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Speaker 1: This is Teddy t Pot. Hi you guys, welcome back

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Speaker 1: to Teddy Teapod. I am super excited about this week

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Speaker 1: one we have on Leslie and Bruce, who is a

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Speaker 1: number one New York Times bestselling co author of the

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Speaker 1: book You Are an Awesome Mom, Which how great is

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Speaker 1: that I've got Leslie with me right now. Hi, thank

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Speaker 1: you so much for having me. I'm so excited to

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Speaker 1: be here and we are going to be talking all

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Speaker 1: things children's anxiety. So I struggle with anxiety myself, and

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Speaker 1: then also my son has a form of anxiety that's

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Speaker 1: really just kind of cropped up in the past year

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Speaker 1: where he all of a sudden decided he could no

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Speaker 1: longer sleep in his own room. He didn't want to

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Speaker 1: go in public bathrooms, like all of these started kind

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Speaker 1: of changing in our life. And for about four and

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Speaker 1: a half months he was my husband in my roommate,

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Speaker 1: like we set up a full bed in our room

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Speaker 1: like for him, he camped out with us, and it

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Speaker 1: wasn't really until his teacher said to us, um, Teddy Edwin,

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Speaker 1: before the baby comes, you need to move him out

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Speaker 1: because you don't want to do it once the baby comes,

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Speaker 1: and then him feel like, oh, you're getting the boot

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Speaker 1: because you have a little sister that just arrived, and

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Speaker 1: then we'll have all these feelings towards her. So we

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Speaker 1: started doing our research on figuring out the best methods,

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Speaker 1: and the biggest thing that has worked for us has

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Speaker 1: been meditation with him. And I am like a terrible

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Speaker 1: meditator myself, like, but he craves it, loves it, is

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Speaker 1: obsessed with it, like sits there and it's like every

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Speaker 1: single night before we go to bed, he's like, Mom,

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Speaker 1: can we get Andy. That's the guy's name that speaks

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Speaker 1: on headspace. And he's become like our best friend. I

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Speaker 1: think we're at like minutes meditated in the last couple

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Speaker 1: of months. So really that's worked for us. And as

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Speaker 1: we've been doing Andy slash Headspace, everything else has kind

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Speaker 1: of shifted. He started being able to go back into

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Speaker 1: the public restrooms. He's not as frightened of certain things,

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Speaker 1: and I've started to learn that if I manage his

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Speaker 1: expectations in advance, we have less like chaos when it

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Speaker 1: comes down to it, right, did you notice is it

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Speaker 1: like a separation anxiety with with you or is it

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Speaker 1: like what is it? What? What kind of anxiety. Do

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Speaker 1: you think it is? We don't really know, because it's

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Speaker 1: it really has been changing so often, and you know,

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Speaker 1: at first, I'm like, is it even anxiety? Is it

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Speaker 1: when I'm working a lot? Is it when? But it

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Speaker 1: it didn't shift in regards to like, it wasn't like

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Speaker 1: when I was filming the show or not. You know,

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Speaker 1: it was kind of just but I had gotten pregnant,

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Speaker 1: right right, So I think that thing may have had

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Speaker 1: a way, a way bigger effect than I could have imagined,

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Speaker 1: right right. I definitely saw that with my I have

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Speaker 1: two kids. My daughter is five and my son is

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Speaker 1: now twenty months, and I definitely saw that, and it

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Speaker 1: was it's just change in general. I think with my

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Speaker 1: daughter and she has I mean, my husband and I

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Speaker 1: both have anxiety. I had horrible postpartum anxiety after my

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Speaker 1: son was born. UM, but during my pregnancy it was

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Speaker 1: a really it was a high risk pregnancy. I was

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Speaker 1: on bed rest bunch and um, so it sort of

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Speaker 1: manifests in the house, right And I feel like there's

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Speaker 1: like this uh like spillover effect. And so I saw

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Speaker 1: with my daughter any time that there's like major change,

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Speaker 1: any time that we're we're shifting her dynamic. It can

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Speaker 1: it can feel tense for her. And when I got pregnant,

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Speaker 1: we had that, and when we moved, we had that

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Speaker 1: new school, all of that, and it's just in the

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Speaker 1: key for our family. I think it's just the communication,

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Speaker 1: really setting expectations, this is what's going to happen. She

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Speaker 1: works well under kind of a a controlled controlled chaos. Right.

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Speaker 1: That's funny that you said that, because the same exact

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Speaker 1: kind of thing happened with me. I was with my

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Speaker 1: other kids. I was on a you know, partial bed

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Speaker 1: rest on and off. I started getting terrible postpartum anxiety

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Speaker 1: as well. So as you're as I'm hearing you say that,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm having complete flashbacks. But

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Speaker 1: then you know, I have my son who has you know,

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Speaker 1: for the last eight months kind of struggled with it.

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Speaker 1: And then recently my daughter um our dog passed away,

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Speaker 1: and she had a totally different form of I didn't

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Speaker 1: think it was anxiety at all. I thought maybe she

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Speaker 1: was sick until I took her to the doctor where

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Speaker 1: she kept saying, mom, I can't catch my breath. And

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Speaker 1: it happened, and it was all through the holidays and

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Speaker 1: she kept saying, I can't catch my breath, like, and

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Speaker 1: so I took her to the doctor and we've been

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Speaker 1: you know, I thought maybe it's acid reflux. I was

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Speaker 1: like doing research on what to give kids for USID reflux, etcetera, etcetera.

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Speaker 1: And we went into the doctor and I'm like, these

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Speaker 1: are her symptoms, and she like puts her on a

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Speaker 1: breathing machine, has a conversation with her, and then she

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Speaker 1: looked at slate and she goes, Slate, has anything been

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Speaker 1: bothering you recently? And she goes, yeah, my dog died,

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Speaker 1: and it's I've just been really sad. And I was

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Speaker 1: like immediately trying to reel it in because I wanted

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Speaker 1: to like break down at that moment. And the doctor goes,

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Speaker 1: you know, you're not sick, right, You're okay that whatever

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Speaker 1: you're feeling right now, it's just emotional. And she didn't

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Speaker 1: say just I said, jes, but she's like, it's emotional.

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Speaker 1: You know, maybe do some breathing, or you can do

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Speaker 1: some yoga with your mom or some meditation or different

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Speaker 1: things like that, but you are not sick. You are fine, right,

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Speaker 1: And I'm not kidding. The next day there was she

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Speaker 1: was fine. So it's such a different thing, like she

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Speaker 1: just needed someone to tell her you're okay, right, Whereas

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Speaker 1: my son, it's like we do this every night, we

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Speaker 1: do headspace. We're constantly you know, discussing things that you know,

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Speaker 1: walking into the dark room or walking into you know,

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Speaker 1: different spaces. But it's crazy how how different our kids

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Speaker 1: are and how they handle things completely different, even though

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Speaker 1: we're all in the same house, right, I feel like,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like that goes across the board

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Speaker 1: with parenting, Like having how I raise one child it's

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Speaker 1: going to be completely different from how I have to

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Speaker 1: raise the other, and you know, same general guidelines and

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Speaker 1: morals and all that. But my daughter responds so differently

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Speaker 1: to things than my son does. And to have to

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Speaker 1: I mean, for me having to like figure out parenting

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Speaker 1: in general and then having to figure out parenting too,

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Speaker 1: different kids in two different ways. It often, um, it

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Speaker 1: can feel like a lot, but you realize that they

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Speaker 1: just respond so differently and so well to different things,

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Speaker 1: so you've got to, like, you gotta be flexible, flexible.

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Speaker 1: I know. Even the doctor was like, maybe you should

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Speaker 1: start meditating with slate as well, and we did it

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Speaker 1: that first night when we came home from the doctor,

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Speaker 1: and I go, let you want to do Andy, you

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Speaker 1: know with Cruise and I and she goes okay, And

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Speaker 1: then night to she goes, Mom, I don't need to

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Speaker 1: meditate anymore. I'm fine. I'm not having the breathing issue anymore.

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Speaker 1: Like she has wants nothing to do with it, and

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Speaker 1: she hasn't brought up the breathing thing again, whereas Cruise

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Speaker 1: is like, Mom, can we do three Andy's tonight, for

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Speaker 1: Andy's tomorrow? Back to three the next day? Like he

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Speaker 1: is so regimented. I love that. Do you think with

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Speaker 1: your daughter that it was did have anything to do

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Speaker 1: with like I feel like with my my daughter, I'm

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Speaker 1: having to explain death to her, and that's a really

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out how to do it in

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Speaker 1: a way that's like appropriate for her age. I think

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Speaker 1: she was because she didn't properly. It wasn't like the

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Speaker 1: dog was sick, like a tragic thing happened to the dog.

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Speaker 1: We had dropped it off at a doggy daycare place

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Speaker 1: and the woman had an accident with the dog and

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Speaker 1: the dog passed away, and like we were out of

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Speaker 1: town and we came back and the dog was gone,

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Speaker 1: like there was no goodbye, there was nothing. And the

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Speaker 1: first week we were all emotional about it, like we

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Speaker 1: were on and like Leaky Faucett's like crying one day, laughing,

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Speaker 1: you know, like grieving. But then she didn't talk about

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Speaker 1: it anymore. So then I was like, oh, maybe she

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Speaker 1: this has past for her. But then it just creeped

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Speaker 1: back in and I think she didn't know how to

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Speaker 1: express it and I and I should have asked, you know,

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Speaker 1: And in hindsight, I should have been like, how are

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Speaker 1: you feeling? But I was like, oh, she's not talking

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Speaker 1: about it. Maybe maybe we don't need to talk about

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Speaker 1: it anymore, because then I don't break down and not

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Speaker 1: you know. But it was probably avoidance on all of

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Speaker 1: our part, and you know, she was internalizing it somehow. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that makes sense. So before we take a break, I

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Speaker 1: want to introduce our next guest who's actually going to

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Speaker 1: help us dig into all of these anxiety and stress

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Speaker 1: questions when it comes to kids. Her name is Susansen.

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Speaker 1: She is a psychotherapist um She works in California and

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Speaker 1: New York. She has a private practice and she specializes

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Speaker 1: in working with teenagers, a young adults, and families. So

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Speaker 1: I am so excited we had. I can't even tell

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Speaker 1: you how many listener questions. This topic was above any

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Speaker 1: other with questions like my inbox was flooded. So let's

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Speaker 1: get to it right after we take a break. So

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Speaker 1: here we are. We are back with Susan and Leslie,

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Speaker 1: and we are talking all things anxiety. So I mean, selfishly,

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Speaker 1: I want to ask about my own kids first, my parenting,

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Speaker 1: so I want to dig kind of right into this.

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Speaker 1: So something that's kind of gone on with my son,

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Speaker 1: which I gave a little backstory before you came in,

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Speaker 1: but he was having trouble going into his own room.

