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Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 2: The words I live my life by are looking at

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Speaker 2: the lens of why is this happening for me? Versus

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Speaker 2: why is this happening to me? So why is this

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Speaker 2: happening to me? Is very victim, it's very trapped, Whereas

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Speaker 2: why is this happening for me? Means that even those

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Speaker 2: not so easy moments there's a growth opportunity, there's something there,

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Speaker 2: so that's really helped me reframe and always see a

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Speaker 2: path forward and growth orientation.

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Speaker 1: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 1: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

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Speaker 1: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a

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Speaker 1: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

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Speaker 1: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

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Speaker 1: on iTunes and visit cultivatinghearspace dot com to access our

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Speaker 1: exclusive after show other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 3: women like you.

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Speaker 4: We're your hosts.

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Speaker 3: Doctor Dominique Broussard, a college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 5: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker in a

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Speaker 5: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood. Please

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Speaker 5: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 5: five rooids to fake friends, and create a safe space

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Speaker 5: where black women can just be.

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Speaker 3: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here from the Cultivating her

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Speaker 3: Space podcast? Are you currently a resident of the state

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Speaker 3: of California in contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so,

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Speaker 3: please reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.

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Speaker 3: That's Dr Domi ni Que b r ou Ssard dot

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Speaker 3: com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I look

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Speaker 3: forward to hearing from you.

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Speaker 6: Okay, Lady, you already know we have a special guest today,

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Speaker 6: and I am so excited. I'm going to try my

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Speaker 6: best to contain my energy because today's guest is not

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Speaker 6: only a good friend, but also an advisor and someone

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Speaker 6: who is in my chosen family who I love dearly.

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Speaker 6: So I'm so excited that Dom and I get to

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Speaker 6: share Gareen with you once again on the podcast. Garean

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Speaker 6: has walked me through countless trying situations where I experience

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Speaker 6: fear and is also celebrated in many blessings in my

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Speaker 6: life as well, so let's you jump one in.

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Speaker 4: Karean Tie is an experienced leadership coach, workshop facilitator, and

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Speaker 4: communications strategist. She created her company Forage because she's dedicated

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Speaker 4: to helping people shift their relationship with fears to one

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Speaker 4: of the allyship. Garean created a model on how to

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Speaker 4: identify and live your why or purpose through accessing your fear.

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Speaker 4: She's a recurring speaker at Stanford for the Stockholm School

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Speaker 4: of Economics Executive MBA program. She's a published author, She's

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Speaker 4: been on a variety of podcasts, and there's so much

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Speaker 4: more that we can say about Korean, but we're going

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Speaker 4: to let you hear it from her words. Gari in

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Speaker 4: welcome back to cultivating her space.

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Speaker 2: Thank you. I am so excited to be here with

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Speaker 2: you guys today, So thank you for inviting me back.

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Speaker 2: You're so welcome.

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Speaker 7: And we're looking forward to this conversation. It's such an

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Speaker 7: important one that we're going to have today. And our

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Speaker 7: quote of the day comes from you Korean. These are

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Speaker 7: your words. Our quote of the day fair is telling

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Speaker 7: you where to apply courage. I will to say that

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Speaker 7: one more time for the folks in the bag. So

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Speaker 7: that they really hear it. Fear is telling you where

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Speaker 7: to apply courage. Agree, and when you hear your words

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Speaker 7: spoken back to you, what comes up? Give us some

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Speaker 7: context behind this quote.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so one of my favorite lines is fear is

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Speaker 2: courage unrealized. And what I mean by that is, if

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Speaker 2: you think about any decision that you've made that asked

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Speaker 2: of you your courage, the moment before it, you were

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Speaker 2: probably in fear. I see them as kind of being

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Speaker 2: opposite sides of the same coin. And so oftentimes our

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Speaker 2: fear is really calling us forth as to where to

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Speaker 2: apply our courage too, and so I don't see them

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Speaker 2: as being separate things. I see them as being connected.

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Speaker 2: One just kind of has us paralyzed in that moment before,

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Speaker 2: and the other is when we exhale and we've been

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Speaker 2: too it.

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Speaker 6: Oh beautiful. Thank you so much. Kareen, And we had

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Speaker 6: you on the show on season three, episode nine. This

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Speaker 6: is back before we changed our podcast name right season

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Speaker 6: three Worlds season twenty one now and so the episode

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Speaker 6: that lady you'll want to check out is called how

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Speaker 6: to Make Fear Your Greatest Teacher with Karean Tie And

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Speaker 6: on that episode we talked about fear, of course, but

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Speaker 6: we also talked about different scenarios, and so Gareen walked

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Speaker 6: through different scenarios with us and Gage some insight on

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Speaker 6: how to respond. But today Karean, we want to dig

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Speaker 6: it a little bit deeper, how to shift gears right.

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Speaker 6: So much has happened since those you know, that time

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Speaker 6: period when we recorded, So can you tell us your

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Speaker 6: origin story? How did you become the Karean tie that

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Speaker 6: we see today. You can feel free to take us

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Speaker 6: where you want.

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Speaker 2: To take us. Yeah. So I was born in San Francisco.

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Speaker 2: Wanted to see you that I've had anyway. I've lived

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Speaker 2: a few other places, but the Bay it always pulls

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Speaker 2: me back. So I am still here.

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Speaker 4: Let's see.

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Speaker 2: I started out in the communications arena, so everything you

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Speaker 2: could put a relations after, public analyst, investor, influencer, And

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Speaker 2: what it really did was it led me to people.

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Speaker 2: I love people. I find them fascinating. I was chief

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Speaker 2: culture officer for a while, and I'd say I'm also

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Speaker 2: really service oriented. I want to make the world a

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Speaker 2: better place and I always have and it's taken different

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Speaker 2: forms in my life. And so I started working for

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Speaker 2: companies that had these huge moonshot ideas that really did

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Speaker 2: want to change the world, and I kept having to

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Speaker 2: resigning or I kept having to resign excuse me because

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Speaker 2: leaders weren't in integrity. And I got really tired of quitting.

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Speaker 2: And so I decided to re first engineer the process

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Speaker 2: and figure out what kept leaders from being in integrity.

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Speaker 2: And I found fear to be one of those things.

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Speaker 2: So I went through a coaches training leadership developed training

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Speaker 2: and kind of set out on my own path to

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Speaker 2: look at fear specifically, not just coaching as a whole.

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Speaker 2: And that's kind of where I find myself today.

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Speaker 7: Thank you for sharing that. And when you when you

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Speaker 7: think about how you got to that space, right and

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Speaker 7: this is a conversation about fear, and we've noted that,

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Speaker 7: or you directly said that fear is usually telling us

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Speaker 7: where we need to apply courage. What were some of

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Speaker 7: the fears that came up for you when you realize

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Speaker 7: I can't keep doing this the way that I am.

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Speaker 2: Well what we're sound? Where did that end?

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Speaker 3: You know?

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Speaker 2: I heard an interesting quothe the other day and said,

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Speaker 2: all research is research. Yeah, so I chose fear because

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Speaker 2: of the amount of fear that I have not because

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Speaker 2: I didn't have any, and so fear has been really

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Speaker 2: prevalent in my life, and I think I had to

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Speaker 2: find a way of being with it so that I

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Speaker 2: could engage it differently. And I just think it's so

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Speaker 2: rich with information. So you know, whether it be fear

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Speaker 2: years of my own livelihood and survival in this case,

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Speaker 2: I'll give you a for instance. So, in addition to

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Speaker 2: being very passionate about my work, what are some of

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Speaker 2: my core values? Are a ton ofmy and flexibility, which

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Speaker 2: don't really go hand in hand if you're working for

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Speaker 2: somebody else. So part of that was actually calling towards

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Speaker 2: my greater truth of how do I build something on

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Speaker 2: my own? And so, but that doesn't present that way

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Speaker 2: at first present, first present, Oh my god, how am

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Speaker 2: I going to make it? How am I going to survive?

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Speaker 2: Is this who you can call yourself a fear technician

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Speaker 2: and make a business.

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Speaker 7: Out of that?

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Speaker 2: I mean, so, yeah, there are a lot of fears

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Speaker 2: when I got going, absolutely and continue today.

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Speaker 4: That's so beautiful.

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Speaker 6: I'm glad that you said that, Kareen, because I think

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Speaker 6: a lot of times, I know, initially when I was

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Speaker 6: exploring fear in my life, I thought it was just

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Speaker 6: like a place where I would stop right like it' said, Oh,

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Speaker 6: I'm afraid to have this conversation with this person. Let

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Speaker 6: me disengage and remove myself so that I don't need

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Speaker 6: to do the thing that I you know that I'm

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Speaker 6: afraid to do. So I love that you're saying fear

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Speaker 6: is just telling us where to apply cura. It's just

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Speaker 6: kind of going back to that quote when you think

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Speaker 6: about the perspective that we should approach fear in order

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Speaker 6: that we should approach fear with in order to have

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Speaker 6: a healthier understanding and relationship with it. You talked a

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Speaker 6: little bit about it, and we kind of talked about

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Speaker 6: it with the quote end of the day.

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Speaker 4: Can you dig in a little bit more into that

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Speaker 4: and maybe either give some world life examples and just

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Speaker 4: give us more about the perspective we should have when

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Speaker 4: we feel that fear. Yeah, absolutely so.

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Speaker 2: Kind of some of the language I'm pretty anti is

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Speaker 2: overcoming fear, conquering fear. I'll explain why. One, we have

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Speaker 2: a fear center in our brain. It's literally wired into

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Speaker 2: our brain. It's our amygdilla. Now we have that for

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Speaker 2: survival and Terry, you were just talking about that response

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Speaker 2: and avoiding this is fight slighter freeze. I mean this

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Speaker 2: is and again this is wired into our systems. So

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Speaker 2: I don't really think it's about overcoming fear. If we

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Speaker 2: can form a healthy relationship with it, then we might

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Speaker 2: be able to mine it for the information that it

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Speaker 2: has for us. And so the first thing actually doing

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Speaker 2: what you just said, terry, but puzzling and turning towards it.

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Speaker 2: We want to get curious because I believe that it's best.

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Speaker 2: Fear is our teacher, our ally, it's an informer of

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Speaker 2: what matters most to us, of where we want to grow.

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Speaker 2: But if we're not turning towards it to get curious,

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Speaker 2: we couldn't begin to understand what information it has for us.

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Speaker 2: So now, for instance, like if I notice my fear,

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Speaker 2: come love, One tool that I found to be helpful

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Speaker 2: is levity. Fear can be pretty serious with fear. Fear,

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Speaker 2: we fear pain. So when fear comes up, now come

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Speaker 2: like oh you're showing okay, why are you here? And

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Speaker 2: I can just change the tone so that and we

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Speaker 2: can get into it. I can give some tools, but

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Speaker 2: how then you can actually turn towards it effectively?

