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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Stephane.

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Speaker 1: Never told you protection if I heart rate you. So

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Speaker 1: for this Monday Mini, we're gonna revisit our very first

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Speaker 1: episode that Samantha and I did together and the way

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Speaker 1: back Pretty Pandemic, which is filled like decades ago. Yes

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Speaker 1: it does. It feels like a very long time ago. Uh.

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Speaker 1: And the topic, which is always fun to tell our

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Speaker 1: bosses when they're like, can you remember the very first

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Speaker 1: episode the two of you did together was are we failures? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: And that's in that episode if you haven't heard it

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Speaker 1: or don't quite remember, we just kind of talked about, um,

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Speaker 1: how in what ways we felt like failures because spoiler,

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Speaker 1: there were a lot of like I do feel like

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Speaker 1: I failed in this way or this way, this way,

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Speaker 1: and why we felt that way. And I was thinking

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Speaker 1: about this because we've been meaning to revisit this one

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Speaker 1: for a while, and I was thinking about what I said,

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Speaker 1: I felt like a failure in what ways in that one.

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Speaker 1: And it's interesting because while I guess this one's gonna

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Speaker 1: have kind of a silver lining for me because there's

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Speaker 1: some things are still the same, some things I'm like, yes, yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: because we were talking individually, but also when it comes

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Speaker 1: to feminism. But some things, I'm like, I don't feel

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Speaker 1: so much as a failure around that one anymore. Like

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Speaker 1: especially we talked about like being single, or like not

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Speaker 1: having a house or not having not owning anything like

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Speaker 1: So because I've had my sort of coming out journey

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Speaker 1: on this podcast, Like, I don't know, it was interesting.

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Speaker 1: I thought, I kind of honestly listeners thought it was

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Speaker 1: going to be a bit of a downer of and

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Speaker 1: some of it is, but some of it is hopeful

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Speaker 1: and that that feels nice. And the pandemic has certainly

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Speaker 1: changed the calculation in a lot of ways. But I

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Speaker 1: don't know what were your Your thoughts are feelings about

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Speaker 1: revisiting this topic, right, I mean definitely when it comes

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Speaker 1: to physical checks, as in like, yes, I've done this,

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Speaker 1: and I've done this, let me show you this physical evidence,

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Speaker 1: I feel like maybe I've grown in that um. But

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Speaker 1: like you said, I also think back at what we

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Speaker 1: saw during the pandemic and people really calling out problematic

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Speaker 1: ideas of what success is, especially when it comes to women.

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Speaker 1: And I love seeing this turnaround. I love seeing this

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Speaker 1: conversation taking a new uh, step forward. To me, it's

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Speaker 1: a step forward. Maybe it's because it aligns with me more.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, but it's kind of nice to see

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Speaker 1: uh to that route of course for me, because I

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Speaker 1: am somewhat of a pessimist in my my personality type.

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Speaker 1: There are other things that I'm very worried about, but

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Speaker 1: in comparison to what's happening around us, it feels like

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Speaker 1: we're taking a step forward. Uh. Personally, I feel like

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Speaker 1: I've taken a step forward personally. Then I say that,

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Speaker 1: and I feel media guilt for saying that because I

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Speaker 1: feel like I shouldn't say that because it feels glowty. Yes.

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Speaker 1: And that is another conversation we saw play out during

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Speaker 1: the pandemic as well. Um, and it was It's not

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Speaker 1: a new conversation about any means, but it just I

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Speaker 1: think it became more of a like, I'm using the

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Speaker 1: pandemic for glow up thing, right. It was sort of

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Speaker 1: different but similar to conversations we had before about how

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Speaker 1: we define success, especially for women in this case, and

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Speaker 1: in that original episode, we did talk about a lot

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Speaker 1: of the things that women get docked for. And I

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Speaker 1: think we are seeing a lot of interesting and needed

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Speaker 1: conversations around that, why that needs to change, and and

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Speaker 1: and some of them are a struggle. Some of them

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Speaker 1: are a struggle. Still every day is not the same.