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Speaker 1: So for a while, my husband and I kind of

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Speaker 1: just let him sleep with us in our room. We

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Speaker 1: called him our roommate. And then we've recently transitioned him

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Speaker 1: to his own room because we didn't want to do

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Speaker 1: it right when the baby came. So we are a

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Speaker 1: about a month into it. But it truthfully has to

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Speaker 1: be one of us at night doing meditation for at

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Speaker 1: least twenty minutes why he falls asleep. We have a

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Speaker 1: reward chart for him in the morning every night, you know,

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Speaker 1: after you know wakes up, then we praise him we

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Speaker 1: give him that, but I mean it is a constant

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Speaker 1: battle because he's extremely scared about his dreams. So I

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Speaker 1: was wondering if you had any other advice for us

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Speaker 1: and things that we could do. We also talk you know,

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Speaker 1: we have faith, so we talked about like, you know,

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Speaker 1: you're being you're protected, everything's good, but he's like I prayed,

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Speaker 1: it's not helping. I think it's so important to normalize

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Speaker 1: their behavior and what's happening in their nervous system. Kids

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Speaker 1: also love science, so to really kind of have them understand, oh,

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Speaker 1: this is normal for you to feel like going into

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Speaker 1: your room without mom and dad, maybe something scary when

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Speaker 1: he's five, right, Um, is really important. UM. And so

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Speaker 1: I think you're doing a great job of really working

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Speaker 1: with a reward system and kind of getting him to

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Speaker 1: a routine and habit of how to go to sleep

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Speaker 1: and actually feel safe. But UM, you know, keep talking,

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Speaker 1: just like as you talked about with your daughter, is

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Speaker 1: normalizing this behavior, um, And so he can kind of

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Speaker 1: keep gaining that skill of really kind of feeling, um

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Speaker 1: that he's capable of going to sleep and capable of

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Speaker 1: actually mastering the skill on his own, which is going

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Speaker 1: to give him a great sense of agency, right, that

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Speaker 1: confidence that he can do it. Yes, I mean in

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Speaker 1: that same to a girlfriend of mine her daughter has

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Speaker 1: recently just started bedwedding again. Could that be a form

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Speaker 1: of anxiety? Yes, for sure. And the thing is is

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Speaker 1: that we with children, we don't really um. They don't

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Speaker 1: have the maturity to really understand oftentimes what their emotional

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Speaker 1: states are and to be able to articulate them. So

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Speaker 1: they come out and behaviors and actions, and so it's

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Speaker 1: really up to us as parents in order to help

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Speaker 1: them to correlate the language with what's actually going on,

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Speaker 1: being curious about it, being curious about certain actions that

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Speaker 1: are happening during their day that may be resulting in

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Speaker 1: an action um. And also not shaming we take back

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Speaker 1: steps as children, we take forward steps. It doesn't always

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Speaker 1: have to be kind of on this sort of linear

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Speaker 1: trajectory of doing everything perfectly. UM. So I think it's

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Speaker 1: really just about being calm and being able to connect

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Speaker 1: with our children, um, and being able to help them

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Speaker 1: with language to understand what's happening. Well, how do you

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Speaker 1: as a parent, how are you able to figure out

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Speaker 1: if it's something is a behavior or if they are

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Speaker 1: developing or suffering from an anxiety. How can you figure

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Speaker 1: it out in order to help them? Yeah, I mean

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Speaker 1: the first step is always going to your pediatrician and

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Speaker 1: making sure that there isn't any medical issue that's coming up. Um.

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Speaker 1: But the other issue that I'm super passionate about is

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Speaker 1: I think that we're limiting our language for this generation

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Speaker 1: and for our children of their feeling states. They are

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Speaker 1: allowed to be happy, they are allowed to be sad,

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Speaker 1: they're allowed to be anxious, and they're allowed to be depressed.

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Speaker 1: And that's kind of how we talk about language with

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Speaker 1: kids with feelings. We label so many things as anxiety

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Speaker 1: when they actually might be excitement. Right, because in our

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Speaker 1: feeling state, anxiety, love and excitement feel exactly the same.

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Speaker 1: We get the hard palpitation we get, we might even

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Speaker 1: get sweaty, we might get excited, um, but we limit

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Speaker 1: that and UM, I think it's really about expanding out

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Speaker 1: feeling states for our children, to really give them a

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Speaker 1: range and be able to kind of connect with different

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Speaker 1: things that are happening. They may be frustrated, they may

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Speaker 1: be annoyed, um, they may be super excited, but they

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Speaker 1: have a hard time kind of connecting those things, and

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Speaker 1: that's really what our job is. Should we be avoiding

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Speaker 1: using the word anxiety in front of our kids? I

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Speaker 1: actually think so. I think that we overuse it in

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Speaker 1: our society and they do too. I mean, we love

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Speaker 1: to label things in order to understand them in our brains, right,

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Speaker 1: But UM, I think that being expansive on kind of

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Speaker 1: what different feelings are so important. There's actually a great

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Speaker 1: book called the Human Emotion UM Book, and I think

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Speaker 1: it's a UM. It goes through just the various types

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Speaker 1: of emotional states and there's some really crazy ones that

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Speaker 1: you haven't even ever thought of. And I think kind

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Speaker 1: of exploring that with our children, of um, can we

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Speaker 1: really expand these out is super important because the popular

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Speaker 1: thing that is coming up for pretty much everyone I

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Speaker 1: know is how do you help learning slash identifying I

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Speaker 1: mean other than going to your pediatrician. But like if

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Speaker 1: as somebody who struggles with anxiety, I am hyper focused

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Speaker 1: when I think it might be anxiety, So how do

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Speaker 1: you identify it with your child without creating a bigger issue? Right?

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Speaker 1: I think that what you're talking about is so important

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Speaker 1: because you have to really look at what is yours

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Speaker 1: and what's theirs? Right. So first I'm packing that the

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Speaker 1: fact it is is, oh, am I feeling anxious about this?

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Speaker 1: Am I feeling anxious that they're not transitioning? Am I

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Speaker 1: feeling anxious that Cruiz is not in his bed and

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Speaker 1: we're having a baby in a month? Or is this

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Speaker 1: really about him right? Or is he ready for it too?

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Speaker 1: That's also a big part of it. Um you know,

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Speaker 1: he's not going to go to college sleeping in your bed.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you know, those morning hugs are pretty great.

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Speaker 1: It's funny that you say that because actually, my um

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Speaker 1: my sister went through a divorce in her eleven year

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Speaker 1: old still is now with my brother out of the house. Uh,

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Speaker 1: he's he's developed an attachment to her where he has

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Speaker 1: to be in bed with her. And now he's eleven,

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Speaker 1: and she has the guilt of not letting of the

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Speaker 1: change that's happened, and so she's allowing him to kind

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Speaker 1: of be in the room and but she doesn't know

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Speaker 1: when it's what's a healthy amount of sort of uh

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Speaker 1: time time and cuddling and all of that, and then

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Speaker 1: when does it get to the point of, Okay, now

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Speaker 1: it's time to transition into our next chapter, Like, how

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Speaker 1: do you navigate because it feels like it's such like

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Speaker 1: a it's a tight rope. You don't want to say no,

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Speaker 1: you don't want to say yes, you know, you want

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Speaker 1: to do the right thing. I think that's the hard

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Speaker 1: part about parenting, right. It's all individual and we all

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Speaker 1: love to judge one another. Two um. So it's really

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Speaker 1: when it's starting to interfere either with their functioning or yours. Right.

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Speaker 1: So the fact is, if it's interfering with your life,

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Speaker 1: are your sleep or whatever it may be, then that's

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Speaker 1: the time to actually really work on transitions. If it's

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Speaker 1: not and it's working for the family, then it's embracing it.

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Speaker 1: And also when it comes to kids, oftentimes you'll see

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Speaker 1: a child say, oh, I hurt my arm or my

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Speaker 1: foot or my toe or my whatever. I can't go

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Speaker 1: to pe or I don't want to go to dance

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Speaker 1: class today because my leotard hurts my you know arm,

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Speaker 1: you know whatever it may be. Is that a form

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Speaker 1: of anxiety or is it attention or what is that? Right? Again,

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Speaker 1: I think this goes back to the question of overusing

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Speaker 1: that word anxiety, But it's also really about being attuned

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Speaker 1: and being curious about what's going on with a child

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Speaker 1: and impacking that because it may be a fear base.

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Speaker 1: And the fact is is our our nervous system does

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Speaker 1: what a nervous system should do UM with anxiety, which

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Speaker 1: is keep us alive and keep us safe. And so

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Speaker 1: oftentimes it missfires right. And so the fact is is

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Speaker 1: that going to the dance class may feel terrifying to

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Speaker 1: a child, which causes them anxiety, or it may be

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Speaker 1: something else that actually is really going on. But I

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Speaker 1: think for us to really kind of move into our

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Speaker 1: child and explore, so, why do you get a stomach

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Speaker 1: ache every single time you're going to dance class? What's

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Speaker 1: going on with that? UM? Is there something that I

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Speaker 1: can help navigate with you and really bring down UM

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Speaker 1: to their level their understanding of what's going on with

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Speaker 1: them internally. But a lot of times your kids will

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Speaker 1: say nothing, no, not if if you get to that,

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Speaker 1: then what's your next question? What's your next plan? Right? UM? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Because they oftentimes don't know, and so it's really up

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Speaker 1: to us to kind of be able to UM investigate,

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Speaker 1: to be curious, to be talking to the teachers, maybe

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Speaker 1: to other parents, to observe and see what's going on

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Speaker 1: that may be causing our child conflict and then moving

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Speaker 1: into asking them about those specific issues. Is there a

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Speaker 1: certain time a day or a certain situation where you

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Speaker 1: think is the best time to talk to your kids

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Speaker 1: about those kind of things in the car? In the

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Speaker 1: car um, I think oftentimes when there's too much focus,

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Speaker 1: that's really when it gets into those feelings of moving

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Speaker 1: back and maybe I'm embarrassed about this, or maybe I'm

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Speaker 1: feeling shameful. So when they're coming home from school and

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Speaker 1: you're driving them home from school, or maybe they're having

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Speaker 1: a snack, or maybe it's before bedtime, um, whatever it

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Speaker 1: may be, when they're actually really calm, is to moving

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Speaker 1: into having them to have that conversation about out dropping

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Speaker 1: down and and and what's what's going on with them

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Speaker 1: and during their day, just the communication. I had heard this,

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Speaker 1: and please correct me if I'm wrong, but I had

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Speaker 1: heard the statistic or the study that said that as

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Speaker 1: a parent, if you can connect twenty five minutes uninterrupted

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Speaker 1: every day with your kid, no phone, no outside anything,

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Speaker 1: and just be in front of your child, that there's

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Speaker 1: not a lot that can get past you. That you know,

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Speaker 1: whether it's depression or bullying or whatever it is, that's

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Speaker 1: going on in their life. If you're connecting with them

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Speaker 1: for twenty five minutes a day, UM, that that that

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Speaker 1: you'll be able to catch anything that's going on. And

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Speaker 1: that felt like a really attainable number to me. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I could do that. Yeah, do that. I think it's

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Speaker 1: really about also teaching them how to be present, right, UM,

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Speaker 1: So because with all the social media and being overscheduled, UM,

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Speaker 1: and the meadow commitments that we all have. Now you know,

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Speaker 1: we're teaching our children how to be competitive at very

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Speaker 1: young ages. UM. There's a lot of pressure on them

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Speaker 1: to achieve, both in school, sports, whatever it may be. UM.

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Speaker 1: Really giving them that gift of presence is so important.

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Speaker 1: So if you have that twenty five minutes to really

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Speaker 1: connect with them, really be curious about what's going on

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Speaker 1: with them, really ask them the questions to know them,

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Speaker 1: you're doing a great job as a parent. What verbage

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Speaker 1: would you give our listeners to somebody who's their child

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Speaker 1: has a big game or a big test, because a

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Speaker 1: lot of the times you hear about a child will

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Speaker 1: go in and become paralyzed. We even take a test

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Speaker 1: because they're so nervous about not doing well in it

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Speaker 1: or they you know, don't even try and practice because

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Speaker 1: they're so frightened that they might have to go into

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Speaker 1: the game. So like, what is the verbage we should

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Speaker 1: put around it so that we take the pressure off.