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Speaker 5: Hey, lady, it's Terry here, Dom and I want to

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Speaker 5: take a moment to thank you for choosing to listen

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Speaker 5: to our podcast. We love you for real, and we

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Speaker 5: want to give you a chance to learn more about

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Speaker 5: what's important to us. So tell us what you think

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Speaker 5: about this.

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Speaker 8: Imagine a world where you have a chance to get

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Speaker 8: featured on the Cultivating her Space podcast and share your

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Speaker 8: business brand or perspective with millions around the globe. Imagine

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Speaker 8: joining our monthly virtual video check ins where you can

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Speaker 8: connect with like minded black women like you and share

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Speaker 8: your ideas and episode suggestions with Terry and I. Now,

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Speaker 8: I want you to imagine a world where you're in

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Speaker 8: the exclusive Cultivating her Space sanctuary Slack channel, and throughout

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Speaker 8: your day and week, you are conversing with us about

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Speaker 8: what's happening in your life and sharing funny gifts and

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Speaker 8: or personal wins. How does that sound?

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Speaker 5: Hopefully this is of your alley, lady, because we are

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Speaker 5: taking things to the next level this year and we're

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Speaker 5: doubling down on investing in our community.

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Speaker 2: That means you.

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Speaker 5: We want to meet you, connect with you, and create

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Speaker 5: communities of genuine women who love on black women and

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Speaker 7: Well, I mean, since we're here, hey, you kind of

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Speaker 7: mentioned it already, like, what what are some of the

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Speaker 7: tools that would allow us to turn to fear and

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Speaker 7: lean into the fear more? Effectively.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So first let's just start with the baseline of

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Speaker 2: that rational So, rational fear is meant to protect this.

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Speaker 2: That's why we have the fear centered and rational fear

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Speaker 2: means that your survival and the present moment that you

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Speaker 2: find yourself in is being threatened. Irrational fears tend to

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Speaker 2: live in the future, tends. They're the what if scenarios

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Speaker 2: that most of us are running all day long. If

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Speaker 2: we don't train our brains to respond differently, they're going

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Speaker 2: to react the same way. They're going to avoid it,

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Speaker 2: they're going to walk the other way, they're not going

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Speaker 2: to look, they're going to meet it with resistance. And

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Speaker 2: so the first the greatness asset we have is our

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Speaker 2: self awareness. We are it's crazy, but we can observe

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Speaker 2: our thoughts while we're having them if we start to

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Speaker 2: practice that. So bringing your self awareness to note, like

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Speaker 2: what are the stories you're telling yourself? What are those

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Speaker 2: scenarios that you're running. I find the two most important

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Speaker 2: questions to ask yourself is what is true? And what

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Speaker 2: am I telling myself is true? What is true is

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Speaker 2: probably based in that present moment. What am I telling

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Speaker 2: myself is true? Is fueling that future based thinking, which

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Speaker 2: is then perpetuate. The thing is, if we start to

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Speaker 2: perpetuate that story, we actually end up bringing forth the

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Speaker 2: very thing that we end up fearing. So where we

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Speaker 2: put our attention grow, So really want to be mindful

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Speaker 2: about mindset. Another thing, if you find yourself on loop,

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Speaker 2: because many of us have practice self critical and fear

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Speaker 2: based thinking for so many times, I like to use

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Speaker 2: what I call next thinking, which just means next, next, next,

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Speaker 2: you say the thought, and you just say next until

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Speaker 2: you break the loop. Then you can actually turn towards it,

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Speaker 2: ask yourself those questions, get back into the present moment,

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Speaker 2: so you can actually determine, okay, what is true and

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Speaker 2: you might need more information, you might need help. There's

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Speaker 2: there's a number of places you can go from there.

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Speaker 2: But first just distinguishing between what is actually true in

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Speaker 2: this moment and what story you're telling yourself about a

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Speaker 2: future moment. It's really helpful starting point.

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Speaker 6: I'm just processing, okay, so just a quick side of

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Speaker 6: greed and I have sessions right, one on one sessions

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Speaker 6: for working through different things in my life. I feel

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Speaker 6: like I'm processing Garee, and like what you're saying, like

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Speaker 6: we're this session, I'm like, wait, this is an interview,

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Speaker 6: so I'm like wait, because a question I have to

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Speaker 6: ask more questions. Okay, so don't mind my don't mind

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Speaker 6: the silence here, but Green, if you can just talk

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Speaker 6: a bit about maybe some of the misconceptions about fear,

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Speaker 6: Like we feel like you talked about a few like

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Speaker 6: misconceptions about fear, or maybe some of the things that

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Speaker 6: you notice when you're working with clients or organizations and

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Speaker 6: it comes to fear, like how it's showing up. So

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Speaker 6: maybe someone might be listening right now and they're like, well,

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Speaker 6: I don't really have a lot of fear. But then

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Speaker 6: you might give an example where it's like, wait a minute,

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Speaker 6: this is actually stemming from a fear. So does that

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Speaker 6: bring up anything within you on some additional context you

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Speaker 6: could give us around it.

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Speaker 2: Sure, you know, fears are also basically insecurity as it

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Speaker 2: shows up a lot as like imposter syndrome. In the

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Speaker 2: work environment, somebody might not feel like they want to

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Speaker 2: contribute their voice and there's a fear of rejection, and

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Speaker 2: so it can it can show up a lot of ways.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I think misconceptions is that fear as a

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Speaker 2: bad thing. I think you know, pretty young, we're taught

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Speaker 2: to fear fear and fear pain. And I actually think

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Speaker 2: if we can, let me put it this way, so

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Speaker 2: fear is not going to learn our language, but if

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Speaker 2: we learn the language of fear, then we can actually

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Speaker 2: kind of create that bridge. Because I don't know that

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Speaker 2: anything does its job better than fear. All fearing is

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Speaker 2: meant to do is protect this. So if we're in

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Speaker 2: our comfort town, fear knows how to do that. Once

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Speaker 2: we set up a step outside of our comfort zone,

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Speaker 2: which is where where all of our growth and creativity happen,

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Speaker 2: fear doesn't know how to protect us there. So it's

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Speaker 2: going to start to get louder right right before you

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Speaker 2: get there, probably going to get its loudest, which we're

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Speaker 2: now all trained to go away from. But if we

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Speaker 2: can actually know that, like, oh, the fear is getting

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Speaker 2: louder because I'm moving in the right direction, it's a

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Speaker 2: whole it's a massive reframe. But yeah, I think companies,

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Speaker 2: I work with a lot of leadership teams that avoid

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Speaker 2: looking at really important information because of that fear. So

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Speaker 2: I like to take people exactly I mean, I often

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Speaker 2: say it like it's shine the flashlight onto the shadows.

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Speaker 2: But if you bring light to it, the shadows kind

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Speaker 2: of do some fain.

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Speaker 4: Okay.

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Speaker 7: I think as you were saying that, something that immediately

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Speaker 7: came up for me is around a lot of DEI

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Speaker 7: work that companies are having expressing fear around and we

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Speaker 7: don't have to necessarily dive into that per se. We

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Speaker 7: don't have to do a deep dive. But when you

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Speaker 7: think about the work that you're doing with companies, what

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Speaker 7: are some of the fears that you're noticing that leaders

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Speaker 7: are experienced.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean what you're speaking to is a is

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Speaker 2: a very strong one. I don't think. I think there's

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Speaker 2: a lot of organized organizations that know that they want

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Speaker 2: to do something and they don't know what to do,

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Speaker 2: and even admitting that they don't know what to do

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Speaker 2: is a fear, and so they'll put policies in place

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Speaker 2: without actually understanding what is important and how they can

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Speaker 2: go about doing that and what that actually takes to

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Speaker 2: roll out in an organization, and how to involve from

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Speaker 2: recruiting all the way through to HR through to executive training.

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Speaker 2: There's so many pieces, right, But again, I think a

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Speaker 2: lot of times people move so quickly in the fear

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Speaker 2: of wanting to be seen a certain way that they're

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Speaker 2: falling in line that there's not a lot of strategic

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Speaker 2: time spent understanding the world. Why when Terry introduced me,

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Speaker 2: you know, she had mentioned that it's a lot it's

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Speaker 2: it's not fear for fear's sake, it's really fear for

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Speaker 2: what's the purpose, what's the intentionality? What's the truth? Where

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Speaker 2: are we trying to get? I feel like fear has

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Speaker 2: more information to show you what it is true. It

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Speaker 2: might not, it might mean it's messy or uncomfortable to

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Speaker 2: go there. But so in that case, understanding what what

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Speaker 2: do you what are you clear about? Where do you

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Speaker 2: need help? Where do you need insight from a DEI

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Speaker 2: specialist if that's not if that doesn't exist in your company,

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Speaker 2: so that you can really understand how to recruit, for train,

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Speaker 2: and promote in a way that actually supports your initiatives.

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Speaker 2: So to me, it really requires looking at the places

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Speaker 2: that people often don't want to admit that they need

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Speaker 2: to look at.

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Speaker 4: Ooh, that is a whole word right there, Gerient.

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Speaker 6: Okay, So when we were thinking about what we wanted

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Speaker 6: to talk to you about, we were looking at you know,

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Speaker 6: crafting different episode titles to kind of help God the

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Speaker 6: conversation a ground us. And so the title that the

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Speaker 6: working title that we have right now is the Peaceful

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Speaker 6: Coexistence with Fear, Keys to Serenity and turbulent Times.

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Speaker 4: And I'm just thinking about where we are in the

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Speaker 4: world right like such an wild time.

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Speaker 6: We have so many you know, there's so many good

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Speaker 6: things that are happening in the world, so many, so

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Speaker 6: many ways in which we're progressing as a culture and

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Speaker 6: as a people.

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Speaker 4: And then there are some really dark things happening.

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Speaker 6: Right when we think about war, when we think about

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Speaker 6: the upcoming election, right, I think about just the stress

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Speaker 6: and the fear that I have living in this country,

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Speaker 6: you know a lot of times.

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Speaker 4: And so if we could just talk through green in

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Speaker 4: this next phase.

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Speaker 6: That we're going to be going through as a country,

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Speaker 6: and I'm sure that world is also going through things,

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Speaker 6: but just kind of narrowing in on the United States

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Speaker 6: currently because we're all living here. What are some keys

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Speaker 6: to serenity that we can begin to adopt during these

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Speaker 6: turbulent times when it feels like there is a lot

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Speaker 6: that is out of our control, but it's to be

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Speaker 6: happening regardless, and I personally don't want to be you know,

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Speaker 6: going to and fro like the wind as this next

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Speaker 6: season begins.

