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Speaker 1: Welcome to Part Time Genius, the production of I Heart Radio.

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Speaker 1: I guess what will? What's that mango? So? You know

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Speaker 1: my family loves going for hikes, right, I mean the

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Speaker 1: rest of my family. I was gonna say, I don't

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Speaker 1: want to call you out. Yeah, I'm more of an

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Speaker 1: indoor cat and my house is full of outdoor cats,

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Speaker 1: but we haven't exactly been able to get out for

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Speaker 1: hikes this month. Yeah. I was thinking about you guys

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Speaker 1: just this morning on this Like, I imagine it is

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Speaker 1: pretty tough traveling out from Brooklyn right now, isn't it. Yeah?

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Speaker 1: And Lizzie and I are pretending to be teachers all

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Speaker 1: day and I can't tell you how terrible our homeschool is,

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Speaker 1: but I actually do miss getting out into nature. So

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Speaker 1: this week I spent some time hunting for a solution,

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Speaker 1: and the best thing I could find was this greenhouse helmet.

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Speaker 1: A greenhouse helmets, So is that like a VR thing

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Speaker 1: or what? No, it is much worse. The greenhouse helmet

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Speaker 1: is this fully enclosed anti fog dome that you fasten

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Speaker 1: around your head, and inside this plexiglass helmet there are

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Speaker 1: multiple shells where you can place your favorite small plants

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Speaker 1: full disclosure. I don't think anyone has actually made one

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Speaker 1: of these things. This all just comes from a patent

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Speaker 1: from but in the diagram and I'm going to post

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Speaker 1: this to Instagram because it's so good. It shows a

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Speaker 1: person with a goldfish bowl over his head and it's

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Speaker 1: got a tiny potted cacti on one of the shelves,

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Speaker 1: which is a pretty bold choice considering how close it

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Speaker 1: would be to your face. So why why would you

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Speaker 1: do this? I guess that's the question I want to know. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I guess. According to the creators, not only would the

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Speaker 1: wearable greenhouse do you wonder is to improve your mood,

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Speaker 1: It also supplies you with this private reserve of fresh oxygen.

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Speaker 1: So the idea is as you exhale, the plants are

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Speaker 1: supposed to soak up your carbon dioxide and provide you

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Speaker 1: with pure oxygen and just in case the helmet starts

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Speaker 1: to make you feel a little shut off from the world.

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Speaker 1: It also comes with a two way intercom system, which

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Speaker 1: I guess if you think about it, like that's perfect

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Speaker 1: for calling nine one one after you poke your eye

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Speaker 1: out with a cactus. So it's I don't understand, like

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Speaker 1: why this has never made it to market. It just

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Speaker 1: seems so smart. Yeah, So for all your listeners out there,

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Speaker 1: I don't know that the patent is still good, so

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Speaker 1: there's still time to run with her on MS or whatever.

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Speaker 1: But but the greenhouse helmet isn't the only strange patent

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Speaker 1: we found this week. We actually scoured the internet to

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Speaker 1: find some of the weirdest patents and we found a

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Speaker 1: couple of great things and a whole lot of things

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Speaker 1: you won't be seeing on shark tanks. So let's dive in. Hey,

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Speaker 1: their podcast listeners, Welcome to part time Genius. I'm Will

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Speaker 1: Pearson and it's always I'm joined by my good friend

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Speaker 1: Manesh Ticketer. Now on the other side of that soundproof

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Speaker 1: glass brainstorming ideas on his trusty whiteboard. That's our friend

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Speaker 1: and producer loll Now. So far, he's just got this

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Speaker 1: one concept, something called it's kind of hard to read

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Speaker 1: because of course we're all remote today, but it says

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Speaker 1: edible timber and then a question, right, So I guess

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Speaker 1: it's supposed to be edible timber. So I think it's

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Speaker 1: still still a work in progress. I gather I do

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Speaker 1: love that idea, like a table you can eat in

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Speaker 1: an emergency sounds like a pretty great option. So great work, Low, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you better get back to that patent filing pretty quickly

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Speaker 1: on this. But in the meantime, we're also happy to

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Speaker 1: welcome back our researcher pal, Gabe Bluesier. How you doing, Gabe? Hey?

