Speaker 1: How dare you not fulfill me the way I need
Speaker 1: you to the way I want you to? How dare
Speaker 1: you do this to me? You're ruining my life. This
Speaker 1: is what happens. That's why we hate people that are
Speaker 1: exes and ex spouses and boyfriends and girlfriends. What's up, everybody?
Speaker 1: Welcome to the podcast, Episode one seventy nine. Thanks for
Speaker 1: being here with me. I love to do this. It's
Speaker 1: something that it's a it's kind of a release from
Speaker 1: all the other many jobs that I that I do,
Speaker 1: and this is this is the one, probably the one
Speaker 1: job I have that I really get to slow the pace.
Speaker 1: And that's what I love about podcast forms is we
Speaker 1: get to just kind of slow down and have a
Speaker 1: real discussion. These videos are not edited. I don't I
Speaker 1: don't cut them up to make them faster for you.
Speaker 1: So this is the way to hear it, you know,
Speaker 1: A long answer as if me and you were sitting
Speaker 1: around a campfire and just kind of looking into the embers,
Speaker 1: and you know it's getting late at night, got a chair,
Speaker 1: you got you got your boots up on a rock
Speaker 1: listening to the flicker crackle. You just say, hey, man,
Speaker 1: can I ask you a question? Look over. Yeah, what
Speaker 1: you got man, It's just something about life. Something's been
Speaker 1: going on with me and just wondering if we could
Speaker 1: talk about something. And that's really what we do on
Speaker 1: this podcast. Instead of asking me at a campfire, you
Speaker 1: email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. I don't
Speaker 1: have any notes, just like I wouldn't at a campfire.
Speaker 1: I don't have any any quotes or things ready to
Speaker 1: go for you. I'm just gonna say whatever's on my heart,
Speaker 1: and even though it might always not always be right,
Speaker 1: it's what's on my heart. So I appreciate you. Guys.
Speaker 1: If I get angry, if I start sounding angry or excited,
Speaker 1: it's because I love you and I'm very passionate about
Speaker 1: some of these questions, and so I promise you I will.
Speaker 1: I would not read it if I didn't like you,
Speaker 1: if I didn't love you, I wouldn't care, right, So
Speaker 1: it sometimes we get into some tough love. That being said,
Speaker 1: let's go to the first question. Subdecline says need advice.
Speaker 1: Haven't read this. I haven't read any of these. You're
Speaker 1: gonna hear it as I hear it for the first time.
Speaker 1: Here we go. He Ginger my name is Miles. I'm
Speaker 1: twenty nine from Marshfield, Wisconsin. I have dealt with depression
Speaker 1: and anxiety for roughly ten years. I met this amazing
Speaker 1: girl that sparked my soul. I had a really bad
Speaker 1: day Friday night while we were out with her brother
Speaker 1: and sister in law. I overreacted over something so stupid
Speaker 1: and immature. I ended things with her because I didn't
Speaker 1: want to hurt her any more or emotionally. I love
Speaker 1: her so much and I honestly believe and have the
Speaker 1: most faith that she is my person and my soulmate.
Speaker 1: I have never felt this way about a single person
Speaker 1: or thing in my whole life. I want to call
Speaker 1: and text her throughout the day, but I don't want
Speaker 1: to do that until I get mentally better to be
Speaker 1: the best boyfriend, best friend for her that I could be.
Speaker 1: What can I do to help me? And do you
Speaker 1: think that there is any chance she'll give me another
Speaker 1: chance once I'm good? All right? Miles twenty nine, Shout
Speaker 1: out to Wisconsin. Thanks for opening up. This is deep
Speaker 1: on your heart, man, So thank you for opening up
Speaker 1: on something that you have dealt with for ten years. Really,
Speaker 1: so let's dive into it. Okay, I'm I'm gonna pick
Speaker 1: apart your email. This is what I'm gonna do the
Speaker 1: whole podcast. I'm gonna pick apart. I'm gonna use your
Speaker 1: words because that's all I have. I don't have your
Speaker 1: eyes or your body language. I just have what you wrote.
Speaker 1: I'm going to use your words down to the letter. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's all I got on this podcast. So I'm going
Speaker 1: to quickly recap. You have struggled with depression, and you
Speaker 1: fell in love. You had a bad night Friday, and
Speaker 1: you were also in public in front of her brother,
Speaker 1: which is embarrassing and sister in law, which probably deeply
Speaker 1: hurts her because it wasn't just a private mess up. Right.
Speaker 1: You overreacted, You acted immature, and you broke up with
Speaker 1: her all in this one big spill of anger. Right then,
Speaker 1: you say you love her so much. You believe she
Speaker 1: is your person and your soulmate. You've never felt this
Speaker 1: way about any person in your whole entire life, and
Speaker 1: you want to call her and text her throughout the day,
Speaker 1: but you're holding back because you don't want to do
Speaker 1: that until you get better, because you don't want to
Speaker 1: mess up again and say something that you regret right.
Speaker 1: You want to be the best boyfriend, best friend that
Speaker 1: you could be for her. Okay, so that's the recap.
Speaker 1: Let's dive in. The First thing I want to get
Speaker 1: to you is I'm dealing with your words here. The
Speaker 1: first thing I want to go after is this one
Speaker 1: sentence in the middle that says this, I love her
Speaker 1: so much and I honestly believe and have the most
Speaker 1: faith that she is my person and my soulmate. Never
Speaker 1: felt this way about any single person in my whole life. Okay,
Speaker 1: these are This is language of someone that is desperate
Speaker 1: and in a fog. I'm about to burst some bubbles
Speaker 1: on this podcast right now, but I'm going to tell
Speaker 1: you something, y'all. You don't have a person or a soulmate.
Speaker 1: That is an ancient pagan idea that you're so gets
Speaker 1: bonded with another and you have to cut it down
Speaker 1: the middle to break it apart because you are mated
Speaker 1: with a soul one soul mates with another, becomes one.
Speaker 1: This is just a myth. It's just an old human myth,
Speaker 1: an old ancient idea that just means nothing. It's not true.
Speaker 1: You don't have a soulmate. You don't have a person
Speaker 1: you could be you could be compatible with many others.
Speaker 1: And this is why is this a problem. This is
Speaker 1: a problem because when you go into it thinking that
Speaker 1: you have one person, one soulmate, then you latch on.
Speaker 1: Like you said, I've never felt this way about a
Speaker 1: single person or thing my whole life. You are idolizing
Speaker 1: this person. This person is a God that you are worshiping.
Speaker 1: You say, I have never felt this way about a
Speaker 1: person or thing in my life. This person, I have
Speaker 1: the most faith, interesting word faith that this is my
Speaker 1: person in my soul mate. These are feelings that you're having.
Speaker 1: And the problem that it creates is that when you
Speaker 1: feel this way and you feel like you need to
Speaker 1: worship this idle person, and hey, you might think that
Speaker 1: I'm using crazy language here, like I'm granger, You're going
Speaker 1: too far, You're exaggerating, Granger, Am I am I exaggerating
Speaker 1: when I say this person has become a God that
Speaker 1: you're now worshiping. Would that be an exaggeration if I
Speaker 1: told you if I repeated your sentence and said, this person,
Speaker 1: I have the most faith that this is my person,
Speaker 1: my soulmate. I've never felt this way about a single
Speaker 1: person or thing that sounds like worship to me. The
Speaker 1: problem is this is a feeling and love needs to
Speaker 1: be an action that we decide. Love has to be
Speaker 1: something that we cannot define on our own. We don't
Speaker 1: get to decide what love is. Love is outside of us.
Speaker 1: It is. It is not subjective to what we get
Speaker 1: to think that it is. So if love is outside
Speaker 1: of who we are, it doesn't manifest itself in us.
Speaker 1: If love is outside of us and it's in its
Speaker 1: objective truth, then we don't get to define it, but
Speaker 1: we could decide when we want to put that kind
Speaker 1: of action into another person, Grandeur, what are you talking about.
Speaker 1: Love is an action, Love is a verb. Love. Love
Speaker 1: is self less. Love is not something that you need
Speaker 1: for yourself to make yourself feel better. That is not love.
Speaker 1: That is the way you have defined it. This is
Speaker 1: a major problem right now in our culture because we
Speaker 1: are constantly defining love and replacing that for some kind
Speaker 1: of infatuation or fulfillment of a need that we have
Speaker 1: that we want. We want something to fulfill us, to
Speaker 1: make us happy, to feel avoid that we have inside
Speaker 1: of us, to cure us, to make us feel good,
Speaker 1: to make us feel happy. I want this person. I
Speaker 1: have felt in my heart and my soul and my
Speaker 1: faith that this is my soulmate and my person and
Speaker 1: they're gonna fulfill me. And I need that person to
Speaker 1: fill me. And when they don't do it, because it
Speaker 1: will happen one day, this girl won't be able to
Speaker 1: do it anymore, and you will blame her for that.
Speaker 1: How dare you? How dare you my soulmate? How dare
Speaker 1: you not fulfill me the way I need you to
Speaker 1: the way I want you to? How dare you do
Speaker 1: this to me? You're ruining my life. This is what happens.
Speaker 1: That's why we hate people that are exes and ex
Speaker 1: spouses and boyfriends and girlfriends. I hate you because how
Speaker 1: dare you, my soulmate of the universe? How dare you
Speaker 1: cut yourself off from my soul and treat me like this?