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Speaker 2: So, like, what are some tips that we can employ? Yeah,

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Speaker 2: thanks for It's a really important question. And all the

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Speaker 2: more why we need to understand the difference between rational

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Speaker 2: and irrational fear because if we don't, and in this time,

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Speaker 2: it's very easy for to get blurred and for our

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Speaker 2: system to be running in fear all the time. So

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Speaker 2: before I go, you know, zoom in, let me zoom

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Speaker 2: out for a minute. So fear has been used by businesses, government, religion,

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Speaker 2: Like this is not new. Fear is the most powerful

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Speaker 2: and free by the way way of manipulating and controlling people.

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Speaker 2: So and scarcity thinking is built into well, capitalism might

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Speaker 2: have some benefits, you know, think of consumerism. It's based

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Speaker 2: on the fact that you're not enough of X, but

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Speaker 2: if you buy this product, you will be. So we

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Speaker 2: have lack based thinking constantly running through our systems. And again,

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Speaker 2: what's going on in our country right now, in many

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Speaker 2: places in the world is propagating more and more fear.

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Speaker 2: And so one thing I like to ask myself is

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Speaker 2: is this fear of mind? Fear is contagious. It's really

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Speaker 2: it spreads really quickly. And so sometimes when you're noting

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Speaker 2: that you feel like you're in fear, you have some

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Speaker 2: of anxiety. Just take a pause. Plause. Plausing is one

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Speaker 2: of the most powerful things that I think can do.

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Speaker 2: Take a breath, come back to that moment and ask yourself,

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Speaker 2: is this fear mind? There might be fear based storylines

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Speaker 2: running out there, There might be true things to be

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Speaker 2: fearful of, and do you need to carry it in

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Speaker 2: that moment? In that present moment, are you being is

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Speaker 2: your survival being impacted by it? So that's one way

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Speaker 2: of understanding if you do find yourself to be in fear.

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Speaker 2: Let me give you a few access points what I

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Speaker 2: kind of think of as gateways to move from fear

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Speaker 2: to So when we're in fear, as I mentioned before,

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Speaker 2: you're in your amygdala, which is your fear center of

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Speaker 2: the brain. It's the home of fight, slight, and freeze.

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Speaker 2: When we're in our prefrontal cortex, this is the home

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Speaker 2: of connection, decision making, and empathy and curiosity. And there

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Speaker 2: are ways of actually moving neurologically from your amigdala to

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Speaker 2: your prefrontal cortex and so three that I most commonly

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Speaker 2: work with my clients are curiosity, gratitude, and purpose. All

437
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:27,360
Speaker 2: of these show neural activity in your prefrontal cortex when

438
00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:31,760
Speaker 2: you're happening there. So again those questions I posed earlier, curiosity,

439
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:35,600
Speaker 2: what's true? What am I telling myself was true? We

440
00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:38,240
Speaker 2: can't be in fear and curious at the same time.

441
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:42,480
Speaker 2: So if you actually step into curiosity, that's one way

442
00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:44,800
Speaker 2: that you can back even asking yourself is this fear

443
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:48,680
Speaker 2: of mind? Gratitude I know it's been thrown around a lot,

444
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:52,040
Speaker 2: become a bit of a buzzword, and there's a lot

445
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:55,439
Speaker 2: of science that supports the power of gratitude. And the

446
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:57,880
Speaker 2: thing is, your brain doesn't know what you're grateful for,

447
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:01,080
Speaker 2: So you don't have to be rateful for the heartship

448
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:02,959
Speaker 2: that you might be in in that moment. You can

449
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,240
Speaker 2: be grateful for a friend, you can be grateful for

450
00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:07,399
Speaker 2: your health, you can be grateful for whatever it is

451
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:09,400
Speaker 2: that you have your breath that can bring you back

452
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:13,639
Speaker 2: to this present moment. And purpose. I love this saying itself,

453
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:18,880
Speaker 2: my why is bigger than I. So oftentimes, whether you're

454
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:22,280
Speaker 2: in a conversation with a friend and that hard conversation Charrier,

455
00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:25,800
Speaker 2: whether you're working on something creative when what you're doing

456
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:29,080
Speaker 2: it for matters more than you all of a sudden,

457
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:32,160
Speaker 2: that fear dissipates a little bit, and so it's really

458
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:35,960
Speaker 2: bringing that intentionality in. So the first thing to kind

459
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:39,480
Speaker 2: of do that again, birtus understanding, is this irrational theory?

460
00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:43,480
Speaker 2: Is this my sear? What's happening? And then how can

461
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,360
Speaker 2: I actually move into this spear to see what it's

462
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:50,880
Speaker 2: telling me, to see what information it has? Oh, those

463
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:52,800
Speaker 2: are some powerful steps.

464
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:57,359
Speaker 7: And you know, as you were talking, something that came

465
00:24:57,520 --> 00:25:02,000
Speaker 7: up for me was the idea that sometimes our fears

466
00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:06,320
Speaker 7: are not our own, right, And I think about like

467
00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:10,199
Speaker 7: these these times that we are living in, and a

468
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:13,840
Speaker 7: lot of the fear that many of us experience is

469
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:19,040
Speaker 7: not related to or not, they're not our fears. How

470
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:25,159
Speaker 7: does one know the difference between this fear is mine

471
00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:29,840
Speaker 7: versus this fear was put on me, this is someone

472
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:31,679
Speaker 7: else's fear that I'm holding on to.

473
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:36,320
Speaker 2: Right, Well, so first I think it's actually posing that question,

474
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,360
Speaker 2: is this fear of mine getting curious and turning in?

475
00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:42,480
Speaker 2: If if you're uncertain, then I think it's time to

476
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:45,840
Speaker 2: ask some questions Is this impacting my daily Is this

477
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:49,119
Speaker 2: impacting somebody that I care about? Is this showing me

478
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:51,399
Speaker 2: that I care about something that I didn't realize that

479
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:54,200
Speaker 2: I cared about? I mean, it's it's kind of a

480
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:58,480
Speaker 2: truth finding mission, I think, because if it is just

481
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:01,360
Speaker 2: if it is, if it is yours, then maybe it's

482
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:04,280
Speaker 2: telling you, hey, maybe you've taken in enough news for today.

483
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:08,280
Speaker 2: Is the way that you're taking in news actually serving you?

484
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:11,840
Speaker 2: Or is it contributing to anxiety and not helping you?

485
00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:15,800
Speaker 2: There's Whenever there's fear, I feel like there's information to

486
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:20,200
Speaker 2: be had. So the more we practice understanding why it's

487
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,639
Speaker 2: showing up, then the more we can answer that. And

488
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:24,960
Speaker 2: the reason why I can't give you more specific answer,

489
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:28,600
Speaker 2: don is because we're all we're very similar, and we're

490
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:31,080
Speaker 2: all a little different, right, so it's going to look

491
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:33,040
Speaker 2: a little different on each of us. But what it

492
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:36,199
Speaker 2: is is, I mean, fear is showing us that something

493
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:40,200
Speaker 2: we care about is getting triggered. So something we care

494
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:44,920
Speaker 2: about might be being threatened. And if it's not that,

495
00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:48,639
Speaker 2: then I again I ask you to question, is the

496
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:51,399
Speaker 2: practice that I'm doing right now, which might mean watching

497
00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:54,439
Speaker 2: the news, which might mean whatever is this serving me.

498
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:56,640
Speaker 2: Is this informing me in a way that I can

499
00:26:56,680 --> 00:27:01,359
Speaker 2: make better decisions? Or is this just detracting away at

500
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:04,880
Speaker 2: my system? Oooh, this is so good.

501
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:07,120
Speaker 6: I'm taking notes as we're doing this, and I think

502
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:10,600
Speaker 6: what's standing out for me most Korean is the practice

503
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:15,119
Speaker 6: of breathing, which we've talked about recently, Especially breathing also

504
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:18,520
Speaker 6: pausing to ask yourself the questions, because I know, I

505
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:22,879
Speaker 6: find that when I am feeling fearful, or I'm taking

506
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:27,359
Speaker 6: something personally, or there's something that's going on outside of me,

507
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:30,960
Speaker 6: my initial reactions sometimes its like I can feel my

508
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:34,199
Speaker 6: insides like heat up. I can feel this desire to

509
00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:38,280
Speaker 6: just respond right away. And so I love the breathing

510
00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:41,959
Speaker 6: and the pausing and my personal experiences. I've often observed

511
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:47,159
Speaker 6: a frequent connection between navigating fear and managing my energy levels,

512
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:50,239
Speaker 6: whether that's like my physical energy, my spiritual energy. And

513
00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:53,480
Speaker 6: so how do you believe the management of one's energy

514
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:56,200
Speaker 6: influences their approach to navigating fear?

515
00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:00,960
Speaker 2: You know, I think carrying the about me, I think

516
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:03,920
Speaker 2: so much comes down to energy. And I think that

517
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 2: if we're unaware of our relationship with energy, then we

518
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:11,080
Speaker 2: are unaware of how much it's impacting us, and so noticing.

519
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:14,200
Speaker 2: I mean, I like to use the notion if you've

520
00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:16,080
Speaker 2: ever worked with a pendulum, this is something that you

521
00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:18,040
Speaker 2: can hold in your hand and you can ask for

522
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:19,920
Speaker 2: a yes or a no. It moves a certain way.

523
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:22,240
Speaker 2: So I like the notion of actually using your body

524
00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:25,040
Speaker 2: like a pendulum. So is this a yes? Is this

525
00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:30,080
Speaker 2: filling me up? Is my body relaxed? Am I sensing tension?

526
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:33,080
Speaker 2: If my body locking down? Am I not breathing? Like?

527
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:36,040
Speaker 2: Our bodies have all our information for us, and it's

528
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:38,840
Speaker 2: going to show you where you want to expand into.

529
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 2: What is a no? Even if we don't know that,

530
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:45,160
Speaker 2: like cognitively understand why it's a note. The more we

531
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:47,400
Speaker 2: can start to pay attention to our body is the

532
00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:50,480
Speaker 2: energy in our body, the energy around I mean, think

533
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:52,920
Speaker 2: about it. Stratty quay. They talk about the five senses.

534
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:57,960
Speaker 2: You know, when someone's staring at you, when they're behind you.

535
00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:02,720
Speaker 2: Now it's energy, right, So an energy. We don't talk

536
00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:05,200
Speaker 2: about it a lot, and it's so powerful because I

537
00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:09,320
Speaker 2: think energy actually can help us move into abundant thinking,

538
00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:12,680
Speaker 2: can help us move into greater consciousness, which doesn't go

539
00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:14,680
Speaker 2: hand in hand with how fear has been used to

540
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:18,520
Speaker 2: divide us. So so, yeah, so I think energy. I

541
00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:22,160
Speaker 2: would like could do a whole conversation around energy. But

542
00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:24,400
Speaker 2: I think it's really a beautiful place to start to

543
00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:26,720
Speaker 2: bring your attention to Thank.

