WEBVTT - Checking In Replay: New Year Resolutions 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:02.960 Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of 0:00:03.000 --> 0:00:19.560 iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. I know y'all are like, 0:00:19.640 --> 0:00:22.480 wait a minute, Michelle, you better get to talking about 0:00:22.560 --> 0:00:26.680 what happened at that birthday party. We all saw the picture, 0:00:27.120 --> 0:00:32.560 We saw you, Kelly and Beyonce looking all good and fine. Aunt, 0:00:32.760 --> 0:00:37.760 you better tell us, tell us what happened. Okay, I'll 0:00:37.760 --> 0:00:41.559 give you a teensch of tea. Coming up next on 0:00:41.720 --> 0:00:48.360 Checking Again with Michelle Williams. Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, 0:00:48.479 --> 0:00:53.120 wherever you are. I am so honored and blessed to 0:00:53.280 --> 0:00:58.680 have people who listen to my podcast from many parts 0:00:58.760 --> 0:01:03.680 of the world. I better start acknowledging the various time zones. 0:01:03.920 --> 0:01:07.119 So that's why I started off with good morning, good afternoon, 0:01:07.360 --> 0:01:11.640 or good evening. And again, thank you so much for 0:01:11.720 --> 0:01:17.560 subscribing and downloading my podcast, Checking In with Michelle Williams. 0:01:17.720 --> 0:01:21.959 What a joy, what an honor. As we begin to 0:01:22.000 --> 0:01:26.520 go into a fourth season that will be coming up soon, 0:01:27.160 --> 0:01:31.800 I'm excited about going into a fourth season of my podcast. 0:01:32.920 --> 0:01:37.279 If you would, please please please let me know guess 0:01:37.280 --> 0:01:39.480 that you want to hear topics that you want me 0:01:39.560 --> 0:01:43.720 to discuss any constructive criticism. I'm here for it because 0:01:43.760 --> 0:01:49.200 I want to make the fourth season amazing. Okay, all right, 0:01:50.120 --> 0:01:53.760 I'm sure that you all you know I'll saw a 0:01:53.800 --> 0:02:00.200 picture floating around of me, Kelly Rowland and beyond say 0:02:00.320 --> 0:02:05.160 Nol's Carter. I know y'all saw it. Everybody's talking about it. 0:02:05.240 --> 0:02:12.280 Everybody tagged me in this picture. And it was taken 0:02:12.639 --> 0:02:20.600 at my good friend Tim Weatherspoon's fiftieth birthday party. Now 0:02:20.600 --> 0:02:23.960 what people don't know, well some of you know. Tim 0:02:24.000 --> 0:02:26.680 even said it better than I did. He was telling someone. 0:02:26.840 --> 0:02:29.680 He said, man, I knew a t T when she 0:02:29.880 --> 0:02:34.200 was born, so that means he has known of me 0:02:34.280 --> 0:02:40.079 for forty four years. And I would say, gosh, I 0:02:40.120 --> 0:02:42.240 don't even know if I was in the double digits 0:02:42.280 --> 0:02:48.000 when we finally actually met in person. His family moved 0:02:48.720 --> 0:02:53.240 about an hour outside of Rockford, and they started coming 0:02:53.280 --> 0:02:55.960 to the church my home, church, Saint Paul Church of 0:02:56.000 --> 0:03:02.440 God in Christ and Tim is a drummer. Slash was 0:03:02.480 --> 0:03:05.760 a drummer. He doesn't play anymore, but he was the drummer, 0:03:06.320 --> 0:03:08.320 one of the drummers at the church. And his mom 0:03:09.360 --> 0:03:12.959 is Slash was a choir director. She lives in Phoenix, 0:03:13.480 --> 0:03:15.440 and so I'm not sure if she's still directing the 0:03:15.520 --> 0:03:19.280 choir at her church in Phoenix or not. But yes, 0:03:20.360 --> 0:03:23.280 that is how long I have known Tim Wetherspoon. So 0:03:23.320 --> 0:03:27.400 we're just gonna say on Instagram, I said thirty five 0:03:27.520 --> 0:03:30.920 years plus. Let's go on ahead and say thirty eight 0:03:31.080 --> 0:03:34.160 years plus, okay, because I'm gonna give him some wiggar 0:03:34.240 --> 0:03:37.720 rooms since he's a little older than me. So definitely 0:03:37.800 --> 0:03:43.400 we were so young. And Tim and my brother, my 0:03:43.560 --> 0:03:49.960 cousin Dry, they're all like best of friends. He was 0:03:50.000 --> 0:03:54.720 a groomsman in Dary's wedding. So we go way, way, way, way, 0:03:54.720 --> 0:03:57.640 way way back. And Tim was one of the first 0:03:58.240 --> 0:04:01.880 that I told about the opportunity to sing background from Monica. 