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Speaker 1: Time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if you need

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Speaker 1: advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more. Please

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Speaker 1: submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com and

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Speaker 1: click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your letter

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Speaker 1: live on the air, just like we're gonna read this

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Speaker 1: one right here, right now. Who knows it could be yours?

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Speaker 1: Bugle up and hold on tight. We got it for

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Speaker 1: you here it is. It's a Strawberry Letter subject all

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Speaker 1: of her men are in jail. Dear Stephen Shirley. I'm

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Speaker 1: a single mother of two children, and I had my

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Speaker 1: first child when I was sixteen years old. My oldest

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Speaker 1: daughter is twenty eight years old now and my youngest

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Speaker 1: is twenty six. As my daughters grew up, I had

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Speaker 1: a lot of different men around them before I settled

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Speaker 1: down with the man that was in prison. I made

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Speaker 1: lots of bad choices and did things I regret all

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Speaker 1: For this man. When he was released from jail, I

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Speaker 1: let him move in with us, and he brought the

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Speaker 1: criminal element in my home and show my girls how

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Speaker 1: to hustle and be street smart. I've repented for my

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Speaker 1: mistakes in the past and asked my daughters for forgiveness.

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Speaker 1: I'm happy that my younger daughter is married. She's a

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Speaker 1: great mom and she's a hairstylist. My older daughter is

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Speaker 1: a huge problem though. She fell in with the streets

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Speaker 1: and she ended up being a teen parent like me,

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Speaker 1: and has made all of the mistakes I made at

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Speaker 1: an early age. She sold weed when she was in

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Speaker 1: her early twenties. Even though I provided for her and

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Speaker 1: her child, she just chose to do what she wanted

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Speaker 1: to do. Now she's so called dating three guys in

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Speaker 1: jail and proud of it. Her daughter is eleven, and

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Speaker 1: she takes her to the jail to see her father

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Speaker 1: every month. I can't do anything about that, since it's

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Speaker 1: her dad. When she goes to see the other two

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Speaker 1: men in jail, I've asked her to let me keep

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Speaker 1: my grandchild. The guys are at different jails throughout the states,

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Speaker 1: so she juggles visits and phone calls all day. I

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Speaker 1: don't know how, but all of the men give her money,

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Speaker 1: so she thinks she's got it made. I invited her

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Speaker 1: to church, and I gave her job applications for good

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Speaker 1: paying jobs, but she's not interested. Is there a better

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Speaker 1: way to reach her? Or should I let go and

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Speaker 1: let God? Yeah, a hard letter. This is a hard letter, Steve.

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Speaker 1: And and you ask m she asks should I let

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Speaker 1: go and let God? I mean, that's pretty much all

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Speaker 1: you can do right now is to let go and

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Speaker 1: let God. Because she's a grown woman and you can't

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Speaker 1: make her. You can't force her to do what you

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Speaker 1: used to do um and are not doing anymore. She's

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Speaker 1: not hearing anything that you have to say. Mom. She's

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Speaker 1: seen your life example, even now you've turned your life around,

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Speaker 1: and how your other daughter lives. She's seen all of that,

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Speaker 1: and she still chooses these streets and these prison guys.

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Speaker 1: So I mean to to you, Mom, no matter what

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Speaker 1: we do as parents or good, our children still make

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Speaker 1: their own decisions and choices, and sometimes terrible and in

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Speaker 1: her case terrible. I mean, maybe you can try to

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Speaker 1: save your granddaughter from this life if you can, So,

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Speaker 1: I say, continue to remind your daughter that her child

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Speaker 1: sees everything that she's doing, just like she saw everything

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Speaker 1: you were doing and does she needs to break the cycle,

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Speaker 1: she really does. If you can reason with her at all,

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Speaker 1: maybe she'll hear you at some point and change her

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Speaker 1: life around so her daughter can have a chance and

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Speaker 1: won't follow in her mom's footsteps. At least, you know,

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Speaker 1: stop taking her to prison to see these other men

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Speaker 1: that aren't even her dad's. I mean, that's my suggestion

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Speaker 1: to you. At least continue to try to save your granddaughter. Steve.

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Speaker 1: This is a sad letter man, really is, and it

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Speaker 1: just goes to show you how we can fall into

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Speaker 1: what some people call generational curses. But generational curses do

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Speaker 1: not have to exist. They don't because at one point

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Speaker 1: in time, it's simply as as I'm really simplifying the matter,

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Speaker 1: but it's really that something. It just becomes choices, and

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Speaker 1: everybody has the power of choice. That's when God created

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Speaker 1: us as human beings. We were the one creature that

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Speaker 1: he gave the power of choice to. No other creature

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Speaker 1: has the power of choice. Dogs have to be dogs,

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Speaker 1: Cows have to be cows, Monkeys have to be monkeys.

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Speaker 1: They have to do this a certain way. This is it.

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Speaker 1: There's no choice. They don't get to pick who they

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Speaker 1: mate with. They can't go outside. They species that ain't

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Speaker 1: high this work. We are the only ones who have choice. Now,

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Speaker 1: you made some bad decisions as a young person, Ask

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Speaker 1: half we all ye had the first baby. It's sixteen.

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Speaker 1: You've had two daughters. You you you regret this man

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Speaker 1: that you had a relationship with and he was in

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Speaker 1: jail and you let him move in with you all,

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Speaker 1: and he brought the criminal element to the house, and

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Speaker 1: he showed you girls how to hustle and be street smart.

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Speaker 1: Now you repent it for your mistakes in the past,

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Speaker 1: and you've even asked your daughters for forgiveness. One of

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Speaker 1: your daughters is married hairstylist with the baby. But the

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Speaker 1: oldest one is off the chain, and she's making all

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Speaker 1: the mistakes that you made at an early age, selling weed.

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Speaker 1: She in her twenties, even though you provided for her

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Speaker 1: and the child. But here's the issue. She's dating three

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Speaker 1: guys in jail and proud of it. So her daughter's eleven,

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Speaker 1: takes her to the jail to see her father every month. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I ain't mad at that. I can't do that, but

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Speaker 1: she takes her to visit the other two men in jail.

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Speaker 1: Here's the problem you're creating for this young daughter. You're

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Speaker 1: making this an act of normalcy, and you cannot do

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Speaker 1: that because you're ingraining it in the child that this

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Speaker 1: is who men are, and this is what we do

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Speaker 1: to support them. And mommy, this is your daddy. But

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Speaker 1: these other two men, it's okay to me, And you're

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Speaker 1: making something really really bad for this child normal. That's

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Speaker 1: the part that has to stop. I have more when

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Speaker 1: we come back, all right, Steve. Hang on for part

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Speaker 1: two of Steve's response to the Strawberry letter. All of

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Speaker 1: her men are in jail. We'll get back into it

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Speaker 1: at twenty three minutes after the hour right after this.

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Speaker 1: You're listening show, All right, Come on, Steve, Let's recap

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Speaker 1: today's Strawberry letter. The subject, all her men are in jail. Well,

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Speaker 1: this woman who's made some mistakes as a young person repented.

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Speaker 1: She's had two daughters. One was when she was sixteen,

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Speaker 1: oldest daughters twenty eight. One of the daughters is married,

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Speaker 1: has a job as a heftylers and raising her daughter.

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Speaker 1: The other one is while selling weed in her twenties,

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Speaker 1: and she's dating three men in jail. One of them

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Speaker 1: is the father, and she takes the eleven year old

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Speaker 1: girl to visit her father every month because that's her dad.

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Speaker 1: I got that. But the other men that she had

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Speaker 1: taken them too, is the problem. You're making this child

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Speaker 1: at eleven, which she's old enough to get a little

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Speaker 1: bit of horsepan. She's really old enough to get what's

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Speaker 1: going on here. My mama goes to see my daddy,

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Speaker 1: but my mama also goes to see this other men,

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Speaker 1: and they talk about how they miss each other. The

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Speaker 1: baby got to sit there. When you go to jail

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Speaker 1: for visitation, they don't have playpin for the kids. No,

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Speaker 1: everybody got to go in there and sit across the glass.

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Speaker 1: Everybody got to sit on the other side of that

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Speaker 1: phone or everybody sitting County jail ain't no contact. So

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Speaker 1: I don't think not none I know about. So anyway,

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Speaker 1: you created an act of normalcy for this daughter that's

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Speaker 1: gonna come back to bite you in the worst way

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Speaker 1: because she's at a very impressionable age. Now the guys

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Speaker 1: are in different jails throughout the state, so she juggles

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Speaker 1: the visits and the phone calls all day. Now, the

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Speaker 1: lady in the letter say she don't know how, but

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Speaker 1: all the men give her money. Well, let's think about that.

