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Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer an I'm Heeart radio podcast.

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Speaker 2: Hi girls, I miss you and I'm away from you,

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Speaker 2: sweetly coudin.

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Speaker 3: I just we do that so it's real.

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Speaker 1: For some reason, it sounds so fake because I normally

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Speaker 1: would never do that.

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Speaker 3: But we do that. We do real life.

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Speaker 4: We do that.

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Speaker 1: We're a great little trifecta. You might do that in

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Speaker 1: real life, but I never usually would be like.

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Speaker 3: Oh, I definitely do that in real life. Hey, what's up?

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Speaker 4: You know, it's so funny. I just talked about that

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Speaker 4: because I was just talking to a friend about a

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Speaker 4: role and I was like, not I intind myself on tape,

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Speaker 4: just too bubbly, can't do it. That's wild.

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Speaker 1: Made me think about it. It's like, we're not bubbly.

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Speaker 1: I just say that we're not, but we are. But

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Speaker 1: we're not for yourself.

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Speaker 3: Anyway. I mean sometimes I'm not.

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Speaker 4: I mean I think I wouldn't say you were typically

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Speaker 4: bubbly person, right, No, I don't. I wouldn't say that

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Speaker 4: is like a bad thing, right right?

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Speaker 3: You know for sure?

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Speaker 4: And I think I go in ebbs and flows.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know.

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Speaker 4: What do you think?

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Speaker 3: I think you go in ebbs and flows.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, well everybody does.

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Speaker 1: And some people are bubbly all the time, and then

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Speaker 1: that just really feels fake. No offense if you're bubbly

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Speaker 1: all the time. But I can't do that. That's interesting,

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Speaker 1: Like I have an actual I'm going to go into

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Speaker 1: this actually no topic.

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Speaker 3: You know, it's fine.

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Speaker 1: But Nick has a very very good friend. I should

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Speaker 1: be careful say this. And his wife love her, sure,

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Speaker 1: love her, absolutely love her. But I'm like, you can't

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Speaker 1: be that happy all the time.

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Speaker 3: I have a question.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, is that this is just a devil's advocate. I'm not,

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Speaker 4: I'm not. Just what is it in you?

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Speaker 3: I'm sure?

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Speaker 4: Right?

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Speaker 1: Is like I want to be that happy all the time,

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Speaker 1: but I feel like even when I'm happy, I'm not

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Speaker 1: that happy.

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Speaker 3: But I think I think because to me.

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Speaker 4: Nothing that you have something for sure. I probably is

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Speaker 4: because I always say, well, if someone is you know, uh,

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Speaker 4: what's the if someone is reacting to an action, what

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Speaker 4: is something that usually something inside of them?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure, I think my mind is that need

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Speaker 1: to get deeper. Sure, and it doesn't feel like that

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Speaker 1: can go deep. Usually if she can, I have not

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Speaker 1: seen it does not mean that she doesn't does not

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Speaker 1: mean that she doesn't. I haven't been able to get there,

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Speaker 1: and I usually can with most people. And so that's

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Speaker 1: where I'm like, okay, like I think I'm gonna say

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Speaker 1: it to her one day because she's super sweet, But

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Speaker 1: would you cannot be this happy all the time?

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Speaker 4: Is she Southern? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so am I. But there's something about like some

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Speaker 2: people that are raised super southern.

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Speaker 3: Like raised in the same town.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, but you know, like depending on family, like

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Speaker 2: they will portray themselves like that, like it's actually unacceptable

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Speaker 2: in their brain to be anything other than that.

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Speaker 3: I could see that.

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Speaker 4: So that's that's what it kind of sounds like, maybe maybe.

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Speaker 1: Maybe I just need I need the ups and downs

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Speaker 1: I think people.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I wouldn't be able to be around someone

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Speaker 4: that is all the time, super happy, all the time,

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Speaker 4: super down right for sure. That's like I know, we've

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Speaker 4: been in spaces with people, me included, where it's if

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Speaker 4: I if I stayed in that place of always being down,

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Speaker 4: I would probably drag you guys down. And you don't

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Speaker 4: want to be in that place either. When someone is

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Speaker 4: just always it's like, okay, get real with me here,

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Speaker 4: because we got to be you got to have some

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Speaker 4: sort of struggle, because.

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Speaker 2: Right, yeah, to be drama, but it's just to have

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Speaker 2: like a lay like the depth you're talking about, I

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Speaker 2: think is really it's just about connection.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And maybe I just haven't gotten to that point

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Speaker 1: yet with this person. But it is hard for me

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Speaker 1: to get to that point because I'm like, I don't

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Speaker 1: buy it.

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Speaker 3: Maybe she gid so sweet, but and I think I could.

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Speaker 1: It's the funny thing, Like, I really think that I

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Speaker 1: could probably say that to her and she would just

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Speaker 1: laugh and then still just be happy.

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Speaker 4: Well, nothing makes me upset, sugar.

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Speaker 3: I don't know how we got there. It just took

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Speaker 3: me there.

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Speaker 4: Interesting.

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Speaker 2: It's funny because I had a little envy this morning. Ironically,

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Speaker 2: I had to do some pivoting with the children this morning,

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Speaker 2: and so Caroline, my deep dark, deep dark, indeed and

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Speaker 2: loving bestie, took the babies for me to the zoo

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Speaker 2: and I was stuck in traffic that's what we do

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Speaker 2: here in Nashville, and so I texted her that I

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Speaker 2: was going to be five minutes later than I wanted

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Speaker 2: to be, and I left with the big She's doing

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Speaker 2: me a favor.

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Speaker 4: So it's very rude to me for me to be late. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: I don't like being late.

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Speaker 2: I'm always late if my husband's involving me here, so

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Speaker 2: when it's just me and the three kids, I can

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Speaker 2: usually get us there. Anyways, five minutes late, and I

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Speaker 2: texted her and said, hey, I'm just like sitting in

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Speaker 2: NonStop traffic, but we'll be there. And I'm hustling, you know,

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Speaker 2: And she goes, oh, no worries, And I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 2: she's probably just being kind because I'm stuck in traffic.

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Speaker 3: I get there. No, she really has no worries.

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Speaker 2: Chatted with me like, you know, everyone's meeting at the

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Speaker 2: zoo in like ten minutes, and she's just just the

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Speaker 2: most refreshing because I don't operate that way anyway. So

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Speaker 2: I sent her voice note after and I said, there's

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Speaker 2: something I deeply appreciate about you, and it inspires me.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't have nice to have certain Yeah, because

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Speaker 4: we all hold things differently, we all hold our struggles

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Speaker 4: differently in the spaces. So she just has three extra children.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, there's no big deal. Have I never heard of

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Speaker 3: this person?

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Speaker 4: Caroline Hobby? Oh Caroline, I.

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Speaker 1: Have Sorry, Caroline, I just wasn't my brain wasn't there.

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Speaker 1: She's never usually like a first named person. We always

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Speaker 1: isn't funny?

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Speaker 3: Sarah Brice? Is that for me too? If you say Sarah,

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Speaker 3: I'm all right?

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Speaker 4: Which one she's Sarah Brice Bryce phone?

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Speaker 2: Oh cute my breast breast? What am I just in breast?

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Speaker 4: You're still cremer. I haven't made you a wrestle some

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Speaker 4: day I don't like to break up with. My best

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Speaker 4: girlfriend is still Lisa. Uh, Lisa pelophone in my phone?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that was her real name.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, telophone on the telephone. Oh, she's heard it a

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Speaker 4: million time. Yeah, and she's she's a no wiki now

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Speaker 4: you know.

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Speaker 2: So?

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Speaker 3: Oh I do have that too for my high school friends.

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Speaker 1: It can't change it.

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Speaker 4: It just is what it is. But I know it's

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Speaker 4: back to that other point where it is. So it's hard, right,

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Speaker 4: How do I say this? Because it's like I have

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Speaker 4: to Oh no, is it gonna hurt my feeling?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 4: No, no, no, no no. I'm always bracing for impact. So

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Speaker 4: I somehow I'm logged out of my Facebook. I don't

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Speaker 4: know how. It's been a whole thing. I'm logged out.

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Speaker 4: So you check it Facebook?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: No, But I did have my community board thing that

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Speaker 4: I would like to see neighbors. I kind of got

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Speaker 4: off of it because some of the neighbors were like,

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Speaker 4: why would you put lights on? I'm like, why would

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Speaker 4: you care? You know, like agree, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 4: So I didn't really look at it. But there's certain

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Speaker 4: things where they talk about parties. And I was at

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Speaker 4: the bus stop the other day and some of the

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Speaker 4: moms were talking about, like, oh, are you going to

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Speaker 4: come on the walk? We're doing like a woman's meet

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Speaker 4: up walk. And MY first initial reaction was is, Oh,

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Speaker 4: I'm out, like.

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Speaker 3: Fair mine would be too, three.

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Speaker 4: Three and I and I don't and I how do

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Speaker 4: I say this? Not because I don't And there's so

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Speaker 4: many new neighbors, you know, that I haven't yet met,

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Speaker 4: and they all seem so lovely. But there's a piece

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Speaker 4: of it that it's like I want to get to

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Speaker 4: know each one on an individual, deep, deeper level, right,

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Speaker 4: And so it's sweet that I was invited in on

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Speaker 4: the bus stop chat. When we were chatting about it,

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Speaker 4: I was like, Oh, no, I'm not on Facebook anymore,

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Speaker 4: but like, you know, I'm out, you know.

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Speaker 3: And I did you say it just like that? Well?

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Speaker 4: Yes, but that had to retract because as soon as

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Speaker 4: I said it, I'm like, I don't want them to

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Speaker 4: think that I don't want to chure because that's not

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Speaker 4: my truth either, like at all. Like some of these

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Speaker 4: you know ladies, I would I would like to get

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Speaker 4: to know all of them. Having said that, I to

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Speaker 4: go on a walk with a bunch of people that

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Speaker 4: talks just I it just to me. It's like what

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Speaker 4: you were saying is more of like the deeper level

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Speaker 4: of connection about things, And I don't know, maybe they

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Speaker 4: would go there, but also maybe it's okay for people

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Speaker 4: not to always just to go there too.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely, you know.

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Speaker 4: And so I'm like, maybe it would actually be good

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Speaker 4: for me just to walk with people and just talk

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Speaker 4: about the random stuff and not be like, so what

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Speaker 4: are you dealing with? That's heavy and right? You know,

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Speaker 4: but I do I'm more of like a one on

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Speaker 4: one with that. I don't know, I just brought that up,

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Speaker 4: but nice to know that you guys are the same.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well my problem with that is that gives me

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Speaker 1: actual social anxiety.

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Speaker 3: Well same, yeah, yeah, it truly does.

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Speaker 1: Like, hey, I cannot walk into a thing like that

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Speaker 1: without someone I know, like as a comfort or uncomfort.

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Speaker 4: And that is what I was talking to Pam about,

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Speaker 4: was because I said to her, I said, you know me,

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Speaker 4: I go, I am socially awkward. And it's not because

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Speaker 4: I don't want to get to know any of the

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Speaker 4: other women in the neighborhood. It's not because I think

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Speaker 4: I'm better than any of them. I'm absolutely not. I

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Speaker 4: just get socially awkward and then I say things that

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Speaker 4: make me even sound worse. Yeah, you know, but I

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Speaker 4: don't mean it from that place. Like me saying I'm

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Speaker 4: out was my socially awkward because I didn't want to be.

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Speaker 4: But then I'm like, do they think I'm a bitch? Nah?

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Speaker 2: Well, I think talk is hard, That's what I was

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Speaker 2: just going to say. And I think that we love

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Speaker 2: connection so much. I don't mind, like even I've been

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Speaker 2: noticing even like at school pickup and that's only two

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Speaker 2: days a week, but I'm like in and out, like

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Speaker 2: I grab them like hot potatoes and run squealing my tires.

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Speaker 2: But it's just because the input feels like so much

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Speaker 2: recently that I don't know that I can engage or

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Speaker 2: be asked to contribute or participate in anything else. I

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Speaker 2: also love sometimes just the high level. Yeah, three kids,

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Speaker 2: you know, just like, yes, I have three, this is

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Speaker 2: their ages. That's kind of refreshing once in a while.

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Speaker 2: But I also feel like it I'm going to really

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Speaker 2: go down for this, but I can't think of a

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Speaker 2: different way to phrase it feels like a waste of time.

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Speaker 2: To me. If I'm not gonna have a deep friendship,

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Speaker 2: I'd rather walk with myself.

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Speaker 1: Which is interesting because you seem like you're so good

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Speaker 1: at small talk, like anytime we go places, you talk

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Speaker 1: to everyone.

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Speaker 4: And you get a lead for us, truly, like you

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Speaker 4: take the lead for both me and Cap.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I wish I could have come up with

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Speaker 1: the fifteen questions you just asked that person.

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Speaker 3: Like, and I mean that it sounds like I mean

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Speaker 3: it bad, so I'm smiling through it.

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Speaker 1: I truly mean that in a I'm envious of that way,

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Speaker 1: because I will get into social stuff like that and

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Speaker 1: I will be like, Okay, what do I ask?

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Speaker 4: Now?

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Speaker 3: What do I do?

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Speaker 1: And then I get so you know, it's just it's

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Speaker 1: not easy for me. So I think it's great. But yes,

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Speaker 1: I do hear you on this. Sometimes it feels like

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Speaker 1: a wasted.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, like you guys, there's only so much capacity. I

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Speaker 2: think that's what I felt recently, Like I deeply cherish

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Speaker 2: the friendships I have, and God does give me these

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Speaker 2: really shiny ones once in a while, and I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 2: that was fun. You know you forget yeah at our

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Speaker 2: age that you get to meet brand new people that

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Speaker 2: you might have forever. That's such a fun thing to

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Speaker 2: think about. But then other times I'm like, there's no

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Speaker 2: one here, you know, Like I don't. It's not that

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Speaker 2: they're not a value or they're not lovelier than I

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Speaker 2: just don't have the energy or capacity to take on

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Speaker 2: another person having my number. I straight panicked in the

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Speaker 2: neighborhood the other day because someone said, oh, I can

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Speaker 2: give you Crystal's number. Just shoot me your number and

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Speaker 2: I'll connect you. And I just panicked and shut down,

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Speaker 2: like stranger danger, Like I don't want you to have

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Speaker 2: my number because I'm gonna feel obligated.

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Speaker 4: To write back.

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Speaker 2: And I feel so in like overwhelmed. Yeah, yeah, not

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Speaker 2: my popularity.

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Speaker 4: Who's got a wine? Was that it?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 3: I have a wine? Okay, I don't really know that

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Speaker 3: I want to go into it, but but here we go.

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Speaker 4: You always love that, like I don't know anyway, so

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Speaker 4: is the same way.

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Speaker 3: I'm super anxious. Okay, okay, okay, okay, I don't know you.

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Speaker 4: I like to calm you, no, I know.

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Speaker 3: I hope I don't cry.

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Speaker 4: Oh, I'd love it if you don't love.

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Speaker 3: It starts purr.

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Speaker 1: So Halloween is like really anxious for me, like, well

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Speaker 1: for my kid, So like th kid at this point,

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Speaker 1: my middle school kid. So like three years ago Halloween

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Speaker 1: was when she like had all this huge plan. It

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Speaker 1: was supposed to be at our house and her group

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Speaker 1: of friends were supposed to come over. They were supposed

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Speaker 1: to come over and get ready and all this, but

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Speaker 1: they ditched her.

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Speaker 3: After school.

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Speaker 1: No one would answer their phones, no one would you know,

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Speaker 1: they all ignored her and they all went somewhere else

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Speaker 1: and got ready.

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Speaker 4: But this is last year.

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Speaker 1: This was like two or three years ago, okay, and

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Speaker 1: so it was just super traumatic, right, like of course

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Speaker 1: super traumatic. So you know, I call my friend who's

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Speaker 1: house that they're at, and it becomes this whole thing. Well,

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Speaker 1: then nobody wants to go with each other, so Emmy

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Speaker 1: tries to find new friends to go with. Someone invited

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Speaker 1: her over. I take her over there, and then she's

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Speaker 1: like oh wait, no, you can't come over my mom

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Speaker 1: will My mom said no, so then I have to

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Speaker 1: take her home and then she's got no one to

303
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Speaker 1: trigger treat with, right, So then it was like it

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Speaker 1: was so traumatic. Well then I completely miss side noted

305
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Speaker 1: that as I completely missed trigger treating with my younger

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Speaker 1: child at all, like completely the whole night, just trying

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Speaker 1: to figure out where to get her, you know. So anyway,

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Speaker 1: so Halloween is just it is super traumatic for her,

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Speaker 1: super traumatic for me. Last year, so we did a

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Speaker 1: Halloween party a couple of years ago and then things

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Speaker 1: kind of started to go south with her and her

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Speaker 1: best friend around that same time of course, and then

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Speaker 1: last year was like okay, she had like some friends

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Speaker 1: over or whatever. So I'm just really anxious about it,

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Speaker 1: and we had another little misunderstanding friendship tift on Sunday,

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Speaker 1: and so it's just been hell, you know, like I

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Speaker 1: missed Ramsey softball all day Sunday dealing with this. So

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Speaker 1: it's like it's like twofold. So I'm anxious about her

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Speaker 1: and how this Halloween's going to play out, and then

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Speaker 1: I'm missing everything that my younger daughter's doing essentially here,

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Speaker 1: you know, It's like I'm so busy dealing with all

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Speaker 1: of her, so I'm having a hard time figuring out

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Speaker 1: how to.

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Speaker 3: Not carry all of that. I think that that's where

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Speaker 3: I am going wrong.

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Speaker 1: I think it's like I want to be there so

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Speaker 1: much for her, and I want to be you know,

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Speaker 1: like I don't want to leave her in those moments.

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Speaker 1: I want to be there with her. But I'm like,

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Speaker 1: am I doing that wrong? Because then I'm leaving my

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Speaker 1: other child essentially every time?

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Speaker 3: But also.

333
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Speaker 1: Am I carrying too much of it? I think that's

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Speaker 1: where I feel like, maybe I'm just carrying too much

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Speaker 1: of her feelings and I need to let her just

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Speaker 1: have those feelings and not carry it so much.