0:04:02.560 --> 0:04:05.520 He was also one of the first of my good 0:04:05.520 --> 0:04:09.680 friends that I told about the opportunity to join Destiny's Child. 0:04:09.880 --> 0:04:13.440 And he has always been a supporter, always been a 0:04:13.480 --> 0:04:18.640 great friend, a listening ear. And so Tim and my 0:04:18.760 --> 0:04:21.680 close friend Byko, whom I went to college with. Tim 0:04:21.720 --> 0:04:24.920 and by Ko they would come on the road with 0:04:25.040 --> 0:04:29.440 us sometimes and we would all have so much fun. 0:04:30.279 --> 0:04:32.840 They were the guys who could come on the road 0:04:32.920 --> 0:04:37.080 with us. And it was when I tell y'all pure fun, 0:04:37.320 --> 0:04:39.559 and I mean pure in every sense of the word. 0:04:40.520 --> 0:04:42.880 They weren't trying to talk to us, they weren't trying 0:04:42.880 --> 0:04:47.279 to sleep with us. They that's what made them so safe. 0:04:48.279 --> 0:04:51.040 And they were also the friend. Tim is also the 0:04:51.160 --> 0:04:55.360 friend where like if he was watching the show and 0:04:55.600 --> 0:05:00.200 somebody flubbed a word or a step, he was the 0:05:00.240 --> 0:05:03.040 type of person that would be like, hey, I heard 0:05:03.120 --> 0:05:05.760 you mess up that lyric, Like he wasn't afraid to 0:05:05.920 --> 0:05:08.080 like call it out, you know what I mean. So 0:05:09.120 --> 0:05:13.520 just an amazing friend, not the friendliest. He can be 0:05:13.600 --> 0:05:18.720 a butthole slash asshole. Okay, okay, okay, I said it, 0:05:19.200 --> 0:05:22.200 but these this is something I've said to him. But 0:05:22.320 --> 0:05:28.000 he somehow has the most friends in the world. How 0:05:28.040 --> 0:05:32.159 are some of the most unfriendly people have the most friends. 0:05:32.600 --> 0:05:36.960 I'm trying to y'all help me with that tneture, Michelle 0:05:36.960 --> 0:05:42.880 don't understand, so anyo. Any who? Fast forward into like 0:05:43.200 --> 0:05:49.200 years later, he finally admits his crush on Kelly Rowland, 0:05:49.440 --> 0:05:53.600 that Kelly Rowland is his living like he just was like, 0:05:53.680 --> 0:05:56.159 she's like, she's so gorgeous, She's like a Barbie doll. 0:05:56.279 --> 0:06:01.320 She's amazing and so they begin to talk on their 0:06:01.360 --> 0:06:08.520 own terms, and and here we are, y'all years later 0:06:09.080 --> 0:06:15.480 of their blossoming marriage. And I'm so glad that, uh 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:18.840 that that he's my friend. He's still my friend, you 0:06:18.880 --> 0:06:21.440 know what I mean. And I'm so glad that, Kelly, 0:06:21.720 --> 0:06:25.360 because let me tell you something I could imagine. I'm 0:06:25.400 --> 0:06:29.240 not sure, I don't know, but I do have male 0:06:29.360 --> 0:06:32.880 friends who are married, and you would have to respect, 0:06:33.040 --> 0:06:36.839 you know, the dynamics of a married person's relationship. And 0:06:36.960 --> 0:06:40.800 so I am so so so glad that that I've 0:06:40.839 --> 0:06:44.640 got a friend in Tim, and I've still, of course 0:06:44.880 --> 0:06:51.200 have my friend in Collingdria Trenee Roland. So she asked 0:06:52.000 --> 0:06:55.640 Beyonce and I would we sing Happy Birthday to Tim? 0:06:56.160 --> 0:06:59.760 And we were like, yes, of course, of course, of course, 0:07:01.120 --> 0:07:05.520 and we had a blast creating it. The birthday song 0:07:05.839 --> 0:07:11.040 consisted of only harmonies that, oh my gosh, it took 0:07:11.120 --> 0:07:13.360 us back. It took us back to the days of 0:07:13.520 --> 0:07:17.560 learning songs and just harmonizing at anything that will come 0:07:17.600 --> 0:07:21.800 on the radio. And I had this amazing idea. I 0:07:21.840 --> 0:07:24.640 was like, y'all, I just let's let's let's do this 0:07:24.800 --> 0:07:28.680 birthday song. Like the group emotions like the emotions like 0:07:28.840 --> 0:07:31.920 the soul and the and the nine notes and the 0:07:32.080 --> 0:07:36.920 certain the soulful harmonies and yeah, So I don't know 0:07:36.920 --> 0:07:39.080 if video's ever gonna come out of that. I don't 0:07:39.080 --> 0:07:41.960 know if audio's ever gonna come. I have the video. 