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Speaker 1: M h. Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast,

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Speaker 1: a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all

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Speaker 1: the small decisions we can make to become the best

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Speaker 1: possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr joy hard

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Speaker 1: and Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more

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Speaker 1: information or to find a therapist in your area, visit

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Speaker 1: our website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While

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Speaker 1: I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast,

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Speaker 1: it is not meant to be a substitute for relationship

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Speaker 1: with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so

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Speaker 1: much for joining me for session one oh two of

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Speaker 1: a Therapy for Black Girls podcast. For the past week

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Speaker 1: or so, many people have been feeling significant grief over

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Speaker 1: the death of Nipsey Hustle, who was a California entrepreneur

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Speaker 1: and rapper, and more than experiencing grief over his death,

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Speaker 1: many of you have also expressed confusion as to why

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Speaker 1: you're experiencing grief so deeply for someone you didn't know.

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Speaker 1: So I wanted to share a few thoughts about what

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Speaker 1: may be happening for you and share some tips on

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Speaker 1: how to process it. But before we jump into this

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Speaker 1: I want to issue a quick thank you to our

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Speaker 1: percent off. Now let's get back to our episode. So,

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Speaker 1: as I mentioned, I wanted to share a few of

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Speaker 1: my thoughts about why I think so many people are

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Speaker 1: grieving so intensely after Nipsey Hustle's death, and how you

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Speaker 1: can take care of yourself if this is you. So.

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Speaker 1: In psychology, there's something called the just world hypothesis, and

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Speaker 1: it basically refers to many of us holding the belief

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Speaker 1: that what we put into the world is what we

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Speaker 1: will get out of it. It's our belief that those

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Speaker 1: who do good will receive good, and those who do

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Speaker 1: wrong in the world will have wrong none to them.

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Speaker 1: By all accounts, Nipsey Hustle was doing great things in

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Speaker 1: his community, hiring people whom others might not, encouraging kids

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Speaker 1: to be active in their education, and even his final deed,

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Speaker 1: it seems, was in the service of a friend. So

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Speaker 1: when we think about someone putting out good in the world,

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Speaker 1: all of these things are definitely things that fit the bill.

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Speaker 1: So for him to be brutally murdered in the way

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Speaker 1: he was shakes up our belief in this system, and

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Speaker 1: it exposes us to the fact that this may not

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Speaker 1: always be true. It makes us feel more vulnerable, and

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Speaker 1: it causes us to consider that if something like this

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Speaker 1: could happen to him, it could happen to me as well,

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Speaker 1: which of course is a very uncomfortable thought to sit with.

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Speaker 1: It forces us to face our own mortality and the

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Speaker 1: idea that no matter how much we try to control, ultimately,

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Speaker 1: there are some things that are out of our power.

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Speaker 1: Another reason I think that many are feeling so impacted

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Speaker 1: by this loss is the communal grieving that is taking

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Speaker 1: place across social media. For more than a week now,

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Speaker 1: there have been countless photos, videos, and story shared from

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Speaker 1: people who knew him well and those who didn't. But

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Speaker 1: that kind of shared experienced and shared meaning making has

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Speaker 1: a tendency to heighten any emotions that are already present,

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Speaker 1: much like a concert is impactful in large part because

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Speaker 1: of the energy you're receiving from the other people who

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Speaker 1: are in intendance. Having so many people come together to

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Speaker 1: publicly grieve transmits a similar energy that heightens the feelings

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Speaker 1: of sadness that many people are feeling. And a third

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Speaker 1: and final reason why your experience of grief may be

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Speaker 1: feeling more intense than you'd expect right now is because

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Speaker 1: his murder was captured on tape that has been shared

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Speaker 1: across the Internet for the past week. So if you

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Speaker 1: watch the video, then you may be having difficulties shaking

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Speaker 1: the images from your mind, and you may find yourself

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Speaker 1: seeing flashes of the video playing randomly in your head.

