1 00:00:00,360 --> 00:00:03,640 Speaker 1: How dare you not fulfill me the way I need 2 00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:08,080 Speaker 1: you to the way I want you to? How dare 3 00:00:08,119 --> 00:00:11,560 Speaker 1: you do this to me? You're ruining my life. This 4 00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:16,560 Speaker 1: is what happens. That's why we hate people that are 5 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:33,680 Speaker 1: exes and ex spouses and boyfriends and girlfriends. What's up, everybody? 6 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:36,920 Speaker 1: Welcome to the podcast, Episode one seventy nine. Thanks for 7 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:40,000 Speaker 1: being here with me. I love to do this. It's 8 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,800 Speaker 1: something that it's a it's kind of a release from 9 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:45,920 Speaker 1: all the other many jobs that I that I do, 10 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:48,880 Speaker 1: and this is this is the one, probably the one 11 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:53,720 Speaker 1: job I have that I really get to slow the pace. 12 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:56,960 Speaker 1: And that's what I love about podcast forms is we 13 00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:59,480 Speaker 1: get to just kind of slow down and have a 14 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:03,720 Speaker 1: real discussion. These videos are not edited. I don't I 15 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:05,720 Speaker 1: don't cut them up to make them faster for you. 16 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,760 Speaker 1: So this is the way to hear it, you know, 17 00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:10,959 Speaker 1: A long answer as if me and you were sitting 18 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:14,200 Speaker 1: around a campfire and just kind of looking into the embers, 19 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:18,479 Speaker 1: and you know it's getting late at night, got a chair, 20 00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:20,199 Speaker 1: you got you got your boots up on a rock 21 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:25,680 Speaker 1: listening to the flicker crackle. You just say, hey, man, 22 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:30,000 Speaker 1: can I ask you a question? Look over. Yeah, what 23 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:33,120 Speaker 1: you got man, It's just something about life. Something's been 24 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:34,800 Speaker 1: going on with me and just wondering if we could 25 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:38,280 Speaker 1: talk about something. And that's really what we do on 26 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:41,040 Speaker 1: this podcast. Instead of asking me at a campfire, you 27 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:45,039 Speaker 1: email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. I don't 28 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:47,560 Speaker 1: have any notes, just like I wouldn't at a campfire. 29 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:50,800 Speaker 1: I don't have any any quotes or things ready to 30 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:53,640 Speaker 1: go for you. I'm just gonna say whatever's on my heart, 31 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:57,880 Speaker 1: and even though it might always not always be right, 32 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:02,280 Speaker 1: it's what's on my heart. So I appreciate you. Guys. 33 00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:05,240 Speaker 1: If I get angry, if I start sounding angry or excited, 34 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:08,760 Speaker 1: it's because I love you and I'm very passionate about 35 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:11,959 Speaker 1: some of these questions, and so I promise you I will. 36 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:14,560 Speaker 1: I would not read it if I didn't like you, 37 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,960 Speaker 1: if I didn't love you, I wouldn't care, right, So 38 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:24,399 Speaker 1: it sometimes we get into some tough love. That being said, 39 00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:27,240 Speaker 1: let's go to the first question. Subdecline says need advice. 40 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:30,040 Speaker 1: Haven't read this. I haven't read any of these. You're 41 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:32,640 Speaker 1: gonna hear it as I hear it for the first time. 42 00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:35,800 Speaker 1: Here we go. He Ginger my name is Miles. I'm 43 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:40,320 Speaker 1: twenty nine from Marshfield, Wisconsin. I have dealt with depression 44 00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:44,840 Speaker 1: and anxiety for roughly ten years. I met this amazing 45 00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:48,120 Speaker 1: girl that sparked my soul. I had a really bad 46 00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:50,840 Speaker 1: day Friday night while we were out with her brother 47 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:54,600 Speaker 1: and sister in law. I overreacted over something so stupid 48 00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:58,720 Speaker 1: and immature. I ended things with her because I didn't 49 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:01,680 Speaker 1: want to hurt her any more or emotionally. I love 50 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:05,160 Speaker 1: her so much and I honestly believe and have the 51 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:08,960 Speaker 1: most faith that she is my person and my soulmate. 52 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:12,640 Speaker 1: I have never felt this way about a single person 53 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:15,840 Speaker 1: or thing in my whole life. I want to call 54 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:19,080 Speaker 1: and text her throughout the day, but I don't want 55 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:21,640 Speaker 1: to do that until I get mentally better to be 56 00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:25,720 Speaker 1: the best boyfriend, best friend for her that I could be. 57 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:30,360 Speaker 1: What can I do to help me? And do you 58 00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:32,680 Speaker 1: think that there is any chance she'll give me another 59 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:37,640 Speaker 1: chance once I'm good? All right? Miles twenty nine, Shout 60 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:40,760 Speaker 1: out to Wisconsin. Thanks for opening up. This is deep 61 00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:43,160 Speaker 1: on your heart, man, So thank you for opening up 62 00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:46,320 Speaker 1: on something that you have dealt with for ten years. Really, 63 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:52,440 Speaker 1: so let's dive into it. Okay, I'm I'm gonna pick 64 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:55,000 Speaker 1: apart your email. This is what I'm gonna do the 65 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:57,920 Speaker 1: whole podcast. I'm gonna pick apart. I'm gonna use your 66 00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:00,880 Speaker 1: words because that's all I have. I don't have your 67 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:03,840 Speaker 1: eyes or your body language. I just have what you wrote. 68 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:07,720 Speaker 1: I'm going to use your words down to the letter. Okay, 69 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:11,040 Speaker 1: that's all I got on this podcast. So I'm going 70 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:17,200 Speaker 1: to quickly recap. You have struggled with depression, and you 71 00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:22,120 Speaker 1: fell in love. You had a bad night Friday, and 72 00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:24,320 Speaker 1: you were also in public in front of her brother, 73 00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:27,760 Speaker 1: which is embarrassing and sister in law, which probably deeply 74 00:04:27,839 --> 00:04:30,920 Speaker 1: hurts her because it wasn't just a private mess up. Right. 75 00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:35,920 Speaker 1: You overreacted, You acted immature, and you broke up with 76 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:42,000 Speaker 1: her all in this one big spill of anger. Right then, 77 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:46,120 Speaker 1: you say you love her so much. You believe she 78 00:04:46,279 --> 00:04:48,520 Speaker 1: is your person and your soulmate. You've never felt this 79 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:53,080 Speaker 1: way about any person in your whole entire life, and 80 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:54,960 Speaker 1: you want to call her and text her throughout the day, 81 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:58,680 Speaker 1: but you're holding back because you don't want to do 82 00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:00,360 Speaker 1: that until you get better, because you don't want to 83 00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:03,320 Speaker 1: mess up again and say something that you regret right. 