1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,040 Speaker 1: Hey guys, my name is Kaylie Shore, and this is 2 00:00:02,080 --> 00:00:05,000 Speaker 1: too much to say. I refused to post a workout 3 00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:07,960 Speaker 1: routine to try to prove that I'm skinny. I also 4 00:00:08,039 --> 00:00:10,280 Speaker 1: kind of refused to work out, so that's that's probably 5 00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:21,880 Speaker 1: part of it. It is, but question turn it out you. 6 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:24,959 Speaker 1: First of all, I want to say thank you so 7 00:00:25,040 --> 00:00:27,280 Speaker 1: much for all the love. On last week's episode, which 8 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:30,360 Speaker 1: was my first, I went a little bit outside of 9 00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:33,480 Speaker 1: my comfort zone. I've never launched a podcast before, I've 10 00:00:33,479 --> 00:00:37,839 Speaker 1: never talked to myself uninterrupted, at least for thirty minutes. 11 00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:40,440 Speaker 1: That was That's a that's the that's the record for 12 00:00:40,479 --> 00:00:43,559 Speaker 1: how long I've talked to myself for sure. But the 13 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:46,599 Speaker 1: you know, I want to just say, like outpouring of 14 00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:49,920 Speaker 1: support was so amazing. And we only got two negative 15 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:52,240 Speaker 1: reviews and they were both because I said funk too much, 16 00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:55,200 Speaker 1: which you know, they're not wrong, but I'm sorry. I can't. 17 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:57,680 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna I'm not gonna change that. It's just 18 00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:01,120 Speaker 1: part of my vocabulary. And also, somebody sent me an article, 19 00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:04,560 Speaker 1: my girl, Stephanie quyle Um, that said that people who 20 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,679 Speaker 1: swear more are often more intelligent. So I'm just gonna 21 00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:08,319 Speaker 1: latch onto that the next time my mom gets on 22 00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:10,600 Speaker 1: me about it, I'm gonna like, Mom, I'm smart. That's 23 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:13,800 Speaker 1: why I say fuck. Being open about my eating disorder. 24 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:17,520 Speaker 1: It was kind of a long journey. I casually mentioned 25 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:21,000 Speaker 1: it on Instagram and you know, I think in an 26 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,920 Speaker 1: interview here and there. But when I put it in 27 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,760 Speaker 1: my song Escape in the Bridge and talked about that 28 00:01:26,959 --> 00:01:29,759 Speaker 1: in a song, that kind of was me really really 29 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:33,360 Speaker 1: opening up. And I did an interview during quarantine with 30 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:35,679 Speaker 1: Laura Snaps at The Guardian, which is this really cool 31 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:40,920 Speaker 1: UK newspaper. She asked me something that nobody had ever 32 00:01:40,959 --> 00:01:44,000 Speaker 1: asked me in an interview before, and she said, Okay, 33 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:46,360 Speaker 1: so you know I've I've noticed that you've kind of 34 00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:49,520 Speaker 1: like hinted and pointed to having an eating disorder, but 35 00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:51,919 Speaker 1: you've never really opened up about it in an interview. 36 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:54,680 Speaker 1: Would you feel comfortable talking about it with me? And 37 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:56,440 Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, you know what, why not. I'm 38 00:01:56,480 --> 00:02:00,440 Speaker 1: in quarantine, I'm bored, let's go there. And I just 39 00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:02,240 Speaker 1: can't say enough like how thankful I was for how 40 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:05,240 Speaker 1: gentle she was with my story and and how easy 41 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:07,200 Speaker 1: she made it to open up. Like I literally told 42 00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:08,920 Speaker 1: her on the phone, I was like, should I be 43 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,120 Speaker 1: paying you because I feel like you're definitely doing like 44 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:15,160 Speaker 1: a therapy role right now. But having somebody ask and 45 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:17,360 Speaker 1: give me a platform to talk about it, I felt 46 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:19,120 Speaker 1: like I really wanted to elaborate on it on the 47 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:21,480 Speaker 1: podcast to be able to share the full story in 48 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:23,839 Speaker 1: a way that I couldn't necessarily in an interview, Which 49 00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:25,600 Speaker 1: is one of my favorite things about this podcast is 50 00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:28,680 Speaker 1: I get to, you know, talk about things in long 51 00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:33,360 Speaker 1: form and very conversationally. So this is the story of 52 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:38,079 Speaker 1: my body image journey and UH and self love. So 53 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,400 Speaker 1: let's start at the very beginning. So when I was 54 00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:43,200 Speaker 1: eleven years old, I was going through a pretty transitional time. 55 00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:47,880 Speaker 1: I went to a pretty toxic Christian school where there 56 00:02:47,919 --> 00:02:53,440 Speaker 1: was some really problematic doctrine specifically towards young girls, and 57 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:58,280 Speaker 1: um just very legalistic. I was questioning authority for the 58 00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:01,840 Speaker 1: first time. I never like to trusted a pastor before, 59 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:05,880 Speaker 1: so that was difficult. I was making the really hard 60 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:08,800 Speaker 1: choice to not go visit my dad every other weekend 61 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:12,600 Speaker 1: anymore because in the custody agreement, I had the choice 62 00:03:12,639 --> 00:03:17,960 Speaker 1: to not visit him, and I made that choice. So 63 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:21,280 Speaker 1: that was really hard. And I also was in the 64 00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:23,760 Speaker 1: middle of my sister being in and out of prison, 65 00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:26,040 Speaker 1: and it was just a lot for an eleven year 66 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:28,640 Speaker 1: old girl to handle. I felt like I didn't have 67 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:32,400 Speaker 1: any control over my life or the situations or the people, 68 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:36,920 Speaker 1: and so I turned to control of food and my 69 00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:42,520 Speaker 1: eating to compensate for that. I would not eat for 70 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:46,680 Speaker 1: for days. I would, you know, just drink detox tease 71 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:52,160 Speaker 1: and run for hours. And you know, it just seemed 72 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:55,640 Speaker 1: like I like to