WEBVTT - I Woke Up A Widow…Now What?! 0:00:19.680 --> 0:00:20.960 Hey, I Do Part two. 0:00:21.239 --> 0:00:25.280 It's your host, Jenny Garth, and today I'm so honored 0:00:25.600 --> 0:00:27.840 I get to chat with a woman who is in 0:00:27.880 --> 0:00:32.320 her chapter two, has found love after loss and is 0:00:32.440 --> 0:00:36.920 sharing her experience with others. She's the author of Going 0:00:37.040 --> 0:00:41.280 Out in Style and it's the tenth anniversary of her book, 0:00:41.320 --> 0:00:46.360 The Undertaker's Wife, which has been re released. Please welcome 0:00:46.600 --> 0:00:52.840 d branch Oliver to the podcast. Hello there, Hi, How 0:00:52.840 --> 0:00:54.400 are you so good? 0:00:54.480 --> 0:00:55.560 Thank you so much. 0:00:56.120 --> 0:00:57.600 Oh it's such a pleasure to meet you. 0:00:58.800 --> 0:01:00.640 Very nice to meet you too. First of all, thank 0:01:00.640 --> 0:01:03.520 you for the book and the little note. I've been 0:01:03.520 --> 0:01:06.200 reading it, my mom read it, so we've loved your 0:01:06.680 --> 0:01:09.600 first book. That is the one, The Undertaker's Wife that's 0:01:09.600 --> 0:01:10.640 getting re released. 0:01:11.160 --> 0:01:13.080 Oh yes, congrats on that. 0:01:13.760 --> 0:01:14.240 Thank you. 0:01:14.959 --> 0:01:15.959 And as you know, this. 0:01:15.880 --> 0:01:19.120 Podcast is I Do Part two, and it's all about 0:01:19.120 --> 0:01:23.480 the journey that happens for us in love, either after 0:01:23.600 --> 0:01:27.480 loss of a spouse or a divorce. But before we 0:01:27.520 --> 0:01:30.160 get to that, I just want to start with your 0:01:30.560 --> 0:01:34.000 chapter one because you write about it so beautifully in 0:01:34.040 --> 0:01:34.480 your book. 0:01:34.520 --> 0:01:38.680 Tell us how you met your late husband, Johnny. 0:01:39.680 --> 0:01:44.720 Well, actually I met him at my grandmother's funeral and 0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:48.120 so I was out there and he noticed me and 0:01:48.440 --> 0:01:52.440 evidently mentioned it to a cousin of mine that he 0:01:52.560 --> 0:01:56.360 was very interested in me and liked my legs. 0:01:57.080 --> 0:01:58.520 Huh, yes, legs for days. 0:01:58.960 --> 0:02:05.240 Yes, and so he So they arranged a blind date 0:02:05.320 --> 0:02:09.560 for me and I met him at a local restaurant 0:02:09.639 --> 0:02:13.400 bar in Norfolk, and with that I realized he was 0:02:13.440 --> 0:02:16.480 about fifteen years older than I at that time I 0:02:16.520 --> 0:02:20.400 was twenty one. He wore a black suit, he was divorced, 0:02:20.520 --> 0:02:23.160 he had a child, and he was a funeral director. 0:02:23.560 --> 0:02:25.960 Okay, so not so great on paper. 0:02:26.680 --> 0:02:30.040 No, no, not at all, but to his on the 0:02:30.080 --> 0:02:36.120 plus side, he was extremely handsome. So I technically I 0:02:36.360 --> 0:02:39.760 escaped from the first blind date and then they fixed 0:02:39.840 --> 0:02:43.120 us up one more time, and with that I was 0:02:43.120 --> 0:02:44.000 smittened with him. 0:02:44.480 --> 0:02:48.480 Yes, I love your meet cute And how you know, 0:02:48.560 --> 0:02:52.560 you really describe what you were thinking as in real 0:02:52.600 --> 0:02:54.680 time as you were meeting him, and the way you 0:02:54.720 --> 0:02:57.160 make it all, you know, it's very vivid. I had 0:02:57.160 --> 0:03:00.000 a visual, so everything you're saying, I can totally see it. 0:03:00.360 --> 0:03:02.000 And you you. 0:03:01.919 --> 0:03:06.399 Joined his family business when you all got married, right, 0:03:06.520 --> 0:03:09.000 and he was an undertaker. 