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Speaker 1: And even if you didn't watch the video but have

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Speaker 1: read descriptions about what was contained, it's very possible that

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Speaker 1: your mind created its own image that's continuing to stick

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Speaker 1: around with you. You may have heard me say this before,

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Speaker 1: but i'll say it again. Our visual memories are incredibly powerful,

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Speaker 1: and our psyches are really not set up to be

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Speaker 1: able to process and understand the level of route reality

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Speaker 1: that are often seen in these videos, and the images

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Speaker 1: tend to stay with us and they can result in distress.

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Speaker 1: So you've heard me say it before, but please make

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Speaker 1: sure that you are turning off the notifications and the

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Speaker 1: automatic play of videos on your phone through these social

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Speaker 1: media apps, because sometimes you will run across these videos

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Speaker 1: and not even know what it is, and then it

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Speaker 1: may be too late. So if you're someone who's been

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Speaker 1: feeling pretty intense grief this week, one know that it's

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Speaker 1: okay to feel however you're feeling. Many times, things like

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Speaker 1: this feel deeply because it touches on other wounds that

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Speaker 1: you didn't even know we're there, or that you haven't

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Speaker 1: healed as nicely as you thought, so perhaps do some

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Speaker 1: reflecting or some journaling to help uncover what this touch

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Speaker 1: for you. And two, pay attention to the trajectory of

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Speaker 1: your feelings. It's not uncommon to still be feeling pretty

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Speaker 1: intense right now, but if in two or three weeks

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Speaker 1: you're still feeling as intense or even more in tensely,

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Speaker 1: and you've noticed disruptions to other parts of your life

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Speaker 1: like your sleep, eating, or socializing, then it may be

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Speaker 1: helpful for you to talk with the therapist about how

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Speaker 1: you're feeling to see if you can get some help

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Speaker 1: in processing and unpacking more about what's going on for you. So, y'all,

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Speaker 1: let me know what you think. Does any of this

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Speaker 1: information help you make sense of what you've been feeling?

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Speaker 1: Share your thoughts with me on social media using the

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Speaker 1: hashtag tv G in session. Now let's dive into some

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Speaker 1: of our on the Porch questions for this week. If

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Speaker 1: you have a question you'd like me to give you

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Speaker 1: some feedback about, send it to me at podcast at

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Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls dot com and I just might

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Speaker 1: choose it to be answered on the podcast. So question

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Speaker 1: number one I got a follow up question after session

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Speaker 1: where I shared tips for taking care of yourself after

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Speaker 1: a breakup, and the listener asked, how do you deal

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Speaker 1: with a breakup when children are involved? So, in addition

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Speaker 1: to of the information that I shared in that episode,

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Speaker 1: and if you haven't listened to that when you can

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Speaker 1: find that at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash

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Speaker 1: session UM, but I would also add that when children

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Speaker 1: are involved, there are definitely a few things that need

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Speaker 1: to be considered. So number one, you want to be

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Speaker 1: honest with them and share the news about the breakup

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Speaker 1: in whatever way is developmentally and age appropriate. Now, you

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Speaker 1: don't need to share all the details, but be honest

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Speaker 1: and that the relationship is over and that they are

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Speaker 1: not at all responsible for the breakup. So sometimes kids,

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Speaker 1: especially young ones, will make up all kinds of stories

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Speaker 1: about why things happen, and they may think that the

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Speaker 1: split was about them, So you want to assure them

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Speaker 1: that it is not, and that even though you two

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Speaker 1: are no longer together, you still love them very much.

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Speaker 1: Tip number two, you want to be very careful not

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Speaker 1: to make the kids upon in the breakup, so don't

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Speaker 1: prevent them from seeing their other parents because you're upset

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Speaker 1: with them, and don't use them as a means for

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Speaker 1: staying connected beyond what is necessary. So sometimes, of course,

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Speaker 1: you know, there are still feelings after a breakup, and

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Speaker 1: sometimes we can get caught up in, you know, saying

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Speaker 1: that you need to talk about the kids, when really

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Speaker 1: you don't need to talk about the kids, but you

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Speaker 1: just want to hear this person's voice or stay connected