544
00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:30,800
Speaker 7: You for pointing, for pointing that out, and you know,

545
00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:36,800
Speaker 7: as we are talking about managing one's energy and how

546
00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:41,720
Speaker 7: this can influence our approach to fear. Brian, what are

547
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:48,360
Speaker 7: practices that you recommend for like rejuvenating our spiritual energy, like,

548
00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:50,920
Speaker 7: especially in the context we're dealing with fear.

549
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:53,320
Speaker 4: So like what, yeah, what practices would you recommend?

550
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:58,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, So, whether or not you do a meditation practice,

551
00:29:58,240 --> 00:29:59,920
Speaker 2: there are certain things I do in my morning med

552
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,240
Speaker 2: meditation practice. Now you don't need to meditate to be

553
00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:05,120
Speaker 2: doing these. For whatever reason, the meditating isn't your thing.

554
00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:10,240
Speaker 2: I find grounding to be an inscredibly powerful exercise. Grounding

555
00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:12,000
Speaker 2: could just be if you're sitting in a seat, it

556
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:15,600
Speaker 2: could just be feeling your seat, your ass on the chair,

557
00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:18,440
Speaker 2: really just rounding in, feeling your feet on the floor,

558
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:21,560
Speaker 2: connecting to the earth. A couple of other ones I

559
00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:24,400
Speaker 2: find really protect Like to me, I mean, I'm working

560
00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:26,760
Speaker 2: with people in fear off. Okay, so I do a

561
00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:30,200
Speaker 2: lot of clearing. Now, clearing might be I might be

562
00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:33,600
Speaker 2: burning stage or pellow Santo's brain rose water. It might

563
00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:36,280
Speaker 2: just be the intention of like, have I picked up

564
00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:39,440
Speaker 2: something that wasn't Because if I'm in service to people,

565
00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:42,680
Speaker 2: I'm working and a lot of stuff that's h and

566
00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:44,680
Speaker 2: boy do I want to be with them in that moment.

567
00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:47,800
Speaker 2: But if there's remnants energetically, I don't want to carry that.

568
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:50,240
Speaker 2: And they didn't mean for me to carry that. That's

569
00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:53,400
Speaker 2: not why we had that moment. So I just asked, Hey,

570
00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:55,320
Speaker 2: if there's anything in my space that isn't mine, I'm

571
00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:58,960
Speaker 2: going to clear that out. Similarly, before I start my day,

572
00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:02,120
Speaker 2: I almost imagine like a steer around me about eight

573
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 2: feet above below behind, around my sides, and I put

574
00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:08,840
Speaker 2: up protection. All of this is the power of intention,

575
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:12,720
Speaker 2: and intention I believe is the home of energy, and

576
00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:15,240
Speaker 2: so I think we can inten. You can intend to

577
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:18,280
Speaker 2: be grounded, which helps you be present. It helps you

578
00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:20,720
Speaker 2: get into your body so you can start to attune

579
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:23,440
Speaker 2: to the information that your body has for you. Again,

580
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:25,800
Speaker 2: I'll clear my space and then I put up protection.

581
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:28,120
Speaker 2: I might have to clear my space again and again

582
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 2: throughout the day, even if you're if you're on a

583
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:32,240
Speaker 2: bus in San Francisco and you're going, you know how

584
00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:35,440
Speaker 2: many things you may have picked up that you didn't realize. Okay,

585
00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:38,080
Speaker 2: when I get where I'm getting, I'll just clear that

586
00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:41,760
Speaker 2: off and continue back in my center. So that and

587
00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:43,479
Speaker 2: those are a few ways that you can also then

588
00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:46,080
Speaker 2: maintain that curiosity of where am I now? Am I

589
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:50,200
Speaker 2: being impacted by something else? Because oftentimes we're not bringing

590
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:52,640
Speaker 2: our awareness to that. We're just going about the motions,

591
00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:54,400
Speaker 2: going about the motion, and then all of a sudden

592
00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:57,760
Speaker 2: we've blown up at somebody. We don't know why. Maybe

593
00:31:57,760 --> 00:32:01,240
Speaker 2: we were carrying some stuff that it wasn't ours. So really,

594
00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:03,719
Speaker 2: I think the most important tool we have is our

595
00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 2: self awareness and pausing so you can see, have I

596
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:10,720
Speaker 2: been impacted? Am I in a different place now? Did

597
00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:15,640
Speaker 2: I maybe pick something up that wasn't mine? That's so good.

598
00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:16,280
Speaker 4: I love it.

599
00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:16,720
Speaker 7: I love it.

600
00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:19,200
Speaker 6: That is so true as well, greening because I think

601
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:22,080
Speaker 6: about I think about my journey over the past few

602
00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:26,680
Speaker 6: years and how my perspective on energy has changed. And

603
00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:30,480
Speaker 6: I mean the energetic I want to say the energetic

604
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:32,160
Speaker 6: I don't even know what to call it, but just

605
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:34,520
Speaker 6: because I think their energy is multi fast, and I

606
00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:36,360
Speaker 6: feel like there can be different components, but let's just

607
00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:39,000
Speaker 6: say energetic components. And so I think about the beginning

608
00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:40,600
Speaker 6: of my journey, where I was very much in a

609
00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:44,280
Speaker 6: space of like I need proof that this thing is

610
00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:47,200
Speaker 6: here and it's happening. Now I'm like, drink the kool aid.

611
00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:49,400
Speaker 6: I'm all woo woo, like I'm all into it. But

612
00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:53,000
Speaker 6: I think about different instances where you know, like my

613
00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:56,520
Speaker 6: spidy senses are are tingling, right, So whether I interact

614
00:32:56,560 --> 00:32:59,440
Speaker 6: with a person like Okay, recently, I went down to

615
00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:03,120
Speaker 6: dumped the trash by myself in the garage area, and

616
00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:05,360
Speaker 6: there was a man down there and he looked so

617
00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:06,840
Speaker 6: I don't know, I don't know the man.

618
00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:07,840
Speaker 4: He looks so creepy.

619
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:10,360
Speaker 6: And this is not to say like tattoos are a

620
00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:13,000
Speaker 6: creepy thing, but like he just had like a lot

621
00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:15,080
Speaker 6: of tattoos on his neck and he had a certain look.

622
00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:17,160
Speaker 4: But there was also an oree to it. So I

623
00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:18,280
Speaker 4: have tattoos as well, ladies.

624
00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:19,480
Speaker 6: So I don't want to be I do want you

625
00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:21,160
Speaker 6: to think I'm being judgmental, But there was an area

626
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:23,040
Speaker 6: in addition to the way that he looked and it

627
00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:25,280
Speaker 6: stopped me in my tracks, Like I was so comfortable

628
00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:27,480
Speaker 6: to even turn around and put the trash away.

629
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:29,520
Speaker 4: So I navigated it in the best way I could.

630
00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:32,000
Speaker 6: But I think about energy, like what the energetic shift

631
00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:34,600
Speaker 6: was from when I walked from you know, the apartment

632
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:37,560
Speaker 6: down to the trash. I think about work situations I've

633
00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:39,680
Speaker 6: been in when you know, I walked into a room

634
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:41,160
Speaker 6: and I was like, what the fuck is going on?

635
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:43,600
Speaker 6: Like it's since the tension was so deep. And then

636
00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:45,720
Speaker 6: I have a conversation with soon after and they're like, oh, yeah,

637
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:47,640
Speaker 6: I'm beefing with that person or whatever. I'm like, oh,

638
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:49,880
Speaker 6: that explains it, so green, Can we just kind of

639
00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:52,960
Speaker 6: take a moment for folks that may be new to

640
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:55,520
Speaker 6: the journey of energy before, because I know you talked

641
00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:57,520
Speaker 6: about some of the strategies that we can use, but

642
00:33:57,520 --> 00:33:59,800
Speaker 6: for folks that maybe need to like get more bought

643
00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:02,720
Speaker 6: into it, can you just talk about, I don't know,

644
00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:05,680
Speaker 6: le validate the experience that we have with our energy

645
00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:08,560
Speaker 6: and trusting our gut and our intuition before we dig

646
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:09,799
Speaker 6: in deeper into the conversation.

647
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:13,160
Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely, And I mean I think you just let

648
00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:15,520
Speaker 2: you let them in there is with that gut. Like

649
00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:18,279
Speaker 2: sometimes you have a gut feeling and it's not on

650
00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:21,360
Speaker 2: paper what you think it would be. And in hindsight,

651
00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:24,200
Speaker 2: that was the right of decision. Right. So just like

652
00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:28,360
Speaker 2: everybody on your phone you have a GPS system, internally

653
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:31,360
Speaker 2: we have a PGS system. It's your personal gut system.

654
00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:35,040
Speaker 2: I found nothing to be more effective as far as

655
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:37,640
Speaker 2: steering me towards my truth. Now our such stage. Truth

656
00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:41,640
Speaker 2: doesn't always mean easy. It's not always the easy path.

657
00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:43,960
Speaker 2: Sometimes it's going to ask of us. It's gonna that's

658
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:46,160
Speaker 2: our growth, it's going to add. And in your situation,

659
00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:49,719
Speaker 2: maybe it was just about safety. But sometimes your gut system,

660
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:53,719
Speaker 2: you're it's going to tell you it's to me our intuition,

661
00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:56,520
Speaker 2: and our gut system is in service of our highest growth.

662
00:34:57,120 --> 00:35:00,560
Speaker 2: I mean, I think we came here to work life,

663
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:03,160
Speaker 2: not just ride by it a little bit, and I

664
00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:05,080
Speaker 2: mean work in a good way. That might be healing,

665
00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:07,880
Speaker 2: it might be growing, And so I think our intuition

666
00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:11,160
Speaker 2: is in service so that the thing we have to

667
00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:14,520
Speaker 2: do is start listening to it. So most people when

668
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:16,560
Speaker 2: they're young, I've been think of how young we are.

669
00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:19,080
Speaker 2: But we start getting into the constructs Oh that's what

670
00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:22,400
Speaker 2: success looks like. Oh, that's what my life should look like.

671
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:25,600
Speaker 2: So we've kind of cut off, we stop listening to

672
00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:29,720
Speaker 2: our intuitional long long time ago, and so we actually

673
00:35:29,719 --> 00:35:31,719
Speaker 2: have to make the space to listen to that. So

674
00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:34,440
Speaker 2: first thing to do, I start paying attention to what

675
00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:36,319
Speaker 2: you say yes to and what you say no to?

676
00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:40,120
Speaker 2: And who were you saying yes for? Are you saying

677
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:42,640
Speaker 2: yes for you? Are you saying yes because you think

678
00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:45,360
Speaker 2: you should? If you're should in yourself, That to me

679
00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:48,480
Speaker 2: is a huge blind when it's coming from somewhere externally

680
00:35:48,920 --> 00:35:52,080
Speaker 2: meaning and maybe a construct that you've subscribed to versus

681
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:55,120
Speaker 2: what it is that you want to be true. And again,

682
00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:57,800
Speaker 2: at young age, we might have to do that because

683
00:35:57,920 --> 00:36:00,640
Speaker 2: of our family unit, because of the culture grow up in,

684
00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:02,880
Speaker 2: because we want to be safe on the playground and

685
00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:05,160
Speaker 2: not being made fun of for what or whatever the

686
00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:09,040
Speaker 2: reason we conform. We conform. We conform, which was telling

687
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:11,359
Speaker 2: our intuition, Hey, there's no room for you here, because

688
00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:14,839
Speaker 2: this isn't about authentic expression, this is about fitting in

689
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:17,680
Speaker 2: and getting on the train of this is what success

690
00:36:17,719 --> 00:36:21,680
Speaker 2: looks like. So we've been we had to tell it first.

691
00:36:21,719 --> 00:36:23,799
Speaker 2: I would say invite it you want to if you

692
00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:26,480
Speaker 2: want more of a line of communication with your intuition,

693
00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:28,680
Speaker 2: saying hey, sorry, I stopped listening.

694
00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:32,600
Speaker 4: I want us to be back in connection. So start

695
00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:36,480
Speaker 4: there and then give it room. So ask yourself if

696
00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:38,120
Speaker 4: it's a yes, why is it a yes?

697
00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:41,799
Speaker 2: Who is it a yes for? Start understanding how you're

698
00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:45,120
Speaker 2: making your choices and if they're actually supporting the most

699
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:50,359
Speaker 2: authentic version of it yourself. Oh okay, all right.

700
00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:57,160
Speaker 7: So as you were responding to Terry's question, what came

701
00:36:57,280 --> 00:37:00,479
Speaker 7: up for me is how you noted that life when

702
00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:07,080
Speaker 7: we're little, we are taught to conform, We are taught

703
00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:09,040
Speaker 7: to tell our intuition. No.

704
00:37:09,719 --> 00:37:10,040
Speaker 2: Right.

705
00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:14,600
Speaker 7: I know that there are a lot of parents who

706
00:37:15,320 --> 00:37:21,239
Speaker 7: are listening, and I can speak for my friends, and

707
00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:25,160
Speaker 7: I know that my friends are trying to be more

708
00:37:25,239 --> 00:37:30,160
Speaker 7: intentional with their parenting in a way that gives their

709
00:37:30,239 --> 00:37:35,040
Speaker 7: children more freedom, allows their children to be their authentic

710
00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:40,240
Speaker 7: selves in ways that we weren't allowed to be. What

711
00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:47,480
Speaker 7: tips would you have for parents who want to encourage

712
00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:52,000
Speaker 7: and nurture their children in listening to their intuition and

713
00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:53,400
Speaker 7: honoring their intuition.

714
00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:58,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, great question, and boy, I parenting looks I'm not

715
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:01,239
Speaker 2: a parent. In parenting look real hard these days. For

716
00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:04,319
Speaker 2: all all your parents out there, thank you. So it

717
00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:07,000
Speaker 2: sounds like at least the archetype parent that you're talking

718
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:09,839
Speaker 2: about is already trying to do the right things. So

719
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:12,200
Speaker 2: what I would bring the curiosity to and that in

720
00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:15,280
Speaker 2: that case is like, if you notice your kids aren't

721
00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:19,480
Speaker 2: expressing themself some, if there's a shift they don't feel safe,

722
00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:23,239
Speaker 2: then there's something going on. So let's go back. So

723
00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:27,279
Speaker 2: Fear and Pain, Darren Cahoo, they're like best friends, right.

724
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:30,719
Speaker 2: So let's say your daughter wants to express herself and

725
00:38:30,719 --> 00:38:33,640
Speaker 2: wear something that doesn't fit the mold to school that day,

726
00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:37,480
Speaker 2: and there's a bully and she feels embarrassed and shamed

727
00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:41,359
Speaker 2: and rejected for wearing that. She's that so Pain Fear

728
00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:42,919
Speaker 2: do is going to come around and say to Pain,

729
00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:44,920
Speaker 2: I'm going to make sure you never feel like that

730
00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:49,560
Speaker 2: ever again, ever again. And so then she's going to

731
00:38:49,600 --> 00:38:52,160
Speaker 2: start to not express herselves so much. She's going to

732
00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:55,000
Speaker 2: make herself maybe smaller, She's going to fit in and

733
00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 2: wear things that aren't really true for her, so that

734
00:38:58,680 --> 00:39:01,200
Speaker 2: over time becomes a pattern where she might not express

735
00:39:01,239 --> 00:39:04,800
Speaker 2: herself in other ways. In life, and so as a parent,

736
00:39:04,840 --> 00:39:07,919
Speaker 2: when I think you can do is notice, hey, has

737
00:39:07,960 --> 00:39:11,080
Speaker 2: my daughter stopped wearing that expressive clothing. If so, what

738
00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:13,760
Speaker 2: was there something else going? If it's not coming from here,

739
00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:17,400
Speaker 2: if we'reing stridging her, then is there a setting in

740
00:39:17,440 --> 00:39:20,640
Speaker 2: which she finds herself that she doesn't feel safe. We

741
00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:24,160
Speaker 2: can't always control these circumstances that we find ourselves in,

742
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:28,040
Speaker 2: and we can at least navigate them from a place

743
00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:33,239
Speaker 2: of conscious conversation. So even understanding if that was, if

744
00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:36,680
Speaker 2: that was pain, wasn't inflicted, Maybe help her so she

745
00:39:36,719 --> 00:39:40,240
Speaker 2: doesn't have to carry that pattern for entire life. Maybe

746
00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:43,560
Speaker 2: explain that that was that moment and how best to

747
00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:49,480
Speaker 2: resolve it. There would be one place to start. Okay,

748
00:39:49,560 --> 00:39:52,080
Speaker 2: So now I thought of a few scenarios. This is

749
00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:54,520
Speaker 2: very good. So I have two scenarios in mine. They're

750
00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:56,200
Speaker 2: very different, but I'm going to try about as to

751
00:39:56,239 --> 00:40:00,320
Speaker 2: transition into them smoothly for you, lady at the listener. Okay,

752
00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:04,520
Speaker 2: So agreeing, my daughter, who we call on the podcast babys,

753
00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:08,239
Speaker 2: who will be three very soon, probably by the time

754
00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:10,759
Speaker 2: this episode airs. We have a swim class right that

755
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:14,880
Speaker 2: she attends, and they have something called they do like

756
00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:18,200
Speaker 2: a Humpty dumpty activity where they have the children on

757
00:40:18,239 --> 00:40:19,840
Speaker 2: the side of the pool and they jump into the

758
00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:22,600
Speaker 2: pool with their parents. And I caught my I constantly

759
00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:25,960
Speaker 2: am like catching myself as a parent when I have kids.

760
00:40:26,239 --> 00:40:28,440
Speaker 2: There's just so I think they're just so smart these days,

761
00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:31,680
Speaker 2: they have technology, and the questions they ask, I'm just like,

762
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:34,760
Speaker 2: I don't know what to say. And so one day

763
00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:37,040
Speaker 2: she didn't. She she says, I don't want to do

764
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:39,640
Speaker 2: humpty humpty. She calls it humpty humpty. So she's like,

765
00:40:39,719 --> 00:40:41,200
Speaker 2: I do I want to do humpty humpty? She doesn't

766
00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:43,120
Speaker 2: want to jump off the thing. And so one day

767
00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:45,520
Speaker 2: I was tempted to say, well, your friends are all doing.

768
00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:47,120
Speaker 6: It, and I'm like, well, that's probably not the best

769
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:51,600
Speaker 6: example because I'm teaching her, we're programming her. So I'd

770
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:54,080
Speaker 6: love to know just your opinion on you know, if

771
00:40:54,080 --> 00:40:56,160
Speaker 6: you have children and they don't want to do something

772
00:40:56,200 --> 00:41:00,279
Speaker 6: that you want to encourage them to do, Like she's

773
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:02,880
Speaker 6: clearly fearful about it, right, And she's fearful about sometimes

774
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:04,440
Speaker 6: like jumping in the water and putting her head in.

775
00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:06,239
Speaker 6: But we want her to learn how to swim, and

776
00:41:06,280 --> 00:41:08,239
Speaker 6: so I'm trying to find a balance between wanting to

777
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:11,520
Speaker 6: challenge her and then also willing to support where she is.

778
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:14,480
Speaker 6: And it feels so challenging and so complex to be

779
00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:15,880
Speaker 6: able to do that as a parent. So I'd love

780
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:17,920
Speaker 6: to just get your perspective. I know you said I'm

781
00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:19,600
Speaker 6: not a parent, but I just want to hear what

782
00:41:19,640 --> 00:41:21,520
Speaker 6: your thoughts are. And then I have one more example

783
00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:22,839
Speaker 6: for sure.

784
00:41:23,239 --> 00:41:25,239
Speaker 2: Well, I mean the place that I would know is

785
00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:28,480
Speaker 2: actually a curiosity, So understanding what is she scared about it?

786
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:30,640
Speaker 2: I mean those same questions of what is true and

787
00:41:30,680 --> 00:41:33,320
Speaker 2: what am I telling myself is true? It's going to apply.

788
00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:36,759
Speaker 2: She's that some scenario in her mind that she's afraid of,

789
00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:38,920
Speaker 2: because my guess is she's going to love that as

790
00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:42,080
Speaker 2: soon as she does it. So if you can actually

791
00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:44,759
Speaker 2: lean in and understand what are you scared of here?

792
00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:48,280
Speaker 2: And I think your compassion and gratitude for her those

793
00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:51,560
Speaker 2: go hand in hand, right, So supporting her in that moment,

794
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:55,680
Speaker 2: I mean I find when when do people feel okay

795
00:41:55,719 --> 00:41:58,759
Speaker 2: to explore their fears when they feel safe? Right? So

796
00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:01,560
Speaker 2: whatever you can do to create safety for her in

797
00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:04,239
Speaker 2: that moment, So it's not about pushing her in or

798
00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:08,239
Speaker 2: making her do it. It's really what taking that time

799
00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:11,960
Speaker 2: to pause, walk, like actually understand what is she afraid about.

800
00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:16,000
Speaker 2: If she's willing to share, I know she's three, but

801
00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:18,239
Speaker 2: she's willing to give you enough, then I bet you

802
00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:20,440
Speaker 2: can actually build the bridge to show her that that

803
00:42:21,040 --> 00:42:24,640
Speaker 2: might be something that she wants to experience, maybe with

804
00:42:24,680 --> 00:42:28,759
Speaker 2: a slightly different framing. Reframing is very, very powerful, but

805
00:42:28,800 --> 00:42:32,160
Speaker 2: there's something in that if she can share with you

806
00:42:32,560 --> 00:42:35,600
Speaker 2: that I think would be your bridge through that is

807
00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:36,759
Speaker 2: so good. Thank you for that.