0:03:09.680 --> 0:03:14.920 Yes, he was fourth generation their family had started the 0:03:14.960 --> 0:03:17.800 business right after the Civil War, and that's about the 0:03:17.919 --> 0:03:22.200 time funeral homes became established. They were a combination of 0:03:22.919 --> 0:03:25.720 furniture maker and medical doctors. 0:03:26.160 --> 0:03:27.760 Oh okay, and. 0:03:27.680 --> 0:03:36.520 The Civil War actually sort of necessitated that profession. 0:03:38.080 --> 0:03:41.880 Lots of bodies needed to be attended to. Unfortunately. 0:03:42.000 --> 0:03:45.600 Oh man, Now, well, well I'm curious what was your 0:03:47.080 --> 0:03:48.800 I mean, because I read it in the book how 0:03:48.960 --> 0:03:54.960 you felt about you were like, ooh, you were kind 0:03:54.960 --> 0:03:57.440 of like grossed out and didn't it wasn't like the 0:03:57.440 --> 0:04:01.200 most attractive thing to you. But what what had your 0:04:01.360 --> 0:04:06.240 relationship before that been with death? Like, had you ever 0:04:06.320 --> 0:04:09.920 lost You just lost your grandmother, yes, and was that 0:04:10.000 --> 0:04:11.600 your first major loss. 0:04:12.120 --> 0:04:16.000 I'd lost my grandfather prior to that on my father's side. 0:04:16.040 --> 0:04:19.880 This was my grandmother on my mother's side, and that 0:04:20.040 --> 0:04:22.360 was the extent of it. You know, when you're twenty one, 0:04:22.480 --> 0:04:24.840 I don't think a lot of twenty one year olds, 0:04:25.040 --> 0:04:27.640 unless there's been some sort of tragedy in a family, 0:04:27.720 --> 0:04:31.800 really have a lot of experience on that subject. 0:04:32.320 --> 0:04:35.599 I mean, your story immediately made me think of Jamie 0:04:35.640 --> 0:04:38.400 Lee Curtis in My Girl. 0:04:40.240 --> 0:04:43.720 Do you remember that movie? She also had a gorgeous legs. 0:04:43.760 --> 0:04:45.000 So you guys are like. 0:04:45.400 --> 0:04:49.120 In my mind, but I, you know, she just stepped 0:04:49.160 --> 0:04:53.039 into the role of his wife so flawlessly, and she 0:04:53.120 --> 0:04:56.120 did the makeup for the people who passed away, for 0:04:56.240 --> 0:04:57.600 their viewings and things like that. 0:04:57.720 --> 0:05:01.000 How involved were you in the family busines. 0:05:01.040 --> 0:05:03.159 Well, you know, I ended up in. It's sort of 0:05:03.200 --> 0:05:08.920 by default. It really wasn't quite my plan. His father 0:05:09.120 --> 0:05:13.320 and his brother had passed away within forty five days 0:05:13.320 --> 0:05:19.160 of each other. The general manager he also had passed away, 0:05:19.200 --> 0:05:21.839 so we you know, kind of got promoted through death 0:05:22.440 --> 0:05:29.680 sort of space. Yes, and they needed since since funeral 0:05:29.680 --> 0:05:33.120 homes or family owned funeral homes are very personal, they 0:05:33.200 --> 0:05:36.200 really like to have where the families of the bereaved 0:05:36.240 --> 0:05:39.520 really liked to know the owners or see the owners. 0:05:39.960 --> 0:05:44.760 So basically I just went in as a filler and 0:05:45.120 --> 0:05:47.960 really kind of earned the title of the hood ornament. 0:05:48.800 --> 0:05:53.440 So I couldn't say a lot about me, But at 0:05:53.440 --> 0:05:56.720 that time, you know, you just sort of do what 0:05:56.760 --> 0:05:59.520 you need to do to keep the business moving forward 0:06:00.240 --> 0:06:01.920 and sort of kind of scramble up. 0:06:02.040 --> 0:06:05.120 And that's how I ended up. Not to mention that 0:06:05.800 --> 0:06:09.800 as a young bride, I realized that he worked twenty 0:06:09.800 --> 0:06:13.160 four hours a day, seven days a week. They were 0:06:13.200 --> 0:06:15.719 never closed and I didn't get to see him very much, 0:06:16.560 --> 0:06:19.960 so it sort of worked out well. 0:06:20.000 --> 0:06:26.799 Then tragedy hit closer to home, and Johnny unexpectedly passed away, 0:06:27.400 --> 0:06:31.560 very sad. You had been together for twenty five years 0:06:31.600 --> 0:06:35.560 at that point, you had three beautiful daughters, and I 0:06:35.640 --> 0:06:37.640 was just curious, like, because of the business that you 0:06:37.680 --> 0:06:40.600 were in, had you two had conversations about what you 0:06:40.920 --> 0:06:42.760 would do if the other one passed? 