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Speaker 1: in some way, and you want to be careful not

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Speaker 1: to do that if you can. Tip number three, do

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Speaker 1: not talk poorly about their other parents in front of them,

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Speaker 1: no matter how heated you may be. It can be

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Speaker 1: very damaging for kids to hear disparaging comments about their

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Speaker 1: other parents from you, and it can under my parenting

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Speaker 1: for both you and the other parents. So please try

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Speaker 1: to avoid that at all costs. Good luck, and I

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Speaker 1: hope that that helps question number two. After I received

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Speaker 1: my master's degree in two thousand and eight, I've worked

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Speaker 1: in the field for less than a few months. Since then,

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Speaker 1: I've been unable to secure work in counseling due to

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Speaker 1: not having enough experience. Fast forward to today, eleven years later,

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Speaker 1: and I have finally secured a position with a counseling

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Speaker 1: agency and just sent off my licensure paperwork to gain

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Speaker 1: supervision hours. I have a bit of apprehension, however, I

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Speaker 1: hope you can let me know what tools to look

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Speaker 1: into to further prepare myself for seeing clients. I've been

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Speaker 1: listening to podcasts for beginning therapists, reading books such as

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Speaker 1: The Body Keeps The Score and The Boy Who Was

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Speaker 1: Raised as a Dog, to name a few. Do I

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Speaker 1: invest in other books, become a member of counseling and

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Speaker 1: psychology associations. I want to be prepared, but not overwhelmed.

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Speaker 1: Please help. Thank you for any advice or tools you

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Speaker 1: can share. So congrats on getting back out there. I'm

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Speaker 1: sure it must feel great to finally be working in

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Speaker 1: the field you've been pursuing for some time now. The

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Speaker 1: books you mentioned are great, and I definitely think that

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Speaker 1: keeping up with reading is a good idea. But honestly,

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Speaker 1: in terms of growing as a therapist, there's really nothing

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Speaker 1: like getting real world experience and solid supervision. So it

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Speaker 1: sounds like you may be getting some supervision from someone

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Speaker 1: on site at your new position, but if you can,

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Speaker 1: I would also opt to have outside supervision offered by

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Speaker 1: a great therapist in your area. If possible. You may

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Speaker 1: even want to see if there's someone who'll be willing

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Speaker 1: to let you shadow them while they're doing clinical work

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Speaker 1: so that you can get even more experience in seeing

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Speaker 1: what therapy looks like for different clinicians. Another thing I

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Speaker 1: would suggest is that if there's anyone running groups in

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Speaker 1: your area, particularly process groups, because those are the ones

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Speaker 1: I love, see if you can serve as a co

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Speaker 1: leader or a process observer so that you can get

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Speaker 1: the experience of seeing how dynamics play out in a

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Speaker 1: group setting. I think immersing yourself in as many experiences

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Speaker 1: as you can along with reading, would be a great

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Speaker 1: way to start. So thanks for your question and good luck.

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Speaker 1: Remember that if you have any questions that you want

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Speaker 1: my feedback about, you can send them to me at

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Speaker 1: podcasts at Therapy for Black Girls dot com and I

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Speaker 1: just might answer it on the air. That's all I

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Speaker 1: got this week, y'all. Don't forget that if you're looking

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Speaker 1: for a therapist in your area, check out our directory

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Speaker 1: at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash directory, and

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Speaker 1: remember to visit our online store at Therapy for Black

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Speaker 1: our Guided Affirmation. And if you love what you hear

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Speaker 1: on the podcast and you really want to put it

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Speaker 1: into practice and discuss these things with other sisters who

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Speaker 1: love the podcast, join us over in the Yellow Couch

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Speaker 1: Collective and you can find more information about that at

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Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash y c C.

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Speaker 1: And don't forget to show some support for our sponsor

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Speaker 1: to save to him. We're saying off your order. Thank

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Speaker 1: y'all so much again for joining me this week. I

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Speaker 1: look forward to continue in this conversation with you all

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Speaker 1: real soon. Take a care