Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: Yesterday, I'm having my usual afternoon down at the Orphanage.
Speaker 2: I was making soup and darning clothes. Fox News is
Speaker 2: on in the kid's day room, and.
Speaker 1: I see this.
Speaker 3: Tonight, Steward slams Fox again.
Speaker 2: I said it before, and I'll say it again yourselves now.
Speaker 4: Bernie Goldberg fires back at the funny man. Don't miss
Speaker 4: an explosive O'Reilly. Tonight.
Speaker 5: I was like, oh man, that funny man is screwed.
Speaker 1: And then I was like, wait, that's me.
Speaker 5: I don't want to be fired back.
Speaker 4: Hut you see funny story.
Speaker 1: Last week?
Speaker 2: I mentioned Fox was upset about the media generalizing who
Speaker 2: the tea parties are, and I.
Speaker 5: Agree with them.
Speaker 2: And I may have at that point then shown some
Speaker 2: of the very same people at Fox giddily generalizing about
Speaker 2: liberals in the left, and I might have, when presented
Speaker 2: with this rather bald hypocrisy, I may have told him
Speaker 2: to go.
Speaker 6: All right.
Speaker 2: And now they want to respond, all right, what did
Speaker 2: Bernie Goldberg have to say about me?
Speaker 3: So does Stewart have a point here?
Speaker 7: Or we being hypocritical by generalizing about some people?
Speaker 6: I'll just speak about me. He does, I am pleading guilty,
Speaker 6: and that's a sincere plea of guilty.
Speaker 4: You're welcome. I win again.
Speaker 6: But let me speak directly to John Stewart for just
Speaker 6: a few seconds. And I know he watches He's a
Speaker 6: big fan of the show.
Speaker 3: PTS charged.
Speaker 2: I watch it every night with all my friends. Continue,
Speaker 2: mister Goldberg.
Speaker 6: If you just want to be a funny man who
Speaker 6: talks to an audience that will laugh at anything you say,
Speaker 6: that's okay with me, no problem. But if clearly you
Speaker 6: want to be a social commentator more than just a comedian,
Speaker 6: and if you want to be a good one, you
Speaker 6: better find some guts.
Speaker 4: Okay. Two things.
Speaker 2: One, not all of us have your guts, Bernie. It
Speaker 2: takes a tough man to walk into O'Reilly's lions den
Speaker 2: and criticize liberal elites.
Speaker 1: And two to say.
Speaker 2: That comedians have to decide whether they're comedians or social commentation.
Speaker 2: Comedians do social commentary through comedy. That's how it's worked
Speaker 2: for thousands of years. I have not moved out of
Speaker 2: the comedian's box into the newsbox. The news box is
Speaker 2: moving towards me.
Speaker 5: But I assume I'm just doing what idiots like me.
Speaker 2: Have done for thousands of years. But I assume that
Speaker 2: you have evidence that I've betrayed my craft.
Speaker 6: When you had Frank Rich on your show, who generalizes
Speaker 6: all the time about conservatives and Republicans being bigots, you
Speaker 6: didn't ask him a single tough question. You gave him
Speaker 6: a lap dance. You practically had your tongue down his throat.
Speaker 5: Guilty as show.
Speaker 2: Was that televised, I don't want to say anything, but
Speaker 2: Frank Rich hasn't been on the show since two thousand
Speaker 2: and six. I mean, since I gave Frank Bridge that
Speaker 2: lap dance. I don't know if you noticed, but I
Speaker 2: went back in the champagne room with Bill Crystal like
Speaker 2: five times. And if you watch this show as it
Speaker 2: appears you have, you must remember me and McCain and
Speaker 2: like bunnies.
Speaker 1: But I got that.
Speaker 2: Besides the point, here's the point. You can't criticize me
Speaker 2: for not being fair and balanced. That's your slogan, which,
Speaker 2: by the way, you never follow, which brings us back
Speaker 2: to the essence of the whole goat yourselves piece.
Speaker 6: Guess what, You're not nearly as edgy as you think
Speaker 6: you are. You're just a safe Jay Leno with a
Speaker 6: much smaller audience, but you get to say the F bomb.
Speaker 4: Okay, that's gonna leave a mark. Yeah, okay, that one's stung.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie on that one.