0:06:43.520 --> 0:06:47.359 Now, we were the worst. We were the children, you know, 0:06:47.400 --> 0:06:52.240 the cobbler without shoes, private people, And I was just 0:06:52.279 --> 0:06:54.960 talking to a friend about that. I said, we did 0:06:55.120 --> 0:06:59.040 everything that we tell our families not to do. 0:07:00.040 --> 0:07:01.279 Isn't that always the case? 0:07:01.760 --> 0:07:04.599 It was just our will was outdated. It didn't include 0:07:04.600 --> 0:07:08.560 the last child. We had never included our names on 0:07:08.760 --> 0:07:11.680 all of our documents and our bills, and that's the 0:07:11.760 --> 0:07:15.440 one thing people need to do, especially now when it's 0:07:15.440 --> 0:07:19.640 hard to get somebody on the phone. We didn't discuss 0:07:19.880 --> 0:07:22.280 any place that he wanted to be buried, and we 0:07:22.360 --> 0:07:26.160 owned well, We owned forty acres of a cemetery in 0:07:26.200 --> 0:07:29.800 one city. We had cemetery property and two other cities 0:07:29.920 --> 0:07:33.480 all over the place. I had once run a stone company. 0:07:33.520 --> 0:07:37.480 We never discussed that. We just really didn't have our 0:07:37.520 --> 0:07:38.120 act together. 0:07:38.440 --> 0:07:39.120 What did you do? 0:07:40.640 --> 0:07:46.160 I scrambled, and I was really angry that we had 0:07:46.200 --> 0:07:50.880 allowed ourselves to get in that position. And it was 0:07:50.920 --> 0:07:53.600 foolish of us, to be honest with you, We just 0:07:53.840 --> 0:07:57.040 really didn't think that out. And so I spent a 0:07:57.080 --> 0:08:01.200 lot of time backtracking and had re mortgage my house 0:08:01.400 --> 0:08:04.400 because I couldn't get them to put my name because 0:08:04.400 --> 0:08:07.280 I wasn't there when he'd got the mortgage for the house. 0:08:07.760 --> 0:08:11.320 I was actually at the office and he said, oh, 0:08:11.400 --> 0:08:14.480 we'll just take care of it later. It's always like everybody, 0:08:14.480 --> 0:08:17.000 we'll just get to it later, and then you don't, 0:08:17.840 --> 0:08:22.200 and then later happens, and there you are. You're just 0:08:22.240 --> 0:08:25.400 swimming up streams. I laughed. I said to my friend, 0:08:26.760 --> 0:08:33.840 I said, please make sure that your names are on everything, stocks, banks, property, 0:08:33.920 --> 0:08:38.760 car titles. People don't think about that. The keys on 0:08:38.800 --> 0:08:41.800 your key ring, where do they go to? Johnny had 0:08:41.840 --> 0:08:44.560 this big key ring of all these keys, and we 0:08:44.600 --> 0:08:46.280 all I took them back to the office and all 0:08:46.320 --> 0:08:48.800 the men were like, we don't know, we have no idea. 0:08:49.000 --> 0:08:53.560 We're like, well, who's locked out of something? And so 0:08:53.880 --> 0:08:58.440 like I laugh, I said, Nordstrom's was happily transferred my 0:08:58.480 --> 0:09:01.239 account to my name and just about set me flowers. 0:09:02.360 --> 0:09:07.160 You know, Cox Cable basically shut me down and I 0:09:07.200 --> 0:09:11.520 had to start all over again. And the Verizon bill 0:09:11.640 --> 0:09:14.480 right now still has Johnny's name on it. Twenty years later, 0:09:14.600 --> 0:09:17.240 twenty years later, twenty years I cannot get his name 0:09:17.280 --> 0:09:20.199 off of it. So we just pretend he's still alive. 