808
00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:39,319
Speaker 4: I'll lean into curiosity more. And then the other one.

809
00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:41,600
Speaker 6: I know, when we're just talking about you know, if

810
00:42:41,640 --> 00:42:43,640
Speaker 6: it's a yes, right like if you say yes, why

811
00:42:43,719 --> 00:42:45,000
Speaker 6: is it a yes? And that right there I saw

812
00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:46,840
Speaker 6: Dom and I both have a reaction of life do

813
00:42:47,280 --> 00:42:50,359
Speaker 6: that was a great question. And so I think about

814
00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:54,560
Speaker 6: situations even now at this big age where I say yes,

815
00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:56,239
Speaker 6: but it's not a real it's not a yes.

816
00:42:56,239 --> 00:42:56,759
Speaker 4: Am I good?

817
00:42:56,880 --> 00:43:00,520
Speaker 6: I'm saying it either to appease someone. Sometimes I'm in

818
00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:02,839
Speaker 6: certain scenarios where it's like more of a political yes,

819
00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:04,960
Speaker 6: where I'm like, okay, I'm saying yes, but it's for

820
00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:08,120
Speaker 6: like it's a very strategic political yes, but I have

821
00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:11,760
Speaker 6: you know, various situations I've heard friends share where maybe

822
00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:13,680
Speaker 6: there's like, let's give an example, there's a friend or

823
00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:18,160
Speaker 6: there's someone that you were connected to and you your

824
00:43:18,200 --> 00:43:20,960
Speaker 6: gut is like something just doesn't seem right within this relationship,

825
00:43:20,960 --> 00:43:22,480
Speaker 6: Like I don't really want to be in this friend

826
00:43:22,520 --> 00:43:25,680
Speaker 6: connection anymore. And maybe you don't want to have a conversation.

827
00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:28,840
Speaker 6: Maybe you're fearful about having a conversation, but this person

828
00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:33,200
Speaker 6: is constantly trying to connect. So if you want to

829
00:43:33,239 --> 00:43:35,640
Speaker 6: be in a space where you're yes is a complete yes, right,

830
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:38,560
Speaker 6: And this person's like, hey, I'm coming into town.

831
00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:40,360
Speaker 4: I want to hang out, but you're like, fuck, I

832
00:43:40,440 --> 00:43:41,640
Speaker 4: really don't want to hang out with them?

833
00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:44,040
Speaker 6: Is what would you recommend as far as like how

834
00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:46,759
Speaker 6: to disengage with someone who is trying to continue a

835
00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:50,040
Speaker 6: connection that you think is probably just you're like, I'm

836
00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:50,799
Speaker 6: kind of done with this.

837
00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:56,359
Speaker 2: Yeah. So I personally, because I like messy places, I'm

838
00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:57,799
Speaker 2: just going to put it out there. I'm not a

839
00:43:57,840 --> 00:44:01,279
Speaker 2: huge fan of ghosting. I think that befriend whether it

840
00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:04,160
Speaker 2: be whatever it is, like, I think human decent it's

841
00:44:04,160 --> 00:44:06,600
Speaker 2: like ten of gone by the wayside. So from an

842
00:44:06,640 --> 00:44:10,320
Speaker 2: integrity perspective. Whenever we can communicate, even if it's hard,

843
00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:13,919
Speaker 2: you don't have to share specifically why. You can say, hey,

844
00:44:13,960 --> 00:44:17,440
Speaker 2: you know what, I've shifted in my life and I'm

845
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:20,040
Speaker 2: looking for different things right now. And while I valued

846
00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:23,600
Speaker 2: this relationship at some time, like my energies are going

847
00:44:23,680 --> 00:44:25,840
Speaker 2: in a different place right now. I mean there's a

848
00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:29,160
Speaker 2: number of things that can be said, but I think

849
00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:32,480
Speaker 2: first knowing what is your yes? And you know it's

850
00:44:32,520 --> 00:44:37,000
Speaker 2: so interesting. Selfish is like this negative word, so and

851
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:39,080
Speaker 2: I think it can be a healthy word. So I'm

852
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:40,759
Speaker 2: trying to come up with the new one. Maybe it's

853
00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:43,799
Speaker 2: self full, but like, what are you saying yes too

854
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:47,680
Speaker 2: for yourself? That's really it's it's not coming from a

855
00:44:47,719 --> 00:44:50,600
Speaker 2: place of shood. It's coming from a place of a

856
00:44:51,760 --> 00:44:54,719
Speaker 2: wisdom of knowing that this has been either for that

857
00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:57,400
Speaker 2: moment or the path that you're trying to create for yourself.

858
00:44:57,440 --> 00:44:59,640
Speaker 2: I mean what you're speaking to Jerry, for those of

859
00:44:59,680 --> 00:45:02,880
Speaker 2: your listeners watching, like it's like depleting you. I mean,

860
00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:05,359
Speaker 2: your whole energy was going in this was going back

861
00:45:05,400 --> 00:45:07,600
Speaker 2: to using your body as a pendulum. Like we got

862
00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:10,640
Speaker 2: to listen to that and trust we have to trust

863
00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:14,919
Speaker 2: ourselves and so yeah, understanding that like maybe it's self whole.

864
00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:17,920
Speaker 2: Maybe we can put that word out there and then

865
00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:21,920
Speaker 2: there is there a way that I could communicate that

866
00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:26,360
Speaker 2: doesn't have to be cruel or mean, but that really

867
00:45:26,440 --> 00:45:29,120
Speaker 2: is in service of the best way forward for us

868
00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:31,640
Speaker 2: both because look on the other side of that, no

869
00:45:31,680 --> 00:45:33,480
Speaker 2: one wants to be with someone that doesn't want them

870
00:45:33,520 --> 00:45:38,720
Speaker 2: around anyway, So there is a benefit. Even though it's hard,

871
00:45:39,120 --> 00:45:42,680
Speaker 2: most of us steer away from hard conversations when I

872
00:45:42,800 --> 00:45:47,160
Speaker 2: find truth is really valued on both sides, even if

873
00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:48,200
Speaker 2: it's hard in that moment.

874
00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:53,840
Speaker 7: Oh okay, So even when it's hard in that moment,

875
00:45:54,719 --> 00:46:01,720
Speaker 7: what practices would you recommend because I know you've mentioned

876
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:09,680
Speaker 7: grounding and meditation, but like in that moment when someone

877
00:46:09,880 --> 00:46:12,600
Speaker 7: knows that they have to have like the friends sent

878
00:46:12,719 --> 00:46:15,040
Speaker 7: that text message and they look at it and they

879
00:46:15,080 --> 00:46:21,000
Speaker 7: have that visceral body reaction to all shit, Okay, I

880
00:46:21,040 --> 00:46:24,840
Speaker 7: got to respond to this like ooh, but I'm having

881
00:46:24,840 --> 00:46:27,880
Speaker 7: all these feelings and I know I'm going to do

882
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:34,000
Speaker 7: the hard thing, right, What practices would you recommend that

883
00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:39,280
Speaker 7: they engage in to kind of ground themselves before they respond,

884
00:46:39,320 --> 00:46:42,959
Speaker 7: because I think that Oftentimes if we respond when we're

885
00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:47,640
Speaker 7: having that initial visceral reaction, we may end up saying

886
00:46:47,760 --> 00:46:55,160
Speaker 7: something that is more hurtful or harmful than we intended

887
00:46:55,200 --> 00:46:55,560
Speaker 7: it to be.

888
00:46:57,680 --> 00:47:03,040
Speaker 2: Absolutely, So first let's go back to the power of pause. Absolutely,

889
00:47:03,120 --> 00:47:06,120
Speaker 2: if you feel like there is an emotional charge or trigger,

890
00:47:06,520 --> 00:47:09,400
Speaker 2: probably not the best time to be react because in

891
00:47:09,440 --> 00:47:13,080
Speaker 2: that moment you're actually not responding, you're reacting. The key

892
00:47:13,280 --> 00:47:18,000
Speaker 2: difference here is one is based in intentionality. Responding reacting

893
00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:21,320
Speaker 2: is coming from that place of emotionally triggered in charge.

894
00:47:21,840 --> 00:47:24,080
Speaker 2: So I think what you want to do is pause

895
00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:26,880
Speaker 2: and then and hey, I'm not telling you that not

896
00:47:27,080 --> 00:47:31,520
Speaker 2: have that reaction. Have that reaction, and maybe maybe your

897
00:47:31,560 --> 00:47:34,200
Speaker 2: first response not in that text Bax, maybe in a

898
00:47:34,239 --> 00:47:37,480
Speaker 2: separate I mean your nose app is what do you

899
00:47:37,520 --> 00:47:39,520
Speaker 2: want to stay from that place? Like say it. We

900
00:47:39,560 --> 00:47:42,160
Speaker 2: don't have to silence it. Say it. That might not

901
00:47:42,280 --> 00:47:45,320
Speaker 2: be the best thing to communicate or even getting where

902
00:47:45,360 --> 00:47:47,759
Speaker 2: you want to get with that person. But certainly, if

903
00:47:47,800 --> 00:47:51,319
Speaker 2: you're having a reaction to something, have your reaction, have

904
00:47:51,400 --> 00:47:53,600
Speaker 2: it in a healthy way so you don't have to

905
00:47:53,719 --> 00:47:56,360
Speaker 2: throw your reaction at somebody. You can have that and

906
00:47:56,400 --> 00:47:58,960
Speaker 2: then understand, Wow, why am I so triggered by this?

907
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:01,719
Speaker 2: Because it has more inform about you than it does

908
00:48:01,719 --> 00:48:04,000
Speaker 2: about the person that may have brought that information in

909
00:48:04,040 --> 00:48:08,400
Speaker 2: for you, then I would connect to so every time

910
00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:10,960
Speaker 2: and Terry knows this well with me, but every time

911
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:13,919
Speaker 2: that there's an interact, anytime there's any choice to be had,

912
00:48:14,160 --> 00:48:16,960
Speaker 2: there's an intention to be what is the desired outcome?

913
00:48:17,400 --> 00:48:19,680
Speaker 2: What do you want it? Are you wanting to each

914
00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:22,759
Speaker 2: go separate ways you want? Are you wanting to walk

915
00:48:22,760 --> 00:48:25,120
Speaker 2: away from this? Are you? I guess is you probably

916
00:48:25,160 --> 00:48:27,000
Speaker 2: want the best for that person, even if you want

917
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:29,960
Speaker 2: to walk away from it. So okay, from that place,

918
00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:34,680
Speaker 2: then what's worthwhile to communicate what needs to be communicated?

