WEBVTT - #179 Why Do We Hate Our Ex's? 0:00:00.360 --> 0:00:03.640 How dare you not fulfill me the way I need 0:00:03.680 --> 0:00:08.080 you to the way I want you to? How dare 0:00:08.119 --> 0:00:11.560 you do this to me? You're ruining my life. This 0:00:11.640 --> 0:00:16.560 is what happens. That's why we hate people that are 0:00:16.560 --> 0:00:33.680 exes and ex spouses and boyfriends and girlfriends. What's up, everybody? 0:00:33.760 --> 0:00:36.920 Welcome to the podcast, Episode one seventy nine. Thanks for 0:00:37.320 --> 0:00:40.000 being here with me. I love to do this. It's 0:00:40.040 --> 0:00:42.800 something that it's a it's kind of a release from 0:00:43.080 --> 0:00:45.920 all the other many jobs that I that I do, 0:00:46.040 --> 0:00:48.880 and this is this is the one, probably the one 0:00:48.960 --> 0:00:53.720 job I have that I really get to slow the pace. 0:00:54.840 --> 0:00:56.960 And that's what I love about podcast forms is we 0:00:57.000 --> 0:00:59.480 get to just kind of slow down and have a 0:00:59.520 --> 0:01:03.720 real discussion. These videos are not edited. I don't I 0:01:03.720 --> 0:01:05.720 don't cut them up to make them faster for you. 0:01:06.400 --> 0:01:08.760 So this is the way to hear it, you know, 0:01:08.880 --> 0:01:10.959 A long answer as if me and you were sitting 0:01:11.000 --> 0:01:14.200 around a campfire and just kind of looking into the embers, 0:01:14.240 --> 0:01:18.479 and you know it's getting late at night, got a chair, 0:01:18.480 --> 0:01:20.199 you got you got your boots up on a rock 0:01:22.160 --> 0:01:25.680 listening to the flicker crackle. You just say, hey, man, 0:01:26.400 --> 0:01:30.000 can I ask you a question? Look over. Yeah, what 0:01:30.120 --> 0:01:33.120 you got man, It's just something about life. Something's been 0:01:33.160 --> 0:01:34.800 going on with me and just wondering if we could 0:01:34.800 --> 0:01:38.280 talk about something. And that's really what we do on 0:01:38.360 --> 0:01:41.040 this podcast. Instead of asking me at a campfire, you 0:01:41.120 --> 0:01:45.039 email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. I don't 0:01:45.080 --> 0:01:47.560 have any notes, just like I wouldn't at a campfire. 0:01:48.040 --> 0:01:50.800 I don't have any any quotes or things ready to 0:01:50.840 --> 0:01:53.640 go for you. I'm just gonna say whatever's on my heart, 0:01:53.960 --> 0:01:57.880 and even though it might always not always be right, 0:01:58.720 --> 0:02:02.280 it's what's on my heart. So I appreciate you. Guys. 0:02:02.280 --> 0:02:05.240 If I get angry, if I start sounding angry or excited, 0:02:05.680 --> 0:02:08.760 it's because I love you and I'm very passionate about 0:02:08.760 --> 0:02:11.959 some of these questions, and so I promise you I will. 0:02:12.160 --> 0:02:14.560 I would not read it if I didn't like you, 0:02:15.000 --> 0:02:17.960 if I didn't love you, I wouldn't care, right, So 0:02:20.120 --> 0:02:24.399 it sometimes we get into some tough love. That being said, 0:02:24.480 --> 0:02:27.240 let's go to the first question. Subdecline says need advice. 0:02:27.840 --> 0:02:30.040 Haven't read this. I haven't read any of these. You're 0:02:30.040 --> 0:02:32.640 gonna hear it as I hear it for the first time. 0:02:32.760 --> 0:02:35.800 Here we go. He Ginger my name is Miles. I'm 0:02:35.840 --> 0:02:40.320 twenty nine from Marshfield, Wisconsin. I have dealt with depression 0:02:40.680 --> 0:02:44.840 and anxiety for roughly ten years. I met this amazing 0:02:44.880 --> 0:02:48.120 girl that sparked my soul. I had a really bad 0:02:48.200 --> 0:02:50.840 day Friday night while we were out with her brother 0:02:50.880 --> 0:02:54.600 and sister in law. I overreacted over something so stupid 0:02:54.600 --> 0:02:58.720 and immature. I ended things with her because I didn't 0:02:58.720 --> 0:03:01.680 want to hurt her any more or emotionally. I love 0:03:01.720 --> 0:03:05.160 her so much and I honestly believe and have the 0:03:05.200 --> 0:03:08.960 most faith that she is my person and my soulmate. 