Speaker 4: I took that one right in the testicles.
Speaker 1: That was Look again, two things.
Speaker 2: Whoever said I was edgy, I never said I was edgy.
Speaker 2: I never thought I was edgy. And number two, if
Speaker 2: you think I'm Leno with the F bomb, you know
Speaker 2: less about comedy than you do about media and politics.
Speaker 1: This is Leno with the F bomb.
Speaker 8: Look, I mean, can you believe it's Typo gets.
Speaker 9: Judged, makes that kind of mistake, got a damn second
Speaker 9: stick you hear me.
Speaker 1: With the Michel?
Speaker 2: Oh it's so dirty, No, no wonder Prime Time couldn't
Speaker 2: handle him.
Speaker 6: You're just a safe J Leno with a much smaller audience.
Speaker 6: But you get to say the F bomb, which gives
Speaker 6: your incredibly unsophisticated audience the illusion, you generalize the illusion
Speaker 6: that you're courageous, and that's you're renegade.
Speaker 4: But it's only an illusion.
Speaker 3: Wait wait, I'm.
Speaker 4: Not a courageous redicade.
Speaker 2: But I've always considered myself the Lorenzo Lamis of Late
Speaker 2: Night and as far as my audience being unsophisticated.
Speaker 1: Boulder Dash, Wait, I'm sorry who said that.
Speaker 10: It is our your biggest fan, Toppington von Monocle unsophisticated?
Speaker 3: How dare he?
Speaker 10: If I may quote Catalis Petticabo ego vos et iramabo.
Speaker 2: I'm I'm sorry, mister von Monica, I don't speak Latin.
Speaker 10: It means I will sodomize you and face.
Speaker 1: You by the way, I thought my audience was elitist.
Speaker 2: Are they elitists or unsophisticated or unsophisticated.
Speaker 4: In their elitism?
Speaker 2: Look, I'm sorry, I told you they go fuck yourself
Speaker 2: last week and that other time like six months ago,
Speaker 2: he told you to. I know that I criticized you
Speaker 2: and Fox News a lot, but only because you're truly
Speaker 2: a terrible, cynical, disingenuous news organization.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, no, no what that's no, that's the wrong approach.
Speaker 4: That's the wrong approach.
Speaker 1: That's not I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: be confrontational.
Speaker 2: I wanna take a minute to talk directly to Bernie Golber.
Speaker 1: Baby.
Speaker 2: I don't want to fight, baby, and I know you've
Speaker 2: been hurt before by the liberal.
Speaker 3: Elites they've done.
Speaker 1: You're wrong, Bernie.
Speaker 3: Don't let that close your heart.
Speaker 1: Brother.
Speaker 4: I don't hate you. I mean you're not Dick Morris.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what is wrong with that guy?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Seriously, he started to look like that guy from
Speaker 2: Men in Black, which one you know from the first one, the.
Speaker 1: Guy who came down and walked around in other people's kid.
Speaker 2: But Shalou, the Vincent Andafrio guy, that's the one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: You see, I've learned people are complicated, Bernie, and hard
Speaker 2: to categorize.
Speaker 1: I mean, I've got some conservative views.
Speaker 3: He's a problem military peace to the troops.
Speaker 5: I've got some libertarian view legalize it gay marriage.
Speaker 3: Uh huh pot uh huh gay pot marriage?
Speaker 5: Now you make.
Speaker 1: And I know that I can be intarred black tolds.
Speaker 1: Another wise, don't let this man you at it, Blisses.
Speaker 2: And I believe this country should provide some kind of
Speaker 2: social safety head for our most vulnerable citizens communists. And
Speaker 2: I also believe power should be passed down to the
Speaker 2: firstborn son of the reigning king.
Speaker 4: Monarchist and I believe in goo.
Speaker 8: But I will tell you this, Bernie Goldberg, Oh, Bernie Goldberg.
Speaker 3: I will tell you this.
Speaker 1: I'm telling you.
Speaker 5: I'm telling you, I'm telling you.
Speaker 8: Oh yeah, Bernie Golber, you can't criticize my interviews, and.
Speaker 3: Yes, they can't be the go here.
Speaker 1: That's that's the editing, not funny.
