WEBVTT - It's All Because of Janice Hill 0:00:00.920 --> 0:00:04.840 Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. You are tuned into 0:00:04.840 --> 0:00:07.200 the Vitamin D with Dawn Day podcast and I am 0:00:07.240 --> 0:00:09.960 your host, Dawn Day, here to get you excited about 0:00:09.960 --> 0:00:11.920 your life so that you can live life on purpose 0:00:11.960 --> 0:00:14.080 and for a purpose. And this is your first time 0:00:14.160 --> 0:00:17.640 tuning in and welcome Vitamin D. It's upon of my name. 0:00:17.960 --> 0:00:19.920 My name is Dawn and you get Vitamin D from 0:00:19.960 --> 0:00:22.160 the sun. So I'm here to shed light into your life. 0:00:22.600 --> 0:00:25.960 And I do this with inspirational insights and conversations with 0:00:26.000 --> 0:00:29.080 celebrities and everyday people like you and me, Because if 0:00:29.120 --> 0:00:31.040 you want to be better and you want to do better, 0:00:31.560 --> 0:00:33.800 then you're going to have to be able to see better. 0:00:34.159 --> 0:00:36.800 So join me on this journey of living our best 0:00:36.840 --> 0:00:40.760 lives and understanding and realizing how you are your greatest 0:00:40.800 --> 0:00:43.800 ass at you know. I'm currently meditating on my Solar 0:00:43.840 --> 0:00:48.919 Texas chakra, and the chakra is all about trust, It's 0:00:48.960 --> 0:00:52.720 about confidence, it's about knowing, it's about being sure of 0:00:52.760 --> 0:00:55.320 what you what you want, being sure of who you are, 0:00:56.360 --> 0:01:00.480 just being sure of self. And usually after every each 0:01:00.480 --> 0:01:04.640 time I meditate, I go ahead and our journal. That's 0:01:04.640 --> 0:01:08.440 my mean time in the morning, I'll wake up, I'll meditate, 0:01:08.840 --> 0:01:14.560 my journal I'll work out, And in my journaling, I 0:01:14.760 --> 0:01:20.360 was defining confidence and what it means to me, and 0:01:20.400 --> 0:01:26.960 it came to me that confidence is simply knowing, and 0:01:27.720 --> 0:01:34.839 I'm realizing how important it is to be confident in life. Now. 0:01:34.959 --> 0:01:38.040 It doesn't mean that we're gonna know everything that's happening 0:01:38.040 --> 0:01:40.360 around us, what it's going to happen, how what's going 0:01:40.440 --> 0:01:44.200 to happen. But it's something about being confident in self 0:01:44.520 --> 0:01:50.440 that no matter what happens, everything will be okay. You 0:01:50.520 --> 0:01:54.120 heard that song, it went viral on social media. Things 0:01:54.120 --> 0:01:58.520 will work in my favor. I just gotta believe. See, 0:01:58.600 --> 0:02:01.720 confidence is knowing, and so in that moment, there's a 0:02:01.800 --> 0:02:05.400 sense of peace, there's a sense of ease. There's a 0:02:05.440 --> 0:02:10.040 sense that allows you to go with the flow, because 0:02:10.240 --> 0:02:14.160 why get upset over something that you cannot change. Now, 0:02:14.160 --> 0:02:17.000 on the flip hand, when we look at fear, what 0:02:17.160 --> 0:02:22.200 is simply fear? Fear it's not knowing. Fear is a 0:02:22.280 --> 0:02:25.240 lack of trust. So then it came back to me 0:02:25.400 --> 0:02:29.480 how important it is to know who you are because 0:02:29.480 --> 0:02:33.040 while everything around you may be a variable because it's 0:02:33.120 --> 0:02:38.440 constantly changing, you allow yourself to be the constant you 0:02:38.520 --> 0:02:40.960 allow to see yourself, to have enough trust in yourself 0:02:40.960 --> 0:02:43.839 that no matter what comes your way, it will be 0:02:43.919 --> 0:02:47.040 okay because you know that you're operating in your best 0:02:47.040 --> 0:02:50.280 self at that moment. You know that everything is happening 0:02:50.320 --> 0:02:55.840 for your greater good. There's something about being confident. I mean, 0:02:55.880 --> 0:02:58.720 look at him. You're in a relationship. You're confident about 0:02:58.720 --> 0:03:01.800 how you and your partner are communicating. You're not tripping 0:03:01.800 --> 0:03:04.680 a worrying about it. You're confident in your ability. So 0:03:04.760 --> 0:03:07.320 therefore you get up and speak your words flow, whether 0:03:07.360 --> 0:03:09.680 it be your drawing, whether be raising your children. You're 0:03:09.720 --> 0:03:13.680 just operating confidence of knowing, knowing that you are operating 0:03:13.680 --> 0:03:19.960 in your best space at that moment. So yeah, I said, 0:03:19.960 --> 0:03:22.959 don't we need to just continue to focus on the confidence. 