Speaker 1: Welcome to Creature feature production of iHeartRadio. I'm your host
Speaker 1: of Many Parasites, Katie Golden. I studied psychology and evolutionary biology,
Speaker 1: and today on the show, we're giving the creature Kringle
Speaker 1: Time's reindeer a break and hiring some new mystical steeds
Speaker 1: to carry kringle claus sleigh, and using a bit of
Speaker 1: Kringle Time magic, we're bringing some megafauna back from extinction,
Speaker 1: discover some unforgettable ungulates as we answer the age old
Speaker 1: question or dragons herbivores. Joining me is friend of the pod,
Speaker 1: friend of ungulates everywhere, and host of the show, secretly
Speaker 1: incredibly fascinating Alex Schmidt.
Speaker 2: Hey, Katie, it's amazing to be here at especially thank
Speaker 2: you for teeing up megafauna. It's very very excited. I
Speaker 2: love it. Yeah, mammals in both the bison and my
Speaker 2: heart as dancing around very hippy. Yes, I have fun.
Speaker 1: Well look at the size. So yeah, we're all about
Speaker 1: ungulates today, Alex, do you like an ungulate?
Speaker 2: I think I learned the word ungulate from a Far
Speaker 2: Side cartoon. I don't know how many other people had
Speaker 2: that experience, but there's it's like a guy in a
Speaker 2: back alley. It's like the strip is like a guy
Speaker 2: in a back alley. It's the trope of like a
Speaker 2: guy with a coat full of illicit watches or whatever.
Speaker 2: But it's a guy in a back alley saying, hey,
Speaker 2: you want to buy an ungulate, and then there's a
Speaker 2: bunch of like antelope and the shadows. It's great, Oh my.
Speaker 1: God, that's amazing. That's amazing black market ungulate. Yeah, they
Speaker 1: are a clade of quadruped mammals. Typically they've got hooves.
Speaker 1: This includes animals you'd probably expect like horses, deer, cows, camels,
Speaker 1: and sheep, but also animals you might not expect, like rhinos, draftes,
Speaker 1: tape ears, and even cetaceans, which is dolphins in whales.
Speaker 1: And the reason dolphins and whales are in that clade
Speaker 1: is they evolved from terrestrial ungulate ancestors, so they do
Speaker 1: not have those they are. You know, thinking of a
Speaker 1: dolphin as an ungulate is very strange, but they are
Speaker 1: in that clade because they did evolve from weird little
Speaker 1: deer things.
Speaker 2: I didn't know. They got to remain in the club.
Speaker 2: That's amazing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're still in the club. I mean, I don't.
Speaker 1: I think if you called a dolphin an ungulate, you
Speaker 1: might get some weird looks. But they are technically in
Speaker 1: the same clade as ungulates, so you know, you might
Speaker 1: get some side eyes. You're like, yeah, dolphins is an.
Speaker 2: Ungulate because I care about scientific accuracy and I also
Speaker 2: care about, you know, fitting in with the cool marine
Speaker 2: biologists exactly. So it's important to.
Speaker 1: Kind of a west side story situation where you have
Speaker 1: the marine biologists and then the terrestrial animal biologists snapping
Speaker 1: their fingers and.
Speaker 2: Right, the sharks and something besides the chats, the silicants
Speaker 2: or whatever old ocean thing they care about.
Speaker 1: Yeah, theikitas in the chevrotanes sounds really badass, but those
Speaker 1: are two of the cutest examples of cetaceans and ungulates.
Speaker 1: So first, let's talk about what a hoof is. So
Speaker 1: not all ungulates have hoofs, but most hoofed animals are ungulates.
Speaker 1: A hoof is the tip of a toe of an
Speaker 1: animal where the nail or claw has evolved into a
Speaker 1: very thick and hard, caratinous chunk that the animal can
Speaker 1: walk on. So there are both even toed ungulates like
Speaker 1: deer who have an even number of toes on each foot,
Speaker 1: or the odd toed ungulates like horses who walk on
Speaker 1: an odd number of toes. For instance, horses walk on
Speaker 1: one big old toe which has grown to incredible proportions,
Speaker 1: so uh, yeah, they're just walking on their tiptoes. Ungulate
Speaker 1: legs are typically pretty interesting anatomically. So the part of
Speaker 1: the horse that you would probably think of as the
Speaker 1: knee is actually its wrist. So that big knobby thing
Speaker 1: on the horse, you're like, that's where its knee is, right,
Speaker 1: that's where it's walking. That's its ankle and or wrist.
Speaker 1: So below that are the elongated, infused bones of the metacarpals.
Speaker 1: In humans, the metacarpals are actually that first segment of
Speaker 1: our fingers and toes. You guys can't see it because
Speaker 1: I'm in your ears, but I'm showing Alex my fingers
Speaker 1: because this is the metacarpals.
