Speaker 1: Hello, Jackie.
Speaker 2: Hi, how are you good? How are you good?
Speaker 1: I just got home?
Speaker 2: Can you give me just the Liliputians? Real or not real?
Speaker 2: Do you ever wish you could run like a cheetah?
Speaker 2: Do you like cold play? Okay?
Speaker 1: Can you let me ask some questions?
Speaker 2: I have to go? What I have to go doesn't
Speaker 2: feel so good when the when the shoe is on
Speaker 2: the other foot doesn't. Why are you used to hanging
Speaker 2: up on me and saying I have to go and
Speaker 2: blah blah blah.
Speaker 3: Actually, don't listen.
Speaker 2: I gotta go though, I gotta I gotta go. No,
Speaker 2: I gotta go. Okay, Byetta, I gotta go, Jackie. Rats
Speaker 2: from Gimblet Media. I'm Jonathan Goldstein and this is Heavyweight
Speaker 2: Today's episode.
Speaker 1: Alex, Uh, how long I could do that?
Speaker 2: Gimblet Media CEO Alex Bloomberg has asked that I meet
Speaker 2: him in the studio. He's late.
Speaker 1: Oh hey, Alex.
Speaker 2: Alex seats himself, mournfully checks his fitbit, glumly crosses his
Speaker 2: legs with woe and uncrosses them with even more woe.
Speaker 4: Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, can you turn me up a
Speaker 4: little teeny bit? Hello?
Speaker 2: There we go in spite of his gimblet media stock
Speaker 2: options and buns of stainless Steele. At the moment, Alex
Speaker 2: Bloomberg is the saddest CEO this gimlet media reporter has
Speaker 2: ever seen. And I am concerned because not only is
Speaker 2: Bloomberg my boss, he's also one of my oldest friends.
Speaker 2: In his hands, he holds a pile of audio cassettes,
Speaker 2: the old kind they had back in Shakespeare days.
Speaker 4: Yes, Alicia Margaret, one of our friends from back in
Speaker 4: the day ceremony French.
Speaker 2: Alex reads the labels on the cassette boxes and stacks
Speaker 2: each one on the table.
Speaker 4: I hate looking at them. I got to cover the up.
Speaker 2: Okay, do you want to why on them or something?
Speaker 4: But if my hat over them.
Speaker 1: Put your hat.
Speaker 2: Why is looking at these audio cassettes causing you such
Speaker 2: uh such royals in the kishkas.
Speaker 4: Well, they represent like a like sort of my longest
Speaker 4: standing broken promise in my life. I think.
Speaker 2: Alex leans back and recounts to me a story that
Speaker 2: begins in the roaring nineties, a care free time when
Speaker 2: there wasn't a Juno Award Alanis Morissett couldn't win, or
Speaker 2: a lunchable George foreman couldn't grill back then. When Alex
Speaker 2: and I first met, he wasn't a CEO, nor even
Speaker 2: a founder. He was just a producer, same as me,
Speaker 2: and the thing we produced was a program called This
Speaker 2: American Life. The program told the tales typical Americans tell,
Speaker 2: like how your dad raised you in a tree or
Speaker 2: how your dad owned Hitler's yacht. When I, a Canadian,
Speaker 2: was first hired, Alex took me under his wing, mentoring
Speaker 2: me in the ways of America, teaching me what kind
Speaker 2: of speedo to wear, American flag, kind, which parent to
Speaker 2: favor mom, and what pie to eat apple. He taught
Speaker 2: me small things like how one does not pee in
Speaker 2: the office water fountain, but rather drinks from it, and
Speaker 2: he taught me big things, like how to tell an
Speaker 2: American story. Whereas a Canadian story usually ended with the
Speaker 2: hero immigrating to America, an American story ended only once
Speaker 2: the hero underwent a transformation that totally nobody saw coming.
Speaker 2: At the end of a long day's work. While I
Speaker 2: would get together with a bag of Mexican takeout and
Speaker 2: a box of cable TV, Alex would get together with friends.
Speaker 4: And we did all these things together. We would cook
Speaker 4: meals together. We would like play weekly basketball games together,
Speaker 4: and like that was my like you know, like my
Speaker 4: post collegiate early twenties friend family.
Speaker 2: And central to this friend family were two roommates, Lars
Speaker 2: and Kittie.
Speaker 4: There were just purely roommates, and like in the beginning,
Speaker 4: you would never put them together. They seemed like complete opposites.
Speaker 4: But then they started dating and that seemed like a
Speaker 4: horrible idea because their roommates, and it seemed like I
Speaker 4: was just going to end You're just horribly for.
Speaker 2: Probably Lars. Even Lars couldn't quite understand what exactly Kitty
Speaker 2: saw on him. She was put together, college educated and
Speaker 2: on a promising career path. Lars, on the other hand,
Speaker 2: was a high school dropout, a sort of bumbling genius
Speaker 2: who just couldn't find his way. Alex likes to tell
Speaker 2: the story of how Lars was smart enough to make
Speaker 2: it onto Jeopardy, but then once on the show, couldn't
Speaker 2: figure out how to get his buzzer to work. Alex
Speaker 2: saw himself and Lars he was also someone with a
Speaker 2: lot of potential who couldn't quite get it together. At
Speaker 2: the time that they'd met, Alex was a middle school
Speaker 2: teacher with dreams of making radio stories, and Lars was
Speaker 2: reading presidential biographies in the unheated attic in which he dwelled.
Speaker 2: So when Lars started dating Kitty, Alex worried for Lars's
Speaker 2: broken heart like he would have for his own. But
Speaker 2: to the surprise of Lars, Alex and their whole friend family,
Speaker 2: the relationship didn't end horribly at all. Lars and Kitty
Speaker 2: dated for four years and then decided to get married.
Speaker 2: The plan was to throw a week long party in
Speaker 2: the country, not just to celebrate their marriage, but to
Speaker 2: celebrate the friends themselves. Each member had a role to play. Shane,
Speaker 2: the one with all the CDs with DJ Dave, the
Speaker 2: one who had away with words, would officiate. And since
Speaker 2: they didn't have a videographer friend to make a wedding video,
Speaker 2: they approached their radio producer friend to make a wedding audio.
Speaker 4: They were like, we're not going to have a photographer
Speaker 4: out there, but what we'd love for you to do
Speaker 4: is can you do like the sort of audio collage
Speaker 4: of our wedding for us? And I was like absolutely,
Speaker 4: And I recorded the ceremony and everything, interviewed all these
Speaker 4: people and then I never put it together.
Speaker 2: And thus Alex Bloomberg sits before me sixteen years later,
Speaker 2: with six cassette tapes representing hours and hours of unedited, unmixed,
Speaker 2: unlistened to audio, stacked beneath a Gimblet Media branded Woolen hat.
Speaker 4: It's like I took a whole photo album full of
Speaker 4: photographs of their wedding and then just never developed them
Speaker 4: and never gave them to them.
Speaker 2: Alex explains it this way. After a twelve hour day
Speaker 2: of editing tape recordings at This American Life, the last
Speaker 2: thing he felt like doing when he got home was
Speaker 2: editing more tape. Alex had every intention of keeping his
Speaker 2: promise to Lars, but then he got married, had kids,
Speaker 2: started a company. Life got in the way, and so
Speaker 2: Lars and Kitty have no record of their ceremony, their toasts,
Speaker 2: their ideas, their heroic transformation into a married couple, a transformation,
Speaker 2: by the way, that totally nobody saw coming. Lars was
Speaker 2: Alex's closest friend, always there for him, and Alex knew
Speaker 2: he had let him down. Neither Lars nor Kitty ever
Speaker 2: confronted Alex, but that only made things worse.
Speaker 4: You just get in this like reciprocal echo chamber of emotion,
Speaker 4: right where like I feel bad, they know I'm feeling bad,
Speaker 4: and then they feel bad because they've they put me
Speaker 4: in the position where I'm feeling bad, and so it's
Speaker 4: just this whole like it's this whole chain reaction of
Speaker 4: like feelings that nobody can talk about because talking about
Speaker 4: it doesn't do anything.
Speaker 2: Over the course of sixteen years, Alex has moved six times,
Speaker 2: from city to city and apartment to apartment, but all
Speaker 2: the while, the wedding tapes remain in the same box,
Speaker 2: in the same spot, right next to Alex's own wedding album.
Speaker 4: Every time I look at our photo album, which is
Speaker 4: fairly regular, especially like you, you know, everyone said like
Speaker 4: on your anniversary. Sometimes you pull it out and then
Speaker 4: the kids come along and then you're like, this is
Speaker 4: me and Mommy when we got married, and it's like
Speaker 4: sort of like I bring out the photo album with
Speaker 4: some regularity, and every time I do, I think of
Speaker 4: Lars and Kitty and how they don't have this and
Speaker 4: how I was supposed to provide it and how I didn't.
Speaker 4: I keep telling myself, well, I am going to get
Speaker 4: to it one day, and that's why I cart them around.
Speaker 4: It's like, I'm going to get to it one day.
Speaker 4: I'm going to like, one day, I'm gonna sit down
Speaker 4: and actually make good. And what I realized is I
Speaker 4: don't that's I don't think that's going to happen unless
Speaker 4: I have some help. That's where you come in.
Speaker 2: Oh, I see, And this is what has brought the
Speaker 2: Great Alex Bloomberg crawling on his metaphorical hands and his
Speaker 2: metaphorical knees into the studio. Lars and Kitty now live
Speaker 2: in Vermont, but it turns out that they're planning a
Speaker 2: visit to Gimblet in the spring to see what their
Speaker 2: old friend's been up to.
Speaker 4: Could you help me make this for them?
Speaker 1: I like the sound of that.
Speaker 2: Could you just say it again and get closer to
Speaker 2: the microphone so it feels like you're whispering.
Speaker 1: In my ear.
Speaker 5: Job.
Speaker 6: I need your help.
Speaker 2: Could you call me godfather? Come on, don't make me
Speaker 2: play all right? Of course, yes, I'm gonna help you.
Speaker 2: Alex had really stepped in the oatmeal on this one,
Speaker 2: and it was now left to me to pry his
Speaker 2: fringe tassel jogging shoe loose from the bowl for however
Speaker 2: many weeks it took I would help the humble CEO
Speaker 2: to mix, edit, and generally sculpt his ignominious tape recordings
Speaker 2: into a solid, th react narrative that really made you
Speaker 2: feel something, just like we did back when we were
Speaker 2: young producers working side by side. Alex had done so
Speaker 2: much for me job, health insurance, public platform to air
Speaker 2: my grievances mostly about him. I was grateful to finally
Speaker 2: offer something in return, and best of all, for the
Speaker 2: first time in a long time, it felt like we
Speaker 2: weren't simply relating as CEO and Lackey, but as actual friends.
Speaker 2: And if I wasn't mistaken, Alex was feeling the vibe too.
Speaker 1: Are you crying? No, you're crying.
Speaker 2: I reach over and with the tip of my knuckle
Speaker 2: tenderly shmear away a single tear streaming down the proud
Speaker 2: CEO's cheek.
Speaker 4: I'm not crying.
Speaker 1: Could you cry? I'm hoping to get a peabody out
Speaker 1: of this. Some tears when hurt.
Speaker 2: Most importantly, here, where are we going to put the
Speaker 2: mid roll advertisement in the wedding audio?
Speaker 7: Like?
Speaker 2: I'm thinking between the vows, will she say I do?
Speaker 2: Or will it be a big fat, I don't. Right
Speaker 2: after the break, we find out.
Speaker 4: Here are these are notes?
Speaker 2: They are I don't know about that other stuff? Are
Speaker 2: those also my notes?
Speaker 1: You think people have been looking at my notes?
Speaker 2: I've assembled a crack production team consisting of me and
Speaker 2: my producer, Stevie Lane, who, fun fact, was still in
Speaker 2: grade school when Alex's wedding tapes were recorded. I've asked
Speaker 2: Stevie to manage the production of the wedding documentary, the
Speaker 2: listening and transcribing, the splicing anecdotes together, the adding of
Speaker 2: emotionally manipulative music, thus freeing me up to handle more
Speaker 2: pressing matters like subtweeting my dry cleaner as we await
Speaker 2: Alex's arrival, I impart to Stevie lessons gleaned for my
Speaker 2: decades of living and loving a lifetime lived in radio Okay.
Speaker 2: First of all, sound travels and waves. Did they teach
Speaker 2: you that at radio school? At radio school, sound travels
Speaker 2: and do you know? I once to try to build
Speaker 2: a radio kiss Stevie, who at the moment is nodding
Speaker 2: her head in much the way a hospice nurse would
Speaker 2: to an incoherently death gurgling more Abundanty has converted Alex's
Speaker 2: cassette tapes of Shame into digital audio files of Shame progress.
Speaker 2: All that's missing is Alex, who's agreed to listen to
Speaker 2: and opine on our first rough draft. Should I slack him?
Speaker 2: We send Alex an interoffice communic.
Speaker 7: Kay.
Speaker 2: It turns out he's stuck in a board member's meeting
Speaker 2: as we wait. I tell Stevie what Alex was like
Speaker 2: when he was a young producer like her. Every day
Speaker 2: he rollerbladed to work, I say, and instead of a
Speaker 2: desk chair, he sat on a yoga ball. I was
Speaker 2: getting excited. Alex and I hadn't spent time together on
Speaker 2: a creative project since the olden days before he became
Speaker 2: my dungeon master. Do you know that song out eating
Speaker 2: Cake by the Lake? Now we're gonna eat cake by
Speaker 2: the Lake? Oh it's a scream, Hey Alex, Hello, Alex
Speaker 2: is here.
Speaker 1: Welcome to my editing day.
Speaker 4: Thank you.
Speaker 2: Alex takes a seat and we get down to business.
Speaker 4: Hello Hello one, two and two and two and too
Speaker 4: and too.
Speaker 2: The tapes begin with a young, squeaky voice Alex Bloomberg
Speaker 2: at Lars and Kitty's wedding.
Speaker 4: Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello Hello.
Speaker 2: That's once he checks his equipment, Alex sets off to
Speaker 2: ask all the friends for their most classic Lars stories.
Speaker 3: You know that as a kid, he looks through the
Speaker 3: Guinness Book of World Records and decided that the only
Speaker 3: category he could ever compete in would be to become
Speaker 3: the fattest man in the world, because he could just
Speaker 3: eat and eat and eat.
Speaker 2: Their buddy Dave explains Hilars used to drive without brakes,
Speaker 2: arguing that it forced him to sharpen his foot and
Speaker 2: thus make him a safer driver. William explains how, in
Speaker 2: preparation for playing Capture the Flag in Central Park, Lars
Speaker 2: went to the Parks Department in order to research topographical maps. Eventually,
Speaker 2: Alex turns the microphone on himself and in an excited,
Speaker 2: barely pubescent voice, tells a tale of rollerblading with Lars
Speaker 2: very slowly down a steep hill.
Speaker 4: At a certain point, I'm going down, and then I
Speaker 4: turn around and he's zooms by me, straight down with
Speaker 4: his arms out in front of him. And so Lars
Speaker 4: is going down and I'm just watching him go. He's
Speaker 4: getting swann small and small and heading straight towards his
Speaker 4: house and it is faster and faster and faster.
Speaker 2: As old man Bloomberg listens to young man Bloomberg, his
Speaker 2: face takes on a far away look.
Speaker 4: And then he comes and he goes boop right into
Speaker 4: the garage door with.
Speaker 8: His hands and then his face and I.
Speaker 4: And so I sort of skate down faster and I
Speaker 4: get to the bottom, and he turns around and he's like,
Speaker 4: I know that looks really painful, but that's how I stop.
Speaker 2: All the time. Alex sits quietly, the distance between the
Speaker 2: past and present hitting him in the face like a
Speaker 2: garage door.
Speaker 4: It's so interesting. They're just hearing like I my friends
Speaker 4: were such a huge part of my life back then
Speaker 4: in a way that that they're not now. You don't
Speaker 4: have a family, and like it's a lot of there's
Speaker 4: just a lot of hanging out and a lot of
Speaker 4: talk and planning, and it feels like now that feels
Speaker 4: like such a in my mind. I'm just like, oh,
Speaker 4: like we sound so happy and care free.
Speaker 2: The sound emanated from Alex's laptop is a message requesting
Speaker 2: sales figures.
Speaker 4: Sorry, hold on one second, I just have to.
Speaker 2: Do you remember that you used to sit on a
Speaker 2: yoga ball Pretty soon Alex is absorbed in spreadsheets open
Speaker 2: across his desktop. Stevie puts on her headphones and gets
Speaker 2: back to editing the tape while I sidle up closer
Speaker 2: to Alex.
Speaker 1: He used to sit on a yoga ball.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wanted Alex to remember the old times. How
Speaker 2: much sitting in an editing bay like this once meant
Speaker 2: to him.
Speaker 1: A yoga ball. Yeah, yoga ball, you remember that, right?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that yoga ball is his rosebud. I believe that
Speaker 2: if I could just get Alex to remember his yoga ball,
Speaker 2: he'd regain his focus. You know the thing about a
Speaker 2: yoga ball is it's one of the few objects that
Speaker 2: you would find that has had buttocks touch every single
Speaker 2: inch of its entire surface. Right, There's nothing else like
Speaker 2: that in the world.
Speaker 1: You're not even paying attention to me.
Speaker 2: Alex is lost in a world of cumulative download numbers.
Speaker 2: He gets up and without even saying goodbye, runs off
Speaker 2: to see Jim in Finance.
Speaker 4: Hello, I have you right here.
Speaker 2: A few weeks later, the team reconvenes to listen to
Speaker 2: the next draft of the wedding audio. Now that Stevie's
Speaker 2: chosen the sounds and stories, we wanted. We needed to
Speaker 2: strategize on how to string it all together. For inspiration,
Speaker 2: I've asked Stevie to cue up various documentaries, documentaries, rockumentaries,
Speaker 2: and shcumentaries. We begin with the Slice of Life Fly
Speaker 2: on the Wall, arguably boring work of acclaimed American documentarian
Speaker 2: Frederick Wiseman. What do you mean you can't take dressed
Speaker 2: in the morning?
Speaker 9: Yeah, do you get undressed?
Speaker 2: Well, you can get into.
Speaker 1: A gym out of it.
Speaker 10: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I prefer a more very tay style. I don't know
Speaker 2: about you. I come from the like the Wiseman school.
Speaker 2: I'm thinking like, no scoring music, no narration.
Speaker 4: Wait, don't you have a narration on the show Heavyweight?
Speaker 7: Yeah?
Speaker 11: I do.
Speaker 2: But this is gonna be this is gonna be a
Speaker 2: little bit of yeah, I guess I do.
Speaker 1: It is true.
Speaker 4: That doesn't seem very Wiseman school.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm happy to learn that Alex actually listens to
Speaker 2: my podcast. I'm not so sure I like his tone.
Speaker 4: So it's pretty heavily narrated. Actually, there's pretty much nothing
Speaker 4: verite about it.
Speaker 2: Well, narration can be a helpful way to convey information economically,
Speaker 2: it can also potentially eclipse the voice of the subject
Speaker 2: him or herself.
Speaker 4: A wise man, sir, But.
Speaker 2: In some situations a little eclipsing isn't so bad. I
Speaker 2: want to show that town. I wanted to show it to.
Speaker 8: Do.
Speaker 2: As Stevie continues to work on the mix, Alex and
Speaker 2: I watch the Maisley's Brother's Gray Gardens and argue over
Speaker 2: who our favorite Maisley's brother is. Alex, Albert, me David.
Speaker 2: Just as things are getting heated, Alex's phone rings. It's
Speaker 2: his wife, Nose and Nan.
Speaker 4: Shoot, sorry, hold on, Hello, Hey, I'm gonna leave right after.
Speaker 1: Hey, can I sorry? Can I take Can I take that?
Speaker 4: Hold one? Take it?
Speaker 1: Hey?
Speaker 2: Nas?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Alex is going to be home late tonight. We've
Speaker 1: got a lot to do here.
Speaker 2: But no, no, it's totally cool that you're calling in it.
Speaker 2: Maybe you should just text or something because it gets
Speaker 2: you know, he gets distracted easily, so Alex grabs the
Speaker 2: phone back and apologizes for my interruption. He says he's
Speaker 2: on his way home for the kid's bedtime, and with that,
Speaker 2: Alex Bloomberg has left the studio. In the weeks to follow,
Speaker 2: Alex can hardly find time to work on the wedding audio,
Speaker 2: and when we do get together, his mind is elsewhere. Okay. Sorry.
Speaker 2: The irony is that Alex loved radio production so much
Speaker 2: he built a whole company out of that passion. But
Speaker 2: now the time it takes to actually run the company
Speaker 2: makes doing the thing he loved most almost impossible. One
Speaker 2: of the drags of being a CEO, Alex tells me,
Speaker 2: is there's always so much to get done.
Speaker 1: What does a CEO do?
Speaker 4: You know? Run the shit?
Speaker 1: Just as I thought, nothing. All right, let's get to work.
Speaker 8: But then, but then, but then, but then, but then.
Speaker 2: Doctor Goldstein begins to operate, carefully, executing an extremely tricky
Speaker 2: edit that involves cutting out in Aaron Turp between the
Speaker 2: words but and.
Speaker 8: Then but then but then but then.
Speaker 2: But then then we're interrupted yet again, and then, this
Speaker 2: time by Alex's executive assistant. But yeah, you're gonna have
Speaker 2: to tell You're gonna have to tell him that he's
Speaker 2: gonna be late.
Speaker 8: I gotta go, but then but then, but then, but then.
Speaker 1: It's very rhythmic, but then but then it sounds like
Speaker 1: techno music.
Speaker 11: But but then but then but then but then but
Speaker 11: then but then but then but then but then but
Speaker 11: then but then but then but then.
Speaker 2: But then then in the weeks to follow, Stevie and
Speaker 2: I spend a lot of time waiting for Alex. Sometimes
Speaker 2: he makes an appearance, but mostly he doesn't. All the
Speaker 2: while the work continues, by which I mean Stevie's work
Speaker 2: and my editorial oversight.
Speaker 3: You all know that Kitty and Lars had an accelerated
Speaker 3: And someone say.
Speaker 1: Do you know when I was younger, I always wanted
Speaker 1: to have a rat tail.
Speaker 2: Oh like the hairstyle. Yeah, I didn't have the stick
Speaker 2: to itness.
Speaker 6: Yeah, the same tube.
Speaker 2: Together. Stevie and I tirelessly pour over the tape day
Speaker 2: after day. You know, I've always related to Charlie Brown
Speaker 2: in a lot of ways. Did you know that his
Speaker 2: dad was a barber?
Speaker 1: I didn't that. Do you see why that would be ironic?
Speaker 2: Appreciate the Stevie proves to be just as attentive as
Speaker 2: Alex ever was. It feels just like old times. Think
Speaker 2: about it. His son's bald. Charlie Brown is bald. He
Speaker 2: has no hair all right, Or you.
Speaker 3: Might have read something into the fact that Lars found
Speaker 3: himself getting up early in the morning.
Speaker 2: There's only two weeks to go before Lars and Kitties visit,
Speaker 2: and we've barely started on the will use much less
Speaker 2: the I do's if we hope to produce one of
Speaker 2: the greatest documentaries of all time, something to make March
Speaker 2: of the Penguins look like March of the Garbage, We're
Speaker 2: going to have to work twice as fast, then then
Speaker 2: with three times as fast, then with possibly four times
Speaker 2: as fast. Then the results after the break your break,
Speaker 2: because Stevie and I we don't get a break. We
Speaker 2: have a lot of work to get done.
Speaker 4: Okay, So here we go.
Speaker 2: After weeks of Stevie's hard work editing audio and avoiding
Speaker 2: my editorial guidance, the day is finally here. In spite
Speaker 2: of Alex's busy schedule and in spite of my enthusiastic
Speaker 2: but generally unhelpful brand of helpfulness, Stevie has managed to
Speaker 2: turn hours and hours of drunk people sharing anecdotes from
Speaker 2: before she was born into an audio documentary. Lars and
Speaker 2: Kitty are scheduled to arrive at Gimblet any moment, and
Speaker 2: they haven't a clue that when they do, they'll be
Speaker 2: presented with the wedding audio they've been waiting sixteen years
Speaker 2: to hear. Alex paces the halls of Gimblet Media.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm really nervous, weirdly, and then.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 5: Hello.
Speaker 2: Lars and Kitty arrive with their two kids, Nora and Oscar. Hey,
Speaker 2: how's it going?
Speaker 4: How was the Yankees?
Speaker 2: What happened?
Speaker 5: Oscar?
Speaker 2: Well?
Speaker 10: Yankees are losing three.
Speaker 2: Alex says that one of the things that makes them
Speaker 2: happiest about hanging out with Lars nowadays is seeing the
Speaker 2: transition he's made from ne'er do well to wonderful dad.
Speaker 2: In fact, just earlier, in anticipation of Lars's arrival, Alex
Speaker 2: told me about this one Lars parenting moment that's always
Speaker 2: stuck with him. It took place at Alex's outdoor wedding.
Speaker 2: Four year old Nora was standing by a swimming pool
Speaker 2: that had a no jumping sign, but when a large
Speaker 2: bearded man jumped in anyway, Nora asked Lars if she
Speaker 2: could jump in too.
Speaker 4: And Lars was like, well, some people make the choice
Speaker 4: to break the rules. They some people think that rules
Speaker 4: don't apply to them, and do you know what we
Speaker 4: call those people? And she was and she was like no,
Speaker 4: and he was like, we call the anarchists. And then
Speaker 4: Lars was like, who else do we know that's an anarchist?
Speaker 4: And Norah thought for a little bit and she was
Speaker 4: like grandma. And I was like that was so perfect
Speaker 4: because it took this moment that was inherently a power
Speaker 4: struggle and it made it into sort of like both
Speaker 4: a learning moment and a choice that she was now
Speaker 4: capable of making, like do you want to be in
Speaker 4: this camp or this camp?
Speaker 7: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Votes is pretty cool.
Speaker 2: Nora was just a toddler back then. She's now sixteen
Speaker 2: and her younger brother, Oscar is ten. Alex proceeds to
Speaker 2: show them around the office, so this is.
Speaker 4: Like that's sales, that's like the development team. Oh that's
Speaker 4: Hogy you guys, Yeah, yeah, do you know Hora? Hey
Speaker 4: you want to go say hi?
Speaker 2: Yeah. The tour makes a pit stop to introduce Gimblet
Speaker 2: media editor Jorge just who at the moment is seated
Speaker 2: atop my desk, touching on my things. It turns out
Speaker 2: that Lars has already met Jorge, and so is Nora.
Speaker 5: You guys met when you were a foreign you were
Speaker 5: an infants at Alex's wedding.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, Lars explains how his daughter might best remember
Speaker 2: the podcast editor. Turning to Jorge, Lars says.
Speaker 5: You jumped in the pool that the.
Speaker 2: Large bearded cannonballing anarchist and Alex's favorite parenting story was
Speaker 2: none other than America's favorite role model Porgey.
Speaker 4: Just is he the one, yeah, yeah, who broke all
Speaker 4: the rules.
Speaker 3: A very good life. Lesson, break all the rules at
Speaker 3: somebody's wedding and they'll hire you, give you a job.
Speaker 2: And with that, Jorge resumes his job of manhandling my
Speaker 2: stress ball with extremely sticky hands, and Alex resumes this tour,
Speaker 2: which Lars and Kitty think is just one of your
Speaker 2: standard garden variety office tours, but is actually a semi
Speaker 2: carefully choreographed ruse to get them into a studio for
Speaker 2: the surprise.
Speaker 4: These are all the various shows.
Speaker 12: I've been listening to a bunch.
Speaker 8: Of your shows.
Speaker 4: Which ones you listen to? Crimetown?
Speaker 2: I really liked Homecoming?
Speaker 4: I liked Do you like Heavyweight?
Speaker 2: Liking Heavyweight is a key part of the plan.
Speaker 4: I listen to Heavyweight?
Speaker 8: Eh?
Speaker 2: Close enough? Alex points to the glass door of the
Speaker 2: studio in which I'm seated.
Speaker 4: That's stopping all you want to say?
Speaker 2: Hi, this is the most crucial part of the plan,
Speaker 2: Alex must lure the family into the studio with the
Speaker 2: promise of meeting your humble host is Jonathan Kitty.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we met prey many years ago.
Speaker 9: Hi.
Speaker 2: Hey, Yeah, it's nice to see you.
Speaker 6: Hi.
Speaker 2: I remember Lars and Kitty from back in the day
Speaker 2: picking up Alex at work to do cool young people
Speaker 2: things that I don't recall being invited to. They're now
Speaker 2: middle aged, like Alex, like me. Now that we're all
Speaker 2: in the studio, Stevie sets the final piece of the
Speaker 2: plan in motion, cool and casual, like.
Speaker 1: We should play them the thing we're we're going on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you guys want you haven't? Yeah? Okay, Lars, Kitty,
Speaker 2: Nora and Oscar all settle in.
Speaker 1: Okay, you ready.
Speaker 3: Welcome everybody. Welcome to the wedding of Kitty Wade Bartlett
Speaker 3: and Christian Jacobson.
Speaker 2: Lars and Kitty's faces light up, so it's actually happening.
Speaker 2: I'm not surprised that Lars and Kitty quickly recognized the
Speaker 2: promised wedding audio, but at just a few seconds in,
Speaker 2: I'm amazed at how quickly they recognize it.
Speaker 5: Every time I come to see you, I'll visit New
Speaker 5: York every couple of years a year and hang out
Speaker 5: with Alex and Kitty. I'll say, you know, and ask
Speaker 5: him for the fucking tape. Yeah, we definitely always remembered that.
Speaker 2: Even their daughter Nora knows about Alex and the tapes.
Speaker 10: I never really thought it was really gonna happen.
Speaker 2: Either, But what did What did you hear about it?
Speaker 11: Well?
Speaker 10: I heard that, yeah, that he came to the wedding
Speaker 10: and interviewed all of your drunk family.
Speaker 2: Members and that you were terrified.
Speaker 10: And then I said, well, I don't know if I
Speaker 10: want to hear I've seen your family drunk.
Speaker 2: Oh, you're gonna You're gonna hear it now. Yeah, I'm excited.
Speaker 4: It gives me a great pleasure to finally deliver the
Speaker 4: thing I probably seventeen years.
Speaker 2: This is really exciting.
Speaker 4: So should we Let's do it.
Speaker 1: Let's get on with it. Okay, I have a go.
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is exciting.
Speaker 2: Okay, Stevie presses play.
Speaker 3: Welcome everybody. Welcome to the wedding of Kitty Wade Bartlett
Speaker 3: and Lars Christian Jacobson. This is going to be a
Speaker 3: somewhat unconventional ceremony.
Speaker 2: For the next hour, we all sit and listen. The
Speaker 2: friends tell stories about Lars.
Speaker 7: Lars and I had decided after a night of drinking
Speaker 7: at four in the morning, we decided we were going
Speaker 7: to do a triathlon together. And every time we would
Speaker 7: meet to work out get in shape for the triathon,
Speaker 7: we would end up drinking for eight or ten hours straight.
Speaker 2: And the friends tell stories about Kitty.
Speaker 6: When I was ten, she convinced me to wash the cat.
Speaker 6: It's a bad, bad, bad idea, but it seemed like
Speaker 6: the best idea.
Speaker 2: And when I was fourteen, there's a lot of just
Speaker 2: hanging out that was perfect, remember, And then there are
Speaker 2: the toasts.
Speaker 13: And Lars has an amazing amount of love to give
Speaker 13: and I've always known that, and Kitty, I'm just so
Speaker 13: enthralled with the way that he has been able to
Speaker 13: give this to you, and he does. And I can't
Speaker 13: tell you how happy I am and how proud I
Speaker 13: am of my brother.
Speaker 2: You know, as we all listen, Lars looks down at
Speaker 2: his lap. Kitty listens with her eyes closed tight.
Speaker 6: Kitty and I had this planet that we were just
Speaker 6: going to grow old and have rocking chairs next to
Speaker 6: each other, and we were going to grow old together
Speaker 6: and cook wonderful meals, and share a house and just
Speaker 6: be old biddies and sit on our rocking chairs and
Speaker 6: criticize everybody.
Speaker 2: As we grow up, the friends we once sat around
Speaker 2: plotting our futures with become the friends who, once that
Speaker 2: future comes, we only end up seeing once a year.
Speaker 2: The friend we saw Patch Adams with becomes the friend
Speaker 2: who picks us up from the hospital. The couple who
Speaker 2: introduced us to our girlfriend become the ones who weren't
Speaker 2: there for us after the divorce. Disappointment and self recrimination
Speaker 2: pile up, but so do shared history and love, and
Speaker 2: so the friend who broke his promise.
Speaker 8: And he goes.
Speaker 4: Right into the garage.
Speaker 2: Becomes the friend who makes it right. How many When
Speaker 2: we first sat down, everyone was focused on the gesture.
Speaker 2: After sixteen years, Lars and Kitty were finally getting their
Speaker 2: wedding audio. But once the gesture had been made and
Speaker 2: the excitement had faded, they were left with something else altogether,
Speaker 2: the time machine.
Speaker 3: Kiddy, do you wish to take this man as your husband,
Speaker 3: to have holden bear all times and all things great
Speaker 3: and small, for all the days of your life? I do, Lars,
Speaker 3: do you wish to take this woman as your wife,
Speaker 3: to have hold in bear through all times and all
Speaker 3: things great and small, for all the days of your life.
Speaker 1: I do, can I have the rinks.
Speaker 2: At the end of the ceremony, the officiant issues a
Speaker 2: final request.
Speaker 3: Lars and Kitty have organized this ceremony today because they
Speaker 3: want this to be a shared moment, our page in
Speaker 3: our communal memory. With the corner folded over, I'd actually
Speaker 3: like to pause here for a few seconds so that
Speaker 3: everyone can fix this time in their minds and maybe
Speaker 3: offer whatever silent blessings they want.
Speaker 2: We listen to the silence in silence. For Kitty and Lars,
Speaker 2: the silence back then was meant to keep them in
Speaker 2: the present, two people suspended in a singular moment, just
Speaker 2: having made a promise to each other, but before spending
Speaker 2: the rest of their lives trying to keep it. The
Speaker 2: silence says, Lars and Kitty sit in the room today
Speaker 2: with their two children, and their old friend is taking
Speaker 2: them back to the past, reminding them of who they
Speaker 2: were and who was with them. Lars rests his hand
Speaker 2: against his face. Kitty has a quiet smile.
Speaker 13: I love you, I love you.
Speaker 2: The wedding audio comes to a close. No one really
Speaker 2: knows what to say. A situation that's never stopped this guy.
Speaker 1: That's the wedding.
Speaker 5: I do have a lot of love to give.
Speaker 2: He's right, and uh, yeah, that's what.
Speaker 5: But it made perfect sense, like, yeah, that's why Kitty
Speaker 5: loves me. That's why, Like, oh, that's what I have
Speaker 5: to offer Kitty.
Speaker 2: I'm so glad.
Speaker 5: Well, I mean from the outside, like I ever, you
Speaker 5: can see what you know she brings to me, to her.
Speaker 5: But I sincerely have a lot of love to get.
Speaker 5: I always know it's good for me. It was nice
Speaker 5: that it was good for you too.
Speaker 12: Yeah, those friends and that that time it was it
Speaker 12: was such a great time and it just kind of,
Speaker 12: I don't know, waiting for it seventeen years makes it
Speaker 12: that much sweeter.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the other thing, though, are you taking so long?
Speaker 5: Is that when I knew when we did hear it
Speaker 5: it would be.
Speaker 2: Longer because it's been.
Speaker 4: It's surprising, you know what was surprising?
Speaker 2: Well, just so.
Speaker 5: How things really haven't changed that much?
Speaker 4: Have things not changed?
Speaker 2: This catches Alex everything that surrounds him. The equipment, the employees,
Speaker 2: the studio were packed into, and the building were in
Speaker 2: it all serves to remind him of just how much
Speaker 2: has changed. But Lars is talking about something else.
Speaker 5: Not to sound corny, but I still feel the same way.
Speaker 5: I feel like the emotions are still completely familiar.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 4: Do you still feel the same way about Lars as
Speaker 4: you did back then?
Speaker 2: I actually do.
Speaker 12: I mean I still love him for all the same reasons.
Speaker 2: Lars says that he and Kitty always somehow knew that
Speaker 2: Alex would never abandon the project completely. It just wasn't
Speaker 2: in keeping with Alex's character or his capacity for guilt.
Speaker 5: And I kind of felt once you started Gimblet like
Speaker 5: there's no way because it's hard for me to see
Speaker 5: you have a free time.
Speaker 4: Well see now, actually what happened is the entire thing
Speaker 4: is all lated to this. Well, if I hadn't started
Speaker 4: Gimblet never would have happened.