0:07:43.400 --> 0:07:46.000 I have the video of a singing happy Birthday to 0:07:46.160 --> 0:07:49.720 our good friend and Kelly's good baby daddy husband, Tim Weatherspoon. 0:07:50.000 --> 0:07:53.600 I got it, But of course, like any other video 0:07:53.880 --> 0:07:56.720 or picture that I have, it's not coming from me. 0:07:57.600 --> 0:08:01.800 So if it comes out, it's because Tim or Kellie 0:08:02.640 --> 0:08:05.720 posted it, But it ain't coming from me. I know 0:08:05.800 --> 0:08:08.920 a friend of mine text me and say, YO, send 0:08:08.960 --> 0:08:14.400 me that, and like bruh, I can't. As close as 0:08:14.400 --> 0:08:16.760 we are and as much as I trust you, I'm 0:08:16.840 --> 0:08:22.040 not sending it to newbody, all right. So his birthday 0:08:22.040 --> 0:08:27.280 party was just just so it makes you appreciate life, 0:08:27.280 --> 0:08:32.280 and it makes you. It made me also consider my circle, 0:08:33.040 --> 0:08:35.800 you know who's in my life. And he did not 0:08:35.960 --> 0:08:39.160 want to party, but he realized that it was something 0:08:39.200 --> 0:08:45.359 that he needed of knowing how much he's loved and adored, respected, 0:08:45.480 --> 0:08:50.800 And Tim really has great insight and perspective on music, 0:08:51.200 --> 0:08:56.160 the arts, life, just really good people and so his 0:08:56.280 --> 0:09:00.400 party reflected that, and I was so glad to be 0:09:00.520 --> 0:09:07.600 there to witness the love that everybody has for Tim. Okay. 0:09:07.800 --> 0:09:13.800 So yeah, everybody was in all black. It was awesome. 0:09:14.120 --> 0:09:19.079 Everybody dressed to their best and you know, some people 0:09:19.120 --> 0:09:23.000 were a little more casual, but still fly. I was 0:09:23.120 --> 0:09:28.319 just like, Wow, everybody in here is fly. I love it. 0:09:28.840 --> 0:09:32.320 So I just asked that you, those that are listening, 0:09:33.040 --> 0:09:36.400 reflect on your circle and may this year be the 0:09:36.520 --> 0:09:39.880 year that you stop letting people play in your face. 0:09:40.720 --> 0:09:43.800 May this year be the year that you tell people 0:09:44.040 --> 0:09:47.439 how they make you feel, whether they make you feel 0:09:47.520 --> 0:09:51.600 inspired or say, man, you hurt my feelings when you 0:09:51.679 --> 0:09:53.920 said this, or when you talked to me like this. 0:09:54.320 --> 0:09:59.559 You hurt my feelings when you dismissed a vulnerable moment 0:09:59.640 --> 0:10:02.560 that I shoul shared. Y'all, let this be the year, 0:10:02.640 --> 0:10:05.760 because I really think when we don't share how we 0:10:05.800 --> 0:10:09.600 really feel. I know, for me personally, it's taking a 0:10:09.640 --> 0:10:12.760 toll on my mental health with I don't share what 0:10:12.920 --> 0:10:16.800 I really need to say. And we too grown, we 0:10:16.960 --> 0:10:19.000 too old to let people play in our face and 0:10:19.040 --> 0:10:22.640 treat us or make people feel like they can talk 0:10:22.679 --> 0:10:25.800 to you any kind of way. Or like, we're not 0:10:25.920 --> 0:10:28.720 doing that, not this year, not in twenty twenty four. 0:10:28.880 --> 0:10:30.800 So I know a lot of people. A friend of 0:10:30.840 --> 0:10:35.920 mine said, yo, I'll tell it. It was Jonathan mcmcreynolds. 