0:03:10.360 --> 0:03:12.640 I have never felt this way about a single person 0:03:12.720 --> 0:03:15.840 or thing in my whole life. I want to call 0:03:15.880 --> 0:03:19.080 and text her throughout the day, but I don't want 0:03:19.120 --> 0:03:21.640 to do that until I get mentally better to be 0:03:21.720 --> 0:03:25.720 the best boyfriend, best friend for her that I could be. 0:03:26.720 --> 0:03:30.360 What can I do to help me? And do you 0:03:30.480 --> 0:03:32.680 think that there is any chance she'll give me another 0:03:32.800 --> 0:03:37.640 chance once I'm good? All right? Miles twenty nine, Shout 0:03:37.640 --> 0:03:40.760 out to Wisconsin. Thanks for opening up. This is deep 0:03:40.840 --> 0:03:43.160 on your heart, man, So thank you for opening up 0:03:43.240 --> 0:03:46.320 on something that you have dealt with for ten years. Really, 0:03:47.280 --> 0:03:52.440 so let's dive into it. Okay, I'm I'm gonna pick 0:03:52.480 --> 0:03:55.000 apart your email. This is what I'm gonna do the 0:03:55.040 --> 0:03:57.920 whole podcast. I'm gonna pick apart. I'm gonna use your 0:03:57.920 --> 0:04:00.880 words because that's all I have. I don't have your 0:04:00.880 --> 0:04:03.840 eyes or your body language. I just have what you wrote. 0:04:03.880 --> 0:04:07.720 I'm going to use your words down to the letter. Okay, 0:04:07.800 --> 0:04:11.040 that's all I got on this podcast. So I'm going 0:04:11.040 --> 0:04:17.200 to quickly recap. You have struggled with depression, and you 0:04:17.279 --> 0:04:22.120 fell in love. You had a bad night Friday, and 0:04:22.160 --> 0:04:24.320 you were also in public in front of her brother, 0:04:24.360 --> 0:04:27.760 which is embarrassing and sister in law, which probably deeply 0:04:27.839 --> 0:04:30.920 hurts her because it wasn't just a private mess up. Right. 0:04:31.839 --> 0:04:35.920 You overreacted, You acted immature, and you broke up with 0:04:35.960 --> 0:04:42.000 her all in this one big spill of anger. Right then, 0:04:42.040 --> 0:04:46.120 you say you love her so much. You believe she 0:04:46.279 --> 0:04:48.520 is your person and your soulmate. You've never felt this 0:04:48.560 --> 0:04:53.080 way about any person in your whole entire life, and 0:04:53.120 --> 0:04:54.960 you want to call her and text her throughout the day, 0:04:54.960 --> 0:04:58.680 but you're holding back because you don't want to do 0:04:58.680 --> 0:05:00.360 that until you get better, because you don't want to 0:05:00.360 --> 0:05:03.320 mess up again and say something that you regret right. 0:05:04.720 --> 0:05:06.839 You want to be the best boyfriend, best friend that 0:05:07.000 --> 0:05:09.800 you could be for her. Okay, so that's the recap. 0:05:10.080 --> 0:05:12.120 Let's dive in. The First thing I want to get 0:05:12.120 --> 0:05:14.440 to you is I'm dealing with your words here. The 0:05:14.440 --> 0:05:17.279 first thing I want to go after is this one 0:05:17.320 --> 0:05:22.520 sentence in the middle that says this, I love her 0:05:22.600 --> 0:05:25.839 so much and I honestly believe and have the most 0:05:26.080 --> 0:05:30.000 faith that she is my person and my soulmate. Never 0:05:30.000 --> 0:05:34.839 felt this way about any single person in my whole life. Okay, 0:05:35.240 --> 0:05:40.159 these are This is language of someone that is desperate 0:05:41.000 --> 0:05:47.919 and in a fog. I'm about to burst some bubbles 0:05:48.080 --> 0:05:50.320 on this podcast right now, but I'm going to tell 0:05:50.360 --> 0:05:55.080 you something, y'all. You don't have a person or a soulmate. 0:05:55.680 --> 0:06:00.799 That is an ancient pagan idea that you're so gets 0:06:00.960 --> 0:06:05.680 bonded with another and you have to cut it down 0:06:05.680 --> 0:06:08.360 the middle to break it apart because you are mated 0:06:08.560 --> 0:06:13.040 with a soul one soul mates with another, becomes one. 0:06:13.440 --> 0:06:17.880 This is just a myth. It's just an old human myth, 0:06:17.920 --> 0:06:23.200 an old ancient idea that just means nothing. It's not true. 0:06:23.920 --> 0:06:27.080 You don't have a soulmate. You don't have a person 0:06:28.200 --> 0:06:31.560 you could be you could be compatible with many others. 