0:09:21.160 --> 0:09:23.319 Oh my gosh. 0:09:23.360 --> 0:09:26.760 And so think about how hard it was then, how 0:09:26.840 --> 0:09:28.760 much more difficult it will be now. 0:09:29.600 --> 0:09:33.280 Yeah, you know, I think about your three daughters through 0:09:33.320 --> 0:09:37.719 all of that loss, and knowing what I know being 0:09:37.760 --> 0:09:40.679 a mom of three daughters, and wondering how did you 0:09:40.800 --> 0:09:46.440 process that pain at the time, and did you kind 0:09:46.440 --> 0:09:50.400 of put it on hold and focus on your daughters 0:09:50.440 --> 0:09:51.840 and everybody else's well being. 0:09:52.800 --> 0:09:57.560 You know, that's a really Johnny died so fast on us, 0:09:57.720 --> 0:10:01.240 so we didn't have that window of time that some 0:10:01.280 --> 0:10:08.240 people have when they get a bad medical diagnosis. And 0:10:08.559 --> 0:10:11.199 you know, we're in bed on Sunday night making love 0:10:11.280 --> 0:10:13.960 and the next thing you know, he's grabbing his head 0:10:14.200 --> 0:10:17.760 and basically seventy two hours I'm taking him off of 0:10:17.800 --> 0:10:21.240 life support. So it was fast, and the girls were young, 0:10:21.360 --> 0:10:25.960 and I remember Madison. She was all curled up, and 0:10:26.000 --> 0:10:28.160 it almost makes me cry because I can still take 0:10:28.200 --> 0:10:31.400 myself back there. And she's all curled up like a 0:10:31.400 --> 0:10:33.840 little girl does, on the floor next to her door, 0:10:33.880 --> 0:10:37.040 and she says to me, why is God punishing us? 0:10:37.840 --> 0:10:41.080 What did we do? And I was like, oh my gosh, 0:10:41.160 --> 0:10:43.440 how am I going to answer this child? And I said, 0:10:43.480 --> 0:10:47.400 you know what, God doesn't punish us. He never punishes us. 0:10:48.280 --> 0:10:50.960 You know this is not a surprise. He already knew 0:10:51.000 --> 0:10:54.000 Dad he was going to go, and he's he is 0:10:54.040 --> 0:10:56.200 going to take really good care of us. I said, 0:10:56.240 --> 0:10:59.680 he promised us that, And you're going to do exactly 0:10:59.720 --> 0:11:02.000 what you Daddy and I dreamed of. You're going to 0:11:02.080 --> 0:11:04.840 grow up, you're going to go to school, you're going 0:11:04.920 --> 0:11:07.600 to marry Prince Charming. You're going to have the wonderful 0:11:07.640 --> 0:11:10.920 life that we dreamed of when you came into our world. 0:11:11.800 --> 0:11:13.560 And so she just looked at me, and I just thought, 0:11:13.600 --> 0:11:16.280 oh my gosh, I hope I can pull this off. Right. 0:11:16.760 --> 0:11:17.559 Did she buy it? 0:11:18.240 --> 0:11:22.959 She bought it? But I got out of bed every 0:11:23.040 --> 0:11:26.440 day and The one thing I didn't want them to 0:11:26.480 --> 0:11:30.400 do was to forget about their dad, so we would 0:11:30.480 --> 0:11:33.280 tell stories about him all the time and things like that. 0:11:34.240 --> 0:11:37.240 I didn't you know, they knew I was sad, but 0:11:37.280 --> 0:11:39.040 I didn't want to fall apart in front of them. 0:11:39.080 --> 0:11:44.480 My mom had died unexpectedly about forty five days after that, 0:11:45.280 --> 0:11:48.560 and they grew up. My parents were like half a 0:11:48.559 --> 0:11:51.440 mile from my house, so they saw my parents every day. 0:11:52.000 --> 0:11:55.520 Is there. Did you recognize this forty five day thing 0:11:55.679 --> 0:11:57.160 with his father and brother? 0:11:58.040 --> 0:12:00.920 No, actually I didn't until you just because. 