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Speaker 1: But we're also you know, we're there for them, right.

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Speaker 1: I always go back to science when we're talking to

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Speaker 1: our kids, right because they understand it from a very

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Speaker 1: young age. But their brain is doing what a brain does.

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Speaker 1: And but the problem is isn't misfires all the time,

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Speaker 1: so it doesn't know the difference between a test and

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Speaker 1: something really exciting. UM. So I think realizing that behavior

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00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:04,399
Speaker 1: and going look, this could feel really scary for you

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Speaker 1: to be going into but you've got it. You've trained,

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00:21:07,359 --> 00:21:10,840
Speaker 1: you've you've done the work, You're ready for this, UM

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Speaker 1: and now it's just about breathing and calming down your

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Speaker 1: nervous system in order for you to be able to

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Speaker 1: do the best of you can. How do we how

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Speaker 1: do we communicate that to like younger children, like to

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Speaker 1: like the four or five six year old where maybe

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00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:27,400
Speaker 1: the talking of the science might be a little bit

400
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Speaker 1: over their head. How do we help them to sort

401
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:32,879
Speaker 1: of get their you know, wrap around their emotions. I

402
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:34,920
Speaker 1: actually disagree with that. I think they get it at

403
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:37,720
Speaker 1: a very young age. I think you can name it UM.

404
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:41,000
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's even really great to call their magdalumas firing

405
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:45,720
Speaker 1: as something Amy or Joe or whatever it may be, UM,

406
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:47,679
Speaker 1: in order to give them a language around that for

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00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:50,040
Speaker 1: them to feel more agency and control. So the earlier

408
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:52,680
Speaker 1: that you're actually really teaching them that UM, that they

409
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:55,399
Speaker 1: can feel safe in their bodies UM and this is

410
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:59,080
Speaker 1: just their brain misfiring. UM. We get out of that,

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Speaker 1: you know, talking about anxiety and talking about fear bees

412
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Speaker 1: and talking about lack of safety, and we get it

413
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Speaker 1: really into feeling more in control. And I mean, maybe

414
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Speaker 1: I did this wrong, but Cruz has been having a

415
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Speaker 1: little bit of a tough time with his letters, and

416
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Speaker 1: so I said to him, Hey, Bud, if every day

417
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Speaker 1: this week we work on the letters in the morning,

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Speaker 1: we'll do a little check mark, and then you can

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Speaker 1: get a gift at the end of the of the

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Speaker 1: week because you you know, you're committing to do the time.

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Speaker 1: I'm not kidding. Within two minutes he was like a

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Speaker 1: basic big So I'm not kidding. For months, I've been

423
00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:36,600
Speaker 1: worried about this, like he's not getting the letters, they

424
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:38,480
Speaker 1: brought it up to meet blah blah blah. But the

425
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:40,639
Speaker 1: second I did the reward, But then am I also

426
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Speaker 1: pressuring him? See it? Like it's conflicting? So then I

427
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:46,840
Speaker 1: as a mom, I'm like, well, am I always going

428
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:50,000
Speaker 1: to have to bribe him to show me what he knows? Like?

429
00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:53,200
Speaker 1: What is happening? I mean, we talk about motivation all

430
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,960
Speaker 1: the time, right, and so he was super motivated to

431
00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:59,919
Speaker 1: learn his letters to get that reward. Like three minutes.

432
00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:02,880
Speaker 1: I was like, you've got I mean, he but then

433
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:06,000
Speaker 1: I'm curious is he fibbing to his sisters and I

434
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:09,000
Speaker 1: because I'm not getting thirty twenty minutes before, we were

435
00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:10,919
Speaker 1: all kind of playing around on his board and he

436
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,760
Speaker 1: could not do it, and he was like kind of

437
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:15,959
Speaker 1: playing around, and then he was like, I don't know

438
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:18,199
Speaker 1: is that a jay? Is it a j? You know,

439
00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:20,200
Speaker 1: like all that type of stuff. But then the second

440
00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:22,600
Speaker 1: reward came in. He knew all of it, But then

441
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:25,120
Speaker 1: how do you get it when it actually counts? Because

442
00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:28,520
Speaker 1: he's doing that at school as well. For him, I mean,

443
00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:31,160
Speaker 1: I can't go walking around with like the Amazon pulled

444
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:34,080
Speaker 1: up on my phone like hey, here you go, buddy.

445
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:38,320
Speaker 1: He's hussling. He's hussling. Well, it's also teaching our kids

446
00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:42,960
Speaker 1: about internal and external reward, right, Um, So the goal

447
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,600
Speaker 1: is as a parent right now, you're giving him external

448
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:49,120
Speaker 1: reward to hopefully kind of start building the internal um.

449
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:53,359
Speaker 1: And that's what makes a self reliant and uh child

450
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,960
Speaker 1: later on and what are really gold as a parent

451
00:23:56,119 --> 00:23:59,680
Speaker 1: is But I think that, um, each kid is different

452
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:03,240
Speaker 1: and trying to find that motivation. Um, whether they're feeling

453
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:06,480
Speaker 1: sort of that sense of confidence that they can master

454
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:09,439
Speaker 1: something which is amazing, or they're needing some kind of

455
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,400
Speaker 1: push from a parent in order to kind of get

456
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:14,800
Speaker 1: them there. But you can't kind of measure every situation

457
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:17,840
Speaker 1: as being the same either. So as a mom, you've

458
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:19,560
Speaker 1: got to give yourself a little bit of a break,

459
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:22,400
Speaker 1: um and not think that every single situation that he's

460
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:24,119
Speaker 1: going to learn is going to actually need to seem

461
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:27,440
Speaker 1: exact formula. I'm really bad at that. I'm really hard

462
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,879
Speaker 1: on myself when it comes to the kids because I want,

463
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:33,000
Speaker 1: I don't know, I guess I have this fear of

464
00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:37,560
Speaker 1: like making a mistake that will do damage. You know,

465
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:40,200
Speaker 1: even though I know you trust, you trust your instincts

466
00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:42,080
Speaker 1: and you you know all of those things. But I

467
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,960
Speaker 1: think also because I'm pregnant that like, I just want

468
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:49,160
Speaker 1: kind of them to feel happy, and so when those

469
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:51,280
Speaker 1: types of little things happen, then I'm like, what am

470
00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:55,240
Speaker 1: I doing wrong? What I take? I take it personally right.

471
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:58,199
Speaker 1: I think you mentioned something really important there is you

472
00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:01,000
Speaker 1: just want them to be happy. Well, we're never one

473
00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:04,760
Speaker 1: constant emotional state. They're going to feel different ranges of

474
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:08,280
Speaker 1: emotion and you have to be okay being uncomfortable as

475
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:11,240
Speaker 1: a mom that they're not always going to be happy.

476
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:13,920
Speaker 1: And that's actually really teaching your kids important things too,

477
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:16,280
Speaker 1: that they don't have to chase these constant states which

478
00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:21,560
Speaker 1: causes anxiety. Well, speaking of that, what is the answer

479
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:24,560
Speaker 1: to temper tantrums? If your child is prone to having

480
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:27,679
Speaker 1: major temper tantrums? Like what, in your opinion is the

481
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:32,040
Speaker 1: best way to handle it. Each child is really different,

482
00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:34,800
Speaker 1: and I think sometimes not focusing on it is the

483
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:37,359
Speaker 1: most is the best way to go, because when we

484
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:40,119
Speaker 1: hyper focus on anything, it can either give them a

485
00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:43,360
Speaker 1: reward right because they're getting that they're getting the attention

486
00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:46,840
Speaker 1: that they want, or they're feeling a tremendous amount of

487
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:48,919
Speaker 1: shame about not being able to have the control over

488
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:53,280
Speaker 1: their emotional states. UM, and children really need to learn that.

489
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:57,280
Speaker 1: They need to learn how to control, um, how they're feeling.

490
00:25:57,520 --> 00:25:59,800
Speaker 1: They need to learn how to have the coping skills

491
00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:04,320
Speaker 1: in or to sort of they're manage their emotional states. So, uh,

492
00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:06,600
Speaker 1: it's really kind of coming up with them together about

493
00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:09,160
Speaker 1: figuring out how to get in front of it. Because

494
00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:14,120
Speaker 1: when they are having a tantrum, it is actually they've

495
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:16,879
Speaker 1: flown the coop. There's nothing that's coming back. You just

496
00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:18,919
Speaker 1: have to let them kind of work it out in

497
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:20,880
Speaker 1: order for them to come back, because there's no prefrontal

498
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:23,120
Speaker 1: cortex actually working for them to give them any sort

499
00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:26,439
Speaker 1: of ability to think through, thinking through logical ways of

500
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:28,439
Speaker 1: coping with what they're feeling. At this point, they're just

501
00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:31,640
Speaker 1: reacting in a really really big way. UM. So, really

502
00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:34,480
Speaker 1: strategizing up front, coming up with routines, coming up with

503
00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:37,119
Speaker 1: a structure ahead of time in order to manage the

504
00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:40,480
Speaker 1: things that you realize that do tend to cause the

505
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:43,840
Speaker 1: tantrums is super important. What about for a child who

506
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:46,960
Speaker 1: becomes violent with their parents, that is really kind of

507
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 1: bringing in professional help when they do become violent from

508
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:54,120
Speaker 1: the very first time. Yes, um, because they are so

509
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:56,639
Speaker 1: out of control with their emotional state that they can

510
00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:59,159
Speaker 1: actually calm themselves down. And you're really going to need

511
00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:01,720
Speaker 1: their party in there to give you to help you

512
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,359
Speaker 1: as a parent with the coping skills and the tools

513
00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:06,680
Speaker 1: in order to manage. And there may be other factors

514
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:08,800
Speaker 1: that are going on for them to be feeling that

515
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:11,520
Speaker 1: they have to be that violent, uh, in order to

516
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:14,240
Speaker 1: sort of express their feelings or to be able to

517
00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:19,400
Speaker 1: manage what's happening. And I would recommend getting either counseling

518
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:22,399
Speaker 1: from school or professional help in in order to to

519
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:24,480
Speaker 1: help you, because it's just too difficult as a parent,

520
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:26,960
Speaker 1: is too much pressure for you and you don't want

521
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:29,200
Speaker 1: to be in conflict with your child in that way.

