WEBVTT - Socialism Needs a Jingle! 

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<v Speaker 1>We need a socialism jingle. We talk about it so much,

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<v Speaker 1>we're gonna need your help choosing one. It's one more thing.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm strong and getty, one more thing. So, Michael, are

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<v Speaker 1>we going to just listen to one and give it

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<v Speaker 1>a thumbs up or thumbs down? Or do we have

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<v Speaker 1>different ones to choose from?

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<v Speaker 2>Just one? Here?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, got avoided your.

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<v Speaker 2>Knighte and no hope for the future?

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<v Speaker 3>Are you tired of being all? Find out the solution.

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<v Speaker 3>It's called socialism. It's got hugs, lots of hugs.

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<v Speaker 2>Let's coffee and conversation with radomstrations who want to be

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<v Speaker 2>a fan socialism?

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<v Speaker 3>This time it's really.

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<v Speaker 2>Gone work socialism.

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<v Speaker 1>So did you type in write me a song about

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<v Speaker 1>socialism that sounds like the theme song to a nineteen

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<v Speaker 1>seventy eight TV show. Yes, because that's what it sounded like.

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<v Speaker 1>This is gonna be the worst sitcom I've ever seen,

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<v Speaker 1>but a couple of friends who hang out together because

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<v Speaker 1>they believe in socialism.

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<v Speaker 2>As a songwriter, I found the lyrics a little rambling,

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<v Speaker 2>but that was funny.

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<v Speaker 1>It was funny. We'll have to use that tomorrow. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>the radio show. Yes, Laziest One More Thing podcast. Ever,

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<v Speaker 1>I just went through the recent several days of the

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<v Speaker 1>Babylon being picked out a bunch of their jokes, which

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<v Speaker 1>are pretty dang funny.

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<v Speaker 2>Smeone.

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<v Speaker 1>Be's good. Their writers are good. They're they're I think

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<v Speaker 1>they're hit and missus better than the people who write

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<v Speaker 1>for uh, you know, Jimmy Kimmel. I don't know what

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<v Speaker 1>kind of money they're making compared to Jimmy Kimmel's writers.

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<v Speaker 2>But how about Jimmy fallon the funnier Jimmy.

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<v Speaker 1>Here's from the Babylon Bee. I hope you don't need

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<v Speaker 1>the picture for this woman with micro bangs wondering how

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<v Speaker 1>everyone knows she hates her father basically any woman with

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<v Speaker 1>an extreme haircut.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I saw that.

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<v Speaker 1>How do you know you I hate my father? Like

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<v Speaker 1>woman kicked out of Walmart for not wearing pajama bottoms.

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<v Speaker 1>Freaking Walmart man.

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<v Speaker 2>See, I almost never am in the walley and my

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<v Speaker 2>wife shops there a lot, like for groceries because it's

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<v Speaker 2>you know, good.

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<v Speaker 1>Pricess and they got everything.

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<v Speaker 2>I find the whole parking lot walking to the store,

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<v Speaker 2>the crowds, that's it's stressful to me. I'll pay an

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<v Speaker 2>extra few bucks not to do that.

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<v Speaker 1>If you're in a super Walmart, you need to know

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<v Speaker 1>the layout because it's so giant. If you park at

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<v Speaker 1>the wrong end of the parking lot, you know, I

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<v Speaker 1>hope you have your walking shoes on. Yeah, it's going

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<v Speaker 1>to a town, Yeah it is. You're a long way

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<v Speaker 1>away from the stuff you might be wanting.

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<v Speaker 2>Hey, you know, I'm picturing some of the Like I

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<v Speaker 2>lived in Verden, Illinois for a couple of years, very

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<v Speaker 2>small town in central Illinois. Now Saline is a pretty

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<v Speaker 2>big town. I'm thinking of some of the smaller towns

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<v Speaker 2>I've lived in. Passed through a super Walmart in terms

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<v Speaker 2>of square footage, how does that compare with like the

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<v Speaker 2>town square where most of the businesses are in a

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<v Speaker 2>little American bigger more Yeah? Yeah, back to the Babylon Bee,

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<v Speaker 2>absolute psychopath. It's microwave counting down all the way to zero?

