WEBVTT - Miss Hilaria Baldwin

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<v Speaker 1>Misspelling with Tory Spelling and iHeartRadio podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi, how are you?

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<v Speaker 1>Hi? My friend?

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<v Speaker 2>My friend?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my goodness, how are you doing. I'm okay, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I was up.

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<v Speaker 2>It's it's Tuesday.

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<v Speaker 1>It's Tuesday, you know, still standing.

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<v Speaker 2>Still standing, still standing, Tuesday. Do you find that weeks

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<v Speaker 2>are easy easier for your heard er for you with

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<v Speaker 2>the kids? Like weekdays?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh as you know, my friend, Like there's no weekday,

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<v Speaker 1>there's no weekend. There's it's just Michael say, are you

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<v Speaker 1>so happy it's the weekend. I'm like, never me, never know.

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<v Speaker 2>For me, my because I have six in school right

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<v Speaker 2>now and just want at home snapping right now. And

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<v Speaker 2>it's like I just I just like when the weekend

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<v Speaker 2>comes around. I mean, I love it because we have

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<v Speaker 2>so much fun and we're going to the museums and

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<v Speaker 2>they go to the like soccer classes. There's so much fun.

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<v Speaker 2>But I'm exhausted. And when it's Monday and they're like,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, everybody's going to school, You're all going to

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<v Speaker 2>go good bye.

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<v Speaker 1>See. I think I'm I think I am very code

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<v Speaker 1>dependent obviously, so I actually like when they go to school,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, like, meantime, what is this what does this

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<v Speaker 1>look like? It's oddly the quiet is like I don't

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<v Speaker 1>like it.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, I hear you. I hear you. It's a

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<v Speaker 2>missing one of our eldest son has away for two nights.

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<v Speaker 2>First time he's away. Is that school just like this

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<v Speaker 2>outward bound thing? Right?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>I went, oh my gosh, and like last night I

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<v Speaker 2>was like one o'clock, I'm up and I'm like, he's okay.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm getting all these pictures like from the school, like oh,

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<v Speaker 2>he's having like the time of his life.

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<v Speaker 1>Like right, and you can't contact them and they're just like,

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<v Speaker 1>we will send you. It's just like so it's that

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<v Speaker 1>lack of like control of like that Oh god, it's

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<v Speaker 1>it's so hard. So so this is interesting. I'm trying

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<v Speaker 1>to think back when we became friends and we're and

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<v Speaker 1>when I say friends, I feel like we're friends, but

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<v Speaker 1>we've really only been like DM and text friends for years.

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<v Speaker 2>Which are sometimes the best of friends. I have like

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<v Speaker 2>really amazing relationships with people that I never met in person.

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<v Speaker 1>Same and I when we first started talking, I obviously

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<v Speaker 1>felt very connected with you because we were on this

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<v Speaker 1>mom journey together in the public eye, and it was

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<v Speaker 1>it just felt so soothing to have someone that could

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<v Speaker 1>relate on some level. And then we were kind of

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<v Speaker 1>on the same timeline. And then you had two more kids,

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<v Speaker 1>so you one that was.

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<v Speaker 2>A little bit crazier kept on going.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my gosh, Mama, I I would have kept going.

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<v Speaker 1>And and this is interesting because I know you and

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<v Speaker 1>I both get this a lot. Like have they heard

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<v Speaker 1>of birth control?

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<v Speaker 2>Have? Yes? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>Very well versed in it.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I know. It's it's always amazes me people who

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<v Speaker 2>have the audacity opinion about other people's families. And you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I always think in my small self, so of course

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<v Speaker 2>we have like what we'll actually say, but then your

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<v Speaker 2>official self, we'll be like, one day, I'm going to

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<v Speaker 2>keep these comments and I'm gonna know who you are

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<v Speaker 2>and to show my kids, and they're gonna come and

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<v Speaker 2>they're gonna be like, why would you say that I

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<v Speaker 2>shouldn't exist? You know, like which one which one of

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<v Speaker 2>us should go back? Because one of the amazing things

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<v Speaker 2>about having And of course I don't say that because

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<v Speaker 2>that's not nice, but but you know, one of the

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<v Speaker 2>amazing things I've found. I don't know how you feel

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<v Speaker 2>about having so many kids, is they're all different, and

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<v Speaker 2>each one can have same parents, they could not have

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<v Speaker 2>same prins. It doesn't it doesn't matter. Just every single

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<v Speaker 2>kid comes out with your own soul, and you know,

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<v Speaker 2>if we allow them to be themselves and of course

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<v Speaker 2>guide them and you know, teach them right from wrong

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<v Speaker 2>and how to speak up for themselves and all the

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<v Speaker 2>things that we try to do as as parents. But

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<v Speaker 2>each one comes with their own soul and just letting

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<v Speaker 2>them be who they are. It's been one of my

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<v Speaker 2>greatest joys in life.

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<v Speaker 1>I I'm getting chills a thousand percent agree with that.

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<v Speaker 1>The uniqueness, and of course we guide them. And of

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<v Speaker 1>course some are more like I'm sure some are more

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<v Speaker 1>like you. Some are more like Alec. And the same

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<v Speaker 1>with my husband and I seem to be ex husband,

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<v Speaker 1>but my baby daddy, I guess I'll label in with Z.

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<v Speaker 1>That's on trend right. It's just that has been my

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<v Speaker 1>joy as well, seeing them grow and seeing like, wow,

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<v Speaker 1>you're you, you are your own being. And I mean

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<v Speaker 1>for me personally, we like ours came when they came,

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<v Speaker 1>and you know, we had we had dry spells, we

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<v Speaker 1>had years where we didn't get pregnant, and and I

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<v Speaker 1>look back on that, and I'm like, you know what,

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<v Speaker 1>there's soul contracts there, like they pick us, I believe,

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<v Speaker 1>and it's like they came to us and I don't know,

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<v Speaker 1>I can't. Here's the hard thing that you have to

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<v Speaker 1>deal with all the time, and I deal with it

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<v Speaker 1>as well, is that there's people across the world that

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<v Speaker 1>have larger families. Yes, but somehow that's that's okay. But

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<v Speaker 1>if you're in the public eye, if you are a celebrity,

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<v Speaker 1>you shouldn't. And it's like why.

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<v Speaker 2>Because everybody just wants to have an opinion. I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>you also look at women who are celebrities who are

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<v Speaker 2>in the public life, in the public eye.

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<v Speaker 1>Wow, that was a Freudian slip. You said the public

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<v Speaker 1>lie like this. I think that's good that you.

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<v Speaker 2>Turn this into the public lie. I'm okay, we can

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<v Speaker 2>go we can go down a rabbit hole of that.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, we could.

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<v Speaker 2>But you know, in the public eye where they didn't

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<v Speaker 2>have any kids, and we don't necessarily need to know why.

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<v Speaker 2>Maybe they didn't want to, maybe they couldn't, maybe they

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<v Speaker 2>didn't find the right person and they wanted to do

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<v Speaker 2>this with another person and they get crap too. So

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<v Speaker 2>it's like you. Just the thing is that people, I

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<v Speaker 2>think it's more about the person who is doing the judging,

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<v Speaker 2>and they're going to find a judgment no matter what.

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<v Speaker 2>And I think for people, you know, like us, who

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<v Speaker 2>are empathetic and you know, purely for the fact that

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<v Speaker 2>you know, we're even discussing this, it's hurt us these

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<v Speaker 2>kinds of comments, and we're sort of like, why would

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<v Speaker 2>you say that about me and my family, my most sacred,

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<v Speaker 2>blessed thing, and they and the truth is that it

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<v Speaker 2>doesn't matter what we do, they're gonna say it anyway.

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<v Speaker 2>So I'm in a point, you know, I'm now in

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<v Speaker 2>my forties, and I'm at a point where I just

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<v Speaker 2>like want to like live life and be connected to

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<v Speaker 2>really great people and try to do good in the

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<v Speaker 2>world and try to raise my kids and just enjoy

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<v Speaker 2>a little bit more. And realizing that lu gat in

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<v Speaker 2>that sort of like defensive mode of trying to make

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<v Speaker 2>sense out of something that makes no sense whatsoever, Like

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<v Speaker 2>having opinions about other people's families makes zero sense, zero sense.

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<v Speaker 2>You just have to be like, Okay, you know what,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna actually just somewhere else and then that's it.

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<v Speaker 1>That sounds great in theory. I know, I know, and

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<v Speaker 1>I'm I always say I have really thick skin. But

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<v Speaker 1>so I watched The bald Ones and really really enjoyed it.

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<v Speaker 1>I gotta say, my eight year old is your biggest

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<v Speaker 1>fan now.

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<v Speaker 2>Uh.

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<v Speaker 1>So we actually started watching this, watching it before we

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<v Speaker 1>booked this interview, because I said, oh, this is mommy's

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<v Speaker 1>friend and look they have a big family as well.

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<v Speaker 1>And he was like, ugh, we have to turn off

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<v Speaker 1>YouTube for this, and I said, please give me a moment.

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<v Speaker 1>This is my This is a little bit of me

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<v Speaker 1>wanting to watch it, and I, you know, I need

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<v Speaker 1>a little me time too, because he controls me and

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<v Speaker 1>the TV. He's the youngest ones, my baby, so I

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<v Speaker 1>wrapped around all my fingers in my entire body. He's

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<v Speaker 1>got me. But I was like, we were watching and

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<v Speaker 1>then all of a sudden, I was like, Okay, you

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<v Speaker 1>have to do your homework, and he was going to

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<v Speaker 1>go do it with this older sibling, Stella, who is

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<v Speaker 1>very much like Carmen. I'll get to that, but and

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<v Speaker 1>he said, no, no, no, wait, I'm watching my show. Oh

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<v Speaker 1>I love that, and he and it was really nice

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<v Speaker 1>because what he took from it obviously is very different

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<v Speaker 1>what I took from it, and it was just such

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<v Speaker 1>an interesting perspective because it made him feel accepted in

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<v Speaker 1>a way that he got to see, well, they have

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<v Speaker 1>a big family too, look, and it felt so relatable

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<v Speaker 1>to him. And he was just like, oh, look they're

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<v Speaker 1>getting haircuts. Like wait, mom, you know he has long hair.

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<v Speaker 1>And he goes, do you think I could get his haircut?

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<v Speaker 1>And I said, yeah, absolutely, Like because people always say

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<v Speaker 1>to me, cut your kid's hair, what's wrong with you

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<v Speaker 1>having boys with the long hair? And I say, I

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<v Speaker 1>let them be who they want. I'm not telling them

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<v Speaker 1>they can't, you know, cut you know, cut their hair.

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<v Speaker 1>If they want to cut their hair, great, they can.

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<v Speaker 1>They can dye their hair, you know, safely.

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<v Speaker 2>He done that, We've done the dying.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm all about expression. I want them to be able

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<v Speaker 1>to be them. But yeah, he said, no, you know what, mom,

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<v Speaker 1>He said, but if I cut my hair and it

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't look good, then I'm stuck with it and kids

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<v Speaker 1>at school will make fun of me. And I said, no,

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<v Speaker 1>hair grows back, it doesn't matter. And then he's paused

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<v Speaker 1>and he goes, well, they make fun of me anyway,

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<v Speaker 1>because I have long hair, and it was just such

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<v Speaker 1>a juxtaposition of like, wow, what you just said, taking

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<v Speaker 1>it back, like they make fun of you no matter what,

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<v Speaker 1>they hate you, no matter what. You can't win, and

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<v Speaker 1>it's not.

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<v Speaker 2>And that's the thing that we hope our kids will

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<v Speaker 2>we'll learn. But a lot of times we we you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I find through parenting my kids, I'm parenting myself, and

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<v Speaker 2>I'm you know, once you can teach it, sometimes you're

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<v Speaker 2>actually teaching yourself. I mean when I was teaching yoga

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<v Speaker 2>more and I would teach other teachers how to be teachers,

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<v Speaker 2>and I would say, listen to what teachers are teaching,

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<v Speaker 2>that's what they're working on for themselves. And so you know,

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<v Speaker 2>with the with the kids, like just tell them, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>it's was never about you anyway. It's about them trying

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<v Speaker 2>to figure out what's right and what's wrong, and hopefully

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<v Speaker 2>they'll figure out that there is no righting wrong. It's

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<v Speaker 2>just let people live, let them, you know, express themselves.

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<v Speaker 2>And I love you know how you're letting him play

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<v Speaker 2>with you know, how he wants his hair. And I'm

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<v Speaker 2>sure in all ways because I can tell that that's

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<v Speaker 2>just the kind of person that you are, because you

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<v Speaker 2>never want to be your kids first fully, And I

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<v Speaker 2>think during these years where they're cute and the chemic

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<v Speaker 2>can get wait with them, and then they start to

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<v Speaker 2>get into eat and a lot of people say that

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<v Speaker 2>eat is one of the most challenged in years to parents.

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<v Speaker 2>I definitely believe this, and getting into the tween and

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<v Speaker 2>the teen years, you know, really becoming their friend and

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<v Speaker 2>fostering a good relationship with them, nothing is more important,

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<v Speaker 2>I think, because you want them to always know that

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<v Speaker 2>you have their back, you're on the side, that you're

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<v Speaker 2>the safe person that they can come to, and so

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<v Speaker 2>it sounds like that's what's happening and hopefully I'll be

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<v Speaker 2>able to do that with all of mine.