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Speaker 1: Doing all right? It's nice to uh see some faces

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Speaker 1: again that s in the apartment with me. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: think we can all agree we have been inside for

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Speaker 1: too long. You know. We've spent our free time this

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Speaker 1: week looking up patents and we've enjoyed it. Actually. But Gabe,

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Speaker 1: you're up next. So what's the first one you want

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Speaker 1: to tell us about? Alright, So here's one from that

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Speaker 1: I wish had made it to market. It's a gumball

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Speaker 1: dispensing T shirt that actually sounds awesome. Yeah, I mean

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Speaker 1: it kind of is like the shirt has a picture

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Speaker 1: of an old timey gumball machine on it, and uh,

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Speaker 1: the dome part where the gumballs are stored, it's actually

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Speaker 1: clear and made from plastic. And so then there's this

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Speaker 1: like a fabric pouch sewed behind it and you can

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Speaker 1: actually like keep real gumballs inside of it. These are

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Speaker 1: real gumballs that you can dispense. Yeah, that that's the

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Speaker 1: idea at least, Like when you push on one of

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Speaker 1: the gumballs, it's supposed to slide down this kind of

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Speaker 1: like built in shoot in the T shirt and it

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Speaker 1: comes out through a slit near the bottom of the shirt,

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Speaker 1: and like, here's the best part. There was even this

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Speaker 1: variation on the pattern that included a second pouch where

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Speaker 1: someone could like insert coins. So you know, the ideal

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Speaker 1: is you could just walk up to someone on the

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Speaker 1: street and buy a gumball directly for their T shirt.

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Speaker 1: Of any invention, I feel like we could have come

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Speaker 1: up with. This seems like the total opposite of social distancing,

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Speaker 1: like walking up with money, putting it in somebody's shirt,

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Speaker 1: then taking candy out of their shirt, and then putting

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Speaker 1: it in your mouth. I don't know if now is

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Speaker 1: the right time for this one game. Yeah, let's see

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Speaker 1: what you're saying. It's yeah, for later though, we'll put

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Speaker 1: a pin in it, right, like when we emerge from

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Speaker 1: the other side of this, like we'll make it a

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Speaker 1: priority to revive the shirt, right like that. That's a

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Speaker 1: great idea. All right, Well, my first invention is actually

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Speaker 1: a pretty good idea and probably one of the least

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Speaker 1: absurd ones that we will talk about today. It's something

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Speaker 1: called the school bus locator system. Now, this was patented

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Speaker 1: back in so you have to place yourself back in

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Speaker 1: the nineties before GPS tracking or cell phones became commonplace.

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Speaker 1: But the way it worked was that your school bus

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Speaker 1: would be outfitted with a radio transmitter and every kid

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Speaker 1: on the route would be provided with a receiver. So

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Speaker 1: when the bus was a few miles away from your house,

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Speaker 1: the receiver would light up as an early warning, and

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Speaker 1: then when the bus was much closer, like you know,

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Speaker 1: a quarter of a mile away or something, of the

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Speaker 1: receiver would sound an alarm. And it seems like a

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Speaker 1: handy way to avoid missing the bus and also ideal

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Speaker 1: for students who live in pretty cold places. You don't

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Speaker 1: have to wait out in the snow for too long,

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Speaker 1: just wondering if the bus is coming around the corner soon.

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Speaker 1: But though, I guess if I think about it a

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Speaker 1: little bit more, I'm certain there are some kids that

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Speaker 1: would have, you know, maybe hidden the batteries or something

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Speaker 1: and just uses as an excuse to miss school. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so I I actually remember when I was in elementary

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Speaker 1: school and there was this like persistent rumor that if

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Speaker 1: the bus was half an hour later, something you didn't

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Speaker 1: have to go to school? Was Was this the thing

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Speaker 1: that was said in your towns too? Sadly? No, I don't, Gabe,

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Speaker 1: have you heard this before? Definitely not. No, that sounds

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Speaker 1: must have been a very delaware rumor. But I just

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Speaker 1: remember one time the bus was actually like thirty minutes late,

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Speaker 1: and so like all the kids at my bus stop

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Speaker 1: just got so giddy, and we're excited, and we're looking

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Speaker 1: at the way. We were planning what to do with

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Speaker 1: our day because we were certain we're going to get

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Speaker 1: the day off school, and then like at the last minute, uh,

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Speaker 1: this parent pulled up and cran does into their minivan

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Speaker 1: and then just drove us to school. And so anti climaxing.