Speaker 2: So so yeah, it's just the rest of it is
Speaker 2: Katie's hoof. Actually it continues into her head.
Speaker 1: And they fuse into a single horrifying hoove that I
Speaker 1: like to prance around on, which is, you know, really
Speaker 1: an interesting image. But yeah, I mean, basically, horses are
Speaker 1: walking on one long toe. So that's interesting and a
Speaker 1: little bit upsetting.
Speaker 2: I guess this is really changing my whole understanding of horses,
Speaker 2: Like the whole essentially bottom half of what I think
Speaker 2: of as their leg is basically a foot. Like that's incredible.
Speaker 1: Yeah wow, yeah, so like freaky yeah, because if you
Speaker 1: think of a horse leg, it bends in like three
Speaker 1: places kind of. So you've got the shoulder part, but
Speaker 1: then under that you have the actual knee and or elbow,
Speaker 1: and then under that you have where you would kind
Speaker 1: of think the knee would go is actually the wrist
Speaker 1: or ankle joint, and then below that you have the
Speaker 1: finger joints.
Speaker 2: So it's weird. Yeah, it's like I'm thinking of that
Speaker 2: meme where it's like how would a dog wear pants?
Speaker 2: And it's either across or at the back, Like now
Speaker 2: I'm thinking of how would a horse wear shoes? And
Speaker 2: the shoe is like half the leg, you know, because
Speaker 2: it's it's the foot or whatever. Freaky.
Speaker 1: H I think there's some kind of drawing of like
Speaker 1: what a human would look like with horse proportions.
Speaker 2: Oh, it's called Bowjack Horsemen. It's a very good show.
Speaker 2: A lot of people like it.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of fun diagrams of people walking like horses,
Speaker 1: and it's showing sort of the the similar stuff. Well,
Speaker 1: my Google search is certainly very strange and interesting, but
Speaker 1: not very scientifically relevant. So moving on on you it's
Speaker 1: weird toe walkers, but it gets weirder and we can
Speaker 1: look back in time to some extinct species that were
Speaker 1: absolutely just bonkers. So there used to be a gigantic
Speaker 1: deer that would roam around in Ireland and Russia and
Speaker 1: parts of Europe, called the Irish elk, and it was
Speaker 1: not an elk, it was a deer. It was also
Speaker 1: known as megeloceras gigantius because it was giganteus. So its
Speaker 1: skeletal remains have been found in the bogs of Ireland,
Speaker 1: which those bogs are really amazing at preserving dead things.
Speaker 1: It probably went extinct over seven thousand years ago, so
Speaker 1: humans definitely overlapped with this thing. So it had a
Speaker 1: massive set of moose like antlers. So you have two
Speaker 1: types of antlers. You have sort of the antlers you
Speaker 1: see on like a deer, but then the antlers you
Speaker 1: see on a goose or like a I think it's
Speaker 1: called a fallow deer. Yeah, a fallow deer are palmated antlers.
Speaker 1: So a palmated antlers basically means hand like antlers, just
Speaker 1: like a moose. You know, they're they're they have sort
Speaker 1: of this uh solid palm and then it branches off
Speaker 1: into quote unquote fingers. So yeah, palmated antlers. And it
Speaker 1: was absolutely pants weddingly huge, gigantic, gigantic ew Yeah, I'm.
Speaker 2: Sorry, I'm imagining the first human to invent pants overlapping
Speaker 2: with the end of this animal. So like they finally
Speaker 2: finish pants and immediately pee up because.
Speaker 1: Yea, yeah, well I think they were invented to be
Speaker 1: peed in like like you know, some very early human like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, that deer makes me want to pee
Speaker 1: my my pants, and then he invents pants and peas
Speaker 1: them promptly.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So the big old deer stood it around seven feet tall,
Speaker 1: over two meters at the shoulders. It could weigh over
Speaker 1: one five hundred pounds or seven hundred kilograms. It was
Speaker 1: similar in size to a moose, plus you know, maybe
Speaker 1: a little bigger than a moose, but it had much
Speaker 1: bigger antlers. The antlers were the biggest known of any deer,
Speaker 1: and they spanned twelve feet from side to side, so
Speaker 1: that's three point six meters of antlers, and they weighed
Speaker 1: almost ninety pounds or forty kilograms, over twice the size
Speaker 1: of the antlers of a moose.
Speaker 2: So yeah, big antlers, right, that's the freakiest part that
Speaker 2: it's the same size of the rest of the animal
Speaker 2: pretty much. Yeah, just pile on so much.