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<v Speaker 1>And I saw you say on the show that you're

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<v Speaker 1>honest with your kids and you lead by that, and

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<v Speaker 1>I think, I you just said friendship. And again people

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<v Speaker 1>will slam people that say, like, don't be best friends

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<v Speaker 1>with your kids, and they'll see this and be like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>they both said they're friends with their kids. But it's

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<v Speaker 1>important to me, like, of course i'm their parent and

0:12:53.480 --> 0:12:56.400
<v Speaker 1>I'm there, but I'm not trying to be their best friend.

0:12:56.440 --> 0:12:59.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm just trying to have an open communication. I grew

0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:03.040
<v Speaker 1>up in a different generation. Obviously I'm a lot older

0:13:03.040 --> 0:13:08.679
<v Speaker 1>than you, but like, I love that much. Actually twelve

0:13:08.760 --> 0:13:09.240
<v Speaker 1>years but.

0:13:10.360 --> 0:13:12.840
<v Speaker 2>No, I didn't know eleven years.

0:13:12.920 --> 0:13:14.199
<v Speaker 1>I'll be fifty two in May.

0:13:15.320 --> 0:13:17.839
<v Speaker 2>Good, good, and enjoy life.

0:13:17.840 --> 0:13:22.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm starting to for the first time because I feel

0:13:22.080 --> 0:13:25.199
<v Speaker 1>like for the first time, because no one's ever allowed

0:13:25.240 --> 0:13:29.079
<v Speaker 1>me to be myself, you know, and I fed into

0:13:29.120 --> 0:13:33.680
<v Speaker 1>that for so long and now going through a divorce

0:13:33.800 --> 0:13:35.679
<v Speaker 1>and going through Sorry, this is about you and I'm

0:13:35.720 --> 0:13:36.280
<v Speaker 1>making about me.

0:13:36.440 --> 0:13:37.080
<v Speaker 2>No, I love it.

0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:40.800
<v Speaker 1>This is stuff I've like wanted to talk to you

0:13:40.840 --> 0:13:44.920
<v Speaker 1>about for so long, but we're too busy talking about Bengals,

0:13:46.320 --> 0:13:50.920
<v Speaker 1>which oh my god. But yeah, I'm starting to be like, wait,

0:13:51.120 --> 0:13:56.040
<v Speaker 1>I I want to enjoy myself. I've always been authentic,

0:13:56.600 --> 0:13:59.080
<v Speaker 1>but I felt so judged that I'd have to like

0:14:00.400 --> 0:14:04.880
<v Speaker 1>kind of curtail to this and people please, and it's like,

0:14:04.920 --> 0:14:07.160
<v Speaker 1>I just want to be happy. I want to dress

0:14:07.200 --> 0:14:08.160
<v Speaker 1>the way I want to dress.

0:14:08.400 --> 0:14:12.160
<v Speaker 2>What are you doing for yourself to be able to liberate?

0:14:12.200 --> 0:14:15.000
<v Speaker 2>Like where do you think? Because that's really where I'm

0:14:15.040 --> 0:14:18.080
<v Speaker 2>trying to figure out again, Like you said before, in theory,

0:14:18.080 --> 0:14:20.840
<v Speaker 2>it's great, but in practice, it's really really hard, like

0:14:20.960 --> 0:14:25.840
<v Speaker 2>what are you doing that allows you to find that independence,

0:14:25.880 --> 0:14:28.560
<v Speaker 2>the self worth, the comfort of being like I'm going

0:14:28.600 --> 0:14:29.680
<v Speaker 2>to live life.

0:14:29.600 --> 0:14:43.040
<v Speaker 1>My way, just surviving. It's like, I don't know, I

0:14:43.080 --> 0:14:48.400
<v Speaker 1>think the divorce really helped me have a voice and

0:14:48.800 --> 0:14:53.600
<v Speaker 1>help me kind of go okay. I felt like for

0:14:53.680 --> 0:15:01.640
<v Speaker 1>so long I was trying to not cover my acts,

0:15:01.880 --> 0:15:06.520
<v Speaker 1>protect what the world perceived, because from the moment, I mean,

0:15:06.600 --> 0:15:09.800
<v Speaker 1>you know, since the moment you two got together, there

0:15:09.880 --> 0:15:13.520
<v Speaker 1>was like, you know, she's so much younger, like is

0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:16.320
<v Speaker 1>she a gold digger? Why is she like so much shit?

0:15:16.480 --> 0:15:20.200
<v Speaker 1>But the moment Dean and I got together, it was like,

0:15:20.400 --> 0:15:23.520
<v Speaker 1>oh yeah, because we met, we were both married. You know,

0:15:23.600 --> 0:15:27.040
<v Speaker 1>she's a homewrecker. And I give them six months And

0:15:27.680 --> 0:15:29.920
<v Speaker 1>as you say, it's the noise, you're just like trying

0:15:29.920 --> 0:15:33.840
<v Speaker 1>to quiet it. But it's really challenging. And I think

0:15:33.920 --> 0:15:37.920
<v Speaker 1>for so long, even when we had our reality show,

0:15:38.640 --> 0:15:42.720
<v Speaker 1>I would try really hard to protect that. And we

0:15:42.760 --> 0:15:45.440
<v Speaker 1>had two different reality shows. We had Tori and Dean,

0:15:46.120 --> 0:15:50.000
<v Speaker 1>and that was more light hearted family stuff and it

0:15:50.120 --> 0:15:53.640
<v Speaker 1>was all authentic what everyone saw. But you know, when

0:15:53.680 --> 0:15:56.560
<v Speaker 1>any fights or stuff would have we kind of did

0:15:56.600 --> 0:16:00.320
<v Speaker 1>that behind closed doors, and we didn't want to prove

0:16:00.360 --> 0:16:03.040
<v Speaker 1>people right that it's like something's wrong. And then my

0:16:03.160 --> 0:16:10.120
<v Speaker 1>husband publicly it was infidelity, and the woman sold a

0:16:10.160 --> 0:16:12.720
<v Speaker 1>story and it all came out and it's like, oh,

0:16:13.720 --> 0:16:15.840
<v Speaker 1>you know, the curtain came up. It's like the Great

0:16:15.960 --> 0:16:19.360
<v Speaker 1>Oz and it's like, oh my god. You know, everyone said,

0:16:19.400 --> 0:16:21.760
<v Speaker 1>like you found your prints. I wish I had a

0:16:21.800 --> 0:16:24.080
<v Speaker 1>Dean and I wanted to say like, yeah, there's great

0:16:24.120 --> 0:16:27.520
<v Speaker 1>things about him, but there's also really dark things, and

0:16:27.840 --> 0:16:32.360
<v Speaker 1>there's addiction issues, and there's emotional issues and anger. But

0:16:32.480 --> 0:16:35.280
<v Speaker 1>I couldn't. So when that blew up, I did true

0:16:35.320 --> 0:16:39.760
<v Speaker 1>tory and I was just like fuck it, and I

0:16:39.920 --> 0:16:41.800
<v Speaker 1>just put it all out there. But then as soon

0:16:41.840 --> 0:16:44.440
<v Speaker 1>as you do that, everyone's like too much. Why are

0:16:44.440 --> 0:16:46.160
<v Speaker 1>you putting that all out there?

0:16:46.840 --> 0:16:48.840
<v Speaker 2>Right? But it's not. And that's the whole thing I

0:16:48.880 --> 0:16:52.360
<v Speaker 2>started to learn. When you know, what I would do

0:16:52.720 --> 0:16:55.400
<v Speaker 2>press or people would ask me questions like well people

0:16:55.560 --> 0:17:00.400
<v Speaker 2>say and it's like, well, who's saying it saying it?

0:17:01.320 --> 0:17:04.960
<v Speaker 2>Or is there a group of people that who knows

0:17:05.160 --> 0:17:08.119
<v Speaker 2>how many there are if they really believe it or not?

0:17:08.960 --> 0:17:10.960
<v Speaker 2>You know, in front of our house, people say, you know,

0:17:11.000 --> 0:17:14.399
<v Speaker 2>the paparassi. Sometimes they'll say the craziest thing and the

0:17:14.440 --> 0:17:17.439
<v Speaker 2>only reason they're saying this is to get us to react.

0:17:18.040 --> 0:17:20.080
<v Speaker 2>So it's not And that's the thing. It's like, if

0:17:20.080 --> 0:17:24.040
<v Speaker 2>somebody wants to come and have a real conversation and say, Tori,

0:17:24.280 --> 0:17:27.680
<v Speaker 2>this is what I think about you, you know the

0:17:27.680 --> 0:17:32.160
<v Speaker 2>first then go back to the audacity, right, But it

0:17:32.240 --> 0:17:36.000
<v Speaker 2>really isn't. It's we are we have been able to

0:17:36.200 --> 0:17:39.119
<v Speaker 2>hide a system, and not just for people in the

0:17:39.119 --> 0:17:43.359
<v Speaker 2>public eye. By the way, this now is rampant among

0:17:43.520 --> 0:17:47.960
<v Speaker 2>children who are online now, amongst people in workplaces, on

0:17:48.040 --> 0:17:50.920
<v Speaker 2>their homes, like every it is everywhere now. This is

0:17:50.960 --> 0:17:54.000
<v Speaker 2>a relatable subject now. And when you and I first

0:17:54.000 --> 0:17:58.400
<v Speaker 2>started experiencing this, it wasn't relatable, right because it was like, oh,

0:17:58.440 --> 0:18:01.240
<v Speaker 2>oh my god, to cry I cry about No, it's

0:18:01.320 --> 0:18:04.359
<v Speaker 2>actually everywhere now, and so I think it's time to

0:18:04.440 --> 0:18:07.639
<v Speaker 2>have these kind of these conversations, but taking more seriously

0:18:07.680 --> 0:18:10.080
<v Speaker 2>and saying, hey, where are my boundaries? And ultimately I'm

0:18:10.160 --> 0:18:13.840
<v Speaker 2>only one person and one nervous system. And for kids

0:18:13.880 --> 0:18:16.879
<v Speaker 2>who are experiencing all these opinions and the bullying online

0:18:16.920 --> 0:18:21.119
<v Speaker 2>and stuff like that, they're a very underdeveloped nervous system

0:18:21.160 --> 0:18:23.320
<v Speaker 2>still you know what I mean, whatever scientific way to

0:18:23.320 --> 0:18:25.200
<v Speaker 2>put it, but they're still growing and the brain is

0:18:25.240 --> 0:18:28.560
<v Speaker 2>still forming and everything, and you know, it's we need

0:18:28.600 --> 0:18:33.439
<v Speaker 2>to clean it up and teach everybody boundaries, starting with

0:18:33.520 --> 0:18:37.240
<v Speaker 2>ourselves and then just hoping that other people will also

0:18:37.320 --> 0:18:40.280
<v Speaker 2>follow suit. But it is, you know, I find that.

0:18:40.920 --> 0:18:43.240
<v Speaker 2>You know, I'm very proud of you for what you

0:18:43.400 --> 0:18:45.199
<v Speaker 2>just shared with me, of being able to go and

0:18:45.240 --> 0:18:47.600
<v Speaker 2>just be like, I'm just I'm so sick of it.

0:18:47.680 --> 0:18:49.560
<v Speaker 2>I'm just going to show you. And that's how I

0:18:49.560 --> 0:18:52.120
<v Speaker 2>felt about the reality show. It's how I felt about

0:18:52.160 --> 0:18:54.879
<v Speaker 2>this book, you know, take it or leave it. But

0:18:55.080 --> 0:18:58.240
<v Speaker 2>I when I met Alec, everybody had the opinions. I

0:18:58.440 --> 0:19:03.520
<v Speaker 2>was like, all underprepared for what this public life world was.

0:19:03.520 --> 0:19:06.120
<v Speaker 2>I came from the yoga worlds. Everybody's really nice. It's

0:19:06.119 --> 0:19:09.320
<v Speaker 2>all about breathing and I must say and shabasana, like

0:19:09.320 --> 0:19:12.479
<v Speaker 2>everything's like really nice and happy, right, and then all

0:19:12.480 --> 0:19:15.560
<v Speaker 2>of a sudden, I get you know, I started getting Alec.

0:19:15.680 --> 0:19:18.400
<v Speaker 2>I put into this world and I have no idea

0:19:18.440 --> 0:19:20.080
<v Speaker 2>what I'm doing. And by the way, Alec Baltwman is

0:19:20.080 --> 0:19:22.760
<v Speaker 2>not like a great teacher on tarts of like how

0:19:22.800 --> 0:19:25.080
<v Speaker 2>to be in the public eye, okay, because he has

0:19:25.160 --> 0:19:28.960
<v Speaker 2>these opinions and his you know, strong feelings about things.

0:19:29.160 --> 0:19:32.520
<v Speaker 2>So I'm learning it through him. And you know, whether

0:19:32.560 --> 0:19:36.119
<v Speaker 2>people talk about you and it's kind or it's not kind,

0:19:36.480 --> 0:19:39.480
<v Speaker 2>whether it's true or it's not true, it's people talking

0:19:40.000 --> 0:19:43.240
<v Speaker 2>about you for you. And I think when you did

0:19:43.320 --> 0:19:46.920
<v Speaker 2>this project that you did, and you know, I've done

0:19:47.080 --> 0:19:50.560
<v Speaker 2>some of these projects that I'm learning I'm beginning to do.