0:10:36.000 --> 0:10:40.080 We were at a birthday party for someone else recently 0:10:40.120 --> 0:10:42.800 as well, and he said, y'all, you got so much 0:10:42.960 --> 0:10:46.520 joy and peace, and I'm gonna have even more joy 0:10:46.559 --> 0:10:52.000 and peace in twenty twenty four. I'm telling you, I 0:10:52.040 --> 0:10:55.679 will be forty five this year, and I am making 0:10:55.720 --> 0:11:00.400 it my goal year after year to have those roots 0:11:01.840 --> 0:11:04.720 of taking care of my mental health, which is joy, 0:11:05.360 --> 0:11:10.960 peace boundaries. Also a part I think that I'm learning 0:11:11.000 --> 0:11:16.520 this year as well is really tackling the hard things sooner, 0:11:17.360 --> 0:11:20.880 not procrastinating when it comes to heart decisions or difficult 0:11:20.960 --> 0:11:24.600 conversations that need to be had. If you say you're grown, 0:11:25.120 --> 0:11:28.199 a part of being grown is being able to have 0:11:29.040 --> 0:11:33.679 difficult conversations. And I think the reason of why we 0:11:33.720 --> 0:11:38.880 aren't able to have difficult conversations is fear. We're fearful 0:11:39.040 --> 0:11:42.720 of the other person's response, We're fearful of what's gonna 0:11:42.800 --> 0:11:47.000 happen too or in the relationship. If we have to 0:11:47.120 --> 0:11:51.600 have a difficult conversation and nine times out of ten. 0:11:51.800 --> 0:11:53.959 I didn't say ten out of ten, but because this 0:11:54.320 --> 0:11:57.800 always gonna be that one, but nine times out of ten, 0:11:58.280 --> 0:12:01.960 the person on the receiving and will be able to 0:12:02.080 --> 0:12:06.360 appreciate you coming to them with something that you probably 0:12:06.400 --> 0:12:09.440 deemed difficult. And you can even probably start off the 0:12:09.440 --> 0:12:14.520 conversation by saying, hey, this is difficult for me because 0:12:14.559 --> 0:12:17.640 I hate having to have hard conversations, but because I 0:12:17.679 --> 0:12:20.320 love you and because I believe you love me, or 0:12:20.400 --> 0:12:23.120 you can say like, because we've got to work together 0:12:23.600 --> 0:12:28.280 and we want to do our best and reach our goal. Ooh, 0:12:28.320 --> 0:12:31.319 this is a hard conversation. I'm just being vulnerable. I'm 0:12:31.360 --> 0:12:33.199 being open to you right now and tell you this 0:12:33.280 --> 0:12:36.679 is difficult, and then you can go in to what 0:12:36.760 --> 0:12:40.240 it is that you need to say, can you practice that? 0:12:40.960 --> 0:12:44.400 Can you do it? I know you can. That's what 0:12:44.600 --> 0:12:47.840 checking in is going to be all about in twenty 0:12:47.920 --> 0:12:54.040 twenty four, continuing and tackling the hard things. So I'm 0:12:54.080 --> 0:12:56.480 excited for this new year for you. If I haven't 0:12:56.520 --> 0:13:04.439 said it, happy new Year, Let's go. Oh. We had 0:13:04.480 --> 0:13:09.280 a prior discussion with doctor Rob Singleton, who is absolutely 0:13:09.480 --> 0:13:13.679 amazing and making sure that we always say disclaimers. When 0:13:13.679 --> 0:13:17.679 I have doctors on that, you know, it's not intended 0:13:17.840 --> 0:13:22.720 to diagnose, it's not intended to treat, But it is 0:13:22.840 --> 0:13:26.280 their own personal opinion, just like you know, if I'm 0:13:26.320 --> 0:13:29.960 gonna share things with you, it's my personal personal opinion 0:13:30.000 --> 0:13:34.880 as well. Also it's also my personal journey or testimony. 0:13:35.040 --> 0:13:39.320 Even when I'm talking about right now having difficult conversations, 0:13:39.679 --> 0:13:44.680 I'm walking through that literally as we speak, having difficult 0:13:44.760 --> 0:13:49.520 conversations knowing that I am empowered. I have everything on 0:13:49.600 --> 0:13:52.520 the inside of me to do what it takes to 0:13:52.640 --> 0:13:57.439 have a difficult conversation that's gonna have an amazing outcome. 0:13:58.720 --> 0:14:02.960 Understanding and clarity for the most part, is really the 0:14:03.000 --> 0:14:10.120 outcomes that I desire, clarity and understanding, because sometimes I'd 0:14:10.120 --> 0:14:12.200 be a little slow. I'd be like, I didn't maybe 0:14:12.200 --> 0:14:14.480 that went over my head. Maybe I need to check 0:14:14.480 --> 0:14:16.120 in with this person, be like, what did you mean 0:14:16.160 --> 0:14:16.400 when you? 0:14:16.520 --> 0:14:16.720 Oh? 0:14:16.960 --> 0:14:20.160 Oh, okay, see, okay, okay, okay, got you. I'm glad 0:14:20.160 --> 0:14:24.600 I checked in. Okay, all right, Thank y'all so