Speaker 1: Do you remember that old the Grinch who Stole Christmas
Speaker 1: car tune version of the Jim Carrey version. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: the car like the check the Check Jones cartoon, And
Speaker 1: he's trying to disguise his the little dog into a deer,
Speaker 1: so he puts a big set of antlers on the dog,
Speaker 1: so the dog tips forward, and he keeps having to
Speaker 1: shave off the antlers until it's the right size for
Speaker 1: the dog to wear. Yeah, that keeps tipping forward. That's
Speaker 1: how I imagine these deer just like tipping forward all
Speaker 1: the time. But yeah, that's why their bodies had to
Speaker 1: be so huge and muscular. They even had like this
Speaker 1: big hump on their back, similar to a bison. That
Speaker 1: would help probably kind of balance them a little more
Speaker 1: and also gave them the ability to both store fat
Speaker 1: and have longer leg strides at the attachment of their shoulders.
Speaker 1: So yeah, just beasts, big old beasts.
Speaker 2: And probably almost like hair owing to see. Because because
Speaker 2: I have family and Colorado who've seen a moose in
Speaker 2: the wild in real life, and they described it as
Speaker 2: a little more scary than majestic, you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: Like they're that big, and they're kind of aggressive, and
Speaker 2: they only have you know, like one percent of these
Speaker 2: antlers or whatever. I don't want to see an Irish
Speaker 2: elkan life boy, oh boy, forget it.
Speaker 1: Well, absolutely, yeah, I think moose are scary. I appreciate
Speaker 1: them obviously. I think they're beautiful animals. I respect them.
Speaker 1: I would not want to be face to face with
Speaker 1: a moose. That is terrifying. They're big, dangerous wild animals.
Speaker 1: I think that sometimes and certainly not people who live
Speaker 1: with moose, I think they probably understand and have a
Speaker 1: healthy respect for the moose. But deer and moose and
Speaker 1: ungulates in general, I think maybe other than bulls, we
Speaker 1: kind of don't think of as dangerous, but they certainly
Speaker 1: can be.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Bulls, bulls, I think, because of media, are the
Speaker 2: one exception where we're like, oh yeah, that plant eater
Speaker 2: is dangerous, right, But otherwise we have this weird like
Speaker 2: dinosaur I think based concepts where we're like, oh, if
Speaker 2: it eats plants, you can hug it, and if it
Speaker 2: eats heat, it's it's the bad guys in the movie.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but really not the case. Even like if you've
Speaker 1: seen these herbivores fighting back against the carnivores, especially in
Speaker 1: the sub Saharan savannah, like the giraffes kicking lions, and
Speaker 1: you know it just just they can really, I mean,
Speaker 1: they can sometimes kill lions like a giraffe even something
Speaker 1: like you know, some of the bigger, the bigger ungulates.
Speaker 2: Like are hippos ungulates hippos.
Speaker 1: Are gilts and they can certainly ruin your day and
Speaker 1: stomp in your head. Yeah, oh will the beast can
Speaker 1: really mess a line up. Absolutely just reck alion. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it's they are very capable. Moose are very capable.
Speaker 1: Even regular sized deer can hurt people. They can kill people,
Speaker 1: They can stomp you, they can gore you, you know,
Speaker 1: if you anger a deer up close. I mean, we
Speaker 1: have a great advantage with our weapons and stuff, and
Speaker 1: generally they're afraid of us. But if they feel like
Speaker 1: they've got to fight you to get out of a situation,
Speaker 1: you're in a lot of trouble, because yeah, they are,
Speaker 1: they're dangerous animals and so and so this thing with
Speaker 1: antlers twelve feet wide antlers that's like two deer, Like
Speaker 1: it could carry two Deus in each set of antlers.
Speaker 1: You know, like that's insane, that's it's it's absolutely the
Speaker 1: deer of your nightmares. And yeah, I mean we did
Speaker 1: apparently hunt them, which I guess early humans were just like, yeah,
Speaker 1: mammoth giant deer, No big deal, just gonna go up
Speaker 1: to this thing. I mean, I'm sure, I'm sure there
Speaker 1: was a good amount of collateral damage of early humans
Speaker 1: of like, what's this thing? And the next thing they know,
Speaker 1: like they've been cleanly hewn in half by a giant
Speaker 1: set of antlers. But yeah, I mean, one of the
Speaker 1: theories for why these went extinct is because of those
Speaker 1: huge antlers, because they are very costly in terms of nutrition.
Speaker 1: You need a lot of nutrition to build up those
Speaker 1: muscles and to be able to actually grow such huge antlers.
Speaker 1: And they're also kind of, you know, not the most
Speaker 1: aerodynamic things in the world. So if you're trying to
Speaker 1: run through a forest away from a group of human hunters.
Speaker 1: I would imagine they'd get stuck in things, like in trees,
Speaker 1: and you know, it's probably not the most advantageous feature.