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Speaker 3: Does that make sense?

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Speaker 4: Can I ask you a question? Yeah, I hate that

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Speaker 4: you're feeling that. I'm curious because we've you've talked a

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Speaker 4: lot about your feelings of being left out. Yes, and

341
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Speaker 4: that is like your y thing that makes you emotional yep,

342
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Speaker 4: and feel triggered. Question because I as as you were

343
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Speaker 4: explaining that, can you remind me where that came from?

344
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Speaker 4: Like when that started for you?

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Speaker 1: Again, it started really young because I had two best friends.

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Speaker 1: We all live right down and they were closer, and

347
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Speaker 1: they would you know, started with like physically running away

348
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Speaker 1: when like they were young, you know, like you'd go

349
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Speaker 1: on the playground and they would literally get together and

350
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Speaker 1: run away, you know, and it kind of just escalated.

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Speaker 1: Now we ended up going to different middle schools and

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Speaker 1: came back in high school and were able to completely

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Speaker 1: fix what that was. Okay, I went with some other

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Speaker 1: just one on one friends that I had because I

355
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Speaker 1: think I needed to, and in the middle school years

356
00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:30,360
Speaker 1: that are so formative, I think that that was huge

357
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Speaker 1: for us. They went and kind of got their friends.

358
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Speaker 1: I went of got in mine, But when we came

359
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Speaker 1: to high school, I kind of combined with theirs, and

360
00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:38,400
Speaker 1: then at that point just kind of understood that they

361
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:40,880
Speaker 1: were closer, but they did such they had grown up,

362
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Speaker 1: so they had done a lot better job of it's

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00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:47,080
Speaker 1: those middle school years that it's like they haven't grown

364
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:49,040
Speaker 1: up yet and fully figured out how to And I

365
00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:49,720
Speaker 1: don't know if high.

366
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Speaker 3: School gets better. I'm just praying that it does.

367
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Speaker 1: Now we are now not really friends with she is

368
00:15:57,840 --> 00:16:00,880
Speaker 1: not really friends with any of them anymore. Tried to

369
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,280
Speaker 1: this is kind of where things went south this weekend.

370
00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:05,800
Speaker 1: She tried to kind of reach out and make some

371
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Speaker 1: things better with some people, and we tried and it

372
00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:09,480
Speaker 1: kind of backfired, but that's okay.

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Speaker 3: At least she tried.

374
00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:14,080
Speaker 4: You know, do you think your anxiety comes from though?

375
00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:16,600
Speaker 4: That feeling that you had when you were a kid?

376
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Speaker 3: One hundred?

377
00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:19,960
Speaker 4: Coming out in that and then one question what would

378
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:21,680
Speaker 4: you have wanted your mom to do in that moment?

379
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Speaker 1: And that's where I think it all. That's where I

380
00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:26,040
Speaker 1: think it all comes from. See, that's what's going to

381
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:30,480
Speaker 1: make me cry. Thanks therapist, Jani. I know that I

382
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Speaker 1: just don't know how to fix that.

383
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Speaker 4: Well, what would you have wanted your mom to do?

384
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:33,720
Speaker 4: For you?

385
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:35,720
Speaker 3: To care? You know? I mean it's like she didn't

386
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Speaker 3: care at all, you know.

387
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Speaker 1: I mean it was like you're a cry baby, you know,

388
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,680
Speaker 1: or like I don't know, I don't remember her caring

389
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Speaker 1: at all, and so it's like so I almost think

390
00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:48,280
Speaker 1: I care too much, and then I get too involved,

391
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Speaker 1: and it's like I almost cannot function because she's so upset,

392
00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:56,160
Speaker 1: I mean a more upset than she is. And that's

393
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Speaker 1: not fair because then I think it gets her even worse,

394
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:01,400
Speaker 1: you know. And I've had some of the moms tell

395
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:03,600
Speaker 1: me that when we're talking about it, like you know,

396
00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:06,520
Speaker 1: like if you don't act like it's so bad, maybe

397
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:07,440
Speaker 1: it won't be so bad.

398
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:08,600
Speaker 3: And I'm like I.

399
00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:10,720
Speaker 4: As your or you know, the feeling and that's where

400
00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:12,520
Speaker 4: the pain for you is, which is also why you're

401
00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:15,560
Speaker 4: trying to fix it. Yeah, but where's the like the

402
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:19,840
Speaker 4: rebuild or the the restructure for you? Right, So it's

403
00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:21,880
Speaker 4: like you have to It's like and that's the hard

404
00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:25,440
Speaker 4: piece because it's like you want to be there for her,

405
00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:28,480
Speaker 4: but also you're healing a you still have a wound

406
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:31,639
Speaker 4: in you that is wanting to be cared for. So

407
00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:35,840
Speaker 4: you're doubling down because of that, And that's that makes

408
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:38,040
Speaker 4: total sense. You know why you're doing that, why you're

409
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:41,159
Speaker 4: feeling that. You know, have you asked her what she

410
00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:45,880
Speaker 4: needs around it? Because maybe that's that's your way of

411
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,680
Speaker 4: helping her through it, right and not just putting your

412
00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:51,080
Speaker 4: own just your stuff on it. Because obviously you're going

413
00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:54,159
Speaker 4: to be mom and we care deeply as parents and

414
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,680
Speaker 4: we see our kids more the way that like obviously

415
00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:59,679
Speaker 4: would have wished back then, right, So like have you

416
00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:02,040
Speaker 4: asked her like how you can help and just be

417
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,199
Speaker 4: like and even maybe she's at the age. I don't know,

418
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:06,560
Speaker 4: can you say, because I get it, Like I felt

419
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:08,560
Speaker 4: that same way when I was going through this with

420
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Speaker 4: my friends. Yeah, so I'm curious, like, have you asked

421
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:11,359
Speaker 4: her and then like do that?

422
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:11,720
Speaker 2: You know?

423
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:14,480
Speaker 1: I mean I've explained that to her, and I've explained

424
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:16,960
Speaker 1: because I mean we'll both be crying, you know, and

425
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:18,960
Speaker 1: she's like, and so she knows. Now, I'm just like

426
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:23,080
Speaker 1: this triggers me, you know, she knows that it absolutely.

427
00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:24,120
Speaker 3: Triggers something in me when it happens.

428
00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:27,920
Speaker 1: I just I don't know how to fully get past

429
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,840
Speaker 1: that and not put it on me. I haven't maybe

430
00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:33,359
Speaker 1: specifically said what do you need from me? I did

431
00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:36,280
Speaker 1: leading up to fall break, you know, I kind of

432
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:37,720
Speaker 1: said something to her and she looked at me and

433
00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:39,919
Speaker 1: she said, if I'm not worried about it, then you

434
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,280
Speaker 1: need to not be. And I was like, Okay, that's

435
00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:44,200
Speaker 1: very grown up of you, and you're right, I need

436
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:47,200
Speaker 1: to you know, And so I stopped worrying about fall

437
00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:48,840
Speaker 1: break when she said that. I was like, we're gonna

438
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:51,199
Speaker 1: go and it's gonna be fine, you know whatever. But

439
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:56,280
Speaker 1: then things just kind of keep happening and it's getting better,

440
00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:59,119
Speaker 1: you know, it's definitely getting better. I just I know

441
00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:02,040
Speaker 1: deep down that that's all the reason. I just don't

442
00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:04,520
Speaker 1: know how to not react it is.

443
00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:09,119
Speaker 4: I wonder if there is something thank you for sharing them?

444
00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:10,200
Speaker 3: Oh of course, sorry I cried.

445
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:13,200
Speaker 4: Don't be sorry. That's like a very real thing.

446
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:16,280
Speaker 2: And also because you're just such a good mom, Like

447
00:19:16,359 --> 00:19:18,760
Speaker 2: if you didn't care and didn't show, I mean not

448
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:22,080
Speaker 2: to say that whatever, right, Like right, it does. It's

449
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:25,040
Speaker 2: like you just are so invested in the course correction

450
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:27,679
Speaker 2: that that's why it makes you emotional. That's like the

451
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:30,960
Speaker 2: best possible thing a mom could be in it for

452
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,439
Speaker 2: the right reasons, is the best thing a mom can be. Yeah,

453
00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:36,600
Speaker 2: I'm wondering if there is something you guys can do together.

454
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:40,159
Speaker 2: Not Halloween, but I just mean like through these situations

455
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:44,480
Speaker 2: that maybe starts to heal up those pieces for you,

456
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:47,040
Speaker 2: Like it's therapeutic in itself. And it's not for hers

457
00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:50,000
Speaker 2: to not for her to carry for you, right and

458
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:51,919
Speaker 2: not for you to carry for her. But just like

459
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:56,320
Speaker 2: maybe little Kat has a minute alongside her where you

460
00:19:56,600 --> 00:20:00,400
Speaker 2: come up with solutions that you're like kind of reparenting yourself. Hmmm,

461
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:03,760
Speaker 2: you know, like maybe there's it's not so much you

462
00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:05,560
Speaker 2: looking at each other like what should we do? But

463
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:08,119
Speaker 2: just like okay, like if you're standing next to each

464
00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:10,640
Speaker 2: other holding hands, like okay, what would be fun or

465
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:14,240
Speaker 2: what could we do? And like it maybe recreates the

466
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:18,520
Speaker 2: feeling for both of you, like the consistency, you know,

467
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,879
Speaker 2: I always say, like consistency and time is all that

468
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:24,160
Speaker 2: create recreates trust. Literally, that's the recipe in my brain.