0:03:23.480 --> 0:03:26.720 And that's just knowing who I am. And I implore 0:03:26.760 --> 0:03:30.799 you to just know who you are. Go ahead and 0:03:30.880 --> 0:03:36.680 spend some time with yourself and no confidence, it's just 0:03:36.760 --> 0:03:40.400 simply knowing. Go ahead and trust yourself, get your right, 0:03:40.640 --> 0:03:48.520 m right with me, and get excited about your Ten 0:03:48.600 --> 0:03:51.320 years ago, this month, my mother died, and you know, 0:03:51.360 --> 0:03:53.840 I was reminded of that. A girlfriend reached out to 0:03:53.880 --> 0:03:56.640 me and she said, hey, I'm just thinking about you. 0:03:57.480 --> 0:03:59.840 I know this around this time can be hard for you. 0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:03.720 I want to see how you're doing. And for whatever reason, 0:04:04.400 --> 0:04:08.560 it didn't dawn on me. Now, usually my body feels it. 0:04:08.600 --> 0:04:11.400 I don't know if you've ever lost somebody, but it's 0:04:11.560 --> 0:04:14.160 I don't know. If you're you, you are cognantly thinking 0:04:14.160 --> 0:04:17.200 of the date, but for me, it was a nightmare. 0:04:17.279 --> 0:04:20.320 So the trauma that happened in my body, it's almost 0:04:20.360 --> 0:04:22.479 like my body's feeling it. And once I got the text, 0:04:22.480 --> 0:04:25.400 I immediately looked at Jeremiah, because you know, we're pretty 0:04:25.480 --> 0:04:27.240 much always together, and I said, listen, I want to 0:04:27.240 --> 0:04:30.320 give your heads up. You know, if I start acting differently, 0:04:30.360 --> 0:04:31.840 I just want to let you know that my mom's 0:04:31.880 --> 0:04:37.960 anniversary is coming up, and throughout this time, I just 0:04:37.960 --> 0:04:42.240 feel a lot of feels. But also I'm reminded why 0:04:43.560 --> 0:04:46.880 I go so hard and doing what I do. Now 0:04:46.880 --> 0:04:52.520 I'm probably gonna get emotional because it's Alide, my mother, 0:04:56.480 --> 0:05:03.159 my mother strugless person ever know, and leading up to 0:05:03.160 --> 0:05:06.960 her last days, I had seen her in the light 0:05:06.960 --> 0:05:08.920 I've never seen and I want to say week, but 0:05:10.160 --> 0:05:13.880 I guess the proper term, it's just tired. You see. 0:05:13.920 --> 0:05:17.560 It was my mom's third bout with cancer. I was 0:05:17.600 --> 0:05:23.640 living in New York working on Music Choice. That was 0:05:23.680 --> 0:05:25.200 that b a less but I had got let go 0:05:25.279 --> 0:05:28.760 of that just you know, dealing with my mom's illness, 0:05:28.880 --> 0:05:32.240 and I'm not doing everything I was supposed to do. 0:05:32.279 --> 0:05:34.720 I had left the show, or at least some I 0:05:34.720 --> 0:05:37.120 think commercials didn't there. And if you work in radio, 0:05:37.640 --> 0:05:41.080 the money is in the commercials. And so I had 0:05:41.120 --> 0:05:42.839 to be up front and I said, hey, I'm dealing 0:05:42.920 --> 0:05:45.880 with a lot with my mom. And I was working 0:05:45.880 --> 0:05:50.000 on Music Choice, and I remember around this time, I 0:05:50.080 --> 0:05:54.360 was so excited because it was also Black History Mom, 0:05:56.120 --> 0:05:59.800 and um, if you know anything about me, you know 0:06:01.279 --> 0:06:05.120 voice o versus a passion of mine. And I was 0:06:05.160 --> 0:06:11.440 so excited because I had had the opportunity to be 0:06:11.480 --> 0:06:14.560 the voice for our Black History Month specials and Music Choice. 