0:06:32.960 --> 0:06:35.080 And this is why is this a problem. This is 0:06:35.080 --> 0:06:37.680 a problem because when you go into it thinking that 0:06:37.760 --> 0:06:42.279 you have one person, one soulmate, then you latch on. 0:06:42.680 --> 0:06:44.920 Like you said, I've never felt this way about a 0:06:45.000 --> 0:06:51.000 single person or thing my whole life. You are idolizing 0:06:51.040 --> 0:06:56.600 this person. This person is a God that you are worshiping. 0:06:57.080 --> 0:07:00.960 You say, I have never felt this way about a 0:07:01.000 --> 0:07:05.120 person or thing in my life. This person, I have 0:07:05.480 --> 0:07:10.320 the most faith, interesting word faith that this is my 0:07:10.520 --> 0:07:17.640 person in my soul mate. These are feelings that you're having. 0:07:19.520 --> 0:07:22.160 And the problem that it creates is that when you 0:07:22.280 --> 0:07:25.680 feel this way and you feel like you need to 0:07:25.800 --> 0:07:30.480 worship this idle person, and hey, you might think that 0:07:30.520 --> 0:07:33.160 I'm using crazy language here, like I'm granger, You're going 0:07:33.200 --> 0:07:38.760 too far, You're exaggerating, Granger, Am I am I exaggerating 0:07:38.760 --> 0:07:41.040 when I say this person has become a God that 0:07:41.080 --> 0:07:45.240 you're now worshiping. Would that be an exaggeration if I 0:07:45.360 --> 0:07:48.280 told you if I repeated your sentence and said, this person, 0:07:48.720 --> 0:07:50.680 I have the most faith that this is my person, 0:07:50.760 --> 0:07:53.920 my soulmate. I've never felt this way about a single 0:07:54.000 --> 0:08:02.840 person or thing that sounds like worship to me. The 0:08:02.880 --> 0:08:07.440 problem is this is a feeling and love needs to 0:08:07.480 --> 0:08:11.640 be an action that we decide. Love has to be 0:08:12.120 --> 0:08:15.440 something that we cannot define on our own. We don't 0:08:15.480 --> 0:08:21.560 get to decide what love is. Love is outside of us. 0:08:21.640 --> 0:08:25.160 It is. It is not subjective to what we get 0:08:25.200 --> 0:08:29.200 to think that it is. So if love is outside 0:08:29.200 --> 0:08:32.920 of who we are, it doesn't manifest itself in us. 0:08:33.200 --> 0:08:35.079 If love is outside of us and it's in its 0:08:35.200 --> 0:08:42.240 objective truth, then we don't get to define it, but 0:08:42.280 --> 0:08:45.400 we could decide when we want to put that kind 0:08:45.440 --> 0:08:48.480 of action into another person, Grandeur, what are you talking about. 0:08:49.080 --> 0:08:52.760 Love is an action, Love is a verb. Love. Love 0:08:52.800 --> 0:09:00.440 is self less. Love is not something that you need 0:09:00.480 --> 0:09:05.760 for yourself to make yourself feel better. That is not love. 0:09:06.440 --> 0:09:08.840 That is the way you have defined it. This is 0:09:08.880 --> 0:09:11.920 a major problem right now in our culture because we 0:09:11.960 --> 0:09:15.800 are constantly defining love and replacing that for some kind 0:09:15.840 --> 0:09:20.160 of infatuation or fulfillment of a need that we have 0:09:20.320 --> 0:09:24.040 that we want. We want something to fulfill us, to 0:09:24.120 --> 0:09:27.760 make us happy, to feel avoid that we have inside 0:09:27.760 --> 0:09:30.760 of us, to cure us, to make us feel good, 0:09:30.880 --> 0:09:34.240 to make us feel happy. I want this person. I 0:09:34.840 --> 0:09:37.520 have felt in my heart and my soul and my 0:09:37.640 --> 0:09:40.240 faith that this is my soulmate and my person and 0:09:40.240 --> 0:09:43.120 they're gonna fulfill me. And I need that person to 0:09:43.280 --> 0:09:47.640 fill me. And when they don't do it, because it 0:09:47.720 --> 0:09:53.000 will happen one day, this girl won't be able to 0:09:53.040 --> 0:09:56.080 do it anymore, and you will blame her for that. 0:09:56.280 --> 0:10:03.400 How dare you? How dare you my soulmate? How dare 0:10:03.480 --> 0:10:06.400 you not fulfill me the way I need you to 0:10:07.400 --> 0:10:10.920 the way I want you to? How dare you do 0:10:11.040 --> 0:10:14.800 this to me? You're ruining my life. This is what happens. 