Speaker 1: The reason they got so huge was for probably sexual selection,
Speaker 1: because they were huge in males, and it was probably
Speaker 1: to impress females and to signal to other males that like,
Speaker 1: they were awesome and great and don't even bother trying
Speaker 1: to compete.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're essentially built like Johnny Bravo, but he doesn't
Speaker 2: need all that hair up there. Come.
Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely sort of the ornamental bodybuilders of the ungillate world,
Speaker 1: where it's kind of it's kind of decorative. You know,
Speaker 1: it looks intimidating, but a lot of it is decorative.
Speaker 1: I mean, they could definitely crush you if they fell
Speaker 1: on you, but you know. So now we're going to
Speaker 1: talk about one of the most uncanny, weird just getting
Speaker 1: we're getting real freaky with these with these deer alex.
Speaker 1: We're going to talk about ro Poto Suradidae, which is
Speaker 1: a family of even tote ungulates of North and Central
Speaker 1: America that went extinct over four million years ago, whose
Speaker 1: bodies look similar to deer, but their heads look like
Speaker 1: a deer from Salvador Dali's nightmares.
Speaker 2: So not as good dreams where stuff's melting but it's happy.
Speaker 1: Although maybe with Salvador Deli, maybe his nightmares were just
Speaker 1: realistic things like cute teddy bears and normal looking things,
Speaker 1: and he's like, ah, I just dreamed about o'clock that
Speaker 1: wasn't melting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I could tell time. No.
Speaker 1: So my inspiration for this section is actually from a
Speaker 1: Twitter thread by an ecology student Aditya Stranath and some
Speaker 1: paleo artists discussing one of the weirdest extinct families of
Speaker 1: ungulates out there, so protosur today. If you look at
Speaker 1: one of these skulls, you will be convinced that dragons
Speaker 1: were real. Alex I have shared with you some of
Speaker 1: these schools. These will also be in the show notes.
Speaker 1: They you know, they look like dragons or dinosaurs.
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, it's got dinosaur vibes and then also sort
Speaker 2: of a horse mouth as I understand skeletons. Yeah, like
Speaker 2: if you came upon it in the desert southwest, all
Speaker 2: bleached and stuff, you would assume it's some sort of
Speaker 2: dark tower situation where a gunslinger was fighting monsters.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So there are many different species with really wacky
Speaker 1: looking skulls, but typically they would have four horns quote
Speaker 1: unquote horns. They're actually most likely osso cones. So an
Speaker 1: osso cone is something like you see on a giraffe.
Speaker 1: They are a bone structure covered in skin and fur.
Speaker 1: For the section, I'm gonna use terms like horn and
Speaker 1: antler just to describe the shape of these things, but technically,
Speaker 1: horns are a structure covered in keratin, and antlers are
Speaker 1: a bony structure that are shed and regrown every year,
Speaker 1: and they, like a deer's antlers, will actually start out
Speaker 1: covered in a thin layer of skin and fur which
Speaker 1: is shed, whereas osca cones, which is what we're talking
Speaker 1: about here, are structurally similar to antlers and that they
Speaker 1: have a bony base and they're covered in skin and fur,
Speaker 1: but they're permanent and so they never shed that skin
Speaker 1: and fur coating.
Speaker 2: Oh just amazing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, like the little knobs on a giraffe head.
Speaker 1: I don't think about them too much, but when I do,
Speaker 1: I realize they're kind of weird.
Speaker 2: Right, I do, because I used to give tours of
Speaker 2: a zoo at Brookfield Zoo, and we had a lot
Speaker 2: of giraffes that were part of the tour vout and
Speaker 2: I think people always thought of them as just silly.
Speaker 2: But then those little I guess osacone on the top
Speaker 2: of the head, they indicate some sort of more warlike
Speaker 2: past to me of the giraffes. I don't know if
Speaker 2: that's true. And then, as you said, giraffes will totally
Speaker 2: fight and kick in the modern day, they still got.
Speaker 1: It, yeah, but with their next but yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: it's interesting. I don't know exactly what the osccones are
Speaker 1: used in giraffes. They may be for mate selection. I
Speaker 1: don't think they're used for fighting, but they may have
Speaker 1: had a relative that used them for fighting or for
Speaker 1: mate signaling. So yeah, so in these extinct species, these
Speaker 1: were probably used in sexual selection because it was the
Speaker 1: males that had the most just bananas situation going on
Speaker 1: with these auso accounts.
Speaker 2: So yeah, once again, Johnny Bravo, Johnny Bravo's most species,
Speaker 2: it turns out, folks, I don't know if you're familiar
Speaker 2: with the cartoon, I think the nineties maybe later last.
Speaker 1: Anyway, nineties cartoon where it was this guy who's like
Speaker 1: body mass was ninety percent the pectorals and and biceps
Speaker 1: and then tiny little legs. And actually, you know what,
Speaker 1: that Johnny Bravo analogy is going to hold out throughout
Speaker 1: the show, especially with our last one we're going to
Speaker 1: talk about. So hold on to that.