919
00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:37,600
Speaker 2: What what do you want to share with that person

920
00:48:37,719 --> 00:48:41,319
Speaker 2: which probably isn't the same thing that got triggered and

921
00:48:41,719 --> 00:48:45,640
Speaker 2: both can coexist. To me, it's all about bringing intentionality

922
00:48:45,760 --> 00:48:48,880
Speaker 2: to your experience of something and then what you're actually

923
00:48:48,920 --> 00:48:53,160
Speaker 2: wanting to put into the new experience going forward.

924
00:48:54,400 --> 00:48:55,520
Speaker 4: This is so good.

925
00:48:55,640 --> 00:48:58,320
Speaker 6: Thank you, kareed and dominate our sel conflicted agreeing because

926
00:48:58,360 --> 00:49:00,560
Speaker 6: we want to do our fun seg with you, but

927
00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:02,960
Speaker 6: we're like, wait, we still have so many more questions

928
00:49:02,960 --> 00:49:06,120
Speaker 6: we want to ask. So we are going to we

929
00:49:06,160 --> 00:49:08,200
Speaker 6: are going to transition. We're going to shift up the

930
00:49:08,320 --> 00:49:12,120
Speaker 6: energy of this conversation. As difficult as it is to

931
00:49:12,120 --> 00:49:14,400
Speaker 6: make this transition, we're going to do it. And because

932
00:49:14,440 --> 00:49:17,399
Speaker 6: we recognize, appreciate, and celebrate the multifaceted woman.

933
00:49:17,760 --> 00:49:19,120
Speaker 4: And we believe that it's okay to be.

934
00:49:19,120 --> 00:49:22,720
Speaker 6: Bougie, classy and ratchet as you've singerin because you attended

935
00:49:22,719 --> 00:49:24,640
Speaker 6: Our Lives show in Oakland, so you know what goes

936
00:49:24,680 --> 00:49:28,640
Speaker 6: down when it comes to the bougieness or the blatchetness.

937
00:49:28,880 --> 00:49:31,360
Speaker 6: And so we believe that you can be elegant and

938
00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:33,600
Speaker 6: dance to strip club music. So we want to invite

939
00:49:33,600 --> 00:49:37,080
Speaker 6: you to the oh you blatchet segment? Do you take

940
00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:42,520
Speaker 6: on the challenge? Right too? Okay, So now that you've agreed,

941
00:49:42,600 --> 00:49:45,160
Speaker 6: we're going to ask you three questions. We're going to

942
00:49:45,200 --> 00:49:48,719
Speaker 6: share three sentence completions, and then we have three photos

943
00:49:48,719 --> 00:49:51,200
Speaker 6: of you that we found online that were so difficult

944
00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:54,759
Speaker 6: to find grey but we found three photos, and we

945
00:49:54,800 --> 00:49:56,480
Speaker 6: want you to choose the number out of one in

946
00:49:56,560 --> 00:50:00,000
Speaker 6: three and then we want you to describe the folk

947
00:50:00,239 --> 00:50:02,320
Speaker 6: once we show it to you and provide some context

948
00:50:02,320 --> 00:50:04,600
Speaker 6: about the photo that we would not know just by

949
00:50:04,680 --> 00:50:07,080
Speaker 6: viewing it for those that are only tuning into the audio.

950
00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:10,279
Speaker 5: And so that'll be the the U Bletches segment. So

951
00:50:10,360 --> 00:50:11,880
Speaker 5: we'll ease into this. We're going to ease in.

952
00:50:12,400 --> 00:50:15,280
Speaker 6: And the first question is what is the best piece

953
00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:17,520
Speaker 6: of wisdom or advice you've ever received?

954
00:50:19,120 --> 00:50:21,840
Speaker 2: Well, the words I lived my life by are looking

955
00:50:21,880 --> 00:50:24,640
Speaker 2: at the lens of why is this happening for me?

956
00:50:25,040 --> 00:50:28,759
Speaker 2: Versus why is this happening to me? So why is

957
00:50:28,760 --> 00:50:31,839
Speaker 2: this happening to me is a very victim and it's

958
00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:35,440
Speaker 2: very it's kind of a trapped Whereas why is this

959
00:50:35,480 --> 00:50:37,759
Speaker 2: happening for me? Means that even though it's not so

960
00:50:37,800 --> 00:50:41,960
Speaker 2: easy moments, there's a growth opportunity, there's something there. So

961
00:50:42,080 --> 00:50:46,080
Speaker 2: that's really helped me reframe and always see a.

962
00:50:46,080 --> 00:50:52,040
Speaker 4: Path forward and growth orientation. Beautiful, Thank you so much.

963
00:50:52,040 --> 00:50:54,000
Speaker 6: And even though I want to ask another question to

964
00:50:54,040 --> 00:50:55,800
Speaker 6: dig into that, because that was such a beautiful answer,

965
00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:56,879
Speaker 6: I'm going to pass it to down.

966
00:50:56,920 --> 00:50:57,839
Speaker 2: I decided to say that.

967
00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:02,040
Speaker 7: I had another question to what you know what, We're

968
00:51:02,040 --> 00:51:05,879
Speaker 7: gonna keep it blatching over here. And you were at

969
00:51:05,920 --> 00:51:07,879
Speaker 7: the light Terry saying you were at the live show,

970
00:51:07,920 --> 00:51:12,760
Speaker 7: so you know how it goes down this next question, Green,

971
00:51:12,920 --> 00:51:16,320
Speaker 7: are you going to twerk or two steps?

972
00:51:17,800 --> 00:51:22,680
Speaker 2: So before that event I would upset your step. But

973
00:51:22,800 --> 00:51:30,360
Speaker 2: because you guys pulled me offspital now at least it's.

974
00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:35,520
Speaker 6: Yes, Gerion, that was such a highlight in life, like

975
00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:38,000
Speaker 6: us being at the live show. Me over here at

976
00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:40,200
Speaker 6: towrking looking next to you, we're talking together. I'm like,

977
00:51:40,239 --> 00:51:42,839
Speaker 6: guess we're healing and we're tworking all at the same

978
00:51:42,920 --> 00:51:43,439
Speaker 6: day time.

979
00:51:43,480 --> 00:51:47,200
Speaker 2: I love it. That's awesome. Yes, okay.

980
00:51:47,239 --> 00:51:50,440
Speaker 6: Our third question for you, Agreen is what's the sexiest

981
00:51:50,480 --> 00:51:51,279
Speaker 6: item you own?

982
00:51:53,200 --> 00:51:56,319
Speaker 2: I actually find the claviical bone on women to be

983
00:51:56,480 --> 00:51:59,520
Speaker 2: an incredibly sexy thing, and so I try to wear

984
00:51:59,520 --> 00:52:02,279
Speaker 2: a long earrings whenever possible. I know I'm not I

985
00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:04,439
Speaker 2: don't have my cloud a little bone exposed for the show,

986
00:52:05,000 --> 00:52:07,239
Speaker 2: but I try to wear long earrings kind of bring

987
00:52:07,280 --> 00:52:09,440
Speaker 2: the line of sight down to the clavicle and then

988
00:52:09,880 --> 00:52:12,479
Speaker 2: where it continues, you know, goes from there.

989
00:52:13,880 --> 00:52:14,840
Speaker 4: That is ok.

990
00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:20,840
Speaker 7: What's so fascinating is that, as as this interview has

991
00:52:20,840 --> 00:52:22,799
Speaker 7: been going on, I kept looking at the shirt that

992
00:52:22,800 --> 00:52:23,280
Speaker 7: I'm wearing.

993
00:52:23,320 --> 00:52:25,640
Speaker 2: So lady, if you're if you were not watching.

994
00:52:25,719 --> 00:52:28,239
Speaker 7: You need to get the audio because I kept looking

995
00:52:28,280 --> 00:52:31,400
Speaker 7: at the shirt that I was wearing. I kept distracting

996
00:52:31,440 --> 00:52:35,840
Speaker 7: myself looking at my own clamical out of the interview.

997
00:52:36,280 --> 00:52:39,560
Speaker 7: So you are self spot on about that being a

998
00:52:40,400 --> 00:52:41,800
Speaker 7: sexy part of the body.

999
00:52:41,880 --> 00:52:42,520
Speaker 4: I love that.

1000
00:52:42,880 --> 00:52:46,759
Speaker 7: Okay, So now we're going to move on to our

1001
00:52:47,200 --> 00:52:52,479
Speaker 7: sentence completion. One question or topic I wish people asked

1002
00:52:52,560 --> 00:52:57,560
Speaker 7: me about more often is.

1003
00:52:55,920 --> 00:52:59,720
Speaker 2: The power of energy, actually what we were talking about before,

1004
00:53:00,400 --> 00:53:03,240
Speaker 2: and I love that. I think more people are starting

1005
00:53:03,280 --> 00:53:05,600
Speaker 2: to chew into it because a lot more of my

1006
00:53:05,680 --> 00:53:10,480
Speaker 2: coaching session now involve conversations around energy, which I am

1007
00:53:10,680 --> 00:53:13,520
Speaker 2: loving and I think it's an incredible I think it's

1008
00:53:13,560 --> 00:53:16,759
Speaker 2: a tool for empowerment. The more people step into it.

1009
00:53:16,920 --> 00:53:19,560
Speaker 2: So I love that conversation.

1010
00:53:20,960 --> 00:53:23,359
Speaker 6: Yes, and I'm so happy we already covered that because

1011
00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:25,040
Speaker 6: we would have asked you more about it now. So

1012
00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:27,879
Speaker 6: this is perfect and so let's see agree, and we're

1013
00:53:27,880 --> 00:53:30,160
Speaker 6: going to move on to our next sentence completion.

1014
00:53:30,400 --> 00:53:31,600
Speaker 2: And this one is.

1015
00:53:31,960 --> 00:53:35,200
Speaker 6: The most embarrassing thing I've ever done to get my

1016
00:53:35,320 --> 00:53:36,320
Speaker 6: crushes attention.

1017
00:53:37,080 --> 00:53:40,080
Speaker 2: Is the worst thing I ever did. When I was

1018
00:53:40,120 --> 00:53:43,120
Speaker 2: in high school, if I started smoking, so that I

1019
00:53:43,120 --> 00:53:45,799
Speaker 2: could go after a guy that was working, which was

1020
00:53:45,800 --> 00:53:48,880
Speaker 2: a terrible decision and quickly smoking. I promise you is

1021
00:53:48,920 --> 00:53:50,680
Speaker 2: the worst thing you ever have to do in your

1022
00:53:50,719 --> 00:53:53,000
Speaker 2: life if you have to do it. So that was

1023
00:53:53,080 --> 00:53:57,680
Speaker 2: definitely the hardest, the worst thing I did for a crush.