0:10:16.240 --> 0:10:21.040 That's why we hate people that are exes and ex 0:10:21.520 --> 0:10:27.280 spouses and boyfriends and girlfriends. I hate you because how 0:10:27.360 --> 0:10:34.080 dare you, my soulmate of the universe? How dare you 0:10:34.679 --> 0:10:37.600 cut yourself off from my soul and treat me like this? 0:10:38.400 --> 0:10:46.400 You belong to me? Right. That's as crazy as this gets, 0:10:46.440 --> 0:10:48.760 and we all fall into it as humans. So we 0:10:48.840 --> 0:10:53.120 have to fight against that and say no. No. Love 0:10:53.240 --> 0:10:58.720 is a decision and it's a selfless act. I love you. 0:10:59.200 --> 0:11:01.840 I want to pour into you. I want to serve you, 0:11:02.520 --> 0:11:05.720 regardless of me. Me, me, me me, what I want what 0:11:05.800 --> 0:11:13.439 I need. I'm choosing to love you in a selfless way. 0:11:14.000 --> 0:11:21.360 Right So that's the beginning of this conversation. That's how 0:11:21.360 --> 0:11:27.160 this whole thing starts, is establishing the objective truth about 0:11:27.200 --> 0:11:31.000 how you feel about her, because if you feel this 0:11:31.080 --> 0:11:34.360 way about her, that she's your soulmate, then you have 0:11:34.600 --> 0:11:37.120 other things you have to deal with right now and 0:11:37.160 --> 0:11:40.520 you need to cut her your idol, out of your life. 0:11:41.080 --> 0:11:43.120 It's a good thing that you're not with her right now. 0:11:43.559 --> 0:11:46.040 This is a good thing. You don't need to be 0:11:46.120 --> 0:11:50.360 with this girl because you're worshiping her and partly you're 0:11:50.400 --> 0:11:53.560 saying this kind of language, partly because you're just missing 0:11:53.559 --> 0:11:57.120 her and your heart broken and you have heartbroken goggles 0:11:57.160 --> 0:12:00.640 on and you're seeing through heartache and you're going, oh, man, 0:12:00.720 --> 0:12:03.880 I messed up. I'm god to see. I've dealt with depression. 0:12:04.040 --> 0:12:07.239 I've I've had depression for ten years and that's the problem. 0:12:07.360 --> 0:12:10.440 It's and so that's the reason is I was at 0:12:10.440 --> 0:12:14.440 dinner and because i've I've suffered from depression, and you know, 0:12:14.520 --> 0:12:17.200 that's why I said some things that then I regret 0:12:17.240 --> 0:12:19.280 that I made sure I broke up with her, because 0:12:19.320 --> 0:12:21.199 I honestly, you know, I just I didn't want her 0:12:21.440 --> 0:12:24.880 to hurt anymore emotionally, so I cut her off, you know. 0:12:25.080 --> 0:12:28.160 But now I'm feeling like maybe I made a mistake 0:12:28.200 --> 0:12:29.960 and I want to call her, but of course I 0:12:29.960 --> 0:12:32.600 don't call her because I want to protect her from me, 0:12:32.840 --> 0:12:36.160 because I'm crazy. And then, you know, but hey, granger, 0:12:36.200 --> 0:12:38.440 what can you do to help me? You know, so 0:12:38.480 --> 0:12:41.480 I can make myself better? Because me, me, me, me, 0:12:41.720 --> 0:12:45.280 me me me me, I want, I need me. That's 0:12:45.480 --> 0:12:54.320 your story and it's it's my story, and it's everyone listening. 0:12:54.480 --> 0:13:00.720 This is this is the epidemic of humanity. This is 0:13:00.760 --> 0:13:05.040 the fallen nature of man. We just the truth is, 0:13:05.080 --> 0:13:09.679 we just want to please ourselves. We want we just 0:13:09.800 --> 0:13:15.000 want to please ourselves. You can test this easily by 0:13:16.520 --> 0:13:20.000 tracking yourself through the day. You want to you want 0:13:20.040 --> 0:13:22.640 to eat the meal that pleases you. You want to 0:13:22.640 --> 0:13:25.680 sleep according to how it pleases you. You want to 0:13:26.520 --> 0:13:30.120 wear clothes according to how they please you. You want things. 0:13:31.679 --> 0:13:34.199 So we have to fight against that feeling. We have 0:13:34.320 --> 0:13:37.720 to fight against the flesh and say, I I'm messed 0:13:37.760 --> 0:13:41.840 up again. Nah, it's the flesh again, that's me being 0:13:41.960 --> 0:13:45.800 selfish again. I gotta stop this I have to consciously 0:13:46.080 --> 0:13:49.840 make efforts to stop this and make a decision to love, 0:13:50.480 --> 0:13:54.720 a decision to serve, to pour in, to be self less, 0:13:55.200 --> 0:13:59.520 to stop thinking about myself again. This is a daily thing. 0:14:00.480 --> 0:14:04.240 With practice, we can get better at it, but ultimately 0:14:04.280 --> 0:14:08.440 it never leaves. It's fallen creatures on this planet that 0:14:08.559 --> 0:14:11.800 this just never leaves. I mean, look around, this is 0:14:11.840 --> 0:14:14.439 what we do. This is what we've always done, is humans. 0:14:16.920 --> 0:14:21.280 So Miles, fight it. You don't need to be with 0:14:21.360 --> 0:14:27.120 this girl or any girl right now, you say, here's 0:14:27.160 --> 0:14:31.080 your last sentence. What can I do to help me? 0:14:32.840 --> 0:14:35.120 Do you think there's any chance she will give me 0:14:35.600 --> 0:14:42.440 a chance? Once I'm good, stop thinking about you all 0:14:42.480 --> 0:14:46.120 the time, Miles, and things will start to get better. 0:14:50.840 --> 0:14:56.800 Let's move on here. Subject line in this next one 0:14:56.840 --> 0:14:59.560 says question, Hey Grandeur, my name is Aaron. I'm twenty 0:14:59.600 --> 0:15:03.480 five old from Central Iowa. I used to party all 0:15:03.520 --> 0:15:06.400 the time from nineteen to twenty five. Recently I found 0:15:06.400 --> 0:15:09.560 your podcast, and it seems like God put the podcast 0:15:09.960 --> 0:15:12.320 on my recommended list so that I could hear what 0:15:12.400 --> 0:15:15.040 I need to hear. I've been listening to your podcast 0:15:15.080 --> 0:15:18.240 a lot, and it's been really speaking to me. Because 0:15:18.240 --> 0:15:21.560 of your love and faith for God. I've dove right 0:15:21.600 --> 0:15:25.520 back into the word I always thought God left me. 0:15:26.120 --> 0:15:28.600 I had a falling out with my former church after 0:15:28.840 --> 0:15:32.800 graduating at eighteen? How should I go about finding a 0:15:32.880 --> 0:15:36.080 new church? Thank you, Grangeer, Thanks for what you're doing. 0:15:37.600 --> 0:15:41.080 Erin all right, Erin, I appreciate you, brother. Thanks for 0:15:41.120 --> 0:15:44.680 emailing your twenty five shout out to Central Iowa. Love Iowa, 0:15:45.360 --> 0:15:49.600 and you've been You've been partying from nineteen to twenty five. 0:15:51.240 --> 0:15:55.600 Understandable you and ninety nine percent of other people at 0:15:55.640 --> 0:16:02.280 your age. I get it. I love that you found 0:16:02.320 --> 0:16:05.600 the podcast. I love that you're listening. Welcome in. Let's 0:16:05.600 --> 0:16:14.400 get started right. Your main question here looks to be you. Well, 0:16:14.640 --> 0:16:17.600 first of all, you you always thought God left you? Okay, 0:16:18.440 --> 0:16:20.120 I don't. I don't think I need to dive into that. 0:16:20.160 --> 0:16:24.080 We understand that you had a falling out with your 0:16:24.080 --> 0:16:29.080 former church. I have questions about this, like why My 0:16:29.160 --> 0:16:31.640 first question is that I actually, if I was with 0:16:31.680 --> 0:16:34.000 you and we're sitting around a campfire, I'd say, Aaron, 0:16:34.920 --> 0:16:37.560 tell me about this falling out with the church. Because 0:16:37.600 --> 0:16:39.120 what Here's what you're saying when you put these two 0:16:39.160 --> 0:16:41.520 things together, you're you had a falling out with the 0:16:41.640 --> 0:16:47.960 church and then you partied for six years hard. So 0:16:49.560 --> 0:16:51.960 my point is we can't really look at the church 0:16:52.000 --> 0:16:55.600 here and go they were wrong while I was partying, 0:16:56.960 --> 0:16:59.960 so I would that would be my first thought is well, 0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:02.640 now that you look back in hindsight, was the church 0:17:02.680 --> 0:17:06.840 wrong or were you wrong? Okay, So there's that. So 0:17:06.960 --> 0:17:08.840 then the second question is how do you find a 0:17:08.880 --> 0:17:12.160 new church assuming that the old church you ain't going back? 0:17:14.320 --> 0:17:18.920 And man, that's a great question and it's not an 0:17:18.960 --> 0:17:22.960 easy answer because it takes a lot of growth, It 0:17:23.040 --> 0:17:25.959 takes a lot of maturity, it takes a lot of 0:17:27.720 --> 0:17:29.720 it takes a lot of prayer, it takes a lot 0:17:29.760 --> 0:17:33.359 of reading the Bible, it takes a lot of studying. 0:17:34.440 --> 0:17:36.639 So not to find a church, None of that matters 0:17:36.640 --> 0:17:38.320 to find a church, but it takes a lot of 0:17:38.359 --> 0:17:46.200 that to understand a good church, a good life giving church. 0:17:47.320 --> 0:17:49.840 And so sometimes we have to study and study and 0:17:49.880 --> 0:17:54.560 read and pray and walk in the spirit more and 0:17:54.640 --> 0:17:58.280 more to start our eyes start opening up around us 0:17:58.600 --> 0:18:01.760 and we start to see things in a different light, 0:18:03.760 --> 0:18:12.320 including churches, including people. But it's not something that should 0:18:12.400 --> 0:18:16.880 hinder you from getting into a church today, you would 0:18:16.920 --> 0:18:21.080 never say, for instance, I'm gonna I'm gonna hold off 0:18:21.080 --> 0:18:23.680 on this whole church finding thing for a few years 0:18:24.240 --> 0:18:26.639 until i get more mature in my faith. Then I'm 0:18:26.640 --> 0:18:28.600 gonna go. Then I'll be ready to find a church. 0:18:28.680 --> 0:18:31.160 No no, no no, no, no, You're gonna do that now, 0:18:32.080 --> 0:18:34.800 and you're gonna grow along with the church. And if 0:18:34.840 --> 0:18:39.960 you grow apart from the church because you're spiritually mature 0:18:40.000 --> 0:18:44.480 in a different area, and maybe that church isn't isn't 0:18:45.160 --> 0:18:52.160 biblically sound in the way that you need it to No, no, no, 0:18:52.200 --> 0:18:54.600 not the way you need it the biblically sound in 0:18:54.600 --> 0:18:58.200 the way that it should be according to the biblical 0:18:58.240 --> 0:19:01.440 truth of the Bible. Then you'll see that your eyes 0:19:01.480 --> 0:19:04.320 will be opened to it as it goes down in 0:19:04.359 --> 0:19:09.480 real time. So what so what do I do, Granger? 0:19:09.560 --> 0:19:13.639 You're not answering. Okay, Well, here's the practical way. I 0:19:13.680 --> 0:19:18.880 would try churches. Try it out. You're if you were 0:19:18.880 --> 0:19:20.879 going to go to you would say, hey, man, I'm 0:19:20.920 --> 0:19:23.600 gonna start working out. I really want to start getting 0:19:23.640 --> 0:19:27.440 into fitness. And the goal is not just to get 0:19:27.440 --> 0:19:30.879 into good shape. Actually, actually my goal is to actually 0:19:30.880 --> 0:19:36.520 get into bodybuilding at a highly competitive level. I say 0:19:36.520 --> 0:19:38.840 that analogy because you want to grow as a Christian 0:19:39.520 --> 0:19:42.320 to a highly astute level. That's what you want. You 0:19:42.359 --> 0:19:45.679 want to be walking in the faith and total obedience 0:19:45.720 --> 0:19:49.720 to our Savior. So you're gonna I'm using the analogy 0:19:49.720 --> 0:19:51.800 of the gym saying you want to be a bodybuilder. 