much 0:14:24.680 --> 0:14:30.320 for going with me there. But y'all, I just saw 0:14:31.080 --> 0:14:37.720 the funniest article. It's an interesting article from the Guardian, 0:14:38.760 --> 0:14:44.280 a science editor by the name of Ian sample he 0:14:44.600 --> 0:14:53.200 wrote and says that teenagers with more siblings have worse 0:14:53.560 --> 0:14:58.320 mental health. Study suggest study of children in US and 0:14:58.440 --> 0:15:01.920 China found larger in I packed when brothers and sisters 0:15:01.960 --> 0:15:07.240 were closely spaced in age. So, y'all, there's four of 0:15:07.320 --> 0:15:12.200 us total, but the first three we're all two years apart, 0:15:12.480 --> 0:15:17.440 and I'm just wondering, what is there some truth to this? 0:15:18.400 --> 0:15:22.680 The researchers asked nine one hundred eighth graders in the 0:15:22.800 --> 0:15:26.400 US and nine four hundred in China with an average 0:15:26.400 --> 0:15:30.720 age of fourteen, a range of questions about their mental health, 0:15:31.720 --> 0:15:36.040 from canaan Abel and the Brothers Kismasov to Cinderella. The 0:15:36.160 --> 0:15:39.840 warmth and support provided by siblings has hardly been taken 0:15:39.880 --> 0:15:44.520 for granted. Now, reachers have found that children who moan 0:15:44.720 --> 0:15:48.320 about their brothers and sisters may have good reason to complain. 0:15:49.000 --> 0:15:52.960 The more siblings teenagers have, the more it hits their happiness, 0:15:53.000 --> 0:15:57.000 they claim. It says that the study of the secondary 0:15:57.000 --> 0:15:59.440 school children in the US and China found that those 0:15:59.440 --> 0:16:02.720 from larger families had slightly poorer mental health than those 0:16:02.760 --> 0:16:06.400 from smaller families. The greatest impact was seen in families 0:16:06.400 --> 0:16:11.040 with multiple children born less than a year apart. Oh, 0:16:11.280 --> 0:16:14.840 I was gonna say, because me and my siblings, Yeah, 0:16:15.120 --> 0:16:27.840 we had normal quarrels, quarrels, quarrels growing up. Oh my gosh. Wow. 0:16:28.760 --> 0:16:32.800 So it's saying that if they were closer in age, 0:16:33.000 --> 0:16:36.600 maybe this can answer some of y'all's questions. So it 0:16:36.760 --> 0:16:41.480 says that in China, the teenagers with no siblings fared 0:16:41.520 --> 0:16:45.280 best for mental health, and then children who had no 0:16:45.440 --> 0:16:49.920 siblings or only one were found to have similar mental health. 0:16:50.000 --> 0:16:52.440 So what they're saying is in China and the US, 0:16:52.520 --> 0:16:55.320 if you had no siblings or only one, you had 0:16:55.440 --> 0:16:59.760 better mental health than those who had more siblings. Oh 0:16:59.840 --> 0:17:03.520 my gosh, and with greater impact seeing for teenagers with 0:17:03.680 --> 0:17:07.720 older siblings and when brothers and sisters were closely spaced 0:17:07.720 --> 0:17:13.520 in age. Wow, I can see that I have a 0:17:13.600 --> 0:17:19.119 cousin she has well, I'll take from my own family. 0:17:19.160 --> 0:17:24.480 So there's three siblings and then my baby sister, Danielle, 0:17:24.800 --> 0:17:30.919 born in nineteen ninety one. And I feel like, you know, 0:17:30.960 --> 0:17:33.480 by the time I went away to college and then 0:17:33.720 --> 0:17:37.400 just began working professionally in music, I believe I did 0:17:37.480 --> 0:17:40.720 miss out on a lot of her milestones and a 0:17:40.720 --> 0:17:43.560 lot of those great moments, so we would have to 0:17:43.600 --> 0:17:49.520 ask her and my cousin. They live here in Atlanta. 0:17:50.040 --> 0:17:54.760 She has three boys, two are grown college ones graduated 0:17:54.800 --> 0:17:57.399 from college, and then she's got a little boy who's 0:17:57.480 --> 0:18:02.119 like seven years old. And this does say that they've 0:18:02.160 --> 0:18:07.119 seen one's mental health being impacted when they have well 0:18:07.160 --> 0:18:09.560 it as teenagers with older siblings. And he's not a 0:18:09.600 --> 0:18:11.840 teenager yet, but I'm wondering what it's gonna be like 0:18:11.960 --> 0:18:17.160 for him because his brothers are more older. It says 0:18:17.240 --> 0:18:20.520 children with more siblings got along better with others at 0:18:20.560 --> 0:18:24.920 a nursery and were less likely to divorce in later life, 0:18:24.960 --> 0:18:30.320 perhaps because they already had some experience at navigating close relationships. 