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Speaker 1: So some days I feel like, Okay, I'm doing better

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Speaker 1: than other days. I think for me pre pandemic, a

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Speaker 1: lot of this stuff I defined as success was around

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Speaker 1: discipline around my body, so like weight gain during the

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Speaker 1: pandemic has been hard, uh, and around work and you

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Speaker 1: know work during the pandemic. Since some instances, Bernard, don't

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Speaker 1: get me wrong, very we're very lucky we can do

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Speaker 1: this from home. I am quite aware that this is

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Speaker 1: a very nice set up to have, but I think

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Speaker 1: everybody experienced that during the pandemic. Like some days it

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Speaker 1: just was not there, and it's I feel like even

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Speaker 1: even in those conversations, I have had more mindfulness around

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Speaker 1: why I feel that way, why I think that way,

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Speaker 1: why it's problematic, or how to try to reframe um

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Speaker 1: those conversations. So that's been I think that's been good.

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Speaker 1: That's some think for me. I do certainly still feel

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Speaker 1: like a failure in in a lot of things, but

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Speaker 1: I'm more not forgiving necessarily, but I'm more like, well,

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Speaker 1: how can we work on this, let's recognize this, Why

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Speaker 1: do you feel this way? What are other things you

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Speaker 1: can do? And especially yeah, in the world of feminism UM,

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Speaker 1: you and I have discussed like we frequently feel like, well,

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Speaker 1: we're not doing it now, firm we're not we need

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Speaker 1: to do more. What if we're missing this or it

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Speaker 1: just feeling like we're not enough And that's something that

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Speaker 1: I still struggle with and grapple with. But with you,

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Speaker 1: we've had these conversations, and I think sometimes you and

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Speaker 1: I can help each other get through those sort of

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Speaker 1: dugger moments. I think so do and I think we

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Speaker 1: get a lot of great listeners are family, let us

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Speaker 1: know what they're going through and how they feel similar

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Speaker 1: to us, and or how to combat it or how

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Speaker 1: to like encourage it. So I think it's been wonderful

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Speaker 1: to have that network that I've never had before. This

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Speaker 1: is a beautiful turn of events for me to have

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Speaker 1: that type of support network. I think you're completely correct,

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Speaker 1: especially with feeling like all of the rights for women

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Speaker 1: UM and those who have uteruses and or UM any

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Speaker 1: rights in general when it comes to civil rights as

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Speaker 1: well as equality and equity has been slowly and it's

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Speaker 1: being slowly stripped away, it seems as of late and

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Speaker 1: this impending need to do things, but confusion and what

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Speaker 1: to do, who to trust, how allowed to be it,

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Speaker 1: who should be leading, who shouldn't be leading, who should

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Speaker 1: be talking, who's not talking enough? All of these conversations

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Speaker 1: come out and it just kind of makes you feel

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Speaker 1: stagnant because of fear. Um. For me, that's exactly what happens.

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Speaker 1: I kind of backed off of all social media, even

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Speaker 1: though we're pretty supported as for our own social media stuff. Um,

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Speaker 1: and when it comes to conversation starters, people in our group,

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Speaker 1: people in our listenership, Uh, they are amazing and they

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Speaker 1: have great conversations for the most parts. Trolls typically don't

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Speaker 1: come through on those types of avenues. Do we get

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Speaker 1: trolls everywhere else? Absolutely? I figured that out and try

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Speaker 1: to ignore it. But like all of these things are

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Speaker 1: big conversations that we need to have because these are

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Speaker 1: not just black and white issues as it should be,

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Speaker 1: because it becomes a tear down within a group, trying

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Speaker 1: to see behind the curtains and motives. And I feel

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Speaker 1: like that's part of the big thing that's always been around,

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Speaker 1: but now it feels like it's even sneakier with our

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Speaker 1: top conversations of misinformation and disinformation and who is a

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Speaker 1: good who's a bad player in this conversation as well.

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Speaker 1: So there's so much to do and as you and

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Speaker 1: I have tried to research and we try to be correct,

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Speaker 1: we try to back it with research and evidence U

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Speaker 1: making sure we're not miss speaking or speaking over others.

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Speaker 1: There's a lot to be thought through in this day

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Speaker 1: and age, and it should be it should have come

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Speaker 1: to this point this whole like people talking about you know,

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Speaker 1: it's too political, no one can say anything. We can

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Speaker 1: do these things, you know that, y'all, y'all we should

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Speaker 1: have been talking about that. We should be considering this

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Speaker 1: too to begin with. And if it upsets you that

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Speaker 1: you can't just speak as you spoke before and you

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Speaker 1: have to actually think about it, what that should be

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Speaker 1: the conversation you're having with yourself. Um, that is an

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Speaker 1: old adage to think before you speak. And yet when

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Speaker 1: we actually call people out on it, we're being told

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Speaker 1: we're being too sensitive or you know, all of these things.

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Speaker 1: But with that responsibility, with that conversation, it's a lot. Uh,

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Speaker 1: And I'm not say that again. I absolutely stick to that,

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Speaker 1: and we should be doing that, but it takes a

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Speaker 1: lot of things, especially when you feel like every turn

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Speaker 1: could be a mistake. And that's one of the things

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Speaker 1: that I have probably struggled them most with as of

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Speaker 1: like our new failures, because I feel like the stereotypical

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Speaker 1: things that we talked about at the beginning with that

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Speaker 1: I talked about that I'm coming upon forty and I

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Speaker 1: wasn't married, and I didn't have a home, and I

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Speaker 1: didn't have children and all these normal things, and I

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Speaker 1: am not going to die alone, no one taking care

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Speaker 1: of me, like my mother said, you know, but that's

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Speaker 1: not important anymore because what we come to is like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I've gotten I've gotten some of those things. I've gotten

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Speaker 1: into that place of like I found quote unquote or

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Speaker 1: I've settled into that, and I'm happy with that, content

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Speaker 1: with that. But that's not the conversation anymore. And we've

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Speaker 1: become to the point, thank god, and I don't know

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Speaker 1: if it's a gen z or so we're like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: come on, get over it, making us realize that these

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Speaker 1: are not what define us anymore. Obviously in this day

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Speaker 1: and age, as we're fighting for human rights in general,

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Speaker 1: these are the conversations that just like, Okay, that was

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Speaker 1: a tradition, but it doesn't make you and it shouldn't. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I agree, Like I've definitely felt it and it for me,

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Speaker 1: it could definitely for me, it could be a settling

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Speaker 1: in of of how I identify and just I really

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Speaker 1: think that mindfulness of thinking about well you do things.

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Speaker 1: But as you were talking about, like even in these

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Speaker 1: conversations we're having where people are having to or should

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Speaker 1: be putting more thought into them and always should have been.

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Speaker 1: That's some things just don't feel as important to me anymore,

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Speaker 1: and other things to im way more important. And and again,

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Speaker 1: as I said, every day can change, Like one day

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Speaker 1: maybe those will come back and haunt me like oh

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Speaker 1: you're still say goal and you're renting an apartment whatever

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Speaker 1: it is. Ah, but those are becoming fewer and far

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Speaker 1: between for me. Um. I I also absolutely agree about

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Speaker 1: the I backed off of social media too. That's that's

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Speaker 1: probably something I have struggled with the most, as well

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Speaker 1: as being feminist enough being supported doing the right thing,

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Speaker 1: doing the thing that's going to have the most impact.

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Speaker 1: What does that look like? What are my skill sets?

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Speaker 1: Because and I know it's not no one agrees on

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Speaker 1: everything completely, but UM as in what is the best

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Speaker 1: way to support and help? So if I feel like

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Speaker 1: I can't I don't feel comfortable with the social media party,

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Speaker 1: then I try to donate, Like I try to find

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Speaker 1: a thing, like if I care about this thing, what

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Speaker 1: is the other thing I can do? UM And I

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Speaker 1: am working on that and I'm trying to get better

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Speaker 1: about about that. But that being on this show and

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Speaker 1: being a feminist show where we want to be intersectional feminist,

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Speaker 1: and that's something that's our goal, that's our mission. It

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Speaker 1: is something that we always are thinking about and sometimes

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Speaker 1: does feel overwhelming and just it can feel like you're

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Speaker 1: a failure because it feels like you're not doing enough

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Speaker 1: UM in this space. But at the same time, we've

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Speaker 1: had a lot of conversations about burnout and about how

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Speaker 1: activism can look different ways and UM, so I think

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Speaker 1: those conversations are important and our ongoing UM and again,

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Speaker 1: not everyone agrees on on what that looks like. But

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Speaker 1: it's also interesting because I was thinking about this when

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Speaker 1: you and I did that, it was are the original?

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Speaker 1: Are we failures? It was like our first time podcasting together,

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Speaker 1: but it was like your first time. So it's been

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Speaker 1: really fascinating for me to watch you grow and become

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Speaker 1: more confident, and you have all these great ideas, UM

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Speaker 1: and you you always are just coming up with like

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Speaker 1: new ways to make the show have more of our voice.

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Speaker 1: And I struggled to come onto this show because off

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Speaker 1: like I'm not going to be feminist enough, I'm not

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Speaker 1: to get enough feminist, and I just I'm happy to

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Speaker 1: see that. I I feel more confident in it. I

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Speaker 1: think I could be wrong, but I feel like you

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Speaker 1: feel more confident in it. I feel more confident in

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Speaker 1: us together. And I feel like we've come up with

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Speaker 1: like a lot of things that make this because we've

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Speaker 1: gone through several hosts on the show, that make it

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Speaker 1: more of our voice. Right, Yeah, definitely. From the first

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Speaker 1: time to this time, it was I was in shell shock.

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Speaker 1: Is that the word I would want? UM, especially for

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Speaker 1: the first few months, if not for the year, trying

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Speaker 1: to understand the impact of podcasting in general, because I

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Speaker 1: did not listened to podcasts, even though I had many

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Speaker 1: of friends were professional podcasters. Trying to figure out what

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Speaker 1: it was and what it is and how significant and

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Speaker 1: important it can be. It's interesting, especially coming into this

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Speaker 1: field because yes, I was already in social justice field.

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Speaker 1: My specialty was with women and children, and coming into

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Speaker 1: this is a whole different conversation when you talk about

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Speaker 1: public forums and what this looks like coming out of

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Speaker 1: the field into uh kind of more research. Research is

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Speaker 1: not my stronghold. Y'all, we know this. I don't know

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Speaker 1: y'all might not know this, uh, and he knows this.

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Speaker 1: And it's been an interesting learning curve to do all

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Speaker 1: of that conversation, making it about UM deeper, meaningful conversations

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Speaker 1: on this research and what it means to have a

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Speaker 1: platform in general. It's been interesting and I feel like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: we definitely have worked and molded this to our personality. Finally,

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Speaker 1: for me, I think still part of this failure conversation

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Speaker 1: is what is my personality because I part of my

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Speaker 1: attachment issues is to uh melt and mold into uh

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Speaker 1: the setting rather than being my own setting and being

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Speaker 1: my own mold because acclamation was number one for me.

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Speaker 1: Fitting in disappearing becoming a part of the crowd is

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Speaker 1: something that I learned to survive and that's kind of

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Speaker 1: still my mode and it's it's really interesting to try

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Speaker 1: to pull myself out of that, even though you know

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Speaker 1: characteristically I'm loud, I make jokes, I am sarcastic, I

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Speaker 1: am blunt, I am there Like I my presence typically

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Speaker 1: can be known if it if I wanted to be.

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Speaker 1: Apparently to some I'm intimidating, which is hilarious to me. Um.

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Speaker 1: But all of that is say is still part of

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Speaker 1: that conversation. Is also trying to fit in and and

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Speaker 1: molding in, especially when it comes to things that I

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Speaker 1: feel like are out of my reach. I think you

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Speaker 1: and I both talked about this a little bit when

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Speaker 1: we were like, oh, this is not my I feel

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Speaker 1: this is not my personal take on things. So this

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Speaker 1: is interesting um and dipping into that, but at the

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Speaker 1: same time having that moment of realization that we who

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Speaker 1: are fighting and learning new things in feminism and understanding

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Speaker 1: intersectionality in itself is the journey that we should be

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Speaker 1: showing because we all should be doing this together. So

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Speaker 1: I feel like we've really found that footing for ourselves

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Speaker 1: because we are challenging each other not just to mold

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Speaker 1: it life for ourselves, but to love each other's loves,

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Speaker 1: if that makes sense. And we are very different in

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Speaker 1: our interests, and I love that, but I love that

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Speaker 1: we understand under these what would be like just typical things,

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Speaker 1: there's a bigger conversation of leaving uh marginalized people out,

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Speaker 1: and that in itself should be talked about more and more.

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Speaker 1: And I think we've done a pretty good job. No,

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Speaker 1: I put that as a question mark because I'm afraid

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Speaker 1: to say it too loudly. But like when it comes

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Speaker 1: to entertainment, when it comes to things that are typically

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Speaker 1: held by men, which is the love of video games,

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Speaker 1: of the fandom of different genres, just understanding that and

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Speaker 1: making it bigger and and we hate that we have

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Speaker 1: to even have to have the conversation of like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it excludes these people, these groups of people, and it shouldn't.

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Speaker 1: And we need to talk about the weather. It's on

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Speaker 1: the entertainment level, political level, housing level, like food shortages

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Speaker 1: helped here, like all of these things. We have to

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Speaker 1: go to that deeper level because if we don't, we

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Speaker 1: just allowed the status quo, which is says hetero men

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Speaker 1: type taking over the narrative and saying they're the most

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Speaker 1: important beings to this conversation and it shouldn't be. And

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Speaker 1: why we have to like really rearrange who is being highlighted. Yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: And that was one of our when we had to write,

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Speaker 1: like what is the show about UM for work, that

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Speaker 1: was one of the things we said was like, intersectional

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Speaker 1: feminism is everywhere, Like you can't remove any topic from it,

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Speaker 1: so there's no shortage of topics for us to talk

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Speaker 1: about and in the interests of transparency listeners. Some days,

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Speaker 1: I bet if we did this episode on a bad day,

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Speaker 1: we would have different thoughts UM. But today, as we're

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Speaker 1: having this conversation and for the past, because I've been

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Speaker 1: thinking about it, and I just feel more settled, I

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Speaker 1: think in myself and in this show. So today I

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Speaker 1: feel there's certainly more work to be done. There always is,

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Speaker 1: but compared to that first episode, I feel better. Right.

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Speaker 1: I think we've grown into understanding once again, going past

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Speaker 1: the narrative of the norm to today and still always

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Speaker 1: knowing that failing happens and it will always happen, and

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Speaker 1: that's a good thing because when we fail, we learned,

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Speaker 1: we grow UM and that should be a constant. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: failure is a constant. Wise words, Evantha, wise words. Well,

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Speaker 1: I'm very honored to be on this journey with you,

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Speaker 1: Savantha the very first episode. It's been a delight to

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Speaker 1: work with you and see you grow. I love that

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Speaker 1: I could warm my way into this position with you,

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Speaker 1: who was an amazing leader and a teacher in this

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Speaker 1: It's been phenomenal and I do feel like I'm learning

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Speaker 1: from the best. Well. Thank you, thank you, and thanks

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Speaker 1: to your listeners, because seriously, you mean so much. Hearing

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Speaker 1: from you mean so much, and you do this growth

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Speaker 1: talking about a lot of it is thanks to you

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Speaker 1: because you you will let us know what we should

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Speaker 1: be talking about. Have you heard about this? Um You'll

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Speaker 1: tell us like you missed this part of the conversation.

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Speaker 1: It's honestly so rewarding and thank you and speaking up.

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Speaker 1: If you would like to contact as you can our

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Speaker 1: emails Stephania mom Stuff at I hurt mea dot com.

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Speaker 1: You can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast

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Speaker 1: or on Instagram at stuff I Never Told You. Thanks

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Speaker 1: as always to our super producer Christina, Thank you and

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Speaker 1: thanks to you for listening Stuff Never Told You. Subjection

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Speaker 1: I Heart Radio more podcast in my Heart Radio. You

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Speaker 1: can visit the heart radio app, Apple Podcast, or Revery

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Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows