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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I was thinking of you last night. You know why

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Speaker 2: I couldn't sleep, And rather than count sheep, I counted

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Speaker 2: the toilets in your house, and I fell asleep after

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Speaker 2: six or seven. But then I couldn't remember how many toilets?

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Speaker 3: Do you?

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Speaker 2: Is it again? No, that doesn't sound right at all.

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Speaker 2: Count again, let's do it together. The one in the basement,

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Speaker 2: one on the ground floor, the one on the balcony,

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Speaker 2: the one outdoors on the front steps before you come

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Speaker 2: into the house, the one on the roof. There was

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Speaker 2: the one wait, what's that like dying?

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Speaker 4: I already told you you wanted to argue with you.

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Speaker 2: We're not having an argument. We're having a civilized conversation.

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Speaker 2: We could have a podcast called toilet Talk from Gimblet Media.

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Speaker 2: I'm Jonathan Goldstein and this is Heavyweight Today's episode Sarah

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Speaker 2: right after the break, This is Sarah Haybart.

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Speaker 5: A bear, Hey bear, a bear?

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Speaker 1: A bear?

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Speaker 4: I see?

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Speaker 2: Okay, So the h is silent, Yeah, silent because Sarah

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Speaker 2: Abert lives in Louisiana and her family is Cajun. Do

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Speaker 2: you speak French?

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Speaker 5: I know enough French to know when my grandmother is

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Speaker 5: gossiping about me.

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Speaker 2: When I was a kid, the adults would talk in Yiddish.

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Speaker 5: Could you understand what they were saying about you?

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Speaker 2: It was never great. Yeah, Sarah's here to tell me

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Speaker 2: about a letter she received a while back. Her husband, Chris,

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Speaker 2: usually brings in the mail, so he was the one

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Speaker 2: who first handed it to her. The return address on

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Speaker 2: the envelope said Abbeville, the tiny town where Sarah grew up.

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Speaker 5: So I opened the letter and I pull it out,

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Speaker 5: and it's like, it is a handwritten letter.

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Speaker 2: Sarah says she can't remember the last time someone hand

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Speaker 2: wrote her a letter. And then there was the handwriting itself,

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Speaker 2: which was big and bubbly and written onlined paper, the

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Speaker 2: kind torn from a spiral bound notebook, like.

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Speaker 5: I feel like I remember getting letters in middle school

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Speaker 5: that kind of looked like this.

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Speaker 2: Can you read it?

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Speaker 5: Yes, I'd be happy to. So it says, hey, how

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Speaker 5: are you doing? It has been so long since I've

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Speaker 5: seen or spoke to you. You were my best friend.

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Speaker 5: My dad was Nick and my mom was Terry. We

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Speaker 5: got in trouble at my house one night when you

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Speaker 5: slept over because we were rollerblading in the kitchen and

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Speaker 5: we put down water all over the floor, which is

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Speaker 5: like a very Cajun way of saying, like we spilt

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Speaker 5: water everywhere. You were my very best friend, and I

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Speaker 5: don't really remember what happened, but I have thought of

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Speaker 5: you often through the years, and I found you. It

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Speaker 5: would be so amazing to visit and get to catch

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Speaker 5: up with you. And then there's a cell number her address. Sorry,

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Speaker 5: it's so weird to read this aloud.

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Speaker 2: And the reason it's so weird, Sarah says, is that

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Speaker 2: she has absolutely no idea who this person is.

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Speaker 5: At all, Like I don't have a memory of her.

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Speaker 2: But that's not even the weirdest part. The weirdest part,

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Speaker 2: Sarah says, is the name at the end of the.

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Speaker 5: Letter, Sarah Abert, which is my name.

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Speaker 2: In the letter, the writer refers to herself as the

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Speaker 2: other Sarah aber. So wait a second. So you read

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Speaker 2: this letter and at the bottom she.

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Speaker 5: Signed it, sincerely Sarah ben abear so Beth with a thch,

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Speaker 5: and my name is Sarah bess abar b ss. It's

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Speaker 5: literally like pretty much the same name, right.

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Speaker 2: What was your first thought like when you finished reading this,

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Speaker 2: is this a scam?

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Speaker 6: Like?

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Speaker 5: I told a couple of friends about it, and they're

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Speaker 5: like this is a scam. They're like, this person's trying

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Speaker 5: to get money from you or something.

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Speaker 2: Sarah's suspicions only deepened after googling the other Sarah.

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Speaker 5: My generation of people. We grew up on the internet, right, so,

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Speaker 5: like it's probably possible to find like a photo of

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Speaker 5: me in my twenties. I can't find anything on this person.

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Speaker 5: Like I can't find like a MySpace page or like

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Speaker 5: old Internet forum post. Like it's bizarre to me that

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Speaker 5: someone would be my age and not have some sort

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Speaker 5: of trail on the internet.

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Speaker 4: Uh huh.

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Speaker 2: The whole thing does sound pretty scammy. And yet for

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Speaker 2: an entire year now, Sarah hasn't been able to throw

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Speaker 2: the letter away. There are parts of it that just

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Speaker 2: feel oddly familiar.

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Speaker 5: Like when she says the stuff about rollerblading. The more

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Speaker 5: I read this letter, the more I'm like, something about

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Speaker 5: that does feel true, Like I do feel like I

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Speaker 5: got in trouble at some point for rollerblading in a

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Speaker 5: kitchen when I was a kid.

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Speaker 2: Is it real or is it fake? Sarah has come

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Speaker 2: to me to render a verdict, and so, like any

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Speaker 2: good investigative journalist, I defer to the experts in this

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Speaker 2: case the expert I turn to whenever I think I'm

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Speaker 2: being scammed.

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Speaker 7: I would say that maybe three times a year you

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Speaker 7: send me an email saying, is this am I being phished?

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Speaker 2: This is Alex Goldman, the former co host of the

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Speaker 2: reply All podcast.

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Speaker 7: You get emails from like your wife and you're like Alex,

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Speaker 7: She says they should bring home salmon.

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Speaker 8: Is this for real?

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Speaker 2: I look at a lot of things as a long con.

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Speaker 2: Alex once traveled all the way to India to investigate

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Speaker 2: a scam call he received. Scams are his specialty. So

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Speaker 2: I lay out the letter to him, the identical names,

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Speaker 2: the torn notebook paper, the big and bubbly handwriting, and

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Speaker 2: then I await his ruling.