Speaker 2: If Alex hadn't started Gimblet, he wouldn't have had me
Speaker 2: to delegate to, and I wouldn't have had Stevie. So
Speaker 2: is it not possible that the hand that signed the
Speaker 2: papers incorporating Gimblet Media was subconsciously guided by a year's
Speaker 2: old promise seeking its fulfillment. Possibly, or maybe Alex just
Speaker 2: had a passion for boxed meals and mattresses delivered directly
Speaker 2: to your doorstep, of which, no matter what your purchase,
Speaker 2: please remember to use the offer code heavyweight.
Speaker 5: It's really sweet. Thank you, I know, I mean thank you, Stevie.
Speaker 5: It's a pleasure to meet you.
Speaker 2: I know, thank you, Steve.
Speaker 1: You are my oldest friend.
Speaker 5: Well, I feel like I need to know more about you,
Speaker 5: because you know so much about us.
Speaker 4: Here we go.
Speaker 2: After leaving the studio, Alex pops open a bottle of champagne.
Speaker 2: Unlike how we might usually drink bubbly from a trophy
Speaker 2: cup or billionaire shoe, he drinks it from a Gimlet
Speaker 2: Media branded coffee cup. After all, he's among friends. Cheers, clars, Yeah,
Speaker 2: getting the job done. After champagne, the heroes are complete.
Speaker 2: Alex heads to dinner with his friends, and although I'm
Speaker 2: not invited nor even thanked, I can tell Alex is grateful.
Speaker 2: Something in the way that he doesn't say goodbye or
Speaker 2: even look at me that speaks of our friendship, a
Speaker 2: friendship with roots that extend through the floorboards, creep into
Speaker 2: the insulating asbestos, and down deep into the polluted earth
Speaker 2: of the Guanis Canal, the very foundational sludge upon which
Speaker 2: Gimblet Media was founded. Later, Alex will tell me how
Speaker 2: it was the first time he'd been able to properly
Speaker 2: digest a meal with Larsen Kittie in years. He'll tell
Speaker 2: me how they all went crazy and had two drinks
Speaker 2: with dinner like they were celebrating. How they all lingered
Speaker 2: longer than usual, just hanging out like they used to.
Speaker 9: Now that the Fernitures returned into its goodwill home, now
Speaker 9: that the last month's rent is scheming with the damaged pos,
Speaker 9: take this moment to dissolve, if we meant it, if
Speaker 9: we turn.
Speaker 3: We felt around from far too.
Speaker 2: From things that accidentally Talk. Heavyweight is hosted and produced
Speaker 2: by me Jonathan Goldstein, along with Peter Bresnan, Khila Holt,
Speaker 2: and Stevie Lane, who who if you do want to
Speaker 2: know more about, enjoys eating pears, chewing on ice, and
Speaker 2: making jewelry that can be viewed at Stevielanejewelry dot com.
Speaker 2: The show is edited by Jorgeus, with additional editing by
Speaker 2: Alex Bloomberg, who, on his show Without Fail this week,
Speaker 2: interviews our mentor from wayback in Shakespeare Days, Ira Glass
Speaker 2: and Ira confronts mister Bloomberg in a way I could
Speaker 2: only dream of. Are you so far down the road
Speaker 2: of your venture capital?
Speaker 11: Like that?
Speaker 4: If somebody leaves you, you have to crush them like
Speaker 4: mister Burns.
Speaker 2: Special thanks to Emily Condon, Lynn Levy, Kimmi, Regular, Amanda Melhuish,
Speaker 2: Mia Bloomfield, Phoebe Flanagan, Jasmine Romero, Matthew boll and Jackie Cohen.
Speaker 2: Bobby Lord mixed the episode with music by Christine Fellows,
Speaker 2: Michael Hurst, Blue Dot Sessions, and he himself, Bobby Lord.
Speaker 2: Additional music credits can be found on our website Gimletmedia
Speaker 2: dot com slash Heavyweight. Our theme song is by the
Speaker 2: weaker Lands courtesy of Epitaph Records, and our ad music
Speaker 2: is by Hailey Shaw. Follow us on Twitter at Heavyweight.
Speaker 2: This is our last episode of the season, but we're
Speaker 2: already starting to look for stories for season four. So
Speaker 2: if you have one, email us at Heavyweight at gimltmedia
Speaker 2: dot com and if you see fit, why not punch
Speaker 2: in some stars for us on Apple Podcasts. Thanks for listening. Okay,
Speaker 2: hello hello. If we hope to produce one of the
Speaker 2: greatest documentaries of all time. Something to make March of
Speaker 2: the Penguins look like March of the Garbage. We're going
Speaker 2: to have to work twice as fast sounds good. Actually,
Speaker 2: wait here, let me let me, you know, let me
Speaker 2: just try a few other ideas that I had, and
Speaker 2: you could just pick whichever one you like best. Okay, here,
Speaker 2: here we go. That'll make fog of War look like
Speaker 2: fog of garbage, makes gimmey shelter look like gimmy garbage,
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Speaker 2: the Queen of Versailles look like the Queen of garbage,
Speaker 2: makes winged migration look like winged garbage, makes touching the
Speaker 2: void look like touching the garbage, makes searching for Sugarman
Speaker 2: look like searching for garbagemen. Makes an inconvenient sequel Truth
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Speaker 2: makes Gyro dreams of sushi look like Gyro dreams of garbage,
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Speaker 2: American movie like American garbage, makes When We Were King
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Speaker 2: greatest party that never happened.
Speaker 9: Then