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<v Speaker 2>Is that a common thing?

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<v Speaker 1>I do that because I hate the beeping. I hate

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<v Speaker 1>beeping out of electronics. Who decided we needed that? Why

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<v Speaker 1>can't you turn it off all the time? I don't eed,

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<v Speaker 1>bit bit, bit bit bit? Why so many beeps to

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<v Speaker 1>let me know you got to zero on my freaking

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<v Speaker 1>pop tart. God, dang it.

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<v Speaker 2>Wow number one. Put it in a toaster.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh it pierces my brain.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh interesting.

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<v Speaker 3>Ah.

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<v Speaker 2>My wife used to make fun of me speaking of

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<v Speaker 2>a microwaves because I would regularly heat some something for

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<v Speaker 2>seventeen seconds or twenty three or whatever, because I would.

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<v Speaker 1>Say, Hey, here's the question. Is it always an odd number? No,

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<v Speaker 1>because I'm always an even number on my what I

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<v Speaker 1>set my microwave for. I can't even imagine setting it

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<v Speaker 1>for an odd number.

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<v Speaker 2>I have confessed in the past that I used to

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<v Speaker 2>only change my air conditioning in my car by even numbers.

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<v Speaker 2>If I was at seventy two and it was, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>it was chillier than I needed, I'd move it up

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<v Speaker 2>to seventy four. I would never do odd numbers. And

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<v Speaker 2>because OCD runs in my family a lot of family,

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<v Speaker 2>I convince myself, Nope, you've got to fight it. I'm

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<v Speaker 2>talking to myself now, You've got to fight that sort

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<v Speaker 2>of impulse. You've got to regularly do the opposite of it,

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<v Speaker 2>realize everything's great, and move on with your day.

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<v Speaker 1>You think that's helpful.

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<v Speaker 2>It feels like it is.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know, it does seem because I have one

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<v Speaker 1>kid who's got OCD to a pretty high degree, and

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<v Speaker 1>it can kind of take over your life. So maybe

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<v Speaker 1>fighting it at the lower level is better so it

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't grow.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I don't want to out anybody, but I have

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<v Speaker 2>been very, very surprised to learn fairly recently how prevalent

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<v Speaker 2>it is in my family.

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<v Speaker 1>H Yeah, it comes in different sizes, like I have

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<v Speaker 1>a little bit of it, but nothing that has any

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<v Speaker 1>effect on my life. But I can't imagine choosing an

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<v Speaker 1>odd number on the microwave.

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<v Speaker 2>I think I was in my middle ages. Yeah, that's funny.

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<v Speaker 2>That's funny. I was in my middle ages before I

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<v Speaker 2>realized how much depression there was in my mom's family.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, like back in the day when treatments were

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<v Speaker 2>not very good, people hospitalized and shock treatments and stuff

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<v Speaker 2>like that, just a lot of it.

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<v Speaker 1>My mom's adopted, so yet half do half the knowledge

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<v Speaker 1>of that sort of thing. I don't know at all.

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<v Speaker 2>She ever pursued the uh birth family thing just for

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<v Speaker 2>medical purposes.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't think so. Babel unbee Man introduces himself to

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<v Speaker 1>next door neighbors who just recently moved in nine years ago.

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<v Speaker 1>My neighbors all came and introduced themselves to me, and

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<v Speaker 1>I'm glad they're that kind of people because I like

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<v Speaker 1>knowing them and I talked to them on a regular basis.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know if I would have done that if

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<v Speaker 1>they hadn't been the kind of people they are.

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<v Speaker 2>We had neighbors move in, and like that day there

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<v Speaker 2>was a dog running around the neighborhood and I texted,

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<v Speaker 2>I got the number. I texted, I said, hey, there's

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<v Speaker 2>dog running around. Do you happen to have a black

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<v Speaker 2>lab or whatever it was? And they said no, no

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<v Speaker 2>we don't, but thanks. I said, yeah, no worries, looking

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<v Speaker 2>forward to getting to know you. Welcome to the neighborhood.