0:18:32.200 --> 0:18:36.120 Oh what do y'all think? All I know is that 0:18:36.560 --> 0:18:39.840 I just find this article very interesting as I try 0:18:39.880 --> 0:18:43.439 to continue to stay up on mental health research and 0:18:43.560 --> 0:18:47.640 what's being talked about. It's just cool to learn about 0:18:47.680 --> 0:18:53.040 stuff that I probably normally wouldn't care about or maybe 0:18:53.080 --> 0:18:57.480 would have overlooked all because of lack of research. So 0:18:57.600 --> 0:19:02.160 let me know the relationship with you and your siblings. 0:19:02.240 --> 0:19:04.479 Of course, with me and my siblings, we are older 0:19:04.520 --> 0:19:08.240 we're all living our own lives, and you know, there 0:19:08.280 --> 0:19:11.359 has been some difficulties along the way because I'm always 0:19:11.400 --> 0:19:14.199 thinking I know the better route to life, okay, and 0:19:14.240 --> 0:19:19.040 I want to be everybody's life coach. Firstus just accepting 0:19:19.119 --> 0:19:25.400 that people have their own lives brothers, sisters, cousins, aunties, uncles. 0:19:25.800 --> 0:19:28.080 Even if you might feel like, man, if they would 0:19:28.119 --> 0:19:30.960 just make this adjustment, their life would just be on 0:19:31.000 --> 0:19:35.320 a better trajectory. So I have to learn, you know, 0:19:35.680 --> 0:19:42.879 to let people live their lives the way they see 0:19:42.880 --> 0:19:47.400 fit to live their lives and not get offended, because 0:19:47.400 --> 0:19:49.760 then that's when pride comes in and ego comes in, 0:19:50.280 --> 0:19:52.879 you know, when you feel like you and that's I 0:19:52.920 --> 0:19:55.520 think that could be also an issue of control as well, 0:19:55.560 --> 0:19:59.560 and so I never want to control anybody, especially another 0:19:59.560 --> 0:20:02.879 grown man or woman. So I just thought that that 0:20:03.000 --> 0:20:10.520 was kind of interesting. And next stuff that has been 0:20:10.560 --> 0:20:15.400 on my heart to talk about, and that is resolutions 0:20:15.440 --> 0:20:20.120 and mental health. And again I've just been kind of 0:20:20.600 --> 0:20:25.280 browsing through articles and all that good stuff and how 0:20:25.320 --> 0:20:30.880 many people made New Year's resolutions and you've already jacked up, 0:20:31.320 --> 0:20:36.320 you didn't, it's what about sixteen days into the new 0:20:36.400 --> 0:20:41.719 year and you've kind of already drunk the bomb and 0:20:42.080 --> 0:20:46.040 just know that that is okay. And so, according to 0:20:46.720 --> 0:20:50.600 Centerstone dot org, was an article that says how New 0:20:50.680 --> 0:20:55.520 Year's resolutions impact mental health, and it says that the 0:20:55.600 --> 0:20:57.840 issues with these types of goals is that they can 0:20:57.960 --> 0:21:01.800 lead to some degree of selfs albata before you realize it. 0:21:01.880 --> 0:21:03.919 The idea is that we shoot for the stars, but 0:21:03.960 --> 0:21:07.080 life doesn't always work that way. If you don't ease 0:21:07.119 --> 0:21:10.359 your way into your goals, you might find yourself failing more. 0:21:11.040 --> 0:21:13.639 When we fail, it might impact our mental health and 0:21:13.720 --> 0:21:17.000 negative ways and can perpetuate a cycle of slipping back 0:21:17.040 --> 0:21:21.399 into old habits. I know, for me, I don't set 0:21:21.480 --> 0:21:25.359 New Year's resolutions. As you know, I still got stuff 0:21:25.400 --> 0:21:27.800 that I'm still trying to reach in goals that I'm 0:21:27.840 --> 0:21:30.040 trying to do, and so I make sure that day 0:21:30.080 --> 0:21:34.040 by day I'm taking steps towards that goal. Now, nothing 0:21:34.080 --> 0:21:38.680 is wrong with a timeline, a