Speaker 2: Thought scientific name Jonicas bravonicus and the you know, the
Speaker 2: finer scientific text out there.
Speaker 1: So most species of Protocertidae had two horny protrusions behind
Speaker 1: the eyes and two on the snout. But depending on
Speaker 1: the species, these horns were in all sorts of different
Speaker 1: weird shapes, and yeah it was the males ran particularly
Speaker 1: wild with it. So one species called Synthetocerous had a
Speaker 1: nose antler that started out as like one long unicorn
Speaker 1: horn and branched into two, so kind of like kind
Speaker 1: of like a slingshot. I could imagine, you know, you
Speaker 1: wrapping a rubber band around it and using it as slingshot.
Speaker 1: What was that old show with like the Caveman family
Speaker 1: who would like ride around on weird dinosaur things and
Speaker 1: like with the flinstones, No, I mean flintstones is one
Speaker 1: of those things. Oh, definitely flintstones would use this as
Speaker 1: like a mobile, like a slingshot creature. But now there
Speaker 1: was another one, the.
Speaker 2: Movie The Crudes. I have not seen the movie.
Speaker 1: The I googled cartoon dinosaur times eighties, and that didn't
Speaker 1: help me really at all.
Speaker 2: Slingshot in an old cartoon. I almost thought you were
Speaker 2: going to say Bart Simpson, like what, he just goes
Speaker 2: around sling shotting things. But other stuff is, especially in
Speaker 2: the early seasons, they were like he's a real trouble maker.
Speaker 2: And part of it was that he had a slingshot
Speaker 2: in his back pocket, which no child has done since.
Speaker 2: I don't know, FDR. It's very old fashioned to me.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, the Dennist, the one that slingshot in the
Speaker 1: back pocket. Herculoids. It was herculoids. Do you remember herculoids?
Speaker 2: No, I don't know it. I don't know it. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I've never heard of it.
Speaker 1: I mean it was a little before our time. I
Speaker 1: think I only saw reruns and stuff. But they had
Speaker 1: like weird like dinosaur monsters and like a rhino that
Speaker 1: would shoot stuff out of its forehead, and like a
Speaker 1: gorilla made out of stone, and then these just like
Speaker 1: big goo things. Anyways, it was a really Weird Show,
Speaker 1: and this makes me think of something from that Weird Show.
Speaker 1: I think it was from the seventies, but yeah, so
Speaker 1: so in addition to the slingshot on its nose, it
Speaker 1: also had these two horns behind its eyes that were
Speaker 1: curved and even weirder. So there's this dip in the
Speaker 1: nasal bones that some people, including palaeo artists vill Sinkonin,
Speaker 1: speculate may have been because of an inflatable skin pouch
Speaker 1: at the base of the horn that males could have used,
Speaker 1: similar to how animals like elephant, seals or frigatebirds inflate
Speaker 1: a pouch for sexual displays, but like right on top
Speaker 1: of its nose. So I'm definitely including a link to
Speaker 1: a hilarious and really interesting animated three D recreation by
Speaker 1: Villis Sincronin. It's this such a goof ofsaurus, Like, I mean,
Speaker 1: it's an ungulate, mammalian ungulate, but it's so goofy looking.
Speaker 1: And then on top of that, the potential for this
Speaker 1: inflatable nose pouch just incredible, magnificent.
Speaker 2: I'm looking at this little video and look, they did
Speaker 2: a really professional job. It's really well put together, and
Speaker 2: it makes it funnier to me. Y's just this. It
Speaker 2: looks like it has like an Edgar Allen Poe Telltale
Speaker 2: heart underneath the front of its face. I love it
Speaker 2: really good, Like it won't stop beating in a way
Speaker 2: that's unsettling.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's It looks like it would make a
Speaker 1: little like bicycle horn honking sounds.
Speaker 2: Or have like that wheezing nerd voice that's in cartoons,
Speaker 2: like it's trying to talk, but there's just wheezing all
Speaker 2: the time.
Speaker 1: Great, yeah, yeah, no exactly, I mean there's and this
Speaker 1: is just one species. There are several species of really
Speaker 1: weird looking ones, and I'm including in the show notes
Speaker 1: a diagram of a few of them. One of them
Speaker 1: was Para paratocerous ward eye, which appeared to have two
Speaker 1: big triangular horns right above the eyes, like almost like
Speaker 1: eye eye lit lashes that fused into a horn, and
Speaker 1: then two smaller bony triangular protrusions in front of the eyes,
Speaker 1: and this weird little wishbone shaped bone right on top
Speaker 1: of its skull between the ears, like it's wearing one
Speaker 1: of those little propeller hats. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it almost looks like old TV antennas and pictures
Speaker 2: of old TVs in a way that no one has now,
Speaker 2: Like yeah, like it's picking up channels two through seven
Speaker 2: for free, and it's really proud of it, you know,
Speaker 2: beating the Kalo Company.