Speaker 1: You belong to me? Right. That's as crazy as this gets,
Speaker 1: and we all fall into it as humans. So we
Speaker 1: have to fight against that and say no. No. Love
Speaker 1: is a decision and it's a selfless act. I love you.
Speaker 1: I want to pour into you. I want to serve you,
Speaker 1: regardless of me. Me, me, me me, what I want what
Speaker 1: I need. I'm choosing to love you in a selfless way.
Speaker 1: Right So that's the beginning of this conversation. That's how
Speaker 1: this whole thing starts, is establishing the objective truth about
Speaker 1: how you feel about her, because if you feel this
Speaker 1: way about her, that she's your soulmate, then you have
Speaker 1: other things you have to deal with right now and
Speaker 1: you need to cut her your idol, out of your life.
Speaker 1: It's a good thing that you're not with her right now.
Speaker 1: This is a good thing. You don't need to be
Speaker 1: with this girl because you're worshiping her and partly you're
Speaker 1: saying this kind of language, partly because you're just missing
Speaker 1: her and your heart broken and you have heartbroken goggles
Speaker 1: on and you're seeing through heartache and you're going, oh, man,
Speaker 1: I messed up. I'm god to see. I've dealt with depression.
Speaker 1: I've I've had depression for ten years and that's the problem.
Speaker 1: It's and so that's the reason is I was at
Speaker 1: dinner and because i've I've suffered from depression, and you know,
Speaker 1: that's why I said some things that then I regret
Speaker 1: that I made sure I broke up with her, because
Speaker 1: I honestly, you know, I just I didn't want her
Speaker 1: to hurt anymore emotionally, so I cut her off, you know.
Speaker 1: But now I'm feeling like maybe I made a mistake
Speaker 1: and I want to call her, but of course I
Speaker 1: don't call her because I want to protect her from me,
Speaker 1: because I'm crazy. And then, you know, but hey, granger,
Speaker 1: what can you do to help me? You know, so
Speaker 1: I can make myself better? Because me, me, me, me,
Speaker 1: me me me me, I want, I need me. That's
Speaker 1: your story and it's it's my story, and it's everyone listening.
Speaker 1: This is this is the epidemic of humanity. This is
Speaker 1: the fallen nature of man. We just the truth is,
Speaker 1: we just want to please ourselves. We want we just
Speaker 1: want to please ourselves. You can test this easily by
Speaker 1: tracking yourself through the day. You want to you want
Speaker 1: to eat the meal that pleases you. You want to
Speaker 1: sleep according to how it pleases you. You want to
Speaker 1: wear clothes according to how they please you. You want things.
Speaker 1: So we have to fight against that feeling. We have
Speaker 1: to fight against the flesh and say, I I'm messed
Speaker 1: up again. Nah, it's the flesh again, that's me being
Speaker 1: selfish again. I gotta stop this I have to consciously
Speaker 1: make efforts to stop this and make a decision to love,
Speaker 1: a decision to serve, to pour in, to be self less,
Speaker 1: to stop thinking about myself again. This is a daily thing.
Speaker 1: With practice, we can get better at it, but ultimately
Speaker 1: it never leaves. It's fallen creatures on this planet that
Speaker 1: this just never leaves. I mean, look around, this is
Speaker 1: what we do. This is what we've always done, is humans.
Speaker 1: So Miles, fight it. You don't need to be with
Speaker 1: this girl or any girl right now, you say, here's
Speaker 1: your last sentence. What can I do to help me?
Speaker 1: Do you think there's any chance she will give me
Speaker 1: a chance? Once I'm good, stop thinking about you all
Speaker 1: the time, Miles, and things will start to get better.
Speaker 1: Let's move on here. Subject line in this next one
Speaker 1: says question, Hey Grandeur, my name is Aaron. I'm twenty
Speaker 1: five old from Central Iowa. I used to party all
Speaker 1: the time from nineteen to twenty five. Recently I found
Speaker 1: your podcast, and it seems like God put the podcast
Speaker 1: on my recommended list so that I could hear what
Speaker 1: I need to hear. I've been listening to your podcast
Speaker 1: a lot, and it's been really speaking to me. Because
Speaker 1: of your love and faith for God. I've dove right
Speaker 1: back into the word I always thought God left me.
Speaker 1: I had a falling out with my former church after
Speaker 1: graduating at eighteen? How should I go about finding a
Speaker 1: new church? Thank you, Grangeer, Thanks for what you're doing.
Speaker 1: Erin all right, Erin, I appreciate you, brother. Thanks for
Speaker 1: emailing your twenty five shout out to Central Iowa. Love Iowa,
Speaker 1: and you've been You've been partying from nineteen to twenty five.