1024
00:53:58,160 --> 00:54:07,360
Speaker 7: Oh oh the long lasting impact ooh okay, all right, well, Arien,

1025
00:54:08,320 --> 00:54:11,120
Speaker 7: what I love most about myself is.

1026
00:54:13,360 --> 00:54:15,800
Speaker 2: That I like to go to the massing places with people,

1027
00:54:16,600 --> 00:54:21,000
Speaker 2: the shadows. This places people are uncomfortable, I mean to me,

1028
00:54:21,239 --> 00:54:24,640
Speaker 2: I think they're the richest places I've found where people

1029
00:54:24,680 --> 00:54:29,160
Speaker 2: connect to their truest selves and to each other. So yeah,

1030
00:54:29,239 --> 00:54:31,520
Speaker 2: I'm a Scorpio and I like the shadows.

1031
00:54:33,400 --> 00:54:36,239
Speaker 6: And just an fy, two of my favorite people in

1032
00:54:36,239 --> 00:54:39,239
Speaker 6: the world I'm chatting with today and you both happen

1033
00:54:39,239 --> 00:54:41,120
Speaker 6: to have the same exact birthday. Just wanted to put

1034
00:54:41,120 --> 00:54:42,840
Speaker 6: that out there in addition to being Scorpio.

1035
00:54:43,280 --> 00:54:46,040
Speaker 2: So just we do you do? Oh wow?

1036
00:54:47,239 --> 00:54:53,640
Speaker 4: Four right twenty fourth and I'm right on the cusp.

1037
00:54:53,680 --> 00:54:55,759
Speaker 6: I almost made it with y'all, but November twenty third,

1038
00:54:55,760 --> 00:54:58,080
Speaker 6: I'm like almost there, but it's all good. I'm just

1039
00:54:58,120 --> 00:55:01,040
Speaker 6: going to go right along with the photo that we

1040
00:55:01,120 --> 00:55:03,640
Speaker 6: have green so if you could choose the number, She's like,

1041
00:55:03,680 --> 00:55:05,640
Speaker 6: what is it? If you can choose the number green

1042
00:55:05,840 --> 00:55:09,440
Speaker 6: out of one in three, what number would you choose

1043
00:55:10,120 --> 00:55:13,800
Speaker 6: now to go with? Jill, gotta go with two. Okay,

1044
00:55:13,880 --> 00:55:17,440
Speaker 6: let's follow it up. I think you're gonna like this time. Okay,

1045
00:55:17,520 --> 00:55:20,000
Speaker 6: give me one second. I'm gonna move the screen around.

1046
00:55:20,120 --> 00:55:22,960
Speaker 6: Oh okay, okay, cool. So Green, if you can describe

1047
00:55:22,960 --> 00:55:25,160
Speaker 6: the photo first and then give us some context about

1048
00:55:25,160 --> 00:55:27,960
Speaker 6: the photo that we would not know by looking at it,

1049
00:55:28,800 --> 00:55:29,760
Speaker 6: that would be amazing.

1050
00:55:29,800 --> 00:55:31,440
Speaker 4: It's gonna pop up on the big screen in just

1051
00:55:31,480 --> 00:55:32,040
Speaker 4: one second.

1052
00:55:32,080 --> 00:55:32,279
Speaker 2: Here.

1053
00:55:33,280 --> 00:55:37,840
Speaker 6: Oh the suspense. What's happening? Okay, we're gonna try this

1054
00:55:37,840 --> 00:55:40,879
Speaker 6: one more time. The technology of it all. Okay, let's try.

1055
00:55:41,440 --> 00:55:47,759
Speaker 2: Here we go. Oh my gosh. I was up in

1056
00:55:47,840 --> 00:55:52,080
Speaker 2: Mount Shasta and I climbed one of the peaks, not

1057
00:55:52,280 --> 00:55:54,759
Speaker 2: the mountain Mount Shasta, but one of the peaks on

1058
00:55:54,800 --> 00:55:56,960
Speaker 2: the mountain. And whenever you climb to the peak of

1059
00:55:56,960 --> 00:56:01,520
Speaker 2: a mountain, there's always a like a container where you

1060
00:56:01,560 --> 00:56:03,960
Speaker 2: can sign the books that you've climbed to the peak.

1061
00:56:04,680 --> 00:56:10,960
Speaker 2: And so that was a noted belcome. That was better.

1062
00:56:11,520 --> 00:56:15,360
Speaker 2: But yes, that was flying one of the sum peaks

1063
00:56:15,480 --> 00:56:17,400
Speaker 2: and mouth fasta.

1064
00:56:17,480 --> 00:56:18,359
Speaker 4: That's so cool.

1065
00:56:18,520 --> 00:56:19,120
Speaker 2: Thank you, Gordon.

1066
00:56:19,200 --> 00:56:19,960
Speaker 4: We definitely did.

1067
00:56:20,160 --> 00:56:22,640
Speaker 6: We searched far and why for pictures, We've got to

1068
00:56:22,640 --> 00:56:23,800
Speaker 6: find a picture for the segment.

1069
00:56:24,080 --> 00:56:25,080
Speaker 4: So thank you so much.

1070
00:56:25,000 --> 00:56:27,160
Speaker 5: For playing along with us Korean and we appreciate you

1071
00:56:27,880 --> 00:56:31,000
Speaker 5: and you know you mean so much to me and

1072
00:56:31,040 --> 00:56:33,160
Speaker 5: of course the podcast because of you know just how

1073
00:56:33,160 --> 00:56:36,360
Speaker 5: you've influenced conversations and you know we've had you on

1074
00:56:36,400 --> 00:56:37,000
Speaker 5: the show before.

1075
00:56:37,040 --> 00:56:38,399
Speaker 4: So we just want to thank you so much.

1076
00:56:38,840 --> 00:56:40,960
Speaker 6: And if you could just let our listeners know what's

1077
00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:43,160
Speaker 6: exciting you these days, what are you working on these days?

1078
00:56:43,400 --> 00:56:46,120
Speaker 4: How can they support get them the rundown.

1079
00:56:47,320 --> 00:56:50,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I am actually working on publishing a book

1080
00:56:50,840 --> 00:56:54,799
Speaker 2: about fear, of course, so I'm super excited about it.

1081
00:56:54,880 --> 00:56:56,880
Speaker 2: And it's quite the process for those of you that

1082
00:56:56,960 --> 00:57:00,680
Speaker 2: have ever published a book out there, that's it is,

1083
00:57:00,960 --> 00:57:04,120
Speaker 2: it is. It is a complex process. But I'm super

1084
00:57:04,120 --> 00:57:06,920
Speaker 2: excited and yeah, I'm looking forward to it.

1085
00:57:08,400 --> 00:57:12,279
Speaker 7: That is so fascinating. I can't wait until this book

1086
00:57:12,360 --> 00:57:14,320
Speaker 7: is out. Okay, So of course we're gonna have to

1087
00:57:14,360 --> 00:57:16,800
Speaker 7: have you back on to talk about the book, and

1088
00:57:17,440 --> 00:57:23,800
Speaker 7: so I know that our listeners after hearing you today

1089
00:57:23,920 --> 00:57:26,720
Speaker 7: they're going to go back one and listen to your

1090
00:57:26,800 --> 00:57:30,560
Speaker 7: first appearance on the podcast, and then two they're gonna

1091
00:57:30,600 --> 00:57:34,840
Speaker 7: want to connect with you. So how can our listeners

1092
00:57:35,520 --> 00:57:36,360
Speaker 7: connect with you?

1093
00:57:37,640 --> 00:57:40,640
Speaker 2: So you can find me on LinkedIn or my website

1094
00:57:40,640 --> 00:57:43,680
Speaker 2: which is Forage which is Courage with an F dot

1095
00:57:43,760 --> 00:57:48,000
Speaker 2: ion so Forage dot io or Gurian tie on LinkedIn

1096
00:57:48,680 --> 00:57:51,320
Speaker 2: and I look forward to connecting with more of you.

1097
00:57:53,480 --> 00:57:57,720
Speaker 2: Thank you so much, Korean. Thank you guys. It's awesome

1098
00:57:57,800 --> 00:58:00,240
Speaker 2: to be here again. And I just being a your

1099
00:58:00,240 --> 00:58:03,520
Speaker 2: live event was such a gift to see the community

1100
00:58:03,680 --> 00:58:06,280
Speaker 2: in action. I mean for you guys it said you

1101
00:58:06,280 --> 00:58:08,800
Speaker 2: don't see everybody and being in that I mean I

1102
00:58:08,880 --> 00:58:11,200
Speaker 2: was brought to two years multiple times to just talk

1103
00:58:11,240 --> 00:58:15,600
Speaker 2: about empowering to watch how you are helping women empower themselves.

1104
00:58:16,000 --> 00:58:19,040
Speaker 2: But being in that room with so many people and

1105
00:58:19,120 --> 00:58:22,040
Speaker 2: the community, I mean, from season three to season twenty one,

1106
00:58:22,480 --> 00:58:24,840
Speaker 2: I really just thank you guys. Thank you for your

1107
00:58:24,840 --> 00:58:26,880
Speaker 2: commitment to staying with this, thank you for being in

1108
00:58:26,960 --> 00:58:29,560
Speaker 2: service to what you're in service to. It's beautiful and

1109
00:58:29,640 --> 00:58:30,960
Speaker 2: you guys are a gift bringing this.

1110
00:58:33,360 --> 00:58:39,920
Speaker 3: Thank you, Thanks for joining us today. Please note that

1111
00:58:40,000 --> 00:58:45,920
Speaker 3: our show may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment,

1112
00:58:46,400 --> 00:58:49,640
Speaker 3: and mental health, but is by no means meant to

1113
00:58:49,640 --> 00:58:53,640
Speaker 3: be a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a

1114
00:58:53,680 --> 00:58:57,440
Speaker 3: trained mental health provider. If you are someone you know

1115
00:58:58,080 --> 00:59:01,000
Speaker 3: is in need of mental health care, please visit a

1116
00:59:01,120 --> 00:59:06,520
Speaker 3: Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your

1117
00:59:06,520 --> 00:59:07,440
Speaker 3: insurance provider.

1118
00:59:07,880 --> 00:59:09,800
Speaker 6: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

1119
00:59:09,800 --> 00:59:13,800
Speaker 6: the conversation going, visit our website at Herspace podcast dot

1120
00:59:13,840 --> 00:59:16,680
Speaker 6: com and be sure to click the Patreon tab to

1121
00:59:16,720 --> 00:59:20,880
Speaker 6: get access to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after

1122
00:59:20,960 --> 00:59:24,760
Speaker 6: show and before we meet again, repeat after Me.

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00:59:26,000 --> 00:59:30,680
Speaker 4: My thoughts create my reality. Today, I choose thoughts that

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00:59:30,800 --> 00:59:32,600
Speaker 4: empower and uplift me.