0:12:00.720 --> 0:12:02.200 You just said forty five days. 0:12:02.280 --> 0:12:05.199 Now, it was about forty five days when his brother 0:12:05.240 --> 0:12:07.880 and his dad passed away within each other. And then 0:12:07.920 --> 0:12:10.480 it was about that when Johnny and my mom passed away, 0:12:11.040 --> 0:12:15.280 and both everybody, with the exception of his brother, we 0:12:15.320 --> 0:12:19.559 knew his brother was sick. So it was hard on me. 0:12:19.559 --> 0:12:22.840 Like that, are always weird to me, be all weird, 0:12:23.800 --> 0:12:25.440 but go on, sorry, No. 0:12:25.520 --> 0:12:30.440 I just tried really hard not to fall apart in 0:12:30.480 --> 0:12:33.520 front of them. I just felt like they needed to 0:12:33.600 --> 0:12:36.520 know that I was still in charge of everything and 0:12:36.520 --> 0:12:39.520 that everything was going to be fine. So I would 0:12:39.559 --> 0:12:43.000 get them off to school and then basically I would 0:12:43.040 --> 0:12:46.520 give myself fifteen minutes of just falling apart and then 0:12:46.920 --> 0:12:49.719 kind of get your stuff back together and carry on, 0:12:50.120 --> 0:12:56.400 carry on. Yeah, it's difficult to navigate. And like I said, 0:12:56.480 --> 0:12:59.320 you know those small things in that other book that 0:12:59.360 --> 0:13:03.880 I write about, those are the things that help you 0:13:04.000 --> 0:13:08.000 navigate it a little bit better. You know the names 0:13:08.040 --> 0:13:10.480 on both bills, you know those kind of things. 0:13:10.640 --> 0:13:12.959 That's where the how to guide kind of comes into 0:13:13.000 --> 0:13:13.960 that storytelling. 0:13:14.160 --> 0:13:17.560 That's that's how that sort of came about. I was like, okay, well, 0:13:17.559 --> 0:13:20.160 we just people need to know. Yeah, we screwed that 0:13:20.280 --> 0:13:23.680 up pretty well, that's what we do. 0:13:23.880 --> 0:13:27.080 It's so helpful because he nobody wants to think about 0:13:27.120 --> 0:13:30.480 it and then it knocks on your door and you 0:13:30.679 --> 0:13:34.360 just you're not prepared. And I think it's so important 0:13:34.360 --> 0:13:36.640 that you passed along that information. Did you ever think 0:13:36.679 --> 0:13:38.720 you're ever going to get married again? No? 0:13:39.760 --> 0:13:41.800 No, And as a matter of fact, we live in 0:13:41.840 --> 0:13:44.960 a small Virginia Beach is a big city, but. 0:13:44.880 --> 0:13:47.120 We're very familiar with Virginia Beach. 0:13:47.640 --> 0:13:49.920 Yes, my husband is from Virginia Beach and we were 0:13:49.960 --> 0:13:51.680 actually just there about a month ago. 0:13:52.240 --> 0:13:56.280 Oh my gosh. Oh, well, next time you're in town. 0:13:56.440 --> 0:13:59.640 Do you know the restaurant hearth Organs. 0:14:00.880 --> 0:14:02.559 On seventeenth Straight. 0:14:02.480 --> 0:14:04.720 Yep, yep, that's his sister's restaurant. 0:14:05.160 --> 0:14:09.360 No kidding, Oh my gosh, that is great. 0:14:09.240 --> 0:14:14.960 Don Don Caldell. Oh oh and Big Sam's is there. Yeah, 0:14:15.000 --> 0:14:17.840 so yeah, yeah, tell them that we talked. 0:14:18.040 --> 0:14:18.640 That'll be so much. 0:14:18.800 --> 0:14:22.120 We tell them that. Yeah, absolutely, because my husband's in 0:14:22.160 --> 0:14:27.040 the restaurant business. Ah, so yes, we know those restaurants well, 0:14:28.040 --> 0:14:29.560 and that heart is great. 0:14:29.720 --> 0:14:44.280 Actually, did love in chapter two feel different for you 0:14:44.440 --> 0:14:47.840 than your first marriage? Did you approach marriage differently now 0:14:48.720 --> 0:14:51.640 than you had in the past. I mean, you were older, 0:14:51.760 --> 0:14:55.880 so I'm sure there were new feelings, different ways of 0:14:55.880 --> 0:14:58.280 handling things you did. 0:14:58.480 --> 0:15:02.240 I never really thought. I always felt like I had 0:15:02.560 --> 0:15:06.040 a really good marriage with Johnny. We were best of friends, 0:15:06.240 --> 0:15:11.360 we loved being together all the time, and I felt 0:15:11.360 --> 0:15:13.040 like I was ahead of the game. I