469
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:26,600
Speaker 2: So if you can just get a couple of those

470
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:30,320
Speaker 2: situations under your belt where it doesn't And I'm saying

471
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:31,560
Speaker 2: this to you because I need to say it to

472
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:35,520
Speaker 2: myself for other situations. But I feel this way sometimes

473
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:38,720
Speaker 2: in our duo ship. I feel like sometimes we're like

474
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:41,119
Speaker 2: scattered making plans or whatever for whatever that is that

475
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:44,080
Speaker 2: stresses me out. But like I feel like I can

476
00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:46,160
Speaker 2: default to acting a certain way. So I've been trying

477
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:48,720
Speaker 2: to be like okay, right, how can it's And it's

478
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:50,960
Speaker 2: just like now I'm just making it a game for myself.

479
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:53,280
Speaker 3: But it's like, okay, what if I try this.

480
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:55,320
Speaker 2: First, you know, and just to see what feels good

481
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:56,520
Speaker 2: or cozy or what works.

482
00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:58,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I mean I was trying to do things

483
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:01,080
Speaker 1: differently and then this Sunday thing kind of happened, and

484
00:21:01,119 --> 00:21:03,400
Speaker 1: I kind of reacted again, and I'm just like, man,

485
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:07,560
Speaker 1: I just I have to stop putting it on, taking

486
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:10,359
Speaker 1: on her feelings so much, like I mean.

487
00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:13,600
Speaker 4: They might doing that make it might make it more

488
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:17,439
Speaker 4: of a wait for her to write. And that's what

489
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:20,960
Speaker 4: I'm afraid of. Yeah, because anything you like, I don't

490
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:23,399
Speaker 4: want it. Now. I've got my mom's feelings to worry about,

491
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:24,600
Speaker 4: and I can't say anything.

492
00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:26,000
Speaker 3: Ye yeah, yeah, no, I will.

493
00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:29,159
Speaker 1: I will say that. I mean, she talks to me.

494
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:31,199
Speaker 1: You know, I used to go you know, I had

495
00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:33,119
Speaker 1: all of her stuff. We've talked about that, social media,

496
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:35,239
Speaker 1: her phone, all of that. I have since with all

497
00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:37,760
Speaker 1: of this, stopped looking at it. I have told her

498
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:39,920
Speaker 1: I can and I have the right. And I went

499
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,240
Speaker 1: through it maybe once in the last couple months, just

500
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:44,639
Speaker 1: to check in on things, and everything was good, and

501
00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:47,240
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, I'm gonna give you this privacy,

502
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:48,960
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna trust you to come to me and

503
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:51,000
Speaker 1: talk to me. And she really has. I mean, there's

504
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:53,639
Speaker 1: been a lot of things going on with kids, her age,

505
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:55,879
Speaker 1: a lot of things, and she's coming to me and

506
00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:58,400
Speaker 1: she's talking to me. So that feels good and I'm

507
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:00,480
Speaker 1: I feel like I've done that part right, but I

508
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:02,720
Speaker 1: do I worry about that weight I put on her.

509
00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:06,480
Speaker 2: Well, nothing is right or wrong though, Yeah, so I

510
00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:08,879
Speaker 2: want you to know that too. Yeah, I do this

511
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,359
Speaker 2: to myself. I don't want her to be sure, but

512
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:11,880
Speaker 2: like you.

513
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:15,119
Speaker 4: Want to try, Yeah, and asking her like you, just

514
00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:17,280
Speaker 4: asking her what she needs is more than what your

515
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:19,960
Speaker 4: mom ever gave you, right in that moment, you know, yeah,

516
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:22,040
Speaker 4: And you might not have been able to articulate what

517
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:25,320
Speaker 4: you needed then, right, you know for sure, but whatever

518
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,359
Speaker 4: she was doing embedded in that she didn't care. Yeah,

519
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:31,359
Speaker 4: And you I know that your daughter knows that you

520
00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:35,119
Speaker 4: care about her, and you know all this stuff might

521
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:38,320
Speaker 4: be putting extra weight on right because and you know that,

522
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,359
Speaker 4: like you're aware of that, you know, yeah, and you're

523
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,159
Speaker 4: talking about it. And so I think that's it's.

524
00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:44,520
Speaker 1: So frustrating to be oh, and y'all know this because

525
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:46,119
Speaker 1: we all talk about this all the time. But to

526
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:50,119
Speaker 1: be so aware of something and to know, like this

527
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:52,160
Speaker 1: is why I'm doing X, Y and Z, I know,

528
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:53,760
Speaker 1: how do I stop it?

529
00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:56,720
Speaker 3: That's what's so frustrating in those moments, you know.

530
00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:58,959
Speaker 4: To be so aware but so out of control, yeah.

531
00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:03,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, I will say though for Halloween this year, you know,

532
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:07,840
Speaker 1: it's not necessarily a group of great friends. She's still

533
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:11,240
Speaker 1: figuring out her friendships. But she invited some people that

534
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:14,200
Speaker 1: don't have anybody to go, and so I'm like, Okay,

535
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:16,560
Speaker 1: if anything positive comes out of this situation, at least

536
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:20,480
Speaker 1: she's learning to include people that don't have anybody, So

537
00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:22,320
Speaker 1: I will take that for a win.

538
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:29,639
Speaker 3: Anyway, that's my wine about it. Sorry, it from bubbly

539
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:31,400
Speaker 3: to back. No, it's just real.

540
00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:33,520
Speaker 2: This is what this is what ties in the first

541
00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:34,480
Speaker 2: part of this conversation.

542
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:36,520
Speaker 3: This is why we love to be with people.

543
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:38,480
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, this made me think of this too,

544
00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:40,080
Speaker 1: and this is why I was thinking about this again.

545
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:40,600
Speaker 3: This morning.

546
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:43,520
Speaker 1: I had this sweet lady message me. She had seen

547
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:46,119
Speaker 1: a picture I had reposted of Emmy and some of

548
00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:47,840
Speaker 1: her friends when we went to a concert. And there's

549
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:48,920
Speaker 1: like six of them, right.

550
00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:50,800
Speaker 3: They are like.

551
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:53,879
Speaker 1: Newer friends in and out friends. They're not the closest,

552
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:56,480
Speaker 1: but you know they call each other best friends. You know,

553
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:59,280
Speaker 1: everybody does whatever, But this sweet mom messaged me, and

554
00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:01,040
Speaker 1: she goes, I have a twenty three year old daughter

555
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:04,960
Speaker 1: who has never been able to find good friends. Your

556
00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:07,720
Speaker 1: daughter is so lucky and goes into this whole thing,

557
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:09,240
Speaker 1: and I was like, I want you to know, like,

558
00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:11,560
Speaker 1: thank you so much. She is so lucky, but it

559
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:13,400
Speaker 1: hasn't been easy for her either, and.

560
00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:13,920
Speaker 3: I'm so sorry.

561
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:17,000
Speaker 1: And so it was just it just reminded me that,

562
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:19,960
Speaker 1: like you can think that it's easy for everybody, but

563
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:22,200
Speaker 1: it's not, you know, and it's just I think it's

564
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:24,280
Speaker 1: just important to remember that because it broke my heart

565
00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:31,600
Speaker 1: when she was talking about her daughter not having any friends.

566
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:43,480
Speaker 4: Speaking of daughters, we have bachelor Nations. Jade Roper feels

567
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:45,840
Speaker 4: rage and heartbreak after daughter Emmy is bullied at school.

568
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:48,200
Speaker 4: She opened up. Jade opened up about the harder parts

569
00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:50,879
Speaker 4: of parenting after discovering her daughter Emmy is being bullied

570
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:53,159
Speaker 4: at school. Okay, no one prepares you for now for

571
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:55,320
Speaker 4: how heartbreaking it is for mean girls to make your

572
00:24:55,359 --> 00:24:59,320
Speaker 4: daughter feel less than She was writing this on her Instagram.

573
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:00,200
Speaker 3: Story, so.

574
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:05,000
Speaker 4: They addressed it. Almost made it worse now we found

575
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:07,199
Speaker 4: out after we removed her from the certain situations, it's

576
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:11,000
Speaker 4: still happening in a different recreational class, same group of girls.

577
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:14,359
Speaker 4: She confessed. The rage and the heartbreak I'm experiencing is unreal.

578
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:18,280
Speaker 4: Ripper's heartbreaking news about Emmy's mistreatment in school came just

579
00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:20,399
Speaker 4: two months after she started the second grade, which she

580
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:26,679
Speaker 4: documented via social media with a series of photos. I

581
00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:27,200
Speaker 4: mean that's.

582
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:29,760
Speaker 3: Eight.

583
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:34,000
Speaker 4: Well that was two months after she started the second grade. Yeah,

584
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:37,640
Speaker 4: so that seems early too, And like because I feel

585
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:42,399
Speaker 4: like the bullying chatter for some of that was like

586
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:45,439
Speaker 4: third grade. We had a hard third grade. Love had

587
00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:47,960
Speaker 4: a hard third grade year because of mean girls and

588
00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:48,639
Speaker 4: air quotes.

589
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:50,919
Speaker 3: I just always wonder, and we've talked about this.

590
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:52,679
Speaker 4: That's what I was going to bring up. Yeah, something

591
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:54,240
Speaker 4: and I'm not go ahead to Catherine.

592
00:25:54,359 --> 00:25:56,720
Speaker 1: Well, I was just going to say, I do feel

593
00:25:56,760 --> 00:26:01,840
Speaker 1: like everyone's definition of bullying is very different. And I'm

594
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:05,600
Speaker 1: always curious when people say bullying, like what's.

595
00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:09,879
Speaker 4: Happening so obviously, so to me, this seems like a

596
00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:13,080
Speaker 4: problem that has continued on so like this is and

597
00:26:13,119 --> 00:26:15,760
Speaker 4: it's that is awful and I hate that for Jade.

598
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:17,680
Speaker 4: Now I'm going to take a separate We're going to

599
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:22,639
Speaker 4: go off this for a second. One of And I

600
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:24,480
Speaker 4: spoke to Katherine about this because I was really torn

601
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:27,080
Speaker 4: up about it. I had gotten a call from one

602
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:30,520
Speaker 4: of Jace's friends moms saying that Jace bullied him and

603
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,920
Speaker 4: I was like what and like I'm like they're friends

604
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:35,200
Speaker 4: and like Jace is like.

605
00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:37,600
Speaker 3: I wish people could have seen my face just now

606
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:38,680
Speaker 3: because I know I'm shocked.

607
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:42,399
Speaker 4: Yeah, so Jace is my I mean, you guys know,

608
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:45,800
Speaker 4: like he's my He's my. I can't say favorite, but

609
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:48,280
Speaker 4: like I know, I can't say that word, but like

610
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:52,000
Speaker 4: he is my soul. Like I'm yes, I love Jolie,

611
00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:55,320
Speaker 4: love her so much, but there is a connection with

612
00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:57,520
Speaker 4: me and Ja like it is just I can't explain it,

613
00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:01,000
Speaker 4: Like he is just my little soul baby, and I

614
00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:04,360
Speaker 4: know I overly baby him. I know that. I I mean,

615
00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:07,800
Speaker 4: I just I do, and I'm I've worked on that

616
00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:12,600
Speaker 4: to not I yeah, absolutely, and I'm trying to you know.

617
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:15,879
Speaker 4: And Alan has helped me to be less of you know,

618
00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:17,600
Speaker 4: enabling certain things.

619
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:20,840
Speaker 2: But I he just to me like does no wrong,

620
00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:23,359
Speaker 2: Like I do. Think it's a boy girl thing. I

621
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:25,800
Speaker 2: I would say that I'm tougher on love. Preston can

622
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:28,280
Speaker 2: never be tough on love. He's tough on ledge. Yeah,

623
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:28,760
Speaker 2: and I'm not.

624
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:30,920
Speaker 4: The middle child thing, the middle child.

625
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:32,960
Speaker 1: I think it's the middle child is a little different,

626
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:35,720
Speaker 1: but it's it's it's a middle child thing too, I think.

627
00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:39,520
Speaker 4: And it's yeah, and but what be knowing that I

628
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:42,640
Speaker 4: have to really try to how I then parent Joel

629
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:45,040
Speaker 4: because I don't want her to feel any favoritism. So

630
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:47,879
Speaker 4: that's where it's I I have to I've had to

631
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:50,320
Speaker 4: really make sure that she doesn't ever feel that.

632
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:52,879
Speaker 2: So what, So what do you say on behalf of

633
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:54,439
Speaker 2: your client when you get a call like this? I

634
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:57,920
Speaker 2: was my first I'm gonna be honest, Yep, there's no way,

635
00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:01,800
Speaker 2: right I did. I was like what, no, no, no,

636
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:04,399
Speaker 2: no no. And I'm of course like, I'm friends with

637
00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:06,640
Speaker 2: this mom too, So I was like what, Like, there's

638
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:11,200
Speaker 2: no way, and I asked, I was like, but obviously

639
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:14,960
Speaker 2: I have to listen to what she's saying. So I'm like, Okay,

640
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:17,160
Speaker 2: what did he say? Because this kid is upset like that.

641
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:19,199
Speaker 2: I'm devastated also for this kid. And then I'm like,

642
00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:21,800
Speaker 2: oh my gosh, am I just like blinded by my

643
00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:22,480
Speaker 2: sweet little boy?

644
00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:25,600
Speaker 4: And is he really just a bully? At school? And

645
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:30,200
Speaker 4: so he was hanging around with a boy in the

646
00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:33,320
Speaker 4: neighborhood that was a couple grades older than him and

647
00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:36,000
Speaker 4: I had my daughter had come to me and said, hey,

648
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 4: he keeps getting in trouble on the bus and I've

649
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:39,640
Speaker 4: noticed this, and I would even talk to the boy.

650
00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:40,960
Speaker 4: I was like, hey, we don't say those words at

651
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 4: this house. If you're going to play with jas like

652
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:44,840
Speaker 4: you're two years older, like just you know, this is that.

653
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:46,680
Speaker 4: So there'd been a few times I've even had to

654
00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:50,120
Speaker 4: like talk to this little boy, you know, and I've

655
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:54,400
Speaker 4: had to talk to his mom and this situation. And

656
00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:58,720
Speaker 4: so it was him and that boy and they were

657
00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:02,080
Speaker 4: commenting on and by the way, this boy also has

658
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:06,560
Speaker 4: a different color skin and of both of the boys,

659
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:09,280
Speaker 4: and so one of the boys was saying to the

660
00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:11,720
Speaker 4: other boy, you have different color skin than I do,

661
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:15,959
Speaker 4: and Jace had said, yeah, you do. And so they

662
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:21,320
Speaker 4: were essentially making fun of or talking about the color

663
00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:28,600
Speaker 4: of their skin. And so I was like, there's in

664
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:31,160
Speaker 4: my mind again I had trying not to defend Jase,

665
00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:32,800
Speaker 4: but at the same time, it's like, I don't think

666
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:35,480
Speaker 4: he would have originally started that conversation if it wasn't

667
00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:39,560
Speaker 4: with the other older boy that has also been in

668
00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:42,040
Speaker 4: trouble for not being a great kid on the bus,

669
00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:44,680
Speaker 4: et cetera. So I've completely said you cannot hang out

670
00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:47,560
Speaker 4: with this boy anymore. But what I did say is

671
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:49,160
Speaker 4: I said, explain to me what happened. So when he

672
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:51,520
Speaker 4: got home from school, I said, explain to me what happened,

673
00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:53,360
Speaker 4: you know, And he's like, well, and then he told

674
00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:57,480
Speaker 4: the story and I said, Okay, we've talked about this before.

675
00:29:57,520 --> 00:29:59,560
Speaker 4: You do not talk about other people's skin color. You

676
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:02,640
Speaker 4: do not. You know that hurts other people, and we

677
00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:05,520
Speaker 4: don't speak on that like we can, yes, we can

678
00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:08,080
Speaker 4: see that it's different, but we don't need to say

679
00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:09,720
Speaker 4: any of that to the other person or make them

680
00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:12,959
Speaker 4: feel bad or have any of that. And I mean,

681
00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:16,680
Speaker 4: Jason's bawling. He's so upset that he made his friend upset.

682
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:18,720
Speaker 4: And I'm like, listen, you're going to write a letter

683
00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:20,400
Speaker 4: to him. You're going to write a card and we

684
00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:21,680
Speaker 4: are going to bring it to him at the bus

685
00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:24,200
Speaker 4: stop tomorrow and you're going to apologize to him in person,

686
00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:25,760
Speaker 4: and you're going to give him this card. I mean,

687
00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:27,560
Speaker 4: he's just like am I in Drable, Like I'm so

688
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:30,280
Speaker 4: sorry and mean to her, like the whole thing.

689
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:35,000
Speaker 1: He is in what grade first Christian? He's still young.

690
00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:40,360
Speaker 1: I do not feel like he was trying to intentionally

691
00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:42,360
Speaker 1: hurt this person by saying that.

692
00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:45,800
Speaker 3: But I do think I think that's.

693
00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:47,400
Speaker 4: How the other boy was feeling. Like they were like

694
00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:49,640
Speaker 4: making fun of him is what his experience was.

695
00:30:49,760 --> 00:30:52,640
Speaker 1: Right, And even in that case, he made a mistake

696
00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:55,480
Speaker 1: by saying that and making this boy I feel like

697
00:30:55,560 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 1: he was making fun of him. But bullying, to me,

698
00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:07,480
Speaker 1: repeated is a repeated offense, and you're intentionally really trying

699
00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:09,640
Speaker 1: to hurt this person. It didn't feel like that to me.

700
00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:10,400
Speaker 3: Was I there?

701
00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:12,880
Speaker 1: No, And it could have been worse, it could have

702
00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:15,840
Speaker 1: been not. I don't know. It did not feel like

703
00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:17,440
Speaker 1: that to me. So I think we just have to

704
00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:19,800
Speaker 1: be careful with the word bully. To me, that didn't

705
00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:22,320
Speaker 1: sound like Jace is a bully. Sounds like he made

706
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:24,480
Speaker 1: a mistake, that he said something to someone that he

707
00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 1: needs to apologize for and that he needs to learn from. Right.

708
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:29,880
Speaker 4: And that's the thing with the throwing that around is

709
00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:34,880
Speaker 4: have I said things that I've regretted on here about

710
00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:37,120
Speaker 4: someone else? Absolutely? Does that make me a bully? No,

711
00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:38,880
Speaker 4: just means that I had a really crappy day and

712
00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:41,320
Speaker 4: I wasn't being a great person. But I don't think

713
00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:44,240
Speaker 4: that clarifies me as being a bully. Now, I've also

714
00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:48,600
Speaker 4: apologized to anybody that I have offended, you know, whether

715
00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:51,680
Speaker 4: it was a direct DM to somebody or you know,

716
00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:54,240
Speaker 4: I've sat people down and been like, hey, I'm sorry,

717
00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:59,040
Speaker 4: I was you know whatever. But I think when you

718
00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:02,960
Speaker 4: one one mistake or even a double defect, like I

719
00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:06,280
Speaker 4: don't think that but repeated, repeated, I just think, yeah,

720
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:08,080
Speaker 4: and then that's bullying and that's bad and it needs

721
00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:13,600
Speaker 4: to obviously attention. How do I say this, like attention

722
00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:15,360
Speaker 4: needs to be had to us?

723
00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:19,560
Speaker 1: Did Jace really when you talk to him about it,

724
00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:21,800
Speaker 1: did he realize in the moment that it hurt the

725
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:22,960
Speaker 1: kid's feelings?

726
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:25,480
Speaker 4: So because he said he was like laughing too, and

727
00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:27,080
Speaker 4: like that's what I'm saying.

728
00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:30,560
Speaker 1: I think there's still a youngness to this. You have

729
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:33,480
Speaker 1: to remember he's young and he's still learning.

730
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:35,920
Speaker 4: I think just because the color of our skin though

731
00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 4: we're not, I don't know the and I don't that.

732
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:41,320
Speaker 1: I would like to here, Yes, I would love to

733
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:43,560
Speaker 1: hear from people, you know, and.

734
00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:45,560
Speaker 4: He has easy for me to be like, oh it's

735
00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:48,960
Speaker 4: he wasn't me sure, but what if we had different

736
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:51,320
Speaker 4: colored skin than the effect that it could be on

737
00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:56,200
Speaker 4: them because that's what they have had repeated people speak about.

738
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:58,480
Speaker 1: Absolutely, and that's where I think an apology is needed

739
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:00,880
Speaker 1: and he has to you know, learn from But.

740
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:04,520
Speaker 3: It just to me he's so young.

741
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:08,000
Speaker 4: But there are taugh about those jade though, and the repeatedness,

742
00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:10,760
Speaker 4: and like, you know, I'm sure Emmy has been bullied

743
00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:11,360
Speaker 4: as well.

744
00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:13,280
Speaker 1: I don't know that I would even say that she's

745
00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:16,080
Speaker 1: been bullied. Okay, I don't think I would call any

746
00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:17,719
Speaker 1: of it bullying what we should call it.

747
00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:20,920
Speaker 3: I would call it just some mean girl stuff.

748
00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:27,120
Speaker 4: Difference I'm saying, what's the difference between and bullying leaving out?

749
00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:29,240
Speaker 3: To me, leaving out isn't bullying.

750
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:34,040
Speaker 1: Most ninety percent of her issues have been just people

751
00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:37,680
Speaker 1: leaving out and not including and feeling like you're alone

752
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:41,000
Speaker 1: because you're not. Is anyone making fun of her skin

753
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:45,400
Speaker 1: or her hair, or her weight or you know, any

754
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:48,760
Speaker 1: of those things? To me, I truly can say, I

755
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:50,560
Speaker 1: don't think Emmy has ever been bullied.

756
00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 4: So your definition of bullying versus mean girl is good.

757
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:55,880
Speaker 3: I don't know that I have a definition, but I mean.

758
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:58,120
Speaker 4: Like, so it's like one is being left out, that's

759
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:02,040
Speaker 4: a mean girl they have said about someone personally bullying.

760
00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:06,160
Speaker 1: Now, have they talked about each other before? Yeah, sure,

761
00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:08,319
Speaker 1: they've talked about each other before. I still don't think

762
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:11,160
Speaker 1: that that's even bullying. If they were to go up

763
00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:14,840
Speaker 1: to her and say something to her hateful and trying

764
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:17,560
Speaker 1: to hurt her, I would say she's been bullied. No

765
00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:19,200
Speaker 1: one has truly done that to her.

766
00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:23,759
Speaker 3: So it's a definition. What's the definition? Everyone's definitions are

767
00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:24,359
Speaker 3: a little bit different.

768
00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:28,200
Speaker 4: But when we talk about what's bullying you, it's all

769
00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:31,120
Speaker 4: what we just had this conversation about people bullying.

770
00:34:31,120 --> 00:34:32,440
Speaker 3: It's kind of everyone's opinion.

771
00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:35,200
Speaker 4: Really, it's and it's more personal. So I would I

772
00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:37,440
Speaker 4: would say, is if it's an attack against me, I'm

773
00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:42,200
Speaker 4: going to say that's bullying because they're being really really rude.

774
00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:45,120
Speaker 4: But to someone that's not me, is that bullying or

775
00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:47,280
Speaker 4: is that just their opinion of me? So it says

776
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:50,000
Speaker 4: bullying is repeated, intentional and aggressive behavior with the power

777
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:53,920
Speaker 4: and balance used to inflict physical, verbal, or social racial

778
00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:57,879
Speaker 4: arm on one or more people. Yeah.

779
00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:00,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, see that's why I truly and I don't I

780
00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:02,600
Speaker 1: don't know that Emmy has ever used the word when

781
00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:05,279
Speaker 1: we've talked about it. That she's been bullied. I don't

782
00:35:05,320 --> 00:35:08,359
Speaker 1: know that we've ever. I've been very careful when we

783
00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:11,000
Speaker 1: talk about it. I will say mean girl stuff. I

784
00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:12,759
Speaker 1: will say that a lot. I'm like, I'm over this

785
00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:15,919
Speaker 1: mean girl stuff, but we never say bullying. Having said that,

786
00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:19,040
Speaker 1: there are some people that she was friends with that

787
00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:22,720
Speaker 1: have definitely bullied other people. I mean, there's definitely bullying

788
00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:26,799
Speaker 1: going on, I'm not going to say that, yes, and

789
00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:27,880
Speaker 1: even then.

790
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:29,840
Speaker 3: I would.

791
00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:32,120
Speaker 1: This is where my definition feels a little bit different.

792
00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:34,960
Speaker 1: There's one specific instance I can say, and I don't

793
00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:36,560
Speaker 1: know if it happened again, but to me, it was

794
00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:41,759
Speaker 1: still bullying. When you're calling someone awful names and you're

795
00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:45,160
Speaker 1: using really derogatory terms, that still feels like bullying to me.

796
00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:47,200
Speaker 4: And you know what, how do you feel to be

797
00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:49,080
Speaker 4: that bully? You know who's listening?

798
00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:50,360
Speaker 1: Yeah?

799
00:35:50,719 --> 00:35:53,760
Speaker 4: You know, yeah, like to say those awful words about

800
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:58,480
Speaker 4: someone to someone, And then again I always go, what's

801
00:35:58,520 --> 00:35:59,320
Speaker 4: in them? To say that?

802
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:03,200
Speaker 2: We have as real hard year last year, really hard

803
00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:07,240
Speaker 2: year with this, and I actually I graciously assumed till

804
00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:10,040
Speaker 2: I almost didn't have breath left. And then finally I

805
00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:11,719
Speaker 2: had to talk with you know, I talked with the

806
00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:14,000
Speaker 2: moms we talked with, Like then there was just this

807
00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:17,400
Speaker 2: moment with a mom or I could just I could

808
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:19,120
Speaker 2: just tell by her posture, you know, Like I came

809
00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:21,960
Speaker 2: to the conversation saying, I want to know if something

810
00:36:22,719 --> 00:36:26,520
Speaker 2: Love is saying or doing is like antagonizing this, Like

811
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:29,360
Speaker 2: I have no, I don't have this preconceived notion. I

812
00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:31,759
Speaker 2: have perfect children at all, and I want to be

813
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:32,880
Speaker 2: able to talk through and I want them to be

814
00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:35,840
Speaker 2: able to learn from this. And it was her posture

815
00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:38,799
Speaker 2: and her response that I was like, okay, Like I

816
00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:40,879
Speaker 2: started to understand we weren't going to get much further.

817
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:43,600
Speaker 2: And so you know, I just told Love, I was like,

818
00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:45,520
Speaker 2: you do not have to be friends with everyone. This

819
00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:48,000
Speaker 2: is a really valuable lesson to learn really young. Some

820
00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:49,920
Speaker 2: people are not going to be your people. You can

821
00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:53,600
Speaker 2: always be kind to everyone, we will always. It's you know,

822
00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:57,880
Speaker 2: your character and your intention matters a ton, but you

823
00:36:57,920 --> 00:36:59,759
Speaker 2: can't change the way people are going to treat you

824
00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:01,520
Speaker 2: some and so it's okay to not be friends with

825
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:03,440
Speaker 2: those people. And so I said that to the mom,

826
00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:05,279
Speaker 2: and I said, you know, in adulthood it works the

827
00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:07,160
Speaker 2: same way. Some people are just not meant to be

828
00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:09,520
Speaker 2: our people, and she was like shocked, and she was

829
00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:11,520
Speaker 2: like h And I was like, yeah, it seems pretty simple.

830
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:13,640
Speaker 4: What did you classify as the bullying for her?

831
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:16,759
Speaker 2: So this is what's interesting because to me, it just

832
00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:19,120
Speaker 2: was the repetitiveness of it, but a lot of it

833
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:22,040
Speaker 2: was the leaving out. But you know, like I still am,

834
00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:25,759
Speaker 2: like we can reroute right, Like I just was mean

835
00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:28,080
Speaker 2: girled my entire life. So this it hits a sore.

836
00:37:27,960 --> 00:37:28,520
Speaker 4: Spot for me.

837
00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:33,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I remember that feeling and feeling so alone.

838
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:34,359
Speaker 4: Which makes me want to cry.

839
00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:35,120
Speaker 3: Oh it's awful.

840
00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:36,240
Speaker 4: Oh it's the worst.

841
00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:38,040
Speaker 3: It just takes you so right back there.

842
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:38,680
Speaker 4: It does.

843
00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:41,680
Speaker 2: And it because for some reason, I can be forty three,

844
00:37:41,680 --> 00:37:43,520
Speaker 2: but in an instant, I can feel like I'm nine

845
00:37:43,560 --> 00:37:48,279
Speaker 2: years old, wild and but I have tried to like

846
00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:52,760
Speaker 2: really compartmentalize for myself that that's what I went through,

847
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:56,320
Speaker 2: and that she has this opportunity to learn way better boundaries,

848
00:37:56,560 --> 00:38:00,200
Speaker 2: way better self esteem than me. You know, like she

849
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:03,239
Speaker 2: has a mom that's actively talking with her about it,

850
00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:05,440
Speaker 2: and she doesn't have to feel embarrassed to say that

851
00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:08,279
Speaker 2: it happened, right, and she you know, she almost missed

852
00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:11,440
Speaker 2: a party this weekend because she thought at least one

853
00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:12,960
Speaker 2: of the two characters would be there, and I said,

854
00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:14,759
Speaker 2: and if they are there, like, what would make you

855
00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:16,920
Speaker 2: feel comfortable. She had a friend that was going that

856
00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:19,800
Speaker 2: they're really close, and so they did that together, and

857
00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:21,880
Speaker 2: I said, sometimes it takes a little teamwork, you know,

858
00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:24,799
Speaker 2: And that's great. She's learning all of that. Yeah, it's

859
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:28,319
Speaker 2: just hard to not as moms. Yeah, of course, Ay,

860
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:31,600
Speaker 2: we don't want them hurting or sad. Ever, it's hard

861
00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:33,879
Speaker 2: when they make mistakes because it's an extension of us.

862
00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:36,520
Speaker 2: But I mean totally, legend Brush has written so many

863
00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:39,560
Speaker 2: apology letters. This dude should have his own stationary stack.

864
00:38:39,840 --> 00:38:45,880
Speaker 2: I mean, oh, really something. But we're learning like ownership apologizing.

865
00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:46,960
Speaker 2: Mistakes happen.

866
00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:47,480
Speaker 4: You know.

867
00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:50,040
Speaker 2: We had an instance on the playground with Legie just

868
00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:53,160
Speaker 2: recently where you know, there was a kid that I

869
00:38:53,239 --> 00:38:55,120
Speaker 2: went into the group me and it was like, hey,

870
00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:58,000
Speaker 2: I picked my son up today. He was really sad,

871
00:38:58,040 --> 00:38:59,640
Speaker 2: and so I just sent her a message right off

872
00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:01,480
Speaker 2: and I said, if it is Legend Brust, I want

873
00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:03,160
Speaker 2: to know, you have to tell me. It's the only

874
00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:05,560
Speaker 2: way we can have good character refinement. So I've learned

875
00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:08,680
Speaker 2: and always everyone doesn't always want to know she did.

876
00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:10,840
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, a lot of people don't want to know.

877
00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:13,360
Speaker 2: She was like, okay, so Legend was one of the players,

878
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:15,319
Speaker 2: but you know, and so I asked Legie, and I said,

879
00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:19,920
Speaker 2: you're guilty also if you allow that behavior to happen. Yeah,

880
00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:22,759
Speaker 2: like if you're watching it happen and not sticking up

881
00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:24,680
Speaker 2: for somebody or saying that doesn't feel good to me.

882
00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:26,319
Speaker 4: That's what I tell Jolie a lot. I'm like, if

883
00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:30,000
Speaker 4: you hear someone being mean to somebody else, you know,

884
00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:31,920
Speaker 4: or if you're a part, like if you're in a

885
00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:36,440
Speaker 4: group with some girls and they're being mean, speak kindness,

886
00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:39,359
Speaker 4: that's right, and say you know, well that's not very nice.

887
00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:42,640
Speaker 4: She's whatever, Like speak speak positivity and kindness to the people.

888
00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:45,319
Speaker 4: Don't don't be the girl that's picking on somebody else.

889
00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:47,480
Speaker 4: And you know, she's always the person. The teacher says this.

890
00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:50,439
Speaker 4: Every year there's a buddy bunch buddy bench. If someone

891
00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:52,040
Speaker 4: doesn't have a friend to play with on the playground,

892
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:54,839
Speaker 4: they sit on this buddy bench and she's like every year,

893
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:56,960
Speaker 4: the teacher says, Jolie is always the first person to

894
00:39:57,000 --> 00:39:58,239
Speaker 4: pick somebody from the buddy bench.

895
00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:01,480
Speaker 3: You are too, But yeah, the.

896
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:03,719
Speaker 1: Most important things I think that they can learn, and

897
00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:06,600
Speaker 1: certain personalities have a harder time with it. The followers

898
00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:09,320
Speaker 1: have a harder time with it, and then the ones

899
00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:11,160
Speaker 1: that have a little bit more, you know, up to

900
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:13,120
Speaker 1: the personality. But I think that's the one of the

901
00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:15,160
Speaker 1: most important lessons these kids can learn.

902
00:40:15,600 --> 00:40:17,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, no friend left behind.

903
00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:18,200
Speaker 1: Yeah.

904
00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:20,200
Speaker 4: I love my family and my career, but I'm sorry

905
00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:21,920
Speaker 4: to feel like I'm failing at both. I have two

906
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:24,480
Speaker 4: small kids, a packed work schedule, and absolutely no time

907
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:24,920
Speaker 4: to breathe.

908
00:40:25,239 --> 00:40:32,400
Speaker 3: Kristin in about it under my alias care listening.

909
00:40:33,880 --> 00:40:35,720
Speaker 4: That's how she tried to trick us two kids.

910
00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:38,760
Speaker 2: I actually almost wrote this is funny because I almost

911
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:39,359
Speaker 2: wrote one to hand.

912
00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:40,279
Speaker 4: I was like, slide it in there.

913
00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:41,680
Speaker 3: I want to see what the girls say.

914
00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:44,120
Speaker 4: My husband and I barely connect anymore. It's like we're

915
00:40:44,160 --> 00:40:46,440
Speaker 4: co managing our life instead of living it together. Have

916
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:48,799
Speaker 4: you ever felt like that? How do you climb out

917
00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:52,720
Speaker 4: of that burnout and actually feel close again? We're always

918
00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:56,440
Speaker 4: co manager Adams like, go near divorce and then you're

919
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:59,279
Speaker 4: going to connect. Haven't move out, So step one.

920
00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:00,360
Speaker 3: I I'll know.

921
00:41:00,640 --> 00:41:04,000
Speaker 1: I'll let you know when the kids are gone.

922
00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:05,360
Speaker 3: I really it's just a lot.

923
00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:09,919
Speaker 2: It is, and I I have that the only theory

924
00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:13,160
Speaker 2: I can hold on to is it's take back tiny,

925
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:16,400
Speaker 2: It's TVT is what we in our little Bible study.

926
00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:20,280
Speaker 2: And it's just about like it's like, you know, so cliche,

927
00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:22,840
Speaker 2: but find the joy. It's like I'm tired and I

928
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:27,239
Speaker 2: can't shampoo, you know, but it really is about just

929
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:30,560
Speaker 2: like in a day, I'm the most guilty of not

930
00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:32,520
Speaker 2: touching my husband. If you had him on here and

931
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:34,600
Speaker 2: ask him what's the one thing he dislikes about me,

932
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:38,480
Speaker 2: I'm just not touching with him, which is so funny,

933
00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:43,560
Speaker 2: so touchy with me to be like I wanted to

934
00:41:43,640 --> 00:41:45,719
Speaker 2: hug you in said on your hat. I just but

935
00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:47,319
Speaker 2: I noticed because.

936
00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:49,480
Speaker 4: There's a resentment piece within it because you don't you

937
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:52,120
Speaker 4: can't go close to someone if you're angry at the person.

938
00:41:56,880 --> 00:41:57,240
Speaker 3: Coping.

939
00:41:57,520 --> 00:41:59,719
Speaker 4: I know you have a lot, you know, like your

940
00:41:59,719 --> 00:42:01,760
Speaker 4: fresh traded Oh yeah, or I'm.

941
00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:05,160
Speaker 2: Just like I don't like I'm not I need to

942
00:42:05,160 --> 00:42:07,560
Speaker 2: be helpd you know, like it's like checking her egg.

943
00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:09,800
Speaker 4: Right, don't you see me running around?

944
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:10,640
Speaker 3: Yes?

945
00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:14,520
Speaker 2: And and I it's not even my whole it's not

946
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:14,920
Speaker 2: about me.

947
00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:17,160
Speaker 3: The advice that I have is just.

948
00:42:17,239 --> 00:42:18,120
Speaker 4: Even though I wrote it in.

949
00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:24,760
Speaker 2: You've definitely so dear listener, You're stunning, And I really

950
00:42:24,800 --> 00:42:27,320
Speaker 2: just think it's about just like taking back the tiny bits,

951
00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:30,600
Speaker 2: like I have been absolutely just not my own first

952
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:33,680
Speaker 2: priority in the last couple of weeks. I'm also ten

953
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:36,680
Speaker 2: days late for a period and took a pregnancy test.

954
00:42:37,200 --> 00:42:40,759
Speaker 2: Oh that was negative, But like I can't trade that

955
00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:46,799
Speaker 2: I did it for cutability. But I you know, like

956
00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:49,600
Speaker 2: I just really had this moment where I'm like, I'm

957
00:42:50,040 --> 00:42:52,359
Speaker 2: what can I do to help myself? And I think

958
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:55,879
Speaker 2: that's where moms and wives specifically just get burned out.

959
00:42:56,080 --> 00:42:58,720
Speaker 2: We are not conditioned to feel how can I help myself?

960
00:42:58,800 --> 00:43:00,640
Speaker 2: If we try to put ourselves for well, then we

961
00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:03,840
Speaker 2: feel selfish, the guilt of shame, society, whatever it is.

962
00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:06,319
Speaker 2: But like the last two mornings, I've gotten up and

963
00:43:06,320 --> 00:43:08,640
Speaker 2: whether it is fifteen minutes or thirty minutes, I have

964
00:43:08,719 --> 00:43:11,319
Speaker 2: done a workout and it is I know.

965
00:43:11,360 --> 00:43:13,239
Speaker 4: Sarah Brice called me today and she's like, what are

966
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:14,839
Speaker 4: you doing. I go, I'm working out. She goes, damn it.

967
00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:16,480
Speaker 4: She's like Christ and I just talked to Christ and.

968
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:24,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I think there is a way we get

969
00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:26,560
Speaker 2: so overwhelmed that it's like how do you eat an elephant?

970
00:43:26,640 --> 00:43:28,600
Speaker 3: Right, But it's really just one bite at a time.

971
00:43:28,680 --> 00:43:32,640
Speaker 2: So if you can take back, if you can pause,

972
00:43:33,239 --> 00:43:36,760
Speaker 2: if it's taking a walk, if it's it's reconnecting holding

973
00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:37,440
Speaker 2: his hand.

974
00:43:37,239 --> 00:43:38,759
Speaker 4: Well, that's what I was going to say. And the

975
00:43:39,040 --> 00:43:41,839
Speaker 4: true things that like when I feel most connected from

976
00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:45,280
Speaker 4: being disconnected is when we go for after dinner going

977
00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:48,200
Speaker 4: on a family walk. Yes, and for me at that point,

978
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:51,160
Speaker 4: I'm not you guys know I hate walking flow right,

979
00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:52,920
Speaker 4: but it's not you have to get a good one

980
00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:54,120
Speaker 4: in before I had a good one.

981
00:43:55,280 --> 00:43:56,560
Speaker 3: This is not for the extracise.

982
00:43:56,640 --> 00:44:00,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, so it's this is I love just holding his

983
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:02,720
Speaker 4: hands stroll. There's a connection piece in that, and then

984
00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:06,600
Speaker 4: the Sunday night's connection like doing the thing that I

985
00:44:06,600 --> 00:44:10,320
Speaker 4: talked about in the Banos book is feelings, affirmations, needs,

986
00:44:10,800 --> 00:44:13,879
Speaker 4: and then own. So it's just walking through that because

987
00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:16,200
Speaker 4: you get connected in that and you're in a good

988
00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:18,200
Speaker 4: place to be able to share your thoughts, your needs,

989
00:44:18,239 --> 00:44:20,839
Speaker 4: your feelings and all that. So it's on everyday thing

990
00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:23,520
Speaker 4: because that's overwhelming if you do it one time a week,

991
00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:27,719
Speaker 4: just checking in and you know we've fallen off of that,

992
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:29,160
Speaker 4: you know, and we're getting back in on that because

993
00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:32,080
Speaker 4: we realize like how important that actually is. And then

994
00:44:32,120 --> 00:44:35,520
Speaker 4: just having that quiet moment. Yeah, the kids are walking too,

995
00:44:35,560 --> 00:44:37,960
Speaker 4: but it's us just holding hands and that feels connected.

996
00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:40,480
Speaker 4: So just finding ways that you guys can just have

997
00:44:40,560 --> 00:44:41,720
Speaker 4: that little piece together.

998
00:44:42,040 --> 00:44:43,400
Speaker 2: Like last night, I said a press and I was like,

999
00:44:43,400 --> 00:44:46,000
Speaker 2: what's three words you would use to describe me? Anything

1000
00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:47,719
Speaker 2: that smells like homework? Pressing's out? If I try to

1001
00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:50,960
Speaker 2: fano that dude, he is like allergic EpiPen. But if

1002
00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:52,719
Speaker 2: I can sneak it in like we're driving, you know,

1003
00:44:52,760 --> 00:44:54,440
Speaker 2: and I'm like, you know what I really love about you?

1004
00:44:54,520 --> 00:44:57,720
Speaker 2: He doesn't even know what to do. And it's hard

1005
00:44:57,920 --> 00:44:59,759
Speaker 2: sometimes for us to be the ones that do it

1006
00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:02,280
Speaker 2: for but it really sets a tone.

1007
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:04,440
Speaker 3: So last night I said, what's three things?

1008
00:45:05,600 --> 00:45:08,319
Speaker 4: Well, I think too, it's we we want a soft

1009
00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:10,000
Speaker 4: place to land, but they do too, and I think

1010
00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:12,680
Speaker 4: sometimes we so much ask for it that we are

1011
00:45:12,719 --> 00:45:14,719
Speaker 4: not actually good at giving them a soft place too.

1012
00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:18,160
Speaker 1: That's right, So yeah, I think you're a piece about

1013
00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:21,440
Speaker 1: It's okay if the connections with the family, Yeah, like

1014
00:45:21,480 --> 00:45:23,360
Speaker 1: we've always struggled with that, but I think Nick has

1015
00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:25,680
Speaker 1: finally understood that because it's like, to me, I feel

1016
00:45:25,719 --> 00:45:28,839
Speaker 1: more connected when we're doing something as a family, like

1017
00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:31,000
Speaker 1: stop putting so much stress on it has to be

1018
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:33,840
Speaker 1: just me and you, Like we're not in that season

1019
00:45:33,920 --> 00:45:36,759
Speaker 1: season of life, Like if we can just sit down

1020
00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:39,520
Speaker 1: for a dinner, because that's so rare these days, that's

1021
00:45:39,520 --> 00:45:40,840
Speaker 1: when I feel the most connected.

1022
00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:43,040
Speaker 3: And I think he started to kind of get that

1023
00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:43,959
Speaker 3: way off and that's how.

1024
00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:44,799
Speaker 4: You feel connected to him.

1025
00:45:44,840 --> 00:45:47,319
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, Yeah, absolutely that Also I.

1026
00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:49,239
Speaker 2: Say it, I think you should have sex as much

1027
00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:52,080
Speaker 2: as you can, christ I do. I just think we

1028
00:45:52,120 --> 00:45:54,520
Speaker 2: get so roommate y. Yeah, I'm so guilty of that.

1029
00:45:54,719 --> 00:45:56,840
Speaker 2: Like it's like you forget like, oh she would I

1030
00:45:56,880 --> 00:45:58,640
Speaker 2: get to make out with you? That's exciting, you know,

1031
00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:01,239
Speaker 2: but just we're so we're all just so busy and

1032
00:46:01,239 --> 00:46:03,759
Speaker 2: pulled a million different directions. It's like chemically good for you.

1033
00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:06,320
Speaker 2: And if it feels like something that you miss, should

1034
00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:09,400
Speaker 2: do that. Tonight's Tonight Dear Listener asked Katherine the Eppipen.

1035
00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:15,839
Speaker 1: Okay, I know we went like bubbly to like depressing

1036
00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:18,360
Speaker 1: to like and this.

1037
00:46:18,239 --> 00:46:20,280
Speaker 4: Is why we can't walk in our neighborhood ladies.

1038
00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:22,200
Speaker 3: That's a good one.

1039
00:46:22,760 --> 00:46:24,040
Speaker 4: See you guys next week.

1040
00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:24,919
Speaker 3: Bye bye,