522
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:32,920
Speaker 1: Can we define violence? Because when I took my daughter

523
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,880
Speaker 1: to Disney on ice before the holidays and I got

524
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:38,160
Speaker 1: her a k CD instead of a Hamburger, and her

525
00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:43,280
Speaker 1: frustration was like so real that she bit my hand

526
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:45,160
Speaker 1: because she didn't know how to commune. She's like, mom,

527
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:47,199
Speaker 1: I asked for hamburger. I asked for hamburger. You got mad,

528
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:51,919
Speaker 1: like whatever and she bit my hand. Is that is

529
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:55,240
Speaker 1: that violence that we go to? I think as a parent,

530
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:57,720
Speaker 1: you've got to be able to judge right. So if

531
00:27:57,760 --> 00:27:59,840
Speaker 1: it was something that she has room more straight afterwards,

532
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:02,399
Speaker 1: you're you work it out and and so much of

533
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:05,160
Speaker 1: conflict that you have between your child is really about

534
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:09,240
Speaker 1: teaching them communication and repair. So for her for you

535
00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:11,440
Speaker 1: to say to her, you can't do that, you can't

536
00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:13,680
Speaker 1: actually bite me when you're that frustrated. You've got to

537
00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:15,240
Speaker 1: be able to talk about your feelings. We've got to

538
00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:17,400
Speaker 1: figure out how to cope with things and manage things

539
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:21,560
Speaker 1: together is a better way. Um. But if you're finding

540
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:24,480
Speaker 1: that she's repeatedly biting you every time she gets frustrated

541
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:26,920
Speaker 1: or angry, that's really when you need professional help to

542
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:29,800
Speaker 1: step in, right, And what iss your daughter? Again? She's

543
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:33,359
Speaker 1: five five? Because you'll sometimes see you know, I'll be

544
00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:34,960
Speaker 1: at the park and you'll see a kid like kick

545
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:38,680
Speaker 1: their parents or you know, but they're frustrated. But if

546
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:43,160
Speaker 1: it becomes a pattern exactly, or the parents are not

547
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:49,080
Speaker 1: managing it well too so exactly, or being emotionally or

548
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:52,560
Speaker 1: verbally abusive, that's the other factor that fuels it, and

549
00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:55,520
Speaker 1: then we're just bringing in that cycle of shame. Could

550
00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:59,320
Speaker 1: you give our listeners some sort of idea like things

551
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:02,360
Speaker 1: they could be said that are verbally abusive, that they

552
00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:06,680
Speaker 1: don't realize. There's so many different ways that we do that. UM.

553
00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:11,160
Speaker 1: I think that really it's about UM comparing our children

554
00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:14,880
Speaker 1: to other people, UM, and saying, well, you know, Johnny

555
00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:16,719
Speaker 1: does them a lot better than you do, and and

556
00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:20,200
Speaker 1: really kind of shaming our child into something. UM. I

557
00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:24,040
Speaker 1: think that we can talk about their behavior as being

558
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:28,160
Speaker 1: something really negative or bad or evil. UM. We can

559
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:34,200
Speaker 1: talk about them being insufficient or lacking in some capacity. UM,

560
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:36,959
Speaker 1: anything that's going to really knock a child self esteem

561
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:41,200
Speaker 1: or confidence. UM, that's going to sort of prey on

562
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:44,080
Speaker 1: their insecurities as they're sort of developing who they are

563
00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:50,880
Speaker 1: as human beings. I feel as emotionally abusive and really tough. Well,

564
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:52,640
Speaker 1: on that note, we have to take a little break,

565
00:29:52,680 --> 00:30:02,920
Speaker 1: but UM, we'll come back and really a little more. Okay,

566
00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:06,480
Speaker 1: now we're back, and since we've asked all of our questions,

567
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:07,719
Speaker 1: I think, I mean, not all of ours, but all

568
00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:10,400
Speaker 1: we have time for our questions. I want to kind

569
00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:16,360
Speaker 1: of rapid fire do some of our listeners questions. You're ready, yes, Okay,

570
00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:19,520
Speaker 1: Why do kids bite their nails? Kids bite their nails

571
00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:23,160
Speaker 1: for various reasons, it can be from boredom um to

572
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:26,640
Speaker 1: to really managing stress because it is a self soothing

573
00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:31,280
Speaker 1: mechanism UM. And so fifty of children bite their nails

574
00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:34,600
Speaker 1: and a lot of parents just ignore it. But um,

575
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:38,000
Speaker 1: when if it becomes problematic or you're finding that the

576
00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:44,320
Speaker 1: behavior is becoming too too problematically, some kids actually bite

577
00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:47,560
Speaker 1: them down to there's actually sort of to their cuticles

578
00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:49,640
Speaker 1: and it's actually becomes painful, then you really need to

579
00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:53,120
Speaker 1: kind of start to come up with different tactics, whether

580
00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:57,520
Speaker 1: it's putting nail polish or varnish on or manicure um

581
00:30:57,560 --> 00:31:00,760
Speaker 1: in order for them to sort of create different ways

582
00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:07,200
Speaker 1: to manage their their their stress than actually through nail biting. UM.

583
00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:10,760
Speaker 1: One listener had written in that there's six year old

584
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:12,800
Speaker 1: granddaughter saw an image of a man who was shot

585
00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:16,400
Speaker 1: on TV and has had anxiety ever since. How do

586
00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:19,040
Speaker 1: we help our children if there's you know, when they're

587
00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:22,000
Speaker 1: hearing the news or the things on the outside. Right,

588
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:25,800
Speaker 1: The hard thing with media now is that they have

589
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:29,320
Speaker 1: so much exposure to it, and our brains don't know

590
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:32,760
Speaker 1: the difference between reality and fiction. So when a child

591
00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:35,080
Speaker 1: is actually going to see a horrific image, it actually

592
00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:38,600
Speaker 1: feels as if it's something that's happening to them now. UM.

593
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:42,160
Speaker 1: And so it's a really kind of normalizing that behavior

594
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:45,360
Speaker 1: with that child and sort of have them understand that

595
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:48,920
Speaker 1: this is the world is unsafe and unfortunately this is

596
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:52,400
Speaker 1: something that they saw way too early and too soon. UM.

597
00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:56,160
Speaker 1: But just to reinforce their their a feeling of safety

598
00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:58,040
Speaker 1: in the world is going to be so important for

599
00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:01,840
Speaker 1: that child in order for them to start link calm again. UM.

600
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:05,680
Speaker 1: And I really am a big believer and understanding what's

601
00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:10,600
Speaker 1: appropriate media for children at what age? Um. And if

602
00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:13,960
Speaker 1: if a child is experiencing any sort of anxiety or trauma,

603
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:17,360
Speaker 1: it's a no no for any type of violence, um,

604
00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:19,520
Speaker 1: anything that's going to kind of cause their bodies to

605
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:24,160
Speaker 1: sort of to to misfire in that way. UM. So

606
00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:27,040
Speaker 1: I like to say, lots of rainbows and ponies that

607
00:32:27,040 --> 00:32:31,920
Speaker 1: they get to watch. In the same token, loud noises

608
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:34,680
Speaker 1: really upset my toddler. What are some ways I can

609
00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:39,720
Speaker 1: keep him calm? Right? There's there's separate ways to really

610
00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:41,920
Speaker 1: think about it. And one of the things we have

611
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:44,760
Speaker 1: to really think about is what type of personality does

612
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:48,880
Speaker 1: a child have? Um? And sometimes that kids could be

613
00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:51,840
Speaker 1: on the spectrum, or they could be more of an

614
00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:55,960
Speaker 1: introverted child that loud noises and lots of people tends

615
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:59,040
Speaker 1: to upset them more So, Again, it's being curious about

616
00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:01,880
Speaker 1: who your child is is um, but to figure out

617
00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 1: how much they can tolerate coming up with a plan

618
00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:07,200
Speaker 1: ahead of time. I know you love routines and schedules,

619
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:09,360
Speaker 1: but this would be really about if you're going to

620
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:13,160
Speaker 1: a family function, how much can they actually manage? Um,

621
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:15,240
Speaker 1: Putting them in situations that they may be able to

622
00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:18,160
Speaker 1: tolerate for shorter periods of time, then to kind of

623
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:21,360
Speaker 1: keep them there and keep them hyper aroused or overwhelmed

624
00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:23,360
Speaker 1: the whole the whole time is really important. While you

625
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:26,840
Speaker 1: said spectrum, what are what is something a parent should

626
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:29,760
Speaker 1: do or like, what are signs that maybe your child

627
00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:31,880
Speaker 1: is on the spectrum and what are the steps they

628
00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:35,680
Speaker 1: should take right. Um. Again, I think this is a

629
00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 1: term that we're overusing in our culture at this point

630
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:42,320
Speaker 1: about talking about people being on the spectrum, because we're

631
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:45,520
Speaker 1: all different and we all have kind of a range. Um,

632
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:50,200
Speaker 1: it's really important to be working with a professional at

633
00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:52,280
Speaker 1: the point if you should just suspecting anything out of

634
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:55,040
Speaker 1: the norm is going on with your child with spectrum

635
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:59,080
Speaker 1: issues rather than misdiagnosing or are getting into kind of

636
00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:02,200
Speaker 1: a language around to right. But you said a loud

637
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:05,160
Speaker 1: noise would possibly be a child being on the spectrum.

638
00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:07,240
Speaker 1: So for a parent hearing that, if all of a

639
00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:10,279
Speaker 1: sudden I heard this, then I would go, oh, well,

640
00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:13,800
Speaker 1: my daughter is afraid of loud noises. So I'm just

641
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:17,680
Speaker 1: trying to give them some sort of range of other

642
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:19,880
Speaker 1: things to keep an eye on before you rush to

643
00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:23,600
Speaker 1: the doctor, because you know that can also be they

644
00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:26,279
Speaker 1: have sensitive ears or you know, there's so many different things. Yeah,

645
00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:28,359
Speaker 1: I think that's a good point. Is really kind of

646
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:34,880
Speaker 1: sensory issues. See difficulty time with connecting with other peers

647
00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:39,960
Speaker 1: or within the school, ability with eye contact, UM, feeling withdrawn,

648
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:44,800
Speaker 1: I'm not engaging, not seem to be paying attention. Um,

649
00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:47,400
Speaker 1: there's there's a there's a big there's a big range

650
00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:49,480
Speaker 1: of it. But it's really kind of seeing that they're

651
00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:51,320
Speaker 1: not able to kind of connect in the way that

652
00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:55,480
Speaker 1: maybe other children are. UM. And also to that high

653
00:34:55,560 --> 00:35:00,520
Speaker 1: social anxiety being around certain individuals or situation is causing

654
00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:04,160
Speaker 1: them a tremendous amount of stress. Those would be signs

655
00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:06,520
Speaker 1: that we would start to really need to pay more

656
00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:09,720
Speaker 1: attention to You talked to a few moments ago about

657
00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:13,200
Speaker 1: UM the importance of reassuring our children in their safety,

658
00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:16,400
Speaker 1: especially when seeing medium images. So what about a child

659
00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:18,799
Speaker 1: who has fear at home, who is so worried at

660
00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:21,240
Speaker 1: night that she's checking doors to make sure that they're locked,

661
00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:23,520
Speaker 1: making sure that she's safe or he's safe in her home.

662
00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:28,879
Speaker 1: How can we reassure safety for our children Right when

663
00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:31,600
Speaker 1: a child is going through repetitive behavior like that and

664
00:35:31,680 --> 00:35:36,000
Speaker 1: it's becoming something that's really compulsive, I'd really be curious

665
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:39,400
Speaker 1: about what else is happening. There may have been a

666
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:42,640
Speaker 1: traumatic event, There may be in something that happened UM

667
00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:47,560
Speaker 1: that there needs to be further exploration around, because they're

668
00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:50,520
Speaker 1: trying to feel agency and control of safety by checking

669
00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:53,640
Speaker 1: the locks ten times uh in order to break the

670
00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:56,440
Speaker 1: pattern once we understand what's causing it. In order to

671
00:35:56,480 --> 00:35:59,239
Speaker 1: break the pattern really is just about getting them to tolerate.