0:19:51.080 --> 0:19:53.240
<v Speaker 2>This is us taking back, you know, and say, hey,

0:19:53.240 --> 0:19:56.080
<v Speaker 2>you know what, I'm a whole person and this is

0:19:56.359 --> 0:19:58.800
<v Speaker 2>these are these are my words, this is my voice,

0:19:58.840 --> 0:20:00.879
<v Speaker 2>this is who I am, and I'm going to continue

0:20:00.920 --> 0:20:04.240
<v Speaker 2>to evolve. You know, the pain that maybe you showed

0:20:04.359 --> 0:20:07.800
<v Speaker 2>on that show and you know is a pain that

0:20:07.840 --> 0:20:09.679
<v Speaker 2>you were dealing with, and it was very true in

0:20:09.760 --> 0:20:12.600
<v Speaker 2>that moment. And then maybe in five years is this

0:20:12.720 --> 0:20:15.600
<v Speaker 2>and another five years is this, and that's valid.

0:20:15.680 --> 0:20:19.840
<v Speaker 1>It's totally about great because we're always changing or you hope.

0:20:20.440 --> 0:20:24.000
<v Speaker 1>You know, that's when there's a problem when people don't evolve. Yes,

0:20:24.119 --> 0:20:28.919
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, so now people say like, oh, she's a

0:20:28.920 --> 0:20:31.880
<v Speaker 1>hot mess, she's a train wreck, and I'm like I mean,

0:20:32.160 --> 0:20:34.160
<v Speaker 1>if my kids love me, I'm a great mom.

0:20:34.840 --> 0:20:37.679
<v Speaker 2>I work my ass off exactly. It's like if you're

0:20:37.720 --> 0:20:39.440
<v Speaker 2>a train red both, I'll get on that train reck

0:20:39.520 --> 0:20:42.120
<v Speaker 2>with you because you know then not, by the way,

0:20:42.160 --> 0:20:45.080
<v Speaker 2>this is a woman. When a woman uses their voice,

0:20:45.680 --> 0:20:49.560
<v Speaker 2>they stand up for themselves. They live the life, the family, everything.

0:20:49.600 --> 0:20:54.080
<v Speaker 2>They're survivor. You're survivor, you've been through a lot. Then

0:20:54.320 --> 0:20:58.119
<v Speaker 2>you know, people come and it is I think ultimately,

0:20:58.160 --> 0:21:01.520
<v Speaker 2>what it does is it makes people uncomfortable sometimes with

0:21:01.600 --> 0:21:06.040
<v Speaker 2>ourselves as women, like well, what this is against the

0:21:06.119 --> 0:21:08.800
<v Speaker 2>rules we have, like these rules that we've been like, yes,

0:21:08.840 --> 0:21:11.720
<v Speaker 2>we've been grained and this person outside of the rules,

0:21:11.720 --> 0:21:14.399
<v Speaker 2>and we like, are we're belonging to people? We're black people,

0:21:14.520 --> 0:21:16.760
<v Speaker 2>we got it? Like ring it in? This is not

0:21:16.800 --> 0:21:19.840
<v Speaker 2>an okay thing to do, you know. I mean, like

0:21:20.320 --> 0:21:23.439
<v Speaker 2>how many times people, you know, I post something online

0:21:23.560 --> 0:21:25.160
<v Speaker 2>or something and they're like, did you did you ask

0:21:25.160 --> 0:21:26.320
<v Speaker 2>your husband permission for that?

0:21:26.440 --> 0:21:34.840
<v Speaker 1>I was like, excuse me, You're like, uh, it's it's

0:21:35.080 --> 0:21:40.080
<v Speaker 1>twenty twenty five and nineteen fifties didn't have Instagram, so

0:21:40.160 --> 0:21:40.720
<v Speaker 1>go back to that.

0:21:40.840 --> 0:21:44.159
<v Speaker 2>So okay, y, yeah, yeah, no, no, truly true it is.

0:21:44.240 --> 0:21:48.560
<v Speaker 1>We're conditioned. We're so But you know what I feel like,

0:21:49.520 --> 0:21:53.680
<v Speaker 1>you know, obviously watching you from the outside, I feel

0:21:53.680 --> 0:21:58.320
<v Speaker 1>like you are overcoming that you're owning that it's like,

0:21:58.400 --> 0:22:01.560
<v Speaker 1>okay to break that mold. And that to me is

0:22:01.600 --> 0:22:07.920
<v Speaker 1>inspirational because it's it's such and I don't know if

0:22:07.960 --> 0:22:10.440
<v Speaker 1>anyone will ever get past it. Like you know, it's

0:22:10.480 --> 0:22:13.000
<v Speaker 1>still you're supposed to. You know, you're supposed to be married,

0:22:13.080 --> 0:22:15.960
<v Speaker 1>You're supposed to you know, be like have all these

0:22:16.000 --> 0:22:19.479
<v Speaker 1>like things, you're supposed to hit and you know you're

0:22:19.480 --> 0:22:22.399
<v Speaker 1>supposed to have the two kids three years apart or

0:22:22.400 --> 0:22:26.000
<v Speaker 1>two years apart. Right, That's how like women plan things out.

0:22:26.040 --> 0:22:30.000
<v Speaker 1>It's like, Okay, that's what worked for them, and that's great,

0:22:31.160 --> 0:22:33.800
<v Speaker 1>but it doesn't work the same for everyone. And we

0:22:33.880 --> 0:22:38.160
<v Speaker 1>have to let people be themselves. And that's what we're

0:22:38.160 --> 0:22:40.720
<v Speaker 1>teaching our children and.

0:22:40.680 --> 0:22:43.800
<v Speaker 2>We're teaching each other. I mean, the title of my

0:22:43.840 --> 0:22:45.720
<v Speaker 2>book is Manuel Not Included, and the whole thing is

0:22:45.760 --> 0:22:46.440
<v Speaker 2>just like there's no man.

0:22:46.600 --> 0:22:48.280
<v Speaker 1>I love that title. By the way, thank you.

0:22:48.480 --> 0:22:50.480
<v Speaker 2>It was like just this when I started.

0:22:50.160 --> 0:22:53.280
<v Speaker 1>Your book, and I'm loving it. And I got to say,

0:22:53.320 --> 0:22:57.280
<v Speaker 1>I haven't sat down with a book in so long

0:22:57.400 --> 0:23:01.119
<v Speaker 1>and I used to be a big reader. But I felt,

0:23:01.520 --> 0:23:03.680
<v Speaker 1>well for me at least at least knowing you a

0:23:03.720 --> 0:23:08.960
<v Speaker 1>little bit, like it was so relatable and I could

0:23:09.000 --> 0:23:11.840
<v Speaker 1>hear your voice coming out of it, and well, I

0:23:12.320 --> 0:23:15.240
<v Speaker 1>really max it comes out correct, ma.

0:23:15.320 --> 0:23:17.080
<v Speaker 2>Sex it comes out. But you know, I mean, what

0:23:17.080 --> 0:23:18.600
<v Speaker 2>I was going to say is that the other day,

0:23:19.480 --> 0:23:21.240
<v Speaker 2>off of what you were saying that, there was a

0:23:21.280 --> 0:23:24.000
<v Speaker 2>woman who stopped me at this copy shop that I

0:23:24.040 --> 0:23:27.800
<v Speaker 2>go to, and she said that she enjoyed watching her show.

0:23:27.840 --> 0:23:30.119
<v Speaker 2>And it's always so meaningful when people say that because

0:23:30.160 --> 0:23:33.720
<v Speaker 2>it feels so authentic and felt so cathartic at the time,

0:23:34.359 --> 0:23:36.679
<v Speaker 2>and she said she was excited about the book, and

0:23:36.760 --> 0:23:38.520
<v Speaker 2>she said, you know what I learned from watching your show.

0:23:39.040 --> 0:23:40.480
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to swear for a second because that was

0:23:40.520 --> 0:23:41.840
<v Speaker 2>her words, So if you guys have to cleep it up,

0:23:41.880 --> 0:23:47.119
<v Speaker 2>she said, you're one tough, strong bitch. And I just

0:23:47.200 --> 0:23:49.760
<v Speaker 2>felt like, because I don't know how you feel when

0:23:49.760 --> 0:23:51.600
<v Speaker 2>you go through her I don't feel like that all

0:23:51.640 --> 0:23:53.920
<v Speaker 2>the time. I you know, because I have so many kids,

0:23:53.920 --> 0:23:55.400
<v Speaker 2>and I don't want my kids that, even though I'm

0:23:55.560 --> 0:23:57.040
<v Speaker 2>honest with them, I don't want them to see me

0:23:57.160 --> 0:23:59.840
<v Speaker 2>cry or feel unsure, and of course they've seen that.

0:24:00.000 --> 0:24:02.320
<v Speaker 2>So I try to, like I'll close myself off and

0:24:02.400 --> 0:24:05.320
<v Speaker 2>like cry for like thirty seconds really hard, like try

0:24:05.359 --> 0:24:07.040
<v Speaker 2>to get it all out, and then I wipe the rips,

0:24:07.080 --> 0:24:09.440
<v Speaker 2>like Gartie, it's gonna come out and smile. But there's

0:24:09.440 --> 0:24:11.919
<v Speaker 2>how many times I was just like, I don't know

0:24:12.000 --> 0:24:14.159
<v Speaker 2>what to do. There is no manual for this. I

0:24:14.200 --> 0:24:16.200
<v Speaker 2>don't know, which is why it has this title. There's

0:24:16.320 --> 0:24:19.160
<v Speaker 2>there is no one right way, and there's nobody's telling

0:24:19.160 --> 0:24:21.720
<v Speaker 2>me because there's no experience that has really been had

0:24:21.800 --> 0:24:24.520
<v Speaker 2>exactly in the way that my life is unfolding and.

0:24:24.600 --> 0:24:26.439
<v Speaker 1>Never will be and never will be.

0:24:26.520 --> 0:24:29.800
<v Speaker 2>And when it is exactly, we're all different and we're

0:24:29.840 --> 0:24:32.160
<v Speaker 2>also similar, and it's just we're just a mixed we're

0:24:32.160 --> 0:24:34.640
<v Speaker 2>a mixed back. But when this woman, what I responded

0:24:34.680 --> 0:24:40.240
<v Speaker 2>to her was it was other strong, tough bitches that

0:24:40.359 --> 0:24:43.240
<v Speaker 2>got me through. And it could be people that I

0:24:43.320 --> 0:24:46.680
<v Speaker 2>knew that I had deep conversations with. It could be,

0:24:47.400 --> 0:24:49.919
<v Speaker 2>you know, people who I just met on the street.

0:24:49.960 --> 0:24:53.000
<v Speaker 2>It could be people who are not well known online,

0:24:53.480 --> 0:24:56.399
<v Speaker 2>you know, you know, inspirational people on It could be

0:24:56.440 --> 0:24:59.680
<v Speaker 2>famous people on the but it was women who were

0:25:00.080 --> 0:25:01.720
<v Speaker 2>living their life. Just like you're saying, I'm going to

0:25:01.800 --> 0:25:04.359
<v Speaker 2>come and be wrong. I'm going to show myself that

0:25:04.440 --> 0:25:08.560
<v Speaker 2>it gives me permission to try that, you know. So

0:25:08.800 --> 0:25:12.640
<v Speaker 2>I'm really standing on the shoulders of other women who

0:25:12.680 --> 0:25:16.040
<v Speaker 2>were brave enough to do what I am attempting, what

0:25:16.119 --> 0:25:18.040
<v Speaker 2>I'm practicing to do. And sometimes I get it right

0:25:18.040 --> 0:25:20.120
<v Speaker 2>and sometimes I get it wrong. And sometimes I try

0:25:20.359 --> 0:25:22.439
<v Speaker 2>and I mess it up, and I feel like I

0:25:22.480 --> 0:25:25.080
<v Speaker 2>would tray myself because I did it in the not

0:25:25.160 --> 0:25:26.480
<v Speaker 2>the way that I wanted to be And I just

0:25:26.520 --> 0:25:28.879
<v Speaker 2>told my friends and like cry about it and then

0:25:28.920 --> 0:25:31.200
<v Speaker 2>they picked me back up. But it's just a practice

0:25:31.400 --> 0:25:35.080
<v Speaker 2>because we've been so conditioned to do the opposite.

0:25:35.359 --> 0:25:38.720
<v Speaker 1>I completely agree. And now from what you are doing,

0:25:39.000 --> 0:25:42.800
<v Speaker 1>other women are able to stand on your shoulders. Thank you.

0:25:42.920 --> 0:25:45.199
<v Speaker 2>I mean, we're all we're all in this together and

0:25:45.240 --> 0:25:47.439
<v Speaker 2>all of it all we are. We kind of live free,

0:25:47.520 --> 0:25:47.720
<v Speaker 2>you know.

0:25:48.560 --> 0:25:53.280
<v Speaker 1>So It's interesting because it's women that we look towards

0:25:53.400 --> 0:25:57.639
<v Speaker 1>to have a community, to have, you know, a connection with,

0:25:58.920 --> 0:26:03.760
<v Speaker 1>but it's also women that simultaneously completely break us down. Yes,

0:26:04.560 --> 0:26:09.920
<v Speaker 1>which is something I hope we move past. Men while

0:26:09.960 --> 0:26:13.679
<v Speaker 1>we love them, it's you know, it's more of a

0:26:13.720 --> 0:26:16.600
<v Speaker 1>simple thing. You know, you never see you never see

0:26:16.680 --> 0:26:21.600
<v Speaker 1>men judging or going at other men, and it's like

0:26:23.520 --> 0:26:28.840
<v Speaker 1>they're living their lives and we just you know, it's

0:26:28.840 --> 0:26:29.360
<v Speaker 1>a hard thing.

0:26:29.560 --> 0:26:31.520
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if you saw the episode, just to

0:26:31.560 --> 0:26:33.440
<v Speaker 2>bring a little like lightheartedness, because I thought it was

0:26:33.480 --> 0:26:36.320
<v Speaker 2>one of the funniest parts of my of the show

0:26:36.760 --> 0:26:40.240
<v Speaker 2>where Alec and I while I was pregnant with our

0:26:40.280 --> 0:26:43.000
<v Speaker 2>seventh whenever dear dear friends, who was on our first

0:26:43.040 --> 0:26:44.600
<v Speaker 2>day because I would only go out with Alec who

0:26:44.600 --> 0:26:46.520
<v Speaker 2>we went out in like a group situation, because I

0:26:46.560 --> 0:26:49.119
<v Speaker 2>was like, I don't know this person. So Scott Ellis,

0:26:49.200 --> 0:26:54.439
<v Speaker 2>who's amazing director on Broadway. He was on our first days,

0:26:54.520 --> 0:26:57.120
<v Speaker 2>our wedding. Him and his husband are just like love

0:26:57.200 --> 0:27:00.920
<v Speaker 2>them so much. He was directing play called Take Me

0:27:01.000 --> 0:27:03.200
<v Speaker 2>Out on Broadway, and I don't know if you heard

0:27:03.200 --> 0:27:07.119
<v Speaker 2>about Staking Me Out, but everybody is naked skate on

0:27:07.200 --> 0:27:10.359
<v Speaker 2>stage for like the majority of the play. Now, I

0:27:10.760 --> 0:27:12.320
<v Speaker 2>as much as I love Scott and we want to

0:27:12.320 --> 0:27:15.119
<v Speaker 2>like support him, I knew because I'm still friendly with

0:27:15.200 --> 0:27:18.240
<v Speaker 2>him and Alec is friendly with him. My ex boyfriend

0:27:18.520 --> 0:27:23.439
<v Speaker 2>was in the show that we went to watch that

0:27:23.520 --> 0:27:25.480
<v Speaker 2>I was trying not to go to because can you

0:27:25.520 --> 0:27:28.560
<v Speaker 2>imagine I'm pregnant with me my seventh sitting next to

0:27:28.640 --> 0:27:32.399
<v Speaker 2>my husband and my ex boyfriend is naked for like

0:27:32.560 --> 0:27:34.399
<v Speaker 2>what is an hour and a half or whatever a

0:27:34.440 --> 0:27:37.800
<v Speaker 2>Broadway show is, And so this just shows you what.

0:27:38.000 --> 0:27:44.080
<v Speaker 2>Alex knew that and he wanted you want, no, no, no,

0:27:44.200 --> 0:27:46.320
<v Speaker 2>I'm there like this looking at my lap the whole time.

0:27:47.160 --> 0:27:52.560
<v Speaker 2>It's really really awkward, and he wanted to go backstage

0:27:52.600 --> 0:27:55.639
<v Speaker 2>and say hello and shake his head like you were

0:27:55.680 --> 0:27:58.760
<v Speaker 2>so great. You know, he's like a younger actor. You know,

0:27:58.800 --> 0:28:01.240
<v Speaker 2>I've not done this same things that Alec has done,

0:28:01.280 --> 0:28:04.119
<v Speaker 2>and he's so so kind, and you know, just Alec

0:28:04.200 --> 0:28:08.520
<v Speaker 2>is just literally the best with other actors. And I

0:28:08.560 --> 0:28:12.119
<v Speaker 2>am just like like just don't know what to say

0:28:12.200 --> 0:28:14.600
<v Speaker 2>because it is the awkward position that like is the

0:28:14.600 --> 0:28:17.520
<v Speaker 2>most unrelatable experience, like no one else has had this experience.

0:28:18.160 --> 0:28:22.760
<v Speaker 2>And Alec on the show is like the most complimentary

0:28:23.000 --> 0:28:27.840
<v Speaker 2>of my ex boyfriend and his like physique, and I'm

0:28:27.880 --> 0:28:31.400
<v Speaker 2>just like, that's a man supporting a man. He's like, yeah,

0:28:31.400 --> 0:28:33.560
<v Speaker 2>he looks really good naked. And he said it in

0:28:33.560 --> 0:28:35.600
<v Speaker 2>other words that are a little bit more graphic that

0:28:35.760 --> 0:28:37.760
<v Speaker 2>I will let you go and take a look because

0:28:37.760 --> 0:28:39.880
<v Speaker 2>it's online. But can you imagine?

0:28:40.080 --> 0:28:43.400
<v Speaker 1>Wait, which how did I miss this? Which episode? Is

0:28:43.440 --> 0:28:44.280
<v Speaker 1>it in seven or eight?

0:28:44.520 --> 0:28:47.360
<v Speaker 2>I know, I feel like it's like, I don't know,

0:28:47.400 --> 0:28:50.720
<v Speaker 2>maybe six as something like that. I have to look,

0:28:51.120 --> 0:28:52.880
<v Speaker 2>I have to look back. But yeah, no, it is

0:28:53.480 --> 0:28:56.560
<v Speaker 2>one of the moments. And the best part about it

0:28:56.600 --> 0:29:00.480
<v Speaker 2>as well is no one asked Alec about this, and

0:29:00.520 --> 0:29:02.520
<v Speaker 2>he just like, like the you know, we were on

0:29:02.560 --> 0:29:04.800
<v Speaker 2>the couch and we're talking about different things and different

0:29:04.840 --> 0:29:05.280
<v Speaker 2>and he's.

0:29:05.160 --> 0:29:07.720
<v Speaker 1>Like, during your sitdown interview, the producer didn't.

0:29:07.520 --> 0:29:11.160
<v Speaker 2>Ask no And that was like the funniest thing and

0:29:11.320 --> 0:29:14.640
<v Speaker 2>super complimentary and super kind about my ex boyfriend, about

0:29:14.720 --> 0:29:19.080
<v Speaker 2>us to see my ex boyfriend nick, you know, I

0:29:19.120 --> 0:29:21.040
<v Speaker 2>think that would make me very uncomfortable. I don't know

0:29:21.040 --> 0:29:25.160
<v Speaker 2>if i'd be like, you know, as positive as him.

0:29:25.520 --> 0:29:31.719
<v Speaker 1>But that does some of his personality like he I mean, gosh,

0:29:31.840 --> 0:29:34.760
<v Speaker 1>the lives you guys have. You have to have a

0:29:34.800 --> 0:29:40.880
<v Speaker 1>sense of humor. Oh my god, that's crazy.

0:29:40.880 --> 0:29:42.760
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely crazy. I mean, if you don't laugh, you.

0:29:43.160 --> 0:29:47.040
<v Speaker 1>Was he like a boyfriend? Oh gosh, I guess you

0:29:47.080 --> 0:29:50.560
<v Speaker 1>can't answer this like a well endowed boyfriend, and.

0:29:51.040 --> 0:29:53.719
<v Speaker 2>He was, No, he was. I think Alex called it

0:29:53.800 --> 0:29:58.040
<v Speaker 2>like a baseball batmanclarinet. But it's we can.

0:30:02.080 --> 0:30:05.080
<v Speaker 1>I love that, I know, like I.

0:30:05.040 --> 0:30:09.400
<v Speaker 2>Mean, it's like he has such comfort with himself that

0:30:09.440 --> 0:30:12.640
<v Speaker 2>he can go and say this when nobody asked him,

0:30:12.800 --> 0:30:15.640
<v Speaker 2>I'm not like tell the story, producers, not like tell

0:30:15.680 --> 0:30:17.240
<v Speaker 2>the story. He said, I'm just going to tell the

0:30:17.280 --> 0:30:18.840
<v Speaker 2>story and that's out.

0:30:19.400 --> 0:30:23.680
<v Speaker 1>That's what's it up. I love that. That is so beautiful.

0:30:23.800 --> 0:30:27.520
<v Speaker 1>Do you, I mean, what was the reason you initially

0:30:27.600 --> 0:30:31.200
<v Speaker 1>wanted to do with the Baldwins. Did you feel sorry

0:30:31.360 --> 0:30:33.040
<v Speaker 1>not to put words in your mouth but no, no, no.

0:30:33.120 --> 0:30:34.880
<v Speaker 1>Did you feel because I know I haven't the past.

0:30:34.920 --> 0:30:37.560
<v Speaker 1>Did you feel like, I mean when it's great you

0:30:37.560 --> 0:30:40.360
<v Speaker 1>get to work with your family and that's I loved

0:30:40.440 --> 0:30:43.240
<v Speaker 1>that part of it. Did you feel like you wanted

0:30:43.320 --> 0:30:46.080
<v Speaker 1>people to find you guys relatable?

0:30:46.960 --> 0:30:50.000
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I think one of the most important things

0:30:50.040 --> 0:30:52.520
<v Speaker 2>to understand about me that I hope I can be

0:30:52.600 --> 0:30:54.960
<v Speaker 2>in the in the in both the book and the show,

0:30:55.200 --> 0:31:00.840
<v Speaker 2>is that I am a very impulsive person, always think

0:31:00.920 --> 0:31:04.200
<v Speaker 2>things through, not necessarily and I mean sometimes it doesn't

0:31:04.200 --> 0:31:07.120
<v Speaker 2>go well, but it's not in the typically reckless ways.

0:31:07.160 --> 0:31:10.600
<v Speaker 2>But you could consider doing a reality show starting to

0:31:10.640 --> 0:31:13.520
<v Speaker 2>film two weeks before my husband went on child that's

0:31:13.560 --> 0:31:16.760
<v Speaker 2>a little reckless, right, And of course it was something

0:31:16.760 --> 0:31:20.280
<v Speaker 2>that Alec and I chose to do together. But in

0:31:20.640 --> 0:31:23.960
<v Speaker 2>that time, you know, there was he was just in

0:31:24.120 --> 0:31:28.640
<v Speaker 2>such a hard place that I really had to stand

0:31:28.720 --> 0:31:31.840
<v Speaker 2>up and try to be the protector of the whole family.

0:31:32.640 --> 0:31:35.400
<v Speaker 2>And you know, I think a lot of times, if

0:31:35.440 --> 0:31:37.880
<v Speaker 2>I thought it through better, I probably would have been like,

0:31:37.920 --> 0:31:39.800
<v Speaker 2>all right, it's best to like just go into like

0:31:39.880 --> 0:31:42.160
<v Speaker 2>our little cave and like hide out here and try

0:31:42.160 --> 0:31:46.760
<v Speaker 2>to figure this out. But I think because of all

0:31:46.800 --> 0:31:50.280
<v Speaker 2>the people speaking for you about you again true not true, kind,

0:31:50.440 --> 0:31:54.040
<v Speaker 2>not kind, it was like, I want to speak, and

0:31:54.160 --> 0:31:57.880
<v Speaker 2>during a time when we're told not to speak, yeah,

0:31:57.920 --> 0:32:00.760
<v Speaker 2>and you know, we'd have people outside, you know, and

0:32:00.880 --> 0:32:02.800
<v Speaker 2>or in different things they would like, what would you say?

0:32:02.800 --> 0:32:04.320
<v Speaker 2>What do you say? And then you say something? How

0:32:04.400 --> 0:32:05.320
<v Speaker 2>dare you say something?

0:32:05.680 --> 0:32:05.840
<v Speaker 1>You know?

0:32:05.880 --> 0:32:07.800
<v Speaker 2>And again damned if you do, damned if you don't.

0:32:07.800 --> 0:32:10.600
<v Speaker 2>And the one rule is that you lose. And so

0:32:10.840 --> 0:32:14.360
<v Speaker 2>it felt as much as I think I didn't think

0:32:14.400 --> 0:32:18.000
<v Speaker 2>it through. I didn't really you know, think that you know,

0:32:18.400 --> 0:32:21.960
<v Speaker 2>far and ahead, I have ADHD and I think something

0:32:21.960 --> 0:32:24.360
<v Speaker 2>that's very typical of people, like as there's like the

0:32:24.360 --> 0:32:27.200
<v Speaker 2>timeframe people talk about there's now and there's not now.

0:32:27.840 --> 0:32:30.440
<v Speaker 2>So I'm like, We're just going to do it now.

0:32:30.440 --> 0:32:32.000
<v Speaker 2>I'm not going to think of it was that thing too,

0:32:32.520 --> 0:32:34.880
<v Speaker 2>just like now. And when that two week mark came

0:32:35.320 --> 0:32:38.680
<v Speaker 2>and everybody wrapped and we didn't film, you know, uh,

0:32:38.920 --> 0:32:41.320
<v Speaker 2>going to trial, it was just us, you know, kind

0:32:41.320 --> 0:32:43.760
<v Speaker 2>of we're going to break for three weeks, and I

0:32:43.840 --> 0:32:45.480
<v Speaker 2>look at the croon, I'm like, I'm not gonna we

0:32:45.560 --> 0:32:47.560
<v Speaker 2>all very close and I'm not going to see you

0:32:47.560 --> 0:32:50.120
<v Speaker 2>guys again. They're like, nobody knows what's going to happen.

0:32:50.720 --> 0:32:53.520
<v Speaker 2>Nobody knows. And then of course it went down the

0:32:53.560 --> 0:32:55.560
<v Speaker 2>way that it went down, and you know, we came

0:32:55.600 --> 0:33:00.520
<v Speaker 2>back in a week and our our producer flew back

0:33:00.560 --> 0:33:03.440
<v Speaker 2>from Sarah Ready, who's like going to be one of

0:33:03.440 --> 0:33:07.160
<v Speaker 2>my lifelong best friends, just from how amazing she wasn't

0:33:07.160 --> 0:33:11.440
<v Speaker 2>supportive through that really hard experience. She flew back and

0:33:11.520 --> 0:33:15.560
<v Speaker 2>beat us to our home and with her iPhone she filmed.

0:33:15.560 --> 0:33:18.400
<v Speaker 2>I think it's the beginning of episode three where we're

0:33:18.440 --> 0:33:19.280
<v Speaker 2>reuniting with the.

0:33:19.280 --> 0:33:21.360
<v Speaker 1>Kids, which is so beautiful.

0:33:21.600 --> 0:33:24.560
<v Speaker 2>Oh oh my god, meet too. Even when I think

0:33:24.560 --> 0:33:27.600
<v Speaker 2>about it, and that's like, I barely remember that night

0:33:28.240 --> 0:33:32.400
<v Speaker 2>because I was so confused about like what is happening,

0:33:32.920 --> 0:33:36.600
<v Speaker 2>what is going on? And just to see, you know,

0:33:36.640 --> 0:33:39.480
<v Speaker 2>as much as when we parents are children through difficult

0:33:39.480 --> 0:33:42.640
<v Speaker 2>things to see, as much as we tried to protect

0:33:42.720 --> 0:33:45.760
<v Speaker 2>them and what you're saying, you know, I tried to

0:33:46.360 --> 0:33:49.080
<v Speaker 2>I am honest with them. So they had to know

0:33:49.200 --> 0:33:52.200
<v Speaker 2>they had to say goodbye to their dad, like they

0:33:52.280 --> 0:33:54.000
<v Speaker 2>may not see them for a year and a half.

0:33:54.400 --> 0:33:56.480
<v Speaker 1>And what'd you say? You said, Carmen said, should I

0:33:56.560 --> 0:33:58.400
<v Speaker 1>say a meaningful goodbye to dad?

0:33:58.880 --> 0:34:00.800
<v Speaker 2>Something like should I say to that like in a

0:34:00.840 --> 0:34:02.960
<v Speaker 2>special way, like I'm not getting something like I'm not

0:34:02.960 --> 0:34:06.400
<v Speaker 2>going to see them for a long time? And and

0:34:06.440 --> 0:34:09.319
<v Speaker 2>I said, yeah, I mean it like that's when when

0:34:09.400 --> 0:34:13.240
<v Speaker 2>children have seen darkness, and this is in all different

0:34:13.280 --> 0:34:17.040
<v Speaker 2>walks of life. If you tell them it's okay and

0:34:17.080 --> 0:34:21.279
<v Speaker 2>they're seeing it's not okay, then you are having them

0:34:21.400 --> 0:34:27.200
<v Speaker 2>question their sense of okay and and giving them false understanding.

0:34:27.239 --> 0:34:30.440
<v Speaker 2>Now we are strong, we will make it through. We

0:34:30.560 --> 0:34:33.920
<v Speaker 2>are here together, we are united. Yes, don't be so

0:34:34.239 --> 0:34:36.879
<v Speaker 2>darkened down because you need to summon the strength within

0:34:36.960 --> 0:34:40.680
<v Speaker 2>yourself to be able to give them part and encourage.

0:34:41.400 --> 0:34:44.880
<v Speaker 2>But you have to be real with them, you know.

0:34:44.920 --> 0:34:48.160
<v Speaker 2>And before you were saying something about you know, they say, oh, well,

0:34:48.200 --> 0:34:51.200
<v Speaker 2>I you know, don't be your kid's best friend. I think,

0:34:51.320 --> 0:34:53.239
<v Speaker 2>be your kid's best friend. But what kind of I

0:34:53.239 --> 0:34:56.040
<v Speaker 2>think everybody who worries about that, what kind of best

0:34:56.040 --> 0:34:59.279
<v Speaker 2>friend are you? Because I want to be the best friend.

0:34:59.320 --> 0:35:01.520
<v Speaker 2>I mean, like with my friends, I'm very honest with them.

0:35:01.520 --> 0:35:03.920
<v Speaker 2>I'm honest about client kinds. I'm not going to be

0:35:03.920 --> 0:35:06.319
<v Speaker 2>somebody who's like, you know, being like, yeah, let's go

0:35:06.480 --> 0:35:10.879
<v Speaker 2>do something extremely ridiculous and negatively reckless. You know, I'm

0:35:10.920 --> 0:35:12.959
<v Speaker 2>going to try to be there and be a good

0:35:13.000 --> 0:35:15.000
<v Speaker 2>influence and I want them to be happy. And so

0:35:15.120 --> 0:35:18.680
<v Speaker 2>I try to be my kid's best friends because you know,

0:35:18.760 --> 0:35:22.040
<v Speaker 2>I want them to know that a best friend is

0:35:22.120 --> 0:35:25.000
<v Speaker 2>going to support them and is going to help them

0:35:25.080 --> 0:35:27.600
<v Speaker 2>leave their best life. Do they have to eat their vegetables, yes,

0:35:27.680 --> 0:35:29.840
<v Speaker 2>do their homework, go to bed, be nice, all of

0:35:29.880 --> 0:35:32.880
<v Speaker 2>these things. Yes, I am mon, we have rules, but

0:35:33.000 --> 0:35:36.000
<v Speaker 2>I'm also a best friend, and best friends have rules too.

0:35:37.360 --> 0:35:40.000
<v Speaker 1>This is true, and it's about redefining words I have

0:35:40.120 --> 0:35:43.400
<v Speaker 1>found in life that people have put a definition on

0:35:44.040 --> 0:35:46.120
<v Speaker 1>and it's like it's okay to say this ord or

0:35:46.239 --> 0:35:49.280
<v Speaker 1>have this meaning of something else, and how it works

0:35:49.360 --> 0:35:52.520
<v Speaker 1>for me and my family. And so to me, a

0:35:52.560 --> 0:35:58.320
<v Speaker 1>best friend is best advocate, like I am their best advocate.

0:35:58.400 --> 0:36:01.560
<v Speaker 1>And honesty, I just I got to tell you. I

0:36:01.600 --> 0:36:05.680
<v Speaker 1>watched the show and that's the part that just broke me,

0:36:06.000 --> 0:36:08.840
<v Speaker 1>but like in a beautiful way, because it gave me

0:36:08.960 --> 0:36:13.319
<v Speaker 1>permission to know what I was doing was okay. Was

0:36:13.520 --> 0:36:16.920
<v Speaker 1>when Carmen does ask you that question and you say

0:36:17.080 --> 0:36:19.560
<v Speaker 1>about should I say, I mean ful goodbye, special goodbye,

0:36:19.719 --> 0:36:24.359
<v Speaker 1>and you said you should, and I was like, she.

0:36:24.400 --> 0:36:26.960
<v Speaker 2>Should, and she actually came with us, you know. In

0:36:27.000 --> 0:36:29.480
<v Speaker 2>the end, I didn't know, you know. And I think

0:36:29.560 --> 0:36:32.080
<v Speaker 2>one of the complicated things. I don't know how you

0:36:32.080 --> 0:36:37.440
<v Speaker 2>feel about having many kids is traveling. It's very complicated.

0:36:38.280 --> 0:36:41.040
<v Speaker 2>And I actually never got into an airplane with all

0:36:41.080 --> 0:36:44.400
<v Speaker 2>of them until recently went to go visit my family.

0:36:45.120 --> 0:36:49.640
<v Speaker 2>My all family lives o art seeing and we but

0:36:49.760 --> 0:36:52.319
<v Speaker 2>at the time of the trial, I hadn't traveled with

0:36:52.440 --> 0:36:55.680
<v Speaker 2>all of them, and so I didn't know do I

0:36:55.800 --> 0:36:58.759
<v Speaker 2>keep everybody together? And I'm such the I'm going to

0:36:58.840 --> 0:37:01.960
<v Speaker 2>keep taking care of you know I talk about in

0:37:02.000 --> 0:37:04.840
<v Speaker 2>the book, He's got health scares. You always died, you know.

0:37:05.080 --> 0:37:08.359
<v Speaker 2>During this whole thing, there's been so many hard things,

0:37:08.400 --> 0:37:11.040
<v Speaker 2>and I just want to make sure you know I'm

0:37:11.160 --> 0:37:14.000
<v Speaker 2>hovering around all of them, trying to keep everybody safe

0:37:14.040 --> 0:37:17.359
<v Speaker 2>and together. And the idea that I would go and

0:37:17.440 --> 0:37:19.840
<v Speaker 2>travel so far from home and be away from my

0:37:19.920 --> 0:37:22.560
<v Speaker 2>children and I've never been away from before to go

0:37:22.600 --> 0:37:29.160
<v Speaker 2>into this very scary and unknown situation, yeah, I didn't

0:37:29.200 --> 0:37:31.319
<v Speaker 2>know how to do that. And so in the end,

0:37:31.360 --> 0:37:33.640
<v Speaker 2>and I knew that every decision I made was going

0:37:33.680 --> 0:37:35.520
<v Speaker 2>to be wrong and right at the same time. There

0:37:35.560 --> 0:37:37.560
<v Speaker 2>was going to be pros and cons. And so I

0:37:37.600 --> 0:37:39.640
<v Speaker 2>decided to take my two that weren't in camp because

0:37:39.640 --> 0:37:42.640
<v Speaker 2>the wounds in camp had a routine and I was

0:37:42.640 --> 0:37:44.640
<v Speaker 2>only going to be gone for a couple of days.

0:37:44.800 --> 0:37:47.759
<v Speaker 2>I was going to I was going to just go

0:37:48.040 --> 0:37:50.040
<v Speaker 2>and be with him, and he didn't want me to come.

0:37:50.560 --> 0:37:53.000
<v Speaker 2>He said, I you need to take care of our kids.

0:37:53.040 --> 0:37:55.000
<v Speaker 2>I need you to take care of the kids and

0:37:55.040 --> 0:37:56.640
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to go and face this alone, which like,

0:37:56.680 --> 0:37:59.920
<v Speaker 2>oh my god, bless it. And he's just so he is.

0:38:00.120 --> 0:38:02.919
<v Speaker 2>He is so tough, you know, and so not tough,

0:38:03.000 --> 0:38:05.400
<v Speaker 2>like you know that mix of the two. Anyway, So

0:38:05.440 --> 0:38:07.399
<v Speaker 2>I brought Carmen and I brought the baby and where

0:38:07.440 --> 0:38:09.960
<v Speaker 2>my best friends came and he's on the show. We

0:38:10.320 --> 0:38:12.640
<v Speaker 2>laid the rug together and he took care of them

0:38:12.719 --> 0:38:14.880
<v Speaker 2>during the day, and the baby I was, you know,

0:38:14.920 --> 0:38:17.000
<v Speaker 2>still nursing her, and I was, you know, she was

0:38:17.040 --> 0:38:19.360
<v Speaker 2>in bed with me, and or maybe I just top nursing,

0:38:19.360 --> 0:38:21.760
<v Speaker 2>but she was still sleeping in bed with me, and

0:38:22.000 --> 0:38:25.000
<v Speaker 2>she was teething, so all night long I'd have her

0:38:25.080 --> 0:38:28.000
<v Speaker 2>on top of me and giving her emotion for the pain,

0:38:28.120 --> 0:38:30.440
<v Speaker 2>and she's crying and jet lagged and all this sort

0:38:30.480 --> 0:38:33.080
<v Speaker 2>of stuff. And then you know, during the day we

0:38:33.200 --> 0:38:36.400
<v Speaker 2>go and every single morning Carmen would ask me, is

0:38:36.440 --> 0:38:39.760
<v Speaker 2>today the day I have to say goodbye to Taddy?

0:38:40.560 --> 0:38:45.719
<v Speaker 2>And you know, it's just the world can be a

0:38:45.719 --> 0:38:49.799
<v Speaker 2>hard place. World can be a hard place.

0:38:50.640 --> 0:39:04.400
<v Speaker 1>It can you say that you're impulsive, but I feel

0:39:04.400 --> 0:39:09.239
<v Speaker 1>like watching you you and I don't know how you

0:39:09.280 --> 0:39:12.520
<v Speaker 1>do it. I think because I know. I know you.

0:39:12.640 --> 0:39:15.440
<v Speaker 1>I know you as my text friend, but I know

0:39:15.520 --> 0:39:18.239
<v Speaker 1>a lot of people that know you, and not one

0:39:18.280 --> 0:39:21.120
<v Speaker 1>person has anything I'm kind to say about you. You're lovely,

0:39:21.320 --> 0:39:25.640
<v Speaker 1>your energy is great and people feel that. You know,

0:39:25.719 --> 0:39:29.400
<v Speaker 1>I feel that across a zoom and you can't mimic that,

0:39:31.560 --> 0:39:35.160
<v Speaker 1>and you're so kind. But I'm when I watch you,

0:39:35.239 --> 0:39:38.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, wow, I don't know how because you say

0:39:38.960 --> 0:39:42.719
<v Speaker 1>you're impulsive, but like I feel like everything you say,

0:39:42.760 --> 0:39:46.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm like hanging on every word. But I'm like, you're

0:39:46.320 --> 0:39:53.080
<v Speaker 1>so mindful of how you speak. Were you always that way?

0:39:53.440 --> 0:39:56.839
<v Speaker 2>I think I've always been, you know, I'm a Capricorn,

0:39:57.360 --> 0:40:01.000
<v Speaker 2>I'm a I'm a deep thinker. I remember when I

0:40:01.040 --> 0:40:02.520
<v Speaker 2>was very little and I would go to bed at

0:40:02.600 --> 0:40:06.560
<v Speaker 2>night and I would laying down and I would say,

0:40:06.600 --> 0:40:08.759
<v Speaker 2>how did I treat people today? And how can I

0:40:08.800 --> 0:40:11.880
<v Speaker 2>treat people better tomorrow? I don't know where that came from.

0:40:12.320 --> 0:40:14.919
<v Speaker 2>I sometimes think that we're old souls and I don't

0:40:14.960 --> 0:40:17.480
<v Speaker 2>even know. And it only started to hit me as

0:40:17.680 --> 0:40:21.520
<v Speaker 2>an adult, and that, you know, watching my children growth,

0:40:21.640 --> 0:40:24.839
<v Speaker 2>Like I come up with that from. But I do

0:40:24.920 --> 0:40:28.839
<v Speaker 2>think that it came I've always just been somebod who's

0:40:28.880 --> 0:40:31.920
<v Speaker 2>very connected to energy, and I want people around me

0:40:32.160 --> 0:40:35.880
<v Speaker 2>to feel good. I want people to be happy. I,

0:40:36.640 --> 0:40:42.920
<v Speaker 2>you know, very much was surrounded by people who really cared,

0:40:43.080 --> 0:40:46.759
<v Speaker 2>and I'm very blessed for that. I think that the

0:40:47.239 --> 0:40:49.920
<v Speaker 2>difficult parts of that is people who are wired like

0:40:50.000 --> 0:40:52.239
<v Speaker 2>me tend to give ourselves a way a lot. So

0:40:52.360 --> 0:40:54.839
<v Speaker 2>again I'm now I'm trying to learn and say, hey,

0:40:54.880 --> 0:40:58.319
<v Speaker 2>you know what, I'm going to give to everybody, But

0:40:58.400 --> 0:41:01.640
<v Speaker 2>I'm feeling really empty right now, and so I'm trying

0:41:01.719 --> 0:41:06.040
<v Speaker 2>to learn to connect with the people also who can

0:41:07.000 --> 0:41:09.960
<v Speaker 2>I can give to and then they're going to also

0:41:10.040 --> 0:41:12.040
<v Speaker 2>give with me, you know. And it can just be

0:41:12.200 --> 0:41:15.280
<v Speaker 2>this energy that we're giving, you know. I mean, good

0:41:15.400 --> 0:41:19.560
<v Speaker 2>energy from people is so energizing, it's so just it

0:41:20.440 --> 0:41:24.160
<v Speaker 2>just fills you up and it gives you hope. And

0:41:24.200 --> 0:41:26.360
<v Speaker 2>I think the impulsivity, it's not again I think the

0:41:26.360 --> 0:41:29.920
<v Speaker 2>word impulsive sometimes can can feel like such a negative thing.

0:41:30.000 --> 0:41:32.120
<v Speaker 2>But you know, as being the mother of so many,

0:41:32.640 --> 0:41:34.680
<v Speaker 2>like you can try to make a plan and the

0:41:34.680 --> 0:41:36.800
<v Speaker 2>plan's going to go bad, like it's just going to

0:41:36.840 --> 0:41:39.200
<v Speaker 2>go bad. Yeah, And I think it's just it's like

0:41:39.280 --> 0:41:42.800
<v Speaker 2>impulsivity it's flexibility and it's like okay, sure I'll try this, Okay,

0:41:42.800 --> 0:41:46.239
<v Speaker 2>I'll do this, you know. And and that's my mother

0:41:46.280 --> 0:41:48.239
<v Speaker 2>and I bought our belly button hears when when I

0:41:48.239 --> 0:41:50.040
<v Speaker 2>think she's when she was like fifty or something like that,

0:41:50.360 --> 0:41:53.839
<v Speaker 2>like I was like, sure, let's do it. And the

0:41:53.920 --> 0:41:56.600
<v Speaker 2>person who ap peers at least my value, but I

0:41:56.600 --> 0:42:01.000
<v Speaker 2>don't remember was like trying like learning, let's do this.

0:42:01.080 --> 0:42:03.359
<v Speaker 2>It's like that kind of thing. Let's try this now

0:42:03.520 --> 0:42:05.560
<v Speaker 2>that was gonna always work out well to find in

0:42:05.600 --> 0:42:08.279
<v Speaker 2>this party in this instance. But I think just like

0:42:08.520 --> 0:42:12.200
<v Speaker 2>being there and wanting to experience life, I think that

0:42:12.280 --> 0:42:16.160
<v Speaker 2>there's just a spontaneity and willing to try it and

0:42:16.200 --> 0:42:20.200
<v Speaker 2>willing to play and be curious. I think that's that's

0:42:20.200 --> 0:42:21.439
<v Speaker 2>something that's definitely.

0:42:21.120 --> 0:42:23.960
<v Speaker 1>Vary me and you never want to let that go

0:42:24.239 --> 0:42:27.879
<v Speaker 1>like that. It's that light I call it, that is

0:42:27.960 --> 0:42:31.280
<v Speaker 1>inside of you that keeps you going, keeps your family going.

0:42:32.800 --> 0:42:35.160
<v Speaker 1>But to that note, like I know, I go through

0:42:35.160 --> 0:42:38.799
<v Speaker 1>this a lot. You're taking care of everyone, You're that

0:42:39.040 --> 0:42:43.320
<v Speaker 1>safe place for everyone in your family. Who does fulfill

0:42:43.400 --> 0:42:45.480
<v Speaker 1>that for you? How do you get that?

0:42:47.000 --> 0:42:49.600
<v Speaker 2>Oh, it's that like mom time how do we get

0:42:49.680 --> 0:42:51.239
<v Speaker 2>how do we get that? I don't know if I've

0:42:51.400 --> 0:42:55.840
<v Speaker 2>come up with the right thing yet. I definitely exercise

0:42:55.920 --> 0:43:01.000
<v Speaker 2>for me is extremely important part because of just sort

0:43:01.040 --> 0:43:06.560
<v Speaker 2>of my hyper nature. And I've been like that growing up.

0:43:06.600 --> 0:43:08.640
<v Speaker 2>I was, you know, many times the kid that was

0:43:08.640 --> 0:43:15.000
<v Speaker 2>like running around the classroom and I would, So I

0:43:15.160 --> 0:43:20.600
<v Speaker 2>run every day. And I have really really good friends.

0:43:21.000 --> 0:43:23.960
<v Speaker 2>I have really really good friends, and I'm so connected

0:43:24.000 --> 0:43:26.759
<v Speaker 2>with my family. My big brother is you're in a

0:43:26.800 --> 0:43:30.640
<v Speaker 2>huffold within me and I he just gives me so much.

0:43:30.640 --> 0:43:32.920
<v Speaker 2>And I think it's through connecting with other people and

0:43:33.000 --> 0:43:36.200
<v Speaker 2>just being like a little bit messy, just be like,

0:43:36.200 --> 0:43:38.040
<v Speaker 2>oh my god. And you know, I have one friend

0:43:38.600 --> 0:43:43.719
<v Speaker 2>who he and I will talk about absolutely nothing, like

0:43:43.760 --> 0:43:47.600
<v Speaker 2>we'rely taxi drivers. Maybe taxi drivers are actually talking about things.

0:43:47.640 --> 0:43:48.960
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, but like it's been in the taxi

0:43:49.239 --> 0:43:51.839
<v Speaker 2>and they're just like all day long, they're just on

0:43:51.880 --> 0:43:53.480
<v Speaker 2>like the phone. There's like a joke about it, like

0:43:53.480 --> 0:43:56.120
<v Speaker 2>that they're just talking and talking all day long. And

0:43:56.160 --> 0:43:58.080
<v Speaker 2>he and I are like this, I've just the word

0:43:58.120 --> 0:44:00.279
<v Speaker 2>like talking and we're just you know, it's it's like

0:44:00.320 --> 0:44:02.839
<v Speaker 2>a and it can be our conversation will from very

0:44:02.840 --> 0:44:05.960
<v Speaker 2>typical age from here. He also has to hear to hear,

0:44:06.000 --> 0:44:08.080
<v Speaker 2>to hear, to hear, to hear to hear, and it

0:44:08.120 --> 0:44:10.960
<v Speaker 2>makes sense to us. But like sometimes they will listen

0:44:11.600 --> 0:44:13.360
<v Speaker 2>and and you like, He's like, I can't handle the

0:44:13.360 --> 0:44:16.360
<v Speaker 2>two if you got annually. So I think it's just

0:44:16.400 --> 0:44:19.279
<v Speaker 2>having saved people, and you know, moving my body I

0:44:19.280 --> 0:44:24.080
<v Speaker 2>think is really important. A therapy. Love the therapy, Love therapy.

0:44:24.360 --> 0:44:25.880
<v Speaker 1>I just went back into therapy.

0:44:26.440 --> 0:44:28.399
<v Speaker 2>That's the best. I don't know, how do you other

0:44:28.440 --> 0:44:30.080
<v Speaker 2>than other than therapy? What are you like?

0:44:30.120 --> 0:44:31.920
<v Speaker 1>I don't know the answer. I guess I was trying

0:44:31.960 --> 0:44:37.120
<v Speaker 1>to ask you for tips. I don't know because I

0:44:37.160 --> 0:44:40.440
<v Speaker 1>but I I'm the type. I've been like this my

0:44:40.440 --> 0:44:45.279
<v Speaker 1>whole life. I repress everything so and I'm a good

0:44:45.360 --> 0:44:48.239
<v Speaker 1>listener and I want to take care of people. I

0:44:48.320 --> 0:44:50.960
<v Speaker 1>want to save people. I'm trying to work on that.

0:44:52.719 --> 0:44:55.919
<v Speaker 1>And I'm a nurturer. So it's like I give, give, give, give,

0:44:57.840 --> 0:45:00.040
<v Speaker 1>and then I'm like, but wait, wait, wait, I'm just

0:45:00.080 --> 0:45:04.680
<v Speaker 1>pushing all my feelings down and it's it's near impossible

0:45:04.719 --> 0:45:08.399
<v Speaker 1>to do when you have a big family because there

0:45:08.440 --> 0:45:11.960
<v Speaker 1>are so many and while there's two parents, there's only

0:45:12.000 --> 0:45:15.680
<v Speaker 1>one of you, and it's the mom. You know that

0:45:15.960 --> 0:45:19.719
<v Speaker 1>you're just like, oh, a mom feeling and so and

0:45:19.880 --> 0:45:23.120
<v Speaker 1>the mom guilds like that's a real thing.

0:45:23.760 --> 0:45:27.360
<v Speaker 2>It's a real thanks one. We're never going to be enough.

0:45:28.600 --> 0:45:33.080
<v Speaker 2>But I think that part of a great lesson for

0:45:33.160 --> 0:45:36.759
<v Speaker 2>our kids is that they will hopefully learn that their

0:45:36.760 --> 0:45:40.400
<v Speaker 2>moms are humans too. Here people, And I say that

0:45:40.440 --> 0:45:42.960
<v Speaker 2>to them sometimes when it's just so much. You know,

0:45:43.040 --> 0:45:44.600
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if you've had the experience, but I

0:45:44.600 --> 0:45:48.640
<v Speaker 2>can have all seven of them shouting different things at

0:45:48.640 --> 0:45:51.880
<v Speaker 2>me at the same time. One's mad, one's excited. Was

0:45:51.960 --> 0:45:55.279
<v Speaker 2>just like it's all the different emotions, and it's it's

0:45:55.280 --> 0:45:57.560
<v Speaker 2>almost like a joke. You have seven children around this

0:45:57.719 --> 0:46:01.399
<v Speaker 2>one person, and I'm just like thinking, and I've said

0:46:01.400 --> 0:46:03.879
<v Speaker 2>to them a few times and be like, you can

0:46:04.000 --> 0:46:07.160
<v Speaker 2>break me. I can be broken a person, and I

0:46:08.000 --> 0:46:11.040
<v Speaker 2>can't be breakable. So like, I want to hear everything

0:46:11.040 --> 0:46:13.320
<v Speaker 2>that you guys are saying, but like I can't register

0:46:13.520 --> 0:46:16.080
<v Speaker 2>any of this. And sometimes they've learned a little bit.

0:46:16.120 --> 0:46:18.839
<v Speaker 2>They're like, I think mom looks a little overwhelmed right now.

0:46:20.320 --> 0:46:24.120
<v Speaker 2>And so just being able to focus and take time

0:46:24.280 --> 0:46:26.279
<v Speaker 2>and you know, I mean, and there's no you know.

0:46:26.320 --> 0:46:28.920
<v Speaker 2>The reason why you and I don't have the answer

0:46:29.000 --> 0:46:32.160
<v Speaker 2>for this is we need different things every day. We're

0:46:32.200 --> 0:46:34.200
<v Speaker 2>gonna wake up some days and we have lots of energy,

0:46:34.239 --> 0:46:36.200
<v Speaker 2>and we're gonna wake up some days and it's just like,

0:46:36.320 --> 0:46:37.960
<v Speaker 2>you know, I didn't sleep all last night, or I

0:46:38.080 --> 0:46:40.719
<v Speaker 2>just feeling down, or somebody said something to me and

0:46:40.760 --> 0:46:42.799
<v Speaker 2>that makes me so sad, and it got to me

0:46:42.840 --> 0:46:44.160
<v Speaker 2>and it shouldn't get to me. Now I'm mad at

0:46:44.200 --> 0:46:46.719
<v Speaker 2>myself that it got to me, you know. I mean,

0:46:46.760 --> 0:46:50.239
<v Speaker 2>it's just we are such fluid beings and I think that,

0:46:52.080 --> 0:46:54.720
<v Speaker 2>you know, ultimately, the more that we can tap into

0:46:54.840 --> 0:46:59.040
<v Speaker 2>what we're feeling and connect with ourselves. And I have

0:46:59.320 --> 0:47:01.400
<v Speaker 2>a first book that I that I wrote called The

0:47:01.440 --> 0:47:04.960
<v Speaker 2>Living Clearly Method that was much more to do with this,

0:47:05.040 --> 0:47:09.040
<v Speaker 2>and it was about connecting within yourself. I had a

0:47:09.160 --> 0:47:13.040
<v Speaker 2>very bad eating disorder for like twenty years, and I

0:47:13.040 --> 0:47:15.040
<v Speaker 2>have a great relationship with food now, which I would

0:47:15.080 --> 0:47:19.680
<v Speaker 2>have never imagined possible. But it really plagued me for

0:47:19.680 --> 0:47:22.000
<v Speaker 2>a long time. And I could have a completely rational

0:47:22.000 --> 0:47:25.600
<v Speaker 2>conversation with you about how Anirex and Blivia was bad.

0:47:25.239 --> 0:47:27.239
<v Speaker 2>I talk like this, and the same time, I think

0:47:27.239 --> 0:47:29.279
<v Speaker 2>that's really buy it's awful, this and this and this

0:47:29.360 --> 0:47:31.359
<v Speaker 2>and this, and then I would go home and I'd

0:47:31.360 --> 0:47:32.360
<v Speaker 2>repeat the pattern.

0:47:33.680 --> 0:47:36.120
<v Speaker 1>And why I understand.

0:47:37.600 --> 0:47:40.080
<v Speaker 2>Be able to get into that point, and I would

0:47:40.120 --> 0:47:43.480
<v Speaker 2>basically get into a point where I would associate and

0:47:43.719 --> 0:47:47.200
<v Speaker 2>spiral and collapse, you know, I just would not I

0:47:47.200 --> 0:47:51.319
<v Speaker 2>would go into a place where my my uncomfortable, my

0:47:51.360 --> 0:47:53.880
<v Speaker 2>discomfort with my nervous system would take over and do

0:47:54.000 --> 0:47:59.480
<v Speaker 2>behavior that was self harming. And I learned that I

0:47:59.520 --> 0:48:03.000
<v Speaker 2>had to practice when I was in my good space,

0:48:03.200 --> 0:48:07.080
<v Speaker 2>these techniques of connecting with my body, my breath, my grounding,

0:48:07.120 --> 0:48:10.680
<v Speaker 2>my core, you know, and be very aware and clear

0:48:10.680 --> 0:48:13.440
<v Speaker 2>and everything should look much more clear, because when we associate,

0:48:13.560 --> 0:48:16.760
<v Speaker 2>everything kind of goes very inward and we lose touch

0:48:17.280 --> 0:48:20.520
<v Speaker 2>with our physical surroundings. And the more I practiced that,

0:48:21.200 --> 0:48:23.680
<v Speaker 2>the more when I started to get into my moments

0:48:23.719 --> 0:48:26.839
<v Speaker 2>where things weren't going well, where I was starting to

0:48:28.040 --> 0:48:30.960
<v Speaker 2>do this behavior that it wanted to not be doing anymore,

0:48:31.120 --> 0:48:33.520
<v Speaker 2>I could wake up from it. I can hold on

0:48:33.600 --> 0:48:35.439
<v Speaker 2>a little bit more. Little by little, I could hold

0:48:35.440 --> 0:48:38.040
<v Speaker 2>on a little bit more to me treating my body well.

0:48:38.600 --> 0:48:43.720
<v Speaker 2>And then I was able slowly and slowly but surely

0:48:44.160 --> 0:48:47.640
<v Speaker 2>to be able to, you know, fix my problem that

0:48:47.719 --> 0:48:52.800
<v Speaker 2>I had. But it wasn't rationalizing it. It wasn't taking baths,

0:48:52.880 --> 0:48:55.680
<v Speaker 2>chewing your food a certain amount of time. It wasn't lavender,

0:48:55.760 --> 0:48:58.480
<v Speaker 2>it wasn't any of these things. It was literally just

0:48:58.680 --> 0:49:01.720
<v Speaker 2>connecting with my body and staying connected all the time.

0:49:03.320 --> 0:49:06.680
<v Speaker 1>Now, having been through that and come out the other side,

0:49:07.280 --> 0:49:10.640
<v Speaker 1>do you feel in a different way? Obviously it's something

0:49:10.800 --> 0:49:16.600
<v Speaker 1>vastly different that you carry that over, the disassociation with

0:49:16.760 --> 0:49:21.400
<v Speaker 1>your life because of the public image and the critiques.

0:49:24.239 --> 0:49:27.839
<v Speaker 2>Sometimes I've gone through some you know, some moments where

0:49:28.080 --> 0:49:29.960
<v Speaker 2>I was just like, I was like, oh shit, I

0:49:29.960 --> 0:49:32.360
<v Speaker 2>thought I learned this lesson already, because you can feel it,

0:49:32.440 --> 0:49:35.200
<v Speaker 2>you know, when you're disconnected from yourself, and then you

0:49:35.200 --> 0:49:36.960
<v Speaker 2>have to forgive yourself, which is one of the hardest

0:49:36.960 --> 0:49:37.880
<v Speaker 2>things of just being.

0:49:37.680 --> 0:49:40.520
<v Speaker 1>Like I am a because it's trauma in a different.

0:49:40.239 --> 0:49:44.239
<v Speaker 2>Way, it's trauma trauma. It's also unnecessary and silly. But

0:49:44.600 --> 0:49:50.239
<v Speaker 2>you know, I mean, but but I I had to

0:49:50.280 --> 0:49:53.920
<v Speaker 2>try to use those techniques I try to learn from

0:49:54.080 --> 0:49:56.359
<v Speaker 2>you know, we all we all learned, we learned from

0:49:56.440 --> 0:50:00.239
<v Speaker 2>our our you know our difficult moments. You know, they

0:50:00.280 --> 0:50:03.240
<v Speaker 2>say think or swim, and if you swim, as a

0:50:03.239 --> 0:50:06.320
<v Speaker 2>as a fitness instructor, if you swim, you get stronger.

0:50:06.480 --> 0:50:08.520
<v Speaker 2>If I'm swimming, my muscles are going to get stronger.

0:50:08.800 --> 0:50:12.760
<v Speaker 2>And so oh well, you know, but you're a walker.

0:50:12.800 --> 0:50:14.840
<v Speaker 2>You know you're here. You walk. Either you walk or

0:50:14.840 --> 0:50:17.520
<v Speaker 2>you sit down. You you're a walker. But whatever it is,

0:50:17.560 --> 0:50:19.960
<v Speaker 2>when you continue to move through it, you're fighting through it,

0:50:20.200 --> 0:50:24.359
<v Speaker 2>You're going to get stronger, and that strength hopefully will

0:50:24.360 --> 0:50:28.640
<v Speaker 2>then when you get your next difficult moment, translate into

0:50:28.680 --> 0:50:30.600
<v Speaker 2>being able to deal with a little bit a little

0:50:30.600 --> 0:50:31.040
<v Speaker 2>bit better.

0:50:38.719 --> 0:50:42.600
<v Speaker 1>Do you feel like you guys are constantly in fight

0:50:42.680 --> 0:50:45.160
<v Speaker 1>or flight in some form?

0:50:45.600 --> 0:50:48.400
<v Speaker 2>I think that we have been for a very long time,

0:50:49.560 --> 0:50:54.799
<v Speaker 2>and I think that we are. It's something I the

0:50:54.880 --> 0:50:57.880
<v Speaker 2>question you as something that I think about every single

0:50:57.960 --> 0:51:01.440
<v Speaker 2>day for myself, and I try, because of my experience,

0:51:01.480 --> 0:51:04.439
<v Speaker 2>to calm and nervous system and notice when it gets

0:51:04.440 --> 0:51:07.759
<v Speaker 2>repped up again. I think my husband very much is

0:51:07.800 --> 0:51:11.719
<v Speaker 2>in fight or flight all the time, and I'm very

0:51:11.760 --> 0:51:17.400
<v Speaker 2>much as his partner. I'm trying to help him with that.

0:51:18.200 --> 0:51:24.439
<v Speaker 2>And I don't blame him because it's just it's just hard,

0:51:24.800 --> 0:51:30.319
<v Speaker 2>you know, but I always have hope that that he

0:51:30.400 --> 0:51:34.200
<v Speaker 2>can find some kind of connection and peace because he

0:51:34.280 --> 0:51:36.919
<v Speaker 2>has so much to live for. You know, we've got

0:51:37.200 --> 0:51:39.319
<v Speaker 2>We're so lucky in so many ways. You know, we

0:51:39.360 --> 0:51:41.440
<v Speaker 2>talk a lot, but the hardships, there's so much joy

0:51:41.480 --> 0:51:44.319
<v Speaker 2>that we have, and you know, leaning into joy in

0:51:44.360 --> 0:51:47.319
<v Speaker 2>our children and then just say the silliest things all

0:51:47.360 --> 0:51:49.359
<v Speaker 2>the time, like our little babies. She's all into one minute.

0:51:49.400 --> 0:51:51.759
<v Speaker 2>Everything is like she's like, negotiating with you doesn't even

0:51:51.760 --> 0:51:55.080
<v Speaker 2>make sense. She's like a want more. She can't say see,

0:51:55.080 --> 0:51:58.120
<v Speaker 2>so she says to like calmness Tarman. So she says

0:51:58.160 --> 0:52:01.440
<v Speaker 2>a lot more tape for for Kate. And I'm like, no,

0:52:01.560 --> 0:52:04.280
<v Speaker 2>you just had And she's like, no, just one minute,

0:52:04.560 --> 0:52:06.680
<v Speaker 2>just one minute, like want more, cat one minute? And

0:52:06.719 --> 0:52:09.680
<v Speaker 2>like something's so simple like that that every parent probably

0:52:09.719 --> 0:52:11.719
<v Speaker 2>can relate to the kids just says something. You think

0:52:11.719 --> 0:52:14.080
<v Speaker 2>it's the funniest in the world because you're watching them develop.

0:52:14.400 --> 0:52:16.360
<v Speaker 2>That's the small things that I think we need to

0:52:16.480 --> 0:52:21.719
<v Speaker 2>lean into. Then we'll teach us to, you know, to

0:52:22.080 --> 0:52:24.359
<v Speaker 2>see the things that really matter in life.

0:52:25.960 --> 0:52:29.160
<v Speaker 1>It is it's the it's the simple things, the small things,

0:52:29.239 --> 0:52:33.360
<v Speaker 1>the simple joys. And I think it's easy to let that,

0:52:33.440 --> 0:52:37.640
<v Speaker 1>no matter what circumstance you're in, kind of get out

0:52:37.680 --> 0:52:41.439
<v Speaker 1>of control because you feel like you're always and even

0:52:41.560 --> 0:52:47.000
<v Speaker 1>not meaning to compare yourself to what others have or

0:52:47.080 --> 0:52:51.319
<v Speaker 1>do or act, and it's just it's a constant thing.

0:52:51.800 --> 0:52:54.840
<v Speaker 1>Do you do you think you guys will have more children?

0:52:55.200 --> 0:52:58.680
<v Speaker 2>Oh, Alex really wants more kids? Like really really?

0:52:59.160 --> 0:53:02.440
<v Speaker 1>And I have you frozen your eggs? I wish I

0:53:02.440 --> 0:53:04.120
<v Speaker 1>had frozen my eggs.

0:53:03.960 --> 0:53:06.839
<v Speaker 2>Dead my eggs. We well, we did. We have one

0:53:06.880 --> 0:53:10.520
<v Speaker 2>surrogate baby, right, So I tried iv A one time.

0:53:11.520 --> 0:53:13.640
<v Speaker 2>It went not in the way that I wanted to,

0:53:13.760 --> 0:53:15.399
<v Speaker 2>where everything seemed like it was going to be fine,

0:53:15.440 --> 0:53:17.160
<v Speaker 2>and then I lasted maybe like four or five months,

0:53:17.719 --> 0:53:20.799
<v Speaker 2>which was not was not a fun experience obviously, and

0:53:20.880 --> 0:53:25.480
<v Speaker 2>one that is all too common. And so I I

0:53:25.520 --> 0:53:28.680
<v Speaker 2>got pregnant naturally like I did with you know, my

0:53:28.760 --> 0:53:31.600
<v Speaker 2>other ones. And I don't know if the right terminology,

0:53:31.600 --> 0:53:33.160
<v Speaker 2>if I'm saying the right terminology, I don't want to

0:53:33.160 --> 0:53:36.719
<v Speaker 2>offend anyone because I know it is such an emotional subject,

0:53:37.480 --> 0:53:39.360
<v Speaker 2>So forgive me if I'm using the wrong terminology. And

0:53:39.400 --> 0:53:46.320
<v Speaker 2>then I my I was like, I can't put another,

0:53:46.480 --> 0:53:50.720
<v Speaker 2>this other embryo inside because I feel like my body

0:53:50.760 --> 0:53:54.120
<v Speaker 2>rejected that process. I don't know why. In the look,

0:53:54.239 --> 0:53:57.080
<v Speaker 2>I mean, that's probably a completely irrational thing. There was

0:53:57.120 --> 0:54:00.560
<v Speaker 2>no explanation to what had happened, but I was so

0:54:00.600 --> 0:54:02.000
<v Speaker 2>sure at the time. I was like, I can't. So

0:54:02.200 --> 0:54:05.960
<v Speaker 2>I did serge at the same time that I was pregnant.

0:54:06.520 --> 0:54:08.680
<v Speaker 2>And so that was my experience with the whole the

0:54:08.960 --> 0:54:11.719
<v Speaker 2>free the freezing of it. So and I love it.

0:54:11.760 --> 0:54:14.480
<v Speaker 2>We have you know, that's Edwin rylu. We called them

0:54:14.480 --> 0:54:16.520
<v Speaker 2>the did this. They're like five, They called themselves. They

0:54:16.600 --> 0:54:17.879
<v Speaker 2>called each other, did they when they were a little?

0:54:17.880 --> 0:54:20.120
<v Speaker 2>And they account like then they're not Wins. It's just

0:54:20.120 --> 0:54:23.880
<v Speaker 2>like a little but they it's such a beautiful thing

0:54:23.920 --> 0:54:27.480
<v Speaker 2>because they're so connected. But I don't know if I

0:54:27.680 --> 0:54:33.040
<v Speaker 2>if I have more kids, I feel like, hold were

0:54:33.040 --> 0:54:33.719
<v Speaker 2>you when you were your.

0:54:33.680 --> 0:54:35.600
<v Speaker 1>Last forty four?

0:54:36.840 --> 0:54:39.239
<v Speaker 2>So let's see. It just turned and they.

0:54:39.120 --> 0:54:42.080
<v Speaker 1>Say that it's a five percent chance of conceiving naturally

0:54:42.200 --> 0:54:45.560
<v Speaker 1>at that point. But I can't imagine my life without him.

0:54:45.800 --> 0:54:48.080
<v Speaker 2>Well I wasn't. I'm never goo in math anyway, So.

0:54:48.120 --> 0:54:52.040
<v Speaker 1>Like you, so if it's meant to be.

0:54:52.880 --> 0:54:55.200
<v Speaker 2>If it's meant to be, yeah, well we'll we'll see

0:54:55.200 --> 0:54:58.880
<v Speaker 2>Alec very much. I think he's it's always been a

0:54:58.880 --> 0:55:01.239
<v Speaker 2>beautiful thing when we've had another kid, and I think

0:55:01.280 --> 0:55:04.640
<v Speaker 2>that that's something that he leans into when he's thinking

0:55:04.680 --> 0:55:07.120
<v Speaker 2>about how to create more joy in his life, is

0:55:07.160 --> 0:55:10.640
<v Speaker 2>that they bring us such joy and there's just so magical.

0:55:11.520 --> 0:55:13.440
<v Speaker 2>But we'll see. I'm tired, right.

0:55:15.440 --> 0:55:17.600
<v Speaker 1>Well, I guess it depends do you like even numbers

0:55:17.640 --> 0:55:19.839
<v Speaker 1>or odd numbers? Because you have an odd number right now.

0:55:19.880 --> 0:55:21.360
<v Speaker 2>We have an odd number.

0:55:21.440 --> 0:55:24.280
<v Speaker 1>But that always did it for me. I was like five,

0:55:24.520 --> 0:55:27.200
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, exactly right. And if I had one

0:55:27.239 --> 0:55:30.840
<v Speaker 1>more girl, i'd have a Brady bunch. If I had six, well, I.

0:55:30.800 --> 0:55:34.960
<v Speaker 2>Also have Ireland's my stepdaughter, so i'm a little I'm

0:55:35.000 --> 0:55:37.279
<v Speaker 2>eleven years older than her. So it's also like a

0:55:37.320 --> 0:55:40.719
<v Speaker 2>super fun relationship. And I'm kind of a grandma too

0:55:41.640 --> 0:55:45.080
<v Speaker 2>because Ireland has a eight me now, so it's you know,

0:55:45.160 --> 0:55:47.000
<v Speaker 2>it's a it's a pretty wild bunch we all have.

0:55:47.640 --> 0:55:52.480
<v Speaker 1>It's so fun, it's so beautiful. I love you, and

0:55:52.520 --> 0:55:54.560
<v Speaker 1>I know I don't even know you really would like

0:55:54.920 --> 0:55:57.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm telling you, it's like I've always felt so connected

0:55:57.600 --> 0:56:04.560
<v Speaker 1>to you, and I I'm sorry honestly for what people

0:56:04.600 --> 0:56:06.680
<v Speaker 1>say and what they're going to continue to say, because

0:56:07.000 --> 0:56:10.440
<v Speaker 1>it's not going to get easier in that respect. It

0:56:10.680 --> 0:56:13.279
<v Speaker 1>just is the life you live. And you didn't sign

0:56:13.360 --> 0:56:15.759
<v Speaker 1>up for this part. Alut didn't sign up for this part,

0:56:16.640 --> 0:56:20.320
<v Speaker 1>and it's a really unfortunate thing. And thank you, and

0:56:20.360 --> 0:56:23.040
<v Speaker 1>I feel and it's so beautiful how you're getting through it.

0:56:23.360 --> 0:56:25.279
<v Speaker 2>No, thank you the same and the same for you.

0:56:25.320 --> 0:56:27.560
<v Speaker 2>I know it's very painful. But one of the most

0:56:27.560 --> 0:56:29.799
<v Speaker 2>important things I always have to remember is there are

0:56:29.800 --> 0:56:33.560
<v Speaker 2>more good people saying positive things then people say that

0:56:33.560 --> 0:56:37.959
<v Speaker 2>there are. It's really really true. Just it's the under

0:56:38.000 --> 0:56:39.880
<v Speaker 2>Alec taught me this. He's you know when Carmen and

0:56:39.960 --> 0:56:43.560
<v Speaker 2>somebody said something to Carmen one time or another kid, and

0:56:43.760 --> 0:56:46.799
<v Speaker 2>he said, this is natural that you try to make

0:56:46.920 --> 0:56:49.640
<v Speaker 2>sense that of something that doesn't make sense, and you spiral,

0:56:49.680 --> 0:56:51.319
<v Speaker 2>and you spiral and you spial, and this is why

0:56:51.760 --> 0:56:54.880
<v Speaker 2>negativity gets so much attention. You're trying to figure out,

0:56:54.960 --> 0:56:57.560
<v Speaker 2>especially if you're an empathetic person like you are. You know,

0:56:57.640 --> 0:57:00.640
<v Speaker 2>you you want to be like, why can we just

0:57:00.640 --> 0:57:03.440
<v Speaker 2>be friends like this? Could just be good. Yeah, and

0:57:03.520 --> 0:57:06.200
<v Speaker 2>so I think, no matter how much when we acknowledge

0:57:06.239 --> 0:57:09.480
<v Speaker 2>the negativity, it's so important to then say, Okay, I

0:57:09.520 --> 0:57:12.520
<v Speaker 2>know this is hard and it sucks, but look at

0:57:12.560 --> 0:57:15.360
<v Speaker 2>all these great things over there, and then you hyper

0:57:15.360 --> 0:57:20.960
<v Speaker 2>focused benefit of ata, hyper focused towards the positivity, and

0:57:21.000 --> 0:57:23.560
<v Speaker 2>then you're just like you know what, you go over there,

0:57:24.200 --> 0:57:24.800
<v Speaker 2>go over there.

0:57:26.560 --> 0:57:29.880
<v Speaker 1>And I feel like people like us with good energy,

0:57:30.080 --> 0:57:36.000
<v Speaker 1>positive people, positive positivity seekers and doers, I feel like

0:57:36.800 --> 0:57:38.920
<v Speaker 1>we do win in the end. Look, I hesitated. I

0:57:39.000 --> 0:57:42.040
<v Speaker 1>wanted to come through strong with that one for you,

0:57:42.080 --> 0:57:44.360
<v Speaker 1>But you know I have moments where I'm like, did

0:57:44.360 --> 0:57:47.400
<v Speaker 1>the good guys ever win? Like? You know, we're good people,

0:57:48.480 --> 0:57:52.280
<v Speaker 1>you know, in a heightened situation that because people don't

0:57:52.360 --> 0:57:56.600
<v Speaker 1>find it relatable that they feel that they can do that.

0:57:56.760 --> 0:57:59.440
<v Speaker 1>So but we're good people will come through it. Are

0:57:59.440 --> 0:58:01.720
<v Speaker 1>you going to get any more Bengals from Bengals Embrace?

0:58:02.360 --> 0:58:02.600
<v Speaker 1>You know?

0:58:02.680 --> 0:58:03.480
<v Speaker 2>I have four?

0:58:04.320 --> 0:58:07.680
<v Speaker 1>I know She's like, I know I relate to Alec

0:58:07.760 --> 0:58:11.640
<v Speaker 1>because I'm deeply allergic to cats and we got two

0:58:11.680 --> 0:58:13.040
<v Speaker 1>because of you for them.

0:58:13.760 --> 0:58:17.600
<v Speaker 2>No, they are the best. I would love the bad cat,

0:58:18.080 --> 0:58:21.200
<v Speaker 2>all the cats, all the dogs, all the kids, all

0:58:21.200 --> 0:58:23.520
<v Speaker 2>the horses. I just want all of them all the time.

0:58:24.120 --> 0:58:27.520
<v Speaker 2>But I feel like i'm always because I got two dogs.

0:58:27.520 --> 0:58:29.520
<v Speaker 2>I didn't tell Alex. Actually didn't tell him about any

0:58:29.520 --> 0:58:30.240
<v Speaker 2>of the cats either.

0:58:30.440 --> 0:58:33.040
<v Speaker 1>They're just a right like I used to do that

0:58:33.040 --> 0:58:36.680
<v Speaker 1>with Dean. He'd like, but you didn't ask me about this,

0:58:36.800 --> 0:58:37.160
<v Speaker 1>and I'm.

0:58:37.160 --> 0:58:41.000
<v Speaker 2>Like, it's cute, and he loves them, even the cats,

0:58:41.360 --> 0:58:45.439
<v Speaker 2>even I could tell yes, No, it's it's a very

0:58:45.520 --> 0:58:47.560
<v Speaker 2>it's I know he's gonna be mad at me for

0:58:47.600 --> 0:58:50.760
<v Speaker 2>like maybe thirty months, illid thirty minutes. He's very angry,

0:58:50.760 --> 0:58:53.760
<v Speaker 2>and then he's like and then he's fine. I mean,

0:58:53.800 --> 0:58:59.440
<v Speaker 2>his excelly. Kim had like so many animals. She's so wonderful.

0:58:59.520 --> 0:59:03.000
<v Speaker 2>She's always, you know, rescuing dogs and she's done such

0:59:03.080 --> 0:59:06.480
<v Speaker 2>incredible things. And I'm like, well she has eleven and

0:59:06.560 --> 0:59:11.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I don't have eleven yet, so yet, yes,

0:59:12.120 --> 0:59:12.680
<v Speaker 2>oh my gosh.

0:59:12.720 --> 0:59:14.720
<v Speaker 1>Well, I hope to hug you in person one day.

0:59:14.800 --> 0:59:15.320
<v Speaker 1>I really do.

0:59:15.960 --> 0:59:19.280
<v Speaker 2>Thank you for having me on. You're very kind and

0:59:19.560 --> 0:59:23.640
<v Speaker 2>very inspiring and I'm so grateful to to talk with you.

0:59:24.200 --> 0:59:27.200
<v Speaker 1>Back at you. Well, next time I'm in New York,

0:59:27.240 --> 0:59:30.480
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna I'm gonna come see you and pick up

0:59:30.480 --> 0:59:31.880
<v Speaker 1>another bangle, probably another.

0:59:32.120 --> 0:59:33.160
<v Speaker 2>We'll go see James together.

0:59:33.840 --> 0:59:38.400
<v Speaker 1>Perfect. Oh you would love that. Okay, thank you, my friend.

0:59:38.640 --> 0:59:41.160
<v Speaker 2>Thank you so much. This was really fun. Thank you you,

0:59:41.200 --> 0:59:41.280
<v Speaker 2>and

0:59:41.320 --> 0:59:43.320
<v Speaker 1>Tell Aleci I will by