track, and it wasn't that big 73 00:03:55,720 --> 00:04:00,000 Speaker 1: of a deal from the outside, but slowly I started 74 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:04,600 Speaker 1: to losing weight, and then I quickly started losing weight, 75 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:07,200 Speaker 1: and it just spiraled, and my mom was forced to 76 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:11,880 Speaker 1: be like, oh, is something wrong here. So we talked 77 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:13,920 Speaker 1: about it, and she took me to the eating disorder 78 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:17,359 Speaker 1: clinic in my hometown and I was officially diagnosed with 79 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:21,599 Speaker 1: anorexia by the time I was maybe twelve. I do 80 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:24,960 Speaker 1: think I was eleven. So I think that one of 81 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:28,880 Speaker 1: the difficult things about therapy from a parent's perspective is 82 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,760 Speaker 1: a lot of times, if your child's going to therapy, 83 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:35,360 Speaker 1: you're going to whether you know it or not, and 84 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:40,120 Speaker 1: the therapist is going to mediate and tell the parents 85 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:43,599 Speaker 1: the behaviors they have that might be affecting their child, 86 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:46,640 Speaker 1: and that's a difficult thing to hear, you know, and 87 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:48,400 Speaker 1: it's easy to write it off and be like, well, 88 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:51,600 Speaker 1: it's nobody's business how I'm parenting my child. But if 89 00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:56,159 Speaker 1: it's affecting your child in that way, it's definitely worth 90 00:04:56,200 --> 00:05:00,760 Speaker 1: talking about. And nobody's parents are perfect. I mean, I 91 00:05:00,839 --> 00:05:02,440 Speaker 1: think one of the biggest things you learn in your 92 00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:05,680 Speaker 1: twenties is that your parents are people too, And I 93 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:08,640 Speaker 1: think that that really freaked my mom out, and she 94 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:12,800 Speaker 1: wasn't ready to commit to that level of introspection on 95 00:05:12,839 --> 00:05:16,719 Speaker 1: her part to see where these habits may have come 96 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:18,640 Speaker 1: from and where I may have seen them for the 97 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:22,400 Speaker 1: first time. So the day I got diagnosed was the 98 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:25,160 Speaker 1: last time I ever saw a talked about it. Instead, 99 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,560 Speaker 1: my mom decided to take me to the pastor of 100 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:32,600 Speaker 1: our church, and bless his heart, but he'd never he 101 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:36,640 Speaker 1: wasn't a doctor, he'd never been licensed in any way 102 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:39,640 Speaker 1: to work with an eleven year old girl who's eating 103 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:43,000 Speaker 1: nothing because she doesn't know how to cope with the 104 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:47,200 Speaker 1: things that are happening around her. And basically it just 105 00:05:47,279 --> 00:05:50,960 Speaker 1: came down to quote unquote the power of prayer, which 106 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:54,919 Speaker 1: I'm not denying the importance of spirituality and faith at all, 107 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:58,039 Speaker 1: but it can't be the only thing that you're doing. 108 00:05:58,279 --> 00:06:02,880 Speaker 1: Modern medicine and therapy exists for a reason. You're not 109 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:09,040 Speaker 1: undermining God's abilities by seeing a therapist and seeing somebody 110 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:14,440 Speaker 1: who has gone to school to handle these situations. So 111 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:18,400 Speaker 1: after that, you know, I can't say that I got 112 00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:21,560 Speaker 1: a single thing out of talking to a pastor um 113 00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:24,080 Speaker 1: And my eating just sort of just got worse and worse, 114 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,839 Speaker 1: and it would pop up. I would, you know, be 115 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,520 Speaker 1: fine for a few months, then I wouldn't be. And 116 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:33,360 Speaker 1: it wasn't like I didn't eat from eleven to eighteen, 117 00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:36,159 Speaker 1: but there were a lot of periods in between that 118 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:39,120 Speaker 1: I didn't and it looked a lot of different ways. 119 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:43,000 Speaker 1: Sometimes I would be working out too much, sometimes I 120 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,279 Speaker 1: wouldn't be eating. Sometimes I would binge and purge. And 121 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:48,800 Speaker 1: the official name for what I had is an x 122 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:54,760 Speaker 1: C with bliemic tendencies. As I got more into my 123 00:06:54,839 --> 00:06:57,920 Speaker 1: teenage years, it got worse because I had access to 124 00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:01,960 Speaker 1: the internet, and this was before Instagram was really a thing, 125 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:07,599 Speaker 1: but tumbler was everywhere and it was so like hard 126 00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:09,680 Speaker 1: to log on there and I would just see these 127 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:12,680 Speaker 1: girls with the perfect thigh gap and you know, they'd 128 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:14,840 Speaker 1: have their collar bones and it just all seemed very 129 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:18,680 Speaker 1: like elegant and romanticized. And as I dove down those 130 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:23,640 Speaker 1: rabbit holes, I found this community and they were called 131 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:27,200 Speaker 1: pro Anna and pro mia as an Anorexia and Bolivia, 132 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:31,880 Speaker 1: and it was literally a community of people with eating 133 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:36,040 Speaker 1: disorders encouraging other people have eating disorders. And that sounds crazy, 134 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,800 Speaker 1: like it sounds sociopathic, but when you're caught up in 135 00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:45,840 Speaker 1: that lifestyle, finding this community can feel so like everything 136 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:48,040 Speaker 1: you've been needing because you feel so isolated and so 137 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:52,040 Speaker 1: alone in what you're going through. And it was like 138 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:55,000 Speaker 1: sharing your weight stats and your your goal b m 139 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:57,640 Speaker 1: I and all these numbers and the numbers are the problem, 140 00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:01,000 Speaker 1: and I just got so deep into it I couldn't 141 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:04,679 Speaker 1: get out. I actually went back and I found my 142 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:06,880 Speaker 1: my blog from when I was dealing with that. It 143 00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:10,920 