84 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:06,839 Speaker 1: You want to be the best boyfriend, best friend that 85 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,800 Speaker 1: you could be for her. Okay, so that's the recap. 86 00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:12,120 Speaker 1: Let's dive in. The First thing I want to get 87 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,440 Speaker 1: to you is I'm dealing with your words here. The 88 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:17,279 Speaker 1: first thing I want to go after is this one 89 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:22,520 Speaker 1: sentence in the middle that says this, I love her 90 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:25,839 Speaker 1: so much and I honestly believe and have the most 91 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:30,000 Speaker 1: faith that she is my person and my soulmate. Never 92 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:34,839 Speaker 1: felt this way about any single person in my whole life. Okay, 93 00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:40,159 Speaker 1: these are This is language of someone that is desperate 94 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:47,919 Speaker 1: and in a fog. I'm about to burst some bubbles 95 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:50,320 Speaker 1: on this podcast right now, but I'm going to tell 96 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:55,080 Speaker 1: you something, y'all. You don't have a person or a soulmate. 97 00:05:55,680 --> 00:06:00,799 Speaker 1: That is an ancient pagan idea that you're so gets 98 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:05,680 Speaker 1: bonded with another and you have to cut it down 99 00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:08,360 Speaker 1: the middle to break it apart because you are mated 100 00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:13,040 Speaker 1: with a soul one soul mates with another, becomes one. 101 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:17,880 Speaker 1: This is just a myth. It's just an old human myth, 102 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:23,200 Speaker 1: an old ancient idea that just means nothing. It's not true. 103 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:27,080 Speaker 1: You don't have a soulmate. You don't have a person 104 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:31,560 Speaker 1: you could be you could be compatible with many others. 105 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,080 Speaker 1: And this is why is this a problem. This is 106 00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:37,680 Speaker 1: a problem because when you go into it thinking that 107 00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:42,279 Speaker 1: you have one person, one soulmate, then you latch on. 108 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:44,920 Speaker 1: Like you said, I've never felt this way about a 109 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:51,000 Speaker 1: single person or thing my whole life. You are idolizing 110 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:56,600 Speaker 1: this person. This person is a God that you are worshiping. 111 00:06:57,080 --> 00:07:00,960 Speaker 1: You say, I have never felt this way about a 112 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:05,120 Speaker 1: person or thing in my life. This person, I have 113 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:10,320 Speaker 1: the most faith, interesting word faith that this is my 114 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:17,640 Speaker 1: person in my soul mate. These are feelings that you're having. 115 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:22,160 Speaker 1: And the problem that it creates is that when you 116 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:25,680 Speaker 1: feel this way and you feel like you need to 117 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:30,480 Speaker 1: worship this idle person, and hey, you might think that 118 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:33,160 Speaker 1: I'm using crazy language here, like I'm granger, You're going 119 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:38,760 Speaker 1: too far, You're exaggerating, Granger, Am I am I exaggerating 120 00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:41,040 Speaker 1: when I say this person has become a God that 121 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:45,240 Speaker 1: you're now worshiping. Would that be an exaggeration if I 122 00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:48,280 Speaker 1: told you if I repeated your sentence and said, this person, 123 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:50,680 Speaker 1: I have the most faith that this is my person, 124 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:53,920 Speaker 1: my soulmate. I've never felt this way about a single 125 00:07:54,000 --> 00:08:02,840 Speaker 1: person or thing that sounds like worship to me. The 126 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:07,440 Speaker 1: problem is this is a feeling and love needs to 127 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:11,640 Speaker 1: be an action that we decide. Love has to be 128 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:15,440 Speaker 1: something that we cannot define on our own. We don't 129 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:21,560 Speaker 1: get to decide what love is. Love is outside of us. 130 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:25,160 Speaker 1: It is. It is not subjective to what we get 131 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:29,200 Speaker 1: to think that it is. So if love is outside 132 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:32,920 Speaker 1: of who we are, it doesn't manifest itself in us. 133 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:35,079 Speaker 1: If love is outside of us and it's in its 134 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:42,240 Speaker 1: objective truth, then we don't get to define it, but 135 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:45,400 Speaker 1: we could decide when we want to put that kind 136 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:48,480 Speaker 1: of action into another person, Grandeur, what are you talking about. 137 00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:52,760 Speaker 1: Love is an action, Love is a verb. Love. Love 138 00:08:52,800 --> 00:09:00,440 Speaker 1: is self less. Love is not something that you need 139 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:05,760 Speaker 1: for yourself to make yourself feel better. That is not love. 140 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:08,840 Speaker 1: That is the way you have defined it. This is 141 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:11,920 Speaker 1: a major problem right now in our culture because we 142 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:15,800 Speaker 1: are constantly defining love and replacing that for some kind 143 00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:20,160 Speaker 1: of infatuation or fulfillment of a need that we have 144 00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:24,040 Speaker 1: that we want. We want something to fulfill us, to 145 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:27,760 Speaker 1: make us happy, to feel avoid that we have inside 146 00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:30,760 Speaker 1: of us, to cure us, to make us feel good, 147 00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:34,240 Speaker 1: to make us feel happy. I want this person. I 148 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:37,520 Speaker 1: have felt in my heart and my soul and my 149 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:40,240 Speaker 1: faith that this is my soulmate and my person and 150 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:43,120 Speaker 1: they're gonna fulfill me. And I need that person to 151 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:47,640 Speaker 1: fill me. And when they don't do it, because it 152 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:53,000 Speaker 1: will happen one day, this girl won't be able to 153 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:56,080 Speaker 1: do it anymore, and you will blame her for that. 154 00:09:56,280 --> 00:10:03,400 Speaker 1: How dare you? How dare you my soulmate? How dare 155 00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:06,400 Speaker 1: you not fulfill me the way I need you to 156 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:10,920 Speaker 1: the way I want you to? How dare you do 157 00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:14,800 Speaker 1: this to me? You're ruining my life. This is what happens. 