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:19.000 Now I decided to go home. Not that I went 0:06:19.040 --> 0:06:21.600 and went home, but it was it was an opportune 0:06:21.720 --> 0:06:25.200 time to go home because it was President's Day weekend. 0:06:27.360 --> 0:06:31.440 I'm recording this podcast on President's Day, so I know 0:06:31.560 --> 0:06:34.919 I had that Monday off and I said, okay, I 0:06:34.960 --> 0:06:36.640 got this day off I'm gonna go down to Detroit 0:06:36.680 --> 0:06:39.520 to see my mom. Now. When I was working at 0:06:39.600 --> 0:06:42.679 Music Choice, I would I started getting a lot of calls, 0:06:42.720 --> 0:06:46.040 like my sister and you know, the doctor calling and say, hey, 0:06:46.080 --> 0:06:47.800 you know, just to get updates on my mom and 0:06:47.800 --> 0:06:50.440 how she's doing, because she got a point where she 0:06:50.520 --> 0:06:52.600 was in so much pain that they had to give 0:06:52.600 --> 0:06:55.120 her pain medicine, and with the pain medicine kind of 0:06:55.120 --> 0:06:58.440 made her a little loopy. And listen to the same mother. 0:06:58.480 --> 0:07:01.479 Because I was the local producer or the Lina Adam's 0:07:01.480 --> 0:07:03.200 morning show when I was at BLS and w l 0:07:03.200 --> 0:07:05.520 i V, she called me every day at three thirty 0:07:05.520 --> 0:07:07.720 and let make sure I was up, and I think 0:07:07.760 --> 0:07:09.600 I started noticing things, but she had like, you know, 0:07:09.680 --> 0:07:12.000 for god, or I'll be talking to her and she'd 0:07:12.000 --> 0:07:13.720 just be a little loopy. I'm like, man, I stopped 0:07:13.720 --> 0:07:15.520 because remind you, this is the strongest woman I know. 0:07:16.040 --> 0:07:17.920 So I decided to go home to Detroit because the 0:07:17.960 --> 0:07:20.960 doctor said, hey, my sister said, you know, should I 0:07:21.000 --> 0:07:24.280 tell my sister to come out here? And they said, well, 0:07:25.120 --> 0:07:27.600 it's better for her to come sooner than later. I said, 0:07:27.600 --> 0:07:30.960 all right, I'm going down now. I remember you know, 0:07:31.000 --> 0:07:34.280 when you're going out to your dreams. Some people got 0:07:34.280 --> 0:07:36.560 to set up where you know they can rely on 0:07:36.640 --> 0:07:38.760 their family members to help them as something go down. 0:07:39.960 --> 0:07:41.920 You know there's some extra change that you could put 0:07:41.920 --> 0:07:45.480 stuff in. But you know, for me, you know, I 0:07:45.520 --> 0:07:47.400 know I chose this life as far as for some 0:07:47.440 --> 0:07:50.040 of my dreams. So I'm always wanted to make it work, 0:07:50.040 --> 0:07:54.360 to make it do what to do. So I said, okay, 0:07:54.400 --> 0:07:55.880 I'm gonna go down there in present days weekend. I 0:07:55.880 --> 0:07:57.960 don't have to worry about, you know, calling up some 0:07:58.040 --> 0:08:02.680 time from work and and uh saving money. I said, okay, 0:08:02.680 --> 0:08:05.200 I'm gonna take the Greyhound back down there and then 0:08:05.240 --> 0:08:07.760 I'll probably fly back, you know, trying to make it 0:08:07.960 --> 0:08:10.680 where it makes sense. I remember I finally got down 0:08:10.760 --> 0:08:13.880 there on the Greyhound. I remember, I feel like, what's 0:08:13.880 --> 0:08:16.000 I talking to my mom on the weak prior Whitney 0:08:16.080 --> 0:08:18.800 Whitney Houston had just died. So when I got there, 0:08:20.040 --> 0:08:24.000 it was Whitney's funeral was on the TV. And I 0:08:24.040 --> 0:08:26.920 remember I got to my aunt's asked my Anjoan, and 0:08:26.960 --> 0:08:30.400 we're sitting there watching the funeral. I'm like, well, I 0:08:30.480 --> 0:08:32.400 was not on this bus for twenty seven hours to 0:08:32.440 --> 0:08:35.600 be sitting here, you know, but to this funeral, I said, 0:08:35.640 --> 0:08:37.920 I need to go see my mama. So I had 0:08:37.960 --> 0:08:42.200 my aunt take me now my mom. You know, cancer 0:08:42.280 --> 0:08:45.040 take people out, but oftentimes it's the treatment. So she's 0:08:45.120 --> 0:08:48.480 taking her chemo and so they had put her in 0:08:48.559 --> 0:08:52.040 a they called we referred to as a rehab center, 0:08:52.080 --> 0:08:54.079 but it was a nursing home, so everybody that was older. 