Speaker 1: was anonymous, and it's just so heartbreaking the things that 144 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:15,480 Speaker 1: I would post, you know, like willpower is power. Nothing 145 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:18,200 Speaker 1: tastes as good as skinny feels. Also, big fat Lie, 146 00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:22,320 Speaker 1: I don't know if you have ever had an impossible burger, 147 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:26,520 Speaker 1: but that tastes better than skinny fields, for sure, and 148 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:30,160 Speaker 1: I just spiraled and it got so much worse, and 149 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:34,800 Speaker 1: it was definitely exacerbated by Tumbler and that sort of 150 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:41,079 Speaker 1: culture that was happening. Since then, you know, different social 151 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:43,800 Speaker 1: media sites have started to flag that material and it's 152 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:46,080 Speaker 1: a lot harder to find, which like, thank god, but 153 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:48,280 Speaker 1: it was so accessible at that point. You could just 154 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:51,240 Speaker 1: literally go to the hashtag pro anna and you were 155 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:54,800 Speaker 1: off to the races. There were so many things I 156 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:57,280 Speaker 1: missed out on in high school because of my eating disorder. 157 00:08:57,720 --> 00:09:01,600 Speaker 1: When I was going through an episode, for lack of 158 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:06,000 Speaker 1: a better word, I would not go out with my friends. 159 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,240 Speaker 1: I wouldn't go get pizza because I'd get such deep 160 00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:10,679 Speaker 1: anxiety about if I would eat too much, if I 161 00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:13,920 Speaker 1: would overeat, if people would judge me for how much 162 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:15,840 Speaker 1: I was eating because I hadn't eaten in five days, 163 00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:17,920 Speaker 1: and then when I would eat something, I'd eat like 164 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:23,080 Speaker 1: half a pizza. And it just was so hard to manage, 165 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:25,840 Speaker 1: and I didn't have any resources. And I remember going 166 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:30,760 Speaker 1: to both of my parents and telling them what was 167 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:34,440 Speaker 1: going on, and they just didn't take it seriously. And again, 168 00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:38,440 Speaker 1: parents are people, too, but this is what happened, and 169 00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:41,160 Speaker 1: I want to tell my story transparently because I know 170 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:44,680 Speaker 1: there's a lot of you out there who probably feel similarly. 171 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:46,679 Speaker 1: I mean, I've heard from some of you guys, like 172 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,240 Speaker 1: through Instagram, d m s and just telling me like 173 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,320 Speaker 1: your stories, and I just want you to know that 174 00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:54,920 Speaker 1: you're not alone. And it doesn't mean your parents don't 175 00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:57,720 Speaker 1: love you. It just means that they're going through something themselves. 176 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:04,240 Speaker 1: I went through a period when I've turned eighteen where 177 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:07,800 Speaker 1: I was pulling myself out of the eating disorder. I 178 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:12,080 Speaker 1: kind of had this moment I had passed out. I 179 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:14,120 Speaker 1: hadn't eaten in five days, and I woke up like 180 00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:16,640 Speaker 1: four hours later on my bedroom floor, and I was 181 00:10:16,679 --> 00:10:20,199 Speaker 1: just like, why the funk am I not eating? Like? 182 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:24,920 Speaker 1: I look fine? Like it honestly, really hardly ever had 183 00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:27,080 Speaker 1: anything to do with what I looked like. And I 184 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:28,880 Speaker 1: was never like looking around at other people being like, 185 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:30,600 Speaker 1: oh my god, that person is so fat. It was 186 00:10:30,679 --> 00:10:33,000 Speaker 1: just a control thing, and I felt like if I 187 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:37,480 Speaker 1: was empty, I was clean. I mean, I don't even 188 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:39,640 Speaker 1: know how to fully describe it. It was just like 189 00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:43,360 Speaker 1: this desire to be empty, and I was like, why 190 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:46,000 Speaker 1: am I doing this? And I was also taking an 191 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:49,920 Speaker 1: ap psychology class and I had done a thesis on 192 00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:55,000 Speaker 1: nature and nurture and like, which one is the bigger 193 00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:58,440 Speaker 1: component into your predisposition to having an eating disorder? And 194 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:03,000 Speaker 1: it turns out, like most things, it's like and writing 195 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:06,439 Speaker 1: that paper and doing the research and learning the mental 196 00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:09,800 Speaker 1: processes behind it. It wasn't just like a habit. It 197 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,559 Speaker 1: was like an actual mental illness. And truthfully, it has 198 00:11:12,559 --> 00:11:15,880 Speaker 1: the highest mortality rate of any mental illness, so people 199 00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:19,480 Speaker 1: are dying from it. And obviously people die from other 200 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:22,000 Speaker 1: mental illnesses as well, but this one is like just 201 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:26,880 Speaker 1: the fast track to destroying your body and maybe dying. 202 00:11:27,679 --> 00:11:30,400 Speaker 1: It's really sad, and it's really dark, and it's something 203 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:33,840 Speaker 1: that affects really young people. And it's not just girls. 204 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:37,559 Speaker 1: I'm talking a lot about girls on this podcast, but 205 00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:41,640 Speaker 1: male eating disorders and body image issues are so underdiagnosed. 