158 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:21,040 Speaker 1: That's why we hate people that are exes and ex 159 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:27,280 Speaker 1: spouses and boyfriends and girlfriends. I hate you because how 160 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:34,080 Speaker 1: dare you, my soulmate of the universe? How dare you 161 00:10:34,679 --> 00:10:37,600 Speaker 1: cut yourself off from my soul and treat me like this? 162 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:46,400 Speaker 1: You belong to me? Right. That's as crazy as this gets, 163 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:48,760 Speaker 1: and we all fall into it as humans. So we 164 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:53,120 Speaker 1: have to fight against that and say no. No. Love 165 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:58,720 Speaker 1: is a decision and it's a selfless act. I love you. 166 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,840 Speaker 1: I want to pour into you. I want to serve you, 167 00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:05,720 Speaker 1: regardless of me. Me, me, me me, what I want what 168 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:13,439 Speaker 1: I need. I'm choosing to love you in a selfless way. 169 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:21,360 Speaker 1: Right So that's the beginning of this conversation. That's how 170 00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:27,160 Speaker 1: this whole thing starts, is establishing the objective truth about 171 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:31,000 Speaker 1: how you feel about her, because if you feel this 172 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:34,360 Speaker 1: way about her, that she's your soulmate, then you have 173 00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:37,120 Speaker 1: other things you have to deal with right now and 174 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:40,520 Speaker 1: you need to cut her your idol, out of your life. 175 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:43,120 Speaker 1: It's a good thing that you're not with her right now. 176 00:11:43,559 --> 00:11:46,040 Speaker 1: This is a good thing. You don't need to be 177 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:50,360 Speaker 1: with this girl because you're worshiping her and partly you're 178 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:53,560 Speaker 1: saying this kind of language, partly because you're just missing 179 00:11:53,559 --> 00:11:57,120 Speaker 1: her and your heart broken and you have heartbroken goggles 180 00:11:57,160 --> 00:12:00,640 Speaker 1: on and you're seeing through heartache and you're going, oh, man, 181 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,880 Speaker 1: I messed up. I'm god to see. I've dealt with depression. 182 00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:07,239 Speaker 1: I've I've had depression for ten years and that's the problem. 183 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:10,440 Speaker 1: It's and so that's the reason is I was at 184 00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:14,440 Speaker 1: dinner and because i've I've suffered from depression, and you know, 185 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:17,200 Speaker 1: that's why I said some things that then I regret 186 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:19,280 Speaker 1: that I made sure I broke up with her, because 187 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:21,199 Speaker 1: I honestly, you know, I just I didn't want her 188 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:24,880 Speaker 1: to hurt anymore emotionally, so I cut her off, you know. 189 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:28,160 Speaker 1: But now I'm feeling like maybe I made a mistake 190 00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:29,960 Speaker 1: and I want to call her, but of course I 191 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:32,600 Speaker 1: don't call her because I want to protect her from me, 192 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:36,160 Speaker 1: because I'm crazy. And then, you know, but hey, granger, 193 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:38,440 Speaker 1: what can you do to help me? You know, so 194 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:41,480 Speaker 1: I can make myself better? Because me, me, me, me, 195 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:45,280 Speaker 1: me me me me, I want, I need me. That's 196 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:54,320 Speaker 1: your story and it's it's my story, and it's everyone listening. 197 00:12:54,480 --> 00:13:00,720 Speaker 1: This is this is the epidemic of humanity. This is 198 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:05,040 Speaker 1: the fallen nature of man. We just the truth is, 199 00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:09,679 Speaker 1: we just want to please ourselves. We want we just 200 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:15,000 Speaker 1: want to please ourselves. You can test this easily by 201 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:20,000 Speaker 1: tracking yourself through the day. You want to you want 202 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:22,640 Speaker 1: to eat the meal that pleases you. You want to 203 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:25,680 Speaker 1: sleep according to how it pleases you. You want to 204 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:30,120 Speaker 1: wear clothes according to how they please you. You want things. 205 00:13:31,679 --> 00:13:34,199 Speaker 1: So we have to fight against that feeling. We have 206 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:37,720 Speaker 1: to fight against the flesh and say, I I'm messed 207 00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:41,840 Speaker 1: up again. Nah, it's the flesh again, that's me being 208 00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:45,800 Speaker 1: selfish again. I gotta stop this I have to consciously 209 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:49,840 Speaker 1: make efforts to stop this and make a decision to love, 210 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:54,720 Speaker 1: a decision to serve, to pour in, to be self less, 211 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:59,520 Speaker 1: to stop thinking about myself again. This is a daily thing. 212 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:04,240 Speaker 1: With practice, we can get better at it, but ultimately 213 00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:08,440 Speaker 1: it never leaves. It's fallen creatures on this planet that 214 00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:11,800 Speaker 1: this just never leaves. I mean, look around, this is 215 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:14,439 Speaker 1: what we do. This is what we've always done, is humans. 216 00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:21,280 Speaker 1: So Miles, fight it. You don't need to be with 217 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:27,120 Speaker 1: this girl or any girl right now, you say, here's 218 00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:31,080 Speaker 1: your last sentence. What can I do to help me? 219 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:35,120 Speaker 1: Do you think there's any chance she will give me 220 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:42,440 Speaker 1: a chance? Once I'm good, stop thinking about you all 221 00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:46,120 Speaker 1: the time, Miles, and things will start to get better. 222 00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:56,800 Speaker 1: Let's move on here. Subject line in this next one 223 00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:59,560 Speaker 1: says question, Hey Grandeur, my name is Aaron. I'm twenty 224 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:03,480 Speaker 1: five old from Central Iowa. I used to party all 225 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:06,400 Speaker 1: the time from nineteen to twenty five. Recently I found 226 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:09,560 Speaker 1: your podcast, and it seems like God put the podcast 227 00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:12,320 Speaker 1: on my recommended list so that I could hear what 228 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:15,040 Speaker 1: I need to hear. I've been listening to your podcast 229 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:18,240 Speaker 1: a lot, and it's been really speaking to me. Because 230 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:21,560 Speaker 1: of your love and faith for God. I've dove right 231 00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:25,520 Speaker 1: back into the word I always thought God left me. 232 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:28,600 Speaker 1: I had a falling out with my former church after 233 00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:32,800 Speaker 1: graduating at eighteen? How should I go about finding a 234 00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:36,080 Speaker 1: new church? Thank you, Grangeer, Thanks for what you're doing. 