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Speaker 1: While they in jail, probably for a crime. Eighty percent

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Speaker 1: of people in prison the day or for a non

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Speaker 1: violent drug related offensis that's a fact. So let's just

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Speaker 1: say they sold we too or something else and they

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Speaker 1: got a little money in the stand and they got

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Speaker 1: a boy that can give them money to her because

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Speaker 1: she acted like she down with them while they locked away.

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Speaker 1: She playing the game. That's the street smart that the

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Speaker 1: man that you bought into the house taught her how

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Speaker 1: to do. But she's elevated. Now. You can stop beating

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Speaker 1: yourself up about this because, like Shirley said, and I've

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Speaker 1: said a million times, you can raise your child, but

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Speaker 1: once they're adults, they can go and make any decision

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Speaker 1: they want, and it can go against everything you've tried

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Speaker 1: to teach them as a parent. And for all of

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Speaker 1: you parents who are not at that age yet, I

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Speaker 1: am telling you to buckle up fast in your seatbelt

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Speaker 1: because in parenting, once they get grown, they can make decisions.

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Speaker 1: Now hopefully the decisions they'll be able to recover from,

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Speaker 1: but they gotta make some. As all of us made mistakes.

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Speaker 1: You just hope that your children make the mistakes and

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Speaker 1: stay close enough to your teachings that when they do

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Speaker 1: get it right, they walk back towards the light or

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Speaker 1: you run into this situation and to take them a

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Speaker 1: while to come back to the light over. She's gonna

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Speaker 1: come back to the light just like you did. Because see,

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Speaker 1: something's gonna happen in your life to make you go

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Speaker 1: have to go somewhere and sit down. It happens to

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Speaker 1: us all. Ain't nobody being tricking their whole life without

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Speaker 1: no scar tissue. Ain't nobody getting away in life without

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Speaker 1: no damaged consequences. Ain't no body going through life without

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Speaker 1: getting their own ass bank roll. Please understand, I promise

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Speaker 1: you something is going to happen to sit her ass down.

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Speaker 1: It may be jail, but something gonna happen to get

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Speaker 1: your undivided attention. What we hope is that our children

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Speaker 1: gets the attention before the attention getter becomes the state. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: because when the state come get your attention kind of

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Speaker 1: like the RS. You know, you cannot pay sears, you

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Speaker 1: cannot send visa date money, but that United States Treasury,

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Speaker 1: you guts to pay them people, because if you don't

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Speaker 1: pay them, they come for you. They freeze accounts. See,

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Speaker 1: taxes is like sin. It casts you more than you

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Speaker 1: want to pay, and it makes you stay longer than

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Speaker 1: you want to stay. I've had an account frozen before

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Speaker 1: or they had my attention. Then I got the money

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Speaker 1: and I went out there and pay them. It was

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Speaker 1: thirty days before they unfrozen. Oh, they taught my ass

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Speaker 1: a valuable lesson. Oh they takes their time unfreezing. And

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Speaker 1: I was talking to an r S agent one time.

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Speaker 1: He says, well, it's kind of you know, once you

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Speaker 1: come down there and pay us, it took us so

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Speaker 1: long to get it. We ain't even know, Harry Don Freezy.

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Speaker 1: Just because you paid it Friday, you want it lifted

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Speaker 1: Monday's work. He said, No, that ain't nigh work. It

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Speaker 1: took us. You know how long it took us to

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Speaker 1: get this money from you? He said, So that's it.

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Speaker 1: So it's gonna happen to your daughter. Hate to say this.

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Speaker 1: You've made the right thing by offering a good paying

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Speaker 1: jobs and trying to get her to come to church.

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Speaker 1: She don't want to have nothing to do with it,

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Speaker 1: but life gonna get her attention. Sad to say it.

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Speaker 1: So like you say, just let go and let God period.

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Speaker 1: She can do. Yeah, all right, thank you. Steve. Post

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Speaker 1: your comments on Today's Strawberry Letter at Steve RVFM and

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Speaker 1: Instagram and Facebook. Check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on

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Speaker 1: demand and coming up at forty six minutes after the hour,

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Speaker 1: we'll have some sports talk with Junior right after this.

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Speaker 1: You're listening to show