206 00:11:41,679 --> 00:11:43,760 Speaker 1: So don't think I'm I'm not acknowledging those at all. 207 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:46,880 Speaker 1: It's just my personal experiences having a disorder and being 208 00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:51,560 Speaker 1: a girl. So after several years of doing better having 209 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:55,640 Speaker 1: that epiphany, I was in a relationship, and you know, 210 00:11:55,679 --> 00:11:58,320 Speaker 1: I would have periods where I would like try some 211 00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:03,960 Speaker 1: pinterest diet that was like drinking lemonade with cayenne pepper 212 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:07,160 Speaker 1: in it and fasting for several days. But it wasn't 213 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,800 Speaker 1: like it wasn't the same as when I was like 214 00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:12,240 Speaker 1: fully in my eating disorder, but it was just as bad, 215 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:15,520 Speaker 1: Like I just wasn't. I was convincing myself that it 216 00:12:15,559 --> 00:12:18,600 Speaker 1: was like a diet for like health reasons, and that's 217 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:21,720 Speaker 1: why I think that the wellness community can be so 218 00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:26,760 Speaker 1: so damaging. Then it popped back up after I went 219 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:31,600 Speaker 1: through the breakup, trademark sign that inspired my album Open Book, 220 00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:35,800 Speaker 1: and um, just the rapid period of growth that happened 221 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:39,640 Speaker 1: personally over the next two years. I look back at 222 00:12:39,679 --> 00:12:45,600 Speaker 1: pictures of myself now and I'm like, oh, I wasn't skinny. 223 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:48,200 Speaker 1: I was hungry. And that's why I called the episode 224 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:51,160 Speaker 1: Hungry as the new Skinny, because it's so important to 225 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,160 Speaker 1: know the distinction. And it's so easy to get caught 226 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:56,720 Speaker 1: up in the scale and the numbers and and quote 227 00:12:56,760 --> 00:13:00,680 Speaker 1: unquote wellness and be like, I'm I'm getting then I'm 228 00:13:00,679 --> 00:13:03,640 Speaker 1: getting skinny. But like, if you're hungry and you're miserable, 229 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:10,840 Speaker 1: like you're not happy, and you can't say that you're 230 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:13,600 Speaker 1: healthy even if you're healthy on the outside, you're taking 231 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:15,360 Speaker 1: all the right vitamins, you're working out all the time, 232 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,720 Speaker 1: you have a six pack, you only eat quote unquote 233 00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:21,679 Speaker 1: clean foods. If your brain is a nightmare, if you're 234 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:24,600 Speaker 1: looking in the mirror and you hate yourself, if you 235 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:29,400 Speaker 1: feel like absolute garbage, if you went over your calorie 236 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:33,200 Speaker 1: allotment for the day, if you need to go do uh, 237 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:36,640 Speaker 1: you know, workout class and burn four calories just because 238 00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:40,080 Speaker 1: you ate a pack of Eminem's. Like, that's not healthy. 239 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,800 Speaker 1: And you have to be healthy in your body and 240 00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:45,880 Speaker 1: your mind in order to be that and to put 241 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:48,120 Speaker 1: that label on yourself and say that I'm into health 242 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:52,680 Speaker 1: and wellness, you're not well. And I'm saying that because 243 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:56,040 Speaker 1: that was me. Like when I look back on those photos, 244 00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:58,280 Speaker 1: it's just crazy. Like there was one red carpet I 245 00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:01,760 Speaker 1: walked and I think it was a CMT Awards. And 246 00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:05,120 Speaker 1: people love to compliment you when you lose weight and 247 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:07,360 Speaker 1: they're like, wow, you look great, and like wow, you've 248 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:08,800 Speaker 1: lost so much weight, Like what are you doing? And 249 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:15,720 Speaker 1: I'm like not eating um, having five coronas and an 250 00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:19,120 Speaker 1: English muffin a day like that was it. It was 251 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:22,440 Speaker 1: just a really rough period. And I remember on that 252 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:24,760 Speaker 1: red carpet, I hadn't eaten anything all day and I 253 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:28,200 Speaker 1: was feeling so lightheaded. And red carpets are like really intense, 254 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,240 Speaker 1: like you're doing interview after interview, You're trying to make 255 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:33,440 Speaker 1: sure every angle is right, and it's just like it's 256 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,880 Speaker 1: a really stressful, like twenty minute period. But they're very 257 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:39,320 Speaker 1: fun unless you haven't been eating all day, in which 258 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,840 Speaker 1: case you're going to be miserable. And I remember there 259 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:43,920 Speaker 1: was like three minutes before the show and I told 260 00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:45,480 Speaker 1: my manager. I was like, if I don't eat something 261 00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:46,840 Speaker 1: right now, I think I'm going to pass out. So 262 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:49,240 Speaker 1: he ran outside and bridge down arena and like got 263 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:51,000 Speaker 1: me a piece of pizza and ran back and like 264 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:53,800 Speaker 1: I scarved it down with like thirty seconds before the 265 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:55,920 Speaker 1: show started, and I was like on camera. So that 266 00:14:56,000 --> 00:15:04,080 Speaker 1: was a whole thing. As I processed the breakup, I 267 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:07,200 Speaker 1: had to process other things about myself. I didn't just 268 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,560 Speaker 1: have to be like, Oh, how do I get over 269 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,160 Speaker 1: this boy? I had to be like, how do I 270 00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:14,160 Speaker 1: fucking love myself? And I feel so unlovable and I've 271 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,000 Speaker 1: just been cheated on. I love someone I've been with 272 00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:18,560 Speaker 1: for six years, like I feel like I don't deserve 273 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:20,640 Speaker 1: to be loved, and that's why that happened. And then 274 00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:22,400 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, well, why do I feel like 275 00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:27,320 Speaker 1: I don't deserve to be loved? And when you're recovering, 276 00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:30,440 Speaker 1: everything comes back to you and you have to like 277 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:33,320 Speaker 1: go dive back into your childhood and your parents and 278 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:38,680 Speaker 1: what that looks like. And as I went through recovery, 279 00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:41,479 Speaker 1: I started going to therapy, I started seeing a psychiatrist, 280 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:44,040 Speaker 1: and I got help for myself, and I got the 281 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:48,000 Speaker 1: help that I didn't get as a child, and I 282 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:51,400 Speaker 1: realized where I learned those habits from. Like, yes, it 283 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:54,520 Speaker 1: was the Internet, but also, like everything, as you'll realize 284 00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:57,240 Speaker 1: in therapy, a lot of it stems from your parents. 