Speaker 1: Understandable you and ninety nine percent of other people at
Speaker 1: your age. I get it. I love that you found
Speaker 1: the podcast. I love that you're listening. Welcome in. Let's
Speaker 1: get started right. Your main question here looks to be you. Well,
Speaker 1: first of all, you you always thought God left you? Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't think I need to dive into that.
Speaker 1: We understand that you had a falling out with your
Speaker 1: former church. I have questions about this, like why My
Speaker 1: first question is that I actually, if I was with
Speaker 1: you and we're sitting around a campfire, I'd say, Aaron,
Speaker 1: tell me about this falling out with the church. Because
Speaker 1: what Here's what you're saying when you put these two
Speaker 1: things together, you're you had a falling out with the
Speaker 1: church and then you partied for six years hard. So
Speaker 1: my point is we can't really look at the church
Speaker 1: here and go they were wrong while I was partying,
Speaker 1: so I would that would be my first thought is well,
Speaker 1: now that you look back in hindsight, was the church
Speaker 1: wrong or were you wrong? Okay, So there's that. So
Speaker 1: then the second question is how do you find a
Speaker 1: new church assuming that the old church you ain't going back?
Speaker 1: And man, that's a great question and it's not an
Speaker 1: easy answer because it takes a lot of growth, It
Speaker 1: takes a lot of maturity, it takes a lot of
Speaker 1: it takes a lot of prayer, it takes a lot
Speaker 1: of reading the Bible, it takes a lot of studying.
Speaker 1: So not to find a church, None of that matters
Speaker 1: to find a church, but it takes a lot of
Speaker 1: that to understand a good church, a good life giving church.
Speaker 1: And so sometimes we have to study and study and
Speaker 1: read and pray and walk in the spirit more and
Speaker 1: more to start our eyes start opening up around us
Speaker 1: and we start to see things in a different light,
Speaker 1: including churches, including people. But it's not something that should
Speaker 1: hinder you from getting into a church today, you would
Speaker 1: never say, for instance, I'm gonna I'm gonna hold off
Speaker 1: on this whole church finding thing for a few years
Speaker 1: until i get more mature in my faith. Then I'm
Speaker 1: gonna go. Then I'll be ready to find a church.
Speaker 1: No no, no no, no, no, You're gonna do that now,
Speaker 1: and you're gonna grow along with the church. And if
Speaker 1: you grow apart from the church because you're spiritually mature
Speaker 1: in a different area, and maybe that church isn't isn't
Speaker 1: biblically sound in the way that you need it to No, no, no,
Speaker 1: not the way you need it the biblically sound in
Speaker 1: the way that it should be according to the biblical
Speaker 1: truth of the Bible. Then you'll see that your eyes
Speaker 1: will be opened to it as it goes down in
Speaker 1: real time. So what so what do I do, Granger?
Speaker 1: You're not answering. Okay, Well, here's the practical way. I
Speaker 1: would try churches. Try it out. You're if you were
Speaker 1: going to go to you would say, hey, man, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna start working out. I really want to start getting
Speaker 1: into fitness. And the goal is not just to get
Speaker 1: into good shape. Actually, actually my goal is to actually
Speaker 1: get into bodybuilding at a highly competitive level. I say
Speaker 1: that analogy because you want to grow as a Christian
Speaker 1: to a highly astute level. That's what you want. You
Speaker 1: want to be walking in the faith and total obedience
Speaker 1: to our Savior. So you're gonna I'm using the analogy
Speaker 1: of the gym saying you want to be a bodybuilder.
Speaker 1: So if you're starting now and you're not in shape,
Speaker 1: you're not a bodybuilder by any means. In fact, you're
Speaker 1: not even a weightlifter at all, but that's where you
Speaker 1: want go. Then you're gonna start trying out gems, and
Speaker 1: you're gonna walk into the gym and you're gonna look
Speaker 1: around and go, Okay, this is This has got the weights,
Speaker 1: it's got the rubber floor, it's got the mirrors. But
Speaker 1: don't I don't think there's growth here for me. I
Speaker 1: don't think that I could learn more than just minimal weightlifting.
Speaker 1: And you go to another church and you go, well,
Speaker 1: this one, this one's got all CrossFit stuff. It doesn't
Speaker 1: have any weights in it, just just CrossFit. But that's
Speaker 1: kind of a nice way to learn this aspect of
Speaker 1: it and to grow my core strength. And you go
Speaker 1: to another one and then you try this one out,
Speaker 1: and this one's got a lot more stuff. It's huge,
Speaker 1: it's massive. There's massive amounts of people coming in and out.
Speaker 1: They've got every kind of waight equipment that you could
Speaker 1: possibly imagine. There's a lot of bodybuilders in there, but
Speaker 1: there's so many in there that there might not be
Speaker 1: enough to actually help you grow because they're so busy
Speaker 1: and there's so many of them. So then you go
Speaker 1: to another church, excuse me. Then you go to another
Speaker 1: gym and you walk in here, and then this one
Speaker 1: it's like the Goldilocks gym, right. This one is not
Speaker 1: too big, not too small. It has a good variety
Speaker 1: of equipment, and it has bodybuilders in here that are
Speaker 1: ready to teach, that are ready to show you how
Speaker 1: to grow from where you are now to a professional level.
Speaker 1: And you can grow as big as you want in
Speaker 1: this Goldilocks gym. No different than looking for a church.
Speaker 1: Get out there, take a break, gear it back all right, guys,
Speaker 1: back to the questions here. If you have anything for me,
Speaker 1: email me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com and we'll
Speaker 1: put it into the queue. I have a couple things
Speaker 1: that I like to ask. Please don't send the same
Speaker 1: email twice, and please don't send one much longer than
Speaker 1: like a phone length, because then it's hard to scroll
Speaker 1: and read and keep the context on the podcast itself. Okay,
Speaker 1: So diving in here to the next question. Subjectline says,
Speaker 1: please please read me. Can you love someone you hate? Hey, there,
Speaker 1: Granger Smith. My name is Savannah. I live in Omaha, Nebraska.
Speaker 1: I was with my ex for five years, and during
Speaker 1: that time we were married for four months. The first
Speaker 1: time he left me was the day before Christmas even
Speaker 1: twenty eighteen. He refused to work things out, he avoided
Speaker 1: me all together. Nine months later we got back together.
Speaker 1: We were divorced by this time. We immediately got pregnant
Speaker 1: and now we have a beautiful two month old daughter.
Speaker 1: My ex left us again, abruptly, leaving us with nothing,
Speaker 1: and this time he actually moved out of the state
Speaker 1: and is now living with a new girl. Granger. I
Speaker 1: have forgiven him time and time again, especially because we
Speaker 1: have a daughter, because the Lord tells us in the
Speaker 1: Bible to forgive seventy two times. But I'm struggling, really,
Speaker 1: I'm struggling forgiving him because of all this hurtful, hateful
Speaker 1: things he has done to me, but not only to me,
Speaker 1: our daughter. I have nothing but hate resentment for him.
Speaker 1: I hate him. I know hate is such a strong word,
Speaker 1: but I don't know how to feel any differently. Since
Speaker 1: he left, I feel like I have been surviving and
Speaker 1: not truly living. Let me read that again. Since he left,
Speaker 1: I feel like I've only been surviving and not truly living.
Speaker 1: I am hurt. I wo rather than trying to work
Speaker 1: things out with his family, he would rather live with
Speaker 1: another girl. I grew up without a dad who did
Speaker 1: the same thing. I feel worthless knowing my daughter is
Speaker 1: going to go through the same thing I did. I
Speaker 1: don't know how to forgive him. How could I learn
Speaker 1: to love him as my daughter's dad even though I
Speaker 1: hate him? Best regards, Savannah, Savannah, thank you. This is
Speaker 1: such a good email because you did not hold back.
Speaker 1: You didn't sugarcoat anything. You didn't try to make yourself
Speaker 1: seem better than you are or more mature than you are,
Speaker 1: or try to make it sound nice for the podcast.
Speaker 1: You just laid out your emotions, very vulnerable, and I'm
Speaker 1: just I have so much spect and I just want
Speaker 1: to honor you before I start. I just want to
Speaker 1: honor you for just being honest. Because we don't have
Speaker 1: to always live in a good place. Sometimes we have
Speaker 1: to embrace the suck. We have to embrace sometimes that,
Speaker 1: you know what, this is a tough time. This is
Speaker 1: a really rough time right now in my life. I'm
Speaker 1: not enjoying it very much at all, this season that
Speaker 1: I'm in, and just sometimes just saying that and realizing,
Speaker 1: you know what, it's okay. It's okay. No one's trying
Speaker 1: to blow butterflies all over you and just say no rainbows, butterflies, bubbles.
Speaker 1: Just be happy, smile and be happy, enjoy life. No
Speaker 1: one needs to tell you that. Sometimes you can go,
Speaker 1: you know what, if someone says, how you doing, Savanna,
Speaker 1: how you doing, you go, you know what, life kind
Speaker 1: of sucks right now. Do you know what? That's okay?
Speaker 1: I surely don't mind it. And I appreciate your honesty.
Speaker 1: Let's dive in specifically to kind of to kind of
Speaker 1: the bottom line of what you're asking really through all this,
Speaker 1: and I'll also acknowledge that you have every right to
Speaker 1: feel hurt, to feel betrayed, every right. Your question really
Speaker 1: comes down to this, how can I learn to love him?
Speaker 1: The ex as my daughter's dad, even though I hate him.
Speaker 1: That's your question. So you know me, I'm gonna you
Speaker 1: reference the Bible, and that's where I'm gonna go, because
Speaker 1: when it comes to something like this, that's this. I
Speaker 1: don't have any other way to go. I don't have
Speaker 1: a psychology degree. I'm not a sociologist or a therapist
Speaker 1: or a counselor. I'm just a friend. Let's first of all,
Speaker 1: think about I think about this a lot. I've thought
Speaker 1: about it a lot in songwriting. What is the opposite
Speaker 1: of love? I lay it out there. What is the
Speaker 1: opposite of love? It's not hate. It is not hate.
Speaker 1: Hate is a close brother, a close sibling of love.
Speaker 1: It takes a lot of passion directed at someone to love.
Speaker 1: And like I said earlier, we make a decision to love.
Speaker 1: We consciously, we feel something, we're driven, we're driven by
Speaker 1: a feeling. But ultimately we decide to commit to loving someone.
Speaker 1: Then it takes a lot of effort, a lot of commitment,
Speaker 1: a lot of passion, a lot of feeling in a
Speaker 1: lot of direction. I hate same same thing. It takes
Speaker 1: a lot of feeling, a lot of passion. We were
Speaker 1: directed we it's spurred by a gut feeling, but then
Speaker 1: we ultimately decide yes, I hate you. I hate you.
Speaker 1: I am focusing my energy on you because I hate you,
Speaker 1: just like you would say, I'm focusing my energy on
Speaker 1: you because I love you. Same thing. They're close brothers,
Speaker 1: the opposite of love in fact, and the close brother hate.
Speaker 1: They both have the same opposite hate and love, same
Speaker 1: opposite in difference in difference. I don't care at all.
Speaker 1: I don't care. It means nothing to me. You, my ex, you,
Speaker 1: I don't care. Do what you want, Do what you want,
Speaker 1: go sleep with through who you want, call when you want.
Speaker 1: I don't know. Sorry, I just don't care at all.
Speaker 1: I did, in fact, I didn't even think about it
Speaker 1: most of the days. I just forget about it. What's
Speaker 1: your name again, I don't know, doesn't even matter. That's
Speaker 1: total indifference that works. It's the opposite of hate. It's
Speaker 1: the opposite of love. Isn't that interesting, right? Hate and
Speaker 1: love so close. No one is indifferent to themselves, or
Speaker 1: to their ex, or to the current husband or wife.
Speaker 1: That is far fetched. What you want is to be
Speaker 1: indifferent to your ex. That's what you want. You want
Speaker 1: to be able to say, you know what, it's okay,
Speaker 1: do your thing, big boy. Me and my daughter are fine.
Speaker 1: You do your thing, you do you and we'll do
Speaker 1: what we do. It doesn't bother me. That's that's kind
Speaker 1: of where you want to go. It's very difficult to
Speaker 1: get there, but I just want to acknowledge that you're
Speaker 1: you are not doing the opposite of loving him, because
Speaker 1: that was your question, How can I learn to love
Speaker 1: him even though I hate him? I wrote a song
Speaker 1: about this called hate You like I Love You, and
Speaker 1: it's the song. The song is actually exactly your your story.
Speaker 1: This scenario is I'm just trying to hate you like
Speaker 1: I love you, meaning as much as I'm pouring into
Speaker 1: you with this love, you know, I just want to
Speaker 1: hate you that way. And the truth is the residual
Speaker 1: left over from your love for him is what's causing
Speaker 1: this all this energy of hate. So what do you
Speaker 1: do where you go from there? Like you said, the
Speaker 1: Bible says, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive. First of all,
Speaker 1: you realize his fallen nature. He is a fallen creature,
Speaker 1: so are you. Even though he's done terrible things on
Speaker 1: the surface, in God's eyes, you're no better. You haven't
Speaker 1: done things, works, deeds, effort, you haven't done anything more
Speaker 1: than him to raise your your standing with God. We
Speaker 1: are all fallen and broken. Jesus says, you hate someone
Speaker 1: with your heart, you're murdering them. Guilty. I'm guilty. You're guilty.
Speaker 1: You're guilty of murder. That's how that's how serious God
Speaker 1: takes hate. It's it's as serious as murder. I'm not
Speaker 1: calling you out. I'm saying I'm with you. I have
Speaker 1: felt that, I felt that feeling. I am guilty of murder.
Speaker 1: I'm convicted. So what do we do with this lying, thieving, murderous, blasphemous,
Speaker 1: adulterous generation that we are. What do we do with this?
Speaker 1: We realize that we have been redeemed. We realize that
Speaker 1: we have been restored. We've been adopted as sons and daughters.
Speaker 1: You have a father that left you on earth. You
Speaker 1: have a heavenly father that will not leave you. He
Speaker 1: has adopted you all in the kingdom of His is
Speaker 1: now yours. He's giving it to you. It's a gift.
Speaker 1: He gives good gifts. He cares. He also disciplines because
Speaker 1: he loves in only a way to create good for you,
Speaker 1: because he has good plans for you. Now, you might
Speaker 1: not see it on this earth. That's what's hard to understand.
Speaker 1: You might not get it in some kind of prosperity way.
Speaker 1: Your bank account doesn't just start growing, and you know,
Speaker 1: Prince Charming doesn't just ride in on a white horse
Speaker 1: and sweep you up your feet and you forget all this.
Speaker 1: But he provides in a way that we just can't
Speaker 1: quite understand. But we trust him anyway. You're redeemed, you're adopted,
Speaker 1: You're ransomed. That's what he promises you. He promises to
Speaker 1: heal you. Jesus died on the cross, taking on the
Speaker 1: sins of the world so that his people could be redeemed.
Speaker 1: That price is paid, the fine that you cause from
Speaker 1: your hate and your heart and mind. The sentence for
Speaker 1: that is death. The Bible says, the wages of sin
Speaker 1: is death, meaning you have hated in our hearts, we've lied, stolen.
Speaker 1: The wages of that is death. So he comes in,
Speaker 1: Jesus comes in on the cross, the blood of the lamb,
Speaker 1: and that price pays for your bail. You're now free.
Speaker 1: So what do you do with this freedom? What do
Speaker 1: you do you turn around to the person that did
Speaker 1: that for you and you say, thank you. I will
Speaker 1: serve you. He says, you know how you serve me?
Speaker 1: Keeping my word? You say, how do I keep your word?
Speaker 1: He says, feed my sheep, serve my people. The only
Speaker 1: way you can get over this hate with your husband,
Speaker 1: the only way you could battle it. The only way
Speaker 1: you could counteract hate is with gratitude. Where does gratitude
Speaker 1: come from? Knowing that you are fallen, You are broken,
Speaker 1: you are redeemed and adopted and forgiven and ransomed by
Speaker 1: the blood of Christ. If you could realize how bad
Speaker 1: you are, Savannah, If you could stop thinking about how
Speaker 1: bad your ex husband is and realize how bad you
Speaker 1: are the crimes that you have committed. If you could
Speaker 1: realize that and then realize no to knowing that your
Speaker 1: price has been paid, the ransom has come, you are free.
Speaker 1: You are free when you realize that. It's the gratitude
Speaker 1: that wells up in your heart and overflows, and when
Speaker 1: it overflows, the outpouring of that gratitude his love. It
Speaker 1: is seeing people for who they are, people in desperate
Speaker 1: need of a savior, and so you serve them, You
Speaker 1: clothe them, you visit them in prison, you help them
Speaker 1: in their need, you feed them. You outpour too. And
Speaker 1: for some reason, when you do that, because of the
Speaker 1: gratitude that's flowing from you, Because of that, when you
Speaker 1: take that energy and you go and you start serving others,
Speaker 1: for some reason, there's a healing in that, and you
Speaker 1: start healing inside. It starts, it starts healing itself from
Speaker 1: the inside out. The inward change. You need a new heart.
Speaker 1: You don't need attack are a strategy on how to forgive,
Speaker 1: how to not hate someone. This guy's done terrible things
Speaker 1: to you. I can't tell you a list of seven
Speaker 1: things to help you not hate him anymore. You need
Speaker 1: a new heart. You need an inward change, an inward
Speaker 1: transformation that goes from hate. It's gratitude, knowing that you
Speaker 1: deserve to be hated, but instead you're loved. Jesus says,
Speaker 1: what it's so easy to love someone that loves you.
Speaker 1: That's easy, Jesus says, what's hard is to love someone
Speaker 1: that hates you. That's why it says love your enemies.
Speaker 1: That's hard. To love your enemies. It's easy. To love
Speaker 1: your mama, she loves you. That's easy. Who doesn't. Can
Speaker 1: you love someone that hates you? Sometimes you got to
Speaker 1: preach this into your heart from your mind. You got
Speaker 1: to preach it into your heart from your mind to
Speaker 1: say these kind of things, this kind of language. I
Speaker 1: am fallen, I am broken. I have messed up, I
Speaker 1: have hated. But despite all of that, I'm loved. I've
Speaker 1: brought into a family, Our heavenly father has brought me
Speaker 1: into his family as an adopted daughter. What am I
Speaker 1: gonna do with this information? Someone that was just that
Speaker 1: was without hope now has hope. What am I going
Speaker 1: to do with this? I'm so grateful. So you preach
Speaker 1: that into your heart and you said, I know that
Speaker 1: this guy, this actually he's done some terrible things, but
Speaker 1: I forgive him, and your gut goes, no, I don't,
Speaker 1: and you go, yeah, I do. I forgive him, And
Speaker 1: you preach it into your heart day after day, and
Speaker 1: you see that your daughter sees you do this, You
Speaker 1: act it out. You you play this out in front
Speaker 1: of your daughter. Maybe that's something you mom didn't get
Speaker 1: to do, So you play it out in front of
Speaker 1: your daughter over and over and over. You are the
Speaker 1: one in needing of healing. You are the one that
Speaker 1: needs to be set free, not him. Everything will change.
Speaker 1: Next question subject Lilne says new school. Hey, thanks for
Speaker 1: your time. I love your podcast. I'm a senior in
Speaker 1: high school and I just moved schools. I don't really
Speaker 1: know anyone here, but there's this girl in my class
Speaker 1: and I think she's beautiful and I really like her.
Speaker 1: I've never been in any kind of relationship, and I
Speaker 1: don't think I would ever be able to build up
Speaker 1: the nerve to talk to her. Like I said, I'm
Speaker 1: new in school and I would just feel weird being
Speaker 1: the new kid going up and asking this girl out.
Speaker 1: What advice would you give me? Thanks agetting Blake, Hey Blake,
Speaker 1: I appreciate you. Brother. Senior in high school. If only
Speaker 1: we could all have that chance again to be a
Speaker 1: senior buddy. It's difficult to go to a new school,
Speaker 1: isn't it, especially your senior year. Man, this is I'm
Speaker 1: sure there's not something you signed up for, and it's hard,
Speaker 1: new school, new faces, no friends you could trust. And
Speaker 1: then to add to all this versus girl and she's
Speaker 1: really cute and you want to talk to her, but
Speaker 1: you're the new guy. You don't think you have enough
Speaker 1: nerve to ask her. So let's dive into this question.
Speaker 1: The first thing I would say, say we're sitting around
Speaker 1: a campfire talking about this. First thing I would say
Speaker 1: is you need a buddy, You need a friend. How
Speaker 1: do you get a friend? Well, I would start with
Speaker 1: things that you're interested in. Pursue that. So you like chess,
Speaker 1: find the chess team and join it. You like student council,
Speaker 1: join it. You like ball, go get on the team.
Speaker 1: You like baseball, track, you like drama, you like choir,
Speaker 1: you like band. Find something that interests you. Shop could
Speaker 1: be golf, whatever. There's always a group for every kind
Speaker 1: of person. Get into the group and dive into the
Speaker 1: group and find someone that you could have a conversation with. Hey,
Speaker 1: my name is Blake, I'm new here. I love shop.
Speaker 1: So the guys like, yeah, me too. The other guys like,
Speaker 1: in fact, I moved here four years ago and immediately
Speaker 1: joined shop. And you're like, yeah, I was in shop
Speaker 1: in my last school and I don't know anything about
Speaker 1: this school. Can you help me out? And he's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: what do you need to know? I could tell you
Speaker 1: the ins and outs of this school. Do this for
Speaker 1: a little bit. Several conversations. Later, you go, hey, there's
Speaker 1: this girl and he's like, oh, you're talking about her? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you like her. And you're like, yeah, I think she
Speaker 1: is beautiful. I just don't I don't know what to
Speaker 1: say to her. And he's like, man, I actually i've
Speaker 1: known her since we were in elementary school and she's
Speaker 1: actually a super sweet girl. She likes chocolate milkshakes. I
Speaker 1: happen to know that. You know, maybe one day you
Speaker 1: just ask her if she wants to have a chocolate milkshake. See,
Speaker 1: these are little pieces of advice that you can get
Speaker 1: from a friend like this. Once you have a friend
Speaker 1: then and then you have a solid foundation. So then
Speaker 1: you talk to the girl, she rejects you. You go
Speaker 1: back to the guy and you go, man, she rejected me.
Speaker 1: And he's like, well, man, you don't need her anyway,
Speaker 1: but there is another girl that maybe we could. You know,
Speaker 1: it just creates this camaraderie that we need in a
Speaker 1: new school like this. So before going out on the
Speaker 1: limb and trying to talk to this girl, build your
Speaker 1: build your support group up. You're gonna need this support
Speaker 1: group whether or not she likes you or not. You're
Speaker 1: gonna need some buddies. Good email buddy, Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1: I appreciate you brother, all you guys, I appreciate you
Speaker 1: emailing and your questions mean so much to me. So
Speaker 1: does this podcast. As always, we'll see you back next Monday. Gege,
Speaker 1: thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate
Speaker 1: all of you guys. You could help me out by
Speaker 1: rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe
Speaker 1: to this channel. Hit that little like button and the
Speaker 1: notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload
Speaker 1: a video. If you have a question for me that
Speaker 1: you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com yig