672
00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:02,000
Speaker 1: So may you're taking that down from ten to nine

673
00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:06,120
Speaker 1: to seven to six over time in order to really

674
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:08,279
Speaker 1: allow them to stay calm, in order to feel the

675
00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:10,560
Speaker 1: sense of agency and control in their family. But I'd

676
00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:13,400
Speaker 1: be really curious about what's going on in order to

677
00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:15,360
Speaker 1: cause that kind of problem. Does the same go for

678
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:20,439
Speaker 1: like ticks, Yes, yeah, I'm normally triggered by something that's happened. Yeah,

679
00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:22,520
Speaker 1: and and and the and the fact is ticks usually

680
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:24,839
Speaker 1: go away. But the more that we hyper focus on them,

681
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:26,759
Speaker 1: the more attention we bring to them, and the more

682
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:30,880
Speaker 1: that usually the tick actually happens as well. So um,

683
00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:34,560
Speaker 1: but it's children don't always have the language to communicate

684
00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:37,359
Speaker 1: what's going on, so we it comes out in behaviors.

685
00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:42,359
Speaker 1: And same thing for self harm. Yes, yeah, when you

686
00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:46,719
Speaker 1: can't tolerate the emotional state becomes so overwhelming that the

687
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:51,640
Speaker 1: only way for you to manage it is by harming yourself. Um.

688
00:36:51,680 --> 00:36:55,920
Speaker 1: And whether that's cutting, or whether it's over exercising, eating disorders,

689
00:36:56,600 --> 00:37:00,719
Speaker 1: whatever it may be. And uh, that's really important to

690
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:04,080
Speaker 1: get a professional involved if there's any suspecting any kind

691
00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:06,839
Speaker 1: of self harm is going on with your child in

692
00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:08,640
Speaker 1: terms of you know, what things that we can do

693
00:37:08,719 --> 00:37:13,120
Speaker 1: to offer our children support beyond um, beyond just the communication,

694
00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:15,719
Speaker 1: to do something like a weighted blanket. Can that help

695
00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:18,480
Speaker 1: with anxiety with children? I am a huge believer in

696
00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:23,839
Speaker 1: weight to blankets. I have probably five in my house. Um. Yes.

697
00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:27,160
Speaker 1: The one. The one issue to really worry about is

698
00:37:27,239 --> 00:37:29,520
Speaker 1: coming from a trauma lens, which I'm always going to

699
00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:31,800
Speaker 1: come from, is if there was any sort of situation

700
00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:34,440
Speaker 1: where a child had suffocation or felt like there was

701
00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:39,000
Speaker 1: something that happened where a weighted blanket could actually cause

702
00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:43,719
Speaker 1: them to feel more unsafe and could cause more anxiety. Um.

703
00:37:43,760 --> 00:37:46,160
Speaker 1: But what it really does is that they were designed

704
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:49,520
Speaker 1: for children on the spectrum with sensory issues in order

705
00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:51,560
Speaker 1: to calm down their nervous systems so they weren't flaring

706
00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:53,800
Speaker 1: around at night. And it's the same thing with anxiety.

707
00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:56,480
Speaker 1: If we're moving around the whole night. Uh, you know,

708
00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:58,560
Speaker 1: having some weight on our body is really going to

709
00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:00,560
Speaker 1: allow us to calm down, and don't of a system

710
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:03,240
Speaker 1: to calm down. I just got a way to blanket

711
00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:06,080
Speaker 1: over the holidays. I've never slept so good in my life.

712
00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:08,640
Speaker 1: They're amazing. I like it, well, I like one now

713
00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:10,440
Speaker 1: because I tried it and it has like a cooling

714
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:12,759
Speaker 1: thing in it. Before it didn't and I was getting

715
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:14,720
Speaker 1: very hot. But now with this one, I'm like, okay,

716
00:38:15,160 --> 00:38:16,919
Speaker 1: I like this and my son likes it as well,

717
00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:19,560
Speaker 1: but only some nights he'll tell me he's like, I

718
00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:22,080
Speaker 1: don't want the blanket tonight, and he can also not

719
00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:24,520
Speaker 1: have his feet covered. Sometimes it was what I find children,

720
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:27,680
Speaker 1: so they just have a partial. They also have smaller

721
00:38:27,719 --> 00:38:29,239
Speaker 1: ones they can just put on their chest, or they

722
00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:32,360
Speaker 1: have stuffy animals, so they'll find if kids have a

723
00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:34,800
Speaker 1: hard time traveling in the car, or maybe it's transition

724
00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:36,640
Speaker 1: going to school and they have their way to blanket

725
00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:39,160
Speaker 1: on the or their weighted stuffy animal as they're going

726
00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:42,560
Speaker 1: to to uh to school and they find a lot

727
00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:44,560
Speaker 1: of comfort in that. Do you think anxiety is a

728
00:38:44,719 --> 00:38:49,839
Speaker 1: learned or inherited trait? That's nature versus nurture. Right, we

729
00:38:49,880 --> 00:38:53,440
Speaker 1: know about epigenetics. We know that in utero what gets

730
00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:56,960
Speaker 1: transmitted trauma gets transmitted to a to a child. So

731
00:38:57,080 --> 00:38:59,439
Speaker 1: there is a factor of that if there's been any

732
00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:03,160
Speaker 1: stress or trauma um how that gets transmitted to a

733
00:39:03,239 --> 00:39:06,239
Speaker 1: child's brain. But there's also in the environment. If if

734
00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:09,360
Speaker 1: you if you are of a parent that is struggles

735
00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:12,120
Speaker 1: with anxiety, there's going to be certain behaviors that you

736
00:39:12,160 --> 00:39:16,080
Speaker 1: really that that that the children are going to learn

737
00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:19,399
Speaker 1: around you. So it is both it's not either or

738
00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:23,279
Speaker 1: are there certain like supplements or I know a lot

739
00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:25,040
Speaker 1: of people talk about oils or something like that to

740
00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:28,160
Speaker 1: help our children cope with these with these feelings. I'm

741
00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:31,359
Speaker 1: not a doctor to actually prescribe, but there are things

742
00:39:31,360 --> 00:39:34,200
Speaker 1: that I do really love and my probably my favorite

743
00:39:34,239 --> 00:39:40,040
Speaker 1: is Holy basil. So it's it helps with adrenal health

744
00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:43,080
Speaker 1: and so especially with anxiety. What we wanted to do

745
00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:45,680
Speaker 1: is we want to calm down our journals. UM. So

746
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:48,879
Speaker 1: they have it in tuh, they have it in little

747
00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:52,520
Speaker 1: droppers that you can put in water. UM. I often

748
00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:57,759
Speaker 1: recommend it to parents. What about CBD or E M

749
00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:02,120
Speaker 1: d R. I hear a lot about those things. So CBD,

750
00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:04,200
Speaker 1: I would say, now, there's not enough science. We don't

751
00:40:04,239 --> 00:40:07,040
Speaker 1: we don't really know what's going on around it. We

752
00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:10,200
Speaker 1: love to market anything that's new. There's plenty of data

753
00:40:10,239 --> 00:40:15,120
Speaker 1: to support various various issues that it has supported. But

754
00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:18,480
Speaker 1: as a general practitioner at some point, I wouldn't be

755
00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:21,040
Speaker 1: recommending that for anxiety at this point. But to each

756
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:24,279
Speaker 1: their own right. UM, E M d R are various

757
00:40:24,320 --> 00:40:30,760
Speaker 1: modalities for to help children or families. There's UM internal

758
00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:34,879
Speaker 1: family systems, there's havening technique, there's somatic experiencing E m DR.

759
00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:37,880
Speaker 1: These are all great modalities to help with trauma, to

760
00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:41,040
Speaker 1: help with anxiety, but it really just depends on the individual,

761
00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:43,040
Speaker 1: so it's not just one thing that actually is going

762
00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:46,080
Speaker 1: to help everyone. Um it would try them out and

763
00:40:46,160 --> 00:40:48,319
Speaker 1: work with your practitioner and see what actually works for you.

764
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:50,520
Speaker 1: I'm a big believer right now in having technique. I

765
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:55,800
Speaker 1: really love it Havening technique. I don't know that please

766
00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:59,680
Speaker 1: shed some light. We have no idea. I mean what

767
00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:03,360
Speaker 1: it what it really does is it helps to um

768
00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:07,160
Speaker 1: interrupt that neural network that happens when we do experience

769
00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:11,600
Speaker 1: trauma or we're experiencing anxiety, because we wire things together,

770
00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:14,759
Speaker 1: we wire patterns together, and so it didn't interrupted by

771
00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:18,560
Speaker 1: actually kind of teaching really simple things like you know,

772
00:41:18,719 --> 00:41:21,520
Speaker 1: doing the alphabet A to Z with animals, or doing

773
00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:24,839
Speaker 1: cities and countries at counting steps in your mind, doing

774
00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:28,080
Speaker 1: imagery because our brains can't be hyper aroused and feel

775
00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:30,960
Speaker 1: that we're in a threat straight state and being actually

776
00:41:30,960 --> 00:41:33,040
Speaker 1: doing higher level thinking at the same time. So it

777
00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:34,960
Speaker 1: really helps with that and I've seen so many people

778
00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:38,840
Speaker 1: really get tremendous amount of results that I've struggled with anxiety,

779
00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:42,160
Speaker 1: struggled with trauma and it's it's something I'm super excited

780
00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:44,520
Speaker 1: about right now. Maybe this is going way over my head,

781
00:41:44,520 --> 00:41:47,839
Speaker 1: but like, what is an example, sa mom brain, I'm like,

782
00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:50,239
Speaker 1: what is like having? Is it a practice then that

783
00:41:50,280 --> 00:41:54,239
Speaker 1: you're it's it's a it's a it's a therapy practice

784
00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:56,400
Speaker 1: that we teach our clients, but it's something that you

785
00:41:56,440 --> 00:42:02,520
Speaker 1: can teach haven. I'm like, I've got to go to

786
00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:05,160
Speaker 1: Google dot com my professional that I deal with on

787
00:42:05,160 --> 00:42:08,440
Speaker 1: a daily basis. I'm happy to talk to you more

788
00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:13,400
Speaker 1: about it too. No, it sounds cool, and I know

789
00:42:13,520 --> 00:42:15,839
Speaker 1: this is going to sound a little bit weird, but

790
00:42:15,920 --> 00:42:19,040
Speaker 1: like I've also noticed when kids are on electronics a lot,

791
00:42:19,880 --> 00:42:25,239
Speaker 1: they almost become like zombies and so therefore you can't

792
00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:29,280
Speaker 1: even tell their actual behavior because it's like a detox

793
00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:31,520
Speaker 1: right after they get off of it. Do you think

794
00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:34,440
Speaker 1: it's all tied hand in hand? Do you think that

795
00:42:34,480 --> 00:42:38,640
Speaker 1: there should be a limit, like what is the limit? Um?

796
00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:41,719
Speaker 1: I love custodio apps that you can be tracking what

797
00:42:41,800 --> 00:42:44,920
Speaker 1: your kids are doing UM and how much time they

798
00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:46,920
Speaker 1: are on you can set all those limitations for it

799
00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:49,239
Speaker 1: and what they can see and what they can and

800
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:53,480
Speaker 1: to your point, yes, their brains do not know the

801
00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:56,759
Speaker 1: difference between reality and fiction, and when they're getting into Fortnite,

802
00:42:57,080 --> 00:42:59,640
Speaker 1: they're feeling the same way as if they were actually

803
00:42:59,640 --> 00:43:05,640
Speaker 1: going to be a drone operator. I just looked at

804
00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:10,600
Speaker 1: Leslie like this. I mean my son, actually he's never

805
00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:12,680
Speaker 1: played Fortnight except he went to one point we were

806
00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:15,440
Speaker 1: at like somebody's house and they he saw him playing.