285 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:00,720 Speaker 1: And my parents had their own issues with food. My 286 00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:02,520 Speaker 1: mom used to be a model, she was in the 287 00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:05,960 Speaker 1: Miss USA pageant. She's very, very beautiful. But after she 288 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:09,440 Speaker 1: had five children, her body changed. That's just what happens, 289 00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:15,920 Speaker 1: and she started to want her body back the way 290 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:18,160 Speaker 1: it was before. But like another thing that's really important 291 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:22,160 Speaker 1: to acknowledge, especially for women, is over time, your hormones, 292 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:25,720 Speaker 1: your body changes. You have children, like and also you know, 293 00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:29,840 Speaker 1: it's way cooler than having a six pack, creating fucking 294 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:33,640 Speaker 1: life out of thin air, and just having a child 295 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:37,680 Speaker 1: and making people like that's so much cooler than being skinny. 296 00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:40,600 Speaker 1: And when you're holding yourself to this unattainable goal of 297 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,240 Speaker 1: looking like you did at seventeen or looking like you 298 00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:47,160 Speaker 1: did before you had a child, you're going to be disappointed. Like, 299 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:51,520 Speaker 1: sometimes it's even more damaging to compare yourself to you 300 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:54,280 Speaker 1: ten years ago or five years ago than it is 301 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:58,560 Speaker 1: to compare yourself to somebody on Instagram. So my mom 302 00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:00,600 Speaker 1: would always be doing a diet, being like, oh I 303 00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:03,640 Speaker 1: lost three pounds or whatever, and oh no, I gained 304 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:06,520 Speaker 1: it back. And I'm like, humans fluctuate weight, like that's 305 00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:09,800 Speaker 1: so easily. I mean, like you can retain a lot 306 00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:12,680 Speaker 1: of water because you ate some chips and and had 307 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:15,200 Speaker 1: some salt and then you're bloated for a couple of days. 308 00:17:15,359 --> 00:17:17,520 Speaker 1: That doesn't mean you're fat, It just means that that's 309 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:21,000 Speaker 1: what your body is doing. And then my dad is 310 00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:26,600 Speaker 1: really into holistic health stuff and and organic food, and 311 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:32,119 Speaker 1: you know, he's really into that's sort of that corner 312 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:37,720 Speaker 1: of the wellness, you know, hobby industry whatever. And he's 313 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:40,280 Speaker 1: also been a vegetarian for forty five years, like a 314 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:44,760 Speaker 1: really long time, and I think that that's been a 315 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:48,840 Speaker 1: restrictive thing for him. Um, it's also ethical. That's also 316 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:51,120 Speaker 1: why I don't eat meat. Um, but I also don't 317 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:55,080 Speaker 1: judge anybody else. And I had to kind of eat 318 00:17:55,119 --> 00:17:58,520 Speaker 1: me in order to go through recovery, because any sort 319 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:01,239 Speaker 1: of limiting myself a restrict acting or feeling guilty if 320 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:02,919 Speaker 1: I ate something like I needed to get rid of that. 321 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,480 Speaker 1: And now I'm at a place where I feel like 322 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:07,400 Speaker 1: I can. Also, they have impossible burgers now, so that's 323 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:11,600 Speaker 1: wonderful because those are so freaking good. Um. But my 324 00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:15,000 Speaker 1: dad would put this pressure on himself and then subsequently 325 00:18:15,359 --> 00:18:18,359 Speaker 1: me and if my sisters brought home McDonald's and I 326 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:20,960 Speaker 1: was eating it, I get side eye and he would 327 00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:22,840 Speaker 1: be like, you know, there's so much junk in that 328 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:27,080 Speaker 1: it's so bad for you, And like, yeah, he's not wrong, 329 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,320 Speaker 1: Like fast food is not good for you, but if 330 00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:33,000 Speaker 1: you eat a happy meal like once, you're not going 331 00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:36,359 Speaker 1: to die from it, Like your body naturally detoxifies. And 332 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:40,040 Speaker 1: it was always him talking about chemicals and toxins and 333 00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:42,120 Speaker 1: all this stuff that's in your food, and like, yeah, 334 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:44,760 Speaker 1: that's true, like don't eat McDonald's every single day for 335 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:47,840 Speaker 1: your entire life. But I grew up thinking that there 336 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:51,800 Speaker 1: was this distinction between foods that were clean and foods 337 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:54,760 Speaker 1: that were dirty, and that's also perpetuated by the wellness industry, 338 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:58,720 Speaker 1: and that's so bad because like the clean versus dirty thing, 339 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:02,080 Speaker 1: good versus evil, Like you start to look at a 340 00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:04,800 Speaker 1: piece of cake and think that it's like Satan incarnate, 341 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:07,720 Speaker 1: and that's just not accurate, Like it's something that will 342 00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:12,359 Speaker 1: make you happy in moderation. And my grandma would, you know, 343 00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:15,160 Speaker 1: make a German chocolate cake because my my family their 344 00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:18,080 Speaker 1: German immigrants, and she made like the best cake ever. 345 00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:21,160 Speaker 1: And my dad would like, you know, be a little 346 00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,880 Speaker 1: judge if I ate it. And it came from what 347 00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:26,359 Speaker 1: he thought was a good place, which was teaching me 348 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:29,280 Speaker 1: good habits and and helping me be healthy, but it 349 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:34,760 Speaker 1: ended up just really not helping um. So being able 350 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:36,800 Speaker 1: to put my finger on that in therapy was really 351 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,720 Speaker 1: helpful because I was like, oh, that's where that comes from, 352 