235 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:41,080 Speaker 1: Erin all right, Erin, I appreciate you, brother. Thanks for 236 00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:44,680 Speaker 1: emailing your twenty five shout out to Central Iowa. Love Iowa, 237 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:49,600 Speaker 1: and you've been You've been partying from nineteen to twenty five. 238 00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:55,600 Speaker 1: Understandable you and ninety nine percent of other people at 239 00:15:55,640 --> 00:16:02,280 Speaker 1: your age. I get it. I love that you found 240 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:05,600 Speaker 1: the podcast. I love that you're listening. Welcome in. Let's 241 00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:14,400 Speaker 1: get started right. Your main question here looks to be you. Well, 242 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,600 Speaker 1: first of all, you you always thought God left you? Okay, 243 00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:20,120 Speaker 1: I don't. I don't think I need to dive into that. 244 00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:24,080 Speaker 1: We understand that you had a falling out with your 245 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:29,080 Speaker 1: former church. I have questions about this, like why My 246 00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:31,640 Speaker 1: first question is that I actually, if I was with 247 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:34,000 Speaker 1: you and we're sitting around a campfire, I'd say, Aaron, 248 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:37,560 Speaker 1: tell me about this falling out with the church. Because 249 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:39,120 Speaker 1: what Here's what you're saying when you put these two 250 00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:41,520 Speaker 1: things together, you're you had a falling out with the 251 00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:47,960 Speaker 1: church and then you partied for six years hard. So 252 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:51,960 Speaker 1: my point is we can't really look at the church 253 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:55,600 Speaker 1: here and go they were wrong while I was partying, 254 00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:59,960 Speaker 1: so I would that would be my first thought is well, 255 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,640 Speaker 1: now that you look back in hindsight, was the church 256 00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:06,840 Speaker 1: wrong or were you wrong? Okay, So there's that. So 257 00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,840 Speaker 1: then the second question is how do you find a 258 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:12,160 Speaker 1: new church assuming that the old church you ain't going back? 259 00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:18,920 Speaker 1: And man, that's a great question and it's not an 260 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:22,960 Speaker 1: easy answer because it takes a lot of growth, It 261 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:25,959 Speaker 1: takes a lot of maturity, it takes a lot of 262 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:29,720 Speaker 1: it takes a lot of prayer, it takes a lot 263 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:33,359 Speaker 1: of reading the Bible, it takes a lot of studying. 264 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:36,639 Speaker 1: So not to find a church, None of that matters 265 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:38,320 Speaker 1: to find a church, but it takes a lot of 266 00:17:38,359 --> 00:17:46,200 Speaker 1: that to understand a good church, a good life giving church. 267 00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:49,840 Speaker 1: And so sometimes we have to study and study and 268 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:54,560 Speaker 1: read and pray and walk in the spirit more and 269 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:58,280 Speaker 1: more to start our eyes start opening up around us 270 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:01,760 Speaker 1: and we start to see things in a different light, 271 00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:12,320 Speaker 1: including churches, including people. But it's not something that should 272 00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:16,880 Speaker 1: hinder you from getting into a church today, you would 273 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:21,080 Speaker 1: never say, for instance, I'm gonna I'm gonna hold off 274 00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:23,680 Speaker 1: on this whole church finding thing for a few years 275 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,639 Speaker 1: until i get more mature in my faith. Then I'm 276 00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:28,600 Speaker 1: gonna go. Then I'll be ready to find a church. 277 00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:31,160 Speaker 1: No no, no no, no, no, You're gonna do that now, 278 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:34,800 Speaker 1: and you're gonna grow along with the church. And if 279 00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:39,960 Speaker 1: you grow apart from the church because you're spiritually mature 280 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:44,480 Speaker 1: in a different area, and maybe that church isn't isn't 281 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:52,160 Speaker 1: biblically sound in the way that you need it to No, no, no, 282 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,600 Speaker 1: not the way you need it the biblically sound in 283 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:58,200 Speaker 1: the way that it should be according to the biblical 284 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:01,440 Speaker 1: truth of the Bible. Then you'll see that your eyes 285 00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:04,320 Speaker 1: will be opened to it as it goes down in 286 00:19:04,359 --> 00:19:09,480 Speaker 1: real time. So what so what do I do, Granger? 287 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:13,639 Speaker 1: You're not answering. Okay, Well, here's the practical way. I 288 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:18,880 Speaker 1: would try churches. Try it out. You're if you were 289 00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:20,879 Speaker 1: going to go to you would say, hey, man, I'm 290 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,600 Speaker 1: gonna start working out. I really want to start getting 291 00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:27,440 Speaker 1: into fitness. And the goal is not just to get 292 00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:30,879 Speaker 1: into good shape. Actually, actually my goal is to actually 293 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:36,520 Speaker 1: get into bodybuilding at a highly competitive level. I say 294 00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:38,840 Speaker 1: that analogy because you want to grow as a Christian 295 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:42,320 Speaker 1: to a highly astute level. That's what you want. You 296 00:19:42,359 --> 00:19:45,679 Speaker 1: want to be walking in the faith and total obedience 297 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:49,720 Speaker 1: to our Savior. So you're gonna I'm using the analogy 298 00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:51,800 Speaker 1: of the gym saying you want to be a bodybuilder. 299 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,639 Speaker 1: So if you're starting now and you're not in shape, 300 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:57,720 Speaker 1: you're not a bodybuilder by any means. In fact, you're 301 00:19:57,760 --> 00:19:59,720 Speaker 1: not even a weightlifter at all, but that's where you 302 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:04,399 Speaker 1: want go. Then you're gonna start trying out gems, and 303 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:05,959 Speaker 1: you're gonna walk into the gym and you're gonna look 304 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:09,960 Speaker 1: around and go, Okay, this is This has got the weights, 305 00:20:10,119 --> 00:20:12,919 Speaker 1: it's got the rubber floor, it's got the mirrors. But 306 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:17,000 Speaker 1: don't I don't think there's growth here for me. I 307 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:21,679 Speaker 1: don't think that I could learn more than just minimal weightlifting. 308 00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:23,840 Speaker 1: And you go to another church and you go, well, 309 00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:26,400 Speaker 1: this one, this one's got all CrossFit stuff. It doesn't 310 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:30,000 Speaker 1: have any weights in it, just just CrossFit. But that's 311 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,840 Speaker 1: kind of a nice way to learn this aspect of 312 00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:36,000 Speaker 1: it and to grow my core strength. And you go 313 00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:38,240 Speaker 1: to another one and then you try this one out, 314 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:41,080 Speaker 1: and this one's got a lot more stuff. It's huge, 315 00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:45,040 Speaker 1: it's massive. There's massive amounts of people coming in and out. 316 00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,400 Speaker 1: They've got every kind of waight equipment that you could 317 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:50,520 Speaker 1: possibly imagine. There's a lot of bodybuilders in there, but 318 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:54,080 Speaker 1: there's so many in there that there might not be 319 00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:58,600 Speaker 1: enough to actually help you grow because they're so busy 320 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:01,159 Speaker 1: and there's so many of them. So then you go 321 00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:04,040 Speaker 1: to another church, excuse me. Then you go to another 322 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:06,720 Speaker 1: gym and you walk in here, and then this one 323 00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:10,560 Speaker 1: it's like the Goldilocks gym, right. This one is not 324 00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:15,160 Speaker 1: too big, not too small. It has a good variety 325 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:18,640 Speaker 1: of equipment, and it has bodybuilders in here that are 326 00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:23,000 Speaker 1: ready to teach, that are ready to show you how 327 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:26,720 Speaker 1: to grow from where you are now to a professional level. 328 00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:29,719 Speaker 1: And you can grow as big as you want in 329 00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:35,480 Speaker 1: this Goldilocks gym. No different than looking for a church. 330 00:21:36,880 --> 00:22:01,120 Speaker 1: Get out there, take a break, gear it back all right, guys, 331 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,399 Speaker 1: back to the questions here. If you have anything for me, 332 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:07,040 Speaker 1: email me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com and we'll 333 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:09,160 Speaker 1: put it into the queue. I have a couple things 334 00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:11,680 Speaker 1: that I like to ask. Please don't send the same 335 00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:16,760 Speaker 1: email twice, and please don't send one much longer than 336 00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:19,600 Speaker 1: like a phone length, because then it's hard to scroll 337 00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:24,080 Speaker 1: and read and keep the context on the podcast itself. Okay, 338 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:29,720 Speaker 1: So diving in here to the next question. Subjectline says, 339 00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:36,200 Speaker 1: please please read me. Can you love someone you hate? Hey, there, 340 00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:39,840 Speaker 1: Granger Smith. My name is Savannah. I live in Omaha, Nebraska. 341 00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:42,600 Speaker 1: I was with my ex for five years, and during 342 00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:45,879 Speaker 1: that time we were married for four months. The first 343 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:48,800 Speaker 1: time he left me was the day before Christmas even 344 00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:53,360 Speaker 1: twenty eighteen. He refused to work things out, he avoided 345 00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:56,040 Speaker 1: me all together. Nine months later we got back together. 346 00:22:56,119 --> 00:22:59,960 Speaker 1: We were divorced by this time. We immediately got pregnant 347 00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:04,119 Speaker 1: and now we have a beautiful two month old daughter. 348 00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:08,639 Speaker 1: My ex left us again, abruptly, leaving us with nothing, 349 00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:10,560 Speaker 1: and this time he actually moved out of the state 350 00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:14,679 Speaker 1: and is now living with a new girl. Granger. I 351 00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:18,399 Speaker 1: have forgiven him time and time again, especially because we 352 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:21,639 Speaker 1: have a daughter, because the Lord tells us in the 353 00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:26,320 Speaker 1: Bible to forgive seventy two times. But I'm struggling, really, 354 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:30,840 Speaker 1: I'm struggling forgiving him because of all this hurtful, hateful 355 00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:34,159 Speaker 1: things he has done to me, but not only to me, 356 00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:39,680 Speaker 1: our daughter. I have nothing but hate resentment for him. 357 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:44,080 Speaker 1: I hate him. I know hate is such a strong word, 358 00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:47,800 Speaker 1: but I don't know how to feel any differently. Since 359 00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:51,600 Speaker 1: he left, I feel like I have been surviving and 360 00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:55,720 Speaker 1: not truly living. Let me read that again. Since he left, 361 00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:59,879 Speaker 1: I feel like I've only been surviving and not truly living. 362 00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:06,720 Speaker 1: I am hurt. I wo rather than trying to work 363 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:10,359 Speaker 1: things out with his family, he would rather live with 364 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:13,840 Speaker 1: another girl. I grew up without a dad who did 365 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:17,359 Speaker 1: the same thing. I feel worthless knowing my daughter is 366 00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:20,840 Speaker 1: going to go through the same thing I did. I 367 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:24,280 Speaker 1: don't know how to forgive him. How could I learn 368 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:28,840 Speaker 1: to love him as my daughter's dad even though I 369 00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:35,040 Speaker 1: hate him? Best regards, Savannah, Savannah, thank you. This is 370 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:41,640 Speaker 1: such a good email because you did not hold back. 371 00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:45,480 Speaker 1: You didn't sugarcoat anything. You didn't try to make yourself 372 00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:49,440 Speaker 1: seem better than you are or more mature than you are, 373 00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:52,000 Speaker 1: or try to make it sound nice for the podcast. 374 00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:58,440 Speaker 1: You just laid out your emotions, very vulnerable, and I'm 375 00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:01,960 Speaker 1: just I have so much spect and I just want 376 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,720 Speaker 1: to honor you before I start. I just want to 377 00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:12,320 Speaker 1: honor you for just being honest. Because we don't have 378 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:17,359 Speaker 1: to always live in a good place. Sometimes we have 379 00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:22,040 Speaker 1: to embrace the suck. We have to embrace sometimes that, 380 00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:27,879 Speaker 1: you know what, this is a tough time. This is 381 00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:32,680 Speaker 1: a really rough time right now in my life. I'm 382 00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:35,760 Speaker 1: not enjoying it very much at all, this season that 383 00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:40,119 Speaker 1: I'm in, and just sometimes just saying that and realizing, 384 00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:44,240 Speaker 1: you know what, it's okay. It's okay. No one's trying 385 00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:50,359 Speaker 1: to blow butterflies all over you and just say no rainbows, butterflies, bubbles. 386 00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:57,040 Speaker 1: Just be happy, smile and be happy, enjoy life. No 387 00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:59,919 Speaker 1: one needs to tell you that. Sometimes you can go, 388 00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:03,200 Speaker 1: you know what, if someone says, how you doing, Savanna, 389 00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:06,440 Speaker 1: how you doing, you go, you know what, life kind 390 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:10,560 Speaker 1: of sucks right now. Do you know what? That's okay? 391 00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:14,520 Speaker 1: I surely don't mind it. And I appreciate your honesty. 392 00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:17,800 Speaker 1: Let's dive in specifically to kind of to kind of 393 00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:20,280 Speaker 1: the bottom line of what you're asking really through all this, 394 00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:26,240 Speaker 1: and I'll also acknowledge that you have every right to 395 00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:36,359 Speaker 1: feel hurt, to feel betrayed, every right. Your question really 396 00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:41,520 Speaker 1: comes down to this, how can I learn to love him? 397 00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:47,280 Speaker 1: The ex as my daughter's dad, even though I hate him. 398 00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:53,760 Speaker 1: That's your question. So you know me, I'm gonna you 399 00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:57,719 Speaker 1: reference the Bible, and that's where I'm gonna go, because 400 00:26:58,119 --> 00:27:00,679 Speaker 1: when it comes to something like this, that's this. I 401 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:03,399 Speaker 1: don't have any other way to go. I don't have 402 00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:07,480 Speaker 1: a psychology degree. I'm not a sociologist or a therapist 403 00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:16,800 Speaker 1: or a counselor. I'm just a friend. Let's first of all, 404 00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:19,560 Speaker 1: think about I think about this a lot. I've thought 405 00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:25,159 Speaker 1: about it a lot in songwriting. What is the opposite 406 00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:31,359 Speaker 1: of love? I lay it out there. What is the 407 00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:37,080 Speaker 1: opposite of love? It's not hate. It is not hate. 408 00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:43,560 Speaker 1: Hate is a close brother, a close sibling of love. 409 00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:49,800 Speaker 1: It takes a lot of passion directed at someone to love. 410 00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:54,120 Speaker 1: And like I said earlier, we make a decision to love. 411 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:58,919 Speaker 1: We consciously, we feel something, we're driven, we're driven by 412 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:03,880 Speaker 1: a feeling. But ultimately we decide to commit to loving someone. 413 00:28:04,119 --> 00:28:07,280 Speaker 1: Then it takes a lot of effort, a lot of commitment, 414 00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:10,960 Speaker 1: a lot of passion, a lot of feeling in a 415 00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:16,640 Speaker 1: lot of direction. I hate same same thing. It takes 416 00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:20,080 Speaker 1: a lot of feeling, a lot of passion. We were 417 00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:23,240 Speaker 1: directed we it's spurred by a gut feeling, but then 418 00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:27,600 Speaker 1: we ultimately decide yes, I hate you. I hate you. 419 00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:30,919 Speaker 1: I am focusing my energy on you because I hate you, 420 00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:33,399 Speaker 1: just like you would say, I'm focusing my energy on 421 00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:36,920 Speaker 1: you because I love you. Same thing. They're close brothers, 422 00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:43,640 Speaker 1: the opposite of love in fact, and the close brother hate. 423 00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:46,920 Speaker 1: They both have the same opposite hate and love, same 424 00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:53,520 Speaker 1: opposite in difference in difference. I don't care at all. 425 00:28:54,000 --> 00:29:00,000 Speaker 1: I don't care. It means nothing to me. You, my ex, you, 426 00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:02,360 Speaker 1: I don't care. Do what you want, Do what you want, 427 00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:05,440 Speaker 1: go sleep with through who you want, call when you want. 428 00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:09,680 Speaker 1: I don't know. Sorry, I just don't care at all. 429 00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:11,800 Speaker 1: I did, in fact, I didn't even think about it 430 00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:14,400 Speaker 1: most of the days. I just forget about it. What's 431 00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:18,040 Speaker 1: your name again, I don't know, doesn't even matter. That's 432 00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:23,080 Speaker 1: total indifference that works. It's the opposite of hate. It's 433 00:29:23,120 --> 00:29:27,040 Speaker 1: the opposite of love. Isn't that interesting, right? Hate and 434 00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:32,480 Speaker 1: love so close. No one is indifferent to themselves, or 435 00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:36,360 Speaker 1: to their ex, or to the current husband or wife. 436 00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:42,080 Speaker 1: That is far fetched. What you want is to be 437 00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:45,840 Speaker 1: indifferent to your ex. That's what you want. You want 438 00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:47,920 Speaker 1: to be able to say, you know what, it's okay, 439 00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:52,680 Speaker 1: do your thing, big boy. Me and my daughter are fine. 440 00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:56,400 Speaker 1: You do your thing, you do you and we'll do 441 00:29:56,480 --> 00:30:00,560 Speaker 1: what we do. It doesn't bother me. That's that's kind 442 00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:02,600 Speaker 1: of where you want to go. It's very difficult to 443 00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:05,080 Speaker 1: get there, but I just want to acknowledge that you're 444 00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:10,120 Speaker 1: you are not doing the opposite of loving him, because 445 00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:12,200 Speaker 1: that was your question, How can I learn to love 446 00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:15,240 Speaker 1: him even though I hate him? I wrote a song 447 00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:19,080 Speaker 1: about this called hate You like I Love You, and 448 00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:22,400 Speaker 1: it's the song. The song is actually exactly your your story. 449 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:26,880 Speaker 1: This scenario is I'm just trying to hate you like 450 00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:30,160 Speaker 1: I love you, meaning as much as I'm pouring into 451 00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:32,560 Speaker 1: you with this love, you know, I just want to 452 00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:37,520 Speaker 1: hate you that way. And the truth is the residual 453 00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:39,960 Speaker 1: left over from your love for him is what's causing 454 00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:43,400 Speaker 1: this all this energy of hate. So what do you 455 00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:46,280 Speaker 1: do where you go from there? Like you said, the 456 00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:51,920 Speaker 1: Bible says, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive. First of all, 457 00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:55,880 Speaker 1: you realize his fallen nature. He is a fallen creature, 458 00:30:56,520 --> 00:31:01,040 Speaker 1: so are you. Even though he's done terrible things on 459 00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:05,400 Speaker 1: the surface, in God's eyes, you're no better. You haven't 460 00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:11,120 Speaker 1: done things, works, deeds, effort, you haven't done anything more 461 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:16,720 Speaker 1: than him to raise your your standing with God. We 462 00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:21,680 Speaker 1: are all fallen and broken. Jesus says, you hate someone 463 00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:28,360 Speaker 1: with your heart, you're murdering them. Guilty. I'm guilty. You're guilty. 464 00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:33,040 Speaker 1: You're guilty of murder. That's how that's how serious God 465 00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:37,719 Speaker 1: takes hate. It's it's as serious as murder. I'm not 466 00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:40,440 Speaker 1: calling you out. I'm saying I'm with you. I have 467 00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:44,840 Speaker 1: felt that, I felt that feeling. I am guilty of murder. 468 00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:52,800 Speaker 1: I'm convicted. So what do we do with this lying, thieving, murderous, blasphemous, 469 00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:55,520 Speaker 1: adulterous generation that we are. What do we do with this? 470 00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:01,800 Speaker 1: We realize that we have been redeemed. We realize that 471 00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:07,800 Speaker 1: we have been restored. We've been adopted as sons and daughters. 472 00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:11,960 Speaker 1: You have a father that left you on earth. You 473 00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:16,320 Speaker 1: have a heavenly father that will not leave you. He 474 00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:20,720 Speaker 1: has adopted you all in the kingdom of His is 475 00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:23,640 Speaker 1: now yours. He's giving it to you. It's a gift. 476 00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:29,720 Speaker 1: He gives good gifts. He cares. He also disciplines because 477 00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:33,160 Speaker 1: he loves in only a way to create good for you, 478 00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:37,040 Speaker 1: because he has good plans for you. Now, you might 479 00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:41,320 Speaker 1: not see it on this earth. That's what's hard to understand. 480 00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:43,920 Speaker 1: You might not get it in some kind of prosperity way. 481 00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:47,360 Speaker 1: Your bank account doesn't just start growing, and you know, 482 00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:50,400 Speaker 1: Prince Charming doesn't just ride in on a white horse 483 00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:52,600 Speaker 1: and sweep you up your feet and you forget all this. 484 00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:55,880 Speaker 1: But he provides in a way that we just can't 485 00:32:55,960 --> 00:33:03,520 Speaker 1: quite understand. But we trust him anyway. You're redeemed, you're adopted, 486 00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:10,680 Speaker 1: You're ransomed. That's what he promises you. He promises to 487 00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:15,680 Speaker 1: heal you. Jesus died on the cross, taking on the 488 00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:18,960 Speaker 1: sins of the world so that his people could be redeemed. 489 00:33:19,360 --> 00:33:23,200 Speaker 1: That price is paid, the fine that you cause from 490 00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:29,320 Speaker 1: your hate and your heart and mind. The sentence for 491 00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:32,400 Speaker 1: that is death. The Bible says, the wages of sin 492 00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:37,200 Speaker 1: is death, meaning you have hated in our hearts, we've lied, stolen. 493 00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:39,960 Speaker 1: The wages of that is death. So he comes in, 494 00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:43,240 Speaker 1: Jesus comes in on the cross, the blood of the lamb, 495 00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:49,760 Speaker 1: and that price pays for your bail. You're now free. 496 00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:52,000 Speaker 1: So what do you do with this freedom? What do 497 00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:55,920 Speaker 1: you do you turn around to the person that did 498 00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:59,600 Speaker 1: that for you and you say, thank you. I will 499 00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:02,080 Speaker 1: serve you. He says, you know how you serve me? 500 00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:05,800 Speaker 1: Keeping my word? You say, how do I keep your word? 501 00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:11,360 Speaker 1: He says, feed my sheep, serve my people. The only 502 00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:13,840 Speaker 1: way you can get over this hate with your husband, 503 00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:17,040 Speaker 1: the only way you could battle it. The only way 504 00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:23,120 Speaker 1: you could counteract hate is with gratitude. Where does gratitude 505 00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:28,120 Speaker 1: come from? Knowing that you are fallen, You are broken, 506 00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:33,560 Speaker 1: you are redeemed and adopted and forgiven and ransomed by 507 00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:38,560 Speaker 1: the blood of Christ. If you could realize how bad 508 00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:42,680 Speaker 1: you are, Savannah, If you could stop thinking about how 509 00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:45,680 Speaker 1: bad your ex husband is and realize how bad you 510 00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:50,120 Speaker 1: are the crimes that you have committed. If you could 511 00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:54,719 Speaker 1: realize that and then realize no to knowing that your 512 00:34:54,800 --> 00:35:01,520 Speaker 1: price has been paid, the ransom has come, you are free. 513 00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:08,520 Speaker 1: You are free when you realize that. It's the gratitude 514 00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:12,399 Speaker 1: that wells up in your heart and overflows, and when 515 00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:19,319 Speaker 1: it overflows, the outpouring of that gratitude his love. It 516 00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:24,760 Speaker 1: is seeing people for who they are, people in desperate 517 00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:29,040 Speaker 1: need of a savior, and so you serve them, You 518 00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:32,680 Speaker 1: clothe them, you visit them in prison, you help them 519 00:35:32,719 --> 00:35:37,120 Speaker 1: in their need, you feed them. You outpour too. And 520 00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:39,680 Speaker 1: for some reason, when you do that, because of the 521 00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:42,600 Speaker 1: gratitude that's flowing from you, Because of that, when you 522 00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:45,160 Speaker 1: take that energy and you go and you start serving others, 523 00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:48,840 Speaker 1: for some reason, there's a healing in that, and you 524 00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:53,680 Speaker 1: start healing inside. It starts, it starts healing itself from 525 00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:57,520 Speaker 1: the inside out. The inward change. You need a new heart. 526 00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:02,880 Speaker 1: You don't need attack are a strategy on how to forgive, 527 00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:06,960 Speaker 1: how to not hate someone. This guy's done terrible things 528 00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:09,439 Speaker 1: to you. I can't tell you a list of seven 529 00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:12,560 Speaker 1: things to help you not hate him anymore. You need 530 00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:16,440 Speaker 1: a new heart. You need an inward change, an inward 531 00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:22,279 Speaker 1: transformation that goes from hate. It's gratitude, knowing that you 532 00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:29,960 Speaker 1: deserve to be hated, but instead you're loved. Jesus says, 533 00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:32,560 Speaker 1: what it's so easy to love someone that loves you. 534 00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:37,640 Speaker 1: That's easy, Jesus says, what's hard is to love someone 535 00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:40,560 Speaker 1: that hates you. That's why it says love your enemies. 536 00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:45,319 Speaker 1: That's hard. To love your enemies. It's easy. To love 537 00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:51,000 Speaker 1: your mama, she loves you. That's easy. Who doesn't. Can 538 00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:55,400 Speaker 1: you love someone that hates you? Sometimes you got to 539 00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:57,400 Speaker 1: preach this into your heart from your mind. You got 540 00:36:57,440 --> 00:36:59,880 Speaker 1: to preach it into your heart from your mind to 541 00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:02,520 Speaker 1: say these kind of things, this kind of language. I 542 00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:08,080 Speaker 1: am fallen, I am broken. I have messed up, I 543 00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:14,080 Speaker 1: have hated. But despite all of that, I'm loved. I've 544 00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:18,319 Speaker 1: brought into a family, Our heavenly father has brought me 545 00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:21,960 Speaker 1: into his family as an adopted daughter. What am I 546 00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:26,520 Speaker 1: gonna do with this information? Someone that was just that 547 00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:30,279 Speaker 1: was without hope now has hope. What am I going 548 00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:35,239 Speaker 1: to do with this? I'm so grateful. So you preach 549 00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:37,600 Speaker 1: that into your heart and you said, I know that 550 00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:41,120 Speaker 1: this guy, this actually he's done some terrible things, but 551 00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:44,760 Speaker 1: I forgive him, and your gut goes, no, I don't, 552 00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:48,640 Speaker 1: and you go, yeah, I do. I forgive him, And 553 00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:51,480 Speaker 1: you preach it into your heart day after day, and 554 00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:54,879 Speaker 1: you see that your daughter sees you do this, You 555 00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:57,640 Speaker 1: act it out. You you play this out in front 556 00:37:57,640 --> 00:38:00,680 Speaker 1: of your daughter. Maybe that's something you mom didn't get 557 00:38:00,719 --> 00:38:04,080 Speaker 1: to do, So you play it out in front of 558 00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:09,239 Speaker 1: your daughter over and over and over. You are the 559 00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:11,920 Speaker 1: one in needing of healing. You are the one that 560 00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:17,760 Speaker 1: needs to be set free, not him. Everything will change. 