mean I 0:15:13.120 --> 0:15:16.760 might have lost him young, but I thought, you know, 0:15:16.800 --> 0:15:20.120 most people don't even get a really good marriage, and 0:15:20.240 --> 0:15:22.680 so I just thought, you know, this is God's plans, 0:15:22.760 --> 0:15:27.600 so we're I'll just roll with it. And yeah, marrying 0:15:27.680 --> 0:15:32.760 Boyd was unexpected, completely unexpected. I didn't see it coming 0:15:33.280 --> 0:15:36.200 we'd known each other. He's a good friend of my 0:15:36.400 --> 0:15:40.760 cousin Linwood Branches, and they went to college together. And 0:15:41.680 --> 0:15:46.400 I knew him when I was fifteen. Boyd's old enough 0:15:46.480 --> 0:15:48.400 so that when I was fifteen, he was in college. 0:15:48.720 --> 0:15:51.400 So you know, that's a wide ege. 0:15:51.640 --> 0:15:52.520 How many years is that? 0:15:52.880 --> 0:15:53.160 Nine? 0:15:53.440 --> 0:15:55.200 Eight, six or seven? 0:15:55.640 --> 0:15:56.080 Okay? 0:15:56.360 --> 0:15:59.520 So we kind of paralleled in the city. You know, 0:16:00.040 --> 0:16:02.600 remember when he got married, and you know, this type 0:16:02.640 --> 0:16:07.840 of stuff. When Johnny and I are, when Johnny dies, 0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:13.200 Boyd is actually living across the street from us, And 0:16:13.880 --> 0:16:16.640 I know, is that the craziest thing. It's the funniest, 0:16:16.720 --> 0:16:21.360 it's the it's amazing, it's so god ordered, it's crazy. 0:16:21.440 --> 0:16:25.320 And he had had some problems in his marriage, and 0:16:25.360 --> 0:16:27.920 then they had tried to put it back together. And 0:16:27.960 --> 0:16:31.960 then he'd come over when Johnny died, cut the grass 0:16:32.000 --> 0:16:35.080 for me through the newspaper up via the front porch 0:16:35.120 --> 0:16:36.880 for me. And then the next thing I knew, he'd 0:16:36.880 --> 0:16:39.200 stopped by to say, you know, he's really sorry. He 0:16:39.280 --> 0:16:44.200 knew Johnny, and then he moved. Well, he still was 0:16:44.240 --> 0:16:46.960 in the neighborhood, and I've been paying attention. I was 0:16:47.280 --> 0:16:54.080 up to my eyeblash stuff and probably seven years later, 0:16:54.960 --> 0:17:01.240 I am at the country club that's down here, and 0:17:01.280 --> 0:17:04.080 it was I was I had decided that I was 0:17:04.119 --> 0:17:06.879 going to practice take myself out because I was just like, 0:17:07.000 --> 0:17:08.800 I can't sit in a house by myself. 0:17:09.160 --> 0:17:13.200 Okay, so you took yourself on a date, right, So I. 0:17:13.160 --> 0:17:16.480 Would take myself to this restaurant called Eurasia, and I 0:17:16.480 --> 0:17:18.800 would go by myself. And back then, you didn't have phones, 0:17:18.840 --> 0:17:20.680 so you're not looking at phones. I would actually take 0:17:20.720 --> 0:17:23.520 a book and look ridiculous at a table. 0:17:23.600 --> 0:17:26.359 Now I love when I see people having dinner alone, 0:17:26.359 --> 0:17:28.280 a meal alone and reading a book, you know. 0:17:28.440 --> 0:17:30.760 And so I would have a glass of wine and 0:17:31.359 --> 0:17:33.840 I just said, I've just got to teach myself how 0:17:33.840 --> 0:17:37.840 to do this. And I would do it at the 0:17:37.840 --> 0:17:39.760 club too. But at the club, i'd sit at the 0:17:39.760 --> 0:17:42.359 bar on a Saturday night, have my two glasses of 0:17:42.359 --> 0:17:46.119 wine and dinner. Well, all of a sudden, boyd I 0:17:46.119 --> 0:17:48.640 had noticed that he was sitting at the other end 0:17:48.680 --> 0:17:51.000 of the bar, and he would like, hey, D, how 0:17:51.040 --> 0:17:53.640 are you what's going on? You know, I haven't seen 0:17:53.680 --> 0:17:57.680 you in a long time. And after a while, every 0:17:57.720 --> 0:18:01.160 