Speaker 1: I mean it's it's ridiculous. And there's Protocera Celaire, which
Speaker 1: was I don't I struggled to figure out how to
Speaker 1: describe this. It has fangs, that's important, like vampire fangs.
Speaker 1: It has like two bony shark fins or dolphin fins,
Speaker 1: like at the sides of its nose, and then just
Speaker 1: a complete chaos as you go up the face. There
Speaker 1: are ridges around its eyes, like a square ridge right
Speaker 1: above its eyes, and then two joysticks right behind its size.
Speaker 1: So that's the thing.
Speaker 2: It basically has one of the landscape backgrounds from Wiley,
Speaker 2: Coyote and roadrunner on top of its head like several
Speaker 2: maces in a way that would be our greatest national
Speaker 2: park but doesn't exist.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a skate park built on top of a
Speaker 1: deer head. Yeah, it's just these things are they're so
Speaker 1: I mean, so ambitious, just the ambition of these creatures
Speaker 1: that thought they could get away with these horns.
Speaker 2: It also, I'm not a hunter. But I feel like
Speaker 2: the hunting community would be losing its mind if it
Speaker 2: could have this many different kinds of antlers to count
Speaker 2: and rate themselves on, right, like they all love just
Speaker 2: the amount of points deer antlers have, they would they
Speaker 2: would be like like weird stat had baseball nerds about
Speaker 2: see it was available to them today.
Speaker 1: These antlers would require some long division. It's it's a situation,
Speaker 1: it's a whole situation. So now we're going to talk
Speaker 1: about truly the most Johnny Bravo of all deer. It
Speaker 1: is a species of giant gorilla bear deer that went
Speaker 1: extinct over seventy eight thousand years ago, found in North America, Eurasia,
Speaker 1: and Africa. So these are.
Speaker 2: You did you say gorilla bear deer?
Speaker 1: Yeah they did, No, Actually I said giant gorilla bear deer.
Speaker 2: Oh I'm sorry. The fourth animal there is giants like
Speaker 2: in Jack of the Beadstock. Really cool.
Speaker 1: So these were odd tooed ungulates and though they were
Speaker 1: autoed ungulates, they didn't really have the same hoof legs
Speaker 1: structure as ungulates such as horses. Instead of hooves, they
Speaker 1: had these three big claws kind of like a sloth.
Speaker 1: And the way they walked were very strange. Do you
Speaker 1: know those like strider costumes. I think they're in like
Speaker 1: the dark crystal and a lot of people wear them
Speaker 1: for like parades or Halloween or something where you're kind
Speaker 1: of you have two stilts that you hold with your arms,
Speaker 1: and then you're on a set of shorter stilts with
Speaker 1: your back legs, and people kind of walk around like
Speaker 1: some kind of weird animal. It's basically shaped like that.
Speaker 2: It's like it's like Cloverfield monster postures. Yeah, that where
Speaker 2: you have like big, big, big front legs and then
Speaker 2: little back ones. Yes, everyone does shake cam footage.
Speaker 1: That is what these are. Absolutely and they liked to
Speaker 1: eat leaves and shrubs, so they had these little short
Speaker 1: hind legs and really really big beefcakes arms obviously skipping
Speaker 1: leg day but doing like quadruple duty on arm day.
Speaker 1: And they walked on their knuckles of their forelimbs, kind
Speaker 1: of similar to a gorilla, sort of like side knuckling.
Speaker 1: It actually more like an ant eater walks. Because they
Speaker 1: had such huge claws on their front limbs. They couldn't
Speaker 1: really walk directly on these claws. They had to curl
Speaker 1: them inwards and walk on the sides on their knuckles,
Speaker 1: and then their heads were horse like and they had
Speaker 1: like the you know, basically a big, big horse mouth
Speaker 1: and they would so a review of what's happening here,
Speaker 1: beefy body of a gorilla walks like a cross between
Speaker 1: a gorilla and an ant eater, has claws like a sloth,
Speaker 1: head and neck like a horse. They weighed over one
Speaker 1: three hundred pounds or six hundred kilograms. They were about
Speaker 1: six feet tall at the shoulders or one point eight
Speaker 1: meters and over seven feet long or two meters, and
Speaker 1: it could use its huge claws to pull down trees
Speaker 1: and strip off limbs for them to get at leaves
Speaker 1: or probably to fight off predators.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they could just put up those dukes and do
Speaker 2: it and maybe fall over if it picks up its
Speaker 2: front legs. But you know, still pretty good until that
Speaker 2: pretty good.
Speaker 1: Even funnier, they probably were able to rear up on
Speaker 1: their hind legs to get at tall trees. So just
Speaker 1: these little teeny tiny like I mean, their legs aren't
Speaker 1: that tiny, they're like bare legs, but compared to the
Speaker 1: front of them with these huge arms, they do look
Speaker 1: disproportionately small. And yeah, I mean yeah, like, yeah, looking
Speaker 1: at this thing, it's like it's like a mule or
Speaker 1: a donkey cross with like a bear or a giant
Speaker 1: sloth and with huge claws that could definitely decapitate you.
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, I don't know, absolute cuties it is.
Speaker 2: It's like pretty nice looking for being the exact nightmare
Speaker 2: collas you have described. Yeah, it's pretty fun to look
Speaker 2: at for being parts of seven different mammals. It almost
Speaker 2: feels like somebody was vaguely told about mammals in passing
Speaker 2: and tried to draw what that is. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it feels like a b steerie drawing from a
Speaker 1: monk who's never seen a horse or a gorilla and
Speaker 1: tried to draw a combination of the two from memory. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean, and they're like, you're a monk, aren't you
Speaker 2: supposed to be focused on the Bible, And they're like,
Speaker 2: it's part of it. It's part of it. Don't worry
Speaker 2: about it, don't worry about it. I'm creative.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, man, they love to draw their their weird
Speaker 1: animals and those little inserts in the side. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't blame them. God, it must have been boring
Speaker 1: to be a monk.
Speaker 2: Oh, yeah. Yeah, and you know, enough time staring at
Speaker 2: the wall and brewing beer that will be better later.
Speaker 2: You know, you'd want to start drawing weird lions.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I'm going to try to draw a lion
Speaker 1: despite never having seen one or even heard a description
Speaker 1: of one. I think it's like a dog with spikes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I would absolutely like feed one of these sugar cube,
Speaker 1: call it sea biscuit, and ride around on it until
Speaker 1: it like decided it was annoyed by me and just
Speaker 1: sliced me cleanly in two.
Speaker 2: It could it could definitely be the tank in your
Speaker 2: like fantasy role playing group of four or five characters.
Speaker 2: It could definitely be the one that receives a lot
Speaker 2: of damage. Well, somebody else is a mage and there's
Speaker 2: an archer or whatever.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it's it's a It's definitely the
Speaker 1: tank and yeah, or like a Star Wars creature that
Speaker 1: you know, oh that makes some ridiculous fully sound effect
Speaker 1: as you ride around on it. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Star Wars. I feel like throughout that franchise they're very
Speaker 2: anti megafauna, right, Like there's some people ride and stuff,
Speaker 2: but the Wampa and then the rain Corps and then
Speaker 2: that big thing in the seventh movie and stuff. There's
Speaker 2: a lot of like, if it's a big animal, it's
Speaker 2: a monster. No thanks, big animals are cool, get out
Speaker 2: of here. Star Wars not into.
Speaker 1: It, but yeah, I do. I do think like if
Speaker 1: if if Creature Kringle times reindeer need a break, I
Speaker 1: don't know. I would love I would love to see
Speaker 1: a sleigh driven by like a couple of a couple
Speaker 1: giant irish elka, a couple of weird uh Protocerididae with
Speaker 1: just absolutely Boushian mc esher like faces, and then you know,
Speaker 1: bringing up, bringing up the rear, maybe a couple of
Speaker 1: these gorilla deer.
Speaker 2: I love it, just just following like a celebrities bodyguards.
Speaker 1: Yeah, sunglasses and those like little little ear wires. It's like,
Speaker 1: you know, baby reindeer to Papa Papa, Papa Santa. We
Speaker 1: eyes on the package.
Speaker 2: And then later in the movie you find out they're
Speaker 2: actually really sweet eyes. You judge them for their size,
Speaker 2: but actually one of them does a lot of needle
Speaker 2: point and.
Speaker 1: The other willed a movie into existence, like later in
Speaker 1: the movie about this crew of non reindeer.
Speaker 2: I've been storyboarting this whole time. My hand is very tired.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it'd be called Santa Claus, and then there'd be
Speaker 1: like in the poster art these fake claw rips and
Speaker 1: then blood dripping down right.
Speaker 2: I am astonished that it's not already a movie title.
Speaker 1: Santa Clause movie. Oh, it certainly is. It's got two
Speaker 1: stars on IMDb. There's different types of Santa Claus movies.
Speaker 1: There's one that's starring kittens, as it looks like one
Speaker 1: kitten's like a reindeer, one kittens like an elf. So
Speaker 1: Santa Claus the Kittens Movie. Then there's Santa Claus starring
Speaker 1: a skeleton dressed as Santa, carrying a axe.
Speaker 2: Hold on. So they were like, we're gonna make a
Speaker 2: horror movie called Santa Clause. What's the first monster we pick?
Speaker 2: Definitely something that has no claws, a skeleton. Perfect.