0:19:52.160 --> 0:19:54.639 So if you're starting now and you're not in shape, 0:19:55.600 --> 0:19:57.720 you're not a bodybuilder by any means. In fact, you're 0:19:57.760 --> 0:19:59.720 not even a weightlifter at all, but that's where you 0:19:59.760 --> 0:20:04.399 want go. Then you're gonna start trying out gems, and 0:20:04.440 --> 0:20:05.959 you're gonna walk into the gym and you're gonna look 0:20:06.000 --> 0:20:09.960 around and go, Okay, this is This has got the weights, 0:20:10.119 --> 0:20:12.919 it's got the rubber floor, it's got the mirrors. But 0:20:13.440 --> 0:20:17.000 don't I don't think there's growth here for me. I 0:20:17.000 --> 0:20:21.679 don't think that I could learn more than just minimal weightlifting. 0:20:22.359 --> 0:20:23.840 And you go to another church and you go, well, 0:20:23.880 --> 0:20:26.400 this one, this one's got all CrossFit stuff. It doesn't 0:20:26.400 --> 0:20:30.000 have any weights in it, just just CrossFit. But that's 0:20:30.200 --> 0:20:32.840 kind of a nice way to learn this aspect of 0:20:32.880 --> 0:20:36.000 it and to grow my core strength. And you go 0:20:36.040 --> 0:20:38.240 to another one and then you try this one out, 0:20:38.280 --> 0:20:41.080 and this one's got a lot more stuff. It's huge, 0:20:41.200 --> 0:20:45.040 it's massive. There's massive amounts of people coming in and out. 0:20:45.040 --> 0:20:47.400 They've got every kind of waight equipment that you could 0:20:47.400 --> 0:20:50.520 possibly imagine. There's a lot of bodybuilders in there, but 0:20:50.560 --> 0:20:54.080 there's so many in there that there might not be 0:20:54.280 --> 0:20:58.600 enough to actually help you grow because they're so busy 0:20:58.640 --> 0:21:01.159 and there's so many of them. So then you go 0:21:01.240 --> 0:21:04.040 to another church, excuse me. Then you go to another 0:21:04.160 --> 0:21:06.720 gym and you walk in here, and then this one 0:21:07.160 --> 0:21:10.560 it's like the Goldilocks gym, right. This one is not 0:21:10.640 --> 0:21:15.160 too big, not too small. It has a good variety 0:21:15.160 --> 0:21:18.640 of equipment, and it has bodybuilders in here that are 0:21:18.720 --> 0:21:23.000 ready to teach, that are ready to show you how 0:21:23.000 --> 0:21:26.720 to grow from where you are now to a professional level. 0:21:26.880 --> 0:21:29.719 And you can grow as big as you want in 0:21:29.800 --> 0:21:35.480 this Goldilocks gym. No different than looking for a church. 0:21:36.880 --> 0:22:01.120 Get out there, take a break, gear it back all right, guys, 0:22:01.200 --> 0:22:03.399 back to the questions here. If you have anything for me, 0:22:03.600 --> 0:22:07.040 email me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com and we'll 0:22:07.040 --> 0:22:09.160 put it into the queue. I have a couple things 0:22:09.160 --> 0:22:11.680 that I like to ask. Please don't send the same 0:22:11.760 --> 0:22:16.760 email twice, and please don't send one much longer than 0:22:16.840 --> 0:22:19.600 like a phone length, because then it's hard to scroll 0:22:19.760 --> 0:22:24.080 and read and keep the context on the podcast itself. Okay, 0:22:25.400 --> 0:22:29.720 So diving in here to the next question. Subjectline says, 0:22:29.800 --> 0:22:36.200 please please read me. Can you love someone you hate? Hey, there, 0:22:36.320 --> 0:22:39.840 Granger Smith. My name is Savannah. I live in Omaha, Nebraska. 0:22:40.760 --> 0:22:42.600 I was with my ex for five years, and during 0:22:42.640 --> 0:22:45.879 that time we were married for four months. The first 0:22:45.920 --> 0:22:48.800 time he left me was the day before Christmas even 0:22:48.880 --> 0:22:53.360 twenty eighteen. He refused to work things out, he avoided 0:22:53.400 --> 0:22:56.040 me all together. Nine months later we got back together. 0:22:56.119 --> 0:22:59.960 We were divorced by this time. We immediately got pregnant 0:23:00.600 --> 0:23:04.119 and now we have a beautiful two month old daughter. 