807
00:43:15,680 --> 00:43:18,439
Speaker 1: And he has asked me every day just watching one boy,

808
00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:22,279
Speaker 1: much older boy play Fortnite for fifteen minutes. He's now

809
00:43:22,400 --> 00:43:25,280
Speaker 1: asked me for probably over six months, can I have Fortnite?

810
00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:27,239
Speaker 1: Can I have for like, what do they put in

811
00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:30,080
Speaker 1: there that like gets into kids brain. I'm like, no,

812
00:43:30,280 --> 00:43:33,040
Speaker 1: you cannot have Fortnite. That stop asking. It's not going

813
00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:36,160
Speaker 1: to happen. But like for it to have that big

814
00:43:36,239 --> 00:43:39,280
Speaker 1: of an impact from just watching somebody else play a game,

815
00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:45,200
Speaker 1: I don't even get it. Well, a jacks are nervous system, right,

816
00:43:45,239 --> 00:43:48,239
Speaker 1: and we're gonna get We're going to get adrenaline rush

817
00:43:48,360 --> 00:43:50,839
Speaker 1: from it. Um. So there's a part of it that's

818
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:53,120
Speaker 1: really exciting, the fact is that you're shooting things and

819
00:43:53,120 --> 00:43:56,240
Speaker 1: you're feeling all exhilarated, but to your point is getting

820
00:43:56,280 --> 00:44:00,279
Speaker 1: them off it's it is, it's addictive. Um, there's a

821
00:44:00,280 --> 00:44:02,799
Speaker 1: social currency around it too. That's really really hard and

822
00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:04,719
Speaker 1: these are hard things to navigate. And that's what I

823
00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:07,080
Speaker 1: love about that website because I think she really does

824
00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:11,440
Speaker 1: a great job explaining from the from the brain science

825
00:44:11,520 --> 00:44:13,239
Speaker 1: of what actually is going on with our children that

826
00:44:13,320 --> 00:44:16,279
Speaker 1: we can't argue with and and they can't argue with.

827
00:44:16,800 --> 00:44:18,960
Speaker 1: It's not kind of Johnny gets to do this or

828
00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:21,480
Speaker 1: or someone else is doing it. It's really kind of understanding, Hey,

829
00:44:21,480 --> 00:44:23,359
Speaker 1: this isn't good for you, and this is why we're

830
00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:25,680
Speaker 1: not doing it as a family. This is a decision

831
00:44:25,680 --> 00:44:28,799
Speaker 1: that we've made, even though it's a hard one to do. Um.

832
00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:31,520
Speaker 1: But I think it's all talking about moderation and what

833
00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:34,319
Speaker 1: your child can tolerate and what they can't. What what

834
00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:37,400
Speaker 1: does moderation look like? Because sometimes if I'm trying to

835
00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:39,239
Speaker 1: cook a meal and I have two kids running around

836
00:44:39,239 --> 00:44:41,080
Speaker 1: the house, like I just need a thirty minute episode

837
00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:43,000
Speaker 1: of like Pop Patrol too so I can get to

838
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:46,200
Speaker 1: take the edge off. Yeah, I think that's a great

839
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:49,440
Speaker 1: h that's a great time frame to you're not it's

840
00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:52,239
Speaker 1: not two hours, it's not you know, all day they

841
00:44:52,239 --> 00:44:54,640
Speaker 1: have unlimited amount of time. You're giving them a finite

842
00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:56,600
Speaker 1: period of time. There may be even a reward system

843
00:44:56,640 --> 00:44:59,000
Speaker 1: around it, and maybe once you get your homework done

844
00:44:59,440 --> 00:45:04,520
Speaker 1: then you get this reward um. But giving them a concrete,

845
00:45:04,560 --> 00:45:07,760
Speaker 1: finite period of time that you're consistent is so important

846
00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:11,800
Speaker 1: around media for children and really again monitoring it, know

847
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:14,640
Speaker 1: what's going on. There's a lot that's happening that so

848
00:45:14,719 --> 00:45:17,120
Speaker 1: many parents don't know how is happening, and then it

849
00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:18,480
Speaker 1: creeps up on them and then you have a really

850
00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:22,600
Speaker 1: big problem. So it's based on like an hour, like

851
00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:24,640
Speaker 1: the the amount of time like I'm trying to figure

852
00:45:24,640 --> 00:45:26,480
Speaker 1: out because I feel like just in practicality, like what

853
00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:29,000
Speaker 1: is a good with a good time frame to to

854
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:31,799
Speaker 1: help parents? I mean parents tend I tend to sort

855
00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:33,719
Speaker 1: of say, like do thirty minutes of chunks. But it

856
00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:37,360
Speaker 1: really depends on you, um that because sometimes when you

857
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:40,160
Speaker 1: get into an hour, then it's the snowball of transitioning

858
00:45:40,200 --> 00:45:43,440
Speaker 1: out of is so difficult, depending especially depending on the

859
00:45:43,480 --> 00:45:45,680
Speaker 1: age of a child, and you really have to look

860
00:45:45,719 --> 00:45:48,799
Speaker 1: at where their maturity is. Five year old is going

861
00:45:48,800 --> 00:45:53,160
Speaker 1: to be very different than as sixteen year old, and

862
00:45:53,200 --> 00:45:55,520
Speaker 1: how if if you have a bunch of kids, and

863
00:45:55,600 --> 00:46:00,400
Speaker 1: you have one child who's really struggling behaviorally, how do

864
00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:03,000
Speaker 1: you we we know now we've kind of talked to

865
00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:05,280
Speaker 1: you about what to do for the child that's struggling,

866
00:46:05,320 --> 00:46:08,319
Speaker 1: But what about the other kids? Yeah, that's such a

867
00:46:08,320 --> 00:46:10,400
Speaker 1: hard thing that I see in my practice a lot too,

868
00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:13,520
Speaker 1: is just the focus and the hyper focus on the

869
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:16,560
Speaker 1: child who's struggling, and then the child who is not

870
00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:18,560
Speaker 1: or the children that are not I feel ignored or

871
00:46:18,600 --> 00:46:20,359
Speaker 1: their needs are not really met, and then later on

872
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:23,520
Speaker 1: it it kind of creeps up on the family. Um

873
00:46:23,640 --> 00:46:26,320
Speaker 1: So I think it's so important to constantly be checking

874
00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:28,440
Speaker 1: in with them to know what's going on, seeing what

875
00:46:28,440 --> 00:46:32,200
Speaker 1: the impact is. Even having other people if you don't

876
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:34,799
Speaker 1: have the time or capacity because your child's needs, one

877
00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:37,279
Speaker 1: of your child's needs is so great. That's really where

878
00:46:37,280 --> 00:46:40,319
Speaker 1: you're kind of bringing resources of your child's your your

879
00:46:40,400 --> 00:46:44,080
Speaker 1: children's teachers or their after school activities, of their coaches. Hey,

880
00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:45,680
Speaker 1: can you just check in with them to make sure

881
00:46:45,680 --> 00:46:49,560
Speaker 1: that they're doing Okay. I'm really stressed about this one

882
00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:51,840
Speaker 1: particular child, and I really need to help. We have

883
00:46:51,920 --> 00:46:54,000
Speaker 1: to work together as a community and as a tribe

884
00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:56,080
Speaker 1: and really nor to support our kids. And you know

885
00:46:56,120 --> 00:46:58,959
Speaker 1: a lot of times her mom's I'm just saying moms,

886
00:46:58,960 --> 00:47:01,239
Speaker 1: but I'm sure it's parents say, like, the only way

887
00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:02,799
Speaker 1: that I can get my kids to listen to me

888
00:47:02,840 --> 00:47:05,920
Speaker 1: is when I raised my voice. What are your thoughts

889
00:47:05,920 --> 00:47:08,120
Speaker 1: on that? Like, what are your thoughts on actually snapping

890
00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:12,640
Speaker 1: at your kids or even if it's plan a planned snap,

891
00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:16,120
Speaker 1: what are the repercussions of that? I mean, we've come

892
00:47:16,160 --> 00:47:18,560
Speaker 1: to a time where things have shifted so much from

893
00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:24,640
Speaker 1: like how I was raised that that was like, I

894
00:47:24,719 --> 00:47:29,880
Speaker 1: mean a lot different. But I'm just curious because what

895
00:47:30,200 --> 00:47:34,200
Speaker 1: is the okay way now? Right? I think it's so

896
00:47:34,239 --> 00:47:38,960
Speaker 1: important to teach our kids about repair and saying sorry

897
00:47:39,200 --> 00:47:43,400
Speaker 1: and apologizing and accountability and we're and that we're human

898
00:47:43,760 --> 00:47:45,879
Speaker 1: and as a parent, we're going to make mistakes all

899
00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:49,640
Speaker 1: the time, and to really communicate that to our children

900
00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:51,840
Speaker 1: is you know what I messed up. I should have

901
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:54,360
Speaker 1: said something different, I should have acted different. This is

902
00:47:54,400 --> 00:47:55,960
Speaker 1: a way I wanted to do it. I just got

903
00:47:55,960 --> 00:47:59,520
Speaker 1: really frustrated. Um, you're going to make mistakes, and I

904
00:47:59,560 --> 00:48:01,719
Speaker 1: think to be kind to yourself as a parent is

905
00:48:01,760 --> 00:48:05,640
Speaker 1: so important. The other factor, though, if it becomes sort

906
00:48:05,640 --> 00:48:07,480
Speaker 1: of a pattern that the only way you feel that

907
00:48:07,480 --> 00:48:08,920
Speaker 1: you can get your child to do something is by

908
00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:10,839
Speaker 1: screaming about them. Is what you're really teaching them as

909
00:48:10,840 --> 00:48:14,480
Speaker 1: a vowed dominance and control, and that's not healthy for

910
00:48:14,520 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 1: a child, is a fact, as in order to be

911
00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:19,040
Speaker 1: louder and bigger you have to in order to get

912
00:48:19,160 --> 00:48:22,040
Speaker 1: what you want is not a great way to be parenting.

913
00:48:22,080 --> 00:48:23,800
Speaker 1: So to really be checking in with that and maybe

914
00:48:23,840 --> 00:48:26,120
Speaker 1: working with someone in order to support how to communicate

915
00:48:26,160 --> 00:48:30,200
Speaker 1: with your children differently. One question that I think is

916
00:48:30,239 --> 00:48:34,279
Speaker 1: interesting is when do you push your kids to and

917
00:48:34,560 --> 00:48:37,000
Speaker 1: through a new situation or a situation that might feel

918
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:40,920
Speaker 1: a little scary for them versus not forcing them into it.

919
00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:42,800
Speaker 1: I know my daughter with like rides and stuff, I

920
00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:44,839
Speaker 1: get Disneyland, certain things they're really scary to her when

921
00:48:44,880 --> 00:48:46,880
Speaker 1: they shouldn't be. When do you sort of encourage it

922
00:48:47,200 --> 00:48:49,600
Speaker 1: and when do you back off? Yeah, I think it's

923
00:48:49,600 --> 00:48:52,480
Speaker 1: looking at the situation. Um, if it's something that's going

924
00:48:52,480 --> 00:48:54,600
Speaker 1: to feel terrifying and their nervous system and you it

925
00:48:54,640 --> 00:48:56,680
Speaker 1: makes sense to you why they would be fearful of

926
00:48:56,719 --> 00:48:59,480
Speaker 1: doing it. Maybe it might not be age appropriate for

927
00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:01,719
Speaker 1: them at that time. Maybe that ride is she's just

928
00:49:01,760 --> 00:49:04,520
Speaker 1: too young for at this time, and maybe when she's

929
00:49:04,600 --> 00:49:07,400
Speaker 1: ten she'll be super psyched to go on the roller coaster.