561 00:38:22,840 --> 00:38:25,600 Speaker 1: Next question subject Lilne says new school. Hey, thanks for 562 00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:28,600 Speaker 1: your time. I love your podcast. I'm a senior in 563 00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:31,520 Speaker 1: high school and I just moved schools. I don't really 564 00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:34,120 Speaker 1: know anyone here, but there's this girl in my class 565 00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:36,040 Speaker 1: and I think she's beautiful and I really like her. 566 00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:38,800 Speaker 1: I've never been in any kind of relationship, and I 567 00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:41,440 Speaker 1: don't think I would ever be able to build up 568 00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:43,719 Speaker 1: the nerve to talk to her. Like I said, I'm 569 00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:46,120 Speaker 1: new in school and I would just feel weird being 570 00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:48,200 Speaker 1: the new kid going up and asking this girl out. 571 00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:52,400 Speaker 1: What advice would you give me? Thanks agetting Blake, Hey Blake, 572 00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:57,959 Speaker 1: I appreciate you. Brother. Senior in high school. If only 573 00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:00,400 Speaker 1: we could all have that chance again to be a 574 00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:05,320 Speaker 1: senior buddy. It's difficult to go to a new school, 575 00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:09,759 Speaker 1: isn't it, especially your senior year. Man, this is I'm 576 00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:13,440 Speaker 1: sure there's not something you signed up for, and it's hard, 577 00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:18,600 Speaker 1: new school, new faces, no friends you could trust. And 578 00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:22,080 Speaker 1: then to add to all this versus girl and she's 579 00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:25,160 Speaker 1: really cute and you want to talk to her, but 580 00:39:25,320 --> 00:39:28,840 Speaker 1: you're the new guy. You don't think you have enough 581 00:39:29,040 --> 00:39:34,120 Speaker 1: nerve to ask her. So let's dive into this question. 582 00:39:36,719 --> 00:39:38,680 Speaker 1: The first thing I would say, say we're sitting around 583 00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:41,360 Speaker 1: a campfire talking about this. First thing I would say 584 00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:46,319 Speaker 1: is you need a buddy, You need a friend. How 585 00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:48,200 Speaker 1: do you get a friend? Well, I would start with 586 00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:53,440 Speaker 1: things that you're interested in. Pursue that. So you like chess, 587 00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:57,760 Speaker 1: find the chess team and join it. You like student council, 588 00:39:58,440 --> 00:40:02,120 Speaker 1: join it. You like ball, go get on the team. 589 00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:06,200 Speaker 1: You like baseball, track, you like drama, you like choir, 590 00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:12,600 Speaker 1: you like band. Find something that interests you. Shop could 591 00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:17,759 Speaker 1: be golf, whatever. There's always a group for every kind 592 00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:22,320 Speaker 1: of person. Get into the group and dive into the 593 00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:27,520 Speaker 1: group and find someone that you could have a conversation with. Hey, 594 00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:31,160 Speaker 1: my name is Blake, I'm new here. I love shop. 595 00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:34,440 Speaker 1: So the guys like, yeah, me too. The other guys like, 596 00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:37,280 Speaker 1: in fact, I moved here four years ago and immediately 597 00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:39,360 Speaker 1: joined shop. And you're like, yeah, I was in shop 598 00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:41,920 Speaker 1: in my last school and I don't know anything about 599 00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:44,560 Speaker 1: this school. Can you help me out? And he's like, yeah, 600 00:40:44,719 --> 00:40:46,360 Speaker 1: what do you need to know? I could tell you 601 00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:49,360 Speaker 1: the ins and outs of this school. Do this for 602 00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:52,960 Speaker 1: a little bit. Several conversations. Later, you go, hey, there's 603 00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:57,120 Speaker 1: this girl and he's like, oh, you're talking about her? Yeah, yeah, yeah, 604 00:40:57,560 --> 00:40:59,920 Speaker 1: you like her. And you're like, yeah, I think she 605 00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:02,120 Speaker 1: is beautiful. I just don't I don't know what to 606 00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:05,399 Speaker 1: say to her. And he's like, man, I actually i've 607 00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:09,560 Speaker 1: known her since we were in elementary school and she's 608 00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:14,200 Speaker 1: actually a super sweet girl. She likes chocolate milkshakes. I 609 00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:16,960 Speaker 1: happen to know that. You know, maybe one day you 610 00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:18,879 Speaker 1: just ask her if she wants to have a chocolate milkshake. See, 611 00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:20,960 Speaker 1: these are little pieces of advice that you can get 612 00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:23,200 Speaker 1: from a friend like this. Once you have a friend 613 00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:26,200 Speaker 1: then and then you have a solid foundation. So then 614 00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:29,560 Speaker 1: you talk to the girl, she rejects you. You go 615 00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:31,560 Speaker 1: back to the guy and you go, man, she rejected me. 616 00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:35,480 Speaker 1: And he's like, well, man, you don't need her anyway, 617 00:41:35,719 --> 00:41:37,480 Speaker 1: but there is another girl that maybe we could. You know, 618 00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:41,880 Speaker 1: it just creates this camaraderie that we need in a 619 00:41:42,040 --> 00:41:45,160 Speaker 1: new school like this. So before going out on the 620 00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:48,360 Speaker 1: limb and trying to talk to this girl, build your 621 00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:51,400 Speaker 1: build your support group up. You're gonna need this support 622 00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:55,439 Speaker 1: group whether or not she likes you or not. You're 623 00:41:55,440 --> 00:42:00,000 Speaker 1: gonna need some buddies. Good email buddy, Thank you, thank you. 624 00:42:00,239 --> 00:42:03,640 Speaker 1: I appreciate you brother, all you guys, I appreciate you 625 00:42:03,719 --> 00:42:06,319 Speaker 1: emailing and your questions mean so much to me. So 626 00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:11,440 Speaker 1: does this podcast. As always, we'll see you back next Monday. Gege, 627 00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:14,520 Speaker 1: thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate 628 00:42:14,760 --> 00:42:16,759 Speaker 1: all of you guys. You could help me out by 629 00:42:16,840 --> 00:42:20,680 Speaker 1: rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe 630 00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:23,400 Speaker 1: to this channel. Hit that little like button and the 631 00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:27,160 Speaker 1: notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload 632 00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:29,680 Speaker 1: a video. If you have a question for me that 633 00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:33,719 Speaker 1: you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at 634 00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:36,120 Speaker 1: gmail dot com yig