time I would be there twenty minutes or thirty minutes later, 0:18:01.480 --> 0:18:03.679 Boyd would walk in and he'd slide in at the 0:18:03.720 --> 0:18:07.119 other end of the bar, order martini and some oysters 0:18:07.119 --> 0:18:11.439 on the half shell. And years later, after we're married, 0:18:11.520 --> 0:18:14.879 I said, it was so crazy that you were always 0:18:15.320 --> 0:18:17.960 there whenever I was. And he looked at me and 0:18:17.960 --> 0:18:20.440 he goes, well, that's cause I had paid that bartender 0:18:20.520 --> 0:18:23.280 twenty dollars every time you walked in to text me 0:18:23.440 --> 0:18:25.040 that missus. Oliver had come out. 0:18:25.040 --> 0:18:29.320 Old Voyd, Boyd Floyd Floyd. He had plans. So he 0:18:29.440 --> 0:18:32.120 asked his wife too, I'm assuming or got divorced. They 0:18:32.160 --> 0:18:35.560 got divorced, and then he was he knew what he wanted. 0:18:35.640 --> 0:18:36.199 I love that. 0:18:37.080 --> 0:18:39.920 Yeah, he wasn't planning on ever getting married, he'd said. 0:18:40.600 --> 0:18:45.080 So we kind of dated. I call it table dating, 0:18:45.720 --> 0:18:49.800 where you know, like like your girlfriend says, she says, Hey, 0:18:50.080 --> 0:18:52.200 you know, I'm having a dinner party and if you'd 0:18:52.280 --> 0:18:56.480 like to bring somebody, why don't you. So I would say, hey, 0:18:56.560 --> 0:18:59.080 you know so and says having a dinner party, you know, 0:18:59.200 --> 0:19:01.639 all the people, the guests there, if you'd like to come, 0:19:02.320 --> 0:19:05.399 you know, love to have you, you know, no no 0:19:05.480 --> 0:19:09.040 strengths attached, just it'll be fun to do and then 0:19:09.080 --> 0:19:11.159 he would do the same thing with me. So we 0:19:11.280 --> 0:19:14.200 did that probably, I don't know, eight weeks or so, 0:19:14.800 --> 0:19:17.719 a couple of nights a week, just sort of like 0:19:18.119 --> 0:19:21.760 this platonic kind of you know, so and so is 0:19:22.080 --> 0:19:24.240 going to go do this, you want to come. 0:19:24.560 --> 0:19:27.800 Right, So you started sort of melding into each other's 0:19:27.800 --> 0:19:31.639 lives at that point. Socially, yes, how did your how 0:19:31.640 --> 0:19:36.280 do your daughters feel about accepting Boyd into their lives 0:19:36.400 --> 0:19:38.160 or were they grown and gone at this point? 0:19:38.160 --> 0:19:41.960 You know, they were still they're still in high school now, okay, 0:19:42.880 --> 0:19:46.000 Jackie's in college, and they were pretty good about it. 0:19:46.040 --> 0:19:50.240 Boyd was real sweet, not in there, kind of in 0:19:50.320 --> 0:19:54.200 their personal space. He always sort of took a back 0:19:54.320 --> 0:19:58.640 seat to anything. And I didn't really ever incorporate even 0:19:58.680 --> 0:20:00.919 when I did date other people, well, I never really 0:20:01.040 --> 0:20:04.120 brought them in. It was just sort of, you know, 0:20:04.320 --> 0:20:06.280 I'm going to dinner kind of thing. 0:20:07.000 --> 0:20:08.359 You got to figure it out first. 0:20:08.760 --> 0:20:11.679 Yeah. Yeah, I was just like, there's I'm not expecting 0:20:11.760 --> 0:20:16.800 to make anything permanent, so I'm not really kind of 0:20:16.840 --> 0:20:19.920 weaving them into that type of situation. 