102
00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:18,080
Speaker 6: we got all dka on the Patreon page. What you mean?

1103
00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:20,840
Speaker 1: It's there every week? Hello, we your followers.

1104
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:23,160
Speaker 6: Missusis I've been married for less than a year now,

1105
00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:26,040
Speaker 6: and there have been ups and real loads and real

1106
00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:29,319
Speaker 6: low downs, and I'm tired, but too embarrassed to call

1107
00:46:29,320 --> 00:46:31,359
Speaker 6: it quits. My husband has been unstable with the job

1108
00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:33,600
Speaker 6: since we have been together. The house we live in.

1109
00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:36,160
Speaker 6: I bought the car he drives. I bought a majority

1110
00:46:36,160 --> 00:46:38,800
Speaker 6: of the bills I pay for. I understand hard times,

1111
00:46:38,840 --> 00:46:42,279
Speaker 6: but damn every time. We have had issues with infidelity,

1112
00:46:42,360 --> 00:46:44,840
Speaker 6: and I have been trying to forgive, but I really

1113
00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:47,120
Speaker 6: just don't see the marriage working. Unlike me, he is

1114
00:46:47,160 --> 00:46:50,279
Speaker 6: involved in church, and to know after the wedding all

1115
00:46:50,320 --> 00:46:53,320
Speaker 6: the people he has slept with and is continuously sleeping

1116
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:56,719
Speaker 6: with his baffling. He has been good at hiding his infidelity,

1117
00:46:56,719 --> 00:47:01,200
Speaker 6: but play stupid when confronted. I'm more embarrassed that what

1118
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:04,000
Speaker 6: I say. I'm more embarrassed at what I saw, and

1119
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:06,680
Speaker 6: what my family saw was just all a lie. I

1120
00:47:06,719 --> 00:47:10,080
Speaker 6: have recommended counseling, but he shot that I did down.

1121
00:47:10,120 --> 00:47:12,160
Speaker 6: I'm tired of being his roommate and want to start

1122
00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:13,200
Speaker 6: being his landlord.

1123
00:47:13,239 --> 00:47:15,680
Speaker 1: And he victim out helped me out.

1124
00:47:15,800 --> 00:47:16,640
Speaker 3: Girl do it.

1125
00:47:16,719 --> 00:47:17,239
Speaker 1: That's a lot.

1126
00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:18,760
Speaker 3: That's a lot going on somewhere.

1127
00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:20,880
Speaker 1: They have kids. She said, they have kids.

1128
00:47:21,239 --> 00:47:22,960
Speaker 3: Nope, but they've been married less than a year.

1129
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:27,200
Speaker 1: Now, you know what's given. It's given.

1130
00:47:27,239 --> 00:47:30,640
Speaker 6: They got married and she takes care of him, and

1131
00:47:31,200 --> 00:47:33,320
Speaker 6: he's comfortable with that, extremely comfortable.

1132
00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:34,359
Speaker 3: He's comfortable with that.

1133
00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:38,960
Speaker 2: He comes, he goes, he doesn't, he pleases, he wants.

1134
00:47:39,400 --> 00:47:41,839
Speaker 6: Yeah, so he gets to just get his bills paid

1135
00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:43,480
Speaker 6: for and live there and do what he wants.

1136
00:47:43,600 --> 00:47:46,120
Speaker 2: That's what it's given to me. Wild, that's what it's

1137
00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:49,959
Speaker 2: given to me. That's wild. And being being concerned about

1138
00:47:50,239 --> 00:47:52,560
Speaker 2: being embarrassed, I mean, I know it's hard. It's hard

1139
00:47:52,600 --> 00:47:56,879
Speaker 2: sometimes because you do get concerned with you know, what

1140
00:47:56,920 --> 00:47:59,080
Speaker 2: other people will think, family and stuff like that. Trust me,

1141
00:47:59,160 --> 00:48:02,120
Speaker 2: I came from that. But it girl for you to

1142
00:48:02,160 --> 00:48:04,440
Speaker 2: be living in your own house or your own space

1143
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:06,200
Speaker 2: where you're paying all the bills and doing all these

1144
00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:08,320
Speaker 2: things and getting cheated on simultaneously.

1145
00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:10,239
Speaker 3: I think that's more embarrassing than.

1146
00:48:10,160 --> 00:48:12,719
Speaker 6: Then I just about to say staying seems to be

1147
00:48:12,760 --> 00:48:15,600
Speaker 6: more embarrassing and actually saying like yo, I'm done, Like

1148
00:48:15,840 --> 00:48:18,040
Speaker 6: I'm done with this because right now it doesn't seem

1149
00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:19,480
Speaker 6: like she said we have kids and not take care

1150
00:48:19,520 --> 00:48:23,080
Speaker 6: of the kids. They got married, all right, so get unmarried, like,

1151
00:48:23,120 --> 00:48:25,279
Speaker 6: get a divorce, get a moment, depending on how long

1152
00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:27,920
Speaker 6: they've been married, and move on. Like, if you're that unhappy,

1153
00:48:28,760 --> 00:48:31,080
Speaker 6: there's no reason to stay, especially if you don't have kids.