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<v Speaker 2>Never exchanged a word since.

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<v Speaker 1>And now it's at the awkward right stage.

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<v Speaker 2>So you've been here for a year and a quarter.

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<v Speaker 2>Thought i'd say, loof.

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<v Speaker 1>Boomers prepare for church by setting cell phone to maximum volume.

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<v Speaker 1>When your phone goes off at a meeting, why is

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<v Speaker 1>it set to so loud? And how do you not

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<v Speaker 1>know the button to press to make it stop? How

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<v Speaker 1>do you not know that a third that fourth ring,

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<v Speaker 1>and God help us, that fifth ring. And I always

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<v Speaker 1>say this because this is what drives me crazy. People

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<v Speaker 1>always check and see who it's from before they turn

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<v Speaker 1>it off. The most important that you've interrupted this entire

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<v Speaker 1>whatever we're at, still got to check and see who

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<v Speaker 1>it is because it might be important. How often is

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<v Speaker 1>it important? Really, it's not important. Wife begins pre bedtime

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<v Speaker 1>ritual of chilling feet in freezer. I liked this one.

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<v Speaker 1>Battlon b is a religious organization. That's why you get

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of stuff about religion and God and stuff

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<v Speaker 1>like that. The Bible or or church. God will never

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<v Speaker 1>give you more than you can handle in life, says

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<v Speaker 1>man unfamiliar with God, Comma life. Oh that's perfect, it

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<v Speaker 1>really is.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh beautiful.

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<v Speaker 1>I got a lot of these, friend, as sure as you.

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<v Speaker 1>TV show gets really good if you can just push

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<v Speaker 1>through nine bad seasons dealing with a book like this

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<v Speaker 1>right now. One of the most famous books in the

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<v Speaker 1>last thirty years, Infinite Infinite, just by David Foster Walls.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a nine, it's almost a thousand pages, one all

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<v Speaker 1>kinds of prizes. It's legendary that it's a cult favorite.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, he was a hero until he killed himself.

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<v Speaker 1>It sucks so hard, and I'm about halfway through it.

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<v Speaker 1>It's my least favorite book I've ever read in my wife.

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<v Speaker 1>But everybody says you gotta get at least halfway through

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<v Speaker 1>before it all comes together and makes sense. So I'm

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<v Speaker 1>gonna get to halfway.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh god, it sucks, you know, obviously that's the point

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<v Speaker 2>of the joke. But I have had people say, now,

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<v Speaker 2>the third season really takes off, but you ought to

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<v Speaker 2>work watch the first two in the first three episodes

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<v Speaker 2>of the because it's really the fourth episode of the

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<v Speaker 2>third season that really takes off.

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<v Speaker 1>This is a good one for this time of year.

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<v Speaker 1>Collapsible carnival ride operated by toothless meth addict. Probably fine.

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<v Speaker 1>Newly transitioned woman proudly runs over first curb. Wow, doctor

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<v Speaker 1>reassures nervous patient this procedure will make him truckload of money. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>plane crashes after no one tells the passengers to fly safe.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm trying to decide which one because you want to

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<v Speaker 1>end on a good joke.

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<v Speaker 2>Right, very important show business?

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<v Speaker 1>Uh, civil engineer really starting to regret building city on

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<v Speaker 1>rock and roll.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh didn't see that coming.

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<v Speaker 1>I know what I'm gonna end on. These are both too,

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<v Speaker 1>These last two are both good. Texas approves death penalty

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<v Speaker 1>for anyone who starts an email with Happy Monday Team.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh man, if you start your email with that to

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<v Speaker 1>start the week, you and I probably aren't going to

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<v Speaker 1>hang out a lot. And I like this one man

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<v Speaker 1>who ate at Taco Bell getting more Baja Blast than

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<v Speaker 1>he bargained for.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh that is so good. Well done, Babylon be You

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<v Speaker 2>guys are great. Poor Taco Bell, they're taking a beating

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<v Speaker 2>right now.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, I guess that's it. That's a little more Baja

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<v Speaker 1>Blest than I needed.