930
00:49:08,080 --> 00:49:10,400
Speaker 1: But I think it's also about setting it up for success.

931
00:49:10,440 --> 00:49:12,440
Speaker 1: We talked about it ahead of time. We set up

932
00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:15,239
Speaker 1: the goals, we set up what's going to happen. We

933
00:49:15,320 --> 00:49:17,520
Speaker 1: love imagery in our brains, and so if they can

934
00:49:17,560 --> 00:49:19,640
Speaker 1: imagine what's going to happen, it's going to calm them down.

935
00:49:19,640 --> 00:49:21,480
Speaker 1: And then it's going to really make them feel excited

936
00:49:21,560 --> 00:49:23,480
Speaker 1: and and and feel so proud when they actually are

937
00:49:23,480 --> 00:49:26,799
Speaker 1: accomplishing it. And then it's just doing the repetition. Once

938
00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:28,799
Speaker 1: they've got it down, Let's do that again. Let's do

939
00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:30,799
Speaker 1: that again, and keep doing it until it becomes something

940
00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:33,640
Speaker 1: that they've self mastered. Because I know I've fallen too

941
00:49:33,680 --> 00:49:35,640
Speaker 1: fault to that. When it's like they don't want to

942
00:49:35,680 --> 00:49:38,080
Speaker 1: try it's something from like the new slide at the park,

943
00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:40,160
Speaker 1: like I don't want to try it, I'm like, let's try.

944
00:49:40,239 --> 00:49:42,520
Speaker 1: Let's try it with mommy. First, boom we go. There's

945
00:49:42,560 --> 00:49:44,160
Speaker 1: crying at first, and then okay, I want to do

946
00:49:44,200 --> 00:49:46,000
Speaker 1: it again. But then I'm like, did I just push

947
00:49:46,040 --> 00:49:49,040
Speaker 1: them too far? No, you didn't. You taught them about

948
00:49:49,120 --> 00:49:51,359
Speaker 1: that they can actually take risks and they can take

949
00:49:51,400 --> 00:49:54,600
Speaker 1: care of themselves. I mean that's a great parenting, okay,

950
00:49:54,880 --> 00:49:57,239
Speaker 1: But at what point then if my like this ride

951
00:49:57,239 --> 00:49:58,480
Speaker 1: and I'm sorry to make this about me, but if

952
00:49:58,480 --> 00:50:00,200
Speaker 1: there's like ride that she wants to go on and

953
00:50:00,239 --> 00:50:02,640
Speaker 1: that is you know, she's tall enough for her friends

954
00:50:02,640 --> 00:50:04,000
Speaker 1: are going all of this, and now it's sort of

955
00:50:04,080 --> 00:50:05,759
Speaker 1: at what point did she create? Are you creating like

956
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:08,400
Speaker 1: a monster in their head that oh, I don't want

957
00:50:08,440 --> 00:50:09,239
Speaker 1: to do it, I don't want to do it, and

958
00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:11,000
Speaker 1: you sort of just take them down the slide, like

959
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:12,880
Speaker 1: Teddy said, and you show them that it isn't this

960
00:50:12,920 --> 00:50:16,279
Speaker 1: big bad thing again. I think that's really about kind

961
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:19,520
Speaker 1: of doing the imagery with them ahead of time. She's

962
00:50:19,520 --> 00:50:21,480
Speaker 1: seen the ride, she can even look at it on

963
00:50:21,520 --> 00:50:23,799
Speaker 1: the internet. She can talk to her friends about their

964
00:50:23,840 --> 00:50:27,520
Speaker 1: experiences and set that up for success, figure out where

965
00:50:27,520 --> 00:50:29,719
Speaker 1: there may be kind of traps or she's just not

966
00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:33,279
Speaker 1: ready for maybe she's she hasn't kind of worked through

967
00:50:33,320 --> 00:50:35,160
Speaker 1: her feelings yet about it. But I think if she

968
00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:37,160
Speaker 1: can imagine what it's going to be like, then that's

969
00:50:37,160 --> 00:50:39,239
Speaker 1: going to actually encourage her to actually want to take

970
00:50:39,239 --> 00:50:40,799
Speaker 1: those steps in order to do it, and then when

971
00:50:40,840 --> 00:50:43,200
Speaker 1: she does it, I mean it's all array, you know,

972
00:50:43,440 --> 00:50:45,279
Speaker 1: so proud of you. Let's go do that again. And

973
00:50:45,320 --> 00:50:47,280
Speaker 1: she may be on that ride three or four times

974
00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:50,400
Speaker 1: at Disney that day. What about when it comes to

975
00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:54,960
Speaker 1: like a security blanket or toy or stuffy or whatever

976
00:50:55,040 --> 00:50:57,880
Speaker 1: it may be. Now, oftentimes in school, they're not letting

977
00:50:57,880 --> 00:51:01,000
Speaker 1: your kids bring those things in. Yeah, that's really tough

978
00:51:01,040 --> 00:51:04,919
Speaker 1: because you've got school policies. But we were talking about

979
00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:07,560
Speaker 1: children and their development is all going to be different,

980
00:51:07,640 --> 00:51:09,640
Speaker 1: and they're gonna have different life factors. They're going to

981
00:51:09,719 --> 00:51:11,640
Speaker 1: have new babies and brothers, or they're going to have

982
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:14,279
Speaker 1: a death in the family, and if those things bring

983
00:51:14,280 --> 00:51:18,440
Speaker 1: them comfort and they soothe them, it's tough. Um. So

984
00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:21,080
Speaker 1: I think it's really meaning your child where they're at

985
00:51:21,120 --> 00:51:23,920
Speaker 1: and try to really work with a school. Um. I know,

986
00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:26,480
Speaker 1: I'm a mom and I when we moved to California,

987
00:51:26,560 --> 00:51:28,200
Speaker 1: my daughter was in third grade and was having a

988
00:51:28,239 --> 00:51:30,160
Speaker 1: tough time and we ended up having a hamster in

989
00:51:30,200 --> 00:51:33,600
Speaker 1: the science lab that it really helped her to kind

990
00:51:33,640 --> 00:51:35,640
Speaker 1: of connect friendships and to talk to people. And I

991
00:51:35,680 --> 00:51:37,480
Speaker 1: worked with a school in order to make that happen.

992
00:51:37,520 --> 00:51:39,400
Speaker 1: I mean ended up being like the highlight of the

993
00:51:39,400 --> 00:51:43,960
Speaker 1: third grade as well too. UM. But it's thinking beyond

994
00:51:44,080 --> 00:51:46,600
Speaker 1: just sort of what the structure of the school looks

995
00:51:46,640 --> 00:51:47,920
Speaker 1: like and seeing if they can really work with you

996
00:51:47,960 --> 00:51:50,920
Speaker 1: to accommodate your family. Did you talk to the actual teacher?

997
00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:53,319
Speaker 1: Did you talk to the headmaster? Like what was the way?

998
00:51:53,440 --> 00:51:58,560
Speaker 1: What was your approach to actually make that happen? Um?

999
00:51:58,719 --> 00:52:02,920
Speaker 1: I actually did both. UM. I have an introverted child.

1000
00:52:03,040 --> 00:52:06,399
Speaker 1: I gave them Susan Kaine's book on Quiet and talk

1001
00:52:06,480 --> 00:52:09,360
Speaker 1: to them about just you know, this is overwhelming for

1002
00:52:09,400 --> 00:52:12,240
Speaker 1: her to being kind of a new environment and UM

1003
00:52:12,280 --> 00:52:15,240
Speaker 1: and really advocated for her as a as a parent

1004
00:52:15,560 --> 00:52:17,399
Speaker 1: to help her and said, hey, you know, how can

1005
00:52:17,400 --> 00:52:19,640
Speaker 1: we sort of set this up her success and in

1006
00:52:19,760 --> 00:52:21,480
Speaker 1: order to kind of have her connect with people in

1007
00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:25,680
Speaker 1: different ways? And so snowball became the popular animal to

1008
00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:29,560
Speaker 1: be taking home on the weekends. UM. And it became

1009
00:52:29,640 --> 00:52:31,680
Speaker 1: something that was a tradition and people knew that that

1010
00:52:31,760 --> 00:52:35,200
Speaker 1: was my daughter's Hamstern really allowed her just to to

1011
00:52:35,200 --> 00:52:39,040
Speaker 1: to thrive. We've talked about the about younger children, what

1012
00:52:39,080 --> 00:52:44,520
Speaker 1: about teenagers that are kind of suffering um from anxiety, Like, uh,

1013
00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:46,560
Speaker 1: a fifteen year old who's not sleeping, or a fifteen

1014
00:52:46,600 --> 00:52:49,040
Speaker 1: year old who's moved to a new location and they're

1015
00:52:49,040 --> 00:52:51,279
Speaker 1: now having this Like, what are ways that that we

1016
00:52:51,320 --> 00:52:54,000
Speaker 1: can help our teenagers, especially when they're like I don't

1017
00:52:54,000 --> 00:53:00,000
Speaker 1: like the therapist you took me to and it happens repeatedly. Right, So, unfortunately,

1018
00:53:00,160 --> 00:53:05,000
Speaker 1: one third of our teenagers ages thirteen to eighteen are

1019
00:53:05,040 --> 00:53:08,480
Speaker 1: going to experience anxiety. We know that college freshmen statistics

1020
00:53:08,480 --> 00:53:12,520
Speaker 1: are forty one. We're seeing rates going through the roof

1021
00:53:12,600 --> 00:53:15,480
Speaker 1: for our our youth at this point. I mean, anxiety

1022
00:53:15,520 --> 00:53:19,520
Speaker 1: is a real problem for them. Um, and it's hard

1023
00:53:19,680 --> 00:53:22,719
Speaker 1: because they're around it so much and there's so much

1024
00:53:22,760 --> 00:53:27,240
Speaker 1: conversation around it that actually even causes more anxiety. UM.

1025
00:53:27,320 --> 00:53:31,120
Speaker 1: So it again, I think it's really about educating them.