0:08:54.080 --> 0:08:56.280 But it was more so that she can get her strength, 0:08:56.520 --> 0:08:59.040 get her mobility up, you know, so that she can 0:08:59.120 --> 0:09:02.600 endure the next round chemo and hopes to uh combat 0:09:02.640 --> 0:09:04.560 the stage for a breast cancer that she has. Now, 0:09:04.600 --> 0:09:07.080 if you're unfamiliar or stage for a breast cancer or 0:09:07.080 --> 0:09:10.360 stage for a cancer overall, that's when it metastasized, meaning 0:09:10.400 --> 0:09:15.480 that it's now spreading all over the body. Now four 0:09:15.600 --> 0:09:17.719 years prior to that, I had just moved out to 0:09:17.840 --> 0:09:23.719 New York and my mom was moving me in and 0:09:23.800 --> 0:09:25.880 this is when we discovered I guess the cancer was back. 0:09:25.960 --> 0:09:27.679 She got off the bed and there was a crack. 0:09:27.760 --> 0:09:30.760 It was like a chalk like and she hollered ah, 0:09:31.440 --> 0:09:32.840 And I was like, mom, a you okay, We're im 0:09:32.880 --> 0:09:34.960 meetingly with the hospital. They said the bone was dense. 0:09:35.040 --> 0:09:38.160 After further testing, they found out that she had cancer 0:09:38.200 --> 0:09:40.200 in the bone. We had to uh or they had 0:09:40.240 --> 0:09:42.480 to put a rod in her fever. Your femer is 0:09:42.520 --> 0:09:44.360 the longest and strongest bone in the body. The fever 0:09:44.480 --> 0:09:47.439 is located between the hip and the knee bone. So 0:09:48.160 --> 0:09:49.640 I told my aunt, I said, I need to go 0:09:49.720 --> 0:09:52.400 see my mom. I go see my mom in my mind. 0:09:52.520 --> 0:09:57.360 You know, if you follow me and are aware, not 0:09:57.520 --> 0:10:01.839 the things that I've accomplished, m hm, you know the 0:10:01.920 --> 0:10:06.560 things that I've done, it's because of Jennie Hill. Everything 0:10:06.640 --> 0:10:09.880 I am just because of my mama. They kind of 0:10:09.960 --> 0:10:12.559 go for it. Don't give up, don't let nobody to 0:10:12.600 --> 0:10:15.079 tell you know. So to see her in the state 0:10:15.160 --> 0:10:18.679 of she couldn't even put a fork to her mouth, 0:10:19.400 --> 0:10:22.040 and I remember I was so angry because I said, 0:10:22.400 --> 0:10:26.360 you ain't trying. When I was with twenty year old 0:10:26.440 --> 0:10:29.800 on was thinking, because why wouldn't somebody put a ford 0:10:29.840 --> 0:10:31.960 to my mouth if they could. I remember her head 0:10:32.080 --> 0:10:34.760 was shaking. She said, don key, you open this pop 0:10:34.800 --> 0:10:37.120 and I look, listen, mine, you can open the pop yourself. 0:10:38.920 --> 0:10:41.000 I remember see her in next fear trying to crack 0:10:41.080 --> 0:10:46.079 the kid. It still didn't register how sick my mother was. 0:10:47.960 --> 0:10:51.880 This is the woman that raised me, that told me 0:10:52.760 --> 0:10:58.880 I can be do anything. And now I was gearing 0:10:59.000 --> 0:11:03.160 up to come back to l A. I remember I 0:11:03.320 --> 0:11:08.439 played for I played the video of her for the 0:11:08.520 --> 0:11:12.040 Black History my special I did with music choice. She 0:11:12.240 --> 0:11:16.000 was proud and I asked her even despite the state, 0:11:16.280 --> 0:11:18.160 you know, as I said, my you know you think 0:11:18.200 --> 0:11:20.360 I should go back to New York or you want 0:11:20.400 --> 0:11:22.880 me to stay here with you? No mind you. When 0:11:22.920 --> 0:11:25.800 I had gotten there, I had left the room. We 0:11:25.880 --> 0:11:27.360 probably wanted to sleep there, but she was in the 0:11:27.440 --> 0:11:29.440 room by herself. It was an empty bed. I slept 0:11:29.480 --> 0:11:30.800 her overnight, and it was one point I was in 0:11:30.840 --> 0:11:32.360 the bed with her because I'm like, I'm gonna be 0:11:32.400 --> 0:11:34.720 here with my mom. But you know what she said 0:11:34.760 --> 0:11:37.440 to me, and this is when I learned about love. 0:11:37.520 --> 0:11:41.000 I think in a different dimension. She said, don already 0:11:41.040 --> 0:11:44.400 lived my life. It's time for you to live yours. Now. 0:11:46.440 --> 0:11:49.400 I probably knew that I wasn't gonna leave anyway, but 0:11:49.679 --> 0:11:51.199 you know, I probably just needed her to tell me 0:11:51.320 --> 0:11:54.800 to stay. So I said, okay, and I was gonna 0:11:54.800 --> 0:11:58.160 stay anyway. But I guess I remember a nurse that 0:11:58.280 --> 0:12:02.200 came in. She said, men, Hill, are you doing okay? 0:12:02.760 --> 0:12:05.000 You need to go to the hospital. I think my 0:12:05.120 --> 0:12:08.880 mom nodded, and the nurse asked because you know, at 0:12:08.920 --> 0:12:10.720 the time I didn't I wasn't aware, but I guess 0:12:10.760 --> 0:12:13.400 you can start to do some labor and breathing where 0:12:13.400 --> 0:12:19.199 It's like my mom started to distribute that now the 0:12:19.240 --> 0:12:23.040 time she could lay flat on her black back because 0:12:23.040 --> 0:12:24.559 I don't know if there was fluid in her lungs, 0:12:24.600 --> 0:12:27.079 but you know, just not being miss mobiles enough, the 0:12:27.160 --> 0:12:30.200 lungs are moving to the capacity. So we ended up 0:12:30.240 --> 0:12:34.559 going to the hospital. Now, my sister, she had just 0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:39.199 had my youngest nephew. She had preclipsed. You. She was 0:12:39.320 --> 0:12:43.040 just recovering her eyesight, you know, dealing with a premature newborn. 0:12:43.160 --> 0:12:47.280 So there's a lot going on. She probably handled a 0:12:47.360 --> 0:12:50.480 lot while I was aware of New York and probably 0:12:50.520 --> 0:12:52.880 my mom going to the doctor. That wasn't anything that 0:12:53.040 --> 0:12:56.400 was bizarre. So we were at the hospital and uh, 0:12:57.200 --> 0:12:58.920 you know, they're asking me to for all the information. 0:13:00.160 --> 0:13:03.439 I'm working on being strong. But what strong? What is that? 0:13:04.160 --> 0:13:07.400 What does that mean? At the time, I guess for me, 0:13:07.480 --> 0:13:08.839 I was like, Okay, I'm not gonna cry, but of 0:13:08.880 --> 0:13:11.000 course I did. I want to say, what's wrong? Down 0:13:11.080 --> 0:13:13.160 What's wrong? I said? You know, I told I said, 0:13:13.160 --> 0:13:16.240 I'm just a little scared. So the doctors and nurses 0:13:16.320 --> 0:13:20.959 asking me the information about my mom, and uh. I 0:13:21.160 --> 0:13:25.520 was down there for the holiday for Christmas, and I 0:13:25.600 --> 0:13:27.640 remember we had to go to the doctor. Then we 0:13:27.720 --> 0:13:29.599 were doing laundry and she was talking her chest and 0:13:29.679 --> 0:13:30.920 I was like, oh my gosh, you you know, we 0:13:30.960 --> 0:13:32.480 didn't know it was like a heart attack or whatever, 0:13:33.160 --> 0:13:35.240 and it was just the kncer and the chest hurting 0:13:35.280 --> 0:13:38.000 the bones. And I remember that time I was able 0:13:38.040 --> 0:13:40.400 to understand or to get a grasp of the pain 0:13:40.520 --> 0:13:43.199 she was in because when we were at the hospital, 0:13:43.800 --> 0:13:47.920 the strongest woman I ever known. Let's calling for her mama. 0:13:48.760 --> 0:13:52.040 Now what I was supposed to do? You my mama? 0:13:53.240 --> 0:13:55.400 Are you asking for your mama time when you wish 0:13:55.480 --> 0:13:57.719 your mama was here? So I had an idea of 0:13:57.840 --> 0:14:00.800 what could this pain could be like? So ware a rule, 0:14:00.840 --> 0:14:02.599 they ask you for the information. So they said, I 0:14:02.640 --> 0:14:04.360 don't know if it was a CT skin or a 0:14:04.480 --> 0:14:09.040 cat skin. I didn't know. That was cold me. The 0:14:09.160 --> 0:14:14.439 last time I was going ting to my mom, you know, 0:14:14.760 --> 0:14:18.400 I'm gonna be real with you. I haven't let it 0:14:18.559 --> 0:14:22.000 like plagues on me a lot. But I wondered some 0:14:22.080 --> 0:14:24.120 so I said, well done, Why did you let her 0:14:24.200 --> 0:14:26.760 go into this cast games there to put in a Machiney? 0:14:26.800 --> 0:14:28.160 She had to lay back. Remember I told you my 0:14:28.200 --> 0:14:30.120 mom would lay back because she said she can breathe. 0:14:31.200 --> 0:14:33.800 And when they took her the machine and they want 0:14:33.880 --> 0:14:35.640 to go get the visit. I remember calling Charlotte, said 0:14:35.680 --> 0:14:37.640 Charlotte need to get up to the hospital. I needed 0:14:37.640 --> 0:14:38.840 you to come up here. I need you to come 0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:42.680 up here. And she made her way. Remember the doctors 0:14:42.760 --> 0:14:46.040 came out, or maybe even before that. I remember hear 0:14:46.080 --> 0:14:47.880 what I was saying, that she's coldy, she's colder, and 0:14:48.280 --> 0:14:50.520 you know all these turns, these machines and all that's 0:14:50.560 --> 0:14:52.200 going on. Well you know what somebody is colding? That 0:14:52.280 --> 0:14:55.120 means you know, flatlining cold tea and like the ring 0:14:55.200 --> 0:14:58.800 me alarm. And I remember that. I remember the doctor's 0:14:58.840 --> 0:15:02.360 coming out. I remember the feeling it was. And uh, 0:15:03.520 --> 0:15:05.160 I don't know if they were called all the way 0:15:05.200 --> 0:15:06.960 or whether or not they were going to resuscitate, because 0:15:07.000 --> 0:15:09.920 we had to make the decision because her bones are 0:15:09.960 --> 0:15:12.720 so fragile, Remember I told you she got off my 0:15:12.800 --> 0:15:14.320 bed in New York and we heard a pop, So 0:15:14.440 --> 0:15:16.320 that lets you know how dense it is. They had 0:15:16.360 --> 0:15:19.360 to put a metal rode in her favor. So when 0:15:19.400 --> 0:15:23.200 we talk about resuscitation, that's pressing on this chest. And 0:15:23.200 --> 0:15:24.760 it was at that point they told us, well, if 0:15:24.800 --> 0:15:27.200 we do the resuscitation, if something were happening again, are 0:15:27.240 --> 0:15:30.120 you okay with that? Because we could break her rib cage. 0:15:30.880 --> 0:15:33.000 Remember this is the same mother I told you that 0:15:33.320 --> 0:15:35.200 when I was down there in December, she was crying 0:15:35.240 --> 0:15:37.640 out for her mother because her chest was hurting so bad. 0:15:38.520 --> 0:15:42.840 But luckily, you know, we were able to to uh, 0:15:43.920 --> 0:15:46.880 to get some sort of pulse. Now the same my 0:15:46.960 --> 0:15:50.040 mother never came to I can't say that, but I 0:15:50.160 --> 0:15:54.560 never audibly heard from her after that moment. And I 0:15:54.680 --> 0:15:57.800 we were sitting on the machines. We had kept her 0:15:57.840 --> 0:16:00.120 in there about a week, and you know, of the 0:16:00.280 --> 0:16:02.160 entire week, I never left the hospital. Might have went 0:16:02.200 --> 0:16:03.720 to the parking left, But my thing was, I was like, 0:16:03.760 --> 0:16:06.720 I ain't gonna leave mamma, because my mama wouldn't leave me. 0:16:07.520 --> 0:16:13.360 It was truly a nightmare. I wanted to run. There 0:16:13.440 --> 0:16:17.520 was nowhere to go. I want to hide, but there 0:16:17.640 --> 0:16:21.440 was no one to go. I wanted to yal, but 0:16:21.600 --> 0:16:25.040 really nobody care me. I woke up every morning. I 0:16:25.120 --> 0:16:27.760 slept in that room, but the family and friends could 0:16:27.760 --> 0:16:30.240 be and I would go every morning talk to my mama, 0:16:30.760 --> 0:16:33.280 just sit with her. I went on't to share a 0:16:33.320 --> 0:16:36.440 lot of things, just tell her how much I loved her. 0:16:37.200 --> 0:16:40.160 But my Uncle's like, you know, just never really I'm 0:16:40.160 --> 0:16:42.520 not really liking them, just just the things that happened 0:16:42.520 --> 0:16:45.080 in the past. And you know, I tell her some money. 