1154
00:48:31,239 --> 00:48:32,920
Speaker 2: And this is just not the right way to start.

1155
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:34,840
Speaker 2: Like less than a year, y'all should be in like

1156
00:48:35,560 --> 00:48:37,160
Speaker 2: is a moment of like wedded bliss. You you know

1157
00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:39,120
Speaker 2: what I mean, when you just can't come down from

1158
00:48:39,160 --> 00:48:42,480
Speaker 2: the high of being married and now you're on a low.

1159
00:48:42,400 --> 00:48:44,239
Speaker 1: Lo that's right, she said, I've been married for less

1160
00:48:44,280 --> 00:48:47,080
Speaker 1: than a year now. Yeah, that's tough.

1161
00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:49,480
Speaker 2: Don't be embarrassed, girl, You'll be more embarrassed when the

1162
00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:51,479
Speaker 2: years go by and time goes on and he's still

1163
00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:54,200
Speaker 2: doing more of the same and you're still unhappy. So

1164
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:56,719
Speaker 2: I'm never an advocate for telling people to just go

1165
00:48:56,719 --> 00:48:58,560
Speaker 2: ahead and call it quits and not try to work

1166
00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:00,840
Speaker 2: on it. But if he's shooting town, I'm counseling and

1167
00:49:00,880 --> 00:49:03,160
Speaker 2: won't even be receptive or something like Yeah, with that,

1168
00:49:03,239 --> 00:49:04,880
Speaker 2: it doesn't seem like he even has a dog in

1169
00:49:04,880 --> 00:49:05,200
Speaker 2: the fight.

1170
00:49:05,800 --> 00:49:06,960
Speaker 1: So that's true.

1171
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:08,680
Speaker 6: The fact that he doesn't want to talk about it

1172
00:49:08,760 --> 00:49:11,040
Speaker 6: shoos down council means he doesn't want to work, not.

1173
00:49:11,040 --> 00:49:13,759
Speaker 2: Invested girl, And one thing that you can't do is

1174
00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:17,200
Speaker 2: a one sided, one side of relationship on the side

1175
00:49:17,239 --> 00:49:23,080
Speaker 2: of marriage. So hopefully that works out for you. Sis. Yeah,

1176
00:49:23,120 --> 00:49:27,960
Speaker 2: this is crazy, crazy, crazy crazy. Well what an episode.

1177
00:49:27,960 --> 00:49:30,040
Speaker 2: I feel like we were in a real therapy session today.

1178
00:49:30,280 --> 00:49:33,200
Speaker 2: We was, we were, weren't we was? It's just like

1179
00:49:33,280 --> 00:49:36,640
Speaker 2: hashing things out on our own. So yeah, thank y'all

1180
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:38,319
Speaker 2: for listening. If you want to be featured as a

1181
00:49:38,320 --> 00:49:41,040
Speaker 2: listener letter, be sure to email us at dead Ass

1182
00:49:41,080 --> 00:49:42,760
Speaker 2: Advice at gmail dot com.

1183
00:49:42,760 --> 00:49:44,840
Speaker 6: That's D E A D A S S A D

1184
00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:47,680
Speaker 6: V I C E at gmail dot com.

1185
00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:51,279
Speaker 2: All right, moment of truth time. I don't know what

1186
00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:53,200
Speaker 2: we're gonna do. Its gonna be the episode this.

1187
00:49:53,200 --> 00:49:54,279
Speaker 1: Is, I know, my moment of truth.

1188
00:49:55,680 --> 00:49:57,880
Speaker 2: Well, the description today was when two people trying to

1189
00:49:57,920 --> 00:49:59,879
Speaker 2: be of service to one another almost goes.

1190
00:50:00,920 --> 00:50:03,920
Speaker 6: I mean that's still just a perfect example though, Like, Yeah,

1191
00:50:04,360 --> 00:50:07,760
Speaker 6: I've realized in listening to you speak about this argument,

1192
00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:11,520
Speaker 6: which really wasn't even an argument because we squashed it

1193
00:50:11,520 --> 00:50:13,040
Speaker 6: to try to get something done and then we talked

1194
00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:15,120
Speaker 6: about it, so it was like a discussion. Yeah, I've

1195
00:50:15,200 --> 00:50:19,120
Speaker 6: learned that you give me information based on what you

1196
00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:22,320
Speaker 6: think I need as a person, and rather than trying

1197
00:50:22,400 --> 00:50:26,600
Speaker 6: to be upset at you for how you convey your information,

1198
00:50:26,960 --> 00:50:29,600
Speaker 6: I have to just listen to what you're trying to

1199
00:50:29,680 --> 00:50:32,520
Speaker 6: say rather than expecting you to say it the way

1200
00:50:32,560 --> 00:50:33,640
Speaker 6: I wanted to be said.

1201
00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:34,960
Speaker 1: You understand what I'm saying.

1202
00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:37,520
Speaker 2: I understand that, and thank you for that, because I

1203
00:50:37,640 --> 00:50:39,480
Speaker 2: feel like a lot of the times, yeah, I feel

1204
00:50:39,520 --> 00:50:40,920
Speaker 2: like a lot of the times you just want me

1205
00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:43,040
Speaker 2: to argue with your debate with you or say things

1206
00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:44,960
Speaker 2: the way you want it to be done, and I'm like.

1207
00:50:45,160 --> 00:50:46,279
Speaker 3: It doesn't work like that.

1208
00:50:46,600 --> 00:50:48,480
Speaker 2: I can't work like that, and I always feel like

1209
00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:52,080
Speaker 2: I end up inadequate in those discussions and debates that

1210
00:50:52,080 --> 00:50:53,680
Speaker 2: we have because I'm just like, man, i feel like

1211
00:50:53,680 --> 00:50:57,000
Speaker 2: I'm over here with debate team captain and I can't

1212
00:50:57,040 --> 00:50:59,680
Speaker 2: find a way to even get my footing because I

1213
00:50:59,719 --> 00:51:03,040
Speaker 2: have worked for so many years to try to meet

1214
00:51:03,080 --> 00:51:06,000
Speaker 2: you when it came to communication or when it comes

1215
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:09,239
Speaker 2: to communication and how to express myself, and sometimes that

1216
00:51:09,280 --> 00:51:09,879
Speaker 2: puts me back.

1217
00:51:09,800 --> 00:51:12,000
Speaker 3: In my shell a little bit. So thanks for that

1218
00:51:12,040 --> 00:51:12,760
Speaker 3: moment of truth.

1219
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:14,440
Speaker 1: It's definitely helpful.

1220
00:51:15,320 --> 00:51:18,359
Speaker 2: A moment of truth for me, Well, first off, name

1221
00:51:18,440 --> 00:51:21,360
Speaker 2: calling is never okay, And I think the biggest overarching

1222
00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:23,719
Speaker 2: thing for me is trying to not let my emotions

1223
00:51:24,239 --> 00:51:27,200
Speaker 2: take over in the moments where I really could be logical,

1224
00:51:27,239 --> 00:51:29,120
Speaker 2: because a lot of times you do have great points

1225
00:51:29,160 --> 00:51:32,280
Speaker 2: whenever you are trying to tell me how you feel

1226
00:51:32,400 --> 00:51:35,359
Speaker 2: or just trying to assess a situation, you really do,

1227
00:51:35,480 --> 00:51:37,799
Speaker 2: like logically make sense with a lot of things, and

1228
00:51:37,840 --> 00:51:40,440
Speaker 2: sometimes it's hard for me to swallow. So continuing to

1229
00:51:40,480 --> 00:51:42,680
Speaker 2: make sure that I take accountability and not try to

1230
00:51:42,719 --> 00:51:44,359
Speaker 2: talk you out of feeling the way you feel. If

1231
00:51:44,360 --> 00:51:47,400
Speaker 2: that's how you felt I've handled things, I want to

1232
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:49,719
Speaker 2: make sure that moving forward, I'm really acknowledging how you

1233
00:51:49,800 --> 00:51:52,440
Speaker 2: feel in that moment and moving forward.

1234
00:51:52,600 --> 00:51:56,440
Speaker 3: So all right, right, y'all.

1235
00:51:57,239 --> 00:51:59,520
Speaker 2: Be sure to follow us on Patreon if you have

1236
00:51:59,640 --> 00:52:03,160
Speaker 2: not been yet, for exclusive dead Ass Podcast video content,

1237
00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:06,360
Speaker 2: and you can find us on social media Kadeen, I

1238
00:52:06,480 --> 00:52:08,839
Speaker 2: am dead Ass the podcast.

1239
00:52:08,520 --> 00:52:09,320
Speaker 1: And I am Devout.

1240
00:52:09,320 --> 00:52:11,520
Speaker 6: And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate,

1241
00:52:11,800 --> 00:52:14,360
Speaker 6: review and subscribe. Makeup, make sure you pick up that

1242
00:52:14,400 --> 00:52:17,400
Speaker 6: copy of Wheel for Me, The Counterintuitive approach to getting

1243
00:52:17,400 --> 00:52:20,439
Speaker 6: everything you want out of your relationship and also get

1244
00:52:20,480 --> 00:52:23,880
Speaker 6: them tickets to dead Ass Podcast Live show Love against

1245
00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:25,560
Speaker 6: the World, Baby dead Ass.

1246
00:52:25,640 --> 00:52:27,360
Speaker 2: This giving after today, we need a part two to

1247
00:52:27,400 --> 00:52:32,399
Speaker 2: the book. We're still learning, y'all, We're still learning dead Ass.

1248
00:52:33,600 --> 00:52:36,680
Speaker 4: Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network and

1249
00:52:36,719 --> 00:52:40,280
Speaker 4: it's produced by Donor Opinya and Triple Follow the podcast

1250
00:52:40,360 --> 00:52:42,960
Speaker 4: on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and never

1251
00:52:43,040 --> 00:52:43,640
Speaker 4: miss a Thing.