Speaker 4: I try to be funny.
Speaker 3: Why don't you want to move?
Speaker 1: I don't have to talk to watch all the guests movies.
Speaker 1: My point is this, I'm telling you.
Speaker 3: He's got.
Speaker 2: He's got a poign he got a pig, now he
Speaker 2: got a Bernie Goldber. I don't need to satisfy your
Speaker 2: version of what bear satire is or should be.
Speaker 3: I'm not fair, I'm not balanced.
Speaker 4: He lost evil. That's not what I meant.
Speaker 3: He's Coco logo.
Speaker 4: Thank you.
Speaker 3: You're criticizing me for.
Speaker 1: Not leving to your tagline.
Speaker 3: Oh no, and you dismissed any criticism.
Speaker 2: Has further evidence of how the rest of the media
Speaker 2: persecute you. You like to pretend, but to go book
Speaker 2: at Fox News that the relentless conservative.
Speaker 11: Activism of Fox News is the equivalents are the equivalent
Speaker 11: of the disorganized liberal influence you find out NBC, ABC
Speaker 11: and CBS Fox News.
Speaker 2: You may be able to detect a liberal pathogen in
Speaker 2: their bloodstream, however faint.
Speaker 3: But Fox News is such.
Speaker 2: A crazy overreaction to that perceived threat, you like an
Speaker 2: autoimmune disorder. I'm not saying the virus doesn't exist in
Speaker 2: some small quantity, but you're producing way too many nivioies.
Speaker 3: Fox News.
Speaker 4: You're the Lupis of news.
Speaker 9: So I guess what I'm saying is this, go as
Speaker 9: long as fair and balanced is how you sell yourselves.
Speaker 3: Guess what I'm saying is this, Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think if there's one thing everyone can agree on
Speaker 2: in the entire country, it's that Barack Obama is the
Speaker 2: worst president we've had.
Speaker 3: In my lifetime.
Speaker 5: He's the worst president, the.
Speaker 2: Absolute worst president, the worst president in history exactly. Barack
Speaker 2: Obama is objectively, arithmetically the worst president in history. And
Speaker 2: that includes our thirtieth president, Calvin Coolio. Remember then, is
Speaker 2: when America had descended into a.
Speaker 4: Bit of a gangster's paradise.
Speaker 2: Anyway, Obama's place as the worst president in history explains
Speaker 2: why he is getting so crushed. President Obama is leading
Speaker 2: Romney nationally by five points among likely voters.
Speaker 4: With support Crushed with support.
Speaker 2: Well, Romney's inability to trounce history's worst president was all
Speaker 2: scheduled to change this week with a very announced campaign reboot, which,
Speaker 2: as you know, involves mister Romney taking a paper clip
Speaker 2: and putting it into.
Speaker 4: A a whole. I don't want to talk about.
Speaker 2: It brings back memories of when I used to have
Speaker 2: to reboot rough men at the Genius bar Hi. Unfortunately,
Speaker 2: Rodney's reboot was thrown off just a tad.
Speaker 3: There are of the people who are voted the president
Speaker 3: who are the Tataslan Bevern.
Speaker 2: We believe that they are victims who believe that they
Speaker 2: are entitled to help here.
Speaker 8: To food, to housing, to you, entitled to food, medicine, rooves.
Speaker 2: That's the Republican candidate for the presidency, seemingly characterizing a
Speaker 2: broad swath of Americans, which would include veterans, the elderly,
Speaker 2: the working poor, and much of the middle class as
Speaker 2: a bunch of lazy free loaders. It touched off a
Speaker 2: firestorm everywhere, but nowhere more acutely than at romney campaign headquarters,
Speaker 2: where it triggered something I like to call chaos.
Speaker 3: On bullshit Mountain, That.
Speaker 2: Sad exploding bullshit dust you've all heard so much about.
Speaker 2: In the forty eight hours since the Romney video first
Speaker 2: gained wide exposure, turd containment crews have been working overtime
Speaker 2: on Bullshit Mountain.
Speaker 7: Keep in mind it was posted by a left wing website,
Speaker 7: Mother Jones.
Speaker 4: By the way, put this tape out Mother Jones, the
Speaker 4: magazine No One Reads.