reasonable timeline. If you know, hey, 0:21:38.800 --> 0:21:45.040 within three months, I can accomplish this, within six months, 0:21:45.400 --> 0:21:50.360 within six weeks, within one week, I would have worked 0:21:50.400 --> 0:21:53.520 out three times a day, three times a week, for 0:21:53.640 --> 0:21:58.000 thirty minutes a day. Those can be reasonable, and it's 0:21:58.040 --> 0:22:02.120 so good because it says, be reasons by expecting yourself 0:22:02.200 --> 0:22:05.520 to fail at times and know that results might be 0:22:05.560 --> 0:22:09.480 slow moving. Understand that life happens and things can get 0:22:09.480 --> 0:22:11.760 in the way of your goals. So try to ensure 0:22:11.920 --> 0:22:15.679 your goals are healthy and can be achieved without harming 0:22:16.280 --> 0:22:20.840 your physical or mental health. I already talked about the timeline, 0:22:21.320 --> 0:22:26.400 and see I didn't need this article. I see, Lord Jesus, 0:22:26.440 --> 0:22:31.080 sometimes I gotta trust me. This thing says create a timeline. 0:22:31.240 --> 0:22:33.920 It says try to avoid being rigid in your timeline 0:22:33.960 --> 0:22:36.840 and understand that your timeline should not be compared to 0:22:37.040 --> 0:22:42.399 anyone else's. Okay, that's another thing, just comparing your life 0:22:42.600 --> 0:22:46.199 period to anyone else. It will be more proactive and 0:22:46.280 --> 0:22:52.920 productive to make small, incremental goals instead of extreme expectations. Okay, y'all, 0:22:52.960 --> 0:22:55.919 So this ain't a resolution, but I knew that I 0:22:56.000 --> 0:23:02.480 needed to get my walking closet buck to looking normal 0:23:03.560 --> 0:23:06.840 because I've been traveling a lot in these like taking 0:23:06.840 --> 0:23:08.919 a two day trip here, three day trip here, and 0:23:09.400 --> 0:23:12.600 you know, coming back and just and what I and 0:23:12.960 --> 0:23:15.680 before you know, all the clothes that I've stacked even 0:23:15.720 --> 0:23:18.600 though they're folded no, they need to be hung up 0:23:18.640 --> 0:23:22.359 and put back in their rightful place. That's kind of 0:23:22.400 --> 0:23:26.280 why you got this whole closet and organization system. And 0:23:26.400 --> 0:23:30.000 so I said, I am going to dedicate fifteen to 0:23:30.080 --> 0:23:33.160 thirty minutes a day, and that's what I did. Because 0:23:33.280 --> 0:23:38.240 it seems so overwhelming. My good girlfriend Shanie Jones, and 0:23:38.359 --> 0:23:42.480 she's gonna come in from LA and help, not help, 0:23:42.560 --> 0:23:48.280 but just we're gonna do some more purging. Although I 0:23:48.359 --> 0:23:51.840 kind of started myself, so that's just creating. I created 0:23:51.880 --> 0:23:55.760 a nice timeline or just reasonable saying, hey, I'm only gonna, 0:23:56.520 --> 0:23:59.920 you know, concentrate on this for thirty minutes a day, 0:24:00.200 --> 0:24:02.160 and before you know it, it might go from thirty 0:24:02.200 --> 0:24:05.080 minutes to an hour because you'll find yourself enjoying what 0:24:05.119 --> 0:24:07.120 you're doing, or you're like, you know what, I can 0:24:07.160 --> 0:24:11.000 get two sections done today versus just one. I would 0:24:11.000 --> 0:24:16.320 say go for it, especially those who are experiencing depression. 0:24:17.119 --> 0:24:22.600 And sometimes depression might make things pile up a little more. 0:24:22.640 --> 0:24:25.399 You don't have the strength, but it's like doing little 0:24:25.440 --> 0:24:29.000 things bit by bit. I love seeing some of these 0:24:29.119 --> 0:24:34.840 cleaning videos on Instagram and Facebook and TikTok, you know 0:24:34.920 --> 0:24:38.680 where people who are in real time who maybe they've 0:24:38.760 --> 0:24:41.320 let their bedroom just get all out of sorts, and 0:24:41.400 --> 0:24:45.480 so they're doing things bit by bit. I know, for me, 0:24:45.520 --> 0:24:52.240 as someone who has fought depression since twenty nineteen, every 0:24:52.280 --> 0:24:55.880 single day, except maybe there are a few times last 0:24:55.960 --> 0:25:00.560 year I did not make my bed, But for the 0:25:00.680 --> 0:25:03.960 most part, every single day I get up and I 0:25:04.200 --> 0:25:08.840 just make my bed and put my pillows on, because 0:25:09.760 --> 0:25:13.040 I don't care if I've got a folded sweatsuit on 0:25:13.160 --> 0:25:16.000 the bench in front of my bed, I don't care. 0:25:16.560 --> 0:25:20.040 The bed looks great, and so that always helps. So 0:25:20.200 --> 0:25:23.480 just start doing little things here and there and monitor 0:25:23.560 --> 0:25:27.199 the progress. It says understand that nothing changes overnight. So 0:25:27.240 --> 0:25:31.199 it might be helpful to find an accountability partner to 0:25:31.280 --> 0:25:33.880 help you monitor progress and keep a journal to acknowledge 0:25:33.880 --> 0:25:37.160 your feelings regarding your progress and document your feelings about 0:25:37.160 --> 0:25:40.600 your goals and what obstacles you face. Has anyone decided 0:25:40.800 --> 0:25:44.480 that they're going to start maybe journaling this year, I 0:25:44.520 --> 0:25:46.879 think that might be a good thing, And an accountability 0:25:46.920 --> 0:25:50.080 partner it might be someone who's going to FaceTime you 0:25:50.200 --> 0:25:53.560 at seven o'clock to be like, girl, open up your 0:25:53.560 --> 0:25:56.160 closet door, let me see did you at least put 0:25:56.160 --> 0:25:58.640 the socks up? Did you match the socks? How many 0:25:58.680 --> 0:26:01.359 of y'all got just socks everywhere they don't just at 0:26:01.440 --> 0:26:03.760 least match them up and put put them in a 0:26:03.760 --> 0:26:08.119 little bind and label them socks. Or maybe just you know, 0:26:08.359 --> 0:26:11.960 organize pop up. Some of us need to organize our 0:26:12.200 --> 0:26:16.840 underwear drawer or the place where you have where you 0:26:16.920 --> 0:26:20.280 keep your pajamas or your sleep shirts or your jeans. 0:26:20.960 --> 0:26:24.359 Just start there, like one drawer at a time, one 0:26:24.960 --> 0:26:28.800 pull out closet, whatever it is that you have. Just start, 0:26:29.240 --> 0:26:33.080 Or you might need to save a little coin and 0:26:33.160 --> 0:26:35.440 maybe go to some of your favorite stores and buy 0:26:35.480 --> 0:26:40.000 some closet organizers or some organizers for your drawers. 0:26:40.240 --> 0:26:40.920 You know what I mean. 0:26:41.200 --> 0:26:43.960 Okay, I'm just just don't judge me. I'm just trying 0:26:44.000 --> 0:26:45.320 to help you out. I'm just trying to help you 0:26:45.400 --> 0:26:51.160 have an organized, beautiful, clutter free twenty twenty four. Then 0:26:51.200 --> 0:26:56.159 it says allowed flexibility. Offer yourself flexibility and give yourself grace. 0:26:56.440 --> 0:26:59.560 If you don't do well this month, try again next month. 0:27:00.000 --> 0:27:02.280 Instead of trying to set goals that might not benefit 0:27:02.320 --> 0:27:05.919 your mental health, find activities that make you happy instead. 0:27:06.600 --> 0:27:08.399 The new year does not have to be a brand 0:27:08.440 --> 0:27:11.159 new you take the time to do something fun and 0:27:11.280 --> 0:27:16.760 adventurous and prioritize your health over punishing yourself. If you 0:27:16.920 --> 0:27:20.959 find yourself struggling and giving yourself grace and putting pressure 0:27:21.040 --> 0:27:23.280 on yourself, and maybe time to reach out to a 0:27:23.320 --> 0:27:26.480 mental health professional where they can provide more tools on 0:27:26.560 --> 0:27:29.639 ways to set goals and how to create healthy boundaries 0:27:29.680 --> 0:27:34.600 with yourself because some of us, we are perfectionists, a 0:27:34.600 --> 0:27:37.320 lot of us going to performance mode because maybe as 0:27:37.359 --> 0:27:41.480 a child, maybe you weren't rewarded until you did something, 0:27:42.119 --> 0:27:46.000 you know, and so be graceful with yourself because listen, 0:27:46.320 --> 0:27:49.960 there are gonna be times you're not gonna be feeling well. Whatever. 0:27:50.040 --> 0:27:54.240 This bronchial upper respiratory situation that's going on, y'all, it 0:27:54.400 --> 0:27:59.159