0:23:04.480 --> 0:23:08.639 My ex left us again, abruptly, leaving us with nothing, 0:23:08.680 --> 0:23:10.560 and this time he actually moved out of the state 0:23:10.920 --> 0:23:14.679 and is now living with a new girl. Granger. I 0:23:14.720 --> 0:23:18.399 have forgiven him time and time again, especially because we 0:23:18.480 --> 0:23:21.639 have a daughter, because the Lord tells us in the 0:23:21.640 --> 0:23:26.320 Bible to forgive seventy two times. But I'm struggling, really, 0:23:26.640 --> 0:23:30.840 I'm struggling forgiving him because of all this hurtful, hateful 0:23:31.080 --> 0:23:34.159 things he has done to me, but not only to me, 0:23:34.680 --> 0:23:39.680 our daughter. I have nothing but hate resentment for him. 0:23:39.960 --> 0:23:44.080 I hate him. I know hate is such a strong word, 0:23:44.280 --> 0:23:47.800 but I don't know how to feel any differently. Since 0:23:47.840 --> 0:23:51.600 he left, I feel like I have been surviving and 0:23:51.680 --> 0:23:55.720 not truly living. Let me read that again. Since he left, 0:23:55.960 --> 0:23:59.879 I feel like I've only been surviving and not truly living. 0:24:00.359 --> 0:24:06.720 I am hurt. I wo rather than trying to work 0:24:06.720 --> 0:24:10.359 things out with his family, he would rather live with 0:24:10.440 --> 0:24:13.840 another girl. I grew up without a dad who did 0:24:13.920 --> 0:24:17.359 the same thing. I feel worthless knowing my daughter is 0:24:17.400 --> 0:24:20.840 going to go through the same thing I did. I 0:24:20.960 --> 0:24:24.280 don't know how to forgive him. How could I learn 0:24:25.080 --> 0:24:28.840 to love him as my daughter's dad even though I 0:24:28.880 --> 0:24:35.040 hate him? Best regards, Savannah, Savannah, thank you. This is 0:24:35.560 --> 0:24:41.640 such a good email because you did not hold back. 0:24:41.760 --> 0:24:45.480 You didn't sugarcoat anything. You didn't try to make yourself 0:24:45.520 --> 0:24:49.440 seem better than you are or more mature than you are, 0:24:49.600 --> 0:24:52.000 or try to make it sound nice for the podcast. 0:24:52.560 --> 0:24:58.440 You just laid out your emotions, very vulnerable, and I'm 0:24:58.480 --> 0:25:01.960 just I have so much spect and I just want 0:25:02.000 --> 0:25:04.720 to honor you before I start. I just want to 0:25:04.760 --> 0:25:12.320 honor you for just being honest. Because we don't have 0:25:12.400 --> 0:25:17.359 to always live in a good place. Sometimes we have 0:25:17.440 --> 0:25:22.040 to embrace the suck. We have to embrace sometimes that, 0:25:22.680 --> 0:25:27.879 you know what, this is a tough time. This is 0:25:27.920 --> 0:25:32.680 a really rough time right now in my life. I'm 0:25:32.720 --> 0:25:35.760 not enjoying it very much at all, this season that 0:25:35.760 --> 0:25:40.119 I'm in, and just sometimes just saying that and realizing, 0:25:40.480 --> 0:25:44.240 you know what, it's okay. It's okay. No one's trying 0:25:44.240 --> 0:25:50.359 to blow butterflies all over you and just say no rainbows, butterflies, bubbles. 0:25:50.520 --> 0:25:57.040 Just be happy, smile and be happy, enjoy life. No 0:25:57.080 --> 0:25:59.919 one needs to tell you that. Sometimes you can go, 0:26:00.119 --> 0:26:03.200 you know what, if someone says, how you doing, Savanna, 0:26:03.240 --> 0:26:06.440 how you doing, you go, you know what, life kind 0:26:06.440 --> 0:26:10.560 of sucks right now. Do you know what? That's okay? 0:26:11.720 --> 0:26:14.520 I surely don't mind it. And I appreciate your honesty. 0:26:14.600 --> 0:26:17.800 Let's dive in specifically to kind of to kind of 0:26:18.119 --> 0:26:20.280 the bottom line of what you're asking really through all this, 0:26:22.280 --> 0:26:26.240 and I'll also acknowledge that you have every right to 0:26:27.520 --> 0:26:36.359 feel hurt, to feel betrayed, every right. Your question really 0:26:36.520 --> 0:26:41.520 comes down to this, how can I learn to love him? 0:26:42.080 --> 0:26:47.280 The ex as my daughter's dad, even though I hate him. 0:26:48.520 --> 0:26:53.760 That's your question. So you know me, I'm gonna you 0:26:54.200 --> 0:26:57.719 reference the Bible, and that's where I'm gonna go, because 0:26:58.119 --> 0:27:00.679 when it comes to something like this, that's this. I 0:27:00.720 --> 0:27:03.399