1026
00:53:31,320 --> 00:53:34,080
Speaker 1: I work with a ton of teenagers and they feel

1027
00:53:34,080 --> 00:53:36,440
Speaker 1: so empowered to really understand how their bodies and brains

1028
00:53:36,480 --> 00:53:39,319
Speaker 1: are working and learning coping skills in order to kind

1029
00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:42,000
Speaker 1: of manage that. So, whether it's pinky breathing in order

1030
00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:46,920
Speaker 1: for them to learn abdomen breaths, um, whether it's using imagery,

1031
00:53:47,080 --> 00:53:51,440
Speaker 1: whether it's doing various techniques tooling them up in order

1032
00:53:51,480 --> 00:53:53,120
Speaker 1: for them to keep grabbing at things in order to

1033
00:53:53,200 --> 00:53:56,200
Speaker 1: calm them down. Um. The other really interesting thing that

1034
00:53:56,239 --> 00:54:00,319
Speaker 1: I brought up earlier too, is about labeling emotions. Had

1035
00:54:00,400 --> 00:54:02,680
Speaker 1: so many kids come in and they're telling me they

1036
00:54:02,719 --> 00:54:04,640
Speaker 1: have a panic attack before they're going to their first

1037
00:54:04,719 --> 00:54:08,520
Speaker 1: dance or their prom or their first kiss, and they've

1038
00:54:08,600 --> 00:54:11,719
Speaker 1: labeled that as something that's scary and terrifying versus something

1039
00:54:11,719 --> 00:54:14,480
Speaker 1: that's so exciting. And so we really have to kind

1040
00:54:14,480 --> 00:54:18,920
Speaker 1: of shift them to understand that they have a capacity

1041
00:54:18,960 --> 00:54:22,360
Speaker 1: to have more feelings than just four and that is

1042
00:54:22,360 --> 00:54:25,080
Speaker 1: okay for them to feel exciting, to have heart palpitations,

1043
00:54:25,080 --> 00:54:27,719
Speaker 1: and to be nervous about a first kiss. That's a

1044
00:54:27,719 --> 00:54:29,800
Speaker 1: good thing. And we've got to kind of start warring

1045
00:54:29,800 --> 00:54:32,160
Speaker 1: our brains in that way. How do you know, as

1046
00:54:32,160 --> 00:54:35,200
Speaker 1: a parent, though, if your child is just having that nervous,

1047
00:54:35,280 --> 00:54:37,279
Speaker 1: excited energy, like I know if I'm about to go,

1048
00:54:37,400 --> 00:54:39,839
Speaker 1: like speak to a group of people, or that I'm

1049
00:54:39,840 --> 00:54:42,319
Speaker 1: not having anxiety. I'm excited, and that's a good thing,

1050
00:54:42,320 --> 00:54:44,480
Speaker 1: and it means that I'm going to deliver well. That

1051
00:54:44,640 --> 00:54:49,279
Speaker 1: being said for a kid or you know, a teenager

1052
00:54:49,719 --> 00:54:53,920
Speaker 1: who could possibly be having like a true blown panic attack.

1053
00:54:54,600 --> 00:54:57,560
Speaker 1: How do you know if that's happening versus the other.

1054
00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:00,720
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that they're not having a panic attack

1055
00:55:00,760 --> 00:55:03,040
Speaker 1: about going to the prom. I'm saying that they have

1056
00:55:03,120 --> 00:55:05,759
Speaker 1: actually not allowed themselves to even imagine the fact that

1057
00:55:05,800 --> 00:55:08,160
Speaker 1: they could feel excited. They've just kind of limited their

1058
00:55:08,160 --> 00:55:11,960
Speaker 1: feeling states to just these few things. UM. That's one

1059
00:55:12,000 --> 00:55:14,360
Speaker 1: of the really big issues. But the other issue, to

1060
00:55:14,400 --> 00:55:16,520
Speaker 1: your point, is just the amount of pressure we've got

1061
00:55:16,560 --> 00:55:18,840
Speaker 1: to take the pressure off for these kids. They have.

1062
00:55:18,960 --> 00:55:20,759
Speaker 1: They feel like they have to have everything figure it out.

1063
00:55:20,880 --> 00:55:22,680
Speaker 1: They have to be masters, they have to know where

1064
00:55:22,680 --> 00:55:25,799
Speaker 1: they're going to college, they have to be experts in

1065
00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:29,399
Speaker 1: their sports. Single sports that they're having burnout, um, they're

1066
00:55:29,400 --> 00:55:33,040
Speaker 1: having injuries, um. And and we have to kind of

1067
00:55:33,080 --> 00:55:35,440
Speaker 1: say it's okay if you're not getting the A, it's

1068
00:55:35,440 --> 00:55:38,279
Speaker 1: okay if you're not being the top athlete. It's okay

1069
00:55:38,440 --> 00:55:41,880
Speaker 1: if you're not you know, succeeding at everything. They just

1070
00:55:41,920 --> 00:55:44,520
Speaker 1: feel this tremendous amount of pressure. So we really need

1071
00:55:44,560 --> 00:55:46,920
Speaker 1: to be able to hold the emotions that they're not

1072
00:55:46,960 --> 00:55:50,000
Speaker 1: able to carry. That's our job as parents. UM. And

1073
00:55:50,000 --> 00:55:53,080
Speaker 1: in order to help them launch and in closing, because

1074
00:55:53,080 --> 00:55:55,640
Speaker 1: I know we're running out of time, what would you

1075
00:55:55,680 --> 00:55:58,640
Speaker 1: say the key piece of advice you could give to

1076
00:55:58,760 --> 00:56:01,640
Speaker 1: any parent out there on anything in regarding this topic,

1077
00:56:01,680 --> 00:56:05,120
Speaker 1: like the one takeaway, The one takeaway, it's just really

1078
00:56:05,160 --> 00:56:09,600
Speaker 1: about being curious about your children, understanding and connecting with them,

1079
00:56:09,600 --> 00:56:13,680
Speaker 1: and being present with them to really to really to

1080
00:56:13,920 --> 00:56:16,080
Speaker 1: really allow them to feel like they have a safe

1081
00:56:16,080 --> 00:56:18,120
Speaker 1: space that they can really talk about their feelings, they

1082
00:56:18,120 --> 00:56:21,239
Speaker 1: can talk about things that are hard um and then

1083
00:56:21,280 --> 00:56:23,920
Speaker 1: really trying to teach them how to resource and come

1084
00:56:24,000 --> 00:56:27,600
Speaker 1: up with solutions to combat these issues that they're not

1085
00:56:27,800 --> 00:56:30,760
Speaker 1: carrying around these nervous states and their bodies all the time.

1086
00:56:32,440 --> 00:56:35,319
Speaker 1: That's a good takeaway, absolutely, and I think it's a

1087
00:56:35,320 --> 00:56:37,120
Speaker 1: good thing for us to think about too. I mean,

1088
00:56:37,160 --> 00:56:40,319
Speaker 1: how often do we think we're present but we're not

1089
00:56:40,400 --> 00:56:46,480
Speaker 1: necessarily present as parenting all the time. I'm like, I'm like,

1090
00:56:46,520 --> 00:56:49,640
Speaker 1: because it has you know, sometimes like I'm like, Okay,

1091
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:53,439
Speaker 1: I'm putting the phone completely down, it's our time, we're

1092
00:56:53,480 --> 00:56:56,879
Speaker 1: doing this, and then my mind will wander and I'm

1093
00:56:56,880 --> 00:56:59,520
Speaker 1: not actually fully my body is there and I'm not

1094
00:56:59,560 --> 00:57:02,160
Speaker 1: looking up the phone, but I need to, you know,

1095
00:57:02,239 --> 00:57:05,120
Speaker 1: continue and I write that down like as like in

1096
00:57:05,239 --> 00:57:09,280
Speaker 1: my goals or like my daily goals is like be present.

1097
00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:12,080
Speaker 1: And I have the same thing with adults with everything,

1098
00:57:12,120 --> 00:57:14,480
Speaker 1: and so I think that's such a huge thing for

1099
00:57:14,520 --> 00:57:17,840
Speaker 1: all of us to think about, is like really figure

1100
00:57:17,880 --> 00:57:19,680
Speaker 1: out a way that works for you that you can

1101
00:57:19,720 --> 00:57:22,120
Speaker 1: be present when you're doing things. If not, we're just

1102
00:57:22,160 --> 00:57:25,400
Speaker 1: going through the motions and like not really living the

1103
00:57:25,440 --> 00:57:27,720
Speaker 1: life that we want to live. And I think to

1104
00:57:27,840 --> 00:57:30,600
Speaker 1: your point, like being present in ways that like you

1105
00:57:30,680 --> 00:57:33,120
Speaker 1: feel like you can be present for like I don't

1106
00:57:33,120 --> 00:57:34,880
Speaker 1: know if that's like if you're you can sit down

1107
00:57:34,920 --> 00:57:37,040
Speaker 1: and play old made with your kids or legos or

1108
00:57:37,080 --> 00:57:39,760
Speaker 1: whatever are something that like you can actually in engage

1109
00:57:39,760 --> 00:57:42,760
Speaker 1: with as well. So it's it's so it's sort of fun.

1110
00:57:43,040 --> 00:57:45,560
Speaker 1: So it's no, like I'm not a craft gal, Like

1111
00:57:45,680 --> 00:57:48,240
Speaker 1: I'm not the one that like wins the like our

1112
00:57:48,320 --> 00:57:50,680
Speaker 1: kids never win craft day because I'm not the mom

1113
00:57:50,760 --> 00:57:52,800
Speaker 1: that's like gonna be killing it at that. But like

1114
00:57:52,920 --> 00:57:55,040
Speaker 1: I love to like take my family and like family

1115
00:57:55,080 --> 00:57:58,120
Speaker 1: hikes or we play soccer, or we're doing you know,

1116
00:57:58,400 --> 00:58:00,800
Speaker 1: bike rides those types of things. Whe we can laugh

1117
00:58:00,840 --> 00:58:03,720
Speaker 1: talk about our favorite songs like that for me is

1118
00:58:03,880 --> 00:58:08,160
Speaker 1: my like best way to just spend time with the kids.

1119
00:58:08,320 --> 00:58:10,080
Speaker 1: But I know some moms who can get down on

1120
00:58:10,120 --> 00:58:12,400
Speaker 1: the ground and like they can honestly play barbies for

1121
00:58:12,440 --> 00:58:14,800
Speaker 1: two hours. That's not my strong suit. So it's kind

1122
00:58:14,800 --> 00:58:19,080
Speaker 1: of knowing your strong suit and formulating around it, right,

1123
00:58:19,200 --> 00:58:21,080
Speaker 1: I mean, at least that's what I'm telling myself. I

1124
00:58:21,080 --> 00:58:23,440
Speaker 1: think you're making a great point too, because it may

1125
00:58:23,480 --> 00:58:26,040
Speaker 1: be that your family is a ping pong family, or

1126
00:58:26,080 --> 00:58:29,680
Speaker 1: you may be swimmers, or you maybe having Friday night

1127
00:58:29,720 --> 00:58:33,920
Speaker 1: game nights. Um. And also to you, using humor is

1128
00:58:34,000 --> 00:58:38,240
Speaker 1: so important for kids. Um, so just laughing. You mentioned

1129
00:58:38,240 --> 00:58:42,120
Speaker 1: that it's just so important. So have fun, be present,

1130
00:58:42,320 --> 00:58:45,240
Speaker 1: do things together, try not to take ourselves too seriously.

1131
00:58:46,640 --> 00:58:48,400
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, you guys, thank you so much for

1132
00:58:48,440 --> 00:58:51,080
Speaker 1: coming on today. I truly appreciate it. And I think

1133
00:58:51,120 --> 00:58:53,600
Speaker 1: we I think we got through a lot of the questions.

1134
00:58:53,760 --> 00:58:56,200
Speaker 1: I think we we we hammered through. So I hope

1135
00:58:56,240 --> 00:58:58,880
Speaker 1: you guys keep sending in your questions no matter what

1136
00:58:58,920 --> 00:59:01,560
Speaker 1: the topic is, we will get to it. I love this,

1137
00:59:01,720 --> 00:59:03,480
Speaker 1: So thank you guys for listening, and I'll talk to

1138
00:59:03,520 --> 00:59:07,120
Speaker 1: you next week. Thanks for listening. Subscribe to Teddy t

1139
00:59:07,240 --> 00:59:10,560
Speaker 1: Pot on I Heart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts.