Speaker 1: Misspelling with Tory Spelling and iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2: Hi, how are you?
Speaker 1: Hi? My friend?
Speaker 2: My friend?
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, how are you doing. I'm okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I was up.
Speaker 2: It's it's Tuesday.
Speaker 1: It's Tuesday, you know, still standing.
Speaker 2: Still standing, still standing, Tuesday. Do you find that weeks
Speaker 2: are easy easier for your heard er for you with
Speaker 2: the kids? Like weekdays?
Speaker 1: Oh as you know, my friend, Like there's no weekday,
Speaker 1: there's no weekend. There's it's just Michael say, are you
Speaker 1: so happy it's the weekend. I'm like, never me, never know.
Speaker 2: For me, my because I have six in school right
Speaker 2: now and just want at home snapping right now. And
Speaker 2: it's like I just I just like when the weekend
Speaker 2: comes around. I mean, I love it because we have
Speaker 2: so much fun and we're going to the museums and
Speaker 2: they go to the like soccer classes. There's so much fun.
Speaker 2: But I'm exhausted. And when it's Monday and they're like,
Speaker 2: I'm like, everybody's going to school, You're all going to
Speaker 2: go good bye.
Speaker 1: See. I think I'm I think I am very code
Speaker 1: dependent obviously, so I actually like when they go to school,
Speaker 1: I'm like, like, meantime, what is this what does this
Speaker 1: look like? It's oddly the quiet is like I don't
Speaker 1: like it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I hear you. I hear you. It's a
Speaker 2: missing one of our eldest son has away for two nights.
Speaker 2: First time he's away. Is that school just like this
Speaker 2: outward bound thing? Right?
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I went, oh my gosh, and like last night I
Speaker 2: was like one o'clock, I'm up and I'm like, he's okay.
Speaker 2: I'm getting all these pictures like from the school, like oh,
Speaker 2: he's having like the time of his life.
Speaker 1: Like right, and you can't contact them and they're just like,
Speaker 1: we will send you. It's just like so it's that
Speaker 1: lack of like control of like that Oh god, it's
Speaker 1: it's so hard. So so this is interesting. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to think back when we became friends and we're and
Speaker 1: when I say friends, I feel like we're friends, but
Speaker 1: we've really only been like DM and text friends for years.
Speaker 2: Which are sometimes the best of friends. I have like
Speaker 2: really amazing relationships with people that I never met in person.
Speaker 1: Same and I when we first started talking, I obviously
Speaker 1: felt very connected with you because we were on this
Speaker 1: mom journey together in the public eye, and it was
Speaker 1: it just felt so soothing to have someone that could
Speaker 1: relate on some level. And then we were kind of
Speaker 1: on the same timeline. And then you had two more kids,
Speaker 1: so you one that was.
Speaker 2: A little bit crazier kept on going.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, Mama, I I would have kept going.
Speaker 1: And and this is interesting because I know you and
Speaker 1: I both get this a lot. Like have they heard
Speaker 1: of birth control?
Speaker 2: Have? Yes? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Very well versed in it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know. It's it's always amazes me people who
Speaker 2: have the audacity opinion about other people's families. And you know,
Speaker 2: I always think in my small self, so of course
Speaker 2: we have like what we'll actually say, but then your
Speaker 2: official self, we'll be like, one day, I'm going to
Speaker 2: keep these comments and I'm gonna know who you are
Speaker 2: and to show my kids, and they're gonna come and
Speaker 2: they're gonna be like, why would you say that I
Speaker 2: shouldn't exist? You know, like which one which one of
Speaker 2: us should go back? Because one of the amazing things
Speaker 2: about having And of course I don't say that because
Speaker 2: that's not nice, but but you know, one of the
Speaker 2: amazing things I've found. I don't know how you feel
Speaker 2: about having so many kids, is they're all different, and
Speaker 2: each one can have same parents, they could not have
Speaker 2: same prins. It doesn't it doesn't matter. Just every single
Speaker 2: kid comes out with your own soul, and you know,
Speaker 2: if we allow them to be themselves and of course
Speaker 2: guide them and you know, teach them right from wrong
Speaker 2: and how to speak up for themselves and all the
Speaker 2: things that we try to do as as parents. But
Speaker 2: each one comes with their own soul and just letting
Speaker 2: them be who they are. It's been one of my
Speaker 2: greatest joys in life.
Speaker 1: I I'm getting chills a thousand percent agree with that.
Speaker 1: The uniqueness, and of course we guide them. And of
Speaker 1: course some are more like I'm sure some are more
Speaker 1: like you. Some are more like Alec. And the same
Speaker 1: with my husband and I seem to be ex husband,
Speaker 1: but my baby daddy, I guess I'll label in with Z.
Speaker 1: That's on trend right. It's just that has been my
Speaker 1: joy as well, seeing them grow and seeing like, wow,
Speaker 1: you're you, you are your own being. And I mean
Speaker 1: for me personally, we like ours came when they came,
Speaker 1: and you know, we had we had dry spells, we
Speaker 1: had years where we didn't get pregnant, and and I
Speaker 1: look back on that, and I'm like, you know what,
Speaker 1: there's soul contracts there, like they pick us, I believe,
Speaker 1: and it's like they came to us and I don't know,
Speaker 1: I can't. Here's the hard thing that you have to
Speaker 1: deal with all the time, and I deal with it
Speaker 1: as well, is that there's people across the world that
Speaker 1: have larger families. Yes, but somehow that's that's okay. But
Speaker 1: if you're in the public eye, if you are a celebrity,
Speaker 1: you shouldn't. And it's like why.
Speaker 2: Because everybody just wants to have an opinion. I mean,
Speaker 2: you also look at women who are celebrities who are
Speaker 2: in the public life, in the public eye.
Speaker 1: Wow, that was a Freudian slip. You said the public
Speaker 1: lie like this. I think that's good that you.
Speaker 2: Turn this into the public lie. I'm okay, we can
Speaker 2: go we can go down a rabbit hole of that.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, we could.
Speaker 2: But you know, in the public eye where they didn't
Speaker 2: have any kids, and we don't necessarily need to know why.
Speaker 2: Maybe they didn't want to, maybe they couldn't, maybe they
Speaker 2: didn't find the right person and they wanted to do
Speaker 2: this with another person and they get crap too. So
Speaker 2: it's like you. Just the thing is that people, I
Speaker 2: think it's more about the person who is doing the judging,
Speaker 2: and they're going to find a judgment no matter what.
Speaker 2: And I think for people, you know, like us, who
Speaker 2: are empathetic and you know, purely for the fact that
Speaker 2: you know, we're even discussing this, it's hurt us these
Speaker 2: kinds of comments, and we're sort of like, why would
Speaker 2: you say that about me and my family, my most sacred,
Speaker 2: blessed thing, and they and the truth is that it
Speaker 2: doesn't matter what we do, they're gonna say it anyway.
Speaker 2: So I'm in a point, you know, I'm now in
Speaker 2: my forties, and I'm at a point where I just
Speaker 2: like want to like live life and be connected to
Speaker 2: really great people and try to do good in the
Speaker 2: world and try to raise my kids and just enjoy
Speaker 2: a little bit more. And realizing that lu gat in
Speaker 2: that sort of like defensive mode of trying to make
Speaker 2: sense out of something that makes no sense whatsoever, Like
Speaker 2: having opinions about other people's families makes zero sense, zero sense.
Speaker 2: You just have to be like, Okay, you know what,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna actually just somewhere else and then that's it.
Speaker 1: That sounds great in theory. I know, I know, and
Speaker 1: I'm I always say I have really thick skin. But
Speaker 1: so I watched The bald Ones and really really enjoyed it.
Speaker 1: I gotta say, my eight year old is your biggest
Speaker 1: fan now.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 1: So we actually started watching this, watching it before we
Speaker 1: booked this interview, because I said, oh, this is mommy's
Speaker 1: friend and look they have a big family as well.
Speaker 1: And he was like, ugh, we have to turn off
Speaker 1: YouTube for this, and I said, please give me a moment.
Speaker 1: This is my This is a little bit of me
Speaker 1: wanting to watch it, and I, you know, I need
Speaker 1: a little me time too, because he controls me and
Speaker 1: the TV. He's the youngest ones, my baby, so I
Speaker 1: wrapped around all my fingers in my entire body. He's
Speaker 1: got me. But I was like, we were watching and
Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, I was like, Okay, you
Speaker 1: have to do your homework, and he was going to
Speaker 1: go do it with this older sibling, Stella, who is
Speaker 1: very much like Carmen. I'll get to that, but and
Speaker 1: he said, no, no, no, wait, I'm watching my show. Oh
Speaker 1: I love that, and he and it was really nice
Speaker 1: because what he took from it obviously is very different
Speaker 1: what I took from it, and it was just such
Speaker 1: an interesting perspective because it made him feel accepted in
Speaker 1: a way that he got to see, well, they have
Speaker 1: a big family too, look, and it felt so relatable
Speaker 1: to him. And he was just like, oh, look they're
Speaker 1: getting haircuts. Like wait, mom, you know he has long hair.
Speaker 1: And he goes, do you think I could get his haircut?
Speaker 1: And I said, yeah, absolutely, Like because people always say
Speaker 1: to me, cut your kid's hair, what's wrong with you
Speaker 1: having boys with the long hair? And I say, I
Speaker 1: let them be who they want. I'm not telling them
Speaker 1: they can't, you know, cut you know, cut their hair.
Speaker 1: If they want to cut their hair, great, they can.
Speaker 1: They can dye their hair, you know, safely.
Speaker 2: He done that, We've done the dying.
Speaker 1: I'm all about expression. I want them to be able
Speaker 1: to be them. But yeah, he said, no, you know what, mom,
Speaker 1: He said, but if I cut my hair and it
Speaker 1: doesn't look good, then I'm stuck with it and kids
Speaker 1: at school will make fun of me. And I said, no,
Speaker 1: hair grows back, it doesn't matter. And then he's paused
Speaker 1: and he goes, well, they make fun of me anyway,
Speaker 1: because I have long hair, and it was just such
Speaker 1: a juxtaposition of like, wow, what you just said, taking
Speaker 1: it back, like they make fun of you no matter what,
Speaker 1: they hate you, no matter what. You can't win, and
Speaker 1: it's not.
Speaker 2: And that's the thing that we hope our kids will
Speaker 2: we'll learn. But a lot of times we we you know,
Speaker 2: I find through parenting my kids, I'm parenting myself, and
Speaker 2: I'm you know, once you can teach it, sometimes you're
Speaker 2: actually teaching yourself. I mean when I was teaching yoga
Speaker 2: more and I would teach other teachers how to be teachers,
Speaker 2: and I would say, listen to what teachers are teaching,
Speaker 2: that's what they're working on for themselves. And so you know,
Speaker 2: with the with the kids, like just tell them, you know,
Speaker 2: it's was never about you anyway. It's about them trying
Speaker 2: to figure out what's right and what's wrong, and hopefully
Speaker 2: they'll figure out that there is no righting wrong. It's
Speaker 2: just let people live, let them, you know, express themselves.
Speaker 2: And I love you know how you're letting him play
Speaker 2: with you know, how he wants his hair. And I'm
Speaker 2: sure in all ways because I can tell that that's
Speaker 2: just the kind of person that you are, because you
Speaker 2: never want to be your kids first fully, And I
Speaker 2: think during these years where they're cute and the chemic
Speaker 2: can get wait with them, and then they start to
Speaker 2: get into eat and a lot of people say that
Speaker 2: eat is one of the most challenged in years to parents.
Speaker 2: I definitely believe this, and getting into the tween and
Speaker 2: the teen years, you know, really becoming their friend and
Speaker 2: fostering a good relationship with them, nothing is more important,
Speaker 2: I think, because you want them to always know that
Speaker 2: you have their back, you're on the side, that you're
Speaker 2: the safe person that they can come to, and so
Speaker 2: it sounds like that's what's happening and hopefully I'll be
Speaker 2: able to do that with all of mine.
Speaker 1: And I saw you say on the show that you're
Speaker 1: honest with your kids and you lead by that, and
Speaker 1: I think, I you just said friendship. And again people
Speaker 1: will slam people that say, like, don't be best friends
Speaker 1: with your kids, and they'll see this and be like, oh,
Speaker 1: they both said they're friends with their kids. But it's
Speaker 1: important to me, like, of course i'm their parent and
Speaker 1: I'm there, but I'm not trying to be their best friend.
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to have an open communication. I grew
Speaker 1: up in a different generation. Obviously I'm a lot older
Speaker 1: than you, but like, I love that much. Actually twelve
Speaker 1: years but.
Speaker 2: No, I didn't know eleven years.
Speaker 1: I'll be fifty two in May.
Speaker 2: Good, good, and enjoy life.
Speaker 1: I'm starting to for the first time because I feel
Speaker 1: like for the first time, because no one's ever allowed
Speaker 1: me to be myself, you know, and I fed into
Speaker 1: that for so long and now going through a divorce
Speaker 1: and going through Sorry, this is about you and I'm
Speaker 1: making about me.
Speaker 2: No, I love it.
Speaker 1: This is stuff I've like wanted to talk to you
Speaker 1: about for so long, but we're too busy talking about Bengals,
Speaker 1: which oh my god. But yeah, I'm starting to be like, wait,
Speaker 1: I I want to enjoy myself. I've always been authentic,
Speaker 1: but I felt so judged that I'd have to like
Speaker 1: kind of curtail to this and people please, and it's like,
Speaker 1: I just want to be happy. I want to dress
Speaker 1: the way I want to dress.
Speaker 2: What are you doing for yourself to be able to liberate?
Speaker 2: Like where do you think? Because that's really where I'm
Speaker 2: trying to figure out again, Like you said before, in theory,
Speaker 2: it's great, but in practice, it's really really hard, like
Speaker 2: what are you doing that allows you to find that independence,
Speaker 2: the self worth, the comfort of being like I'm going
Speaker 2: to live life.
Speaker 1: My way, just surviving. It's like, I don't know, I
Speaker 1: think the divorce really helped me have a voice and
Speaker 1: help me kind of go okay. I felt like for
Speaker 1: so long I was trying to not cover my acts,
Speaker 1: protect what the world perceived, because from the moment, I mean,
Speaker 1: you know, since the moment you two got together, there
Speaker 1: was like, you know, she's so much younger, like is
Speaker 1: she a gold digger? Why is she like so much shit?
Speaker 1: But the moment Dean and I got together, it was like,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, because we met, we were both married. You know,
Speaker 1: she's a homewrecker. And I give them six months And
Speaker 1: as you say, it's the noise, you're just like trying
Speaker 1: to quiet it. But it's really challenging. And I think
Speaker 1: for so long, even when we had our reality show,
Speaker 1: I would try really hard to protect that. And we
Speaker 1: had two different reality shows. We had Tori and Dean,
Speaker 1: and that was more light hearted family stuff and it
Speaker 1: was all authentic what everyone saw. But you know, when
Speaker 1: any fights or stuff would have we kind of did
Speaker 1: that behind closed doors, and we didn't want to prove
Speaker 1: people right that it's like something's wrong. And then my
Speaker 1: husband publicly it was infidelity, and the woman sold a
Speaker 1: story and it all came out and it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, the curtain came up. It's like the Great
Speaker 1: Oz and it's like, oh my god. You know, everyone said,
Speaker 1: like you found your prints. I wish I had a
Speaker 1: Dean and I wanted to say like, yeah, there's great
Speaker 1: things about him, but there's also really dark things, and
Speaker 1: there's addiction issues, and there's emotional issues and anger. But
Speaker 1: I couldn't. So when that blew up, I did true
Speaker 1: tory and I was just like fuck it, and I
Speaker 1: just put it all out there. But then as soon
Speaker 1: as you do that, everyone's like too much. Why are
Speaker 1: you putting that all out there?
Speaker 2: Right? But it's not. And that's the whole thing I
Speaker 2: started to learn. When you know, what I would do
Speaker 2: press or people would ask me questions like well people
Speaker 2: say and it's like, well, who's saying it saying it?
Speaker 2: Or is there a group of people that who knows
Speaker 2: how many there are if they really believe it or not?
Speaker 2: You know, in front of our house, people say, you know,
Speaker 2: the paparassi. Sometimes they'll say the craziest thing and the
Speaker 2: only reason they're saying this is to get us to react.
Speaker 2: So it's not And that's the thing. It's like, if
Speaker 2: somebody wants to come and have a real conversation and say, Tori,
Speaker 2: this is what I think about you, you know the
Speaker 2: first then go back to the audacity, right, But it
Speaker 2: really isn't. It's we are we have been able to
Speaker 2: hide a system, and not just for people in the
Speaker 2: public eye. By the way, this now is rampant among
Speaker 2: children who are online now, amongst people in workplaces, on
Speaker 2: their homes, like every it is everywhere now. This is
Speaker 2: a relatable subject now. And when you and I first
Speaker 2: started experiencing this, it wasn't relatable, right because it was like, oh,
Speaker 2: oh my god, to cry I cry about No, it's
Speaker 2: actually everywhere now, and so I think it's time to
Speaker 2: have these kind of these conversations, but taking more seriously
Speaker 2: and saying, hey, where are my boundaries? And ultimately I'm
Speaker 2: only one person and one nervous system. And for kids
Speaker 2: who are experiencing all these opinions and the bullying online
Speaker 2: and stuff like that, they're a very underdeveloped nervous system
Speaker 2: still you know what I mean, whatever scientific way to
Speaker 2: put it, but they're still growing and the brain is
Speaker 2: still forming and everything, and you know, it's we need
Speaker 2: to clean it up and teach everybody boundaries, starting with
Speaker 2: ourselves and then just hoping that other people will also
Speaker 2: follow suit. But it is, you know, I find that.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm very proud of you for what you
Speaker 2: just shared with me, of being able to go and
Speaker 2: just be like, I'm just I'm so sick of it.
Speaker 2: I'm just going to show you. And that's how I
Speaker 2: felt about the reality show. It's how I felt about
Speaker 2: this book, you know, take it or leave it. But
Speaker 2: I when I met Alec, everybody had the opinions. I
Speaker 2: was like, all underprepared for what this public life world was.
Speaker 2: I came from the yoga worlds. Everybody's really nice. It's
Speaker 2: all about breathing and I must say and shabasana, like
Speaker 2: everything's like really nice and happy, right, and then all
Speaker 2: of a sudden, I get you know, I started getting Alec.
Speaker 2: I put into this world and I have no idea
Speaker 2: what I'm doing. And by the way, Alec Baltwman is
Speaker 2: not like a great teacher on tarts of like how
Speaker 2: to be in the public eye, okay, because he has
Speaker 2: these opinions and his you know, strong feelings about things.
Speaker 2: So I'm learning it through him. And you know, whether
Speaker 2: people talk about you and it's kind or it's not kind,
Speaker 2: whether it's true or it's not true, it's people talking
Speaker 2: about you for you. And I think when you did
Speaker 2: this project that you did, and you know, I've done
Speaker 2: some of these projects that I'm learning I'm beginning to do.
Speaker 2: This is us taking back, you know, and say, hey,
Speaker 2: you know what, I'm a whole person and this is
Speaker 2: these are these are my words, this is my voice,
Speaker 2: this is who I am, and I'm going to continue
Speaker 2: to evolve. You know, the pain that maybe you showed
Speaker 2: on that show and you know is a pain that
Speaker 2: you were dealing with, and it was very true in
Speaker 2: that moment. And then maybe in five years is this
Speaker 2: and another five years is this, and that's valid.
Speaker 1: It's totally about great because we're always changing or you hope.
Speaker 1: You know, that's when there's a problem when people don't evolve. Yes,
Speaker 1: So yeah, so now people say like, oh, she's a
Speaker 1: hot mess, she's a train wreck, and I'm like I mean,
Speaker 1: if my kids love me, I'm a great mom.
Speaker 2: I work my ass off exactly. It's like if you're
Speaker 2: a train red both, I'll get on that train reck
Speaker 2: with you because you know then not, by the way,
Speaker 2: this is a woman. When a woman uses their voice,
Speaker 2: they stand up for themselves. They live the life, the family, everything.
Speaker 2: They're survivor. You're survivor, you've been through a lot. Then
Speaker 2: you know, people come and it is I think ultimately,
Speaker 2: what it does is it makes people uncomfortable sometimes with
Speaker 2: ourselves as women, like well, what this is against the
Speaker 2: rules we have, like these rules that we've been like, yes,
Speaker 2: we've been grained and this person outside of the rules,
Speaker 2: and we like, are we're belonging to people? We're black people,
Speaker 2: we got it? Like ring it in? This is not
Speaker 2: an okay thing to do, you know. I mean, like
Speaker 2: how many times people, you know, I post something online
Speaker 2: or something and they're like, did you did you ask
Speaker 2: your husband permission for that?
Speaker 1: I was like, excuse me, You're like, uh, it's it's
Speaker 1: twenty twenty five and nineteen fifties didn't have Instagram, so
Speaker 1: go back to that.
Speaker 2: So okay, y, yeah, yeah, no, no, truly true it is.
Speaker 1: We're conditioned. We're so But you know what I feel like,
Speaker 1: you know, obviously watching you from the outside, I feel
Speaker 1: like you are overcoming that you're owning that it's like,
Speaker 1: okay to break that mold. And that to me is
Speaker 1: inspirational because it's it's such and I don't know if
Speaker 1: anyone will ever get past it. Like you know, it's
Speaker 1: still you're supposed to. You know, you're supposed to be married,
Speaker 1: You're supposed to you know, be like have all these
Speaker 1: like things, you're supposed to hit and you know you're
Speaker 1: supposed to have the two kids three years apart or
Speaker 1: two years apart. Right, That's how like women plan things out.
Speaker 1: It's like, Okay, that's what worked for them, and that's great,
Speaker 1: but it doesn't work the same for everyone. And we
Speaker 1: have to let people be themselves. And that's what we're
Speaker 1: teaching our children and.
Speaker 2: We're teaching each other. I mean, the title of my
Speaker 2: book is Manuel Not Included, and the whole thing is
Speaker 2: just like there's no man.
Speaker 1: I love that title. By the way, thank you.
Speaker 2: It was like just this when I started.
Speaker 1: Your book, and I'm loving it. And I got to say,
Speaker 1: I haven't sat down with a book in so long
Speaker 1: and I used to be a big reader. But I felt,
Speaker 1: well for me at least at least knowing you a
Speaker 1: little bit, like it was so relatable and I could
Speaker 1: hear your voice coming out of it, and well, I
Speaker 1: really max it comes out correct, ma.
Speaker 2: Sex it comes out. But you know, I mean, what
Speaker 2: I was going to say is that the other day,
Speaker 2: off of what you were saying that, there was a
Speaker 2: woman who stopped me at this copy shop that I
Speaker 2: go to, and she said that she enjoyed watching her show.
Speaker 2: And it's always so meaningful when people say that because
Speaker 2: it feels so authentic and felt so cathartic at the time,
Speaker 2: and she said she was excited about the book, and
Speaker 2: she said, you know what I learned from watching your show.
Speaker 2: I'm going to swear for a second because that was
Speaker 2: her words, So if you guys have to cleep it up,
Speaker 2: she said, you're one tough, strong bitch. And I just
Speaker 2: felt like, because I don't know how you feel when
Speaker 2: you go through her I don't feel like that all
Speaker 2: the time. I you know, because I have so many kids,
Speaker 2: and I don't want my kids that, even though I'm
Speaker 2: honest with them, I don't want them to see me
Speaker 2: cry or feel unsure, and of course they've seen that.
Speaker 2: So I try to, like I'll close myself off and
Speaker 2: like cry for like thirty seconds really hard, like try
Speaker 2: to get it all out, and then I wipe the rips,
Speaker 2: like Gartie, it's gonna come out and smile. But there's
Speaker 2: how many times I was just like, I don't know
Speaker 2: what to do. There is no manual for this. I
Speaker 2: don't know, which is why it has this title. There's
Speaker 2: there is no one right way, and there's nobody's telling
Speaker 2: me because there's no experience that has really been had
Speaker 2: exactly in the way that my life is unfolding and.
Speaker 1: Never will be and never will be.
Speaker 2: And when it is exactly, we're all different and we're
Speaker 2: also similar, and it's just we're just a mixed we're
Speaker 2: a mixed back. But when this woman, what I responded
Speaker 2: to her was it was other strong, tough bitches that
Speaker 2: got me through. And it could be people that I
Speaker 2: knew that I had deep conversations with. It could be,
Speaker 2: you know, people who I just met on the street.
Speaker 2: It could be people who are not well known online,
Speaker 2: you know, you know, inspirational people on It could be
Speaker 2: famous people on the but it was women who were
Speaker 2: living their life. Just like you're saying, I'm going to
Speaker 2: come and be wrong. I'm going to show myself that
Speaker 2: it gives me permission to try that, you know. So
Speaker 2: I'm really standing on the shoulders of other women who
Speaker 2: were brave enough to do what I am attempting, what
Speaker 2: I'm practicing to do. And sometimes I get it right
Speaker 2: and sometimes I get it wrong. And sometimes I try
Speaker 2: and I mess it up, and I feel like I
Speaker 2: would tray myself because I did it in the not
Speaker 2: the way that I wanted to be And I just
Speaker 2: told my friends and like cry about it and then
Speaker 2: they picked me back up. But it's just a practice
Speaker 2: because we've been so conditioned to do the opposite.
Speaker 1: I completely agree. And now from what you are doing,
Speaker 1: other women are able to stand on your shoulders. Thank you.
Speaker 2: I mean, we're all we're all in this together and
Speaker 2: all of it all we are. We kind of live free,
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 1: So It's interesting because it's women that we look towards
Speaker 1: to have a community, to have, you know, a connection with,
Speaker 1: but it's also women that simultaneously completely break us down. Yes,
Speaker 1: which is something I hope we move past. Men while
Speaker 1: we love them, it's you know, it's more of a
Speaker 1: simple thing. You know, you never see you never see
Speaker 1: men judging or going at other men, and it's like
Speaker 1: they're living their lives and we just you know, it's
Speaker 1: a hard thing.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you saw the episode, just to
Speaker 2: bring a little like lightheartedness, because I thought it was
Speaker 2: one of the funniest parts of my of the show
Speaker 2: where Alec and I while I was pregnant with our
Speaker 2: seventh whenever dear dear friends, who was on our first
Speaker 2: day because I would only go out with Alec who
Speaker 2: we went out in like a group situation, because I
Speaker 2: was like, I don't know this person. So Scott Ellis,
Speaker 2: who's amazing director on Broadway. He was on our first days,
Speaker 2: our wedding. Him and his husband are just like love
Speaker 2: them so much. He was directing play called Take Me
Speaker 2: Out on Broadway, and I don't know if you heard
Speaker 2: about Staking Me Out, but everybody is naked skate on
Speaker 2: stage for like the majority of the play. Now, I
Speaker 2: as much as I love Scott and we want to
Speaker 2: like support him, I knew because I'm still friendly with
Speaker 2: him and Alec is friendly with him. My ex boyfriend
Speaker 2: was in the show that we went to watch that
Speaker 2: I was trying not to go to because can you
Speaker 2: imagine I'm pregnant with me my seventh sitting next to
Speaker 2: my husband and my ex boyfriend is naked for like
Speaker 2: what is an hour and a half or whatever a
Speaker 2: Broadway show is, And so this just shows you what.
Speaker 2: Alex knew that and he wanted you want, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: I'm there like this looking at my lap the whole time.
Speaker 2: It's really really awkward, and he wanted to go backstage
Speaker 2: and say hello and shake his head like you were
Speaker 2: so great. You know, he's like a younger actor. You know,
Speaker 2: I've not done this same things that Alec has done,
Speaker 2: and he's so so kind, and you know, just Alec
Speaker 2: is just literally the best with other actors. And I
Speaker 2: am just like like just don't know what to say
Speaker 2: because it is the awkward position that like is the
Speaker 2: most unrelatable experience, like no one else has had this experience.
Speaker 2: And Alec on the show is like the most complimentary
Speaker 2: of my ex boyfriend and his like physique, and I'm
Speaker 2: just like, that's a man supporting a man. He's like, yeah,
Speaker 2: he looks really good naked. And he said it in
Speaker 2: other words that are a little bit more graphic that
Speaker 2: I will let you go and take a look because
Speaker 2: it's online. But can you imagine?
Speaker 1: Wait, which how did I miss this? Which episode? Is
Speaker 1: it in seven or eight?
Speaker 2: I know, I feel like it's like, I don't know,
Speaker 2: maybe six as something like that. I have to look,
Speaker 2: I have to look back. But yeah, no, it is
Speaker 2: one of the moments. And the best part about it
Speaker 2: as well is no one asked Alec about this, and
Speaker 2: he just like, like the you know, we were on
Speaker 2: the couch and we're talking about different things and different
Speaker 2: and he's.
Speaker 1: Like, during your sitdown interview, the producer didn't.
Speaker 2: Ask no And that was like the funniest thing and
Speaker 2: super complimentary and super kind about my ex boyfriend, about
Speaker 2: us to see my ex boyfriend nick, you know, I
Speaker 2: think that would make me very uncomfortable. I don't know
Speaker 2: if i'd be like, you know, as positive as him.
Speaker 1: But that does some of his personality like he I mean, gosh,
Speaker 1: the lives you guys have. You have to have a
Speaker 1: sense of humor. Oh my god, that's crazy.
Speaker 2: Absolutely crazy. I mean, if you don't laugh, you.
Speaker 1: Was he like a boyfriend? Oh gosh, I guess you
Speaker 1: can't answer this like a well endowed boyfriend, and.
Speaker 2: He was, No, he was. I think Alex called it
Speaker 2: like a baseball batmanclarinet. But it's we can.
Speaker 1: I love that, I know, like I.
Speaker 2: Mean, it's like he has such comfort with himself that
Speaker 2: he can go and say this when nobody asked him,
Speaker 2: I'm not like tell the story, producers, not like tell
Speaker 2: the story. He said, I'm just going to tell the
Speaker 2: story and that's out.
Speaker 1: That's what's it up. I love that. That is so beautiful.
Speaker 1: Do you, I mean, what was the reason you initially
Speaker 1: wanted to do with the Baldwins. Did you feel sorry
Speaker 1: not to put words in your mouth but no, no, no.
Speaker 1: Did you feel because I know I haven't the past.
Speaker 1: Did you feel like, I mean when it's great you
Speaker 1: get to work with your family and that's I loved
Speaker 1: that part of it. Did you feel like you wanted
Speaker 1: people to find you guys relatable?
Speaker 2: I mean, I think one of the most important things
Speaker 2: to understand about me that I hope I can be
Speaker 2: in the in the in both the book and the show,
Speaker 2: is that I am a very impulsive person, always think
Speaker 2: things through, not necessarily and I mean sometimes it doesn't
Speaker 2: go well, but it's not in the typically reckless ways.
Speaker 2: But you could consider doing a reality show starting to
Speaker 2: film two weeks before my husband went on child that's
Speaker 2: a little reckless, right, And of course it was something
Speaker 2: that Alec and I chose to do together. But in
Speaker 2: that time, you know, there was he was just in
Speaker 2: such a hard place that I really had to stand
Speaker 2: up and try to be the protector of the whole family.
Speaker 2: And you know, I think a lot of times, if
Speaker 2: I thought it through better, I probably would have been like,
Speaker 2: all right, it's best to like just go into like
Speaker 2: our little cave and like hide out here and try
Speaker 2: to figure this out. But I think because of all
Speaker 2: the people speaking for you about you again true not true, kind,
Speaker 2: not kind, it was like, I want to speak, and
Speaker 2: during a time when we're told not to speak, yeah,
Speaker 2: and you know, we'd have people outside, you know, and
Speaker 2: or in different things they would like, what would you say?
Speaker 2: What do you say? And then you say something? How
Speaker 2: dare you say something?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 2: And again damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Speaker 2: And the one rule is that you lose. And so
Speaker 2: it felt as much as I think I didn't think
Speaker 2: it through. I didn't really you know, think that you know,
Speaker 2: far and ahead, I have ADHD and I think something
Speaker 2: that's very typical of people, like as there's like the
Speaker 2: timeframe people talk about there's now and there's not now.
Speaker 2: So I'm like, We're just going to do it now.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to think of it was that thing too,
Speaker 2: just like now. And when that two week mark came
Speaker 2: and everybody wrapped and we didn't film, you know, uh,
Speaker 2: going to trial, it was just us, you know, kind
Speaker 2: of we're going to break for three weeks, and I
Speaker 2: look at the croon, I'm like, I'm not gonna we
Speaker 2: all very close and I'm not going to see you
Speaker 2: guys again. They're like, nobody knows what's going to happen.
Speaker 2: Nobody knows. And then of course it went down the
Speaker 2: way that it went down, and you know, we came
Speaker 2: back in a week and our our producer flew back
Speaker 2: from Sarah Ready, who's like going to be one of
Speaker 2: my lifelong best friends, just from how amazing she wasn't
Speaker 2: supportive through that really hard experience. She flew back and
Speaker 2: beat us to our home and with her iPhone she filmed.
Speaker 2: I think it's the beginning of episode three where we're
Speaker 2: reuniting with the.
Speaker 1: Kids, which is so beautiful.
Speaker 2: Oh oh my god, meet too. Even when I think
Speaker 2: about it, and that's like, I barely remember that night
Speaker 2: because I was so confused about like what is happening,
Speaker 2: what is going on? And just to see, you know,
Speaker 2: as much as when we parents are children through difficult
Speaker 2: things to see, as much as we tried to protect
Speaker 2: them and what you're saying, you know, I tried to
Speaker 2: I am honest with them. So they had to know
Speaker 2: they had to say goodbye to their dad, like they
Speaker 2: may not see them for a year and a half.
Speaker 1: And what'd you say? You said, Carmen said, should I
Speaker 1: say a meaningful goodbye to dad?
Speaker 2: Something like should I say to that like in a
Speaker 2: special way, like I'm not getting something like I'm not
Speaker 2: going to see them for a long time? And and
Speaker 2: I said, yeah, I mean it like that's when when
Speaker 2: children have seen darkness, and this is in all different
Speaker 2: walks of life. If you tell them it's okay and
Speaker 2: they're seeing it's not okay, then you are having them
Speaker 2: question their sense of okay and and giving them false understanding.
Speaker 2: Now we are strong, we will make it through. We
Speaker 2: are here together, we are united. Yes, don't be so
Speaker 2: darkened down because you need to summon the strength within
Speaker 2: yourself to be able to give them part and encourage.
Speaker 2: But you have to be real with them, you know.
Speaker 2: And before you were saying something about you know, they say, oh, well,
Speaker 2: I you know, don't be your kid's best friend. I think,
Speaker 2: be your kid's best friend. But what kind of I
Speaker 2: think everybody who worries about that, what kind of best
Speaker 2: friend are you? Because I want to be the best friend.
Speaker 2: I mean, like with my friends, I'm very honest with them.
Speaker 2: I'm honest about client kinds. I'm not going to be
Speaker 2: somebody who's like, you know, being like, yeah, let's go
Speaker 2: do something extremely ridiculous and negatively reckless. You know, I'm
Speaker 2: going to try to be there and be a good
Speaker 2: influence and I want them to be happy. And so
Speaker 2: I try to be my kid's best friends because you know,
Speaker 2: I want them to know that a best friend is
Speaker 2: going to support them and is going to help them
Speaker 2: leave their best life. Do they have to eat their vegetables, yes,
Speaker 2: do their homework, go to bed, be nice, all of
Speaker 2: these things. Yes, I am mon, we have rules, but
Speaker 2: I'm also a best friend, and best friends have rules too.
Speaker 1: This is true, and it's about redefining words I have
Speaker 1: found in life that people have put a definition on
Speaker 1: and it's like it's okay to say this ord or
Speaker 1: have this meaning of something else, and how it works
Speaker 1: for me and my family. And so to me, a
Speaker 1: best friend is best advocate, like I am their best advocate.
Speaker 1: And honesty, I just I got to tell you. I
Speaker 1: watched the show and that's the part that just broke me,
Speaker 1: but like in a beautiful way, because it gave me
Speaker 1: permission to know what I was doing was okay. Was
Speaker 1: when Carmen does ask you that question and you say
Speaker 1: about should I say, I mean ful goodbye, special goodbye,
Speaker 1: and you said you should, and I was like, she.
Speaker 2: Should, and she actually came with us, you know. In
Speaker 2: the end, I didn't know, you know. And I think
Speaker 2: one of the complicated things. I don't know how you
Speaker 2: feel about having many kids is traveling. It's very complicated.
Speaker 2: And I actually never got into an airplane with all
Speaker 2: of them until recently went to go visit my family.
Speaker 2: My all family lives o art seeing and we but
Speaker 2: at the time of the trial, I hadn't traveled with
Speaker 2: all of them, and so I didn't know do I
Speaker 2: keep everybody together? And I'm such the I'm going to
Speaker 2: keep taking care of you know I talk about in
Speaker 2: the book, He's got health scares. You always died, you know.
Speaker 2: During this whole thing, there's been so many hard things,
Speaker 2: and I just want to make sure you know I'm
Speaker 2: hovering around all of them, trying to keep everybody safe
Speaker 2: and together. And the idea that I would go and
Speaker 2: travel so far from home and be away from my
Speaker 2: children and I've never been away from before to go
Speaker 2: into this very scary and unknown situation, yeah, I didn't
Speaker 2: know how to do that. And so in the end,
Speaker 2: and I knew that every decision I made was going
Speaker 2: to be wrong and right at the same time. There
Speaker 2: was going to be pros and cons. And so I
Speaker 2: decided to take my two that weren't in camp because
Speaker 2: the wounds in camp had a routine and I was
Speaker 2: only going to be gone for a couple of days.
Speaker 2: I was going to I was going to just go
Speaker 2: and be with him, and he didn't want me to come.
Speaker 2: He said, I you need to take care of our kids.
Speaker 2: I need you to take care of the kids and
Speaker 2: I'm going to go and face this alone, which like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, bless it. And he's just so he is.
Speaker 2: He is so tough, you know, and so not tough,
Speaker 2: like you know that mix of the two. Anyway, So
Speaker 2: I brought Carmen and I brought the baby and where
Speaker 2: my best friends came and he's on the show. We
Speaker 2: laid the rug together and he took care of them
Speaker 2: during the day, and the baby I was, you know,
Speaker 2: still nursing her, and I was, you know, she was
Speaker 2: in bed with me, and or maybe I just top nursing,
Speaker 2: but she was still sleeping in bed with me, and
Speaker 2: she was teething, so all night long I'd have her
Speaker 2: on top of me and giving her emotion for the pain,
Speaker 2: and she's crying and jet lagged and all this sort
Speaker 2: of stuff. And then you know, during the day we
Speaker 2: go and every single morning Carmen would ask me, is
Speaker 2: today the day I have to say goodbye to Taddy?
Speaker 2: And you know, it's just the world can be a
Speaker 2: hard place. World can be a hard place.
Speaker 1: It can you say that you're impulsive, but I feel
Speaker 1: like watching you you and I don't know how you
Speaker 1: do it. I think because I know. I know you.
Speaker 1: I know you as my text friend, but I know
Speaker 1: a lot of people that know you, and not one
Speaker 1: person has anything I'm kind to say about you. You're lovely,
Speaker 1: your energy is great and people feel that. You know,
Speaker 1: I feel that across a zoom and you can't mimic that,
Speaker 1: and you're so kind. But I'm when I watch you,
Speaker 1: I'm like, wow, I don't know how because you say
Speaker 1: you're impulsive, but like I feel like everything you say,
Speaker 1: I'm like hanging on every word. But I'm like, you're
Speaker 1: so mindful of how you speak. Were you always that way?
Speaker 2: I think I've always been, you know, I'm a Capricorn,
Speaker 2: I'm a I'm a deep thinker. I remember when I
Speaker 2: was very little and I would go to bed at
Speaker 2: night and I would laying down and I would say,
Speaker 2: how did I treat people today? And how can I
Speaker 2: treat people better tomorrow? I don't know where that came from.
Speaker 2: I sometimes think that we're old souls and I don't
Speaker 2: even know. And it only started to hit me as
Speaker 2: an adult, and that, you know, watching my children growth,
Speaker 2: Like I come up with that from. But I do
Speaker 2: think that it came I've always just been somebod who's
Speaker 2: very connected to energy, and I want people around me
Speaker 2: to feel good. I want people to be happy. I,
Speaker 2: you know, very much was surrounded by people who really cared,
Speaker 2: and I'm very blessed for that. I think that the
Speaker 2: difficult parts of that is people who are wired like
Speaker 2: me tend to give ourselves a way a lot. So
Speaker 2: again I'm now I'm trying to learn and say, hey,
Speaker 2: you know what, I'm going to give to everybody, But
Speaker 2: I'm feeling really empty right now, and so I'm trying
Speaker 2: to learn to connect with the people also who can
Speaker 2: I can give to and then they're going to also
Speaker 2: give with me, you know. And it can just be
Speaker 2: this energy that we're giving, you know. I mean, good
Speaker 2: energy from people is so energizing, it's so just it
Speaker 2: just fills you up and it gives you hope. And
Speaker 2: I think the impulsivity, it's not again I think the
Speaker 2: word impulsive sometimes can can feel like such a negative thing.
Speaker 2: But you know, as being the mother of so many,
Speaker 2: like you can try to make a plan and the
Speaker 2: plan's going to go bad, like it's just going to
Speaker 2: go bad. Yeah, And I think it's just it's like
Speaker 2: impulsivity it's flexibility and it's like okay, sure I'll try this, Okay,
Speaker 2: I'll do this, you know. And and that's my mother
Speaker 2: and I bought our belly button hears when when I
Speaker 2: think she's when she was like fifty or something like that,
Speaker 2: like I was like, sure, let's do it. And the
Speaker 2: person who ap peers at least my value, but I
Speaker 2: don't remember was like trying like learning, let's do this.
Speaker 2: It's like that kind of thing. Let's try this now
Speaker 2: that was gonna always work out well to find in
Speaker 2: this party in this instance. But I think just like
Speaker 2: being there and wanting to experience life, I think that
Speaker 2: there's just a spontaneity and willing to try it and
Speaker 2: willing to play and be curious. I think that's that's
Speaker 2: something that's definitely.
Speaker 1: Vary me and you never want to let that go
Speaker 1: like that. It's that light I call it, that is
Speaker 1: inside of you that keeps you going, keeps your family going.
Speaker 1: But to that note, like I know, I go through
Speaker 1: this a lot. You're taking care of everyone, You're that
Speaker 1: safe place for everyone in your family. Who does fulfill
Speaker 1: that for you? How do you get that?
Speaker 2: Oh, it's that like mom time how do we get
Speaker 2: how do we get that? I don't know if I've
Speaker 2: come up with the right thing yet. I definitely exercise
Speaker 2: for me is extremely important part because of just sort
Speaker 2: of my hyper nature. And I've been like that growing up.
Speaker 2: I was, you know, many times the kid that was
Speaker 2: like running around the classroom and I would, So I
Speaker 2: run every day. And I have really really good friends.
Speaker 2: I have really really good friends, and I'm so connected
Speaker 2: with my family. My big brother is you're in a
Speaker 2: huffold within me and I he just gives me so much.
Speaker 2: And I think it's through connecting with other people and
Speaker 2: just being like a little bit messy, just be like,
Speaker 2: oh my god. And you know, I have one friend
Speaker 2: who he and I will talk about absolutely nothing, like
Speaker 2: we'rely taxi drivers. Maybe taxi drivers are actually talking about things.
Speaker 2: I don't know, but like it's been in the taxi
Speaker 2: and they're just like all day long, they're just on
Speaker 2: like the phone. There's like a joke about it, like
Speaker 2: that they're just talking and talking all day long. And
Speaker 2: he and I are like this, I've just the word
Speaker 2: like talking and we're just you know, it's it's like
Speaker 2: a and it can be our conversation will from very
Speaker 2: typical age from here. He also has to hear to hear,
Speaker 2: to hear, to hear, to hear to hear, and it
Speaker 2: makes sense to us. But like sometimes they will listen
Speaker 2: and and you like, He's like, I can't handle the
Speaker 2: two if you got annually. So I think it's just
Speaker 2: having saved people, and you know, moving my body I
Speaker 2: think is really important. A therapy. Love the therapy, Love therapy.
Speaker 1: I just went back into therapy.
Speaker 2: That's the best. I don't know, how do you other
Speaker 2: than other than therapy? What are you like?
Speaker 1: I don't know the answer. I guess I was trying
Speaker 1: to ask you for tips. I don't know because I
Speaker 1: but I I'm the type. I've been like this my
Speaker 1: whole life. I repress everything so and I'm a good
Speaker 1: listener and I want to take care of people. I
Speaker 1: want to save people. I'm trying to work on that.
Speaker 1: And I'm a nurturer. So it's like I give, give, give, give,
Speaker 1: and then I'm like, but wait, wait, wait, I'm just
Speaker 1: pushing all my feelings down and it's it's near impossible
Speaker 1: to do when you have a big family because there
Speaker 1: are so many and while there's two parents, there's only
Speaker 1: one of you, and it's the mom. You know that
Speaker 1: you're just like, oh, a mom feeling and so and
Speaker 1: the mom guilds like that's a real thing.
Speaker 2: It's a real thanks one. We're never going to be enough.
Speaker 2: But I think that part of a great lesson for
Speaker 2: our kids is that they will hopefully learn that their
Speaker 2: moms are humans too. Here people, And I say that
Speaker 2: to them sometimes when it's just so much. You know,
Speaker 2: I don't know if you've had the experience, but I
Speaker 2: can have all seven of them shouting different things at
Speaker 2: me at the same time. One's mad, one's excited. Was
Speaker 2: just like it's all the different emotions, and it's it's
Speaker 2: almost like a joke. You have seven children around this
Speaker 2: one person, and I'm just like thinking, and I've said
Speaker 2: to them a few times and be like, you can
Speaker 2: break me. I can be broken a person, and I
Speaker 2: can't be breakable. So like, I want to hear everything
Speaker 2: that you guys are saying, but like I can't register
Speaker 2: any of this. And sometimes they've learned a little bit.
Speaker 2: They're like, I think mom looks a little overwhelmed right now.
Speaker 2: And so just being able to focus and take time
Speaker 2: and you know, I mean, and there's no you know.
Speaker 2: The reason why you and I don't have the answer
Speaker 2: for this is we need different things every day. We're
Speaker 2: gonna wake up some days and we have lots of energy,
Speaker 2: and we're gonna wake up some days and it's just like,
Speaker 2: you know, I didn't sleep all last night, or I
Speaker 2: just feeling down, or somebody said something to me and
Speaker 2: that makes me so sad, and it got to me
Speaker 2: and it shouldn't get to me. Now I'm mad at
Speaker 2: myself that it got to me, you know. I mean,
Speaker 2: it's just we are such fluid beings and I think that,
Speaker 2: you know, ultimately, the more that we can tap into
Speaker 2: what we're feeling and connect with ourselves. And I have
Speaker 2: a first book that I that I wrote called The
Speaker 2: Living Clearly Method that was much more to do with this,
Speaker 2: and it was about connecting within yourself. I had a
Speaker 2: very bad eating disorder for like twenty years, and I
Speaker 2: have a great relationship with food now, which I would
Speaker 2: have never imagined possible. But it really plagued me for
Speaker 2: a long time. And I could have a completely rational
Speaker 2: conversation with you about how Anirex and Blivia was bad.
Speaker 2: I talk like this, and the same time, I think
Speaker 2: that's really buy it's awful, this and this and this
Speaker 2: and this, and then I would go home and I'd
Speaker 2: repeat the pattern.
Speaker 1: And why I understand.
Speaker 2: Be able to get into that point, and I would
Speaker 2: basically get into a point where I would associate and
Speaker 2: spiral and collapse, you know, I just would not I
Speaker 2: would go into a place where my my uncomfortable, my
Speaker 2: discomfort with my nervous system would take over and do
Speaker 2: behavior that was self harming. And I learned that I
Speaker 2: had to practice when I was in my good space,
Speaker 2: these techniques of connecting with my body, my breath, my grounding,
Speaker 2: my core, you know, and be very aware and clear
Speaker 2: and everything should look much more clear, because when we associate,
Speaker 2: everything kind of goes very inward and we lose touch
Speaker 2: with our physical surroundings. And the more I practiced that,
Speaker 2: the more when I started to get into my moments
Speaker 2: where things weren't going well, where I was starting to
Speaker 2: do this behavior that it wanted to not be doing anymore,
Speaker 2: I could wake up from it. I can hold on
Speaker 2: a little bit more. Little by little, I could hold
Speaker 2: on a little bit more to me treating my body well.
Speaker 2: And then I was able slowly and slowly but surely
Speaker 2: to be able to, you know, fix my problem that
Speaker 2: I had. But it wasn't rationalizing it. It wasn't taking baths,
Speaker 2: chewing your food a certain amount of time. It wasn't lavender,
Speaker 2: it wasn't any of these things. It was literally just
Speaker 2: connecting with my body and staying connected all the time.
Speaker 1: Now, having been through that and come out the other side,
Speaker 1: do you feel in a different way? Obviously it's something
Speaker 1: vastly different that you carry that over, the disassociation with
Speaker 1: your life because of the public image and the critiques.
Speaker 2: Sometimes I've gone through some you know, some moments where
Speaker 2: I was just like, I was like, oh shit, I
Speaker 2: thought I learned this lesson already, because you can feel it,
Speaker 2: you know, when you're disconnected from yourself, and then you
Speaker 2: have to forgive yourself, which is one of the hardest
Speaker 2: things of just being.
Speaker 1: Like I am a because it's trauma in a different.
Speaker 2: Way, it's trauma trauma. It's also unnecessary and silly. But
Speaker 2: you know, I mean, but but I I had to
Speaker 2: try to use those techniques I try to learn from
Speaker 2: you know, we all we all learned, we learned from
Speaker 2: our our you know our difficult moments. You know, they
Speaker 2: say think or swim, and if you swim, as a
Speaker 2: as a fitness instructor, if you swim, you get stronger.
Speaker 2: If I'm swimming, my muscles are going to get stronger.
Speaker 2: And so oh well, you know, but you're a walker.
Speaker 2: You know you're here. You walk. Either you walk or
Speaker 2: you sit down. You you're a walker. But whatever it is,
Speaker 2: when you continue to move through it, you're fighting through it,
Speaker 2: You're going to get stronger, and that strength hopefully will
Speaker 2: then when you get your next difficult moment, translate into
Speaker 2: being able to deal with a little bit a little
Speaker 2: bit better.
Speaker 1: Do you feel like you guys are constantly in fight
Speaker 1: or flight in some form?
Speaker 2: I think that we have been for a very long time,
Speaker 2: and I think that we are. It's something I the
Speaker 2: question you as something that I think about every single
Speaker 2: day for myself, and I try, because of my experience,
Speaker 2: to calm and nervous system and notice when it gets
Speaker 2: repped up again. I think my husband very much is
Speaker 2: in fight or flight all the time, and I'm very
Speaker 2: much as his partner. I'm trying to help him with that.
Speaker 2: And I don't blame him because it's just it's just hard,
Speaker 2: you know, but I always have hope that that he
Speaker 2: can find some kind of connection and peace because he
Speaker 2: has so much to live for. You know, we've got
Speaker 2: We're so lucky in so many ways. You know, we
Speaker 2: talk a lot, but the hardships, there's so much joy
Speaker 2: that we have, and you know, leaning into joy in
Speaker 2: our children and then just say the silliest things all
Speaker 2: the time, like our little babies. She's all into one minute.
Speaker 2: Everything is like she's like, negotiating with you doesn't even
Speaker 2: make sense. She's like a want more. She can't say see,
Speaker 2: so she says to like calmness Tarman. So she says
Speaker 2: a lot more tape for for Kate. And I'm like, no,
Speaker 2: you just had And she's like, no, just one minute,
Speaker 2: just one minute, like want more, cat one minute? And
Speaker 2: like something's so simple like that that every parent probably
Speaker 2: can relate to the kids just says something. You think
Speaker 2: it's the funniest in the world because you're watching them develop.
Speaker 2: That's the small things that I think we need to
Speaker 2: lean into. Then we'll teach us to, you know, to
Speaker 2: see the things that really matter in life.
Speaker 1: It is it's the it's the simple things, the small things,
Speaker 1: the simple joys. And I think it's easy to let that,
Speaker 1: no matter what circumstance you're in, kind of get out
Speaker 1: of control because you feel like you're always and even
Speaker 1: not meaning to compare yourself to what others have or
Speaker 1: do or act, and it's just it's a constant thing.
Speaker 1: Do you do you think you guys will have more children?
Speaker 2: Oh, Alex really wants more kids? Like really really?
Speaker 1: And I have you frozen your eggs? I wish I
Speaker 1: had frozen my eggs.
Speaker 2: Dead my eggs. We well, we did. We have one
Speaker 2: surrogate baby, right, So I tried iv A one time.
Speaker 2: It went not in the way that I wanted to,
Speaker 2: where everything seemed like it was going to be fine,
Speaker 2: and then I lasted maybe like four or five months,
Speaker 2: which was not was not a fun experience obviously, and
Speaker 2: one that is all too common. And so I I
Speaker 2: got pregnant naturally like I did with you know, my
Speaker 2: other ones. And I don't know if the right terminology,
Speaker 2: if I'm saying the right terminology, I don't want to
Speaker 2: offend anyone because I know it is such an emotional subject,
Speaker 2: So forgive me if I'm using the wrong terminology. And
Speaker 2: then I my I was like, I can't put another,
Speaker 2: this other embryo inside because I feel like my body
Speaker 2: rejected that process. I don't know why. In the look,
Speaker 2: I mean, that's probably a completely irrational thing. There was
Speaker 2: no explanation to what had happened, but I was so
Speaker 2: sure at the time. I was like, I can't. So
Speaker 2: I did serge at the same time that I was pregnant.
Speaker 2: And so that was my experience with the whole the
Speaker 2: free the freezing of it. So and I love it.
Speaker 2: We have you know, that's Edwin rylu. We called them
Speaker 2: the did this. They're like five, They called themselves. They
Speaker 2: called each other, did they when they were a little?
Speaker 2: And they account like then they're not Wins. It's just
Speaker 2: like a little but they it's such a beautiful thing
Speaker 2: because they're so connected. But I don't know if I
Speaker 2: if I have more kids, I feel like, hold were
Speaker 2: you when you were your.
Speaker 1: Last forty four?
Speaker 2: So let's see. It just turned and they.
Speaker 1: Say that it's a five percent chance of conceiving naturally
Speaker 1: at that point. But I can't imagine my life without him.
Speaker 2: Well I wasn't. I'm never goo in math anyway, So.
Speaker 1: Like you, so if it's meant to be.
Speaker 2: If it's meant to be, yeah, well we'll we'll see
Speaker 2: Alec very much. I think he's it's always been a
Speaker 2: beautiful thing when we've had another kid, and I think
Speaker 2: that that's something that he leans into when he's thinking
Speaker 2: about how to create more joy in his life, is
Speaker 2: that they bring us such joy and there's just so magical.
Speaker 2: But we'll see. I'm tired, right.
Speaker 1: Well, I guess it depends do you like even numbers
Speaker 1: or odd numbers? Because you have an odd number right now.
Speaker 2: We have an odd number.
Speaker 1: But that always did it for me. I was like five,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, exactly right. And if I had one
Speaker 1: more girl, i'd have a Brady bunch. If I had six, well, I.
Speaker 2: Also have Ireland's my stepdaughter, so i'm a little I'm
Speaker 2: eleven years older than her. So it's also like a
Speaker 2: super fun relationship. And I'm kind of a grandma too
Speaker 2: because Ireland has a eight me now, so it's you know,
Speaker 2: it's a it's a pretty wild bunch we all have.
Speaker 1: It's so fun, it's so beautiful. I love you, and
Speaker 1: I know I don't even know you really would like
Speaker 1: I'm telling you, it's like I've always felt so connected
Speaker 1: to you, and I I'm sorry honestly for what people
Speaker 1: say and what they're going to continue to say, because
Speaker 1: it's not going to get easier in that respect. It
Speaker 1: just is the life you live. And you didn't sign
Speaker 1: up for this part. Alut didn't sign up for this part,
Speaker 1: and it's a really unfortunate thing. And thank you, and
Speaker 1: I feel and it's so beautiful how you're getting through it.
Speaker 2: No, thank you the same and the same for you.
Speaker 2: I know it's very painful. But one of the most
Speaker 2: important things I always have to remember is there are
Speaker 2: more good people saying positive things then people say that
Speaker 2: there are. It's really really true. Just it's the under
Speaker 2: Alec taught me this. He's you know when Carmen and
Speaker 2: somebody said something to Carmen one time or another kid, and
Speaker 2: he said, this is natural that you try to make
Speaker 2: sense that of something that doesn't make sense, and you spiral,
Speaker 2: and you spiral and you spial, and this is why
Speaker 2: negativity gets so much attention. You're trying to figure out,
Speaker 2: especially if you're an empathetic person like you are. You know,
Speaker 2: you you want to be like, why can we just
Speaker 2: be friends like this? Could just be good. Yeah, and
Speaker 2: so I think, no matter how much when we acknowledge
Speaker 2: the negativity, it's so important to then say, Okay, I
Speaker 2: know this is hard and it sucks, but look at
Speaker 2: all these great things over there, and then you hyper
Speaker 2: focused benefit of ata, hyper focused towards the positivity, and
Speaker 2: then you're just like you know what, you go over there,
Speaker 2: go over there.
Speaker 1: And I feel like people like us with good energy,
Speaker 1: positive people, positive positivity seekers and doers, I feel like
Speaker 1: we do win in the end. Look, I hesitated. I
Speaker 1: wanted to come through strong with that one for you,
Speaker 1: But you know I have moments where I'm like, did
Speaker 1: the good guys ever win? Like? You know, we're good people,
Speaker 1: you know, in a heightened situation that because people don't
Speaker 1: find it relatable that they feel that they can do that.
Speaker 1: So but we're good people will come through it. Are
Speaker 1: you going to get any more Bengals from Bengals Embrace?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 2: I have four?
Speaker 1: I know She's like, I know I relate to Alec
Speaker 1: because I'm deeply allergic to cats and we got two
Speaker 1: because of you for them.
Speaker 2: No, they are the best. I would love the bad cat,
Speaker 2: all the cats, all the dogs, all the kids, all
Speaker 2: the horses. I just want all of them all the time.
Speaker 2: But I feel like i'm always because I got two dogs.
Speaker 2: I didn't tell Alex. Actually didn't tell him about any
Speaker 2: of the cats either.
Speaker 1: They're just a right like I used to do that
Speaker 1: with Dean. He'd like, but you didn't ask me about this,
Speaker 1: and I'm.
Speaker 2: Like, it's cute, and he loves them, even the cats,
Speaker 2: even I could tell yes, No, it's it's a very
Speaker 2: it's I know he's gonna be mad at me for
Speaker 2: like maybe thirty months, illid thirty minutes. He's very angry,
Speaker 2: and then he's like and then he's fine. I mean,
Speaker 2: his excelly. Kim had like so many animals. She's so wonderful.
Speaker 2: She's always, you know, rescuing dogs and she's done such
Speaker 2: incredible things. And I'm like, well she has eleven and
Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't have eleven yet, so yet, yes,
Speaker 2: oh my gosh.
Speaker 1: Well, I hope to hug you in person one day.
Speaker 1: I really do.
Speaker 2: Thank you for having me on. You're very kind and
Speaker 2: very inspiring and I'm so grateful to to talk with you.
Speaker 1: Back at you. Well, next time I'm in New York,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna come see you and pick up
Speaker 1: another bangle, probably another.
Speaker 2: We'll go see James together.
Speaker 1: Perfect. Oh you would love that. Okay, thank you, my friend.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. This was really fun. Thank you you,
Speaker 2: and
Speaker 1: Tell Aleci I will by