Speaker 1: There is also a fourteen movie called Santa Stole Our Dog?
Speaker 1: Not sure, and then there's another Santa Claus movie with
Speaker 1: kittens that seems to be pretty popular one.
Speaker 2: Santa Stole Our Dog. Santa He's just a huge jerk.
Speaker 1: I know this is not this is not necessarily the
Speaker 1: theme of the podcast, but I do have to see
Speaker 1: if I can read the UH description of this This movie,
Speaker 1: The Santa Stole Our Dog. So Santa Stole Our Dog
Speaker 1: is a twenty seventeen Christmas movie. It's called Santa Stollar Dog,
Speaker 1: A Merry Dog on Christmas by Brian Michael Stoller.
Speaker 2: Ryan Michael Steeler. Of course he wrote this, of course
Speaker 2: he did so.
Speaker 1: The summary is pretty simple. On Christmas Eve, Santa Claus
Speaker 1: accidentally steals the family dog, so begins an epic journey
Speaker 1: through the twelve Days of Christmas as the family ventures
Speaker 1: to the North Pole to get their beloved canine back. Now,
Speaker 1: the cover of the Santa Stolar Dog has a Dodo
Speaker 1: bird on it, which I'm not sure I understand that
Speaker 1: this is definitely something I'm gonna have to watch and
Speaker 1: get back to you guys on what's going on with
Speaker 1: this UH with this movie.
Speaker 2: Because it looks I am astonished that this movie connected
Speaker 2: to megafauna. There's a Dodo on it. Incredible great megafauna, right, amazing.
Speaker 1: I feel like they're medium fauna. Medium that's santascle Art Dog.
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm allowed. Maybe I could play just
Speaker 1: a little clip from the trailer. Let me let me see,
Speaker 1: this is a this is a this is a special
Speaker 1: Creature feature first me playing a clip from a trailer
Speaker 1: that only has a tenuous connection to uh animal biology.
Speaker 2: I have also pulled up this IMDb page and I'm
Speaker 2: seeing a very cock eyed Santa, who is apparently played
Speaker 2: by Ed Asner rip and I'm also seeing the subtitle
Speaker 2: of Santa Stollar Dog is a merry dog one Christmas
Speaker 2: exclamation point. A lot going on.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, so I did I did manage to get
Speaker 1: the trailer to Creature Kringle Times Miracle.
Speaker 2: There's okay, giving Santa a lot of credit up front.
Speaker 2: Maybe he's a thief guys, Okay.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it stars Ed Asner's Santa Claus bad cgi Reindeer,
Speaker 1: and uh you know, yeah, no, this is a wow.
Speaker 1: The trailer is basically just the kids going Santa Stoller Dog,
Speaker 1: and then the adults going like, Santa stole our dog,
Speaker 1: and then there's a newspaper that reads Santa steals family's dog,
Speaker 1: and then Santa going like, Who's dog? Did I allegedly steal?
Speaker 2: Who do you belong to?
Speaker 1: Wonderful? I feel so blessed to find this.
Speaker 2: It's just ninety straight minutes of people making surprised faces
Speaker 2: back and forth. That's the entire time. Stole a dog.
Speaker 1: A dog was stolen by undel.
Speaker 2: Oh.
Speaker 1: Well, so thank you so much for joining me. Alex.
Speaker 1: Where can people find you anything?
Speaker 2: It's always great, always awks great. And Anya, I make
Speaker 2: a podcast called Secretly Incredibly Fascinating. I really hope people
Speaker 2: check it out. Each one's about one thing that people
Speaker 2: think is ordinary, and then we get into history, science,
Speaker 2: law about why it's amazing. And there are many wonderful
Speaker 2: episodes with Katie gold what. Yes, you should check them out,
Speaker 2: especially there'll be one start of January, a new one.
Speaker 1: It's exciting. I love the topic.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the topic might make you make a series of
Speaker 2: high pitched noises as you enjoyed it.
Speaker 1: Mike, thank you here here, here here, yeah, and thank
Speaker 1: you so much for listening. If you're enjoying the pod
Speaker 1: and you leave me a rating and review, I read
Speaker 1: all the reviews and I cherish them and I print
Speaker 1: them out and I hang them up in my house.
Speaker 1: I'm like, look at that one from we'd Goku sixty
Speaker 1: nine who liked my show. So thank you so much.
Speaker 1: And if you think you have an answer to the
Speaker 1: animal sound, gissing game. You can write me at Creature
Speaker 1: feature Pod at gmail dot com, Creature Future Pod on Instagram,
Speaker 1: Creature Feet Pod on Twitter. That's FB eighteen not v
Speaker 1: et sounding very different, and of course thanks to the
Speaker 1: Space Colssics for their super awesome song ex Alumina. Creature
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Speaker 1: See you next Wednesday.