0:16:45.080 --> 0:16:49.760 You know, I forgive that. I forgive him because that 0:16:49.800 --> 0:16:52.000 was so that I carried for a while. You know, 0:16:52.080 --> 0:16:53.840 I was at the point of just sharing all the 0:16:54.000 --> 0:16:56.680 things that I wanted her to come to. And there 0:16:56.680 --> 0:16:58.280 were times where her eyes removed, so I know that 0:16:58.360 --> 0:17:01.840 she could hear me. But can't you imagine the strongest 0:17:01.920 --> 0:17:05.280 person you know to be at a point there's so 0:17:05.440 --> 0:17:09.520 much pain they can't communicate. When I tell you that 0:17:09.600 --> 0:17:12.120 I wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't a geniciill. 0:17:12.760 --> 0:17:14.680 And so I reminded at this point of my life 0:17:14.680 --> 0:17:18.040 where I gotta go so hard because being a dreamer 0:17:19.119 --> 0:17:21.600 and being obedient and what I mean by that be 0:17:21.680 --> 0:17:23.960 obingest my spirit of what God has placed inside of me. 0:17:24.720 --> 0:17:28.880 I could just stay in Detroit. I got big dreams. 0:17:29.960 --> 0:17:32.800 And for me, why I got so hard by dreams 0:17:33.720 --> 0:17:35.640 while you hear me go sorry with by the bed 0:17:36.320 --> 0:17:39.880 because I gotta make some of myself. I gotta make 0:17:40.000 --> 0:17:45.200 something of myself because I can't get that back that 0:17:45.320 --> 0:17:48.840 I decided to go to Howard, that I decided to 0:17:48.960 --> 0:17:51.840 live in New York, the time that I decided to 0:17:51.920 --> 0:17:54.760 be away from my mother. I can't get it back. 0:17:55.800 --> 0:17:59.240 So I gotta make good on my investment on that 0:17:59.359 --> 0:18:03.680 time away. So that's how I'm feeling right now. And 0:18:05.240 --> 0:18:10.600 it's such a challenge because everything he gave had wanted division. 0:18:11.400 --> 0:18:15.080 I think God placed my heart or what I feel 0:18:15.800 --> 0:18:19.600 for my life, it ain't necessarily in front of me 0:18:19.640 --> 0:18:23.520 where I can see you. And that's what I constantly reminded. 0:18:23.880 --> 0:18:26.960 And I have to tell myself, Dart, don't let what 0:18:27.119 --> 0:18:32.160 you see make you forget what God said. You gotta 0:18:32.280 --> 0:18:37.800 keep going. Now. This is my story, my cousins. You know, 0:18:38.840 --> 0:18:42.440 six siblings, five other siblings with mother died and I 0:18:42.560 --> 0:18:44.720 can't compare that, but I can just tell you my 0:18:45.000 --> 0:18:48.480 story and and and and who I am and where 0:18:48.520 --> 0:18:51.639 I am, and why I do what I do, and 0:18:51.760 --> 0:18:53.879 why I have to do it the way that I 0:18:54.119 --> 0:18:58.320 do it. That's where the passion lines would be, because 0:18:58.320 --> 0:19:03.200 I gotta make good. Oh with sh it's hill, put 0:19:03.280 --> 0:19:08.520 it side me, and you know, and what my father said. Now, 0:19:08.600 --> 0:19:10.879 you know, you may not hear me talk much about 0:19:10.920 --> 0:19:13.399 my father because he died when I was three months 0:19:13.480 --> 0:19:17.440 So that relationship or whatever that is, I don't have that. 0:19:17.640 --> 0:19:20.320 But you know he said when I was more, he said, 0:19:20.320 --> 0:19:24.960 I got me a star. I gotta make good on 0:19:25.119 --> 0:19:29.480 this star. And you know the thing it was interesting 0:19:29.560 --> 0:19:33.880 about the star. The best views