0:20:20.640 --> 0:20:26.440 Do you feel like marriage number two is different than. 0:20:26.760 --> 0:20:29.680 Your first marriage? Yeah, in what ways. 0:20:30.040 --> 0:20:35.640 I think that in marriage number one, both people are 0:20:35.720 --> 0:20:38.679 sort of growing up together. And now Johnny and I 0:20:38.760 --> 0:20:41.720 had a large age difference, and he'd been married before, 0:20:41.800 --> 0:20:44.679 so he was sort of a seasoned player at this 0:20:44.840 --> 0:20:48.600 type of thing, where it was I was just starstruck 0:20:48.880 --> 0:20:52.879 and you know, burning dinners and just thinking everything is just, 0:20:53.080 --> 0:20:58.399 you know, every as it should be. Yeah, but yeah, 0:20:58.480 --> 0:21:01.840 I think that since I grew up with Johnny from 0:21:01.880 --> 0:21:04.959 the time I was twenty one until we got married, 0:21:04.960 --> 0:21:08.200 we'd broken I'd called the wedding off at one point, 0:21:08.960 --> 0:21:12.879 and then you you merged that second marriage together. So 0:21:13.000 --> 0:21:15.440 you're bringing two adults who are kind of set in 0:21:15.520 --> 0:21:20.840 their ways and thought patterns and their habits, and then 0:21:21.080 --> 0:21:24.919 two families that come in together. It's different. It's I 0:21:24.960 --> 0:21:27.760 think you have to really not I think you always 0:21:27.800 --> 0:21:30.400 have to work at marriage, but I think that one 0:21:30.800 --> 0:21:37.920 requires a little more elbow grease, a little more intentional thoughts, 0:21:38.000 --> 0:21:42.800 and you have to be a little more I think 0:21:42.800 --> 0:21:46.479 you have to be wise if you want it, if 0:21:46.520 --> 0:21:48.679 you want it to go the distance, there are you know, 0:21:49.520 --> 0:21:52.520 it's there are hurdles to cross, and I think it's 0:21:52.600 --> 0:21:54.440 like that too in a first marriage. Because all of 0:21:54.480 --> 0:21:56.960 a sudden you realize somebody doesn't put the toothpaste on 0:21:57.000 --> 0:21:59.040 the cap, you know, your second marriage, you're like, eh, 0:21:59.160 --> 0:22:01.160 that's usual, right. 0:22:01.680 --> 0:22:07.320 You have more tolerance, probably more awareness for things that 0:22:07.480 --> 0:22:11.400 happen in a twenty four to seven relationship, and then 0:22:11.440 --> 0:22:14.280 you also have like this acceptance of certain things. 0:22:15.600 --> 0:22:16.920 But what about the things like. 0:22:18.680 --> 0:22:23.040 That your second husband did differently than your first husband 0:22:23.160 --> 0:22:24.160 in not a great. 0:22:23.960 --> 0:22:27.840 Way where for you like, ooh, I don't know how. 0:22:29.040 --> 0:22:33.399 He talks to the waiters or whatever it is. You know, like, 0:22:34.040 --> 0:22:36.000 you know, how you get to know somebody like that? 0:22:36.600 --> 0:22:42.879 He boyd is funny, he's he's super kind. I guess 0:22:42.880 --> 0:22:47.000 I have to say I've been extremely blessed. And if 0:22:47.040 --> 0:22:50.280 you probably talk to somebody that knows me, they'll say, 0:22:50.359 --> 0:22:54.840 I don't understand somebody gets two husbands like that. 0:22:55.000 --> 0:23:01.639 Too good guys to really good, genuinely big hearted kind 0:23:02.520 --> 0:23:07.240 you know kind of they walk softly, they're thoughtful, they 0:23:07.400 --> 0:23:08.680 don't speak. 0:23:08.359 --> 0:23:11.600 In haste, and then they're married to me like a firecracker, 0:23:12.160 --> 0:23:18.879 you know, you know, And so it's different because we 0:23:19.200 --> 0:23:22.960 ended up moving into his house out of ours, so 0:23:23.080 --> 0:23:25.720 that was hard for us, and it was especially hard 0:23:26.040 --> 0:23:28.320 for the girls because they loved the house that they 0:23:28.359 --> 0:23:32.919 grew up in, and so there was those adjustments and 0:23:32.960 --> 0:23:35.840 then BOYD, but boyd, it's very thoughtful. He did not 0:23:36.200 --> 0:23:38.800 get in the middle of the girls and I when 0:23:39.040 --> 0:23:39.920 I was parenting. 0:23:40.760 --> 0:23:41.119 That's so. 0:23:41.400 --> 0:23:45.560 I mean, stepdads need to get more credit, especially ones 0:23:45.680 --> 0:23:50.320 that handle it that way because they know their place 0:23:50.640 --> 0:23:55.520