00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:43,800 Speaker 1: That's where I learned that. And being able to acknowledge 353 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:47,000 Speaker 1: that is such an important part in moving past it. 354 00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:50,960 Speaker 1: And just because I consider myself to be recovered from 355 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:52,920 Speaker 1: my eating disorder doesn't mean it won't pop up again 356 00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:56,199 Speaker 1: if I get stressed. That's just how life works, um, 357 00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:58,600 Speaker 1: But it does mean that I have a lot more 358 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:01,639 Speaker 1: resources to fight it if it does, if those thoughts 359 00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:04,600 Speaker 1: creep back in, and I may be able to go 360 00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:09,760 Speaker 1: my whole life without ever having anything other than the thoughts. Um. 361 00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:13,199 Speaker 1: I really hope that I'm able to fight off the 362 00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:15,720 Speaker 1: habits and never fall down that rabbit hole again of 363 00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:19,359 Speaker 1: like physically not eating and over working out and all 364 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:22,080 Speaker 1: that stuff. But just because it's gone doesn't mean it 365 00:20:22,119 --> 00:20:24,600 Speaker 1: doesn't affect me. I still find myself to be really 366 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:28,159 Speaker 1: weird and controlling about food. Not so much in the 367 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:32,639 Speaker 1: amount that I have, but I have like weird little 368 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:35,919 Speaker 1: mini panic attacks. If I wanted to go to a 369 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:39,440 Speaker 1: certain restaurant, and especially during coronavirus, like you get there 370 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:41,480 Speaker 1: and it's closed, and that was the only thing I wanted, 371 00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:43,320 Speaker 1: and I got really fixated on that, and then I 372 00:20:43,359 --> 00:20:46,399 Speaker 1: have to change what I was going to eat, and 373 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:48,440 Speaker 1: I kind of have a freak out and then I'll 374 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:52,080 Speaker 1: be like I'm not even hungry. And one time, Um, 375 00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:55,040 Speaker 1: I cried in front of my ex boyfriend's entire family 376 00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:57,480 Speaker 1: on a road trip because we got to Arby's and 377 00:20:57,480 --> 00:21:00,320 Speaker 1: they were at a roast beef and I literally had 378 00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:01,560 Speaker 1: to go to bathroom and cry. And then I was like, 379 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,399 Speaker 1: I'm not even hungry and I hadn't eaten in like 380 00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:05,600 Speaker 1: hours because we were driving through Wyoming and there's not 381 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:10,000 Speaker 1: many rest stops, and it was that was pretty embarrassing. 382 00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:14,040 Speaker 1: And and that's how that manifests for me. Now. Now 383 00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:16,159 Speaker 1: I found being able to talk about it with my 384 00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:20,240 Speaker 1: friends is really important. And I know so many boys 385 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,880 Speaker 1: and girls and men and women who have gone through 386 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:26,560 Speaker 1: the same thing, and being able to talk about it 387 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:30,240 Speaker 1: is so so so important because you're like, Okay, that's 388 00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:34,440 Speaker 1: not me dieting, that's me not eating, and being able 389 00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:36,680 Speaker 1: to recognize that. I feel like, because I've had a 390 00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:39,640 Speaker 1: eating disorder, I can tell really really quickly if someone 391 00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:43,480 Speaker 1: else is going through that, because it's like this fixation 392 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:46,040 Speaker 1: on talking about dieting, on talking about your body, on 393 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,320 Speaker 1: doing the thing on Instagram where you zoom in on 394 00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:50,760 Speaker 1: a girl's six pack and you just dissect the picture. 395 00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:54,000 Speaker 1: And when I see people doing that, you know, without 396 00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:56,520 Speaker 1: being aggressive, I'm like, hey, buddy, like, do you want 397 00:21:56,560 --> 00:22:02,000 Speaker 1: to talk about that. But one of the best pieces 398 00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:04,520 Speaker 1: of advice I ever got for body image and how 399 00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:06,439 Speaker 1: it applies to being a woman in the industry was 400 00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:10,040 Speaker 1: from my friend Kelsey Vallerini, and we were talking about 401 00:22:10,119 --> 00:22:14,399 Speaker 1: the pressures that are put on, you know, girls in 402 00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:18,520 Speaker 1: music and and entertainment, and she was like telling me 403 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:20,919 Speaker 1: about this epiphany that she had had in her own 404 00:22:21,119 --> 00:22:24,720 Speaker 1: body image self love journey where she was like, wait 405 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:28,080 Speaker 1: a second, I'm trying to make myself look like Gigi hadid. 406 00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:31,439 Speaker 1: Why I'm I'm a musician, Like, it is not my 407 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:35,160 Speaker 1: job to look like that. Like, if you're a model, yes, 408 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:37,520 Speaker 1: it makes sense that you have to like maintain a 409 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:39,600 Speaker 1: certain look and like work towards that and have the 410 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:41,480 Speaker 1: perfect spray tan and the perfect hair all the time. 411 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:46,639 Speaker 1: But like Kelsey's job and my job is to perform 412 00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:49,160 Speaker 1: and put on a really fucking good show and write 413 00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:52,040 Speaker 1: music that makes people feel things and like put positive 414 00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:54,919 Speaker 1: stuff into the universe. And being skinny has nothing to 415 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,919 Speaker 1: do with that. I mean, it has nothing to do 416 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,960 Speaker 1: with that. So I think that the industry can be 417 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,000 Speaker 1: so toxic. And so for me having all of this 418 00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:09,840 Speaker 1: back story, back history with disordered eating and then throwing 419 00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:12,000 Speaker 1: myself into the music industry where you're like under a 420 00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:17,240 Speaker 1: literal fucking microscope all the time. It wasn't wasn't easy. 421 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:19,960 Speaker 1: And I think that that's, you know, kind of part 422 00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:23,960 Speaker 1: of why I had a relapse and why I have 423 00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:26,119 Speaker 1: to try so hard every day to wake up and 424 00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:30,040 Speaker 1: be like, I think good thoughts, think good things about yourself. 425 00:23:30,119 --> 00:23:31,640 Speaker 1: Shut up that little voice in the back of your 426 00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:34,119 Speaker 1: head telling you that you look fat in that picture, 427 00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:37,880 Speaker 1: or your arm is bad or whatever. And I think 428 00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:41,560 Speaker 1: that when you're just having pictures taken at different angles 429 00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:43,639 Speaker 1: all the time, I mean, especially with like camera phones. 430 00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:45,680 Speaker 1: Oh my god, I just had camera phones. I mean 431 00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:48,640 Speaker 1: like smartphones. God, I sound so old. Who has said 432 00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:52,080 Speaker 1: camera phones anytime in the past, like five years? God? Okay, anyways, 433 00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:56,600 Speaker 1: phones with cameras makes things so weird because you know, 434 00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:59,000 Speaker 1: like you' all will be in the front row taking 435 00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,800 Speaker 1: a picture words and I'm like, oh my god, I 436 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:04,640 Speaker 1: have like twelve chins. I don't have twelve chins. It's 437 00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:09,200 Speaker 1: just a bad angle. Even Jennifer freaking Aniston has bad angles, 438 00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:12,760 Speaker 1: probably slightly fewer than I do, because you know, Queen Jennifer, 439 00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:19,840 Speaker 1: but still, like everybody has bad angles and the average 440 00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:24,800 Speaker 1: musician has to probably be like a size too, but 441 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:28,000 Speaker 1: the average American woman is a size sixteen and they're 442 00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:30,480 Speaker 1: still healthy. Like I'm going to post something on my 443 00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:33,640 Speaker 1: Twitter that's a article that I found that was really helpful, 444 00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:37,280 Speaker 1: and it's about all the misconceptions we have about obesity 445 00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:42,000 Speaker 1: and how if you are fat, you're unhealthy, Like no, 446 00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:45,760 Speaker 1: you just have fat, Like like I refuse to believe 447 00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:52,080 Speaker 1: that Lizzo is not more in shape than I am. 448 00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:54,840 Speaker 1: Like Lizzo, I've seen her put on a show. She's 449 00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:57,840 Speaker 1: running around stage. She has like this crazy lung capacity 450 00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:00,240 Speaker 1: which only happens if you're like working out all the time, 451 00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:02,240 Speaker 1: where she can like beult these massive notes and still 452 00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:05,200 Speaker 1: be dancing and doing all this crazy stuff. And like 453 00:25:05,359 --> 00:25:06,960 Speaker 1: you're just not going to convince me that she's not 454 00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:11,240 Speaker 1: quote unquote in shape and she's fucking gorgeous. I mean, 455 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:15,760 Speaker 1: like it's just I'm so happy that people like Lizzo exists, 456 00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:19,840 Speaker 1: because seeing somebody who's writing such good music and is 457 00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:22,520 Speaker 1: so talented and so cool and can play the flute 458 00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:27,000 Speaker 1: but somehow make it like really really cool can also 459 00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,480 Speaker 1: be bigger, Like you don't have to be skinny to 460 00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:32,679 Speaker 1: be the coolest fucking person on the planet. Clearly, I'm 461 00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:35,679 Speaker 1: a big Lizzo fan over here. And then on the 462 00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:38,720 Speaker 1: other end of the spectrum, you're looking at celebrities who 463 00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:43,080 Speaker 1: are posting these skinny teas and these detox supplements and 464 00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:46,240 Speaker 1: all this stuff, like, again, your body detoxes naturally. That 465 00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:49,680 Speaker 1: ship is just exactly that. It's just garbage. It's just ship. 466 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:55,280 Speaker 1: And speaking of ship, detox tease, y'all, they're just laxatives, 467 00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:58,320 Speaker 1: like yeah, okay, you're gonna lose five pounds because you're 468 00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:01,879 Speaker 1: like shut your brains out, and um, I know that's gross, 469 00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:04,199 Speaker 1: but that's what it is. So anytime you see an 470 00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:07,119 Speaker 1: Instagram model posting like, oh my god, like coming to 471 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:13,560 Speaker 1: d D use code, you know, skinny ten for ten 472 00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:17,120 Speaker 1: percent off, they're shedding their brains out later if they're 473 00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:19,719 Speaker 1: actually consuming that, and truth is, they're probably not. So 474 00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:22,199 Speaker 1: when you see a kardash Tian posting a picture with 475 00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:24,879 Speaker 1: this t like, maybe they didn't even drink it, and 476 00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:27,560 Speaker 1: if they did, it's not why they're skinny. They're skinny 477 00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:31,479 Speaker 1: because genetics and they have personal trainers, and they can 478 00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:33,960 Speaker 1: afford like really healthy food and like meal plants and 479 00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,720 Speaker 1: private chefs, and that's like why celebrities are really really 480 00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:40,440 Speaker 1: skinny and really in shape, and also like they're able 481 00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:42,960 Speaker 1: to bring a personal trainer like traveling with them. They're 482 00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:44,800 Speaker 1: able to do all these things, and like y'all know, 483 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:47,480 Speaker 1: like fitness classes are really expensive and they can afford that, 484 00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:50,560 Speaker 1: So don't fool yourself into thinking that the reason they're 485 00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:55,280 Speaker 1: skinny is because of this stupid tea. And I actually 486 00:26:55,800 --> 00:27:01,719 Speaker 1: turned down a sponsorship thing with um emt S because 487 00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:05,120 Speaker 1: I completely just disagree with the message. I think it's 488 00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:09,040 Speaker 1: really screwy, and like I'm into homeopathic supplements, Like I 489 00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:12,760 Speaker 1: have a drawer full of tease for different things, but 490 00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:16,480 Speaker 1: shipping my brain sound is not one of them. And 491 00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:17,800 Speaker 1: so I turned on to deal with them, and like, 492 00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:19,680 Speaker 1: honestly I kind of needed the money at that point, 493 00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:23,800 Speaker 1: but I was like, no, fuck you. And even for 494 00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:26,520 Speaker 1: this podcast, when we were talking about, like you know 495 00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:29,359 Speaker 1: the point in it where we get potential advertisers on 496 00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:31,480 Speaker 1: board there like are there any things you won't work with? 497 00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:33,199 Speaker 1: Any companies you won't work with? And I was like, 498 00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:37,480 Speaker 1: companies are test on animals and anything that promotes dieting 499 00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:40,320 Speaker 1: or or supplements that are for weight loss or anything 500 00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:41,600 Speaker 1: like that, Like I'm just not going to do it 501 00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:46,480 Speaker 1: screw up. So it's been an interesting journey to self love. 502 00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:49,920 Speaker 1: Obviously being in the industry doesn't make it any easier, 503 00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:53,639 Speaker 1: but I just want you guys to know, like I 504 00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:56,119 Speaker 1: promised to do everything I can as an artist in 505 00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:58,400 Speaker 1: a quote unquote role model, which I kind of hate 506 00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:01,000 Speaker 1: that term, but I understand people are are looking at 507 00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:04,320 Speaker 1: me and then watching what I'm doing. I refused to 508 00:28:04,359 --> 00:28:08,080 Speaker 1: post a workout routine to try to prove that I'm skinny. 509 00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:10,000 Speaker 1: I also kind of refused to work out, so that's 510 00:28:10,119 --> 00:28:13,680 Speaker 1: that's probably part of it as well. But um, I've 511 00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:15,840 Speaker 1: found things that are really helpful for me that don't 512 00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:19,200 Speaker 1: involve numbers. I love, love, love yoga, and I found 513 00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:22,880 Speaker 1: that that's been really helpful because it's not about how 514 00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:26,439 Speaker 1: much I'm burning, like fat wise or calorie wise, but 515 00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:28,640 Speaker 1: it's about what my body can do, and like being 516 00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:31,000 Speaker 1: able to do cropos and balance my entire body on 517 00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:34,200 Speaker 1: two hands or do a headstand for like five minutes straight, 518 00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:37,280 Speaker 1: like that's cool. I'm like, oh wow, my body can 519 00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:41,800 Speaker 1: do cooler things than just be skinny. And it's also 520 00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:43,800 Speaker 1: so good for my mind, which, like I said, like 521 00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:46,160 Speaker 1: wellness is about your mind and your body, and you 522 00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:49,840 Speaker 1: can't have one without the other. And then I also 523 00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:52,040 Speaker 1: just love getting out and doing things with my friends, 524 00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:55,880 Speaker 1: like going and locking myself in a gym and running 525 00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:58,280 Speaker 1: on a treadmill towards nothing for an hour. Like that 526 00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:01,160 Speaker 1: doesn't sound fun. I've done that. I hate it. All 527 00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:02,680 Speaker 1: I think about is the other things I should be 528 00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:04,320 Speaker 1: doing and the other things I want to be doing, 529 00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:07,560 Speaker 1: So getting out with my friends and doing things like 530 00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:11,080 Speaker 1: longboarding or even just going for a walk or anything 531 00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:15,920 Speaker 1: active that's like outside and fun, but like not torturing myself. 532 00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:18,320 Speaker 1: Like if you wake up and you like need to 533 00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:22,560 Speaker 1: go to the gym quote unquote, but you're like dreading 534 00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:24,000 Speaker 1: it and you're like I'm gonna go there and be 535 00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:26,120 Speaker 1: miserable the entire time, Like why are you doing it? 536 00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:30,600 Speaker 1: Like there's ways to be active that you're going to enjoy, 537 00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:32,360 Speaker 1: that are going to be fun, And I think we 538 00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:35,400 Speaker 1: need to find those things for ourselves that we're not 539 00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:38,320 Speaker 1: like hating every second of life when we're working out 540 00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:41,960 Speaker 1: and on a treadmill. So I hope that you guys 541 00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:44,880 Speaker 1: took something good away from this episode. This is just 542 00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:46,760 Speaker 1: my story. Like I said, it looks a lot of 543 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:49,120 Speaker 1: different ways for different people, but I just wanted to 544 00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:52,280 Speaker 1: share this and kind of elaborate. Thank you so much 545 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:53,960 Speaker 1: for tuning in. I would love it if you guys 546 00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:57,600 Speaker 1: would tweet me at Kaylee Shore Instagram dm me let 547 00:29:57,600 --> 00:29:59,200 Speaker 1: me know you thought of this episode if you have 548 00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:02,000 Speaker 1: any question. This is only the second one, so we're 549 00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:04,600 Speaker 1: still kind of figuring out what the structure is, what 550 00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:07,120 Speaker 1: you guys are liking, what you're not, So just be honest. 551 00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:08,800 Speaker 1: I want to know your thoughts and I want to 552 00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:10,800 Speaker 1: make this as good as possible. I'm having so much 553 00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:14,040 Speaker 1: fun doing it already and your response has meant so much, 554 00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:15,680 Speaker 1: So be sure to let me know if you have 555 00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:18,480 Speaker 1: any questions. And I hope you guys have a really 556 00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:20,800 Speaker 1: great week. I'll see you next Wednesday. And this has 557 00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:23,560 Speaker 1: been too much to say, I'm Kaylie Shore. Y'all are 558 00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:34,880 Speaker 1: dope asking questions? Say now turn it out you