of the star at night, 0:19:34.760 --> 0:19:38.040 that's where they twinkle and shine. But do we ever 0:19:38.160 --> 0:19:41.240 think about what it's like to be in the midnight 0:19:41.400 --> 0:19:46.840 black sky when you gotta mustard up whatever is inside 0:19:46.920 --> 0:19:51.120 of you and decide to shine. We all got this light, 0:19:53.320 --> 0:19:56.920 we learned the soul when we were a child, this 0:19:57.280 --> 0:20:01.919 little light of mind. I'm going to let it shot. 0:20:02.760 --> 0:20:06.480 I'm gonna shine and I'm gonna do this ship right here. 0:20:10.320 --> 0:20:13.720 I gotta make it happen. I was talking to a mentor, 0:20:14.840 --> 0:20:17.720 so how you doing, you know, being I'm like, oh, hey, 0:20:17.800 --> 0:20:21.439 I'm cool, but you know, we gotta really think when 0:20:21.480 --> 0:20:24.720 people ask how you do, how are you really doing? 0:20:24.800 --> 0:20:27.640 I said, well, just keep it on keep it all, 0:20:28.720 --> 0:20:31.440 you know, keep it on coming and here in my 0:20:31.560 --> 0:20:35.160 podcast and work it out. And I explained to I said, 0:20:35.160 --> 0:20:37.760 you know, I'm not gonna even you know front. You know, 0:20:37.840 --> 0:20:41.040 I can get a little discouraging because you know I'm 0:20:41.080 --> 0:20:43.480 going after for so long, but when it's time, when 0:20:43.520 --> 0:20:47.159 you talk about when it's right, but just what you 0:20:47.240 --> 0:20:51.320 should not do. But I'm humid looking around at your 0:20:51.400 --> 0:20:53.960 peers and other people around our age, and I'm like, 0:20:54.119 --> 0:20:56.720 I'm not a bump And what I mean by that, 0:20:57.359 --> 0:21:00.560 I've always been a by grind, Like that's what I do. 0:21:01.200 --> 0:21:05.960 That's a work ethic. And I have to remind myself. 0:21:06.920 --> 0:21:10.920 And I'm going in for dog Don's dreams and you know, 0:21:11.040 --> 0:21:13.960 perhaps other people what I don't have their story, But 0:21:14.080 --> 0:21:17.199 then two, who's to say that they're going after their 0:21:17.240 --> 0:21:20.600 own thing. You know, I'm not here to do down 0:21:20.720 --> 0:21:22.560 someone else about what it is you do. But it's 0:21:22.560 --> 0:21:24.960 a little different when you're working for somebody else versus 0:21:25.040 --> 0:21:28.280 working for yourself, because you gotta be the the end 0:21:28.320 --> 0:21:31.000 dog be all you gotta have a motivation, you gotta 0:21:31.040 --> 0:21:33.480 have the creativity. You gotta make it happen. I can't 0:21:33.520 --> 0:21:35.879 wait for nobody else to make it happen for me. 0:21:37.160 --> 0:21:40.399 And what that comes a different level of comfort? What 0:21:40.600 --> 0:21:45.520 that comes with a different level of curetee? He says, workout, dog, 0:21:46.800 --> 0:21:49.399 I mean it is working out. First of all, you 0:21:49.480 --> 0:21:53.480 better act like you know, Dawn Day, having that confidence 0:21:53.600 --> 0:21:55.440 what God put aside of me. But he said, it's 0:21:55.440 --> 0:21:57.960 gonna work out. You just one person away, or you know, 0:21:58.080 --> 0:22:01.359 one situation away, he said, because you're putting in that work. 0:22:02.240 --> 0:22:05.120 You're putting in that sweat equity. He said, you work 0:22:05.200 --> 0:22:09.280 your podcast. It's like a full time job. But I'm like, yeah, 0:22:10.040 --> 0:22:13.679 don't let what you see make you forget what God said. 0:22:14.800 --> 0:22:19.760 And so I have to keep going. And I realized 0:22:19.760 --> 0:22:22.280 I can't control the time of the way things happen. 0:22:22.400 --> 0:22:25.120 So I get into space. So what can I control 0:22:25.240 --> 0:22:28.240 with Dawn? And that's the same for you, What can 0:22:28.280 --> 0:22:32.320 you control your environment? For me by loving on myself 0:22:32.400 --> 0:22:34.639 in ConTroll with tord is working out. So that's the no, 0:22:34.960 --> 0:22:37.359