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Speaker 7: Okay, I mean just no one sends a letter to

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Speaker 7: try and scam someone.

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Speaker 4: Okay.

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Speaker 7: The thing about scamming is you do it because you

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Speaker 7: think it's easy. It's about getting stuff easily without having

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Speaker 7: to work for it.

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Speaker 2: This is a lot of work, Alex says. Scams aren't

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Speaker 2: tailored to one person like the letter is. They're more

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Speaker 2: one size fits all.

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Speaker 7: Someone gets a big list of people and they email

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Speaker 7: them all at once, trying to get as many people

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Speaker 7: as possible. So that you can catch a couple gullible people.

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Speaker 7: I've never heard of anybody saying like, I'm going to

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Speaker 7: find someone and say, not only did we have almost

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Speaker 7: exactly the same name, but we were best friends. A

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Speaker 7: scam would be to try and create loose ties rather

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Speaker 7: than tight ties. What if she just wants to reconnect

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Speaker 7: what happened to you that made you so paranoid? Like this,

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Speaker 7: what happened to you?

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Speaker 2: After speaking with Alex, I deliver my report to Sarah.

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Speaker 2: The letter is not a scam, but this presents a

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Speaker 2: new problem, one that might be more troubling. If the

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Speaker 2: other Sarah is real, then Sarah has completely forgotten her

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Speaker 2: best friend. How can a person forget a whole best friend?

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Speaker 2: It turns out that for Sarah, a forgotten friend is

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Speaker 2: just the tip of the iceberg.

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Speaker 5: I don't remember a whole lot from my life from

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Speaker 5: that period of time, and part of the reason is

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Speaker 5: just like I had a really difficult childhood, like when

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Speaker 5: my mom and my dad separated, just a lot of

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Speaker 5: weird stuff that happen.

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Speaker 2: And how old were you?

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Speaker 5: I was eight, and so like, huh.

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Speaker 2: Sarah says she was thrust into the middle of their fights,

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Speaker 2: forced to listen to each parent bad mouth the other.

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Speaker 2: Things grew so bad that her mom and dad refused

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Speaker 2: to go to each other's homes to pick up Sarah. Instead,

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Speaker 2: they exchanged her in a McDonald's parking lot. Sarah has

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Speaker 2: some memories from that time, but they're patchy and full

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Speaker 2: of gaps.

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Speaker 5: My mom and I at one point, like lived in

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Speaker 5: a homeless shelter because like she was just trying to

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Speaker 5: make ends meat as a single mom, and like this

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Speaker 5: was her solution to put a roof over our heads.

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Speaker 5: And this isn't like rule South Louisiana, so it's not

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Speaker 5: like there are a ton of resources for families that

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Speaker 5: live on the edge.

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Speaker 2: Sarah has memories of her and her mom sleeping in

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Speaker 2: the same bed. She remembers playing board games and eating

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Speaker 2: in the communal kitchen.

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Speaker 5: You know, Cajun culture is all about like food, right,

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Speaker 5: so like we cook everything from scratch, Like it would

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Speaker 5: be blasphemy for you to cook dinner for your face

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Speaker 5: and for it to be hamburger helper, okay, And I

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Speaker 5: remember in the homeless shelter it was the first time

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Speaker 5: I ever ate hamburger helper and it was delicious.

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Speaker 2: Life with her dad wasn't any more stable. Sarah's father

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Speaker 2: remarried quickly, and with his new wife operated a joint

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Speaker 2: grocery store and bar, which they named The Lonesome Dove.

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Speaker 2: There was a lot of hard drinking and a lot

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Speaker 2: of late nights.

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Speaker 5: I would spend the night on the counter of the

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Speaker 5: grocery store, like with a sleeping bag, and that's where

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Speaker 5: I would sleep while they worked in the bar until

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Speaker 5: late at night. It sounds depressing when I say it,

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Speaker 5: but like I really liked it because like I could

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Speaker 5: eat all the candy I wanted from the store, and

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Speaker 5: like I could stay up late and watch like David

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Speaker 5: Letterman on TV. What happens often is like I'll tell

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Speaker 5: my therapist some anecdote like this, and then she kind

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Speaker 5: of looks at me, and I think, oh, yeah, that's

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Speaker 5: like that's sad stuff like that stuff that a normal

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Speaker 5: person would probably be like, that's effed up, yeah, because

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Speaker 5: you know, like it was pretty messed up, like some

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Speaker 5: of the stuff I went through as a.

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Speaker 2: Kid, and that stuff, painful stuff is being dredged up.

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Speaker 2: Since reading the letters, Sarah's begun remembering all the time

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Speaker 2: she got sick.

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Speaker 5: I guess I puked a lot when I lived with

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Speaker 5: my dad and my step mom, and I remember that

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Speaker 5: it felt like I was a burden whenever I was sick.

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Speaker 5: Thinking about my hesitations around like you know, breaking the

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Speaker 5: seal on this part of my life, it brings up

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Speaker 5: a lot of stuff that like I haven't processed.

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Speaker 2: Listening to Sarah speak, I realize that maybe it isn't

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Speaker 2: so much a fear of being scammed that's kept her

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Speaker 2: from responding to the other Sarah. It's a fear of

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Speaker 2: opening a door to the past. For the most part,

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Speaker 2: Sarah says, the past is something she pretends doesn't exist.

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Speaker 5: It sounds so ridiculous because like, the past does exist,

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Speaker 5: But like I can live in a world where, like

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Speaker 5: I don't have to deal with the implications of what

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Speaker 5: has happened in the past. And maybe that's the way

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Speaker 5: I should do it, because it's gotten me through to

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Speaker 5: this point in my thirties. Like I'm doing okay.

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Speaker 2: Sarah's a college graduate, a homeowner, with a job she

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Speaker 2: loves at a video game company, and a husband she's

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Speaker 2: been married to for eleven years. She is doing okay.

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Speaker 2: Yet all the while, the letter, which has now been

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Speaker 2: sitting on Sarah's desk for about a year, still calls

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Speaker 2: to her. What does the other Sarah know about her

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Speaker 2: life that she herself doesn't.