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Speaker 1: But Gabe, why don't you kick off this next round? Okay, Well,

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Speaker 1: this next one is for all you rode In fans,

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Speaker 1: and I know you're out there. So how often have

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Speaker 1: you declined a dinner invitation because you just couldn't stand

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Speaker 1: the thought of leaving your gerbils at home? Right? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I've had a dime for every time that happened. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's this is a very relatable problem, believing guys, and uh, well,

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Speaker 1: the gerbil vest is the answer to that problem. In

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Speaker 1: some animal loving genius patented a very stylish vest with

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Speaker 1: some built in tubes for your pet to run through

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Speaker 1: while you're wearing it out and about, and of course

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Speaker 1: there are also little chambers for your furry friend to

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Speaker 1: feed and relax into um And good news for us,

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Speaker 1: the tubes are transparent, so that you and your friends

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Speaker 1: can keep an eye on the little guy in there.

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Speaker 1: And don't worry, animal lovers, the tubes are also equipped

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Speaker 1: with air vents so the gerbils could breathe. We'll say

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Speaker 1: that the patent it did warn against falling while wearing

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Speaker 1: the vest for very obvious reasons. They gotta watch, but

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Speaker 1: otherwise I'm glad they put the air vents in there

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Speaker 1: so that we're not just looking at dead gerbils into

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Speaker 1: I also like that with with your patent ideas, you're

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Speaker 1: sort of like a walking circus, Like people can come

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Speaker 1: up and watch the gerbils and then that's not all.

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Speaker 1: Like you pulled back the vest and now you've got

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Speaker 1: gumballs there for everybody. I know it's all vest based.

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Speaker 1: I feel like, yes, yes, smarter. But actually I just

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Speaker 1: pulled up this pick and it is pretty great, like

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Speaker 1: the easiest way to take your pet gerbils out for

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Speaker 1: a walk. So this is this is this is pretty smart.

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Speaker 1: But let's take a quick break and we'll be back

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Speaker 1: with more great patents in just a second. Welcome back

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Speaker 1: to part Time Genius, where we're talking about some of

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Speaker 1: the most wonderfully absurd inventions to ever make it out

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Speaker 1: of the patent office. Now we've got five questionable inventions

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Speaker 1: left to talk about, and the next one is for

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Speaker 1: the true crime crowd. Now this is a podcast, so

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Speaker 1: I know you're already listening out their true crime lovers. Now,

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Speaker 1: one thing that's plagued criminal investigators for centuries is just

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Speaker 1: how easy it is for a suspect to retract their confession.

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Speaker 1: But what if there was a simple, non violent way

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Speaker 1: to keep a suspect from taking their confessions back. Well,

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Speaker 1: that's where this N seven patent comes in, going all

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Speaker 1: the way back almost the century ago. It's officially called

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Speaker 1: the quote Apparatus for Obtaining Criminal Confessions and photographically recording them.

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Speaker 1: That's the name of this This invention is actually way

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Speaker 1: weirder than the name. Lets on. It was basically this

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Speaker 1: giant skeleton with red glowing eyes and a camera embedded

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Speaker 1: in its skull. I am not making this up. And

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Speaker 1: it was explicitly designed to terrify a suspect into confessing

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Speaker 1: on tape. So the way that it worked was that

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Speaker 1: a suspect would be confined to a small dark room

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Speaker 1: about the size of a coat closet or like a

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Speaker 1: church confessional or something like that, and a human interrogator

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Speaker 1: would sit out of sight in a second attached chamber.

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Speaker 1: This sounds so stupid, It's like a retired Disneyland ride

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Speaker 1: or like straight out of Scooby Doo or something. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but actually it gets even worse. So when the examiner

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Speaker 1: presses a button, a curtain lifts and the suspect comes

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Speaker 1: face to face with the skeleton with red light bulbs

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Speaker 1: and its eye sockets, and it's actually there's also supposed

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Speaker 1: to be like this fog and and and like other

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Speaker 1: lights to amplify the effect. And then the interrogator questions

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Speaker 1: the suspect from a megaphone behind the skull in a

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Speaker 1: super scary voice like it's very elaborate, and according to

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Speaker 1: the miner, these quote illusory effects of a supernatural character

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Speaker 1: will work upon the suspects imagination, and so this suspect

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Speaker 1: is supposed to get so terrified that they confess their

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Speaker 1: darkest secrets, which is then, of course recorded. And as

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Speaker 1: far as I can tell, no one ever actually built

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Speaker 1: one of these skeleton confessors, but even if they had,

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Speaker 1: the invention likely would have been outlawed in nineteen sixty

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Speaker 1: one anyway, when that was when the Supreme Court ruled

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Speaker 1: that coerced confessions aren't admissible in court. But still, I

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Speaker 1: feel like they deserve a few points for creativity, don't you,

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Speaker 1: guys think? I mean it honestly feels like a seven

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Speaker 1: year old came up with that totally, and like it

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Speaker 1: would work exclusively on other seven year olds. I think

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Speaker 1: you're right, and you feel like the next time Ruby

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Speaker 1: breaks among bests like the way I've got it, like

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Speaker 1: con front of speaking of nonsensically dramatic things. Uh, there's

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Speaker 1: an invention designed to make jazz concerts more interesting that

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Speaker 1: we found this week, and it's the Flaming Trumpet. Now,

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Speaker 1: knowing that you're a fan of jazz, my guess is

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Speaker 1: that you would find this invention kind of offensive. Huh. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I do have a ton of like Miles

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Speaker 1: Davis recordings, and I like jazz. But I could see

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Speaker 1: how this would make attending a middle school concert much

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Speaker 1: more interesting. Right, So the idea is basically to modify

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Speaker 1: a trumpet with a gas cartridge and then to have

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Speaker 1: an igniter mounted to the end of it. And if

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Speaker 1: turning a wind instrument into a flamethrower sounds like a

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Speaker 1: dangerous idea to you, you are probably right. The patent

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Speaker 1: claims that the musician would have complete control over the

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Speaker 1: intensity and duration of the flame. But honestly, at first

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Speaker 1: it sounds like a weapon of like a comic book character.

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Speaker 1: But I don't know. I could see how this thing

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Speaker 1: might take off at burning men or something. Yeah, hopefully

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Speaker 1: I could see that. Well. For my next back, I

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Speaker 1: want to talk about an invention from the eighteen hundreds

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Speaker 1: called the wearable lifeboat that you're stinking with this wearable thing.

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Speaker 1: The wearable lifeboat was basically a giant rubber bucket that

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Speaker 1: you would wear around your waist like a diaper, with

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Speaker 1: your legs sticking out the bottom. It had a couple

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Speaker 1: inflatable air chambers to help it stay afloat and you

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Speaker 1: were supposed to steer this contraption with a paddle. The

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Speaker 1: designer intended to quote for the conveyance of troops, baggage,

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Speaker 1: and other articles across rivers, but also is a way

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Speaker 1: to prevent drowning. So this is really interesting. But that

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Speaker 1: but I have a question, and this may be super

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Speaker 1: complicated here, but but Gabe, why would you not just

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Speaker 1: use a life jacket? Very good question, But here's the thing.

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Speaker 1: At the time, modern life jackets hadn't been invented yet,

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Speaker 1: there were no like So that's why ridiculous inventions like

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Speaker 1: this didn't seem as far fetched as they do now.

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Speaker 1: And really, as silly as swimmers and sailors would have

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Speaker 1: looked in this thing wobbling along and this like big

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Speaker 1: rubber bucket, it still might have been better than the alternative.

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Speaker 1: For instance, during World War One, some soldiers had to

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Speaker 1: wear old mattresses as a kind of makeshift life preserver,

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Speaker 1: and that's because, you know, that's all they had on hand. Thankfully,

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Speaker 1: the inflatable life preserver was invented in a few years later,

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Speaker 1: and of course that spared soldiers and civilians alike from

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Speaker 1: the indignity of inventions like the wearable lifeboat. So first

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Speaker 1: we feast has a list of great patented food inventions,

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Speaker 1: and it's got everything from prune beer, which sounds like

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Speaker 1: the perfect drink for when you want to go to

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Speaker 1: a party but also when you want to get your

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Speaker 1: bowels moving, to of course, our rifle that has a

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Speaker 1: shot glass attached, which just sounds like a terrible dick cheney,

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Speaker 1: like a situation about to happen. But my favorite on

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Speaker 1: their list is the combination hot dog hamburger bun, and

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Speaker 1: it's based on a two thousand nine patent, but as

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Speaker 1: the site writes, quote, it's part hot dog bun, part

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Speaker 1: hamburger bun, fully functional meat cover, which basically means it's

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Speaker 1: a lot of bread and allows you to hold a

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Speaker 1: lot of different meats at the same time. And it

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Speaker 1: is pretty great. Sounds pretty great, especially for somebody like

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Speaker 1: you who's been a vegetarian most of their life. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: pretty great, mango. All right, Well, I'm actually gonna stick

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Speaker 1: to food with my last fact as well. And fair warning,

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Speaker 1: this is the invention for the laziest of lazy people.

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Speaker 1: It's the motorized ice cream cone and and and this

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Speaker 1: invention it was patented in the late nineteen nineties. It

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Speaker 1: revolutionizes the laborious task of licking an ice cream cone.

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Speaker 1: So here is how it works. It consists of a

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Speaker 1: plastic device made to look like a traditional ice cream cone,

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Speaker 1: and inside there's this small motor. So you're supposed to

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Speaker 1: put a cup or cone of ice cream into the

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Speaker 1: fake cone and then the motor would just make it spin.

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Speaker 1: And as the patent explains, this allows the device to

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Speaker 1: rotationally feed its contents against a person's outstretched tongue. That's

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Speaker 1: what it says. And if you're wondering why on earth

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Speaker 1: anyone would ever need such a device, allow the creator

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Speaker 1: to educate you. So, according to the patent quote, the

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Speaker 1: repetitive task of moving one's tongue up and down can

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Speaker 1: become monotonous and tiring, especially for a child. Guys, we're

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Speaker 1: talking about eating ice creams. It's just so weird. But

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Speaker 1: I'm guessing investors somehow didn't agree with this, which is

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Speaker 1: why we're stuck eating ice cream the old fashioned way,

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Speaker 1: you know, using our tongues like a bunch of rubes.

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Speaker 1: It's just so sad. Well, I mean, I think Will

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Speaker 1: wins just with the ice cream fact like that description alone.

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Speaker 1: Plus you had the confession skeleton, which was very dumb.

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Speaker 1: I actually really like the gumball shirt and the Hamster shirt.

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Speaker 1: But I am I'm happy to throw will a bone

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Speaker 1: this week. I really, I really want to see somebody

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Speaker 1: out there putting on all of these inventions at the

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Speaker 1: same time. It just seems like a great way to

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Speaker 1: go out in public. But if you want to share

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Speaker 1: your most ridiculous invention with us, Gabe Mango and I

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Speaker 1: have a very special announcement that's right. Well, so this

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Speaker 1: is the very first time we're doing this, but the

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Speaker 1: person who submits the best invention, idea or drawing this

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Speaker 1: week to Instagram and tags hashtag part Time Genius will

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Speaker 1: win six whole dollars from us. What that is all

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Speaker 1: the money we wanted to put towards this, but it's

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Speaker 1: also such a prestigious award that we just made up.

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Speaker 1: So sending your invention ideas and you can be the

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Speaker 1: very first Part Time Genius Grant winner in history. I mean, Gabe,

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Speaker 1: you heard that right, Six dollars to whoever sends that.

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Speaker 1: We choose each Look, there is a world where if

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Speaker 1: let's say two people submit ideas, they no no no,

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Speaker 1: we're not going to give them both six dollars. We'll

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Speaker 1: we'll send them each three dollars, so but either way

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Speaker 1: it's gonna be great. So um all right, Well that's

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Speaker 1: it for today's Part Time Genius from Mango, Gabe Lowell,

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Speaker 1: and myself. Thanks so much for listening, Please stay safe,

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Speaker 1: and we'll be back soon with another new episode. Part

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Speaker 1: Time Genius is a production of I Heart Radio. For

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Speaker 1: more podcasts from my heart Radio, visit the i heart

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Speaker 1: Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your

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Speaker 1: favorite shows. H