Speaker 2: Hearing word the Jimmy Carter's grandson might have played an
Speaker 2: instrumental role in getting this video. Oh my god, your
Speaker 2: campaign got blown up by Jimmy Carter's grandson.
Speaker 5: Oh the habitat for humanity.
Speaker 2: So word one from Bullshit Mountain is well, yeah, he
Speaker 2: said it, but you only found out about it because
Speaker 2: of people that we don't like.
Speaker 3: What's word two?
Speaker 2: With the way he said it was not the best
Speaker 2: way of saying something like this, and it was he
Speaker 2: confused a lot of things.
Speaker 3: He messed up in that it's.
Speaker 4: Not the great, the most ideal language to be eavesdropped on.
Speaker 7: I think criticizing them.
Speaker 2: He was saying that the American dreams should be open
Speaker 2: to everybody. You're looking and hearing the cynical, condescending, plutocratic
Speaker 2: words he was saying, not the aspirational, optimistic message he
Speaker 2: in retrospect.
Speaker 1: Should have been meaning, it's like Romney jazz.
Speaker 4: It's the words you don't hear.
Speaker 5: That's the so inartful words from a dubious source.
Speaker 2: This is really just inartful words from a dubious source.
Speaker 4: Oh and one other thing, this.
Speaker 7: Is factually accurate what Romney is saying. If I'm Governor Romney,
Speaker 7: I run with this all day long.
Speaker 5: It was the truth.
Speaker 1: He's a boss who says the truth, but the truth
Speaker 1: of it hurts.
Speaker 4: I think this will be seen as a win for Romney.
Speaker 2: Let me let me sum up the message from bullshit
Speaker 2: Mountain if I may.
Speaker 5: This in artfully stated dirty liberal smear is.
Speaker 2: A truthful expression amid Romney's political philosophy, and it is
Speaker 2: a winner.
Speaker 4: Let me tell you something.
Speaker 2: You don't summit bullshit Mountain unless you know your way
Speaker 2: around to turn or two. All right, So this very popular,
Speaker 2: definitely effective, winning political argument that Romney's making.
Speaker 6: It's another perfect distraction from the fourteen percent unemployment.
Speaker 12: Instead of talking about the major issues of the day
Speaker 12: like sextoon trillion in debt and the Middle East is burning.
Speaker 7: Instead we're sitting around going did Romney insult the country
Speaker 7: or not?
Speaker 10: You can't actually discuss serious issues today in the campaign.
Speaker 4: You have to move on to secretly recorded videos.
Speaker 2: You guys just want to talk about real issues, so
Speaker 2: have at it.
Speaker 3: A new recording surfaces.
Speaker 4: This time it's President Obama who gets caught.
Speaker 2: It's President Obama's turn to be haunted by something he
Speaker 2: said once upon a time.
Speaker 1: Are there no rules on bullshit Mountain?
Speaker 2: I mean, I expect this kind of behavior from people
Speaker 2: living at asshole.
Speaker 1: Cove, but not.
Speaker 5: So. Recorded videos are a distraction.
Speaker 4: Here's one from Obama.
Speaker 2: Obama video is pertinent, but the Romney video is a distraction.
Speaker 4: Why.
Speaker 7: It features Governor Romney speaking to supporters at a fundraiser
Speaker 7: way back in May.
Speaker 5: Oh.
Speaker 1: This video is from way back in May.
Speaker 10: May.
Speaker 3: My god, holy, I mean that was like before June.
Speaker 1: Who even remembers May?
Speaker 4: Grandfather?
Speaker 1: May I sit on your knee and hear you tell
Speaker 1: tale of what life.
Speaker 4: Was like way back in May.
Speaker 1: Well, well, Jimmy, hold on, no, Timmy, I.
Speaker 4: Remember it like it was, Yester.
Speaker 2: The iPhone five was but a glimmer in the iPhone
Speaker 2: four s's eyes.
Speaker 1: It was an incredible time.
Speaker 2: Now, in Hannedy's defense, four months is typically enough time
Speaker 2: for Romney to radically change his positions By the way,
Speaker 2: what about this new very pertinent video of Obama that
Speaker 2: Fox has made hay of all day?
Speaker 4: When was that video recorded?
Speaker 5: That was recorded in nineteen ninety eight.
Speaker 2: My god, that's more than fourteen mays ago. Look, obviously,
Speaker 2: bullshit Mountain has many I guess you would say, peaks
Speaker 2: and valleys, nooks and crannies. Really, you all know what
Speaker 2: bullshit looks like. Look, why am I telling you people?
Speaker 2: Let's drill down to the core of this thing.
Speaker 7: And tonight it is Romney Unplugged, as the GOP presidential nominee,
Speaker 7: delivered as one of his sharpest critiques of President Obama
Speaker 7: and the entitlement society that he enables. According to the
Speaker 7: Census Bureau, in twenty eleven, forty nine percent of Americans
Speaker 7: lived in a household where at least one person received
Speaker 7: a government handout.
Speaker 4: This is the core of bullshit.
Speaker 2: Mountain, the forty nine percent entitlement society Obama enables. That
Speaker 2: is the core of the bullshit nation fiction that somehow,
Speaker 2: only since Obama, the half of Americans who love this
Speaker 2: country and work hard and are good have had the
Speaker 2: fruits of their labor seized and handed over to the
Speaker 2: half of this nation that is lazy and dependent and
Speaker 2: the opposite of good.
Speaker 4: I'm sure there's a better term for that.
Speaker 2: Now, in that forty nine percent, Hannity is including those
Speaker 2: on Social Security and Medicare, or as I like to call.
Speaker 1: Them, his audience demographic TV audience slam.
Speaker 2: But perhaps mister Hannity is understating the problem, for there
Speaker 2: are many more of those on the government dole than
Speaker 2: even his forty nine percent accounts. For, like those welfare
Speaker 2: queens at Exxon Mobile, AT and T ge at all
Speaker 2: two hundred and fifty corporations that from two thousand and
Speaker 2: eight to twenty ten got.
Speaker 4: Nearly a quarter trillion in federal tax subsidies.
Speaker 2: Although to be fair, at least Exon Mobile and AT
Speaker 2: and T give us back cheap gas and reliable cell
Speaker 2: phone service.
Speaker 5: Or how about this, here's one the Wall.
Speaker 2: Street firms who were given access to the discount borrowing
Speaker 2: window at the federal reserves. Or the five billion in
Speaker 2: direct federal payments to America's mouture farmers, or the incredible
Speaker 2: tax breaks the government gives the investor class, whose money
Speaker 2: is taxed at a capital gains rate of fifteen percent
Speaker 2: as opposed to ordinary having a job income which can
Speaker 2: be taxed up to thirty five percent. Boy, I wish
Speaker 2: we had a poster boy for that element of the muchocracy.
Speaker 5: Oh right, in twenty ten. In twenty ten, Governor.
Speaker 2: Romney had an adjusted gross income of twenty one point
Speaker 2: six million dollars, yet paid only three million dollars in
Speaker 2: federal income tax or thirteen point nine percent. Without the
Speaker 2: preferential investor tax code, Romney would have paid seven point
Speaker 2: five six million dollars a government subsidy of four and
Speaker 2: a half million dollars, or, to put that absolutely fair
Speaker 2: tax break given to a job creator in mutuer class
Speaker 2: dependency terms, enough food stamps to feed mister Romney through
Speaker 2: the year forty eight seventy.
Speaker 4: By the way, that's no bullshit.
Speaker 1: That's the mass.
Speaker 2: The biggest problem with the denizens, the biggest problem, the
Speaker 2: biggest problem with the denizens of Bullshit Mountain is they
Speaker 2: act like their shit don't stink. If they have success,
Speaker 2: they built it. If they failed, the government ruined it
Speaker 2: for them. If they get a break, they deserve it.
Speaker 2: If you get a break, it's a handout and an entitlement.
Speaker 2: It's a baffling, willfully blind cognitive dissonance, best summed up
Speaker 2: by their head coach in what is perhaps my favorite
Speaker 2: SoundBite of all time.
Speaker 4: I've been on food stamps and welfare. Anybody help me out?
Speaker 1: No.
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Speaker 12: searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch
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Speaker 1: This has been a Comedy Central podcast.
Speaker 3: Ye