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Speaker 8: Clearly, I don't want her to be hurt.

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Speaker 2: This is Sarah's husband, Chris.

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Speaker 8: You know, obviously, I'm worried that just wandering into this

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Speaker 8: it might bring up a whole lot of other things

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Speaker 8: about the tough parts of Sarah's past. But I think

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Speaker 8: it'd be fun to just learn more about the good

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Speaker 8: times that Sarah had as a kid. And if I

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Speaker 8: could learn more about Sarah's rollerblading days, that would make

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Speaker 8: me very happy.

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Speaker 2: So Chris hatches a plan.

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Speaker 5: He's like, you know, we could just drive down there

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Speaker 5: and look at where she lives and see if it

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Speaker 5: feels safe.

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Speaker 2: Together, they punched the return address on the envelope into

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Speaker 2: Google street View. The house that pops up on the

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Speaker 2: screen looks uninhabited, its windows dark, it's front steps missing

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Speaker 2: the exterior peeling. It looks like a haunted house, which

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Speaker 2: for Sarah is disconcerting, but it doesn't dissuade Chris. He

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Speaker 2: still wants to make the trip, though he does admit

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Speaker 2: there is a little something else motivating him.

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Speaker 8: I would love an excuse to go fill my cooler

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Speaker 8: up with Blu Dan sausage from my favorite sausage maker

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Speaker 8: down there.

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Speaker 2: And so early one morning in late February, Sarah and

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Speaker 2: Chris load their dogs, Bowser and Noki into the car

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Speaker 2: for the three and a half hour drive to Abbeville.

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Speaker 5: Noki, that's not where you go. He's in the front

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Speaker 5: seat like he's gonna drive the car.

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Speaker 2: Their first stop, of course, is for sausage.

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Speaker 5: How many pounds could I buy?

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to get along.

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Speaker 2: Sarah also wants to share with Chris some of our

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Speaker 2: old hans, so they stop by the Lonesome Dove. The

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Speaker 2: woman who works there, now, let Sarah have a look around.

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Speaker 5: I don't remember being the ceiling being this slow, but

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Speaker 5: I was small.

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Speaker 7: I'm about to say, okay, you're my but you might

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Speaker 7: be a little taller now.

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Speaker 2: Sarah buys some candy and orders a hamburger.

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Speaker 3: Seem could not order one.

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00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,679
Speaker 2: Later, Sarah tells me it taste it just like the

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Speaker 2: burgers her stepmom used to make when she worked there.

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00:14:10,679 --> 00:14:14,960
Speaker 2: Sarah and Chris also drive by her old school, Moe Elementary.

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Speaker 8: There is a sign that says they are currently raising

256
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Speaker 8: money by cooking gumbo.

257
00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:25,520
Speaker 2: Gumbo for mo. They park, turn off the engine, and

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Speaker 2: for a while they just sit there.

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Speaker 8: Just seeing this school bring back any memories of her. No, No,

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Speaker 8: next stop is the man Attraction.

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Speaker 5: We're gonna go draw by Sarah's house.

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Speaker 2: Seed.

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00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:55,840
Speaker 8: Look, it is abandoned. Nobody lives in that house.

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Speaker 2: But then as they make their way closer, Oh.

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Speaker 5: Wait, there's a house. I'm the abandon house, Chris.

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Speaker 2: The destination is on your left.

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Speaker 5: They live in that house. That's what's going on here.

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Speaker 3: Holy shit.

269
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,920
Speaker 2: What Sarah and Chris couldn't see on Google street View

270
00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:15,960
Speaker 2: was the house behind the house, which has a nice

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00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:19,000
Speaker 2: yard and a car in the driveway. It's full of life.

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Speaker 5: They have kids, Look, kids bikes.

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00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:28,240
Speaker 2: Wow, it looks so well taken care of. It feels safe.

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00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:31,720
Speaker 2: When Sarah gets home, she drafts a letter. She handwrites

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00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:34,040
Speaker 2: it on a sheet of lined paper, just like the

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Speaker 2: other Sarah did. At the bottom, she signs it the

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Speaker 2: same way the other Sarah signed her letter with her

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00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:49,560
Speaker 2: name with their name, Sarah Abear. About a week later,

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00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:53,320
Speaker 2: Sarah receives a text message back. It's a long run

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Speaker 2: on sentence like the sender was so excited she couldn't

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00:15:56,720 --> 00:16:00,880
Speaker 2: be bothered with punctuation. Hey Sarah, this is Sarah. The

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00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:04,120
Speaker 2: text reads, I would love to catch up. Just text

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00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:06,280
Speaker 2: me as soon as you can and we'll see to

284
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,720
Speaker 2: it that we can sit down and catch up. I

285
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:13,760
Speaker 2: cannot wait, and so a date is set. Sarah bess

286
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:18,600
Speaker 2: Abar and Sarah beth Abar will finally meet the following Friday.

287
00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:25,240
Speaker 2: But when the day arrives, Sarah receives a text from

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00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:29,080
Speaker 2: the other Sarah about a plumbing emergency. The other Sarah

289
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:32,560
Speaker 2: has to reschedule, so a new data is set, but

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00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:36,200
Speaker 2: yet again, the other Sarah is a no show. After that,

291
00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:46,880
Speaker 2: she stops answering Sarah altogether. Sarah sends more texts. Months

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00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:51,480
Speaker 2: go by and still no response. The situation between the

293
00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:55,240
Speaker 2: two Sarahs has reversed, with Sarah another one left waiting.

294
00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:59,240
Speaker 2: Has she somehow offended the other Sarah? Is the other

295
00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:02,880
Speaker 2: Sarah ignored her? Maybe she lost her phone and just

296
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:07,000
Speaker 2: isn't receiving her text. So once again, Sarah puts pen

297
00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:11,679
Speaker 2: to paper and mails a second letter, but still nothing.

298
00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,199
Speaker 5: You know, initially when we started talking, I was like.

299
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Speaker 2: Is this a scam?

300
00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:16,040
Speaker 4: Right?

301
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:16,720
Speaker 2: Scam thing?

302
00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:20,160
Speaker 5: And talking to Chris about like kind of how long

303
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:23,199
Speaker 5: this has been going on. He's like, I'm starting to

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00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:25,480
Speaker 5: feel like maybe there's something weird.

305
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:30,120
Speaker 2: I'm also finding it weird. Two months ago, the other

306
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:34,920
Speaker 2: Sarah had been so excited to finally connect. So what happened?

307
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:53,960
Speaker 3: Hi?

308
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:59,400
Speaker 2: Hi, Happy New Year, New Year. It's January twenty twenty two.

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00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,760
Speaker 2: At this point, almost a year since Sarah first told

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00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:06,000
Speaker 2: me the story of the letter we catch up, So

311
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:10,800
Speaker 2: let's just recap here. You've moved since we last spoke.

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00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:14,760
Speaker 5: I live in Los Angeles now. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Last summer, Sarah has offered her dream job at her

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Speaker 2: favorite video game company, so in August, she packed up

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Speaker 2: her belongings, rented a U haul, and hitched her little

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00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:27,400
Speaker 2: smart car to the back of it like a little caboose. Yeah,

317
00:18:29,119 --> 00:18:32,280
Speaker 2: Sarah says moving to California is something she's always dreamed

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Speaker 2: of doing. There are more exciting things happening in the

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00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:37,480
Speaker 2: gaming world in LA than in Louisiana.

320
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Speaker 5: The job stuff has been amazing. But and the process

321
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:46,480
Speaker 5: of moving out here, Chris and I decided to get divorced.

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Speaker 2: Oh geez, I'm so sorry. Sarah says that Chris's whole

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00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:55,359
Speaker 2: world is in Louisiana. In the same month Sarah was

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Speaker 2: to move to la Chris was starting a grad school

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Speaker 2: program in southern studies.

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Speaker 5: He's got a really great career in life trajectory back home,

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Speaker 5: and I want him to be able to do that too.

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Speaker 1: Boy.

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Speaker 2: I'm I'm sorry, and I have to say I'm surprised.

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Speaker 5: I mean, there's a certain point in marriage where you realize,

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Speaker 5: like you really love someone, but you want them to

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Speaker 5: be really happy. And I think that's been at the

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00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:24,200
Speaker 5: core of what our relationship has been. And I don't

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Speaker 5: want him to be alone right like, and I don't

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Speaker 5: think I'm coming back.

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00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:31,680
Speaker 2: Sarah is talking to me over video from her new

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00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:35,040
Speaker 2: living room. There were palm trees right outside her windows,

338
00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:39,080
Speaker 2: and the California sun is streaming in. There's a lot

339
00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:44,720
Speaker 2: of change, it is, yeah, and yet on the other

340
00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:48,359
Speaker 2: sarah Aber front, nothing has changed.

341
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:49,000
Speaker 5: I know.

342
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:57,560
Speaker 2: It's been ten months without a word from the other Sarah.

343
00:19:58,119 --> 00:20:01,760
Speaker 2: But since moving across the country, Sarah's been thinking increasingly

344
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:05,200
Speaker 2: about home and with it, she thinks about her mysterious

345
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:07,960
Speaker 2: best friend, if she ever really was her best friend.

346
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,119
Speaker 2: Since the other Sarah won't answer her, Sarah's considering the

347
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:15,440
Speaker 2: idea of asking her family if they remember the little

348
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:19,760
Speaker 2: girl named Sarah Beth Abear. Specifically, she wants to ask

349
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:23,000
Speaker 2: her dad. They talk on the phone each week, but

350
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:26,560
Speaker 2: each week comes and goes without Sarah ever bringing it up,

351
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:28,800
Speaker 2: because why.

352
00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:36,879
Speaker 5: That part of my childhood? Like, who's really hard for me?

353
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,360
Speaker 5: And I'd like, I don't think my dad ever realized it.

354
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,920
Speaker 2: Maybe he didn't. It had hurt to know for sure.

355
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:47,119
Speaker 2: But one Friday morning, Sarah puts her fear aside and

356
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:50,199
Speaker 2: she and I phone up Her father, Richard, is a

357
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:53,479
Speaker 2: retired mechanic known in his neighborhood as the guy who

358
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:58,320
Speaker 2: will fix anything lawnmower's chainsaws. At two o'clock each day,

359
00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:00,600
Speaker 2: his buddies come by the garage hang out.

360
00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:02,560
Speaker 5: Are the guys gonna come over or no.

361
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:08,440
Speaker 6: Shit, Yeah, they'll be here. We'll drink beer till about five.

362
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:13,200
Speaker 2: With beer a clock looming, Sarah gets right to it.

363
00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:16,400
Speaker 2: She tells her father the story of the mysterious letter.

364
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:20,399
Speaker 5: So do you remember anyone from when I was a

365
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:24,960
Speaker 5: kid who was also named Sarah Aberty?

366
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:25,520
Speaker 4: No?

367
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:28,880
Speaker 5: Not really, So this is the kicker, dad. Her name

368
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:31,600
Speaker 5: is Sarah Beth t Aber.

369
00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:33,840
Speaker 4: Come on, it's.

370
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:36,639
Speaker 5: Kind of weird right. At one point I mailed Sarah

371
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:39,119
Speaker 5: letter back, and when I went to the post office

372
00:21:39,119 --> 00:21:40,760
Speaker 5: and I dropped the letter off, the lady was like,

373
00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:42,520
Speaker 5: why are you mailing a letter to yourself?

374
00:21:44,359 --> 00:21:45,879
Speaker 4: Yeah?

375
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,840
Speaker 2: Sarah offers details from the letter in the hopes it'll

376
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:51,920
Speaker 2: spark something for her father, but nothing rings a bell.

377
00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:54,800
Speaker 4: Disco got a good memory for neither one year you

378
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:55,920
Speaker 4: remembers her at all.

379
00:21:56,640 --> 00:22:02,160
Speaker 2: Do you think it's surprising Richard that Sarah just doesn't remember?

380
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:03,359
Speaker 4: Now?

381
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:06,800
Speaker 6: It doesn't surprise me because that era, at that time.

382
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,360
Speaker 6: You know, maybe there's sometimes back then she didn't want

383
00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:09,840
Speaker 6: to remember.

384
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:13,159
Speaker 2: Is that the case for you? Are the things that

385
00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:15,960
Speaker 2: you just that you just would prefer not to remember?

386
00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:17,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly.

387
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:22,120
Speaker 2: Richard might not remember the other Sarah. But to Sarah's

388
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:25,720
Speaker 2: fear that her father never realized her pain, it seems

389
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:26,560
Speaker 2: like maybe he did.

390
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:29,160
Speaker 6: We would going to a lot of turmoil back then,

391
00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:32,920
Speaker 6: and then if I felt it, I'm pretty sure she.

392
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:34,399
Speaker 4: Did too, because she was old enough.

393
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:41,800
Speaker 6: Divorces and stuff like that with kids is not easy. Yeah,

394
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:46,520
Speaker 6: people get angry, People do things that you wouldn't think

395
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:48,480
Speaker 6: they do.

396
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:51,280
Speaker 4: Your grandma was she was hateful.

397
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:58,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, My grandma, Jonathan, Like, really, I think she had

398
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:01,000
Speaker 5: a middle breakdown after my it's got divorced.

399
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:03,000
Speaker 2: This was your mom's mom.

400
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:06,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, she really went off the deep end.

401
00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:09,760
Speaker 6: I remember the time she pulled a gun on me.

402
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:16,199
Speaker 6: You remember that, sir, I do. I was going to

403
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:21,040
Speaker 6: pick you up at her house. She was just mad, Yeah,

404
00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:25,160
Speaker 6: because we were in her yard, gotcha, and she drove

405
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:25,840
Speaker 6: up behind me.

406
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:26,680
Speaker 4: And I couldn't get out.

407
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:28,879
Speaker 6: That's when she pulled a gun and we ended up

408
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:31,240
Speaker 6: running over on some of her bushes so we could

409
00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:31,720
Speaker 6: get out.

410
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:33,920
Speaker 4: You end up calling the cops that day too.

411
00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:41,040
Speaker 5: She was so frequently doing crazy stuff like this, Jonathan,

412
00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:45,200
Speaker 5: that like the I guess, like the sheriff, do you remember, Yeah,

413
00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:47,960
Speaker 5: he would watch for me to walk from the school

414
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:50,800
Speaker 5: to mom's house because he was worried that she would

415
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:52,240
Speaker 5: show up.

416
00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:55,720
Speaker 4: Those downards, Jonathan, you don't want to remember.

417
00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:00,679
Speaker 2: In fact, it seems like no one is Sarah's family

418
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:04,080
Speaker 2: wants to remember those times. In the weeks after talking

419
00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:06,840
Speaker 2: to her father, Sarah speaks with her mother, and she

420
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:09,920
Speaker 2: speaks with her older sister, all in an attempt to

421
00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:13,560
Speaker 2: see if anyone remembers the other Sarah. But no one does.

422
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:20,840
Speaker 2: Who was this little girl collectively forgotten? At this point,

423
00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:23,840
Speaker 2: the only person who can answer that question is the

424
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:25,080
Speaker 2: other Sarah herself.

425
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:28,439
Speaker 5: I really want to meet her, Yeah, I mean, I

426
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:31,720
Speaker 5: just kind of feel like whatever needs to happen to

427
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:33,680
Speaker 5: actually make it happen would be really great.

428
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:39,080
Speaker 2: And so Sarah sends out one last text. I'm not

429
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:42,600
Speaker 2: hopeful it'll change anything, so I'm shocked when the very

430
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:46,440
Speaker 2: next day, after nearly a year of nothing, the other

431
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:51,159
Speaker 2: Sarah texts back, I'd love to talk to you. I'm sorry,

432
00:24:51,840 --> 00:25:11,600
Speaker 2: it was a crazy year. The Other Sarah says that

433
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,440
Speaker 2: since Friday's your day off, it's the best day to talk,

434
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:18,480
Speaker 2: so once again, a plan is made for Friday. It's

435
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:21,480
Speaker 2: now been nearly two years since Sarah first received the

436
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:31,520
Speaker 2: Other Sarah's letter, Sarah, Hey, Hi, how are you, and

437
00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:33,280
Speaker 2: the two Sarah's finally meet.

438
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:37,719
Speaker 3: I was so nervous, so nervous. I was like, I'm excited,

439
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:39,119
Speaker 3: but I'm nervous. I was like, it feels like a

440
00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:41,159
Speaker 3: firstday school is starting a new job or something. I

441
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:42,760
Speaker 3: was like, oh my god, I'm so nervous.

442
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:46,439
Speaker 2: The Other Sarah is apologetic that it took them so

443
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:49,879
Speaker 2: long to finally connect. But true to her last text,

444
00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:52,560
Speaker 2: the other Sarah really did have a crazy year.

445
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:56,719
Speaker 3: We've had a lot of issues this year. My kids

446
00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:58,760
Speaker 3: that actually passed.

447
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:01,960
Speaker 5: Away this year, So I'm so sorry.

448
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:03,560
Speaker 1: It's difficult.

449
00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:08,200
Speaker 3: I mean, me and him weren't together, but it's hard

450
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:10,320
Speaker 3: for them, so it's kind of hard to watch them

451
00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:10,920
Speaker 3: go through it.

452
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:13,359
Speaker 1: It's really really sucks. Yeah, I bet.

453
00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:15,560
Speaker 5: Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry to hear that.

454
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:19,760
Speaker 2: The other Sarah is raising three kids. Her youngest is

455
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:22,320
Speaker 2: only a baby, and for the past year or so

456
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:24,080
Speaker 2: she's been doing it on her own.

457
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 1: I'm engaged, but he.

458
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:30,680
Speaker 3: Got in some trouble a while back, so he's finishing

459
00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:31,680
Speaker 3: his time in jail.

460
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,240
Speaker 1: So he gets out in June.

461
00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:36,320
Speaker 5: So will you guys get married when he gets out.

462
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,680
Speaker 1: Yes, we do plan on getting this.

463
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:39,720
Speaker 5: It's so romantic.

464
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:40,160
Speaker 1: I'm sorry.

465
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:41,480
Speaker 5: I think it's very sweet.

466
00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:44,840
Speaker 1: Yes. And you, what do you do?

467
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:45,719
Speaker 4: How are you?

468
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:47,160
Speaker 1: Do you have any kids?

469
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:49,800
Speaker 5: I don't have any kids. No, my husband and I

470
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:51,560
Speaker 5: are separated, which is a fairly new.

471
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:54,480
Speaker 2: Sarah tells the other Sarah about her own crazy year,

472
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:59,240
Speaker 2: her divorce, her recent move, her new job. The conversation

473
00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:02,880
Speaker 2: feels like the kind between old friends easy and familiar.

474
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:07,760
Speaker 2: I'm wondering, do you guys recognize each other?

475
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:13,119
Speaker 1: I recognize her, I don't you don't?

476
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:16,920
Speaker 5: I feel so bad, Sarah. No, Like when I got

477
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:20,560
Speaker 5: your letter, it was like, I don't remember much of

478
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:22,400
Speaker 5: this at all.

479
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:26,200
Speaker 2: Sarah tells the other Sarah about her life back then,

480
00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:30,520
Speaker 2: her parents fighting her homelessness. The other Sarah says she

481
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:32,800
Speaker 2: had no idea what Sarah was going through.

482
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:36,480
Speaker 5: Oh, and so like when you sent me that letter,

483
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:39,240
Speaker 5: I had this moment of like, I really want to

484
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:43,240
Speaker 5: meet this person so that I can like remember this

485
00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:47,400
Speaker 5: part of my childhood that I totally don't remember at all.

486
00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:50,480
Speaker 2: And so the other Sarah tries to evoke that childhood.

487
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:53,600
Speaker 2: You can feel the other Sarah trying to drag Sarah

488
00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:58,960
Speaker 2: from the fog of lost memory. She describes who Sarah was, artsy, creative,

489
00:27:59,359 --> 00:28:00,800
Speaker 2: a bandkit She.

490
00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:02,879
Speaker 3: Was quiet, but when me and her got together, we

491
00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:06,000
Speaker 3: had a blast. Like it was just us cutting up,

492
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:09,000
Speaker 3: having fun, goofy girls.

493
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:12,560
Speaker 2: The other Sarah tells Sarah stories like the famous rollerblading

494
00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:13,360
Speaker 2: kitchen incident.

495
00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:17,639
Speaker 3: I got in so much trouble that day, Oh my gosh.

496
00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:20,360
Speaker 2: She tells her about the sleepovers they had.

497
00:28:20,359 --> 00:28:23,040
Speaker 3: You had stuffed animals and stuff all around your room.

498
00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:26,639
Speaker 2: She reminds Sarah of the little loft space inside a

499
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 2: guesthouse on her dad Richard's property, where they'd spend the

500
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:33,639
Speaker 2: night together to get away from everybody. She says, like

501
00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:35,840
Speaker 2: it was just the two of them in the whole world.

502
00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:40,920
Speaker 2: As the other Sarah talks, it becomes clear that while

503
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:43,600
Speaker 2: Sarah has been stuck for the last twenty years with

504
00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 2: all the sad memories she doesn't want, the other Sarah's

505
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:50,040
Speaker 2: been holding on to all the happy ones Sarah doesn't have.

506
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:54,480
Speaker 2: For instance, in Sarah's recollection of those late nights at

507
00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:56,880
Speaker 2: the bar, it was just the hum of David Letterman

508
00:28:57,040 --> 00:29:00,360
Speaker 2: keeping her company. But the other Sarah reminds me Sarah

509
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:03,160
Speaker 2: that she'd been there to keep her company too, Like

510
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:04,680
Speaker 2: on the night they put on a show for the

511
00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:05,960
Speaker 2: bar patrons.

512
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:09,200
Speaker 3: Me and you actually went behind the counter and we

513
00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:13,280
Speaker 3: were making little puppets out of paper bags, and we

514
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:15,560
Speaker 3: were we were putting on a puppet show for everybody

515
00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:15,920
Speaker 3: in there.

516
00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:16,800
Speaker 1: It was pretty cool.

517
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:23,959
Speaker 5: That's amazing. It makes me so happy. I'm sorry, just

518
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:25,480
Speaker 5: keep like bursting.

519
00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:29,520
Speaker 2: Into tears as the stories pile up, stories that span

520
00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:33,200
Speaker 2: locations and rites of passage. Sarah has a realization.

521
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:36,960
Speaker 5: We were friends for years, like a long time.

522
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:40,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, we were friends for like four or five years.

523
00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:43,560
Speaker 2: The other Sarah says they met when they were eight

524
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:46,640
Speaker 2: years old. She isn't sure how they met, but she

525
00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:49,160
Speaker 2: thinks it was because her grandmother had owned the Lonesome

526
00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:52,360
Speaker 2: Dove before Sarah's dad and stepmom did, back when it

527
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:55,480
Speaker 2: was called the Red Dog. From then on, the two

528
00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:59,840
Speaker 2: Sarah's were inseparable, so inseparable in fact, that they're f

529
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:03,240
Speaker 2: families had to devise a way to differentiate between them.

530
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:06,640
Speaker 2: So they broke the name Sarah into two parts and

531
00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:10,360
Speaker 2: gave each girl a half Sah and Rah.

532
00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:13,160
Speaker 1: They used to call Sarah Rah.

533
00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:14,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, my family calls me that.

534
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:15,719
Speaker 1: Yeah.

535
00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:21,280
Speaker 3: So that's why they would call me Sah and her Rah.

536
00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:22,080
Speaker 2: To distinguish you between.

537
00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:24,880
Speaker 1: Between the two. Yeah, when it was me and her together, yep.

538
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:32,240
Speaker 2: Wow wow. And so, given their closeness and the span

539
00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:35,680
Speaker 2: of years, the other Sarah has always wondered one thing,

540
00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:39,240
Speaker 2: why did Sarah stop being her friend?

541
00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:44,360
Speaker 1: It sucks whenever you like, I get I don't. It's

542
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:45,000
Speaker 1: hard to explain.

543
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:47,200
Speaker 3: I don't know what happened, you know, I don't know

544
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:50,040
Speaker 3: if y'all moved, so something happened or you know, And

545
00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:52,719
Speaker 3: I know you can't remember, and I'm not expecting you

546
00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:56,280
Speaker 3: to or anything, but it seemed like you almost dropped,

547
00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:58,720
Speaker 3: like seriously dropped off the base of the earth.

548
00:30:59,840 --> 00:31:02,720
Speaker 2: Although of course Sarah doesn't remember why the friendship ended,

549
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:06,920
Speaker 2: here's a theory. In her early teens, Sarah learned about

550
00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:10,520
Speaker 2: a Louisiana boarding school for the gifted and talented. It

551
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:13,120
Speaker 2: was two and a half hours from Abbeville, and Sarah

552
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:14,760
Speaker 2: saw it as a chance to get away from the

553
00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:18,240
Speaker 2: turmoil of home. Getting into the school felt like a

554
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:21,520
Speaker 2: long shot, but she studied hard and she did get in.

555
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:24,360
Speaker 2: It was at that school that Sarah met a computer

556
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:28,640
Speaker 2: science teacher who encouraged her to pursue coding. Sarah says

557
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:30,920
Speaker 2: that if not for that boarding school, she might never

558
00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:35,320
Speaker 2: have tried to get into college, and college changed her life.

559
00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:38,000
Speaker 2: She studied digital media, which put her on the path

560
00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:41,320
Speaker 2: to video gaming and eventually to her new life in

561
00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:46,960
Speaker 2: La So, taken together the boarding school, college, it all meant,

562
00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:49,440
Speaker 2: if not falling off the face of the earth, at

563
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:52,520
Speaker 2: least falling off the face of Abbeville, which left the

564
00:31:52,560 --> 00:31:55,080
Speaker 2: other Sarah with nothing but a memory of the last

565
00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:57,960
Speaker 2: night they spent together at the other Sarah's house.

566
00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:02,040
Speaker 3: She ended up getting sick that night, and like, instead

567
00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:04,760
Speaker 3: of waking my parents up to call her mom or anything,

568
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:08,360
Speaker 3: I like helped take care of her all night until morning.

569
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:09,240
Speaker 1: And then I went and.

570
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:11,440
Speaker 3: Woke my parents up and was like, hey, Sarah's been

571
00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:13,880
Speaker 3: getting sick all night. And my mom was like, I

572
00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:16,160
Speaker 3: can't believe you stayed up all night taking care of you.

573
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:18,360
Speaker 3: Should have woke us up. I was like, no, no,

574
00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:20,640
Speaker 3: she's my friend. I want to take care of her.

575
00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:23,920
Speaker 5: I don't remember that, but I got sick a lot

576
00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:26,760
Speaker 5: as a kid doing exactly that. I would throw up

577
00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:28,960
Speaker 5: all night long and my parents used to be so

578
00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:34,000
Speaker 5: mad at me about it. Thank you for taking care

579
00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:34,280
Speaker 5: of me?

580
00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:39,880
Speaker 1: Well, of course, I mean you were my best friend.

581
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:42,480
Speaker 1: You were like it was me and you.

582
00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:47,080
Speaker 2: Sarah had been scared of reconnecting with the other Sarah

583
00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:50,160
Speaker 2: because of what she might learn, But what she's learning

584
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:51,800
Speaker 2: is that she wasn't alone.

585
00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:55,280
Speaker 3: I'm so sorry didn't know that that she went through

586
00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:58,440
Speaker 3: so much. And I wish, I wish, I wish we

587
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:00,360
Speaker 3: weren't so young, and I wish I would have known,

588
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:03,640
Speaker 3: so I could have helped or you know, done something,

589
00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:07,240
Speaker 3: even though when we were kids.

590
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:08,240
Speaker 5: It sounds like he did.

591
00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:20,480
Speaker 2: Listening to the conversation, hearing Sarah flooded with emotion, It's

592
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:23,480
Speaker 2: clear what she's getting from the reunion, but I can't

593
00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:27,000
Speaker 2: help wondering what the other Sarah's getting. She wrote her

594
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:30,520
Speaker 2: letter hoping to reconnect with an old friend, but since

595
00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:33,720
Speaker 2: sending it, she's learned the time they spend together, the

596
00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:37,360
Speaker 2: bond they shared that she herself, have all been erased.

597
00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:41,000
Speaker 2: So what if anything did Sarah's let her do for

598
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:44,440
Speaker 2: the other Sarah, especially seeing as how it reached her

599
00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:45,120
Speaker 2: a year late.

600
00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:51,360
Speaker 3: Actually, it came at the perfect timing because it came

601
00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:55,840
Speaker 3: actually a week after I got out of rehab, and

602
00:33:57,080 --> 00:33:58,560
Speaker 3: it was my light at.

603
00:33:58,520 --> 00:33:59,240
Speaker 1: The end of the time.

604
00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:01,520
Speaker 3: No, and when I'm home and I got the letter

605
00:34:01,600 --> 00:34:05,640
Speaker 3: from Sarah, it just it showed me that good things

606
00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:08,800
Speaker 3: can happen. I actually cried when I got her letter

607
00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:12,279
Speaker 3: because I was just so excited. You don't know, I'm

608
00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:13,840
Speaker 3: so glad that you wrote me back.

609
00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:17,680
Speaker 5: I'm so excited for you that you went to rehab.

610
00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:22,600
Speaker 3: Congratulations, I actually make I make one year sober on

611
00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:25,000
Speaker 3: February eleventh, and I am super excited.

612
00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:27,480
Speaker 1: I am so grateful. Everything in my.

613
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:30,960
Speaker 3: Life has changed, and your letter was the start of many,

614
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:35,799
Speaker 3: many good things. Like for Christmas, my son wrote me

615
00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:38,040
Speaker 3: a little Christmas card and it said thank you, Mom

616
00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:39,040
Speaker 3: for the greatest.

617
00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:40,960
Speaker 1: Year of my life. And that meant more to me.

618
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:43,440
Speaker 3: Than any Christmas present or anything else that I could

619
00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:57,560
Speaker 3: ever give them. I don't want to get off the phone,

620
00:34:57,560 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 3: but I know I had to go run and get some.

621
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:00,880
Speaker 1: Stuff taken care of.

622
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:05,800
Speaker 3: But I mean, I'm all for doing this again, most definitely,

623
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:09,200
Speaker 3: and no matter what, as long as we can build

624
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:12,520
Speaker 3: our friendship from here, even if you don't remember the past,

625
00:35:12,719 --> 00:35:15,920
Speaker 3: that would even be amazing. I mean, I don't want

626
00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:17,200
Speaker 3: to lose my best friend again.

627
00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:20,680
Speaker 5: Same here.

628
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:37,520
Speaker 1: I'll text you so we can hang out again, most definitely. Bye.

629
00:35:42,080 --> 00:35:43,840
Speaker 2: The other Sarah's scream goes black.

630
00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:50,600
Speaker 5: I think what I thought would happen in this call

631
00:35:50,719 --> 00:35:53,000
Speaker 5: was like something with like click in my brain and

632
00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:57,040
Speaker 5: I suddenly remember like everything, But I don't.

633
00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:00,840
Speaker 2: A key that suddenly unlocks the past. That's how it

634
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:03,439
Speaker 2: works in the movies, but it isn't how the brain

635
00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:06,520
Speaker 2: works in real life. You don't talk to someone from

636
00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:10,520
Speaker 2: your past and suddenly recover memories. You can't recover what

637
00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:14,000
Speaker 2: you never clocked in the first place. There are studies

638
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:16,920
Speaker 2: that show that when people are confronted with an immediate

639
00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:20,560
Speaker 2: threat to their safety, they're focused on the danger impairs

640
00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:23,440
Speaker 2: their ability to recall other peripheral details.

641
00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:26,880
Speaker 5: My therapist I was just asking her about like the

642
00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:30,240
Speaker 5: nature of memory, and like, why wouldn't I remember something good?

643
00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:33,200
Speaker 5: And she was like, your memory is like a camera,

644
00:36:33,320 --> 00:36:37,319
Speaker 5: so it only captures like what you're focused on at

645
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:38,640
Speaker 5: a time. And she was like, if you were just

646
00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:41,960
Speaker 5: focused on, like let me survive and cope in this scenario,

647
00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:45,280
Speaker 5: your camera probably just wasn't pointed at Sarah.

648
00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:48,640
Speaker 2: The two Sarah's met when they were around eight, the

649
00:36:48,719 --> 00:36:51,839
Speaker 2: age when Sarah's folks split up and Sarah's life grew

650
00:36:51,880 --> 00:36:56,480
Speaker 2: increasingly hard. Sarah's camera was focused on the immediate threats.

651
00:36:57,120 --> 00:37:00,719
Speaker 2: The other Sarah remained out of frame. What is the

652
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:04,920
Speaker 2: value of happy memories if you don't remember them? After

653
00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:08,240
Speaker 2: the conversation with the other Sarah, this is the question

654
00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:10,000
Speaker 2: that Sarah has left to grapple with.

655
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:12,040
Speaker 5: You know, hearing I had a friend that was like

656
00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:14,279
Speaker 5: willing to take care of me all night long while

657
00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:17,680
Speaker 5: I like pewed my guts out. That's like amazing, you know,

658
00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:20,799
Speaker 5: that's like real friendship. I don't know if I have

659
00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:22,759
Speaker 5: adult friends in my life now, who would do.

660
00:37:22,719 --> 00:37:26,879
Speaker 2: That to which Just before Sarah set out for La

661
00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:29,359
Speaker 2: Chris told her he wasn't going to make the trip

662
00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:32,760
Speaker 2: with her as planned, which Sarah says totally made sense

663
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:36,360
Speaker 2: given the breakup, but it left her alone. None of

664
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:38,600
Speaker 2: her family or friends offered to step up.

665
00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:41,240
Speaker 5: But if that had happened to someone in my family

666
00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 5: or someone that I really cared about, I probably would

667
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:45,439
Speaker 5: have been the first person's step and say you don't

668
00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:48,759
Speaker 5: need to do this alone. But I would really like

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00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:53,360
Speaker 5: that in any of my relationships, whether that's like with

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00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:57,440
Speaker 5: my family or with someone I'm intimate with or friendship.

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00:37:58,480 --> 00:37:59,000
Speaker 9: I don't know.

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00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:03,480
Speaker 5: I feel like for a lot of my life, I

673
00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:07,400
Speaker 5: have wanted the people who are important to me to

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00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:12,280
Speaker 5: show me the investment and the love that is part

675
00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:14,360
Speaker 5: of that relationship. And I've spent a lot of my

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00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:19,239
Speaker 5: life not getting that from like my parents are my

677
00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:25,000
Speaker 5: stepmom right, And it's like, maybe I did have that person.

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00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:27,120
Speaker 5: Maybe Sarah was that person.

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00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:40,880
Speaker 2: Sarah says she's learning to love her new life in

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00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:45,600
Speaker 2: La but still misses Louisiana. She's planning to visit soon,

681
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:49,920
Speaker 2: and when she does, she says she wants to see Sarah.

682
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:53,120
Speaker 2: She's hoping this time they can meet in person, not

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00:38:53,200 --> 00:38:57,080
Speaker 2: to uncover lost happy memories, but to make new ones.

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00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:35,360
Speaker 9: Now that the fern Urest turned into its goodwill home,

685
00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:43,279
Speaker 9: now that the last month's rent is skiing with the

686
00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:47,239
Speaker 9: damage to poss take this moment to dissolve.

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Speaker 5: If we met him, if we tried, we felt around.

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00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:59,840
Speaker 7: For far too from things that acts.

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Speaker 2: This episode of Heavyweight was produced by supervising producer Stevie Lane,

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00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:13,600
Speaker 2: along with Moheeny mcgowker and me Jonathan Goldstein. Our senior

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Speaker 2: producer is Khalila Holt. Production help from Domiano Marquetti. Special

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00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:22,120
Speaker 2: thanks to Emily Condon, Alex Bloomberg, mime O'Donnell, Sonia Dosani,

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00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:25,680
Speaker 2: Rosie Garren, and Jackie Cohen. Thank you also to Professor

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Speaker 2: George Bonano, author of the book The End of Trauma.

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00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:32,520
Speaker 2: Bobby Lord mixed the episode with original music by Christine Fellows,

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Speaker 2: John K. Samson, and Bobby Lord. Additional music credits can

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Speaker 2: be found on our website. Gimletmedia dot com slash Heavyweight.

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Speaker 2: Our theme song is by The Weaker Thans courtesy of

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00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:45,520
Speaker 2: Epidaph Records. Follow us on Twitter at heavyweight or email

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00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:48,839
Speaker 2: us at Heavyweight at gimletmedia dot com. We'll be back

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Speaker 2: with a new episode next week. Oh