1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,400 Speaker 1: Hey lady, it is doctor Dom here. If you like 2 00:00:04,519 --> 00:00:07,120 Speaker 1: this show and you want to make your own, let 3 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:10,400 Speaker 1: me tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a 4 00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:13,240 Speaker 1: creation tool that allows you to record and edit your 5 00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:16,880 Speaker 1: podcast right from your phone or computer. You can add 6 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:20,840 Speaker 1: songs from Spotify and create any type of content that 7 00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:24,160 Speaker 1: you are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for 8 00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:27,880 Speaker 1: you so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, 9 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:31,400 Speaker 1: and more. Download the free Anchor app or go to 10 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:33,360 Speaker 1: anchor dot fm to get started. 11 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:37,520 Speaker 2: Hello there, and welcome to the Cultivating her Space podcast 12 00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:42,800 Speaker 2: Live her Space Chat on Spotify Green Room. I'm Terry Lomax, author, 13 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:47,080 Speaker 2: speaker and French strategist and one half of the Cultivating 14 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:51,360 Speaker 2: her Space podcast, which has new episodes every single Friday 15 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:55,720 Speaker 2: and bonus video content for each episode on Patreon every 16 00:00:56,080 --> 00:01:00,000 Speaker 2: Thursday night. You can also find us on most platforms 17 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:02,280 Speaker 2: or podcasts are played, and if you listen on Spotify, 18 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:06,280 Speaker 2: you can get our exclusive after show in app every week. Now. 19 00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:08,360 Speaker 2: If you'd like to start your own podcast and you're 20 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:11,560 Speaker 2: interested in making multiple strengths of income, you can join 21 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:16,119 Speaker 2: me in my free podcasting masterclass at podcast with Terry 22 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:20,120 Speaker 2: dot com. Today we're going to talk about adulting, y'all. Okay, 23 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:24,280 Speaker 2: adulting all the things they didn't tell us about this 24 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:27,720 Speaker 2: adulting journey. So stay tuned, take some notes, share your 25 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:30,399 Speaker 2: gems on social media, and now I'm going to pass 26 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:32,720 Speaker 2: it on over to my co host, Dr. 27 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:40,080 Speaker 1: Don A'll right, welcome, Welcome, everyone. I am the other 28 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:44,319 Speaker 1: half of Cultivating her Space podcast. Dr dom I am 29 00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:50,360 Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist and college professor. When I am not 30 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:55,600 Speaker 1: working with Terry on the podcast, I am providing therapy 31 00:01:56,280 --> 00:02:00,320 Speaker 1: for those who reside in the state of California. So 32 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:03,000 Speaker 1: if you live in California and are ready to begin 33 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:07,520 Speaker 1: your therapy journey, then you can find me at doctor 34 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:11,640 Speaker 1: Dominique Brussard dot com. That is d R D O 35 00:02:11,919 --> 00:02:15,600 Speaker 1: M I N I q U E B R O 36 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:21,600 Speaker 1: U S S A r D dot com. All right, so, today, 37 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,320 Speaker 1: as Terry mentioned, we have a we have a juicy topic, 38 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:29,519 Speaker 1: one that all of us can relate to. So I'm 39 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:32,079 Speaker 1: gonna start us off with the quote of the day. 40 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:39,240 Speaker 1: Where you will sit when you are old shows where 41 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:46,000 Speaker 1: you stood in youth. That is a YOURBA proverb, so 42 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:48,600 Speaker 1: I'm gonna read it to us, of course one more time. 43 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:54,560 Speaker 1: Where you will sit when you are old, shows where 44 00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:55,560 Speaker 1: you stood. 45 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:56,280 Speaker 2: In you. 46 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:03,200 Speaker 1: T I don't know about you. But when I think 47 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:10,360 Speaker 1: about the future, right, and I think about what I 48 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:15,880 Speaker 1: want my life to look like if I am fortunate 49 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:22,880 Speaker 1: enough to live into old age. When I think about 50 00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:24,720 Speaker 1: that and what I want my life to look like, 51 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:28,960 Speaker 1: I think about what am I doing now to be 52 00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:36,320 Speaker 1: prepared for that? Right and to be real, y'all, there's 53 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:40,960 Speaker 1: a lot of stuff that I'm doing now that I 54 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:45,840 Speaker 1: wish someone would have really told me about sooner, because 55 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:48,200 Speaker 1: I would have I would be in a different. 56 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:52,600 Speaker 2: Position than I am. Now. What about for uta, I 57 00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:55,080 Speaker 2: honestly I would agree with you, I feel like at 58 00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:57,800 Speaker 2: the same time, I don't know if I would have 59 00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:00,040 Speaker 2: listened to the advice, because one thing I remember my 60 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:02,080 Speaker 2: dad always saying in my past. You used to always say, like, 61 00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:04,880 Speaker 2: make sure you save twenty five dollars a week or 62 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:06,600 Speaker 2: you know, save a certain amount of money and have 63 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,800 Speaker 2: the savings and do this. And I feel like when 64 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:11,000 Speaker 2: I was younger, I would do it. I would try it, 65 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,440 Speaker 2: and then I spend the money, you know what I mean. 66 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:15,200 Speaker 2: Like I was just I was learning, and so there's 67 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,239 Speaker 2: definitely a lot of stuff that I think about now. 68 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:20,440 Speaker 2: But I'm just like, oh, I wish I had a 69 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:24,800 Speaker 2: course or a lesson in school about this because now 70 00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:28,159 Speaker 2: in adulthood, it's just it's real. Adulting is no joke, okay. 71 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:31,320 Speaker 2: And I think back to when we were younger, you know, 72 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,279 Speaker 2: most of us, our parents would be like, don't be 73 00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:35,640 Speaker 2: in a rush to get grown. Don't be in a 74 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:37,359 Speaker 2: rush to be an adult. You gotta pay bills and 75 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:41,240 Speaker 2: do this. And I part of me, right right, part 76 00:04:41,279 --> 00:04:44,440 Speaker 2: of me wish is that I had a bit of gratitude. 77 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:47,480 Speaker 2: I mean, I wasn't this aware. I was a smart kid, 78 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:49,880 Speaker 2: but I wasn't this aware. I wish I had gratitude 79 00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:53,720 Speaker 2: for the ease and the care freeness of being a 80 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:56,440 Speaker 2: young person, because I felt the older I got, the 81 00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:59,080 Speaker 2: more I realized that, damn, this is a cold world 82 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:00,640 Speaker 2: we live in. Yeah they're a good things, but this 83 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:03,440 Speaker 2: this world is intense, you know what I mean. So, yeah, 84 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:05,520 Speaker 2: that I've resonated with that for sure. 85 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:10,039 Speaker 1: You are absolutely right, this is a cold, cold world 86 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:15,000 Speaker 1: with no snuggie and so and so you have to 87 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:17,960 Speaker 1: you have to figure things out. And the thing is 88 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:20,960 Speaker 1: is that I really agree with you on what you 89 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:24,440 Speaker 1: said around the things that they told us when we 90 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:28,880 Speaker 1: were young. We weren't necessarily developmentally ready for right. So 91 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:36,960 Speaker 1: I can tell like my nieces enjoy where you are 92 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:42,720 Speaker 1: right at this stage in life. But the part of 93 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:47,840 Speaker 1: it is they don't. They're in that stage, and so 94 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:51,920 Speaker 1: they don't have the wisdom that I have. Right, It's 95 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,760 Speaker 1: like I don't have I don't have the wisdom that 96 00:05:54,839 --> 00:05:58,640 Speaker 1: my grandmother has, and so I and so. But being 97 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:03,800 Speaker 1: in that middle stage, that sandwich space, I try to 98 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:06,839 Speaker 1: take in the wisdom that my grandmother shares with me 99 00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:11,599 Speaker 1: now exactly because I recognize that when I was in 100 00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:16,760 Speaker 1: my late teens early twenties, I didn't listen when I 101 00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:20,600 Speaker 1: should have listened because I thought I knew it all. Yeah, 102 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:22,440 Speaker 1: as most folks do at that age. 103 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's a good point. And I also think 104 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:28,680 Speaker 2: about how we don't really have anything to compare it 105 00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:30,279 Speaker 2: to when that young, So like, you don't know what 106 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:32,760 Speaker 2: it's like to have the stress of the world on 107 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,159 Speaker 2: your shoulders and be paying bills and trying to just 108 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:37,240 Speaker 2: figure things out in life. So I think not having 109 00:06:37,279 --> 00:06:42,360 Speaker 2: anything to compare it to also makes us like I 110 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,480 Speaker 2: don't know. But I will say I hung around a 111 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,480 Speaker 2: lot of old heads. When I was younger and I 112 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:50,520 Speaker 2: was up under the elders, I loved being around older people. 113 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:52,599 Speaker 2: And I think it may have been because I was 114 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:55,680 Speaker 2: very close to my grandparents. But I did take some 115 00:06:55,839 --> 00:06:58,159 Speaker 2: of that advice, like I took heat. I listened to 116 00:06:58,160 --> 00:06:59,719 Speaker 2: some of that stuff, and I avoided a lot of 117 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,560 Speaker 2: mistakes and a lot of mishaps in life because I 118 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:05,320 Speaker 2: did listen. And so when I think about the things 119 00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:10,480 Speaker 2: that I'm like, dan't tell us about this one for 120 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:12,560 Speaker 2: one case, that's the person that comes to my for 121 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:16,520 Speaker 2: one case, right, and just managing your benefits, your benefits 122 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:19,680 Speaker 2: right at a new job, at a new company, whatever, 123 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:24,440 Speaker 2: that's one I think about even like stock options and 124 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:27,400 Speaker 2: like trademarks. You know, when we think about intellectual property 125 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:29,760 Speaker 2: or we think about building wealth. Those are things that 126 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:33,280 Speaker 2: we've gotten into in the past few years. I say, 127 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:37,640 Speaker 2: we as in like doctor dom, and I have dove 128 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:39,880 Speaker 2: into that in the past few years. But I didn't 129 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:42,240 Speaker 2: learn about that growing up. You know, I'm not sure 130 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:42,920 Speaker 2: didn't either. 131 00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:46,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, And so you're right, like I think about 132 00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:49,280 Speaker 1: those things like I think about for me, when I 133 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:53,680 Speaker 1: had my first quote unquote real job, right, and how 134 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:57,800 Speaker 1: I'm defining a real job is that job that does 135 00:07:57,840 --> 00:08:04,200 Speaker 1: offer benefits, right, and recognizing that the first job that 136 00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:06,240 Speaker 1: I the first real job that I had that offered 137 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:10,080 Speaker 1: benefits was my post doc And the thing is with that, 138 00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:18,920 Speaker 1: what I can recall is that I if someone had 139 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:22,120 Speaker 1: was explaining to me, if someone from HR was explaining 140 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:24,520 Speaker 1: to me the full re realm of benefits, I probably 141 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:28,160 Speaker 1: wasn't listening, because I write in this moment, I don't 142 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:33,080 Speaker 1: remember a conversation where they really explain the benefits. So 143 00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:34,960 Speaker 1: I want to get room for maybe they did and 144 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:41,400 Speaker 1: I wasn't listening. But but and so I think also 145 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:43,600 Speaker 1: part of it was I also knew that that job 146 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:47,760 Speaker 1: was for one year, and so since it was for 147 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:53,480 Speaker 1: one year, I don't think that I took benefits seriously. Right. 148 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:56,480 Speaker 1: It wasn't until I got the full time job after 149 00:08:56,559 --> 00:09:03,359 Speaker 1: that where I started looking at what are the options 150 00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:08,040 Speaker 1: available to me and looking at the options that were 151 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:11,280 Speaker 1: presented to me. Even then, I still didn't know what 152 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:16,320 Speaker 1: I was supposed to be looking for, right. I also 153 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:23,200 Speaker 1: didn't know about salary negotiation at that stage in the game. Early, 154 00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:25,640 Speaker 1: like the first stages in my career. 155 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,240 Speaker 2: You remember the days when we were getting the offered, 156 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:31,720 Speaker 2: You're like, yes, I'll take the first offer. You don't negotiate, 157 00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:33,360 Speaker 2: you don't say nothing, You're just like, I'll take whatever 158 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:33,640 Speaker 2: they give. 159 00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:46,920 Speaker 1: And what I am learning today is the power of negotiation. 160 00:09:47,559 --> 00:09:47,880 Speaker 2: Right. 161 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:53,000 Speaker 1: And so even though I after that first job, with 162 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:59,360 Speaker 1: the mistakes that were made and the lessons learned, it's 163 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:03,280 Speaker 1: still a learning process, right, with each new with each 164 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:09,520 Speaker 1: new gig, it's how do I navigate these conversations? 165 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:09,800 Speaker 2: Right? 166 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:14,800 Speaker 1: How do I tell so how do I advocate for 167 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:17,960 Speaker 1: what I want when I'm negotiating? But how do I 168 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:21,280 Speaker 1: even know what I want? Particularly for those folks going 169 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:22,520 Speaker 1: into their first job? 170 00:10:22,679 --> 00:10:24,440 Speaker 2: Right? How do you know. 171 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:29,160 Speaker 1: What's good in terms of retirement benefits? How do you 172 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:35,720 Speaker 1: know what's good in terms of medical, dental, and vision benefits? 173 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:38,040 Speaker 2: Like, how do you. 174 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:41,840 Speaker 1: Really know if the job that's giving you this offer 175 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,400 Speaker 1: is good? Right? And that's just like the tip of 176 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:47,960 Speaker 1: the iceberg in adult team, that's just like finding the 177 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:51,480 Speaker 1: job that's going to fund the other things you want 178 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:52,719 Speaker 1: to do in adulthood. 179 00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:56,320 Speaker 2: Girl, you hit the nail on the head that is 180 00:10:56,360 --> 00:11:00,000 Speaker 2: stot on. And I would also add I'm thinking about 181 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,439 Speaker 2: I think we may have said insurance is another one 182 00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:05,280 Speaker 2: where it's just like what life insurance? I mean, all 183 00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:07,880 Speaker 2: all the insurance right, all the things right. I think 184 00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:12,480 Speaker 2: about friendship breakups. I think about managing your new child, 185 00:11:12,679 --> 00:11:15,800 Speaker 2: like managing children in addition to your own life child 186 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:18,760 Speaker 2: that has been a whole journey. Yes, I want to 187 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:21,000 Speaker 2: Keisha in the chat that it's exhausting being an adult. 188 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:25,640 Speaker 2: It is. It is exhausting being an adult, man, it is. 189 00:11:25,679 --> 00:11:26,880 Speaker 2: And one thing I know we're going to dive to 190 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,920 Speaker 2: story time. So one of the things that I think 191 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:34,280 Speaker 2: about as well is the folks who had to, I 192 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:37,280 Speaker 2: want to say, pick up the pieces that their family 193 00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:40,000 Speaker 2: may not have prepared them for right, picking up pieces. 194 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,520 Speaker 2: So maybe your parents either made some mistakes or they 195 00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:44,720 Speaker 2: did the best. Many of our parents did the best 196 00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:47,800 Speaker 2: they could with what they had, but that didn't really 197 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,839 Speaker 2: put us into the ideal space. And so for me, 198 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:53,400 Speaker 2: my personal experience of really realizing just how real the 199 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:57,000 Speaker 2: adult this adulting life is, I think I was around eighteen, 200 00:11:57,040 --> 00:12:00,280 Speaker 2: actually I was in high school at the time, parent 201 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:04,640 Speaker 2: for college and at that age right being actually, I'm sorry, 202 00:12:04,679 --> 00:12:09,320 Speaker 2: I was seventeen seventeen. I learned that the name that 203 00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:13,200 Speaker 2: I was raised with was not my legal name, so 204 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:15,840 Speaker 2: I was red. You know, Terry is the name that 205 00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:17,720 Speaker 2: I go by today. But I was raised in my 206 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:21,520 Speaker 2: household under Erica. That was the name that my family, 207 00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:23,839 Speaker 2: my siblings, my family. That's what I'm gonna call me, Erica. 208 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,760 Speaker 2: And so my mom had got married and added her 209 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:30,120 Speaker 2: husband to new husband's name. My bonus dad, the dad 210 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:32,120 Speaker 2: who passed away if you listened to the podcast or 211 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:35,640 Speaker 2: read my book, and my name was Erica Williams. So 212 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:39,079 Speaker 2: dom I'm going to the dentist. My dentist is calling 213 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:42,200 Speaker 2: me Erica Williams. Erica Williams is all my insurance, like 214 00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:45,240 Speaker 2: my dental insurance. And I always thought about that one movie. 215 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:47,880 Speaker 2: I can't remember the movie, but where this guy dies 216 00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:51,640 Speaker 2: and they have to pull his dental record to identify him. 217 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,520 Speaker 2: And I always used to think about this, like, damn, 218 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:55,840 Speaker 2: they wouldn't even really know who I am because my 219 00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:59,480 Speaker 2: dental records are false, Like this is not my name, girl. 220 00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:06,160 Speaker 2: So the grammifications, the ramifications of it all. And so 221 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:08,520 Speaker 2: I'm in school applying for colleges, and I was like, damned, 222 00:13:08,559 --> 00:13:10,719 Speaker 2: I applied for colleges with the name that's on my 223 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:13,160 Speaker 2: high school transcript Erica Williams or do I use the 224 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,880 Speaker 2: name that's on my social and my birth certificate was 225 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:18,320 Speaker 2: just Terry Lomack, So I was in It was a whole. 226 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:21,280 Speaker 2: It was very stressful, like it was as a teenager 227 00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:23,640 Speaker 2: dealing with this situation that I did not cause I 228 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:26,120 Speaker 2: was just like, what the fuck, you. 229 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:26,600 Speaker 1: Know what I mean? 230 00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:31,960 Speaker 2: So I ended up using my legal name because I 231 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:33,640 Speaker 2: felt like that made sense. I didn't want to have 232 00:13:33,679 --> 00:13:37,280 Speaker 2: a transcript when I was applying for real jobs that 233 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:40,520 Speaker 2: would need my identification not to match up. So it 234 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:43,000 Speaker 2: was a long process that I ended up having to 235 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:46,199 Speaker 2: work through on my own. But it was stressful as hell. 236 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:48,600 Speaker 2: And I think about the situations where, you know, some 237 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:51,480 Speaker 2: of us out there, you might have had a house 238 00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:54,800 Speaker 2: when you were an infant or in middle school where 239 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,560 Speaker 2: you might've had a light build on your name and 240 00:13:57,679 --> 00:14:00,640 Speaker 2: you was paying a light built for you. They had 241 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,000 Speaker 2: a bank account, you know what I mean, Because if 242 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:05,040 Speaker 2: your parents they pulled that trick where they got your 243 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,559 Speaker 2: name on the house or on the light build, that 244 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:09,560 Speaker 2: could have messed you know, it could mess you up 245 00:14:09,559 --> 00:14:11,880 Speaker 2: in adulthood. So those are some of the things that 246 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:12,640 Speaker 2: some of us deal with. 247 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:22,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, all I could do is like sigh, because 248 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:24,600 Speaker 1: I feel it in my spirit Like that is like 249 00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:27,880 Speaker 1: Hesh just said, it is exhausting, right, and to think, 250 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:32,880 Speaker 1: you know and terry for you to be seventeen having 251 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:37,680 Speaker 1: to navigate a situation that people in the forties probably 252 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:41,200 Speaker 1: would be struggling with to navigate, right, Yes, great, And 253 00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:48,840 Speaker 1: so I I just think about how there are certain 254 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:52,760 Speaker 1: things that generations ahead of us didn't prepare us for, 255 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,600 Speaker 1: and like you said, some of that is because they 256 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:59,400 Speaker 1: didn't know, right. So you can't You can't teach. 257 00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:05,600 Speaker 2: Someone what you don't know yourself right exactly exactly. And so. 258 00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:13,280 Speaker 1: I also think about in terms of like how do 259 00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:17,360 Speaker 1: we help folks navigate this right that are like some 260 00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:20,760 Speaker 1: of the younger folks that are coming into adulthood and 261 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:24,680 Speaker 1: they are maybe you know, getting their first job that's 262 00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:32,280 Speaker 1: offering benefits, right, and they are having to make decisions about, Oh, 263 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:38,840 Speaker 1: they've lived in their hometown for their entire life, and 264 00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:40,960 Speaker 1: now they have to decide do I want to move 265 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:44,920 Speaker 1: somewhere else, right, like whether it's for school or another 266 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:49,960 Speaker 1: job or perhaps a partner, And so how do they 267 00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:55,000 Speaker 1: navigate that right? How do they navigate when they learn that, Oh, 268 00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:57,760 Speaker 1: so I've had a light built in my name since 269 00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:00,440 Speaker 1: I was two and I didn't even know it, right, 270 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,680 Speaker 1: Or they go to apply for their first credit card 271 00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:06,080 Speaker 1: and they learned, oh, I already have a credit score 272 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:07,640 Speaker 1: because there were stuff in. 273 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:08,520 Speaker 2: My name already. 274 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:12,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, how did they navigate that? How did they navigate 275 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:17,160 Speaker 1: finding their first apartment and knowing what to look for? 276 00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:19,400 Speaker 1: Because I think about the place that I lived when 277 00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:23,200 Speaker 1: I was in college, and let's be real, that was 278 00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:29,280 Speaker 1: a shithole, and like I and I think about, let 279 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,280 Speaker 1: me back off of it was a shithole because there's 280 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:37,680 Speaker 1: I've seen worse living conditions. It was the worst spot 281 00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:40,360 Speaker 1: that I've ever lived in. And I was intentional after 282 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:44,040 Speaker 1: that to be to know what to look for. Yeah, 283 00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:47,160 Speaker 1: as I found a new place, like each new place 284 00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:50,720 Speaker 1: I lived, I was intentional about making sure that it 285 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:54,240 Speaker 1: wasn't going to be like that spot, like that first deportion. 286 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:59,040 Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, you know what? Don I do think that 287 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:03,240 Speaker 2: having mentors is helpful as far as trying to navigate 288 00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:04,840 Speaker 2: your way and figure out, like what am I doing? 289 00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:07,959 Speaker 2: Because I know some of us, some of us were prepared, right, 290 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:10,720 Speaker 2: like we feel like we has moved transition into adulthood, 291 00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:13,119 Speaker 2: and then others of us were like this, this was 292 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:16,359 Speaker 2: the This is very challenging, and I think that finding 293 00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:19,200 Speaker 2: mentors is really helpful. I would say, also, you can 294 00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:21,800 Speaker 2: adopt mentors in your head, like if you want to 295 00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:24,080 Speaker 2: go read a book. One of my favorite books growing 296 00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:28,200 Speaker 2: up was Stephen Covey Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. 297 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:30,600 Speaker 2: I read The Change when I was in college, Seven 298 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,280 Speaker 2: Habits of Highly Effective Teams. And so sometimes if you 299 00:17:33,359 --> 00:17:35,920 Speaker 2: rock with someone's material, you can just adopt them in 300 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:37,880 Speaker 2: your head as mentor follow them on social media, look 301 00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:39,560 Speaker 2: at the free game they're giving. If you have the 302 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:40,800 Speaker 2: money to invest in them. 303 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:41,280 Speaker 1: Do that. 304 00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:42,840 Speaker 2: And that can you know if you want to do 305 00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:44,560 Speaker 2: that for different topics in life. So maybe you have 306 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:46,800 Speaker 2: a mentor in your head for four on one K right, 307 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:49,199 Speaker 2: or your career. Maybe you have a mentor in your 308 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:53,360 Speaker 2: head for you know, friendship breakups or mental health right. 309 00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,879 Speaker 2: Maybe you listen to the Cultivating her Space podcast and 310 00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:58,600 Speaker 2: you're kind of getting some gyms from you know, from us, 311 00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:00,919 Speaker 2: whatever it might be. I think tap into folks that 312 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,520 Speaker 2: are where you want to be or that have the 313 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:04,439 Speaker 2: knowledge that you want, especially if you come from a 314 00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:06,920 Speaker 2: family where they didn't know and they did the best 315 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:07,399 Speaker 2: they could. 316 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:12,800 Speaker 1: I think that's all spot on, right And yeah, so 317 00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:17,200 Speaker 1: whenever you don't know, find someone who might know and ask, 318 00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:19,040 Speaker 1: and if they don't know, they can point you to 319 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:24,440 Speaker 1: who does know. So we want to thank you for 320 00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:28,760 Speaker 1: joining us today for this episode of Green Room where 321 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:32,679 Speaker 1: we are talking about what they didn't tell us about 322 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:35,840 Speaker 1: adulting and we will catch you next time.